Leah on the Line - 44: Would you private your IG if your partner asked you to & I snooped on my bf's phone and found him CHEATING!

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

Hi babes! I loved all of the dilemmas this week so much, but those CONFESSIONS are so crazy in this ep... I am living for it!! I hope you guys love this episode as much as I do. Thank you so so much for all of your love and support I cannot thank you enough. As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's getting closer to midnight i try to get closer to you hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode here on the line happy tuesday happy tuesday we're back with a little more of a normal Lear and the Lion episode last week was heavy last week was heavy but thank you so much for all of the love I'm so glad you guys enjoyed it and found it helpful but I will be honest I'm glad to be back doing what we do best which is talk about boys talk about bad friends talk about jobs that we hate debate give each other advice and just have a laugh, just have a laugh together, honestly, I've missed you guys, I hope you guys have had the best weekend, what did you guys get

up to, I'm, I'm going to see, um, Matilda in the musical tomorrow, I'm honestly thrilled, I can't wait, I'm just so excited, I can't wait, just because you think that life's not fair, yeah, I do musical theatre for a living, who would know would know no i actually don't do that for a living it was the plan but you know auditionings are happening again which is fantastic news for me i auditioned for heathers today um won't get it when i watched my audition tape back i was like wow nobody hire me what is that i feel like i'm quite good at the songs like the songs i feel like i know them well i feel like i've got them down i'm pretty confident with the songs but when i when i acted veronica the audition isn't for veronica but it's veronica's material so i was reading the material and i watched it back and i was like

literally dig me a hole and just bury me and no no no no my god i'm scared but i literally i don't don't know why I'm pursuing this career honestly no I don't mean self-love I'm fucking talented I'm so talented god really sound like I believe that don't I but yeah auditions happen again which I'm so happy about because they just go quiet and then you feel like you're rammed with them and they're really busy and then they go quiet for ages um so yeah I'm really excited to get singing again I'm gonna make a point of doing that again I feel like I've just really neglected it any of my fellow singers performing peeps you know like the passion just comes and

goes sometimes doesn't it it comes and goes but anyway I hope you guys are doing really well we've got a really interesting weekly debate coming up for you. It's actually inspired by one of our dilemmas, so we will get to that as well. But yes, sending you all so much love. I hope you are doing really well. I hope you are feeling gorgeous, feeling stunning. If you need a hug right now, I'm sending you one. And yeah, let's not jibber jabber. Let's not jibber jabber.'s not jibber jabber without further ado let's get straight into the episode okay so the weekly debate everybody this week is would you private your instagram if your partner asked you to so like i said this was inspired by one of our dilemmas, so we will get to that. But just diving into your responses, you guys are saying pretty much most of you on the same page what I imagined. And it's a straight no, babe. So let's read them out. No

to controlling. No, it's controlling. And it's my socials. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely not, red flag. I did and I also unfollowed every mail I had no links to. Oh, sorry. I unfollowed every mail that I had no links to. Okay, fantastic. We broke up and realized it's toxic as fuck. No, absolutely not. I would find that way too controlling and weird. Don't see what they gain. No. Personally personally i don't care about social media so it wouldn't bother me to do it but it's also like why no way and i wouldn't expect him to either doesn't achieve anything in my opinion i definitely agree like it doesn't achieve anything like if it comes from a place of insecurity like are you secure now probably not you know what i

mean like do you feel like i'm not gonna cheat on you now you probably still think there's probably still other areas you'd quite like me to adjust for your needs do you know what i mean continuing on my account is already private if i had a public account yes it wouldn't change who is already following me okay but maybe it's like to spy on you so it's like maybe if they're checking your following or followers they'll be like well who is this guy or girl why have you accepted them do you know what i mean because then it's like well you have to explain why you accept them and then also it's like when somebody requests you you're like oh but if i if i accept them then he or she's gonna ask me about it and they're gonna get like well how do you know them why why did you accept i mean oh lots of drama would would follow after i imagine um no unless it was something to do with work and couldn't have personal things

with them online okay for sure yeah yeah yeah no because i'm in the modeling industry and it would shut off job opportunities for me absolutely absolutely i would ask him why then if the reason is good enough and i agree then yes no. No, this is a huge red flag. This is where it starts. Next, it will be delete. Oh yeah, true. It's like, it's, it sounds like it could be the only beginning. Like I said, is it going to take away all your worries and insecurities? Probably not. Probably not. Um, mine's private anyway, but no, I would listen to his reasoning, but partners shouldn't control your life. Yes, but depends on their reasons for sure not if they were controlling slash manipulative okay but yeah okay i was gonna say what what would the other reasons be but then i'm sure there are reasons like one of you said

if they had a job where they couldn't be like seen on social media and you was posting them i mean fair enough if that's the case um no it's my instance. Sounds like controlling behavior. Yes, I did. But now looking back, major red flag. Um, let's see where some of you guys are saying you will do it or would. Yes, a hundred percent. But I would ask why? Yes. It's all about having respect for your partner. Make changes if they're uncomfortable. Okay. Um, yes, probs. It's pretty minor, I think. Yes. Why not? Question mark. mark yes as i'd respect their wants but slightly resent them for wanting me to change um yeah why not i don't think it's that deep yes absolutely somebody says somebody says would i fuck love you um a lot of you are just saying no a lot of you're saying depends on the reason why but i'd still be

like a red flag so okay my ex asked me to because his psycho in brackets psycho x sorry in exclamation marks no not exclamation marks what are they fucking called oh my god apostrophe quotation marks fuck me okay my ex asked me because his quotation marks psycho ex would have stalked me turns out he was a psycho yeah because also it's like well if your ex is going to stalk me stalk away i literally don't care do you know what i mean why is it why does it affect us if somebody else is stalking let them stalk stalk away so somebody left a response and it literally i was like oh my god i didn't even think about that somebody said no why have they got to hide you and that is a good point and I did think about it it's almost

like because let's say it's a girlfriend boyfriend situation boyfriend's gone to the girlfriend I need you to make your Instagram private please it was it's making me really uncomfortable I don't know you've got a public Instagram can you please make it private and he's like and you and the girlfriend's like yeah okay sure i'll make it private what this guy is saying in this response to the debate is he could potentially be seeing other women but the other woman isn't going to find out because you could be posting that you're together on socials and she can't see it's private that's a great point I was like shit maybe he's trying to keep your relationship a secret you know um so yeah that's a difficult one because for me if I give my opinion it's a straight up no

babe but then it's different for me because Instagram is part of my job like I'm I'm social media content creator I mean I literally have to get a new job and I'm not going to do that for a boyfriend so for me it would be a straight no but then I feel like I'm kind of biased but if I already had like a full-time job some doing something totally different to socials I still think it would make me want to rebel like I could literally be I could wake up that day and be like do you know what I'm going to private my Instagram today because I just I'm feeling like I wanted to be a bit more private with my life and then my boyfriend could come to me and be like this is

imagining I don't already do socials for a living right and my boyfriend comes to me and he's like babe I really just want you to private your Instagram I'm in that moment I've decided I want to be a full-time influencer like Like, I literally would have, no, I could have already decided I want to private it, but if somebody comes to me and asks me to do that for them, I just will do the opposite. There's just honestly something in my brain that I just don't like. I don't like being told what to do. I literally don't like being told what to do. But anyway, really interesting debate, guys guys absolutely loved it most of us are on the same page of like no like honestly let's just move through our issues

together without having to do these things but then a lot of you which I totally see your point as well are like you know what if it makes him feel better I'm willing to do it do you know what I mean so yeah I see both sides I see both sides but personally I would never ask somebody to private their Instagram for me because in my opinion, that has to come from some kind of insecurity. And I think the healthiest thing to do is work through that. Do you know what I mean? Because it's like just private and your Instagram isn't going to get rid of that insecurity. You know, do you know what I mean? But yeah, loved it. Thank you guys so much for all of your responses. Send me any weekly debate ideas. As I always say, I'm always open to them. I love it when you guys

send me emails of like bullet point lists. You're like, hey girl, I've been thinking this, you could do this, you could do this, you could do this episode, you could do this weekly debate. I love it. Honestly, I love all of you guys so much. So amazing debate without further ado, I've said that twice already. Leah, shut up. Let's get into some dilemmas. Okay. So boys and girls, we're going to kick it off with the dilemma that inspired the weekly debate. So shout out to you, babe.

Love you so much. Sorry that this is actually your life right now. But let's read her out it says boyfriend wants me to private my instagram hey leah i love your podcast and i need to share this dilemma with someone i love you i've been seeing my boyfriend for four months and he has constantly expressed his dislike for my instagram profile he isn't a social media user i work in the fashion industry so my profile is open and i post a lot just outfit photos and travel content nothing scandalous but last week he asked i

private the account because he was worried i was sharing too much online quoting the often i post about where we're out for dinner once home and my day-to-day life etc i've had previous boyfriends in the past and none of them expressed their concern for this we are heading on our first holiday this weekend and i really don't want him feeling uncomfortable about me sharing it online asking him to take outfit photos etc do you think he has a right to ask me to private my instagram is this controlling behavior or am i just overreacting i really don't know how to feel about it any advice would be greatly appreciated i love you so much so i think because of the you know your job and the circumstances that you're in private in the instagram is just not going to be an option

babe sorry you have to sacrifice all these things for the suspense of your boyfriend's opinion. Because he's not said, oh, I don't like that all these guys follow you. Well, I don't like the thought of all these guys visiting your profile. But that makes me jealous. He said, I don't want you posting about where we are all the time because I'm a private person. In my opinion, to me, you're only four months into this relationship so this is only the beginning of when any kind of red flags are going to start to creep out the woodworks because they're not going to show you early doors so without jumping to the worst case scenario i

am going to take this as a red flag i won't lie secondly i feel like if it was me i'd be like well we're just not compatible babe like personally if i was doing what you're doing um you clearly enjoy it brings you a lot of happiness you feel inspired you feel creative you enjoy it and your boyfriend's like i don't like it my opinion it's not gonna work then like we're not compatible do you know what i mean you need somebody that has a private instagram and you'll have a gorgeous beautiful relationship together i want someone's gonna come to come on holiday with me take pictures of me at the dinner table and I'll tag the restaurant you can take my alphabets for the whole trip do you know what I mean that is what I'm thinking personally but obviously that's not really what you want to hear because I'm sure

you really like this person so let's try and solve it I I would say, I would say that you have a conversation where you can be like, look, this isn't something I can do for you. I understand we might be different in that way. You're more private than me. unfortunately, I don't, I can't relate to you on that level. And that isn't really something I'm willing to compromise on just because of my job and my career. And it brings me happiness and makes me feel creative, brings me joy, makes me happy, makes me feel good about myself. I love taking outfit pics and I'd love you to take them for me. But if this isn't something you can move past, I don't really know what to suggest. David. Honestly, I know it sounds like a bit of a lost cause. But for me, I'm saying put your foot down, girl.

Yeah, you love this so much, clearly. It makes you feel passionate. And for that reason alone, for the reason of your job and everything, I don't think you should sacrifice it I literally don't um and I'm sure he obviously knows that and I'm sure it is a jealousy thing like I'm sure it is probably coming from some kind of insecurity or maybe it's what the other people said where he could be trying to keep the relationship private keep it secret for whatever reason hopefully not hopefully not let's be positive yeah um and I, I just don't think it's

something you should be sacrificing for somebody else because, you know, you matter too in this situation. There has to be, you know, less meat in the middle somewhere. What can I do that will make you a bit more comfortable where I don't private my Instagram? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, do a bit of digging. Make don't private my Instagram do you know what I mean um yeah do a bit of digging make sure that there's nothing else going on there is he jealous do you know what I mean so yeah he's not a social media user which is you know I've never been with someone that isn't on social media so I don't really I don't really know about that part but yeah I just think don't budge and you know prioritize how it makes you feel in your life and

if that's something you're willing to sacrifice for someone that you've known for months you know what I mean I don't think it should be so yeah good luck I love you so much keep us updated with what you decide to do I'll support you no matter what you guys know that and yeah I love you so much everything's going to be fine next dilemma this is in capital letters advice desperately needed quick okay okay I'm gonna give my best shot dear Leah I'm a new listener and I'm in desperate need of advice I only discovered your potty last night but I'm already three episodes deep oh my god I love you welcome I love how brutally honest you are and feel like i would benefit from

some of your home trips do you guys think i'm brutally honest i didn't think i was that brutal oh whoops i don't mind if this dilemma doesn't make it to the potty any reply you send i'd be so grateful for but if you do share this please make it anonymous anonymous of course it did make it to the potty so So here goes. A few months ago I snooped on my boyfriend's phone and what I found made me sick. For some context we've been together for six years and he's my rock and my best friend. We've never had one fight. I'm honestly still in shock about what I'm about to tell you. So she's been with this guy six years and it doesn't sound like what she's found is very good. Let's have a look. Oh fuck, I've just

got off the fucking email. Here we go. I've never been on his phone before because I've trusted him completely. But a few months back, he got a snap notification from a girl. Snap, no, red flag. Honestly, Snapchat is the devil. I fucking hate that shit um from a girl i didn't recognize while he was asleep i was suspicious so i opened it and saw that he'd asked her for nudes earlier in the year oh shit so it was safe to chat as well i'm crossed i've been on his phone quite a lot since always while he's been asleep lol and it's just got worse here's all i found we've got some bullet points here girls and boys he's been messaging multiple girls on snapchat and been flirting and asking them for nudes okay so straight up cheating that

is straight up cheating that's not even micro cheating flirting asking for nudes you're cheating on me you're literally cheating on me he's shown my nudes to his friends that is fucking vile that is vile that is so disrespectful such a fucking violation get fucked little prick oh my god my language jesus he's offered to accompany his friend to meet a girl and her friend he didn't know that i know of okay he's been speaking to a girl at his local pub and has driven her home once he bragged his friend about how she invited him to her empty house and how he should have tried it on with her but apparently didn't he is subscribed to four and then in brackets four OnlyFans accounts wow and this is just what you've managed to discover so god forbid what else that fucking boy's been up to okay I've sat on this information for months now and kept quiet because the thought of losing him is unbearable

but deep down I know I'm worth so much more and i genuinely can't live with this eating me up anymore you are worth so much more please can you give me any advice as to how to confront him what do i say how do i bring it up i want answers why he's done this what's wrong with me that he has to look elsewhere nothing nothing is wrong with you let's get one thing straight all i've ever done is love him support him shag him and send him plenty of nudes but i yeah i'm the rest of his group chat by sounds things no thanks to him but i feel like once i say i've been through his phone he will flip his lid and gaslight me of course he will of course he will because he's guilty that's the only way out for the guilty i also feel like because this is all online he will justify it by saying he hasn't physically cheated fuck you and fuck you again like that is stupid if he ever says that to you just say that fuck you

please help me i've been deep in it so much this week and feel like it's going to explode out of me soon i going to confront him yet. I'm glad you've come to that conclusion that you're ready to do it. Um, babe, all I have to say is you've said it already. You deserve better. And it's so easy for me to say this. It's so easy for me to say, just leave him. I know it's easy for me to say this it's so easy for me to say just leave him i know it's easy for me to say that and you hearing that you think no no i don't want to i don't want to i know the thought of walking away from someone is the worst it's like worst case scenario worst thing in the world you just want him to break down to his needs and say i'm so sorry i love you you're

so much better than all of them i should never have done it it was me you're amazing you're perfect please let me show you please let me change fuck you honestly it makes me so mad but i swear if you go to him and you say look we i'm gonna lay it out on the table yeah i've been on your phone a fucking few times and i'm glad i did don't even try and spin me spinning on me telling me that i've done something out of order i don't care what you think because I found what I needed to find. So I am glad I did it. All right. And if he tries to turn it, you said, you're fucking crazy. I can't believe you went on my phone.

Fuck you. Honestly, if you think I'm crazy for going on your phone, why do you think I, why do you think I had this gut instinct to look? Look what I found. Look what I found. And you're trying to tell me that I was in the wrong for looking shut up just shut up pack your shit and go honestly my advice to you i love you and you deserve better and i want you to be either on your own or happy with somebody else because this guy first of all without the cheating send in your news to his friends grow up have some respect for me second of all

grow up you're a child never seen a fucking fanny before like jesus it's immature i do that for you that's intimate it's very personal very private i do that for you not for fucking bobby billy brian and fucking someone else bigging him a beginning with B. Honestly, my blood's boiling. My blood's boiling. I love you so much. So, so, so, so, so much. I just want to give you a hug because I can't even imagine the heartbreak. I don't know how you've been sitting on this for months. Honestly, I would have exploded then and there. I don't know how you are a very strong-willed woman because to receive that sort of information and sit with it and process it slowly could never be made love you you're so strong but what we're going to do now is think about what you deserve think about whether you actually

genuinely in your gut believe that this guy is ever going to change for you and be that for you because you've been with somebody for six years yeah and you don't have any respect for me let alone have enough respect to not cheese on me like jesus you can't even keep my nudes private meeting up with guys oh i should have shagged her she invited me into her house okay fucking shag her then honestly get out my life it's just a child this guy sounds very immature very selfish very disgusting and i love you and i just want you to know that you deserve better than that i know i know everything i'm saying is useless i know it's so easy for me to say that but i just i just think oh like how can

you do that to me like how can you fucking do that to me I've given you six years of my life yeah how can you do that to me what have I ever done do you know what I mean nobody deserves that though regardless of what you might have done well unless you also cheated on the same level. Then I suppose tip for tat really. I just think. I hope you love yourself enough. To understand that this is not about you. Like his behaviour. Is a reflection of him.

Never a reflection of you. And what you were willing to offer him. And what you could and did offer him. Because like you said. You had plenty of sex with him. You send him your own nudes. so if he's finding the need to go out and find that elsewhere then that's a him problem that's nothing to do with you he cannot tell you that you weren't providing like shut up do you know what i mean so oh honestly all you've ever done is love him and support him like oh fuck him do you know what

you're amazing you're amazing look in that mirror before you go into that chat look in that mirror and go i'm fucking hot and i'm amazing i'm a cat i'm funny and i'm kind people love me and do you know what i'm a catch to be with yeah and you're gonna go in there and you're gonna confront him and you're gonna be confident you're gonna be sure in yourself we can always take take some notes maybe write down some things we want to say in case we lose it but obviously don't go in there like um amy on love island when she confronted curtis and she was like i've made a list now maybe avoid that but get your thoughts together on your notes app or something don't bring the notes app in but it might be easier to write them down so then you go in with your thoughts all put together do you

know what i mean but please keep me updated i love you so much sending you the biggest hug squeezing you and going i'm hugging you right now and i'm squeezing you i'm going you caught this babe you caught this fuck that guy honestly okay everything's gonna be okay that's what you need to remember like whatever happens you're gonna be okay i'm here for you okay good luck next dilemma okay this one's called is my relationship fading out hey gorge gal hi babe i some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for four years. We're both 23. Overall, our whole relationship hasn't been very problematic

at all and has been pretty good apart from the fact he majorly lacks motivation. This has been a major thing for me the whole relationship because he struggles to work more than two days a week because he'd rather play games all night than wake up late and just doesn't have the drive to do something with his life when he has so much potential we have spoken about this recently as i said i was reaching breaking point and since then he has started to do something about it but i can't help but feel like it's not going to happen again huh it's probably going to happen again I think that's probably what you mean which just makes me feel like I'm putting my life on hold for him and just waiting around until he's going to be financially mentally stable to be an adult and start a life together

move in etc recently however I've started to feel more and more distant and I'm unsure as to what to do. I know I have so much love for him as a person and I still find him so lovely and funny but I just don't know if this is just a phase I'm going through or whether to do something about it. I felt this way around this time last year too and it ended up disappearing for the whole year pretty much but now it's back with a vengeance. My sex drive has also disappeared and I don't know if this is to do with the situation too. I just feel so so confused and what to do right now. I don't want to reach the point of breaking up with him. I don't think I have the balls to but at the same time I don't know if this is a warning sign of the

relationship coming to an end. I know if I ended it I could end up regretting it because I feel like he's one in a million but I don't know if I'm growing out of the relationship. So much stress, so many questions, I just really don't know what to do. Thank you so much. All my love from a day one listener. Oh, I love you. P.S. Here are some pickies. Yay, I love the picks. Oh my God, you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Hair looks gorgeous, nice and curled. Boyfriend looks happy in the mouth, sad behind behind the eyes that's really sad actually oh you look so pretty wow your skin's gold anyway god sorry guys this is so boring because you can't see the picture but i can all right let's tackle it so it's a pretty good stable long-term relationship

but he's not got any motivation. So I can totally get why this could affect your sex drive because as horrible as it sounds, it can be unattractive, can't it? Let's not be, let's not bullshit. Okay. It can be unattractive. It can be a bit of a turnoff, especially when it comes to like, you sat on the xbox or playstation whatever it's console of choices so i get it i do get it i think i would probably feel the same to be honest um but it's tough because i feel like it could be like a mental health thing like he could be really struggling with depression you know like these are all key signs to depression like you don't have the motivation to do anything, like, this isn't me bloody diagnosing him, do you know what I mean,

but I'm saying, we have to consider all things here, because it, it probably isn't just that he doesn't give a shit, and doesn't care, like, he probably is just struggling to care, and struggling to find the motivation to do something about it, and the easiest way for him to cope with it, is just to go on his game and forget about it and it's almost like do we walk away from people when they're struggling no but then also do you wait around and like you said do you just wait for him to just start earning money and get a deposit together so you can move out do you know what you mean so it's tough I really get it it's a really hard call to make um but if you said that you were in this position this time last year there's clearly not been a change for a year um and what I will say is if it doesn't change and it continues to just sort of be

like this um that feeling might go away again but I feel like it will always come back. Because you clearly have an idea of what you want from somebody in a relationship and want for yourself in a relationship. And this just obviously isn't it? I don't mean the person, I just mean the situation. So I feel like you might have to have a really brutal conversation with him where you're like, are you doing okay? Like, is there anything I can do for you? Do you, are, do you think you're lacking in motivation? Would you want to go and talk to someone about it? You know, like, is there things we can do to help? Um, and offer him some love and support but if it if you get to a point where you're like he really isn't doing anything then yeah you can't put your life on hold and you can't wait around because

you've got a life to be planning too um and you know maybe that would be the motivation like maybe it's one of them things where it's like maybe you'd have to lose the best thing that ever happened to him do you know what i mean to be like i need to do something about this I want to get better I want to live a happier life I want to be more productive you know I would say be very sensitive because we could be dealing with somebody who's just really struggling with their mental health right now and sometimes they just need that realization of like you know there are things we can do about this feeling you know you don't have to accept this feeling you don't have to accept this life we can do something about it we can do it together I'm with you all the way baby you know what I mean

so yeah again as I always say keep me updated um and I really truly believe that you can be okay like there is a way out but again like I said don't keep your life on hold if your gut is saying walk away walk away you know but make sure you talk to his family and his friends and say you know I am I am leaving the relationship but please look after him please keep an eye on him please help him where you can do you know what i mean and also i don't know if you believe in this or not but i do believe in being friends with an ex not long term but throughout the first few stages of a breakup i do um and you can be a friend to him do you know what i mean so you know mixed opinions on that one but from my experience it's always been all right so yeah i love you so much um let's do another dilemma okay hey girl i think this dilemma is very relevant in all of our lives one way or another so i think this will be a relief for

everyone to hear so we feel less alone i'm struggling so much in my head with mental health now this sounds so shallow as there is so much more happening in the world but that doesn't make my feelings invalid no it doesn't sound shallow absolutely not it doesn't not in the slightest the main trigger for me is my appearance in a world full of literal perfection I feel so fucking ugly I work so hard on going to the gym eating good drinking my water getting my steps in, doing hair masks, blah, blah, blah. I still just feel ugly. I think the main issue is social media and comparing yourself to everyone. I see perfect teeth, perfect skin, perfect hair everywhere and I just can't

keep up. I know social media isn't real but I just can't learn to love myself no matter how much I try. I've done the filler, sunbeds, monthly nails upkeep and nothing works. Girl to girl, I need some self-love help to get me out of this funk. Love you and the pod. I love you. I love you so much. So yeah, you were right. We can all relate to this in one way or another. So what I would say to you is you know you've you're doing everything right that means you should love yourself you know like you're going to the gym you you drink your water you said you eat well you get your steps in you've done the nails you've done the filler you've done all these things that you're trying to do to make you feel good about yourself right and you say and I

still don't so for me that just sort of confirms it's in, it's an internal issue that we're dealing with. Do you know what I mean? It's not actually the reflection in the mirror that you ain't getting on with. It's the mind. It's your mind you're not getting on with. So I would, honestly, I know I've said this a couple of times, but I would really recommend reading some self-help books,, some self love books. Let me have a little look. Two seconds. I'll do some research for you. Okay. So just really quickly, I found this audio book. Sounds really fucking good. Okay. It's on Audible. It says listen free for 30 days. This is not an ad, by the way, which it was. But you can listen free. It says try for 0.00 pounds but listen to

this it sounds really good i'm going to read the summary it says oh hi my name's olivia and i am clear throat a longtime member of the insecure insecure girls club if you are too then you're not alone a recent study found 62 of girls and women feel insecure or not sure of themselves with seven out of ten belief and they don't measure up but it doesn't have to be this way there are ways out of those slumps and the days where we feel unsure about ourselves and that's where this book comes in the insecure girl's handbook oh yeah that's what it's called did i say that it's called the insecure girl's handbook will guide you through your insecurity no matter what life stage you're at pointing out the pitfalls of people pleasing negative back chat and crippling comparison along the way.

It's a carefully curated toolkit of tried and tested mechanisms and small pearls of wisdom to start combating that feeling that holds us back from speaking up, from following our dreams or even feeling that our dreams aren't good or big enough. I hope it will provide you with a comfort hug and pep talk from one insecure girl to another so you can stop imposter syndrome in its tracks and halt the waves of self-doubt that sometimes unexpectedly flood our work-life friendships relationship and every other crevice in between so here's to treating ourselves like we treat others putting ourselves first and being the secure and thoughtful women that we know we can be i know you're good enough and by the time you finish listening i'm positive you'll think so too okay that one sounds amazing let's read some more for more about like our appearance struggles

okay i've just found this book that is a self-love journal oh my goodness my phone okay it's called the self-love journal by switch research and it's got a beautiful plant on the front. It's orange. It's very, very happy to look at. I like the vibe. So I can look at a page in the like advert and I like it already. It says the inner advocate and it says reflect on your self-worth. Know that you're enough. Challenge your self-criticism. And then it says a daily intention. What are three things about yourself that you're proud of?

So I really recommend when it when it comes to learning self-love when you accept that it's a mental challenge that we're going to be facing right now like you've done all the physical things do you know what i mean and it's not it's not changing how you feel about yourself i really think we have to practice gratitude we have to practice self-love so So I literally believe that writing down all the things about yourself that you're proud of. I've done it as well. I bought a journal. Actually, I got gifted one.

Not gifted from a brand. Like somebody bought it for me. Like a family member. They got me a journal. And I would sit on all my train rides and write and fill out the pages. It was the most calming. It was like a little bit of self love, like just even writing in it was like giving myself that love that give myself that five minutes on my own to just write to myself. Um, and it would say like five things you've done

in your life that you're proud of or something you continue to do that you're proud of. Do you know what I mean? Um, and um and I think just practicing these things of learning to appreciate yourself and be proud of yourself can really really help so I really recommend that there's also women don't owe you pretty by Florence Gibbon very very popular book I think that is a lot to do with like relationships that might have damaged your self-esteem and stuff I'm not 100% I haven't read it myself but I would love to read that um but it's really popular so I really recommend giving that book a go maybe we should all give it a read together but maybe we should all do a self-love journal together because they are amazing and I didn't finish mine because I'm to be honest

I got to a point where I was I actually accepted myself and I'm struggling at the moment so maybe I could get myself a new journal and we can all do it together do you know what I mean maybe we can share some journal passages together I don't know that would be quite sweet at the end of a random episode every now and then but yeah I think with you it's obviously an internal thing So I would practice self-love in those areas, learning to love things about yourself and paying attention to the things you love about yourself as opposed to the things that you'd like to change about yourself. Because at the end of the day, we all are just seeking perfection. And what the fuck even is it? Like we're just striving to be this

thing that doesn't exist. Like these people that we look at and we think oh my god i wish i like you they've got somebody that they look at and go i wish i like you so it's it's just a fucking never-ending damaging cycle and i truly believe we need to practice gratitude for everything that we do have you know um so yeah maybe we should do that together because i do agree that is something that we struggle with every now and then if not constantly um and i love you and i think you're amazing and you know have a little look on tiktok like honestly put like self love help on tiktok and get some tips and advice and promise yourself like right from now on from this day forward i choose to love myself and care for

myself you know like don't go to the gym because you don't like your body go to the gym because you love your body and you're giving it that um what's it called the chemical release and you know the exercise that my body deserves you know like it's all mentality and hopefully it's a long journey but if we all go on it together we might all be a lot more confident a lot happier um and yeah i love you so much you are amazing and i can't believe you're even doubting it to be honest i think you're stunning gorgeous perfect queen i love you so much okay guys amazing dilemmas this week. Really enjoyed them. As always, if you send me a dilemma, always please keep me updated. And yeah, let's get into the confession diary.

okay who's ready to hear some secrets spill some tea let's go in this one is insane i'm gonna kick it off with a pretty hardcore one i slept with someone then left theirs and my situation ship called me so i went round and slept with him when he was down on me all i was thinking was you're tasting someone else's cum i regret it but laugh at it now and no he didn't find out lol so he's literally down on you and meanwhile you're thinking somebody else's cum is dripping out of my puss right now. That is so funny. Oh, my God. Oh, my actual God.

Okay. Reading some more. I steal from my work all the time. My tip is to do it in plain sight. Oh, my God. What is it you're stealing? Like, if you work in a bar and then you just take all the pint glasses,'re like this is actually mine yeah see you guys see you guys tomorrow carrying a crate of six carrying a big crate of prosecco see you guys tomorrow see you later that was hilarious

oh listen says um part two of the phone call with the barista boy slash jeremy there's a third one i told them about each other and they want a four-way with me not gonna lie I'm kind of interested what oh my god okay you guys remember where I called my listeners right you guys remember barista boy and Jeremy story there's a fucking third guy and they all want to have sex with each other oh my god please do it and then i'll do another episode where you don't do it because i said do it if it's what you want to do but i'm gonna do another episode where i call you guys definitely more plans this time and we've got to get you back

on the line and get an update on that one that's brilliant thank you so much for updating me we love you i send old nudes of myself from my past relationships to my current partner bad or not hashtag recycle i'm not gonna lie if i was with somebody and they were doing that to me oh my god nah imagine imagine your boyfriend sending you dick pics but he sent them to his ex oh that's hilarious that's hilarious i love that from you i once made my primary school bully eat dog food without her knowing how did you manage that i need more to that story please please please tell me more to that story that's amazing um i think my relationship with my best friend of over 18 years is over but i don't feel sad oh wow, I've been shagging my uni mentor who's 20

years older. He, he, oh God, she's just out here living the dream. Oh, love it. Love it. Love it. Okay. Let's read this one. It says me and my boyfriend moved out just over a year ago. Since then we love having sex on the kitchen side. Gorge. Gorge. I hope you clean it after. I met my boyfriend last year and slept with him on the first date. I slept with someone the night after, one night stand.

To this day, he doesn't know I've done this. And he asked if I'd slept with anyone since I first met him. And I've said no. I could never tell him. Well, I don't blame you, to be honest. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, will it? It was only the first date, really. Was it the first date? Did she say the first date? Yeah, first date. It's fine. Other way around, I'd be like, what a dick. Such a hypocrite.

On the third night of uni, I had a threesome with my flatmate and a random girl from the club. I told him to never tell anyone or speak of it again. Fast forward to now, this girl was his girlfriend. I thought I'd never have to see her again. And they're constantly in the flat together and I hear them having sex all the time. None of the rest of the flat know, although have questioned if there was anything between us going on, which we've always denied, but it's never been brought up again since. I haven't even told my best friend, so I just thought I should share this with someone. Love you and the podcast. I love you so much. That's crazy. Your friends don't even know when we know.

Guys, we know her secret. That is crazy. That's so funny. The fact it was a girl from the club. So you're thinking, right, I'm pretty safe here. I can have a quick wild night and never see this girl again. Little did you know, she was gonna be at your fucking flat for the next year.

Blimey. What a nightmare. oh my god i'd hate to be the girlfriend though because you'd be like well you're clearly attracted to her because you've had sex with her i saw it with my own eyes i was actually there god she must be very secure in herself to not get jealous because i would be jealous do you know what I mean I mean they probably just have a very beautiful trusting relationship some good confessions this week guys I loved them keep them coming do not forget to send confessions they're always on the end of Tuesdays if you guys don't make it to the end of Tuesdays you're missing out because this is where all the juice comes out it's where the tea is is. If you guys are listening to this, you guys know, you guys already know,

this is where the secrets come out and we're part of the secret gang. I love you. So yeah, amazing episode this week, guys. Let's wrap it up. Wow. I loved this week. I felt like the dilemmas were great the debate was great the confessions were fucking amazing i loved it okay so i really want to do another episode where i call you guys because you guys do love them apart from the fact that last time nobody fucking answered their phone you bitches so let me know if you want to do it and i will plan in advance i will make sure i message you all beforehand and say, hey, I've picked you. I'm calling you.

You better be fucking available and you're going to get a no call ID and it's going to be me. All right. And please don't pick your number if you're not willing to talk to me on the phone because otherwise I will take it very personally and cry myself to sleep that night. No, I'm only joking. So, yeah, I hope you guys are doing really well I hope you guys are feeling okay I hope there's nothing too traumatic going on all of your lives if it is I hope this episode could just make you feel a little bit less alone make you feel a little bit lighter you know I love you you're amazing you have the strength to get through everything and I'm here with you

all the way every step of the way, baby. And yeah, thank you guys so much for everything you do for me. You guys are my biggest support system. You guys don't even know it. As always, if you have a spare second, just drop me a rating if you wouldn't mind. On Spotify or on Apple, you can actually write a review. But like I always say, they give me anxiety because I get scared of all the hate comments I don't like reading comments and yeah I love you guys so much thank you for everything thank you for always listening thank you for being the best friends ever thank you for always supporting me whether it be on the podcast tiktok instagram or all of it I love you so much whether this is your first episode or the 45th episode you've listened to I love you all and i hope you have the best week

i will see you on friday for a brand new episode i love you