Leah on the Line - 43: Do I warn my narcissistic ex's new girlfriend & do big age gaps really matter?

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

Hey babes! Today we debated how important age gaps are in a relationship, do they really matter?! We also had some really great dilemmas today and I hope it can be comforting or helpful for some of you! Thank you so much for everything you do, I can't express how much I love you! As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leah on the line happy tuesday how are you guys happy tuesday hope you kind of had the guide. Hope you guys were off to a fantastic start today. Hope you guys have had a great weekend. What have you guys been up to? It is official, my Christmas tree is up. But listen to this, right? So basically, in my living room, we've done a little rejig. Like, basically, my mum's got a left-hand sofa, I think. Right? Left or right? But I'm just going to say left for the purpose of the story she's got a left-hand sofa which means none of her living room makes sense she has to put her tv in a part of the living room that doesn't work but the reason we've got a left-hand sofa when it doesn't

work is because it was 600 pound right we've had it about 10 years mind it was 600 pound reduced from about four grand three grand four grand i don't know god knows how much they were worth 10 years ago you know different time wouldn't it so she sees a 600 pound sofa very very nice sofa and she's like listen it's 600 pound I'm gonna make the living room work do you know what I mean so anyway the living room's just been in this weird doesn't make any sense layout for like 10 years anyway she's like I'm ready I'm ready for a new sofa because you can pay monthly these days you know what I mean and we go sofa shop here like she finds one that she really likes but anyway we get back and we're like oh the living room is just going to look so nice when the tv is in the right place like maybe we can get a fireplace on that

wall like blah blah blah like just really thinking how cozy it's going to be when it actually makes fucking sense in here do you know what i mean anyway and then we go why don't we move the sofa because my sofa currently is a corner sofa and it's in two parts right so why don't we move the sofa because my sofa currently is a corner sofa and it's in two parts right so why don't we move the sofa in to a right hand sofa bearing in mind there's going to be a big fat arm in the middle because like i said it's a left hand sofa right so we do that this doesn't make any sense to you i just i know you guys are listening and you think this doesn't make any sense hopefully it might so anyway we move one half of the sofa move the other half obviously doesn't make any sense because it's not meant to be that way.

There's a big arm in the middle, right? And then we start thinking, why don't we saw the fucker off? Why don't we get at this fucking thing with a saw, yeah, and a hammer and just take the fucking thing off? And then basically, me, my mum and my boyfriend were like, let's take this fucker off. Let's just fucking do this ourselves. She's still going to get a new sofa, but we're're like how can we make it work for now until then because you know it takes like 12 weeks to deliver a sofa minimum what the fuck I didn't know that I said to my boyfriend I was like guess how long you think this thing's going to take to deliver he's like I don't know five days wrong 12 weeks minimum anyway so we moved

the sofa then we get this idea to saw the fucking thing off the next thing you know it's like half past 11 at night and we're going at it with a hammer and a saw my mum's like we need to stop now because the neighbors i don't want to fall out my neighbors i don't want to piss off my neighbors so we wake up the next day and i'm thinking my mum's going to wake up and go let's not do it we was being what's the word compulsive let's not saw my sofa in half let's just wait 12 weeks let's move this the living room back let's put the telly back in the fucking weird spot in the wrong corner yeah anyway she doesn't she's like Jamie get that saw honey it's coming off we saw the sofa arm off

it works luckily my mum has a cover on her sofa because the sofa's red right she used to be this like weird like she loved all this color and i was like she still has this bright yellow bin in her kitchen that she refuses to get rid of this is the most boring story i've ever told i'm so sorry anyway we sorted my sofa off this weekend and now i have a whole new sofa but it'll actually look sick guys if you if you see a sofa and it's the wrong hand yeah and it's 600 pound buy it and saw the fucking thing off that's all i'm saying honey but anyway sorry about that boring intro hope you guys are amazing i hope you had the best weekend i love you guys what did you get up to did you drink black friday week you better believe i've got baskets

ready to check out i'm so excited because at thursday midnight that at thursday okay on thursday at midnight i'm gonna open my baskets from these several shops and just pray for the discount to be breathtakingly stunning and gorge and if it's not I won't be checking them out I won't be because at the end of the day I don't actually need anything I will be doing my Christmas shopping though without a shadow of a doubt I've got a list ready any ideas what to get for guys though I literally don't know what to get for my boyfriend. Maybe just a load of Lear on the Line merch. Do you know what I mean? What more could you want? What more could you want? So any ideas? Maybe we could do a Christmas episode. We could do like a Christmas gifts ideas wishlist episode. Or is that really fucking boring?

Probably boring, isn't it? Yeah, that would be boring. Anyway, speaking of, send me any episode ideas that you guys have. Always, always looking for recommendations, especially for the Friday episodes. Do you know what I mean? The world's our oyster on Fridays. I will do every one. Oh, I was going to do the anxiety episode. I forgot about that. Should I do that? But then I'm not, I'm just not qualified. Do you know what I mean? But I'm not qualified to talk about half the shit I talk about. Do you know what I mean? So I guess I can do it. Fuck it. Do you know what I mean? Fuck them. I'll do it. I'll do what I want. I'll do what I want on Lear on the 9th. But anyway, yeah, I'm going to stop chatting shit. You guys are the best. Hope you had the best week. Oh, please drop me a review if you have a minute a rating a review what might airbnb please leave a rating on spotify

and on apple podcasts if you have a minute honestly i'll kiss you on the mouth really oh it would mean the world to me honestly it helps so helps so much. By the way, I'm number 10 in Korea. Like, who knew? Hello, Korea. Shout out, baby. Who knew? That's a word. Honestly, pitbull.

Step aside, hun. That's what I'm saying. All right, I'm just going to shut up. I'm really boring. And let's get into the episode. Okay, babes we have a fun weekly debate i wasn't sure what angle i wanted to go down today but i'm quite happy with the debate that i decided on and it is how much does age matter in a relationship so I'm talking age gap yeah how much does the age gap matter so let's have a look what you guys have said um I haven't actually looked yet so this is going to be fun okay scrolling down a random one I'm 21 and it gives me the ick thinking about being with

someone over 25 imagine talking about your childhood he was 16 finishing school when you were six playing with barbies yeah but then like that was when you were 16 and six do you know what i mean i get your point though i get your point um because when you think about it right you know when you hear about a couple and they're like 20 ages apart honestly i'm sick of it 20 years apart 20 years leah you all might go oh my god so that means he was 20 when you were born and when you're 60 he's gonna be 80 like you do all that weird maths don't you anyway the older you get it definitely matters less five years when you're 18 is weird 18 and 23 are completely different but then say 16 and 31 it's not a big deal see I think 18 and 23 you're isn't actually that dramatic

even though it's five years actually I suppose it is isn't it I suppose it is yeah you are like I agree with you you are completely different I think an 18 year old and 23 year old are so different I remember when I was 18 and if you met someone that's 23 it was like whoa whoa whoa ancient ancient and like i remember being like 23 and meeting 18 years and they'd be like oh my god like you're already old do you know what i mean they do feel like a lot older right um 40 and 50 is okay but 30 year old with a 20 year old no or even a 20 year old with a 16 17 year old um a lot because maturity is a huge factor someone is 19 and 25 is a huge there is a huge what what i hate it when you guys do this i hate it when you guys it's a lot because maturity is a huge factor.

If someone is 19 and 25, there is a huge... If people are at different stages. I don't get it. I don't get it. I think when younger it was bigger. As in, I think an 18 year old and someone into their 20s are at different development. Oh my god, I'm going to have a stroke. Different stages of development in life i'm 31 now and a five-year difference of my fiance and not a problem to us now as we want the same things and at the end of the day it's your choice if you're happy or safe yeah at the end of the day it is your choice as long as you're happy and safe 100 i'm with you um somebody says my boyfriend is three years and four months older when i was 18 he was 22 i don't

see an issue i think that's like a really like normal age gap like i don't think that's a big age gap three three and a half years i think it's pretty good um shouldn't be a problem as long as it's consensual oh my god of course guys we're obviously only talking about adults adult relationships here like both being fucking adults like obviously do you know what i mean um i don't think age matters it's the person mature immature selfish age doesn't matter yeah 100 when you're older no big deal but 16 to 21 is a bit and then like emoji if you guys know what i'm even talking about um you need to be in the same same stage of life yeah that's such a big thing because for me right I have it where you guys send me in

dilemmas and you talk about big age gaps and you you say to me like do you think it's a big deal and I always say just think about what you want and what the other person wants and are they the same like can they correlate you know what I mean like are you 21 just starting life out as an adult like figuring out who you are what you want out of life and they might be 33 do you know what i mean and they're like i've done my 20s i'm ready to settle down i'd love to have children and you're like whoa whoa whoa do you know what i mean so i i feel like for me personally that is the main concern like as long as you're in the same position you want the same things within the same space of time then it shouldn't matter but you know that's when it can be difficult because what if what if somebody was super young and just wanted to like have a fun, amazing relationship full of like traveling and holidays and making memories and going out.

And the other person's like, I've done that. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, crazy, crazy. It depends how mature the person is for their age. Yeah. It's all about maturity and what stage you're in in life as long as it's legal, obviously. But to me, it doesn't matter at all. Men mature slower, in my opinion. opinion so naturally i'd go older yeah has anyone

ever been with somebody like like i'm talking to the ladies have any of you girls ever been with someone like significantly younger than you because i haven't and i don't think i could because at the end of like boys are children like no fun ton boys are children do you know what I mean do you know what I mean nah they're not he's a man he's a man big sexy hunky man um I don't think it does as long as you're on the same path and he's on your level it's fine yeah I'm with you I'm with you i totally agree with that one age often is a timeline of where you are in life what you want and maturity so it's just an indicator yeah well shall um i would say about six to seven years maximum for me personally i'm 23 yeah so we're like 30 max for you that's what you're saying okay depends how

old both are like if it's 30 and 20 then it's a big no-no but if it's 30 and 40 it isn't so bad see this is the thing like this is why it's difficult do you know what i mean because i i get i do get your point because i feel like at 30 and 40 the things that you're doing in life can sort of happen at any point within those 10 years whereas like in your 20s that tends to be your year your 10 years of of falling in love with life falling in love with yourself figuring out what it is you want out of life and then typically like this is just typically by the way guys I'm not following these fucking guidelines because I'm halfway through my 20s and I don't have a clue

what I'm doing with my life or where I will be in my 30s but we'll worry about that later do you know what I mean but typically the 20s are whole different vibes to your 30s and 40s do you know what I mean why did I say half a sentence do you know do you know I don't think it matters hugely if you're happy yeah oh my god as long as you're happy it literally doesn't matter it doesn't it's all personal preference at the end of the day like height eye color etc well yeah i guess it's almost the same thing um yeah too young very immature too old different priorities it depends what age you are i think 10 years so a lot of you guys are saying this it literally you're saying if you're still in your 20s and in a 10-year age gap relationship,

you guys seem to think it's very different to being in your 30s or 40s and being in a relationship where there's a 10-year age gap. So a lot of you are on the same page, to be honest. Not many of you are saying it really, really, really matters. For me, personally, I'll give my personal opinion opinion opinion for what i would want i i couldn't be with somebody significantly older than me i really couldn't i think the main reason being is like i say this all the time i strive for happiness and enjoyment out of every day so if i was with somebody who's like bear in mind I'm 25 I'm living with my mum and I'm loving life honey I'm literally loving life I record a podcast twice a

week I do social media for a living I'm loving life yeah and if I was with somebody who's like 35 and it's like well I want to buy a house in the next year and I want to start having children within the next year I'd be want to start having children within the next year, I'd be like, well, you know, I don't think that's gonna be with me, so, yeah, for me personally, it doesn't appeal to me, it's never appealed to me, I've never ever been with someone much older than me, I think the oldest I've ever been with is, like, three years older, like, I could never, it's just not for me, it just don't appeal to me um but again it could never be with someone younger so i think i'm like a three four year kind of girl do you know what i mean so yeah

great weekly debate guys really enjoyed it always love having your opinions thanks so much for sending the men getting involved this podcast is nothing without you at the end of the day um you are leah on the line well i'm leah but i'm on the line to you so there would be no line without you so i love you guys basically is what i'm trying to say let's get into some dilemmas okay guys i have some really Okay, guys, I have some really fun dilemmas. Not fun. I mean, they're disasters, really, but really juicy, exciting to read dilemmas. Okay.

Let's go. Okay. I'm going to kick it off with this one. It says, I'm living with my ex. Help. Hello, my love. Oh, I don't think any of you have ever said that to me, my love. Oh, that's really sweet. I feel really special and safe and cozy when you say that to me okay hi babes firstly

just want to say i'm a new listener oh my god welcome we love you and i've been listening to your podcast every day to catch up quickly and i absolutely adore you oh my god i adore you more so this is going to be a long one, but I really need your help. Okay, sit comfortably, guys. We got this. Me and my ex-boyfriend met at uni in September 2020, and I instantly fell for him. I'm 20 and he's 21, by the way. Perfect. We were best friends at first, gorge, and when I started to flirt with him, he would give me a lot of mixed signals, which was was so confusing but he had never been in a relationship before so I think that was the reason why. Okay we would stay up till 5am talking and he was the first guy I actually wanted to let myself be in a relationship for. Fast forward to December and we were a couple! Amazing. We were both in the same uni flat and he

was literally two doors down from me which made sneaking between each other's rooms easier as we didn't want the rest of the flat to know oh my god secretive i love it throughout first year there was a couple things that bothered me like him not always listening to me but i overlooked them okay that's a that's not a very nice trait i think like when somebody i remember sofia and chintzy made this point once and it's so true they was like when you get excited about something and then like so you're like oh my god look look at look at that beautiful white horse in the field how gorgeous that horse and they just don't even look and they're like yeah yeah red flag yeah anyway continue on fast forward to the summer of 2021 we had a couple of big arguments as he made a comment saying i wasn't as attractive since i had my hair cut and had a fringe put in and said i put weight

on bear in mind the only reason i ever lost a bit of weight was because i was really ill and months later he made a comment saying maybe the reason why he doesn't give me as much affection and attention anymore is because i don't wear as much makeup anymore. I'm sorry. That should have been the last time you ever saw that boy. Girl. Anyway. Continuing on. As you can imagine, these comments really, really hurt me and made me really angry as it made me realize, is his love for me really that shallow and conditional yes spot on you hit the nail on the head with those words i couldn't have articulated it better i decided to stay with him and then towards the end of the year when year two of uni started we were now living together in a house with three other boys yes i'm the only girl we decided to break up

and had a week's break due to the fact that we are two different people i like to get up early he likes to lie in and his laziness is a bit of an ick to me oh yeah laziness is actually such an ick i'm with you on that like get up get up and get in that shower open the curtains let's go make the bed do you know what i mean he's obsessed with money and wanted to be viewed importantly by others oh narcissist my goal in life is just to be happy and have lots of cats oh yeah girl that sounds like a gorgeous life anyway as we got back oh sorry anyway we got back together as we both love each other so much and it hurt too much to be apart okay well you well, you know, breakups do hurt, babe. You know, that's totally normal.

Fast forward to exam season this year, we weren't really getting on. I found myself getting so annoyed by him at the smallest things and the sex life was non-existent. It really upset me as my love language is physical touch and I hardly receive this. Oh, okay, that makes sense. I hardly receive this oh okay that makes sense I hardly receive this as his is acts of service our communication has always been so good and we have many chats about how about our problems but we didn't want to break up over exams as we didn't

want it to affect our exams okay after exams I was still unsure about the relationship and I started to think what my uni experience would be like next year if I was single as I've been with him the whole time I've been at uni and I really feel like I've lost who I am as a person. Oh girl. I'm also bisexual and I've never been in a relationship with a girl and I feel like I need to experience that before I settle down. I loved and still do love him so so so much. But your podcast helped me to realize that love isn't enough and that compatibility is a huge thing. He didn't want to break up, so it was up to me to decide. And I spent every single day stressing about this decision. He is my person.

I love him with all my heart and I really love being around him. He is amazing and so supportive with my mental health. It's a dream. him he is amazing and so supportive with my mental health it's a dream okay i'm not sure how somebody can say to you that you're fucking ugly and you put weight on and you don't wear enough makeup and maybe if you were better looking i might give you more attention but then you also are going to tell me that he's really supportive with your mental health and he's a dream they're not the same people okay let's not forget that. Let's not forget these things.

But continuing on. But I decided to break up with him four months ago as I felt like it was not fair on him that I'd been thinking about ending things for months. He deserves someone who doesn't get annoyed at him and who is more like him and who is 100% into the relationship. And I deserve someone who makes me feel loved and loves me unconditionally and truly listens to me. I feel like I'm obsessed with him but he isn't obsessed with me. Like when we go out for meals he isn't really present and complimenting me much. He's focused on how he looks. He says I look nice but that's it. I know breaking up with him will probably be for the best long term but I'm really struggling to cope with the fact that my person is not my person anymore. I really imagined a life with this boy and I miss him so so much. I've spent every night crying and whilst I'm okay in the day and can see more logically in the

day I feel so upset and really struggling to adjust to the fact that he is no longer my partner. He is also really really upset. I've never seen him cry like he did. It's not that I don't want to be single but it's that I miss everything that was it's everywhere I look and on top of that we're still living together at uni until next summer and it's painful to see him every day and not hug him and be with him all the time I've tried to go on a couple of dates over the summer holidays but I just got home and cry because it's my ex that I love and miss we have slept together a couple of times since being back at uni and it just makes it confusing as I get my hopes up that maybe we will work but then the next

day I realize he's not my boyfriend anymore. Should I be feeling this upset if it was the right decision to end things or is it a sign that I made the wrong decision? Thank you Leah, I love you so much, you've helped me so so much, I love you, bye, I love you so much. Okay. There's a few things we need to tackle here. First thing I want to say is breakups hurt. And just because it hurts doesn't mean you've done the wrong thing. So, you know, like just because it's painful and, and not straightforward, not a straight, yep. I don't want to be with you anymore, see you later, just because it's not as simple as that doesn't mean it isn't right, first of all, I'm not telling you it's right by the way, only you can decide that, but I just wanted to make that point, another thing I want to say is, if you haven't listened to my breakup episode,

highly recommend, because I did a lot of research and studying into how to mentally get through a breakup so that episode is full of tips um and like reminders and just thinking skills to be honest and techniques to sort of get you through a breakup because like I said they're fucking hard and they are never easy unless you've decided months ago that you want to leave somebody and then it's fucking easy but most of the time it's really hard and it hurts right and I said something in there that Matthew Hussey said and it's stuck in my head ever since I heard it and he says I'm gonna get it wrong now I say it's stuck in my head I can't forget it I'm gonna forget it he says something along the lines of like it's okay

to grieve a relationship because it didn't turn out the way that you'd hoped and planned but it's not okay to grieve them oh I've got it wrong i've got it wrong it's it's okay okay listen up guys listen up it's okay to grieve a relationship i got it i got it it's okay to grieve a person because they're not the one this is so wrong but it's it's not okay to grieve them as if they were. That doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense. Give me two seconds.

I'm going to find it. Okay, guys. I found it. I found it. Nobody panic. Matthew Hussey here to save me. Here we go. It's okay to be disappointed that someone didn't turn out to be the person that you needed.

didn't turn out to be the person that you needed um but what you mustn't do is grieve as though they were the one yeah guys fantastic advice from matthew hussey that's actually another piece of advice i'm going to give to anyone going for a breakup just fucking just chain matthew hussey because he'll get you through it if i can't trust me he is so wise and he says things that are so brutal and fucking hurts to hear it but it's so true like I remember he said something really stood out this doesn't really count in your situation but anyone needs to hear it while we're on the topic he said something really stood out to me that was something like um dealing with somebody not wanting to be with you it's like if somebody doesn't want to be with you they categorically aren't the one like it's literally that simple like the bare minimum we

need from somebody is that they actually want to be with you do you know what I mean and I was like wow gorge gorge gorge gorge and it's so obvious when he says it you know what I mean but anyway back to you so that's another point that we need to come over is that just because it's hurting doesn't mean it's not right um but I would also say um to not forget the things that you mentioned at the beginning about obviously haven't forgotten them because you've mentioned them to me about how he said these horrible things to you that you're basically not fucking good enough him aesthetically because he's clearly very shallow and i genuinely believe that if you truly truly are in love with someone you keep telling me how much he loves you yeah

but i truly believe that if you are really really in love with somebody if they like basically oh my god i hate myself they you love them in their rawest realist form when they're like they've just woken up their eyes are fucking puffy they got sleep in their eyes they stink of sweat yeah like or they're really fucking going for a hard time and they can't even bring themselves to get in the shower and you've got to be like come on babe let's get in the shower let's do this together like that for me is what it looks like to really love somebody and be in love with somebody I think when you are lusting over somebody that's when it's like oh you know oh god he's really not been hitting the gym or she's really not been putting as much makeup on recently he's not really doing it for me anymore that's not love to me like it really isn't like i do get that your attraction

can fade for somebody if they you know aren't looking after themselves the same and stuff but the love and desire to be with somebody and care for somebody shouldn't go i truly believe that like i just think you you care about people you love and if you care about somebody you don't say those fucking words to someone and I think you deserve better than that full stop like you deserve better than somebody who's going to say those things to you and make you feel that about yourself you also lift listed these reasons why you're not compatible in terms of like you like to get up and go and he's a bit lazy and and that's not for you and you can meet somebody who like you is gonna get up early hit the fucking smash the day yeah and like you imagine that sort of relationship imagine what you could have with

somebody where you share so much more in common and you have more interest and you have the same love languages because you have to believe me when I say that person exists and it's not this guy so I think just keep remembering that it's normal for it to hurt that doesn't mean that you've made the wrong decision and don't question your decision because you've made it and you made it because it felt right like regardless of the pain that came with it but I can't tell you that your decision was right like only you can know that but I think keep these things in mind in terms of you you know it's okay it's normal to hurt you should be that like if you really love him like you clearly do

it's gonna hurt of course it's gonna hurt if you if it didn't hurt then I would just be telling you well you don't love him do you know what I mean um and also it can hurt for other reasons like for him he might be feeling this pain because he's being rejected like somebody's turning around and saying I don't want to be with you anymore and that's that's so painful on its own regardless of whether you even want to be with them like that's a horrible feeling to feel to feel rejected and be abandoned and be like oh my god somebody's walked out of my life like you know so he's going to be hurting for whatever his reason is but for me he you you deserve more than the love that he he was able to give you because you weren't happy

he made you feel shit about yourself you don't share the same love languages you don't you don't live the same lifestyle there's a lack of respect there from him and you deserve better than that to be honest babe that's what i have to say to you as your best friend um and just listen to your gut um and don't doubt whatever decision you make in that moment because that's right for you in that time and that's all you have to say to yourself to get through everything and i love you listen to the breakup episode you got this babe i love you so much okay next dilemma it says hey girl i need your help last night i ended things with a guy i'm exclusively seeing because i felt something off this weekend okay so we were exclusive and you were like goodbye right he cancelled seeing me this weekend saying that he was stressed out about personal things

and i accepted this we continued chatting as normal and even yesterday he made a joke about me meeting his family we had a chat last week about him not liking girls pics and he said this was something he didn't want to do however last night i could see that he went on a liking spree and i felt sick so i continued to message him as normal then asked what he thought about things so you didn't bring up the liking you were just like so like how you feeling about everything just curious just ask him no reason he said he was happy etc but I decided at that point to end things maybe in the heat of the moment see maybe what we was doing here is seeing how far we can push somebody to test because i think

some people i'm definitely guilty of this as well when you have this fear that like someone doesn't want to be with you you test it you're like yeah well maybe we should just end it then maybe we should just fucking end it shall we because then you you're you're just testing if they're going to be like yeah okay i agree or if they're going to be like no no toxic fucking hot nasty behavior maybe that's what we're doing there do you know what i mean don't worry i'm we're all guilty of it when i ended things he brought up that his friends had seen me on tinder etc oh so now i'm thinking he's been playing a game with the liking pics as a reaction i tried explaining i haven't spoke to another boy never

mind went on tinder since we've been chatting but feel like he shut me out so you still have a profile but you haven't been using it right okay i think i got that right um i regret ending things i really really liked him and wanted to see where things could go i was the last to message last night and so far haven't heard anything please help me is there anything i can do i regret cutting things off so quickly i do feel like he should have mentioned his friends thinking i'm on tinder before now and we could have worked through it any advice would be appreciated okay so maybe maybe this is an option what may have happened he's really into you he's you know you're exclusive he's talking about you meeting his family and then his mates have come to him and said you know you're you're

the girl you're seeing is on tinder right and he might be feeling like a bit of a mug because he might be like oh my god i fucking have been exclusive to this girl and she's in fucking tinder the bitch like he might have just been like shit. And that may be why he's gone on Instagram liking pictures. Because he feels like a bit of a mug. Like he's like, oh shit. Like I really thought it was just us two. Clearly fucking not. I'm going to do the same thing in a different form.

As a reaction to that. Do you know what I mean? I don't think, I don't necessarily think it was to get a reaction. Unless he was 100% sure that you would see it because if you if he knew you would see it like if it was like people you both knew and he knew for a fact that you're gonna see his name under these pictures then I do think it may have been for a reaction or a test because you've had this conversation about liking pictures and then he's done it

and if he's knowing you're going to see it then yeah I feel like maybe he was expecting a conversation and then that could have been his green light to bring up the tinder thing and been like well I saw you on tinder but he didn't want to just bring it up out of the blue because you know maybe he just didn't feel like it was he was in a place to do that just a couple of options here but personally I think if you actually genuinely regret it just tell him like you have nothing to lose yeah it might be a bit of a head fuck but at the same time I think it's better to just like be a bit confusing than just be stubborn and be like oh well I've ended it now I better go through with it if that's not what you want I think you can be honest and be like um I was just getting a bad vibe which is why I ended

it it was really um impulsive of me I didn't think it through I know this makes me seem like a head fuck just wanted to know where where you stand and where your head's at because I think you might regret it if you don't like you have nothing to lose at this point so I would just put my cards on the table if I was you and been like I acted in the heat of the moment acted on emotion it was immature of me I know it's not fair I'm not saying it's fair I'm sorry for it but just wanted to know if you're like fully done like if that if you're just like checked out if you are that's okay totally get it but i would have kicked myself if i wasn't honest with you do you know what i mean like at this point fuck it do you know i mean fuck it just say it that's that's my advice honestly because the worst case scenario is you've called things off now you're not seeing each other worst

case scenario is he's like yeah well you know i don't think we should go back to seeing each other because whatever reason and then you don't lose anything do you know what i mean you're already not seeing each other and if he doesn't want to see you then he he didn't you know he sort of wanted to call things off as well do you know what i mean you have nothing to lose um and it's worth asking i think personally but keep us updated like honestly please do don't stress about it like we've all acted in the heat at the moment it's literally fine if that was enough for you to like fully lose him then see you later do you know what I mean at this at the end of the day keep us all updated we love you manifesting a positive outcome for you remember what's meant for you will never pass you by and I love you so much next dilemma

hey girl we have a dilemma on our hands i will try and keep it short as possible as i know i've already messed up i will try and keep it as short as possible as i know you struggle with your words oh oh my god i actually did i actually thought i was quite a good reader up until recently i feel like i never struggled that bad at the beginning of this podcast and my readings got significantly worse as I've gone on. You'd think it would improve. I'm going to make a real conscious effort of pronouncing things correctly and not stumbling on my words and just reading properly. Okay, wish me luck. So I have separated from my narcissistic ex for a few weeks now,

but he got a new girl straight away. Shock, shock, shock, shock, shock, horror. However, he treated me so good at the start. Shock, shock. And I thought he was everything I ever dreamed of. Shock. Do you know what I mean? This is what they do. But like any narcissistic relationship things changed super quick gaslighting mental abuse cheating and i found out he had three kids to three different women that he has nothing to do with as he denies they're his wow sounds like it sounds like a catch so as an empathetic person i'm torn between whether i reach out to the new girl to pre-warn her or do i just leave her to figure it out by herself i wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst enemy. Please what is your advice? For a bit of context I live in Scotland and he stays in England so I can't just

meet up with his new girl. Love the podcast by the way it really helps me mentally. Love to everyone listening. Oh guys shout out to all of you that is so cute that is so lovely love you okay we're all here for you right now my personal response is don't do it do you know why because if i was in your position i would want nothing to do with him ever again like good fucking riddance and unfortunately you could warn this new girl and she won't listen well she might but it's unlikely because we all know how narcissists work they give you the world they love bomb you they sweep you off your feet it's so hard to go well somebody's warned me that this is going to be really bad so I better you know walk away from something that feels really fucking amazing right now and for me you're never going

to look like the nice person just looking out for another girl unfortunately unfortunately even though you are you know you're clearly a fucking decent person and that's why you're you have this gut feeling to like protect this new girl but think about how helpful it's even going to be because if somebody said that to you at the beginning would you have walked away probably not do you know what i mean at the end of the day so i also think it's best to just you know live in peace after something so traumatic like being in a relationship with a narcissist it is best to live in peace just have a nice gorge peaceful life he is honestly none of your business anymore hopefully this girl might have already been with a narcissist so when

she sees these red flags she's gonna run for her life hopefully but the sad thing is you can't protect every girl from this boy so you might reach out to this girl she might listen to you and there you've saved her fucking life right but are you going to do that to the next girl because there will be another one immediately after we all know that are you going to reach out to her and then her and then her and then we don't have the energy and we're not going to lose any more energy on this person because they've taken enough from you so my personal opinion is good riddance good fucking luck to him and just keep saying it's none of my business anymore thank god thank god you're nothing to do with me you're not my problem anymore and you will be forever alone well they won't they'll just be in and out of fucking relationships but

it would just be in and out of fucking trauma and sadness and shit yeah and you're gonna live a beautiful peaceful life with a lovely lovely partner partner, you know? So that's honestly short and sweet. That is my opinion on that one, babe. I love you so much. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm so happy for you that you're out of it. Like I could not be happier for you, honestly. You do not deserve that. No one deserves it. Like you said, you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. And I'm so pleased for you that it's over and you're in a position to love yourself and love somebody else that is gonna deserve it I love you so much everything's gonna be fine I love you okay guys love the dilemmas this week I feel like they're all nice and different love them really

enjoyed really always enjoy talking to you. That was really good English. But anyway, I think it's time for the confession time. Okay, let's kick off with this one. okay let's kick off with this one i stalk my boyfriend's ex and compare myself to her like minimum twice a day i hate her okay i know this is a confession not a dilemma but you gotta stop you gotta stop it's not good it's not good for you you're amazing never compare yourself to anybody and you should promise yourself do me a favor and promise yourself you're going to block her account and never look at it again just that you make the decision for yourself i know i know it's not a dilemma but please do it okay i just sent a sexy

vid to my boyfriend for the first time and it's so not hot i bet it is what are you talking about it's a sexy vid you can't send a not hot sexy vid this is your boyfriend so he's gonna just be fucking loving life i love that but be careful everybody be careful with this kind of content geez okay this one is fucking crazy to me right listen to this shit right love it i once masturbated whilst on a team's call with my manager not on video lol okay i didn't find him even remotely attractive but i was horny and it felt a bit naughty so i did it and came silently whilst he was talking and he was none the wiser is that gross i don't know if it's gross i don't think gross is a word it's just a bit like a bit random

like how did that come into your head how did that cross your mind like how did you just say i'm just gonna fucking flick it out right now that's so funny i kind of love that i love that for you like i actually think that's a sick confession i like sick as in good not sick as in gross like it's cool i think that's a cool story i can't even lie like i'm actually quite impressed by that okay one more i'm still sleeping with my ex as we're living together and we still love each other so much ah oh my god chaos chaos chaos honestly recipe for disaster recipe for disaster unless you get back together then recipe for heaven really just gorge but crazy crazy times i mean it happens doesn't it how

many people actually break up for someone and then never see them again do you know what i mean it happens doesn't it how many people actually break up with someone and then never see them again do you know what i mean like you go it's over and then you never see each other again it's not it's not that common to do that i feel like most people it's it's like you you're in and out of each other's lives for a bit you know what i mean and in and out of each other you know what i mean but anyway love those confessions guys keep them coming i need to keep the confessions diaries nice and short and sweet at the end of every episode because sometimes i just fucking ramble on forever and there's just no need to be honest let's wrap up the episode okay thank you so much for listening guys thank you for tuning in i hope you guys

loved this episode i love talking to you as always never get sold i never get bored of it you guys are literally the loves of my life the best friends i could ever wish for in my whole life and i just want to say i appreciate all of you so much i'm so grateful i sound so sarcastic i appreciate you so much i'm really grateful really means a lot it actually does actually does mean a lot oh my god who's excited for christmas my tree is up my christmas tree is up did i even that's how that story started in the beginning i swear it started with the christmas tree anyway my christmas tree's up and it's now in my dining room like what the fuck mum it's meant to be in the living room

but she's like there's no room there's no's like, there's no room. There's no room for her. There's no room. This is such bullshit. Like, we should make rooms, I mean, but whatever. It's your house. But anyway, Christmas tree is up. I haven't done, actually I have. I bought one Christmas present for my Secret Santa this year. And I need gift ideas for the boyfriend. So definitely DM me with loads of gift ideas.

And I'll definitely do some sort of christmas themed episode because obviously i did the halloween episode you guys love that that's probably one of my favorite episodes i was actually listening to it in the car with my boyfriend because obviously it was the first time his voice has ever featured on the pod and then we we drove out for a late night mayo chicken with cheese extra mayo and then we was like should we put the um podcast on and then it was actually a bit scary like we was driving out like midnight one o'clock in the morning listening to these ghost stories it was our voices and i was scared i was literally scared and i had people messing me because i added

like a couple of sound effects and there was one where like a ghost speaks in the background it's like something and had messages being like please tell me that was a fucking sound effect because i'm sure there was a ghost it was all a sound effect guys it was it was all a fraud it was all fake but the stories were real but the sound effects were not real but if anyone has any ideas for a christmas themed episode please hit me with them because how can i make leah on the the line Christmas episode like I honestly have no idea you guys are gonna have to be the creative ones on that end because I'm stuck on that but I love you thank you for everything you do you guys are the bestest friends ever I'm always here for you I love that we get to have our twice a week catch-up chats best friend time bonding time

you guys everything I wonder what you guys are up to right now hands up if you're at the gym okay nice keep going you guys are smashing it i bet your bums are massive looking gorge um hands up if you're cleaning boring boring get a life get a life hands up if you're driving put your hands back on the wheel put your hands back on the wheel who drives a manual who drives automatic honestly want to know what i drive neither who is out for a walk oh gosh what's the weather like have you got a dog what dog have you got when else do you listen to an episode who's getting ready who's getting ready i bet you look stunning if you look in the mirror right now tell yourself i am a gorgeous amazing person inside and out and leah

on the line loves me when else you listen to a podcast that's all i can really think of at this moment in time but i love you guys so oh falling asleep someone said to me the other day that you listen to me when you fall asleep. Honestly, couldn't think of anything worse than listen to me falling asleep. Well, I suppose I do. My head is chaos when I'm falling asleep. Honestly, I have some mad dreams, you know. Sometimes they're so stupid.

Apparently, you only see people in your dreams. Like the faces you see in your dreams are the faces you've seen in real life and also my nephew who let me add is 11 recently said to me that he always dreams about like when he dies like he dies in his dream and i'm like that's literally not even humanly possible like somebody told me that that's not possible and he's like no i die all the time and he's like when i want my dream to end i just like make myself die in my dream and then i wake up and i was like you're 11 like that is actually fuck like what fucking video games are you playing also i had an audition for a video game voiceover for a character how fun won't get it never fucking get anything these days i mean have got an audition for heathers though the uk tour would be chaotic though like how would i do the podcast i it

would probably have to go to one a week look at me planning like what for when i get the role it's for veronica the lead role yeah because i'm gonna get that not honestly i've lost all faith in my in myself as a performer but you know what well i obviously haven't because i'm still going for it you know i mean so i clearly haven't lost all faith but you know there's only so many times you can get rejected before you go, oh, maybe this isn't going to happen for me. But luckily, I've fallen in love with this career at the same time. So I don't feel like I've failed in life.

Like I feel like I'm really thriving and I'm so happy. I love you guys. Honestly, I could cry when I think about it. Group hug. Let's all have a group hug. Deep breath in everybody wasn't that nice didn't used to hate it right you know when i don't know if people do this very often but like in acting classes singing like any sort of performing classes you do like breathing techniques yeah and i just couldn't fucking breathe in time with another

person, I'm like, our lungs aren't the same, like they'd be breathing, then go and breathe out, and I'm like, or they'd be like, deep breath in, and my lungs are full, and they're like still breathing in, I'm like, and then when they say, and slow breath out, I'm like, because I've been holding that in for time, anyway, literally, just go leah just let everyone get on with the day let everyone get on with the day anyway you guys i'm not going to be able to really shout because it is currently 1am um and my mum's asleep so i love you guys so much hope you have the best week ever i hope you all put your christmas trees up if you haven't already and send me pictures of them.

And I will talk to you on Friday for a brand new episode. I love you. Bye.