Leah on the Line - 7: Your partner watching porn/subscribing to OnlyFans & stop sleeping with taken men!

Episode Date: March 1, 2022

Hey babes! Oh my god this episode was a mess but it actually turned out to be one of my favourites. This week's debate was "How do you feel about your partner watching porn/subscribing to OnlyFans?" and it was so interesting! The dilemmas really seem to be getting juicier by the week... Are you still loving Leah on the Line?! Let me know anything new you'd want to hear on the podcast or any thoughts you have at all! As always send in your thoughts/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you so much!! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone, welcome back to another week. We're on episode 7. It's been 7 weeks since I've been doing this podcast. I'm sorry, what? What the actual hell? Seven weeks. Yeah, seven weeks. This is crazy. We spent seven long weeks together. We even had a bonus episode in between. That brings me on to my next point. There wasn't a bonus episode last week. I had some angry DMs. Excuse me, Leah. Where is the bonus episode? Where is the Friday episode? And the answer is there wasn't an episode because I had a really bad week. I was so depressed all week, really anxious, really depressed, really sad, spent every single day in tears. I just didn't have it in me. I was doing TikTok lives every

single day. If you don't follow me on TikTok, you definitely should because I'm live every single day. But that's not what this is about. I was live on TikTok and if you follow me on there you know I've been struggling um and I said like I just it was Thursday night and I was like I have to film and edit and upload tonight and then I thought you know what I don't have it in me I'm not gonna make I'm not gonna put something out that I just you know like this podcast is a positive part of my life. I do not want it to be something that applies pressure or makes me feel stressed or I never want to do something out of feeling like I have to do it. So I thought, you know what? It's only a bonus. I will never miss a Tuesday. And that's a promise. Okay. It's not a promise. You never know what might pop up in life, but

I will never just choose not to upload on a Tuesday. Even if I'm like rock bottom, I will make an episode and be like, guys, I'm on the floor this fucking week. So you're gonna have to pull me through this episode. But on the bonus episodes, yeah, they're bonus. So if I'm feeling good, you'll get a bonus episode. If I'm feeling really shit or something comes up or something, you won't get one, but you'll always get your Tuesday. So I hope that's okay with you. I'm really sorry. I love you guys so much. I'll try and get one out for next Friday. It should be fine. But good news. I finally have a job. I'm no longer unemployed. How good is that? I start next Friday. So it's going to be tough because I'm going to be working

30 hours a week. I'm doing my podcast, which is meant to be two episodes a week. I'm going to be working 30 hours a week. I'm doing my podcast, which is meant to be two episodes a week. I'm going to auditions, not very frequently, but hopefully that will pick up. I'm trying to record a new show reel for my YouTube channel, for my singing. There's a lot on my plate at the moment, but I just really want to feel good about life again. And, you know, there's some horrible, scary, really scary, really terrifying stuff going on in the world. And I honestly think that's probably the reason why I couldn't get one out last week. It was just so much for me to cope with. It still is. But I don't want that to be on my mind or on your mind. You know, I hope this is just an hour. I don't know how long this is going to be, but an or on your mind you know I hope this is just an hour I don't know how

long this is going to be but an hour of your day where you might feel less anxious for a minute I don't know if you're somebody that is really anxious about it all like me hopefully we can just take a deep breath for an hour and have some positive energy for just a minute I don't know I don't know but yeah I have I have a job, which is good. It is good. And I'm happy about it. But I feel overwhelmed with stress at the moment. And I don't want to be that person that's like, my life is so stressful and hard on my fucking heart. Like, but it is, it is hard at the moment. Do you know what I mean? Someone is definitely going through something scarier and more difficult and more stressful than me. But, you know, whatever. It doesn't take away. I don't know what I'm trying

to say right now, girls. Do you know what I mean? I'm just going to stop moaning for one minute. I'm going to stop whinging. All I do is whinge. Whee, whee. Who was hearing my baby cry? Okay, so I just did it on TikTok. And everybody was like the fuck Leah like did that just come out of your mouth so turns out I can do a good impression of a baby crying um let me do it does that sound like a baby what do you think does it sound like a baby does it give you anxiety doesn't baby crying give you anxiety jesus was it good? Does it sound like a baby? Did it give you anxiety? Doesn't baby crying give you anxiety? Jesus. Was it good though? Does it sound good?

Does it sound like a baby? Anyway. Let's get straight in with the weekly debate. So I put a poll up of three choices of weekly debates for you this week. The choices were, how do you feel about your boyfriend watching porn and subscribing to OnlyFans? How long should the talk-in stage go on for? And do you believe in right person, wrong time? Now, the first and the third one were so incredibly close. I had to keep refreshing it because they kept taking over each other.

So I would definitely do all of them at some point. But yeah, this one did win in the end. So let's start with this one. Oh my God, can I just say, I'm actually again, like last week, I'm shocked. I'm really shocked by the response. And you're all kind of on the same side and I'm sort of on the other side over here. But it's, you know, it's really interesting. I was so shocked, but I love it. Like, I love that from you. So that's why I love weekly debates. I prefer to be surprised. Do you know what I mean? I prefer for it to be more of a debate rather than like, yeah, okay, glad we all agree. Do you know what I mean? So I want to start with, of course, reading out your guys' response. So we have, Pornhub is fine, in brackets, it's

free. OnlyFans is too intimate and too accessible to meet the person. So you're thinking like he's going to go and meet this girl of OnlyFans. Oh my God. I don't care about the typical porn sites, but I wouldn't be happy about OnlyFans. Porn fine, OnlyFans red flag. So a lot of the responses at the beginning were like don't mind porn but not happy with OnlyFans and then that you all started oh what what happened okay something just fell off my chair so if you hear a random bang in a minute it's because a screw has just come out of this chair that i'm sat on and i'm about to hit the deck so all right yeah and then the response has changed um and a lot of you were saying really don't like it he should only be thinking of me when he's having a wank um completely fine as our own sex life doesn't

suffer from it we both love porn okay. Okay, queen. I love that from you. Absolutely not. No, no, no. Big no to both. Do you think porn and OnlyFans are the same? I'd be fuming if you subbed to someone's OnlyFans. Somebody's asked. We're going to get to that in a minute. I would 100% be single if my boyfriend was subbed to OnlyFans. So desperate and disgusting. 100% be single if my boyfriend was subbed to OnlyFans? So desperate and disgusting. Somebody said, no to both. You don't need either if you're with me, thanks. I can't stand them watching porn, somebody says. Somebody says, no, ew, gives me the ick thinking about it. Maybe I'm just insecure, lol. Someone says, I hate it. I'm insecure, lol. I just don't get it. Am I not good enough? Lol, I ain't psycho I swear um watching porn fine subscribing to only fans not fine somebody says makes me feel shit about

my own body slash myself even though I'm a confident girl somebody said I don't like it shouldn't our relationship be enough to satisfy him somebody said you should only be one can over me somebody said massive no basically cheating in my eyes are you talking about porn or only fans because i don't know if watching porn is cheating in my eyes anyway you know um i wouldn't care about them watching porn but feel like uh paying for it is a different story so then because of those responses i thought okay maybe i shouldn't have put them both in one dilemma. But, um, so then I put another story up saying, so the girl saying yes to porn sites and no to OnlyFans. Let me know why, what's the difference in your eyes? Um, tell me more. And you guys have said they're no different. There's both, they're both as bad. Somebody says, somebody said, this

is a bloody good debate and making me think way too much. This is why we love the weekly debates, you know what I mean? Somebody says, I feel like porn is less personal and free. He's paying money to see videos of specific girls. Somebody said, OnlyFans is interactive. I don't really know how OnlyFans works, to be honest. Somebody says, OnlyFans equals subscribing to an an individual which in my eyes is the same as pursuing someone in real life um somebody says you can get sex and naughty pics from me so why pay so yeah from the gist of it most of you are like i don't mind porn there are a big amount of you that are like i don't even want you watching porn i don't like it it makes me feel insecure why are you wanking over other girls like a lot of girls are like it makes me feel sick the thought of him like actually getting horny over another woman porn or only

fans like i don't like it so that was really interesting to me um a big some of you as well also said you know i'm okay with porn like porn is porn but only fans what the fuck like absolutely not i don't think i read one dm or one response that said i'm okay with only fans i don't think I read one DM or one response that said I'm okay with OnlyFans I don't think I read one so boys if you're listening to this and you know you're subscribed to some girls and OnlyFans none of us like you oh my god I mean it's not technically true but basically we all think you're wrong everyone thinks you're wrong but you. Anyone know that TikTok? It's that girl from Love Island when she was talking to Anton. Everyone thinks you're wrong but you.

What's her name? Belle. Legend. Anyway, so my personal thoughts are I don't have an issue with porn at all. That's my personal feeling. I was talking to someone about this the other day and she was like, I fucking hate it. Like, I don't want him watching porn. Like, it really makes you feel low, makes you feel really shit. And I get it. Like, I do get it. But at the same time, I genuinely can't help that I really don't mind it. Personally, I would rather it was over me. Do you know what I mean? And I'm happy to supply the content, hun. To be honest, I am.

I'm not going to lie. But my views on OnlyFans are same as you, really. Like, I think you're wanking over a person. And you're wanking over another girl. Which, to me, somebody says it's cheating. I don't know if it's cheating. But it's definitely a sackable offence for me. If I found out that Jake was getting off over pictures of other girls,

that's like, it's over for me. Like, is that dramatic? I don't know. But like, yeah, you're wanking over somebody else. You're fantasising over that specific girl, thinking about her. And for me, what is the difference between her sending you that directly and you wanking over her and you paying to see it like if you'd received nudes from someone and was wanking over them you'd know that's wrong so only fans i'm just like fuck this like what the actual fuck like it's not it's not

on for me but yeah i totally get it i do i do one million percent understand all of you that saying like you don't like it makes you don't like it. It makes you feel insecure, makes you feel paranoid, makes you feel not good enough. I get that 1 million percent. And I feel, I feel that to a certain extent, but yeah, it's not like something that really bothers me and like, I've got to talk to him about it. Do you know what I mean? I'd rather not have that conversation. And somebody else did say like, it's just something I avoid talking about with him. But a lot of you were like, else did say like it's just something I avoid talking about with him but a lot of you were like we watch porn together um so like what's the difference with him watching it with you and him watching it alone do you know what I mean I don't know yeah it's like an awkward one to say

as well it's like I don't know because I feel like a lot of boys will just defend it and be like it's not that deep do you know what I mean mean? But to a girl it is. But imagine you were masturbating over a willy, another boy's willy or another boy's big sexy body. And he knew about it. You'd be like, what babe? It's not that deep. Do you know what I mean? Maybe that's the tactic girls. If this is happening to you, when you hear him come in, into the room, get some pics of some willies off Google google and when he walks and be like oh my god you caught me and then he'll be like what are you doing and i'll be like what like you said it was you said it was nothing babe you said it was right when you done it so i'm i'm here but it's not that deep hun don't you worry that would hurt wouldn't it yeah how interesting I do feel like we're mostly on the same page and we feel the same about it

But to certain different extents does that make sense? I don't know if that's correct English So some of you are like I don't like it But it is what it is and some of you like I do not fucking like it and I'm not having it hun so I'm in the middle because only fans absolutely fucking not. You can get fucked, hun. So yeah, great debate. I feel like next week, I really want to do either somebody sent one in which I love and it was, how would you feel if your partner was previously engaged? Or I want to do the one that we were going to do today, which

is, do you believe in right person, wrong time? So I'll have a think which one I want to do first, or you just let me know on DM which one you'd want to do next. I feel like the right person, wrong time, we'd have some really good stories, like so many amazing stories. So I really want to do that one, but we'll definitely do them both. I just don't know which one will be next week. Make sure you're following Leah on the line on Instagram so that you can get your say. Somebody DM me saying like, how do I give my say on the weekly debate? Like, is it over email? So I put a story up on my Instagram. It will be any time of the week. So I can't really tell you when. And it will say like, all right guys, time for the weekly debate.

It's going to be on the next slide. And then it will say, you know, how do you feel about your partner watching porn? And then there'll be a questions box and you just fill in the box or you send me a DM and I read through them and just ramble it out on the episode. So yeah, make sure you follow in the Insta to get involved with this. Also, everyone, please do me a favor right now if you're listening on spotify go to your phone or whatever you're on right now if you if your phone just like laying around or it's in your pocket or something just pick it up for me go to the click here on the line if you're on spotify or apple music whatever does it say follow or does it say following because i'd really like it to say following because I can see that a lot of my listeners aren't even fucking following me so let's get into some dilemmas so somebody

actually sent me a dilemma which leads us on perfectly from the weekly debate because it's completely relevant and very linked so let's get into it oh by the way how are you oh my god I hope you guys all are right I hope your week was well i just i'm so annoying i just literally made the whole start about me i literally hate myself how are you i hope you're okay sending you a big hug hope you're not too stressed and upset and anxious about everything that's happening in the world right now i hope we can just take this time together to just have a little debrief just Just let go of some anxiety for a minute. Just positive vibes. Have a laugh together. Yeah, that's what we're going to do for the next 40 minutes or however long. Half an hour, probably. All right. I love you guys. Hope you're okay. Let's go. I have a real problem in my head with my partner watching porn.

And it's because my first real love, who I lived with for three years, used to secretly watch it all the time. And then I ended up walking in on him watching it told him how much it upset me and he did it over and over again and it made me feel so worthless and shit about myself our sex life was amazing and he was getting exactly what he wanted from me but still felt the need to watch porn most days behind my back ever since, the thought of my current partner watching it just makes me feel so worthless and not good enough or attractive enough. Am I a total psycho? Would love to know what you think. Thanks again, gal. Hope you're having a lush weekend. I love you. No, you're of course not a psycho. Of course not. Your first relationship, was he like a porn addict?

Because you know that's a thing. You know it literally a thing where the boys are addicted to porn so you was in a relationship where he watched it daily and you lived together what is the need daily hun jesus must have been read raw do you know what i mean though daily watching porn relax he'd probably come home from work buzzing for it running home like here we fucking go I think that was something that was like going on with him like I think he probably had like an addiction to it because that's the thing you know like a porn addiction is a thing I just think like you said it's all in your head your current boyfriend probably doesn't watch it every day. Every day is very excessive for a guy in a relationship that is. Um,

and I think you said it's, it's a problem in your head. So I would really just try to block out those thoughts, um, and separate porn, like your boyfriend watching porn to him being attracted to you like porn is is just like this weird horny game it's like it's like not real they're actors like he doesn't look at it and look at the women and think oh my god i wish she was my girlfriend do you know what i mean um so really try and separate it to how you feel about yourself. Um, and you know, have a chat with him, get some reassurance from him. Just explain the situation if you feel comfortable and just say like, it knocks my self esteem and hopefully he'll just give you a bit of reassurance because yeah, I mean, oh, it's a tough one because it's like, it's an innocent act at the

same time, but it's also really fucking insulting. Do know what i mean like and a lot of girls don't see it as innocent so yeah as long as he's not watching it every day and he's still prioritizing having sex with you over sneaking off watching porn then i think you're okay do you know what i mean um yeah get out of your own head a little bit don't drive yourself crazy let go of that past relationship and what it did to you you are worthy of so much more and I love you with all my heart. Okay, next dilemma. Hey, I found out that my best friend slept with my boyfriend. She says that their relationship is a true connection and that she wants to work on a relationship with him. What do I do? My boyfriend is just saying it was a meaningless

fling, but I feel like he's lying. This has been going on for five months, but they've only slept together once as far as I'm aware. I feel like this is a fucking joke. What? And he's still your boyfriend? And she's still your friend? What the actual fuck? Like, get rid of both of these people out of your life. They're fucking strange. Who does that? I don't even think I need to go on much longer than that. Get rid of both of these people. Oh, it's just a fling.

She's like, I'm in love with him. The fucking audacity. Are you? All right, well, fucking hope you are very happy together. And he doesn't even want to fucking be with her anyway so he's just ruined his relationship he's ruined a friendship or so has she do you know what I mean

like I'm sorry babe I'm really sorry this happened to you but they are not your friends that is not your boyfriend that is not your friend get rid of these people and move on with your life and be better than anything they could ever be because that's fucking disgusting and you're not that you're not that type of person They are bye. Do you know what I mean? That's disgusting

God I'm really angry about that Okay. Well, that was nice and easy Was that too short and sweet or is it just too short and rude? I just don't know what else to say about that Like I don't I'd have no words if that happened to me you're you're scum not actually by oh my god you want to hear a story when this happened to me so it was my first ever boyfriend I thought it was like true love because obviously I was 16 so I did just feel like it was the love of my life obviously wasn't I was only with him six months and we broke up and then I had a friendship group at college who, we all did the same course,

and there was like four or five of us girls, five I think, oh yeah, five, maybe six, anyway, and one of them was always like a little bit quiet, but really like nice, like fine, quiet but really like nice and like fine and I broke up with my boyfriend and you know she was like my friend getting me through the breakup blah blah blah and then I had a house party and I invited all of his friends because I wanted to piss him off and they all came like what shit friends like why did they come and they all told me that this girl had slept with my ex-boyfriend we broke up like a week ago and they were like oh yeah um lucy went round jamie's house and they had sex and he bought her dominoes and went down on her i was like and went down on her. I was like, oh, I was fuming. I was so hurt by her. Him, I was like,

you're just so desperate for a reaction from me. Like I would, I would never go to those extremes for a reaction from you, hun, like whatever. Do you know what I mean? But her, I was like, that is, I'm gutted. Like I was so gutted, I really thought he was my friend, and I was so upset, I was so fuming, I will never forget that feeling, I felt sick, I kept having visions of it, you really visualize it, don't you, when that happens to you, I could never deal with that now, do you know, I fully couldn't cheat, well, I could not cheat, but I fully couldn't deal with being cheated on, I fully could not deal with it, I would not actually be able to cope with that, with being cheated on. I fully could not deal with it. I would not actually be able to cope with that. I don't know how people cope in those situations. I could not cope. My brain would just explode and shut down. I would not be able to deal with that. It would kill me. Oh my god guys, you're actually

not going to believe what happened. It's the next day. I finished the podcast yesterday. I was recording for an hour and 20 minutes because I was determined to make it a long one. Hour and 20 minutes. It wasn't even recording. It stopped halfway through. So everything you've heard up until this point was yesterday. So honestly, I finished at midnight last night, exhausted. Bearing in mind, this actually needs to go live in the next two and a half hours. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I'm going to do it. Honestly, this whole podcast thing is just not for me. It's not for me. I can't do it. I'm starring in it, producing it, editing it, directing it. I'm doing all the social media. I'm on my own and I'm struggling. But do you know what? It's worth it when it goes live and we get to chat. You know what I mean?

Holy shit. Anyway, carrying on with the episode, I've had to rummage through my emails to get some more dilemmas. So, oh my God. Okay's go let's go let's go let's go all right next dilemma so this girl says hey leah absolutely loving the podcast would really appreciate your advice on this because it's been almost two weeks and still bothering me i've been with my boyfriend for almost two years he's never ever surprised me or bought me or made me anything specific to me. He cooks and cleans and says he does a lot for me and I should be grateful. What the fuck? Bare fucking minimum, you cook and clean, you want me to be grateful?

It's the bottom of the barrel, hun. Anyway, carry on. But to be honest, it's never specific to who I am and I don't feel particularly special. On our first Valentine's Day in lockdown, he made me dinner and bought me a cake box, which to be honest was made by his friend. And I think he bought it as a way of sucking up to them and showing off that he had a girlfriend. Anyway, this year, even though I made it pretty apparent that I wanted to celebrate, he did absolutely nothing. I had to book and pay for the dinner. I bought him a card. And when I saw his face and realized he hadn't got me one back, I felt too awkward to give him the present I had bought him. Seeing social media and bouquets of flowers everywhere all day made me feel beyond uncomfortable.

Even his best friends, who claims to have had the most fucked up relationships, were buying roses for their girlfriends. I think he felt awkward so he has said he would pay me back for the meal when he gets paid on Friday. I don't know if I'm acting spoilt but it took everything in me not to say something to him on Valentine's Day So he has said he would pay me back for the meal when he gets paid on Friday. I don't know if I'm acting spoiled, but it took everything in me not to say something to him on Valentine's Day because I didn't want to ruin the day. And to be honest, it does make me feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to get your opinion. Do I bring this up to him now or should I just accept the fact we clearly have polar opposite love languages?

Lots of love. I didn't really breathe then. Lots of love to you, honey. Look, you know, I'm thinking the same then. Lots of love to you, honey. Look, you know, I'm thinking the same thing, like you said, about the love languages. I'm thinking the same thing. We spoke about this before, didn't we? A couple episodes ago about how, like, acts of service or gifts and stuff like that doesn't really sound like one of his ways of expressing love. But here's where that can become a problem right because that's fine you have different love languages okay that's that's an issue but it's also a it's a problem that can be

worked around but the fact that you've said to him i want to celebrate on valentine's day and he's fully turned around and done nothing like you made a choice i'm not being funny when it's valentine's day from the whole of February, from halfway through Jan, you start seeing fucking Valentine's Day cards in every corner shop, in every supermarket, in every garage station. There's roses on the way in and out of every shop. Like, you know it's Valentine's Day. You're walking past these cards and you're going, no, I'm not going to bother for Lauren this year. She'll be all right. That's what you're thinking in your head because you're seeing these cards. You're seeing these roses and you're seeing these

cards and you've you've heard me say to you that I want to do something for valentine's day and you look at them and you'll say no and you're not buying them you're not taking it to his hill and that's my problem like fair enough some blokes it's just like oh babe it's only a card but that's all fine but if you say to your boyfriend okay it might just be a card to you but to me that actually is some it's actually something to me if you say to your boyfriend, okay, it might just be a card to you, but to me that actually is something, it's actually something to me. Do you know what I mean? A card really means a lot. And you've said to him, I want to do something on Valentine's day. And he's just been like, well, and just not done it. That's my problem. Um, seems lazy to me. It seems like he probably knows he's got you exactly where he wants you he doesn't sound very concerned about losing you because he's not doing what you want him to do to make you happy he's not he's not

bothering to do it he's like nah she wants that but I don't want to do that so I'm not going to do it and that's my problem it's like well I deserve that and if you're not going to give it to me I'll get it from someone else at the end of the day that's literally what I'm going to do if you're not gonna buy me a card do you know how many men out there would love to buy to be my valentine's do you know how many men out there would love to put rose petals on a bed and put me in red sexy lingerie on valentine's night do you know how many men would love that and you won't even get me a card like what the hell do you know how many men would love to take me out for dinner? Many, many men. Yeah. You can

even get me a card. It's to Lauren. I love you from Billy. Do you know what I mean? Like what, what, where was that? Where was this? I didn't get it. And the fact that he cooked for you, I know you said your first Valentine's was pretty shit because like the cake box, you said it was by his friend's company or something like that. So it more just felt like it was about him still. But like he cooked you dinner. So he's not an idiot. He knows that Valentine's Day is your time to show love because he's done it before, even if it was the bare minimum, he's done it. And now he hasn't even managed to do the bare minimum, even when you've asked. So my advice is that's actually a big deal to you clearly it's a big deal it

bothers you so I would bring that up and say do you know what do not belittle me do not tell me it's only a card do not tell me that it's only valentine's day it's rubbish it's all silly if it means something to you it means something to you and and he can't take that away from you can't tell you that that's wrong if a card and flowers or whatever means something to you it means something to you and I think you should say that to him I told you I want to do something on Valentine's Day and we did nothing what what was your reason for that what was your reason why do you think that's acceptable Billy it's not I'm afraid but another thing I want to say is you were saying about um Instagram social media and stuff oh my god this just not only goes to you but to all my girls and boys

listening ignore social media okay this is this is an example let's just say there could be a girl who's just posted that her boyfriends bought her a massive bouquet of roses one of those one of those road rose teddy bears he's decorated a hotel room in London and they're running a hot bath or they're in a spa weekend. Happy Valentine's, baby. I love you so much. Last year, they might've been having a massive row on Valentine's Day because they didn't do nothing

and she was fuming and she was heartbroken. So this year he's making it up. Or she could have just found texts between him and another girl and he's making it up to her saying could have just found texts between him and another girl and he's making it up to her saying, please don't leave me. Please forgive me. I love you so much. Look what I'm doing for your Valentine's Day. You never know the real circumstances on Valentine's Day. You never know. And they like that all the time. Or is there other areas in your relationship that are suffering? Do you even like each other other is it all for social media never take Instagram as what's the word I'm thinking of something face value you know I'm trying to say

so what I'm saying is you know I'm trying to say so what I'm saying is um you never know obviously there are going to be couples on on Instagram that go mad on Valentine's Day and they really do have the most amazing relationship and obviously good for them but that is not the case of everyone if you see everyone on on Instagram is going mad on Valentine's Day with all these amazing gifts and stuff just understand that there are definitely issues in those relationships somewhere and no one is perfect and do not compare your relationship to anybody else because you might have had a shit Valentine's Day but you might have an amazing relationship other than that do you know what i mean so so anyone else they might go oh i didn't see lauren and billy's post on valentine's day or like

did you hear billy didn't get a card for lauren i know what the hell but you probably have the best relationship you probably laugh every day you probably have an amazing sex life you probably spend all your lovely quality time together and make each other feel really special and wanted in on a normal day but valentine's day is special to you and he failed to deliver so we're gonna have that conversation with billy all right i love you so much you'll be fine i love you all right next one hey girl so i've been best friends with this boy about a year we met on tinder weird i know but i told him after the first date that it was just friend vibes okay Okay, so you went on a date. You're like, oh my God, he's kind of cute. Then you went out and you're like, oh God, no, not for me, but got on really well. You're like,

do you know what? I don't fancy him, but I really like his company. Let's be friends. Yeah? Okay. And we decided a month ago to give it a proper go at dating. Oh, I'm confused, but you said it was friend vibes. Anyway, you started to date him for some reason. You decided to date. But ever since you've just found yourself not wanting to kiss him, et cetera, I think I've got the ick. I saw those spits of fly when he laughed and knew that was the end. Oh God, it's the fly and spit. There's honestly no return from the fly and spit i've told him but he really was in love and i feel awful but i don't want to lose him as a friend as he's such a big part of my life but can't help but feel like a big fat dickhead any advice would be amazing right so

i'm confused so you met him on tinder obviously fancied him to go on a date. Obviously fancied him to even swipe right, because basically that's how it starts on Tinder, isn't it? You just have to fancy each other. Fancy'd him, went on a date, and then you're like, nah, not for me. We're not connecting like that. But great company. Love it. Love his company. He's so funny. I want to be friends with him. So you're friends, right? And then for some reason, something changes, and you go, friends right and then for some reason something changes and you go let's start dating yeah start dating and then you're like oh god he's got tomato sauce on the side of his mouth and it's actually making me feel sick oh my god he literally just chased a coin it dropped out of his pocket and he's chasing it rolling it down the street oh my god i feel sick yeah that's the ick right

and you've told him yeah look we tried the we tried the dating, but it's not working. Let's go back to friends. And he's got it. He's in love. And you're like, what do I do? I don't want to lose him as a friend. Here's my thing. If it was me and I was in love with a boy and he said to me, I think it's just friends.

I'm not trying to be your friend. Like, I don't think I could be friends. Could you? Like, girls listening. I'm sure there's lots of girls that could but I just think you know how I feel about male friendships at the end of the day one of you always deep down probably wants the other one do I mean even if it's purely platonic but you probably would shag him had it you know come up drunken or something but anyway we've had

that discussion I I'm not trying to be best friends with a guy that I'm in love with because I don't want to watch him fall in love with another girl I don't want to sit there and watch him not love me and me love him more and more every day do you know what I mean so it's a really tricky one but I'm really proud of you for being honest I think absolutely done the right thing I cannot fault your decisions here I think you've absolutely done the right thing, I cannot fault your decisions here, I think you've, you've been honest, you've give it a go, didn't work, you know, I really, I think you've been mature, you haven't been selfish, you've been honest, um, so I really am proud of you for all of that, um, I guess it's the ball's in his court now, unfortunately, like, I think all you can do is really express to him, you're like, I honestly cannot tell you how much

your friendship means to me, I adore you, but I understand that it may be difficult for you to just be friends with me um but I would really love it even if you want me to give you a bit of space for a while or if there's certain things that might help you know like what do you want from me what do you need from me kind of thing to make this friendship work I think a nice honest open conversation it's cringy in it to be like like I know you're in love with me but I don't want to be with you so like how can we be friends but yeah I think you've been really nice and honest with him so far so I think continue to do that the ball's in his court hopefully he will be your friend you know you never know maybe one day you will just fall madly

in love with him like that might actually happen but um yeah good luck I think you'll be so so fine um balls in his court just keep doing what you're doing keep being honest oh drop my phone love you and proud of you hope it works out all right this one I literally I can't believe it I just can't believe it right I'm gonna really try and be nice but you'll see in a minute okay hey girl love the podcast has me laughing I love you and I'm so happy you can you can laugh at this and it brings light to your life fuck I need some serious advice I started talking to a guy I used to work with. It was strictly friends as he has a girlfriend and son. Okay, good,

because we're not trying to be a homewrecker here. Okay, strictly friends, good, proud of you. Recently, he started coming around my house. Okay, why? Do you know what I mean? Why? Why is he coming around your house? He's got a girlfriend and son. Why is he coming around your house? Why are you doing that? Why is he doing that? Okay. Continuing on. Oh, fuck. And we had sex and have had sex more than once. What the hell? What are you doing? I've started to catch serious feelings for him and he tells me he feels the exact same. I'm literally, I cannot be fucked with this. I'm not, I cannot. Why? Why have you guys done this? That poor girl and her son. That poor child. Okay. Let me read more of the dilemma. He keeps telling me

he's going to leave his girlfriend, but the thought of that scares the living shit out of me. I know a lot of people are going to hate on me because he has a girlfriend, but honeys, I'm sorry. It does take two to tango. Yeah, it does take two to tango and you're one of them, hun. And you're both bad. All right. You are both bad. You fully are. You know that, right? I mean, you would have sent this in knowing fully well that I'm just going to be honest with you. I think you have done a terrible thing. Is that, you well that I'm just going to be honest with you and I think you have done a terrible thing is that you know I'm not going to sugarcoat it I am that that friend um I am that friend I'm going to tell you you fucked up and I'm really disappointed in you for what you've done I'm disappointed in you and I'm disappointed in him. I think you both made a bad decision and you said it's happened more than once. So you've made several bad decisions

that you made several selfish decisions. What I would have liked you to do if you'd come to me first before you slept with him, I would have said, look, please just try and steer clear and try not to be a homewrecker. You know, if he ends up single one day, then go for it then. But right now, please don't get involved. But if you absolutely had to say something, I would say, look, tell him how you feel, but say, I respect your situation and your relationship. I just don't think I'd ever be able to let it go if I didn't tell you I really understand this might come across really horrible for me to tell you this I know you're in a relationship I know you have a family but I had to get off my chest and then

hopefully he would have gone okay yeah I feel the same let me face my relationship let me you know do what I need to do and then I'll pursue things with you. But that didn't happen. You just fucked each other. So you've hurt two people here, at least, which is really sad. And I'm gutted for everyone involved, including you, because I'm not going to lie. This sounds a lot like you're probably gonna end up hurt which I don't want for you either I don't want anyone to ever get hurt um apart from this guy frick how you do that to your kid anyway anyway um listen what I would want you to do now as your friend is to say to him look we shouldn't have done this I can't do it anymore if you want to be with me and you really want us to be together then you need to end things with your girlfriend now because I don't want to be first of all I don't want to be a homewrecker anymore

um I don't want to be in the middle of something and it doesn't feel right to me and also he's using you at this point yeah you want sex from me but nothing else like you just want to go home to your wife and your son not wife girlfriend girlfriend and your son and then have sex with me whenever you fancy it like you're just disrespecting everybody involved do you know what I mean have some respect for someone at least. Talking about him here. And yeah, I hope she knows. I hope you tell her. I hope you say to him, you need to tell her or no, don't you tell her. Don't you tell her. I don't know. I want her to know because oops I want her to know but then I also just think maybe just leave the poor girl alone like get him to just break up with her leave the

poor girl alone um but you know if if he does that and then says he wants to be with you like do you want to be with someone like that like do you want to be of a cheater do you want to be with someone that can cheat on his girlfriend who has who he has a family with like is that what you want to be with a cheater? Do you want to be with someone that can cheat on his girlfriend who has, who he has a family with? Like, is that what you want in a man? Like, do you find that attractive? Do you like that about him? Um, I think the best case scenario is everyone just taps out of this. Like you tap out, he ends his relationship and stops hurting people. She moves on, finds a lovely man. You move on and find a lovely man, lovely single man with no baggage. That is what I would like you to do. But obviously you're going to do what you want to do. That's life. But obviously this is all about advice, this podcast.

And my advice to you is stop this. Tell him you can't do it anymore you're not that kind of girl you've made terrible mistakes you can't live with yourself you can't believe you've done this you can't even done this to a girl and her family you can't believe that you let this man just just sweep you off your feet let's blame him let's just blame him i'm kidding i'm kidding let's all take responsibility here okay but um yeah please stop uh sleeping with other people's boyfriends anyone listening to this if you're sleeping with someone and he has a girlfriend do better okay you are the reason i'm insecure because there's girls like you around all right you fucking bitches now fuck

off away from my fucking podcast i'm joking i Please stay in this and please stay. I need all the listens I can get. Also, actually, leave a rating if you're on Apple Podcasts. Although, if you are one of the girlfriends sleeping with somebody else's man, you're probably quite angry with me right now. So don't you leave a review because you're probably saying nasty things about me. But if you feel positively about this podcast, I encourage you to leave a review, a rating, rating on Spotify, review on Apple, right? I'm not entirely sure, but you can literally write like, oh my God, I love this podcast. Leah is the best. Like I love Leah so much. She's literally like my big sister. I literally love her so much. We're best friends

for life. I literally love Leah so much. Just just like a few ideas like just throwing a couple words out there just brainstorming anyway moving on to the next dilemma okay this one honestly makes me so upset I really really want to talk about this she says hey girl it's not a dilemma as such but more so I'd love you to have a discussion around self-confidence I've had really low self-esteem since the beginning of secondary school as I got really badly bullied, part of which was targeted at my appearance. I've never ever looked in the mirror and liked what I see and that is honestly no exaggeration. Guess I'd just love for you to speak about what you do to make you feel confident and any advice on the topic. I know 100% that if I could afford slash wasn't so scared I would get a nose job I would at least be content with the way I looked if not completely happy but I don't think that's something I can

bring myself to do so I need some advice on how to be confident without changing my appearance p.s I've got an incredible boyfriend over here who is amazing and loves me so much but these issues are just so deep-rooted that it doesn't matter how many nice things he says to me it doesn't cure me lots of love absolutely obsessive your podcast you're smashing it i love you so much i literally wish i could give you the biggest hug like i just want to we love our group hugs on the podcast let's all have a group hug right we are all dealing with this we're all dealing with self-confidence issues so let's all just bring it all in everybody bring it in i'll muffle on the mic so it sounds like we're hugging. Bring it in, girls.

Bring it in. Deep breath in. And out. Wasn't that nice? Honestly, self-confidence is a skill. I don't know if it's a skill many people have managed to master in their lives, but faking it is definitely a doable skill. But what I want to say is these bullies, there is a reason high school has been is a saying, um there is a reason high school has been is a saying like if you are someone in high school and and you walk around and people are afraid of you and people love you

you are not going to have those people when you leave school because they are afraid of you and they they you upset them okay if you're listening to this and you're thinking shit i'm probably not very nice to people at school I mean you actually shouldn't be listening to this because I think you have to be 18 to listen to my podcast but if there happens to be someone you know just like listening in the background or something just by accident please be a good person please do not be a bully please be kind compliment people oh my god Molly is that a new bag it's a new school bag molly where's that from i love that would you be annoyed if i copied you i won't copy you but

it's inspired me i love the pink i love pink are you allowed the pink does it matter i just don't mind it i love it it's really nice it's really different i've not seen that before it really suits you really suits your vibe it's really nice oh my god lauren is that new perfume smells amazing where's that from oh my god it's so pretty can i see the bottle is that okay do you mind if i take a photo of it smells literally amazing oh my god chloe i love your school shoes i've never seen them before they knew and they knew they're so nice they're really nice they look really nice with your trousers as well i love them they're really nice yeah compliment people. We bring women up here on

Lear on the Line. So anyway, back to the dilemma. Self-confidence, I have also struggled with. I'm definitely more confident now, if not the most confident. Oh, no. It's definitely taken a knock in the past year but confidence wise is different because I always believed that my confidence would come from me feeling like I'm really attractive but actually my confidence has come from other areas in my life um in terms of I like who I am and how I treat people and I think my advice to you is if you're struggling with self-confidence and you feel insecure about the way you look and stuff make sure you like what's inside first you know like are you kind are you honest do you treat people well do you want the best for people do you have a good heart you know are you funny like what is all the things that you like about yourself as a person write them down do

you know what I'm funny and I'm trustworthy and I'm kind and I'm a good listener and and I love people I'm a people person I love that about me I have worked so hard I work really hard and I really make time for the people in my life yeah all these amazing things write them down because when you believe that you're an amazing person and you actually like who you are you're like it brings you so much confidence in the way that you present yourself because you're happy with what you are presenting and it's so much more than than what's on the outside you know like the way that that you And it's so much more than, than what's on the outside. You know, like the way that, that you are is, is so much more important because you can be an absolute 10, 10 out of 10. But if you're ugly inside, you will be nowhere in life. Do you know what I mean?

It's not going to get you anywhere. Or if, if you are, you might be really successful, but you're going to be lonely and you're going to be sad and people aren't going to be able to trust you and rely on you and talk to you and love you. So I think it's really hard to like the way you look, but understand that there's so much more to life than what you look like. Are you a good person? Do you know what I mean? You sound so lovely. So what I want you to do is write down all the things you like about who you are. And then the confidence on the outside will come. It will come in life. And what I think is, I also recommend a bit of therapy. I recommend everyone goes to therapy. I think therapy is amazing. I literally don't think anybody is too good for therapy. You could think that you absolutely got

your shit together. You could even be a therapist, but it is so useful to talk to somebody else, an outsider, even to just hear yourself speak sometimes. And you realize things about yourself. Somebody else can help you understand yourself the way, the reason you do certain things, certain patterns that you have that you may not recognize like therapy is so amazing I really really want to get back into therapy I have done it before because I don't know if I've spoken about on my podcast but I have a really really really bad crippling fear of death and I had to have therapy about it but now I really just want to have therapy just in general and just have someone to talk to and get things off my mind and understand myself better and you know like it would be amazing for you I think to talk about this past trauma that you've got with your

bullying um and separate that from your self-worth you know like what people said to you is separate to the actual truth of you do you know I mean it's a reflection of them not you like what people say about you is not a reflection of you if somebody somebody calls you ugly, that does not make you ugly. It makes them ugly. Do you know what I mean? Who the fuck calls somebody else ugly? Who the fuck does that? Fucking weirdos, mate. Imagine saying to someone, oh, you look so ugly. Oh, your nose is massive. Trust me, I had that all through school. That was my biggest insult that I had a big nose. And I do have a big nose, but do you know what? I used to hate it, especially when I was being bullied. Like, oh my God, big nose, big nose but do you know what I used to hate it especially when I was being bullied like oh my god big nose big nose whatever whatever and it used to be such a big insecurity but now because I'm older and I'm I'm happy and I'm confident in who I am inside and I believe in

myself as a human being and being a good one I'm like you know what yeah I've got a fucking big nose but you know what I'm funny and you can trust me and I'm not a liar and I'm honest and I'm a good person. So yeah, I've got a fucking big nose, hon, but you know what? I'm a nice person and that's more than you'll ever be. Bye. I love you so much. I hope you can spend some more time on some self-love and remember that it's just not about what you see in the mirror. It's not just about that. It's about so much more. So so get a pen get a bit of paper in fact promise me you're gonna do it just do it do it tonight do it tonight when you get into bed or whenever's a good time for you to have a bit of of you time whenever whenever feels right for you get a bit of paper

or a little notebook and a pen write one to five and write just five random things that you like about your personality not about the way you look just about what's on the inside what do you like about that do you know I love how I treat my boyfriend I think I treat my boyfriend really really well and I think he feels really secure and happy with me and I think I'm a good girlfriend and you can write that down I'm a good girlfriend yeah that's what I like about myself I'm a good girlfriend. And you can write that down. I'm a good girlfriend. Yeah, that's what I like about myself. I'm a good girlfriend. Number two, people love being around me. I'm funny. Yeah, that's what we're gonna write.

I am funny. People love being around me. I'm literally so funny. Ha ha ha, ha ha ha. Can't stop laughing. So funny, yeah? Number three, I compliment people all the time. I love to make other people feel good.

Okay, that's number three. These aren't about me. I'm just all the time. I love to make other people feel good. Okay, that's number three. These aren't about me. I'm just rolling off ideas. Number four, other people's success makes me feel good and makes me happy. That's an amazing trait. You know, I'm not bitter. I'm not jealous. I'm happy. I want everyone to succeed. I love that about me. Number five, I'm a good listener. People can come to me at any time and i will listen you can repeat yourself over and over again i will listen to you i've got your back yeah five things easy i'm sure you could agree with at least one of those things about you so everyone do that not just you actually everyone do that tonight okay i'm gonna do it as well well i just did it because

i actually believe all of those things about me i will do it though I really will okay I love you so much next dilemma all right I think I'm gonna make this the last one this one says hey Leah I was speaking to this boy around 2020 summer whilst me and my boyfriend at the time were on a break I talked to this boy and went to his house a couple of times me and my ex ended up getting back together and were on and off until early this year. Every time we would break up I would end up speaking to this lovely boy again though. It wasn't that I didn't like him but I was just in a repeating cycle and thought I loved my ex until it finally clicked one day and I just moved on. Every time me and this boy would talk again he seemed really hurt by me and

I deep down know how much he cares for me. Since early this year me and the boy have been talking very closely and we've went out together a few times etc came to each other's houses but I cannot seem to commit although the thought of him being with anyone else or not speaking to him it makes me so upset and I can't bring myself to set him free. I've had a chat to him about how a relationship wouldn't appeal to me right now for whatever reason and my ex cheating on me leading to trust and commitment issues but he seems willing to just overlook it. He's allowed to do what he wants and technically so am I but we both know it would be an issue if someone betrayed each other even with no real loyalties in a way. Loyalties why is it so hard to say? Real loyalties try and say that real loyalties why is it so hard to say real loyalties try and say that real loyalties real

loyalties that's really hard anyway I kind of know what I should probably do isn't that funny that literally all of you just started saying that out loud real loyalties or if you're at the gym or something you started mouthing it 100% you actually did anyway um I kind of know what I should probably do and probably know the advice I'll get but I don't know what to do as I know we couldn't be friends because it would be weird but I don't want to lose him ever. Also in a weird way, if I loved him so much, why can't I commit to him? Thanks. Love you. Sorry for the novel. It's not a novel. Honestly, it's actually not that long compared to some of them I get. All right. Oh, do you know what? I've actually been in a similar position to you and it's really, it's a bit of a head fuck

in it because you're like, I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you. And when a guy acts like that, we're like, what a fucking prick. Yeah, he doesn't want you, but he wants, he don't want anyone else to have you. What a prick. But when it's us girls, I'm like, I just can't help myself to know what I mean. Just want it all. Anyway, I think it's unfair what you're doing but I've been there as well and like you said you know it's unfair as well at the same time you're like I know it's not fair but I can't can't help it um I like that you've been honest with him like obviously I think you have been from what you're saying um and I'm glad that you're out of that toxic cycle with your ex sometimes it is really hard to get out of the cycle and I'm really proud of you that you're out

of it you've finally moved on you've let that go you know let that ship sail um and by the sounds of it you're not ready for somebody else it may not necessarily be this boy it just sounds a bit like you're not really ready for commitment um and you might one day like you might one day be like do you know what I want to be in a relationship and I want it to be with this boy um and that might come you never know like it might just eventually you might just wake up one day and be like oh my god I literally just want to be with you but right now you don't feel like that and well done for telling him that but I think when he said like oh I'm willing to overlook it it's a classic thing you know when a boy says to you like oh I'm not really looking for a relationship right now and you go oh yeah no that's

fine it's no mean evil I'm actually the same it's because obviously deep down we're thinking well hopefully that'll just change and we'll be together and be happily married and have children like you just hope that that's going to change. Like you're not going to go, oh, do you know what? This probably isn't very good for me. Like this sounds like a red flag for me. I'm going to walk away now. Rather than doing that,

which is probably what we should do, we go, okay, I'm going to change his mind. And we don't change their mind ever, do we? They say, but I told you from the beginning I didn't want a relationship. And you're like, yeah, I know that. I'm a fucking idiot. All right. so I think that's what he's doing I think he's just being a little idiot um but he knows that um I mean technically you're not doing anything wrong

if you've told him the truth and it's sort of like his choice at the end of the day but also it's like you do have a bit of a responsibility to save this boy the heartache um it would you know people's feelings would all be saved if you just called it off and said you know what james i'm only going to break your heart so i'm going to call this off now and you can meet someone you can go meet a boy who really doesn't want a girlfriend and you can do everything that you're doing with him with a guy that isn't going to get hurt does that make sense um that would be a good thing to do but whether you're going to do that or not I don't know because in this kind of situation you know what you should do you know but you don't do it do you um yeah I've been there and I don't think you're a bad person

at all. God. Um, yeah, like you said, if I loved him so much, why can't I commit to him? You know, I'm not saying you love him, but also sometimes that's different. Like sometimes it's a, it's a you problem. Like you're just not ready to commit. You said you got cheated on and stuff stuff so I really don't blame you for not being in a position where you even want to commit to somebody um I think it would be really good for you to just be single and have some you time after someone's cheated on you and stuff um and you've been in such a vicious cycle back and forth between these two guys for so long you being single does sound like a good idea but in this kind of situation I just know you're going to do what you want. And basically, I'll just support you the whole way. I mean, this poor boy, the poor boy, if I'm going to give you advice, leave the poor boy alone. But you're probably not

going to and that's okay. Keep me updated. You know, it's got to be a decision that you make and let me know what you decide to do. Send me a DM or an email and let me know what the update is on that situation. I do love getting updates, guys. If you sent me a dilemma and I read it out and something changes or you actually take my advice, which I don't really recommend, let me know what the update is or what the outcome is. Let me know. I really would love to know. I have got one update before. And yeah, just let me know. I really would love to know. I have got one update before. And yeah, just let me know. I would love to know if you don't mind. Sometimes I wonder like, do you guys send me in dilemmas and just like not listen to my podcast? Do you know what I mean?

Like what if she listened to me once, sent me that dilemma and like isn't a, like a committed listener and I've just answered that and she's got no idea. Like what if she never listens to me? I always think that, like how do I know you guys even listening to me like how do I know the right people are the people that I'm answering how do I know you're going to listen I mean I suppose you wouldn't send a dilemma if you're not going to listen but then what if you just sent it one day and then forgot about me don't forget about me please don't forget all right let's wrap up the episode I'm exhausted i can't believe this took me two fucking days to record this she has to go live in an hour and a half i fucking see me anyway i love you guys i hope you have an amazing week it's tuesday let's achieve amazing things

did i tell you that i have a new job i can't remember if i mentioned that yesterday and if it got cut out or not but i have a new job on a start on friday so wish me luck um i love you guys so much send me in all your dilemmas send me in your weekly debate topics as always same old make sure you're leaving a review make sure you're leaving a rating positive ones only positive vibes please um make sure you're subscribed or following whichever app you're using um it makes a big difference so please make sure you're actually following and not just listening you bitch all right i'll see you guys next week for a new episode i love you so much i may be here

on friday for a bonus fingers crossed everything goes well and i will be but after this hell of an episode i have no idea if i'm gonna have it in me but you know wish me luck all right i will see you guys in the next episode. I love you so much. Bye!