Leah on the Line - 53: I've been in a situationship for 4 YEARS & how to support a partner struggling with their mental health

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

Hey huns! Welcome back to another episode. The weekly debate this week was super interesting and we looked at all the examples you gave where your gut just KNEW something was up in your relationships. A lot of these dilemmas today seemed to be screaming the fact that we all need to practice more self love and self respect honeys!!! You are amazing - don't even doubt it. ;) As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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It's getting closer to midnight. I try to get closer to you. Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Lear on the Line. to you. so much for clicking and listening to this new episode. I just finished watching Tonight's Love Island. Well, what were you all thinking then? Shock when Zara found out that Ellie and Tom had a kiss. She was like, I'll tell her. I'll tell her. I'll deliver the news. She's going, go power. Go power, honey. Do you know what I mean? No, you just want to be the one to hurt Liv. You want to be the one to deliver the news.'m I know your game all right I know what you're doing Zara the thing is a real friend which we know they've got like we know they don't like each other do you know what I mean so a real friend would be like

how do we deliver this news to her in the least hurtful way as possible they made up this big scene big dramatic scene love we need to talk to you right now and lives like shit herself so looking forward to that honestly if there's one person i'd least like to hear that kind of news from it's the girl that was fighting over that guy with me does that make any sense like that that she's the last person Liv wants to hear that news from but oh wow do you notice Love Island I mean how do we feel about Love Island this year I feel like I'm sick of the bombshells don't get me wrong what's the new girl called Sammy just fucking beautiful like can't even be bothered she's so stunning I can't actually be bothered with it every time she comes on my screen I'm like I hate myself like she's so stunning, I can't actually be bothered with it, every time she comes on my screen, I'm like, I hate myself, like, she's just absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, but then so are all of us,

do you know what I mean, like, compare ourselves, just with somebody else's beautiful doesn't mean that we aren't, you know, but I will say, like, remember the good old days of Love Island, my favourite season was season two, the Scott and Katie one, the Olivia and Alex one, and it was like, they actually fell in love with each other or at least just really fell for each other and had actual relationships like they ended up in relationships and now it's like drama drama drama drama drama bombshell drama bombshell bombshell drama drama bombshell recoupling bombshell recoupling drama drama recoupling bombshell do you know what I mean I was like how's anybody actually meant to build a relationship with someone when

there's bombshells at front and center honestly i really miss the old love island like why can't we just have 10 islanders max in the whole season like why does it have to be like 50 islanders in one season because you know i just want to see people's personalities and it's like how are you going to give all these people screen time i'm not actually getting to see anyone so yeah i'm really disappointed in that aspect but what can i say i still watch it every night still got me by the throat i'm a love island um super fan i guess but you know what i enjoy the entertainment i just really miss watching people actually get feelings for each other and really fall for each other what about ron what about ron hey you know lana i just love lana so much i want to be in there to give that girl a

shake like i just want to be like babe we're not going to sit around and wait for a guy to decide if he wants to be with you or not like he's made it very clear that you just aren't quite enough and I just want to say to her what we're going to do is we're going to walk over to Ron and we're going to go look I'm sorry that you found this so difficult to decide if I'm good enough for you so let me make the decision for you you're not good enough for me this is the end of Lana and Ron good night and good riddance that's what I think she should say that's what I'd be saying but anyway enough love island chit chat enough gossip how are you guys I've got a really fun weekly debate today as always and I'm really looking forward to getting into it thank you guys so much for clicking and listening to this episode. Thank you for all the love and support. I love you guys so much. Do you

know what I was thinking would be really cool, right? You know, the Starbucks cups, but not Starbucks on obviously, because that's their brand. Just like a plain cup with the pink lid and a pink straw and loads of Lear on the line stickers all over it. Like how sick would that be? And I was looking at how to make them. I just can't fucking figure it out so if anyone's got any idea hit me up honey you can have 99% of the profits I just want us all to have something together you know I mean it's been a slow process me trying to build something that we can all wear and share but I love myself a nice coffee as we all know so I felt like that'd be really cool but anyway that's literally just an idea I've come up with it's probably never gonna happen no it will let's manifest it hey why not why not we can all take it take so pre-drinks drink out

of your leo on the line cup yeah a little ponce on martini and leo on the line cup anyway I love you guys thank you for listening and let's get into the episode. Thank you so much for listening to Leah on the Line. Remember to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and hit the notification bell. You can send in your confessions and dilemmas to leahontheline at gmail.com and follow me on socials at leahontheline and at leahnavain to see visual clips of the podcast.

I love you. Enjoy the episode. Okay, everyone. I hope you're comfortable. I hope you're ready to get into a debate this is quite an interesting one this week's question for you is do you always trust your gut in relationships and then I put a little bit at the bottom that says tell me about examples where it's been right or wrong let's have a look at your responses just to the first question it says yes yes yes had a gut

feeling my ex was messaging other girls oh um i had a random gut feeling to check my insta request one night with my ex and i found the infamous hey girly text no oh it makes me shiver it honestly makes me shiver i get paranoia because anytime I check my message request a lot of you guys will send me a message like hey babe just wanted to send you a message dot dot dot and obviously I have to click on it to see the rest and that just doesn't sound like it's gonna be a nice message like it looks like you're about to tell me something awful do you know what I mean like hey girl hey babe just wanted to send you a message but then every time I click on it touch wood it stays this way but every time I click on it it's always like just want to send

you a message to say I really love your podcast I'm always like like fuck for that do you know what I mean it's really scary hey babe just want to send you a message so can we just make a public announcement to never start messages with that or at least just put like safe to open safe to open do you know what i mean anyway back to your responses okay yes trust your gut i ignored mine for two years and let myself be gaslighted into thinking i was crazy and paranoid because my ex had cheated but it turns out i was right all along no no not always sometimes your gut and anxieties from past experiences can be confused. Period. That is so true. Yes, it picks up on the small signs you shrug off to give you the hunch something's up. It's always been right, but I don't always follow it. Pretty much, even if I'm

not 100% correct, I tend to know when something is off. Yeah, I feel like this is the thing. I always say it's so hard to differentiate between anxiety and your gut, but I do always feel like this is the thing I always say it's so hard to differentiate between anxiety and your gut but I do always feel like in relationships when I've had that anxiety of like oh he doesn't want to be with me or like he's cheating on me blah blah it might not be that specifically but it is usually coming from something something is usually always off you know what I mean like even if I'm sat there thinking oh like in past relationships if I'm thinking oh my god he's cheating on me he's cheating on me it turns out that he might not have been cheating on me but there was something off like do you know what I mean so it's like my gut was trying to tell me something and I just couldn't really

figure out what it is so I'm with you on that one um someone says yes I've never been wrong and then this girlie says not always because I'm an overthinker see that's the thing it's so hard to tell isn't it I want to say yes but anxiety can sometimes lead the gut in the wrong direction agree I definitely agree um I trust it but I still sometimes choose to ignore it that's the thing that's the thing like sometimes we can know in our gut something is going on whether it be in a relationship whether it be with friendships or a choice you're making like sometimes your gut tells you it ain't right and you just go yeah but what if it is do you know what i mean yes my gut told me my ex cheated confronted me

and he gaslighted me then i got a dm. Oh, not the DMs. I'm very lucky with my husband that 11 years I've never ever doubted him or wanted to check his phone. Gorge, I love that. 11 years, 11 years strong, baby. Um, hell yes, baby. But my anxiety and overthinking does sometimes overcome my gut. No, because I have anxiety and I wouldn't last a day. I do to an extent I just have to question if it's valid or not okay yeah that's that makes a lot of sense yes always go with your gut feeling I struggle in the difference of overthinking and gut feeling slash intuition yeah I feel like we're all sort of in the same boat on that one like is it my gut or am I just

fucking a lunatic do you know what I mean Let's read some DMs of some experiences with this specifically. Okay, this one says, From now on 100%, I thought I was just being mistrusting in my last relationship and kept ignoring those little niggling feelings that things weren't right. Turns out he was cheating on me the whole time. On Tinder for our relationship and driving across the city to me and sleep with random girls so yeah i'll be listening to my gut for the foreseeable oh my god babes do you know what when i read dilemmas and responses and just stories like that i just think the more i learn

about boys the more i fucking hate them like no offense my boyfriend is on the edge of my bed right now fucking hell stuttering but i'd like to think he's a good one i mean they're not all bad but the more i learn about boys i just think fuck them all he's shaking his head at me okay okay this one's a long story so i'm'm really interested where this is going to go. So get comfy, girls and boys. Yes, always trust my gut now after my experience. So my ex went on a spontaneous night out with his mates and I felt like a psycho the whole evening because I was sat at home upset that he was out. But I never wanted to be that crazy kind of girlfriend. I woke up in the middle of the night night heart pounding and checked to see if he had

messaged me to say he was home safe worst feeling in the world like honestly being like that in relationships is just not fucking good and you shouldn't like do you know what i mean we're never gonna accept that for ourselves ever again everyone okay he hadn't i messaged him like are you home safe and for some reason was just fuming, but I didn't know why. See, this is like your higher self. No, do you know what I mean? In the morning, I got up and was getting ready for work and rang him because I still hadn't heard from him. Oh my God. I would, I'd literally call in sick. I literally call in sick. And I just had a horrible gut feeling. He answered, was completely normal and apologized for not messaging me when he got in and he said he just fell straight to sleep oh you're nice thanks i was like okay whatever finished getting ready for work extra quick and just thought hmm i just feel like i need

to pop around to his this is your higher self like you just know it was a few days after christmas and i worked in town at the time so i went around knocked on his door and used the excuse of oh i'll return those presents that don't fit or whatever while I'm on my lunch. When he went inside to get the things, I literally just ran into his room, was looking around, went into his bathroom, looking around. He came in behind me like, what's up? And I was like, there's someone here. And he, oh my God, it's like Ross and Rachel. When she walks in and he had the girl there

anyway he came in blah blah and you said there's someone there and he was like nope i don't know what he's talking about i felt crazy went to work so upset all day for no reason he admitted to me a few days later that he slept with a random girl from the club after that night out and when i turned up his house she had left about half an hour before trust your gut psychic you were literally so psychic oh i'm so sorry that happened to you that is fucking torture mate like that is actually hell okay next one check his phone when he was in the toilet one night and found lots of sexts to multiple girls i was absolutely heartbroken after five years together it took months to build trust back only for him to properly cheat on me a year later i felt so stupid giving him a second chance but definitely glad i learned the lesson fuck okay oh my god like these people people out there

stay safe people are fucking crazy, all right? Another one. My gut was telling me for a while, but one day it felt like it was doing somersaults and I just knew something wasn't right, so I followed him to the gym where he had been meeting a girl behind my back, delighted to say good riddance to the Spice Boy.

Spice Boy? Is that a thing? I love it, honey. Had a gut gut instinct my ex a few years ago was messaging other girls had no proof yet just a feeling and checked his insta messages when he was sleeping and found out he had been messaging other girls for months one girl who's explicitly oh sorry he was exchanging explicit pics with while we were on holiday together file always trust your gut gals oh he was on holiday with you doing this people are crazy people are actually mad i could never could any of you no i know you could um i know you could um that's fucked mate but i've obviously just read out a

lot of horror stories so i do want to say if you're in a relationship and you've got really bad gut feelings right now this may be filling you with dread so I do want to say there is one million percent the other side where we imagine something's going on and it absolutely isn't do you know what I mean so please do not feel like your gut feeling is always right because I don't think it is I don't think it's always right I think sometimes it can tell you something really drastic and you can be completely catastrophizing but there could be something off do you know what I mean but my gut's been right in terms of I've always known when someone has like their feelings have changed and you know when you're like oh we don't do this anymore and you don't feel like this towards me anymore and then they go no it's bullshit it's bullshit it's

not true it's not true and then it's fucking true like when you look back you're like it was fucking true do you know what i mean like i feel like in those situations but when it comes to cheating and stuff like obviously we we got to take into account like having our trust broken and past relationships and like post relationship trauma do you know what i mean like when it's not all as simple as like oh you have a gut feeling you're just fucking psychic and predict what's what's he doing behind your back do I mean so please do not panic but anyway really interesting weekly debate so sorry to all the girls of the sent in those stories but I'm really glad that we're all out of that now um and I'm here for you and I love you

so much so yeah amazing weekly debate thanks for all your and responses. Let's get into some dilemmas. Okay, everyone, who is ready for the dilemmas this week? There's some pretty crazy ones, so let's get into it. Oh, I feel like I don't do my Aussie accent as much as I used to. So you know what? Having Jessie on Love Island really inspires me to get it going again. I really like it. Do you know what I always think, right? My favorite thing that an Australian says, shout out to all my Aussie listeners, love you with all my heart. No, no. So go, you know, you know, you know what I mean? Let it go let it go you know no just let it go you know oh it's just gorge like it's just like heaven to my ears for some reason I just fucking love it mate anyway dilemmas first one it says it's a long one Leah currently crying in my bed over my

situation ship slash relationship. Okay, well, let's get up. Shake it off. You're gorgeous, sexy, amazing. All right, first things first. But also, if you do need a good cry, let it out, babe. Do you know what I mean? Massive backstory. Situation ship of four years. Four years. Situation ship of four years situationship of four years you're wasting four years of my life are you mad why am i talking like that i don't think i am anyway fuck you know new year's eve he asked me to be his girlfriend he wasn't drunk i of said yes finally fucking hell four years babe so least i deserve he then tells tells me Saturday we aren't together. Oh, my mistake. I must have really blurred the lines there when you asked me to be your girlfriend. How silly of me. I've been

going around to his still talking every day out for meals, etc. Last January, he left me for another girl. Not the first time he's broke my heart this guy sounds lovely seven months later was crying down the phone to me saying it was a mistake and how upset he was we always got back on track silly old me last week i found two phone calls from her the ex oh my god it's that run isn't it just doesn't know what he wants just wants them all on his car call history okay we saw wants them all on his car cool history okay we saw the missed calls on his car cool history i didn't say anything stupid i know i didn't want to cause drama and frankly wanted to forget about it see this is the thing what we're doing yeah is

we're pretending that's not happening because we don't want to confront it and actually have to do something about it do you know what i might try and i'm what am i what happened to my accent i was all over the place anyway i was talking to my mom about things the other day like this and we were saying like when you get cheated on in a relationship or like anything similar to it and somebody comes to you with that information like oh i think i saw your boyfriend like kissing this girl or like I've heard that your boyfriend was like had sex with this girl last week a lot of people will not ask him or they will like say they'll ask him did you have sex with this girl and they're like and he's like no no I didn't you will just go okay great you don't want to do the research that you know you could do you could look at where he

was that night you could talk to that girl directly you could ask his friends you could put the puzzle pieces together and figure out that he did in fact cheat on you but you won't because then you're going to have to do something about it when it's confirmed and it's in front of you do you know what i mean like we were talking about that and i thought that is so honestly so interesting i actually get it like whatever me fucking i would love to know and i'd love to make your life hell joking joking positive vibes from me let's see no revenge from my side just see you later honey that'll be me not anyway don't have to worry about that because I'm never getting cheated on am I darling correct okay back to you back to your dilemma anyway so you didn't say anything because you just wanted to forget about it all week i've been thinking and crying about it monday night comes when i

normally stay at his but today we haven't spoken all day oh just ghosting me now just case me now what else red flag my brain goes into overdrive i phoned him in the morning and say thought i'd ring as i haven't heard of you all day am i still coming over tonight i had a feeling he was going to say no and make up an excuse it seems he's been off of me a few times seems as he's been off of me a few times in the last week and not spoken today but it was worse than just no you can't come over he proceeds to tell me he's made plans with a male friend tells me a name i've never heard of to go to the place that x lives near okay so this is a gut feeling situation here alarm bells are ringing i stay calm and say okay have a good time what are you and ben gonna be doing when he replies

going for a meal okay interesting does that happen to like Do men go out for meals one-on-one with the mates? I'm getting a shake of a no. I'm getting a hmm face, like a hmm suppose. But yeah, anyway, I'm sure it happens. But interesting. I also said I could always come round when you get home. See see this is the thing this is where we're going wrong babe and trust me i understand i i get it when you really really want someone to just give you that 100 i do get why we act like this but what we're doing there is saying you walk all over me darling you walk all over me you tell me you don't want me you make it really clear you want me then ask me to be your girlfriend and then tell me you don't want me to be your girlfriend oh and

you can also just cheat on me a couple of times and you can stand me up and ghost me and stitch me up for your friends and i'll still come around yours at the end of the night do you know what i mean and he knows that he knows that that's why he's not sweating out do you know what i mean anyway he said he wouldn't know when he'd be home right so that's a no do you know what i mean it's a no i don't want to hang out with you tonight for whatever reason whether it be because he's going out with a girl or if he is just going for a meal with his mate and he just doesn't actually want to hang out with you sorry if i sound really brutal like he just is basically said no um okay but in another sentence he said i won't be home late i'll ring you when i'm home i don't ring me when i'm out alarm bells again

long of it all is i'm 90 he's gone to see the ex how do i go about this we've been so good and i thought after four years he'd finally got his act together i could confront him but i think he'll lie i have her number from the call history so could no caller ID her and ask if she's seen him but then she would tell him and then I couldn't ask him as he'd know um I had her number somehow I could also talk to his mum about it as I'm quite close of her and from what I can tell she wasn't a fan of the ex so I know his mum wouldn't be happy but don't really want to get her involved honestly right now i don't know what to do i've been crying for hours i can't tell my best friend if she doesn't know we're even in contact at the moment oh no one of them i did send that in as a confession i think sorry it's so long from a

last from a lost broken-hearted again girl p.s love you lots you got me through last year i love you so much okay this is gonna sound quite brutal to be honest but i feel like sometimes you just need to hear it this boy has had four years to make it clear that he wants you and he wants only you and he wants to be with you it does not take four fucking years to make that decision. If he has not made that decision, he is not good enough for you. You deserve someone that knows this girl's unreal. This girl's a fucking 10, which you are. And I want to be with her.

There's no one else I want to be with. Nothing comes close to it. I'm going to snap her up before somebody else does. And he's taken four years of your life pissing about with you with his ex with other girls other girls we probably don't know about lying to you coming out of excuses but then also saying oh if I'm home I'll give you a booty call like the disrespect is unreal and you should find it unattractive and I know it's hard because like when you when you're really into someone it been four years, like you're probably obsessed with the boy. Do you know what

I mean? It's easily done, but we have to realize what is actually so fucking attractive about this guy that I'm allowing him to take absolute liberties with me. Do you know what I mean? Like, what is it about him that means that your self-respect should be that low that he can just get away with it all do whatever he wants and you'll still be available to him you've been available to this guy for four years that's too long you're not his girlfriend and it's been four years you're not going to be his girlfriend and you know what we don't want to be his girlfriend he doesn't sound like a nice person like fine he might be it might be a lovely guy might be really funny it might be really good looking he might be unreal in bed but the bottom line is he doesn't sound like a nice person like fine he might be it might be a lovely guy might be really funny it might be really good looking it might be unreal in bed but the bottom line is he doesn't

want to be with you because it's been four years and that should turn you off like that should be like you know what i'm unreal mate i'm 10 i'm 100 out of 10 and if it takes you four years to decide you want to be with me then you ask me on new year's eve sober by the way so you're thinking straight and then you've backtracked and thought actually i don't want to be with you don't fuck with me like that i'm a real person like you're not actually aware of that i'm a fucking human being like i'm not put on this planet for you babe so i think we need to really learn more self-respect in a I'm fucking amazing kind of way. Like have a little chat with yourself in the mirror and be like, what the fuck am I doing?

I'm unreal. I'm amazing. What am I doing with this stupid boy? It's been four years and he still hasn't decided I'm good enough for him. You're not good enough for me. I've decided that. How about that? How about you're fucking boring?

How about you're not even that good in bed how about this boy's way fitter than you how about my head's turning left right and center I'm watching too much love island but I honestly just think we need to have a realization moment of like this guy isn't actually good enough for me he's not providing me enough in my life he's not making you happy you said he's broken your heart multiple times you're crying again this guy isn't making you happy he's not making you feel good about yourself and he's not prioritizing you and he's not considering your feelings and he's acting selfish and that's not someone you deserve to be if you deserve someone

a billion trillion times better than him and I know it sounds easy I know it sounds easy because you obviously are emotionally invested in this relationship it's been four fucking years like you are into this like you are deeply into this and it's so easy for me to sit there and go what a waste of time do you know what I mean like it is so easy for me to sit there and say that but we have to step away from the situation and look at it. Like if that was your friend, what would you say to her? You'd be like, babe, come on. Do you know what I mean? So we need to detach from it. We need to stop being available to this boy. I'm telling you now, watch him come running towards you. Yeah. And

as you know, I think, right. and I've done this before when I was with somebody before who was just not giving it and just not giving me what I deserve not making me feel wanted not making me feel loved not making me feel attractive and I'll be waiting and waiting around in the relationship being like when is it going to switch up like when is he going to love me right blah blah and I had a chat with my mum and she was like the only way people will appreciate what they've got is when they think they've lost it and I truly truly believe that and I was like I don't want him to think he's lost me because then he's gonna be happy and then he's gonna go out and get of all these girls and then she'd say to me if he does then

there's your answer do you know what I mean like if he can lose you and not get upset about that why would you want to be with him and I was like you're so fucking right so that's what I did and I was like you've lost me I'm not into it no more I know what I deserve and trust me this happened multiple times in my life in my friend's life in my sister's life and everyone I know they decide after putting up with bullshit, we go like you in this situation now, we're putting up with bullshit. And then you're going to go, I've had enough. I've had enough. Right. And he will realize, oh my God, she's actually had enough of me now. She actually isn't available to me anymore. And then they'll

come running back. It might take six months, but they will. And I I guarantee you I can almost promise you at that time if it's in six months time if it's within a week then he doesn't fucking mean it he has to really really feel like he's genuinely genuinely lost you not be a bit worried that he's lost you he has to be hurt and upset and feel like he's on the floor she's gone and then once he feels that and then he comes back you don't even want him anymore i'm telling you now i've seen it everywhere i see it all the time when he comes back it has to be after a long period otherwise he probably doesn't fucking realize that he probably doesn't even believe that he's lost you if it's only been a couple of weeks he will come running back and you'll actually see him for what he truly is at that point and then you'll be like oh i don't actually

fucking fancy you like you're actually a pig do you know what i mean so that's my um brutal words of wisdom for you i love you and i just want you to see you how i see you which is incredible and worthy way fucking more than that boy do you know what i mean four years of my life you've taken and you still don't want to wife me get away do you know what i mean i love you so much keep us all updated whatever you decide to do i'm on board all the way i've got your back I'm here with you to pick up the pieces if it goes wrong or to clap my hands if it goes right and I love you and I'm proud of you and you're amazing no matter what so yeah keep us all updated good luck next dilemma hi it's Fido start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your next dilemma. all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back to school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido, at your side.

Okay, this one says, sorry if it's a little deep. That's okay. I love it. So me and my partner have been together eight years and have beautiful children together amazing we are getting married later on in the year and he is amazing in every single way just before Christmas he completely broke down that he has been really struggling with his mental health for a little while it completely broke my heart to see him so broken if I'm honest I feel like I'm really terrible when I'm trying to help him as I'm just like let's let's fix whatever is wrong I and i understand it isn't that easy with mental health so i feel like i'm struggling to support him because i just don't know how to help i do keep trying to talk to

him about feelings and he's really working on opening up to me i'm so proud of him for being so brave but it's really scared me that he can keep something so deep to himself and put on a smile i would love any advice or your thoughts would you be worried that he can keep something so deep to himself and put on a smile i would love any advice or your thoughts would you be worried that he can keep something so big a huge secret p.s feels nice just typing this out as i don't really have anyone i can discuss this with as he wants to keep it private lots of love oh do you know what first thing i want to tell you is you said i feel like i'm a really terrible person right this is the opposite like you sending in this dilemma you being so hurt that because he's hurting and you feeling worried about him and feeling his pain second hand and being proud of him for being brave and you're worried about him

that already makes you the best girlfriend like you are already more than enough for what he needs around him right now like give yourself credit for that because he could be with somebody that's just doesn't feel that empathy and sympathy and want him to be all right and just be like well what what do you want me to do like how can i help you i don't really know how to help you but you're feeling his pain and you're worrying and you want to fix it and you like you saying let's fix whatever's wrong isn't a bad thing it's just that you feel helpless and it's stressing you out that you can't just take it away from him so you're an amazing girlfriend do you know what i mean let's get one thing straight what i will say is when you're struggling

with your mental health right which i know so many of us listening have and we've been in relationships whilst it's been what feels like rock bottom sometimes we don't talk to our partner about it and expect them to take it away and fix you and make it all go like when you confide in your partner we just sometimes we just want to talk and let it out and the fact that he can really feel like he trusts you. And like you said, he's really working on opening up to me. That is incredible. That's all you can ask from him for now. And all we can ask for you is that you sit there and you listen and you ask him, you know, what, what can I do? Or what do you need from me? Or do you want

me to give you advice? Do you want me to just sit here and listen do you know what I mean like it's not it's not about you can't take it away so don't feel like you're failing him by not being able to do that because you can't you no one expects you to do that especially not him so what I want to say to you is like you're doing amazing and it's really hard it is really hard to be with someone when they're really struggling because like you you said you want to take it away and you feel like you don't know how to help and you want to support him but you don't know what the answer is listen there is no answer this is the thing so I just think all you can do is go through it together do you know what I mean whatever he needs whether he wants to go to the GP and do a bit of counselling or online

you know there's better help which you can do counselling online or if he wants to pick up a couple of books and just learn about his mental health just to discover it a bit more and understand it a bit more because um who was it that went on this morning the other day was it um Jake Quickenden I don't know how you say his last name. But anyway, he went on this morning, he was talking about health anxiety. And he said, which I can honestly, I will never forget this saying, he said, when you understand anxiety, you take away its power. So I think, I don't know if it's anxiety that your boyfriend's dealing with or depression or whatever it is when you can understand the whatever it is that you're dealing with it takes away just a bit

of its power you know like with my health anxiety as soon as I realized what was going on with me it took away that power I was like oh you know maybe I'm not always dying maybe it's just fucking me maybe it's my stupid brain no I'm not gonna call maybe it's just fucking me maybe it's my stupid brain no I'm not gonna call my brain stupid I love my brain I love my brain I'm grateful but do you know what I mean so I think all you can do is be there with him you know we're in this together you're never on your own never feel embarrassed about it never feel ashamed you know tell him that you're proud of him and tell him that you're grateful that he he confides in you and trusts you to open up to you trust you yeah that makes sense um and just do what you can to help him understand it whether it be like having a little read about things online or reading books or

talking to a counselor or do you know what i mean um and figure out what's going to help him and he might not know that straight away if this is his first experience with you know any sort of mental health struggles it's really hard to know what's going to make it better because a lot of the time when it's your first experience with like any sort of mental health struggles we all go to that like take it away take it away what's going on with me i don't like it get out get out my head um and then once you realize that it's actually you and it's all about just getting back in control and doing changing little lifestyle habits or you know going to counseling for some people that really helps or looking at the habits in your life that might be detrimental to your mental health do you know what i mean just having a look into it and and understanding it better and

just reminding him that he's not alone and you're with him 100% of the way. And you're already doing amazing what you're doing. So yeah, I love you. And I'm proud of you. So yeah, and I'm sending you both lots of love and manifesting good mental health for all of you. Okay, let's move on to the next one. This one says, Hi Leah, love the pod. i've listened to every episode since it started i can't believe it's been a full year oh my god i love you so much okay i love it when you guys tell me how long you've been listening for because i find it really fascinating some people it's only been a week and i love it i love it all equally do you know what i mean anyway in

2021 my best friend at the time got into a relationship and blocked me on absolutely everything with no reasoning it honestly broke me we were best friends for nearly nine years fast track to Christmas Eve she unblocked me on everything and messaged me asking if we could get coffee in the next few days weeks sorry turns out her and her girlfriend broke up I asked her I asked her why she did what she did and she just said that she needed to distance herself from everyone but she didn't remove any of our other friends, just me. I don't know what to do. Should I go and get coffee with her or not? I don't really have anything to say to her. Should I just go to hear her out? Love you. Okay, my voice is really tired tonight.

So this is a tricky one because I feel like are you missing the friendship you had? Do you feel like you want her back in your life? You know, maybe you might have anger towards her that might actually be good to put it all to bed. Do you know what I mean? Even if you don't manage to rebuild a friendship, it might be nice for you just to get some answers and be able to put it all to bed and carry on even if that's the end of the friendship or best case scenario rebuild a beautiful friendship she has an amazing reasoning for whatever happened you know what i mean like you never know i'm sure there's an explanation when there's relationships involved you never know how much of an impact the other person might have had so it's always worth considering that you know what i mean like you

never know the the truth in someone's relationship and it sounds like you didn't really know her at all in this relationship so who knows but the only person that's going to be able to give you that answer is her so if you feel like it I would go for it you have nothing to lose do you know what I mean by just going for a coffee you could then walk away from that and decide you know what it's confirmed I'm still her I still don't feel ready to rebuild this friendship or it's just something I've decided I'm not really ever interested in doing and you've still lost nothing do you know what I mean maybe like three quid and a coffee but I'm sure it'll be all right I'm sure it's still a good coffee regardless of the outcome so I would honestly go personally um but you do definitely

have to be ready like you don't want to be angry or like I mean definitely have to be ready. Like you don't want to be angry or like, I mean, it's okay to be angry, but you don't want to be too angry and go in like hot headed and full of steam because then it might not go the way you want it to. You could be too, you could act on emotion and you know what I mean. So just have a think about it, I think, and do whatever feels right to you. if you feel like you want to go out and go for this coffee do it if you really really feel like I honestly couldn't think of anything I'd rather do less then don't go and that's okay you have nothing to feel guilty about do you know what I mean um but yeah like I said you never know what's going on in someone's life

so there may be a good explanation um so yeah keep us updated on that one sorry that was a short answer i love you okay let's do one more dilemma this one says oh my god what the hell is going on my voice hey leah love the podcast i listen all the time when i'm driving thank you i love you so so much so quick dilemma i was with a boy for almost four years we have had quite a smooth four years bit rocky in year two but but we sorted it we just didn't communicate very well however he went to a festival at the end of august while i was on holiday with my family oh he started being off with me and just not wanting to talk so i of course asked him why because this was not like him he then decided to tell me that

he no longer feels the same anymore and that the spark had gone ouch fucking hurts that one when i got back from holiday we had a chat and he decided to just let us continue as friends but he still wanted to see me and talk to me all the time oh yeah i'm another example you think i'm put on this planet for you fucking hell yeah you want you get it darling he is my first everything so i love him so much so i try everything to get us back to where we are see this is the thing he's wanting to keep you in his life and you're wanting to get back together but we still see each other now every week we still talk every day we still have sex and do

all that relationship stuff but he won't give me a decision as to whether he wants to be with me or not oh i know i should have probably ended this a while ago but i just can't seem to let go of it he's booked a holiday in june so i be with his friends and i don't know what to do because what if he wants me till the holiday and then isn't bothered when he's away when I ask him why he can't give me a decision he just gets all stressed about it and says now's not a good time but when is there a good time please give me your opinion I'd really appreciate it okay my opinion is I feel like you guys probably know what I'm gonna say my opinion is we don't wait around for someone to decide if they want us. Okay, Lana, if you're listening.

Okay, dilemma number one. Yeah, we're all in this same boat once or twice. Yeah, we've all been there. It's fine. It's fine. But we need to learn. If somebody just can't decide if they want to be with you, then we decide. Do you know what I mean? It's honestly not that hard to realize you, then we decide. Do you know what I mean?

Like, it's honestly not that hard to realize I'm a fucking catch. Do you know what I mean? Like, oh, I just don't know. And then you're going to go IB with the lads. Yeah, what's going to happen there? We all know. Well, sorry if I put that thought in your head. I don't really know what it's like. Maybe you would never do anything with girls on holiday. who knows do you know what i mean what i'm saying is we deserve someone who just wants us or they don't now listen that doesn't go to say that it's not okay to not know what you want sometimes like he's obviously a bit confused but what we're not going to do is keep having sex with them being being available to them 24-7, seeing them weekly, act, giving them wifey vibes and you're not even making me your girlfriend. Do you know what I mean? Like I get

it. He can be confused. He cannot know what he wants. You know, he's in a bit of a crossroads. I get it. We've all, we've all been in his position as well. But to expect you to still be available to him and act like his girlfriend whilst he sits around just knowing I'm technically single so I can do whatever the fuck I want is just disrespectful so I think again it comes down to we need to love ourselves more than we love these boys do you know what I mean so we can take a step back and say look I get it you've got some things to figure out that's fine I'm here for you go and figure it out but what I'm not going to do is act like your fucking

girlfriend I'm not going to mess with you every week I'm not going to I'm not going to be here for you to have sex with you whenever you want I think we go no contact and I think that will help him decide what he wants but we don't want to walk away from it being like, I'm just going to go and you just let me know if you want me or not. I'll be sat there hoping that you do. Like, we're going to make sure he knows. Look, if you don't want to be with me, I'm all right with that. Like, believe me, I'll be fine.

You know what I mean? Look at me, I'll be fine. Look at me. Do you know what I mean? But also, it's okay to not know what you want it's okay to be a bit confused I'm just not going to be hanging around acting like a girlfriend to someone when I'm not and I could be given all this love and attention to myself or the person I'm meant to be with in the future and you know you're only holding me back at that rate so that's my

personal opinion that's what I would do if I was in your position like you never know you could go no contact for six months and that could be exactly what you needed and he'll come running back and he'll say okay I'm glad we had that time apart I've learned things about myself I know you're the one for me and you'll either be like I'm actually emotionally unattached from this situation now babe or. Or you'll be like, you know what? I've really enjoyed the last couple of months. I've had some really good life lessons myself, gone through some learning experiences myself. And I do feel like I want to be with you. Yeah. You know, you never know how things are going to turn out. You could completely switch up. But no matter what, we need to have a lot more self-respect and we're not going

to just be available to people 24 seven who just are taking the piss do you know what i mean that's like a statement saying you're a prick do you know what i mean does that make sense guys i hope so but anyway i love you so much and as always keep us all updated we're all always here for you always here for you. Why does that sound so weird? But we all are always. Yeah, I love you. You got this. Okay, wow. The weekly debate turned out to be very relevant in this dilemmas in the dilemmas this week. Do you know what I mean? The gut feeling is a real thing. And also, the message, the moral of this week is let's practice self-respect, girls and boys, okay? We've got to love ourselves more than we love any of our boyfriends or girlfriends, okay? Please, please. Okay, very exciting part of the episode.

Who's ready? Let's get into the Confession Diaries. Okay, welcome to the Confession Diaries. A little reminder, might want to put your headphones in or turn the volume down. I'll never forget that girl that, oh my fucking God god have I told the story once one of you messaged me telling me that you were in a car accident luckily she was absolutely fine thank god first things first she was fine love you I feel like I completely forgot to even tell you all of you this and when like the car had crashed and like people coming over my fucking sex episode was playing in the car and the radio like broke and she couldn't turn off just me talking about fucking cock and balls

playing in the middle of this like fucking big scene ambulance there i hope you're like it's really good pug guys leera on the line check her out but honestly i was like first of all i was like oh my god are you okay but secondly i was like fuck sake and also remember i have definitely told this story but the girl who had complaints from her neighbor being like when you're listening to that stuff can you please close your windows because i have kids like what am i actually doing to all of you? Mortifying, isn't it? Oh, well, fuck them. Do you know what I mean? Love you all. Keep listening, honeys. Anyway, just drive safe. I love you. But then I do scream sometimes. So I hope none of it's ever my fault. Like, please focus on the road. Turn me down. Turn me down. Okay. Let's get into some confessions. I hope you've been up to

no good. Okay. okay oh speaking of car crashes I reversed into a car on Thursday and didn't check for damage I feel karma come in yikes yikes yikes yikes karma is coming to get you honey I can only I can only be honest truly believe it you know I'm so afraid of karma I found 20 pound on the floor and I wouldn't keep it like I was like no no it's a test it's a test from the universe and I'm gonna pass this test I'm not taking that money and I just left it because I thought someone else is gonna really need that and there was like a group of teenagers behind us but then I can't remember if if my mum ended up giving it to my brother because we was all going out for a meal.

And I do feel like they ended up taking it. I think I might have given it to my brother actually. But anyway, I was like, no. It's a test from the universe. You can have the bad karma. Someone else can have it. I'm not having it. Do not claim.

Do not claim. Anyway, next confession. My ex cheated on me. So I shagged his best mate and kissed two others we get a lot of these a lot of the revenge for the cheating exes always go to the besties don't you guys i mean i love it i condone it got a text from my friend saying that she saw the guy i was dating in town with his ex so i jumped out of bed got dressed did some quick makeup and drove into town. I fucking love that. Paid for parking and then spent 20 minutes walking around outside the bars.

Planned on confronting them and dropping him in it with her. Not the first time he'd gone back to her. Turns out it wasn't him. She just saw it. It looked like him. I'm not crazy jealous person, but he just made me act like a psycho because I couldn't trust him lol you know what i completely um back that i back that 100 darling the next confession my boyfriend said it would turn him on to see me with another guy this is a common thing i've heard like i get so many messages about this we see it on tv all the time please let me know if this is a common thing like would it turn you guys on seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend with another boy or girl like because believe me it wouldn't turn me on it would turn me into a devil I believe so let's hope that never happens you know like you know they always say like if you walked into a room and you caught your partner in bed with somebody else like are you the kind

of person that like rips the duvet off and you're like fuck you or are you just like okay and you leave the room and you never speak to them again because touch wood I'll never have to see what kind of person I'd be in that situation but I don't think it would be very pretty I really don't but then I also could be the kind of person that would just literally collapse on the floor and just cry my heart out I think I would walk away I think I would definitely just walk away and just go home and cry and then get on my ultimate glow up fuck you I don't fucking need anyone revenge like I feel like that's how I cope in any breakup I'm just like excited like once I'm over the initial heartbreak I'm like I'm fucking excited bitch you're about to be sick of me. Like, I just get like, just fucking act up and just think I'm

just like crazy. And I'm literally not like, I literally just think I'm young, wild, sexy and free. And but I don't act like it. I just have that mentality. Like, I have the mentality of someone that's like going out living their best single life, but I don't actually it I just have the mentality of it and it really works like I feel fucking great after the heartbreak but I've never caught anybody in bed with somebody else so god forbid how I would react to that but let me know if it's happened to you let me know how you reacted to that anyway back to the confessions. I'm straight and happily married to a man, but often fantasize about sex with women.

Is this normal? I mean, everything's fucking normal, babe. Do you know what I mean? I feel like it's so common for girls to like the girl on girl porn. Like I know so many girls that will only watch lesbian porn. Like it's like, I don't like seeing men and women have sex in porn like i just it doesn't do anything for me like almost every girl i know

that watches porn is like i'm a lesbian porn girl i'm a lesbian porn girl like i feel like happens all the time so it depends if you're just fantasizing about like oh it turns you on or if you're like i want to have sex with another girl because then that means you have something that you want to fulfill which for me is like no different to like oh I just want to go and have sex with this guy I've just seen because he's really fit like it just means you've got like an itch you want to scratch do you know what I mean so it just depends if it's like I'm turned on by it or if I'm like I need to scratch the itch and only you can answer that question you know what I mean I was on a first date with this guy and we had sex in the toilet of a bar on the first date I mean

babes love it do you know what I mean the sexual chemistry must have been through the roof it's very exciting for you I think I'm getting feelings for this guy and we're getting close but he's got a player reputation oh dear oh dear oh yeah but you know what reputation isn't always reality that's what we need to remember and first impressions aren't always true and also someone can be a fuck boy for years and years and then they're not anymore people can treat loads of girls one way and then they'll stop treating them that way when they meet you you know you never know you could just be the one that he needed all along or you could come along at the perfect time in his life where he was ready to take the take the fuck boy boots off do you know what i mean and let himself prove himself to you or if he proves you wrong he'll prove you

wrong and then we make a decision from there you know what i mean anyway i'm gonna wrap this up now so thank you guys so much for sending all your confessions i absolutely love it every single tuesday make sure you're sending them to me i always put up a story usually on a monday or sunday asking for your confession so make sure you're following at leah on the line on instagram if you want to send them over there or you can hit the link on the in the Instagram bio and send them to me there or you can send me a confession just via email honeylearontheline.gmail.com same for Dynama's weekly debate ideas anything you want to say to be honest babes let's wrap up the episode all right thank you guys so much for listening i hope you all really enjoyed this episode i know i did send in any ideas you have as always i love talking to you on instagram i love you guys so

much i hope you have the best week i have something exciting happening on first day that i won't be able to tell you about until late at a later date if i if it goes well or if it doesn't i will let you know um either way but i can't say anything yet so just manifest good news for me please everyone i'll be manifesting good news and good things and happiness and good health for every single one of you all the time and yeah i love you guys so much i hope you have an amazing week i hope you're all feeling really good and positive if you're not that's also okay you know you can't feel good all the time allow yourself to feel those emotions take them in and let them pass you know all right guys i love you so much and i'll speak to you on friday for a brand new

episode all right I love you. Bye! Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side.