Leah on the Line - 56: Do your stalk your partners exes & my boyfriend wants to keep me a secret on social media!

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Hey my gorgeous huns! In this episode of Leah on the Line, we debated whether or not you guys stalk your partner's exes on social media and why! The dilemmas touched on your boyfriend keeping you a secret on socials, dealing with rejection in the musical theatre industry, and whether or not you should feel bad about not wanting to go clubbing for your besties birthday. I really hope you all enjoyed this episode! Thank you guys so so much for always listening and supporting me, I cannot thank you enough. Remember the Leah on the Line cups are now available so head over to my @leahontheline Instagram for all the info! As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leah on the line happy tuesday How are you guys? Happy Tuesday. How was your weekend? I feel like shit. Okay, so I got really fucking drunk on Saturday night and I've got like a two day anxiety hangover. Like I literally just want to cry at all times. Like I feel so depressed. Not to kick it off on a negative because I'm feeling all right. Do you know what mean babes but overall I've just still got that anxiety feeling of just like oh my god why do I even drink alcohol like not one part of my body enjoys it like okay that's not true I fucking I like getting a bit tips do you know what I mean but I just took it too far and I had proper bad anxiety but like yeah I'm good I'm good man I just feel a bit shit still like I just feel really depressed today like I don't know I'm

gagging for summer like the sun makes everything feel better I'm really suffering with my depression in the winter at the moment just trying to keep a smile on my face to be honest because it's actually really quite bad but whatever good news is the cups the lear on the line cups the iced coffee water whatever you want to fill it with the cups are on sale baby they're available to buy guys so go to fucking crazy like basically all you have to do is head over to the instagram at leah on the line all the all the details are in the most recent post the picture of the cups also we did a giveaway so if you missed that i'm really sorry it ended at midnight so the giveaway is now over if you're listening to this but the winner is being announced today so keep your eyes peeled

for that it could be you baby but yeah they are available to buy which is so so exciting they will be available from 12 p.m so midday today tuesday the 21st of feb just fucking go to town darling if you fancy one go for it if you don't totally understand, I'm still your best friend. Like I will not take it personally. We are still soul sisters for life, okay? But I'm really excited. I really hope you guys love them. I absolutely love it.

Like I won't lie. I've got one for every drink. So my Lear on the Line cup is for alcoholic beverages. Like that'll be my pre-drinks cup. My Don't Text Your Ex is my iced coffee cup and my confession diaries is my water cup so you know what i mean i'm really excited so basically i have this like fear that like if i put some anything in a drink like say my layer on the line cup is my alcohol drink right i put um a gin and tonic in there the other day and I feel like if I filled up with

water now I would just still it's like the placebo effect I will taste gin and tonic like I don't know what it is with straws like I have to even though I clean them with straw cleaners I just have this idea in my head that one cup has to be for one thing it's just an issue I have I have this thing so yeah I'm really happy about that but I'm honestly just loving life like I feel like such a fucking little legend like drinking out my cup like I'm such a sexy gal like honestly I've got it in my hand right now I just feel like a fucking babe I can't I can't even lie to you no I literally I feel like a fucking stunner yeah I got a pink pink straw babe I'm a fucking stunner that's why so recommend you guys get your hands on them but

if like i said if you don't want to get one i will not be offended it's totally fine even if one of you gets one and we can be matching i will just cry real happy tears send me pics like when they arrive i will let you know actually they're made to order because obviously we just don't want to just make loads of fucking wastage do you know what i mean so they are made to order so please allow five to seven days for dispatch you know what i'm saying because you know what I mean so they are made to order so please allow five to seven days for dispatch you know what I'm saying because you know we don't want to just bulk make these things if they're not going to sell and then we've got waste you know and that's just not good for the planet it's not good for anybody so yeah they're made to order so just allow like a good week for

dispatch and yeah they will be on their way to you honey and when they arrive i really hand on heart don't think they'll disappoint like i can't lie i think they're gorgeous the quality is really really good as well like they don't leak obviously there's a hole where the straw goes so if it's full up and you drop it it will leak through that hole but the actual edge of the like lid is leak proof like it will not leak only if it gets through the little straw hole. So just plugging my own brand. But anyway, guys, I'm really excited. So all the details will be on my Instagram,

the latest post, but also you can head over to at handmadeby.chloe on Instagram and purchase one through her DMs or the link to her Etsy website. So yeah, this is not sponsored, but it is my product in collaboration with Handmade by Chloe. So I don't know if I need to disclose that, but whatever. I love you guys. I hope you had an amazing weekend. I hope you

don't feel as anxious as I do. And if you do, we are in this together, babe. Like I've never had anxiety last more than a day so it's really like just shaking me up and I really don't like it to be honest but I'm really just hoping that I'll feel okay tomorrow I'm sure I will but if I don't that's okay do you know what I mean we just work through each day at a time okay guys thank you so much for tuning into this episode I'm really looking forward to it the weekly debate this week I don't know if we've ever done it I feel like we haven't like I'm pretty sure we haven't but I am really excited because I have no idea what the answer is going to be so you guys will just have to stay tuned because that's coming up in two seconds but

yeah I love you guys so much head over to the Instagram for the cups thank you for everything you do like I appreciate you all more than you ever ever ever know like you are the best fucking thing that's ever happened to me and I will never ever take it for granted for a single single second every second that we do this podcast together like you I just appreciate every single second I have because you never know when it could be just taken away you know okay guys I love you sending you all a big hug if anyone needs it and yeah let's get into the episode thank you so much for listening to leah on the line remember to leave a rate in on apple podcast and spotify and hit

the notification bell you can send in your confessions and dilemmas to leah on the line at gmail.com and follow me on socials at leah on the line and at leah levain to see visual clips of the podcast i love you enjoy the episode okay everyone i hope you're all comfortable. Got your headphones in or blasting out the car right now, blasting out a speaker. We're just playing out the phone out loud. Welcome. Let's have a good old chin wag. Oh, that I just gave myself the ick chin wag. Fuck, who says that? Does anyone say that? Oh, because I definitely don't. I've never said that before. Let's chinwag it out, shall we? Okay. The weekly debate this week is, do you stalk your partner's exes on social media? Now, I've just had a little glimpse and I get the feeling some of you, not many, but some of you have read this as do you stalk your exes and socials which we've definitely done but the question is do you stalk your ex your partner's exes yeah so your partner's previous

girlfriend boyfriend previous flings do we are you stalking them are we interested let's have a little read through I have no clue like how common this is so let's have a little read somebody says yes a cheeky stalk doesn't hurt okay no as soon as we break up i block them to stop me doing this exact thing oh okay so i feel like she she's one of the people that think i mean stalk your ex okay that's fine also good to know um i don't we've discussed our exes and shown photos of them when we first got together oh not the pics not the pics oh my god but i don't feel any need to look at her profile or anything okay gorge gorge oh i'm very lucky my boyfriend doesn't have exes

but i would that is nice when they have no exes it is nice somebody says yes keep your friends close but your enemies closer they are not your enemies. Okay. Let's remember that. Nothing wrong with a little stalk 50 50 on this one as ignorance is bliss. Yeah. Yeah. Ignorance is definitely bliss. I will agree with you. But then I think I'd always have the questions like for me, let me tell you what I do. I don't stalk any of my boyfriend's exes. I never have ever, ever, ever. It is so not interesting to me. And I think it would be so easy to get into a toxic hole of just being like a part of your fucking routine. Like, let's check what she's posted in the last three days. I just couldn't, I just would never have a positive impact on me and my mental health and my relationship. Like there is no good that can come from it at all like not one single thing I like to know who they are like for sure I want to know I want to know I want to know if we look similar am I your type is she prettier than me no I'm kidding to be honest like I am

totally okay with my ex my boyfriend's ex is being prettier than me because I don't think it's the be all or end all. I really don't. Do you know what I mean? Like, and the thing is, I'm not like mega, mega, mega confident. So like it's highly likely that I will think that they're prettier than me. But at the same time, I'm like, that's not a reflection of me and that's not a reflection of our relationship and our connection. Do know what i mean it is really fucking irrelevant what they look like to be honest so yeah i like to know who they are out of curiosity and interest i like to know how long were you together why did you break up who broke up with who did you cry did you beg for a back like i like to just get these things out in the open early days do you know what i mean

but yeah i'm not a stalker I'm really really not like that's me being totally honest guys okay back to you I did for a couple of years but now I'm 12 years into it and she doesn't even cross my mind okay gorgeous a couple of years though fuck me Christ that must be really draining I feel like um okay all the time they blocked me at the beginning and have and have unblocked me oh my god spit out there and have unblocked me so they clearly want me to see oh yeah i have done in the past just to see if he has a type but i wouldn't ever reach out to them oh my god yeah like why would we reach out to these people no him telling me her name was the worst thing i

think you shouldn't I think you shouldn't but for peace of mind yeah this is the thing it's like I really want to be ignorant about it like at the beginning I just try to avoid the questions I'm like I'm like don't even give me a letter like I will fucking find her like what does her name begin with L I will find her but then it got to a point where I was like no just just let me know you know just let me let me know a little bit about your dating history come on hit me with it okay I did it a lot for ages I don't even know why I did it we've been together for three years unhappy I don't know why he's my first serious relationship I'm not his I think that's where the security came

insecurity came yeah I can understand that um okay i wouldn't stalk but i definitely have a browse out of curiosity and and the start at the start and maybe now and then during the relationship okay so this is the thing i think like what is the good that can come from it you know i mean like it's either gonna make you feel insecure or it's gonna make you feel i don't even know what else it can make you feel to be honest to be honest i can only imagine it's to make you feel, I don't even know what else it can make you feel, to be honest, to be honest, I can only imagine it's going to make you insecure, because it's like, you're going to look at them and you're going to know, you fucked my boyfriend, do you know what I mean? Oh God, I'm not even going to fucking expand on that thought, because my blood's boiling. Okay, so I, okay, my friends made me, wait my friends wait a wait a second okay there's a huge natural

urge to just out of curiosity but i try not to because comparison is a bitch also i've been steven fucking hell yeah it's gonna be a bad talking day heavily stalked i was about to say stevally hawked obviously i keep i said this in the episode with jamie i keep doing it recently where i'll swap the letters around in my head it's weird as fuck anyway i've been heavily stalked before by my ex's new partner to the stage where her and her friends made mean tweets about me and my looks saying i wear push-up bras oh fuck off yeah like a little plunge every now and then what the fuck has that got to do with you honestly seriously so i try not to because triggered lol but i get why people do i think it's quite common i do learning from this i'm i'm thinking it's quite common somebody said she's private probably

a good thing yeah to be honest i had a sneaky look when we first started seeing each other but really wish i hadn't now yeah yes it just pisses me off though so i don't know why i do it lol see this is a thing like what good will ever come both of my exes exes i already knew we all went to school together but i check their page i have with past partners and haven't with but my oh fuck i'm getting sick of myself, I have with past partners, but I haven't with my current partner, okay, unfortunately, yes, we've been together three years, and I just check to see what she's up to, yeah, but why, do you know what I mean, like, why does it matter, that's what we gotta think, babe, I did at the beginning of our relationship due to insecurities, but not anymore,

okay, okay, I have done, but only because we went out for drinks and she said she would fuck him on her holiday what the fuck okay stunning absolutely stun um no block unfollow and remove as a follower i don't know if you if you think we're talking x but if not either either works yes she was involved with my friendship circle and always tends to go where i go she moved into my apartment building that she knows me and my boyfriend live in fuck honestly can i live yes on a fake account and she blocked it oh which blocked my real account too hashtag busted oh yeah because when you block someone it says like block blah blah blah and other accounts that they might have or create fuck hashtag busted

um let's see I do and I wish I didn't comparison is a killer yeah not stalk I looked her up once I'm just too curious I think yeah I get that okay so i feel like we're either no not interested not doing it not good for me or we're i've looked i've checked her out just about just out of curiosity and that's that or it's yes i'm fucking addicted i cannot fucking stop honestly i could tell you her blood type i could tell you the name of her dog i know i know her fucking grandma's address do you know what i mean it's a it's a dark dark hole let's all make a pact to just not do that anymore do you know what i mean because it's just not good for anyone all right babes oh wow i'm exhausted already honestly'm just, I'm anxious as fuck, guys. Like, I actually

need to do this episode because it makes me feel better. And also, I've been getting, like, not like hate, like, not like hate, hate, but like, just some negative DMs. Okay, one. I had one. Basically, I've been getting flooded with hate. okay, no, I had one, yeah, I was just kind of negative, and it just really upset me, and it's, I woke up still upset about it, I'm a sensitive soul, okay, I'm so sensitive, I just, I feel like I need people to know I'm a decent person, and if they don't know that, like, I am fucked up over the thought of it, this is annoying why am I like that like I need to just learn to not care like sometimes I really won't care and

I feel like if I wasn't so like anxious and hungover it wouldn't bother me at all I'd be like okay whatever like that's your opinion see it's seen a bit honey like you know I know who I am at the end of the day but because I'm having a really bad day I'm like oh I can't deal with this so yeah um fuck it I swear I just fucking lay it all out in this podcast you guys are literally like my counsellors but you don't even get to say anything like I just literally sit here and I tell you about all the shit that's going on in my head and you just have to listen like I was gonna say you don't have a choice but you absolutely can turn me off please don't please don't because then I am fucking alone and I feel very alone right now okay okay guys let's get into some dilemmas. Okay, everyone, I hope you're ready to give some Bessie advice.

These dilemmas are quite different from each other, which is quite nice because a lot of the time, sometimes I'll do an episode and they're all quite similar or they might all be on like a similar topic, similar, what's the word, theme, right? But this, these are a bit different, so it's quite nice. Okay, kicking off with this one. It says, hi, I'm submitting this because I really need someone's advice from an outside perspective. Okay, I got you. Basically, I'd been with my boyfriend for a year, let's call him Tom. A month or so leading up to our one year, Tom had started to act a little bit different.

Not really being as attentive and excited to see me and he wouldn't, oh sorry, as he would have been a few months before. That's a shit feeling when you start to notice a change in behavior. It's so impossible not to fucking deep it and overthink it, especially if you've seen it before and it will

it ended up like the end of your relationship when you see like a glimpse of that you're like no no no no no don't fucking fall out of love with me please okay going on okay this became the topic of some of our arguments and he kept saying he just didn't feel like i was good enough for him what i don't feel like you're good enough for me. Surely, wait, I'm hoping you mean the other way around. I don't, I don't believe somebody could sit there and go, I just can't work out if you're actually good enough for me or not. Fuck. Okay. We're just going to continue on and hope that makes a bit more sense in a minute. Even though he did the things before. Anyways, we got got through it and a couple of weeks

after our one year I sent him a message saying I felt he wasn't giving me enough reassurance and I wanted to know that we were okay we ended up having a big argument where he said that he felt like we were on different wavelengths and that he feels like he's a different person to who I think he is. What? I've known you a year at this point. Okay. So I called him and he broke into tears saying he feels like he isn't a good person and that he isn't good enough for me. Okay. That he loves me so much, but he doesn't know if he can be with someone right now. Oh, fuck. Tom, what the fuck are you doing? Okay. We ended up working through it and a few days after it it was fine but i still felt scared that he was going to try and break up with me again see this is the this is the thing right you can say these things but they really damage a relationship and you

work through it and you work through it and you decide to stay together but even somebody like suggesting the idea of not wanting to be in the relationship can fuck you up and it can be really fucking hard to let go of that. It creates so much insecurity and instability in the relationship. Okay. Um, God. Okay. I asked him how he was and he said he felt a bit better because me and him were good and that made him happy. Okay. I'm very confused by Tom. I'm not gonna lie, Tom is a confusing boy. I felt shit the entire week, crying every day, worrying when the next time he might want to break up with me was. That's such a shit fucking feeling. Oh god, it just takes away all your fucking self-esteem, doesn't it? When he came

to my house later that week, I told him how I felt. Okay, good for you. You clearly are very good at communicating your feelings and I love that from you. He got really upset again and said that he felt he couldn't make me happy anymore and he didn't feel good enough and that himself didn't, him himself didn't feel happy. Side note, Tom has depression and anxiety. Okay. In the end, we decided to break up because he needed time to work on himself and pull himself out of this horrible hole he was in and work on making himself happy that's fair enough that is fair enough we ended on good terms and he said this might not be forever but it's best for him right now he said that i should live my life and forget about him right

now and if we're meant to be we'll come back together but he can't put a time on when he'll feel better. I felt so much love from him in that moment. I could see it in his eyes how much he cared. We no longer speak anymore so we can move on but I think about him constantly. It's been nearly three months since the breakup and I haven't been happy since. I miss him every day and can't help but think he was the one I don't think I'll ever find love like that again I can't help but hope we'll get back together but I'm scared he'll move on to someone else do you have any advice okay right I'm gonna have to collect my thoughts a moment I've been in your shoes I've definitely been in your shoes and I just want to say to you when you get that feeling of no one is going to love me like this again no I'm never going to have a connection like I have with

Tom with anyone else when you get those feelings I need you to know it's not true every relationship I've had at the end of it I think no one is going to replace you no one is going to love me like you no one is going to make me feel comfortable like you you know you're my best friend I tell you everything you know everything about me you've seen every side of me no one is going to make me feel like this again but they will like this is the thing I know deep down you really want to be with Tom but first things first we need to understand that if that doesn't happen you will be okay and your happiness and your life does not depend on whether tom wants to be with you or not um and also it's really important to just remember i know this is really fucking annoying when someone says this when

you're going through heartbreak and someone says this it's like oh shut the fuck up right it does get better i know it fucking it's like shut up fucking useless brilliant feel way better now thanks for that like it's time is a massive fucking healer I know it's the most useless fucking piece of advice when you're in that moment but it is a fact that the way you're feeling now you're not going to feel in the next three months you know even if it's just slightly better or just you could be in a totally different place by then it will be different I think it would be really good for you to try and flip your perspective on things and just be like look right now Tom isn't in a position to love me the way that I deserve to be loved so for that reason alone I also don't want to be in this relationship right

now like you want him to just love you right and and be available and you know treat you how you want to be treated and you can't make someone do that only they can do that and he he is not in a position to do that right now so that on its own should be okay we are not right for each other at this moment and you literally never know it could be in a couple of weeks could be in a couple of months it could be years if you are soulmates with tom you could come back together and be oh my god you know we was together for a year and then we broke up for two years and we got back together it was the best thing we ever did i'm so glad we did that i'm so grateful for that experience we would not be as strong as we are now if we didn't

separate for that time you know like I'm not sure which girl it is I've just recently started listening to the um nip tuck podcast nip tuck and not giving a fuck or something like that it's this it is good but one of them was saying recently how she um is with somebody now and they separated and she had like babies with somebody else and then got back together with her ex and now like they're fucking solid so like breakups can sometimes be the best thing that could ever happen to you but you also need to understand that if you don't get back together with tom you're gonna be all right and it's because he's not right for you. And there will be somebody that loves you more than Tom and, you know, treats you in the way that you've been begging Tom to

treat you. And you won't even need to ask him. So I just think take some deep breaths, put it in the hands of the universe, just surrender the power and just go, do you know what? I cannot control that right now. So I'm not going to worry about that. I'm going to worry about what I can control that right now. So I'm not gonna worry about that. I'm gonna worry about what I can control, which is what am I spending my day-to-day life doing? Are my day-to-day behaviors and choices may having a positive impact on me? What do I need to remove from my life to be the best version of myself that I can be right now?

What is missing in my life that I need to fulfill? And how do I do that? Do you know what I mean? I think right now now the only thing we can really control is how we're feeling in in our day-to-day and that's going to be in the long term the best thing you can ever use this time for so I just think do whatever it is you need to do to make yourself happy and if Tom is right for you Tom will be there at the right time. You know, he's, he's asked you to forget about him, which for me is a bit of a bit of a red flag. Cause I'd be like, well,

you know, but at the same time, I kind of get it. If he's like, I really want a fresh, fresh, fresh start with me and you. Like if we're ever going to get back together, it needs to be a blank slate. We need to let go. You know, the no contact is a good thing I'm proud of you for doing that it's really hard focus on yourself you're going to be fine like that's what you need to keep remind yourself I'm gonna be all right Tom or no Tom I'm fucking amazing and I'm gonna be fine you got this keep me updated with how it all goes I love you you got this and yeah I'm proud of you it's really difficult but find the power in it you know like he wasn't loving me right and I'm walking away and I'm proud of myself for not settling

for less than what I know I deserve and what I want so we're all proud of you okay next dilemma it's my mate's birthday weekend soon and she wants to go for cocktails and club after but clubs just aren't for me i get back home and feel so shit after i'd much rather just do the cocktails then go home they go out if they want to but i just don't personally want to because of how much i hate it i feel bad because it's her birthday and it's what she wants to do am i being unreasonable not going to the club love you i love you i don't think you're being unreasonable at all and I'll tell you why because if I was having a big get together for my birthday and my best friend was like look I you know I hate clubbing I'm gonna come to the cocktails you know I'll be there I'll get ready with you like whatever but when you guys all head to the club I'm probably just gonna jump

in a cab home just because it's just it's not my thing and I just don't really want to feel anxious and shit if my friend said that to me, I'd say, oh my God, I'm so happy that you're coming to the cocktails. I love that. Thank you so much for coming. Like I would not be like, you fucking bitch, you know, like have a panic attack for me tonight. Please. So selfish. Like, to be honest, a good friend will just be like, oh my God, of course. Like I get that. Absolutely not a problem whatsoever. Like you can't put yourself in a position that's going to be detrimental to your mental health just to make your friend happy and a good friend would

be happy that you are going home because that's what's best for you do you know what I mean and she's still going to have a fucking great time with all the friends that love clubbing so I don't think you should feel guilty at all I think you should just be honest and say look I'm definitely going to come to a cocktail I was buzzing for it literally can't wait love a cocky tea i know but you know clubs aren't my vibe like you know that's not for me so i'll probably jump in a cab when you guys go to the club and if she's got a problem with it that sort of says more about her to be honest like like if that was my friend i would not have an issue in the absolute slightest i might be like oh are you sure like can you not just come and then see how you feel and i really understand if you come and then you leave and if she was like i'd really rather not i'd be like okay that's absolutely

fine like please still come to the cocktails i would really love for you to just to be at the cocktails do you know what i mean so yeah i think be honest baby you've got nothing to be ashamed of i think you've got to prioritize yourself when it comes to your mental health there's absolutely nothing wrong with that you're still showing up do you know what i mean so yeah fuck them i love you i don't think that i don't think that's a bad thing to say at all as long as you're honest you know okay next one this dilemma says i've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he doesn't post me on social media i had to ask for him to post a photo from holiday last summer and from then he hasn't posted me he posts when he goes on his lads holiday slash night out with the lads but nothing to do with me see this is

the thing i would get it if he's just not an instagram guy but the fact that you literally post on your fucking nights out but i've got to ask you to get one picture a fucking year on your fucking grid what the fuck anyway on valentine's day i moaned so he eventually put a photo on his story oh brilliant thank you do you know what i mean rude but made my name but made my name so small and the same color as the background and said it was so he could keep me a good secret so no one was nosy. No, not the secret tag. I'm sick of having the same conversation about it now, but do I have a right to be annoyed? Yes, you do. I'm sorry. That is a statement saying you're a prick. Like, I'm not being funny. If you didn't use Instagram, I'd get it. But for for what reason we've been together a year for

what good reason do i even need to be a secret anymore why is it a secret we're not dating it's not early days and you want to keep it a secret keep it private we've been together a year what the fuck is the fucking secret to me that is a fucking huge red flag. Huge, huge, huge red flag. And listen, I do not ever want to put things in your head. Oh my God, I'm joking. Put things in your head, especially if you're not already thinking them. But I'm just saying, if it was me,

I'm just going to assume you want to appear single. That is the only explanation I could possibly come up with why i need to be a fucking secret like that's a that is some sort of joke i'm sure that's a joke why am i a secret he's literally said i want to keep you a good secret pardon pardon are you ashamed what is the secret yeah you want girls to think that you're single why that to me is unfucking faithful vibes like that's it that is a big big issue i'm not even joking some of you guys might really disagree with me but for me it's a big issue because you use instagram and you've literally it's valentine's day i've had to convince you to post a picture of me on valentine's day and when you have you've you've

tried to hide who i am is you've tried to make it a secret to me i'm thinking what like do girls have stuff on you they could dm me and be like hey babe like why don't you want people to have my account like I'm not on board with this in the slightest like I'm really fucking not I don't even know what advice to give you besides like I would literally go to my boyfriend and be like this isn't this is an issue like this is a problem and I literally won't accept it I don't know I might be really out like out of order thinking this, but listen, this podcast is all about my personal opinion and that is my personal opinion. I don't think that's fucking acceptable. I would get it if you didn't use Instagram, but like the fact that you've finally fucking come around to putting me on your story on Valentine's day and you've hidden my account

name, that's fucking odd and you've literally said I want to keep your good secret I've been with you over a year what the fuck is the secret at this point do you know what I mean have have a real hard conversation that's what I say I love you you deserve way better than that people anyone would be proud to be of you do you know what i mean okay i love you next dilemma hey leah i absolutely love you and the pod i listen i love you i listen to you every day on the tube to my muggle job as a barmaid i've been there babe i feel oh no sorry my dilemma is a little different basically i feel very lost in life right now and would really love your advice I've just turned 23 and recently graduated from drama school gorgeous studying professional dance and musical theater

absolutely stunning I'm now a graduate living in London whilst auditioning for cruises west end shows and tv film jobs gorgeous I feel so stagnant right now currently working two jobs to pay London rent and I'm facing constant rejection from auditioning I'm grateful to have gotten to final rounds for incredible opportunities but haven't been hearing back so far and if that isn't the case then I'm being cut. I know you're a performer so I wondered if you had any advice on how to cope with this. As much as I try to stay positive I feel like I'm just wasting my 20s working in jobs that aren't for me when I just want to be bloody famous and perform for a living. I feel completely stuck as this has been the case for seven months now and it feels as if everyone

I know in this industry are constantly booking jobs left right and center. I feel behind in life as if I'm not good enough even though I pick a ridiculously competitive industry to enter into. I really struggle to trust the universe at times like this and I don't know what to do or how to think. I'm not sure if this is a pointless dilemma but just wondered if you could give some advice for anyone in any industry that's struggling with rejection or in a similar situation. I love you. I love you. Oh my god believe me nobody understands this feeling more than me. So I was actually talking about this with my best friend recently because she's at drama school and she's really struggling like she just is miserable like she just fucking hate it's just shit there you know on the whole she's very passionate very talented but she's

just like it's just hard it's draining i'm just not fucking happy right and i was basically talking to her about how i was exactly the same as you i i didn't go to drama school but I dedicated my whole entire life to this fucking career okay and I would again like you be working these bar jobs and doing everything I can to afford to live in London and auditioning for shows I didn't even fucking want to do but I was desperate and you get so far and then you get cut and you spend all this money on your audition outfit and your travel to audition and whatever you've got you know printing out sheet music buying the sheet music and then you show up and and it's yeah you're through to the next round and then you've got to learn more material you learn more material and then you go to the next audition it's like yeah okay great the dance rounds are tomorrow then you show up and you're

full of anxiety and then you have to do your fucking dances and dances and then you're cut or then you get through to the next round and then it's like you're auditioning with the other other auditionees and then you get so far just for them to go that's all we need from you thank you and you just think fuck you like honestly I've given everything like what do you fucking want from me and I get it like only one person is going to get this role but it is so fucking exhausting it is such an exhausting process and then you go through all of it you go through round after round learning material learning new material learning new material you get closer and closer and closer and then you're back to fucking square one and before you know it, you've got 12 hour shifts behind the bar, you're fucking depressed, you feel like how is this, when am I ever going to get a fucking yes,

when is it ever going to come right for me and it's so hard to pick yourself up every single time it is so shit okay and I don't think performers get enough credit for how dedicated you have to be and what I was saying to my friend is like I realized that I sacrificed so much to do this job like I am talking about performing I couldn't I was spending all my money on just being in London auditioning just trying to have the fucking money to be there and I didn't have time to go out with my friends I didn't have money to go out with my friends I couldn't go out for nice dinners I couldn't buy myself nice clothes and I didn't have a penny of savings I still fucking don't I don't have a penny of savings I've got no security for my future whatsoever I I don't know how I'm going to start a fucking family one day. And before you know it, you're 25. You've got no fucking savings and you're still not on the fucking West End. This is getting a bit personal.

I'm just telling you my fucking trauma now. But the thing is, I decided like last year, I was like was like look I will never just give up musical theater it's a passion and a love I can never get rid of even if I wanted to I will always want to give it a go right but I had to make it less of a priority in my life so I'm like I'm not living in London anymore I'm gonna stay at home where I can save money to think about my future and I do have excess money to enjoy my life and do nice things and buy myself nice things and put my passion into another job. So I don't have to do the jobs I fucking hate like bar work and waitressing and just cafe shit. Like I would just want to feel passionate about something and feel like I'm getting something out of my life. So I put my fucking all into this podcast, into social media because I love it so much and it

makes me feel fulfilled so I literally was just like look do you know what I will always have hopes that one day I will be on stage again and I will always give it a go you know I still audition but I didn't want to lose so much of my life from that career anymore. So I just thought to myself, what makes me happy at this point in my life? What really makes me happy? And the answer was like, my family, my friends, nice things, shopping, like, and this podcast. And I was like, that is going to be my priority now now do you know what I mean and I have no regrets because I feel like I'm for the first time enjoying my 20s I actually for the first time feel like I'm I feel like I'm just living my life now and I feel less scared about

my future and do you know what if you said to me two years ago you would have put musical theater on a back foot I would have had a panic attack i would have been like what don't tell me i quit don't tell me i gave up like i've never had a plan b don't tell me i quit but i just realized that like all these things that i was sacrificing you know like money free time the shit jobs you've got to work just to live in london in in a fucking tiny room in a shit area where you don't feel comfortable you don't feel safe you don't fucking know anyone like you I was just so miserable and I was like oh I do all this you know I sacrifice any security of any sort of long-term future I sacrifice all of this just for that fucking moment on a fucking stage under the spotlight

it's not simple to say for most days i was like is it worth it and listen i will never ever fall out of love with it i will never like decide it's not for me but i had to stop making these sacrifices for it because it was making me so unhappy that I was like, I just wanna be happy at this point. I just wanna be happy. I just wanna feel like I'm not throwing my life away into something that might not work. Can you hear that fucking car alarm?

Selfish fucks. Someone's robbing a fucking car and I'm trying to do a podcast. Okay, we're back. So my advice to you is, I know that sounds really negative, but it's genuinely, genuinely, hand on heart, it's a really positive thing. So my advice to you is ask yourself, what is going to make me happy today that I can control? For me, that was living in London. I thought it made me happy. I thought it made me feel alive. I thought it made me feel independent and like I'm a city girl, city girl. But I was like, I'm lonely. I'm fucking broke. I'm so far away from my family. Not so far, but far enough.

You know, like my niece and nephews are grown up and I only get to see him a handful of times a year so I was just like I don't want to look back and think you had the shittest fucking 20s just for these moments on stage where it's like I'm singing my solo I'm singing my solo song everybody and I was just like I just want to be happy so I would say ask yourself what are the things that make you really truly truly truly happy life? Because that's what life is about. Life's about being happy, right? And I know, obviously, number one answer is going to be being on stage. But what else? What else makes you happy? Is it going on nights out? Is it going for nice dinners? Is it going on holidays? Because these are things we can't actually fucking afford to do when we're working these jobs to live in London and pay London rent and go to all these bloody auditions actually cost money like do you know what I mean so ask yourself what the things are that make you happy

and how you can balance between the two whether that be moving home and just traveling up to London when you've got an audition and traveling home then you've got more money to enjoy your life with or you know moving out of London and traveling so that you can go on holidays and you can visit places and go to see your friends from from school and like do you know what I mean like whatever that is figure out a way ask yourself right how can I find a way to have both right now because you don't have to give up musical theater to enjoy the other things in life and that's what I realized I thought to myself I've got to live in London I've got to be fucking broke I've got to be far away from my family I've got to work these

miserable jobs if I want to make it a musical theater and like what I've realized now is that's not fucking true because I can do my podcast I can live at home in Somerset and travel to London for an audition I can do self-tapes like I can do all the things I love and still have a big big part of me that I can dedicate to musical theatre without it being all of me do you know what I mean so just ask yourself if that's something you can do and maybe try and figure out how to do that and it doesn't have to be so scary like it doesn't have to be like I'm giving up I'm giving up musical theatre like you know we can we never give up like musical theater lovers we never give up deep down in our hearts there's always a passion it's always

something you want to achieve but don't lose yourself in the process don't don't you know lose all your life experiences and you're building a future your your chance has to build a future for it because that's miserable you know sorry if I've gone on and on and on and this is probably so boring to anybody that doesn't understand because you know if you don't do musical theater it's like well what do you just shut up what are you talking about but it is hard when you do musical theater because I can't get a full-time job I can't get a like a career I can develop in because I need days off to go to auditions I need to do these part-time jobs behind bars and stuff so that I can say I've got an audition on Thursday can't come in can you cover my shift like you can't

get a job nine to five where you need to be there every single day and you're progressing and you're on a salary like it's hard to do that but just ask yourself even if you did it at home with your with living at home with your family so you've just got a bit of excess money to enjoy your life and go on holidays and you know make plans is that going to make your life a bit of excess money to enjoy your life and go on holidays and, you know, make plans. Is that going to make your life a bit better? Do you know what I mean? Like whatever it is you think deep down, this might make my life a little bit better because this is the thing. You can leave London, realize I actually preferred it in London and just move back to London.

Like, do not worry. Like you're still so young. You're 23. Do you know what I mean? But, you know, before I knew it, I was 25 and I'm thinking, I'm 30 in five years. I want to have kids at some point. How am I going to afford to do this? So I had to make decisions. And obviously, granted, a lot of mine came from going for a breakup. I had to leave London, but my plan was always to go back to London. Always. As soon as I left London, I was

like, I've got to go back. I've got to go back. That's where my career is. That's where the auditions are. I've got to go back. I can't be in Somerset. I can't be in Somerset like I've got to go back I've got to go back that's what that's where my career is that's where the auditions are I've got to go back I can't be in Somerset I can't be in Somerset I'll rot to hell in Somerset and I was there three weeks and I thought I'm so much fucking happier here it's I'm so much happier here so yeah I love you everything happens for a reason remember that trust the process trust the journey and also one thing I do want to say is you could go to an audition tomorrow and get the job and it all fucking changes so do not worry because all it takes there's so many no's no no no no no thank you thank you thank you thank you have a great day thank you see you next time but one of them will say yeah and that's

that do you know what i mean and what we have to remember is you don't have to live in london to be able to do this so if you feel like living in london is just so difficult for you financially and like i've always said this living in a big city it can be so fucking lonely it can be lonelier you're surrounded by millions of people you don't even know anyone do you know what I mean yeah I'm just gonna shut up now but I feel like I made my points I love you you can make it like this is the thing you can make it and you know if the love and passion is there you will make it so you got this I'm proud of you I love you to all my musical theatre girls and boys I love you you can do this just don't sacrifice your whole life for it you know make sure you're happy every day well not every day and who's happy every day no one especially not me

but make sure you're making time for the things that make you happy and not everything has to be on the back foot just for this career you know you you have to be happy as well okay guys I love you let's wrap up the episode. Okay, everyone, thank you so much for making it to the end of this episode. I love you guys so, so, so, so much. Remember, the cups are on sale now. If you're listening off the 12pm on Tuesday, the 21st of February, they are on sale um I just received a dm from somebody saying like is is it going to be a one-time thing like once they're gone and they're gone or are you going to restock we will just keep restocking like I said they're made to

order so we can just order we we do have like a bit of stock ready for the launch but like once they're gone if they go we could be hanging on to these for a few months but whenever they do sell out if they did we can order more cups and straws etc and just get more made so and it doesn't take long like where um Chloe's getting them from is it's very very quick like I think it takes three days for them to get to her and then you know once they're there they we get making well we she very talented queen she gets making and then like i said the dispatch time will stay the same but it might just be a couple of days on top but we can keep you all updated with postage and tracking and etc like that so yeah how exciting remember it's all on my instagram if you would like to

see more pictures of them and stuff like that they're really really cute so head over to them if you want one. And I love you. I love you guys so much. I hope you have the best week. Let me know what episode you want on Friday. I'll do whatever you guys want. And yeah, have an amazing week.

I hope I feel less anxious by Friday. Because fucking hell, I just really do not fucking feel it on myself right now. But I love you so much. Have the best week. I'm so proud of you. If you're having a difficult week. If you're struggling right now. I'm so proud of you for getting through every single day I'm here with

you we're best friends for life and we got this babe all right I'll speak to you on Friday for a brand new episode I love you bye