Leah on the Line - 29: Will a player ever change & my boyfriend is amazing but I'm BORED!

Episode Date: August 8, 2022

Hello babes! Welcome back to another episode and thanks so much for joining me. I absolutely love the dilemmas this week, I think they're ones a lot of us have been in before or can relate to currently. Thank you so much to every single of of you that listens or gets involved, it means soooo much! As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leo the Line. Did you all think that my recording got stuck then? No, I'm just that great of a vocalist. Who can hold the longest note ready competition? Sorry, I couldn't do it. Who actually tried to beat me on that? Oh my god, I've lost the plot. Happy Tuesday, everyone.

How are you? You little sluts. How is everyone? Miss you so much. I went to the beach today. I actually got in the sea. I know I'm feeling pretty crazy. I'm feeling pretty well.

Pretty well. Young and free. And I actually had the most amazing day. I looked after my three. Two nephews, one niece. Why did I say the sentence that weird? Anyway. I had the most amazing day my

local beach is Weymouth shout out to any of my southwest gals and guys out there and Weymouth may be your local beach were you there on Monday because I was um you had the best day ever um got a bit of a quiet week coming up this week so feeling a bit like whenever I whenever I haven't got too much on in the week I get a bit like whenever i whenever i haven't got too much on in the week i get a bit like oh my god something crazy is gonna come up like i feel like something's gonna hit the fan or like some shit's gonna go down just because i haven't got anything to focus on do you know what i mean and like really honestly cba with that literally if there's any any fucking other twisted difficult turns coming my way please universe hold the line because i am not

capable right now i cannot cope please can we hit pause on the life lessons okay i everything's fine guys don't you worry about me i'm here for you whoa that was loud wasn't it i'm here for you i'm here for you and good job as a tuesday because it's dilemmas day i absolutely love tuesdays i've got to be honest i do like them more than confessions and so do you when i put up a poll most of you said your favorite episodes are the tuesday dilemmas episodes the weekly debate episodes but you know there was a big big percentage of you that really love the confessions but listen I don't know if the confession diaries are here to stay I can't lie I really can't lie I don't know how

long I can do that for I love it don't get me wrong I absolutely love Fridays I love the confessions but I feel like maybe it was a temporary moment for the Lear on the Line podcast maybe I'll get to like 10 just do like 10 weeks of the confession diaries. Maybe I'll bring something new in. Or maybe we'll just go back to Tuesdays being the solid dilemmas day and Fridays being the bonus. I mean, who knows? Actually, I would like to keep it to two a week. So I'll definitely keep Friday as a scheduled episode day. But what else could it be? Maybe more of a personal thing maybe it's not like reading out your stuff maybe we can get a bit more personal with each other you know and get to know each other a little better but anyway I have such a sore throat at the moment oh Leah whinging

about her throat again like she does in every episode no but genuinely is so sore at the moment but you know what else really annoys me when I listen to my podcast I sound like such a nasal little idiot like I hate my voice and I didn't think I sounded like that and I'm blaming it on the compression mics I'm sorry it's not me I don't sound like this it's not me it's it's the mic anyway who's exhausted already who's sick of my voice already me shall we just dive into the weekly debate everybody oh wait how are you i love you so much thank you so much for all the love recently earlier on the line family friendship group whatever we haven't decided what we're going to call it friendship group yeah let's go with that

it's getting bigger and bigger and i honestly welcome if you're a new listener if you're a new friendship group member welcome i absolutely love and adore every single one of you especially you especially you oh um honestly i love you guys so much you're literally the best i cannot i tell everybody like i'm so lucky i don't know how i got lucky but every not every single one we've learned that haven't we on the ratings. Every single one of my listeners, well, majority, is just a fucking amazing, kind, lovely person that wants me to do well. And that feels so rare because I feel like with being like on social media, you can get like people that just want you to fail, which I've definitely seen. But I feel like since building Lear on the Line, like you,

whoever enjoys this podcast, I must have manifested some love energy into it because I feel like since building Lear on the line like you whoever enjoys this podcast I must have manifested some love energy into it because I feel like you're all lovers so honestly give yourself a tap on the back for being such a nice person I feel very lucky to have you all in my life let's hop into the weekly debate um so the weekly debate this week is I actually come up with this one myself just out of curiosity do you think a fuck boy slash girl can change for the right person and i put right person in quotation marks because i was on an r and about how to word that for a long time because like i do agree like what is the right person and also like i've been with a fuck boy before who didn't change his ways for

me and that doesn't mean i'm not good enough it just means I wasn't that you know in quotation marks the right person and what I mean by that is the one he was going to change for if that is ever going to happen so yeah it was a difficult way to word it but let me just clarify what I mean by it is is like it's not down to you like it's not like whether you were the right or wrong person in yourself and being good enough it's more down to like will a fuck boy or girl meet somebody and go this is the one I'm going to change for this is the one I'm not going to fuck this person around I'm not going to fuck this relationship up do you think that happens right that's the question are we all on the same page here I feel like that was I feel like that was well explained by me for once we had a lot of responses to this so I feel like a

lot of you have either been in this experience or you are the fuck boy slash girl and both looks both outlooks on this are more than welcome because they're very useful so let's have a little read someone says I don't think so they can mature or change in their own time because of their own experiences so yeah but then are you saying that they will eventually change it's just not for someone it's for themselves is that what you're saying because if so you know that's also a good thing that's also a great sign someone says yes someone says yes 100 um no personally i am one and i thought i could but i still found it difficult to commit oh dear and that's scary

somebody says my ex-boyfriend was a fuck boy until he met me and was with him seven years. Okay. Brilliant. Okay. I love that. Um, my boyfriend was the it boy at home when we were teens and now he's another person. Okay. Love it. But then did he change before you or did he change for you? Do you know what I'm saying there, hon? Does that make sense? Just out of curiosity. Someone says, yeah, I think it's just a phase most of the time. Some people will be that way forever though. Yeah. Do you believe that? I would love to know. I suppose it comes down to the same debate that I did before where I said, do you believe in once a cheater, always a cheater? And I did clarify that I don't

believe in that. But you know, not all fuck boys and fuck girls are cheaters but you know similar so yeah do you think some people will be that way forever like you think they're going to be 70 odd fucking girls and boys around like I don't know um someone says yes defo don't think it's fair to tarnish someone with the reputation forever yeah for sure someone says absolutely people will act right if they want to for the right person yeah see this is difficult because like I was with someone who I thought was going to change for me and they didn't and for a long time I blamed myself and I was like oh I'm not good enough like if if only I was good enough if only he loved me enough maybe things would have

been different but let me clarify this that is not the fucking case okay if they want to be somebody better and if they want to treat someone right they will it's not because you're not good enough but you know like i said i put right person because i'm asking do you think they'll ever do it for anyone you know let's carry on reading um someone says in my experiences no however hard he tries old ways find a way of coming back so yeah that is that is a theory of mine like you know like there might be a fuckboy who just cannot settle down cannot just pick a girl that goes oh my god she is i want to fucking be with this girl she's absolutely incredible and then doesn't you know get his head turned down the line and make poor decisions like i i don't know i think i would find that scary um everyone loves a bad boy or loves the challenge of changing

them i do agree like us girls we are all fucking idiots sometimes i don't know about boys i don't know if boys do this for girls let me know to any of my male listeners um but us girls i feel like we're emotional thinkers right so when you meet a fuck boy or girl and they're a fuck boy or girl you think i'm gonna change them you're gonna fall in love with me and you're never gonna fuck me around yeah no it doesn't tend to happen but what i'm saying is i am i'm trying to believe that it can, you know, like I'm trying to believe for us as human beings that, you know, we're not all just going to be victims to the fuck boy slash girl culture in our lives forever, you know? Um, somebody says not until they're a full ass man, Somebody says, not until they're a full ass man.

Full ass. Full ass. Full ass man. Don't you think like full ass and like, yeah, I'm trying to think of another word where people say ass. Funny ass man. Like it sounds so stupid in a British accent. Not until you're a full ass man. And you're grown ass. You're grown ass.

Like it's so much better when you're American, like that full ass man. Not until you, you're a grown ass man. Do you know what I mean? And we're like, you're a grown ass man. Why do I sound a bit Australian then? Sorry, it's just my natural Australian accent just creeps up out of me every now and then. Do you know what i mean um logically thinking no but it will always feel like they will change in the moment um yes but only when they're older and get out their system yeah i can i can appreciate that point of view um i'm a fuck girl and i'll know i change i know i will change when i find the right guy no there's always still a fuck boy inside them from experience um i am a fuck girl so I need to know if I can change. Everyone has to grow up at some point.

Sleeping around isn't going to please you forever. Yeah, but then a fuckboy slash fuckgirl, like, it doesn't necessarily always mean sex. Like, sometimes it can just be that they will not commit. They cannot commit. They cannot settle down. They cannot just be in a relationship with one person and, like, it be a committed relationship you

know um they'll change for a honeymoon period at the start of the relationship and then go back scary yes 100 everyone has different reasons for being a fuckboy slash girl eg need for validation due to past experiences and definitely if the right person comes along i definitely think they have the ability to adapt to adapt if they're committed to for the right reason yeah I do wonder like what is it about somebody because I went for a little fuck girl stage I can't lie like I was I went for about a year where I just was messing around with like three guys not like sneakily like they all knew about each other I'm not I can't lie I have this weird thing where I have this like intense conscience and even when I'm not even exclusive or committed to someone and I like sleep with somebody or like even go out on a date

with somebody I have to fucking tell the other guy that I'm also talking to and then it's like Leo you're literally single you're dating like there's nothing wrong with what you're doing and I just physically cannot and then I think you fuck with their head more by doing that and I absolutely fucked it because like I was seeing someone and then it wasn't that deep and then I went out and had sex with somebody not a one-night stand it was someone I knew and then I woke up next day and I was like oh my god I'm a horrible person I need to tell him and I told him and he was like well why would you tell me that I feel like shit and I was like oh my god I feel even worse and then I said of him oh my god I'm really exposing myself fucking out confession diaries or what um but yeah like I said I went through my fuck girl phase and it was a phase it only lasted a year minds um and it wasn't actually like I wasn't actually being

nasty like I was literally just like dating for some reason needed to tell everyone everything that I was doing and just ended up fucking with their heads even more which was nasty um regrets love you guys if you're listening sorry about everything I did I didn't even do anything that bad oh listen I was just a single girl dating I wasn't even fucking with any of them so yeah shut the fuck up anyway enough of my confessions somebody says yeah look at Gaz G Shaw I mean he is a committed man and no one saw that coming did they I thought Gary was gonna be Gaz G Shaw for life but now he's just Gary is it Beatles Gary Beatles is that his name or is that someone else I think people settle down when they're ready it isn't to do with a specific

person oh yeah I love that for sure um sometimes but mostly no and sometimes it's not even the person they've just matured yeah this is exactly the point I was trying to make like do you think it can be oh I'm in a real fuck boy phase but i've met you and i'm instantly going to be a good man do you know what i mean or girl a girl where do i go all somerset then yes of course they can they need the right person and sometimes a wake-up call do you believe in the wake-up call that's one oh what a great debate like do you believe in the wake-up call effect because you know like sometimes you walk out on a relationship hoping it's going to be the wake-up call and they're going to treat you right

sometimes you feel like you need to have lost something to have the wake-up call you know interesting debate debate for another day can someone remind me to do that if you think that's good um if they wanted to they would yeah i can understand that 100 when i first became friends with my now fiance he was in a very bad place and in turn being a total manhole after a few years of us being friends and me being totally obsessed with him secretly things developed and now we live together and are getting married and i've never been happier oh my goodness what a success everybody i love that congratulations um my boyfriend was I didn't give him any attention now he's obsessed with me he he

okay queen I love that for you I love it absolutely smashed out the park there hun I'm not sure but I always stick by once a cheat always a cheat as we have discussed I do not stick by that um but I totally understand people that do we've had this whole debate i think you might find that one quite interesting um very interesting debate i can literally see both sides but i have decided i'm gonna stick with that i don't believe that just for my own sanity if i ever meet someone and they're like i'm a cheater oh no i'm not gonna lie fucking hell anyway that's it we've debated that um they wouldn't be called a fuck boy if they changed lol yeah this is the thing like do you think that they

can just go no i'm turning off my fuck boy features and i'm now a committed i'm a committed legend to you no they mature on their own you can't change them they need to change themselves oh yeah yeah yeah no don't get me wrong i do not think it's anyone else's responsibility to put somebody in a position to treat you right and commit to you that is not your job and you are not responsible for if somebody wants to commit to you or not okay it's not down to your self-worth but what i'm saying is like do you think you can be like i'm not setting it down i'm just gonna fuck men and women left right and center and then meet someone and be like actually i don't want to do that anymore do you know what

i mean um yes my boyfriend was a classic fuck boy now been together five years love it as soon as they find the right person and the right time and allow them to get close they can i believe a boy will be his very best for a girl he genuinely truly loves absolutely not tried and tested did not work yes my boyfriend's a proper fuck boy speaking to five girls at once etc sleeping with two different girls in one day but when he met me and we went on our first date he told the girl who was speaking to at the time that he's met someone special and cut her off now i've been together a year and a half have an apartment and a dog never given me any reason not to trust him that is exactly my question can that happen yes it can ladies and gentlemen it can happen you know i absolutely love that he was dead in the middle

of his fuckboy phase he was living the fuckboy phase up well and truly you've come along and he's gone yeah that that one I want that one and I love that I mean I'm not not over the moon for the girls that he did fuck over but you know he changed his spots what is it a leopard never changes his spots or a cheetah because a cheetah would make sense but I'm pretty sure it's a leopard a leopard never changes spots a cheetah never changes its spots maybe it's both um let me know um yes when you find love it changes you oh that's actually quite romantic i like the thought of that yeah i can see it i can see it because like i said i went through a year where i was just like

dating and i was seeing random not random people sorry i I all I knew them all very well like I was I'm not there's anything wrong with one night stands we know I have no problem with one night stands I've just never had one personally but I was seeing three guys at once and you know that's not that's not bad I was dating that's normal that's what dating is Kate look at me trying to convince you all that I'm not just fucking horrible person and they all knew that I wasn't in a position to commit and I just wanted to get to know people explore a single life and enjoy my life and figure out who Leah is and what Leah wants um and it didn't it didn't turn out to be any of them so you know but then I met someone and I was like yeah I want to be with you so you know I think i do agree i think i do um no i think the behaviors will always be

there just depends if they hide them or not yeah that's a that's a scary thought isn't it because it's like a fuck boy slash girl tends to have the tendencies to like wait that makes no sense does it i'm not sure but you often have that thing where you love the attention um can't quite find somebody that is just you know tunnel vision I'm tunnel vision on you um and then what you find someone you get really obsessed with them honeymoon and then you settle with settle down with them not settle that sounds bad you settle down with them and then what you're like crave for attention and validation from other people is just going to go because sometimes i think i think you're a fuck boy or should i just say fuck person

because i keep saying fuck boy slash girl and it just sounds silly especially because there are other genders here um and it's for different reasons but sometimes it is it is an insecurity thing like sometimes it's because people aren't securing themselves and I do think part of why I wasn't settling down with anyone for a for a year not that that's like a really long time I think I'm so grateful that I didn't to be honest I'm so grateful that I had that experience because like I said I learned everything about what I want what I don't want how I see myself I learned about myself but I think a lot of that came from me not really liking who I was and I was just like I want people to like me so I feel

good about myself and it just turned out to be a really positive lesson in the end but I don't think it came from a good place I think it came from an to be a really positive lesson in the end but I don't think it came from a good place I think it came from an insecurity place a place of insecurity um so yeah interesting what do you guys think to that interesting debate I absolutely love that one it's such a good question I really don't I'm gonna sit on the fence here I actually I'm gonna sit on the fence sorry I'm being a massive pussy but I actually am going to sit on the fence there um let's jump into some dilemmas I got some really great ones some quite long ones which I absolutely love I love the long ones um let's dive straight in get comfortable I love you guys so much let's get into the dilemmas

hey Leah hope you're okay love you and your podcast wishing you were my best seat in real life i literally am i literally am i don't know how many times i have to say this we literally are best friends but thank you i love you so much um let's get into it for a bit of a background i'm 25 and my boyfriend let's say barry is 29 we've been together almost three years and brought a house together early 2021 love it he is my soulmate and I love him a lot. Yay, I love it. But in capital letters, shit hit the fan at Christmas. Let's get the scene. Let's set the scene. Sorry. I got a Christmas temp job because I'm poor and my job then paid me fuck all. Love that. Hardworking queen. I'm on my first shift two till 10. I messaged Barry on my break as he said

he wouldn't be doing much. So to message him when I get my break. Love it. He doesn't reply straight away. Fair enough. Over half of my break goes by and still no reply. For context, this is not like him. He is usually a good replier. I message again and get no reply. Eventually I get a reply saying hello. And I'm like, what are you doing? Etc, etc. He doesn't reply again. Eventually I get a reply saying hello and I'm like what are you doing etc etc. He doesn't reply again so I try ringing. Does he answer? Of course he fucking doesn't. He messages saying I've just been to the shop for some beer. This is where I think something is off. Me being the apparent psycho I am I ask him to send me a photo of the beer lol. Listen your gut was telling you he wasn't going for a beer that

doesn't make you a psychopath okay that was your instinct you have every right do not let somebody make you feel like you're crazy continuing on she asked for a photo of the beer he does not i try ringing again and it goes straight to voicemail he put his phone on bastard airplane mode i proceed to ring and message a message asking him why his phone is on airplane mode he eventually turns it back on and calls me back and claims he lost signal oh that old fucking chestnut that old chestnut i've got no signal baby shut the fuck up i then asked him what he was doing and he said pay attention to the tents i'm just going to shop i'm just going to the shop for some beer lol sus hun lol sus sos why can't i read lol sos hun thought you'd already been yeah

thought it had been barry i thought barry had the beers barry had the beers from the shop anyway by this time my break was over so i just said okay and off i go back into the freezing cold warehouse for the remainder of my shift with this on my mind now I'm sorry I literally would have quit my job and gone home I'm so bad of shit like that I cannot cope I literally will have a breakdown I'll just cry my eyes out to my manager and make out I've got something really hard to go on and I'll literally go home and get answers I'm actually a psycho anyway next question I would never do that but I would probably cry to the manager and just hope that they would go do you want to go home and I go yeah anyway I go home after my shift to him in bed and being absolutely normal if not

more loving towards me uh-oh red flag if it were me that had been accusing that had been accused of lying I'd be fuming but we will get there so I just go to sleep I'm not being funny. So I will continue. Your red flag signals alarms are absolutely screaming at you. And I know something in us sometimes we just know there is something in us as humans. We just have this weird psychic sense sometimes. But I could be wrong. So let's actually get into it. The next next morning he leaves to go get his covid booster and I literally feel ill knowing something isn't right then I did something I'm so against and I've never done before oh my gosh I went for his phone oh I went on his laptop onto his facebook messenger and was faced with two weeks worth of messages between him and one of his exes.

Oh no, Barry. I'm all for talking girls up, but she is a 35 year old woman who looks like she could be his mom. Okay. That was unnecessary. We're all beautiful, but I understand the anger. So I'm going to let that one slide. I love you. of course I had read every single one and cry uncontrollably there was nothing explicit but there were a lot and but there were a lot and voice notes too he went to see her I felt like my whole world had shattered and I thought the worst I called my best friend in an absolute state when he got home I wiped my tears and went to confront him i said to him he had one last chance to tell me where he was last night oh she knows i know she knows that's what he heard in his head he then proceeded to tell me and i went absolutely mental he said it was just a catch-up but i'm

sorry who goes and has a secret catch-up with their ex not me yeah not me listen you don't and if you if you actually genuinely had to have a catch-up with your ex fucking tell me and communicate with me and don't lie to me you lying little prick yeah don't fucking leave me unread when i'm working my first shift i've got anxiety yeah i'm scared i don't no one likes their first day barry i've got anxiety all day and you're not fucking replying to my messages because you're going around your fucking ex's house behind my back, you little prick. Sorry. Sorry. Lost my head then. Anyway, I was fuming so I told him to give me his phone and I rang her. Yeah, let's get, let's get the fucking answers. No more fucking around, Barry. Yeah, we've already figured out you're a lying little twat. I'll find out myself.

Her story was the same as his and she said nothing happened they just had a cup of tea lol i told him to delete her on facebook and to delete her number and get rid of all conversations which he did do you know what i will never do that shit i will never tell you delete her delete this delete that blocker you fucking decide god i'm getting very angry and aggressive. Am I okay? I literally love everybody. So let's get some love in the room. Love, love, love, peace and harmony. That's all we need. Anyway. Yeah, I'm not doing that. I'm saying, what would you like to do here, Barry?

How would you like us to move forward from this one, Barry? How do you think we can get past this? What are you going to do? Anyway. So, a month or so later, she texts him. Oh, fuck off. forward from this one barry how do you think we can get past this what are you gonna do anyway so a month or so later she texts him oh fuck off literally go away telling him that she's lost some weight or whatever go i licked her tit or whatever go away question mark question mark in brackets she put and he told me about it but he replied he showed me and it was literally two messages but i was again fuming i told him to block her number and delete the convo once again which he did this has destroyed

my trust and seven months later i still think about it and it makes my blood boil he thinks going to see her was okay it was just the line that he thinks is wrong wait yeah okay sorry i was just making sure i read that right i think that both things are wrong i tried to flip it and ask him how you'd feel if it was the other way around and he said he'd be upset but it's different because of their history oh shut the go fucking be of earthen barry got that much fucking history i called bullshit i think he's just trying to justify himself i agree i guess my question would be how would you handle this situation? And how do I stop thinking about it slash trust him fully again? Other than other than this, there is no other red flags. I love

this man. And we've been through a lot. Any thoughts, advice, anything would be greatly appreciated. So for the length of this literal essay, love you. Bye. Do not apologize. I love it. literal essay lol love you bye do not apologize I love it oh my god do you know what immediately no immediately no like for me if it was just that fucking innocent Barry would have told you like that is genuinely my first instinct like say I had a boyfriend and I had an ex and we genuinely just had a pure innocent friendship or whatever he's calling this and and he's like come round for a coffee I'm telling my boyfriend and I'm making sure he's okay with it because I'm not an idiot and I understand it would it would be weird to anyone like obviously it would um and if my boyfriend was like well babe I'm not gonna lie I'd rather you left your ex in the past I'd respect that

and I'd I'd be like yeah do you know what 100% that's absolutely no issue you are my life like you're my boyfriend not my life do you know what I mean not my whole you know you're not everything but you're a massive part of it I love you so much but I mean you are everything I don't I don't mean like if I was in a relationship it would be everything to me but I mean obviously like now we're never making that mistake of like making your boyfriend your everything you know like we're gonna make time for other things in your life especially yourself but anyway Jesus what I'm saying is my boyfriend's feelings is coming above my ex's

for sure um and he did not do that there he did not put your feelings above his or hers um and that's that's only one that's only one problem that's only one problem. That's only one place he's gone wrong. Um, second place he went wrong was her fucking house. Get a step and foot in it. Do you know what I'm saying? What the fuck? Um, and then the, the blunt, slow replies is just fucking rude. And knowing that you're sat there doing that and you're texting me really slow and I've got no clue where you are are you okay with that behavior from yourself like where is the respect I think there is a lack of respect here um and that's a major problem you deserve absolute honesty transparency and respect at the very fucking minimum Jesus the bar is in hell the bar is so low that men don't even think that they

need to be honest and transparent with people. Okay, I'm not generalizing men. Okay, just some, just some. All right. But what I'm saying is, I think he is in the wrong. I do think you can get through it. I do think you can work past it if you want to. I do think you can get through it. I do think you can work past it if you want to. Personally, for me, I'd like to think I'd end the relationship, but I do understand it's different when you're in it. And I will always give people the benefit of the doubt when I say things like that, because I know from the outside, you'd also be sat there telling your friend, leave him, like he's a liar. There's something going on with with his ex I don't believe it um I think you need to have a conversation with him if you do want to work through it I think you need to have

another conversation with him regardless of whether it's seven months ago or not and say look I know it's seven months ago but it's so still fresh and raw in my mind I'm not past it we haven't got through it we've just brushed it under the carpet and drawn a line under it and it's not working for me um you need to rebuild my trust back if you want this relationship to work you need to do a lot more than what you're doing barry i'm afraid because i don't feel secure in this relationship i've still have doubts about what went on that night and i still don't believe the truth i know the truth so barry needs a real sitting down and barry needs a real talking to um and we're gonna tell barry that he's gonna listen to you regardless of how long ago this conversation was please do not let him tell you it was literally seven months ago why bring it up now

no barry you can suffer this for the next two years if you really want to be with me if and if it's still not right no i'm not being funny if it's not right after two years you're not getting another second of my time in it hun but what i will say is have another conversation because you're clearly not through it and if you want the relationship to work you need to feel like you've worked through things not just you know skimmed past them because it's that hasn't worked the way that you've put the situation to bed it's got it's got an eye open do you know what I mean it's not fully asleep in bed it's still there it's still looking at you staring you in the face and you deserve to feel secure in your relationship full stop um so i think approach barry and let's go let's get what we need out of him let's get what we need out of him if we want to move through

this in the relationship he's got some rebuilding to do um and good luck i love you so much and you i'm so sorry you had to go through that you're absolutely amazing don't ever doubt it for a second okay next dilemma we've got a little friendship dilemma hey Leah this week I'm on a family holiday which has been in the calendar since beginning of the year love it a few weeks ago I was chilling with my mate and she subtly mentioned that she was looking into booking a holiday with another friend within the within the group oh sorry looking at booking a holiday with another friend within the within the group oh sorry looking at booking a holiday with another friend from the oh my god do you know what do you guys get what i'm saying or not should i try again she was looking into booking a holiday with another friend within the group

the week i was away there we go sorry at first i felt FOMO and i reassured myself that i wouldn't been i i'm just going to clear that up in case like my mum's listening FOMO and i reassured myself that i wouldn't be i i'm just going to clear that up in case like my mum's listening FOMO means fear of missing out okay love you hun okay at first i felt FOMO and i reassured myself that i would have been invited if it wasn't if i wasn't away myself fast forward to when they're on holiday and i'm on mine i'm messaging my mate and she's sending me pics and talking about her holiday at this point i found myself in tears because i was asking myself why wasn't i invited or given reassurance to why they had to go the week i was away and not another week when i could have joined so i just aired her because seeing the pics was doing me no good at this point i contacted my

uni girls and they thought exactly the same thing and they said maybe the friends wanted to be a maybe the friends wanted it to be oh my god maybe the friends wanted to be a holiday for just the two of them that's what's written i'm so sorry i'm i just i just can't sometimes i can't read sometimes so like when there's a word that's meant to be another word my brain literally just starts sleeping on me wake up even so the uni girls have also encouraged me to communicate my feelings in person when i see them next and to try to reach an understanding otherwise they could do it again thinking that they could get away with it i asked my boyfriend what he thinks i should do and he said it might just be down to the fact i'm away anyways now a few days have passed and they return

from their very short getaway and i'm still on my two-week holiday i've calmed now, and I'm not sure to say anything at all now, because I just don't want the drama. It's so much easier to let it go, but it would be at the risk of being put in the same situation again. It's hurt me so much, because the mate who confessed about this holiday, I've been mates with full-on 10 years, and I've had a lot of trust in this friend. I would appreciate some advice on how to, or if I should handle the situation. Love the podcast, you're great. Thank you. Okay, I think you have every right to talk about your feelings, regardless of on how to or if I should handle the situation love the podcast you're great thank you okay I think you can you have every right to talk about your feelings regardless of whether you think they're fair or not um or you know you don't have to go in all guns blazing and be like

you're fucking shit mate why did you go on holiday when you knew I was away fuck you like you don't have to go in like that you can be like hey babe you know sorry for being a little whinge you know I know this might sound a bit whingey but obviously you guys went away when I was away and like I would have loved to have come on holiday with you and you know I'm probably overthinking like please reassure me if I am but I just I'm starting to like overthink and I feel like you booked it then because I was away like is that the case because you know like that that has it has been on my mind it has been upsetting me and I would love to go away with you girls um you know and like I I don't want to be sat here feeling what's the word like holding

a grudge against you um if if I'm just completely wrong um and if you know if I'm not wrong then I'd love to get to the bottom of it because you know I really value our friendship and it has been really playing in my mind and actually upset me quite a fair bit so you know I think you have every right to communicate your feelings um I totally get it like it is a situation of like you have just started to really overthink it now, which is totally fair. And I can so see why people why you do that. And I think a lot of people listening will be able to see that as well. But yeah, honestly, like I think just communicate it.

Just be gentle. Don't go in all guns blazing. Don't go in with, you know, I'm accusing you of being shit friends because sometimes you can feel a bit attacked like when someone tells you that you've hurt them some people just hear criticism and they just hear attack um so just you know be be conscious of how you deliver and yeah hopefully I really genuinely feel like you'll feel a lot better after the conversation um don't sit on it because then you might end up like holding a grudge and looking at them and you know like airing their pictures and their messages from

the holiday and stuff and then all that sun is it's just sat with you so get it off your chest you know lift that weight off your shoulders have the conversation be gentle and i think you'll feel a lot better um and then maybe you can all go on a lovely holiday together all right I love you so much okay next one so I actually put pop this up on my story to ask you um I'll read out and then I'll read out what you guys said Hayley I absolutely love you and the pod I love you so much I have a major dilemma one I feel a lot of people have an internal battle with I would agree I think a lot of people have been in this position and I know I have but we'll get to that I've been with my boyfriend for six. I'm 23 and he's a few years older and I cannot help but feel like I'm settling and that there is better for me out there.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy and he is a great guy. I love him a lot, but sometimes I question whether this is it or am I being unrealistic and love isn't like it is on the movies. I've tried to speak to my mum about it before, whether it's normal to lose a spark in a long-term relationship and there's just something everyone and that is just something everyone has to deal with and she thinks it is. She says nobody is perfect and my boyfriend is a great guy, treats me good and there's not many good guys out there so I should just be happy with what I have. But even after hearing that I still can't help feeling something is missing and there's someone else out there that will make me complete make me feel complete like my twin flame my soulmate

I'd love to hear your girl's thoughts on this do you think there is a perfect someone out there for everyone someone that will give me everything you want and more or does that not exist and we should just settle for the guy giving us 90% don't get me wrong I love my boyfriend and I understand love isn't always easy, but how do you know if there's someone better suited out there? Thank you. Okay. I am going to read out some of your responses before I get into my opinion, but I definitely, definitely have one on this, on this topic. Um, let's have a look what you guys have said. let's have a look what you guys have said um okay i like this i would maybe consider what's making you feel your current relationship is missing something if you say he's a lovely and great guy

then it would be a shame to throw that away when there aren't any problems in your relationship oh my god my voice is going hello maybe find ways to rekindle the spark or romance a bit go out on dates do stuff together if things still feel the same after a little while then maybe talk to him and see how he feels if you feel there is better out there for you then just be true to yourself girl someone says i think set a time limit for yourself i do think it's normal for you to feel a bit offish with a partner but it should naturally go if he's the right one give yourself a month or two or however long you feel is right for you normal for you to feel a bit offish with a partner, but it should naturally go if he's the right one. Give yourself a month or two or however long you feel is right for you.

And if you still feel the same, then it's time to say goodbye and start a new chapter. But you might realize after a short time that he is everything you want. But always put your happiness first. If you're not 100% happy, then maybe something's wrong. I hope it all goes well. Life's too short if you're feeling like this now imagine how unhappy how unhappy and regretful you'll feel when you're 40 and he's old and smelly somebody says girl i literally had the same thing i actually do like this one i was with my ex from 18 to 23 and i thought everything was fine and then over lockdown

realized things weren't fine and i wasn't happy. The time apart definitely made me realize my worth because sometimes you can be so beat down in a relationship and not even realize. Like that girl has said he can be lovely and everything's fine but you just know when it's not right. I personally decided it was worth the risk to cut it off and spend some time for me. Being single as an adult and literally five months later I started seeing someone I was friends with at college and we fell in love if I had stuck it out in my dead-end relationship I wouldn't be where I am today and so happy if it's meant to be it will be and they will always get back to they can always get back together but if she doesn't cut it now she will always wonder I do agree with that and I do like it. Okay, let's read this one.

I haven't read this one yet. I'm not sure if there's such thing as the perfect person for everyone as everyone has things that you won't like, sorry. But relationships take a lot of work and nurturing. People have said to me that when it reaches the five, six mark, this is the make or break for a relationship. Wait, isn't it called like the four year itch? Five year itch, three year itch three-year itch four-year itch

you know I'm talking about there's a saying I don't know how many years it is but it's like after that many years you get the itch and you either break or make anyway six-year itch no I don't know I think that's so true I think at this point you should be feeling content in your relationship be happy both have the similar goals excited for the future for both of you even though that spark may not be as bright anymore you still have that love and respect and loyalty for one another if you if you aren't feeling 100% satisfied with that i think it's the universe telling you this isn't for you you have to you have to think do you really see your future with this person creating a family building a life together growing old together never being with another boy first date kiss etc if you can say you're fully content with that then

he is your soulmate if you're wondering what else is out there go explore it i hope that made sense sorry for the long paragraph okay i genuinely think that is amazing advice and let me tell you why let me tell you something no let me actually tell why. I was with someone from 18 to 21, right? When I tell you he was the most incredible person I have ever met, he was kind, loving, trustworthy, funny, like tick, tick, tick, lovely boyfriend, right? But I got to 21, I got to 21 well 20 really and I was like is this gonna be it for me even though he was fucking great like he would never hurt me he would never cheat on me he would never make me upset he'd never make me insecure he was so honest with me absolutely loved his family like great boyfriend great boyfriend but for some reason I was like no I'm not I don't think I want this forever and it is nothing to do with the person sometimes sometimes it is literally not the right one like it's not, you know, like he will make an incredible boyfriend

to somebody one day. And I don't doubt that for one second and he ever gets him. You are one lucky girl. Tell I'm telling you, cause he will treat you so well and he will never hurt you. But he went for me, weren't the right person for me. Um, and I do believe in that because I've experienced it but what I will say is if this is a new feeling I wouldn't overthink it instantly you know I think try to nurture the relationship and save the relationship before you give up on it so you can really say that you gave it everything because I did you know, I tried to relight the spark. And I tried to, you know, mix up the sex a bit. And let's go on more dates and stuff.

And then I felt the same. The feeling would go. The feeling would go. And I'd go, you know what? He's fucking amazing. And I fancy the pants off him. And I love him. I can do this forever.

And then a couple of months later, it creeps back in. And you go, no, no. I just fucking I can do this forever and then a couple of months later it creeps back in and you go no no I just fucking got rid of this I was happy and it's horrible because you don't want to feel like it and I know there's so many people listening right now that like that's me that's literally me um and you know I ended the relationship and I had no regrets. Had a lot of regrets for the hurt I caused. But in the long run, do you know what I mean? You can't keep someone down if they're not your person. So, you know, you're not being selfish by doing that. But yeah, I also, on the flip side, would say that not all situations are like mine.

And sometimes you do lose the spark for a bit. And it is just a little bit of,'s relight this you know like let's bring this back to life a little bit sometimes it is just that um and it i do think it can i do think you can bring a relationship back to life if it's the right one mine just wasn't but I do think there are situations where it would be a success so I think until you feel like you've given it everything and it and the feeling is not going don't panic like I think I panicked I was like fuck oh my fucking god look at this incredible guy I can't believe I feel like this I'm such a horrible person what more do i want what more do you fucking want and i'll tell you now i've never met anyone as nice as him but i don't regret it because i wasn't happy it wasn't i wasn't i was happy but i was

but could you be happier it was it wasn't even that it was just more like it didn't feel right like it even though i was happy i was content i was safe i was treated right it didn't feel right. Like it, even though I was happy, I was content, I was safe, I was treated right. It didn't feel right. And it was that simple. So I think definitely is a situation of listen to your gut. You know, it could be a sign from the universe saying, you know, lovely guy, just not your one. But it could also be a case of just give your relationship a bit of love. You know, water the grass. Grass is greener where you water it. You know what they say, don't they?

Don't you? What am I talking about? Water the grass. See if it grows. See if it gets a little bit greener. If it dies again, water it again. But, you know, you've got to tell yourself when enough is enough and go, you know what, this ain't right. And going on what your mum said, you know, she said, like, oh, he's a lovely guy.

Let me find it again. He's a lovely guy, but he, here, here, here, here. Sorry, that must be so annoying when I just go and find something. Your mum said that it's normal to lose lose a spark everyone has to deal with it um nobody's perfect and your boyfriend's a great guy not many good guys out there so just be happy with what you have I'm gonna go ahead and disagree with your mum I'm not even joking sorry that's that's a liberty to do but I know that you know there are relationships out there where they don't feel like that you know they've been together 30 40 years and they're like that is my fucking that's my life my soulmate I

love him so much um and I don't think you have to be in a relationship because they're a nice guy you know like I don't think you have to be with someone because they're nice and because they're not going to hurt you and they're going to treat you right because yeah it just might not be the right one there are other good guys you know your mom said there's not many other good guys there are loads of good guys believe me there are um and you know we've we've seen so many success stories where you end a relationship and then you just find something better even when you thought you never would so I literally just read out somebody saying that you know she ended it with her boyfriend things that feel right

and then she met the love of her life and what I will also say is ending it doesn't have to feel like the end of it forever like if that is your person and if it is right they will be back and it will just happen the universe is always at work it will never put you in the wrong place it will never put you with somebody you're not meant to be with right i that's why i always say i don't believe in right person wrong time i believe in wrong person right time right person right time so i think you know you could date somebody else now and then end up back with your boyfriend if that's what's meant to happen if that is your guy that you're going to be with forever you will find your way back together um and this could be like as we were saying the um the wake-up call like who knows but if it's not meant to be i don't

think you can regret your decision because that is what felt right for you in that moment but i will say make sure you feel like you've given it your all so you don't look back with regret i mean you should never look back with regret in anything in life because i'm a big believer of you know always stand by your decisions because they felt right in that moment you never can regret things in life you're exactly where you're meant to be right now you know um but I think it's easier to let go of something when you feel like you gave it everything and it still didn't feel right so yeah I'm just repeating myself now but I think you guys gave some great advice but I am going to leave it on that last girl because just because I think she's worded it so well um but yeah don't panic like it's okay

if your relationship ends and it doesn't work out it's okay if your relationship is just having a bit of a shit patch and you've lost the spark and then you get it back that's okay that doesn't mean anything it doesn't mean that you're not good enough or he's not good enough it's okay to lose the spark and it come back um and you know you could have this conversation with him go let's go out on more dates let's like relight the fire and have the most incredible relationship with him so don't worry about it everything is going to be everything will work out the way it's meant to and if it hurts doesn't mean it's not right you know everything will work out the way it's supposed to and you absolutely have the strength to get through whatever that is so yeah love you do not stress I know so many people feel like that it's very common and very scary because you can't you

don't understand your own head and what a fucking difficult situation to be in so yeah anyway guys I'm going to end the episode there because my throat is about to fall out of my actual body. It's throbbing in my neck right now. But yeah, keep your confessions coming for Friday. You've still got a couple of days to get them in. Why did I just turn this like a radio presenter? It's Friday night. Oh, you know when they read out like names and they're like out in Cardiff tonight. Oh my God, that actually sounded so good. If only I had some tunes on in the background, I could like turn them down every time I speak.'ve got megan and libby on cardiff tonight do you know what i mean do you know the ones i mean anyway whoever's megan and libby how funny

if there is a friendship out there that is megan and libby shout out to you megan and lib love you all right guys i'm gonna wrap up the app i love you guys so much thank you for all the love and support recently i cannot tell you i mean i do tell you and it must be so draining i bet you hate when you get to this part of the podcast shut the fuck up leah i bet it feels like that doesn't it we know we know leah you're really grateful we know it's really annoying but yeah honestly i just i don't want to not say it because i feel like i've i've gotten to this thing now i have to say it so i feel like if i ever stop you're going to be like wow what's that saying when it's like oh she's lost touch she's out of touch now she's out of touch the podcast is just she's taking she's taking the

lear away from us she's not learing anymore she's just learing on the line now no I'll always be lear for you guys I love you this is so pathetic i'm actually shut i'm just gonna shut up anyway i will see you on friday make some bad decisions for the confession diaries there's only going to be a couple left i think i haven't decided let me know if you're against that idea because i don't want to take it away from you if you guys actually do genuinely enjoy them but yeah any other ideas that you might have shoot them my way and yeah thank you so much for all your incredible ratings make sure you're hit and follow on spotify and i don't know what it is on apple uh subscribe i think it's subscribe on apple um and you know

turn notifications on make sure you follow leah on the line turn story notifications on on leah on the line so you don't miss the weekly debate chats and follow at leah levain while you're on it because fuck it i love you guys all right i will see you on friday for a brand new episode have an amazing few days and i'll see you on friday love you so much don't text your ex text me all right i love you