Leah on the Line - 31: Is there such thing as the 'wake up call' & why do my exes never come back?

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

Hi my honeys! Welcome back to a brand new episode. Thank you so much for all of your dilemmas this week, I had such a good time sitting down and chatting with you. Sending you all soooo much love and hugs! Thank you for all of your support and to everyone that even listens to LOTL, you're so amazing! As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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It's getting closer to midnight. I tried to get closer to you. Hello. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Lear on the Line. to you. All right. Okay. Who wished me happy birthday? If you didn't, it's too late. I'm not. I mean, I'm joking. It's not too late. You can still say, oh my God, I'm such a Leo. It's got to be all about me, hasn't it? How many of you guys are fellow Leos? How many of you guys have the same birthday as me? Interesting. Do you know, remember when, oh my God, am I okay? Remember when Maddie came on the podcast and we were like, oh, what's your star sign? And she was like, I think you're a Leo. And I was like, that's crazy. I'm actually a Leo. We actually have the same birthday. Yeah. That's crazy. We didn't even, we didn't even uncover that when we met, but it was, it was after when I found out we had the same birthday. I was like, this is crazy. This is crazy. Anyway, how are you? I'm not, I'm not gonna

lie. I'm not very well. Feeling a bit ill. Had a party last night. A little crazy, crazy time. A little B day party. And I've seen better days. I'm A little crazy, crazy time. A little B-day party. And I've seen better days. I'm a little bit worse for wear. My throat is killing me. Oh my God. Get over it, Leah. Go to the doctor.

Your throat's always fucking sore. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. I have health anxiety. I'm going to ignore it until it disappears. And then when it comes up, I'll panic about it again. And then I'll wait until it disappears. Anyway, yeah, so I'm a bit hungover today um but it was really fun um I enjoyed myself quite a lot but I do have a twin so I have to share my birthday which you know as a Leo not

my favorite thing to do um but luckily I'm the extrovert and he's the introvert so he likes that I take all the attention on me especially when it comes to presents you know I feel like this is a boy thing boys hate opening presents in front of people don't they I love it I'm like I'm opening my presents if everybody if everybody would like to gather around this is the Leah show the Leah show has begun on our yeah the Leah on our show but um no I'm only kidding I had a really good time thank you so much if you did wish me happy birthday I mean no one's done it yeah but I'm sure I'm sure you guys are all typing out your messages right now there's four minutes to go it's like new year's should we all do a countdown

together when I'm oh three minutes to go when I'm about to turn 25 no Leah no just get on with the episode we do not give a fuck okay let's just get into it I hope you're all right how's you what's new what's going on your lives let me know um the weekly debate this week is okay do you believe that someone can have a wake-up call to change their behavior in a relationship so remember we touched on this briefly before and I said actually that's a great weekly debate we should we should do that somebody dm me was like, what happens to the wake up call debate, hun? I was like, oh, yeah, sure. So sorry about that.

This is the day we're going to debate it. Let me let me kick it off with my opinion. Um, I'm a bit on the fence at the moment. I'm not entirely sure. I've never seen it myself. I must admit I've heard it. I've heard the, oh, my God, you've got to come back to me. This is the wake up call I needed. And then you go back and it was not the wake up call they

needed. But you know, that doesn't go to say that it's not possible. I just haven't experienced it myself. But if I'm going to give my opinion on it, I don't know if a person can give you a wake-up call. I believe you've just got to want to be a better person or a better partner, right? So let's just give an example. Say you're with someone and when you'd argue, he would just talk to you like a piece of shit every time. Like he would just get really nasty and call you nasty names. And then you go, do you know what? I've had enough of this.

I'm out of here. And you break up with him. dreams and then you go do you know i've had enough of this i'm out of here and you break up with him and then it could be possible he's like oh my god i literally just abused that poor girl every time i was angry i'm a prick i'm not a nice person i don't want to be that person i want to be a nice guy then he can have the wake-up call might not necessarily be for you or it may be too late do you know what i mean like you could be like no no I've given you enough chances because I do actually believe sometimes to have a wake-up call they have to feel like they've genuinely genuinely lost you and I mean lost you like it can't be like oh I could

potentially lose this girl I feel like it needs to be like oh my god I fucked it like she's gone she doesn't actually want to be with me anymore and that's when I genuinely believe there can be a wake-up call but unfortunately for them a lot of the time it can be too late so like you know say I was in a position where I was just really taking my boyfriend for granted and I just really didn't give him enough time just his love his love language is quality time and I'm just like babe get over it I'm a busy girl which I mean then one day he turns around he's like Leah you're not treating me how I deserve to be treated I'm leaving the relationship that's when I could be like oh my god I did not realize what I had I cannot believe I took that for granted I just genuinely believed that relationship was so secure he would never ever leave me and I've lost him that can be a wake-up call but it can be too late but sometimes that guy might go okay I really love you

maybe maybe this can work and then he could he could take me back and then I felt that rock bottom feeling of oh my god I've lost the best things ever happened to me and then I'll switch it up and give him all my love and affection like he deserves do you know what I mean so I can see it happening I can definitely see it happening I've just never experienced it myself personally I've heard it though so you know thought was there um let's see what you guys are saying um yes but I do feel like they slip back to old habits now I can definitely see that I can definitely see the whole like their behaviors change temporarily it's like for example let's go back to the scenario where I'm not giving my boyfriend enough of my time he could take me back and I'm like oh my god that was the worst thing I've ever been for I've

never felt heartbreak like it I never want to lose you I'm so happy for I'm so grateful for this second chance I'm not going to mess this up and I'm making an effort I'm taking him out I'm I'm staying up a bit later with him I'm not on my phone in bed at night just so I can give him a bit more attention and then it's six months later and I've forgotten how painful it was to lose him. And then maybe I might be on my phone a bit in bed or I might stay at work a bit later to hang out with some people. Well, he's like, I thought we were having dinner together. Do you know what I mean? That is, I can imagine that as well.

I can imagine that. In my experience, their wake-up call is usually caused by guilt, e.g. cheating, etc., oh god, that's a tricky one, um, I gave the last one seven years, and now I'm with the most amazing boyfriend in the world, I mean, yeah, that's, that's another thing, it's like, sometimes they can go, oh, I've had a wake-up call, I've had a wake-up call, I've had a wake-up call, bullshit had a wake-up call i've had a wake-up call bullshit no you haven't you just don't like how you feel right now i'm walking away from you don't like that feeling and you're just calling it a wake-up call and actually you're just really fucking upset and you want the pain to go away so you want to come back so it takes

a pain without you you're just gonna treat me like shit and again for another fucking year until i leave you again and then we're gonna do this again for another year anyway back to you guys um they will always go back to their normal ways, unless they want to change within, what, if you're asking them to change, they will never, because they didn't make the decision, oh, okay, right, I can figure out what you're trying to say, this is another thing, I think, I don't think someone will change, because you're asking them to, I think they will change change because they don't like who they are and they don't want to be that person and they don't want to ruin their relationships in their

life does that make sense um for sure sometimes it takes a shit situation for someone to realize and change their ways no just be a decent person and be good in the first place I mean period but also it doesn't always go that way do you know what i mean and you guys know i do think people can make mistakes and learn from them so then i suppose if i believe that then that i technically believe in the wake-up call the mistake like say let's go cheating right let's say you was with someone and then you went out and you kissed someone and then you're like oh my god i have fucked it i've absolutely blown it i've ruined everything that you may never ever ever cheat again because of you did that once

and you're like oh i can't believe i just done that i'm a fucking horrible person i never ever want to lose this and then you can realize how bad you don't want to lose someone how bad somebody actually means to you and how irreplaceable that one person actually feels to you so maybe that can be the wake-up call making a poor decision you know we're not gonna backjack here and say you know oh it was a test i was just testing it in castle remor shut up but you know i can imagine sometimes making a poor decision you can be like oh my god just but just because of the way it makes you feel not because they've left, but because of how your body and your mind has responded to your actions. Oh wow, that's a whole other perspective and I actually quite like it.

Okay, if they love you enough, they will realize, might have to scare them, but it works. Okay, here's another perspective. I think they know when it's a scare, like when you're like, I'm leaving you like I'm leaving you I'm leaving you've lost the best thing that's ever happened to you they know when you don't mean it do you know what I mean I think like I said at the beginning if they feel genuinely hand on heart like oh my fucking god I have lost this person I've lost him I've lost her that is when I can imagine that rock bottom oh my fucking god that has woken me the fuck up if if you start going no do you know what i have so much more self-respect i'm i'm

leaving i'm leaving sometimes they're like yeah of course you are babe do you know what i mean and that's not going to give them the wake-up calls i've i believe if if we're talking about uh walking out on someone's situation it has to feel real and it has to they have to hit rock bottom they have to go through the no contact phase they have to feel like you are you have walked out of their life in order for that to have the wake up call effect would you guys agree on that again this is all my opinion this is all my opinion that's all the weekly debate is sometimes it takes something to click in someone's head to realize yeah for sure for sure sometimes i'm doing something wrong slash cheating can make them realize how much they want the relationship

to work love you love you too yeah again that definitely backs up my idea of like how you respond to your bad choice like say you went out had a one night stand then the next day you're like having major fucking panic attacks like i've absolutely made a terrible decision i did not realize because you could have been in this in a relationship where you're like i don't yeah you know we'll see where it goes you know i'm just taking it day at a time not really sure if i want to be with them and then you go out cheat on them because you don't really think you're that bothered about the thought of losing them do it and then you're like holy shit i didn't realize how much I actually love this person or how actually unreal they are

and how lucky I am do you know what I mean so I can see that for sure for sure um um I was with my ex for seven years he always said he'd have he'd had a wake-up call but never changed I definitely think it can be a bluff like people definitely say that when they haven't I think they think it's a wake-up call but actually it's just because they don't like that they're upset and they want you back so they think oh my god I've realized that you haven't do you know I mean you acknowledging that what you've done is wrong but I don't believe that's a wake-up call every time um no I years, and gave my ex chance after chance, hoping he'd stop cheating, silly me, I mean, you know, lesson or a blessing, babe, don't kick yourself for that, but, yeah, they say it, don't they, I said, wake up, cool, I'm never gonna do this to you again, oh,

but you want to believe them, don't you, because obviously, they've caused you so much pain, like, say someone's cheated on you, they've caused you so much pain like say someone's cheating on you they've caused you so much pain they've absolutely destroyed your self-esteem you're on the floor and then they go this is the wake-up call i needed i'm going to treat you exactly how how you've been asking me to treat you sounds like heaven done it you're like oh my god this is perfect this is perfect and then you go back because that's what you want you want to believe what they say and sometimes they just don't but you know I I do believe I do believe someone can make a bad decision and go oh fuck that's that's woken me up do I believe that you can treat someone poorly for a long period of time and suddenly have a wake-up call from that i don't know darling i don't know that just means you've you've just got to change who you are as a person which is

very hard and takes a lot of work and a lot of self-reflection um but i'm sure it's happened i'm sure you guys i'm sure some of you listening have examples of when that's happened in your relationships and in your life so you know you know, definitely hit me up, let me know. Interesting debate. I think we're all a bit split. I think a lot of you do believe that you can from flicking through the responses. A lot of you have experienced a positive change from the wake up call. Actually, I just remembered I read a DM in response from one of our male listeners. Let me read this out. Where did he go? Where did he go?

Here he is. Right. Yes, my girlfriend of 13 years and fiance for one and a bit has just ended our relationship because I was being too short slash grumpy with her. Long story, but she would ask me if I'm okay four to five times. And by the fifth, I'd be snappy with her and just say, yes, just leave it. She does have insecurities and she told me about it, but I didn't realize it was affecting her this much I'd absolutely do anything to have her back and I would make sure I changed how I answered the question see this is such I mean I really hope for you it isn't too late I really hope for you

that you guys can figure this out because that you know you engaged i'm really praying for you and i have hope i do have hope but this is a great example um and i know i know what you're doing i've experienced that when you when you just are getting really cold bad vibes from your boyfriend and you're like are you okay are you okay are we okay and they're like yeah i'm fine and you're like you're literally not fine and it's giving me anxiety but i don't know what to do besides ask you because i just want reassurance but actually makes me feel like shit anyway um back to you i think i'm have i have some hope for you and you know let's all let's all pray for him that his girlfriend fiance will give him another chance because that is a long old relationship and hopefully this was the wake-up call you needed keep us all updated with that one we'll keep you in our thoughts i'll hold a

good i'll hold a good thought for you what's that program i watched recently where they were saying that um what is that program called something about he's in a he's in he works in control room it's called control room he works in a control room and he's on the phone he's in a he's in he works in control room it's called control room he works in a control room and he's on the phone he's an ambulance person no he's not i'm literally to make that up he's not he works in a control room and then they say like i just killed someone something really bad's gonna happen to me then he goes i'll hold a good thought for you okay thanks a lot jesus christ i know it's actually quite a sweet thing to say anyway let's move into some dilemmas shall we hope you're all comfortable

who's driving who's at the gym who's what else you do walking the dog shout out to my auntie dog walker hey girl shout out to everyone um got me on got me on their TV right now. Am I on TV? Hey, mom, I'm on TV. What's that from? That's a Raven. Oh, who misses that? So Raven.

Do you remember? Oh my God, that was it. Remember when they had that babysitter around and she was crazy. And then it was like a TV show. There she was at the camera. Do you remember that? I love that. So Raven so much.

You little nasty. She's honestly, that was probably my favorite show. No, actually it was Wizards of Waverly Place. No, it was that. So Raven so much. You little nasty. She's honestly, that was probably my favourite show. No, actually it was Wizards of Waverley Place. No, it was That's So Raven. What was your favourite song? You can gaze into the future. Or Wizards, what was that one?

With a snap of your fingers. Oh, it's bugging me. Everything is not what it seems. What else was there? Hannah Montana. It's a go too, hun. Hannah Montana was the number one, actually. No, that's her even. I actually think they're all on par with each other. I love them all. They have such a very deep, special place in my heart. Twiggy, Luff, and Zack, and Cody. Drake, and Josh. Oh my god, iCarly, Victorious. Victorious because I was obsessed

with Ariana Grande since day one, baby. I still am. Do you know who I really want to go and see? I was obsessed with Ariana Grande since day one baby I still am do you know who I really want to go and see Jonas Brothers oh my god Camp Rock that was my sexual awakening as a teenager Joe Jonas I was like hello I loved Joe Jonas so much no High School Musical High School Musical Camp Rock or High School Musical interesting maybe that will be next week's weekly debate High School Musical or Camp Rock Camp rock 2 was better than camp rock hey camp rock one was a bit sad it was a bit pathetic wasn't it and the way that demi used to sing in one of the scenes it used to just make me itch i can't remember you know when they make her like stand up they make what's her name in it mitchie they make mitchie like stand up and sing and it's it's odd it's just odd it's an odd scene

and then camp rock 2 has that amazing nick jonas song what's that one is it something about a toe now the moon looks like a toenail let's all sing it together um i can't actually remember how it goes like a lot of you are relieved aren't you you're like thank god she was about to start singing jesus christ all right i'm just gonna shut up let's get into some dilemmas okay let's kick it off first one hayley oh no sorry this is called please help oh my god i feel like i'm in the control room nine and nine what's your emergency hey leah oh my god if leah on the line had a number what would it be 222 because 22 is my lucky number 222 what is your emergency

that's so sad all right let's just let's just read out the fucking dilemma shall we hey leah absolutely love the pod been here since the start you're smashing by the way guys i'm 25 years old i've just realized i'm 25 and 12 minutes old that's actually not true i wasn't even born yet i was born at 20 to 7 and my brother was born at 7 no i was born at 10 to 7 and my brother was born at 7 um but sorry just making it about me okay so basically oh sorry absolutely love the pod been here since the start you're smashing it girl i love you so much thank you for saying that okay so basically, oh sorry, absolutely love the pod, been here since the start, you're smushing it girl, I love you so much, thank you for saying that. Okay, so basically got myself into a situation.

I've been with my boyfriend nearly three months now, things started off really good. He was so different and I loved how things were going. But now things have fallen really downhill. I'm finding it so hard to be with him and carry on. I'm so unhappy and I feel so unloved. Oh my god, unloved? Fuck off, fuck that. But the problem is, we have booked a holiday together for the end of the month so two weeks away I don't know how I can carry on

when I'm really not happy it's too much money to cancel the holiday and I have no one else to go with do I stick it out and go try and have fun or just lose my money I feel so stuck and I can't talk to anyone about it as I don't want my friends and family to be worried while I'm away. Please help. Thank you. I love you. Bye. Okay, first of all, you sound like you really, really, really, really do not want to be in this relationship.

You said you feel so unhappy and so unloved and that is not good enough, right? I say go on holiday on your own. Go on a solo trip, hon. Could be amazing. Could be a spiritual awakening for you. Or just go on the holiday with him and just end it when you get back don't lose don't lose the money do you mean or just go on your own what would i do i think i'd rather lose the money no i think i'm such a

pussy that i would go on the holiday um and then get back and give it leave it a couple of weeks and then i'd be like yeah this isn't working but deep down i'd be hoping that that feeling would go away depends if he's like being not very fucking nice to you or if you just don't feel anything towards him then that's different but if he's not being very nice to you end the relationship and go on holiday on your own that's what i would do 100 his loss on um definitely don't do anything that is making you unhappy so if you hand on heart in your gut like I cannot go on this fucking holiday with this boy I cannot think of anything worse don't go lose the money like it's not worth how it's making you feel

do you know what I mean um I think in your gut you might know just know what you want to do so maybe just have a look inwards listen to your gut tune in and see what feels like the right thing to do and just go with that because that's all you can really do, you know, and everything's going to be fine. Just, you know, in a month's time, this holiday is going to be so irrelevant. You would have got your head around. If you have lost the money, you would have accepted it, got over it. It is, it is what it is. You'll be out of that relationship because you really don't want to be in it. You're unloved and unhappy and that's not good enough we deserve better do you know what i mean so just saying how important is this going to be in a month's time not very how important is

it going to be in three months time not very how important is this going to be in years time absolutely relevant so i wouldn't worry about it too much don't don't get too stressed you got this girl i love you all right next dilemma hey Leah okay strap yourself in this might be a long one okay who's comfortable who's got a cup of tea so I've just graduated from uni and I'm in that weird middle phase where I have nothing to do before starting my full-time job in September so at uni towards the end I made some amazing friends and we ended up having quite a big friendship group I'd say like 12 of us we would go out all the time and go on day trips and I spent most of my time with these girls then I got to July and some of us are moving out and some were staying in the same place and I can't help but feel like I've

lost friendships I try to stay in contact and make effort but it's hard when you aren't with them every day anymore and I feel like I've almost been forgotten about I've seen that they've met up a few times not everyone but most of them where we used to go to uni and i've not been invited and seen stories and felt shit about it i just need some advice what would you do as i will never beg for a friendship or be asked to be invited out as that's not how friendship should work but i don't want to love these girls sorry lose these girls as they are amazing and when i'm with them i have the best time but i can't help but feel like i've been left behind a bit i feel super lonely as i've not been able to see my other friends that I have in months due to them working and being busy and I'm just not thriving right now I love being by myself and

often do things on my own but I just miss my friends any advice you can give I'd much appreciate I love you okay I love you too uh do you know what I think I don't think it's that um personal to you like I don't think it's a deep thing I literally just think you know they're just hanging out um you've you've moved now is that right um and I think it's okay to just be like hey um can I be included in these plans guys remember me like I think include yourself like reach out to them and be like hey i've seen you guys are hanging out i really miss you guys like is there you know is there any plans i can join in on because i think sometimes it's like an ego thing isn't it where we just like i'm not gonna fucking ask you if i can hang out with you if you don't

want to be my fucking mate you can fuck it off but sometimes like you said they're not all there it's just some of them so i'm sure that the rest of the group are feeling the same so i think it's all right for you to just sort of include yourself in these plans because at the end of the day life is too short so swallow your pride a bit put out the olive branch um and just like try and just like, be like, hey, you, you, bitches, all having a good time about me. I'm your friend as well. Can I bloody come? And just try, do it for yourself. Like, just try and sort of get a bit more involved and rebuild that friendship a little bit.

Because you said those girls are amazing. You really don't want to lose them. So I think just like, reach out. Tell them how you're feeling um make sure that there isn't a problem there do you know what I mean and yeah I think everything will be fine I think it's totally normal for friends to go through like little drifting patches and also after uni from experience I don't have any friends from uni left I wasn't I didn't really have many friends at uni to be honest oh my god sorry guys but I think it's okay to drift from people every now and then and it's

you know it's not always really personal and it's not always really deep so just reach out and I'm sure you'll rebuild that friendship in no time okay I love you all right next dilemma hi leah i hope you're doing well now i know you don't have many lads email in but thought why not give it a go as i need a woman's advice and opinion on this please keep me anonymous of course okay oh shit i just went to reply to him okay sorry honey i'm gonna do that live on air right so i'm in my second year at uni and currently at home for the summer just before i left for summer i met a girl and things progressed and we were talking and had a date planned until sadly she had to cancel due to a family thing okay anyway we've been texting regularly and chats are very good but keep saying to make it official or put labels on it at this early stage which i was semi cool

about but there but here is where the problem occurs while at home over the summer a mutual friend dm'd me about a shared interest of ours and we spoke about it just as you do about your hobbies and she has now asked me to go out of her for a few drinks which i went out for and i've asked about how it was etc but her communication is very limited as she only really replies once a day so i don't know if if i should try and push and go for it and find out more or not now I'm not sure how to go about this I have more in common with the girl from home but I know the girl from uni is into me as she has said it outright I could think of nothing worse than having to choose an upset either because I genuinely think they're both amazing and especially

um it may affect them both differently I've tried talking to the lads, but as usual, they are useless at this. Hope you can help. Thanks. Okay. I think, don't go for someone just because they've said that they're interested in you. Like, you said, you know the girl from uni is into you. She said it. But that's not a reason to just, like, choose her.

Like, well, she's into me, so I'll take that one. Like, I think you're single like you should be open to explore your connections and stuff as long as you're communicating that with them and they don't think that you're in an exclusive situation um and you're open about the fact that you are dating other people and just see who your connection ends up stronger with so one of them might naturally fizzle out um one of them might just be really overwhelmingly stronger than the other and then you can call things off gently with the other person and be like you know i'm seeing someone at the moment i had a really good time with you but you know i just don't think it's

going to be that way for us blah blah blah and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that like you don't have to be talking to someone and be like yes it's just you it's all about you i'm obsessed with you i'm not talking to anyone else like you can you can say to them like just so you know i am still like exploring connections with other people um and you should you should do the same blah blah blah um and just you know don't stress take the pressure off and just see see how it goes and enjoy it you know that's that's what dating is that's what being single is um and i'm sure the answer will just come to you naturally babes so enjoy it have some great dates but just always be honest just communicate be honest don't you know don't tell someone it's all you i'm obsessed with you not talking to anybody else if that's not the case you know just be an open and honest

guy and that's all a girl can ever ask from you. And good luck. Let me know how it goes. Thanks for sending in, Dilemma. We love hearing from the lads. Lad, lad, lad. All right. Next, Dilemma.

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so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side. Hey Leah, love in the pod. Really love having a bestie who's totally honest, been here since day one. Oh, I love you. Okay. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over four years now. We have a house, a dog and a four month old baby together. Oh my God, congrats. I have so much love

for my boyfriend. I do everything I can to try and make a happy home and make his life easier. For example, I do all the cooking, cleaning, et cetera. Oh my God, could never be me. However, we've been bickering over the smallest things ever and it always ends really badly. Me crying, us not speaking for days, et cetera.

Jesus Christ, that sounds so exhausting. I'm always open with how i feel ed if if he did something that upset me i'd tell him but he really just does not does not like talking about his feelings no matter how hard i try he just can't but do you know what you're gonna have to try and learn because there's two people in this relationship not just you i'm talking to him by the way not you last weekend we had a huge argument and i told him i didn't want to be with him he called me really nasty names which he does in every argument i'm sorry what that's not acceptable so i ended up packing my shit and leaving to go and stay at my mom's with my baby i'm now back home and we've had a few discussions about what

we both think is best i've told him I really don't deserve to be called names, and I don't want our son growing up thinking it's okay to call women or anyone horrible things. Yes, girl. That's my girl. He apologised for the name calling, but says that's... Oh, okay. Ew! Listen to this. He apologised for the name calling, but says that's what he does in arguments,

always has and always will, because he know it hurts me. Well, you've just literally told me that when we argue your aim is to hurt me is there something wrong with you is there something wrong up there upstairs that's not okay um over the past few weeks thanks to this pod oh i've really realized my self-worth and know what i deserve yes yes say it louder do you think I'd be an idiot to stay with him or do you think there are there may be something in him that wants to try to do better shall I give him some time or do you really think I need to walk away would really love your advice thanks so much love you bye so this kind of ties into our weekly debate because it's a bit like

he's not had a wake-up call like you've literally walked out and he's gone look that's who I am you take it or leave it I'm gonna call you nasty names and make he's gone look that's who I am you take it or leave it I'm gonna call you nasty names and make you feel like shit that's who I am and I'm not willing to change so now you need to be in a position where are you willing to accept that or not the answer is no by the way the answer is no we're not willing to accept that so personally you're never an idiot to stay with him like I would never say that to any of you you know you're not an idiot do you know what I mean it's very difficult to walk away from someone but at the end of the day you you like you've said you know what you deserve and you know you deserve better so I wouldn't I wouldn't I wouldn't kick yourself um but I do think your boyfriend is basically telling you now i am who i am i'm not going to change and listen

that's not good enough you're not you're not being treated right and for him to turn around and be like look this is who i am this is how i act in argument if you don't like it suck it off do you know what i mean like see see you later see you later i'll literally just go and find someone that's not going to call me all these names when we argue do you know how easy that will be for me very do you know how 10 out of 10 i actually am do you know what i actually have to offer somebody in a relationship it's an honor to be with me right you just want me to accept this behavior from you no immediately no so it's worth a chat it's worth that conversation um but also more of one with yourself and what you're willing to accept from somebody

because that's some bullshit that's some bullshit you're bullshit i love you so much and i'm so sorry you're feeling this right now everything's gonna be fine because you're amazing good things happen to amazing people i love you all right next dilemma hey leah i've had a bit of a shit week and an even worse evening and the first person i thought was you oh my god i love you i mean i'm so sorry that you're having a shit week and worse evening but i'm so glad you feel like i'm here for you because i am all right dilemma i've just had one of them weeks where I feel like everything is going wrong and testing me. Tonight, I was supposed to be staying at my boyfriend's, but it didn't go to plan. I have a key to his house. Love that. And all week, he's asked me to stay over and see me when he finishes his late shifts around 10 or 11. But I couldn't because of

my work early in the morning. Today is Thursday and seeing as my boss isn't in tomorrow and it's a Friday, I didn't care about being late. So I agreed to stay over after he had pretty much begged me all morning. He's already warned me that he would finish at nine tonight, but I didn't mind as I could chill at his. Before I'd gone round, I'd done a quick food shop and gotten his fave bits to stock his kitchen and then tidied up a bit. So cute. He then sent me a text saying i'm working till 11 now so there's no point in you staying why what why do you not just want to come home and get into bed with me isn't that fucking good enough for you surely that anyone will just take that even if

that's the bare bare minimum they can get from their girlfriend for a night i'm not gonna be back till 11 but you know don't wait up go to sleep i'll come cuddle up to you when we get into bed we'll have the morning together do you know what i mean so no point in you staying oh fuck off then i was fuming by this point because he's not even said i'm sorry i'm working late feel free to stay over exactly i called him up and said well i'm here now i'm tired i don't care if you come in late i kind of just want to stay here now yeah as anyone would probably this is when the argument started he just switched and turned cold saying he thinks i'm weird for being in his house when he's not even there even after he gave

me a key i'm sorry why are you giving me a key if you're if you just want me to be there when you're in what an idiot he doesn't make any sense there's some there's missing information to this story for sure he doesn't want me there and if i'm still there by the time he's back he won't speak to me tomorrow i'm sorry at this point i was crying because i had to do something i had tried to do something nice and i had just wanted to surprise him and didn't want to annoy him in any way now i'm not sure what to do he said he's tired and wants to see me tomorrow i'm now at home ignoring his texts after him making me feel so unwanted this morning he was sending me the nicest text you could imagine and tonight he's shouting down the phone that i'm a weirdo and to get out of his house what should i do now fuck off fuck off fuck off i actually think there's something going on here i'm not even

joking that's not normal behavior a normal situation sorry babe i've got to stay until 11 i'm gutted i was really looking forward to coming home and spending the night with you i would really love it if you just stay over i don't expect you to stay awake you know i'll come get into bed with you i'll get up early and you know spend the morning with you before you go off to work not don't be a fucking weirdo get out my house what are you doing in my house i'm sorry i hate to say this but could there be a possibility that he's trying to bring another girl home i'm not sure that's probably the opposite of what you want to hear right now but you know we've got to consider all options look at it from

all angles here it's odd like it doesn't actually make sense which is what's so confusing to me like i feel like there has to be more information why do you not want me in your house when you get home i cannot think of another explanation as to why you want rid of me i don't get it i feel like it was a lie if i was you i would have been driving around his house at 9 10 11 seeing what time we got home and seeing who the fuck he was bringing in for sure so um i'm not being funny that's horrible like that's actually nasty i just think that's nasty like spiteful cold dickhead behavior it's a dickhead comment do you know what i mean it's a horrid horrid henry

okay it's not funny it's not funny i personally i'm not having that i'm not having that i'd be like i'm sorry who the fuck are you talking to like that first of all calling me a weirdo shouting at me down the phone first of all but also i i don't believe i don't believe that it's that simple of a story i think he's hiding something i don't know what or this maybe there's something going on in his head i don't know i feel like i'm really putting a negative spin on this and only really giving you a negative um scenario or negative possible outcome but look as your friend i've got i've got to be honest and say we've got to consider all angles here you either approach the situation be like what the what the fuck are you hiding from me? Why the fuck wouldn't you want me

to just come home? I mean, be, be, be, oh my God, why, why wouldn't you just want to come home to me? That's normal. Like, what's, it's odd. Why would you just want me to go home? What's the point? I'm there now. Might as well just stay and we just get to cuddle in bed at night. That's enough. I've missed you. I'll take that. If that's all I can get that's okay but yeah you either do that or I think we do some investigating perhaps maybe we spy on him after us drive past his house a few times see if there's any unrecognized vehicles outside his car I mean outside his house or maybe if there's anyone else that gets out of his car when he gets home i don't know i'm just throwing out some options here what do you guys think it's hard because i think it's it's fishy it's fishy sticky like it's it don't make

sense that's why that's why i'm confused it doesn't make sense why why would it be any better if i'm not there like you finish at 11 it is what it is do you mean i'm here now why is it going to make a difference if i go home why is that going to be better for you if i'm not there i don't get it steven you don't make any sense so So yeah, we either interrogate or we investigate. Oh, I like that actually. Interrogate or investigate. That's quite a good little, not really a quote, is it? Saying? Phrase. Maybe that will stick. But yeah, you decide what you want to do. but yeah you decide what you want to do um what do your friends and family think have a think about that and then keep us all updated because i think there's definitely something more to the story there i'm not saying he's cheating but i don't know odd behavior and

i'd love i'd love for you to do a bit of digging and then let us all know but i hold a good thought for you i love you i hope it is just that maybe he was tired and grumpy and just wanted to be on his own maybe just wanted a bit of space let's put a positive spin on this maybe just was in a bad mood is pissed off that he was finished at 11 and just wanted a bit of space maybe he's just one of them people that when he's pissed off he just wants to be on his own um which i can understand actually now that i think about that being a possibility that could i look at me straight away. He's cheating on you.

Drive past his house every hour. No, he could literally just have been in a really bad mood. But then also, you don't have to be nasty. He could have just said, babe, I've just been told I've got to finish at 11. I'm pissed right off about it. I'm really sorry. I'm really in a bad mood.

Is that right if I see you tomorrow? I really appreciate you coming round. Do you know what I mean? He could have said that. I could have said that, but I didn't. I'd say, no, I'm listening there around do you know what i mean you could have said that i could have said that but i didn't i said no i wasn't in there do you know what i mean yeah let us all know you decide what you want to do babes whatever you decide is the right thing to do um and let us all know how you get on we'll think we'll be thinking of you we love you all right let's do another dilemma hey leah love your podcast so much i love you my dilemma is what

if everyone says they always come back and then they don't three times over oh no okay here we go to explain i've now been through three relationships none of which ended on my terms the breakups have only got harder and harder for me as the most recent relationship lasted the longest three years i love so hard and give my everything to them just to be given up on and i'm finding it impossible to get my confidence back at this point every time i've been told don't worry they'll regret it they'll come back and they never ever have understandably i think that just makes me feel so shit like i wasn't anything special. Please help. P.S. Sorry for the long message. Oh my God. Not at all.

Not at all. Okay. Honestly, they don't always come back. They don't always. We like to think that they do always come back, but they don't always. But I think as well, maybe because you love so hard and you give them everything. Sometimes people only come back when they feel like, oh my god, she doesn't even want me anymore, right, let me give an example of when they come back, right,

they break up with you, yeah, and you're on the floor, oh my god, oh my god, this is awful, this is awful, and then you go, actually, it is what it is, he doesn't want to be with me anymore, I love myself, you have a glow up, you feel better about yourself, you don't give a fuck, he's a piece piece of shit you're in the fuck men phase and then they are like oh my god look at her she's doing amazing this is fucking shit now now she's really attractive to me all of a sudden now I'm actually really attracted to that person and I really want to be with that person that's when they come running back because they're all of a sudden you're so attractive to them now because you're thriving and you're happy on your own you don't need him and they find that attractive she doesn't need me she didn't want me how attractive is that yeah fuck off yeah that's when they come running

back so maybe because you love so hard and you give them everything they know that if they if they came back they they maybe they think we don't know if this is true but maybe they think if i go back i can have her back. Do you know what I mean? She was such a like good girlfriend and she loved me so much that if I go back to her she'll probably take me back. Whereas a lot of the time they only come back because their ego is so hurt and they can't bear the thought that you're over them and you don't want to be with them anymore. So they come running back because they want to feel like you do want them but most of the time we fucking don't at that point so maybe just because

they know that you love so much um and you are so good to them that they know if they came running back they'd have you back do you know what i mean and obviously the relationship ended so when boys come running back a lot of the time it's not actually because they want to be with you it's just because their ego is a bit bruised so it honestly isn't to do with you it's nothing to do with you you're unreal do you know what i mean your validation should never come from from another person ever especially not relationships like your self-worth should not be determined by your success in relationships and in your love life so I think just give yourself credit for the fact that even though you've been hurt you are still so willing to love and so willing to

put your all into a relationship and that's what's going to make you an amazing partner and one day that right person is going to appreciate that enough and that's going to be who deserves it do you know what I mean and they're not going to walk away from you let alone come running back because you're just going to be perfect for them and you're going to that's going to be your person and you're going to be right for each other it doesn't matter if they come running back because listen every time they come running back you don't even fucking want them anyway it's all about ego it's nothing to do with the fact that they actually really appreciate you and love you and they finally want to be together and take you back la la it's always too late

it's always just because that they're feeling insecure and they need they need an ego boost it's never because oh i want to i want the relationship to work and then you get back together and you have this beautiful incredible relationship that should never have ended okay it happens sometimes all right it does it can but a lot of the time it's just too late you just think oh fuck off do you mean so don't feel like you're missing out on these people coming running back because if they were meant for you, they would be back and you would be together, but they're not meant for you. So take it as a blessing. The universe is looking out for you. Maybe it knows, maybe the universe knows that if this man came running back to you, you would take him back and that's not right for

you. That's not the right path for you to go down. That isn't the person you're meant to be with so they're protecting you from that do you know what i'm saying so just try and flip your perspective a bit it's nothing to do with you you're so willing to love that's going to make you such a good partner to someone that actually deserves it and someone that appreciates it so save save all your love for the next person and never let it put you off the idea of a possible successful relationship because free failed relationships they don't fail but do you know what I mean free relationships that ended it's totally normal like I've had two relationships I'll say failed but I don't I don't like the word failed they just ended do you know what I mean that's okay I'm okay with that didn't they didn't

want to be with me in the end and that's okay do you know what that, they didn't want to be with me in the end, and that's okay, do you know what I mean, they don't want to be with you, and that is completely fine, I don't want to fucking be with you either, babe, so yeah, don't let it affect your self-esteem, you are worthy of so much love, and just keep your heart open, because that is, you know, don't let these people take that away from you, that's such a lovely trait to have that you are so willing to love and you are such a good partner to someone don't let don't let these people and these experiences take that away from you um because you absolutely you absolutely have this okay let's just do one last dilemma okay hayley i love the podcast and your tiktoks they honestly make my day oh my god thank you i'm literally so close to 100k it's killing me right i really need some advice on how to get

the spark back in my relationship me and my boyfriend have been together two years and have been living together for just under a year for the past few months we've been in a really rocky place where we're arguing a lot lots of disagreements and general awkwardness like we are drifting apart this makes me so upset because i love and adore him so much i feel like i need to give it one last shot before completely ending it between us as this has been going on for ages and maybe we just aren't right for each other right now what can i do to bring back the love we felt for each other at the start or is this relationship over thank you okay i will say it's totally normal like for the spark to come and

go totally normal and should definitely be normalized to come and go, totally normal, and should definitely be normalized. Okay, we spoke about this in a weekly debate. I think the spark, I don't like using the word spark, because I think it's so general, just general, like what is the spark? Like, what do you mean the spark? Do you know what I mean? But I genuinely believe that if your relationship is built on attraction and sexual connection and then the spark goes that can be hard to come back from because your relationship doesn't have a strong foundation do you know what I mean like if you're just a sexual if it was built on a sexual connection I think that foundation is isn't necessarily very strong for a sustainable

long-term relationship to get through rocky patches and you know dry spells and work stress and mental health stress and you know what I mean whereas if your relationship's built on um friendship trust loyalty um respect that's when the spark can go. But you have so much, you have that trust, you have that friendship, and that's when it can come back. So I think it's totally normal that the spark's gone. And it just depends on whether you think, I actually really want to save this relationship, because it doesn't always have to feel like the end of the relationship just because the spark's not there at the moment doesn't have to feel like the end of the relationship um I think just maybe try if you are willing to try and save it which it sounds like you are have a little chat but I don't think

use the words like the spark's gone because I think it can add pressure and add a negative atmosphere around the relationship which can actually make it worse sometimes because then you feel like you're worried about what they're thinking and he's worried about what you're thinking and then you when you're having a bad day where there really is no spark you're both so aware of it and it feels so much heavier but I think you can say to him like um let's go on a few more dates or like just little things like leaving a little note next to his toothbrush or next to the kettle in the morning because you know he makes his morning coffees just like going a bit more out of your way to show how much you

love and appreciate someone because I think you have to love someone it's learning how to love someone when the spark isn't necessarily firing do i mean so as long as you can still love each other through that patch i think it's workable um so little things so find a way to chat with him without using those harsh words of like the spark's gone our relationship's going downhill we're never going to feel the way that we used to at the beginning and also don't chase the way you felt at the beginning because they're different people you know like now like at the beginning you were getting to know each other you fancied each other it was butterflies it was new you can't chase that feeling because it's only ever new when it's new you won't get that time back it's not going to be new again it's not going to be all exciting again

like once you're used to that person hearing their name doesn't give you butterflies anymore and like seeing their car doesn't give you butterflies like of course that's your person you're comfortable that doesn't have to be a bad thing like when people use that term like oh it's just comfortable yeah it can be a bad thing if if it if you know they're taking advantage of you and not appreciating you and shit like that but if it's just a case of like i i know we're together and i know that's my person that's absolutely fine and absolutely normal so i wouldn't worry about that at all what i will say is just like don't focus on the fact that you don't feel like that anymore because that is obviously gonna go like 10 years down the line you're not

gonna hear the name steve and go oh my god steve do you know what i mean you're just gonna hear your partner steve i love my steve do you know what i mean so that's okay as well to feel like you're not like how you were at the beginning no one ever stays how they were at the beginning because it's not the beginning anymore you're comfortable you're safe you're in this beautiful relationship it has difficult times it has amazing times and that's life relationships take work you have to work in relationships but definitely just try and save it and you know if you genuinely in your heart feel like this relationship is over and i've tried then that's okay do you know what i mean don't feel upset don't feel like well obviously

you will be upset but i mean like don't feel like you did anything wrong or like you didn't do enough or he didn't love you enough do you know what i mean like if it's meant to be it will not pass you by that is the truth honey um yeah just just try and communicate in a really sensitive way and keep it positive like don't be like this relationship's gonna fail if you don't pull your fucking weight babe do you know what i mean let's just be like look i'm just feeling a little bit less connected to you and i really miss it i really miss when we'd stay up late and watch a series together let's get into something new do you know what i mean let's like do something that we used to love doing together let's make a bit more time for

each other because i really miss that with you I loved, I loved those times we had together, it doesn't have to be negative, do you know what I mean, so yeah, I think you'll be fine, but keep me updated, keep us all updated, and don't stress, like everything is going to be fine, everything is going to be fine, it's going to work out in the way that it's meant to work out, do not worry, and you've got this, all right, I love love you so much keep us all updated with that one okay guys i'm gonna end the episode here it's been emotional it's been really quite amazing actually i've really enjoyed this episode i've really enjoyed the dilemmas um i feel like there were some really good ones um and yeah i hope you're all alright. I hope you're all feeling good.

Summer's coming to an end now. Pretty shit, hey. I'm such a summer girl. But Halloween is around the corner. Anyone got any ideas what I can dress up as on Halloween? Because I keep changing my mind. But I really just want to go with something sick. I just want to be like, boom.

Like, sick idea. Do you know what I mean? But then I say it every year. Then I just, every year, I'm just going to fucking ghost Catwoman. I do it every year. Honestly, every year, Catwoman. Clown Catwoman. One of the two. Do you know what I mean but then I say it every year then I just every year I'm just going to fucking ghost Catwoman I do it every year honestly every year Catwoman clown Catwoman one of the two do you know what I mean or devil do you know the fucking boring basic bitch outfits I just always

do them so anyone got anything cool any got any cool ideas please hit me up and let me know and yeah I've loved this episode I love every Tuesday and I'm going to go to Manchester tomorrow for my birthday. I'm really excited. I'm actually still going to be there when this comes out.

So I'm really excited. I love Manchester. I want to move there one day. It's on the cards, but we'll see. All right, guys. I love you so much. I hope you have the best week. I hope you get done anything you need to get done.

I hope you are getting through every day. If you're having a hard time at the moment, you've got this. Everything is going to be fine. You have all the strength in the world you need to get through this and we all believe in you. We love you. Look in the mirror. Let's do some affirmations actually. I do this on TikTok live but let's bring it into the pod. Repeat after me. I am gorgeous. I'm a gorgeous slag. No, I'm joking. I am gorgeous. I'm kind. I am funny. I am great in bed. I am a lover. I attract positive energy. I attract positive energy. I bring out the best in people.

I have massive jugs. No, that is really false for me. But for some of you, that's going to be correct. And for those, you know, what's that like? What's it actually like having big boobs? Anyway, I'm going to shut up and go to bed because it's almost 1am now well 5 2 but yeah i absolutely love this episode i love every episode you guys are the best friends i love hanging out with you for an hour or whatever it is on the on the pod every week i love it this is my favorite time all right guys i will see you on friday for a brand

new episode of here on the line have the best week and i'll be thinking about you i'll hold a good fort for you all right guys do amazing things you're sexy and amazing all right i love you I adore you. Yeah, I adore you. I adore you. Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love.

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