Leah on the Line - 90: My boyfriend doesn't show me love anymore & when to leave a stagnant relationship

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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It's getting closer to midnight. I try to get closer to you. Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Leo and the Lion. to you. actually decide to get all Halloween makeup up for a TikTok I just literally today I was like I picked up some fake blood from Poundland the other day just you know just in case I had a bit of creative inspo and I was like I'm just gonna get it and then today I thought I'm gonna go upstairs and do some sexy Halloween makeup and film some sexy halloween tiktoks because i'm sexy no but i enjoyed it it was actually quite nice because i just spent like two maybe even three hours just like in my dressing room chilling out listening to podcasts and just getting creative

with my makeup because i literally do the same makeup every single day like I do bronzer on the lids medium coverage on the skin same thing every single day I never wear lashes unless I'm like going out then I might throw on a court lash you know but yeah it was really it was really nice um so yeah I hope you guys had a good weekend if you went out or if you just stayed in me too babe it's officially halloween today when this episode comes out so we're gonna have the trick-or-treaters around tonight guys you know when i was a kid right all my life i thought it was trickle treat like t-r-i-c-k-l-e trickle treat and i'll never forget right i knocked on someone's door trickle treat trickle treat right

and he goes trick and i was stood there thinking you want mate and i looked at i looked at my mom or my dad whoever was taking me out trick or treat and i was looking at them thinking is this bloke fucking pharrell what's he on about anyway we like laughed off like give me a sweet right and then we walked off and we was like what was that all about and then they was like oh you know they're just joking because he said trick trick or treat and then they say trick i was like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah man it makes sense makes sense also i'm covered in fake blood because it stains done it luckily it didn't stain around my mouth because i remember that like you could never get

the fucker off but you know what i was thinking when i was doing it because i was i was pouring the fake blood all over my lips i was thinking if this does stain be a really good lip stain like when you just want like a natural red tint to your lips unfortunately that one didn't stain my face it just stained my fucking body where i spilled it everywhere but it's kind of a life hack like if you've got some fake blood that stains your face use it as an everyday lip stain just a little red on the lips is that not a good idea anyway I hope you guys are all feeling good I will be honest I'm quite anxious so I don't know how long this episode is going to be I it depends if I'm either going to sit down and do this and it's going to be really good for me or if I'm going to really struggle

we'll just see we'll just see how much I can deliver you know but it's my period it's period season you know it's coming around that time which always makes my anxiety a little bit worse but also I've been getting a lot of pain and then that's been triggering me because I'm all stressed out because obviously you guys know I've had problems in my period for ever basically like 10 years everyone I speak to is like you literally have endometriosis like you have every fucking symptom under the sun and doctors have never given me the time of day and everyone always says to me just just push and just push and just push so I have decided that tomorrow I'm going to go to the doctor. And for me, like, that's a really scary thing. Like even saying them words actually makes

me want to cry. I literally have a lump in my throat right now. But I was listening to Jamie Lang's podcast today and he had a therapist on and it was really amazing. I highly recommend it. And he has a little bit of health anxiety. So they touched on that a little bit. And she was basically saying like, people with anxiety tend to be like the avoidant right and she was saying how you by avoiding something you are keeping it alive and it's so true in my case because I feel like with health anxiety you're either someone that is in and out of the doctors you know you want answers you want reassurance or you're like me and you will never go even over something simple like you could have tonsillitis you need to go and see a doctor get some antibiotics sweet i will not do that if i did i'd have i've had i'd

have tonsillitis for five days and i'd be sweet no instead i'd rather have it for two or three weeks and just wait for my what's it it called, immune system to clear up naturally. And I'll just not have to face a doctor. Like, I cannot. I literally have the fear of doctors. So, yeah, I'm honestly petrified. And the thing is, I hate talking about it on here because then obviously you guys are so nice and so lovely. So you send me like really kind, supportive messages.

But then I get really overwhelmed with it. And I'm oh god I wish I never mentioned it like now I've made a thing and like I don't I don't want it to be a thing so yeah I don't I don't know why I do this but I'm also just talking to you as my friends when I need emotional support so yeah it's not a big deal I know like it's so normal and so many women have problems with their periods and it is just right that we go and talk to a doctor about it but for some reason my brain doesn't work like that and I will just catastrophize and that's all I've been doing for the last few days so I'm not I'm feeling really disassociated and like not in in my own head like no I am in my head I don't know I cannot find the words but the only reason I'm saying this is one so that you guys understand if I'm a little bit weird in this episode but also if anybody is feeling like that right now

you're not alone to be honest like even just listening to the podcast I listened to earlier where they were talking about it it just made me feel better because hearing somebody else like explain what I was feeling was like oh I don't know it just makes me feel a bit lighter I'm not sure but yeah I just wanted to mention that because also it doesn't feel right to like have anxiety in my chest and in my stomach and in my throat and then sit here and be like oh my god like everything's cool everything's fine because that's not my reality and I feel like this podcast the whole brand of Lear on the Line is that it's real we're friends and it's about real life situations real life shit real life drama struggles anxiety breakups like whatever it is it's real life

so it doesn't feel right to sit here and be like you know just holding it in because also you don't have to hold it in why why should you hold it in so yeah this is just a reminder to everyone to um you know it's okay whatever you're feeling and you're allowed and you're not alone in it and i love you and i got you and i know you guys have me and we're just there for each other so yeah that's why i wanted to mention it but it's not going to be all depressing and down today okay literally i'll all cheer up in 30 seconds as soon as i say let's get into the episode i'll just you know think about the dilemmas and we'll focus and everything will be fine and that's kind of why I love this podcast so much because it is so good for me in that way but you guys will probably relate to anybody that

feels any kind of anxiety whether that's health anxiety or so totally different it is sometimes just the physical feeling that you can't let go of and you can't shake off regardless of what's going through your head it's like the physical side of it is hard sometimes but yeah I love you guys I hope you all had an amazing weekend a great Monday great start to your week and it's a Tuesday so we're here with the dilemmas I do have a weekly debate this week thank god I fucking didn't get one last week but sorry about that so yeah I hope you guys are looking forward to this episode thank you so much for tuning in thank you for being in my company today thank you so much for having me in yours and let's get into the episode thank you so much for listening to Leah on the line head to leahontheline.com to

send in your dilemmas and confessions remember to follow on socials to see visual clips and get involved with the weekly debates. Enjoy the episode. Love you. Okay, everybody. So the weekly debate, let's just get straight into it, guys. My question for you this week is, your partner tells you they don't like your friends. What do you do? All right, because we've definitely discussed how we feel if your friends come to you and they say like your boyfriend's a prick or I really do not like your fucking girlfriend um but and we have done dilemmas about like you know being in this situation but I don't feel like we've ever delved deep into it so let's just have a look what you guys are saying your boyfriend or girlfriend they've said to you your friends I don't I can't fucking stand them because

I I don't think I've ever been in that situation I've definitely been in a situation where I'm like you guys do not see eye to eye but never in the situation where somebody's literally said to me I don't know your friends and I don't know how I'd react so let's have a look I'm sure there's some of you that have been in this situation so let's have a little look oh I clicked my tongue really loud then oh my god is that a talent or what so loud sorry that must be so annoying to listen to anyway okay let's have a look tell my boyfriend to do one that's nice I really don't like your friends that That's nice. They don't like you either. Best friends first, of course, but less distant friends, although depends on his reasons.

Keep hanging out with them. I would understand why maybe he sees. Oh, sorry. I would try to understand why. I would understand why. I would try to understand why. Maybe he sees something that I don't. Yeah, so true. Some friends you know have flaws, so that's okay, but they have to like the bestie though. Yeah, if it's a best friend situation, we're in trouble here. Like, you guys are going to have to learn to get along. Do you know what I mean? You're both very important in my life. This is not going to work. Someone is going to have to put out an olive branch. Is that what they say? Put out an olive branch? Hold out an olive branch? Where does that saying come from, I wonder? It's quite interesting. Why an olive branch? I'm sure there's a story behind it. We used to have a book in my

house where all old sayings come from you know like all old catchphrases that'd be great for me because i can never bloody get them right anyway literally shut up okay um um i don't like my boyfriend's friends as they all cheat and egg each other on oh god do you believe in you are he throwing stuff with we always discuss this don't we i don't know i don't know um somebody says i'd say oh fuck off then but i'm getting the feeling i have a bad influence on you guys love it yeah fuck off mate doesn't bother me in the slightest dump him babe oh would you dump well okay yeah I mean fair enough friends you know you know they're gonna be there the whole time you might not be so if a new friend

if it's a new friend I'd be cautious but my childhood best friend was there before you facts new friends would be interesting like I don't i don't know about her babe i don't know about her why why not what what's she done she tried to kiss you she's been texting you tell me tell me what she's done i would assume like one of you already said i would assume you know something i don't like what what you're trying to tell me yes just say it with your fucking chest come on get it get it off what is it get it off your get it off your chest oh i'll just use chest twice not so effective all right if they don't love them that's fine but they will have to tolerate and be kind to them yeah someone says too bad bro

because this is the thing if you said to your boyfriend or girlfriend from you, I don't like your friends, they're going to turn around and go, okay. Do you know what I mean? Okay. I have this issue. My boyfriend can't stand my best friend. I just keep them separate. That's a nightmare. Honestly, what a headache. Tell them to get over it unless they have a valid reason. Yeah. And I would take it personally like i would feel personally attacked if you don't like my best friend that's me that's you don't like part of me then i'm taking that very personally i want you to write me down bullet points what's she ever done to you you fucking tell me because you're wrong about her because you're wrong okay ask why see if you can include them more in things to things do fun activities yeah i mean that's just a ball lake in it like having to try and force people to get along is difficult but i

suppose you'd probably have to maybe i don't know someone says, well, tell him I don't like his mum. And then in brackets they said, I don't. It's so funny because I know who this is. He sent that in. Oh, that's hilarious. It's the I don't in brackets for me. Tell him I don't like his mum.

I don't. I don't like your friends. Well him i don't like his mom i don't i don't like your friends i don't like your mom okay i'm gonna be friends with them whether they like it or not but i'd at least hear them out in case they have a legitimate reason or can see something i can't very situational i feel yeah facts babe i agree i always go to say your names i feel it in the weekly debate it's not that deep if i accidentally said your names but i need to avoid it do you mean someone says i'm what don't like it fuck off tell me you're a leo on the line listener about telling me love you not everyone has to like everyone so drop him haha red flag if he doesn't like them it's so contradicting well you know not everyone has to like everyone so i'll break up with him

i love it love it yeah yeah agreed listen to him but then tell my girls oh jess james said he doesn't like you could you imagine if my friend came to me and said oh billy said he doesn't like you i'm like he did did he all right that's good of him when you see him next you tell him from me yeah fuck what is it fuck fuck his face fuck his face yeah fuck his brother oh no the moment's gone

that's what I'd say anyway and fuck the fucking lot of them alright nothing he can either get over it or leave me I'm not dumping my besties yeah for real okay well what do you want me to do with that information what do you think I'm going to go over to him and say,

James said we can't be friends anymore. Say it's all right. Just keep them apart socially and don't make them the topic with one another. Okay, but what happens when you get married? Because like Bessie of the bride is going to do a speech, right? It'll be like, you know, is it Kim? When she's like, I just want to say how proud i am of chloe

we're always sticking by tristan even after he dogged her and embarrassed the shit out of her that'll be your best friend's wedding i mean wedding speech yeah he doesn't have to hang out with them so shouldn't care but would be nicer if he liked them tell them it's a good thing they're not their friends yeah good thing they're not your mates isn't it um recently found that mutual friends of partners aren't mutual friends at all if there's ever a breakup so it's probably a good thing anyway it shouldn't matter too much oh yeah facts you think you're all friends and then then someone fucking cheats on someone or someone's broken up someone you ain't all pals anymore now everyone's got a side everyone's entitled to their opinion does mean it will affect oh i'm assuming

it means it she means it doesn't mean it will affect my friendships um tell them to suck it up yeah thanks fuck him haha besties will be at the wedding but he might not absolutely um depends on the situation i don't really care that much and most of the time he is right oh shit this is the thing because i feel like sometimes guys can see things we can't sometimes they can like they can sense the jealousy they can sense bitterness they can sense that competitive energy you know but then also shut up do you know what i mean um listen to their reasoning and if it's not valid then dump them that is so funny that is you know what yeah as you should depends on how healthy your relationship with your boyfriend is on whether to listen nothing my friends don't like him either seems like a fantastic dynamic okay so moral of the

story is most of you are saying that's nice do you know what i mean like most of you are saying couldn't care less but some of you are saying i'd hit her out there reason but at the same time it's not really going to make a difference. Because I'm not going to just dump my fucking friends because you don't like them. So love that. We're sticking together besties as we should. Never letting anyone come between us, you know. Yeah, thank you so much for sending in your responses to the weekly debate, guys.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was good to get another debate and I missed it. Send in any debate ideas that you have. Whether that's an Instagram DM. Whether that's on my my website there is a button for it so hit me up babes all right let's get into some dilemmas okay everybody love you guys what why did I start with love you guys oh so emotional today okay I love you let's get into some dilemmas thank you to everyone that sent them in I'm gonna kick off with this one I actually am excited these dilemmas some of them are a little bit different to anything we've ever done before so I'm excited let's get into this hi Leah absolutely love you and your

podcast thank you i love you i discovered you on maternity leave so you've been a huge part of my daily baby walks oh my god i'm basically their auntie oh how are they oh i love that congratulations um okay been part of my daily baby walks and it's so uplifting to hear your voice and positivity not so positive for me today hey sorry about that especially during hard times so thank you oh i love you okay this is a bit of a complex dilemma but i would really appreciate any advice or words that you have i'm 27 for reference so not a middle-aged woman like the story might make it sound okay let's have a look so i've been

with my boyfriend for almost three years things moved very fast of us because it felt right at the time we lived together with a dog and have a little boy who was 10 months the first two years were amazing oh god that's not a good start i felt oh, oh emphasis on the felt guys, I felt so loved and wanted and loved every minute we spent together. Since having our little boy things seem to have gone downhill. He doesn't seem to love me anywhere near how he used to. Around the time that I was due to give birth he gave up his self-employed job and therefore wasn't working not long after I gave birth he started a new job which was great however I really struggled with the way he acted with his new female work friends he seemed to be really getting to know them and wanted to go on nights out with them okay whilst i was struggling

at home with a new baby struggling to accept my new body and was very ill after giving birth yeah what the fuck a bit selfish not liking that from him at all i told him all of this okay good for you good for you and how the new girls made me feel as they were all sorry how they made me feel as they were all pretty and slim and full of energy which i just wasn't hey you are equally if not more beautiful than them do not compare yourself i just contradicted that by saying you're more beautiful and then said don't compare yourself you are no one is more beautiful than anyone else okay i didn't mean to say more right someone else's beauty doesn't take away from your own okay word all right i'd also notice that he had refollowed

a girl that he used to have a thing with oh no he is doing everything wrong right now and she had messaged him to say congratulations when our baby was born oh i bet she did bet she did that didn't bother me okay but my boyfriend was replying making conversation as though he wanted to carry on the conversation okay all it needed was a thank you if that didn't really need that to be honest could have been ignored in an ideal world could have been ignored but instead it's oh yeah thank you how's things with you anyway seen this on your page shut up which really upset me when I confronted him about it he deleted his messages acting like he never replied oh no he is making all the wrong moves here.

Not to make things feel worse, but this is bad. When my little boy was four months, we went on a city break with our friends and on three separate occasions, he was stood talking to girls at the bar. I'm sorry, you're on this break with him and you've just had your baby four months ago. Have a bit of fucking respect. Do you know what, baby or no baby, have a bit of fucking respect, mate. After all this, I ended up going and staying at my parents' house with our baby because I was ready to end it. Yeah, do you know what, babe, good for you. However, I felt a lot of guilt for not trying to work it. Yeah, do you know what, babe? Good for you. However, I felt a lot of guilt for not trying to work it out for my little boy. So we talked and agreed on things

that we both need to change and things did get a lot better. However, oh my God, this guy is just getting worse. He has bad anger issues and will shout at me and our dogs for nothing. Whoa. and will shout at me and our dogs for nothing. Whoa. Listen, one thing. Shouting at me is one thing. Shout at my dogs. That will unleash another level of fury to me.

Seriously. Telling me I need to chill out. I think you're the one that needs to chill out, babe. You've got anger issues and you're telling me to chill out. I'm chill. Look at me, I'm chill. I go on daily baby walks. I'm chill. Look at me, I'm chill. I go on daily baby walks. I'm chill.

You're screaming in my face, hun. Anyway, I accept that I'm a stay-at-home mum. For now, I go back to work soon and maybe talk at him when he's tired, et cetera, but I just don't feel happy. I'm in a hard situation because of my little boy but please help I'm only still young and I want to be happy and feel loved and wanted listen you've said it all in that last sentence you're still young even if you weren't we'll consider young like whatever even if even if you weren't the age you are now it shouldn't change that you want to be loved and happy and feel wanted

full stop regardless of age regardless of whether you're a mum or not that sentence alone is all that matters you know and also I think it's not really fair for me to talk on like somebody's whether you should leave somebody especially when they're like you have a family unit it's a bit different to when I'm answering someone's dilemma who like you've been dating or seeing someone blah blah obviously I know that it's harder it's heavier and it's deeper than just like I don't want to be with you anymore see in a bit you know hi it's Fido start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers.

They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side. So it's very difficult. But one thing I do want to say is I grew up with separated parents and there is not a day in my life that I said I wish my parents were together do you know what I mean they broke up when I was very young like I don't really have any well no I don't have any memories of them together so I always feel like when somebody's in a situation where that you know they're fighting for a relationship for the sake of a family unit or you know because they

don't want their child to grow up with separated parents or whatever like I have only ever had positive experience and my parents have always been separated so I think it's important to understand that your happiness as a mum is more important and that's what should be your focus you you know, your baby boy and your happiness. And regardless of whether you and his dad are together, will not impact the love that that baby feels and receives and the quality of life that he has. Do you know what I mean? But obviously, I'm not I'm not a mom and hopefully one day I will be. But right now I'm not. So I can't talk on that I don't know how that feels um but there are thousands hundreds of thousands of women women and men that have been in your position where they are with somebody they have a child of somebody and

they don't want to leave for the sake of their child so you're not alone in that I don't know if that helps to be honest when somebody tells me I'm not alone it just kind of makes me feel nothing and was like okay brilliant doesn't make me feel any better just means that there's more people suffering but one thing I want to say is your happiness should always be your main priority because the best version of you is going to be the best parent the best friend the best sister the best partner to somebody do you know what I mean so you should always put first what is going to make you happy and let go of things that don't serve you that hold you back that make you a less what's the word make you don't make you a better version of yourself basically um and you deserve

to be loved wanted admired prioritized respected all of those things and if you're in a situation where you're not getting that you absolutely have the right to walk away child or no child you know it doesn't change what you deserve and what you should allow, what behavior you should allow. So, yeah, I love you. And just understand that you're not doing anybody wrong by making yourself happy. If anything, that is the best thing you can do for yourself and your child and your future. And you never know, like this relationship could need that. It could need a separation. Like I say this all the

time like sometimes ending a relationship can be the best thing you ever did for that relationship you can get back together and it'd be everything you ever needed at that time and it was the right thing and if not like you're gonna be happy your child's gonna be happy he's still gonna be his dad and just focus on all the things you've said to me write them down maybe even present them to him like look I'm not being funny you're spending all these nights out with these new girl mates from work whilst I'm literally I've just given birth not that long ago I don't feel good I'm not well then you're chatting up women in bars when I'm on a trip with you even if I wasn't there it's not fucking acceptable is it and you're messaging someone you used to be seeing like the

level of disrespect you've shown me present that to him and say what do you think I should do with that do you think I should just go oh but you know we're together so no how would you feel if I did those things to you do you think i deserve that um and yeah just prioritize your happiness that's all that matters and you have the strength to get for anything just remember that so i love you please keep us updated please keep us you know we'll just remember that i'm here for you whatever you decide to do and whatever the next phase is you know right in we got you every step of the way babe so all right love you next dilemma and congratulations on your beautiful baby boy okay hello lovely leah you know i've been getting that a lot recently the lovely leah i'm liking the

alliteration lovely leah maybe i should change it to lovely leah on the line i don't think i should do that keep up though guys i'm loving it all right first of all this podcast has truly saved me in times i've needed an escape so thank you for that oh honestly i love you i'm too sensitive to be reading that stuff right now you don't realize how much you guys just having you guys to talk to saves me as well so thank you thank all of you guys I will try my best to make this as short and clear as possible but apologies if this is long do not apologize we don't mind the long ones at all basically I've been with my boyfriend about two years and he's genuinely the sweetest soul very loving kind and always there for me for context my boyfriend let's call my

boyfriend ben for this story has a mixed gender friendship group and when we were getting to know each other in the dating stage he explained he had a short fling with a girl in his group let's call her suzy but he ended it because it wasn't what he wanted and he believed they were better as friends it's just not a fucking idea was it okay well suzy's gonna have to go i'm afraid suzy we're gonna have to get rid at this point no what can you do all right carrying on i was able to accept and deal with this eventually it's i'm the type of personality where if you're open and honest i'm able to accept and deal with this eventually. It's I'm the type of personality where if you're open and honest, I'm able to eventually become comfortable with it. That probably makes no sense. Sorry. No, I think that makes perfect sense. I would say I'm very similar to you. Like,

I just want to know all the ins and outs. So I don't have questions. I don't feel suspicious. I feel like you've been transparent. And then it's my decision if I am okay with accepting it and carrying on being together, blah, blah, blah together because you've been transparent open and honest I agree I think that's a good I think it's a good way to to think anyways during the stating stage Ben told me he has another friend in the group let's call her Claire and how she's such a good friend etc brilliant. Bet she is. What's with the female friends, hey? When I met Claire for the first time, I could see it was genuinely platonic. Okay, fantastic. And thought nothing more of it. Anyways, fast forward to last week, and one of my boyfriend's friends, let's call him Steve, messaged me and asked for a chat for a bit,

oh, for a bit of advice on a girl situation he's currently in. Oh, I love that. We're really in with the boys. I love that. Okay, yeah, of course, Steve, give me a call. He called me on Messenger and he was chatting about a night out in 2019. And during this story, he mentions, oh, and Ben got upset that night

because Claire was getting with another boy and he liked her at the time. Wait, you're telling me platonic Claire, yeah? Claire that nothing's ever been going on with Claire. He liked her at the time, did he? Okay, Steve. Of course, me being a girl, I completely stuck on this information and I didn't know what to do. No, trust me, I'll be like, what?

Rewind. Pause the track, Steve. I'm'm gonna need you to repeat that i spoke to my bestie who advised me firstly to speak to ben about what i was told as in all fairness to ben he's only ever treated me right and also he needs to be aware if his friends are saying things such as this behind his back not steve getting in the shit now i called ben after this chat with my bestie and repeated what steve told me ben did say yeah that's correct and he did indeed like claire in that way at the time but he was very clear nothing happened and nothing went further in any capacity okay i appreciate the honesty appreciate the honesty now at this point

you know at least when you put him on the spot so steve told me that you did like claire in 2019 yeah i did but nothing went from it you know i'd liked it for a bit okay could have told me that early days but all right i asked him why he didn't tell me and he said because nothing happened he didn't see it of see it as of importance okay you know what ben i can respect that i can respect that because at the end of the day if i've said to you these girls you know has anything ever happened between them you and them you've told me about the girl who you did actually have a thing with you're not also then gonna go oh and i did fancy claire do you know what i mean because that's unnecessary stress and anxiety for me and jealousy for me that i don't need to feel

if it is now irrelevant and nothing ever came from it and you never even kissed you know but then even if you had those sort of conversations i would expect to be told about it to be honest i don't know okay i did say to ben i do understand this point but this wasn't the issue oh okay i said to ben i don't appreciate being surprised by this information ben did apologize and say he understood my view and how sorry he was if it upset me and made me uncomfortable oh ben sounds really lovely fast Fast forward to tonight, myself and Ben, sorry, I've got an itch on my nose. I've got to put my phone down. Oh, that's nice.

All right. Sorry. Myself and Ben have spoken about it. And while I do now understand why he didn't intentionally, initially mention this as it was just a fleeting crush that didn't go anywhere.

A friend of Ben's dated Claire and he said he said, he said he saw how she behaved and it changed his view and he just preferred her as a friend of ben's dated claire and he said he said he said he saw how she behaved and it changed his view and he just befriended his friend okay so he just fancied her for a bit and then she treated one of his mates a bit shit and he thought actually i'm not into her okay fair um i've been honest and said to ben you need to understand knowing this information now at least for a while until i'm able to accept it and be okay I will naturally feel uncomfortable he has been doing his best to assure me but I'm just uncomfortable at the moment

unfortunately we have been invited to an event with lots of people and Claire will be attending with her boyfriend okay so Claire's got a boyfriend that is fantastic news let's be real while she does have a partner I'm still not entirely comfortable yet given this recent news given this recent news any tips on how to make it through this event I'm thinking of just not going but I'm not sure sorry for the length okay babe so I don't think we can really be that hard on Ben because at the end of the day if I was in Ben's position I probably wouldn't mention that I fancied someone just for a bit like if it was just like a little crush but it's literally like you'd look back now and be like oh no like they're literally my mate I wouldn't mention it because it feels so irrelevant and I feel like it would

cause problems that don't need to be caused because you understand in your head I don't actually feel anything for them at all I fancied them nothing ever happened and I do not fancy him anymore if I tell you that you're gonna perceive it in a whole nother way then we got we got a whole other kettle of fish do you know what I mean so I do get why he didn't tell you so I you know I don't think we should be hard on Ben I think that's fair enough when it comes to like you feeling the way you feel now I think you just need to remember that like he's shown you so many signs that he's just a genuine, nice, honest guy. Honesty is the number one thing. Like if someone isn't honest with you, that is what causes all kinds of insecurities and trust issues and questions. Whereas when someone will just lay out on the table no matter what question you've

asked them they give you the honest answer whether it hurts or not I think they're the people that you can trust so I feel like you know just before you knew this information it Claire didn't matter so I think we tried to forget this information because it is old news that is literally like four years ago now it is old news isn't that wild that 2019 is four years ago fuck anyway it's old news and he doesn't fancy her now before you knew the information it didn't matter and it still doesn't matter because he doesn't fancy her anymore she obviously didn't matter and it still doesn't matter because he doesn't fancy her anymore she obviously didn't fancy him let's be honest which does help you know sorry ben but i am glad she didn't fancy you do you know what i mean but even if she did whatever nothing happened between them and i think we just

we try to forget about that because nothing ever happened and it's not going to happen now. So, you know, all right, babe, I love you. Your boyfriend sounds really sweet and I'm happy for you. All right, next dilemma. Oh, guys, my four-year relationship isn't progressing. Hey, girl, I hope you're doing well. My relationship is stagnant. Four years, no ring, no babies. I'm 30 and I've got restless feet. Part of me is like, hold on, it will come soon. And the other part of me is like, call it quits, it's never happening. God, devil and angel on your shoulder there, babe. It has been spoken about. He is aware of my feelings, my needs and wants but nothing at the

start of this year it came out he has a gambling addiction we broke up and got back together and now he's in ga so our house deposit is gone and i know he doesn't have any savings never mind savings for a ring probably thinking jesus why are you saying with someone who has an addiction no i'm absolutely not thinking that there is not a bone in my body that thinks that genuinely um but he does tick nine out of ten boxes i had all these hopes and dreams for us i could visualize it now i can't visualize anything i'm at the point where i feel like i've accepted it's not going to happen anymore any advice would be appreciated i love you bye okay this is the this is the difficult thing because when it comes to any issue whether that's an addiction in any

area or any other issue right we decide if we want to stick by people or not and I understand that is so hard because this is not the way you planned it. This is not the life you planned. This is not the future you envisioned. You know, you thought you'd have a ring, maybe babies by now, like that's what you wanted. That's what you thought. And sometimes things just don't go the way we planned. I would say that is just up to you if you want to stick by this person because you know he's facing his problems and I think good for him that he's going to GA and stuff like that and he is trying to get his life back on track good for him and good for you for you know being patient and sticking by him the way you have and I would understand the way you're feeling you know I get

it it's a bit like you know you've gone down this path and and I'm sad and upset for for you for me for the relationship for all parties you know everyone is impacted but it is your decision if if you want to you know stand by this person and it doesn't mean that you're a your decision if you want to, you know, stand by this person. And it doesn't mean that you're a bad person if you decided you didn't want to. But I would say, you know, when you love someone so much, that's a difficult one, to be honest, with what I'm about to say because I want to say when you love someone so much you know you stick by them you support them through whatever it is that they're facing whatever troubles they're facing like addiction whatever it is you you know you support them but at the same time that's not entirely true you don't have to you don't have to stand by people if they're

going through things that are impacting you in a negative way you don't have to so I think that's just your decision and unfortunately he's got himself in this situation where you know like you're saying he doesn't have the savings and you know doesn't have money for a house deposit and you've said let alone a ring and stuff like that and I think it's just your decision if you think you know this person is the person and I will stick by you and support you and I'm proud of you for going to these meetings and you know we will get things back on track together we will rebuild things together or you say look this isn't this isn't the life I pictured and I don't think I can do this, you know? And I think that's just something you need to figure out

and understand and do what is best for you, do what's right for you. But I'd say don't do it out of feeling like you're gonna meet someone who's gonna propose to you immediately because at the end of the day, you've been with this person for years. propose to you immediately because at the end of the day you've been with this person for years um you'd probably wait maybe minimum two years before somebody new proposed to you that's that's

saying you meet them immediately which by that point you would have been with this guy six years you know so if it's a case of you know you're getting impatient you just want that with someone ask yourself if it's that you want if it's the marriage and the ring and the babies that you want or if it's him that you want you know um i think we have a long hard think about what decisions you want to make and whatever you decide to do just do what feels right for you and and you know that's all you can do um yeah i love you babe i'm sorry you're feeling like this but yeah you do you do deserve happiness and commitment and stuff like that but you know it's a different situation it's a difficult situation so yeah love you babe

whatever you decide to do i'm proud of you you got this you have the strength we all got you and we love you okay guys i enjoyed this i do feel so much better after i'm glad we did this i was worried that this would end up a 20 minute episode because i'm like right guys i can't face it i gotta go but yeah i do feel so much better so thank you for being here with me today I really needed you guys thank you all right please stay for the outro let's wrap up the episode okay you guys thank you so much if you stayed for the outro you're my favorites we are best friends for life i love you guys so much i hope you really enjoyed this episode oh my god i just had such a big bubble of spit in my throat sorry it's just too much isn't it all right guys let me know what

you guys want on friday one of you sent in a really good weekly debate idea and it was cheating or not cheating right where you guys send in all situations and examples and we decide I put them on Instagram and I give my opinion as well if we say cheating or not cheating and I thought if we can get enough that could be a good whole Friday episode like the cheating or not cheating episode you got and I was thinking you guys could even send me like specific dilemmas where you're like my boyfriend or my girlfriend has done this to me. Would you consider this cheating? Like or something really little like, I don't know, liking girls pics, you know, whatever.

So I feel like that is such a good idea. So shout out to that babe that sent that in because I would never have thought that. I don't know how, but it's genius. It's genius. I love it. So yeah, thank you so much. Keep sending in your weekly debate ideas. They're honestly it's genius i love it so yeah thank you so much keep sending in your weekly debate ideas they're honestly so fun i love them so much but let me know if you want that to

be a full episode or just a weekly debate and yeah i hope you all have an amazing week whatever is that you're getting up to and i'll see you on friday for a brand new episode all right i love you Love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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