Leah on the Line - 13: Living with disgusting flatmates & my boyfriend won't move in with me!

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

Hey babe! In today's episode we discussed whether or not you guys think it's possible to love more than one person at the same time. Do you think it's possible?! I'm still unsure. We also touched on how to go about your boyfriend being cold with you and making you feel insecure, dealing with a f*ck boy and living with messy flatmates! I hope you all really enjoyed this episode and I can't wait to chat to you again next time! As always send in your thoughts/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone how are you happy tuesday oh my god i'm not gonna lie i'm having a bit of a shit day for god i'm so negative no but i am I'm feeling really low I really it's Monday as I'm filming this this needs to go live in a couple of hours shock last minute like I have been the last few weeks but yeah I really just I didn't have it in me I really didn't have it in me to do this episode but I was like I literally said in the last episode that I want you to rely on me and have a safe space every Tuesday so I can't let you down but yeah I do want to apologize in advance for I'm not going to be on top form today you know like I'm not my best self today I'm fine like nothing's wrong. Just normal, normal life situations. And I'm just really low. But

not really low, just a bit low. But I'll be fine. Hopefully this will cheer me up a little bit. I feel a little bit better already after just speaking, to be honest. Just like having you to talk to. It does definitely help for sure. So I'm going to try and not be miserable I have something really exciting though I have a guest next week she's coming around tomorrow and we're gonna film um any guesses any guesses I did mention it a while ago I think it was like two or three episodes back I mentioned and I gave a couple of clues did you guys guess a lot of you guys on tiktok guessed um but yeah I have decided that I'm not going to say anything to chat I'll literally just tell you before the episode comes out just because otherwise you know I don't I don't want you to be waiting for so long

for the episode I'd rather it just be like oh this is who's on the episode you can listen to it right now rather than like this is this is who's on the episode but you've got wait a week do you know I mean I feel like that would be a little bit annoying so um thank you so much for all your love on the last episode so many of you well not so many but quite a few of you messaged me saying about like how you've got health anxiety and you've never known anyone else to have health anxiety or you said that I really described how you were feeling and you know what you're going through and it was really helpful to hear that for a lot of people which makes me so happy but also sad because I don't want any of you to have this have these feelings but it made me really just feel

good that I could bring somebody a little bit of comfort you know what I mean and I've actually made a couple of friends oh my god one of them we was talking about the health anxiety and there's this one girl I won't name her because she told me a story that she said I can say on the podcast but it made me laugh so much I wanted to tell you guys so we're chatting about health anxiety and stuff and we're just voicing it in and then we just ended up just still talking about general chit chat um and she was telling me about this guy that she's seeing guys what the actual fuck listen she's literally seeing a serial killer listen to this so every time she's round he's like really funny about his fridge yeah the fridge like what the

fuck and like he won't let her just get up and make herself a drink like she like he has to make it basically um she cannot go in the forbidden fridge um and he'd always be really funny about it like anytime the fridge was open it was like don't look in my fucking fridge and she's thinking what the fuck is going on in that fridge and when she's telling me this i'm thinking right so he probably like labels all his food or something like something a little bit strange, a little bit odd. Like something, he must be embarrassed about something in his fridge or it's like really empty or it's like full of just like one thing, like full of chocolate or something like that. Just something a little bit odd about his fridge. But he leaves the room.

I can't remember where she said he was going, but he left the room she was like this is my moment like I'm opening the fridge she opens his fridge and she was like she looks on the bottom shelf top shelf in the in the door shelf in the back right corner there is a jar of half opened seafood sauce in every part of the fridge there was she said there was 11 jars of half empty seafood sauce in his fridge 11 half empty and she's thinking what the fuck are we like what is the seafood sauce obsession like what the actual fuck is going on there and I was pissing myself I literally expected her to say anything apart from that seafood sauce right so then he comes down and she says to him babes what's with the seafood sauce like what's going on there and he was like okay here's the truth I really like crab sticks and seafood sauce and I was thinking okay that's a pretty normal snack you know nice and healthy reasonably low in cal it's not it's not

snack to be ashamed of but what's with the half open jar and he said that because of obviously the size of the seafood stick you can only dip it so much before the sauce is gone and the crab stick won't reach that far into the jar anymore so he just puts the half empty jar back in the fridge and cracks open a new one and that to me is serial killer behavior like just pour it into a bowl why also why are you saving all your jars honestly the the behavior is strange but I it was making me laugh so much and I thought I've got to tell the girls this on the pod because it's just such an odd story like have you ever heard a story like that before like I was so confused but like just so entertained by it the whole time I just pictured him there

like seafood sauce around his mouth oh gross bless him but yeah she said i can tell you so it's fine but oh god it was cracking me right up half empty as well like what a fucking weird guy i love that for him i like i feel like you know crab sticks and seafood sauce i feel like it's an elite snack i feel like i would really like it but you know the the half jar thing is just so strange and why is he so embarrassed about it like why was it like don't go in the fridge like why is it such a thing I don't know so funny though anyway let's get involved with a weekly debate I have decided that the weekly debate I'm not going to drag them out as much okay I'm aware I drag them out all the

time I make them really really long and I read out so many responses and they usually all just say the same thing um and I've always deep down been a bit like am I chatting about the weekly debate for too long but this lovely girl sent me a message bless her because remember in the last episode I was like guys I'm so sensitive and fragile like my feelings they will be hurt if you criticize me even slightly and she was like I love this about the podcast I love this I love this like you're doing amazing I really hope I don't hurt your feelings but I feel like the weekly debate could be a bit shorter and then we can just get more dilemmas and I was like babe I literally love

you thank you for being so so sensitive with your delivery I just sent her a voice there and I was like I agree with you like you are the best and I love you so yeah I agree with her I'm glad that I had some outside confirmation because I've always been a bit like, do I chat too much in the weekly debate? So let's get straight into it. This week, make sure you follow on Instagram, by the way, that is, that is where I put the weekly debate on my Instagram stories at Leah on the line. That's where you can put your responses and everything like that. So weekly debate, my question for you this week is, can you be in love with more than

one person at the same time can you be in love with more than one person at the same time okay so it's a tricky one i i don't know where i stand that's why i was really looking forward to seeing what you said because i really don't know so let's have a look. First response is no. If you think you're in love with a second person, then you were never in love with the first. And I've heard that quote from somewhere before, like if you fall in love with somebody and then fall in love with somebody again, pick the second person. Because if you love the first person enough, there wouldn't be a second person, you know? But whatever. Somebody says no, you can like two people at the same time but in love is different somebody says different kinds of love i guess yes but i think your heart will truly stay rooted to

one person okay that's a really interesting response you probably can but i'd be gutted if i found out the person i was with was in love with someone else oh my god yeah oh my god i didn't even think about that what the fuck that would be hideous um being in love is way more than just a feeling it's a commitment therefore to one person yeah i mean commitment is definitely obviously to one person i always thought that this wasn't possible but i know someone who was married and has been with this woman for nine years and he recently started seeing someone else and claims he also loves her so this is why i'm stuck on this question and this is why i really wanted to hear what you guys think because what is love like that's a fucking debate on its own I can't even fathom where to begin when I'm trying to figure out like what does

love actually mean like how do you know when you love someone um for me I think love is like, love is I, you know, I prioritize you above myself in a lot of situations. You know, like your pain is my pain. I make sacrifices for you. I don't know. It's difficult because I think it's really tricky to get confused between lust and love especially in a situation like this like this situation where somebody just said about that that guy that's married and he thinks he loves this other woman like do you love the other woman or is she just exciting and new and and a bit of fun and really sexy do you know what I mean um and I've definitely

thought I loved someone before and then I look back and I'm like oh like that wasn't love I was just a little bit obsessed with them do you know what I mean but having said that I do believe that there's certain kinds of love that don't go away so especially like if you was in a long-term relationship with somebody from like a young age and you like grew up together and he was your first love and you were together for like eight nine years I think you'll always love that person like you love your friends and love your family and I think you'll always have love for that person but eventually you'll love somebody else and that love will be more and stronger and a different

kind of love so I think it's possible if if we're talking about that situation but like if we're talking about oh I'm in love with Jake now and I'm gonna fall in love with somebody else like I don't I don't personally think that's possible but then I'm sure a lot of people could say that it's happened to them so yeah let's have a look what else you guys have said um i want some like evidence like i want you guys telling me that it happened to you um i was seeing a boy who said he had strong feelings for me but he had a girlfriend of four years at the time yeah strong feelings though um not if you're truly in love with someone the thought of anyone else makes me feel sick absolutely not being truly in love is committing to one person but what about open relationships

she says um a lot of you are saying no honestly 90 percent is no it's not doesn't doesn't work you can be hold on you can love multiple people but in love is different yeah i would agree i think if you're in love with someone that's like your person like i'm in love with you like i want to be with you forever i'm in love with you and i don't think i can't imagine feeling like that about two people that'll be that'll be fucking stressful be exhausting um somebody says whoever says yes is a wrong and you can't be in love with two or more people um yeah a lot of you are saying no oh but somebody says yes my little sister is 10 and has two boyfriends i don't know if that's a love go on queen though um yeah most of you

if not all of you are saying no the only examples of people saying yeah are you guys saying that yeah if it's a different kind of love or if you're like cheating on somebody um i think you can love someone and find someone else attractive but not love both yeah um yeah a lot of people were saying you know like if you are if you are in love with somebody, and then you fall for somebody else, so you didn't love the first person, do you think that's true, or do you think love can change, I don't know if it necessarily means you didn't love them, or, hmm, yeah, I don't know, I really don't know where I stand on that, which is funny, because I normally have a pretty solid idea, but I think because I don't really get love like you know I think I know what love feels like but it's subjective right like love is subjective surely like

what it takes for you to love somebody might not necessarily be the same for me I don't know it's very strange it's um it's confusing and like sometimes I think like it's love like a made-up thing like we've just said that like we've just put a word on on really caring about somebody I'm really liking someone and having feelings towards them and we've put the word love on that and said that it's like a real thing and I think family love is is like it's there no matter what like I I'm not really like I don't have a lot in common with my brother but I love him do you know what I mean because he's my brother um and again what I was saying about like your pain is my pain and I'd make sacrifices for you and I'd put you before myself in certain situations like that's how I feel about my family

regardless of my relationship with them so that's my idea of love so when I feel like that towards a stranger and by stranger I mean like just somebody I'm not related to aka Jake that's how I'm like that's love like I love him I love him the same that I love my family so and I can't imagine feeling like that again about um two people I don't think I've got it in me so yeah love that I love that I think we're pretty all on the same page there which is I don't think that's happened before I don't think I've ever done a weekly debate where not even one of you's been like yep I I'm in love with two people right now. So that's fun. Well done, everyone. We're all on the same page. So let's get into some dilemmas. I'm going to kick it off with this one.

Okay, let's go. Hey girl, loving the podcast. So thank you, by the way. I've known this guy for three years and we were good friends in 2019 as we met through going to gigs and mutual friends, et cetera. He had a girlfriend and stuff,

so we didn't talk until last year. In November the 5th to be precise he replied to my insta story and we got talking he was up here in manchester for warehouse project at the end of november and wanted to see me the night before so we went out for drinks etc which he called it a date and it was a lovely night we ended up sleeping together and i can't lie i loved it anyway around two weeks after i started getting my suspicions i knew he had an ex and she is so so pretty however on the date he was calling her a psycho etc which i know is bullshit you know what i say about that red flag i don't care how psycho some of my exes have been i'll always speak highly of them do you know what i'm saying like i've dated some guys who've shown some intense behavior but if you ask me about them I'd always say he's a lovely guy and he deserves

lovely things but maybe if I was quite toxic and put people through some difficult shit I might be sat here going they're fucking psychos mate so I always consider that red flag but let's continue I like that you called bullshit on that as well okay continuing on on the 27th of december i was meant to see him and booked us a hotel and he completely aired me literally for three days which caused me to lose money so i messaged his ex and it turns out the same week he was facetiming me and planning to see me he was also begging for her back and telling her he's still in love with her what the actual fuck i'm sorry that's quite disgusting isn't it um she's absolutely lovely and we now follow each other on instagram love that queens anyway last month i was on tinder and had tinder gold so i could see who liked me turns out he super liked me so i swiped him

because i wanted answers from him oh did you want answers or did you want validation I've been there girl I've been there sometimes we we tell ourselves we just want answers but actually it's because we felt so rejected by them that we want to feel validated by them again do you know what I mean it's so sad that we we do it but regardless you deserved your answers so I would have done the exact same thing anyway fast forward to now I now have him on Instagram and snap again and he's just messing with my head oh look he's wormed his way back in he will literally air my messages sometimes for like 20 hours but then other days makes effort and I'm like question mark question mark I'm 22 this year

and he's 21 I'm just baffled I'd like to know your opinion on this whole thing hope you're well girl sending lots of love and keep smashing the podcast I love you sending you so much love um what you want my opinion I think um this boy has taken enough of your time and he's had enough of your attention and you know energy and I'm I don't think we should be entertaining this anymore you know I also think you and this girl have obviously like got on now and you should like make a pact to be like fuck this guy like let's both make a deal this guy doesn't get either of us anymore because he literally doesn't deserve either of us but then also like if she did want to go back to him like that is also her shit at the end of the day isn't it but worrying about yourself um we're gonna take him off snap and insta yeah okay it's not that deep people think like i'm following and stuff is that deep it's not that deep like i don't consider you somebody

i want in my life anymore like like said, he's messing with your head. You just said, he's just messing with my head. And he's airing my messages for 20 hours. Excuse me. Excuse me. Airing my messages for 20 hours. The absolute liberties this boy is taking. Like he's, he just knows you're just putty in his hands.

That's what he thinks. He thinks he can behave in any sort of way disappear for 20 hours and you're still going to be there to entertain him when he when he gets back and when he fancies it no no i'm sorry i don't live for you okay i've got shit to do babes this is not for me i think i think let's nip it in the bud let's put it to bed we had a good time you had great sex you know let's look at the bed we had a good time you had great sex you know let's look at the positives you've got great sex you've got a nice friend out of it the girl um and you've learned a couple of lessons and you're single and thriving so good riddance

that's what I say if if you called me up now as a mate I'd'd say, babe, get your, get Snapchat up, right, Snapchat, Snapchat, oh my god, I can't say it, Snapchat, god, you can tell I'm older, I literally don't have Snapchat, I mean, I do, I just, I don't think I've sent a Snap in about two years, anyway, I'd say, babe, get Snapchat up, right, oh my god, why does the word Snapchat just trip me up, right, let me try this again, get Snapchat up right now, why is that actually quite hard to say, get Snapchat up right now why is that actually quite hard to say get snapchat up right now that's actually quite hard to say everyone trying to say that get snapchat up right now that's quite hard you're saying it aren't you that's so funny um and i'd say just remove him babe just remove him yeah we're gonna walk away because he's a waste of time

and these 20 hours he's not replying and he's on your mind and it's bothering you and you're stressing and you're looking at his stories and you see that he's out and he's been on his phone but he's still not replied to you we don't need that energy like let's fuck this off yeah okay that's my advice to you and I hope the girl does the same all right love you so much guys I can't even remember last week when I had to stop, because it cut me off, it didn't cut me off this time, I just finished recording the episode, and, um, it said, well, I didn't say anything, I just played half of it, and then I, I played the other half, and all of a sudden, my voice sounded like a robot yeah so yet again the universe has something

against leah on the line i don't know what it is i can't figure out what the message is that they're trying to send me but i've had another nightmare but i'm gonna continue on okay i'm gonna revisit the dilemmas and give you a proper episode even though today i'm being tested left right and center i'm having a terrible fucking time but i've got my health and like fab just said to me at least this didn't happen tomorrow when i have a guest coming on because i would be devastated so we're going to take a deep breath we're going to be positive and we're going to redo the fucking podcast okay everybody please leave me a five star review because i i really am giving my all into this okay next dilemma okay my uni housemates are disgusting

hey leah love your podcast by the way. Thank you so much. I just need to rant to you about my dirty uni housemates and see if you have any more advice please. So basically, I live in a seven bedroom house at Falmouth Uni. Is that how you say that? I guess so. And I study fashion design. Sick. That's's so cool so it's pretty full-on and stressful at times let alone coming back to a really dirty house i have to try and cook in oh my god makes me sick trust me i've been there makes me fucking mad um me and a few of my housemates are sick of the same two to three people always leaving their shit out spilling stuff like chopped tomatoes on the floor and not cleaning it so you literally can't go in the kitchen without shoes what are they fucking animals that's

disgusting they leave the oh sorry they leave the period bin overflowing basically wow i'm sorry but we've all had you know our period bins have overflowed a few times yeah but we always get round to clearing out it's an easy job um they have no respect for others living in this house we've tried a cleaning rope up but that never works nope it never works trust me it's such a temporary fix it's so annoying um when it's their week they just don't do it oh nice okay yeah what should we just leave it to the cleaning fairies then babe fucking rude um then we tried a dirty bag where all the grim moldy food growing on plates that they don't clean gets put in this bag and we leave it there for a while and if it doesn't get cleaned we put it all on the table and say you have 24 hours to clean it or it goes in the bin i love that it's like take your fucking shit and piss off yeah however this usually works

but this time it didn't so after 24 hours we put the dirty bag by the outside bins and the bin men took it not gonna lie i felt kind of bad after that because we are all students but then i thought if they really wanted it they should have sorted it and that is facts girl I'm not being funny they might as well have plated up that bagged up them plates and handed them over to the bin men themselves that's that's essentially what they did when they decided I'm gonna leave this on the table even though I know the rules and I know I only have 24 hours before these people get rid they just thought are they actually gonna chuck it out are they I'll leave it there it's fine they're not actually gonna bin it what're going to do yeah we are watch me you know lesson learned

hopefully um but i'm not being funny you shouldn't have to do that they're not children um just wondered if you have obviously i'm saying that you know good on you for doing it but it's just sad isn't it that's what it's come to like grow up people just clean just wondered if you have any more advice because i always hate nagging them i just can't live in this mess it makes me feel so anxious but it's an awkward one because two or three of them are my good friends sorry if this is all a jumble i'm just sending this in as i've just arrived to work so stressed but love you lots oh i'm sorry that you're stressed I hate it honestly having messy flatmates or noisy flatmates or just difficult flatmates it impacts you more than you think like it is it weighs you down

so heavy and you don't actually realize how much it's weighing you down until you're out of it until you don't live with them anymore so I think carry on doing what you're doing with the like you know you've got 24 hours you bunch of fucking scabs come and get your sweaty ketchup plates clean them and put them in the fucking cupboard or it's going in the binman's bag in the binman's bag in the binman's truck so you know i think don't feel guilty about it. Like, it's their fault. Why don't they just get paper plates? I'm not being funny. If you can't bother to clean and if your plates don't mean that much to you,

just get recyclable plates and just put them in the bin and then you don't have to clean anything. Just get cardboard forks. Yeah? But also, my advice to you is, what's there left of this year of uni three three months just take a deep breath let's do it together take a deep breath everybody did you need that yeah and we're gonna have one last chat with them and say look please please please please please please please please please just clean your shit up oh my god that reminds me of megan mckenna my

big brother because i was cleaning that fucking shit up i'm the only one who tells a fucking joke around here i love megan mckenna she's literally me well she's me when i'm brave when i'm drunk no i don't turn into megan mckenna when i'm drunk she's megan megan mckenna is what i think it's just not how i act on the outside i'm not ballsy enough i'm the only one telling the truth around dear i need to eat i'm starving have some water no i need to eat food oh'm starving. Have some water. No, I need to eat food. Oh, I just love her. Anyway, anyway, back to the dilemma. Yeah, I say to him, please, please, please, please, please.

I've got three months left in this house and I cannot live like this anymore. It makes me want to cry. It makes me miserable. It makes me not a nice person. It makes me depressed. It's really fucking getting me down and it's selfish. Just for three months, I'm asking you to just clean your shit up for three months just please please i'm literally begging you and get on right move and get a deposit down for your next place that you're

going to move into in september obviously you can't do that just yet but get looking you know have a look what's out there bit of positive energy a bit of manifesting bit of excitement into it being in the past you know like let's look forward you're not going to live like this forever it's going to be in the past before you know it um you'll never fucking forget how awful it was but it will be in the past and you'll be happy again and you'll be able to get up in the morning and make yourself a nice coffee and sit on the sofa just three more three more months I feel like it goes without saying obviously don't live with them again next year like please don't do that if if you were for some reason considering it that's obviously not the best decision um and yeah look to the future

get on right move get some get a new group of flatmates together or just the ones that you said that you get on with and be positive think about the fact that in three months time you can go home for the summer in your nice clean family home and this it'll be the old you and and you know it's it's just it's fucking shit but hopefully it's not for much longer but I really feel bad for you because I know how difficult it can be but you've got this girl love you loads okay this next one is actually I did actually talk to her about this on Instagram she voice noted me um and I've also had her back and we were just talking about it for a while so I already answered her dilemma to her personally but I said to her I'm still going to do it on the podcast because I feel like so many people will actually be able to relate to

this so it says sorry I had a hiccup then hey Leah absolutely love your podcast you're the bestie I need oh thank you i've been with my boyfriend for nearly two years and i've been getting a vibe that he's starting to distance himself and getting cold feet as he's starting to make excuses as to why he can't make date plans and i don't get the reassurance i need anymore sorry i've got such a hiccup sat in my throat i don't get the reassurance i need anymore whenever i try to communicate with him about how it makes me feel He gets even colder because he thinks i'm nagging i've tried approaching things in different ways like calmly sitting him down

Texting him and even trying to lightheartedly joke But every time I try and open up about my feelings he goes cold and just replies with I don't know To everything I say so I feel like i'm pushing him away more as I don't get any reassurance This is his first relationship and after my ex cheated on me I bring a fair bit of insecurity to this relationship so I'm not sure if I'm overthinking things I get such mixed signals as it's so hot and cold because when we're good we have so much fun he's so kind and supportive and to be honest we never argue as I think he hates the confrontation of it but when I can sense his energy is off, it makes me feel so uneasy.

I love him so much as apart from, oh, I love him so much as apart from the cold waves, it's the healthiest relationship I've had and I want to make it work. Do you have any advice on how I can get him to communicate and open up more? Equally, I don't want to feel like I'm investing so much and getting nothing back.

Am I wasting my time? Thanks so much and love you. Love you too. Right, this is a good one i think so many people have been in this situation i know i definitely have in a relationship where you're just like oh my god he's in a bad mood of me do you love me and you're constantly asking for reassurance and you're getting paranoid and you're treading on eggshells because you think he's in a bad mood and he's cold and then he's hot and then he's cold again and then you thought you was all right, but he's cold again. It's fucking exhausting, okay? It is so exhausting. And we go to them for reassurance because the

insecurities are coming directly from them. So we go to them to be like, can you take the insecurities away that I'm feeling, please? Because you're making me feel like a piece of shit. And they, I think, not all men, but men but a lot of men when or just people in general but I do feel like I've seen this in men a lot when you tell a guy what he is how he isn't fulfilling you whether it be like emotionally or with not enough attention or not enough dates you know things like this when you tell him you're making me feel insecure i don't feel fulfilled he hears criticism okay and he hears oh for fuck's sake she's just criticizing me i'm a shit boyfriend can't do nothing right she's fucking whinge whinge whinge where where where i'm insecure i'm insecure you don't make me feel good that's what he hears you're a terrible boyfriend show me more

I need more that's what they hear okay now I don't I really like your self-awareness and when you say like you know I know I'm pushing him away the more I ask and I know I bring a bit of insecurity into the relationship and I love that about you you sound really emotionally intelligent and mature but what I would say to you is regardless of what you you sound really emotionally intelligent and mature but what I would say to you is regardless of what you went through with your ex and how you're feeling and it's obviously good to be aware of what you're bringing into the relationship and and the anxiety that past experiences have left you with it's also really important to not blame that and understand that he is actually doing this like he is actually hot and cold and he is

making you feel a little shit every now and then and he isn't taking you out on enough dates like he is responsible as well um so don't don't let that take away from how you're feeling um your feelings are validated 100 babe um and i i said to her on the voice notes that you know it's a problem it's not going to work like this we need to sort this problem out um and asking him to sort the problem out and say can you stop being cold with me all the time and can you stop telling me that you know you just don't know and can i can you actually open up to me? It's not working. Okay. So we're going to have to try another, another route. And I believe that with a relationship like this, it would be a good option to just say, I'm not gonna seek my reassurance from you anymore. And if you're in a bad mood and you're cold, I'm going to stay out of your way.

And I'm going to go and get my nails done nails done and i'm gonna have a good fucking day because my day isn't decided by your mood and if you're in a good mood i'm gonna have a good day if you're in a bad mood i'm gonna have a bad day not anymore i'm gonna have a good day no matter what you're fucking feeling no matter how you're treating me i'm still gonna have a good day i'm gonna go out get my nails done i'm gonna go out with my friend i'm gonna sit on my computer and play sims because that makes me happy okay that is that is the new focus i think what we should try at least try it and i think because then he stops hearing the criticism and he stops hearing the what we're obviously reading as neediness um which you know you're not needy like asking someone to not be cold with you

is you're asking for the bare minimum here okay you're not needy you're just you know he's giving you making you insecure and in turn you're asking for reassurance and then he's going fucking no he's so fucking needy make me feel validated in the first place and this will not be happening all right just making me feel invalidated all the time making me feel like shit because you fucking ignore me all day anyway god so i think once he stops hearing all of the like are we okay like are you upset with me are we all right like once you stop doing all of that um and just go right if you're on a shit mood that is not my problem you can go over there and be moody moody little twat and then i think then they start going

she hasn't actually um she hasn't actually asked me if we're all right today and i've ignored her all day and she hasn't actually come and try to hug me normally she comes and like lays on me and gives me a cuddle when we when we've had a day like today but she's like out and she's texting me saying like oh I'll be home in a few hours like see you later and this is definitely not in a toxic way obviously like I don't ever want to encourage playing games and stuff like that um this is more this isn't a game this is you saying I'm gonna put myself first now from now on and my relationship isn't going to have this much of an impact on my happiness um and i'm going to seek my validation elsewhere and i don't mean other dick i mean like from

yourself or whatever so i think once the i don't want to use this word but you know what I mean was the quotation marks neediness stops I think it they're less pissed off and they feel less under attack and they feel less um like they've got to prove themselves all the time and they feel less pressure to behave a certain way and I think it all just can become a little bit more natural again um I will tell you this like this is definitely a fixable problem like this is definitely a solution uh sorry this is definitely something that we could find a solution to like this isn't like oh we're not compatible like this is definitely a minor issue well it's not minor but it's it's not it's not the end of the relationship at all

um so yeah there's that that's what you can do for yourself but at the same time he you we're not just going to accept that he just doesn't open up and he just doesn't talk about his emotions and he does just shut off like we're not just going to accept that okay what we're going to do is focus on yourself, but at the same time, maybe have one conversation with him, like just one more time. Maybe not yet, like give it a bit.

And then just say to him like, we're going to have to work on this, babe. Because, you know, it's not going to work. There's two people involved in this relationship. And if you're keeping it all in there in your head and I'm out here having no clue what's going on and what you're thinking and how you're feeling that's a one-sided relationship it leaves me completely in the dark and that's not going to work there's two people in this there's two emotions there's two people's emotions involved here and you're going to have to learn to communicate and have to learn to open up at least a little

bit and you know I'm not putting any pressure on you I understand it's difficult but I want you to know you're safe to do that with me you're safe to talk about your feelings with me I will never judge you you know like I'll never hold anything like how you're feeling against you I'm always open to hearing how you're feeling and whatever you're going through you can trust me um and encourage it rather than pressurize it but yeah I think that would that would be a good direction to try what about you guys do you think it would be a good direction any of you can relate I'm sure there's somebody that can there's it's very common that guys are just bloody terrible with their communication but like you said you've got an amazing relationship he's lovely to you

he's just hot and cold but you know i think the more we show that that's an issue the more they do it unintentionally because they they genuinely are just more in a bad mood like i said they just hear criticism so yeah i hope that helps um and you're absolutely amazing and you deserve to be validated and you know what i think you're amazing and i think you're perfect so that's all that matters i'm all that matters okay have we got another dilemma okay yeah my boyfriend of four years doesn't want to live with me oh my goodness okay hey girl i have a dilemma my boyfriend of over four years doesn't want to buy a house with me until he's in his 30s we're currently both 24 oh snaps he doesn't really save his money where i'm now in a position to buy

and i want the relationship to move forward he will often talk about marriage and kids in the future so i'm confused if there's actually a future if we both currently want different things he says he doesn't want the relationship oh sorry sorry he doesn't want the responsibility of bills and likes living at home with his mum where his mum will do everything for him cook his dinner his lunches for work do his washing etc not sure where this leaves us and if I'm overreacting about the whole situation would love to hear your advice thanks okay let's look at his perspective he is living at home he's a mummy's boy he's getting his dinner cooked his lunch packed his washing done his ain't got a tidy ain't got clean ain't gotta buy no food you ain't gotta buy anything right i don't know he might be paying

a little bit of rent a little bit towards the bills hopefully he is but you know she's doing everything for him like you said why would he give that up do you know what i mean like he is living like a fucking king in hotel day mother right that is where your boyfriend is living and he is not checking out anytime soon he's living the dream like he's got his lunch made and his dinner made and his what his clothes are all nicely folded in his drawers for him when he gets home from work he's not trying to do that himself this is the other thing that came up for me is when you eventually do move out does he expect you to do that fucking shit does he expect you to do his washing and his lunches and his dinners every night because no darling we're

gonna have to grow up at some point yeah we're gonna have to learn how washing machine works by if you don't know at this age i'm already a bit concerned okay um but you said that he talks about marriage and kids and stuff so i don't think it's a concern i think he definitely does see you in his future but let's flip to now your narrative is you're in a financial position where you're ready to to buy a house you want this relationship to progress you're ready to settle down and build this future you're 24 you know you want to do it now you're ready to do it now and you found the person you want to do it with you're in a position where you're financially able to do it the only thing holding you back is him and is that selfish you know is

that selfish of him I don't know I don't think it's selfish of him because I do also believe that you know your 20s are about being young and saving your money and you know um enjoying your life and spending your money money on yourself and holidays and stuff like that but then there's also another type of person in their 20s like you that sees your 20s as I'm here to hustle I'm here to get my first house I want to I want to build my future so that I can start a family one day and I'm in a financial stable position um which fucking queen okay go you that's insane um and there needs to be a bit of negotiating here there's got to be some sort of negotiation around well I'm not just gonna hold put my dreams on hold so that you can live under your mum's roof for a bit longer because it's fun and it's nice like there's two people in this relationship

I'm here you know this is my life as well as yours is your life um we're in a relationship which means we've you know our lives are combined um but we're on different pages so i would say maybe can we say tim what about at 26 in two years you know but we're not having yeah yeah whatever just ask me in two years no because then in two years time the answer is still going to be no and then you've just wasted two years saving up your money for somebody that's still not ready to commit for you um what we want is like okay babe yeah i'm not ready now but let's say in two three years when i'm 26 27 it's a reasonable wage i think i think it's a reasonable wage to move out and start building

a future and you know this relationship is is everything to me i want it to progress i want to have children with you i want to have i want I want to get married. Like he's saying, he said all of these things. So give me two, three years just to enjoy my life a little bit more. You know, once I move out from my mom, I'm not going to live with her again and I'm going to miss it. And I want to live with my mom. I love living with my mom. And you know, we're not trying to pull him away from, from his mom. No way. Um, you know we're not trying to pull him away from from his mom no way um you know once you move out from home you usually don't move back in which is so sad it's where it's where you've only you've only ever lived with your with your family you know so um i understand his perspective and we need to respect that as well but like i said he needs to you know he can't expect you to just go okay babe whatever

you want on you just let me know when you're ready I'll just wait like no um but also there is the option that you could do this on your own and you could buy your own house and you know if he decides one day he wants to move in with you go for it but you know maybe that's what you want so maybe he would love that wouldn't he it's like his girlfriend's got her own house come around do whatever he wants take the absolute piss out of you then go home take the absolute piss out of his mum but yeah I think maybe if you can meet in the middle that would be fair because I totally see his perspective but I totally see yours so like yeah like I always say tricky one

but yeah I'm really proud of you that's so amazing that you're in this position not many people can say that 24 years of age so well done you girl that is absolutely incredible you should be so proud of yourself hi god I've just answered all of those dilemmas twice but to be fair my answers were pretty different to the first time around so maybe i should do all my podcast episodes twice nope nope did not mean that please do not listen to me universe i don't want these problems ever again please ever manifest that the episode tomorrow with the guest is okay and goes well because i can't deal with this shit right um but yeah let's wrap this episode up shall we how was it how was your week well weekend actually i spoke to you on friday last didn't i go me um yeah how was your

weekend did you go out did you have a night in did you have nights out what do you like to do on the weekends i actually went out crazy chick i know so fun though had a really good night sorry i'm yawning i'm absolutely knackered oh god I need to eat dinner and it's like 10 p.m what are you guys doing this week got anything planned long week for me lots of hours but I'm gonna try and get a bonus episode out even though I'm working Wednesday Thursday Friday it's not gonna be possible oh no I'm not i think i'm off on friday that'd be fucking fantastic wow okay anyway literally just talking out loud aren't i thinking out loud do you know not everyone hears like a monologue like a voice in their head do you know that somebody said that to me the other

day like you just don't hear a monologue in your head and i was like you fucking what mate i swear i said this on my podcast before like how when I go shopping on my own and obviously just think to myself and talk to myself in my head all day I'm so exhausted by the end of it like I come home from shopping I'm like oh just shut up to the voice of my head and Jake doesn't have it like Jake when Jake puts his head on the pillow at night he says he doesn't think about anything he just listens to the fan and he goes straight to sleep and I was like you're a fucking psychopath like that is crazy you hear silence and he was like yeah i hear absolute silence i was like what and my dad said he's the same he doesn't he doesn't have him in a monologue either and he said i was telling him

about and he's like wow that sounds exhausting I was like it is it is so do you guys get into monologues because I do fucking hell I do it my head voice don't shut up she literally doesn't stop sometimes they just there's like two of me in my head and they're just talking over each other honestly I'm okay like nobody be concerned about me like I don't you know I'm fine anyway thank you so much for listening to this episode thank you so much for all the lovely messages you sent me I think I mentioned it at the start but I can't remember which bits got cut out now but yeah all your lovely messages love and appreciate you more than you could ever possibly even fathom actually um and if i don't see you on friday then i'll see you on tuesday for

the very exciting guest episode any guesses i'll give you a second to guess let me give you a couple of clues so she has had several hair colors she is an incredible singer she's on like every platform under the sun i'm talking tiktok insta youtube maybe yeah i'm sure oh yeah of course she has she's on youtube that was so dumb and twitch so she's pretty all around her and um i'll give you a clue i look good on you is that the lyrics i don't know i've basically just told you exactly who it is but it's exciting I'm excited I can't wait anyway my background has changed as well I was using the green screen for a while for obviously for the TikTok videos and the Instagram which if you're

not following you totally should and I've got like a little neon light of like a booty like a little girl's bum booty why does it sound like a girl from made in chelsea then booty do you know who i love made in chelsea maver she's brilliant wasn't she when she was like your presence annoys me i just love her so much anyway um yeah so now i've got a new background and i've got a pink neon naked lady on the wall and i actually love it but i filmed like the last two episodes with that background and i haven't had any time to get any clips cut up and put them on online so sorry about that I feel like a lot of people really like that having those visual clips but I will get my life back together at some point I'm just working full-time at the moment and working full-time ain't for me it's really not trying to work full-time and do all this freelance stuff it's just like I don't know how people do it i'm exhausted literally my body is just hurting but

to be fair i do do like 13 hour days anyway i'm literally just rambling aren't i love you guys so much and if i don't see you on friday i'll see you on tuesday i love you bye Maybe I adore you Yeah, I'm Feeling higher and higher My phone's out now