Leah on the Line - 92: I make up scenarios in my head about my bf cheating & my bestie got with the guy I dated!

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. It's getting closer to midnight. I try to get closer to you. Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Lair on the Line. Happy Tuesday. Happy Tuesday, everybody. How are you? How are you feeling? How was the weekend?

I had a really good weekend. I'm feeling good today. I'm in high spirits. You'll be pleased to hear. Is there an echo? Feels very echoey. Hello? You're an idiot. You're an idiot. I do that every time. It's not funny. It's not been funny the first time. It's not been funny the eight other times. I have watched The Grinch recently. I have and I will admit it it just doesn't hit the same anymore. I don't know so many of you gonna say oh my god I can't believe you just said that. What is your favorite Christmas film? Because mine's Elf. I feel like I actually discussed this the other day. Do you know what was my favorite film as a kid? The Cat in the Hat. it fucking slapped and i'll be honest like if you made me watch it now because i tried watching it with jamie the other night in bed right

it's literally so not funny and it's so annoying like especially the the boss you know who's like you're fired he's literally so irritating he's literally not funny one single bit and like the more you think about that film it's so fucking weird like big cat breaks into the house with kids that are alone well they've got a babysitter but for some reason she's asleep hanging up in the wardrobe if you haven't seen this film you're thinking what the fuck and then they end up like you know when he turns like that part of the house into like the big purple roller coaster that used to trip me out as a kid but for some reason i fucking loved that film and i know every word i thought it's so funny like the

songs is like fun fun fun look at me fun fun fun like i just thought it was just jokes i was like i love this big fucking cat when he's like furball and i was like oh it's literally the weirdest film and i think all films when you watch them as an adult they're so weird like i watched home alone the other day and i'm thinking like it's literally such a weird story to write boy gets forgotten about left at home like and i was watching it now at 26 years old i don't get the story like i always thought you know the house at the beginning full of all the kids i thought they were all siblings but they're not i don't get it is it i need to pay attention because i haven't actually really deep to what's going on.

I sort of just wait. I don't really pay attention. Until like the. The people show up. Trying to get in the house. Because. That's the. Like the main part.

And I was actually thinking. I don't actually know what this film's about. Like I don't actually get it. I've watched it hundreds of times. I don't actually get this film. Like he's just at home on his own. He gets completely forgotten about. Like.

This is fucking horrible. And I think. When you actually watch kids films as an adult they're really sad they're actually so sad like i'm kind of weird and creepy and scary like the cat in the hat big cat breaks into a house of kids and like manipulates them you know and he's like got the fucking lawyers in and he's like they're my magical time traveling elves okay they're my lawyers right and they have to like sign a contract he's like sign here sign here not there i know everybody it's actually such a weird concept and then i think most kids films are really weird do you know what film fucking freaked me out as a kid and hardly anyone i know has seen this film so please message me if you've seen this a simple wish it's got the girl from matilda in it it used to scare the living

shit out of me but i had it on videotape and i watched it every night it was so scary like they they turn her dad into a statue and then like there's that scary woman and and that guy ends up like 2d and he's all floppy and it's weird proper weird and madeline madeline that film freaked me out made me feel really weird so creepy like when she gets her appendix removed and stuff it's weird and she like falls in the river like what why are all these kids films so scary and like everyone just gets like abandoned it's horrible what were some other good kids films what were your favorite films as a kid coralline don't even talk to me about coralline that's literally that should be an 18 it's so fucking scary fucking kids film are you joking me

what was your favorite favorite film that made you feel really good i loved matilda we all loved matilda my sister absolutely loved matilda but i i liked it i don't know what my absolute favorite was because when i was little oh my god another another scary one chi chi bang bang actually deep hit they're fucking scary fucking kid child snatcher comes in children all for free what literally nicking children putting them in a cage actually think about it and like the scene where her their dad was like a puppet and it was scary and then the woman she was like round and around on the music box fucking so weird oh my god i literally want to sit here and think about old childhood films now because i guarantee would you think about them all and they'd all be scary air bud who remembers air buds right the poor dog doesn't he get like snatched by that scary man

guys guys no one has ever seen this film and we ate it up in my house when we was kids. Every single day we was watching this film. So please tell me if you've seen this film, okay? Max Keeble. Max Keeble. Again, such a horrible, scary film. Like that big frog that come in. What was the song?

It was like... It was honestly so scary like if i watch clips now of that film as an adult it gives me the heebie-jeebies like it literally makes me go oh i don't enjoy it it's horrible oh my god anyway i hope you guys are all feeling really really good today thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Lear on the Line. So happy to have you in my company today. So honored to be in your company today, whatever it is that you're up to. So happy to be sat here doing this together.

We have the usual Tuesday episode, guys, a weekly debate inspired by one of the dilemmas. I love that. It makes it easier for me to answer the dilemma, if I'm being honest. All right, guys, let's just get straight into it. Thank you so much for listening to Lear on the Line. Head to learontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Remember to follow on socials to see visual clips and get involved with the weekly debates. Enjoy the episode. Love you. Okay everybody so my weekly debate for you today is if you were dating someone then decided you weren't interested anymore would you be okay with your friend dating them okay so this is a

scenario where it's not that anything went massively wrong they they were a massive prick to you like nothing major happened you just decided not into it and calling it quits here and then your friend turns around and it's like oh me and so-and-so went on a date the other day okay how are we feeling about that or maybe they asked you know i kind of fancy going on a date with them let's see what you guys think okay if i really really wasn interested, it would be okay. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's the thing. If you've decided I'm not interested, why would it matter? You know, I don't want them. So whatever. Knock yourself out, you know. A hundred percent wouldn't stand in the way of something potentially good and making them happy.

That's the thing. Like what if, what if you're twin flames and i just accidentally what if what if the universe no the universe never gets anything wrong you know i was gonna say just forget it all right i just know it would bother me and i don't know why sorry yeah i do you know what valid valid personally no there are billions of other people in the world that haven't dated your friends. Yeah, facts, to be fair. You know what I mean? I think it's fine as long as feelings weren't involved. Okay, yeah, great point. Like, how long were we seeing each other, you know? How serious was it at one point in time? It's happened to me before, but you do have to work hard to not pay attention to the intrusive thoughts when they start dating wondering if i made a mistake not being with them oh my god yeah wow

that's so true if i hadn't slept with them then yeah crack on babes that is true like if we've had sex it's different that's different at this point how many of you guys have slept with somebody that your friend is also set with i would be intrigued to know you ended it oh okay you ended it with them for a reason just because they can make your friend happy it doesn't mean they could do the same for you so true that is so true you know just because you didn't fancy them or didn't want them in the end doesn't mean that your friend isn't going to be like absolutely smitten everything they've ever wanted you know yeah of course if there wasn't really anything in it or much intimacy yeah that's the thing yeah um if it wasn't that deep and we didn't sleep together fuck it go for it babe you can have them it would be weird um if we were seeing each other

for a while but if a few weeks not really yeah fair enough fair enough if i had decided they weren't for me i'd be fine with it i want my friends to be happy no it would still be weird vibes even if i wasn't interested plus plenty more fish in the sea that is so true though that point of like you know we say all the time there are so many people out there you know do we have to share realistically but again like some of you are saying what if there's old mates you know, do we have to share, realistically, but again, like, some of you are saying, what if they're soulmates, you know, I don't understand, it's out of the way, that, I don't want to get in the universe's way here, absolutely, as long as they were a nice person, I want the best for my friends, yeah, but I would think it's very weird,

it's a little awkward, like, anybody else, come on, yeah, yeah, yeah on yeah yeah yeah no straight up no we're getting a few straight up no's no explanation just no I'm not okay with that as long as there had been no physical relationship otherwise that's fucking weird I mean yeah I get that this has happened to me I was completely fine with it as I had the ick and no feelings at all. Okay yeah when you've got the ick. God absolutely. It would depend how long we dated and how serious things got. I think if I didn't have any feelings for them then I probably wouldn't mind them dating a friend after. I don't believe I'd be okay with that regardless of the reason for the relationship ending. Girl code. Absolutely yeah. I'd be

totally fine if it was short term. If long term or quite serious, then that's weird. I wouldn't like it the other way around, dating someone my friend has already. That is absolutely true. I would not want to date somebody that my friend has also dated. Because also, it's almost like, in this scenario that we've given here you've decided that you're not interested in them anymore and then they're dating your friend so if I was the friend I'd be like you would still be dating her if she didn't decide she wasn't interested in you and say we this develops into a relationship you're going to be around my friend and you actually wanted her first and here I am literally second option

literally we would even be a thing if she wanted you like this is not the way you wanted it to go um a lot of you are saying if we had sex then I'm not okay with it but if no sex whatever a lot of people are saying that which I totally agree for the most part it's fine yes doesn't matter if i stopped it um don't touch people friends have oh my god that makes sense i don't know why it sounded like it didn't make sense it doesn't make sense yeah for sure i think it would depend on the friend and what the dating experience was like yeah i get that actually um if we were official or exclusive or went on more than say two or three dates or slept together then that's when i would mind i actually agree yeah that's that's understandable fuck no somebody

says um i think if you're not interested in someone and you have no feelings then yeah it's okay um depends how serious if i'd slept with them i wouldn't be okay otherwise i wouldn't care i'd find it a bit weird at first but if no sexual encounters happen then I'd say okay depends on how long you got to know this person for how much info you told your friend um yes as long as I don't have such a strong dislike for them that I'd be concerned for her no I think that's weird too close and personal if I if time had passed and him and my friend really liked each other then I'd let them be happy yeah if it's like we were dating like three years ago it's different but if it's like we've just ended things and now you're fucking kicking things off I'd be like

okay bit weird you know especially because when you end things with someone normally you want to see the back of them you know what I mean I'd like to say I'd be okay with it, but I'd be jealous in reality, yeah, I mean, low-key, because even though you don't want them, part of you doesn't want somebody else to have them, let alone your friend, you know, depends if I'd slept with them, yes, 100%, I think it's a little bit weird, but I would give them my support because they could be soulmates. As long as nothing went too far and I know the guy is nice, I don't see why not. Depends on how many dates and how serious it was, but most likely wouldn't mind. Okay, so I would actually say from scrolling through these

responses, we are 50-50. Most people were saying, saying look if we haven't had sex it's different but to be honest when it comes to would i mind yes or no it is 50 50 half of you are saying fuck no no fucking way that's not not on my watch babe come on anybody else anybody anyone else but then the other half is saying yeah i'm not into them well you can have them so I do get that I do get it so yeah guys really interesting weekly debate we will get straight into this in a dilemma shortly but thank you so much for sending in all of your responses this is always very helpful when I have a dilemma based on the weekly debate because I sometimes I think I don't know I don't know sometimes you you think you you think your opinion is right and then you hear other people's and you think oh we didn't think about

that do you think about that you know so love you guys let's get into some dilemmas okay let's kick straight off with the dilemma okay hey girl loving the pod as always you're killing it thank you i love you so much so my dilemma p.s i'm filling in fake names for you so you don't have to make up your own and get confused thank you appreciate you me and abby have been very close friends for years been traveling more trips planned in the future and generally do a lot together at home abby has a friend called adam in a separate friendship group who started messaging me i asked how abby felt about it and she said go for it but bear in mind that he has a few red flags i'm very much single and enjoy dating so i didn't see the harm in a few messages oh it always starts like that doesn't it a few messages won't hurt okay this then led to him asking me on a date which I asked

Abby if that's okay and to make sure she didn't feel weird about it love that from you love that I got reassured so I went for it the date went well in my opinion and he agreed we then go on a second date which if I'm honest the red flags are out are out in my opinion and he agreed. We then go on a second date, which if I'm honest, the red flags are out in full force and I came away thinking I was unsure about it all. To put it all bluntly, he essentially just tried to sleep with me and everything was just a bit icky.

I realized he was dating to just get into someone's bed. Okay, see you later, babe. I love that from you though, very, very aware. I like it. I was due to go traveling for a month. So we end up saying over text that we felt the same about it not working, which I was absolutely fine with.

Okay, great. So he went on two dates, saw the red flags, he gave you the ick, he thought, let's just cut this short. Love it. I update Abby on what happened and leave to go away for a month.

I then come home, catch up with Abby and find out that her and Adam went on a date less than a week after I'd called things off with him. See that's fucking weird because Abby you had a chance to tell me you were interested when I asked you if it was okay you know. Now my dilemma is a weird one because I'm lucky that I didn't end up wanting to pursue things with him. I'm not one for confrontation and my feelings weren't hurt about him in a sense but deep down I felt taken aback by them both now dating. Questions like why did she not tell me she liked him and why did he

date me and tried to sleep with me if he liked her? Absolutely. Not long after Adam calls things off with Abby. Typical as he got what he wanted and left i saw it coming a mile off so i'm comforting her and trying to be a good friend i just can't help this feeling that i feel a bit betrayed by it i keep thinking if i liked this guy i don't think i would have been okay with it i should also i should also mention this very similar situation happened with another guy that i was seeing oh who abby started dating not even a few months after me and him ouch okay abby is given pattern at this point i want to keep her as a friend but not entirely sure what my next step should be i also don't know what i'm asking maybe for some advice some

comfort am i being taken advantage of as a friend? It doesn't help that I'm not that fortunate in my love life department. So it's really shitty when things don't work out with guys, but even more shitty when one of your close friends starts dating them straight after. Whoa. All right. Okay. I totally understand why you feel the way you do. I absolutely would feel the same because it's not about Adam realistically it's not Adam okay I didn't want Adam and you're not with Adam now so it's not about Adam realistically you've gone to Abby from day one and said look me and Adam are texting are you okay with this she said yeah you also then went to her and said, Adam's asked me on a date. Are you okay with this? She said, yeah. So there's two things to note here. You have

immediately acknowledged her feelings and double checked where she stands with it. And the second thing is she missed her opportunity then to say that she was interested because realistically surely she didn't change her mind overnight unless she then realized while you were dating him oh I actually feel kind of jealous you know maybe she didn't realize how she felt about him until she saw you dating him or maybe just maybe there could be a low-key bit of jealousy in the friendship which is okay and doesn't always mean it's toxic you know sometimes it can come from insecurity you know just comparing yourself to other people blah blah whatever so maybe she feels a bit jealous of you and adam's shown her attention and that felt good you know because she probably thinks you're incredible because you are and then the guy that's interested in you is also interested in her and that might have felt

good or she liked him from day one and wasn't honest about it so i just think look you don't need to fall out over it because luckily nothing's happened but i think we need to learn from this the two of us to be honest I can't really fault you in this situation I think you handled it like an absolute queen but Abby hopefully we can have a conversation and we can learn from this luckily no one got hurt by him I mean to be fair she did actually you're comforting her so that's unfortunate but luckily your friendship hasn't suffered significantly do you know what I mean? So I think we can have a conversation. It doesn't need to be really, really deep. But just say like, next time,

if we are in a situation where I'm dating someone that you're interested in, tell me because I would rather not date them from day one, if it's someone we're both interested in, whatever, or maybe don't date the guy that I'm dating. I not too sure but you know like I think just have a nice gentle easy going conversation with with her about how she could have handled it differently and just tell her how it's made you feel and you don't have to be like look you've really hurt me but you know girl code blah blah blah, blah, blah. Just be like, did you, just out of curiosity, did you like him? Like when I came to you and I said me and Adam are texting and he's asked me on a date, did you like him at that point? Just out of curiosity. And if the answer is yeah, then say, I wish you had told me that. And if we ever are in

a similar situation, please tell me from day one, because the way things panned out, actually, I didn't feel good about, you know, like I've gone away for a month. I've come home to find similar situation please tell me from day one because the way things panned out actually I didn't feel good about you know like I've gone away for a month I've come home to find out that you two have been dating and sleeping together like it's a it's a bit muggy I think is the word it's a bit muggy so yeah I just think tell her how you feel and you know approach the situation in terms of let's learn from this. We can say both of us, you know, just to make it feel better. I think we can both learn from this.

You, I think you can learn from this, Abby, you know. All right, babes. I love you so much. But you handled that very well. I'm very proud of you. Okay, next dilemma. How to deal with a lad's holiday. Hey, Leah, before I start, i just want to say thank you for keeping

me company on my way to and back from work every day you make going to work a lot more bearable oh i love you so much hope your drive's going amazing today darling my boyfriend is going on a lad's holiday next week for context we're both 19 i'm 20 soon we have been together nearly four years now okay so since she was 15 i love that my boyfriend is so loving and caring and has never given me any reason not to trust him he even has me tattooed on him okay i'm loving it there's no doubt in my mind that i shouldn't trust him however he is going with a huge group of friends who let's just say are very much single and go out every weekend and end up bringing girls home with them. Okay, yeah, not good. Not good for the girlfriend, you know. I know that this has nothing to do with

my boyfriend at all, but I can't help but just dread him going. No, I get it. Listen, I get it. Recently, I have been struggling with myself and I just feel I've lost No, I get it. Listen, I get it. Recently, I have been struggling with myself and I just feel I've lost all confidence I once had. Whilst my boyfriend constantly reassures me that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, I can't help but just think about how there's going to be much prettier girls when he's on holiday. I'm just in a tricky situation because I feel like I can't be normal with him even though this is not his fault and he really deserves to go on holiday I haven't spoken to any of my friends about this as I know they're just going to go they're just going to tell me to get a grip or not really understand how I feel okay not liking the sound of these friends first of all I just cannot shake myself

out of this whole silly situation I have even made up scenarios of him cheating on me with a much prettier girl I think I'm going crazy oh not the made-up situations in the head oh anyway sorry for this long dilemma I just needed a run and some people as I know wait oh sorry and some help where did I get people from and some help as I know you give good advice oh wow thank you so much i'll insert pictures below of me and my boyfriend please keep me anonymous of course i will oh wow oh my god i am not saying i'm not just saying this you are absolutely stunning i'm not just saying it one of the prettiest guys i've ever seen when i tell you it sounds like i'm chatting chair i'm not okay and listen don't get me wrong and I'm gonna say this really nicely because your boyfriend's handsome he's got blue eyes lovely teeth all I'm gonna say is he ain't cheating on you babe do you know what I'm saying like he ain't cheating on you right so you are gorgeous perfect regardless of who you're in a relationship with or

the way you see yourself this is this is not about realistically it's not about how good you good looking you are in comparison to your boyfriend or how good looking your boyfriend is in comparison to you and how good looking all the other girls are in comparison to you this isn't about that this is actually just an issue that we're dealing with which is totally relatable to so many people and you are absolutely not alone in this feeling but what I want to say to you is focus on the fact that you are making it up you're literally making it up like you've even just said you've made up scenarios of him like cheating on you with a pretty girl you're making it up you're literally making it up like you have no evidence to believe

that this would is something he would ever do and you are literally making it up so whenever i do something like that and i mine's not in terms of like being cheated on but it can be about something totally different it could for example health anxiety right I'll stop myself and I go you literally just made all that up I'll sit there oh my god I'm gonna go to the doctors and they're gonna tell me this and I'm gonna end up in a hospital and I'm like you literally just made that up so I think it's helpful to think about it like that you know like when you're laying in bed and you're going oh my god and she's probably gonna look like this and she's gonna say this to him and he's gonna think oh my god you just made that up and like take the piss out of yourself for it you know like

you fucking freak just made that whole thing up in your head for what for what reason like your boyfriend absolutely adores you you've been together four years since you was 15 and he treats you amazing he's loving he's kind he's all these things he's babe he's got you tired and listen you are absolutely drop dead gorgeous he's never cheating on you okay and it doesn't even matter like let's be real if Cheryl Cole can get cheated on it doesn't fucking matter but what I'm saying to you is this isn't about you know him this is about you and how you feel in yourself so I just think understand that you are more than good enough for anybody you're smart kind funny an amazing girlfriend and

beautiful is just one of those things like let's forget about how pretty everybody else is these things that you're saying to yourself you're his girlfriend and that's and you're everything he wants and needs full stop regardless of how single his friends are and how many girls they bring back it's so irrelevant because it's separate to him he is his own person and he absolutely loves and adores you so focus on that babe all right love you all right all right love you so much okay next dilemma hi leah i absolutely love your podcast and have been a listener since day one oh i love you so much thank you your pod really helps me feel motivated and i always listen to it when cleaning my flat

oh what we're cleaning right now the bathroom kitchen sides maybe bit of hoofing who knows i'm a 22 year old mom to a three-year-old not with my child's dad but have been with my current partner for nearly two years he's everything i've ever wanted in a person he's kind generous funny empathetic romantic gives me the ultimate princess treatment big slay okay not only this but he's taken in my child and loves him unconditionally we don't live together but we see each other very regularly and i always stay at his house every weekend when my son's dad has him everything between us is amazing but we have completely different life goals ouch okay i want to be married and have more kids before i'm 30 and i want to live with him in the next couple of years he on the other hand wants to be married at 32 and have kids afterwards

not only this but he wants to explore his career choices and has always wanted to travel to Japan and possibly even work abroad. Okay, I found out. Of course you do. For fuck's sake. I feel like I have to be supportive of his dreams and hype them up. Oh my god, yeah, you should totally go to Japan. That's sick, babe. Okay, where did I get to yeah okay and hype them up but there's part of me that feels really down about it I think I'm being selfish for thinking this way but I just have this timeline for myself and with him saying things that won't match up with mine I'm scared we won't be compatible in the future and that our relationship will die out I guess I just want some advice on this on how

to deal with the situation and the way i feel about it do i talk to him about it will it just make him feel like i'm against his dreams and wishes for himself i don't know leah i just feel a bit lost love you bye oh god the stress no it's not easy i think what i would do in your situation is part of me would want to have little conversations about it i wouldn't want to be like look we need to sit down and have a talk me or japan me or japan take your pick i just think it's unnecessary because he's not going right now i think what i what i would feel inclined to do is just sort of go with the flow and leave i always say this but leave it in the hands of

the universe whatever's meant to be will be and you have the strength to get through whatever path you and him end up going down whether that's together whether you're here and he's in fucking japan like wherever it is you have the strength to get through it and it will go the way it's supposed to go so i personally think just enjoy your life and relax and don't think about the future and what might happen and what might not happen and I think leave it surrender you know leave it in the hands of the universe you just take the passenger seat and enjoy the ride and just wow what a fucking what a fucking metaphor was that let the universe take the wheel oh i'm just fucking i'm fucking sick but it's true like

just enjoy it enjoy your relationship you don't know what's gonna happen and that's the beauty of it you know if we knew it would change everything so enjoy it just remember that everything happens the way it's supposed to if it's meant for you it won't pass you all that classic cliche shit but it's so true and just try not to stress I know it's so easy to say that but just try not to stress and just think you know what no matter what happens I'm gonna be okay you know you got this and you don't know like some people have this idea of what they want to do. And then before they know it, it's like, actually, something's clicked and something's changed. And all of a sudden, I want to have a baby and I want

to move in together and I want to do things differently. Or it could go a different way. And it's like, you decide you don't want to be with them anymore. And they don't even go to Japan, but you've decided, you know, you don't feel the same, whatever. You do not know how things go. So just enjoy it. Enjoy your relationship and let it, let it be, you know, let it be, let it be, let it be. All right. No more singing. Okay. Love you so much. Next dilemma. Hi Leah. First of all, I literally love you so much next dilemma hi leah first of all i literally love you and the pod you're too funny oh i love it love you okay i'd love to hear about your time as a single girl i'm currently a single girly who has always had relationships i'm now 25 and i'm

trying to find myself who i really am and what I enjoy so I can hold myself up as a strong woman. Oh, I fucking love it. I've been single for a couple of months now and I'm enjoying it. However, I get such an urge to chat and meet boys. What do they have over me? Each day I feel different and I am becoming stronger on my own. However, I know in the future I do want love and a family so I feel like I'm always looking. Anyways, I always think I would love to hear about your single days and what you got up to, what you think is healthy and how to build yourself up to be a strong independent woman who needs no man and is it okay to have a bit of fun whilst trying to do this? Thanks Leah, lots of love. Okay, we have a little sexy single girl everybody okay I think

before you want to hear about my single days they were actually kind of boring I was not good at being single like in terms of oh my god my voice just like cut out then that wasn't an issue with my mic my voice just literally cut out in terms of like being single and crazy and like snuggling loads of boys and I it wasn't me like I just didn't I obviously like you like messaging people but nothing deep until I met Jamie which to be fair didn't take that long because he just came up on my for you page and I thought yeah I want that one and yeah the rest was history but I was definitely like you in terms of I was like I'm single and I'm ready to just fucking be on my own and enjoy who who what it feels like to be me and not be dependent on anyone and not have to think of anybody else's feelings

and just like think about yourself and like I loved that part and then obviously like I said I met Jamie I think it was about four months into my single life or was it three months I don't know but it was pretty soon to be fair and I remember feeling like I'm in a crossroads here of like, I really like you and fuck me, you are the sexiest man I've ever seen. And then the other part of me was like, I said I was going to do this for at least a year, the single life. So I was like, what do I do? What do I do? So instead, I decided I would make it very clear to this guy, look, I decided I would make it very clear to this guy look I do like you blah blah blah but my big priority right now is independence being on my own being happy like I'm happy to see where things go together but at the same time I am my number one priority right now and he was like yeah I love it

sexy be your number one priority let's enjoy this you know so I ended up finding a really good balance I feel at making sure that especially at that early stage where it was really important to me that I healed from past traumas and made sure that I knew who I was and what I wanted and I would never settle for less like I made sure that I was my number one priority so yeah I I managed to do that whilst seeing somebody which I'm still very proud of because it's so easy to just go and fucking balls deep in it and be like I love you I'm obsessed with you moving with me like you know so yeah I spend my single days working on myself and I do believe, because you said, is it okay to have a bit of fun whilst trying to do this? Yeah, I believe it is. But I think you have to be in an

emotional position where you're not feeling too vulnerable and you feel in control and you feel like you, yeah, in control, you know. So if you feel like you're still vulnerable and you know maybe your self-esteem's taking a hit from a breakup or from a past relationship or whatever I would work on healing that before you start having that fun you know but I do think it is absolutely fine to do that um always just make sure people know where they stand and stuff but yeah I just think you sound like you're having a really fucking good time and you're fighting the urge you said i get such an urge to chat with and meet boys what do they have over me i think i think it's a case of like

it just feels good like it it releases a hormone in your body of like just endorphins and like it's just fucking fun you know like when you meet someone and like you fancy them and they fancy you and they're complimenting you and you feel giddy like it's just fun and as long as you you don't feel emotionally too vulnerable I think it's fine to have fun with it and and date someone and and message people but make sure that you are always your number one priority and nobody takes that position until you feel ready to you know what I think I'm ready for a relationship if it happens you know so yeah that's what I feel about that babe but honestly congratulations you sound like you are having the best time and focusing on all good things, all healthy things about character development and independence. And you know what?

This is just going to make you an even more incredible person. I'm really proud of you and I'm excited for you and I can't wait to hear more about your single journey. So please send us in an update. We'd love to hear it. Okay, guys, these dilemmas are so fun today i feel like they're really fun dilemmas i really enjoyed i love you guys please stay for the outro let's wrap up the episode okay you guys thank you so much if you've stayed for the outro if you're listening to this right now i love you I appreciate you so much what are you guys up to this week I'm actually off to London this week I'm looking forward to it but whatever it is that you're getting up to I hope you all enjoy it and I can't wait for

Friday's episode actually to be fair I don't know what I'm going to do for Friday's episode because I had an idea but I feel like I want to involve it in the Christmas one instead although I'm not sure I feel like I could do like a in the Christmas one instead although I'm not sure I feel like I could do like a gift guide and we could all help each other out but then at the same time it feels like a Christmas special but then at the same time the Christmas special was a bit too close for Christmas to Christmas you know so you guys will have to let me know but yeah I haven't decided but that is an option but either way I can't wait to talk to you on Friday and I hope you guys all have an amazing week and I'll speak to you on friday for a brand new episode all right i love you bye