Leah on the Line - 64: Snooping on your partner's phone & my boyfriend's ex is watching me!

Episode Date: May 2, 2023

Hey babe! Welcome back to another episode. The weekly debate this week is "how do you feel about your partner going through your phone and vice versa?". The dilemmas this week ranged from a crazy ex stalking you, your friend feeling left out because they aren't 18 and dealing with fully letting go of someone after a breakup. I hope you all loved this episode and thank you so much for joining me today! I'm so so grateful for you. As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leah on the line happy tuesday happy tuesday everyone how was your weekend what did you get up to? How are you feeling? How's your Monday? How do we feel about Mondays? I feel like you either think new week, fresh beginning, I'm going to have a better week than last week. Or it's like, oh, another fucking week, another week in paradise. Bring it on. Do you know what I mean? But I'm definitely a new beginnings. It's Monday. Let's kick it off. Let's kick it off right. It was a bank haul. So I guess today probably feels more like a Monday for a lot of you. What did you get up to on the bank holiday? I get a bit confused

on bank holidays. Like I just get all disorientated for the entire week. Do you know what I mean? Like it felt like a Sunday yesterday. Do you know what I mean? How are you anyway? What have you been up to? I have been just getting on by, to be honest. I am doing everything I can to remain positive. I had a really nice chat with one of you yesterday because you sent me a really nice message and I replied like, oh my God, like you have no idea. I just needed to hear every word that you just said. And it was so nice. Just, I love chatting with you. Do you know what I mean? I always have the best chats with you guys. But anyway, I hope you're all doing really well no matter what you're going through no matter what you're feeling just remember you're strong you can do this you're amazing you've got everything

it takes to get through this I had a little flick through my book um feel the fear and do it anyway the other day and I reread this I've read it twice but this was like the third time I've picked it up and just literally skimmed through and I I saw some really nice things in there. Do you know what? I might actually pick it up now and just to give you a little bit of inspiration. One minute. Okay. I've got it to hand. I highly recommend this book. I have spoken about it a couple of times. I'm going to read the blurb for you guys. Oh, it's like book club. Okay. Is there something holding you back from becoming the person you want to be? Fear is all around us from having a tricky talk with your boss to facing up to a problem at home everyone has worries and fears that can stop them progressing and reaching for the things that they want in life this simple

life-changing exercise oh the simple life-changing exercises and feel the feel the fear and do it anyway will teach you how to turn anger into love and uncertainty into action it is so good okay it my mum recommended this book to me she's always said this same quote to me feel the fear and do it anyway when it comes to auditions anything in life that gives me that like oh my god i can't cope i can't do it i always think now because of my mum because this book i think if you can't get over the fear we just do it scared you gotta feel that fear and just do it anyway okay and it's a really good book sorry if you can hear me flicking the pages might be a bit annoying and it's like what you're afraid of and why and then it what it translates to like i can't handle the worry

of success i can't handle failure i can't handle being rejected and then it just helps you like flip your mindset and it says like what whatever happens to me however awful I can handle it and then it's like the next chapter is like can't you make it go away the fear will never go away as long as I keep on growing the only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to just go out and do it now when I read this I was a bit like well as you know my fear is death so I was like so you're telling me I just need to die to get over the fear you know like I was like this book isn't for me but it did really really help like it does mention the fear of death the feel the fear of illness and stuff like that so to any of my health anxiety

people this this will still help you even though when you first read it you might think well I can't really face that fear just yet darling do you know what I mean or at least you'd rather not um and it says like if you knew you could handle anything that came your way what would you possibly have to fear and it helps you with all areas like obviously not just my fear of death and stuff but like just like I said auditions have always been terrifying for me and it gave it gave me that mentality of like nothing bad is going to happen to me I can handle it like worst case scenario walk in that room it's the worst audition of my life like people laugh at my face like it goes horribly wrong like every note that comes out my mouth is

flat I mean we just get over it and we can just move on from whatever it is that is so terrifying whether that be like I'm gonna go in there and quit my job do you know what I mean it's like oh my god I'm petrified you got to just feel that fucking fear and do it anyway and you will be able to handle it no matter what you feel no no matter what happens, we can deal with it. And it's a really good book for just building up a bit of strength. This really wasn't what I was planning on talking about today, but honestly, highly, highly, highly recommend. This last chapter revealed an important truth. Everybody feels fear when dealing with something totally new in life, yet many people are out there doing it anyway.

This must mean that fear is not the problem. And it's really, it's really cool. Like pain to power vocabulary, right? Pain, I can't. Power, I won't. Pain, I should. Power, I could. Pain, it's not, it's not. Oh, there's a little typo in this book. Oh dear, Susan Jeffers. It says, it's not my fault. I'm assuming it means mine and then power is i'm totally responsible pain it's a problem power it's an opportunity pain i'm never satisfied power i want to learn and grow pain life's a struggle power life's an adventure pain i hope power i know i sorry yeah but you get the fucking point. I mean, I highly recommend that book. Any, any, any recommendations, Jesus, any book recommendations for just like self-development, any anxiety, whatever it is, please send them my way because I am getting into my

self growth era again. Okay. We're working on ourselves and I think we should all do that together. So any good recommendations, send them my way and I will relay them over here in a couple of episodes time. Wow, can I speak? Okay, anyway, so about the little tangent at the beginning, we have a normal episode. I know it may not start out very normal,

but it will be normal. Dilemmas, confessions, weekly debate, the whole shebang, baby. Okay, so let's get into it. Thank you so much for listening to leah on the line remember to leave a rating on apple podcast and spotify and hit the notification bell you can send in your confessions and dilemmas to leah on the line at gmail.com and follow me on socials at leah on the line and at leah levain to see visual clips of the podcast i love you enjoy

the episode okay people we have a very interesting weekly debate for you today i know i say that every week but i feel like you guys will enjoy this one it says how do you feel about going through your partner's phone and vice versa so i'm intrigued i'm intrigued because i know there's people out there that's just like it's a common thing we just do a little daily not daily monthly i don't know how often we just do a little frequent checkup on each other's phones just to build that trust you know and then there's a lot of people that's like what's the fucking need for that do you not trust me get fucking life it's not happening not around here darling not around here but um let's have a look what you guys say kicking off with this response i feel like it's just a lack of trust

totally understand phones are private don't be with someone that makes you want to check their phone great point um if he's acting sus then yes i would also let him go through mine if he asked for sure for sure i think it's fine if it gives you that extra little bit of reassurance then it shouldn't be a problem yeah i guess it depends how frequently we're talking do you know what i mean because i can imagine after a while it's a bit like okay every time you've done this you found nothing what is making you think that one day you're going to check it and there's going to be shit there we're going to need to learn to trust each other another way babe do you know i mean my friend my friends confided me with their private issues so that was also breaking their

privacy yeah i get, I get you. I get you. Yeah. Do you know what? It's that thing. It's like, look, you can check my DMs. You can check my WhatsApp, any chats with boys. They're not there.

Do you know what I mean? But open my chat with my best friends. It's going to be hell, darling. It's going to be hell in there because she's where I go when I don't like you very much she's where I go when you piss me off yeah if you if you want to read that at your own risk babe do you know what I mean my ex never let me have his phone once I took a pic on it and saw a dick pic he'd taken I'd hate if my boyfriend felt he needed to check my phone nothing to hide but lack of trust trust is upsetting or do you know what it's when they're secretive with their phone now let me tell you a little bit more my

experience with this so in my experience previously um he would take his phone everywhere everywhere it was never left unattended ever ever ever ever it was face down it was in the pocket it was in it was in the shower like it was it was a rare occasion if I even managed to set my eyes on that phone I could have believed he didn't he didn't own one right and there were times listen I've been through phones I have done it and I'm not ashamed to admit it because I believe in the female instinct okay I truly believe as women we just know some things. I'm sure men have that instinct too, but I just think women, we just have that gut about things like that.

Right. Like, you know, when they follow someone, okay, listen, I didn't really know about the checking followers being a thing. Right. I had no idea. And then like, he was doing it to me. Like, who's this guy you followed? Who's this?

And I was like, do we do that? Okay. So then I started doing it to him like checking his follow him and there was this random girl that I'd never seen in my life and like all of her pictures were in bikinis she was really fucking gorgeous right and I was like don't feel good don't feel good about that no mutual followers like no mutual friends whatever I was like who's that just that curiosity like who is this girl and he's like oh I just I just spoke to her before and like I realized I never followed her back so like I felt bad so I thought I'd give her a quick follow and I was like, who's that? Just that curiosity, like, who is this girl? And he's like, oh, I just, I just spoke to her before. And like, I realized I never followed her back. So like, I felt bad. So I thought I'd give her a quick follow. And I was like, alarm bells are ringing, ringing, dinging in my head. And then he was just like, oh, no, no, like we just spoke about whatever it was they spoke about. And I was like, oh, okay. And then he goes, you can see if you want. And I was like, I would appreciate that. I would appreciate i would feel a lot better if i could just see it just for a bit of peace of mind because

i don't i don't know i'm i'll just have a gut feeling you know i'm probably wrong i'm probably overthinking but i would like to see just just whatever the latest bit was if that's okay well i deleted it because i knew you wouldn't like it you pardon i deleted the chat because i knew i need to get pissed off by it right okay so if you think i'm gonna get pissed off about something why why don't I mean, you know, it's not acceptable if in your head, you think Leah's going to get pissed off about that. Because let me tell you something, right? I'm actually the least jealous person ever. And I'll say this all the time. And I contradict myself by saying like, don't like other guys. But that's about respect for me.

When it comes to jealousy and paranoia, like I'm actually really not like, I'm, I'm just like, I'm very chill. Like I'm very like, look, we're together. If you're gonna fucking cheat on me, me getting all stressed about it, maybe happening isn't going to have any impact on on the reality. It's just gonna take away my peace. Do you know what I mean? So whatever, hon. But anyway, I don't get pissed off. Like you can have you can talk to girls whatever as long as it's not inappropriate whatever I trust you so for you to think that I would get pissed off about it that's how I knew it would be bad because you know if you were just having a normal friendly innocent conversation with a girl you know I wouldn't get pissed off about that so the fact that you've deleted the chat says to me that things have been said that I'm not gonna like um and then you you know you go through their phone and then you

find shit and then you ask about a girl and then it's like oh no no it's just a mate just a mate and then you do some digging and you realize they shagged in the past and it's like ah okay so in my experience I have looked through a partner's phone and every time I've done it, I've been right. Because let me tell you something that I don't do it. Like it's not like a frequent thing. The only time I've ever done it in the past is because of like things like that, where I'm like, something just is a bit off here. Do you know what I mean? Something's not adding up. I would never just be like, can I just have a look through everything on your phone, all your apps, all your DMs? Like, it's just, I just don't want to live like that. But I totally get what people do, especially with trust issues and stuff like

that. But what I also think is, unless you're looking for something in particular, like the example I just gave where there's a certain person who you have a gut feeling about whatever, unless there is something like that, and you're just looking just to see if you can catch anything, you won't actually get reassurance because if you find nothing you're just gonna think well they've deleted it anyway do you know what i mean like you're never gonna look at it find nothing and go oh perfect no cheating here like your your stomach will still be like oh it's probably deleted it she's probably fucking deleted it all do you know what i mean so yeah it's a weird one I think unless unless there's

something in particular that I just know in my gut I need to look at it doesn't make me feel any better so I just don't even do it okay back to you guys let's see where you guys still stand um only if your gut is telling you something's up and you're seeing red flags and feel like the truth is being hidden me and my husband have the same phone pin we're always losing our phones and have nothing to hide yeah okay I'm totally with you on that one that's another question do you know your boyfriend or girlfriend's password on their phone because we me and my boyfriend have each other's face id and that is not because it's a frequent thing to go on each other's phone it's more convenience like say like oh you're gonna run in with a shop and take my phone to

pay for it or you i've asked you to google something on my phone for me quick or vice versa like he wants me to put a song on while he's driving i don't need to be like oh can you put your password on i mean like it's just like a thing but i know a lot of people is like what the fuck like that's your phone why does his face need to be on it why do you need to know each other's passwords like i totally get that but it just works for us you know um I think there's more going on if you want to look so it's better to just approach approach that with them whoa something just happened to me then yeah I totally get you but in my experience you don't get the truth anyway do you know what I mean if there is something you know like if you say to me oh who's that girl you're talking to they're not going to

turn around be like oh just some girl I've been flirting with do you know what i mean you gotta look for yourself sometimes um i think you definitely should at some point somebody says absolute no go i wouldn't dare if i suspected something i would just ask to see yeah i get that as well like can you just show me it yourself like can you show me that can you show me what you you and her talk about can you show me what you and him are talking about on snapchat please do you know what i mean um absolutely his phone should have nothing on it that i can't see um that is true but but i say that but then on the flip side i don't really want anyone let alone my boyfriend reading my chats with my best mate because we have private conversations about

really deep things but also like when you're pissed off with someone you're gonna go and go and rant to your best friend you know what i mean um i think if you feel the need to do this there's a few trust issues you need to fix in the relationship i see you i see you um okay i go through my partner's phone but to see if he's been messaging a certain someone there is nothing wrong with it as long as you're not accusing or doing to ignore too often okay i would feel weird if my boyfriend went on my phone without asking but i've done it oops yeah i would feel weird like imagine you like walk in the room and your boyfriend or girlfriend just like flicking through your phone i would feel a bit violated by that even though i've done it um i've done it once and never again once you

once you do that the trust is gone and and so is the relationship okay i think you both should be open with your phone if you have nothing to hide but if you feel if you need to go through their phone then there is some trust missing in the relationship for some reason and you should think about why that is are you work on your own anxiety or are they shady slash untrustworthy very wise i agree um shouldn't be a thing to have to just happen because it's weird i think it's only needed if you've got a reason to for example if you found out they're cheating yeah i totally understand that to be fair let's have a look I used to go through my ex of seven and a half years phone and always found him messaging girls it doesn't even cross my mind with my now

literally perfect boyfriend and it's such a relieving feeling now I can knowing I can trust him 100% myself and my husband know each other's passwords use each other's phones and look for each other's photos we have three children so it's mainly pictures of them but wouldn't ever feel the need to snoop through his messages etc yeah there's definitely a difference between just going on someone's phone and snooping do you know what i mean um i personally think if you feel the need to look for your partner's phone you're looking for something because you don't trust them i feel you i feel you i'll be honest i did this to my ex but that was because i was made to feel so insecure and small in that relationship he constantly picked at me for things I did and I know he checked mine because

I caught him doing it when I did it though I found messages of things he had kept from me so I think that's what light the fuse to begin with if that makes sense yeah once you find something it's very hard to come back from that but my relationship now I wouldn't even cross my mind because he's the sweetest human ever and I trust him with everything in me and we talk about having a future and kids all the time it's about the relationship and how the partner makes you feel I love you yeah okay so I feel like we're mostly kind of agreeing like it's a case of like if you feel like there is something in particular you need to know need to see you know I can't move on from it until I see it with my own eyes I get that but if it's a case of like there's no reason you just want you

just need to look for reassurance I think that's always a bad thing like if you're looking for reassurance because like I said I don't really think you get it because you're just like well they've deleted it do you know what I mean so yeah if you're looking for a certain thing totally get it if you're looking for reassurance or it's a frequent thing we've got to combat that another way baby do you know what you mean lovely weekly debate today girls and boys thank you so much for sending in all your responses i love you all so much and let's get into some dilemmas okay let's kick it off with this one because it's very interesting. It's called Boyfriend's Crazy Ex is Watching. Fuck. Okay. How many of you guys have crazy exes? I say crazy with a pinch of salt. Okay. leah hello beautiful babe please keep this anonymous

of course always always before i start i just wanted to say i found your podcast at the start of 2023 and i'm a huge fan now i'm religious listener oh my god i love you hello to all my new listeners welcome to the friendship group we love you so much basically you can call me helen for the context of the story okay Helen Helen babe basically I'm 26 and my boyfriend let's call him Steve is 26 okay Helen and Steve Helen and Steve everyone we've been together for a year and a year and a bit and I can honestly not speak more highly of Steve he's so sweet kind loving and supportive towards me and has truly brought out the best side to me we talk about our future together all the time and I've recently started saving for a place together

and we could not be more excited for what the future may bring. Oh, we love you, Helen and Steve. My issue is that he has a very crazy ex. I know they all say that, but I will explain. Trust me. Okay, I believe you. I trust you.

Upon chatting and getting to know Steve, his friends and his life, et cetera, I heard bits and pieces about his ex let's call her sarah for context we started dating january 2022 and he dumped sarah three years before that okay so sarah and steve have been separated for three years before you and him got together that's a long time to get over someone anyway and how she would constantly accuse my boyfriend steve of cheating when they were dating okay also i heard how she made fake accounts to watch his friends after the breakup and would send them all messages of abuse in particular the girls in his group oh my god

i played devil's advocate and asked this particular person at that time who told me this how are you so sure it was sarah and they went on to explain the messages referred to things that only she would have known so that's why the group believed that it was Sarah okay Sarah is a little bit obsessed with Steve and Steve's life by the sounds of things fast forward some time to January um just gone and I was stepping out of the shower I had an Instagram follow pop up on my phone. My account is private by the way for context and accepted the account not thinking too much of it. After a few minutes I had a light bulb moment and realized it was Sarah following me on her own Instagram account. I did some FBI work and searched her name on Facebook as I had heard her full name thrown

around a few times before since being with Steve and the photo of her on her profile matched the Instagram account that had just followed me. Okay, so Sarah's literally just followed you with her chest, with her main account. Okay, Sarah. In that moment, I made that decision that maybe it was not the best to engage. So I took my screenshots as proof in case I needed it. Clever, get the receipts, babe. And sent them to Steve who profusely, I never know how you fucking say that word, I can never get it out my mouth who profusely I never know how you fucking say that word I can never get out my mouth profusely apologized for what she did and just removed her as a follower and got on with my evening oh I love that from Steve fast forward about mid-feb

and again similar situation as I said before I was scrolling on my phone and had an had an Instagram follow request from a rather odd looking Instagram page pop up. I again accepted it not thinking too much of it in the moment but had a sort of funny feeling in my stomach as the profile was just a bit strange. I think you can spot a fake profile a mile away can't you? Anyway it did not have any names on the profile but only had photos of random locations and on the Instagram profile it had the new tag also it's a brand new account so I believe this was a relatively new account. This funny feeling I was having was not going away so I decided to look a bit closer at this profile. After a very quick scan I realized this account followed two

of Steve's friends who I know have open Instagram accounts but they didn't follow back and I found Sarah's own personal Instagram in the followers and the following of this profile which was the same profile who followed me originally that I removed. Okay so it's Sarah come on. Also when I was on my FBI mode I realized she was the only page that was following and a follower of this frankly weird account. Oh okay it's Sarah it's Sarah. Since this has happened I get these odd accounts occasionally try to follow my Instagram, but I don't accept anymore because I'm just not sure. Oh my God, she's obsessed. To be honest, at this point, the whole situation made me feel really uncomfortable. I raised this with Steve, who said this is something she's been doing ever since him and Sarah originally broke up.

He split up with her, by the way, for context, because she was very toxic and very controlling towards him. So they've been separated for four and a half years because i think you you've said you've been together a year and a half and they broke up three years before you okay she's very persistent i'm giving that um and how sarah hears about him being with other girls somehow and does this behavior to try and get between him and whoever he may be with at that time i spoke to one of his best friends to try and understand the whole situation better and the friend said this is just something she does and has continued to do and how this has always been ongoing. How they as in Steve and his friends have all tried

to address it with her before and tell her to stop but she just plays victim. I've tried my best to be as understanding as I can about this as I know this is someone who was very toxic towards Steve but truthfully I feel like this whole situation overstepped my own personal boundaries and I don't know what to do any advice or help on what to do will be appreciated love you lots and hope this makes sense yeah that's tough because there's not much anyone can do because I was gonna say you just tell her to fuck off but politely like respectfully leave do you know what I mean like please let me live like can i live can steve live like i was just gonna say just talk to her and just say like look i don't know why you

keep following me but like obviously it's kind of weird because you are my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend i'm just trying to live my life like i'd appreciate it if you would just like let us be happy do you know what i mean but you said steve and his friends have tried that I don't know if it would be any different coming from you maybe it would just probably piss her off even more and then create some sort of enemy energy towards you so you're kind of stuck because I mean it's a good thing you're private because she can't see your shit and she's clearly dying to see it do you know what i mean um i don't know what your options are besides just think oh let her watch do you know what i mean like let the girl watch she she is she doesn't have access to you steve is untouchable to her you're happy together you said like he's an

incredible boyfriend let her watch that's what i say like what are you what can you do like how close do you think you're gonna get to us do you know what I mean and what what is your plan of action here Sarah like I'm thinking you know if she followed you and straight away sent you a message like hey I need to talk to you I need to talk to you about Steve that's what she would have done but she hasn't she just followed you she wants to watch She wants to be watching Steve in his life. And look, if you've asked her to stop and she hasn't stopped, because personally, if this was at the beginning, I'd say she'll get bored and she'll go away eventually. But she clearly has not got bored. So I just think let her watch. Do you know what I mean? What's going to happen? What's she happen what's she gonna do like you're happy Steve's happy Sarah clearly isn't and that's quite quite upsetting to be honest like to be

separated from someone for that many years and still be mentally focused on them I you know that's quite sad for Sarah and you know I wish her happiness I hope she one day can let this go and move on and focus on herself and build a nice happy healthy life for herself but there isn't much you can do besides what you are doing you know keep your Instagram private don't give her access she's you can do the block this person and all other accounts they may create you that that is now an option on Instagram which is Brell um so I'd give that a go I'd give her a block um because that will also send the message of like you know respectfully please leave me alone do you know what I mean just let me live no one wants their boyfriend's ex just like hovering

around do you know what I mean so yeah I would honestly just go in for a block block all the all the accounts that they may create and then anything else that she does just let her crack on and do it you know she doesn't have access to either of you as a couple and it's thus it sounds like a bit of a Sarah problem to be honest babe do you know what I mean you're happy enjoy it love it love life love you love Steve love you Helen and Steve we Love you, Helen. Helen, Steve. We love you, Helen, Steve. All right, next dilemma. Okay, this one says, it's a little bit different actually. Me and the majority of my friends have turned 18 recently. However, one of our friends is still 17. She gets annoyed when we go out and tells us that she feels left out. However, there's nothing we can do about it until she turns 18 too it's ruining our friendship group what should i do okay now listen i have been

the 17 year old my birthday's on the 22nd of august okay which means i scraped my school year by a few weeks and that's just because i was a twin so i was born early so i was technically supposed to be in the year below and i would have been the oldest to be honest but I was the youngest I was the last to turn 18 and I was jealous like all my friends was going out and I was jealous but I wasn't bitter I was just a bit like can't wait to join and I think it's it's a bit of an isolating feeling and you feel left out and you feel a bit like for god's sake like there's nothing I can physically do i wouldn't recommend getting fake ids or anything because that's illegal but you know what i will say is as friends like just be conscious of the fact that she is feeling left out and you're not doing anything wrong by going

out because you're 18 and you're allowed and you will do that because you haven't been able to do it and now you can you're diving into the world of adulthood do you know what i mean it's fun but she can't do that right now so i would just say be a bit sensitive towards that you know just say to her oh we can't wait for you to join us like your birthday it's gonna be so good like I can't wait till you're 18 you're gonna be so fun to go out with I can't wait you're gonna bring the party like we're gonna have so much fun and then also I think maybe just try and make times where you you go around one of your houses and all drink together and have like a night in together because that's something she can go to or like go for dinner somewhere. Do you know what I mean?

Like do things that she can still be a part of. Obviously, you still go out, still do it, still do it every weekend if you want. But maybe if you go out on a Saturday night, let's do something on a Friday night with her, you know, whatever. Obviously, not every weekend but just i think be conscious of it be sensitive towards it make her feel included don't make her feel isolated because otherwise sometimes this definitely happened with me when i turned 18 i didn't feel welcome on these nights out like i was a bit like well you've all got like your routine and like i'm new in the club like i was new stepping foot into that club you all knew where the toilets were you knew you know how how it works in a bar I don't know how this works I'm

new and I felt like um like I wasn't as welcome because the these guys have all been doing it for months like 10 months and all of a sudden I'm like can I come and I felt like a bit of a bit of a loser to be honest so I think make an effort and just be like we can I come? And I felt like a bit of a bit of a loser, to be honest. So I think make an effort and just be like, we can't wait. It's going to be so fun. And when she does turn 18, be all over it. Do you know what I mean? Let's go.

You can finally come out. You're the life of the party. Let's fucking do this. Do you know what I mean? Just be aware of it. But also you're not doing anything wrong. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, i love you

okay let's go with this one so me and my ex-boyfriend of six years broke up three months ago it's been super tough and one of the hardest things i've ever gone through we decided to remain on good terms due to the length of the relationship and there was no bad blood we have since had a couple of drunk arguments but i've always come back good terms. I moved abroad to start a new life with a new job and I was leaving oh and as I was leaving he said he regretted not seeing me off at the airport and that he wanted to see me when I was next at home for a catch-up. We spoke every day for the first week in my new city and I sent him apartment tours and regular photo updates as he said he always wanted to see my success no matter what happened between us. I've been gone for three weeks and

regularly posting pictures of my new life on Instagram. I went to message him today to check in on how he was and I noticed that he had unfollowed me despite saying he would never unfollow me as he wanted to see my success as he still cared so much for me. Should I message him and ask why he unfollowed me and if everything is okay as I don't want any animosity between us I'm 100% not over him so not sure if this would send me back some steps in my moving on process so should I leave him be okay listen I have been in that position where you know I was with someone for like four years three three and a bit it was like on and off for the last year but basically we did the exact same thing and it was like

you know we want to track each other's success and stuff like that and I think what the reason we do that is because we then mentally we don't have to let go of that person completely we don't have to say you know this you're out of my life this this chapter is over you're going to become a stranger to me anytime soon you know I think we say that we and I think a lot of us do it you know I want to watch your successes I still want to be a part of it you know I'm still going to be watching and be so proud of you and I want you to be so successful I want to see it and I think it's because at the at this time we don't want to let go yet like that is a full we're holding on to them as little as we can and I think you going away and starting this new life like that was probably really hard for him to see and I think

he's gotten to the point where it's it's just hard and that that happens you think you're going to be able to stay friends and you think you're going to be able to just watch each other from afar and communicate every now and then congratulate each other check in on each other but a lot of the time sometimes it works but a lot of the time it doesn't work and it just it can become painful and you realize I'm holding on here like the reason I'm checking in on you is because I don't want to lose you from my life yet you know we've decided we didn't want to be in a relationship anymore but I don't want to lose you so I hold on by saying you know how are you how is everything how's the new how's the apartment show me what it looks like we feel closer to them and we don't feel rejected we don't feel abandoned if we still have that communication and we hang on to it and then eventually most of the time not

all the time eventually you let go and you say okay we you realize why you were acting like that you realize why you were holding on you realize it's not good for you and then you let go and I think he's probably been seeing you posting your new life and it's hurting him and he's like I gotta let go like this is painful for me and you finally get to a point where you accept like what am I doing the relationship's over you know we lost each other it's done you gotta let go and I think maybe it sounds like I'm not 100% I could be totally wrong it sounds like that could be where he's at in his head where he's just like I can't fucking do this you know like we're not friends we're not gonna be friends do you know what I mean it is a case of that a lot

of the time and it could be that for him so um and I think you obviously wanting to reach out and you know how come you unfollowed me is everything okay like that could also be coming from that place of like wait I thought we weren't gonna fully lose each other do you know what I mean and you might be having that feeling of like fuck okay because you said I'm not 100% over him, so I think if you were, which obviously you know you're not, and that's okay, it's going to take time, always does, if you were, you'd be able to accept that he's unfollowed, let it all go, leave it in the past, and move forward peacefully and happily, but you still have love for him, whether it's love or feelings, you know you feel connected to him you feel you know that feeling where someone has been your safe place for a long time and someone's

been your safety net and your your comfort and your home and then all of a sudden it's like i'm just out here doing it on my own and it's it's weird as fucking feeling when someone has been that for you so it's really hard to let that go sometimes but I think you are in the best place like you have started a whole new life and what better way to move on from something by literally not even starting a new chapter you're literally writing a whole new book and I think whatever you're doing out there you sound like you're happy out there it sounds really good for you and I think focus on you you know the relationship ended you I think if you can be friends with somebody it will be down

the line you know it will be down the line when you're fully over each other because it's really hard to let go of a relationship when you when you're still in contact it's really hard to detach from somebody emotionally when you're still in contact it's really hard to detach from somebody emotionally when you're still in contact that's why I always say no contact is the best way forward if you know it's for the best if you know you don't want to be with this person no contact is the best you feel stronger you feel more independent you feel braver and yeah I think I just think maybe I could be wrong but this is how I'm reading that situation so it's not it's not a bad thing you know um and yeah just enjoy your new life and love it and

focus on yourself and all your happiness that is surrounding you and all the greatness around you because it sounds like you're in a really good position right now and you deserve that i love you babe love you so much okay guys thank you for sending in your dilemmas keep them coming for next week and let's have a little read okay kicking off with this one hiya gorge hi babe let's read it out let me spill for about a year i fancied one of the managers at work we We would always flirt, but he'd tell me he was reluctant to go any further because of our work relationship and 10-year age gap. Come to last week and I was on a work night out to Bongo's Bingo and I was determined to get him.

Oh, I plonked myself next to him and got my flirt on. After a couple hours and six drinks later, I needed the toilet and I asked him to follow me in oh my god one thing led to another and we ended up fucking in the cubicle i love it we had to sneak back to the group and act like nothing had happened when i got back my mate jokingly said did he just rail you up against the cubicle wall my jaw dropped you just went in chest out and said i'm off to the toilet babe follow me yeah two minutes see you in there in two minutes and he's like come plodding along and railed you up against the wall love it love it baby okay next one is nice and

short i said i love you during sex to with the guy i'm talking to no no did it just come out like you're just having sex and you're just like i love you no you're just talking as well do you love him though do you love him or was it was it the heat at the moment oh it's a heat at the moment it was all the endorphins do you know like post nut clarity is meant to be a thing i'm sure everyone knows this but like apparently when you have well i think it's mostly for guys but like when you have sex with somebody like once you've came you know like do i actually really like this person or do i think like oh god after apparently that's the thing like imagine imagine someone's thought that about us which i'm sure they bloody have well not

about any of you guys because you're all amazing and perfect but like imagine you've just had sex with someone then in their head mentee they're like oh fucking hell what the fuck no nah none of us babes um oh my god i'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend oh my god how many is how many of you guys have experienced that because that's crazy while i was with my ex another oh oh my god oh my god while i was with my ex, another, oh my god, oh my god, while I was with my ex, another lad licked me out on a night out. He still has no idea to this day. How can you live with yourself? Oh my god, I could actually, I can't get my head around that. I mean, I guess you just do. Loads of people have made those mistakes before. Oh my God.

Oh my God. He just went down on you. Oh wow. Oh my God, I shagged my economics teacher. Wow. Guys, we know how I feel about the teacher thing. Someone says, I shit myself in a train station the other day. What the fuck?

No. Why? How? Did you have like food poisoning bad belly or was it just like there was no toilets around and you when you got to go you got to go was it like a you thought it was a fart oh do you remember when all the confessions used to be about poo do you remember that like all of them bring them back that's what i say yeah love you guys thank you for sending in these confessions i think i'm gonna finish with all of them bring them back that's what i say yeah love you guys thank you for sending in these confessions i think i'm gonna finish with all of them once because i feel like they're all brilliant

keep them coming remember i will never judge i say that but then i read them out and i'm like what the fuck so i guess i'm not judging i'm reacting but i would never judge you guys do whatever you want to do and i will love you regardless okay unless it's something like murder or just anything majorly illegal I suppose but yeah I love you guys keep sending them in I always always save the confessions and yeah they're one of my favorite parts and I know you guys love them as well I know you do but obviously it's quite difficult with confessions because there's only so many things people can do and actually admit to publicly do you know what I mean and a lot of them are similar and I don't want to read anything out that's like we basically had that do you know what I mean so

I'm setting you all a mission to go and do something really unique okay let's wrap up the episode okay thank you guys so much for listening to this episode i hope you really enjoyed it i hope you feel lighter i hope you enjoyed my company i really enjoyed yours thank you for joining me send in all your confessions and dilemmas leah on the line at gmail.com or you can head over to my tiktok or instagram and there is always a link in my bio that says submit here just hit that button and i'll take it to my website oh i or instagram and there is always a link in my bio that says submit here just hit that button and i'll take it to my website oh i sound so profesh sounds so profesh it's literally a wix website but it's all you need babe do you know what i mean they come flying

into my inbox it's really quite handy quite impressing myself for how i set that up and when you do send in a confessional dilemma you receive a reply from me that says like hey babe thank you for sending that like i'm pretty proud of myself for that i did it all on my own i love you guys i hope you all have an amazing week friday's episode remember i'm really looking forward to it head over to my instagram make sure you are looking out on my stories because i'm going to be asking you some very confronting questions all you'll have to do is hit yes or no on the poll don't worry i won't ask too many questions well i will ask a lot of questions but i won't ask questions about your answer okay you can just say yes or no on the poll. Don't worry, I won't ask too many questions. Well, I will ask a lot of questions, but I won't ask questions about your answer.

Okay, you can just say yes or no and move on. I don't need to know who you are. I won't look at who said yes and who said no. It's just about the percentages, okay? No judgment, love you so much. Follow me on TikTok if you're not. Leah Levine, I'm more active over there than Instagram, quite active over there most of the time

to be honest and i feel like we have a really good we have a good time over there podcast is always number one for our relationship over here on the pod is the strongest but tiktok i love it it's got a very very big part of my heart you know i love you all over there and i love you all over here anyway thank you to any new listeners welcome to the friendship group you are so welcome here you can sit with us and you're safe no judgment you can do whatever you want and we all love you regardless okay have the best week and i'll speak to you on friday for a brand new episode all right i love you bye Maybe I adore you Yeah, I do You're high on high I'm up on the night