Leah on the Line - 79: How do I stop thinking about his exes & he sleeps with his phone in his pocket?!

Episode Date: August 14, 2023

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leah on the line happy to use day happy tuesday everybody how are you how many of you guys say that in your head or maybe even out loud when I say that every week? Hands up, come on, hands up, show of hands. I have my smear test today, yeah. So I did it for you lot and for myself obviously but what gave me the kick up the arse to book it in was one of you, I did mention this before actually I think, one of you sent me am saying like can we talk about women's health like in particular smear tests and I thought you know what who am I 25 years old sitting on the smear test still not done it you're right I should do it and then the next day I got a letter from my doctor saying you

need to book in your smear I was like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa why me what why do i need to do it anyway so books are in i literally called them up listen when i tell you right just anyone that's new i have health anxiety i'm not trying to make it my entire personality but it can be a little bit consuming okay so normally let me explain a little something to you right with my health anxiety it's not just the whole health that is terrifying. It's the calling up the doctor, being in the waiting line on the phone for an appointment, having to talk to the receptionist. And it's not the phone call fear, because I do get phone call fear every now and then, but not really that bad. Like, I forgot to make a phone call, make a phone call, do you know what I mean? But it's just the whole process. It

all comes down to this health fear, yeah, and then it's the, yeah, okay, come in at two o'clock, right, now I've got to spend the whole day in turmoil, my appointments are two, my appointments are two, and then I'll have to make my way down to the appointment, awful timing, like, it's just, I mean, awful time, like, it's, it's awful, and then I have to sit in the waiting room, awful, and then I have to go to the actual appointment and sit in the appointment, awful, and then I have to wait to hear what room, awful. And then I have to go to the actual appointment and sit in the appointment, awful. And then I have to wait to hear what's potentially wrong with me, awful. So the whole process is just really, really difficult, right? But I just rang up in the afternoon.

I was like, hi. Just pretending I have no problem with it. Hi, I just received a letter to book in my smear. Just wondered if I could do that over the phone at all. Yeah, of course. Let me book that in for you. We've got one in August. Fantastic. soon as possible be great yeah get it in doesn't matter what time yeah get me there and the thing is with me is what when i'm scared of

something i'll just commit to it so say that i've been invited to something i'll just say yeah i can go because i don't like letting people down so if i say i'll go then i'll go and especially when it comes to the nhs and stuff if i commit to an appointment then I'll go and especially when it comes to the NHS and stuff if I commit to an appointment you better believe I'm not missing it okay you know what I'm saying not trying to waste any any time with the NHS you know you've got to show up for your appointments guys so appointment was today and my anxiety was quite bad in the morning like I was like a little bit shaky a little bit twitchy I was like oh god i'm fucking out and i was explaining this to my mum like it's not the getting my fanny out that bothers me it's the whole appointment

process like i just explained like it being health related is what terrifies me i don't really mind getting my fanny out do you know what i mean like i told you guys before i had a cervical no what's it called cervical scan where they put the dildo in and they like that's how they found me polycystic ovaries right and at that time i was really content and happy and like just thriving so my anxiety was like non-existent at the time so i was just i didn't even sweat it i went on my own i was like yeah ramming in babe literally slid right in i was relaxed as anything so i was like okay i'm gonna be fine like I've done this before like I don't mind getting my puss out but it was the whole health thing that it was I'm not having a great time with at the moment so yeah she puts the clamper thing in you know that like spreads you

open that bit was the only bit that I didn't like that bit can I just say the doctor was absolutely amazing like she made me feel so comfortable she was so sweet like I brought my mum with me and she was like oh you brought mama so nice like lucky you're lucky you know to have a really supportive mum and then she was like um yeah it's your first one don't worry and like talked me through it and basically said to me like don't worry we're not like detecting I can't even talk about it but you know what I mean right oh god and she basically was just like this is all prevention like you you know this is a good thing well done for showing up today basically and I was like oh thank you and then she puts the thing in and um she that that almost just felt like a scratch to my insides like I don't know if maybe the tool she used

was just a little bit old I don't know it just felt a little bit rough around the edges and then she like twisted it in I was like oh ouchy um and I didn't feel it like open or anything maybe I've just got a massive pussy then she went right now I'm just gonna do the swab and it's gonna feel a little bit like someone's scratching your insides okay I was like okay yeah yeah that's absolutely fine I was like well I don't really have a choice but yeah anyway didn't feel a thing didn't even feel it like she could have just pretended to do it I wouldn't have known didn't feel it the only thing I felt was the thing that opens the vagina going inside me and sitting inside me that's the only thing I

felt so someone explained that not sure anyway and then she said that I have to wait two to three weeks for like a positive or negative result for is it called HPV or something and I'll tell you what I was all right all day I was like do you know what I'm fucking amazing doing that I'm so proud of myself that's such a big thing for me to be able to do I know it's so minor like smear tests like we all get them like well we should all get them and it's it's just important we got to do it we just got to show up and and do these things and it's just part of being a woman it's part of being responsible adult you know taking care of our health and we're amazing what we're amazing it's amazing that we're lucky enough to have the nhs to have access to these

services and stuff and it should it shouldn't feel like a big deal obviously the main reason it did feel like such a big deal was because i have health anxiety but don't get me wrong i know that it can feel a big deal to someone that doesn't have health anxiety as well which is kind of the main reason i wanted to do it because i wanted to be able to sit here and say look it is honestly fine and when I tell you when I tell you it takes 10 seconds I don't even think it was 10 seconds like it literally wasn't even that so yeah this is your sign if you've been meaning to book in your um smear test this is your sign if I can do it you can do it you'll be fine if you feel really nervous take someone with you you know I'll come like it's you'll be so fine you can do really nervous, take someone with you, you know, I'll come. Like,

you'll be so fine and you can do it. If you're scared, you can do this. But yeah, so I was fine all day. I was like almost laughing about it. And I was like, never again, never again. Like, just obviously I'm joking. And then this evening, I've been like, really, my health anxiety has just really consumed me. And it's nothing even related to the smear test it is something completely different about a whole nother body part and I know deep down the only reason I'm really sweating is because of how traumatic I've made today like I really bigged it up into this big thing and I know that that's why I'm feeling extra not out of control but consumed by it and I know that it's just because today wasn't just a normal day for me but yeah I have really had a bit of a

shit couple of hours because I've been really fixated on something and like the thing is for someone who is constantly analyzing their body like doing the job I do where I film videos of myself and edit videos of myself for a living is fucking scary like I'm constantly looking at my body it's not easy but yeah and then I sort of I spoke to Jamie I spoke to Jess and they they know how to work with me so I'm feeling quite anxious now but that's why it's a really good thing that I'm doing the pod because the pod always just totally takes my mind off everything and I hope it does that for you guys as well but I really wanted to just start off by being open and honest with you because I know there are so many people that the smear test is a dreaded thing for you as well

and I want to say to you that it is honestly okay like it really is and the only reason I've had a shit night tonight is because it was overwhelming for me the idea of it but the actual process easy it's so good like it's it's just nothing what I imagined I'm really big to I don't know what I thought it was going to be but like I said it's never the reality of the situation that scares me it's the idea of it that scares me more and having to do something that scares me. I don't know. Yeah. So I just wanted to start off by being really open and honest about that. But other than that, honestly, I'm all right. I hope you guys are feeling good as well. I had actually loads of messages on Instagram saying that you all had your smears not like you all but a couple of you had smears today as well which I

thought was kind of weird like oh my god like smear day like what is it anyway um whatever is that you're up to thank you for having me in your company today it's a Tuesday so we're going to do the dilemmas we're going to do the weekly debate and it's just going to be a great episode hopefully so thank you for tuning in thank you for. And let's get into the episode. Thank you so much for listening to Lear on the Line. Head to learontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Remember to follow on socials to see visual clips and get involved with the weekly debates. Enjoy the episode.

Love you. Okay, everyone. Love you. Okay, everyone. So the weekly debate this week is actually inspired by one of our dilemmas. I do enjoy when we get to do these ones because I had a dilemma related to this and I was a bit like, I'm not actually sure where to go on it. So I thought, let me understand how you guys have navigated this situation, how many of you can relate to it. So I thought, let me understand how you guys have navigated this situation, how many of you can relate to it. So I thought perfect weekly debate. So my question for you this week is, do you overthink about your partner's exes? How, sorry, how do slash did you move past it? Okay, so let's have a look at your responses. We have, I think yes, in the first six months or

so, but then as time moves on, you get over it. I used to a lot, but then realized they broke up for a reason. So what's the issue? I definitely overthought it kind of just when as the longer I was with him. Yes, of my ex in my current relationship. No, maybe it's a gut thing. I feel more secure now yeah this is the thing i think when you feel insecure in a relationship or there's underlying issues or maybe they don't make you feel loved and secure and all of those things it can be easier to think about exes and past situations and sexual partners and stuff like that it can be easier to think about those situations when you aren't 100% that they're completely and utterly obsessed with you and you only you know whereas

if you're with someone that you know like I'm your everything you're my everything it's like well why would I waste my time thinking about exes I know I'm everything to you do you know what I mean um always but I think it's more a reflection of my own insecurities rather than them it's so more oh so more important to look inwards and address that sorry what inwards and address than to project onto them okay sorry i can't read for some reason um i honestly just didn't ask much about it when we first met and i've just kept it that way ignorance is bliss i would love to know how many of you guys have even asked the questions like maybe that's a good um couple of polls maybe for a Friday episode when we do another just like chat about everything like how many of you know your boyfriend or

girlfriend's exes how many of you know your boyfriend or girlfriend's body count um do you search them do you like compare yourself to them do you do you ask the nitty-gritty details like do you want to know like well have you ever 69'd with someone before have you ever done this with someone before you know like all those little details do you want to know or are you one of those i don't want to fucking know because listen i don't want to know details every now and then there might be a situation where I'm like have you ever done that before and then I'll get the answer and I'll be like shut the fuck up but most of the time it's like I'll always be quite interested in body count like I just

I'd never judge anyone and I never think it's actually relevant in my opinion on that person it's just I think it's curiosity like I'm more like well what kind of experiences have you had like have you had like the wild lads holidays days or have you just been like a long-term relationships kind of person where you've just had like two long-term relationships two sexual partners like I'm just intrigued more than bothered if that makes sense but yeah no details please um someone says i always worry they compare me in bed to pass relationships see that is so shit and you know what i'm sure so many people can actually relate to that because it kind of makes sense like that we have that insecurity every now and then of just like you know i don't even want to say anything specific because everyone

will have different thoughts and feelings towards like your partner's previous sexual partners but you know i think about this all the time like how did they act around each other it drives me mad i do you know what i think that actually bothers me more than sex like the thought of like your partner having sex with someone before you it's like well yeah obviously like you know it's bound to have happened in most situations at our age you know but i think the thought of them being like oh my god like i love you like walking around like holding hands arms around each other like stood in a shopping queue kissing each other like they brushed their hair out of their face like no I don't want I don't that is what I don't want a picture okay um self-love is how you move past

it you're you are the best you are the present they are the past absolutely this is where I always tell you to Lulu is for your own good okay I'm the best fucking thing they've ever had I'm the best fucking thing someone says that was a big problem for me honestly you just have to communicate about it with them see this is actually one thing i was hoping to sort of get some um clarity on not to do love island talk here but because in the dilemma you'll see when we get to it is i'm not sure if it's one of those things where you talk to them. Because it's a bit like, I personally agree with the guys that are saying, you know, it can come down to how secure you are within yourself. Because I do feel that. I totally understand jealousy and that's just a natural feeling and emotion when you really like someone or love someone.

a natural feeling and emotion when you really like someone or love someone but I think when you are really secure in yourself it's it's a lot easier to think well it just doesn't matter you know it is irrelevant to me because I like who I am I know I'm good enough and that's all that matters to me so I don't know whether like talking to your partner about it is going to be massively helpful because at the end of the day they're gonna they're not going to tell you well there was this one girl that was better than you like they're not going to tell you all the things that you're fearing they're just not they're not going to say like yeah sometimes i do compare you to her like they're just not like they're going to say like no you're the best i've ever had blah blah and I don't think it actually makes you feel any better maybe it does temporarily in that moment but I truly agree that it is like a deeper issue with like our security and ourselves so if somebody sits there

and says to you but but you're the best you're amazing it's like but I don't have any proof of that so do you know what I mean so it's a difficult one like I understand you can communicate and they can reassure you and make you feel better and you can feel lighter because you've got it off your chest and then maybe sometimes then it's easier just to let it go leave it in the past because a lot of the time they can say things like you know like it's totally different with you it's different when you love someone this much and it's probably true obviously but it depends where these fears and feelings come from because if it is just a case of like well I just want to know that you're you're only about me then it might then it might help but if it is a case of like I just have a deep feeling that I'm not good enough

then I don't know if that will help I think that comes from us you know we need to remind ourselves that we're good enough I always say that you know so it's a difficult weekly debate because I think it's so normal and common to have these jealousy feelings and stuff like that um I you know I totally understand a lot of people that say ignorance is bliss i genuinely do and i really do but sometimes what is that saying curiosity killed the cat is that a saying sure it is curiosity killed the cat not actually sure what that means to be honest i really i really don't know the true meaning of that actually now i say it but what i'm trying

to say is i would just ask like always i'm just curious i just want to know your body count you don't even have to tell me you know i'm sure most of the times if i can lie but i just want to have them conversations and i'm more than comfortable sharing mine but if somebody turned around was like i don't really feel like it's relevant I don't really want to share that then fair enough I'd be like why yeah but why no I would get it I'd be like okay yeah fair it's none of my business but I would always the curiosity does get the better of me and I'll ask when it feels like the right time and that my personal experience is that doesn't make me insecure for a long period like it might be at the beginning like a couple of you

said where I'm a bit like oh god like do I look anything like those people am I even your type have you ever been with someone whose tits are as small as mine you know like these questions do come to my head at the beginning but once I'm secure and I know you're really fucking into me I let I let those thoughts and feelings go and I truly do so I just think it's really common that a lot of people find it harder to let those things go and I think it's a difficult one to understand because I think it is about us isn't it and just being able to look at ourselves and go but I like myself and I know that I'm fucking great and whoever I'm with is lucky to be with me I am what is that thing it's like I am and it's an honor to be with me it's

going around TikTok at the moment it's like it's an honor to be with me and it's it's fact guys never forget that okay okay guys thank you for sending your responses to the weekly debate love you appreciate you let's get into some dilemmas okay everybody let's kick it off with this dilemma get comfy okay hey babe love you oh love you obsession over his past things so this is the one related to the weekly debate so i may repeat myself here sorry if that's annoying i need advice help on to stop obsessing over my boyfriend's exes one night stands from a lad's holiday past past situationships, the lot. I can't get out of my head. This kind of made me laugh because Shaq said he can't get out of my beard.

I was like, it's okay. And stop comparing myself. He's reassured me so much, but sometimes after sex, I can't not think about that he's had sex with other people. His body count is six and mine is two. I compare a lot to the bodies of other girls and it makes me feel physically sick thinking about him shagging someone else how do i even stop or move on from this okay you know what my biggest piece of advice is when something is consuming your brain i've said this a load of times actually i think so sorry but just say shut the fuck up to that voice in your head that is just just tormenting you shut up you're literally just making life difficult for me you're not helping me you're not helping me grow you're just torturing me at this point

shut up and i talk to it like it isn't a part of me because it isn't that's not me it's not part of me and i'll just like hairband on the wrist you guys know the hairband on the wrist trick i've spoke about it a few times my mum's taught me this from a younger age when there's something consuming your brain whether it be this thought in particular very specific of you can't stop thinking about your partner's exes or it's a health anxiety situation or you're trying to move on from a breakup and you can't get your ex off your mind, fling the hairband on your wrist, not to the level of like it actually fucking hurts, but just to the level of where it gives you a little ping and it sends a signal to

your brain, right? And it takes practice to be able to flick the hairband on your wrist and move on from the thought and before you know it you have trained your brain that that thought is not welcome and i'm not going to feed into it i'm not going to allow it to escalate into a level of panic or into a level of like emotional pain and upset i'm just shut up just shut the fuck up and it sounds really simple but i could sit here and say all these things to you about which are also true so i will say them he is with you now anything before is irrelevant just like the people you were with are irrelevant to you and the future is yours not their exes it is

yours and his to enjoy together so embrace it live in the moment not in the past it doesn't matter that's what we have to just keep in mind ourselves it doesn't matter like i'm good enough it is an honor to be with me i'm good enough right but at the same time sometimes having that battle in your head where you just reassure yourself right where you're like oh i can't think about his exes and then going no i'm i'm good enough i'm amazing amazing. This is the present. I'm the best, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it's good in terms of changing your thinking, but sometimes you're just keeping that thought alive and you're just feeding it and feeding it.

And the best way to stop a way of thinking that you don't want to think anymore is to just don't have the conversation with yourself of like, oh, yeah, I'm good enough, I'm good enough. You can do that for a little bit, but don't allow yourself to sit there and feed it and give yourself all that reassurance because you will just go round in circles and you'll be there again where you're thinking about their exes and then you'll go into yourself again. enough I'm everything that they want and blah blah and it is all true but you could also just oh just shut up you know just to flick the hairband shut up this this thinking is not helping me it's not real they're just thoughts and they're just having a negative impact on me and I deserve to live a more peaceful happy life than that so shut up that's how that's how we're going to

respond so I really do believe that when it like it's how that's how we're going to respond so i really do believe that when it like it's in all cases where you're thinking about something or you have a pattern of thinking that you don't want to have anymore it's all well and good reassuring yourself and telling yourselves all the things that that will make you feel better and do that definitely do that but don't feed it too much say i'm good enough i'm good enough shut up so when the thought comes into your head oh my god i can't i'm literally picturing it's making me feel sick i'm good enough shut up and move on and yeah it might come straight back into your head and then again you say i'm good enough shut up and it might come back in i'm good enough shut up play a game on your phone scroll through tiktok whatever it takes retrain your brain into teaching it that that thought is

not welcome and it's not part of you and eventually with enough practice and commitment it will no longer be a part of your thinking process and i truly have every faith in you that you can get past this negative thinking because you're amazing babe don't you forget it all right i love you next time emma hey leah been watching from the start and i love you and your podcast you just fill my boring jobs at work with a ray of sunshine god i'm a bit too emotional to be reading things that lovely right now i love you so much thank you really so much anyways i don't sound genuine when i say that i love you really thank you i literally don't sound genuine i promise i am i really am anyways i'm just looking for some advice me and my boyfriend were long distance for five months until eventually we

got a job together oh my god slay that's literally best case scenario what the hell our job involves us living and working together oh okay in a very tiny living condition with nine other people so we've gone from zero to a hundred yeah we're in the own sorry we're the only couple we've been doing this a few months now and we're absolutely head over heels in love he's just gone back home for 12 days and with a huge time difference i feel totally lost and broken only speaking when we can and it's not often is this healthy or will this job cause us issues in later life when we eventually move on from this job how have you or your followers overcome separation issues help me all the love to you oh i love you listen i think it's so easy to

become dependent on a partner when your situation is that intense i was in a relationship with someone at uni like living with them going our friendship group was in the same and you become so codependent on them so that when they're away you're like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa and it can really just shake up your world so my biggest piece of advice to you is to make sure that even when he is around you are doing your own thing so make sure that you still have time apart even when he's down the road from you or even when he's at home you pop out and hang out with your own friends or do socialize or go out and do your own thing that's just you on your own whether it be i'm gonna go out for my hot girl walk today, weekly walks, whatever it is.

I'm going to go out and have a nice walk for an hour, listen to Leo on the line, whatever it is, make sure it is happening frequently so that when this person goes away for 12 days, it's not like, what the fuck? What am I going to do? It means, oh, it's not like what the fuck what am i gonna do it means oh it's friday today this is my hot girl walk day or oh it's wednesday this is the day that i meet millie for a coffee you know and you've still got your routine and of course then you miss them and you're still like oh god 12 days fuck me come home but it doesn't feel like oh my god i'm rocking back and forth like come home i'm nothing until you're home like it is so easy to get into that place and don't feel bad about it it's it's honestly not your fault like that this you this situation is very intense you live and work together in a very small

space it's honestly not your fault that you feel like this but there are so many things that you can do to help your codependency you know so that you feel strong enough on your own so that when they leave you know they're coming back I'll be all right I've this is a good thing I've got some space I've got some time on my own and there's so many things I'm going to fill up these 12 days with that I'm going to enjoy and also be able then in turn you'll be able to enjoy doing nothing because you've done your hot girl walk you went for your coffee with millie or you did your i don't know you baked a cake i don't even know any little activity whatever so that when it comes to tuesday night i'm just going to get in bed and watch film on my laptop and just relax you can enjoy it or i'm

gonna chill out and maybe we'll facetime each other if we can catch the the time difference at a good time whatever and it doesn't feel like oh my god i've been dying to speak to you it's just a nice feeling to be able to speak to them and not like oh my my world is falling apart until now like and listen do not feel bad about it. I've been there. Loads of people have been there and are in your position now. It's honestly not your fault. And there is a way that you can move forward in a more healthy way that's better for you.

Do you know what I mean? So yeah, that would be my advice to you. Just fill up your time, even when they are are there with your things and your stuff and your schedule so that you have that life to live whether they're there or they're not there if that makes sense i love you okay next item on firstly i just want to say i love you so much there is so much love in the air today there is seriously so much love in the air and it's like you guys knew I needed it I love you your podcast brings me so much happiness every Tuesday morning you guys bring me so much

happiness but Leah babe I need your help I don't know what to do I've been seeing this guy for about two months now let's call him Barb okay Barb everything has been going great we met at the gym and he's been whining and dining me oh yeah taking me on lovely dates once or twice a week for the last couple of months i'm a slow burner when it comes to catching feelings it takes me a while but i'd say now i'm at the stage where i'm starting to catch them for context he's six years older than me i'm 24 and he's 30 i'd say i'm getting to the stage where I'm ready to make things exclusive. However, tonight when we went out for cocktails, all was going well until

the topic of Andrew Tate came up in conversation. To summarize, he basically said he agrees with a lot of things Andrew Tate has to say. I told him that I view him as a misogynist and I couldn't see myself being with someone who supports him. He got his back up and argued that he isn't a misogynist. In his eyes, he just wants masculine men to stay masculine. But I argued, in my eyes, Andrew Tate sees men above women. Bob continued to argue his point and also said, this makes me think you're too young for me oh you have a lot to learn he said excuse me darling i don't know about that okay with the fuck i'm sorry anyone else think that sounds like something andrew tate would say because yeah i'm genuinely stumped on how to feel about this whole scenario i like bob a lot he's

only ever treated me like a princess and makes me happy but learning that these are his views is a major red flag for me i don't want to end up with someone who has completely different views to me and could potentially let sorry who could potentially treat me bad in the long run which is a potential in my eyes if he genuinely agrees with some of the things andrew tate says what are your thoughts on this am i overthinking and overreacting to him agreeing with andrew tate or should i run a thousand miles bob has told me he's not misogynist whatsoever but i just don't know how to think or feel i don't want to ignore this red flag simply because i'm starting to develop feelings if we had this convo on the first day i'd simply have never seen him again please help i genuinely

don't know what to do okay i actually want to skip back a little bit to where he said um he basically says okay he just andrew tate just wants masculine men to stay masculine. That is problematic in itself, darling. Like, if he's like, no, no, no, he's not misogynist. He's just saying masculine, I want men to stay masculine. Why? And also, what the fuck is masculine? Like, that annoys me so much because that is the typical, like, oh, men are just supposed to be the protectors, they're supposed to be hard, they're supposed to be fucking stone cold and not show their fucking emotions. No, honestly, men, if you're listening, you can cry, darling. You can ask for support. You can have days where you just need to be held and cuddled, okay? So don't listen to men like this, all right? That on its own is problematic as fuck even if

he's like i'm not misogynist i'm just saying like men should be masculine fuck off right but you said yourself if we had this convo on the first day i'd never have seen him again so that is your head right your heart is the feelings your heart is the oh but how do i look past this like is it that big of a deal like he said he's not misogynist like he just says he agrees with like some of the things um that's your heart trying to justify things so that you don't have to walk away from him because you've got feelings for him your head is like well i don't fucking like that at all. And also he's spoken to you like fucking shit. This makes me think you're too young for me. You have a lot to learn.

Shut up, you little dick. Yeah. Personally, my feelings are your head knows this guy is not you. He might not be a major prick, right? But you do not have the same values and you don't you don't feel the same about a lot of things to be honest so for me it's just it feels simple i feel like obviously my feelings aren't involved so i can sit here and i can say what your head's saying which is well if he told you this on the first date you'd run a mile so what is the difference now just because you've had a few more dates is he should be allowed to behave differently just because you have feelings for him you should you should accept behaviors that you wouldn't have accepted if you didn't have feelings for him there's a reason you feel like if he said this

i wouldn't be interested and i wouldn't have met him again that is what i personally think you need to listen to because they are your morals they are what you you are passionate about and what you feel is right and wrong and they are a big thing to disagree on and also to be patronizing you he's literally sounding like him he's sounding like Andrew Tate and for me I'd I would just nah okay that's who you are fine enjoy your fucking life we clearly have difference of opinions we clearly have different ideas of what is right and what is wrong and what is acceptable and what isn't and also i'm sorry if somebody said to me if i was on a date with a guy and he said to me this just makes you think you're too young for me you have you obviously have a lot to learn i'd be i'd be like who the fuck are you like why are you trying to make me feel that big i'd be like oh like i'm literally never going on

a date with you again that was so patronizing that sentence alone he could not be a fan of andrew tape that sentence alone i'd be like oh like that is just an example of how you're going to degrade me and talk to me in the future like if you that is just an example of how you're going to degrade me and talk to me in the future like if you talk to me like this now when we're dating imagine how you're going to talk to me when i'm your girlfriend and you feel like you fucking own me and you feel like you're never going to fucking lose me because that's the energy you're giving right now mate so just in a bit that's what i think you should do babe but obviously do your own thing but also like you do what you want to do like honestly let me know what you do let me know and let me know how it

goes let me know how you feel about my opinion if you agree or disagree and yeah send in a dilemma update you're on the line.com all right i love you next dilemma and also good for you for putting your foot down and telling them what you think good for you babe all right next dilemma hi leah i love your pod and all the advice you give so generously you you instantly relate to our dilemma and that's why i'm reaching out to you so much love in the air today guys love you so much i've been in a serious relationship for almost two years now my boyfriend let's call him craig don't know why I go American every now and then, is an amazing guy. I feel like this is giving American, for some reason I don't even know why. He is great with my family and treats me really well.

He makes time for me and sacrifices a lot for me. But I have been having major trust issues and it has caused me to become very angry and hostile towards him. Three months into our relationship, found out that craig was flirting with another girl on whatsapp the conversation was rather dry on his end and he kept giving her one word replies but to me it seemed like he had a reason to keep the conversation going i yeah i don't care how short your replies are shut it down in the words of Ella shut it down go on and say babe no don't say babe say Ella anyway okay I approached him immediately and he sobbed and asked for forgiveness and I forgave him a few months later I found out that he was messaging girls on Facebook and again he

sobbed and I forgave him okay it it's giving patterns. Recently I found out that he's been active on his WhatsApp during times where I wasn't on WhatsApp which led me to think that he's obviously talking to someone else. In that moment he had sent me a porn gif and he deleted the message as soon as he realized what he'd done we usually do not send each other stuff like this because for some reason sexting gives me the ick no same craig then went on to lie and say that he meant to send that gift to one of his friends because that friend sent it on their guy group i asked him to send me screenshots of this gift being sent on this guy group but then he could not send those to me oh fucking funny that isn't it you lying little twat

i left the relationship knowing that he for sure meant to send this to another girl yeah yes it's just facts babe also what the fuck are you doing like sending a porn gif like what the fuck that's so weird anyway i imagine you were sexing a guy and they just send you porn like on a gif and they're like i'm gonna do this to you sorry i'm literally making things worse however he showed up to my house crying and asking for forgiveness he he gave me his phone to go through after deleting his shit obviously yeah obviously and he told me that he sent me that gif by mistake as he was watching porn on his phone at the time sorry how does watching porn make you send a porn gif? You literally have to open WhatsApp, press the little note, sticky note button, go to gif, search what it is that you're

searching for, click it, and then it will pop up and then you press send. Where is the accident? How do you go from Pornhub to step one step two step three step four step five how's that happening hey i know this is bullshit but i decided to forgive him and see how it goes it's going bad i don't have access to his phone anymore because it takes because he takes it everywhere he even sleeps with his phone in the pocket of his sweats. I knew you were American. See, she said sweats. That's so American. He even sleeps with his phone in the pocket of his sweats. He never leaves his phone lying around me. And he also has never posted me. Oh my God. Wait, what? He's never posted you. Okay. How long have you been together? A long time now, because we've already had three months in,

there was the first instant, instant. And then we had a few months later there was the facebook and then we had a few months later we've had this so we're approaching at least a year i'm thinking he never leaves his phone line around me and he's also never posted me he deleted his facebook and instagram after i approached him about liking his ex's pictures and messaging girls ew he's literally done that i'll just fucking delete it then i'll just fucking delete it all then like relax okay but he went on to make fake accounts and stalk his exes honestly what is this guy what is this how many mistakes do you need to make darlin no he doesn't have social media accounts with his actual name so he doesn't post me ever he's also never posted me on his whatsapp

either when i asked him why he said that he's a private person not that private you fucking sex random people mate what's private about that he's sending fucking porn pornographic gifs darling yeah private anyway and that whoever is important to him knows about me his family brilliant but my issue is that he doesn't flirt with his family he flirts with the strangers on facebook and that's why i'd like to be posted yeah babe i've stopped having an intercourse with him because i just cannot let go of all these things. Can you please advise me on what to do? Am I crazy for forgiving him and not trusting him? Thank you for your support. All right. I'm going to tell you what I know everybody listening is thinking right now, babe. And it's leave him. Ew, like he's so ew. Like you deserve a million times better than

that. Like listen, how many times does someone need to keep making the same mistakes for you to realize they're not mistakes this is just his character this is just who he is he's a cheater and a liar and he fucking he don't even care so honestly i know it's so hard and i know when when he comes crying which he fucking will I'm sorry I'm sorry no you ain't you weren't sorry the first time you weren't sorry the second time you weren't sorry the third time and you ain't sorry now so why would I believe you anymore why am I gonna believe you you're lying I'm sorry I'm sorry oh piss off literally fucking wasting my time waste my fucking time do you know what i mean listen i know it sounds brutal and it's never what you want to hear right when you go to your

friends for advice and they go oh my god you need to break up with him it's like you're literally a shit friend like you're literally not helping me at all and i know that's what i'm doing right now but i don't know how else to put it, I cannot sit here and convince you this guy will not cheat on you again. Because the odds are against it at this point, you know. Like, mistake one, I get why you'd forgive it. Okay, because you want to believe it was a mistake. And people do make mistakes. But mistake two, whoa. Did you not learn the first time?

Obviously not. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry oh i'm really sorry i'm really sorry okay all right i love you i believe you you're crushing me you're ruining my self-esteem you're making me feel like i'm a piece of shit but all i want is to be loved so i'll fucking forgive you prick yeah and then it's oh i accidentally sent a pornographic gif what the fuck why have you sent me a gif oh it's in the lads group chat it's in the lads group chat let's see then let's see nah i can't do that can't do that why is that all right fine all right fine i was watching porn basically i was watching porn and like accidentally went on whatsapp and clicked on gif and then accidentally typed in man licking purse and accidentally sent it to you and then

accidentally deleted it okay yeah well that sounds like bullshit to me oh i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i love you i love you okay okay i forgive you and now here we are now it's you're stalking your exes what the fuck like what the fuck are you doing so listen what i want to say to you is do not waste any more time with this person okay you really don't deserve a life full of not feeling good enough and constantly treading on eggshells he's sleeping with his phone in his pocket like that's not that's not healthy first of all it's really not good for you but second of all what the actual fuck like what why are you doing that like i i truly don't see a way forward with with somebody this this just fucking shit right he's just been shit to you babe and you deserve a million times better

just think right you could live a life where you feel insignificant you feel like you're not good enough you feel insecure you feel paranoid you feel jealous you feel crazy you overthink all the time you feel like you're a psycho because you're constantly asking feel jealous you feel crazy you overthink all the time you feel like you're a psycho because you're constantly asking questions and you don't believe anything he could be telling you the truth and you don't even believe it because he's told you so many bullshit lies or you could spend a life where you don't have to question someone's loyalty to you don't have to remember the pain that they caused you the first second third fourth time they've cheated on you and lied to you you don't have to sit there and

question what's on his phone and why he's sleeping in his fucking pocket like what first of all who sleeps in joggers second of all who sleeps with their phone in their pocket like both weird to be honest equally equally weird but this is the life you can live and i know when you're in these situations that's not how you think because in your head you think you i don't want that life i just want that life with him and i want him to be making me feel secure and i want him to not lie to me and i want him to love me and i want to be everything to him but you don't need that you don't need it to be him because you are enough and he is not enough for you like that is the way you need to start looking at things actually why am i sitting here fighting and waiting for for you

to see my worth and you to see that i'm good enough for you when actually you're just not even enough for me like you're a liar you're a cheater you love attention from other people you're obsessed with your exes you keep sneaky shit all the fucking time from me you're not proud to be with me on social media all these reasons we're listing here i would love to for you to write down what are the reasons you actually want to be with him and what what reasons are you given that somebody else couldn't already give you without all of the negative things that he's done and continues to do to you you know i mean babe listen to me all right you got this okay you don't need to choose this anymore and choose yourself love yourself you are amazing you don't need him to see it you don't need him to choose you you don't need him to prioritize you because you do that and he doesn't deserve you if he even clicked his fingers and

turned around and was like yeah let's say he would never cheat on you again he would never lie to you again he would never keep his phone hidden from you again he would never keep secrets from you again he would never be fucking sending porn to some other girl again you still don't deserve me you've still fucked it like you've still blown your chances with me you still don't deserve someone as amazing as me when you've done what you've done to me period you know love you babe honestly i really do we all love you give us an update on that sorry that it was kind of brutal because it's not helpful i know it's not i know it's actually not when someone says you like break up with him it's like shut up it's literally not helping me i want you to tell me that everything's going to be fine but sometimes

it's just it's tough love baby girl you know you deserve better you're absolutely unreal and amazing and someone incredible deserves to be with you not this this prick. Not this liar. Why does he get you? Of all the people in the world, he gets to be with you. No, no way. He doesn't deserve you. No way, darling. All right. I love you. Oh, gosh, guys. I'm very passionate today, aren't I? All right, let's wrap up the episode. Okay, everybody. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you made it to the end, you are my number one best friend in the whole wide world. I love you so much.

Thank you if you're still listening. Also, let me know. Okay, so go to my TikTok. Me and Jamie are trying all Starbucks drinks at the moment. We are literally reading the comments of everyone commenting their go-to Starbucks drinks and we're going to Starbucks most days frequently to try everyone's go-to Starbucks drink. So if you have like a unique Starbucks drink that you've like made yourself or you got from somewhere else or well even if it's simple that isn't like really really common go and comment on the tiktok and we want to try them

like we are really enjoying this challenge it's actually so fun because i'm a starbucks addict i'm addicted to starbucks and i just love it so much so i'm also a matcha girl now like i really like a matcha now well i don't know if i'd choose over my iced coffee just yet but let me tell you the best matcha I've tried since doing this little series I tried so so far I tried an oat an iced oat vanilla matcha and then I tried a hot coconut vanilla matcha and then I tried an iced matcha with white mocha sauce and let me tell you that last one it is insane it is insane okay so i honestly highly recommend but yeah go and comment your go-to starbucks because i really just want to try the whole fucking menu at this point all right oh we should make a lure on the line special drink that only us besties drink all right guys thank you so much for listening to

this episode if you got all the way to the end i appreciate you more than you'll ever know i hope you all have an amazing week thank you for distracting me and taking my mind of everything today thank you for being in my company thank you for having me in yours and i will speak to you on for a brand new episode. All right. I love you. Bye.