Leah on the Line - 127: Top confidence tips & I HATE my bestie's boyfriend!

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily with Palaton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes? Take a quick Palaton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45 minute tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Palaton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push. Find your power. Palaton. Visit OnePalatine.ca Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back.

CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. Hello everybody! Ooh, a little bit croaky up in there, a little bit croaky.

I need to do my vocal warmups. The tip of the tongue, the teeth and the lips. I should actually do vocal warmups before I pod. I'm constantly getting a sore throat, I'm constantly messing up my words. I should really do that. Do you know what my favorite vocal warm-up used to be back in the day when I used to do musicals? It was um someone had a head like a ping-pong ball, remember that one? Anyone? Anyone? If you know, you know. Anyway, how are you guys? Happy Tuesday! Welcome, welcome, welcome. Grab a chair. Pull a chair over. Grab a seat. This is a safe zone. No one is coming in or out of this room. We are in a safe

zone. It's like therapy. How are you all? I hope you've all had an amazing week. I'm pre-recording this episode as I will be in London. I'm actually going up to Manchester for one day From London and then back to Manchester. Let me tell you had no idea how expensive a train to Manchester was from London It's a two-hour train. Why charge me 100 pound? 100 pounds I could get a flight to somewhere beautiful to be fair. I do love Manchester Manor, I love it, but I'm like whoa Whoa train line. That's crazy. But, you know, it's got to be done. I'm going for something potentially very exciting but who

knows. Who knows if it's gonna happen. It's kind of like a, it's not a meeting but it's like an appointment. You guys know I'm like superstitious and if I talk about things with too much excitement I feel like the evil eye will make sure it doesn't happen for me. But anyway, I hope you all had a great week. Thank you for clicking on this episode and choosing to be here with me today. It's such an honour. I love your company.

We have the usual episode today. We've got a great weekly debate inspired by one of our dilemmas and some really tricky dilemmas that, to be honest, I don't really know how I'm going to tackle. Do I ever? Any week? Not really. Sometimes I have a little bit of an idea, but today it's gonna be tough. So luckily I have your input on the weekly debate, so without further ado, let's get straight into it, honey. Welcome to Leer on the Line. Join me every Tuesday as I dial your number for the ultimate unfiltered bestie catch-up. Whatever it is, we will laugh together and guide each other along the way.

Head to learontheline.com and follow Leer on the Line on Instagram to get involved. Love you! Okay guys, the weekly debate. So, it's not really a debate, it's more a question. But it can be debated, I guess. But we're not here to debate, we're here to just give some advice to each other and to a particular dilemma, a particular listener that we will get to. But I think we could all do with this.

I think we could all hear this, hear these responses. I know I could, we all could. So my question is, what is the best way to learn or gain confidence, not appearance wise. So I'm not talking confidence in the way we look, our bodies, whatever. This is about your presence in the room. This is about your, that imposter syndrome, you know, like not feeling good enough, feeling shy, feeling quiet. Because listen, I've always struggled with, you guys know, I've spoken about this a few times, like I've, I always felt like the kid in the room, even surrounded by people younger than me,

I always feel like the kid that's so easily intimidated. I saw a text the other day that I genuinely think stands me up as a person, because it was like, what is it called when you're introverted in a room full of extroverts, and extroverted in a room full of introverts? That is me. So I think I'm very easily intimidated

and I do think that comes down to confidence. So I really was drawn to this question. I'm really was excited to hear what you guys have to say. So let's have a little look through. Fake it till you make it is honestly the biggest response. And let me tell you, I used to do a lot of TikTok lives. I should do that, I kind of miss that, but yeah. And one of my most popular comments was, how are you so confident? And the thing is, I don't really feel like I'm

a massively confident person, but I suppose you need to have a certain level of confidence to go fucking live on TikTok or to start a podcast or to do social media. So I guess from the outside, people just assume that you're a confident person. And like I said, to an extent, you must have a Certain level of confidence, but I've always felt like I lacking confidence when I was really young I never went to school discos because I didn't have the confidence. I didn't like staying out away from home I didn't have the confidence. I've spoken so much about how I'm like this. I Feel like this fragile little girl that like needs a support system whenever I do something scary

And I do think that Always comes down to a huge lacking confidence and I don't know if that's because I grew up surrounded by siblings So it's easy to hide but Yeah, people have always asked me that how how you confident and I've always just been like I Guess like are you just fake it so you make it that's always been my response and so many people are saying this as well And one of my biggest pieces of advice that I ever received was the way you introduce yourself and walk into a room and approach a situation, approach people,

hold yourself from the second you walk in or the second you meet someone is how it will be maintained. So if I start a new job or if I meet a boyfriend's family whatever it is or a new group of friends and I'm really reserved, really like shy, not stepping out of my comfort zone and I'm really reserved, it's really hard then to start being yourself and start being... because we've all got that bubbliness inside, we just find it hard to express sometimes and we sometimes we can all be really withdrawn with that and I find once you've started off being shy it's really hard to just come out

and be like hey guys I'm actually like fucking Bants and I'm actually like a bit wacky like I'm actually kind of crazy but like I'm hiding it and it's really hard to just like all of a sudden show everybody this confidence that deep down you do have. We all have it somewhere deep down and that is the hardest. So somebody said to me like if you walk in and you're just fucking confident, pretend you're confident from day one, from the second you meet whoever is your meeting, whether it's your new colleagues, whatever it is. Pretend you feel comfortable, pretend you're confident,

and just be yourself, even if it's embarrassing, even if it's painfully, painfully hard, because then it's easier to withdraw and knock it down a peg and be like, okay, I'm gonna be more chilled today, rather than be like, hi, nice to meet you, than like one day be like, what's up, fuckers? Because everyone will be like, whoa, what happened to you, then like one day be like, what's up fuckers? Cause everyone will be like, whoa, what happened to you?

Do you know what I mean? So yeah, that was always a really good piece of advice that I heard and I've carried that through life with me. Like when I go to events and stuff, I could walk in and be like, hi, nice to meet you. Like, I'm just gonna stand my own in the corner and then how the hell am I gonna all of a sudden be like This is fucking sick. Like what's up everybody?

Whereas if I walk in and I've got my head held high shoulders back Voices loud and clear when I introduced myself. Hi, nice to meet you. So nice to meet you. Hugs hugs hugs If it's the volume, I think the volume of the voice it sets the tone It sets the pace for how you're gonna carry yourself the rest of that event. Do you know what I'm saying? Anyway, let's get back to other responses. Hit your 30s and then realise what a waste of your 20s worrying about giving a shit about stupid things is. I hear this all the time, like when you reach your 30s it's like oh my god I just gave a shit for no reason but I guess like advice being hit your 30s kind of difficult

babe but I get what you're saying so many people say it like one day you just sort of get to that age when you're like wait a minute why do I actually care you know like why do I care? Push yourself out of your comfort zone regularly, I swear by this. I think this is incredible advice and I Would 100% vouch for that when I first started doing this job. Okay, I got invited to events. No, thanks Oh that it'd be like the sickest event with the sickest brands and I'm like no Thanks cuz like I was like I don't do that I can't do that like what you think I'm gonna get on a train by myself get all glam in a room full of fucking stunners and the most confident people you've ever met in your life and you

think I'm gonna be in that room no babe no and I said just no thank you and then I felt like an outsider and I lost so much confidence I lost so much of my social skills because I used to work in bars which I guess I'm forced to speak to people, I'm forced to be like, hi what can I get for you blah blah blah. You're forced to deal with confrontation, you're forced to deal with management, difficult customers, challenging situations, you know you're forced, you have no choice unless you walk out and quit which is always an option So when I started in this job, and I know one was forcing me. I had no pressure to do that I lost so much of my social skills. I would sit in here do a fucking podcast talk to my walls and

People would listen, but I couldn't I couldn't see you. I'm not actually talking to somebody face-to-face So it's very easy to be myself like this obviously I'm confident in a room The only person I'm looking at right now is my pretend Santa and my stuffed snowman Yeah, I've decorated my room like Christmas already. Yeah, yeah, I fucking have so What's my point with that? Yeah, so then I start getting so socially awkward and I don't really consider myself a socially awkward person or I hadn't. And I noticed that I didn't know how to fucking communicate in the most normal situations like would somebody serve in me in a shop?

Would somebody serve in me in a restaurant? I couldn't communicate. I'd lost my social skills and I was a really awkward person. So I was like, I don't like this. I don't want to be that person. It makes things difficult. It makes things harder for me. So I've said this I don't like this. I don't want to be that person. It makes things difficult. It makes things harder for me So I've said this before in the pod

I told myself I'm gonna just start saying yes to things and the worst-case scenario is I just I Get back in my bed that night and say I didn't enjoy it and I can I can live with that, you know I will survive these things. They're just gonna be uncomfortable so I started saying yes things because I they're just going to be uncomfortable. So I started saying yes to things because I also, low key, deep down, was dreaming of these things, dreaming of these events, being in a room full of these people that I admire

and have looked up to for a long time. I was like, do you know what? You want to do it, you don't feel capable. And it's my classic saying that you all know and I love. Feel the fear and do it anyway. My mum drilled that into me and it is a life changing quote to live by, I'm not going to lie. So I've said before and

this might be a great piece of advice for anyone wanting to learn confidence, I won't, okay I might sometimes but very rarely, I won't commit to something and not go. I won't let you down, like if I say to you I'll see you on Saturday at 1 o'clock, we'll meet in the coffee shop. I will fucking be there. I won't be somebody that's like, oh, I'm so sorry, this has come up, like I really can't. I'll go because I don't like letting people down and I also don't like letting myself down. I feel like a fucking failure.

I'm like, what, you can't even do this. Like you've committed to it. You want to do it and you can't even do it. So if you're somebody to it, you want to do it and you can't even do it. So if you're somebody like that, just commit. Like, where in advance you've been invited to your work Christmas party, you feel like an outsider at work, you don't really socialise with the team, typically you'd make up an excuse why you can't be there, say yeah, say I'll go, yes sure, let me know, yeah yeah yeah, I'll go. And you've committed, your name's down. You've picked your meal what you're gonna have and you're gonna be there and It is terrifying last year. My management had a Christmas party. I was new to the management

I'd never met my manager in person at this point I'd never met a single person on the management bear in mind There are some big names at my management and I like I said, I'm very easily intimidated. So Typically, I'd say oh that sounds amazing but unfortunately I actually have some commitments on that exact day whenever it is I can't go but this time I was like I want it I want to be part of it I want to be part of this group I want to have an amazing friendship with my management yes I will be there no ones. And I had to go alone.

I didn't know a single person. And I went. I was fucking terrified. I had a whole bottle of Prosecco before I went. But I was absolutely terrified. But I committed. I'd booked the hotel in London. I took Jamie with me. Yeah, I did. Alright, I needed a little level of support.

He couldn't come to the event with me. Alright, shoot me. So, I was getting ready. He was with me when I'm getting ready. I wore an outfit that is not out there It was really boring, but I felt fine in it It was like a black corset and a black skirt and he was like really boring but something that I didn't fill out my comfort zone in and I Ordered the fucking cab and it was too late by then I had to go I had to face my fears and I feel like that is a really good piece of advice is just Fucking force yourself. Just force yourself commit book the book the hotel book the cab and pay

Because you're not gonna want to waste your money And you're not gonna want to be that person that is a stitch. Oh Shock she hasn't come I don't ever want to be that person because then people are annoying. Lookie. Hikie. So yeah, I think I do feel like that is really good advice is just to fucking go and I had a great time. Would you bloody believe it? Had a great time. So yeah, I've told myself

I'm just gonna start saying yes to things and it really has worked like it genuinely has worked. So yeah, and I'm going to the Christmas party next month and I'm genuinely looking forward to it I've made friends in this year from last Christmas party to next Christmas party I've made friends in the management my manager's not actually going because she has a wedding which I think is very selfish of her My closest friend is not gonna be there But I have other friends other familiar faces that I can just have a little chat with have a mingle and I always tell myself Worst case scenario you go for an hour. It's an hour of your life You know like these things if you're someone lacks in confidence in doing go into certain places that you deep down would love to go to

Just tell yourself worst case scenario I turn up I have a little chat have a little mingle and then I go and I showed my face, and I did it one step at a time, and then that one hour becomes an hour and a half, and that one hour and a half becomes two hours, and then before you know it, it's normal, it's natural, you've done this a million times.

Do you know what I'm saying? So 100%, I think that's the best advice, who's sending this in, push yourself out of your comfort zone regularly. I totally, totally agree, I think that is my biggest thing keep reminding yourself that everyone is only thinking about themselves just like you are and this is true like let's think of an example the gym okay let's think of the gym so many people have gym anxiety right who goes to the gym and is

interested in what anyone else is doing with their workout? What anybody else has worn to the gym? I couldn't give a flying fuck. I couldn't give a shit. And that is the case for everyone. So when you are at your gym and you're thinking, oh my god, like, everyone's staring at me, or everyone knows I don't normally come here,

or blah blah blah, I'm new here, lala. Nobody cares. And there is so much freedom in feeling like no one cares. or everyone knows I don't normally come here or blah blah blah I'm new here, lala. Nobody cares and there is so much freedom in in feeling like no one cares, you know? No one gives a shit. I really like this one. I haven't heard this before but I really like it. She says, evidence. Build a catalogue of evidence where you can refer back to. I hope that makes sense. I think it does make really, really, really good sense. So your confidence may be lacking where you think, oh, I find it really difficult to make conversation

with people I don't know. And then you can think of a time or create a time where you've made conversation with people you don't know. Think about, if you're not normally in situations where You might do that do it when you're being served in Tesco and you're paying at the till just make conversation because Shy people people that lack in confidence, which is me a lot as well. I'm just that person's like hi Thank you. Thank you. Bye. And then some days I think to myself

God she's got really nice now's her nails look so nice and then I think she has no idea that I've just thought that in my head So then I go your nails are so nice by the way. They look really really nice Where did you get them is that local and then these little conversations? I do believe build you up to be a confident person. And like she says, write these down as evidence. Like, oh, I always felt like I was really socially awkward and couldn't make conversation with people. Do it in the shop.

Do it with your nail tech, to be fair. I will not be doing it with my nail tech. I find getting my nails done the most awkward experience in the world. But whatever it is, and then write it down. Make a little journal of all the things you've done that execute Confidence do you know what I mean I executed that Perfectly you know hi. How are you? How's your day going your hair looks really nice? Oh my god I love your hair color. It's so pretty it really it really suits you really compliments you yeah

Oh my god. That's amazing blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Have an amazing day. Bye. Bye Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Have an amazing day. Bye. Bye How confident did you just come across you you your bum cheeks might have been clenched the whole time You're cringing so hard you feel so awkward But how confident did you just come across that is the definition of fake it till you make it, you know Going in with what's the best thing that could happen and not what's the worst? Going in with what's the best thing that could happen and not what's the worst? Exactly. So you might have your work Christmas party, I think this is a good one, where some of us, especially if it's a new job, it can be really awkward, right? Say you've just started a new job at a new office, you don't know many people at all and the Christmas party's coming up just as you've started. How awkward is that? What's the worst thing that could happen?

That's going through your head. Oh my god, no one's going to speak to It's gonna it's gonna be so awkward. They're all gonna be having a laugh it's gonna be so awkward everyone's gonna take photos and I'm gonna be like the awkward person on the end or What's the best thing that could happen? This is such a great opportunity for me to create a friendship with my colleagues I'm gonna go in there. We're gonna have a couple of drinks So I want to be a bit loose. I want to be themselves. Everyone's in the Christmas spirit It's gonna be really easy to chat to everyone It's gonna really make it easy for me when I go back into the office after Christmas. You know, what is the best case scenario?

Have a to-do list and tick off small achievable tasks. Absolutely. And I think even just having a list of things that you've checked off that you've accomplished builds confidence as well. Like, let alone the fact that they are confidence building tasks. Being able to create a list and say check, check, check, check, check, it's like look at my ability to set myself a goal and do it, regardless of what it's about. It could be cleaning, right?

Taking off a list is one. Look how I'm great. I'm an overachiever, right? But this list is really amazing if it's compliment somebody today or make conversation with a stranger today or walk into the office with my shoulders back and my head up. Whatever it is, these little small tasks that elevate confidence, very important. We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes? Take a quick Peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45 minute tread workouts. No matter your

goals or time, Peloton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push, find your power. Peloton. Visit OnePeloton.ca. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most.

Stay in the know. CBC News. Learning to enjoy your own company by taking yourself on outings, this makes you like you. I love this. I do think it's dangerous though because like I was saying at the beginning, like I lost social skills because I spent all my time alone and I wasn't forced out of my comfort zone with strangers or people I don't know or even people I do know. Like I wasn't forced. So I thoroughly enjoy my own company, okay, thoroughly. I am my favourite person to hang out with, which is amazing because it builds my confidence in who I am and I like myself and I like being around myself and I feel confident because I'm I'm secure in in myself and being alone. By the way sorry about that noise in the background, my niece and nephews are in the house. What was I saying then?

Yeah so I'm secure on myself because I'm capable of being on my own which I think is an amazing thing to say. However, it is also very important to not get too comfortable being on your own, you know? Focusing on one positive thing about yourself whether that's being kind, passionate etc. Yes, so wherever you lack confidence, focus on the fact that you are a genuinely kind-hearted person and that should make you the most confident person ever because if you have pure intentions, I have a good heart, I'm a good person, what am I ashamed of? You know, like, and ask yourself, what is the lack of confidence about? Is it my capabilities? Is it that I think people are better than me? Is it that I feel judged by people? Because when I think back to when I've really struggled, like when I worked at H&M, I was the shyest I've ever been. Like I was surrounded by so

many women that intimidated the shit out of me and I was this like timid, shy, insecure, quiet girl that would like walk into work terrified. I had the most anxiety. I used to cry every morning before my shift and when I look back I don't even know why. I don't know why. I think I just felt very alone and I feel like that's where a lot of my lack of confidence came from. It's like oh I just feel like alone, I feel like no one knows me, no one understands me. And as I've gotten older I understand everyone here is actually alone, they're just friendly with people at work, do you know what I mean? We're all solo human beings and finding security in that and I guess like with that refers back to the previous one about being comfortable on your own and in

your skin, who you are underneath, do you know what I mean? Who am I? Do I like myself? Am I proud of who I am? If not, like if you can sit there and say like to be fair I am a bit judgmental, like that's okay, like cool yourself out on your floors and and change your mindset, work on things you know, like catch yourself when you're like oh my god what is that person wearing? Or like whatever it is, whatever's making you judgmental, catch yourself for a minute and go, who the fuck do you think you are? And change, change like the little things about yourself that you don't like. I think that really helps with confidence, is to

like hold hold yourself accountable for the things that you think make you not so nice or a little bit toxic or whatever it is. Oh I'm quite a jealous person or like whatever it is you can say that you don't like about yourself. I do think that can affect our confidence if deep down you are, you know this about yourself that you're not really proud of. Work on that and there's no shame in that. Do you know what I mean? No one here is perfect. And I'm gonna finish with one that came in a lot which was good posture and this is huge, okay, this is huge. My sister, she's always had that like hunched over, like head down posture and like, I've always said to her, put your head up babe, like and I'll say to her like, you feel insecure and I can see that you are insecure and I

think noticing, obviously I can say that because she's my sister by the way, I wouldn't just fucking say that to anyone, and she's like oh my god yeah, and then she'll like put her head up and pull her shoulders back and I think we can all do that. When you walk in a room, if your shoulders are crouched together and your back's hunched over and your head's up and your head's down and your eyes are up like, look this is like, afraid. Everyone can see that you're shy and insecure, which isn't a bad thing by the way, if you're not the most confident person in the room that's not a bad thing. They always say the loudest person in the room is the most insecure, which I do believe is true. But anyway, if you walk

in and your head held high, shoulders back, smile on your face, hi, little nod, little smile, little nod at everyone, little hello, you come across confident even if you don't feel it and pretending is so important when you're learning confidence. Like you're not just one day gonna be like, I'm fucking confident. Like it is a journey that we all are gonna go on. And probably are all still going on, especially because I know a lot of my listeners are in our 20s. So I feel like this is the age where we're learning

confidence, who we are as a solo adult, you know? Like we've gone from being a young adult, being told what to do, or a teenager being told what to do, told where to go, told how to be, and all of a sudden it's just up to you, and you're like, I don't know how to do or a teenager being told what to do, told where to go, told how to be and all of a sudden it's just up to you and you're like I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to just like be my own human like well I'm just my own human now like I'm looking after myself okay how do I do that do you know what I mean? So yeah um affirmations I think So yeah, affirmations, I think, gratitude really helps with confidence, journaling, all these things that keep you aligned and manifestation if you're into it, like I do

believe all these little things that you can practice makes such a difference to the way you carry yourself and I think the way you carry yourself makes a huge difference to the way you're perceived. So yeah I love you guys I hope this helped anybody that need to hear it it's definitely helped me we we all lacking confidence in certain areas, certain scenarios and yeah little reminder you're all incredible people and that is the most important thing if you shine if that shines through you're fucking winning do you know I mean and I love you all let's get into some dilemmas okay I'm gonna kick off with this one it says my boyfriend and I have been together for three

years now we met at uni we're both 19 years old, and we have both now graduated. My boyfriend graduated a year before me and moved back home two hours away. Oh, you met at 19. I was gonna say, how have you graduated at 19? You met at 19, but you're both now graduated, okay. And he moved back home two hours away, so we've been doing long distance.

For the past year, I've noticed some character traits in him that I've realized aren't things I necessarily agree with or want in a future husband. The main issue I realised was that he didn't really make an effort with my family or my friends. Yeah, no, that's, that's UG. The distance naturally put a strain on our relationship. Communication issues, lack of attention, etc. Yep, naturally. Especially when you've gone from being at uni together, you know. Over time we've overcome each small issue, but the doubt was still in my head. A few months ago my boyfriend and I traveled to Spain to meet my auntie who lives out there with her family.

This was a really big deal to me as she basically raised me. We were there for a week and he didn't offer to pay his part the whole time. He also didn't say thank you I'm sorry manners are so important You can't even go as far to say manners are attractive manners are an expectation bottom of the fucking barrel below the bar expectation of you manners say thanks do you know what I mean? of you. Manas, say thanks! Do you know what I mean? He only conversated on the last night and split the bill with me as a thank you, but it was my suggestion just to see what he would do. So he didn't even say like, we'll split this. You had to say, do you want to split this? And he was like,

yeah, you know, I'll split it as a little thanks. Fuck you! What the hell? We went out for breakfast, lunch, dinner and drinks every day for a week and my auntie paid for everything While she was happy to do it for me. She was disappointed as she believed by not at least offering he wasn't being a gentleman Yeah, you know I agree and I'm not into all that men should pay for everything blah blah blah and clearly neither are you but paying for nothing and not even offering I agree. My boyfriend was also well aware that she wouldn't pay for everything as we discussed it before the holiday and he said he wouldn't expect her to. Well you fucking did. You fucking expected it all week love. I didn't see that wallet once. Did you even bring your wallet?

I gave her money on his behalf as I felt so embarrassed that this was my first serious boyfriend and this was the impression that he left. No, if you're having to compensate for him to protect his image because you're embarrassed, we've got an issue. Do you know what I mean? When confronting him after the holiday he said, your auntie said her business was doing really well so I didn't think it would be a problem. Are you being fucking for real? Is there something wrong with you? How rude. How rude. I was shocked and heartbroken by his response and mindset. After a few months of thinking I decided to end it with him a few weeks ago. He came over a week later with a bouquet of

flowers that I've always had to ask for and 300 pounds in cash. We cried. He apologized and took accountability for his actions. He said he was sorry for taking advantage of my money and he had made excuses regarding her business because he was embarrassed as he said he couldn't afford to pay his part at the time. Right, okay, so he's telling you, look, I'm embarrassed, the reason I didn't offer is because I actually don't have the money. Right, so what you should have done is probably told me that before we booked tickets to go to Spain and you probably just shouldn't have come. Realistically, if you can't afford to be there, you shouldn't have been there. Okay, or you should have been honest with me, and then I would have said,

I'll pay for this trip, and then I know you're not being rude, you're not being selfish, and you're not being greedy. I'm offering you so there's no hard feelings. I know the drill, I know what's going on here, you know? But he didn't do that, he just fucking went and took everybody's money. And now he wants a second chance. He said he didn't do that. He just fucking went and took everybody's money. And now he wants a second chance. He said he didn't apologize sooner because he never saw us breaking up. Why would you say that? You kind of just admitted to me that you only apologize because I broke up with you. Well, I didn't apologize because I don't think he was gonna fucking break up with me.

So are you sorry or not? Do you know what I mean? I just can't get my head around the fact that the holiday was months ago and it took my breaking up with him to finally take accountability for his actions. Yep, I agree with you. Whilst I believe everyone makes mistakes, this mistake is a reflection of his mindset and how he approaches situations. I just don't know if I can trust him. See, I agree. I agree with everyone makes mistakes, of course, everyone makes bad decisions every once in a while and people go through things that they learn and go, you know what, that was a bit shitty of me, and then they change. However, I agree with you that

this suggests a lot about his character that clearly we're not finding very attractive, okay. The right way to go about this situation was, hey my auntie lives in Spain, she means the world to me, she basically raised me, it's really important for me that you meet her, I'd love for you to come. And he turns around and goes, how much is this gonna be? You know, roughly, because financially I'm not sure if I've got the funds at the moment, I can start saving and we can go in the future and you would have had the opportunity then to say, okay I'll go you start saving and we'll go whenever you're ready or you could have said

Okay, you know, I totally understand that I'll get this or you could have gone to your auntie and said I really want you to My boyfriend he's all got the funds at the moment We'll do it in the future and she might have had the opportunity to say I'll pay for him, do you know what I mean? And then no one's pissed off, everyone's been honest, everyone made their own decisions based on the truth and transparency, no one's being judged, everyone's happy. Instead, he knew I can't afford this, at least he says so. And he's come anyway, sat there, drinking away. I'll get the steak please, I'll get the lobster linguine please. And the bill comes, you and your auntie, dishing out the cash.

He's sat there, wiping his mouth with a napkin. That was delicious, thank you. Thank you babe, that was absolutely delicious. Oh sorry, no no no, no thank you. Sorry, I forgot, he. That was absolutely delicious. Oh, sorry. No, no, no. No, thank you Sorry, I forgot he didn't even say thanks which I understand If you're embarrassed It does feel awkward saying thanks like sometimes, you know when somebody buys something for you I feel really embarrassing thanks sometimes because it's like it's that cringy like oh, thank you like I don't know It is cringe. It is cringe but cringe you're like oh thank you like I don't know it is cringe it is cringe but you should

have still said thanks like you you should have said thanks and you should have been honest and you should have said I hate this I really can't afford it and I feel really shit about it and I wish I could splash the cash on you and treat you all I really wish I could do that you could have said that to your auntie do you know what I mean and I get it's awkward and I get it's embarrassing, but if you were too embarrassed to say it you shouldn't have gone So Do I think it's breakup worthy? Yeah

because of what you said about it just shows you who he is like Maybe I just want a bit more courage in a man like a bit more honesty transparency a bit more confidence in in who you are and admit in that because I'm not judging you if you can't afford to come to Spain for a week, I don't care. I'm not judging you for that, I'm judging you for the fact that you've come anyway and taken everyone's fucking money and said thanks, that's the problem here babe. So yeah, do I think you should forgive him, my thing is completely up to you. Like you said, you know, you cried together, it sounds like you did have a nice moment together and maybe things will just be different from now on.

I do think you need to have a conversation where you're like, look, if this is going to work, I just need honesty and transparency from you. You know, like I'm not going to be embarrassed by you again. And if something is going on, whether it's financially, whatever it is, I need you to be honest with me now because now I've now we've got a trust issue because you kept the truth from me and let me be embarrassed instead and it was all up my auntie's expense because she spent hundreds of pounds that week and didn't even get thanks and now you've set up on a bad foot, you've left a bad impression

and now we've got a little bit of work to do. So I think it just does require a conversation. I don't like that you said he'd only just now apologise because you ended it. Like, you should have, well you should have done a lot of things differently and you didn't babe so thanks a lot for that. So yeah, I think it is up to you and I would, if you are gonna stay with him and move forward, which I totally understand as well, I don't know if I would completely leave somebody for that, it would get my back up and I would be watching very closely about what you tell me, what you keep from me, how you treat my friends and family and I think from this point forward I need a real fucking

effort because you already wasn't making an effort of my friends or family and then you've met my auntie and you've been a bit of a dick and you've not been honest with with any of us so and listen he doesn't need to tell his tell your auntie that he didn't have the money for it He doesn't need to do that. I get that but he should have told you Or he should have just not come So Yeah I think we pay attention to any other things that might suggest he's because I think it

It might just be a bit of immaturity. Like obviously He's still quite young So you're both still quite young so we're not expecting him to be like the perfect man You know we're all learning we're all growing up and and learning how to communicate and the best way to deal with things And I do think this is all about talking now and just being like look this is how that made me feel I hope you can understand that and hopefully he says the right things. So yeah, I love you babe. Okay, next dilemma. Hi Leah, I love you and the pod so much. I love you babe. So, my best friend has been with her boyfriend for over four years now. It's the only boyfriend she's ever had. Me and her have been friends for around the same amount

of time. Have me and her been best friends for around the same amount of time. Me and her have been best friends for around the same amount of time. Okay, so she's been her boyfriend over four years, you've been best friends for the same time. And I've never had a more kind and amazing friend. My issue is, I hate her boyfriend. Hate is a strong word. You took the words right out of my mouth as I was about to say the same thing. Hey, it's a strong word but I really do. He treats her like shit. He's an emotionally immature boy and to say he's 25 has a lot of growing up to do. My friend, we'll call her Grace, is a teacher. She's got two degrees and she's got her shit together. Fucking sleigh from Grace. Her low life boyfriend still goes out every weekend, doesn't come home, does illegal substances until all hours, speaks to her badly, expects she does everything

for him. Oh god, what a piece of shit! His mum still does everything for him at home so she questioned him once, what are you going to do when we move out? Because he doesn't know how to do any simple household chores and he said well that's what you're for okay i'm gonna stop you there no no no no no no no that is absolutely not what i'm for i'm not for anything actually okay not for you i'm here for me what a prick i don't blame you i hate him as well when she couldn't drive he wouldn't ever take her to work. He would make her get two buses home at 11pm at night from the city centre. Yeah it's just not giving like I'm here to love you, care about you, take care of you. Like it's just not giving that at all. Basically he's just not a nice boy. My issue is I feel like it's

pushing us apart. I don't know how to raise any concerns because she already doesn't tell our friendship group any of their problems. She likes their relationship to seem perfect. I said perfect with TH, perfect. So I worry if I say anything it pushes her further. This is a very common thing with these types of relationships. They lie and protect their boyfriend because they're ashamed and they know I deserve better and he's done a million things that I should have walked away from and I'm not gonna tell anybody that because they're just gonna tell me that and I know that

and I'm ashamed. That happens a lot. I feel like she just doesn't know anything but him so has nothing to compare it to. I've been treated like shit before so I know now what not to tolerate. She also has some family problems so hasn't ever had a good example of a healthy relationship which does make me so sad. She deserves so much more than him. Disliking him is making it feel like there's a bit of a wedge and unsaid things between us. I totally get that. I feel like she knows I don't like him but we never talk about it. Does disliking your friend's boyfriend cause an issue with your friendship? I don't know. Sorry this was so long but any help would be

welcomed. We get it life gets busy. Luckily with Peloton Tread you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes? Take a quick Peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals So difficult and so common. So difficult and so common. So difficult and so common. Listen, I've been here before and I know for a fact, because I've been here a lot, it doesn't matter what you tell them, they do not listen. And I'm sure there's so many people listening that have been the friend, that have been in the relationship where everybody knows

he's a piece of shit, he's a fucking piece of shit and let me tell you she knows. She knows he's shit. She knows because she probably cries in bed next to him and he just ignores her. She knows because he probably promises her over and over and over again that the same shit doesn't happen But it does she knows because she probably feels insecure and anxious and upset every weekend that he's out She knows she's miserable with a man like this. She knows she knows I don't want to be getting two buses at 11 o'clock at night on a man That's like there's no fucking way. I'm letting you get a bus home when you're in 11 o'clock at night

I'll be outside your work at 11. I love you so much Dinners on the table when you get home. I know it's late, but I still think you should eat. I filled your bottle of water up ready for you when you get into bed, I love you so much. My gorgeous, gorgeous, perfect, amazing princess. She knows that's what she deserves and wants. But walking away is so hard, let me tell you, right? She could be trauma bonded, like you said, like she hasn't seen a healthy relationship before this all comes into play is classic right she seems like the classic woman that these types of men go for because they're easily manipulated they're so sweet and lovely and they're they're good people and they want to be loved and they want to love and we see this all the time as classic, right? Unfortunately, there isn't much you can say.

I do just think it's a test of time and it's just one of them things that one day she'll have the strength to walk away, whether it's that it just gets really, really, really bad or that she just gets really, really, really strong or she meets somebody else. Either way, I feel like the best thing and one of the only things we can do as a friend in that situation, this goes

out to anybody that's in this position, is I do think you should have a conversation and I know you said you don't really talk about it and it's an awkward subject and it creates tension, things feel unsaid. I do think when the time feels right whether it's over a glass of wine, on a on a girls night or on a sleepover or a coffee date, whatever it is, on a FaceTime, bring it up and just say, you know, house things with whatever his name is and just say like, look, I feel like you probably know how I feel about him. List the examples you gave me but definitely don't come as an attack. Don't make her feel stupid for being with him Don't make her feel like you're a mug like don't make it feel like that make it feel like look I know I know it's really hard. I've been in I've been in a similar relationship I know it's really hard to walk away because you're just waiting for them to change because that's all you want and they keep telling You they will

And I'm not judging you because I get it. I've been there I get it right and you're so good and I want you to know you're too good, you're so good and you're too good and No matter what you do. I'm here for you. I Want you to know that you do deserve better when you feel Like you want to talk to me about him, please know you can come to me I will never judge you you can tell me he's done the worst thing and go back to him. I'm not judging you. I'm sad for you and I want you to know you're not alone because I think in these relationships

the danger is when they get withdrawn from their friends and family because they're protecting their boyfriend and they don't want to tell people the bad things he's done because they feel judged. Let them know I'm not judging you okay yeah of course I want I think you you should leave of course I don't know I'm not here to tell you what to do though like I want you to know no matter what he does and no matter how many times you forgive him I will I'll be here to listen okay because I'm your best friend I love you and when And when the time comes, if the time comes, that you decide you wanna walk away, I'll be there every step of the way. I'll drag you by your fucking hair

if that's what you need me to do. You're not alone, I love you. And I really hope it works out. Give it the shit that we know is not gonna happen. Do you know what I mean? I really hope he does change and I hope he does start looking after you better and I hope he does start making you feel better in yourself

and I hope he does start acting like the boyfriend you deserve and I hope he does, maybe he will but if he doesn't I'm here for you and we'll do it together you're never on your own okay and build her up with confidence because I think you stay in these relationships when you lack confidence build her up remind her that she's so gorgeous, so kind, so funny, so easy to love, so lovable, so friendly, energetic, magnetic, do you know what I mean? Like build her up, build her up and make her feel like wait a minute, when I'm around my best friend I feel amazing and when I'm around my boyfriend I feel really low. Build her up, remind her she's not alone, remind her that you're not there to judge her and let her know she can tell you anything, anything at all,

even if it's the most embarrassing thing and it will never go anywhere, it will always stay between you and her and your door's always open, your phone's always on loud, do you know what I mean? Even though it's not, whose phone's actually on loud? Mine's never on loud, but do you know what I mean? I think that's the only thing we can do in these situations but yeah, I love you know what I mean? I think that's the only thing we can do in these situations, but yeah, I love you and you sound like an incredible friend. So she's very lucky to have you and she sounds like an amazing girl as well.

So look after each other, protect each other girlies. All right, so I was gonna do the next dilemma, which was about her lacking in confidence, but to be honest I kind of feel like it covered it in the weekly debate which to be honest like when I'm reading through it it's about like being in the workplace and she doesn't fit in and stuff and I feel like we've really covered that quite well in the workplace so I'm not going to go into it but I really hope quite well in the workplace. So I'm not going to go into it, but I really hope the weekly debate helped you. And all I will say is that you are an amazing person and that is the

most important thing. Who you are when you step into a room. You're always an amazing person no matter how shy, no matter how quiet you feel. You are always going to be, I'm an amazing person walking into this room. I'm an amazing person walking into this room, I'm an amazing person walking into this office. That is good enough for anything and for anyone. And I love you. So I love you guys. Let's wrap up the episode.

Okay, you guys, thank you so, so, so much for listening to the end of this episode. If you're still here, you're my favorites. I love you. I hope you all have an amazing week, whatever it is that you're getting up to. And I'll speak to you on Tuesday for a brand new episode. Alright, I love you. Bye! We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts

you crave. Only have 10 minutes? Take a quick Peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45 minute tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Peloton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push, find your power. Peloton. Visit OnePeloton.ca