Leah on the Line - 39: Do I tell my ex I want him back even though he has a new girlfriend?

Episode Date: October 25, 2022

Hey huns! Today we debated whether you need to have a connection with somebody to have sex with them! I loved this debate and hearing your responses as well as the contrast in dilemmas this week. I had the best time chatting with you besties. Thank you so so much for your love and support, you are everything! As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leah on the line how are you happy tuesday i just went out for a really gorgeous dinner with my gorgeous, gorgeous self, with my boyfriend, but I'm looking at him right now, and he was getting all excited, thinking, oh my god, she's gonna say I'm gorgeous, she's gonna say, with my gorgeous, gorgeous boyfriend, anyway, he's in the doghouse at the moment, because I just made a TikTok, have you guys heard that sound, tell me that you love me yeah tell me that i take your breath away anyway so you basically stand there next to your boyfriend and that audio is in the background and he's you just stand there and you don't say anything you don't give them

any clues because obviously if they love you they shouldn't need any clues and you just stand there looking at the camera and like the boyfriends that love their girlfriends turn to them and they're like i I love you. You take my breath away. You are the love of my life. What did my boyfriend do? Sweet, sweet fuck all. He just stared at the camera.

He's like, what do we do? What do we do? I was like, you failed. It wasn't a test for me. It was a test for you and you failed. So basically I'm now on the market. If anybody. I just got thugged out. I don't go in the doghouse. I never go in the doghouse.

Anyway, I can't fit in the doghouse with my big batty. My big batty, yeah. Anyway, hi everyone. Welcome back. I miss you guys so, so, so, so much. Hope you had an amazing weekend. what did you get up to, what did I do this weekend, can't even remember, must have been boring. Anyway, welcome back, I love you guys so much, we have a really fun weekly debate today, we're going to do what we always do, get into some dilemmas, I popped one up on my story so you guys could give some advice to one of our listeners today because there's a bit

of a tricky dilemma, I really don't know where I stand on it I didn't I didn't know what advice to give so I thought I'd turn to the x-bugs you know x-bugs that's not a word anyway let's just get straight into the episode all right hope you're all sitting comfortably or standing what do you guys do when you listen to this podcast? So many of you tell me that you drive, and then you DM me like, I almost crashed my car today, thanks to you. So maybe don't drive when you listen to Leo on the Line, or do, but at your own risk. I'm sure you're all very safe drivers, hey? But anyway, let's get into the weekly debate hunt. Today, we're debating, do you have to have a connection with somebody

to have sex with them so let's just go straight in and see what you guys are saying it is majority like a big majority is no you don't so no but i think it makes the experience better yeah for sure i can see that i prefer it but not necessary um nope I'm legit in love with my friend but he has a girlfriend wait what does this have to do with the debate I'm so confused I'm legit in love with my friend but he has a girlfriend I'm so lost I'm so lost anyway I'm so sorry about that that's really fucking awful send us a send us a dilemma honey because I need to hear all about that um I honestly think I could have sex with a stranger but I wouldn't let them go down on me something about it is so much more vulnerable and I'd need a connection to let them do that so I've actually heard that men prefer

what it's like a thing like not a lot of men will just go down on a girl like a one-night stand like it's like a relationship thing or like a situationship thing like it's like it's not a one-night stand situation but they they expect you to you've their fucking dick in your mouth do you know what i mean but yeah just interesting fact it's just i've heard it from a few guys interesting okay moving forward um 100 i can't have sex with someone without a connection ever love that um i think the connection you need to have is sexual connection slash chemistry okay great point yeah for sure um someone says no i strongly believe sex is just sex is for pleasure totally see your point hon totally see your point um one night stand no if you're in a relationship yes you're having constant sex oh yeah for sure

i mean i should have a connection if i'm in a relationship, yes, you're having constant sex. Oh yeah, for sure. I mean, I should have a connection if I'm in a relationship. Well, stop. You know what I mean? Um, at the moment, yes. Wouldn't feel relaxed otherwise. And also too self-conscious. I can totally get that point of view. Like when it comes to sex, you need to feel comfortable. And like, sometimes you need to feel like you can connect with that person to even feel comfortable in the first place. So I can totally get it. I totally get it. Um, no, straight up. no. Yes, otherwise I'd simply not be ready for it if you get my drift. Right, so what you mean is we might not reach the climax. Is that what we're saying here? No, I've had sex with people when I'm drunk and not even remember the next day. Okay, babe, love that for you. Have sex with whoever the fuck you want. For sure, for sure.

Personally, I would rather sleep with someone who I have a connection with um someone says i used to think this but when i split up with my ex it all changed um your whole getting your whole is the goal what um bad sex no unbelievable amazing sex yes got to be a connection yeah I see that a physical attraction yes emotional connection no yeah again I can see I can see the point I can see all of the points here yes on some level if there's no connection I may as well wank I'd enjoy it more yeah well you're not wrong you're not wrong absolutely not unless you're going through your slutty phase hashtag France 2k12 all right um yes i have to at least know them a bit makes the sex so much better when you have a connection um a connection

makes the experience better but it's not necessary no i slept with a friend of mine just because we were drunk but then did you already have a connection because you're friends you know i mean um no but it makes it way better no definitely not not particularly sometimes physical attraction is all I need yeah I get it I get it so where I stand on this one is like I'm with you on the fact that it's like if there's no connection then it's just genuinely generally shit you know like it's not I don't know I always I've always said on the podcast that I don't know who's ever had a really great one night stand, do you know what I mean, I've never had a one night stand but like I've had sex with people that I haven't had a connection with and like it's never

been good, do you know what I mean, so yeah, I'm with you on the fact that I don't think you need to get down, to get down jiggy with it but I do think there needs to be a connection to really let loose you know really enjoy it so interesting debate it was leaning a lot more towards that no I don't need a connection but most of you were like I'd rather have one which yeah I'm with you on that one babes so yeah love that from you guys let me know anything you want to debate next any ideas you have oh also make sure you're sending in confessions and dilemmas never forget okay um and let's get into some dilemmas okay i'm gonna kick it off with this one really interesting one okay it says help what do i do

hey leah so recently i've been wondering if my boyfriend is the one or whether I'm overreacting little things give me the ick then later I think it's no big deal and find him cute again I've also realized me and him we don't really talk I keep looking at other couples and seeing them so loved up and it feels like we just sit and exist even though we do also have fun times together sometimes I'm not sure what to do or whether it's a me problem he's not doing anything wrong I'm just so picky is that what a relationship looks like please help I love you bye so my immediate thought is like this ick feeling in a relationship it comes back like it might go away but it always comes back and like I think it's okay to go through like a

little temporary like oh you're just giving me the ick do you know what I mean but to look at your relationship and be like this is just shit like we we just exist together we just sit and exist and to say like oh we have fun sometimes like yeah you should do you know what I mean like that you shouldn't hold on to that be like oh but you know I don't know whether I'm asking for too much you're not and also you saying like I'm just so picky you're not like to want a boyfriend that you actually enjoy being in their company and vice versa like that doesn't make you picky I think that's the bare minimum we should expect in our relationships honeys okay so for me it feels a bit like it's you're like check checking out a little bit um and just from my experience in dilemmas in my real life in what I've seen in my friends relationships around me

I just think like this feeling is is very overwhelming and it it tends to just keep coming back like you said you like you you get the ick and then you think it's no big deal and then you find them cute again it tends to come back so I think see how long this feeling sort of lasts um but personally like if I'm talking to you as a best friend which is what we are I would say to you like you deserve a better relationship than this like this just sounds a bit shit do you know what I mean and like it doesn't mean that that there's no recovering from it and this is just your relationship now walk away break up with him because it can be repaired you know I would have a

conversation with him and I wouldn't say you give me the ick everything you do makes me feel sick like I don't think we need to offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings here but I think you can have a conversation and be like I just feel like we're just offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings here but I think you can have a conversation and be like I just feel like we're just around each other like there's a massive difference between spending time with someone and being around someone like you know when you're with someone and you're like oh we never do anything together and they're like I see you all the time it's like we're just living together like we're just existing we're just surviving do you know what I mean like this isn't a relationship um and I think you have the right to say that that's how you feel without

mentioning the ick part and see if it's salvageable like see if you can work together to rebuild this bond and this connection that you obviously once had um and make sure that you feel like you gave it everything before you do decide that you know it might be time to walk away because essentially as a friend I'm telling you now that you deserve a better relationship than this like it's just not good enough like you deserve to be around someone and be laughing and happy you know it's not like that all the time obviously but it should be more than just sometimes do you know what I mean um and yeah I don't think you're picky I don't think this is an unfair thing to say um I think have a conversation see if it's salvageable see if he feels the same because I'm sure he does like I think a lot of the time you can approach your partner saying I feel like our relationship's

just a bit shit at the moment like the spark's gone and it can be a bit of a case of denial like he might turn around and be like no what are you talking about like everything's fine but he might deep down feel like that and it might just be difficult to admit so if that is the case then you can be like okay if you don't feel it that's fine but I feel it so what are we going to do about that do you know what I mean you don't have to agree with me you don't have to think that this relationship's fizzling out I do so I feel like less let's spend a bit more time on each other you know maybe just give that a go and then maybe reassess the situation from there babe personally and keep us all updated

as I always say I love you so much you're gonna be absolutely fine next dilemma okay this is the one that I went to you guys on Instagram for because it's a really tough one so let's just get straight in do I reach out or forget about him hey Leah love the podcast thank you I love you so much I have a bit of a dilemma and thought you'd be the best person to give advice okay well I was I'm stuck with this one so I went to the to the other besties but thank you from the age of 18 to 21 I was dating a guy who was a year younger, my first love. We were inseparable and I look back fondly on the time we had together. However, it was still a very young relationship and at the time he couldn't meet my needs. I couldn't save, always wanted to play on his PlayStation and we'd never go out. Yeah, yuck. I started to go out more with work

colleagues and enjoyed the social aspect that I was lacking. We decided to break up and four years later I've been in a few failed relationships and I always wonder what we'd be like now and I really miss him. A year after breaking up he lost his granddad so I messaged him and we spoke all evening staying up till 2am but we were both in new relationships. He's still with the girl after me. They've gone traveling, started being really active, sociable and have just just bought a house together i can't help but feel sad we didn't get to experience that together and feel if i stayed that that could have been us i moved back to our hometown last year and bumped into him and still felt a connection part of me wants to let him go but the other part of me thinks about him regularly and still can't help but wonder is it wrong of

me feeling like this so i actually really sympathize for you and I I don't think it's wrong of you to feel like this at all because essentially you look back like you said you look back on the relationship fondly but it was lacking certain things and good for you for walking away from that at the time because it wasn't good enough for you at the time and now you're seeing him with somebody else giving her all the things you just wanted from him so you're like oh fuck I should have just stayed no you shouldn't have you walked away because that was what was right for you in in that time um so don't don't kick yourself for that at all my immediate thought is like is it him you want or is it the fact that she's getting a part of him that you wanted and didn't

get do you know what I mean like maybe it's a case of like well why does she get it and I wanted that from you and you couldn't you couldn't give me that so I don't know if it comes from a place of like oh that looks so amazing like they they they're so active together and they they have this amazing fun social life together and and they're traveling and living like their relationship looks amazing and you're like oh shit I had him once so if I can have him back then I'll have that amazing relationship and you know you feel this connection so I'm torn between whether it's that or whether it's because you know you genuinely genuinely do still have love for this person but my immediate thought process is like you cannot interfere in his relationship like if somebody came to my boyfriend like his ex from years ago and was

like oh like I still have fears but I still think about you I'll be livid like I would be so upset and I just think don't meddle in something else like if if you're meant to be together that his relationship with his girlfriend will come to an end and you and him will your paths will cross like as i always say what's meant for you will never pass you by the universe will never do you like that like if he's meant to be with you the universe will bring him to you um and i just think be really careful and don't don't cause damage you know like be be careful here this is dangerous territory but let's see what you guys have said because like i said i think it's a really difficult

one um okay let's let's look at this dm okay it isn't wrong and i sympathize so much with her such a heartbreaking situation i guess we can go back to the if it's meant to be it will be or if he's her soulmate one day they'll find their way back but at the if it's meant to be it will be or if he's her soulmate one day they'll find their way back but at the same time it wouldn't be right for her to make a move as he's in a relationship now just remember everything happens for a reason and she will find her man yeah 100% agree um another person I feel so sad I would say not to interfere with his relationship and just let him live life and figure it out maybe in the future if they're both single they can have a conversation and maybe try again but until then i think it's best to love him from afar sad face that is so sad like when you put it like that like love him

from afar that's really heartbreaking do you know what i mean um okay on the contrast reach out to the guy explain how you feel obviously he's got a girlfriend so approach it in a friendly way even if they can't be together right now who's's to know what the future holds? The universe will never ever let your person go by. If he's the one, he's the one. Okay, let's look at this one. I don't think it's wrong to feel that way, especially as it's someone who is familiar and she loved. Torn between two things here, of right person, wrong time and what's meant for you won't pass you by it's it's a difficult one and i think it can it can be argued either way but personally i feel in this situation as he has a girlfriend getting a house of her traveling etc it seems just too messy to pursue

anything with this boy she needs to ask herself is the thing she's yearning i.e a house traveling things she wants to experience with him specifically or is it more just things she has seen this boy doing with his new girlfriend and wants that for herself i think it's 100 a massive sign that your current partner isn't fulfilling you if you feel this way maybe you need to flip this into a positive then that oh my god that this interaction has shown you now what you're looking for in your partner oh my god i couldn't put it better myself round of applause for i don't know if i'm allowed to say your name but i'm just gonna say it round of applause for Charlotte Charlotte you absolutely killed it with that advice I really I'm on Charlotte's team I think she put it really well

um let him go if he has a girlfriend they'll end up together if it's meant to be so yeah I feel like a lot of us are on the same page of like don't don't do it you know like and also also think about like this right if you if you genuinely feel this connection and he really feels it too oh no I'm I'm contradicting myself because I've just thought something else basically I was gonna say if you feel this connection and he feels it too he's gonna end his relationship because he's gonna feel this connection that you're feeling but then I'm also like you guys remember when I had Talia on the podcast right and our weekly debate was like do you disclose your feelings to someone that's in a relationship and she made a great point of like what if this person is unhappy with their relationship but like they don't really

have a reason to leave and then what if you come come along and you're like I'm in love with you and then it's like oh my god this is my get out like this is this is gonna help me leave this this relationship because now this person feels how I felt like and I was like shit Talia you're right so I'm torn now I've really just what's that saying a throner what is that saying throwing a spanner in the works thank you throwing a spanner in the works, thank you. Thrown a spanner in the works. Do you know what I mean? So honestly, you're on your own on that one, babe.

No, I'm joking, you're never on your own. You've got all of us at the end of the line. Personally, I think my advice as a best friend is don't interfere. Let the universe do its work, okay? And focus on yourself because everything that you want from this guy, you can get from another guy. what is so amazing about this ex that you're hung up on him like what is it about him that you can't possibly find in someone else if not more if not better you know like there are

billions of boys out there let's go for a single one let's go for one with no history yeah fresh start amazingness how about that i don't know as always keep us all updated i really really feel for you this must be a really horrible way to feel but honestly you're amazing you're beautiful you're talented you're kind you're funny you're going to meet an amazing person and you're going to have this amazing relationship so do not worry about it i love you so much next dilemma okay please help i hate my boyfriend's friend. Hi, Leah. So my boyfriend has many friend groups, one of which is the football guys. One of the friends cheats and is very disrespectful. And every time I heard his name, my blood boils. I did have a perspective that you're only friends

with those who are similar to yourself, but this is the only one friend group. Every other friend of his I like. It's just this specific one. Whenever I hear he's going out with his friend, my anxiety goes sky high and I get so paranoid. How do I prevent this? My boyfriend knows this and he says whatever he can do to help my thinking, he will do and he's his own person and he's not easily influenced. Yeah, I can't help but be triggered every time. I love you. Bye. I love you too so much okay this is hard this is hard I feel like you've done a good thing by telling your boyfriend you know like I don't like I don't like this friend like he's a fucking cheater he's a piece of shit I don't I don't want him around you you

know what I mean and I get it I get it if I was best friends with somebody who would go out and cheat on her boyfriend all the time and like was just like a bit of a liability I'm sure my boyfriend would be a bit like okay interesting choice of friend do you know what I mean so I get I completely get it and I think you're fair to feel like this and I love that your boyfriend's like you know what whatever I can do to help you I will do it I'm my own person I'm not easily influenced um and that definitely should help and I hope it does I think it's a game of just like you know at the end of the day I say this all the time what is what someone's going to do to you they're going to do right so let's say a whole nother situation like completely separate from you a guy cheats on his girlfriend and he comes home and he's like okay I cheated on you whatever

he probably wouldn't admit he'd probably get caught out first a piece of shit but whatever and then it's like oh but it was it was Mark it was Mark he was egging me on all night are you gonna go oh fair enough you know he is a bit of a liability Mark is a terrible influence that's fair enough like you know Mark can say whatever he wants but this boyfriend if he's gonna cheat he's gonna cheat he could be surrounded by angels you know so I just feel like don't worry too much like it's not it's not an excuse to be influenced by someone if you're a cheater so it's honestly look at it on the other way it's like you're not gonna influence me if I'm a cheater I'm a cheater if I'm not I'm not and he's not and he's not a cheater his mate might be but he's not and he's willing

to do whatever he can to reassure you and I just think that's really sweet of him oh you know bottom of the barrel as he should yeah but I think it's just a game of like keep reassuring yourself and just think you know what Mark's a cheater but my steven isn't a cheater all right steven's not a cheater mark can go out and cheat all he fucking wants yeah but he's gonna end up a very sad lonely man and you and steve are gonna have a beautiful big house and beautiful babies if that's what you want yeah so just keep reminding yourself my baby my baby's isn't a cheater he's not lucky me yeah oh no not lucky oh lucky me my baby's isn't a cheater. He's not. Lucky me. Yeah. Oh, no, not lucky. Oh, lucky me. My baby's not going to cheat on me. How lucky am I? My hair's caught

in the bed. Help. Okay, I'm stuck. I'm fine. Anyway. Yeah. Keep reminding yourself. I've got a good one. Just because he has a shit friend. It's okay. Yeah. Your boyfriend is his own person, as he said. So just keep reminding yourself. And then hopefully, eventually, these thoughts and feelings will go away if you just shut them down in your head. And you've got a great boyfriend there, so just enjoy it. Just enjoy it. Okay, I love you so much. Next dilemma. Hey, hey.

Firstly, I have to say, I absolutely love this podcast. I've been religiously listening since the first episode, and I'm finally in need of some advice from a fellow Leo. Bit of a sad one, though. Oh, okay. I love you so much fellow Leo. So I've been dating a guy. Oh my god I just choked. Sorry about that. So ugly. So I've been dating a guy since the middle of August. So for two months now which was going absolutely amazing. We've seen each other like two times a week and he was putting in probably even more effort than I was. I'd sleep round on his work days and drive home in the morning, always go on cute dates on the weekends etc so it wasn't just a sleeping with each other situation. But last night he wrote me a huge

paragraph saying how he doesn't feel ready for a relationship and that he's absolutely loved it but he feels like it's getting to the point where we should become more serious and he's just not quite ready yet and that is currently, oh and that it currently isn't the right time he said he hopes we stay as friends and so on the typical stuff people say I completely understood and like that and I liked that he was honest with me but I can't help but feel so so upset I'm not one to normally feel like this and usually have controlling relationships and when dating people so maybe it's why i'm feeling it's so heavy because it wasn't my decision and also shitty because it's just to do with the time for context he ended a three-year relationship in january i vividly remember asking on our first date if he thinks he's ready and he said yes which is why i got involved i can't help but feel so

frustrated that i've put so much energy and time into him when he might have known all along or was he really trying to get to give it a go and then changed his mind my head is all over the place and I honestly just feel so deflated because I finally found someone who it just felt so right with I don't believe in wrong person wrong time not in this situation anyway I feel really silly because it's only been two months and I shouldn't have got this attached I'm quite strong in a sense of resisting messaging and even drunk texting I'm too too stubborn haha. But can you give advice on what you'd think of this situation and what I should do? I've turned down multiple people on nights out which I know me and him didn't say were exclusive it just didn't feel right. But now I can't even think of speaking

to any other guys because my mind is just all about him. Okay that's tough. I'm so sorry you're going through this first of all but second of all I feel like you know same as you I appreciate the honesty um and he might have felt like he was ready at the beginning like when you went on this first date he's like yeah I'm ready I'm ready and then it's getting to the point where he's like shit I should probably like commit to this girl at this point and he's like I'm just not there. Like, I'm just not ready. And maybe he just thought he was. And it wasn't until he was in that situation. And in the moment where he's like, oh, fuck, I'm not ready for this. And I respect that he's been honest. Like, you know, let's not, let's not lie. Let's not deny it. Wait. Oh,

just shut up Leah. Basically a lot of guys fucking ghost these days, don't they? And girls, you know, we all do it, but he didn't ghost ghost he sent you a long paragraph he didn't just start getting all blunt and start making you go I'm a fucking god what's going on why is he being rude with me what's changed you even like me anymore he just told you straight up sent you a long message I respect that from him um and I think now we're dealing with the, which is just the shittest part of all of it, isn't it? Like you just are going to take it personally, but you can't. And you can't think, oh, like, oh, it's just such a shame. It was the wrong time. Like, it's okay. It was, everything that's happened is what is meant to have happened. Whatever lessons you've learned,

whatever growth you have made as a person as a future girlfriend to somebody else or maybe to him in the future who knows it was all meant to happen the way it's meant to happen um and I just think don't take it personally like he has been nice about it he said like I had an amazing time with you I'm just not ready to commit to another person again which is okay and it's fair enough um and it's again it's not about you like it's it's nothing to do with you like you're an amazing gorgeous person and whether someone's ready to commit to you or not is honestly nothing to do with you like it's it's nothing it's not a reflection of you and what you have to offer to somebody because that is just unmatchable do you know what i mean and whoever you do end up in a relationship with

whether it's him at some point in the future or somebody else is going to be a very lucky man um and I just think um really try hard to not take it personally and just appreciate the experience that you had with him um it's ended here because of his situation and whatever else and you know if you're meant to be together then hopefully in however many months time he might be like you know what I feel like I'm really ready to get into a relationship now that girl I was seeing a while back she was fucking everything I'm looking for I'm gonna reach out see if she's still single you never know I mean they always come back let's be honest they always come running back but you might be in a whole different place by that point and you might you might not even be interested you might have

found everything you're looking for in somebody else so I think we're just dealing with the rejection here like what is so amazing about this guy like that's what we need to ask ourselves like were you having such a great time together because he's so funny or are you just really fucking funny and he's he's got a nice laugh do you know what I mean like did you have a great time together because he's so funny or are you just really fucking funny and he's he's got a nice laugh do you know i mean like did you have a great time because he's great company or are you great company yeah what can we offer to somebody else and what can somebody offer me from now on yeah so you know it's rejection no one likes it it's fucking shit it makes you feel like a piece of shit i'm sure your self-esteem's on the floor right now but it shouldn't be so let me just pick that up for you right now you're gorgeous beautiful

stunning talented funny kind sexy and anyone is going to be lucky to be with you you know and it might be him in the future who knows maybe it'll be the right time at least it wasn't about something else you know like at least it wasn't like um i just feel like something's missing or like you know at least he didn't just like have sex with you and then run away like at least he's it is a case of just like where he's at in his head um and i wouldn't want somebody to get into a relationship with me if they weren't ready and i'd rather you called it off with me so I didn't get hurt long term so you know we're dealing with rejection it's shit but you're amazing and remember it's not about you it's not about you you've had an amazing time with this guy thank you so much um I'm ready to carry on with

my life now you know what maybe see you in a few months when you're ready if that's how you feel I might not even fancy you at that point you might not even be my type in a couple of months we'll see so yeah I love you so much don't take it personally and just keep keep doing you babe because you're amazing you know okay next dilemma hey I need your advice so I'm 26 and I live with my boyfriend also 26 we've known each other for over 10 years but only really got together two years ago at the beginning we had great sex and it was regular he had just come out of a long relationship when we got together i was kind of part of the reason they ended it but also it was a long time coming and both wanted to end it anyway fast forward we now live together have a whole life together and i don't feel like he loves me we don't have sex and if we do it's rare i'm constantly paranoid he's cheating or

talking to someone else because he doesn't give me a lot of attention i feel so ugly with him and like he doesn't find me attractive at all i've never been so self-conscious about myself i look at every girl possible and just wish i could look like them i feel so shit about myself and i think it's because my boyfriend doesn't make me doesn't make me feel pretty or loved i knew him when he was with his ex and he always seemed the jealous type and i'm not saying i wish he was controlling and jealous but he's far from it with me and i think it's because he finds me unattractive so he doesn't think anyone else would want me also our sex life is non-existent it messes with my self-esteem and i've had sex

dreams with other people a few times which makes me feel guilty i just don't feel like we're as close and it feels like i'm living with a roommate rather than a boyfriend it just feels shit because i thought he was my soulmate and now our relationship is so boring there's no excitement honestly it's a mess i've spoken to him about it and he thinks i'm moaning and just gets annoyed with me so i can't win also i feel like i can't i can't escape and i can't afford to live alone and don't have any friends or family i can go to help what should i do how can i improve my self-confidence how can i make our relationship more exciting love you love your podcast by the way i love you so much okay first of all you are so much more than what this guy is making you feel like you're absolutely gorgeous that is

first of all one thing we need to tackle here is the self-esteem um but secondly like my immediate thing was like we'll talk to him you know tell him how you feel and you have i got to the bottom and you have and he's just saying um you're moaning and he's getting annoyed with you so you can't win so honestly to be brutal with you all I think is like get the fuck out of there and like I I don't say that lightly like I don't often say to a girl that writes in a dilemma break up with your boyfriend okay I've probably said it five times in the whole time we've done this podcast which will be a year in January by the way how crazy but for me like get out of there honestly sorry to be brutal babe like that is not a good way to feel like you feel ugly you're paranoid that he's cheating or talking to someone else

he doesn't ever feel even a little bit jealous over over you and what you're doing with your life you don't even feel pretty you don't have anymore. He tells you that you're just moaning and annoying when you tell him your feelings. And I just think two years into a relationship, what the fuck are you doing? Are you taking the piss out of me? Like that is disgusting baby from him. So like you've said, you know, you can't escape. you can't afford to live alone and don't have any friends or family you can go to so first of all that's fucking horrible and I'm so sorry like honestly come move in with me but I just feel like there is always an option like you're not stuck you like do not stay with him because you feel stuck you're not stuck

you are absolutely not stuck in this relationship so there's a few options you know we can leave and well actually first option would be to i'm sure you you're working or have some sort of job or if not let's do that and get some money behind us so that we can go on spare room you, a little website where you can find flatmates, literally make a profile of yourself being like, hey, I'm, I don't know, Holly, and I'm 26 and I'm looking for a flatmate. This is my budget. I want to live here. I'm in this area, blah, blah, blah.

And you'll be matched, well're not matched with but you find some people you want to live with that you know that you might be after girls your age similar interests or you might just be like I don't give a fuck who I live with I'll live with a 50 year old man you know I mean I don't care get me out of here and you can literally find some flatmates to live with for a very low budget you can literally rent a room in wherever like just start small you know just get a little single room somewhere whatever um and just get out of there like i just feel like i just feel so so sad and heartbroken for you because to feel like this like this is i don't think you really deep how bad it is until you're out of that like you

probably don't even realize how much of your life that this relationship has sucked out of you until you're out of it and you'll look back and you will feel so sad for yourself like you'll look back and be like oh my god poor me like not even in a sarcastic way like I think you'll genuinely look back and be like I am so sad like I sorry for myself, that that's what I went through, and that's what I accepted for myself, so I really want to urge you, just don't accept it, like, you feel rock bottom, essentially, you've told him, and he's like, oh, all you do is moan, fuck off, all I do is moan, was moan fuck off all I do is moan honestly get fucked do you know who I am do you know how amazing I am no you don't clearly you don't because you would not be treating me like this yeah so I just really want you to find a way out and there are way out there are ways out there's always options

so you know have a brainstorm like you can literally talk to universal credit and tell them your situation and be like I'm in a relationship I feel really stuck and alone and I want to get out of this relationship like talk to anyone like any government I don't even know what the word is support system like i don't know what i'm just fucking i'm so tired right now it's literally midnight but honestly there are always ways out do not stay because you feel stuck do not accept this for yourself you know definitely be willing to have another conversation with him put it put it on the line babe be like look Bradley you've sucked the life out of me I feel like a piece of shit I hate myself because of you we don't even have sex anymore we don't even speak

to each other you don't even care about my feelings you don't even care what I'm doing you don't even get a little bit jealous you don't give a fuck I feel like absolute dog shit what are you gonna do about it and if he says nothing okay ta-ra yeah over and out then essentially that's what I feel like you just deserve better like you have to look at yourself in the mirror and be like you deserve better than this like look at yourself in the eyes in the mirror look at the younger version of you and think she did not deserve that I did not I would not wish that for her and you have the power to change it now and find better because you deserve that and you're amazing and no no one should ever suck this self-esteem out of you to this level like it's

just awful and if he's not even willing to even listen to you let alone change his behavior then what what do you what do you want from me do you know what I mean you're not even going to even listen to you let alone change his behavior then what what do you what do you want from me do you know what i mean you're not even going to listen to my feelings let alone try and try and change them or help them what what where do i go from here then honestly don't stay if he's not gonna change don't stay if he's not even willing to hear you out don't stay that's my advice to you it might be wrong but honestly if that was if you and my best friend sat across the table with a glass of wine right now i say get out of there get out of there run do you know how fucking amazing you are because i'll tell you look at yourself in the

mirror every single day and say i'm amazing and i do not deserve this okay i love you so much you're going to be absolutely fine keep us all updated um have a brainstorm with your other options because there are always options okay i love you so much all right god i'm tired i'm really tired guys so what a week what an episode what should we do on friday by the way guys because i'm thinking hallow Halloween themes like I'm thinking ghost stories how fun would that be but anyway it's not the end of the episode yet guys don't get too excited oh finally she's she's about to shut up thank god not yet not yet we have one last feature of this episode so let's get into the confession diaries. All right. Okay. Let's start with this one. It's a little bit of a longer confession. I

absolutely love that from you. Okay. Hey, I love you. I i love you too so my boyfriend of a couple of months decided it would be a good idea to take me home after a couple too many drinks as i was meant to be staying at his house okay we got a taxi and got dropped off just at the end of his street and i instantly was sick on the pavement thank god it was dark we got in his house and no one was home as his mom and dad were away for the weekend and his older brother hadn't gotten home yet. I was being sick over his toilet for three hours apparently although I recall none of it. This is where it gets bad. I have really bad stomach issues and I had a Chinese that night. All I remember was my stomach being so sore. My boyfriend must have been out of the room and I couldn't hold the toilet but he couldn't bring but I couldn't bring myself to move in case I was sick and genuinely just couldn't stand

I literally shit my pants before you think it couldn't get any worse I wasn't wearing my own underwear out this day but I was wearing his white Calvin Klein boxers holy fuck okay side note how comfortable boxers though I literally live in my boyfriend's boxers. Holy fuck. Okay, side note, how comfortable are boxers though? I literally live in my boyfriend's boxers. But anyway, as I said, I literally couldn't move. He came back in and I couldn't bring myself to tell him because I couldn't get up to clean it. But no way in hell was I telling him for him to need to clean me. Ah, got you, got you. Sorry, I'm done. So I went to sleep like nothing happened and then went into bed wait what you shit yourself and just slept in it did not smell i'm sorry if somebody shit

their pants i can i can fucking tell you you don't have to tell me that i know i know if you've shit your pants i can smell it honestly that doesn't make any sense to me okay carrying on i'm mortified thank god he didn't try and change me into pjs oh yeah because you're like absolutely fucking smashed he's like oh my poor girlfriend she's steaming let me get get her into some pjs push your fucking trousers down there's shit everywhere oh that's sad like what would he have done i woke up in a genuine panic for many obvious reasons and like quickly got up and went to the bathroom i took my shorts down for it to literally be everywhere it was genuinely that horrific i continued to be sick in the bath next to me because it was literally vulgar i text him asking to bring me in a plastic bag and to not look in

he did i removed his boxes tied them up in a plastic bag and to not look in he did i removed his boxes tied them up in a plastic bag and went straight for a shower and sat for the longest time he eventually came in and sat with me and didn't even question my weirdness or what was in the plastic bag i'm so confused did your shit not stink i know you like to think your shit don't stink but what's the next bit come a little bit closer baby roses really smell like poo is that the lyrics that's not the lyrics oh no anyway continue um i eventually had to tell him because right after all that you've just told him so you went to sleep with shit in your pants for nothing basically i eventually had to tell him because what was I going to do with the bag so when I was in the shower and he was sitting I

eased into it being like I've got something to tell you it's really really bad and you will not look at me the same you'll literally break up with me he's probably thinking oh my god she's cheating on me like she's kissing another boy and then you're like oh I shit my pants okay he questioned and thought I'd cheat oh well I'm like a psychic medium he questioned and thought I had cheated or something I replied no it's worse I just blurted out with okay I shit myself last night he looked confused and started smiling and laughed he was like it's okay I don't know if i'm more shocked at him not even finding it that strange or because he didn't question our whole relationship but he took my plastic bag of

shit down to the downstairs bin room sorry to the bin men i am so confused this is the most like unsmelly shit known to man like it's been sat in your pants all night it's been sat in a plastic bath and sat in the bin room and i just continued to be hung over and distraught the whole day maybe he did smell it and he's thinking babe why do you stink of absolute shit right now i'm genuinely satan i cannot believe i slept in my own shit in my boyfriend's house anyways we're still together and in my defense even though he was my boyfriend of a couple of months we've been speaking for genuinely around two years so i'd probably be more confused on why my shit would never put him off me sorry this was longer than anticipated and this wasn't that long ago to be honest so i hope you laugh and not slate me because i would

love you bye oh i don't think i slated you i'm just gobsmacked. Like, what do you eat that you can shit yourself and no one even smells it? Honestly, seriously, that's actually hilarious. That is probably my favourite dilemma we've had, or at least the most mind blowing. That is, that's fucking crazy. Okay, love that from you. Love that from your boyfriend. Continuing on. on oh my god i need to go to fucking sleep continuing on to the next confession i used to work as a kid's rep in a well-known holiday village resort in mallorca we would look after the kids and families during the day singing songs and dressing up as animated characters and then on an evening we would all go absolutely wild in the clubs one night i slept with this guy but when we'd finish and he pulled out we would all go absolutely wild in the clubs. One night I slept with this guy,

but when we'd finished and he pulled out, we couldn't find the condom anywhere. I was pretty drunk, so I went home and didn't give a much thought, until the next day when I had a weird feeling down below. Almost like when you're on a heavy period and can feel something dripping out of you. Oh my god, worst feeling ever. But this time it wasn't a period it was the spunky condom and it fell out into my pants in kids club thank the fucking lord it didn't come out onto the floor in front of all the children i had to run to the toilet flush the condom and sort myself out mortified okay not good flushing the condom and continuing on but at least i found the condom in the end keep doing you leo you're smashing it i love you so much i mean immediately well done for putting a condom on while you're having sex you know i always like to promote safe sex over here on the line it it granted it may have fallen off inside your vagina but the thought was there you know you you tried to have protected sex

i wonder if it fell off as he pulled out or whilst he was pumping sick that word honestly what did i just what did i just say um yeah that's that's crazy that's crazy your work as if it fell out in kids club though that's awkward were you like excuse me i'm time to go to the bathroom real quick that is fucked but you know what? I love it. I love that crazy life you're living. So proud of you.

Okay, next confession. Okay, so big confession from February this year. I was seeing this guy and we'd already had sex quite a few times. We went for food and drinks to celebrate the end of my uni exams, then went back to his car afterwards. We were up on his bonnet shagging in the park you guys know i love the word shagging which was shared between the pub and a church then i squirted everywhere probably tmi sorry never tmi never tmi and had to go back

to my parents house with soaking wet trousers so i said i spilt coke on myself on the way home um i mean it makes me feel really uncomfortable that like you've gone to your parents house you've got your own cum all over you you've just been railed on a bonnet like hey mom hey dad yeah i just spilt coke on my pants listen i always say about these confessions i love that you guys live in these crazy lives like this is the lives we should be living okay personally i'm not living these lives but i live them through you okay makes me feel more wild and fun when i hear when I get to read out things like I was railed on a bonnet and squirted all over myself you know well done congratulations I think that's a beautiful story um I hope it was worth it and I hope your trousers were salvaged in the wash babe I love you so much let's wrap up the episode. Okay, everybody, I feel like you can tell I got more and more delirious

throughout this episode. It's past midnight. I'm absolutely exhausted. I won't lie to you. I'm going to have a scream tomorrow. I'm terrified. I'm terrified. I'm going to scream my little lungs out. Honestly, I can't wait i love being scared i'm also gonna see that film pray for the devil pray for me babe that's what i'm saying it looks fucking terrifying it's got really good reviews apparently as well and like i feel like most horror films have shit reviews don't they because like horror films just usually are shit you know what i mean listen i love horror don't get me wrong i love horror but like when it comes to the critics like they're always usually like yeah bit shit bit bit scary do you know what i mean but this one oh my god looks scary i can't wait i'm gonna be that girl shitting

herself in the cinema i'm gonna wear some boxers and poo them in the cinema that's gonna be me i'll let you guys know next week no i'll let you know on friday actually so yeah i think i want to do a halloween episode babe so what do you guys think about i'm thinking if you guys have ghost stories anyone got any ghost spooky stories the spooky episode the ghost stories episode what we thinking what we thinking make sure you guys are sending me confessions dilemmas make sure you're leaving a review leaving a rating on spotify the apple ones scare me because you can leave a comment and that's where people tend to make me cry hurt my feelings as we know i'm very sensitive i'm my my skin's definitely getting thicker though

that doesn't give you permission to go and bully me and my ratings and reviews okay i work very hard on this podcast please don't drag it down but if you've got a spare five minutes leave me a leave me a rating on spotify please honey i would absolutely love you i'll come kiss you on the forehead right now literally but i love you guys so much thank you for all the love and support on the podcast i say all the time but i really can't thank you enough i can't tell you how much it means i literally just want to hug you all i just want to hug you all, I just want to meet you all, like, I just want to meet you, and just kiss you all on the lips, I do, I just love you guys, I think you're the best friends I've ever had, well, no, that, no shade to my friends, okay, I love you guys as well, you guys are amazing, but honestly, I just love you guys, you're the best, make sure you send in your dilemmas, make sure you send your confessions,

like I said, it's past midnight, so I'm not going to shout the end, today I'm not going to shout the love you bye, we're going to whisper together, sorry if you're like pre-drinking and going like, and I'm like, okay, let's goodbye, you know, but I'll talk to you guys on Friday, throw any ideas you have at me, wait, does that make sense, yeah, throw any ideas you have at me for the podcast you guys i'm open ears all the time you know that i love you guys so much and i will see you on friday for a brand new episode i love you