Leah on the Line - 17: What are they key ingredients to a long lasting relationship?

Episode Date: May 9, 2022

Hey stunners! Welcome back to a new episode of Leah on the Line. A special hello to my new listeners... I really hope you stick around, I love you! Today we touched on some really great dilemmas. From not being happy in your job to how to walk away from a trauma bond. I really hope you enjoy this episode an as always send in any thoughts/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, hi everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Leah on the Line. How's things? I feel like I was really quiet then. Was that really quiet at the beginning? Sorry if it was. How's things? What's new? A lot is new for me. I'm at my mum's at the moment. I have been really busy spending time with the kids, my sister's kids. Not my kids. I don't have any kids that you guys don't know about. Don't worry.

I don't have secrets from you. I've been to the cinema the other week. I watched the, what's it called? It's the new Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum film. Oh, Channing Tatum film but I'm not gonna lie guys it's kind of shit it's actually a bit of a shit film it was really weird like it was called what was it called oh my god that's so annoying but basically a new Channing and Channing and Tatum Channing Tatum and Sandra Bullock film which two of my favorite actors slash actress um and yeah it was really

strange like it was very it was like a weird adventure book like it was really really not my up my street but Channing Tatum was in it which means I watched it till the end and you know I actually think he's a really good actor he has he's very funny oh my god 21 jumpsuit was my favorite film when I was a kid I absolutely loved that film did anybody else used to love it I was literally obsessed um but apart from that yeah I went to Glastonbury I've been spending some time with um my sister with my best friend who is from my my hometown so it's really nice that I've been getting to hang out with her I went on a night out on Saturday guys I actually had a really good time that's really fun so it's really nice that i've been getting to hang out with her i went on a night out on saturday guys actually had a really good time so that's really fun um it's just me and my friend

but then we met up with my sister and a load of random people that she met my sister's one of the people that will just like pick people up at bars and just like become best friends with you and i'm the kind of person that will just like keep my head down i did meet one of you guys on saturday night though so hey babe shout out to you babe. And yeah, I was going to tell you something. Oh yeah, I was in Glastonbury. I've got some new crystals. I'm looking at them right now. I charged them last night. If you're not spiritual, you probably listen to people like me and think you're off your fucking rocker. But trust me, you're the one missing out, babe. You are missing out on the life you could be living. You are in control of your life and you don't realize that it is really that simple um so yeah i bought

a couple of crystals i can't remember what one of them's called but i got a eucalypt is that how you say it which is for like emotional balance and then i got a rose quartz which is for like self love and healing and then i can't remember what the other one's called but it's like gold and it's for like abundance and success basically so all areas of my life should be thriving any minute now I've also been doing a bit manifesting I've been doing the pillow technique if anybody knows I'm just really I just really want a happy positive life and I feel like I'm only in April wait we're in May are we in May what month is it yeah we are 9th of May today well it'll be the 10th if you listen to this tomorrow when it comes out but yeah like it's only May and things aren't going well for me and I'm ready for them to start

going well but they are now because I'm taking control baby and I'm gonna have an amazing year whether I don't know whether you like it or not why would you guys not like it we're best friends you want me to have a good year I want you guys to all have a good year um but yeah if anybody's listening to this and you're thinking what's the pillow technique so I just said I've been manifesting using the pillow technique I found it on TikTok and apparently it's like really really really effective so I'll tell you about it right basically you write what you want Okay. You write something you want on a piece of paper as if you already have it. So like an affirmation, like gratitude vibe. So for example, like I am so

grateful to have my dream job. Right. And you'd write it down on a piece of paper. Red ink apparently is better, but whatever, whatever you've got. And then you sleep with it under your pillow. That's literally it. And apparently it's like one of the most powerful manifestation techniques. So, you know, what have you got to lose, you know? But you have to really believe it. Like it's not just one of those things you can just write down and then just like be like, we'll see.

Like you have to really genuinely be in tune and believe it and I've been doing a bit of um meditating recently I meditated last night I've been journaling I'm really getting in touch with my um inner self which I need it I've really neglected myself spiritually and emotionally for way too long girl um I'm here for some self-love and some self-healing so that's that's the journey I'm on. I'll get a bit more personal in the bonus episode on Friday, but this week is just a normal Tuesday out there all about you and you, my babes. How was your weekend? Did you go out? Did you stay in? Are you still recovering from a hangover? Has anyone ever had those hangovers where they literally last like two days? because i have but not not today like i'm absolutely fine but um who is that that's sorry someone just popped

off on my phone i'm very confused but anyway all right let's get into the weekly debate i really like this week's weekly debate it is what do you believe are the key ingredients to a long-lasting relationship? Okay, so I was expecting you to all say the same thing and having a little look now, you are. So this is nice. We all know what we want from people, which is healthy and fantastic. Okay, let's have a look what you guys are looking for. It says, trust being yourself and laughter. Trust, communication and laughter. Strong communication. Oh, this babe says no same gender friends. Interesting. So you're like, the key to a good relationship, no fucking girlfriends. Okay. You're not being friends with girls. All right. Interesting. Do not do something that you wouldn't want your partner doing okay i live by

this like if i'm out right and i'm just like for example say a guy came over to me and was just like chatting to me and i could feel that it was purely friendly like i know sometimes you are just being a bit like naive do you know what i mean sometimes a guy just does pretend it's friendly when he knows what he wants and sometimes you know that but let's take for example it was just purely friendly and then he was like can I get you a drink by the way like I'd really like to get to know you that's when I'd go okay how would I feel if I was with someone and they did this to me and then I act accordingly so I think that's a really good point. Like whenever you're in a situation where you're feeling like, oh, this could be slightly wrong. I think, how would I feel if

my partner did this and then act accordingly? I think it's a really good rule to live by and hopefully they do the same for you. I feel like guys don't have that fucking brain capacity though, do they? I think the lad needs to love the girl more okay I saw two people saying this and I've I've touched on this briefly and I actually do kind of agree I do believe a relationship works better if the guy is more into the girl but then it's also a bit fucked do you know what I mean because like realistically it should be equal but is it ever equal for like one person might be a little bit more um and if that is the case if there has to be one person more into it than the other i think ideally the girl is the

guy sorry is more into the girl would you guys agree i don't know about that it's a controversial thing to say but you know that's what this podcast is. It's all opinion. I want, I want to piss people off sometimes because that's what creates the, the, uh, debate. That's what this is. Do you know what I mean? I don't want to piss anyone off. I love you so much, but you know what I mean? Um, trust and honesty, a hundred percent. If you aren't honest, fuck off. Like lies. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. If somebody lied to me, lies no no no no no no no no if somebody lied to me i'm never trusting you again okay it's dramatic but i think honestly it's huge it's huge okay um understanding one another for sure good sex helps oh my god one thousand percent one thousand percent agree um somebody says trust trust trust if you've got trust trust and can get through slash work on

anything else okay definitely need trust but i don't know if it means you can work on everything else you know like i believe i know what you're saying but you're saying if you've got trust then you can get through anything and i don't believe that I think trust is huge you need trust without a doubt but if there's other areas that are struggling trust isn't gonna be the fixer of all you know does that make sense um communication and flexibility you're not always going to be the same person um making an effort and flirting. That is so true. Keep spicing shit up, somebody says. Learning each other's love language. Now, this is so huge for me because I was actually talking about this with my mum, right? Take an example.

So my love language is quality time, equally with physical touch, I'd say. is quality time um equally with physical touch I'd say but say I was dating a guy who isn't very touchy-feely um and his love language is um what's it called what's it called acts of service acts of service okay so I'm dating guy his is acts of service mine's physical touch quality time I've just come home from work, no, sorry, start again, let's set the scene, we live together, he's come home from work after a long day, he's looked out in the garden, he's thought, Jesus Christ, that garden looks shit, that grass needs a real cut, he's gone, oh, let me get the lawnmower out, mow the grass, Lear will love that, he's mowing the grass the grass yeah i get in um he's just sat down

sweating from mowing probably got no top on probably really sexy and i've got and i'm like hi and he's like you're right babe and he hasn't even got up to give me a kiss and i'm like oh okay and then i go out into the kitchen put the kettle on I'm gonna make myself a cup of tea and he's like um did you not see I've mown the grass I'm like yeah but you didn't even kiss me when you walked in the door when I walked in the door I mean you didn't say you didn't say hi baby love you love you babe like it was just hey did you see I cut the grass and he'll be like I thought you would love that. I thought that would really make your day better. And I'm like, I don't care what you do to the grass.

I care about planting a big kiss on these lips, these big juicy lips. Right. I'm getting a bit too into character there. But do you see what I mean? Do you see how it's so important? Because we are just not talking the same language here. He thinks he's done something that's going to really cheer me up. Bless him. His intentions are so pure but really i'm like yeah i love that babe i'm sure the grass is really happy but what's that what's that got to do with me whereas my mum would be like oh my god i love him he just makes my life so easy he really just wants to do what he can to make make all the weight on my shoulders that little bit. And that is why love languages is important because you can just really not be communicating right, you know? Love that. Great

point from you. Having them as your best friend, love it. You've got to be best friends with your boy, always. It makes it so nice. Compromise. I cannot stress this enough right you've got to meet in the middle sometimes like let's let's put an example out there babe I really I really want to um start going out start going out for dinners at the moment like I just really want to start going out for dinners and boyfriend's like yeah I get it but I'm I more like, I want to go and do fun dates. Like, I want to go out and go trampoline park, babe. Fucking grow up. I'm joking. I want to go out to a trampoline park.

You're like, okay, well, why don't we go for dinner next week? And then the week after, we'll go on Bouncy Castle. Keep me happy. What is my boyfriend, why is why am i going on a bouncy castle but do you know what i mean do you know this is the example otherwise like poor balance in a relationship go i ain't going on a fucking trampoline what am i 10 no babes that's not no i don't want to do that or he's like i don't want to go for dinner it's boring it's a waste of money i'd'd rather cook. Where's the compromise? Yeah. Okay. Terrible example.

Terrible example. Communication is key. Oh my God. It's huge. It is huge. Okay. If I've got an issue, I'm telling you babes. And if you've got an issue, you've got to tell me. Nothing worse than when you're with somebody and there's an issue and they don't say anything. And then like a month later, it comes up and you're like, why did you not just bring this up then? And does this explain why you've been so fucking miserable the last week? Yeah? Do you know what I mean? It's just like causes tension. But then I do get this. It's hard for some people to communicate, but that is something they have to get over and they have to work on to hold a healthy long-term relationship somebody says banter I agree I do agree but then I suppose it depends on you as people because for me I want to have fun with someone I want to belly laugh with you like I

literally want to belly laugh with my boyfriend and if I don't oh my god I couldn't I just couldn't um make each other feel appreciated for the things that they do, for sure. Let's take the grass cutting moment. Honestly, babe. Honestly, I love it so much that you cut that grass for me. I really love it. That's so lovely of you. Thank you. Because, I mean, let's put it this way. I've never cut in the grass. No, that's not for me. But thank you, babe. I really love that. Thank you am i using cutting grass as a as an example somebody says as bad as it is great sex i'm sorry but if i'm faking it i'm leaving you love you and the pod love you too i don't think that's bad at all like why would you fake sex with i mean fake

good sex with your boyfriend if anything like that's not selfish of you to to say that because you know they deserve to be with somebody that is satisfied and is satisfying them vice versa and like you know if you're not compatible sexually then yeah it's a huge factor especially for me it makes i think it takes a relationship from a friendship to like a romantic relationship um open and honest we can talk about anything and be mature about it never been happier oh i love that for you um yeah exactly you need to be able to sit down and have an open honest conversation somebody says frequent sex and planning for the future right so for you it's important that you you're sat there together making these plans to to settle down and you're on the same page and you want the

same things I get that I love that um oh my god somebody says me and my boyfriend sit down every few months and speak about anything bothering us we've been together five years now oh my god I think that's really nice every few months god is there something bothering you every few months oh god that stressed me right out but I love that sounds healthy I love it a lot I'm happy for you um do not do something that oh we've we've done this this is similar about like um don't do something that you you wouldn't be okay with them doing being on the same page as each other and wanting the same thing from the relationship so important actually it reminds me of did you guys watch made in made in Chelsea oh

my god that's on tonight who's excited me um did you guys watch Married at First Sight Australia because they did this really cool thing where um they wrote like the five qualities in a relationship and you have to they both had to order them in priority where I think they were like um I think it was like a good job good sex wants kids I can't remember what they were but yeah and and then you have to like order them in priority and what you want from somebody and it was really interesting because like I never thought about it but you could be so compatible with somebody in terms of like how well you get on and you could have amazing sex and have a great time and really understand and respect each other but they could be like my number one priority in a relationship is that they want children and you could be like my number one priority is that

they've got a good job and that could be at the bottom of his so yeah I totally get what you're saying really lush um weekly debate god you can see that I'm I've been in yoga for too long I just said really lush I was gonna say really lovely but i chose lush last minute i don't even know how i feel about that lush anyway lush weekly debate no do you know why i like it because it's really sweet and it's nice and you guys are it's a bit more positive than the usual like would you take your boyfriend back if he cheated on you do you know what i mean it's a bit nicer like what what what are the happy things going on in our lives i should do more positive weekly debates um sorry if my sound i haven't actually mentioned this sorry if my sound is terrible um and it

sounds like this all the time like i'm moving the mic around it's because i am um obviously being at home i don't have all the equipment that I was using back in my London flat so I'm winging it the quality isn't going to be as as good it's not it's not there quality wise it's not as HD as as they usually are um but it is what it is there's no way I'm gonna stop uploading the podcast it's just unfortunately they're probably gonna have to drop in quality but but I am really, really sorry about that. And I hope you guys don't mind. I love you. Okay. Let's get into some dilemmas. So, oh my God. Oh, that was so scary. That was so scary. Oh my God. I've just

got the weirdest email from somebody. I can't even read that out loud, but that's actually kind of scary. Oh my God. What the fuck? That's really annoying for you guys to listen to because I can't even tell you what it says. Okay, let's just get into the first dilemma. So it says, in need of advice from an outside perspective. Okay, let's get into it. It's a bit of a long one, so get comfy girls. Hey gal, I'm a new listener and listen to numerous of your podcasts and i truly and i love truly honest hey it says and i love truly honest you are oh i'm sure she means how how honest you are with your audience oh i love you so much um so for i'd email in my dilemma why am i struggling to read sorry in advance if it doesn't make sense i'm

dyslexic as fuck oh okay i love that i'm dyslexic as fuck and not great at explaining things step by step okay that's fine i'm i'm terrible at reading so us two together not gonna make a great match for reading out a dilemma but we're gonna give it a go all right so me and my boyfriend have been dating since the start of december and honestly he's the best boyfriend ever that. We met at uni and had a few mishaps before we started dating, but tried to forget it as we weren't fully dating. Okay, what do you mean though? What do you mean by mishaps? But okay, okay. The little backstory is that he's from a different country and he's only in his first year of uni and has two ex-girlfriends. We'll get to that later. So recently, I had this weird gut feeling

that women always have to look on his phone to find that he had been messaging numerous girls during the first month of our relationship. So I clearly told him when he got back and we had a huge argument about it. I forgave some, but there's one in particular that really bugs me and obviously is fucked with my confidence whilst he was home over christmas i didn't get to see him for three weeks during that time i found messages with this girl that goes to our uni that on new year's he replied to her story with well hello there oh my god i've got a chat okay guys we've got some some screenshots right she replied how's your new year been kiss kiss he goes good didn't get a new year's kiss though sad face what about you kiss kiss her ha ha ha my new year's kiss was a champagne bottle

x uh shame could have sorted that not go out last evening then oh my god she make I mean that is I mean get the fuck away like what the fuck that's disgusting okay she says I have video proof that's why I have direct quotes this was when I was sitting at home myself over new years waiting on a call from him saying a happy new year and that I was going to visit him back over at his at his in five days and meet his family for the first time what a oh i nearly said the c word and i forgot i didn't say that on here so this all happened and i agreed to stay with him after stupid i know but i truly believed we were so right together how can you believe you're right for somebody like how can you believe if somebody treats you like this that he is right

for you like this boy is before i even get to any further into this dilemma somebody treats you like this that he is right for you like this boy is before i even get to any further into this dilemma somebody treats you like that he is not right for you okay continuing on when i got over i found a message at that time with another girl at our uni that he was having a bit of chit chat with the first night i got there and wanted to leave and get a flight back the next day but he reassured me at the time that it didn't mean anything oh for fuck he just cannot control himself can he um this was another girl who he said before tried to talk to him and he has said to me before in the gym that she's lifting heavier than you like yes i can clearly fucking see that you don't need to comment on that what the fuck so he blocked this girl after i found out which was fine until we had a burnt night out

Scottish thing. And we went to the club after and this girl thought she had the right to come up to my boyfriend and say, fuck you. So something tells me that it was more than just chit chat over messages. Okay. I'm telling you now, girls don't behave like that for nothing. Okay. Girls do not behave like that if they are not hurt. a month later I found out that he's still liking his ex's pictures on Instagram oh my god am I wrong in thinking this is wrong as well am I being too much of a chill girlfriend my ex used to manipulate me and twist everything back on me and am I doing this in this new relationship and having him disrespect and walk all over me any help would be much appreciated and love your podcast love you so much and i'm here for you i never do this i never ever do this

do i you guys will back me up but i'm doing it this time you better fucking leave him i never tell you to leave i never tell you what to do but i'm telling you now he is a piece of actual shit and we're leaving him okay that relationship is not even a close representation of of a real loving relationship that is bullshit that is just complete manipulation and fucking narcissism and emotional damage that we are going to walk away from okay so i i honestly have nothing to say besides you could write down on a piece of paper all the all the things all the reasons we have to leave the relationship okay let's write them down he lives far away not good not ideal it's not a deal breaker but we're gonna add it to the negative list for this time. Okay. Next one is, um, wait, let me go back to the beginning. Next one is he was messaging numerous girls. Oh wait, sorry. First one, you had mishaps before you were even together.

Next reason is he was messaging numerous girls during the first month of your relationship. Next one is he was messaging that girl on New year's eve saying he could have given a new year's kiss next one is that he was messaging a girl when you were there and then the next one is he was digging you out of the gym and the next one is that a girl come up to him in a bar so there is a story that we do not know about okay and the next one is he likes his ex's instagrams um instagram photos okay that's what six or seven reasons and i want you to write down reasons why you would stay in that relationship okay oh because i love him so what you can love somebody else oh because he's funny so what there's those are funny boys oh because he's attractive so what there's those are fit boys

okay honestly sorry to be brutal but you deserve way better than that that is disgusting behavior am i being too much of a chill girlfriend chill is is not the word just like he is being it's not you okay it's not that you're being too much of a chill girlfriend he is just being too much of a massive prick and we're not we're not doing that darling no no see you later babe you cannot do that to me again you cannot do this to me anymore i'm out of here i'm gonna go and find somebody that treats me well makes me feel good doesn't make me insecure doesn't entertain other women and good fucking riddance is what i say i know all the listeners will be with me on that there is absolutely no way you can convince me that that relationship is what you're worthy of because it's bullshit.

He sounds like a prick. So, love you. You deserve better. Okay, moving on. Sorry to be so brutal. That's literally probably the last thing you wanted to hear, but I don't know what else to say, darling. I really don't. Okay, next dilemma.

Hey, Leah. I love listening to your podcast at work. My dilemma is I feel very bored with my job. I've only been there since last October, but it's just not fulfilling my creativity. I see my boyfriend work in his dream job and loving every single day and I just cannot relate. Although I do love the company and people I work with, is it worth sticking it out for longer or start applying for something else? Okay, I genuinely believe, and I've said this quite a lot I think towards the beginning of these episodes that your work should never be having a negative impact on

your life and I understand like oh what can be stressful and that is obviously normal like obviously sometimes it's going to be it's going to make you feel negative and it's going to go up and down but if it's just purely not fulfilling you and it's constant it's a constant feeling there are jobs out there where it is not going to feel like that constantly so it's tough because obviously you said like you love the company and you love the people you work with and for a lot of people like that is what they look for in their job like as long as they're happy and they feel respected and they have friends that they enjoy being around that you know that's what's important to them but for a lot of other people it's like I want to be thriving like I'm not here to make friends

I'm here to go to the top of the company so um yeah I totally get why you'd be tempted to stay but I just think um I would I would see what else is out there I would get applying for jobs um and then you know hopefully you'll get a couple of interviews and you can go to the go to these interviews and you probably will just get this feeling of like oh my god there is so much better out there and you can stay in contact with all the friends that you've made at this job like you'll never have to lose them do you know what I mean so yeah I think um you you you're bored and do you want to be bored with your job I think you should um chase happiness and and that feeling of just like being alive you know so I think have a look what else is out there and don't stress about it like you haven't got to do anything yet like

you can stay at this job for another year if you want you know you're so young you've got your whole life ahead of you don't worry about it at all I would just have a look what else is out there go to some job interviews and then you might get an offer and you might be like oh my god this is everything like I love the I love the manager I love the line of work I love the daily tasks they're going to make me really creative and really come to life in the office or wherever it is. And yeah, I wouldn't stress about it at all. I think just like take a day at a time, have a look what else is out there. Don't put too much stress on yourself. And you know, whatever's meant for you will never pass

you by. The universe is working in magical, wonderful ways. And you got this and I love you. you got this and I love you. Okay. Next one. This is called Sticky X Situation. Okay. It says, hey Leah, my name, oh, I'm not going to say your name just to protect you. I'm 19 and I'm from Perth, Australia and I love your podcast. Hehe, you can make up a name. Okay. Well, that's too late. I ruined it. I should have read this before, but she's from Perth. Oh my gosh. Okay. I'm going to read it in Australian accent because I've been watching so much Married at First Light Australia. I feel like I really got in the bag. Okay. Who's ready? Okay. I thought I'd send an email about my little sticky situation at the moment. Let's call him Bill. Oh, I missed the word ex, ex situation. Let's call him Bill. So I've been

dating Bill on and off for about two years now. We were each other's everything. I feel as though this time we've broken up for good because he said he fell out of love with me. But if I'm being honest, our relationship was crazy toxic on both sides. We had very amazing highs and the lowest of lows. We were each other's first for basically everything. Am I doing all right with my accent? It's really not great. I need to warm it up a bit. Hopefully I'll get into it more. I'll get into it. But anyway. So long story short, I had a plan in my head to cut off contact this time because we already crawled back to each other for many different reasons. But ultimately there's too much negative

history, lack of trust, et cetera. So I don't think I could ever get back together with him. Even if he or myself wanted to part of me would in a heartbeat but it could never be the same I'm not even really taking this in no I am I am I totally get it I'm gonna read it in my normal accent now because it's probably actually quite offensive how bad my Australian accent is okay I just need to be alone to work on being by myself because I haven't been alone for so long and I tend to get very codependent so just when I think we can finally go our separate ways the contact starts again and when I say contact I mean calling every day if not most days going over to each other's houses cuddling having sex flirting couple things like holding hands he will even call me if

I'm out to see if I'm okay take me to doctor's appointments pick me up from work etc I think you get the idea usually that leads to us getting back together again but it's been almost three months of this now Bill has mentioned that he's not wanting to be in a relationship sexually or romantically with anyone else but there are so many complications when we're together so we agreed to be friends with benefits he gets insanely jealous when he thinks another guy could be talking to me and he doesn't want to have contact with me even if I talking to me and he doesn't want to have contact with me. Even if I am, wait, oh sorry, he doesn't want to have contact with me if I am even friends with another guy.

But he's been friends with another girl or girls and as far as I've known it's platonic. He's never really been able to make friends with other males since high school. He's 22. He's only had a few and he has fallouts with every male. So he's always been friends with girls. Most of them end up liking him and he friend zones them i do care about him from the bottom of my heart but i feel as though i can't really move on and potentially find a new partner if we're still in contact but i know it might seem easy to say just leave but he is my best friend and the person i go to for everything when we aren't together we get along really well it's like neither of us is

ready to let go but we don't want to be together either i guess that's's a very brief version, but my question is, what is an appropriate way to cut off contact that isn't hurtful? When do I cut off contact? Do I wean myself off him or do I go cold turkey? When is an appropriate time to get into another relationship after being in such a serious one? And overall breakup advice, love you and I hope you have a great day. I love you and I hope you have an amazing day.

So I will just quickly jump on this while it whilst it's in my head but you said um what's an appropriate way to cut off contact that isn't hurtful I don't think I don't think it exists I think cutting off contact with somebody that you love and have been in a situation with for a long time it hurts it fucking hurts no matter when you do it no matter how you do it no matter how quickly how slow how long you weigh you know I think it hurts that no matter when or how you do it um but also you said that like he struggles have friends like keep keep guy friends and he falls out with guys and stuff but I don't know about you Australian guys but I feel like guys don't really fall out with each other so I feel like he might be a little bit of an issue. But to be honest, if you actually think about it, like when do you really hear about

guys falling out with each other? It's very rare. So if that's to be a frequent thing that he does, like what is it that people just don't like about him? So that's a red flag for me, for sure. My overall opinion on it, because obviously this is just my opinion is like you said it's toxic you said that yourself and I think the longer you stay in the situation the longer you're being held back from your true worth um and being with your soulmate and if you believe in that but I like to or at least just somebody that that isn't isn't you know a roller coaster of emotions like just to be with somebody that feels steady and feels safe the longer you you give your time to him the longer you're starving yourself of that reality with somebody else um and I think

that's sad because you deserve to feel loved and happy and content with somebody and I think this could be maybe a trauma bond if you guys don't know what trauma bond is it's basically the idea that like it's like the push-pull thing you know in a relationship when you have those toxic relationships with the push-pull where they push and they and they love bomb you or they just love you and they give you everything and then they pull and they pull back and then you chase and you're like give me that love again give me that love again and the trauma bond is basically that you're bonded from that pattern and that vicious cycle of just like hot and cold push and pull up and down and it's so exhausting but you

are addicted to it um and it sounds a bit like it could be a bit of that. You know, like the, you said that you've been on and off for about two years. You were each other's everything. And wait, we're missing a major thing here. He said he fell out of love with you. And in the words of Matthew Hussey, why would you want to be with somebody that doesn't want to be with you like if somebody's fallen out of love with you that is you know that is an absolute green flag to get out of there green flag green light green light green light green light or green flag either way to just get out of there you know you deserve somebody that loves you end of it's literally so simple you deserve someone that loves you um and of. It's literally so simple. You deserve someone that loves you.

And why would you want to spend any more time with somebody that doesn't? You know? I think he's holding you back. And I think, you know, the universe could be trying to pull you away from him so that you can have all these amazing things. And I feel like when you do, all these good things will come to you and they will happen for you but it is such a vicious cycle I know how hard it is to get out of something like that but when you are out you are out and there is no going back like once you have got to that detached mode you are out there and you are free and you are safe and you are you again and you exist without this person because I know what it feels like when you're in the cycle it's like you don't exist without them

you don't exist without this this pattern and this cycle and this lifestyle and this like this trauma of of like I'm addicted to you and when you when you detach and you are out you are going to exist all on your own again and you're going to make decisions all based on you and yourself and what you want and your life will revolve around you and I really want that for you um but you know you're an Australian girl which means you're already 10 times sexier than me because Australian girls are just the dream they're amazing and I love you and sorry if I've offended you with my Australian accent. It's actually quite bad. I actually thought I was

better at it than this. Why was that so hard to say? But apparently not. And I love you. And I'm really sorry that this guy has been doing this to you. Fuck him. It's a reflection of him and not you. You are bigger and better than him and fuck him okay i love you say bye sorry to any australians listening to me right now you're probably so offended when i lived in america oh my god when i lived in america i was there for four weeks but when i moved to america for four weeks um i was by the way if anyone's just hearing that for the first time i was supposed to live there for longer but covid happened happened. I was there for a job, a cruise ship job. Anyway, anyway, anyway. Yeah, when I was there, all the Americans used to do like that. Hello, I'm from England. I'm British. I live in London

with the Queen. They used to always do that. And I was just like, it's just not funny. So now I get how like Australians must feel. And I'm like, oh, good day, mate. How are you going? How are you going? Hello hello my chickens shiny groom into you welcome back to my channel so in today's video I'm going to be showing you how I created this look right here oh god I'm so annoying but yeah it's annoying I know it's so annoying so I apologize but okay next girl I need your help okay now we're doing American are we no I've heard you say a few times in the podcast how you had a low self-esteem when you were single and that you like speaking to boys to feel that my issue is that I've just

come out of a seven-year relationship I'm 23 and I've signed up to hinge and tinder because I've lost myself because I cannot be on my own I hate my own company and I love the attention I get from boys and then she's a bit awful to say how the fuck do I get my self-esteem up it was oh as it's so low and I feel like I rely on men also I was meant to meet someone today who I matched with on tinder and he ghosted me so I'm feeling shitty right now okay babe that second part of the message is exactly why this is just not good for us so I'm definitely out of that like I'm definitely for the first time in my life never going to be that girl again do you know what I mean but trust me I've been there like when I was single and I all I wanted to do was talk to another boy and when they didn't want me I'd need to

instantly replace him with another boy and I don't mean sexually I just meant like I needed a text every day I needed somebody somebody to obsess over me because I'm a fucking narcissist and I'm not a narcissist, but I'm just very low self-esteem. So like you said, you were meant to meet someone today and he ghosted you,

so you're feeling really shit. So this is exactly why it's such a damaging trait to have. And I can 100% understand because I've been there. But when your validation comes from men example like this where he's he's stitched you up and he's not met you and then all of a sudden you feel like your self-worth is zero and nobody fancies you and nobody wants to take you out and everything is shit and you're shit and everyone's shit just because this one boy ghosted you and you think that your self-esteem is dependent on what

men think of you and it's not it's not true i mean your self-worth sorry not self-esteem you think your self-worth is dependent on what men think of you and it's not like your self-worth is a hundred out of a hundred but we you need to believe that so we are cutting off contact from men for a little bit we're going cold turkey all right that's what we're gonna do we are gonna work on ourselves whether it be getting the steps in daily eating food that make foods that make us feel good inside going out with friends that make you feel good and make you laugh so that you you glow from within or I don't even know like anything that makes you feel good in your day-to-day life is what's going to help you look in the mirror and see good if you're doing things that like behaviors that are damaging

when you look in the mirror you're not going to like that person and you know it's it's obviously so nice when men give you attention and they make you feel good about yourself um and you know it's it's obviously so nice when men give you attention and they make you feel good about yourself um and you know everyone loves attention like you said i love the attention i get from boys it's awful to say it's not awful to say everyone loves male attention well unless it's unwanted fuck off to the men on the streets but like you know on tinder and stuff when people are oh my god you're absolute 10 i fancy the life out of you everyone loves that sort of attention when you want it but that is not the only that like that shouldn't be where your self-worth comes from so i would tell yourself i'm going to take some time out i'm going to work on myself i'm going to be the queen of my life i'm going to be the love of my life and um

you know that's going to make you a better partner to somebody when you are ready to do that and I feel like you'll know when um and you know you just come out of a seven-year relationship so do not do not be so hard on yourself like you don't know what you're doing right now you're winging it this is your first time being single in seven years and you're 23 I'm terrible at maths but basically you were very young when you got into this relationship so now you're 23 years old and you're trying to figure out who you are without that person and that that's a hard thing to do and I absolutely take my hat off to you um and I think the best way for you to figure that out is to cut off contact with with men for a bit um whether it

be a month or or a year like whatever is the right time frame for you to get to that point that you need to get to, to go, do you know what? I love myself and I deserve more and I'm worthy of more love. And you know, like if a guy wants to ghost you, it doesn't make you feel low. It just makes you feel like how fucking rude to waste my fucking time. That is so embarrassing. Imagine ghosting me. Yeah. That's, that's the end end goal like that's what we're going to get to eventually so yeah don't feel bad about it at all it's such a natural thing to feel I love getting attention from men and I used to be in such a toxic place where I was like I need male attention I need it otherwise I'm ugly and I'm I'm worthy of nothing and like fuck that like I'm so glad I don't feel like that anymore but I have felt like that um and you won't feel like that forever it's just a little moment that you're going through and

and you're so self-aware which is absolutely incredible I was not self-aware when I was feeling like you and I didn't really realize until I got into a relationship and I was like oh my god whenever I'm single I constantly need entertaining so yeah you're self-aware you're young and you have your whole life ahead of you and this this is just going to be a really good important journey for you to go on and I'm here for you every step of the way babe all right let's cut this episode here how was it did you guys enjoy what are you doing right now are you cleaning you in the bath? Are you getting ready? Are you walking to school, walking to work? Are you falling asleep? Wake up!

Sorry. That was so out of order. What are you doing now? I wish you could reply because I love thinking about what you guys do when you actually listen to me. Also, why? Why do you listen to me? Don't stop. I do love that you guys listen. I really, really love and appreciate you.

You are the most stable thing in my life right now do you know that that you guys are literally the reason i wake up out of bed because everything else is just falling to shit but it's fine it's fine don't worry about me i'll tell you about it on friday but yeah thank you guys so much for listening um i will probably do a bonus episode on friday I have an audition next week in London. It is for a pop show. I don't really know. It's a brand new show. It's not a musical. It's like, well, it's a musical show, but it's not, it's not like a musical show. Well, that made no sense. Basically, it's like a, it's like a concert vibe, I think, but it is a show, but it's like pop music. I don't really know, to be honest, what I'm auditioning for, but it sounds a show but it's like pop music I don't really know to be honest what I'm auditioning for but it sounds fun um and yeah that is on actually next Tuesday so I will need to pre-record

for next week because I'll be in London and also the recalls are the following day which is stress um I have something else coming up but I can't even think of what that is right now but anyway I will I'll chat to you all about on friday and we'll have a proper proper catch-up a proper um what's been going on in everybody's life kind of week head over to my instagram because i'm gonna have a um question box up on my story that is going to be very crucial to friday's episode so you don't want to miss it i'm probably not going to put up tomorrow i'll give you guys a few days to listen to this but just make sure if you're not already following at leahontheline on Instagram do it right now because I want you guys to be involved with all

the weekly debates all the dilemmas all the just Friday bonus episodes every week that's where it all happens babe and also if you don't know where to email your dilemmas it's leahontheline at gmail.com I wish it was like dilemmas or like leahontheline at dilemmas.com no dilemmas it's leah on the line at gmail.com i wish it was like dilemmas or like leah on the line at dilemmas.com no dilemmas at leah on the line.com that would be cool that would be really cool but i don't have that so forget it um and yeah i will see you guys next week no this week in a few days for a new episode um be good work hard and uh follow me on tiktok if you don't well for me just plugging myself left right and center i really want to get to 70k on tiktok i'm really really keen to get that show if you don't follow me on tiktok please do at leah levain l-o-u-v-a-i-n-e

all right everybody i will see you guys next week i mean in a few days for a new episode thank you so much for listening i love you