Leah on the Line - 130: I can't forgive my boyfriend for what he did 3 years ago...

Episode Date: December 3, 2024

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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It's getting closer to midnight. I tried to get closer to you. Hello, hi. Hi everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome back, it's a brand new episode of Lear on the Line. Happy Tuesday, grab a chair, pull it over, close the door, this is a safe space.

How you feeling? How was your weekend? Why the fuck did my door just open? That's kinda scary. What's new? What's on your mind? How are your emotions today? God, I sound really somerset lately, I hear it. Emotions, how are your emotions today? God, I sound really Somerset lately. I hear emotions

How are your emotions today? Anyway? How are you guys? Whoa? Wow rookie start to this episode. How are you feeling is my fucking question. Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry. I Have a bit of an update on the skin situation. So you got the accent You guys know that I went to my GP got referred to the dermatologist I've already had my first appointment like what he told me I was gonna wait a year I've what was that week two weeks the 14th of November I think I had my appointment with my GP and I had my dermatology

appointment today. Like what? I feel so lucky but yeah so I wanted to give you guys an update on that. Thank you so much by the way to everybody in my DMs giving me your advice, your experience, tips, what to tell my dermatologist, what not to say. And essentially you guys are alright so remember I told you that my GP sent me off with the antibiotic, the oral antibiotic, so many of you guys in my DMs were like do not take that. I haven't taken it, not just because like you guys have let me know your bad experiences. I did make the decision anyway that I didn't want to take it,

I think I said that last week as well, because I just am so afraid of it not working and it making it worse because I've read about it, like I've seen that it's not massively effective and a lot of people don't react well to it and like I've just got my mindset on on Merakutane which obviously I was so aware of is so hard to get your fucking hands on. So anyway a lot of you told me that the GP wouldn't even prescribe me Merakutane if I hadn't tried and tested the oral antibiotic so I went there and I, I told her that I'd tried it before and it didn't work and she said well we need to try it again now with the one you've been prescribed because basically there's like a ladder that they, like a procedure that they have to go through,

they cannot skip. So essentially she said to me I have to try this antibiotic and then three months later I'll come back and if that doesn't work then we go to step two and Roacutane is like right at the end like the final step Unless you're like extremely severe like cystic acne and stuff like that Which I completely understand and respect so she also gave me a cream and I've I'm gonna I think I'm gonna just try it all. I think I will. Because why not? Do you know what I mean? Like, if it makes it worse, I don't know. It's gonna be, it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be really hard for me. Especially because I've, I've never had a good

experience with any biotech creams. Like, I tried line of cyclene or whatever it's called, a cream version of that and my face was literally on fire, like I had acidic burns to my skin, the red, I had redness and darkness and dryness all around my eyelids, like I reacted really bad to that cream but I do understand that I have to go through like these trials and tests first before I can get to Accutane or somebody messaged me about something called Spiro something I don't remember the name but that is a medication that lowers testosterone in PCO in women with PCOS so I looked into that as well and that really sounds like something I would love to try I mentioned that to my dermatologist today

and she said like again that's later down the line we have to start with antibiotics first and the creams and all the topical gels and I told her like all the things I've tried which has been a fucking lot. Like I have tried benzoyl peroxide, azela acid, salicylic acid, niacinamide, chemical exfoliants, stripping back my routine and just doing nothing and like I was saying to you guys my skin will get really really clear because these products are genuinely good but my PCOS is eventually going to flare up again and I will get these spots come back so yeah I've got products that are helping me heal my skin when my flare up happens and get me through my flare-up

But it's not stopping the flare-up from happening. So that's why I'm at the dermatologist So that's where I'm at with that. I have to try it. I'm scared I've got a busy month and do I want to be in a bad place with my skin? No So do I just start it in January? I'm not sure. I don't really fucking leave the house January to March anyway just started in January, I'm not sure. I don't really fucking leave the house January to March anyway. So yeah, that's that. I wanted to give you guys an update because I know so many of you are in the same position and are going to be going to dermatologists as well so just bear that in mind that they will want you to try the antibiotic before you get to ruracutane unless your case is severe. What else do I have to update you on? Okay,

talking of PCOS, I don't remember if I mentioned this to you guys, but I've been obviously doing so much research into PCOS acne and stuff like that and I want to get to the bottom of it because doctors just recommend that you go on the pill I can't have the combination pill because I have a history of headaches and migraines so I can only have the mini pill which doesn't have any history or I have a history of headaches and migraines so I can only have the mini pill which doesn't have any history or evidence to Support the fact that it helps acne if anything people think that it does cause it but I don't know So there isn't anything a GP can really do for me for my PCOS

They don't tell you that a lot of it is about what you're eating They don't tell you that your lifestyle your diet Whatever it is a lot of that a lot of PCOS is that. And no one has ever told me that apart from TikTok. Thank the Lord for TikTok because I've just been looking into it and I've learned that some- okay don't quote me on this- but something to do with like an insulin resistance is really common. I think it was like 80% of women with PCOS have an insulin resistance, which is something to do with like your body doesn't process sugars properly. Um, so that's why one of the most common symptoms of PCOS is weight gain and a lot of women with PCOS really struggle to cut that PCOS weight.

Um, so yeah, it's a lot to do with our diet. So I was looking at all the foods that can trigger and spike PCOS and essentially what I've managed to figure out that it all comes down to is like your blood sugar's spiking and your blood sugar spiking essentially long story short increases the testosterone your body produces, which therefore causes acne. Basically high levels of testosterone in women causes acne and obviously like all your other symptoms like your facial hair and stuff like that. So by the way, look I've been taking pictures of my skin just to

have as reference for myself and for the dermatologist and the GP. I have a hairy fucking face I've never realised. I have black hairs on my cheekbones. Like, what? Never even realised. So thank you new insecurity unlocked. And yeah, so I have researched into what foods are like your superfoods so if anyone has PCOS which turns out a lot of women do I'm gonna read you the list of like PCOS superfoods and like your foods to avoid because I when I tell you I put hours and hours and hours and hours and hours of studying I could write a fucking dissertation on it at this point so what's really good for us is like seeds,

sunflower seeds, chia seeds, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, that sort of thing. Nuts, walnuts, almonds, Brazil nuts, pine nuts, pistachio nuts, wholemeal and whole grain carbohydrates and oats and stuff like that. Oily fish, chicken, eggs because high protein is like one of the most important parts of healing or controlling PCOS symptoms, nut butters, apples, hummus, carrots and orange food in general because the vitamin A, berries they're anti-oxidant is that the word word? Kiwis, broccoli, grapes, coconut, yogurt, dark chocolate and tomatoes. That's the list of like superfoods. The foods to

avoid. Okay, that's really funny. Fried food, processed food, cakes etc. Sugary fizzy drinks, processed meat, sugary alcohol and processed or white carbs. So essentially, name a meal, I can't eat it. Seriously, it's so difficult, it is so difficult. Like, all the dinners that I normally eat, it turns out, are bad for my PCOS. Like, I have the same meals that I sort of rotate. And they've always been reasonably balanced like I try to always get a veg in with my dinner But I'll always have like sausages. Do you know what I mean? A nice brioche bun with my burger, you know, like

So for the last I think I'm on like day 10 now I have not eaten any of the things on my Avoid list my skin is clearing up. I've had a bit of a tiny bit of a flare-up yesterday But I'm like I'm using my skincare and they're healing and they're going my left side of my face is actually my favorite side of my face and that tends to be my clearer side. I do sleep on the right so it's probably that but yeah, so I

do think it's working. My back and shoulders and my chest are probably clearer than ever and it's been ten days. The issue I've got is I can't live like this. I cannot live like this! Guys, I can't eat like this for my entire life. No way. It's miserable. I'm miserable. I've got clear, clear rough skin, but I'm miserable and It's just, I don't know, maybe I'll get used to it. Maybe it's just something that I will over time get used to making different decisions, but yeah, it is tough. Do I think it's working though? Yeah I do, I like to think so but I will definitely keep you updated. Obviously it can't be bad, like eating like this is only going to have a positive effect on me

because it is a fact that they are all triggering for your PCOS so cutting them out is only going to be helpful but is it going to give me clear skin forever and stop me ever getting PCOS flare-ups and at Canadian spots and stuff probably not You know, I'm getting spots now So yeah, I will definitely keep you guys updated The other thing that I want to update you guys on you know that I haven't been sleeping well at all for months Like the most vivid dreams I lay there at night like so anxious over nothing like I will put my head on the pillow and start thinking about the last 27 years of my life and every decision I've ever made and decisions I have to make in the future And I'm just awake

Jamie is one of them people I think men are just better at sleeping in general But Jamie's on them people that he'll be like good night, babe. I love you Snoring in my ear. I'm like, wow, okay, and I'll be tossing and turning for a good hour At least get up for so many wheeze as well So I Was asking you guys for so much advice on Instagram Like how do you guys sleep at night because I can't and a lot of you were messaging me saying that you're you're struggling to sleep as well but the biggest response I had was to take magnesium and I've seen so much hype on

TikTok about let me sleep obviously there was that viral video of that girl that was like if you're not Courtney Kardashian keep scrolling I was can't out right she says that it was like the best sleep of her life from Lemme Sleep and I've seen Chinse I say that she's just conks out on Lemme Sleep so Jamie actually surprised me and got me some Lemme Sleep I've been taking them for the last two nights no different I can't fucking sleep guys I still can't sleep I'm conked up on Wait, that doesn't make sense Conked up. I am cranked up Whatever on magnesium and melatonin and lavender and whatever else is in these freaking tablets And it still ain't doing nothing for me. It's still my brains like that is so adorable that you thought a

Little fucking gummy was gonna help you sleep. It's pretty not but it's only been been two nights so maybe it will. I think I might be taking them a bit too late in the night. I'm gonna take them earlier tonight and I'll let you know next week how I get on throughout the next seven days. But, oh, I just want to sleep. All I want is a good night's sleep. I had so many dreams last night and I hate when people tell me their dreams but I'm gonna tell you anyway. My first dream was that Jamie left me and felt nothing and he was like trying to like, you know when You know when we read them dilemmas where the boys are like I can I can help you like find someone but he was doing All that and I was like are you fucking Jake him? I thought I was love your life Anyway, and I woke up from that dream turn over and he was there sound asleep snoring on my ear and I've never felt

So relieved for him to be sleeping next to me. I was like, oh you do love me And then I had a dream that there was a problem with my brother and his girlfriend's house And they had to move in with me for like a year and a half and I was like, okay This is so random and I I can't wake myself up from these dreams at the moment I had another dream that I set my carpet on fire but underneath and I was in my old, I was in this room which is my childhood bedroom but the old layout of when I used to share the room with my sister sat in the middle of our two single beds and I set fire to underneath the carpet and all I could see was like the orange flames like flowing all the way to

the fucking door of my bedroom and I was like how am I supposed to put that out? And they're just the most pointless, most stressful, irritating dreams. And I've seen a couple people saying that when they take Lemmy they feel a bit shit the next day and the last two days I've been so tired. I'm so tired. So I'm gonna start taking them earlier because I have so much faith, okay? I refuse to believe everyone gassing up Let me sleep is lying and I I'm genuinely gonna stand here and say I'm the problem because I need this to work

I need let me sleep to work. So I will keep you updated with that, but I Don't think I have anything else to update you on. I mean it's a lot for a week. That is a lot, but Yeah, I'm in a process at the moment. One thing I do want to ask is if you guys have any inspo or ideas for PCOS friendly meals Please tag me in TikToks send me DMs Whatever it is tag me tag me message me message me. I need it because I can't eat another fucking sweet potato. I can't eat it Message me I need it cuz I can't eat another fucking sweet potato. I can't eat it Yeah, I love you guys. Thank you for being here with me today. I'm so excited to do this episode and I've waffled about me

Let's get into the episode Welcome to Leah on the line join me every Tuesday as I dial your number for the ultimate unfiltered bestie catch-up Whatever it is We will laugh together and guide each other along the way head to leah on thetheline.com and follow Lear on the Line on Instagram to get involved. Love you! Happy December by the way! Happy December Christmas! The snow's falling down! It's, it's not. I wish it was but it's not. But is it is the season tis the season so That's definitely lives in my spirits. I am officially finished with my Christmas shopping Officially finished I have a wrapped 90% of the presents as well. They're under the tree

just got wrapped my secret Santa and My dad's presents. That's all I've got left to wrap Only a couple so So, brilliant. How are you guys getting on with your Christmas shopping? I think I mentioned this last time, but me and Jamie were like, should we just not do presents this year? And we picked each other a pair of trainers each instead. Picked his. His are here, they're under the bed.

I've got Ottoman storage in my bed and it's honestly such a game changer. If you don't have an Ottoman storage bed, I hate the way I say Ottoman in my accent, but I can't say Ottoman which is not me I got a bed for Ottoman storage, but it is Incredible you can fit so much stuff under there way more than when you just shove it under your bed like I was before I don't know how scientifically that's not possible, but I'm just I'm just loving it. I'm just loving life, but Yeah, this weekly debate, sorry rambling again, this weekly debate was actually sent in via email from one of you guys and you said that you need my advice and the girlie's advice. So I'm here, I'm listening and I took your question and I popped it on my story.

So my weekly debate just for you, babe, this week is When slash how do you know it's time to leave a relationship? Is there a more difficult question? I'm gonna start with a piece of advice that I saw on TikTok from like a motivational podcaster Like a couple of years ago and it's always stuck with me And I've probably said it a billion times but I'll say it again He said that you'll be going back and forth, should I leave, when should I leave and if you're still asking yourself that question, not yet, it's not the right time. You will wake up in the middle of

the night just going for a wee and you'll be sat on the toilet and you'll go I'm gonna leave tomorrow, I'm gonna I'm just gonna pack up and leave or whatever you decide but it will just hit you like you'll be asking yourself should I, when should I, how should I and then all of a sudden it will just feel like you know what, whether it's enough's enough, fuck this guy or whether it's I need to be brave this isn't working, I need to be selfless or selfish really, could be a bit of both. So yeah I just thought I'd mention that because I think it's actually very very true let's see what

you guys say when you're crying every day instead of laughing or smiling yeah if you're crying every day in your relationship and we've all fucking been there we've all been there you know it's over know it, but I guess this brings me back to the theory I just mentioned that I saw. Sometimes we will be in these relationships where you're crying every day and you stay and you stay and you stay because you just haven't quite got to the strength yet or you haven't quite got to the plan or whatever it is and do you know what, I think that's okay, like take the time you need and you will be ready at some point if you're crying every day and you're like God I've been crying every day for three months and I still don't want to

leave I get it I get it but eventually you'll just wake up and you're like fuck that fuck this when they aren't bringing any good to your life, every time you hang out you feel negative, yes facts. Like when the vibes are just neggy vibes and it's just like, we can't have a fucking good day. Do you know what? When you're getting to the point where you start saying like, we've had a good day today, it's over.

We've had a really good day today. We've all been there as well. When you don't care if you upset them or just don't care in general, yeah again like this is one of them things that I feel like it's that you check out mentally before you do physically you know like when when they start coming to you of how you've made them feel and you physically don't have it in you to empathize I feel like you've detached too much.

And there is no relationship there at that point. This is an ad by BetterHelp. What's your perfect night? Is it curling up on the couch for a cozy, peaceful night in? Therapy can feel a bit like that. Your comfort place where you replenish your energy. With BetterHelp, get matched with a therapist based on your needs, entirely online. It's convenient and suited to your schedule. Find comfort this season with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more and save 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com.

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Raise your game to the next level this year with BetMGM, a sportsbook worth a slam dunk, and authorized gaming partner of the NBA. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions must be 19 years of age or older to wager Ontario only. and authorised gaming partner of the NBA. BitMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. When you are repeatedly finding excuses to get away from them or avoid them, yeah, of course. Totally not a good way to fill in your relationship. When everything gives you the ick, my friend knew when her ex wanted to have a sexy shower with her and she was just making up

excuses to be left in peace and shower alone. I get this. I do get this but I'm torn on that because I do agree that sometimes like you get to a point in your relationship where you're like Oh, yeah, yeah, we should definitely do that, but you just don't fancy it and you're like Oh, I really don't want to fucking get in the shower and have sex and that I get and sometimes and a lot of the time That is you're not attracted to them anymore or the sexual chemistry isn't there anymore or whatever it is but I do want to emphasize that it is normal and completely okay to be in a relationship where they want to have sex let's go have a sexy shower and you're like no I'm just not up for it and you shouldn't

have to feel like oh shit like should I want to get in the shower and have sex like it's actually okay if you don't and that isn't always a reflection of your relationship but I do agree that sometimes and a lot of the time it is but I did just want to mention as well. When you start thinking about what it would be like to be single or be of someone else yeah yeah yeah of course when you start questioning if it's right or if you should leave, there's your sign. Yeah, you know what, maybe it is as simple as that, you know, you're not wrong. Somebody else says as soon as you ask yourself

that question, when all they do is breathe and it infuriates you. Yeah, you guys know I always say that like, you know when you're in relationships where they literally just hate you. When you are in the relationship and you hate them, just let them go, do you know what I mean? When the bad times outweigh the good and when you don't feel happy when you're together, when your head's getting turned, whoa, when you want them to cheat on you

so you can break up. Okay, so I guess this is, this would be a case of like, I'm not brave enough to walk away, or maybe it's like, there's nothing wrong with them, like they treat me so well, like why would I walk away? But you're not feeling it, and you can't logically make it make sense while you should leave because they're lovely, then maybe you start to be like just cheat on me or something so then I have a reason to leave do you know what I mean? When you've tried at least twice to resolve a conflict and it isn't working or they're unwilling to grow yeah do you know what these are all very very great points and a lot of them are the same which makes me feel like that emphasizes them even more but I do agree when you when your head starts to turn when you start thinking about what it's

like to be single when you're focusing so much on how you know we've got on really well this week or like oh we didn't argue all day or we went on a day or we went on our first date in ten months like whatever it is like I think your gut knows. I think these are all points of when the relationship is has run its course however I don't think it's easy to leave as soon as do you know what I mean like I'm sure we can all relate that we've been in relationships that have run their fucking course but we're still in it longer than we should have been and there's no shame in

that and I think that's okay and to be honest I think sometimes that really helps your your healing journey and your letting go journey because when you leave when these feelings are all fresh your emotions are so much heavier and your attachment is so much stronger when you when you're slowly letting go and you're slowly accepting the relationships over, then you physically leave, you have so much less emotional baggage to get through, if that makes sense. So, yeah, I hope this helped to the girly that sent that in. Thank you so much to everybody who sent in all of your amazing responses. They're all amazing points and yeah I hope I hope to anybody that needs to hear that it was helpful. Okay guys I think we'll leave that one there

because although there are some more responses to be honest most of them are what we've touched on so let's get into some dilemmas. Okay I'm gonna get straight in with this one because it is quite short and sweet. It says, Me and my now ex boyfriend were together for two years. He sold me the world, but recently I found out he lied and cheated throughout the whole relationship but still told me he wanted to marry me and wanted a future. Classic. We've been broken up for three days and he's already chatting to girls. Do you think he ever loved me? So this is the thing, how like I could never answer this because I would never know if he ever loved you. What I do want to say is a lot of the time the way people act

during their breakup does not always reflect on the love they had for you. It can always, often sorry, it can often be a case of like maybe it's an ego thing and he needs someone to scratch that ego. Do you know what I mean? Maybe he could be a little narcissist, could be a narcissistic king and he's straight on to his next fix which we see all the time. Also cheating is a massive thing with narcissists as well, I'm not literally just labeling him a narcissist, I'm just throwing out examples of it doesn't mean they didn't love you, it can literally just be issues that they have in themselves. However for you I think the main thing you need to think about and focus on is it doesn't matter if he loved you, I think the main thing you need to think about and focus on is It doesn't matter

If he loved you if he if he never loved you if he fell out of love with you A year ago, whatever it was. It doesn't matter because you're not together. You walked away and i'm proud of you for that He lied he cheated and whether he loved you more than he will ever love anyone ever again for the rest of his life And he spends every waking minute of his entire life until the day he dies regretting everything he did and all he All he ever compares anyone else to is you it makes no different because He is not good enough for you full stop. He is not good enough whether he loves you or not Doesn't make him any better of a person doesn't make him any less of a cheater doesn't make him any less of a liar It doesn't matter if he loved you or not.

And just remember that the behaviour that he's portraying now doesn't always mean he didn't love you. Doesn't mean he did. Doesn't mean he doesn't. It just means nothing. It means nothing. Whatever he's doing now, it means nothing. It has nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with my life. Because I've walked away from a liar and a cheat.

And I will always be Bigger and better than you because I'm not a liar and I'm not a cheat and I don't hurt people the way you hurt people But fucking crack on babe. You crack on getting your next little fix because you'll never fucking find anyone like me You'll never replace me but keep trying Listen it's been three days There's a high possibility that he will come crawling back three days. There's a high possibility that he will come crawling back. But I just want you to remember that whether he loved you or not doesn't matter because what happened happened. The relationship went the way it did and

unfortunately he was a liar and he was a cheat and you need to focus on healing yourself from that and putting yourself first and being in an emotionally secure position so that in your next relationship this doesn't get carried forward and you don't carry these insecurities and trust issues which I understand you will to an extent but definitely spend this time working on yourself and understanding that you were too good for him from day one. Like he didn't deserve you from day one because look how he treated you, look what he did. He never deserved you and he'll never deserve you.

So when he does come calling back, which I'm telling you he will, I'm so positive that he will at some point, even if it was because he wants to be with you again, he wants to promise you the world and wants to make you his fucking wife, or if it's just because he wants a nude, whatever the reason that he comes calling back, I'm sure he will, do not forget the fact that he does not deserve you. You deserve so much better. You are bigger and better than him in every sense of the word. Just, when you keep asking yourself, how can you do this to me? How can you talk to other girls? Like, how can you do this to me, how can you talk to other girls, like how can, did I mean nothing to you? Just tell

your brain shut up, shut up. That is so unimportant to me right now. What is important to me is me. Journal if it helps. You know you can journal. I really want to text him today. I'm fighting every urge to message him. I've seen that he's followed all these girls on Instagram. It's breaking my heart signed Love Leah X. Oh, I don't want to manifest that love Heartbroken really kiss Close the book we journal again the next night and we work ourselves through this heartbreak and this feeling of pain and it's not

About him. It's about you okay that's what I want you to do love you you've got this you deserve so much better you're beautiful you're kind you're giving you're strong and you don't need a fucking boy like that in your life absolutely not no thanks like let let whoever he's messaging now let let them have him because hopefully they'll they'll see some red flags early doors and they won't end up in your position, you know. Love you. Alright, next one. Hi girl, I love the pod. Thank you, I love you. I'm in need of serious help. I'm 21 and I've

been with my boyfriend for three years. In the first few months of dating, I happened to see that he had favourited multiple girls TikToks. Skinny girls, lip syncing with big tearies. I was shocked and it took me a lot of time to get over this, but eventually I did. He apologized and said he'd never do it again. He doesn't have TikTok now and has a screen time of an hour a day so I know he's not doing anything shady on his phone anymore, but something within me just cannot forget about what I've seen. We have an amazing relationship and he's the kindest, most generous boy that I cannot- but I cannot stop thinking about those gorgeous girls on TikTok that he obviously fancies.

It still affects my confidence, even though it's been two and a half years since it happened. Help me. Am I overreacting? I feel guilty for wanting to break up with him over something so small that happened at the beginning of our relationship What should I do? Please help a gal out Okay, I get it Look, I get it and I think all of us in relationships now we can think about the fact that our boyfriend Before they met us because we are the most perfect girl in the world in our boyfriend's eyes they fancy love girls and they don't anymore but we can tell ourselves that but

listen they're human beings you know what i want to say is we can all punish ourselves and torture ourselves over things that happened in the past, things our boyfriends did when they were single, all the girls that he used to talk to and compare them to ourselves and stuff. You did say that it was at the beginning of, in the first few months of us dating. So I get it because you've, you've betrayed me. Like we're dating, we're together. You sh- that shouldn't be fucking happening that shouldn't be happening when when you're with me But and I'm not making an excuses Okay

What he did was wrong and it sounds like he's owned up to it and he spent the next three years of his relationship with you Building up that trust and forgiveness So I'm not saying what he did was right for a second But I do want to make you kind of, if you can, feel better about it in your relationship today. We can all admit that the way we felt about our boyfriends or our girlfriends at the first three months of our relationship was not the same as we feel about them now. And that's just true. That doesn't mean we should have been any less committed or any less faithful. No way. Like you should always respect and be faithful to somebody no matter how fucking in love you are. Like that just comes down to respect at the end of the day.

Like I said what he did was wrong. But I'm trying to help you feel like that's not the same as now because a few months into your relationship, he probably wasn't in love with you. He probably wasn't and he'd been single obviously before he got with you so it takes falling in love and growing in your relationship and getting into that position of like I guess love is the only word I can think of, where you can't imagine looking at somebody else. And that isn't there from day one. Like I said, that doesn't mean you fucking should, that what he did was wrong, okay? What he did was wrong. I'm gonna keep saying that what he did was wrong. But I'm

saying I don't think he would do it now because You've been together three years. He's banging love with you. He goes on his phone for an hour a day, which fucking hell King for that because you should see my screen time is is hell. It's actually I'm actually unwell. Like that. It's not okay So, you know, he's done everything he can or at least a lot to prove his commitment to you, his love for you. And I think just keep reminding yourself that the person you were dating at the beginning, it's not the person you're in a relationship and in love with today. Three years is a long time for people to develop as people as well.

And the decisions he would have made then you'd like to think he wouldn't dare make them now you know he's in love with you it's so different like i said what he still did was wrong okay doesn't make it all right i'm just trying to make you feel reassured that he wouldn't act the same you know because his feelings aren't the same if that makes sense i hope it does. But I get it, I want to validate you though, I get it. I would also really struggle to let go of something like that and it would be in the back of your mind but three years is it's too long for you to be torturing yourself. You don't deserve that from

yourself, you need to give yourself a break there. You've got a boyfriend that you said all these lovely things about. Enjoy your relationship and stop taking it away from yourself. Like you're beautiful. You're amazing. You do not need to be sat here making yourself feel like this. Only you were doing that. Yes, it's his fucking fault. It is his fucking fault. But you are punishing yourself even now. It's his fucking fault. It is his fucking fault. But you are punishing yourself even now.

And if you can, I feel like maybe just have one conversation with him now and say like, Look, I've forgiven you for it. I have. We have a beautiful relationship and I love you from my heart. But I'm being honest with you here when I say, Still to this day, it's affected my confidence and my self esteem and I need you just to make me feel a bit better about it, just now, just one last time and then I'm going to do all the work I can do to put it to bed finally and I really, really want you to do that and every time it pops into your head, just say that's not my boyfriend now, that's not my

boyfriend now, you know? You made the decision to move forward. It's been three years. He's never made a mistake like that again. He's in love with you now. Just keep reminding yourself, that's not my boyfriend now. The boyfriend I've got now is amazing. He loves me so much. He wouldn't dream of doing that to me. And yeah, I love you. I really, really, really feel for you. You're amazing. You're beautiful.

All right, let's do another dilemma. This is an ad by BetterHelp. What's your perfect night? Is it curling up on the couch for a cozy, peaceful night in? Therapy can feel a bit like that. Your comfort place where you replenish your energy. With BetterHelp, get matched with a therapist based on your needs entirely online. It's convenient and suited to your schedule. Find comfort this season with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more and save 10% off your first month.

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BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, Okay. Mmmmm. Alright, this is interesting. Hi Leah. Help me. Whether to spend my money on travelling the world whilst living at home

or spend money on buying a property and moving out. I'm 27. Ooh. Listen, I cannot make that decision for you. But, you need to ask yourself what you want to do. One thing my mum has always said to me,

and she says it to everyone, is you're better off trying something and saying it didn't work than spending your whole life wishing you did. So this could go into your idea of traveling. If you have dreamt your whole life of traveling, will you, ask yourself, if you don't do this will you in ten years time be full of regret? You know when when maybe if you did want to start a family you'd have children and then it's harder to Travel the world when you when you have children will you have regret then?

Do you know what I mean? Or if you if you have a mortgage that you're paying for in 10 years and you don't have children Anyway, that's still harder because you got a house at home I'm gonna sell my house and go traveling like then I'm then I'm risking even more then I'm giving even more up. So I Think you need to ask yourself Why wouldn't you first of all? What is it? Like write down the pros and cons of? packing my shit up and traveling what are the pros and cons of packing my shit up and traveling. What are the pros and what are the cons and vice versa. And if the idea of buying your

house and moving out fills you with dread and you're like oh my god that's it, my traveling dream will be over, You need to go traveling. Lots of people are traveling the world in their 30s, in their 40s, you know, and you're not at an age where you're like, oh it's too late, like, and you're not at an age where it's now or never, like, whatever it is, I truly believe, I always say this, the universe has a plan and you will feel in your gut what path you're supposed to go down. You can go traveling for a year or two years, come back, work your ass off and buy a house in your 30s.

It's something, I can't remember the stats, but it's something like the average age that people leave their parents house now is like early 30s because it's fucking expensive now. So you are not behind and you will have all these beautiful amazing experiences that a lot of people who did buy houses young don't have. So don't compare yourself to anybody else and don't feel like, oh, you know, like I'm gonna be 30 and I'm not gonna have a house and stuff. Babe, pfft, you will have the most amazing time. And what is life about to you? I think that's what's important as well. Where do you want to be in five, ten years, whatever, and what do you want to say you have achieved and done, and then what route do you need to go down for that? I don't know anyone that's gone

travelling and regret it. I really don't. I've never met anyone that's gone traveling and said like what a waste of fucking time and money that was. Most people say it was the most incredible time of their life. And yeah, you never know. You could go traveling and find somewhere you love out there and move abroad, move to Australia, buy a house somewhere else, you know, two in one there. But yeah, I just think, don't let anyone pressure you into buying a house because, you know, maybe your family are telling you that that's responsible. Don't let anybody make your decisions for you because you will only resent them later in your life.

This is your life, this is your life, to make your decisions, you're at an incredible age, and yeah, it's all up to you. And I encourage you to do what makes you feel alive, because that's what life's about. You never know what's around the corner. So yeah, do what makes you feel alive, babe. Alright guys, wow, there were some great dilemmas Really like quite random one at the end. I love that. I love that from us Okay guys If you have a dilemma send it in to learontheline.com or learontheline.gmail.com if you want to attach some pics

If I have answered your dilemma previously, please the least you could do is send me an update. But please, I love getting updates. Honestly, nothing makes me happier than seeing an update. Say please please please. Please please please. Can I say something? I think the wanna try out some freaky positions. Have you ever tried this one one doing a new sex position every night on tour is weird guys I'm gonna say I think it's a bit weird and you know me I'm not taboo like let's talk about cock balls pussy like I don't find shit cringy taboo like I have no filter no boundaries but yeah there's just something about it that I just think

what are we doing? Like I'm pretty sure a lot of her audience are children too which is kind of crazy but yeah listen I've just got to put myself out there and say it. I kind of think it's weird. I'm so sorry to any of the big big big fans that I've upset. I love her and I think she's sexy as fuck and I to be honest every time I see a position come up on my TikTok I'll watch it and I I do think fuck she's fucking sexy she's so fucking sexy but yeah then there is a small part of me that thinks is this weird is this kind of weird like would miss Ariana Grande do it? I don't think so. Maybe, maybe Positions Ariana Grande would. But not Ms. Galinda Ariana Grande.

And if Ariana wouldn't do it, I wouldn't do it. Okay guys, I'm just gonna shut the fuck up. Let's wrap up the episode. Please stay for the outro. Okay, you guys. Ooh, my voice cracked then, like I'm a boy hitting pubie. Guys, listen. You know I'm a big Morgan Jay fan, and I put my sweat, blood and tears into getting tickets for his one of two London shows. He then went ahead and released third for tour dates in Bristol! And I thought, fuck, someone sent me!

And you wanna come to Bristol now, yeah? And you wanna sell even cheaper tickets at Bristol, do you? Thanks a lot. So to anyone that got tickets for Bristol, you've won, Jane. Enjoy the money. I hope it makes you very happy. No, I'm excited. I'm grateful to have tickets anyway. I'm really looking forward to that. It's going to be so fun. I feel like I've got quite a nice few things to look forward

to. I'm one of them people. I've got nothing to look forward to. I'm not getting up. I'm not getting out of bed. I find it so hard. I really always need something to look forward to, whether that's a gig, need something to look forward to whether that's a gig, whether that's an event, whether that's my auntie coming down from London for a weekend. I need something to look forward to or I really find it hard. I just struggle. If you're like me you'll understand but yeah I feel like I'm really looking forward to some stuff. My sister's 30th is coming up and although she's going away with her boyfriend for it, we're going out for a meal. But what I'm looking forward to is, she won't listen to this, if you are, for some fucking odd reason, because you don't listen to my podcast anyway because you're a stupid bitch. Click off now. Basically it's her 30th so I'm doing 30 presents for 30 and I know she's

always wanted that. Like she's always wanted that and she, she's an Aquarius but she absolutely loves her birthday. Like she's one of the people that she'd be like, it's my birthday soon in fucking July and it's in January. we're like mine's literally next month but yeah who gives a shit about me? Hey So I'm looking forward to that. I have Morgan J then we have no we have Jamie's birthday before Morgan J We have Jamie's birthday Morgan J And then I'm going away with my family for the first time in years like all of us My oldest nephew has come in. So so yeah I'm really looking forward to some stuff next year. We are gonna get vision boarding this year girlies okay.

I was gonna say I should do a TikTok making my vision board but you guys know how I feel about the evil eye. It's real you guys. But basically I struggle with vision boarding because sometimes like, I'm like, oh yeah I ticked off quite a lot this year and then sometimes I'm like, well literally none of that fucking happened. So, but my sister, she makes vision boards and they all, it's like tick tick tick fucking tick, like everything comes true. And what she does is she prints things out and puts them on like a pin board. So I feel like I'm going to try that method this year because I normally, um, I make like

a virtual one. Like I do it on an app, on a photo app. And then I would set it as my screensaver, but that wasn't too effective. So then last year I bought these books from Amazon that were like vision board pictures and I just cut out the ones that I wanted and stuck them all to a canvas and put it in the inside of my wardrobe so I wasn't really looking at it every day but I also heard that you should protect your vision board from other people's energy like you shouldn't people shouldn't look at it so that's why I hid it in there but then not quite a bit

but not loads of that has been ticked off so I Need an effective vision board method if you guys have experience with Something that's really manifested itself. Please. Let me know what you did and and if it worked so Yeah, we're gonna get vision board and so let's get thinking about it already guys It's never too early to start manifesting the year ahead. All right. I love you Thank you so much for listening to this entire episode if you're still here I'm so grateful I appreciate you so so much and I hope you all have an amazing week I'll speak to you on Tuesday for a brand new episode. Alright I love you, yeah I'm in the house the most? Howl it dope! More festive, less frantic. Get deals for every occasion with DoorDash.

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