Leah on the Line - 42: Is it normal to be attracted to other people when in a relationship?

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

Hey my honeys! Today we debated whether or not you think it's normal to be attracted to other people whilst in a relationship... What do you think?! Remember to keep sending in all of your confessions... They're back! Thank you for everything, I love you so so so much! As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Picture this. You're at a picnic with pals and bam, you suddenly feel unwell. But going to the clinic? Not the ideal weekend plan. Well, those days are over. Maple's Virtual Care has got your back. With 24-7 access to licensed doctors and nurse practitioners within minutes. Need a diagnosis or prescription? Sorted right from your phone, right in time for your next picnic. Download the Maple app today and have more summer this summer.

Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Lear on the Line. Hope you guys are having the best Tuesday. Happy Tuesday. Hope you guys had a great weekend. I'm so excited, I'm so excited. Basically, guys, it's Sunday as I record this and I'm going to see Michael McIntyre tomorrow night. So when this comes out, I would have hopefully been seeing because his catch, right? I get the tickets. I'm going to see Michael McIntyre's big show. Yeah. And I get the tickets from a place called a plow store, which is where you get to see like TV filming that you get, basically you get to be part of the live audience of TV shows and it's free. Like the tickets are

free. I've been to like quite a few shows with them, but this is the catch, right? You just request tickets, right? you just literally hit request there's there's no actual catch like you can literally just go but your ticket isn't what's the word like guaranteed your entrance is entry isn't guaranteed because they give out excess tickets in case of no shows so like I've obviously got these tickets but like I could just actually because it's so easy to just hit apply loads of people probably hit it and without actually figuring out whether it's successful for them to go or not so there's probably like hundreds of no shows therefore they give out loads of excess tickets right so it means that there's a ton of people with tickets and only like 2,000 seats right so it's literally

race to the to the ticket office because you get your ticket but you have to go to the theater get your actual hard copy your seats and you come back at five or six I think it's six for the show now I've been looking at the reviews and people like oh my god we got there at three and like there was none like we got turned away i the earliest i'm actually going to be able to get there is quarter past two so it's a race against clock to be honest guys so wish me luck everybody well it'll be too late it'll literally be too late but i've i've already manifested that i'm gonna get there and not only am i gonna get tickets i'm gonna get great seats. Yeah.

Yeah. You bet. You bet. But I'm really excited. I love Michael McIntyre because me and my boyfriend are like an old married couple. Like we literally live for an evening in with a glass of wine or like a gin, gin and tropical. I know that's really weird, but it actually tastes really good. You know, those like, um, it's like a fake Audi version of Rio and that they're banging. They're like sugar free. They taste exactly the same. They're actually tastes really good you know those like um it's like a fake audi version of rio and they're they're banging they're like sugar-free they taste exactly the same they're

really good anyway that with a gin gorge or like a glass of wine and we love watching the wheel michael mcintyre show don't spin the wheel we literally love it the wheel we literally sing it the wheel the wheel we love catchphrase we love the wall even though it's i'm pretty sure it's been cancelled danny diet tells her it'd take me a little bit just because i think he overdoes the whole cockney thing do you know what i mean it's like whoa drop drop and it's a bit like okay we get it you're from london do you know what i mean but anyway foot asylum locked in who's watching it harry was the first out, now I actually lived with Harry, I don't know if any of you know that, but I lived with Harry in 2020 to 2021, basically when

I first moved to London with my ex, we moved in with Harry and another guy, and I was actually quite shocked at how Harry did, like I feel so sad for him, like I think he smashed it to be fair, but this is the thing, when I lived with Harry, Harry right he could not stay inside like when we went into tier four and stuff he flew to Bali like he was like I'm not doing this like he literally cannot stay locked in like that is his idea of hell so every single day that I lived with him for a year I probably only ever saw him in evenings when he would come home with a lot of friends this is the poor thing about living with Harry he's very popular he has a lot of friends and they will all come around your flat and they will trash the fucking place and get drunk um

whatever do you know what I mean so that was the poor thing about living with Harry other than that he was actually quite easy because he wasn't locked in so seeing him locked in that was a different side um and I think he really lost it and I actually felt quite bad for him because everyone was just getting the ump of him especially Grace and listen I like Grace yeah but she gives me scary vibes like she's the kind of friend that I'd be scared to get on the wrong side of because she'd like have the power to turn everyone against you do you know what I mean like I don't know I think she's so funny and I love her and I love I love her humor but she like I'd be scared to fall out of her if we're his friends because I'd be like oh my god

everybody's gonna copy Grace and everyone's gonna fall out with me because Grace to fall out of her if we were friends because I'd be like, oh my god, everybody's going to copy Grace and everyone's going to fall out with me because Grace will fall out with me. Do you know what I mean? Like, it gives me that vibes. But yeah, it was so weird because I'm watching it. I'm watching every night. I really like Liv. I think she's sweet.

I love Chip. I think Chip's an absolute legend. Like, I genuinely think he's just a really cool guy. When I first started watching, I was like like Max is going to be the reason I no longer watch this show like I found him so irritating I honestly I couldn't bear him but now I think he's really sweet and I think it's a bit of an act because I think he's actually not insecure but I think I think the confidence is is a facade and he's actually a really genuine guy who gets insecure just like the rest of us you know and he's actually a really genuine guy who gets insecure

just like the rest of us you know what I mean and I really do actually rate Max I think he's really sweet who else is in there Ilyas I don't feel much towards Ilyas but what is annoying me is that every single person that comes on that screen is like Ilyas my guy and I'm like yeah we get it Ilyas you have loads of friends like really cool it's like where's all chips friends you know Kate Elizabeth why is Pete why do people not like her I don't think she's done anything even slightly annoying on that show if anything I didn't really know much about Kate Elizabeth at all but from watching locked in I'm like she is my ideal type of friend like she's so sweet she's not like an attention whore like she seems like the

nicest person the nicest friend I fucking love Kate Elizabeth and I'm I hope she goes all the way I really love her she's actually probably one of my favorites in there she's really really she's coming across really genuine to me but yeah that's me slagging everyone off in the locked in house no I'm not slagging I'm not slagging off it's all like grace in the small room no but honestly I'm really enjoying it I think it's just great fucking entertainment how would I do on locked in um I'd get so much anxiety I think but I think I'd do really well but I do think I'd lose my shit with people oh my god if I lived with Max no way I'd lose it I think it depends on the on the atmosphere in the house like it depends if I felt confident or not if I felt

like really overshadowed and like all the personalities around me were just a bit too big then I think I'd be really shy and insecure there's like hit or it's hit or miss with me also destiny was really mean to live in the in the, what was it called? The challenge where they had to put people in order. Oh, it was called Order. And then she was like, nah, Liv, you're not funny. Liv's probably the least funny. Nah, Liv, I don't think you're funny.

I was like, that's so mean. That's actually nasty. Like, fair enough, it's your opinion, yeah. But I thought it was a bit nasty. Is there anybody else? I was like, oh my god, Destiny. I was actually kind of real. Do you know what I mean? I felt sorry for Liv, especially because she was just like, yeah, yeah, I'm not funny. I was like, oh, I'm sure you are.

All right, guys. Anyway, that's me chatting all this random shit for seven minutes. We have a really fun, interesting debate this week. we have some really cool dilemmas i'm really excited to get into some of these dilemmas actually so i hope you guys have had the best weekend happy tuesday monday's out the way let's have an amazing week and let's get into the episodes okay guys so the weekly debate this week is oh that was a really loud tart i can only apologize sorry about that the weekly debate is is it normal to be attracted to other people when in a relationship now i was not sure what you guys were going to say now you guys always come across as like really confident babes like you always just come across as like really confident babes. Like you always just come across as like, I know my worth and I love that. And I love it. So for that reason, I'm expecting a lot of you to be like, yeah, of course. Like I know

my boyfriend and girlfriend is attracted to people. Like I know that, but they're not going to cheat me. Like that's why I'm expecting from you guys. I haven't actually checked these responses at all yet. So we're going in blind. Let's have a little read. I think you can find someone else good looking without being attracted to them. Okay. Yeah, for sure. For sure. So what do we think being attracted to someone is? I suppose it's like you look at them and you're like, oh fuck, I'm attracted to that person. Rather than like, if somebody said, do you think he's good looking? And you were like, yeah, he's good looking. If somebody said, do you think he's good looking?

And you were like, yeah, he's good looking. Do you know what I mean? Someone just says, no. Absolutely, it's okay as long as you don't act on it. See, this is what confuses me. Because it's like, it comes down to like, you know the idea of like not cheating because it's morally wrong. Rather than not cheating because that's something you don't actually want to do does that make any sense i don't know if that made sense i hope you guys understood what i was trying to say there um yes you can be attracted to someone but i wouldn't

say you can fancy someone else okay i think it's okay to appreciate someone's looks but it's a different story if you were to act upon it I was and I realized it was because I wasn't getting what I needed from my relationship oh yes I think it's quite normal um to find someone good looking yes normal anything more and it's not okay I think it's normal and human to find others attractive so long as it's nothing else um I've never been attracted to someone else but I can appreciate someone else's appearance yeah for sure great point it's like i guess it kind of goes back to what i said if somebody says like do you think it's good looking and you wouldn't be like no no i have a boyfriend i don't think anyone's gonna like you could just be like um yeah do you know what i mean like if my if

somebody said to my boyfriend do you think she's attractive about another girl i wouldn't expect him to be like no it's not my girlfriend i'm not allowed to say that. Like you can say, yeah, she's pretty. Do you know what I mean? If your head is turned at someone's attraction, then your relationship isn't the one. You can look, but you can't touch. But then this is like my fear of like, again, going back to that same point. You can look, but you can't touch. Do you want to touch, but you just know you can't touch? Or do you not actually want to touch but you just know you can't touch? Or do you not actually want to touch?

Do you not cheat on me because it's morally, you know, incorrect? Or do you not cheat on me because you don't want to touch another human being? Do you know what I'm saying? How many people don't cheat because it's wrong as opposed to because it's not something you want to do? Crazy. don't cheat because it's wrong as opposed to because it's not something you want to do crazy um yes it's so normal to appreciate a good-looking person other than oh okay being attracted to them isn't right i can't imagine being attracted to anyone other than my boyfriend at all the idea of going near anyone else makes me feel ill great oh my god amazing yes i'm bi and always seeing girls and thinking oh only if they're my type though yeah i genuinely didn't look at anyone else when i was in love with my ex i'm unsure

no not attracted but can appreciate their looks i'll find them pretty um i'm in a free relationship but fantasize about my best mate who i had a fling with before. Oh girl, please send us a dilemma about that one. We need that. I appreciate good looking people but definitely not attracted. I'm oblivious to everyone but my hubby. I personally don't think so. I've been married four years but we've been together 13. Okay, love it.

Physical attraction is normal because we're made to reproduce. Becomes a problem when it's more than just physical appearance and becomes mentally attractive. love it physical attraction is normal because we've made we're made to reproduce becomes a problem when it's more than just physical appearance and becomes mentally attractive okay so this brings me on to a whole nother point that honestly is just gonna fuck with all of our heads i think i've said it on here before like the idea i think i definitely have the idea of um monogamy do you know what i mean like like the fucks with my head honestly it's like i can't even be getting into this because it literally spins my head but how we invented marriage like we decided you're supposed to fall in love with somebody and spend your whole life with that one person like

we decided that and like is it even in our nature do you guys know what i'm saying by that so like like this girl says makes an amazing point we are made to reproduce and if you look at animals right they're not fucking in committed relationships do you know what i mean like you don't go to a farm and the cows like that's right that's her husband that's her husband like they were all just shagging and shagging there's usually just one guy that just shags them all right so it's like how come in animal world there's no such thing as monogamy it's just shag shag shag reproduce reproduce reproduce and in the human world human race human world it's like um that one's mine that one's mine that one's mine that one's mine it it sends my head to fucking flying mate it literally sends it flying because

it makes me freak out thinking is somebody actually committed to me because it's taught that that is what we're supposed to do or do am all they want? Do you know what I mean? Does that make any sense to anybody? I hope it does but honestly I think about that all the time. These are the kind of chats I have in my brain and then I just stare into the abyss and I'm like wow. What is the point in life? But then I start thinking about death and then I have panic attacks. But anyway, it's a great point. So my opinion on the matter is I have been in relationships where I'm not genuinely not attracted to anyone else. Like that's me now in my relationship. I'm not

attracted to anyone else. Genuinely, hand on heart, I'm not. That doesn't mean I look at everyone else and think, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly dog, ugly dog, ugly dog. Like, obviously not. It just doesn't cross my mind. And that's not me being like, oh my God, my relationship's perfect. Like, no, what I'm saying is I'm telling the truth. And I've had this in my first relationship. I don't even look at boys. When I walk into like a busy bar, there could be a whole table of boys and I don't even acknowledge them and it's like my brain doesn't process I can't explain it but I've been in a relationship where the relationship was really poor and then you do notice other people and you don't think like oh my god I want to cheat on my boyfriend I want to have sex like it's not that at all but that's when you are like he's attractive like oh

yeah he's no second the thoughts obviously never go any further than that. But I've experienced both. I've experienced where you're like, I don't even fucking notice anybody. Like, I can't even process that. And I've experienced where you're like, yeah, he's cute. He's a good looking boy. Do you know what I mean? Interesting.

Oh, I just sound like the Grinch. Interesting. Max. Oh my God, why was that so good? Interesting. Max. Max. Wait. Max. Max, where's his,

where's his pitch, one o'clock, one o'clock, two, that's terrible, two o'clock, oh my god, one o'clock, one o'clock, I don't know, I don't know the script, I should look it up, because I reckon I could really practice that and nail it, but anyway, great weekly debate, my honoursours absolutely loved it this week it sends my head spinning I don't have an answer for you yeah it's normal I think it's normal to appreciate other people like yeah gorgeous gorgeous but to look at someone and be like oh he's fit I don't think I think it's normal is that I don't think it is but that's my opinion guys this is my opinion but let's get into some juicy dilemmas we have some really really good ones this week i'm so excited to read them out i picked them out literally five minutes ago and i'm so excited they're really really good i literally can't wait i don't know where to start let's get into some juicy dilemmas i'm going to kick off with this one which has

been titled do i leave or do i stay should i stay or should i go now what film is that is it shrek i ain't got a clue hun i ain't got a clue anyway says, dear Leah, not very formal, I love it. First of all, I absolutely love you and adore you. I found you on my TikTok for you page about a month ago and I've been binge listening to all your episodes on my way to work ever since. That means the world to me. I honestly love you so, so, so, so much. Okay, the dilemma. I, 21, female, have been with my girlfriend, 24, female, for three years years this is my first relationship and up until recently i was content with it however over the past few months i've been questioning whether or not she is the person i want to spend my life with i'm a very intense person something i'm

trying to change okay we love a bit of self-recognition you know self-awareness growth yeah love that from you. Nothing wrong with intensity as long as it's not super unhealthy, but continue on. I never say super, super unhealthy. What the hell is going on with me there? Anyway, so at the start of our relationship, I spoke about marriage and kids and our future. So throughout our relationship, this has been a common subject. However, now I feel like I've made commitments that I'm not sure I want to keep anymore. Again, being my first relationship and the fact I'm very intense, I also fell into the trap of making my life revolve around her.

Oh, I cut off all of my friends, spent less time with family, stopped doing my hobbies, etc. Don't worry, we've all done it. We've literally all done it especially on the first relationship like we're all culprits of it okay my girlfriend is a kind person and genuinely deserves the world but at the same time she doesn't want to go out and do fun things together i'll get changed on facetime and she stopped bothering to check me out which makes me feel so ugly especially because i gained a lot of weight during our relationship and just never really got me as a person. About a month ago I decided to end things however I couldn't bear the thought of her suddenly no longer being in my life or getting together with someone else

so I messaged her every day for a week before we got back together. However I'm talking very posh today has anybody noticed I'm saying together well naturally i'd say together it's because i'm doing like my phone voice you know what i mean you know when you like call the doctors and you're like hi is there any appointments today at all although i can't get a fucking appointment do you know i can't get a dentist appointment my wisdom tooth is coming in sideways i'm positive about it don't tell me that it's something to worry about because i have health anxiety okay and when i went to see the medium and he was like get that tooth looked at you you didn't want to hear the fucking things in my brain honey I was like well I'm dead I mean it's inevitable really so um yeah anybody else

having this problem I mean I know it's a global thing at the moment we just can't get done this anyway well I'm literally talking about my fucked up wisdom tooth halfway through your actual real life dilemma I'm gonna get back to you shall i okay um blah blah blah okay however now i'm questioning if i made the right choice and i don't know what to do on one hand i don't want to be together and i just don't feel like she's the person for me on the other hand i really love and care about her and i can't bear the thought of her moving on with somebody else i feel so lost in what to do and if i do break out of that how will i survive how will i ever get through this please help me i love you loads you're bestie I love you more okay let's tackle this thing at a time so three years is a really really strong time to like you fall in love with

someone do you know what I mean like that's your first love you build an intense bond intense connection with that person. OK, and that is hard to walk away from full stop. Right. Picture this. You're at a picnic with pals and bam, you suddenly feel unwell. But going to the clinic, not the ideal weekend plan. Well, those days are over. Maple's virtual care has got your back With 24-7 access to licensed doctors and nurse practitioners within minutes. Need a diagnosis or prescription? Sorted right from your phone, right in time for your next picnic.

Download the Maple app today and have more summer this summer. Let alone the fact that you've like, like you you said fallen into the trap of revolving everything around her like i said don't worry about it we've all done it okay most of us the majority of us um you're saying like she's amazing she deserves the world but at the same time she doesn't want this she doesn't want that but let me tell you something when you especially with our first relationships how old did you say you were you're 21 she's 24 so we've been together three years i think between the ages of like 19 i don't know roughly how old you're when you met 18 19 19 21 i think even though that's a small it's a small space of time you change a lot like the person i was when i was 18 was different when i was 21 like put it that way and who you're compatible with at the

beginning of that time might not be the same in three years time because you go through so much you transition you're still transitioning from a teen to like a young adult and that's really confusing you change so much your interests change the way that you live your life changes the way that you see life changes what you want from somebody changes do you know what i mean it's a really difficult age to navigate on your own let alone with somebody next to you and it's supposed to be it's supposed to work you know like you're both changing but okay so you ended the relationship and then you're like fuck this is awful you spoke every day and then you just ended up getting back together i also want to say that this is also really really really, really common happen with me as well. When I was with

my first boyfriend, we was together three years. We were, we ended the relationship and then we couldn't cope exactly the same. It was like, but you've been in my life for so many years. Like we have such a good friendship. Do you know what I mean? Like you're my best friend. And then it's like, Oh, you let's just stay in contact. We'll stay in contact. And then before you know it, you're like, should we just give it another go? Like, this is hard. Let's give it another go. It's so normal and actually quite a natural way to feel. So do not worry about these feelings. What I will say is it sounds like you know in your gut that it's not right. And what I would say from your best friend's perspective is like it should be easy like you

should just know if you want to be with somebody I think like obviously you go through phases you can go up and down you can get confused sometimes things go things are hard at certain points but I think the feeling of like but I want to make this work should always be there do you know what I mean and if you're like I don't know if I want this I don't know if I want this to be forever I don't know if I want to have children with you then I think it's okay to walk away from that relationship because at the end of the day you might get back together in years time if that is meant to be for you like if she is your person if she is meant to be your future wife you will get back together do you know what i'm saying so it's like don't stress about the future what i would think

about is what's best for you right now in this moment and the decision that it feels right for you to make right now and what i will say is just because you can't bear the thought of her with somebody else and you can't bear the thought of her out of your life that doesn't mean that you still want to be with her because those those feelings come regardless like breaking up with somebody leaving somebody ending a relationship somebody it fucking hurts no matter what even if the relationship shit you still don't want them somebody else let alone when when there's no real reason to like want to end the relationship do you know what i mean like when there's not a big obvious reason like oh she's really horrible to me or oh

she's cheated on me like then it's easier to walk away from somebody but when you don't have those reasons it's really really really really really hard and i think it's easier to stay with somebody than it is to leave so just because you like can't bear the thought of her for somebody else and you just think oh my god how am i going to get through this that's that's not a reason to stay i think the only reason you should stay with this girl is if you're like i want to make this work because she is everything i want i i don't want anybody else i don't want to be alone i don't want to be in another relationship i don't want to you know i just want to be in another relationship. I don't want to, you know, I just want to be with her. She's all I can see in my future. That's why you should stay. If you can't say that,

I think you, this is the thing with breakups, you will have the strength because you know what it is. You don't have the choice. You, before you know it, you're getting through every day. You don't think, you don't understand how you're going to do it. You think, how am I, how the fuck am I going to wake up every day and not talk to her because i've done that for three years you just have no choice and you just do it so i think we go no contact i really do i think go no contact maybe not straight away because that's hard whenever you feel like you have the strength to do it go no contact sometimes you never feel like you have the strength and you just have to bite the bullet and go do you know what we're making it harder for ourselves let's fucking nip it in the bud and let it go i love sometimes you never feel like you have the strength and you just have to bite the bullet and go do you know what we're making it harder for ourselves let's fucking nip it in the

bud and let it go i love you you're an amazing i had amazing time with you if we're meant to be together one day in the future let it be but right now something in my gut is just telling me this relationship needs to end here do you know what i mean it's like it's hard it's hard no matter what you always feel lost when you break up with someone not always some people you know you check out beforehand blah blah blah but there's certain situations but a lot of the time when you break up someone you always feel lost you always feel like how the fuck am i gonna get through this i can't bear the thought of them with somebody else these are all really normal ways to feel and that doesn't mean you want to be in the relationship like just because it hurts doesn't mean it isn't right do you know what i mean so my advice to you is listen

to your gut if you really really feel like oh my god i just wish i i was strong enough to leave you are you are strong enough to leave you're gonna leave and you're gonna listen to the breakup episode here on the line bonus can't remember which number it was um and i'm gonna get you through it all of us listeners are gonna get was um and i'm gonna get you through it all of us listeners are gonna get you through it you're gonna get you through it and everything's gonna be fine and you absolutely have the strength to get to get through it just listen to your gut okay i love you so much everything is going to be fine next dilemma okay let's go in with this one it says so about two years ago I started speaking to this guy who was

quite evidently a fuck boy. He played football and was just quite open about the fact he slept around. The first time we met, we ended up sleeping together. And then a few days later, he asked to meet me again. And I just said, out of curiosity, is it something more or do you just want to shag? I'm quite open to casual sex so when he said that that's all he wanted at the moment I didn't mind because he was gorgeous. He then got a girlfriend and disappeared for a year but now he is back again. We've already slept with each other twice since he messaged me again out of the blue a few weeks ago. Even though I enjoy this thing that we have going on should I have more respect for myself than to keep sleeping with a guy that is obviously using me I'm 23 and I don't know if I'm quite oblivious to the fact people

kind of sleep with each other for fun sex or if I should respect myself and say no p.s the sex is 10 10 love you bye okay so the impression I'm getting from this boy is because he said to you that you know he's just he's not looking for a relationship um and then he got a girlfriend and disappeared says to me that that was bullshit and he just didn't want a relationship with you which is also fine so see like not everybody is your like you don't see everybody as as compatible in a relationship some people you just think oh my fucking god they are so good looking do you know what i mean like he was obviously really fucking attracted to you which will take do you know what i mean i'm kidding um but then he's come back and you said you're enjoying it you enjoy what you have going on

so i don't see how you don't have respect for yourself at all like you're saying should I have more respect for myself how do you not have respect for yourself like having casual sex with somebody that doesn't show any signs of not having respect for yourself there is absolutely nothing wrong with casual sex as I always say as long as you're being safe there is nothing wrong with casual sex if you are okay with it and the other party involved okay so as long as you don't feel like you're in a position where you're going to get hurt you're happy to be having casual sex you don't feel um what's the word like taken advantage of then it doesn't matter you know like you say he's quite obviously you. It doesn't have to be seen as using someone. If you're both on the same page, like that doesn't

mean you're using them. It just means that you're both satisfied with it being casual, like that you don't have to feel used as long as you're happy with that being his intentions. And those are your intentions as well. Like if you're just looking for casual sex with him, then if anything, you're both using each other, aren aren't you and then how does that make any sense do you know what i mean like i don't feel like you should feel used i don't feel like you should feel like you don't have respect for yourself if anything you should feel empowered by it i've got you said the sex is 10 10 i'm having 10 out of 10 sex with a really fucking attractive guy no commitment you know it's almost ideal if this is what you want and as long as it is what you want who gives a shit absolutely enjoy it you know

it's it's um familiar every time you're gonna just like you said it's 10 10 but i was gonna say you're gonna get to know each other's bodies and have amazing sex it's already 10 10 so there you go you that's there's there is no lack of self-respect here as long as this is what you want there is absolutely no lack of self-respect here like you're you're not doing anything wrong this is absolutely fine absolutely normal um people love sex people love having sex with each other don't mean it's rare that both people are on the same page where they're both happy to just be having sexual sexual sex well sexual sex casual sex because most of the time at least one of them ends up getting hurt or one of them has different intentions to the other whereas if you're

both on the same page perfect do you know what i mean so i would just say enjoy it babe there's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about here at all like love it I'm happy for you enjoy the amazing sex babe next dilemma okay really interesting one it says hi Leah I've just recently been listening to your podcast and I love it so much I love you so much thank you I always listen to it when I'm cooking my dinner oh my god I love that oh my god what are you cooking right now this is so fun to think that you're cooking right now. What are you cooking? I can hear the sizzling in the pan as I speak. How relaxing. This is amazing. Gorge. Okay. I have a dilemma for you. I was in an eight year relationship that was toxic and he had cheated on me quite a few times and always with my friends. We ended up having a threesome, which was a huge mess, and I walked out and had a panic attack.

Ever since this happened, I constantly compared myself to this girl who was my friend, and I couldn't get over it. After all of this, he kept trying to talk dirty to me about the threesome while we were having sex, even after I'd asked him to never speak of it again. Oh my fucking god, am I not enough for you? Am I literally not enough for you am i literally not enough for you anyway continuing on i checked out of the relationship slowly since having the threesome before i eventually ended things so it was actually a lot easier than i thought it was going to be perfect perfect i jumped into a new relationship fairly quickly because i felt as

though i'd already wasted eight years so why waste any more time my partner is amazing and has helped me heal immensely through our relationship amazing he's such a gentleman and I feel like I have someone I can finally trust perfect I still have a lot of trauma I thought I had dealt with but it turns out I haven't I was having some drinks with a new friend and my partner when I started to feel uncomfortable like they were getting a bit too close. I know that I can trust him so much but after this I feel like I haven't dealt with that trauma. It wasn't really that bad at all he just touched her shoulder at one point and it made me super uncomfortable. I know it wasn't a big deal but it definitely felt like it because of my unhealed trauma. I told him my boundaries had been crossed

and he said he was so understanding about it. He, he told me that at the end of the day, if I felt uncomfortable about it, then it was wrong and that he wouldn't do it again. Oh, what a king. What a king. We had a massive chat and everything is cleared up now. Oh my God. We love a great, a good communicating guy. Shut up man. But I don't know how to deal with this trauma and I know that it's not something he has done it's just my past creeping back in any advice on how to get over past trauma from an old relationship that has nothing to do with your new relationship p.s I've had a few dark days since this and don't know how to get over this so I can finally move on okay first of all I'm so sorry you had to go through eight years

of toxicity and cheating and this threesome drama like we had threesome debate didn't we the threesomes can be messy and this is an example right I just want to say I I'm so happy for you that you are with somebody who is patient can communicate is, is understanding. Do you know what I mean? Isn't like can empathize. He sounds like the perfect person to be with in your situation. Like he sounds like the ideal partner to be going through something like this with. So on that note, I'm pleased, right? What I will say is, it's totally understandable like i totally get it if i'd experienced what you'd experienced i think i'd be wary of my boyfriend even setting eyes on my friend because i'd be like oh well you're gonna want to shag her like my last boyfriend did do you know what i mean

like i feel like it's totally understandable and i would probably react the same way so don't kick yourself and your boyfriend sounds like he's doing an amazing job at being understanding like he said listen if it if it made you feel uncomfortable then it wasn't okay and i won't do it right love that from him what i would say is maybe like visit the idea of counseling because i feel like talking through these experiences and sort of being able to recognize that it's a past, like, you know, it's, you know, it's your past relationship. You know, it's not him. You know, it's not your new boyfriend that's making you feel this way. But I think having these conversations that can help you acknowledge the difference and the fact that it's a response, like it's a fight or flight response to a previous experience.

Having counseling, I think, would be really good for you to be able to, in those moments, when you are uncomfortable, like your boyfriend putting his hand on your friend's shoulder, in those moments, like counseling is the kind of thing that gives you the tools to be like, to your, oh my God, I'm literally so irritated to listen to. I don't know how i have a podcast to basically rewire your brain to be like no there is no issue here billy is not james okay billy is billy james is james james did what he did billy would never do what james is doing james did billy is not doing right now what James did to me like I think counseling would be amazing if it's accessible to you if not um I would go and go to a bookshop

this sounds really dramatic go to a bookshop because there will be books or look online look online look online would be way better there will be books about dealing with relationship anxiety relationship trauma and i think just having a little read let me just have a look and i'll see if i can find one for you be right back okay i'm back so that that didn't take long at all there's actually so many online so have a little look yourself but i'm just i just literally screenshot two that looked good to me so this one is called why has nobody told me this before this isn't particularly about relationships but i like what it says okay this is the blurb the tools i share in this book are mostly taught in therapy but they are not therapy skills they are life skills tools that can help every single one of us navigate through difficult times and to

flourish when we understand a little about how our minds work and we have some guideposts on how to deal with our emotions in a healthy way we not only build resilience but we can thrive and grow and I think it sounds like a really really empowering book and I kind of want to get it and this one sounds really really really good it says love me don't leave me oh by the way the last one was by Dr Julie Smith why has nobody told me this before next one is called love me don't leave me by michelle skeen it says therapist recommended and it says is your fear of abandonment hurting your relationships in love me don't leave i'm not saying you have a fear of abandonment by the way but it just sounds like a really good book in love me don't leave me psychologist and relationship expert michelle scheme will help

you understand how your past experiences contribute to your current relationship struggles using schema therapy and mindfulness based approaches this powerful guide will give you a new perspective on yourself and others by working through the sorry by working through the painful emotions and negative thoughts that stem from your experiences you will learn to recognize and change the behaviors that are hurting your relationships bringing you closer to the loving and long-lasting connections that you deserve god does that not sound like a really good book honestly i think guys we all need to get reading into some self-development books because i don't know what the fuck goes on in my head do you know what i mean i could do it for therapist i could do it

for therapist anyway yeah so there's two options counsel him read some books definitely keep up the communication with your boyfriend because he sounds like a very great communicator. And that is only going to be beneficial. So keep it up. Keep it up. And, you know, don't knock yourself for feeling like this. It makes sense. Do you know what I mean? Like you've been through some hard shit and it just makes sense. It makes sense that you feel like this.

So I just think don't feel bad about bad about it you're okay everything's okay you have a great boyfriend that's gonna be by your side and you're amazing i love you you have everything it takes to get through this okay i love you so much oh okay i loved the dilemmas this week i really don't have much time today i have so much to do not that i'm like guys i really gotta go got to go. I really got to go. You guys really are important to me. You're so important, but I really have to go because if I don't get this done within 10 minutes, I'm not even going to be able to upload it. So let's just okay we've missed these i haven't done them for two weeks let me know if you actually still like them but if you do send in your confessions guys i feel like wow i haven't done them for two weeks people have started to think that i'm not going to do them anymore i am so get sending in your confessions believe me send them in send them in in. Okay. Reading this one out. It

says, I cheated on my ex-partner with my current boyfriend and my boyfriend has no idea. I feel terrible for it. I was in a very unhealthy and unhappy relationship, which obviously is an excuse and the way cheating made me feel, I would never do it again. Me and my boyfriend are so happy and I love him so much, but I can't help but feel guilty. That is hard. That's hard. Because it's like, you can't tell him now. But then it's also like, you can't live off a lie. Do you know what I mean? That's hard. I mean, it's not a dilemma. You're not asking for any advice. This is just the confession diaries. You're here just to get it off your chest. And I hope you feel lighter. I mean, I think it's hard. I mean, it's not a dilemma. You're not asking for any advice. This is just the confession diaries you hear just to get it off your chest. And I hope you feel lighter. I mean, I think it's okay. I don't think it's okay. But I mean, like, nothing bad is going to

happen to you. Like, everything's going to be okay. Do you know what I mean? At least, you know, your relationship was unhappy. That doesn't make any sense. Your relationship was unhealthy and you were unhappy. So maybe that's what it took for you to get out. And look, now you're in an amazing relationship that you're very happy in. I hope. I'm literally just guessing. You didn't actually say that. I hope you are. But yeah, everything's okay. Okay. Another confession. Hey, girly, I have a confession and I need to know if I'm a dreadful person or not. Me and my boyfriend got together when I was 14 and I'm now 20 and we broke up recently in like June due to arguing and just growing apart. I lived with him and his family but it wasn't working so we decided to end the relationship and I moved out. Oh my god you were 14 that's crazy. We didn't see each other for a few weeks

unless we bumped into each other on a night out where we would just say hi and that's it. I did try to move on quite quickly to try and not be sad lol bad idea but anyways that's not me saying bad idea she wrote that not me okay maybe like bad bad idea but whatever no she said it. Anyways I started texting multiple boys and I did end up having two one-night stands and I've not spoke to those boys since but me and my ex-boyfriend have started to become very close again recently going on dates and spending days at a time together and sleeping with each other again lol oops i haven't told him why i why i did while we were single i'm assuming she means i haven't told him what i did while we were single even though he asked me straight up if I had. And he's also told me he didn't even text anyone else during our time apart. I feel super guilty, but in all fairness, he did shoot on me last year while working away

and kept it from me for three weeks. And I found out from the girls he did it with girls, plural girls on Facebook messenger. And I did forgive him him so should i let the guilt go and call it even lol or tell him uh yeah let the guilt go you got with somebody while you weren't together this boy cheated on you and you feel guilty no we are not feeling guilty we're not feeling guilty at all oh my god he's probably fucking lying as well saying no I didn't even text anyone I didn't even text anyone bullshit he definitely did no actually that's probably not making you feel very good he definitely didn't he definitely cried in bed thinking about you every single night do you know I literally put myself on a pedestal guys because I tell myself like whenever I go through

a breakup or like even something really minor like oh I don't know I'm talking to someone and then we stop talking i literally tell myself that they're crying in their bed every night like i literally that's how i get through breakups that's how i get through any sort of rejection i'm like they are crying in their bed every night thinking about me they are literally just just regretting everything they did to get to lose me that is the biggest mistake that i literally have to tell myself these things and you know what there's absolutely nothing wrong with that there's sure i mean anyway totally off topic let's wrap up the episode

okay i loved this episode i hope you guys enjoyed it i feel like the dilemmas were a little bit different from each other i liked it some of them were like like more light-hearted some of them were a little bit more serious you know i love it send me in all your dilemmas guys then there's never too many we'll get through them all eventually do you know what i mean always sending me your confessions that's what i don't have many of the confessions um or at least not many unique ones like they all seem to be quite similar and I don't want you guys to get bored of me talking about the same story so if you have a crazy confession or even something not even crazy but might be different to something we've spoken about before send it in. Always send it in.

I love you guys. I hope you have an amazing week. Wish me luck, even though it'll be too late, that I can see Michael McIntyre tomorrow. He's literally the love of my life. I literally love him. I love him so much. And yeah, I don't know what to do on Friday. I'm thinking the health anxiety.

Well, it'll probably just be the anxiety episode, but then I feel like it's a bit heavy for a Friday night. Do you know what I mean? Maybe that should be a Sunday bonus app. so what can we do on Friday would you like to do another call in my listeners episode let me know I mean that would be kind of amazing I'd love to talk to you guys maybe you guys will be out and drunk that would be entertaining wouldn't it yeah I feel like we should do another call in my listeners episode because I absolutely love that okay make sure you follow me on Instagram because I'm going to put up a story sometime over the next few days where you guys can put in your phone number or if you miss it just send me a DM with your phone number if you think you're going to be around on like Thursday

evening I'll probably film it on Thursday or Wednesday if you think you're going to be around Wednesday or Thursday evening send me a DM with your phone number and I will give you a call if you have a dilemma obviously otherwise we'll just be like hey hey what's up so yeah I love you guys so much have the best week and thank you so much for everything you guys are literally just sent to me from heaven like you're literally a massive blessing in my life and i'll never ever take you for granted ever like i'm so appreciative of every single one of you every single one every one not a collective every single one of you i wish i just like could have all of your faces on my wall while i record because i feel like it'd be a lot more enjoyable for me if I knew who I was talking to but that's why I love talking to you on dms you know what I mean anyway

shut the fuck up Leah I love you guys so much have the best week and I'll talk to you on Friday for a brand new episode I love you bye