Leah on the Line - 23: Does someone's financial situation matter & how to thrive being single

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

Hey guys, welcome back to a brand new episode of Leah on the Line! This week we debated whether or not someone's financial situation matters. What are your thoughts? We also had some really great dilemmas today, thank you so much to the people that continue to write in and show me love and support. This podcast couldn't exist without you. As always send in your dilemmas/confessions to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side.

It's getting closer to midnight. I try to get closer to you. to you. Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Lear on the Line. Listen, I missed last week, but I'm missing today. No, absolutely not. This needs to go live in less than an hour. Actually, no, not less than an hour, hour and 20. But you know what? I will not let the team down this week, okay? I sound really ill, don't I? Do I? I don't know if you can hear it or not, but can hear it in my ears maybe it's because I'm ill my ears are fucked but my throat I feel like I've been deep throated for 15 hours straight um I haven't been okay I just have a sore throat kicking off on a filthy no aren't I how are you guys what's new happy Tuesday how you feeling how was your weekend what did you get up to? I have some exciting episodes

coming this week. Obviously we've got Tuesday and Friday as always but I'm going to do an Ix episode. I've already got all the Ix. I put the story up there. So funny. I had a read through today. So stay tuned. We've got three episodes coming this week babies. But apart from me being ill honestly what is new um i've just been taking it easy the last few days obviously the whole thing that's going on in my life at the moment i'm not supposed to um share yet not until it's all set in stone anyway um has just been keeping me real real fucking busy and yeah i'm just a single gal loving life at the moment um how are you guys my babes my single babes my taken babes my situationship babes my friends and benefits babes

how was your weekend send me a dm let me know what you got up to um I think I'm just gonna kick it off I think because my throat's killing me um and I don't know how much voice I've got left in me at this rate. I made a TikTok, right, saying, do you guys remember when you was in school and somebody would come in with no voice and they were like, oh, sorry, sir, my voice is gone. And I'd be like, oh, fuck off. Like, it's all fucking about you today, isn't it? Mr. Scent of Attention or Mr or mr center of attention because their fucking voice is gone yeah i'm not gonna get any attention today thanks to you and your fucking voice like

fuck off you should have stayed at home okay if you can't speak bullshit i just used to think everyone was lying i've never lost my voice to this day touch wood because i feel like it wouldn't be as fun now like when i was a teenager in school i kind of just wanted all the attention shock um but if it happened to me now i'd probably just be quite annoyed but like back in dear when i was in school and someone lost their voice i was like fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off and they'd get so much attention and it was just so annoying because i'd be like great now no one's gonna give me any attention and I need so much attention every day. I think it's because I'm a Leo, like let's be realistic. I just want to be

sent attention all the time. But then I was actually quite shy as well at the same time. I was like weird, but they do say the loudest person in the room is most insecure. Did you know that? So don't be fooled. Don't be fooled guys. Anyway, I'm going to get straight in. Oh no. Oh, the Aussie accent's out already somebody messaged me being like you need to go to Australia and see how many people you can convince that you're Australian and listen I think I could convince everyone I'm not even joking like I know there's Australians that listen to my podcast because fellow Aussies over the pond. No, that's not Australia. The pond. Isn't that America? I'm not entirely sure about that one. What are you? Down under. Down under? You're

literally on the other side of the world to me. Isn't that crazy? Like your time right now is totally different to me. Isn't that crazy? You're probably in darkness while I'm in daylight. Isn't that weird to you? Anyway, totally irrelevant. What is across the pond? Where is that? I swear that's America. Where is across the pond? It's's north america wait what the north atlantic ocean what are you talking about oh yeah it is america oh my god i'm so fucking smart i'm literally so intelligent i literally knew that did you guys hear me i literally got that right and i got a fucking u in geography i mean history wait why would why is history relevant to that? I didn't even do geography. I did history and I didn't get a U actually, I got a G. But anyway, let's get into the weekly debate. I feel like there should always be a song there. Like, baby I adore you and there just isn't. Let's get

into the weekly debate. Baby I adore you. Okay, welcome back um the weekly debate this week is does someone's financial situation matter to you and then in brackets i put in a ding scenario so i i'm not gonna lie i'm actually quite shocked i thought it was gonna be mixed i thought it was gonna be full of different opinions but most of you are saying yeah most of you are like yeah it fucking matters absolutely absolutely it matters um let's just go into it um yes listen to this this one actually comes with a bit of story so this girl says yes i got conned out of thousands because he lied spent it on the other woman i'm gonna need a full email with that story please girly i'm gonna need that one going to need a full email with that story, please, girly. I'm going to need that one to share with the listeners, share with the besties. Definitely, they need to

be smart with their money and save for the future. See, I am not, I feel like I disagree with that because I am one of those people that I'm like, you just spend your money on what makes you happy, babe. Like you will figure the future out when it gets there. Like, don't worry about it. That's how I live my life. And like, if I, if I'm with a guy and he's like, say I want to live the life, it's like, let's go on holiday. Not that I've fucking got that sort of money at the moment anyway, but say I was in a position, this is why I'm talking about compatibility guys, when it comes to finances. If I was in a position where i was in a relationship with someone and i was like let's go on a holiday and he's like no we need to be careful we're saving for a house i'll be like

fuck the house let's go to mexico like but that's me and like a lot of people would be like that's so irresponsible and dumb you're gonna have nothing when you're 30 and you're probably right but hey i'm gonna have beautiful memories i mean I'm not because I literally can't afford a holiday to Mexico either. Anyway, nothing about me. Next answer. Definitely, I'm financially driven myself, so I'd have to have someone the same. Okay, yeah, so it's kind of what I was saying. You have to be on the same financial page as somebody, how you see money. If I'm paying for everything and skinting myself then yes

okay totally get that totally get it um yes it's attractive when someone can handle their money i love you by the way girl oh my god i love you too not necessarily but if they earn more than if they earn more than they should pay for more things dates bills etc oh interesting i actually had a dilemma once i don't think I ever read it out because I'm personally not too sure what advice I would give but let me know what you guys think this this girl wrote to me once and was like my boyfriend earns like three times the amount of salary as me um but he wants to split the bills 50 50 and I don't think it's fair and I was a bit like I don't know how I feel like I literally don't know I don't know what's fair in that scenario so that's why I didn't pick the dilemma

but maybe I should talk to my mum about it I really want to get my mum on the podcast but I need another mic so one day and the guests will come back okay guys don't worry we're just we're just in a like a weird transitional period especially over the summer like I'm having my hot girl summer I'm being like fuck yeah I'll fucking figure my life out do you know what I mean don't don't you guys worry about me um anyway you literally know what's worried about me i don't know why i said that anyway uh back to the dilemma i mean debate um somebody says yes yes yes being supported financially is so important um i found so many men to be embarrassed if i earn more than them so yes it must matter really like a guy's like embarrassed if you're making more bag than them

interesting somebody says am i a bank i don't mind paying for some but not everything yeah for sure somebody just says yep um yes 100 my ex was skin even on weekly pay and it was draining um i don't think so it doesn't show how someone's personal oh it doesn't show someone's personality in drive okay i agree um not at all but obviously if they had the bailiffs or something at their door no thanks okay yeah i can totally relate i mean not relate totally understand i don't i'd have been this at my door okay guys um i wouldn't say financial situation as such as long as they had a good work ethic um yes my ex was five years older and used to gamble his

money on poker and it was so off-putting. Do more, save for future holidays slash life etc. makes such a difference. Yeah, but like what about the now holidays? Do you know what I mean? Yes, only because my ex relied on me so much for money. I don't want to pay for absolutely everything. If you pay for some things, we we're cool um no but someone having no ambition with money is a turnoff okay so this is where i want to bring another argument in because a lot of the responses are yes like do you not have any ambition like where's your work ethic but i will say sorry one sec sorry everybody anybody i'm back anybody i just said anybody I said anyway there's something wrong with me anyway Jesus Christ what I'm gonna say is a lot of people

think that it's like oh if you don't have a lot of money or if your income isn't high then you you're not very ambitious but how do you feel because take someone like me for example okay or just anybody in the entertainment industry this industry does not pay well and it's not consistent um and it's not stable so we are unlikely to ever be able to save a lot of money and have like the sort of stability of like a constant income like that unless you're also working your shitty part-time jobs that we fucking hate um because of how that industry works you know like you do your nine month contract in a show and then the show's over and you go back to the audition live go back

to your coffee shop grind in literally grind in coffee beans. And you you're financially shit again. And then you go back into a show like, but that's not because we aren't ambitious. If anything, it's because we're so ambitious that we choose a career that we are so passionate about and that light our soul on fire over financial stability. So and to a lot of people i totally get that's unattractive that's like no i can't i understand you love it but i need someone that's gonna save with me to buy a house so i totally get it this is this is why i'm debating i totally get it but i just want to also mention that it doesn't always mean you're not ambitious you know look at me i'm just getting a bit like guys i'm taking this very personally no No. Okay. My financial situation is okay. And it's okay. All right. Everything's going to be fine. Everyone relax.

Okay. Yeah. I'm living at home and I'm 25 next month. Yeah. But does that make, does that make me irresponsible? Um, I think it does actually. Yeah. Because I'm in this position because I, uh, I don't think, and I just go go I found a boy I'm gonna move in with him and everything's going to be fine and I did the same before I move in with my auntie and I go everything will be fine with absolutely no idea how um but you know what I just I'm just trying to love life okay but this is this is the thing I feel like there's? I just, I'm just trying to love life. Okay. But this is, this is the thing. I feel like there's somebody that's like, I'm willing to work a job that I don't particularly love as long as it brings me that financial stability. So I can do things I enjoy. I can

buy a house, I can start a family. Um, and I'm like, I'd literally rather just fucking just wing it and just figure it out but anyway i don't know why i'm making this debate all about me like i'm trying to justify my life right now um back to you guys um i don't want to be paying for everything when i know it won't get reciprocated happiness over anything okay i'm not too sure where we stand on that one are you on the fence there are you on the fence um depends how long we've been dating fair enough know if they're ambitious and have the same goals as me if they're intentionally a bum ick yeah i can agree like if they're just like nah i got no money got no ambition couldn't give a fuck i'll just stay at my mom's house till i'm 40 like no that's that isn't it i can agree with you it's unattractive if that is the mentality but if they're just like

you know i don't know maybe they're fresh out of uni or i don't know i don't fucking know okay i don't know guys jesus but um yeah all in all um oh, somebody says no, definitely not. That's nice. Okay, we've got some no's here. No, I feel as long as they're not being lazy and not just expecting everything handed to them, it shouldn't matter. If I can afford a holiday, but you can't, best believe I'm going without you. Not necessarily, but I'm attracted to ambition.

So if they have shit financial situation, because I can't see the second part I guess we'll never know guys um I honestly would struggle to be with someone that couldn't at least take me to Fernando's okay yeah like let's have a life do you know what I mean let's have a little bit of money to play with you know but you know what it is I think for me money has never been important to me like I think I've said this before like money has never been important to me. Like, I think I've said this before, like, money has never been a thing. Like, my family, where they're all working class, like, it is what it is, like, you just get by. So because it's never been like something that has had any significance in my life, I'm like, I've never strived for it. I've never felt like I need it in my life. Like,

my what's important to me is like my friendships what I can do every day feeling like I'm alive feeling like I'm happy to be alive um and yeah I think that's why I do things like start a podcast um and try and be an actress for a living it's because like money's just irrelevant to me like I just want to do something that I absolutely love so it depends because if you're like that then I find that attractive but then I can also see where people are like but like when are we going to actually enjoy our life together if neither of us have got any fucking cash do you know what I mean so yeah difficult debate I think the moral of the story is it sort of depends on you and like what you want from life and what you want from a partner and whether you can make that work with somebody so yeah very interesting thank you so much if you

sent in a response I love reading out your guys opinions but most of you are saying yeah most of you saying it matters which I totally can can understand and I don't think any of you are wrong for thinking that it matters to me like it matters to an extent but like I said I understand I understand the situation of just like prioritizing careers that don't provide a lot of money okay I think we are ready to get into some dilemmas what about you okay let's kick off with this one um it says Hayley I only recently started listening to you since my breakup your breakup episode helped me a lot I'm out of a four-year relationship and feel like i just want to have sex with someone new i'm so scared because it's my first time single as an adult and i have no idea how to be single

any advice please loving the pod by the way okay um congratulations on stepping foot into the single life welcome we love you um okay so this is your first time being single as an adult love that um for your relationship i mean that's a long it's a long period of time and like you said you're now an adult so obviously you're a teenager spent four years with a guy and now you're an adult all of a sudden in this single world and it can be like what the fuck do I do how do I navigate this so you said I just want to have sex with someone new um you're scared because it's your first time single as an adult um and you have no idea how to be single so there is no way to be single like for me right now I'm just I'm just living life no but I'm just like I'm figuring out who Leah is as a 24 year old

single galley and I'm enjoying that so my advice to you would just be like don't don't think to yourself right what does single me look like what does single me do like that's for you to figure out right now and for you to decide um and it's about making mistakes and making good decisions bad decisions um lessons growth um and just like experiences and just like having stories to tell one day do you know what i mean like i'm not saying like go out and do crazy shit like that's not who you are that's not who you are don't do it but don't stress like just enjoy it you're single this is amazing you get to figure out who you are you get to decide who you want to be um and work on yourself um spend so much quality time with yourself how amazing is that you get to spend all this one-on-one time with you and there's no noise

of of a boyfriend or girlfriend in your ear like it's amazing you get to just be on your own and figure out you and fall in love with you and you said you want to have sex with someone new don't be like right i need to find someone to fuck like it doesn't it doesn't need to be like that i mean if you want to you can get literally go yourself on a dating app and find someone to sleep with if that's what you want to do make sure it's safe make sure you use protection but if you don't want to do that if that's not your want to do, make sure it's safe, make sure you use protection, but if you don't want to do that, if that's not your thing, which I totally get, just wait until you find someone that that feels natural with, whether it literally be on a night out, and you're like,

fuck it, I'm going to be crazy tonight, I have a one-night stand, or if you meet someone on social media, or if you meet someone just out and about, and then you just start chatting and texting, and you're like, I'm going to fucking sleep with this person, do you know what I mean, like, on about and then you just start chatting and texting and you're like i'm gonna fucking sleep with this person do you know what i mean like it will come it will eventually come um and it will come at the right time and just have fun enjoy it be safe um and don't be scared of making bad choices like this is the time where you're going to make bad decisions or who says they're bad you know i mean bad according to but like you're going to do things that you go whoops probably shouldn't have done that what was

i doing crazy me and that's what this this that's what this period is all about you're single you're an adult you're gonna do things you're gonna have fun you're gonna learn things you're gonna fall in love with yourself you're gonna fall in love with other people i'm sure um and just literally have the best time ever and yeah enjoy it don't don't feel like you don't know how to be single you have to be yourself and the only person knows how to be single, you have to be yourself, and the only person that knows how to be yourself is you, so you got this girl, I love you, okay, um, next one is called, I don't know how I feel about this, okay guys, it's called I hate dogs, um, kind of uncomfortable, but okay, okay, this one says, hey girl, advice please, my boyfriend

and I have been together almost a year now he has his own place so i'm always at his when we see each other etc however he has three dogs now i like dogs but not three at once they're crazy badly behaved and it's just a lot the house always smells and it's full of dog hair it's just not a relaxing place to be we're both very happy with each other but i honestly don't know how it's going to work with it's just not a relaxing place to be we're both very happy with each other but I honestly don't know how it's going to work with those dogs like I can't see myself moving in because it's not a relaxing place to be they're young as well so they have at least 10 years left in them with three crying emojis did you just wish your boyfriend's dogs dead I feel like you did

um I worry we're going to break up over them and I really don't want that to happen any advice please listen okay no I absolutely love dogs but I do know somebody that has three dogs as well. And they're not the most hygienic dogs and they're not the most, what's the word, respectful of, of personal space. And when I'm around them, I do think, oh my fucking God, please get off me. So I can understand. And if I was with a guy and that was the vibe every time i went around his house i'm sure i'd have an issue with that too so i don't i don't i don't hold it against you but i will say it's tricky i will say that like you can't take a man away from his dogs could have you had a chat like could you be like maybe we could bath these dogs you know maybe we

could get some training going on with these dogs maybe we should get a bit of um what's what's that word authority around her maybe we should train a bit of maybe set some boundaries in place with these fucking puppies okay maybe maybe they don't need to be sat on my lap all the time maybe they don't need to lick my face when i walk through the door maybe um maybe we could get their haircut a haircut a bit more often like i don't know maybe there is a conversation there that you can be like look love you so much love your dogs kind of but there there are a lot um is there anything we can do to make it a little bit more relaxing um but yeah honestly to be honest babe i can't i've got nothing for you besides that

it's either that or accept it for what it is or fuck it off and find someone that ain't got three scabby dogs um those are your three choices have a word with him accept it or say this ain't for me surely they're your only three options. Are they? Anyone got any other options? Pipe up now. No, you can't really, I suppose.

I'm actually going to move on from that dilemma and leave it there because I've got nothing else to say. I'm sorry about that. Love ya. Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love.

Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido, at your side. All right, next one. It says, Hey, Leah, I love your podcast so much. I can't even explain. I just want to say you're smashing it and I'm manifesting so much success for you. Okay. My dilemma is, oh, sorry. Thank you so much. By the way, my dilemma is a bit different,

but here's some background. I'm 22 and engaged with my fiance who's 25. We've been together for five years now and getting married next year. Oh my God. Amazing. And in brackets, she says, I know I'm still young, but it just feels right. Listen, don't explain yourself to me. Okay. You do it. You do you babe. Which means we're going to buy a house this year. I'm the youngest of four girls and the last to move out. Me and my mum are best friends and the thought of me moving out makes me feel physically sick. I feel so guilty on the last leave that I'm doing it so young. My dad, oh, and that I'm doing it so young. My dad isn't exactly the best company and I just feel so, so sad about this. On the other hand, I'm so excited to start this journey with my husband to be and live in our own home I know I will still make an effort to see my

mum but is this normal how do I stop this anxiety of feeling anxiety feeling of leaving my mum love you loads bye okay so I get it I get it um no one likes moving out and leaving their mum especially if you feel like you're the last to sort of flee the nest um and she's just gonna be left with your dad who you said isn't the best company so let's assume he's a miserable twat i'm joking i'm joking love you dad not my dad i'm not talking about mine i'm kidding kidding um so basically my advice is you have to live life for yourself um and like you said you're going to make so much effort to still be there for your mom and that's fine and she's going to understand she knows that you're not going to stay at home forever yeah it might be a few years earlier than what she probably

would have imagined but at the same time she's probably going to be so happy for you that you've met this lovely boy and you're getting married you've got that like happily ever after and you're still going to have an incredible relationship if anything I think people's relationships with their parents actually improves when you move out so um and you know she might get a lot closer with with your dad now that it's just them two at home they might build this like whole new connection where they just really enjoy each other's company you never know okay um and i just think you have to live life for yourself especially at this age um you do not need to feel guilty she's probably so happy for you just make sure that you don't neglect her i think just make sure that you still do what you you should be doing as a daughter to stay in contact and make an effort with your mom

and make sure she doesn't feel abandoned you know um and congratulations on your wedding that's so exciting i wish i could come i went to a wedding the other day it was so much fun i went to a wedding on saturday and i wore this beautiful orange dress go over to my instagram check it out give the pic a like actually can you all go and gas me up on my on my latest instagram picture the one in the orange dress there's two of them actually you can do both or just one it's up to you maybe comment like an orange emoji like the fruit okay love you guys that that's if you do that then you're my real best friend and i will also stalk your instagram like i always do all right anyway sorry for that shameless plug um yeah congratulations and you do

not need to feel guilty about anything you sound like a lovely lovely lovely girl honestly you sound so lovely so yeah next dilemma okay okay it's called do I need insta to pull hey Leah firstly obsessed with you and the pod you. I want to shoot my shot with this fit guy who has no idea who I am. I saw him from a distance once and was like wow you are a bit of me. I thought I'd just DM him on Insta but my boy besties have said absolutely not because I haven't posted on there since 2019 and he'd either think I wasn't a real person or I'd be fighting for my life in the group chat. Posting on Insta gives me the fear because so much of the time it's about likes and looking like a 10. And honestly, I'd rather just know I'm a 10 without worrying about the likes.

I love that for you, which is why I don't post. Insta used to bring up my insecurities. The question is, is an Insta profile really important when you're trying to make moves or will my dead profile make it look like I'm on my way to scam him my boy my boy friends primarily care about looks first so i get it and i'm probably more strange for not using insta i've been a boy i've been in a boy drought for a while and just don't know how to get back out there because i'm so picky and nervous do i message or attempt to manifest a lookalike low-key ready to give up on men realize how desperate i sound reading this bag you do not sound desperate for wanting one guy's attention you're like oh my god i'm so desperate i'm so embarrassed no

no no i actually think i i do actually kind of agree with the guys that said like it does look a bit dodgy like what do you look like it's been four years four years three years what year are we in 2022 19 22 oh it depends on when your last post was i suppose anyway yeah like i looked like a different person three years ago so if i went on a guy's profile and his last pic was 2019 i'm not replying and that's the truth um so that's a tricky one i feel like you could post on stories on the day that you message him but then it also does look a bit like you're a catfish like it kind of does it does give catfish vibes could you not just put one recent pickup and just caption it like haha forgot about insta haven't

posted in three years like could you not put one pickup maybe and just hide the likes because if you said that you that's what you don't like pick up maybe and just hide the likes because if you said that that's what you don't like about instagram you can actually hide likes now if anyone doesn't know that i'm sure you will do but just in case can you not post one pick and just put some stories up and send them a dm and be like you are a sexy sexy boy and i want a bit of you in my life check out my recent post like can you not can you not do that is that an option um if not if you really don't want to post um send the dm anywhere you have nothing to lose like he might not respond because he might be like who the fuck is this girl when was she last active is this an

old account um or you could literally be like i i swear i'm not a freak i just don't use instagram um but i saw you the other day and I think you're really good looking. You know, that is also an option. What are other options here, ladies? How do you guys slide into boys DMs? Because I enjoy a good Instagram DM slide. I can't lie. They tend to go well for me sometimes.

I ended up in a two and a half year relationship. Last time I did it. I do like a DM slide. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel empowered. It makes me feel in control and I'm in control, frick. But, um, yeah, I mean, there's some options. Maybe think about how you feel about those. And if not, you said, uh, try to manifest a lookalike. Yeah, I suppose you could always also do that but i'm not sure how how good that's gonna be give the pillow method a go guys it actually fucking works i'm telling you all right let's move on okay hey leah i really really need some help just for some background i'm 21 and my boyfriend is 25 in two months so basically me and my boyfriend have been

together on and off for over two years boyfriend have been together on and off for over two years now on and off on and off for two years is not a good sign for me i'm not gonna lie guys i'm gonna put it out there okay i feel like recently he's just getting too comfortable oh for fuck's sake i don't like this already i keep saying we've got time off together let's book a holiday and he always puts it off oh Oh, for fuck's sake. Do you know what you've fucking got here, Darren? Darren? Who the fuck's called Darren?

Do you know what 10 out of 10 you've got in front of you, Darren? And you don't want to go on holiday with me. Okay? Anyway, carry on. He's looked once when we were on the phone, but I look in my spare time and nothing ever gets booked oh I've fucking been there mate I have been there um we have a we had a bit of a tiff and he said he needed space which is fine but I told him I was upset I needed him to oh I needed him to which

he replied I'm not in the mindset to help you so So you've said, I'm really upset. I really need you right now. And he's like, look, I'm not in the mindset to be there for you right now. Wow. Okay, Darren. Continuing on. Am I unreasonable for getting even more upset? I told him I deserve better. Yes, you do. To which he said, if you think I mistreat you so bad, then why do you stay? That literally killed me. Okay, before I carry on on let me answer this get darren on the phone and i'll tell him why i'll tell you why she stays darren all right because you make her feel like the fucking best thing in the world right and then you treat her like shit okay then you don't look at holidays and then you tell her you can't be there for her emotionally and she feels like all she needs is your love and

affection and she needs you to love her again that is why she stays and then you give it to her again because you're a fucking guy and that's what you do and you start looking at your fucking holidays on the phone making her feel like you actually give a fuck and then you take that attention and love away again that's why she stays all right because she's trapped in a trauma bond sorry anyway continuing on um that literally killed me she says he proceeded to write a paragraph about how he's got a toxic trait of blaming himself and thinking he's just a problem to me and he can't break that cycle right okay i just ignored it brave days after no message at all yet he's been active on snapchat at 3 a.m when he normally goes

to bed at like 10 a.m am i crazy sorry sorry 10 p.m 10 p.m am i crazy like he's my boyfriend surely he'd want to message me to at least say if i'm feeling better yeah of course that's the fucking bare minimum we expect from our boyfriend are you serious i feel so stuck because we used to be able to work together we used to face time all night and laugh whereas to be honest we don't even call anymore and barely talk he used to come over all the time and now we're lucky to see each other once a week i don't know whether my expectations are just too high i know i'm not supposed to feel like this in a relationship but last time we broke up due to arguing too much i literally could not cope without him i never felt

like that in my life and i never want to feel it again I can't describe it I couldn't function function without him yes I know that's unhealthy I would appreciate your perspective and view on what you think so and what you believe is and isn't healthy in a relationship and also any advice I love your podcast and love you bye okay oh babes okay let's get into it so you saying you feel stuck because you used to be this you used to be that and you used to do this and he used to come over all the time and now this right but what you need to do is look at your relationship for what it is now not for what it used to be not for all the laughs you'd have on facetime and the fact you used to come around every single every every bloody day of the week no okay because that's not your reality anymore sadly and you're saying it hasn't been for a while and you've been on and off for two years right so

this good period of your life of your relationship that you had was never really maintained for a long period because you've been on and off and it's only been two years which like in hindsight isn't actually very long if we're talking about a long-term relationship here like we're talking about a lifetime that we want to spend with someone that's always the intention right at this age um so i think you need to make sure you're looking at your relationship for what it is now and ask yourself what is this guy bringing to me like what is this relationship bringing to me how what is this providing into my life does he make me feel good about myself does he make me feel looked after does he does he make me feel like i'm supported does he make me feel like i have a friend in him

does he make me feel like does he make me want to be a better person does he make me feel safe no no no no and if the answer is no then I need you to ask you to to tell me yourself but whatever what does he bring to you what does this relationship benefit what benefit does this relationship have um and that is what that is the reason we're with him for the good things okay so if you can't think of many good things that he's bringing into your life that's an issue and you deserve better and you've told him that you deserve better so I feel like you already know that but you also said I don't know if my expectations are too high shut that thought down immediately because he will make you feel like that but they're absolutely not your expectations are you want somebody to want to

go on holiday with you you want somebody to want to spend time with you and you want somebody to be there for you when you tell them that you need them that is not too high that is the fucking bottom of the barrel okay um you said you know you're not supposed to feel like this this is a really important bit okay and i'm sure there's a lot of people that might need to hear this as well you said last time you broke up you literally could not cope without him and you never felt like that in your life and you never want to feel like it again listen to me now just because a breakup hurts does not mean that it's not for the best okay of course it hurts breakups fucking kill you dealing with losing your best friend losing that

person losing the future that you'd planned in your head you're dealing with rejection like there's you're grieving a lot but that doesn't mean that it isn't right for you and the this pain that a breakup brings you is is temporary and and the pain that a relationship brings you will last as long as the relationship lasts so if you if you feel like this relationship is only bringing you pain and sadness that will stop when you end the relationship and the breakup will fucking hurt but that breakup the pain will go the pain ends you don't spend your whole life grieving grieving a breakup agreed you in a relationship you don't um but like i'm not just here to say

like yeah your relationship's over shut the fucking thing down i you know that it could be salvageable so i think you need to be okay with the thought of not being with him if you can and have a conversation with him where you're like look this relationship it's not good enough it's not good enough for me and it's not what i want out of life. So either things need to change, something's got to give, Darren, or you're losing me. And if he's all right with the thought of that, it's time to go. And you know what, sometimes that's what it takes. Sometimes it takes losing someone for you to really get to that point of change and to be the person that you need him to be sometimes it does take that but if it if it doesn't and he never gets to that point and he never becomes the partner that you deserve

you did the right thing anyway so for me it's an it's only a win-win as long as something changes here because you're not happy and you deserve better um and yeah don't stay with somebody just because when you broke up last time it killed you okay because that pain is temporary and it will go and you you can be happy without this person and i will promise you that now um okay how was how was that was it a bit deep sorry guys um i don't okay let's go into a bit more of like a my fucking god dilemma okay oh okay for some reason it won't download on my phone is that a sign that we don't talk about this um okay we got it all right i love you i love you so much everything's gonna be fine send me a dm if you need if you need a friend all right love you love you next one this dilemma is called i can't stop thinking about another guy oh fucking hell okay hey leah hope

you can help me on this one because my head's a mess i will give it my best shot darling for some background i've been with my boyfriend for five years and we live together so it's a pretty forever thing five years is solid i feel like okay oh and you live together yeah we're pretty fucking solid hey oh wait sorry next line is or so i thought recently i went to a works event oh so he's the work people isn't it my honestly my next boyfriend's gonna have to be unemployed no because then that contradicts the dilemma i mean mean, the debate. He's going to have to work alone, actually. I'm kidding. Right, carrying on.

Recently, I went to a works event. Everyone was pretty drunk, but it was a great night. I spent almost the entire night with one of my colleagues. It was very innocent, as I've never seen him in that way, mainly because I have a boyfriend. But we were nonstop laughing and got on so well, I just felt like we had a connection that I hadn't felt in a really long time it's been a few days now and I thought this feeling would go away but I'm still thinking about it and I'm hoping he will pop up on my phone I really don't know what to do

should I just ignore it until I eventually forget about it or is this a sign of something bigger can't wait to listen love you love you so much okay so this is tricky this is tricky because I don't know whether to say like you know if your boyfriend was the right one then could your head be turned god sound like I'm in the love island villa but at the same time I feel like this probably happens you know whether I like to admit it or not the thought of my future boyfriend five years down the line fancy and go at work oh god I'll fucking kill them both um i feel like it kind of does happen but what you need to understand is the grass isn't always greener like i've said this in a dilemma similar to this before where if you're just craving that excitement and then the butterflies and the first meeting someone and

fancying them and what and that will It goes with everyone, okay? Eventually, they just become your boyfriend. That's your person. I love you so much. We've been together for five years. I never have to worry about you. I know you inside and out. You know what I mean? The excitement of that first meeting and it being new and fresh and oh my God, this is so wrong. I should not have these feelings towards you. They go. They course they go and the grass isn't always greener so I think I don't know what to tell you to do I'm not gonna I'm not gonna give you advice like that but um I think what do you want like do you are you thinking about this boy? Like, I want him to be my boyfriend because it's tough. Um, you, I mean, you're hoping he's going to pop up on your phone. So maybe it's a case of just like,

it makes you feel good about yourself. You know, you've been with someone for five years, so you probably haven't had that sort of like male attention, not like that for a while. So it's good for the self-esteem it is and maybe that's what you're enjoying about it maybe you enjoy how it makes you feel because you've not really experienced that for five years um which i can totally understand if that is the case um otherwise it could just be a case of you know you've been with someone for five years, you're pretty settled. You haven't experienced that. Oh my God, like this is so wrong feeling. And it's exciting and it's different. And it's like we said, it's wrong. And maybe that's what you like about it. Did you have a connection? Like you said, we had this connection that you haven't felt in a really

long time. Did you have a connection or is it a case of like, okay, think about this connection that you haven't felt in a really long time. Did you have a connection? Or is it a case of like, if, okay, think about this. If you were single, would you want to pursue things with him? And if the answer's like, probably not, maybe you just like it because you can't have it. Do you know what I mean? But if the answer's yeah, what would you want from it? Like, would you just want to sleep with him? Is it like, oh my God, is it sexual connection? Is it like a romantic connection? Is it like a friendship? Maybe think about that. But yeah, one thing I will say is sometimes the grass isn't always greener. And, you know, I feel like it does happen annoyingly. I feel like it does. Like, surely if you're with someone for five years, surely you're gonna, I don't know. Like, it makes me think, do I actually believe in monogamy?

Like, if you actually think about it, isn't it weird that, like, it's taught, like, we were taught that you fall in love with one person and you spend your life with them and you don't fancy anyone else. Like, that is a man-made idea. And if we were just, like, animals, we'd just be shagging left, right and centre because we were just here to recreate do you know what i mean and reproduce baby like i don't know honestly it messes my head if i think about it too much i just i just don't know if i even believe in love i literally don't know if i do i do i love love i love love so much i just want to be in love i really want to be in love i want to be loved so bad i really actually do i really just want someone to be in love with me do you know what i really want i really want some ouch bang my head i really want someone to just like want to spend their life with me like wouldn't that be so nice i imagine someone literally got

down on my knee and was like you are it for me i want to spend my life with you that's fucking incredible like i literally want that so bad but anyway yeah back to you back to you um i'm fine um look i think maybe it's just a little crush and like a little crush is all right i don't know i don't know guys i haven't been in a relationship i don't know what the fuck i'm doing i don't know why you guys didn't fucking come to me for a first i don't know what i'm doing i'm 24 i don't know what the fuck i'm doing with my life i'm single i live at home no one's ever wanted to marry me no one's ever wanted to marry me before literally no one's ever oh my god i actually don't think anyone's ever wanted to marry me oh my god no one's ever wanted to marry me like in the two long-term relationships i've had

did they actually want to be my my husband if you're listening just just let me know if you ever did because I really thought I was going to be both of your wives I thought I was going to marry a bit of you at one point oh guys I think I've lost the plot anyway back to my single girl summer loving it absolutely loving it i'm desperate for love anyway anyway um i think i'm gonna wrap up this episode i feel like i've given some some risky advice tonight i'm a bit scared to put this out there for some reason no i'm not i'm not scared anyway guys i've absolutely loved chatting with you send in your confessions

for Friday I've got some good ones but I need some new ones because basically I got really confused in my emails and they're all a bit messed up at the moment I need to figure out a way to to like um like like filter them from dilemmas to confessions because they all just go in as submissions from my website which is is fucking chaos. Maybe I should set up two separate email addresses. That would be so smart. I'm so, I'm such an idiot. Why did I think of that, Reggie? I'm going to do that. Anyway, it doesn't matter. You can still email leahonthelineatgmail.com. I just mean for my website. It literally means nothing to you when I say that. So don't, don't panic. My email will not change. But yeah, thank you guys so much for chatting with me um send me a dm on insta with any um

weekly debate ideas for next week and yeah we have two episodes coming this week which is really really fun i just wanted to give you a little bit extra since i missed last week um but yeah love you guys so much i've absolutely loved chatting with you i've really missed you and it was good to get back on the dilemmas. It really was. I've just done so many confessions recently and I did the bonus episode. So it's really good just to get back

in my agony aunt chair, you know? Get back on the line, helping out my best friends. Acting like I actually know what I'm talking about. Who am I to actually sit on here every week and give advice to people when I'm single that she cannot hold a relationship about being broken up with and living in my mum's bedroom trying to figure my life out I'm not in my mum's bedroom my mum has her own room I have my own room at my mum's house I meant to say my mum's house I mean when when times are hard I do sleep in my mum's

room with her that's how you know that's how you know. That's how you know how I'm having a shit time. If I'm like, mum, I need to sleep with you tonight because I can't be alone in my bedroom because I will cry myself to sleep. But I haven't done that, actually. I'm doing really well. I sound like something's wrong with me, but I'm actually really good.

Like, we should do this every week. Let's all rate our happiness out of 10 this week. I'm going to go seven and a half because last time i was eight but i'm a little bit more stressed this time so i'm gonna go seven and a half um what about you guys out of 10 fair enough how come why is that what would make it a 10, right, right, yeah, okay, got you, fair enough, oh, that's shit, isn't it, also, actually, send me a DM with your answer, because I would love to know how you guys are mentally, but yeah, I'm going to close this off, my brother and his girlfriend are probably asleep right now, but do you know what, I'm going to do my outro loud and proud, because I whispered it

last time, and do you know what, I do what I fucking want, I'm near on the line, yeah, do you know what? I'm going to do my outro loud and proud because I whispered it last time. And do you know what? I do what I fucking want. I'm near on the line. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah. Going to fucking crank up the volume. I'm getting scared.

Right, guys. I will speak to you on Friday and again on Sunday. Have the best week. Don't text your ex. Text me. I'll talk to you on Friday on Friday all right I love you hi it's Fido start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year.

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