Leah on the Line - 93: My boyfriend has been secretly watching porn ALL DAY!

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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It's getting closer to midnight. I tried to get closer to you. Hello. Hi, everyone. to you. for a few weeks actually it was three episodes so like just over a week um if you don't follow me on instagram you're probably thinking uh little miss what the fuck where were you where have you been um i i felt like i was experiencing a bit of burnout right so i think i was just overwhelmed with everything like obviously you guys know i've been going to these hospital appointments about my periods it's hell in there seriously anyway and then so that on top of the fact that I've been struggling with just like mentally what's the word you know like fighting those the negative talk of like oh what am I doing with my life like why aren't things working out the way

that I want them to be and then I'm being really shit at gratitude and then I thought you know what I need to take a moment and just take a breath practice some gratitude because I have dreamt of being where I am now just because things like slow down every now and then do you know what I mean and it was just like a moment of like fuck like I'm just dealing with a lot at once so I was like let me just take a breather you gotta listen to your body sometimes guys you know and yeah I am really happy to be back because I have missed you so much like I have been so excited to sit down and record this episode I feel so ready to finally chat with you I'm excited again like I feel like okay good like all I needed was just over a week just to go don't worry about it because oh my god guys I

can't tell you the stress I feel when I miss an episode I was in London and I took all my podcast equipment with me with every intention to record and then I was like do you know what I just don't have it in me like I just feel overwhelmed and then I was so fucking ill seriously I need to make a point of really boosting my immune system because I if you come near me if you even come into my city I don't live in a city if you come into my town with a cold i will smell it and i will get it like i i'm just everything is so contagious to me i just yeah anyway so i was really ill and i do feel like it might have been covid like i was talking to a couple of you

guys on tiktok if you don't follow me on tiktok please don't really appreciate it especially right now yeah i was talking to a couple of you guys on TikTok and most of you were like I have COVID right now and symptoms you're dealing with and what I'm dealing with so I don't know if it is that but either way it's just not been it's not been my best week but I'm feeling so much better I feel like I oh yeah I was like what do I what did I have the intention to fill you guys in on? So I had my ultrasounds, right? So I got there and it's like the, um, what's it called? It's in a woman's hospital basically. So it's like a lot of, um, expectant mothers and stuff like that. And I was just there like, oh, this isn't, um not no I'm not and Jamie come with me and I thought if anyone saw me here like they'd think I'm pregnant but no I just have really painful

periods so anyway I have this ultrasound and I wasn't sure if it was going to be just on my belly or up inside the vagine so I prepared for both you guys remember what happened last time when I had the examination unannounced I didn't even fucking shower that morning because I'm a scab and I can't think about more than one thing at a time. Is it just me, Kate? If you've got something on that day, it's all you can think about. And it can be minor. It could be a little 10 minute appointment, but it's like somebody say, are you free on Friday? And and I'll check or I've got a 10 minute appointment no I'm busy I'm busy all day because I know mentally I can't cope seriously yeah what is that all about but anyway yeah so I prepared this time just in case and it was a very last minute

call like the the doctor rang me and was like you can you come to the hospital tomorrow for an ultrasound I was like god I've got health anxiety I need at least 28 working days to prepare myself but sure I just thought let me just commit to it because at least then there's less time to get scared about it do you know what I mean so I have this appointment I went in she did it on my belly actually guys why is it so why is it hurt like the way they press on your belly why does it hurt I was like god I feel like you hate me like this this this doctor I was like she hates me no I'm just kidding but yeah it wasn't it wasn't comfortable but anyway um and I had to obviously have a full

bladder for that and I guess nothing come up because she said not a single word not a single word was spoken and then she said can you go to the toilet and empty your bladder and I said yeah of course and I thought okay here we go we're going in she's going in empty my bladder come back lay on the bed pussies out you know the the device has gone in she's looking around oh my god guys i can't she said my ovaries are high so she was lifting the the tool up quite high and it was like pressing where where it's like got this plastic wrap around it it's not like a soft condom it's like a fucking carrier bag that really was not pleasant and where she's pressing it so hard onto my pee hole I don't know if it's just me but that is a very sensitive area like if that even gets touched with a piece of

tissue that is just a bit too dry like it's like oh like it just cringe I don't know it's cringy it just cringes me out it's a very sensitive area anyway so I was I was so uncomfortable but then she said to me um during it she went okay so both your ovaries are definitely polycystic I was like I know any other findings no she she was good like she she did the job you know and then um I left and I got a text from my doctor which I genuinely think is so nice because this is my personal GP and he said like book a routine GP review to go for your ultrasound results and when I first read that I thought bleeding Nora this is not good bleeding Nora I don't think I ever said that in my life anyone just came over

me so anyway i was like oh my god i'm really scared i'm really scared but then i read on and it says it does still suggest um a polycystic ovary picture in both ovaries but there are no worrying findings and i thought doctor i could hug you for the fact that you thought about me you thought about my mental health there to just put that at the bottom of the text so I can sleep at night and yeah so next thing I need to do is I do actually still need to do that I actually haven't braced myself to make that call and make that appointment so yeah I'm keeping you guys along with this journey because so many of you have been in touch about

this whole period situation saying that you can relate. And I was talking to one of you on DMs the other day about how she feels everything I feel, all the same symptoms, the same pain, the way I describe it. She was like, it's literally me. And she's been to so many different doctors and stuff like that. And they, they keep saying the same thing. I think one of them said, um, I can't remember what she said now, but it was, it was like brilliant. Yeah. Well done. So, you know, it, so many of you have been in my DM saying, keep pushing, like, don't let them put you back on the pill and just turn you away. Like, just keep pushing, keep pushing. And yeah, I feel so overwhelmed by this whole process because anyone that has health anxiety you know it's not fun it's not your favorite place to be

but I also have this massive sense of like this is gonna sound so pathetic but I feel really strong and I feel like I'm look at me go you know you've got to look after your body and when something doesn't feel right let's let's understand it let's try rather than I always just accept I don't understand and I don't know and I don't have an answer and I don't want an answer but yeah I also don't want these painful periods for my entire life and if there is anything I can do I should do it oh I'm actually currently getting a pedicure from Jamie that's so funny right okay so Jamie stop a minute babes so he is very good at art okay he's an artist like he can draw like he's really talented creatively and one day I was like you should try and do me a French

tip like you try and make it fun for them you know like that would be such a good challenge for you realistically I just want a French tip and a pedicure maybe a foot rub after so I'm like you should give me a little French tip babe that would be such a fun little challenge it's really difficult don't know if you'll be able to do it I don't know if you're up for the challenge and Jamie is the kind of person that if you say I don't know if you'll be able to do that he will make sure he can I know how his brain works right so anyway he gave me a french tip pedicure and it was actually so neat and so good and now he's giving me a pedicure while I'm recording my podcast tell me I'm not living the dream do you know what I mean I'm loving life so yeah um that is the latest because like I said I will keep you guys updated

with that I'm sorry if you find it really boring like if you have normal clockwork periods just a little bit of pain it's probably so boring to listen to someone going oh my god I get really painful periods I like I know what you know it is what it is but then I know there's so many people out there that can relate and you know it might be your sign to be like you know, it is what it is. But then I know there's so many people out there that can relate. And, you know, it might be your sign to be like, you know what, I'm going to take, I'm going to call the doctors in the morning and see what I can find out as well. You know, whatever. So yeah, I love you guys. I'm so happy to be back talking again. We have a weekly debate. Of course, we have the dilemmas, of course, make sure you are sending them in also sending your confessions. I do want to bring back the confession. So make sure you are sending them in also send in your confessions i do want

to bring back the confession so make sure you if you have five minutes of your day actually two minutes head to learontheline.com and send them in now i would love and appreciate it more than you would ever be able to understand also if you have two minutes a five star review wouldn't go a miss let's keep it five star babe if you if you wouldn't mind and also do you know what tell a friend you should make it your mission today to tell a friend about leo on the line because the the friendship group is forever expanding and there is no maximum capacity of this friendship group okay oh actually also sounds like i'm doing a shit ton of promo but kind of actually want to say this as well Spotify wrapped is coming it's approaching any day actually so if I'm on your Spotify wrapped

let's get on the insta because I want to see and I want to share and I want to reply and you know it was very fun last year we was all chatting in the dms over Spotify wrapped especially because a lot of your top five were my top five which is so fun for like we're just we're just saying people you know so yeah okay guys i'm so excited i'm so grateful that you've come back for another episode hopefully you've noticed that i have uploaded again hello is anybody is anybody out there is anybody listening to me but yeah i'm so grateful that you came back and do you know what it's really nice when you guys send me messages like take your time but like not too long one of you sent me a dm that

was like hope you're okay but like I'm actually struggling now because you're not uploading so don't be a bitch I was like yeah do you know what it's actually fair so yeah I'm so excited to be recording and let's just get straight into the episode, guys. Thank you so much for listening to Lear on the Line. Head to learontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Remember to follow on socials to see visual clips and get involved with the weekly debates. Enjoy the episode. Love you. okay everybody i do that a lot now actually don't i okay everybody so the weekly debate everybody my question for you this week is again inspired inspired inspired by one of our dilemmas today i find that so fun but okay the question is if you're dating someone and there isn't an initial

spark can it come later right sorry one second babes so with this filer if you follow the numbers along the edge it says one two three four yeah oh cool just checking just checking love you all Oh, cool. Just checking. Just checking. Love you. All right. So it's actually gross. The thought of all you lot listening and I'm getting my toes filed. That's actually gross. If I was listening to someone and I knew somebody was touching their feet, I'd actually switch it off. Please don't switch off. All right, guys. So let's see what you guys are saying. If the spark isn't there initially can it grow okay somebody says i feel like after a certain time no but it could just be nerves or overthinking at the beginning that is true that is true like it could be an overthinking situation

it could be like should i feel stronger than i do right now should i want to rip your clothes off on the first day should i have butterflies you know you could really overthink the situation rather than just allowing yourself to just take it in its stride and just enjoy it you know great great um great what what is the word great analogy nope um okay yes it happened to me me and my boyfriend were just besties for two years i was just blind to it okay i do believe in friends to lovers i think it's a beautiful story when it happens we all know someone that's been friends to lovers and it's quite beautiful actually so yeah i agree 100 the initial spark is usually a cause for ignoring red flags can we get a round of applause because facts facts it's true isn't it like when there's red flags it's easy to ignore

them when you just get butterflies and you look at them and fanny flutters and you just think oh it's all right you know one more narcissist for the road wouldn't hurt do you know what i mean it's easy it's easily done when they're when you feel all those feelings whereas if you're not feeling that intense like oh you'll see these red flags and you'll go no actually yep you're bang on there babe um people say no but i think yes someone's soul slash personality makes them more attractive so with time you can ignite a spark once you realize that your souls align you are my type of bitch because the spirituality is shining through and i just it makes sense why we're best friends to be honest yeah i agree i do agree somebody says 100 enemies to lovers

i don't know about enemies i mean to be fair it's a saying for a reason in it who knows someone that's gone from enemies to lovers i'm sure i'm sure it happens a lot that's crazy though i couldn't imagine wanting to punch someone in the face and then all of a sudden i want to sleep with them but yeah enemies, enemies to lovers, it is a saying, it's a thing. Um, potentially, but before then I would feel like I would be dating them for the sake of it. Okay. Valid. Actually, that's very true. Cause it's like, well, if I'm not feeling all these things, why do I want to go on a second, third, fourth date with you? That is very true. Also difficult one one it's not straightforward as we think is it um nope i thought it would with my ex but i ended up hating him oh not the hate yeah well yeah here you go defo especially if you're friends beforehand yeah i forced myself to like my ex and then he had

the audacity to break my heart. It's always the way. It's like, mate, I had to convince myself I fancy you. How are you cheating on me? Okay, absolutely. It might sound brutal, but my first boyfriend certainly grew on me. And we had a lovely year and a half together. It doesn't always need to be instant.

Oh, lovely. I love that. I think most times there is some sort of spark. You just may not see it yourself at the time. Oh, lovely. I love that. Yeah, but I'd wonder why it wasn't there to begin with and if it could go again. No, definitely not. What? Wait, I cannot understand this english i think you need at least i think you need at least a little sparkle you're subconsciously friend zoning off the bat oh oh i'm an idiot that makes perfect sense okay let me read that again but actually properly not like an idiot i think you need at

least a little spark or you're subconsciously friend zoning off the bat straight off the bat you're subconsciously friend friend zoning them okay I'm there's something wrong with me because why did that not make any sense to me at first I'm so sorry you make perfect sense yeah you know what is true do you know what you guys have sort of confused what I think now because my initial thought thought was no. I was like, nah, like if you're, because the question is, if you're dating someone, not like, you know, you're friends with someone. That I definitely agree with. To the people that said that, you can go from friends to lovers. I do agree. But if we're dating someone and there's not spark, like we might have met on a dating website or on socials and then met up.

We are dating. We are we are meeting up with the intentions of dating. Right. And I don't feel a spark. I don't know if it if it can come. I my opinion was no, but basically a lot of you were saying yeah of course it can it definitely can so you've kind of changed my mind so I don't really know how I'm going to respond to the dilemma later because I thought I knew and now we don't but yeah because I'll tell you why because like somebody said I'd feel like I'm dating them for the sake of it if I went on a date with somebody and I didn't feel a spark I'm not rushing to hang out with you again I'm not rushing to go out for dinner with you I'm not rushing to go go to the

beach and watch the sunset because there ain't a spark so yeah that is really difficult but to be honest the group chat says, yeah, it can come. So that is the overriding response, guys. So it's a difficult one. I really don't know. Personally, I've never experienced that firsthand. So yeah, at least I haven't experienced it and it's been genuine and had any longevity to it.

You know, like I think someone can like like one of you said like you can become attracted to someone's soul and someone's personality I can understand that a hundred percent I do agree and I think that is a hundred percent true but I don't know if it can have longevity if if it wasn't there straight off the bat but then a hundred percent there's people out there that live in proof that you can so you know where do I stand I'm still not sure even after the debate all right guys thank you so much for sending in your responses I love you I appreciate you so much let's get into some dilemmas okay everybody guys you know your stressed when you have ripped off every fucking acrylic

my fingernails have individual heartbeats right now they are throbbing mate it is why do i do it i used to do that every time do you know that i used to get my nails done and i used to rip them off before i got a new set rather than just getting infills i because i can't cope i want to rip them off it's like a stress thing i bite them off at the top and then they're like bending off and i've got to rip it off and then you just destroy your nails i've done it again it's been a long time since i've done that but i'm gonna get a new set tomorrow so i although i might let them breathe i probably should you know i trapped my thumb in a car door about six years ago and it's still green

it's vile like it will never grow back every time i go to the fucking nail shop whether i go to a new one or not to be fair they're literally like oh they have to like perform surgery on my thumb like they have to cut it right back it's ugh it's ugh especially when you fake tan and it gets all underneath oh sorry so embarrassing but anyway guys exciting news I may or may not be getting somebody on the pod pretty soon I have figured out virtual uh collabs guests podcast guests and I because I've wanted to do it for ages and I just feel like I can't get my brain around it because I don't have a studio and it's also it's very complicated trying to hire a studio because a lot of them they want to do the edit and it's like oh gold I just want to rock up

with the equipment and meet my guests there record a pod go home and edit it but yeah it's more complicated than I thought doing that so I've been thinking for ages like if I can figure out how to do it over a fucking laptop I can get people on way more so I think I've cracked it and I'll just say this we may have a returning guest for the first one let's that. Maybe. Keep your ears and eyes peeled. Okay, let's get into some dilemmas. I'm going to kick it off with the one that inspired the weekly debate, of course. So let's have a go. Hey Leah, hope you're well. And you, my darling. Here's my dilemma. I've been single a while now and I'm so ready to get into a relationship. I've dated a lot of shitty boys over the last two years and I was really struggling to find someone I liked who reciprocated it back and wanted what I wanted. Yeah, you know, it's not easy out there.

I'm currently dating someone who is so lovely, kind and seems so genuine. He's told me he's wanting a relationship and that he can see a future with me. Okay, he's laying out on the table. He's emotionally available he's wanting a relationship and that he can see a future with me. Okay, he's laying out on the table. He's emotionally available. We love to see it. You'd think this is perfect. Oh, but I just don't think we have a spark. I dread the dates on the day. Oh, there's one thing not having a spark, but then there's nothing dreading it you know okay um i dread the dates on the day um however when i'm there i enjoy his company we've had a few kisses and i don't get butterflies and in between these dates i don't get excited when he messages me i really don't get it as he

will give me what i've been looking for but i can't help but think he's just not for me a little backstory i've known him a few months now but initially he sent oh ew what the fuck I've known him a few months now but initially he sent me an unsolicited dick pic and I really didn't like the lack of respect that showed yeah I'm sorry actually fuck off do you know what mean? So I turned down a few dates when he first did that. However, a couple of months not speaking, I gave him a chance and he has been nothing but respectful on our dates. But I can't help but think that that first impression has just ruined it for me. What do you think? Should I cut it off or continue to date him and see if the spark grows?

I feel like I'd be stupid to cut it off as he wants what I want and I've not been able to find that before but I can't be with him just because we want the same things help me thanks so much for any advice or help love you bye okay so when I first read because I mostly when I pick my dilemmas I mostly read like a quarter to a half of the dilemma before I decide I'm gonna keep it right because I don't want to ruin it half the time sometimes I'm hooked and I've got to get to the end right so anyway when I first read this and I thought okay she's not feeling the spark in this date she's dreading the dates okay I thought don't date him don't date him that's okay you know like it's easy when you've met so many dickheads and then you meet a kind guy who's laying on the table you know

emotionally available everything all these other guys weren't it's easy to be like well surely I should be all over this you know but if you're not you're not and what i was thinking is don't fucking force it babe you know you deserve to feel that but what is it called when you get that like in that massive endorphins that rush of endorphins of like that what it's called something i can't think is it dopamine i don't know I could be making that up but whatever you deserve that feeling okay because that is the best part when you first meet someone and you're dating and that's that's what I thought the first time I read it I was like that's the best part of of being like in that seeing each other phase is how it feels you know that's what's so fun about

that time so yeah and then I thought let's do a debate can it can the spark grow and all of you guys are saying yeah basically so now I'm a bit like should she stick it out however I think now that we know the full story to this I do genuinely feel like it is a case of somebody's kind of he's put you off you before he even had a chance in the first place do you know what i mean and put him put you off him i mean before he basically the guy didn't stand a chance after the dick pic and i think maybe the reason you're like should i just keep dating him should i just keep dating him is because you've dated dickheads who haven't been emotionally available and I might have fucked you around and stuff and have been lacking the things

that he is not lacking so it's like well you're basically what I've been asking for so surely I should just keep dating you and I'm torn because of the weekly debate but my initial gut instinct is just leave it there and you know you're not feeling it and don't force it um because I feel like it feels like you're forcing it you know it's different when it's like like you guys were saying if you're friends or you know if you know each other you're in each other's lives but you are seeing him with the intentions of of dating and seeing each other and being in a relationship according to him so if you don't feel like it is naturally going that way emotionally why did I add so many syllables to that word I just feel like don't deep it and don't be like oh you know I should feel like this why don't I feel like this I've been single for ages you're everything I've been asking for why

am I not feeling it you're just not and that's fine you know it might be because of the dick pick it might you might still feel like this whether he sent that dick pic or not so yeah I mean you could just carry on dating him and see how you feel and see where it goes um but otherwise if your gut instinct feels like nah i kind of just want to call it off you're dreading the dates that's one thing you know so why why would you go on a date if you're dreading it i'm not sure what is the reason you're dreading it because you're nervous or because you think oh I can't be fucked to see him or you think oh I've got to pretend I like someone now for two hours like what is the reason you're dreading it

try and understand that maybe um and then just sort of make a decision if you want to still take it nice and slow and just see if the spark does grow or maybe just go now I know I know I feel it in my gut that it's not going that way and let's just let's not lead anyone on let's just let's call it a day but thanks for the lovely time you know it could be a case of that so yeah that's my opinion do with that what you will but that one definitely needs an update so please please send it in all right i love you so much good luck with that one okay next one guys this one's a pretty big one and i don't know i don't even know what to say but here we are i'm gonna do it anyway hey leah i have a problem i think my partner has a porn addiction. A bit of context, we've been together for 18 months and he is

everything I could ask for. However, sex has always been a bit of an issue. He has problems maintaining his erection and blames it on stress or always reassures me that it isn't me. Okay, that's okay, that's fine. It got to the point where I was dreading having sex because I felt rejected. You know what? I can understand that. You know, it's okay. This has gotten better recently though. So I was feeling much more positive about the situation. Okay, that's good. We'd love to see a bit of improvement. You're feeling better. That's good. So a couple days ago, I looked on his iPad when he was at at work i know i shouldn't have but i'm just a nosy person slash past trauma i'm just nosy and you know a little bit past trauma but whatever

okay so we've yeah okay she's gone on his ipad and there was nothing on it but his internet was linked to the one on his phone, so I could see everything he'd searched. We got you. Rogers. all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back to school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido, at your side. I was mortified to find so much porn. Usually, I wouldn't mind a bit of porn here and there. We're long distance and he ain't getting any nudes from me. But this was excessive. First thing on the morning, lunchtime. As soon as he came back from work, about 7pm. And then after, he texted me goodnight. Oh my god, this is a reoccurring daily thing.

He's got these booked in. These wanking appointments are booked in i looked at the times and as soon as i leave on a weekend he searches for it oh fucking hell i've barely i've barely started my car do you know what i mean he'd even searched for it when he was in the shower at my house and we'd had sex that morning wow your memory is actually significant because the fact that you can look at a date and a time and remember, I was in the shower then. Oh wait, no, he was in the shower. Okay, he's watching porn in the shower. Okay, babe. The type of porn upset me. Very hardcore stuff with women that look nothing like me. I'm also a bit freaked

out because how was he accessing this at work he works with one other person as a tradesman so when is he looking on his lunch break oh god he's like fuck the sandwich fuck the greg's bacon roll i'm getting on pornhub.com you know i can't bring this up because i shouldn't have been looking anyway and he is entitled to privacy every time he's been texting me since I haven't seen him in person I've just been like ew am I just interrupting your wanking session oh yeah that's the fucking thing I also can't say this to my friends because they have to see him in person and I know he would be so hurt and humiliated if they knew that's very respectful of you because obviously you need to lean on someone you need to talk to

someone but you don't want to feel like you're exposing him and that's very personal you know due to it getting better recently do I just brush it under the carpet and play the ignorance's bliss card thank you for all your help love ya love you okay i ain't gonna lie babe it's that's rough it's rough out there so it's okay so he's he's not holding an erection you're feeling rejected by that you go on his ipad you realize he's watching porn 50 times a day um is the erection not being held up because he's all worn out because he's had a go five times already that day is that a thing is that how willies work jamie okay guys i've just i've just asked jamie about this and i'm actually going to pass the mic over and get him to explain it because

it's actually kind of it kind of makes sense and it's kind of scary bear in mind he has tissue up both nostrils because he also has my illness and doesn't want to sniff while i'm recording bless him oh love you all right here you go passing you over so what i was explaining to leah is i've seen a couple of things online i don't know if anyone else has seen it on tiktok there's a number of different scientists and it is actually i remember learning about it in school to be fair if you watch a large amount of porn your sexual stimulus you descend but we basically desensitize yourself to normal sexual interaction so you need a hardcore kind of thing yeah stimulant to get you off basically so like normal sex doesn't do it for you which is

probably why he can't get an erection or keep an erection because and also explains his hardcore porn that he might be looking at thank you babe okay so it may that may not be the case but it was definitely worth putting out there because i thought that was a really interesting perspective and it kind of makes sense like if you're watching hardcore you know raunchy dirty sex right and then you're having sex that is common what not common what's the word just like just sex with real life sex not porn sex like real life sex with your partner it's like if he watches some really like sexual, filthy, like porn, and then he's having sex with his girlfriend, it's not the same. Like so many people say how like porn is so damaging for that reason. So it kind of, it is worth considering that it could be that. There is such thing as a porn

addiction. And I know that's how you started the message. You think your boyfriend's got a porn addiction. There is actually such thing. And there is research behind it that it is not good for your brain. So I really empathize for your situation right now. Sympathize? I'm not sure which is the correct one. Whichever. situation right now sympathize i'm not sure which is the correct one whichever because like you said can you approach this situation without looking bad because you went through it and no one's

gonna like that he's also gonna feel embarrassed about it he's also gonna feel a bit violated by that and the thing is is he's probably well aware that he is watching it a lot like he's probably well aware that most most people he knows probably ain't going to the van at work and and tugging one out oh that fucking phrase he knows that like you know he's he's doing a lot of masturbation and watching a lot of porn. He's probably well aware of it. So it's a really difficult one to, what's the word, confront. But I feel like it may need to be done. I guess it just depends if you can accept it. If you can just go, do you know what, that's my boyfriend, that's what he likes to do.'s none of my business as long as it doesn't affect our relationship do what you

want if you feel like that about it it doesn't need to be confronted it doesn't need to be approached but if it if it does bother you and it is something you really want to ask him about and talk about and you're uncomfortable with it is it is gonna be awkward and it is gonna be uncomfortable and he's not gonna like gonna be uncomfortable and he's not gonna like that you know and he's not gonna like that you went for his ipad he just ain't but if you want to have that conversation it's just the way it is and i think approach it with look i want to start by apologizing because i did something i shouldn't have done i did something i feel really ashamed of and guilty about and you know I violated your privacy and that's not fair

however I did I did see something that I really want to talk about with you and you know hopefully you can forgive me for looking through your iPad but in a weird way I'm kind of glad I did because this is a conversation I want to have and maybe things will start to make sense for both of us now if we do have this conversation he may even feel a bit relieved to get it off his chest and see what he says he might be like yeah i know it bothers me i've tried to stop like or he might he might be like what's the fucking problem i can watch porn as much as i want either way i think it would be good if it is something you want to discuss it would be good to discuss it if that is something you want to do if it is something you don't want to just accept um so yeah i think tread carefully and i think

maybe just don't make him feel judged for it like just and you know it doesn't need to be like you don't need to accuse him of anything and say like oh am I not good enough for you blah blah like let's not come from that angle let's just say like you know that's a lot babe you know are you aware that that's a lot you know I don't know so yeah have a think about whether you you do want it to be you know that's just the way it is he watches a lot of porn it's just the way it is that's just who he is and i accept it and i'm okay with it and that's that or do you want to talk about it is it something that if you could click your fingers and change it would you if you could click your fingers and he doesn't watch it five million times a day would you click your fingers and then maybe have a think about from that perspective okay if that's the case I probably

should confront it it's not it's not going to be the best conversation and he ain't gonna like it but you don't like it either so yeah that is a very difficult one but I hope this helps um good luck babe keep us updated I'm dying to know. Seriously. Love you so much. Good luck, babe. Okay. Next one. Hey girl, Dilemma here. Please help. For the past five months, I've been dating two guys. Let's call one Mike and the other Fred. Okay. Mike and Fred. I've started seeing them both in June, going on lots of dates and having loads of sex. Oh, okay. Love it. Love it. Okay. Continuing. Mike was amazing in bed. Fred, not as good, but provided so much emotional love I've never had before. Approaching the five months in October, I decided it was time to cut one of them off.

All right, guys, one of you's got to go. Who wants to volunteer? Okay. I asked Mike if he could give me, oh, okay. I asked Mike if he could give me a girlfriend title and commit to me. He simply explained he didn't want that right now and couldn't understand the need to be in a relationship. All right. Okay, Mike, cool cool off i just don't understand the need i just don't understand the need okay if you're emotionally unavailable just literally say that mike seriously for context he's been single for eight years very much very much a lad loves sleeping and dating different girls constantly okay mike i know you i always had the fear when dating him that he had commitment issues i asked him to express if he even liked me and i couldn't

even get that back he's the most emotionally unavailable person i've ever met if i tried to discuss any other feelings than being horny he would ignore me for two days okay well we all know what mike wants yeah we all know what what he just wants fulfilled i left as he didn't meet my emotional needs at all and i didn't feel supported and that he could meet my love languages good for you good for you i gave it a go with fred we've been together for six weeks now he's everything i could ask for in a boyfriend kind caring and supportive he talks about the future together and gets excited it's so lovely oh we love you fred shout out fred the sex isn't amazing but

there's always room for improvement yeah you know what you can't knock a guy when you know it's early doors there will be improvement okay my issue is i cannot stop thinking about mike i'm pretty sure it could have never been much more than sex as he's not a relationship person. I have a guilty mind as my current boyfriend, Fred, does not know I was seeing this guy the whole five months we were dating. Should I confess this to him? I was a single girl but feel awful as he's so loyal. I'm worried my thoughts for Mike won't go away. I know ultimately I can't change Mike.

He is the emotionally unavailable person that he is. Is it normal to think about your situationship still? Mike asked one of the girls I work with out on a date from Tinder last week and I was so bitter and jealous. I feel awful for doing this to Fred and I know he would be so hurt. Will these motions pass? Please help. Should I tell my boyfriend what I've done? Confused girl. Love you, bye. Love you. Oh, okay. Do you know what I think this is? We get this a lot. We get this a lot where we think about the guy that it never happened with, right? I think it is because,

right i think it is because because we get so many dilemmas where so many people have have felt what you're feeling it didn't end up in a relationship but for some reason you're fixated on it do you know why it is i think because as humans we like to feel like we complete and accomplish things so when you're seeing someone your intentions are to be in a relationship sometimes not all the time but you know sometimes it sounds like you were kind of low-key hoping for that with with mike and because it doesn't ever go there if you feel unfulfilled in that experience and you feel like what the fuck like what i just spent five months with you sleeping with you dating you and you didn't want to fucking be with me and i think it is the frustrating feeling of like what the fuck and I don't think it's Mike because let's be honest he's emotionally unavailable he's only responding to you when you're

horny and he's literally going I just don't see the need for a relationship been single eight years like you've said he's a lad like he does not want a relationship and you know that and I think it's that annoying thing of like what's not to want Mike get a look at this what's not to want yeah it's that like you better change your fucking mind and turn around and tell me that you love me and want to be with me and I'm everything you've ever wanted in your whole life and it's like um I can't think of the word but I'm everything you've ever wanted in your whole life and it's like um I can't think of the word but I'm hoping that makes any sense okay and you're with Fred who is lovely so lovely we love you Fred okay Fred is perfect like you said room for improvement in

the bedroom but that doesn't that doesn't matter at all okay you can't have it all things things grow especially sexually the more you know someone okay and i think it is literally a case of it hurts your ego and i don't mean this in like a patronizing insulting way we all have egos they all get bruised every now and then and i think when some when you when you're dating someone and they don't ever want to be with you no matter how long you were dating them they never change their mind on that it bruises the ego it's like what do you fucking mean Mike what do you fucking mean you don't want to be with me and I I think it might be a bit of that so that's why you might feel a bit jealous and bitter about him dating this girl because it's like oh you still get to date him i fucking walked away from it because

he didn't want to be with me you should be proud of that and actually we need to change the perspective he's actually just going to go and hurt the next person who will definitely fall for him like imagine because he's been single eight years he's been seeing a lot of women like you said imagine the amount of girls that have felt what you have felt because of this same guy where it's like why don't you want to be with me it's the ego and it's actually just part of being human there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling i just i just think you're getting obsessed with it in your head and now you're overthinking it and you're thinking shit this isn't fair i'm fresh i confessed to fred that i was seeing mike the whole time you were single if he's never asked you are you seeing anybody else if he's never asked you

when we were seeing each other were you were we exclusive if you've never lied about it and the conversations never come up i don't think you've done a massive thing wrong there at all you're single like you said you are dating that's normal it's it's absolutely allowed and okay as long as you're not lying about it don't get me wrong a bit of honesty at the time wouldn't have gone amiss you know but just to let you know I am seeing other people you know you're more than welcome to do the same thing but you know it's in the past now whatever and as long as you haven't lied about it I don't know why you need, why you'd need to talk about that now because you're together now. So I think we let go of Mike and you just keep reminding

yourself like he was never ever going to give you what you wanted. The only reason you think about him like this is an ego thing. And I think that's, that is just okay and normal. Like I've had my ego hurt where you don't even want to be with someone but they don't want to be with you and you're like, well, fuck. You know, we're human and that's normal and it's life. So I think as soon as you realize it's not actually Mike, it's me, you know,

that I just feel bothered by it, not because I want to be with you because I've got something amazing and when you realize that I think then then you're less hard on yourself about the way that you're thinking about Mike and I think then you're you you're deep it less about your relationship now with Fred because it's just not that deep and I think it's fine like it's fine to feel a bit bitter and it's fine to feel a bit like oh fuck off then it doesn't mean that you don't love your boyfriend and it doesn't mean that you're

not happy in your relationship it just it is an ego thing if in my opinion so yeah that's what I think and I just think focus on on you and Fred and and just be like don't don't deep the way that you're feeling and just realize it's all right what you're feeling you know i love you so much okay let's do one more dilemma hey pretty girl hope you're well hello gorgeous girl i sent in an update around okay i think this meant to say i sent in a dilemma because this came in as an update i sent in a dilemma around july august time my boyfriend was very obsessed around my body count and my past okay i remember this i remember this since then it hasn't gotten any better recently he accused me of cheating during our relationship

and i haven't he said he was told by a reliable source okay relax you're you're not in court like just just tell me who fucking said it no one said it let's be real no one fucking said it but refused to tell me who said anything and what they said and what i have supposedly done so he's come to you and gone listen i've heard from a reliable source that you're a cheating little bitch and you've gone well who told you that and who have I cheated with and what have I done and he's gone secret can't tell you that like you've literally just made that up he's literally making up and listen I believe that you would tell me the truth if you had cheated on him I truly believe that you would be honest and say and I have but you said you haven't I

believe you so he's literally making up he pretty much broke up with me on the phone cut the call and hasn't texted me since what the fuck I don't know when this was I'm assuming pretty recently but okay let's carry on reading I feel very lost and confused right now he's coming soon to give me my stuff I don't know how to act around him or what to say. Long story short, I'm feeling very heartbroken. We planned a future together and I love him so much. This is my first real heartbreak and I'm not quite sure how to navigate it. I'm at the crossroads of what to think. He's either calling my bluff or he's cheated himself. The thing is, I think if he was calling my bluff or he's cheated himself but the thing is I think if he was calling your

bluff you turn around and be like mate I haven't fucking cheated on you you're literally making up he ain't gonna break up with you if he was just seeing if you had like trying to catch you out he's not gonna end the relationship surely I know that if it was the other way around i would tell him what was said to me and talk through it it seems so childish that he's just broken up with me and not even give me a chance to defend myself love you so much any advice is appreciated angel love you so much okay this is really sus like can you imagine that i heard that you've cheated on me it's over well who told you that not saying well what did I do not saying well who did I cheat with not saying see you later I'll I'll come and get my things

what and that's just it you just want to end what I feel like it's a lie I literally just feel like it's a lie and something is going on with him there whether you know like he said maybe he's cheated or maybe he's just fucking wet wipe and can't be honest about whatever reason he doesn't want to be of you you know so either way maybe he is trying to call you bluff maybe he wants you to think it's over and he has full intentions to come back saying sorry i just got in my head and i just thought you cheated on me and i thought maybe you would tell me the truth if i told you it was over please if that is the case and if he if he does admit that he just fucking made it all up because he's overthinking and making things up in his head please do not

just let it slide because that is some toxic behavior and if you show him that that is acceptable it will continue so if he does come to you and he's like oh i just made it up i'm sorry i don't know why i did that no babe i'm gonna need some fucking space for a bit to think about what the fuck just happened because i'm not dealing with that do you know what I mean so I think it's a case of we might just have to wait this one out and see where the fuck he's going with it because it ain't making any sense like where sorry where are you going with this whole story do you know what I mean so I think we just wait this one out and we see where he's going with it. If he literally just disappears off the face of the earth now, and that was the end of your relationship, I'm sorry. Good fucking riddance,

because that is some odd behavior. Fair enough, if he genuinely has heard it from a reliable source. um fair enough if he genuinely has heard it from a reliable source and maybe he's the type of person that if i'm cheated on i don't even want to hear your reason i don't want to hear i don't want to hear your defense that's it i'm done but i'm sure eventually if he has heard it it will come out and it will make sense but right now i just feel like let it play out and you know what you have the right to send him a message or give him a call and be like look do you know what you have the right to send him a message or give him a call and be like look do you know what you owe me a fucking explanation because at the end of the day i haven't cheated on you you've literally come at me with no evidence no story no real accusation apart from oh heard from a horrible source i deserve an explanation you're my boyfriend well sorry were and i deserve an

explanation that's not okay what you've just done and you know what you have the right to say that and if he turns around he's like no i'm not saying all right then do you know what make sure you let him know that's fine you can leave me alone then just leave me alone then do you know what i mean so i think we let that one play out babe because what the fuck is that but you're going through heartbreak you know what i'm gonna say listen to the breakup episode later on the line i'm here for you you absolutely will be okay trust me this could all be a blessing in disguise it could be you guys are going to get back together and be stronger than ever you know you might need to have this big blow up to be the best version of yourself as a couple.

Or it could be the universe's way of removing something in your life that isn't right for you and isn't meant for you. Either way, we take one day at a time. We get some crystals. We get some healing crystals. We focus on ourself. We listen to Lear on the Line every single week. And you will be okay. i can promise you that now and to be honest if he has made this up like i said good riddance because what the hell was that

and you'll be okay i love you all right guys oh some very different dilemmas this week very crazy dilemmas what was your favorite one let me know all right guys let's wrap up the episode okay everybody oh it's good to be back honestly it feels so good let me know what episodes you guys want for the fridays i'm actually thinking i love doing dilemmas and i'm actually thinking of just keeping the dilemmas coming on Fridays and every now and then we'll do like the specials I don't mean like just the Christmas specials I mean like you know when we do like um the sex talk episode and the breakup episode like things like that I'm thinking we just do them every now and then but you know there will

be a lot of dilemmas I don't know would that be boring but then I guess this is a dilemmas podcast so if you if you listen to the pod you probably enjoy the dilemmas at least I like to think so but yeah that's my ideas let me know send me a dm let's all have a chat in dms because honestly I love chatting to you guys it's just nice I feel so connected to you when we when we talk one-to-one you know um so yeah on that note make sure you are following me on instagram follow the leah on the line um instagram page to send in your responses to the weekly debates to get into my dms and also leah on the I mean leah levain on instagram at leah levain l-o-u-v-a-i-n-e and on tiktok as well because

it's just a great time over there so yeah thank you guys so much for listening to this podcast remember to tell a friend about the pod leave a five star rating if you wouldn't mind and yeah i love you so much and i'll speak to you on friday for a brand new episode all right I love you. Bye. Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you next time.