Leah on the Line - 72: How to deal with the "I don't want a relationship" guy & I feel so behind in life!

Episode Date: June 26, 2023

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one! As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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It's getting closer to midnight. I try to get closer to you. Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Lear on the Line. Happy Tuesday. Happy Tuesday, everybody. How are you? How was your weekend? How was your Monday? I hope it was great. I hope you had a fantastic start to the week. How do you guys feel about Mondays? I actually did a poll on my personal instagram the other day asking how you guys feel about mondays if you're like a you know fuck monday what's it the week what's the week here we fucking go get it over with or if you're like new beginning baby fresh beginnings new opportunities let's do this

four week ahead gonna grab it by the balls. And it was actually 50-50 split pretty much like half of you are like me because I see Mondays as a, ah, let's have a new week. Leave every, every negative feeling that I had last week. I'm going to leave it in last week and we're going to start again today. That's me on a Monday. Anyway, who watched Glastonbury? I have a question, right? To anyone that is listening to this that went to Glastonbury, what the fuck? Like, I look at that crowd, okay, and I just think, huh? Like, what? I have so many questions. So you know the people at the front, right? Like, I heard that the people that were at the front for Elton john who came on at 9 p.m got there at 6 a.m and i was like

so you haven't left the front of the crowd since 6 a.m is that what you're telling me and swear down where do we where do we do you have water that will last you all that time do you not eat do you you bring snacks? Like, is it packed lunch vibe? But my biggest question is where on earth do you wee? Honestly, I can't get my head around it. It's so confusing to me. Where do you piss? So if anybody has ever been to Glastonbury or any festival for that matter and stood at the front for hours on end. Where do you piss? Like, do you bring a shiwi and just piss where you are? I bet it stinks. I bet it stinks of piss, sweat, vomit. Like, oh, it just looks like my idea of hell. We're just so

different, aren't we, as people? Like, to be fair, that is almost relevant to our weekly debate, how people are just so different you know what I mean but honestly when I watch I just can't get my head around what is happening there I think what is going on what is going on also I think I've spoken about this on the podcast before but I've been thinking about it again recently and it's just really confusing me people that don't have an inner monologue honestly it's rattling my brain so bad i don't get it what do you hear all day and then somebody commented because i made a tiktok about it and somebody commented saying that they the only way they can explain it is they think with pictures

like it's like a visual thing and i thought you fucking what mate like i just can't get it like and also that you must not have anxiety like overthink your mental health must be better than mine do you know what i mean it must be better for the people who don't have that in a monologue because i think how can you overthink you can't like for me when it comes to like health anxiety and stuff it's all in there it's all up there babe do you know what I mean and if I couldn't hear it I wouldn't say it because I just wouldn't I wouldn't make that choice it'd be a lot easier just to not say that stuff out loud but if I couldn't hear it then it doesn't exist in my head so therefore no anxiety no way for that thought to develop into a state of panic do you know what i'm saying so maybe i'm onto something here maybe i should go into psychology because i think i'm a bit of a psychologist deep down because i kind of cracked the code there like

if you don't have it in a monologue like maybe your mental health's just better do you know what i'm saying and is there a way to turn off your inner monologue because if so please someone give me the code because she's doing my head in seriously honestly i get so sick of myself somebody commented this the other day and i couldn't i mean on the tiktok and i couldn't have put it better myself my social battery runs out from my own inner monologue and if that ain't me i can't even explain it like i will be out and about like but this is an example i've been home alone all day today jamie's away working in amsterdam mum was out in the office all day and i'm like alone in my own company and all i can hear because i don't talk out loud i mean sometimes i might but most of the because I don't talk out loud. I mean, sometimes I might, but most of the time I don't talk out loud.

So all I can hear is my thought process, whether that be I'm singing a song in my head, which does my head in. I don't stop singing in my head. I really don't stop singing. There is always a song in my head. Always. Can you imagine how annoying that is? Anyone that can relate? Fucking hell.

Horrible, right? And then if I'm not singing away, sometimes I'll be singing and thinking at the same time. So there's a couple of us up there mentally and it's, it's given split to be honest. It's really draining. But anyway, I hope you guys are all feeling good. Oh, if you guys don't have an inner monologue, it must be easier to listen to podcasts without one because i do find that when i'm listening to a podcast i just go off in my own inner monologue and i'm like oh sorry forgot you forgot you were talking i was talking to myself do you know what i mean anyone else have that so if you're doing that right now hey listen to me stop talking in your head okay hope you guys are all feeling great hope you're having a fantastic week so far

and let's get into the episode. Thank you so much for listening to Lear on the Line. Head to learontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Remember to follow on socials to see visual clips and get involved with the weekly debates. Enjoy the episode. Love you. Guys, who is watching this season of Love Island? Because the producers are producing this year. Fucking slay from them. It is my favorite season in years. Like, this is my favorite since the

Molly Mae season. It's too good. Molly got dumped, which I'm upset about because that was brutal. Okay. I loved Molly. i know she got so much hate and that really makes me upset really makes me fucking mad okay i hate online hate i hate online hate i don't like the trolling thing it's so awful can people not just be nice like seriously like i've got some opinions about people in there but you better believe i will never be commenting that why would i do that i won't even say it on here do you know what I mean that is for the inner monologue darling you should hear the thing she says nasty nasty girl I'm joking big bully big bully I'm joking but oh Molly when she got that text it was like molly you are now single which means you have been dumped from the

island you have splum blood to pack your bags i was like oh the silence in the nation at 9 55 p.m on that night was piercing it was literally oh everyone dead silence the editing editing best scene in love island history the editing was just on point it was the silence no music just oh the silence the gasps the the camera angles the panning from face to face the oh my god she's been dumped it was giving that, remember that girl Shannon who got dumped? She's like, oh my god, I've been dumped. Do you remember that? That was a really bad impression but I think she's Scottish. That was my Scottish accent even though I'm 80% Scottish. Oh no, I'm 48. Why have I just said 80? I'm not very good at the Scottish accent. It's not one of my strong points I'm practicing though I think I'll get better I think think I'll get better better that's really hot that sounded a bit Irish

flyer anyway to any of my Scottish babes listening love you honey really practicing the accent I'll get back to you on that one but anyway yeah love island she's given katie mcdermott she's my favorite girl to ever gone actually no more more is my favorite why asking her that he doesn't she's my favorite by a million miles but runner up is katie mcdermott the chaos she calls i've been watching it today remember when her and live got locked in the hideaway when tina and i can't remember the other girl i can't remember the other girl come in and they locked katie in and live in the hideaway they would never get away trust me i'd have lost my fucking mind in that i would have been katie i might not have been calling people a cunt and made in chelsea fucking reject bitch but i would have definitely lost the

plot like i would have actually I think I would have gone a little bit insane maybe majorly insane but oh my god she's just brilliant it's the toxicity between her and Scott it's just fantastic tv you know what I'm saying but anyway I'm hoping she brings the chaos I know she's 27 now she She's a woman, you know, she's grown, but I'm hoping deep down she's still got that fiery side. Do you know what I'm saying? She gives major fire sign energy. Let's see what star sign she is okay um um ah she's a virgo okay i was wrong she's an earth sign but okay never mind anyway that's enough about love island just want to say i'm absolutely loving it oh my god wait no i've got to talk to you about have you guys seen fake profile on netflix because

what the frickity frick is that honestly i watched it from start to end because they're very good at hooking you like somehow it was so bad but you will watch it all like it was so bad the ending as well what the fuck major plot twist, but, yeah, I was like, really, like, we, you've just pulled me along all this way, you know, for just to, for that, I'm not gonna do no spoilers here, but, yeah, and the sex scenes are a little bit pornographic for me, I was like, whoa, this is porn, this is literally porn it literally was but yeah do you know what i was realizing the other day how come in a lot of sex scenes you see oh you always see the woman's tits right but you never see the dick what if i want to see some

cock every now and then i'm joking i'm joking i really don't want to anyway let me know what you guys thought if you watched it because like I wouldn't say it was bad but like it was just fucking I was like whoa and also the storyline was a bit like yeah all right hun do you know what I mean anyway that's enough catching up let's actually get into the weekly debate so my question for you this week is if your partner had totally different interests to you e.g music tv activities etc etc right can the relationship still work so we're imagining i love rock and roll heavy metal love that and then Jamie loves like classical music right and we do not like each other's style what do you guys think or do you know what's a big thing for me you guys know I'm scared of everything right so if I could not I could

not be in a relationship with someone who, when they went on holiday, they were like, let's go cliff jumping. Yeah, let's go. To be fair, I do really want to get on a jet ski. But if they were like, right, we're going on a jet ski on Monday, Tuesday, we're paragliding. Wednesday, we're going on a boat in the middle of the sea and going scuba diving. a boat in the middle of the sea and go and scuba dive in. Thursday, it's cliff jumping. I'd be like, absolutely, positively not. And the relationship would not work for that reason because they'd be like, you're a boring bitch. And fair enough, I am compared to you. But me and Jamie, we are sun worshippers. SPF all day, every half an hour, to be honest. I'm that on it with my SPF, don't worry. but we love the sun

we love to relax we love to get in a pool we love drinking cocktails we love going for nice dinners on on the beach watching the sunset right so we're compatible in that way in terms of our interest we we have the exact same music taste apart from with me we'll sprinkle in a bit of musical theater but he is actually loving a bit of musical theater these days he knows every word to in the heights I'll let you know that but like if we were different like that it would be a totally different relationship so I thought it was a really good question so let me see what you guys think about this on first glance a lot of you are saying yes um it will still work and it doesn't matter. So let's have a little read. Opposites still do attract and you can try what they like and end up liking it.

See, this is a good point because I, like I said, I'm scared of everything, but maybe it'd be good for me if somebody was like, let's just do it. You're safe with me. You know, I promise everything will be fine. Maybe that would make me come out of my shell which would definitely be good for me do you know what I'm saying so you're definitely right that's a fantastic point if they're willing to support try be involved in your hobbies and vice versa it could definitely work yeah I understand that because if it was like no I'm not doing that I'm not doing that

or I'm not listening to that I'm not watching that. Or I'm not listening to that. I'm not watching that film. It's like, well, we're just going to live very separately then, aren't we? I don't think so unless you have some stronger bonding thing over that. Right. Yeah. Me and my boyfriend have been together three and a half years and we have no similar interests. See, this is the thing because you guys know Jess, my best friend. We have no similar interests. See, this is the thing, because you guys know Jess, my best friend. We have no similar interests. She has very different music tastes to me. We, to be fair, we do like the same sort of TV, but it's not like we watch it together.

Do you know what I mean? I just want to tell her, you need to watch maths and she'll watch it. But she always watches it like six months late. I suppose she does have a child to prioritize most of her time for, but whatever. Anyway, but we don't have a lot of things in common like she has a totally different lifestyle to me but we have the exact same personality so like we have the same humor like our boundaries are the same like certain you know like when you make a joke to someone and somebody would be a bit more sensitive than you and they'd be like that's not funny or vice versa like somebody would say something really dark to me and i'll be like that's not funny like i don't joke about that but me and

jess is like we have the exact same sense of humor um exact same what's the word morals um like personal boundaries of like this we're just more similar in that way so that's why we have such a strong friendship but in terms of our interests they i don't really know anything me and jess share an interest in apart from reality tv to be honest um um okay i used to i used to weigh a lot on music taste but relationship competence is more important yeah that's interesting that you used to think music taste was quite major I mean I get it because me and Jamie really bond over music so and one of our favorite things to do is just like blast out the tunes on on our long drives and sing together do you know what I mean or rap rap a bit of Kendrick Lamar I'm Kendrick

Lamar aka Benzist till me just take a yeah yeah, I'm a bit of a rapper. Anyway, I think it's fine as long as you have something in common, i.e. the same sense of humor. Yeah, okay, so literally just what I was saying. Agree, definitely agree. Yes, but I think it would require more work and effort from both people. I guess because if you have so much in common and you just naturally love to do all the same things, listen to the same things, watch the same things, it's just easy. Do you know what I mean? Someone says hard one. I really didn't care for my boyfriend's hobby, but learned to love it over time. Okay, that's interesting. Yes, but could be more difficult. Me and my boyfriend often bond

over liking the same music, TV, film. Yeah, I yeah i'm with you babe i think it can be nice to have your own hobby but it's good to have a few common interests definitely like you don't need to enjoy all of the same things like jamie isn't obviously gonna be driving on his way to work listening to waitress a musical and i don't need him to but i was gonna say he will still enjoy it with me but there are definitely things that like here this is an example I will watch Sophia and Cinzia because that's like my YouTube I like to watch that in my own company that's my thing and he will watch I don't know what he fucking watches he plays like a fucking football game do you know what I mean and that's like his thing we don't need to have everything in common. We don't need to do everything together. So yeah, but we have the things. I like it. Yeah, it's great to have

different interests and have time and space and things you enjoy apart. I definitely agree. Yes, as long as there are some common interests, I think it's healthy to have different interests. A hundred percent agree. I think so. I think it's more about whether your personalities match however my ex left me for this exact reason he thought we didn't have enough in common oh yeah that's that is tough it depends if you're like polar opposites but then like one of you already said sometimes polar opposites do attract like I have a family I have a family wait how do I wear this there's a couple in my family they're married and the woman is like super extroverted like so loud and bubbly and the man is just like

he loves to just like sit back and watch her take the stage and they are so happy that way do you know what I mean but then I suppose that's not about interests. Yeah, I'm sure they have the same interests. Yes, as it allows you, wait, it allows you both natural me time. Yeah, for sure. I think so. It's important to have your own hobbies and to pursue them too. 100. Yes, as long as you respect each other's taste and preferences. I think it is situational because it does depend on what we're talking about because like I said if someone's an adrenaline junkie you're gonna hate being with me I'll be so boring for you and also I'd be like fucking hell can you just get down from that building like imagine being with like a fucking parkour guy and he's doing backflips on top of fucking London Eye and

that I'd be like whoa do you know what I mean But if it was a case of like, you love comedy films, and I love a thriller, I don't like comedy films, I find them, I don't mind them, but I would never put a comedy film on at home, I'd only ever watch them at the cinema. But when I'm at home, I want to watch a thriller, dark thriller, drama, psychological, like that is my shit right and if you're like if you hate that i'm not gonna watch that alone because i don't want to watch it alone i want to watch it with someone so i'm like well i'm i want to be someone that watches that with me do you know i'm saying that's why that's where it'd be an issue babe do you know what i mean anyway i love that thank you so much for sending in all your responses I feel like we're

pretty much on the same page with that one or at least close enough we've all got like a similar idea on it you need to have a few things at least in common it doesn't have to be interest but whether that be humor or what you like to do do you know what I mean all right love you love you so much thank you for sending in your. Let's get into some dilemmas. Okay. Let's get into some dilemmas. I'm going to start off with this one. It says, girl, I need help. So I met this guy on Hinge. He is so lovely, everything you could ever want. However, I wasn't sure what I wanted and nor did he. He's going back to uni in September, so he says he doesn't want a relationship. Okay, but why? Why can we not have relationships when we're at uni, please? He's never had a girlfriend before. we said we'd always be honest with each other when

we knew what we did or didn't want it ended up coming out about a month and a half after we first met that he feels he doesn't want a relationship as he doesn't know what he wants and he feels like if he did he would know by now okay that's fair enough he feels we're at different points in our life as he goes to uni and i work he's okay but why does that matter i don't know he's currently on placement yeah so we live kind of close but when he goes back to uni we'll be three hours apart i keep telling myself i also don't want a relationship as i know we've labored it as casual however i'm so confused he's let me meet his family side note he's never ever brought a girl home or introduced him to his family. We see each other most weeks. It feels like we do everything you would do in a

relationship, but he claims he doesn't want it. But his actions scream that he would. That's the worst, isn't it? I think he doesn't know what a relationship is as he's never had one before. But I feel like I'm starting to get deeper feelings and would want a relationship but i'm also happy to keep it casual what do i do see this is difficult because normally it's the opposite normally a guy's telling you all the bullshit like yeah i really like you really like you but their actions speak otherwise say otherwise but in this case he's telling you i don't want a relationship i'm i just you know want to keep it casual and his actions are like saying that he's in fucking love with you so this is really difficult because obviously you go off how someone's acting

well when it's a nice way anyway if they're acting shit then you go off their words but in this case it's really difficult because it's like it's confusing you and he obviously sounds a bit confused but what I would say to you is life is too short to wait for someone who isn't sure about you someone hopefully will just be sure about you because I do get that confusion of like not knowing what you want and you know he's never had a relationship before so it might be a bit more of a like a big deal for him to get into a relationship because it's like oh be my first one that's going to be a serious one blah blah blah I don't want that to fail um but for you I would just make sure you're protecting yourself so don't convince yourself don't convince yourself you're happy for it to be casual

if it's because I think what you might be doing is you ideally you want a relationship with this guy but he doesn't he's like I just want to keep it going how it is keep it casual and I'm probably never going to meet my girlfriend and you're going I'm okay with that I'm okay with that because then it doesn't have to break up like it doesn't have to stop and it's like you'll keep them as close as you can get them and low-key we just hope they change their mind don't we and listen sometimes they do sometimes they do but I would just make sure you're protecting yourself if you genuinely feel like all I want is to be his girlfriend I genuinely do I don't want him to have anyone else I'm not interested in anyone else I just want to be with

him and he sat there and he's categorically said to you i'm not going to make you my girlfriend you have to do what's best for you in that situation even if it hurts because it will hurt a whole lot fucking more if it's six months down the line and you really really fucking like this guy and he sat there going i told you i didn't want i didn't want a relationship because then you haven't got a leg to stand on because it was your fucking choice that's what they do okay they're not silly about things they're very honest about where you stand and hopefully still they think hopefully she'll still just tag along with it all and i've been honest so when she does fall in love with me which she will i can just stand there and say but i told you what i was honest it's your fault do you mean you decided You told me you was all right with being casual. And if deep down you know, I do not want fucking casual with you. I think cut it,

to be honest. He's telling you where you stand and you just need to accept if that's good enough for you and if that's what you want. And don't say it is just because you want to keep him as close as you can, hoping he might change his mind. Because listen, there is a chance he might change his mind, but there's also a big chance that you're going to get royally fucked over and these are the hardest things to get over like the situation ship breakups are the hardest to get over because it's like not only are you dealing with all the feelings of a relationship breakup like i'm never going to see you again you're going to be with somebody else i'm going to have to stop texting you every day like and

you deal with all the things you deal with a relationship ending but on top of that you deal with that rejection of like you never even fucking wanted me in the first place and that hurts because you're like i just wanted you to want me enough to be with me do you know what i mean and that's hard that's really hard to accept and to like it's a it's a tough pill to swallow when someone just doesn't want to be with you and it's like why you're sleeping with me i'm meeting your family we're spending all this time together we're acting like boyfriend and girlfriend what is wrong with me but listen let me get one thing straight for you there's nothing wrong with you he obviously just doesn't want to relate to it right now and that's totally fine but you need to make sure that you don't get hurt in the long run and make sure

you prioritize what is best for you right now um and pay close attention to your head and your heart and you know i would write down the pros and cons of continuing to see this guy maybe because it sounds like you might end up hurt and i really don't want that for you um but it could be a case of you could just have another conversation and be like look i'm gonna be really fucking honest with you now. I, when I think about it, I think I do want to be in a relationship. And if you, if you can sit here and tell me there is absolutely no way that you thought like that about me. And if you can look at me and say, I can tell you now, I haven't thought about you that way. Be honest with me. It will upset me, but there's nothing

wrong with you telling me that I'd appreciate the the honesty and then I can make a decision from there. That's maybe bad advice. I'm not sure. Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection

so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side.

But yeah. Okay, I love you so much. But yeah, look after yourself in that situation always. Love you, babe. All right, next dilemma. This is kind of some... Oh, no, no, no. This one isn't. I feel like there was another similar one,

but I don't know if I saved it for this episode or not. We'll see when we get to it. All right. Hi, Leah. First off, thanks for being my British bestie. I'm an Aussie and love your impressions. Oh, no way. That's so kind. Thank you. I'm hoping you might be able to help. I'll give it my best shot. I've just turned 24 and feel like I'm so far behind in life. I moved back in with my parents last year because I'm going traveling at the end of this year for an extended period of time and didn't want to renew my lease and pay for a house when I'm not going to be there for

months, if that makes sense. 100% I think you did the right thing. My main thing is I really want a relationship. I had a boyfriend when I was 17, 18 and then experienced some trauma not long after and then COVID happened so I haven't had one since. I've had friends, sorry I have friends who literally have multiple children and are married. Not saying I'm anywhere near ready for that and I just don't even know where to start with dating. The idea of dating apps freaks me out a bit and I have very low confidence. No, you're beautiful. So don't know how else I would meet someone. My other issue with dating apps is I'm six foot tall and that would make me really anxious about meeting people virtually as it always seems to

be a problem for guys. Not for the right guys. Okay. I always worry that if I do find someone, the large gap in my dating history would freak them out what do you think definitely not i actually think a gap in your dating history is a green flag i do i've always said this if somebody was in a relationship from 17 to 25 non-stop in and out of them me no i had i had like a year and a half two years single single period, dating period, my crazy single girl life period. But anyway, if someone's been in a relationship nonstop, or I've got a choice of that, or someone who has had a big, nice long gap where they turned from a teenager to an adult, you know, live their life, got things off their chest, out the system, joint moon.

I'm much more comfortable with that. I would rather that, to be honest. I think it's a green flag. A gap in a dating history is a green flag for me. Am I crazy and overthinking? What would you do in my situation? At this point, I'm just planning on being an old spinster who travels a lot and doesn't speak to men. That will never happen. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks so much, honey, for all that you do. I love you so much. Okay. So I think it is so normal when we get to our mid-20s.

I've discovered it is normal that not all of us, I'm sure, but a lot of us go, fuck, fuck shit I was not prepared to be turning 25 tomorrow do you know what I mean like I had this conversation with my mum a few weeks back where I was like I'm getting really stressed out about the future and I've never stressed about the future ever like I've never stressed I've always winged it through my whole life and all of a sudden it's like one day i just woke up and i'm stressed the fuck about it and my mom said it happened to me i think it's so normal that we get to this position in our lives where we feel like we're supposed to have it all figured out just because a lot of people do have it all figured out or at least it seems that way and all I want to say to you is there are millions

of us listen I am with you in that situation okay I have a relationship but I'm saying I'm with you in the case of I don't know what the fuck I'm doing either I'm back with my parents and I'm just trying to enjoy it to be honest because once you leave home like obviously I've come back and fucking forth to be honest but usually typically when you leave home that's it so I really just try and enjoy the time that I have with my family because one day you're going to be old with your own family and these are all just going to be distant memories so I just tried to think you know I'm never going to be this age hanging out with my mum every day again and and I feel lucky that I get to do that so yeah but also um the relationship thing do not worry about that this is an amazing age to be single this is an incredible age to be single you should be living it up and that doesn't mean

like sleeping around whatever if that's what you want to do 100 go out and do it just use protection babe do you know what i mean and be safe always but also this is the time where we're figuring out who we are you're going traveling like this is an incredible time for you you're going traveling you're solo single experiencing life young wild free do you know what i mean and also if you do want to hop on a dating app don't be scared babe and if you think your height matters which you're beautiful regardless of anything that you, any of you are insecure about, you're beautiful, okay? But I just think put it in your fucking bio. Just say six foot if you've got a fucking problem, piss off.

Yeah, like just put it in. There's something to be proud of, babe. She's tall and sexy, yeah? Do you know what I mean? I'm above average. So yeah, I just think fuck it, babe. If you, you know, get stressed about your age, what you're doing with your life, just think, fuck it. I'm 24. I'm going fucking traveling. I'm single. All I got

to worry about is myself. I'm living it up. These are my prime years. I'm in my prime. Yeah. Enjoy it, babe. Love you so much. Okay. Next dilemma. Hey, beaut. Hi, gorgeous. Absolutely love your podcast. I listen to every episode. I love you. Thank you so much for listening. So I've been with my boyfriend for nearly five years, a long term. It's not been the best relationship and he's definitely not who I thought he was. Okay. Not a good start, babe. We broke up last year for a few months before trying again after he said he would change. We're still trying now three months in. While we were on a break, I ran into a guy from school on a night out who I've always had a little crush on. I can't remember much of the night as I got way too drunk.

But I remember him helping me out and getting me a taxi home and being really nice to me. But I found out he had a girlfriend. I obviously respected this and I've left him alone despite constantly thinking about him. Anyway I recently saw him again at one of my friend's weddings. He was subtly flirting with me and joking about how we've always had chemistry together and how nice I looked but he's still with his girlfriend and I just cannot get this guy out of my head what do I do it's like I'm obsessed and I'm just longing for him and his girlfriend to split up but that's not healthy it's not fair my boyfriend please give me some advice love you bye okay listen first of all I want to address the elephant in the room i say this all the time anytime we have a dilemma that involves a guy hitting on you but he has a girlfriend why would you want to be with

someone like that like seriously i couldn't think of anything more unattractive than a guy hitting on me making me feel like oh my god he thinks we have chemistry he thinks i look nice you have a girlfriend have a bit of fucking respect like that says so much about you what dick do i mean have a bit of respect for your girlfriend so immediately unattractive behavior from him why would you want to be with someone like that but i feel like the big issue here is how you're feeling in your relationship now there is a famous quote that says stop giving cpr to dead situations and let them die that sounded so brutal now listen that's not what i'm saying for you to do but i just want to throw it out there to see how it made you feel because a lot of the time i like to say break up with him because sometimes you'll hear that and you'll go

i'm glad you said that because that's what i was thinking deep down or you might go no no no no absolutely not an option so it's always interesting to see how your mind responds to the idea of ending a relationship but if you've been with someone five years and you're asking them to change whatever it is he needs to change and it's not being done and he's not who you he hasn't turned out to be who you thought he would be. I'm a bit like, well, babe, you deserve better than that. And five years is a long time. Like, you know, someone after five years and that doesn't go to say people can't change. I a hundred percent believe they can change. But when is this change going to happen, darling? We broke up for three months and you're

saying we're still working on this change. So yeah, when it comes to this other guy, I think, you know what? It might, might this may he may have come into your life for a reason to give you this wake-up call of like i'm interested in other people you know this guy isn't isn't it all right he doesn't have any respect for his girlfriend so if you ended up in a relationship with him how are you going to feel like he'd have any respect for you you know that would give me insecurities in the relationship if i ended up with somebody who was like fucking disrespecting their girlfriend to flirt with me i'd feel like well who the fuck are you flirting with disrespecting me now that i'm your girlfriend you know because a good guy would never fucking do

that do you know what i'm saying so yeah i think this may be a wake-up call for like maybe we're given CPR and it's it's dead you know maybe or maybe not maybe he will change but I think only you will really know the answer to that deep down I think you know whatever it is whether it be no I'm seeing really good progress I think I just need to get my head down and focus on myself focus on the relationship and everything will be fine or if it's a case of yeah what the fuck am i doing this guy ain't it do you know what i mean so yeah i love you babe keep me updated all of you keep me updated if i ever answer your dilemmas keep me updated send updates and yeah i love you everything will be all right you're amazing forget it okay let's do one more hey angel i need some bestie advice i got you i'm suffering bad

with relationship anxiety my boyfriend's literally perfect and i know he loves me so so much but i'm in this constant fear he's gonna leave me every time i see him i can i convince myself he's gonna break up with me oh my god God. That is so upsetting. You're working yourself up for nothing. He loves you, babe. I'm so worried. I'm not good enough for him because I don't drive. I don't have any savings. I still live with my parents. This isn't a bad thing. All right. You're incredible. Your self-worth does not depend on any of those factors. Okay. Carrying on. He's doing so well with his life has a great job and his own place that is incredible that's amazing for him but that

doesn't take away from how amazing you are we're planning on getting our own place next year and i don't have the savings to put into the property like he does but he's told me it's fine but i feel terrible and i feel so shit about myself i I feel like I'm just failing at life. You're not. You're really not. You're doing so good. You should give yourself some credit. Be proud of yourself. How do I stop this relationship anxiety? My head's always telling me he's going to break my heart but he treats me like a princess and always saying how much he loves me but I just shift this horrible thought. I just shift to these horrible thoughts going around my head. Love you. Love you. Right. I think you should try the elastic band on the

wrist technique because this is all self-sabotage. This is all mental torment going on in your head. I think rather than sitting there and going, you know what? So what if I don't drive? So what if I live at home? So what if I don't have any fucking savings? I'm still happy. I'm still enjoying my life. I'm still amazing. I'm still an amazing girlfriend, amazing friend, an amazing daughter, amazing company. I'm still kind and funny and talented and smart. Do you know what I mean? You can do all that, but sometimes it just doesn't help. So what I would suggest is getting a hairband on your wrist or an elastic band. And any time, this is a technique from my mum, by the way. It's obviously not her technique.

Like, it is from, like, a psychologist. But she taught me this. Any time you have these thoughts where you're like, oh, God, like, he's going to break up with me. Just fling that elastic band on the wrist. It sends signals to your brain. This works with any type of, like, overthinking anxiety and and stuff it really helped me when my health anxiety got really bad it sends like a signal to your brain and you almost lose your train of thought sometimes you've got fling yourself 10 times in a row babe but it's like it hurts but it's also not fucking pain like we're

not inflicting pain like it's more just like a little sting on the wrist right it's not painful like you're not going to hurt yourself it's more it just sends a signal to your brain i don't know the science or the psychology behind it but it really did help me so i just think anyone that's overthinking or talking negatively to yourself give it a go because what you need to look at is all the things you just said to me he's giving you so much reassurance he loves you he treats you like an absolute princess you're everything to him and that is all that matters that is all you need to focus on so have a little flick shut up like every time i flick myself on the wrist it's like i'm going shut the fuck up shut up to that bitch in my head that is like just negative that imposter syndrome whatever it is that we're any of us are dealing with it's like shut up do you mean and you

eventually you're training your brain to stop that habit because where you've done it over and over now anytime you see him that's what you're going to think in your head because that's what you that's like the routine you've gotten into if that makes sense so it's about undoing that and creating a new pattern of shut up i'm not thinking negative shut the fuck up and then replace that thought with i can't wait to see him i can't wait to give him a big kiss big squeeze can't wait love him what am i gonna wear what we're gonna wear oh i'm gonna look stunning i'm gonna put my best new underwear on like gotta look gorgeous or maybe i'll calm my hair he does love it when i calm my hair like do you know what i mean what we're gonna do we're

gonna go cinema maybe i'm gonna look what's on at the cinema do you know what i mean replace the thought with something positive and talk to yourself kinder because you are amazing and you deserve to just be nice to yourself you wouldn't if your friend come to you and she said babe i just feel really shit like i can't drive let's say you could do all the things that you feel shit about not having let's say you had your own place you had loads of savings and you could drive and your friend come to you and she said i can't drive i've got no savings and i live at home you would say to her so what you're amazing you're funny you've got an amazing job just so what if you haven't got savings life's fucking hard we're all sometimes we get ourselves in so such a financial mess from 17 18

19 20 21 20 whatever it is we gotta run do that it takes a while to get back on your feet especially if you've been to uni or whatever like me that's the reason i ain't got no bloody savings so it's like you'd say to your friend oh my god so what you're amazing your boyfriend loves you he adores you so talk to yourself like that do you know what i mean if your friend said that to you you wouldn't agree you wouldn't think yeah to be fair that is fucking shit i don't know what is with you you'd be like oh my god you're crazy he absolutely adores you how can you say that to yourself do you know what i mean so yeah love you so much um you're amazing and be kinder to yourself because you don't deserve to be hearing those things if any if anybody else spoke to you like that you'd call him a bully and stop being stop bullying yourself love you so much

that goes for anyone who talks negatively about themselves to themselves selves do you know what i mean all right guys let's wrap up the episode okay thank you guys so much for listening to this episode thank you everybody that sent in your dilemmas remember you can just go to learontheline.com now if you want to send one in it's really quick really easy maybe type it in right now give give the website a little browse hey any confessions send them in we will do another confessions episode i might i mean section i might do a confessions episode soon i might because i kind of love them and kind of miss them kind of want to bring them back but yeah love you guys so much i hope you all have an amazing week can't wait to see what happens on love island tonight i'm absolutely buzzing for it

and yeah love you Have an amazing week. And I will speak to you on Friday for a brand new episode. All right. I love you. Bye. We'll see you next time. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side.