Leah on the Line - 65: My bf doesn't want me to go see Magic Mike & I have a fear of being broken up with! FEAT. MY BEST FRIEND

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

Hey babes! We have a guest on today's episode... my best friend Jess! The weekly debate is "what would you do if you found out your bestie is being cheated on?". The dilemmas ranged from your boyfriend not wanting you to go see Magic Mike, feeling like your situation ship is going on for too long, having a fear of being broken up with and your boyfriend telling his mum about EVERY argument! This was so fun and I hope you all loved having Jess join us for the ep this week! Thank you so so much for your support, I cannot tell you enough how grateful I am for every single one of you. As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leah on the line happy tuesday happy tuesday everybody how was your bank holiday weekend? What did you get up to? Anyone hung over today? Oh wait, no. Well, I don't know. You'll be back at work, but yesterday was a bank haul, so who knows? I'm sure there's some crazy people that got really, really drunk last night and you're hung over at work. If you are, thank you and love you. I hope no one's driving over the limit to work this morning. How are you? Love you guys so much. Hope you enjoyed it, no matter what you did. If you're working, I've been there. I know the pain. I know that feeling of feeling left out, like the world is having the best time and you're just not. But it's okay. Everyone else can go back

to work today, can't they? How are you anyway? Hope you're all feeling really, really good. We've got an exciting episode today. We have got the bestie Jess on the episode. Jessica on the line, baby. This is a really good episode. I really enjoyed it. It was so fun to just have someone to talk to because obviously I'm so used to talking to myself. I mean, technically I'm talking to all of you guys, which is amazing, but it's nice to have someone audibly reply to me. Do you know what I mean? But I hope you enjoy it. I had the best time. I'm sure you guys will love Jess. It's hard not to. Ugh, never saying anything nice about her again. But I hope you guys enjoy it. No matter what

you're doing right now, I'm happy to be in your company. We both are. And I'm not going to waste any more time. It's a nice long episode. So let's just get straight into the episode. Thank you so much for listening to Leah on the Line. Remember to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and hit the notification bell. You can send in your confessions and dilemmas to leahontheline at gmail.com and follow me on socials at leahontheline and at leahlevane to see visual clips of the podcast. I love you. Enjoy the episode. Okay, everybody. We have a guest in the building. This is Jessica, everybody. We have a guest in the building. Woo! Woo-hoo-hoo!

This is Jessica, everybody. Jessica. Who calls you Jessica? My mum. Does she? When I'm naughty. Yeah, I always remember telling you, Jessica!

Jessica! Yeah, there was a scary time when your mum was angry. Yeah, still is. I remember being around your house and you and Chloe would physically fight. Oh, yeah, all the time. Physically, aggressively fight. Yeah. That's her sister, by the way with um a stiletto show a stiletto yeah and i won't even tell you how violent i used to get when i was a kid really so my brother was the

only boy as you know yeah no i'm not really a violent girl but my sister was like the rebel yeah off the rails for a while. My brother was just the boy, so he was more like... And I was like the peacemaker. But when I lost it, mum said I was the scariest. Really? Yeah. Because it was least expected and they didn't know what you were capable of.

Well, yeah. And also, I didn't lose it often, so when I did... Yeah. When I did. It built up. Built up? Like a firework. I've got when I did it built up built up like a firework I've got some built up trauma anyway how are you I hope you're all okay guys you know about Jess Jess is an icon Jess on the line we talk about you a lot we have Jess I know when I hear my name I'm like

yeah Jess listens to every episode she'll message me at like 1am being like i'm really anxious and i'm like well new episode just went live so hit it up like here we go i'm having a mild panic therapy i'm having a small anxiety attack and leering the line is the savior sorry if these chairs are really noisy by the way a little bit of noise for you so the weekly debate i thought it was relevant have you seen it on the insta story i did see it but i can't remember what it was right okay actually you have because i saw you put a response and i thought what should you do if your friend cheated on you yeah so i'm thinking i wasn't much i was thinking well we're gonna hear what you would do hun you don't need to message so anyway the weekly debate very relevant it's a friendship why is it relevant situation because

we're friends why is it relevant to us no it's because she's sad obviously it says it would you tell your friend if oh it's really's relevant because you're actually being cheated on right now. Oh my God. So the weekly debate, anyone that doesn't know, is what would you do if you found out your friend is being cheated on? Now I feel like it's pretty, not obvious, but you know. What you would do? Yeah, I feel like we'd all do the same thing. Yeah, you would just go and tell them.

Would you? I think a lot of people would say, Oh would tell them yeah i'm gonna tell her but i would just i'm sorry i just have to tell her so i really thought about this because i thought i just right because at first i thought well i'd be telling her do you know what i mean yeah and then the other side of me thought i it i don't know what would hurt you more if you heard it from me or if you heard it from them no because if i if i found out that i've been cheated on and you knew about it and didn't tell me yeah that's that would hurt more got to cover my own back as well here yeah sorry should we give your boyfriend a code name if you want do you remember we had a code name

jess did a bad thing when we was kids i won't i won't admit what it was no but she was seeing someone she should not have been seeing and not because it was like illegal no oh no nothing like really just morally but yeah morally morally not ideal but yeah i was all over i was like go for, do what you want. And I know that you've had that dilemma on the pod. Have I? I think you must have. I'm sure you did. And then, yeah, it was only like last week

and you were like, you can't tell him when they're being out of order. What? What happened? You can't say now. Oh yeah, no, you can't. Okay, okay. Yeah, so we had a code name

and we would talk about him in front of people. And the people we should not have been talking about in front of. But it was so obvious because it wasn't even a code name. And we would talk about him in front of people. And the people we should not have been talking about in front of. But it was so obvious because it wasn't even a real name. Yeah. What did we call him? Flower. Flower. Yeah.

The most emasculated. And we'd be like, I spoke to Flower today. Like we almost just like, yeah, we've got secrets. We've got secrets. You don't know who that is? Yeah. Don't be concerned. You can't sit with us.

Don't you worry about that. But the thing is, we were fucking losers in was just gonna say why we were the ones who chose who sat with us yeah we have some secrets they were like we literally don't care yeah we don't want we could not be less interested anyway the reason we're talking about that is oh we need a code name for your real boyfriend now okay um it can be a real name it doesn't have to be flower let's call him like that ben ben okay let's give ben when he hears this he's gonna who's ben yeah who the fuck is ben so anyway i've just found out ben's cheated on you would i would i say ben you need to tell her right now you've got 24 hours like i'm like like a drug lord you've got 24 hours to cough up yeah or it's not gonna be pretty for you

i'll watch out i don't know i'd or would i say jess ben's a giant giant cheating lying little scumbag i really don't know what i would prefer but i know if oh i don't know because if he came to me and said like i've been cheating on you leo knows and she's giving me 24 hours to tell you about our fair play yeah yeah but i think it depends how long you sit on that information yeah i'm given 24 hours max yeah but. But then in reality, I'd probably be straight round. Yeah. And I'd be like, Ben, get your shit and leave. I'll pack your shit and go.

I just, what's that sound? I'll come round with a locksmith. And I say, get the fuck out of my house. My house. I just don't know if I could. My house now. Like contain myself in that situation where like, say if I got a message, right, with receipts to say that. Yeah, because you'd want receipts.

Yeah. Because you won't want to ruin a life. You won't want to believe it. No. Like without evidence. No. And if I had like actual receipts, I don't think I could contain myself in that moment to be like,

right, I'm going to speak to him. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, me too. Do you know what I mean? Like, you're just so angry and so hurt. But on the flip side, if you found out that you'd been cheated on, obviously, like, in an ideal world, we all say, that's it, no forgiveness, right? But you're more likely to be able to forgive someone if that's what you wanted to do if they came clean and told you yeah whereas if you found out it's like well you would never have told me you're an actual piece of shit like you would have kept that if you hadn't been caught and i would live with the guilt of like she might have been able to forgive him if i didn't deliver the news

because i wouldn't be able to put it gently if i wouldn't be like but then if it's got to a point where like you know now how long has it been going on do you know i mean yeah would you have even told her if i didn't make you had yeah like how many let me ask you this is a whole different weekly debate but let me ask you the one from the very first episode if you because you've been with ben for years now yeah and if you just found out today that he cheated on you in the first month, you have a child together. I know.

It's really hard because if I didn't have Grace and I would just go, I would just go, see you later. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But I don't know if I still wouldn't, you know. I still would have it in me to still do that. But also, it's just like everything you've built the relationship on since then has just been a lie.

Yeah. So let's see what you guys would do. We've basically agreed that I'm delivering the information. Yeah. You're finding out in 24 hours. As soon as I know, your game's up. Cough up, love. Let's have a look.

Imagine, though, in those 24 hours that you've given him or like when you just found out like you'd actually find out right okay you'd break your own heart wouldn't it yeah and then like within 10 minutes if you're hearing that they like announced like an engagement what would you do would you still do it imagine i was like pregnant with oh my god would you still do it would i still what like would you if i if that was the other way around and you just found out yeah i'll tell you no matter what on your phone to tell me and then you got a message from me saying i'm pregnant would you still tell me yeah yeah 100 not in the moment no you'd let me have my moment yeah

yeah and then an hour later like stop to you congratulations so good so um we've got a bit of a dilemma yeah this is our child now well i have some news also not so light i'd have to tell you no matter what even more so probably yeah especially if it was an engagement situation i'm like you better get that ring off your finger at least the next day yeah and really think think this through yeah we've got a cheater on our hands you've been cheated on haven't you you want to talk about that you want to cut that out was it just that one relationship uh no i've been cheated on in all my relationships apart from what apart from this one how many relationships have you had?

Well, three serious ones. So for context, if you're thinking I thought they were best friends, this was in the time frame when me and Jess was at separate unis and like didn't speak. We didn't talk. We didn't fall out. No, we just didn't talk for like five years. It was not five years. It was like three.

Yeah. It was just the uni time. Yeah. You were doing your thing. So you had a relationship i didn't even know about yeah you never even knew him did you no isn't that weird yeah really really you didn't know mine no no that's really weird and they didn't know us no that's so weird like my friends at that time he knew of and your friends he knew of but we never even heard of a Jess. No, never. God, that makes us sound like we're so important to each other.

Yeah. I think that's really normal though because my auntie knows Jess very well. We grew up like going to stay with her and stuff. And my auntie would always say to me, Jess is a friend for life. Like she is going to be that person that when you're 60, 70, you're still going to be friends.

And I was like, I don't know. Like we'll always be friends. I could always love her, but like I've not spoke to her in years. And she was like, no, trust me. Just trust me. i could always love her but like i've not spoke to in years and she was like no trust me just trust me this happens it's normal you're in your early 20s you have to branch out yeah but you always be friends just trust me and i was like well yeah that'd be nice maybe but she was right yeah here we are i think that's normal so if anyone's lost touch with a bestie don't worry about it don't worry give it a few

more years just let them go and fuck off get cheated on for a bit yeah blame you for that well it turns out my friends were shit as well weren't they yeah they were yeah maybe they actually were maybe fuck those friends okay that's just my trauma yeah we've all got a bit of trauma hey okay anyway let's see what you guys said about the dilemma i mean debate tell them to tell her and if they didn't within a certain amount of time i tell her myself yeah i'm with you on that but i'm given 24 hours maybe 12 like a death threat yeah you've got 24 hours to make this right not that you ever will like what's it called when they've got like that film when they've got a certain amount of time and then they will literally die i'm not sure it doesn't really

sound like my kind of film because I have a fear of death. Yeah, true. Yeah, fair play. Anyway, if you don't tell her within six hours, I'm telling her and we're going for cocktails. I'm not sure I'd be up for cocktails after hearing that news. No, I wouldn't. Yeah, I just want to go to bed and...

Just wait for it to all go away. Yeah. Okay, tell her. Loads of people were just saying tell her. Tell them straight away no hesitation i like it tell them or help them find out on their own are you gonna help them find out oh like have you been through ben's phone recently or like have you spoken to ben about that saturday night or yeah does ben use snapchat yeah have you heard of this girl

i have a feeling that Ben might know her. Why don't you talk to Ben about some girl called Emma? Why don't you just ask him? Yeah. I mean, not a bad idea, but then still, I don't believe that's a true friend. No. Because we'd be like,

just tell me what you know. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're just giving me more anxiety. Or you're acting weird. Yeah. Just tell me what you know. Yeah.

Tell them, tell them, tell them, tell them straight away. Tell her she deserves to know. Tell her and kill him. Okay. Yeah. Yeah her she deserves to know. Tell her and kill him. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Don't recommend murder. 100% tell her if it happened recently,

I would try to get the boy to, but if it was ages ago, I would. Interesting. Yeah, fair play. Interesting angle. Tell her, of course. Tell her to leave and help her, but support her in what she decides.

See, I don't know if you can ever tell someone to leave. I was just going to say, yeah. I think you can say, like, this is bullshit. Yeah, but you deserve better. You do your thing. Yeah, as soon as you tell them to leave, they just feel like they're on their own. Yeah, it pushes them closer sometimes.

I think I would leave it alone or tell the cheater, I'll tell my friend if they don't. I would leave it alone or tell the cheater that I'll tell my friend if they don't. Okay, so she isn or tell the cheater that I'll tell my friend if they don't. Okay, so she isn't sure. She's saying I'd either leave it alone or I'd say like, you've got to tell her.

You can't leave it alone. Could you imagine if I got cheated on and found out that you knew, I'd never speak to you again. Oh my God, I know, that's the thing. But I couldn't sleep at night knowing that you're just playing

happy families at home and he's just like, either still got someone on the side or has had someone. Isn't it mental that people can do that? I know, I can't get over it. People will go out, have sex with someone. And then come home and speak next to you.

Come home, get into the bed. Oh, oh. Get your grubby hands off of me. They didn't even have a shower. Could you imagine? And then they had sex with you. Oh. And they didn't even use a condom.

I couldn't forgive that. I would bleach my insides if that happened to me tell her with solid proof yeah i think if you're gonna because you're not gonna want to believe it are you you need to have proof otherwise she's just gonna be like what can i do with this information if there's no proof like if you came to me and you was like i've heard yeah that's not helpful because you're just filling me with anxiety and no proof yeah so if i kept someone because you heard something no i'm just thinking what would i do if i heard that something happened i think i would go out of my way to collect evidence yeah i would talk to this girl directly yeah i think

yeah do you know this person did this ever happen and then once i've got confirmation then i would come to you yeah but then also also, would you not be a bit like, could you not have told me you even heard about it? No. No. Well, I think in the moment, you probably would question that. What if I can't collect receipts?

What if it ends up with, I can't get no evidence, but I can't sit on this information, still got to tell you. That's really hard. Then it would be a bit better. I would put it in my hands and I would then go out of my way to find receipts

and talk to him and see what his reaction is. Because you know when they're not in. Yeah. Because would then go out of my way to find receipts and talk to him see all his reactions because you know when they're lying yeah because i could go straight to ben and go look i've spoken to this girl but she's not flying yeah i won't sit on this information tell me the fucking truth and then give him the ultimatum is it an ultimatum yeah and say right either you tell jess what you've been up to or i'll go tell her what i've heard go to her with this information and she'll do with it what she will yeah

that sounds like a you problem yeah so I'll get to work then get to work right someone said go to jail for killing someone fair play yeah

yeah cool tell them I don't think that we should be spending our time in jail for people like that no definitely not no tell the boy to tell her within 24 hours or i'll tell her i like the 24 hours idea yeah okay so i've not seen a single person apart from the one that said

i might just sit on it but everyone else is saying i am telling her some good friends right away yeah i love that i'm glad we're all friends here right that's a stressful debate hopefully none of us are being cheating on right now hopefully none of us have been cheating on and our friends don't know about it yeah oh could you imagine imagine that imagine yeah would you like forgive me if I'd known and not told you? No, never. I can never forgive you. Ah. Fuck off!

Do you think you'd be able to look past that at all? No. Oh. I don't think it's actually that bad, is it? No. If I knew. No, I didn't. And I just didn't tell you.

I think you'd go with that, wouldn didn't tell you oh my god can you imagine can you imagine if i said look i found out that ben cheated on you and you said well i found out that jamie cheated on you yeah what would we do in that situation well we just run off just go on holiday yeah that's it yeah like we can't really be mad at each other because we both did it yeah we just have to get over it wouldn't we because we would need each other yeah we would yeah but then at least we would have each other they wouldn't we? Because we would need each other. Yeah, we would, yeah. But then, at least we would have each other. They wouldn't have, well, they wouldn't have each other.

Sorry. We're talking like it's going to happen. No, it's not. Why am I doing that when they're talking? I know. Right, okay. Great weekly debate, everybody. Thank you for sending in your responses.

Thank you for sending in your responses. Thoroughly. Thoroughly. She's going to say thoroughly. Thoroughly enjoyed. Okay, let's get into some dilemmas okay it's dilemmas time you got your advice cap on today you're really good with advice to be fair am i yeah because i think you're quite unbiased yeah i try to be you try to see the other side unless it's my own problems and then i'm like

it's all about me yeah i'm right everyone else is wrong at least ben yeah and then ben's the kind of guy to be like i was wrong yeah you're right i was wrong you're right i'm wrong yeah when i spoke to him the other day he went do you know how many times i apologize and i was like she's already told me she's already told me like we even say like he will apologize jamie's the same and even when they don't need to hear that you're sorry no yeah he says that to me all the time he knows i'm sorry but i don't need to say it thank you i appreciate your apology yeah i know you're sorry and otherwise me too yeah you're not gonna you know like i know i've been out of order and he'll come in and go, I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you.

I'm sorry for that. And I'm like, thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. And then I'm like, I know I should say it but I'm not going to.

Yeah, and I'll go, do you have anything you're sorry for? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Not going to sort of pout it. Yeah,

I do. Yeah. What more do you want? I know. He just walks away and goes, thanks. I'll take that. Thank you. That'll would do i'm just giving him a hug high five it's okay i give a hug wait what's your love language access mine isn't hugs and things hugs and things those things action service yeah 100, I think that's the middle for me.

Is it? Where is physical touch on yours? Quite low. I haven't actually done the test. Have you not? No. Has Ben? No, he hasn't, but his is physical touch.

Oh, no. Yeah, so we are like, I was trying to hug him and I'm like, oh. You're like, oh, do the dishes or something. Yeah, I know. I love it though. When he's done the washing, I'm like, oh're like oh do the dishes i know i love it though when you send the washing i'm like oh my god you love me yeah see that i'm i'm more like i appreciate that i now don't have to do it yeah but it doesn't make me feel loved i think since i've had kids one kid true that that has become my love language whereas before it was probably quality time.

Yeah. Are you a words of affirmation girl? No. I didn't imagine you to be. No. You look absolutely gorgeous today. I'm like, what do I do with that? You're such a warm, lovely person.

Okay. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. Because I find giving him compliments really awkward. Do you? Not awkward, but just like cringe. Not natural. Yeah.

Right. Not that I don't think great things about him. Like it's unnatural to think. Not that I don't think great things about him. You can't even say like, not that I don't think he's a lovely, handsome man. Yeah, he is. Yeah. And I will say that to him like on a on a on a

Christmas day and I will tell him that I actually do that in his cards I'm like oh I appreciate you and he's like did you write this

that he gets the words of affirmation but that must mean a lot to him then yeah I'm definitely a words of affirmation girl like I don't need to hear it

because I'm the kind of person who can say I don't know no no I don't I don't need to hear that i'm pretty okay i already know that i don't mean that i mean it means nothing because i have had that yeah and all they fucking do is tell you how amazing you are and it's like and anyone can say that show me yeah anyone words mean nothing to me i'm an actions girl yeah that's exactly what i'm like i'm physical touch quality time really quality time i'm still yeah you spend a lot of quality time together yeah you're benny benny boy i'm mine is physical touch quality time

words affirmation no no no physical touch quality time acts of service words of affirmation gifts oh yeah i forgot the gifts as well are you a gift scout no no no i don't really don't care no and i actually do sometimes i get the odd like gift throughout the year so when he doesn't like get me anything on valentine's day well he does but if he doesn't i'm like whatever unless you've had a bad year and i'm like you yeah yeah but like give me something to enjoy on this day. Yeah. But like, I'd never buy him presents.

No. Maybe on a Friday I'll get him a crate of beer. Oh, that's sweet though. See, that's also like mixed with acts of service.

Yeah, because he's had a half week so I'm like, have a beer hun. Aww. Yeah, I love that for a bit. I'm just great,

aren't I? Yeah. We'll not get a sorry, we'll not get a hug, we'll get a six pack. We'll get a six pack to keep him occupied so i can go and do my thing perfect thank you yeah okay let's start with the first dilemma hey leah i'm in desperate need oh and jess it does say that actually does it no oh hey leah and jess i'm

in desperate need of some advice i sent in a dilemma a few weeks ago about the love language difference oh that's so weird we were just talking about that with me and the guy i've been seeing saying i just wanted to hear him say that he liked me do you remember that one yeah you don't remember i do remember did you listen to that one i listened to all of them i'm all looking anyway since then we've said that we're exclusive but it was a conversation i brought up not asking like are we exclusive but i just said i'd be upset if he was getting with other girls and yeah i just wanted to know that and that ended well with us being exclusive congratulations i felt so good finally knowing where i stand with him but it's been a few more

weeks of us seeing each other all weekend talking every day and doing little gestures for each other, such as surprising each other with our favorite things, buying towels, toothbrushes to keep at each other's places, which has all been really great. I just can't put my finger on why I feel extremely unsafe in this situation. We speak so much about relationships and he emphasized a lot about how he doesn't want to snowball into a relationship, which is a good outlook to have. Okay. We'll come back to that. What like just dive in right right um because sorry because he obviously wants to make sure the next one is right but i think he's taking it a little extreme on that front that it's almost coming across cold to me at the start of seeing someone i feel like it should be kind of an obsessed phase where you're just infatuated it feels like that's what i'm like with him and he's keeping me at arm's length because he's so scared of choosing the wrong person but then it's mixed mixed signals of everything he does for me i know i just need to have a conversation with him about this but i

genuinely don't even know where to start with what to say i just think after three months of intensely seeing someone like this he should more or less know if he can see it going anywhere i feel like i'm terrified of getting hurt and i'd rather have the conversation now than another two months going on with the same situation but one difference is that i'd be literally in love and it would hurt so much more let me know your thoughts thank you you dive in i don't know to begin with obviously you say um i needed him to tell me he likes me and then you had to bring up the conversation about yeah you had to do that and it just sounds like it's been constantly needing that in my reassurance as well so i think that's where

you're having to constantly go to him and ask him for these things and obviously because you've been that one it's like it doesn't mean as natural for him like is this something he would have wanted if i hadn't have initiated the conversation yeah that's so true if it i just don't think three months is a very long time what do you yeah i do do you know why because i in my experience and i can only talk on my experience i know if i want to be of someone within a month really have you not uh no there is a helicopter above the ceiling you haven't no okay when i was seeing, I think we met in like August. That was a slow burn.

No, we met in June and then we didn't get together. I mean, it was an awkward get together because he wanted to be with me and I didn't want to be with him but it wasn't because of him. It was just because of the circumstances.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's just, I just don't think to be with my sister for a long time and I think you're too, what's the word? i think she's putting like pressure that's the word i'm trying to think of you're yeah too worried about what's going to

happen in the future that you're trying to set like a boundary now for reassurance but it's just like pushing him because he feels like a bit um pressured yeah like it's going a bit too fast i think it could either be that he's like jess and doesn't know yeah within three months or i might even know it doesn't mean he has to do yeah yeah yeah about it or my first instinct was he just doesn't know what he wants yeah like he doesn't know if it's right really that was my first instinct i just think if he's honest enough to say to you that he doesn't want to like uh go too fast into a relationship i think he would be honest enough to say i don't want to be exclusive why would why would you think someone wouldn't want to go into a relationship well when i first got with ben i didn't want to get into a

relationship with him because i had not long come out of one and i just want to be on my own yeah not because i wanted to like sleep around or like be single but it's important to have i knew that i had to be independent and rely on myself yeah well um and he was the same but then he changed his mind quicker than i did right okay but i feel like if that was the case she would have said he's just come out of a relationship and he said why yeah i don't think he's given a reason why which makes me think he's not 100 sure about her yeah and i think that's okay as long as he's honest yeah that's a tricky one yeah i think i do get a lot of like pressure vibes from her though. Yeah.

Like not that she's putting on him, but she feels under pressure. Yeah. If I don't say to him, oh, we're exclusive. Now that we've been together so long, is he going to like hurt me?

Yeah. She said she's terrified of getting hurt. You're looking for the next thing. Like you just constantly looking for some security in the relationship. Security. Yeah. That's the word. Maybe just don't rush yourself. Maybe just try and enjoy it. Yeah. Just let it happen naturally. some security in the relationship. Security, yeah, that's the word. Maybe just don't rush yourself.

Maybe just try and enjoy it. Yeah, just let it happen naturally. Just go with the flow. And if in three months' time, it's been six months and he still doesn't know, rethink if that's what you want from someone then. Yeah. But I know there's loads of people that they'll be seeing each other for ages. Yeah.

But at the moment, it feels like a situation ship. And sometimes I feel like situation ships can be harder to get over than relationships yeah because it's like you never even wanted me yeah you never even decided i was good enough for you yeah of course yeah and it hurts more like rather than something not working out it was just like yeah rather than someone that fell in love with you and something went wrong it's like you never even fell in love with me what's wrong with me and it hurts yeah so i think she's scared of that she said i'd rather have the conversation now than another two months going on in the same situation i get that because you obviously i do get it yeah because if you feel like this after three months imagine how you feel after five months

it's also just like it's like she it's like you can't deal with having like the uncertainty around the relationship that you have to have things set in stone so that like you know where you stand yeah maybe try and be a bit more what's the word oh chill like flexible just like like a bit more free with yeah at all like yeah if it doesn't work out nothing bad's gonna happen no and instead of just putting the ball in his court all the time like oh does he want to be exclusive or does he want to be in a relationship with me just be like well if you want to be what you want i'll know about it yeah and if it'll happen when it happens to me and my self-worth yeah and if it's not in the time that i want then it's obviously not for me do you how

do you feel about setting a time frame on it uh i mean there has to come a point where you're like right come on like i've been seeing you for however long and this is getting ridiculous you're wasting my time i think it's different though if he's actually not seeing anyone else and he is only focusing on you that's a good thing i don't think it's yeah i don't think it's a bad thing if it does take a while but it is one of the things where it's like we're exclusive we're basically acting like a couple what is the difference maybe he's got commitment issues maybe because it's like we've got toothbrushes at each other's house we've got towels we see each other every single weekend it's just the word anyone else it's like nothing's

scaring him for some reason maybe he's got commitment issues or maybe he just wants to do it in his own time and you asking him is just like no see my mentality is like he doesn't know what he wants he's wasting your time and you're like it's okay if he doesn't know yeah yeah i think there has to come a time where he does know but i just yeah agreed i just think and you've only just become exclusive or does she say when well they've been oh i don't know but they've been seeing each other for three months yeah and they're exclusive i think that's a good enough amount of time just be exclusive for a bit yeah and see how he gets on so you get on all right well good luck darling let us know how it goes just remember your self-worth doesn't depend

on whether someone wants to be in a relationship with you or not am i reading this yeah go for it honey okay love you next dilemma hey girl i've been a listener since day one and haven't missed an episode that is so cute so i've been with my boyfriend officially for seven months. Everything is amazing and I couldn't ask for anyone better. Wow. He always reassures me. Sorry. Gross. Jams.

If I ever feel like I need to speak about how I'm feeling, we'll always talk about it and we both try our best to give each other our love languages. That sounds really healthy. Very nice. Very healthy. Lots of communication. Lots of emotional intelligence there. Yeah.

Good to hear it this is my first relationship i'm 22 and he's 27 nice despite everything being perfect and not having anything to worry about i always get this horrible feeling and intrusive thoughts about us ever splitting up i don't know how to stop these thoughts because he's never given me a reason to think that it would ever happen because we always talk about our future together moving in having dogs together and eventually marriage and children so we both know we're in it for the long run i just think because it's my first relationship and all seems almost too good to be true i get scared of it being taken away from me i trust him fully and he's reassured me that he's in it for the long haul and he sees this future with me too i just think i would like some

advice on how to sort these thoughts taken over my head all the time sad face i love you bye i love you okay this just sounds like mad anxiety yeah because when you're reading it it reminds me of what we're like yeah because my issue is just with health and death and jess is sick and other health things right and wait the way you're describing it is like i've got no reason to think it yeah i'm just completely irrational yeah and it's like with with me and i'll be like oh my god but what if i've got like a deathly disease yeah and then everyone tells me like but you don't yeah but what if i do that at all yeah and like you're like but what if i've eaten something and it's gonna make me sick and then everyone will be like but you haven't yeah and you're like yeah but what

if i do yeah so it's like this it's like oh but what if he one day breaks up with me yeah and it's like yeah but he's he's not going to and then you're thinking yeah but what if he does i know i was just gonna say has she been like it's her first relationship it's her first relationship yeah yeah it's really strange it's not like she's got anything that it's like based on yeah it's irrational yeah completely and it feels like always reassuring i just yeah that's hard i think you just need to focus on what he's showing you in the relationship yeah defo and just remind yourself like there is no reason why i'm feeling like this yeah you're self-sabotaging in a way because you're not allowing yourself to enjoy it and just look at it for what it is

which is perfect by the sounds of it and it's really good that you talk to him about it as well because he can reassure you yeah must be lovely

yeah like you've got a really nice relationship babe to be proven it yeah exactly you've got something brill

yeah and nothing's gonna go wrong yeah just count yourself lucky yeah because we can't all be in relationships scared that they're gonna fail falling in love

is always a risk yeah because it's either gonna work or it's not yeah it's like but if you've got someone that is you know supportive and reassures you and it's got the same goals it's looking good well then yeah you've got it's looking good for you yeah if it was like a situation where he's a bit hot and cold and sometimes he'll go out and ignore you all night, then I'd understand why you'd be like, oh, what if he doesn't want to be with me? But he's not giving you any reason to think that. No.

So, yeah. I don't know how you'd stop an intrusive thought like that. I think you just need to, whenever you think about it, just be like, think of all the good things in the relationship, like reasons why he wouldn't leave. And try and think of why would he leave? There's no reason for him to leave. And also, I need to especially as women but also men we have this thing where it's like if someone leaves me i'm worthless but also we need to be comfortable with the idea of

someone not wanting to be yeah and you might want to leave him one day yeah it doesn't need to be this terrifying thing of like but what if they don't want to be with me because okay if he doesn't want to be with me then i'll be with someone even better won't i do you mean it's not like my entire worth depends on the relationship and i remember when you're when i used to be anxious and your aunt used to say to me worrying is a pointless emotion because you feel it twice like you're going for your perfect relationship right now is that terrified and anxious that he's going to leave you and like i'm not saying he's going to but if for any reason he ever did yeah and you feel all this you've had no joy out of that relationship you've literally spent the whole time just

worrying and you felt that it's not going to stop it from happening and it's not going to make it happen so just enjoy it well yeah while you're in it and while your things are going well because relationships like I said, they're either going to work or they're not. Yeah. But we don't spend our relationships, or at least we're not really supposed to spend our relationships going, what if this doesn't work?

Yeah. Like think about, oh, I can't wait for us to get married. What if we don't have kids? What if we do get a dog? Yeah. Like why have we got to think of it? He's a green, green, green flag. Yeah.

Just enjoy it. Yeah. sounded irish then you did flyer flyer flyer flyer flower you've seen it flower no i can't remember what her name is she's she's famous i think she might have been in a girl band irish oh um nadine nadine coil perhaps is she irish yeah i have no is that her last name she was in a band not too sure about that anyway girls loud she's on um she's on this morning or some sort of program like that and she's baking and and they're like like baking like cakes whatever and then they're like oh do you do a And she's like, I just love baking and stuff. Working with Floyer. Oh, Floyer?

That's so funny. Floyer. Floyer. Okay. Okay. Are you ready? Next dilemma. Love you, babe.

Right. OMG. I just listened to the episode on living with your partner. And you read my confession about the lip filler and not telling my boyfriend I was wetting myself driving this morning actually a lovely update he loves it and it didn't break up with me my mum on the other hand didn't speak to me for a week she can even look at me oh my god to be fair every time I get filler my mum looks at me she's like what the fuck have you done really yeah I remember I can't remember what was going on in my life but it was like one of my rock bottom moments.

There's been a few. And I was crying my eyes out and it was like that bad. I must have broken up with someone, but I was like sleeping. Someone must have broken up with me. And I was sleeping in my mum's bed for a bit because that's what I do when I'm heartbroken.

And I was just set up in bed next to her crying my eyes out and she just started laughing. She was like, I can't take you fucking seriously. Like your lips. And I just got them done like the day before but anyway oh i understand the mums don't like filler but whatever it is what it is so the dilemma i do have a dilemma that i was hoping you could give me some advice on for my 21st birthday in june

i'm really looking forward to see what you say about this okay for my 21st birthday in june i'm really looking forward to see what you say about this okay for my 21st birthday in june my besties and i have booked to see magic mike oh however i haven't told my boyfriend yet because he keeps going on about how disrespectful it is and how much he doesn't want me to go even though he doesn't even know i'm going yet it's like a sixth sense yeah at least once a week he will randomly mention magic he knows yeah he knows and see how he doesn't want me to go what do i do do i tell him i'm going and risk making him feel incredibly disrespected and potentially leave me or do i just keep it a secret hide the guilt and keep saying i would never go and wouldn't do that to him and just let him know on the day pretending the girls booked it as a surprise for my 25 oh my Oh my God, no, you can't do that.

I gotta say, I'm a big believer in honesty. You've gotta be sure, yeah. The best way. Because if he finds out, it's not, like, say you, if you're gonna go to see Magic Mike, regardless of how he feels about it, I think you should have probably had the conversation before you decided you were gonna go.

Right. But that's been gone now. I think if you're planning to do it you need to have that conversation with him and he'll be pissed and he'll be he'll feel disrespected yeah and he'll feel jealous but he'll get over that but if you lie that's a whole another kettle of fish yeah is that the saying kettle of fish like a kettle for a cup of tea yeah is that what they're called because i think it's like a herd of sheep shit i need to feed my

mom's fish how long has it been no i just haven't fed them today just today yeah okay but anyway yeah we'll go and do that in a minute no big old fish mind are they like proper carp coil coil carp cool coil fish carp no no there's a thing isn't there i'm not too sure i'm not really a fish carp fish loves car come around whenever you want ben i meant i'll bleep it never mind come around whenever you want ben yeah about six in there. He's got his fishing rod. Well, you can't have them. Anyway. Anyway. Yeah, if you lie to him, that's my biggest thing. I hate being lied to.

Me too. Just tell me and let me be pissed off. Don't lie to me. But do not lie because then you question everything else. Yeah. That's a whole nother level of disrespect. I would say if you can white lie,

you lie about anything. 100%. And people disagree with me. No. But I can't even white lie. No. I really can about anything and people disagree with me no i can't even white lie no i really can't so pointless i just can't do it like it's almost like my lips go it's like my brain is like that wasn't true you need to go and say what yeah the real thing like it's like an ocd thing like when i have intrusive thought this is so funny right when i used to have

intrusive thoughts when i was little i used to think and for my mom when you were little yeah you had intrusive thoughts as a child how intrusive not very like no it's not even intrusive it's just like not like i could smash my head again i used the wrong word it's not an intrusive thought but when i used to have thoughts when i was little like if my mum told me i thought you bitch right in my head i'd have to go and tell her that i thought that no yeah! Yeah. When I was upstairs, all I was thinking is that you're a bitch.

Yeah, that's exactly what it was like. She was like, why are you telling me that? What the hell? You don't need to tell me your thoughts. But I just felt like

I had to get it out. Maybe it's because your mum, and I remember this, she raised you to be honest and open and talk to her about whatever you wanted. Yeah.

So if I ever lie, like it was a big thing in our house, lying. You can't lie. Do you know what I always remember about your your mom is she never ever went through your phone or nothing no she always said that that was your thing that was our privacy yeah my sister used to go through my msn chats did she yeah and i remember my sister went through my phone a couple times once i was talking to my sister's friend who was setting me up an msn account and i was

talking to her on jodie's msn account yeah and then my sister come to me one day and she's like why have you been giving out your postcode what i was like what are you talking about i was like literally not like i'm 10 what are you talking about yeah and then she brought the chat up and it was where she was making me an msn account jodie's friend my sister's friend and you have to put your postcode in back then oh and she said what's your postcode to put it in my account oh it was her friend why does it matter my sister well it was my other sister's friend it was bobby oh no it was jodie's friend but bobby was the one because she was like eight years older well she still obviously is eight years older so she was always looking out for us yeah so i get it now on reflection i get if i've

seen my like 10 11 year old sister giving out a postcard i'm like what the fuck are you doing yeah anyway totally off topic so you had intrusive thoughts you had to tell the truth yeah um yeah it's not about me i'm like that but not as bad what is the dilemma um shit about magic mike yeah yeah you need to tell him and if you think what's your opinion on going to see magic mike tell him and if you think what's your opinion on going to see Magic Mike in a relationship do you think that's bad

I see this is the thing because I don't like the idea of my boyfriend going to a strip club yeah but it's not the same I truly don't think it's the same

Magic Mike is a performance art it is a performance it is it is the arts baby no I get it

it's dance whereas a strip club they do get naked and they do get their penis out. They don't get their dicks out in Magic Mike. Sometimes they do. Yeah, but not Magic Mike.

Magic Mike, they... Dreamboys get their cuffs out. Oh, okay. Dreamboys do, yeah. But Magic Mike, it's a dance. Okay. Yeah, see, that wouldn't be so bad. Yeah, and don't get me wrong.

It is horny dancing, but the way I've spoke to Jamie about it is because he's a bit like... I would obviously encourage you to go if you was all going with your friends but part of me would would be a bit like she's literally gonna go and see later because sexy man regardless of what the performance is i just the thought of ben paying tickets to go and sit in an audience to watch a group of women yeah that just seems like if they went to watch um what's like a sexy women's dance show salsa sexier like like i'm sure there is one like a big cabaret and they're like yeah they might have little tassels on their boobs and stuff but it's a show

it's not it's not sexualized is it well i'm trying to think of one that is but the way i described it it's like girls are different to men right yeah we don't sit in that audience and get wet no we're not we're not gonna go home start fingering myself yeah magic mike like men will be in a strip club or whatever and they'll get bonus yeah and it's not the same girls it's more like oh my god oh no yeah like it's like with like children it's like an awkward yeah like it's like oh my fucking god he's just thrusted some girl in the face it's not like that girl was like oh no we're not going there for any like pleasure arousal it's funny it's hilarious it's humorous and it's awkward whereas the lads line up like yeah i can't wait to see some tits yeah i can't wait to see some pussy yeah not the same no but i don't

think that i think if i was going with friends and it was just one of those things everyone was doing he would be all right yeah but if i lied oh my god no no i think you've got to be honest yeah and if you're going you're going and he unfortunately he's gonna have to get his head around that yeah because like i said to jamie would you like would you be a bit jealous and he was like no like if he was going like go do you know what i mean but i'd also be like god they're probably gonna be pretty sexy men on that stage yeah which i think is natural to feel like yeah no one is should really stop you from going if you're're going to go, you're going to go. Yeah, exactly. But I think if you're going to go,

you need to be respectful and be honest about it. Otherwise it's a bigger problem that's harder to come back from. Like that is harder to forgive. Because imagine if he did that to you. If you said to him, oh, I don't want you to go

and see this show of naked women. And then he was like, no, no, I'm not going to. And then you found out he did. You'd be like, why did you lie? The thing is, I would never say,

I don't want you to do something. No, of course not. No. But her boyfriend's done that. Oh thing is i would never say i don't want you to do something no of course not no her boyfriend's done that oh he's actually said i don't want you to go i think so let me double check i'm sure i'm sure he basically was saying like i'd be really uncomfortable yeah that's really bad you can't put someone in a position where they have to choose um once a week he will say he doesn't want me to go. He basically just keeps saying, I really don't want you to go. But that would annoy me. I would never say, Jamie, I really don't want you to go.

I'd say, it makes me feel like this. Yeah, you tell him how you feel and then they make a decision based on that. And I'd want just a bit of reassurance. Yeah. And you're still going to do what you want to do. Do you know what I mean? Don't let anyone control you. Well, no, because that just causes even more problems.

Yeah, that's the thing. If he says, I don't want you to go and you decide not to go for him you resent him you've yeah that but also you've set an example there of what he is willing and able to do next time but i don't want you to go out yeah i really don't want you to go to this club it's just full of singles yeah it's known it's known for being a single bar i don't want you to go you just come to some sort of agreement well i'm gonna go what can i do to make you feel better about it yeah i'll give you a few texts throughout the night you know i'll sit at the back yeah no i was i'm sitting at the front yeah i won't share the table i won't clap at the end would you get on the stage no if you're single would you single i would right probably i'm not

gonna say i would i don't even know if they'd want me. I'm not saying I would, but I'd be more inclined to. Right. I definitely wouldn't in a relationship. Would you? No, not in a relationship. No. Because imagine that was your boyfriend.

Oh my. Getting a lap dance or something. God, I'd be so mad. Yeah. But a lot of girls will say, it's fucking Magic Mike. Do what i want yeah but there's a line isn't there like you get you can do what you want yeah but when when you know you're hurting someone you know you're disrespecting someone i think yeah there's got to be a line

hundred right so what is the advice tell him and be honest tell him be honest say i appreciate your feelings don't let him stop you from going you have the right to feel how you're feeling i appreciate your feelings but you've got nothing to worry about you're sexy than any man on that stage just give him a bit of reassurance yeah and yeah just ask him what you can do to make him feel better and just say like look what do you really think is going to happen do you think i'm going to go backstage and have sex yeah which part of it are you not happy with? Yeah. And how can I help you feel better about that?

Because I'm going. Yeah. Because I'm going. Whether you like it or not. Yeah. I'm going to see them sexy boys and them sexy, sexy bodies. Yeah, maybe don't say that bit.

I'm going to see them sexy hips thrusting in my face. Anyway. Okay, next time I'm over to you, darling. Okay. Love you, babe. Love you you babe love you i don't even know you they all know you though hi leah and jess hi my boyfriend and i have been together nearly a year we are really happy together but like most couples we have some arguments okay every time we have an argument, my boyfriend tells his mum. Mum!

Mummy! She called me names. Okay. There was once a time. There was once a time. Why does it sound like a fairy tale? Once a time. I think she meant to say there was one time. There's one time.

There was once a time that does make sense though it is but no one talks like that no there was one time when i was with his whole family and we were driving to dinner he went in a car with his mom and i went in another with the rest of his family why can't i read right i know it's hard isn't it thank you it's so hard why is it so why is reading so hard at the dinner his mom turned to me and asked about the argument we'd had pre the previous night oh at dinner out of my business julie yeah it's not your julie i was completely shocked by this as we'd resolved the argument and I thought it'd been squashed. Oh, see, that would piss me off.

Don't relight the fire. We've settled it. Fucking hell. Relight my fire. It's not even a song. You are my only desire. Anyway, yeah. In my opinion,

arguments shouldn't be discussed with parents as they are always going to hear one side of the story and are usually going to be biased towards their child. I guess so, yeah. I told my boyfriend that this had really upset me, especially as I'd not known his family a long time and then had to sit at dinner knowing our disagreement had been discussed on the way there.

I understand sometimes you may want to go to a parent for relationship advice, but discussing every argument slash disagreement seems too much. Is that the end? Yeah. Yeah. That's weird. Okay. i don't like that do you go to your parents about arguments not about every argument every no if i'm like

yeah every argument's a bit odd that's really odd let's get a bit of independence here but also yeah but also why is she bringing it up yeah see I don't think he's massively in the wrong for going to his mum. No. It depends what the argument was. Yeah. It depends on what extent he talked to her about it. Like, if he was like, oh, me and Becky had a bit of a row last night over this. But yeah, it's all right now.

But the ins and outs is a bit... If he's like, right, yeah, and then I said this and then she said that. It's a bit like fucking hell. Yeah. Is it a three-way relationship or what? But I think what is wrong in this situation is his mum thinking first of all she has the right to mention it to you yeah because what the fuck have an opinion but she can have her opinion but it should be irrelevant yeah like it's got no substance like don't bring it to me

yeah i don't want to hear it yeah exactly it's it's our issue but also the fact that it's been settled yeah and now she's brought it up like for dinner reason with his family as well knowing that she's like on her own because the thing is i talk to my mom about arguments i always have in relationships and she will not be biased like i know you said she's obviously going to be biased towards her child. My mum's a bit like that. She'll try and see it from two sides. Yeah, exactly. Like, my mum would literally be like,

well, you know, maybe he meant this, or maybe he's feeling like this. Or if I tell her I've said something, she'll be like, oh, God, you better own that. Yeah. A bit out of line saying that. I think you should apologise for that. But she would never, in her right mind go to my

boyfriend and even mention it ever because she's not trying to meddle in the relationship she's just trying to support her daughter yeah yeah which is a personal thing and why are you asking me what do you want me to say yeah it's almost like do you want me to know yeah you want me to know that he's coming to you because yeah you've got your little relationship and he's always going to be your boy and i reckon she's one of their moms are obsessed with their son oh my god it's so weird isn't it they're out there they're out there i know obsessed obsessed like this is my boy yeah and they're like that you will never have what we have and it's like i don't want that yeah i will never try to like that you know yeah like he spoke to me about you don't think that you i don't know what you said to my little

boy yeah why are you bringing up at dinner when you know that like this is your family when he's not there as well like he was in another car like she could have gone like you two all right now them yeah and even that would have been like yeah well i'm coming to dinner so of course we're okay yeah she knows you're really we're not in the argument anymore because what does she do what do you do about that just saying like oh discussing every argument slash disagreement seems too much yeah it is too much yeah i would say look i understand if it's a big row if it's a big one and you're feeling a bit like you need some support and advice 100 go to your mum please do yeah encourage it but every argument i don't think it's necessary

something should be between us i think he's also not doing himself a favor because if you're going to a mum after every disagreement and all she's hearing yeah is so true this argument this disagreement she's pissing me off, she's going to be like, why are you together? Like, she's just going to think that the whole relationship is,

yeah, negative. And then when you're trying to say, oh, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, she's great, I want to be with her. You're going to sound like you're fucking crazy. Yeah,

and when your mum actually stops liking me because you fed her so much shit. And it's an awkward and uncomfortable situation for everybody, that's your fault. That's your fault. Yeah, I think you've you gotta have a word with him about that and just

say and he needs to set a boundary with his mom yeah and just say you know don't mention it i'm gonna come and talk to you about something i expected to stay between me and you yeah i'm coming to you for support not because i need your advice on what to do in the relationship i just need emotional support right now yeah i don't need you to talk to her about it absolutely do not talk to her about it unless she talks to you about it yeah definitely also our bloody would not be that right keep keep your nose out of my business yeah i'm a grown woman didn't ask for this i did not i did not ask for a boyfriend no no yeah it happens to us too I think okay well that is our

dilemmas today everybody oh to the last girl love you good luck love you everything will be alright

yeah that's fucked a bit isn't it yeah that would irritate me it would put me off it would it would be like

oh mummy can I see mummy that sounds really nasty that sounds nasty but the thing is I encourage and I find it attractive if think yeah 100 but also it's like i love it every yeah if we have a row like a bad one and he goes to speak to his mom like oh that's good

that's a smart thing yeah it's better than going out getting on the piss going to the yeah it's like more emotionally intelligent way of dealing with it yeah she talking things through with yeah someone you trust and love in the right direction and i'd like to think she has your back yeah in certain situations where she'll say to him well maybe you shouldn't have done that yeah i can see why she'd be upset yeah maybe she is we don't know yeah but i just don't i think that her coming to you like that was just a bit unnecessary. Maybe she was coming to her because maybe she's heard a situation and been like, oh, bless her. It doesn't even sound like she's got an issue that the mum came up to her. It sounds like she's got an issue that he goes to her for every argument. So it's definitely a conversation she needs to have with him.

Yeah. Because maybe she was like, oh, bless her. Is everything all right with you two? Maybe it wasn't like a, you've just sorted it out now then. Yeah, the wrong end of the stick yeah whoops oopsie oopsie yeah anyway let's wrap up the episode okay we've reached the end of the episode with jessica sad thank you thank you did you have a good time i did actually yeah yeah i can't believe we haven't

done this sooner i know like you've been doing this for over a year now and i'm literally just featuring on the pod yeah friend yeah from me or you both you yeah just me no i'm just kidding what are you doing on the coronation weekend i am going to hot air balloon festivals tomorrow what are you getting in hot air balloon no tomorrow are you getting in a hot air balloon no i'm not getting in it i don't think anyway well yeah the showground they've got a hot air balloon festival would you ever get in a hot air balloon no would you ever jump out of a plane never no i couldn't think of anything i'd rather do i'm trying to stay alive i would like to keep my feet on the ground at all times it's brave enough for me to get on an airplane yeah i never used to be

scared of that but i'm terrified now oh me too yeah i just find it fun as a kid like looking out being in the clouds what yeah no i never had turbulence until like three years ago for the first time in my life and now it's really bad yeah and now every flight i go on is turbulence my flight back from tenerife even my mum thought we're we're going down it was so scary it was it's when you hear the oh yeah the light goes on yeah and then the pilot's like we just have a little bit of turbulence right now i don't know why he's american when he put the microphone in his mouth for talks and it sounds like literally sounds like what a pilot sounds like i can never understand them ever i can never understand a pilot no I watched a film the other

day I can't remember what it was of a week actually I can't remember what it's called but it's about a pilot and they have to crash land and they land on this like really terrifying island they get captured right such quite good film and um he's before he flies the plane it's really funny I can't remember it's not gonna sound funny the way I say it but he like he's like welcome aboard this 742 flight to miami uh should be a easy layover it's got pretty easy weather landing in around three hours time i just gotta finish reading this flight manual and then we'll take off anyway it's like a thriller but when it started i was like oh this is gonna be brill oh my god that's terrifying yeah my turbulence from tenerife was so scary and my brother's girlfriend is not

scared of flying i remember you saying she was crying she was hugging him and even my brother my brother even if he was terrified, he would have been like, what's the matter? I think you'll be all right. But he was not saying a word. And I was like, Aaron, speak.

Aaron, you need to be quiet over there. And like all the flight attendants like sat down in their seats. Oh, no, see, that's when you need to worry is when the flight attendants start sitting down. Yeah, because at first, when the turbulence started, they're still going around

with the trolley they're flying about a bit but they're used to it they're like sorry but when they sit down you're like okay yeah and things started falling out of the what's it called uh luggage holder yeah i swear it's got an overhead luggage bin bin no it's not called a bin cabin cabin cabin anyway they started like bags that are full now and they were just picking them up putting back in all of a sudden it was like i can leave blah blah sit down blah they sit down on their chairs i was like and it was like this literally so aggressive i was i have never had a panic attack i have anxiety attacks where i can't cope with the feelings and it overwhelms me and i feel like i'm gonna pass out but that was a panic i was hyperventilating crying sobbing

and i was next to my mom and all i was thinking is i've got two sisters that have not come on this holiday they're gonna lose everyone in one flight and I was thinking of kids I was like oh my god oh my god all of a sudden we're just gonna go and fall out of the sky but anyway we were fine here you are but oh my god the worst part of it I think I already told this on the podcast I was having a piss oh yeah you did tell me it was so scary so we had turbulence for a long time like it was like going for like half an hour just turbulence right and i was really panicking and it settled and it said you can take your seat belts off and i was desperate for a wee since before we even took off and mum goes to me right

you can go for a wee now because the belts are off the turbulence is finished we've got through the cloud now because normally you just gotta fly through to fly through it, haven't you? I thought, oh, thank God, we made it out of the Everend alive. Alive. Boy, did I, boy,

was I wrong. I went and sat down, and I was in a jumpsuit as well. Oh no. So I got my little titties out, and butt naked, and all of a sudden, my whole,

like, body just jolts. The plane felt like it just went, it dropped 10 feet. It just went like, honestly, I fall out naked, with my jumpsuit around my ankles and i don't wear bras either so it's just literally i was naked and then i literally

went flying in this cubicle and then all i heard was like boom put your seatbelt on i was like no i'm that person i'm literally that person because whenever i'm on a flight and the seatbelt comes on i always think oh i'd hate to be the person in the toilet right now. I know, yeah. I always think that. And it was you. And it was me,

I was the person in the toilet. But not only was I the person in the toilet, I was naked. And had tears on my face. And I was like, waiting for the turbulence to just stop a little bit

so I could walk. Because there's no way I can even stand up, get redressed, let alone walk back to my seat. Oh my God. It was so scary. I hate toilets on the plane.

Put me right off flying. I get worried I'm going to get like sucked through it. Yeah, when you flush your toilet, like. It's so scary. It's really scary, isn't it? It's so scary, honestly. Yeah, I hate it. It's like.

It's scary. Anyway, I'm flying in June. Oh yeah, you're going to Portugal, aren't you? I've got to start panicking about it now, I think. How far is it? I've only got like five weeks to panic um not long hey siri go on how long is the flight to portugal algarve oh i can survive that i'm sure but then i think only takes two minutes to crash

yeah faro that's the airport okay stun i went to um when i went to america when i was younger there was turbulence you had a tornado yeah while i was over there but they're on the flight i think it was on the way oh i don't know if it's the way they're on the way back but it was a night flight and everyone was asleep and we hit really bad time and it's never one's chairs were just like rocking no everyone was being sick what it was terrified yeah so like massive massive panic attack it was so bad my mum was hyperventilating into her bag i bet she was yeah do you know what makes me like confused is obviously i'm petrified of flying right and i flew out to miami on my own yeah i know i worked there i was fine um new york no no to where were you when you did the love island thing

oh oh uh myoka myoka yeah that was a short flight and i was more worried about the fact i was fine miami is a long ass like it was like over 10 hours and i was alone you did that on your own i was totally alone and in my head i was like i'm not gonna see anyone for nine months i'm going out i don't i'm a total stranger out here i've never been to this part of america i was like i'm gonna land and i knew when i landed i had to look for a person with a sign that said the levels of anxiety and i think because i was too anxious about everything else the flight was the easiest bit oh god and i was loving life because i thought the longer i'm in this sky the longer i have to prepare myself for what's about to come really yeah and also i was so petrified that like i was just i couldn't even think i couldn't even catastrophize because right, okay, when I get there, I've got to go to border control in America.

They've got guns. Oh my God, yeah, it's so bad. And I got there, and I'd been to New York a week before this. Oh yeah. And they were like, why have you got a, what's it called? What do you need to go to America? A visa? No, it starts with E.

Oh, a European, no. No, it's one word,'m sure two syllables anyway you guys all know what i'm talking about esther i don't know esther yeah so i had that in my passport and i also had two different different types of working visas and they're like what the fuck they're basically like why do you have a visa and an esther and and this and this and this and i was like oh my was like, well, basically, I went to New York last week, but I was surprised.

I didn't know I was going. And now I'm working for Royal Caribbean. Basically, I've got to work in America for six weeks and then I've got to go on a cruise ship. Oh my God. And they were like, this doesn't make any sense. And they had to put me aside.

No, did they take you into like an office? No, luckily not. But they brought more security over to ask me more questions. Oh my God. And they like checked my bags and stuff. bags and stuff oh that's because my story didn't make sense i was like look at me look at i'm picked for what yeah i was like look at me what do you think i'm capable of love you guys thank you so much for listening to this episode thank you for coming on yeah yeah 100 let me know if you like jess or if you think yeah this is where your ratings start going down no they're gonna go up aren't they guys yeah

you cough into the mic okay guys have the best weekend no week our coronation's over when this goes out oh yeah it is i hope you have a good time in london yeah thank you crazy gal past leah i'm sure it was fine is it just you and your mom and your auntie it sure is fun time looking forward to it um it's tuesday what's happening this week literally nothing uh it was a bank holiday monday yesterday how was the bank everyone hope it was good hopefully it's sunny It's a sun shining day I need a bit of sun Do you know what?

I looked at pictures come up on my phone From memories the other day It was boiling Yeah I know I was at the park Yeah With no jacket on Yeah I know

Having a picnic Yeah it was meant to rain today though And it's actually been quite nice So hopefully it'll stay Hopefully it lightens up a bit Because I need that sun I need that vitamin dick in my life Alright guys Have an amazing week And I will speak to you on Friday it lightens up a bit because I need that sun. I need that vitamin dick in my life.

Alright guys. Have an amazing week and I will speak to you on Friday for a brand new episode. Love you. Bye.