Leah on the Line - 74: Can a bad partner EVER change & I can't move on after 3 years!

Episode Date: July 10, 2023

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leah on the line happy tuesday i was literally just sat downstairs with my family and my auntie's down shout out Leanne shout out she's like you're gonna give your old auntie a little shout out today shout out Leanne anyway and then she was she listens to my podcast on her dog walks because she's a dog walker I think I've said this a million times right and she was doing my intro and they were just getting it slightly off at first it was hello hi everyone happy tuesday um what you guys been up to blah blah and i was like you missed a bit you missed a bit and then they thought it was happy tuesday welcome back to another episode of leo on the line i was like come on guys you gotta get it to a t

it's a brand new episode of leo on the line so shout out to everyone that knows the intro by heart because love you I don't know how I developed like a routine intro it is a staple to the episodes these days and you know what one thing I didn't realize is I have done love you bye at the end of every single episode from the very first like I didn't plan that. I just did it. And I guess I just continued to do it. And now it's obviously like I do it on purpose. But yeah, like I listened to the first episode not long ago. And I was like, Oh my god, I said love you. Bye. Like all the way from day one. So day dot baby. I've just got my own things, you know, just original girl, just original girl, whatever. Anyway, how are you? Hope you had an amazing weekend,

an amazing Monday. Hope your week started off strong. If it didn't, doesn't matter. We have the rest of the week to change how it turns out. I'm feeling like I want to get back into my spirituality because I did get back into it for a bit and I've started to slip. And we did have a full moon supermoon the other day and I just literally slept on it. Like I didn't even do anything. I did shut my eyes and have a little word with the universe but that's lazy do you know what I mean you've got to create the life you want for yourself so I'm going to charge up my tarot cards again although I have said this before I saw online on TikTok that tarot is like connected with the devil and the universe like doesn't like it like it's a bad thing and it kind of freaked me out but I don't

know if it's true I don't know if it's true I think you just have to have good intentions you know and my intention's always pure like I'm never using the tarot or spiritual world to you know I don't know to manipulate or like to harm anyone you know what I'm saying but do you know what I used to love there's this girl on YouTube called Charmed Intuition Tarot my friend Zoe showed me her shout out Zoe my friend Zoe showed me her right and she will do like a crystal or a little toy like whatever just sat on a tarot card and you pick the one that you're drawn to then you go to that timestamp and she gives you a read-in and you'll get charms you'll get cards you'll get um a yes no maybe not sure whatever uh pendulum and i would take that shit so seriously like i would watch that and she'd be

like oh i'm seeing i'd watch it in like four times speed so she'd be like i feel like in the fourth of july there's going to be really amazing things for you this month i'm seeing travel i'm seeing I'd watch it in like full-time speed so she'd be like I feel like in the 4th of July there's going to be really amazing things for you this month I'm seeing travel I'm seeing I'm seeing abundance I'm seeing amazing opportunities I'm seeing something that's going to come your way in finance and at first it's going to be overwhelming for you and then it's just going to feel right and I will watch that and I'm like god it's really resonating really resonating and then I'll be like there's like 50 000 other people that have watched this video and picked this card and what we've all got the same like and i understand like obviously it resonates different parts of it resonates and it all means different things to you

but like now i'm thinking like how accurate can those readings be do you know what i mean and also do you know what else i was thinking about the other day i used to take tiktok tarot not seriously seriously but i used to think like oh it's actually like kind of legit like it's kind of legit because sometimes they were like creepy accurate like say you're going for a breakup it comes up like um you i can see that you're going for a breakup right now and obviously it'd feed my delulu and it would be like they are they cannot sleep you guys know i've told you a million times anytime i go for a breakup any sort of situation like that i delulu i sit there and i'm like they are going crazy about me they're literally losing sleep they're probably literally having sex with someone else right now

but it doesn't matter because not in my world darling not in my world they ain't anyway then my tarot reader will be like they are they're gonna reach out and it's gonna be I miss you and it's gonna be too late and I'm like yeah right too right darling too right anyway one thing I thought about the other day is do you know the amount of tarot tiktoks I've seen that like you are gonna get an amazing opportunity it's coming your way around 11 a.m tomorrow Do you know how many times I've seen that? Where are these opportunities, darling? Listen, don't get me wrong. Every little opportunity to me, massive. Every win is a win, a big win. Whether it be working with a dream brand,

whether it be growing on my TikTok following, whether it be I've posted a singing video and it's it's done really well whether it be my mental health's just had a good week a win is a win they are big things right but the way they tell me these things are like your life is about to change like no one is going to recognize you this is going to be a new life sorry when just roughly like when is this going to happen because I've seen about a thousand telling me this and just like wondering when just like just roughly when you know like give or take like like august like when is this going to happen because i'm ready i'm ready do you know what i'm saying anyway i don't know how i ended up getting into that conversation but how are you hope you've all had an amazing weekend. I actually again shout out Leanne my auntie for the weekly debate because she came to me with this idea and I don't know how we haven't done it. We might have done something similar but we haven't

done this specifically so I'm genuinely really intrigued. I haven't looked at what you guys have said yet. I'm really intrigued to see what you're going to say. I still don't even know where I stand on it but it's going to be very interesting. I hope you guys are all feeling good today. If not, hopefully I can make you feel a little bit better. Thank you so much for having me in your company. Thank you for having, wait, thank you for being in mine. And yeah, let's just get into the episode. Thank you so much for listening to Lear on the Line. Head to learontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Remember to follow on socials to see visual clips and get involved with the weekly debates. Enjoy the episode. Love you.

Okay, everyone, whatever it is you're doing right now. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode. I really hope you stay to the end. Okay, I think we should just get into this weekly debate. It's kind of a heavy one. Well, not that heavy. Let's just go. All right. My question for you today is, can a bad partner really change? Now, I know that sounds vague. So I've been a little bit more specific and I've added more to the question. I said, do you think someone can go from treating you poorly, cheating, lying, neglect, toxicity, like any of the above, it doesn't have to be all of them, any of them, to really changing and treating you right? So say you've been with someone for a year, two years, four years, however many, right? And it's like,

for a year two years four years however many right and it's like it's the up and down it's the roller coaster it's the toxicity it's the neglect it's the talking to you like shit making you feel like shit the tears the gaslighting the narcissism like anything any any of that right maybe even cheating whatever and do you think that obviously it's not it's not an overnight situation but do you think we can suddenly see that person it doesn't have to be suddenly we can see that person treat you totally different they're kind to you they're patient with you they prioritize you they're honest with you they listen to your feelings they apologize they take accountability you know they put themselves in your shoes they suddenly feel take accountability you know they put themselves in your shoes they suddenly feel empathy do you know what I'm saying can it happen right let's have a

look what you guys are saying because I've always said I don't believe that is it a leopard never changes its spots yeah I think it is I don't believe that a leopard never changes its spots I don't think you're just a prick for life I I think people change. I've seen it, right? But when it comes to a relationship, I don't know if it can happen in the same relationship. So let's have a look what you guys say. Someone says, nope, once a cheat, always a cheat. Once an arsehole, always an arsehole. As you guys know, I don't actually believe once a cheat, always a cheat, but I know a lot of you do and i can actually see why okay and i believe it can be the case let's be real okay someone says i'm hoping for some positive stories and good advice from this one i love you right let's have a read i believe someone can change but i would be too hurt to

ever get over it even years later right so you're you're saying, I get it. It's like you, you've treated me like shit for years. Yeah. You might be fucking perfect now, but you made me feel that low. You want me to just get over that and be all happy families together. I can't do that, darling. I get it. Nope. I've experienced this. He cheated on me. We split, got back together. He proposed and we've just split again within 24 hours he was on tinder and after three weeks in a relationship okay it's giving insecure so don't worry about that babe love you do you know what i mean fuck him babe okay um only if these things were once slash a short period of time repeatedly no good luck no how no no not a chance experience forgiven and forgiving a cheat firsthand

and they always hurt you again no they will change for the right person though that is a whole nother debate like you know how we always say well we not we but you always hear people say like someone can cheat and cheat and cheat and cheat or just be a shit fucking partner to everyone they've ever been with and then all of a sudden you they get that new girl or new guy and it's like they're just everything you wanted them to be because I think when you've been with someone like that and you end the relationship you have such a fear that they're going to give somebody else everything you begged for do you know what I mean like what if they get with somebody else and and he or she gets everything I wanted from them do you know what i mean like we all have that fear when you're in that situation don't you but then after a while you're like oh i don't give a fuck anyway you

were shit to me that's all that matters um you can forgive and grow from it but someone treated you like that doesn't deserve you no their true colors always show i think it would take serious work from the guy okay no not at all people who behave like that have those traits rooted in them see that's a very interesting point because i do totally actually get that it's like well if you're just a fucking liar and you've been a liar all your life and you don't feel empathy and like your boyfriend or girlfriend can be in tears next year and you don't feel empathy and like your boyfriend or girlfriend can be in tears next year and you don't give a fuck that's just gonna go away is it you're not just gonna suddenly go oh my god that's awful how could you do that do you know what i'm saying maybe it does i don't

know that's what this is maybe they can change but i don't think i would ever forgive them for that kind of behavior i'm glad you're no chance they've no respect for you otherwise they'd they'd have never done that to begin with um i think once you've let them treat you like that they know they can get away with it the change won't last so okay that kind of leads me on to my opinion because i feel like when it comes to um breaking up like say you've been with someone and let's take out cheating because i feel like cheating can be a whole nother story but let's say you've just been with someone and they would just shit like they gaslit you you'd say you've made me feel like this and they'd go i can't believe you i can't believe you said that to me i can't believe you're telling me that

i can't believe you're accusing me of that and then you apologize that it's been one of those arguments where it's been torment it's been a roller coaster it's up and down you feel invisible and everything's more important than you you know those relationships right and then I feel like they these people can change but I feel like a lot of the time it takes losing that person who was amazing and unfortunately I feel like maybe one day they will be they will I don't necessarily think they'll be the most perfect partner but I do think they will be less of a selfish prick because they've learned sometimes sometimes they learn their lesson but in a lot of cases it's like we've all seen it where someone treats you like shit and then you find out their ex says the same fucking thing about them and the ex before that has the same thing to say you know

what i mean so it's like it doesn't actually matter who you are who how amazing you are i think maybe the only oh and drop my mic the only thing that can really change someone maybe is like pure pain and to be on the floor oh my god I just lost the best thing to ever happen to me I don't know I I don't know or just growth for wanting to do wanting to be better for themselves maybe going to counseling having a look inwards why am i like this why do i treat people like this what am i missing in myself you know what void am i trying to fill by entertaining other women or men or whatever it is they're doing why am i lacking empathy why do i not care that they're crying next to me do you know what i mean

Why do I not care that they're crying next to me? Do you know what I mean? Nope. Once a bad egg, always a bad egg. From experience, they'll be good. Oh my God. They will be good for a bit, but that's it. See, this is the difficult thing, isn't it? Because you do the whole, I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be with you anymore. I deserve better. And then there's, I'm so sorry. You're're so right I'll do everything better I'll be everything you want and obviously you want that so you're like I don't know but okay and deep down you're like please don't let me down please don't let me down and they do and then you're back in that trauma bond of oh my god I'm on the floor I feel so shit they're back to their old ways they're treating me shit again and then it's I'm on the floor i feel so shit they're back to their old ways they're

treating me shit again and then it's i'm so sorry i love you so much you're everything to me and they say everything that takes all that pain away that you want to hear and then yeah you're on cloud nine together and then it slowly sometimes quickly goes back to shit and you're in that oh oh god i'm really i'm really hurt you really hurt me again and then i'm so sorry i love you so much oh i'm really hurt again oh i'm so sorry i love someone and then one day you go fuck you enough is enough do you know what i mean but can they change i don't know it's so hard has anyone seen it has anyone witnessed it because that's what i was hoping to read and i'm not reading that i% no's. Someone says yes in a new relationship. Yeah, I can see that. See? I believe they can, but not unless they lose you. Yeah, that's what I think. Sadly. No, not at all.

I begged my ex of four years to change and they never do. You just have to walk away. begged my ex of four years to change and they never do you just have to walk away yeah you do you know because you know what i think is this is this is what i think right you know when you're begging someone to change please just prioritize me please understand my feelings please listen to me please imagine how it feels to be me, please, please, right, you beg someone to change, sometimes you've got to look at that and think, there are, what, seven billion people in this world, I don't know how many, lots, lots of people, and I'm trying to teach you how to be a decent person, instead of just going and getting a decent person that involves no work do you know what I mean because there's plenty and for some reason I want you I want to teach you how to be

better rather than just being with someone who's better but I you know we all do it so I don't know why but okay but can they change um okay think so. My relationship has changed so much recently, but been the hardest year, but fingers crossed. Okay, fingers crossed for you, babe, to be honest. I'm rooting for you, 100. Yes, but it's whether you're willing to accept the past and give them a second chance. My ex-boyfriend did try, but I couldn't let what he did go and I couldn't trust him see sometimes the damage is done you know yes definitely but it takes time okay um I think they could but I think it would be hard to believe to believe it so it wouldn't feel better oh my god that's such a good point like you'd almost be waiting for it to just crash and burn.

Do you know what I mean? Like, would you be able to fully relax and enjoy this new happy relationship with that person? Because you constantly I would personally I'll be like, Oh God, are we gonna is it gonna? How many days left do I have like this? You know? But yeah, I mean mean to be honest I feel like from this weekly debate there is still no verdict because I haven't actually read a story in all of the answers and all of the dms there's not been one response that says yep I was with someone the first year was hell now we're so happy it's been six years wouldn't even recognize the old him you know and I haven't read that so but also I think one thing we need to remember is like we do not deserve to be trying to change someone we deserve to just be treated right and if somebody is fucking shit to you the whole time

then fuck you babe yeah all right love guys. Let's get into the episode. Okay. The debates this week, I'm really excited about. One of them, I did reach out to you guys to give your advice because it's a tough one. So I actually think I'm going to kick off with that. So let's just dive straight in today, everybody. All right. This one says, Hi, Leah. I've been listening to the podcast for a few months and have listened to everything from the start. Oh, my God, that takes some dedication. Love you and appreciate you. Let's get into the dilemma. I've been in a relationship now for four years. Okay, pretty strong. In the beginning, we both lived and worked in the same city, although he wasn't from there. Almost two years ago,

he had to move for work to a different town, not where he is originally from. And we have been long distance ever since. We fly back and forth because it's just too long in the car. At the minute, there is no plan which would end the long distance. When this started, we said two years max long distance, but that time is up and I fear we could be like this for years more if someone doesn't make a change. He loves his job. He's very successful in his career.

He's much more money slash career driven than I am. Sadly, there is no scope for him to come back and work where i live in his current job similarly i love where i live i bought my own home recently oh my god slay love that for you and i'm in a job that i enjoy although it may not be a dream a dream job i feel one of us is going to have to make a massive compromise if things are going to work him job me family home we can't be long distance forever and i do want the typical marriage kids etc the question is are big compromises worth it for relationships this might be a good debate as i'm sure people have been in this situation such a great idea let me know if you guys want that thank you so much would really love your take on this i love you okay um so i wasn't really sure because i think distance is a really difficult one

to navigate from the outside because i think when you're on the outside it's so easy to be like well do you mean loads of people out there like whatever but we need to be realistic here we're in love with this person we want a future together do you know what i'm saying so i've reached out to you guys and you have come through we have some long responses which i'm over the moon about and it actually reminded me i really wanted to do an episode i totally forgot about it where i call my listeners and read you a dilemma and you help me answer it so let me know if you guys still want that we can definitely do that for a Friday so let's read this response okay if she's in a truly stable and loving relationship things like this are worth a conversation can they not sit down and have a chat

and at least start to sketch out a plan okay fantastic i love this from you already i understand i can see she's mentioned that he's very successful and how he has his own stuff but life is about compromise and meeting people halfway so surely they can have a chat and come to some sort of agreement or arrangement from an outside pov and from what she said, her life does seem like she could maybe move more because his side, oh sorry, move more his side because she mentions how she likes her job, but it might not be a dream job. But practically, I would go about it like this. Have a think what would you yourself truly want? Do you see yourself here in your space in the next three years?

Do you want to move jobs in the next year? Ask all these important questions and once you have your answers then have that conversation with your partner it will be easier to have that conversation with your partner if you go into it knowing that you want knowing what you want from life in the next few years then listen to his responses and what he wants and then start to draw a plan together this type of thing will take more than one chat so be willing to listen to him and be clear and concise on what you want you deserve to have everything you want from life and don't sell can we have a round of applause for this babe

please because that was absolutely gorgeous that was fantastic that was a fantastic piece of writing um and yeah round of applause everybody because thank you so much I couldn't have said it better myself I think she made some really great points so it's important to pay attention to these details in your dilemma about you know you said it's not your dream job and that would be harder if he was in his dream job you was you were in your dream job fucking hell that's hard to say dream job dream job dream try and say that five times dream job dream job dream job oh my god actually try that dream job dream job dream job oh my god how many of you are doing that right now dream job dream job dream job job job oh my god it's making me mad

anyway everyone's looking like a lunatic right now listen to this what i'm saying is if you both were in your dream jobs that would make it harder and you know as she said life is about compromise and I think it is risky and scary to say like I'm just gonna up my fucking life and move for this guy but this could potentially and hopefully be your future family your future everything your future life will be together and together is home you know oh that was absolutely beautiful for me i'm sorry everyone write that down everyone write that down because whoa do you mean she's a lyricist that was gorgeous anyway let's have a look at some other responses because i think you said that perfectly but let's see some other perspectives too big of a compromise may not be worth it as sometimes partners can resent the other see this is why it's so good to debate these things because

so true here um sometimes partners can can resent the other because of it leading to issues further down the line see this is the thing you've got ammunition there like can you imagine in your next one you're like i upped my whole life and moved for you mate so don't stop with that you know what i mean kind of true um i mean that wouldn't be fair to do but i'm saying like you can build that resentment deep down anyway it really depends on people's personalities though a really honest conversation is needed you need to really dig deep into your heart what you both truly want sometimes when you love someone you have to just let them go live their dream you can love someone you have to just let them go live their dream you can love someone but not want the same things and that's okay but they're

the hardest type of breakups when it's mutual good luck girly okay next next perspective big compromises can work i would be intrigued to know how well the last two years has gone how years oh have gone have you managed to stay strong as a couple, even when long distance? It's worth a big discussion. Would he consider the move? Would you? What would your future look like? If you compromise hugely, are there any smaller compromises that he could make?

E.g. agreeing to fly to visit your family every so often. I think it's worth taking the chance and having faith this isn't your dream job make the most of life i love these right let's do another one these are really helpful i really need to see that phone call one because i'm actually realizing i'm actually shit advice i should end my podcast anyway no i shouldn't a big compromise is definitely worth it if the person is right if they're your bff and you can't imagine your life without them if after a long day you want to talk to them and hug them they are your person you'll have to have a really deep conversation about all the pros and cons of all options it sounds like

you'd be willing to uplift your life for him but would he be willing to do the same if it was possible please be careful though it can't all be one-sided even though one of you has to make the biggest change biggest compromise through life there'll be many more and you can't then bring this up and use it like ammunition later you guys are so intelligent for me i know i would go anywhere in the world to be with my husband we've been married five years but together 14 i moved away from from family but he is now my new family and I have no regrets. Do what's right in your heart but talk about it just really have clear communication. So one thing my mum always does always advises me is when it comes to like whether you want to

end your relationship whether you want to take a new job like whatever it is any big decision where it's scary to you you write down the pros and cons even if you know even if it's a head and a heart situation if it's you know what you want to do but you part of you thinks it's not the right choice whatever it is that whatever it is that's making it difficult decision you write down the pros and the cons of the decision and it is really helpful so you could write down what are the pros of me staying here what are the pros of me staying here pros family you know I've got my own house I've got my friends here I know what I know where I am blah blah blah cons I don't know how many there would be you know obviously the long distance relationship what are the other cons i'm not sure maybe you're sick of

your small town or whatever the cons are for you that involve living at home right and then you can do the pros and cons of moving away and the cons would be you know you leave your friends you leave your family blah blah and then the pros would be you get to be with your partner, you get to build on a more stable future, you hopefully, you might have made some profit from your house, I'm not sure, all of these things, right? And then if you look at that, it can be helpful. Even if the paper says you should make one decision, realizing how seeing it makes you feel can also help. Like say, looking at the pros and cons is like, well, there's a lot more pros, but I still don't want to do it. That also speaks volumes, you know? So yeah. Let me know any updates with that one,

because I do agree with the girls, with the listeners, listeners it is a situation of long conversations looking out mapping out a future plan it doesn't have to be a plan because who can really plan the future but goals and where you'd like to be do you know what i mean so yeah love you good luck with that we're all here keep us updated and you got this babe just remember life is about compromise risk new directions change excitement fear feel the fear and do it anyway you know all right i love you let's do another one hey girl i love the pod and you so much oh i love you so much sorry if this is a long sorry if this is a long one and not explain the best but my dad and his girlfriend have recently got engaged i'm happy for them and

love them both they haven't booked the wedding or anything yet it's only in the very early stages of planning fyi i'm not really very close with my dad and we talk maybe once a month and see each other for only occasions like father's day and christmas i don't want to sound like a downer i'm not sure it will come to this but anyway when their wedding comes around i really don't want to be asked to be a bridesmaid for her so the dilemma is how can i say no to being a bridesmaid if i get asked in a polite way it's just not my thing and i would just feel so uncomfortable what would you do help her go out thank you so i think this is probably quite common because i think walking down the aisle is a lot of people don't like having eyes on them a lot of people don't like having that pressure you know i've got to wear a fucking bridesmaid dress i've got everyone got walk everyone's just staring me on and walk down i've got i've got to rehearse i've

got right okay when this part of the song comes on bridesmaids go i don't want this i just want to enjoy myself here for a good time do you know what i mean and i think it's fair if i asked somebody to be a bridesmaid and they were just honest and said look that means the absolute world to me and do not get me wrong I would love nothing more than to be a bridesmaid but it is it would fill me with so much anxiety and nerves that it wouldn't be a pleasant experience for me and I wouldn't want to not be able to enjoy you know in this case my dad's wedding and I if somebody said that to me I'd be like oh my god I get it like of course and I think that's fair enough so I think it's totally okay to be honest and it's not rude if you just say like look honestly it means the

world to me that you've asked me and I really hope you're not offended by this but it's it's nothing to do with the wedding or nothing like that I just it's I don't like that tension you know I wouldn't I wouldn't enjoy it you know I just want to be able to enjoy the wedding like if there's any way I can help like whatever and I think that's okay I really do because there are a lot of people a lot introverted people that it's like that's okay. I really do. Because there are a lot of people, a lot of introverted people that it's like, that's my idea of hell, being a bridesmaid. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, I think you can just be honest, babe. Like I really do. But yeah, let me know. And don't feel bad about that. I think loads of people probably feel the same, you know? All right. Love you. Next dilemma. Hey girl, absolutely love the podcast. I love you. Thank you. So here's my dilemma. The names I've used, I've already changed. So don't worry.

Got it. So me and my boyfriend have been together for two years and everything is great. We live together, et cetera. But he has a slightly crazy ex. They broke up four years ago. I'm going to call her Sarah. So Sarah is a little obsessed over who he dates and still stalks Ben's family. Sarah had made an account on Instagram to stalk me on, stalks all the family with what they're doing. But here's the catch. Sarah is also in a relationship and upon some research lives with her new boyfriend and by the looks of it they've been together a while sarah has even gone as far as using my personal trainer she wants your body she lives nowhere near where me and ben are and my personal trainer has been a friend for years

okay well why the fuck have they taken them on as a client then i just don't know how I handle this. Constantly being watched via her stalking family's accounts and my coach's Instagram. Thankfully, oh my God, thankfully, my Insta is private so she can't stalk me. Just the weirdest bit for me is she's in a relationship and has a house with the guy, yet she's still worried slash obsessing over who Ben is in a relationship with do i take this as a compliment and ignore the stalkish behavior according to ben this is something she has always done i've thought about messaging but ben seems to think it will make it worse help how do i handle this do you know what up until the end i thought

oh fucker who cares i mean obsessed with me like a bit like that but the fact that Ben's advising you not to is a bit odd like if she's going to the point of like stalking you his family copying your personal trainer like it's it's not just like viewing his stories every now and then it's stalking obsessing right I think that's really annoying and actually borderline a bit rude and disrespectful to you as his now girlfriend so if I was in your position I really understand why you'd want to say like look I'm not being rude but it's really I don't find this nice it's just it's uncomfortable for me but the fact that he's advising you not to i don't want to put anything in your head but do you know what it would just

make me think well why was she going to tell me what do you not want her to communicate with me have you had some sort of conversation like why is she still this obsessed with you you know so to be honest personally that would be the only thing that would bother me the most the fact that ben's like oh no no don't message her whatever you do don't message her but then i do get it i do get it because if i was ben i'd probably be like please don't fucking message them like i really don't want to deal with that shit in my life like i really don't just ignore him like if that was my ex-boyfriend or something i'd be like just ignore him please i really can't be dealing with do not want any communication with them at all. So I do get that.

But it'd be nice to hear him say, I mean, you can if you really want, do you know what I mean? If it would really make you feel better, you can, and I support you. But just let me see what you say first. I don't want no arguments. I don't want no confrontation. I don't want you to be like, like bitchy about it. And just to know that it's like well you can if you really want then I'd be like well I was gonna say no but why are you saying no you know like that it's like well I won't but it was just a bit weird that you were so against it is that making any sense to anybody am I just crazy so yeah I think it's totally up to you if it feels completely like over the top weird i don't think it's that that weird to just send a message and be like hey like i really don't mean

to be like bitchy or anything but i've just seen like you you keep watching things and blah blah it's just kind of making me uncomfortable like blah blah blah just wondered if you could like fuck off no do you know what i mean but like just just say it kindly like you always should be kind to people there's no reason to ever be nasty to somebody but if it's really making you uncomfortable that's important as well and should be important to ben but if it doesn't bother you that much and you you almost just feel a bit like oh my god she's just a bit weird like why she keep looking at my shit then i would just ignore it and I would just hopefully she gets bored I mean to be fair you've been together quite a while haven't you um yeah two years okay you've been together two years so they've been split up for at least two years so that's why it's giving weird but I mean she can't do this for life can she

so if it's just sort of annoying I would just ignore and just you know very flattering whatever I'm happy I hope you're actually happy it's kind of upsetting but I hope you're happy right but if it's actually pissing you off to the point of it's making you quite upset and uncomfortable just be nice about things I think that's just always the important thing you never need to make somebody upset you know okay I love you um let's do one more dilemma actually I'm very tired today I'm so tired I had them builders round at like eight o'clock this morning it was it's hell I was like brilliant they're like banging and knocking walls down and drilling I was like turn it up turn it up baby yeah I'm knackered can't wait to get into bed tonight anyway okay let's do this one it's tough but let's do it anyway hey love your podcast and find the

girly chat so comforting love you I'm so happy you enjoy the girly chat because I love the girly chat I'm so happy you enjoy the girly chat because I love the girly chat. My dilemma is I literally cannot get over my ex-boyfriend. We were so toxic. We had a horrible breakup five years ago, which I took really badly. He literally traumatized me and I've not been in another relationship since. We did three years of absolute no contact before he messaged me out of the blue. absolute no contact before he messaged me out of the blue oh fuck off can i live we got back together stupid i know but i'd never gotten over him that's so upsetting like three years no contact and you still hadn't moved to like to that point where you were like fuck him i'm over him but my my heart actually breaks for you in that situation there. We split up again last year and I just feel lost ever since. I know we're bad together and he is the definition of a narcissist.

None of our family and friends want us together but I just can't get over him. Speaking to other boys feels like cheating and I feel like I treat my life as if we're just on a break and we'll end up together. I can only see a future with him and I can't snap out of it any advice would be so appreciated sorry it's long and depressing oh my god never apologize this is so tough because my advice would be like just give it time babe just give it time but you've give it time and you still it's still really hurting you and for me I think do you know what I'd really recommend counselling I really do I think we need to just heal it's just it's giving unhealed is that a word I don't think so but for me I all I want for you in this situation is to be healed and to put a put it in a box close the lid lock it put it aside

burn the box actually don't put it aside because then it's still there but you know like I'd really like better help not sponsored but anything like even if it's just zoom calls like someone just to talk this out with process it because obviously your family have their opinions and so do his so it's it's not easy to go to your friends and family but to be able to go to a total stranger who is qualified in processing emotions and understanding ourselves and why you might be finding it so hard because it might be deep-rooted why you're finding it hard to let go of this i think it would be really good for you just to talk to somebody and just be like you know I think about him every single fucking day and just have that place to let it all out and the heel and move on it might take a couple more years

but it will happen like you will not spend your entire life thinking about this relationship but there has to be a reason that it's been really difficult for you to let go of and i truly believe i know counseling isn't for everyone but i truly believe therapy would really help you understand why that might be does that make any sense um and just really give that love to yourself because you've been through so much and you deserve love like you said he's a narcissist and I know it's so easy for me to sit here and say like oh look at all the reasons you shouldn't be with him like you said you're you're toxic together you're not good together he's a narcissist none of your families want you together like I don't need to tell you that he's not good

for you you know that that's why you're not together. So it wouldn't be helpful. And I'm sure that's what your friends and family tell you as well. I think it would be really important to just look inwards and be like, where am I lacking love? Do you know? Like we need to show ourselves more love here. And really prioritize yourself and what makes you happy and what you get out of life and what you enjoy about life.

And heal because these relationships can really damage you. And it's really important for you to heal and move forward and process things. Yeah, I love you, babe. I'm really sorry that it's still hurting you after all that time. But I promise you it won't feel like this forever, even though it probably feels like it will because it's been a long time already it won't but I really do recommend counselling but obviously I totally understand that's not for everyone but yeah let me know send me a message if you ever do decide to do that or just send me a message if you ever need a friend I love you all right let's wrap up the episode.

Okay. Oh my God. That last dilemma has made me feel really upset. Like, oh, I just want her to be okay. Let's all manifest love, happiness, positivity for this listener. Let's all manifest it. All right. I hope you all have an amazing week.

Let me know whatever you get up to, any you have any exciting days coming up I'll be live on TikTok across the week if you want a live catch up meet me over there and yeah I love you guys so much thank you for listening to this episode remember to send in your dilemmas and confessions to leahontheline.com I was going to say at gmail.com I mean you can also do that too, but learontheline.com tends to be the most popular. If you want me to bring back the confession diaries, let me know. Just make sure you send them in. And yeah. Oh, I'm so looking forward to getting into bed. You guys have no idea. I'm exhausted. Oh, negative. Let's be positive. All right. right I'm gonna go do some tarot and watch Charmed Intuition Tarot on YouTube and be like oh my god I'm gonna be rich at 11am tomorrow this is

amazing oh by the way I remember saying that I found a five leaf clover and bought a lottery ticket didn't win not even two pound not even a pound didn't win a thing. So whatever. Anyway, love you guys so much. And I'll speak to you on Friday for a brand new episode. All right. I love you. Bye.