Leah on the Line - 95: Will I regret leaving the nice guy & I'm getting married and I am PETRIFIED!

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Picture this. You're at a picnic with pals and bam, you suddenly feel unwell. But going to the clinic? Not the ideal weekend plan. Well, those days are over. Maple's Virtual Care has got your back. With 24-7 access to licensed doctors and nurse practitioners within minutes. Need a diagnosis or prescription? Sorted right from your phone, right in time for your next picnic. Download the Maple app today and have more summer this summer.

Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Lear on the Line, happy Tuesday, happy Tuesday everybody, you may have noticed there was no episode on Friday, let me explain, let me explain, okay, I can explain, well I can't really, basically I have some bad news, there won't be Friday episodes for the rest of December because now just hear me out I am so fucking busy right now from basically the start of December until the end of December and I'm just not gonna have enough hours in the day to do Friday episodes without losing my actual mind so I just thought you know, the Fridays aren't compulsory. As long as I'm still here with the Tuesdays, it's just for this month. So to be honest,

there's only like two or three episodes that won't be on Friday. Basically two or three Friday episodes will be missed from now. So yeah, I can only apologize guys, but I'm only one woman. Okay. There's only so much I can do in 24 hours so yeah I this month just feels so hectic for me like I am stressed I can't even like I'm supposed to be so excited like this is the festive season like come on but I'm just stressed I don't even know what it is like I'm going to Exeter tomorrow and then for and then I've got a rush back because I've got my nephews doing like a show in his school that I promised I would go to and I do really want to see because he's singing Santa Claus is coming to town and honestly I'm so here for it I literally

love watching my nieces and nephews in any shows and I was hoping to see my other nephew in a show but I can't because I'm double booked tomorrow morning so yeah it's just like every day is just go go go I'm going to London next week I've got my management's work um like Christmas party and then I've got winter wonderland booked and then I'm coming back for Christmas and then I've got to make sure that I'm ready for Christmas which I feel like I am but then I just keep remembering that I'm not and I still have shit to get and I still have shit to to do and make sure it's done so it's just that chaotic time of year isn't it so I was like you know what the Friday episodes are just gonna hit a little pause and yeah just until the new year but I hope you guys are okay with that we're still gonna be here every Tuesday so don't you worry about it but also you guys are probably so busy this time of year as well like who has time to listen to two podcasts a week and I I've not listened to any of my go-to

podcasts in over a week and I'm normally like I listen to podcasts most days I get ready and I just my brain I'm just rushing I feel like everything is a rush and it's not even that hectic it's more like my mental health feels hectic like I've had these doctor's appointments I've also started I had like my first therapy assessment and like I just feel like my calendar is just so full of appointments and meetings and places to be and shows to watch and events to go to and oh yeah it's just it's pretty crazy but you know what we gotta enjoy the chaos you know you gotta just be grateful to have these things going on around you you know and I am it's just I get so

overwhelmed as you guys know like I'm literally having to mark the most minor things down in my diary like me and my sister are trying to arrange a day where we can do Christmas stuff and I'm like I'm free on the 23rd of December like it's just crazy so yeah I can only apologize but I hope you guys don't mind but yeah I'm really looking forward to sitting down and chatting with you guys today I missed you when it when it's literally like a whole week where we don't speak like I feel so out of touch with you I'm like oh my god like what you guys want to do like tell me everything like fill me in so yeah I'm really looking forward to this obviously the huge weekly debate dilemmas remember if you have a spare two seconds I would really appreciate a five-star rating or review on Spotify or Apple whatever you're on and yeah hit the follow button on Leah on the line on Insta, Leah Levine on insta and tiktok and yeah i love you guys thank you so

much for tuning in today thank you so much the thought that you were i don't know getting ready cleaning your house on your on your way to work whatever it is and you've gone let's listen to a little podcast and then you've gone through all the podcasts and you've chose mine that are for i am forever grateful for and yeah we're besties for life so let's get into the episode thank you so much for listening to leah on the line head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions remember to follow on socials to see visual clips and get involved with the weekly debates enjoy the episode love you okay you guys so the weekly debate was inspired by a dilemma that we're going to get to but it's not as specific as the dilemma it just genuinely inspired this question because i don't think we've

ever discussed it as a debate so my question for you today is how do you feel about your boyfriend so this is a very specific question today a heterosexual relationship how do you feel about your boyfriend? So this is a very specific question today, a heterosexual relationship. How do we feel about your boyfriend spending time with their female work colleague outside of work? Okay, so the reason this was so specific, like I said, was because it does link to a debate. All right, so let's have a little look. There are a lot of responses to this one. We have a lot to say. And honestly, skipping through, I'm struggling to find one that says I'm okay with it. I don't actually think, okay, we have one. That's fine as long as I get to know them well. Yes, valid. But you know, we've all heard it. We've heard it in dilemmas we we see it in movies

it doesn't matter you know sometimes they keep their friends close and their enemies closer you know but anyway but yeah most of you are saying no to be honest all except one or two to be honest this is a wild one um somebody just said mine sleeps in mine slept in the same bed as her while dating thoughts well my thoughts are that's a bit fucked no that's majorly fucked i can't lie um absolutely the fuck not definitely not one-on-one time not okay nope nope nope fuck no not happening babe absolutely not absolutely bloody not um hell no trust your gut trust your gut can be okay but i would be suspicious if i wasn't to meet her oh my god yeah imagine you've never even met the fucking bitch imagine that you go for all sorts in your brain wouldn't you that she looks like fucking Cheryl Cole do you know what I mean um not a chance no no no absolutely not no I let him help her move house he cheated and they moved

in together as a couple oh no that's fine as long as I get to know them well okay yeah we saw that one sorry no chance it's a no from me depends if they were friends or colleagues before we got together i would still feel shit props okay that is actually a very good point like are you new on the scene or am i new on the scene you know because i can't really swipe swoop in and just go yep we're gonna call this friendship a day here yeah oh Somebody says, let him live, please. Yeah. Well, yeah. She told us. Immediately, no. Ooh, no. Absolutely not. Any sign of a work wife is a red flag. Absolutely no, unless I've been introduced. Okay. Okay. So we can compromise here. Big fat no. Somebody says, weird. Nope, not going to happen ever. Red flag. I'm a guy,

but I'm not having it if it was my partner doing it. Well, yeah, there we go. Just those two. Absolutely not. Invite me too, bestie. Let's all be friends. Okay, so you're happy to be involved in the friendship, but if you two are hanging out one-on-one without me, what the frick? Okay, If you two are hanging out one-on-one without me, what the frick? Okay. Absolutely freaking not. Absolutely not. No, just no.

That is all. Well, yeah. No, no, no. Fallen for this several times. I'll never trust anyone with a work wife again. Yeah, a work wife is just crazy. Do you know what I mean? I'd ask why. If it's not a work event, then can you not?

Yeah, do you know what i mean like oh we're gonna go to the cinema take me or go with go with the boys go with your mom or sister do you know what i mean i'd literally volley both of their heads off their shoulders don't touch my things don't touch my things yeah well fair enough babe my ex did that and cheating in the end lol it makes me laugh how so many of us like when we get treated like shit like the amount of times i read out stories and dilemmas from you where you're like my ex did this and cheated on me lol it's like we just deal with things with humor when it's in the past i feel like you know yeah lol i'm such a twat, lol. When you believe

things and then you look back and you're like, silly me. If it's an event like with more colleagues, then yeah, but alone, hell no. If it's one-on-one, then no, no, no. Inappropriate, not acceptable, it's a no from me doesn't happen often but when they go to work parties they have good banter okay nice to know i personally wouldn't like that but then again i'm a psycho kiss um depends on if i know them and how often it is and it depends on the girl okay valid because sometimes you just get the vibe don't you sometimes you meet someone and you're like she is an angel sent from above like she would never ever she's a girl's girl through and through I trust her you know but some

people you meet and it's like look it doesn't matter how much I trust my partner I just don't like the feeling I'll get with you you know um. In a group, sure, alone, no. I feel like it can be okay if it's wholly platonic, but I've been the colleague and felt guilty for it. Oh, I'd like to know how many of you have been the colleague, actually. Okay, listen to this. Replying to the weekly debate, wasn't me, but it was my girl, Bestie.

While she was away on holiday overseas her boyfriend's female co-worker went and had a sleepover in their spare room i would have passed away apparently he said it's a red flag if she thinks it's weird because they are only friends and nothing happened no not the reverse psychology. I think it's a bit of a red flag that you had your female colleague staying over our house when I was on holiday. I think it's a red flag that you think it's a red flag. I think it's a red flag that you think it's a red flag that I think it's a red flag. Oh, that is hell though. Because why should I not stay in when i'm not on holiday then you know

if it's platonic darling why why are you waiting till i'm out out the fucking picture weirds weirds but yeah okay very interesting debate i i'm gonna i'm gonna go ahead and say 99.9 of these responses are all no absolutely not not okay with. And do you know what? I'm quite shocked because normally when we do these sorts of questions, you guys make me feel like the psycho. Normally you make me feel like I'm really paranoid and crazy. But today we're pretty much all on the same page. So to the people that are saying I'm okay with it, you know what? I'm happy for you and that level of of contentment because for me personally I would just be like you know what be friends at work but to hang out without me one-on-one like

it depends what you're doing again depends what you're doing depends who the girl is depends that depends on the vibe depends if she's in a relationship. You know, it's all a little bit, I'm not liking it. Put it that way. It's not my favorite situation. It's not ideal. I wouldn't put myself in it out of choice. Put it that way. All right,. Okay, you guys, so I'm going to kick it off with this dilemma today. Get comfy. Hey, Leah, been a listener since you started the pod. A long time bestie. Love you. But I've reached the point where I feel like I need your help, please. I got you babe bit of a tricky dilemma here I'm nearly 25 years old and I was with my ex-boyfriend for just over five and a

half years okay pretty strong long time we met through mutual friends and were together ever since that day I became extremely close with his family and family friends and I lived with them for the whole duration of lockdown and would spend most of my week at his family home even if he wasn't around. I had a horse and so did his mum so we would spend every morning and evening together. Oh that's amazing. I actually love that. Seven days a week for three of the years I was with him. Naturally his mum and I had a strong relationship because of this. Yeah that's a lot of time to spend with someone. That's actually really beautiful. Fast forward to November 2021 and my ex, we can call him Brad, joined the police.

Oh, there we go. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence. If you do not mention when questioned something you later rely on in court, anything you do say may be given in evidence. You know, anyone that mentions anyone dating someone in the police. I'm going gonna give it that i'm gonna give it a bit of that yeah okay this is when it went downhill i assumed at the time this was due to new exciting changes in his career and being in the police is a huge life adjustment

yeah them shift patterns babe day night shifts on and off however it started with him becoming distant less texting to me but always on his phone he would constantly talk about female colleagues and naturally it would make me feel on edge brad was due to go on a night out on the friday and we were having dinner together on the first day brad asked me to order the food on his phone and i and as i was placing the food order a text from a certain female colleague dropped down. That bitch. Listen to this.

That read, how much would it take for you to cheat on a girl tonight? Oh, wait, I'm just going to check you haven't used your real name. Okay, you have. Bleep. Okay, sorry if it sounded like I cut. I'm going to edit out that name. We're going to give it Molly. That person is now called molly literally

nearly said their name again okay molly how much would it take for you to cheat on molly tonight i was horrified i asked brad what this was and he said oh it's an inside joke just drop it would you i'm sorry brad bradley i'm sorry i'm getting my I'm getting my coat and I'm off fucking little shit bag just drop it I will I'll fucking launch it across this restaurant darling I did drop it as I felt embarrassed I'd even asked him and swept it under the rug and forgot about it oh my god babes it then got to may 2022 okay do we know when this was okay november 2021 so it's been a long time and we were due to go away on holiday to spain and santorini oh yeah when he started acting more and more shady red flag central uh oh he couldn't even give me five mins of his time he would constantly prioritize time

with his new female work colleagues i'm sorry okay safe to say i felt really upset and isolated in my own relationship that is the fucking worst and i'm really sorry that you felt like that on top of this we had just taken on a german shepherd puppy i'm so jealous of the puppy oh who who was and still is absolutely gorgeous i would spend all my time training her taking her to obedience classes and caring for her whilst he was either too tired or was at work on shift we then fast forward to september 2022 and he is suddenly going AWOL on me. Hardly wants to see me. Oh god. He was flying to Spain to a family apartment with two friends, one male and one female. The female friend had been a mutual friend since secondary school so not someone I was worried about. I was then due to

fly out five days later. When I got to Spain he wouldn't even talk to me. There is something going on with Brad. Something massive is going on with Brad. He is being eaten alive by some level of guilt for something that he's done. I'm sure of it. Okay, he wouldn't even talk to me. He didn't want to spend time with me and wouldn't even show me any physical affection. I was so hurt by this and he wouldn't tell me what the problem was. We then land a week later back home and he instantly began turning off his find my friends location saying he was going to bed early yet he was on online on what's happening instagram all of which I questioned and he called

me a psycho classic literally classic do you know what Brad fuck you at this point what what's the point in me being here at this point you don't talk to me you don't want me around you lie to me bullshit me telling me oh i'm off to sleep turning off your location why do you why do you need your location off it's fucking weird to go to sleep what are you hiding where are you that you don't want me to know you know um okay calls you a psycho classic a classic a go-to typical male response she says well yeah babe i agree by october 2022 he asked me to go for a coffee at 8 p.m at night which i already thought was odd oh shit to which he broke up with me as he didn't have feelings for me anymore do you know what finally at least at the very fucking least finally he's just fucking

gone and said it do you know what i mean sometimes it's like just say it just fucking own it tell me how you fucking feel do you know what i mean sorry for all the effing and blinding jesus i was distraught. A week or so into the breakup, it came to light that he had slept with a mutual friend in Spain days before I flew out. See, that's why he's avoiding you. It's the guilt.

He's eaten alive by this guilt. Oh, what a piece of shit. Wow, good riddance. Do you know what I mean? Congratulations. Not to mention I slept in the very same bed gross oh yeah that is gross what a dick i then also caught him coming out of the local premier and hotel with said mutual friend when he told me he was at home asleep oh however it gets worse oh my god how by december 2022 he was in a relationship with the female colleague

he met when joining the police i felt totally betrayed and upset i lost a lot when the relationship ended i lost my horse as i couldn't face going up every day to his family home oh no yeah i lost my dog who went to live with him. I'm sorry. I'll be fighting for that dog. Like, let's remember at the beginning of this dilemma. You're the one with her all the time. You're the one taking her to classes and doing all your training and spending time with her while he's on shift. Who's hanging out with this German Shepherd when he's on his seven till seven night shift?

You know? I see his mom to this day. We have an amazing friendship and i also see a lot of his family oh that's lovely my dilemma is that brad and i have lots of mutual friends and i'm still very close friends with them all they report to me what's being said oh don't you just love that like brilliant and brad oh and that brad can't stand that i'm happy and moved on and is now claiming he didn't cheat and that it's all a big misunderstanding of course he is of course he is because he lost the best thing that would ever possibly happen to him babe he also told friends that i'm no longer allowed to see the dog do you know what that is he's clinging on to any little bit of power and

control that he might still have however his mum is a legend and sneaks the dog to me oh we love the mum we love her he doesn't know this but aside from that i can't help but feel like he's trying to manipulate and humiliate me from a distance a year on yeah i agree i've politely told my friends that i don't want to hear about it as i'm in a new chapter of my life and trying to keep moving forward good for you however it deep down does affect me it's hard seeing my dog on social media with the new girlfriend not the new girlfriend i'd get that dog back if i were you oh okay and it breaks my heart and my question is how do you heal and move past someone who was still trying to hurt you from a distance small side note i met the most amazing man at

the end of november 2022 who has changed my life and treats me like a princess he is so supportive of my feelings in the situation and understands how i feel but i don't want this trauma and hurt to start affecting my new relationship thanks girl for your help obsessed with the pod oh i love you okay do you know what i think you sound like the most amazing person like you just sound so lovely and pure. And I think we need to switch our mentality of like, do you know what? Get angry at this person. Like, I'm sorry. You are still obsessed with me. Like you're literally obsessed with me do you know what I mean like leave me alone and I think the next time anything comes to you whether that's a friend or you know his mum might mention it

keep doing what you're doing and say do you know what I respectfully I know you're just saying it because you love me and you care about me but I genuinely I just want to forget that he even exists at this point and eventually do you know what he will get bored and the impact that it has on you seeing the posts on social media sounds like you don't have him blocked which I highly recommend and don't look at the profile highly recommend but the more the time passes and the more you see these things honestly the less it has an effect on you i genuinely just think you've handled things so well so far like you've stayed in your own lane you've been respectful to your friends and asked them to

stop talking about him and yeah if you haven't blocked on social media i think that is the next step and just focus on you and everything that's around you. And do you know what? You can just go to bed at night knowing you're literally obsessed with me. You're literally still talking about me. It bothers you so much that I've moved on and I've accepted that you didn't ever want to be with me in the end. And I'm okay with that. I think maybe that's what's bothering him. Like he's turned around and said like I ain't got feelings for you anymore. And it's come out that he's cheated on you and stuff and you're actually okay that's

probably like what what do you mean you're just okay like obviously you were fucking distraught but you have healed you've met someone really really good for you and that is probably pissing the guy off and you know what let him suffer do you know what i mean you lost it you fucked it you treated me like shit and on top of that you cheated on me and on top of that you call me a psycho and on top of that you let your female colleagues disrespect from disrespect me and on top of that you've got a relationship with her now let's be honest you know the old saying you lose someone the way you got them so good luck to the colleague that's all i have to say it's clearly not a faithful guy you know you know i don't believe in once a cheater, always a cheater.

But that saying is a saying for a reason. So if you're going to allow your boyfriend, you're going to pursue somebody. And in that process, you're going to allow them to disrespect and cheat on their girlfriend in order to get them. You can have them. You know, if you can have my man, he's yours. Do you know what I mean? It's that good old saying. So yeah. Love you. Just you're on top. That's what I say. I love you. Proud of you. Okay, next one. Picture this. You're at a picnic with pals and bam, you suddenly feel unwell.

But going to the clinic, not the ideal weekend plan. Well, those days are over. the clinic. Not the ideal weekend plan. Well, those days are over. Maple's virtual care has got your back with 24-7 access to licensed doctors and nurse practitioners within minutes. Need a diagnosis or prescription? Sorted right from your phone, right in time for your next picnic. Download the Maple app today and have more summer this summer. Hey girl, I need help please. And it's a long one, sorry. Don't ever be sorry, we love the long ones. So, last year I was in a situationship with a guy for a year and he was scared of feelings etc but we both know we had feelings for each other. Anyway, new year last year, we wished each other a happy new year and then nothing since then we've had quick conversations

here and there if i post a holiday on my story but very brief he then moved back to his hometown about two hours away about two months ago i found out he met a girl on ibifa in the summer she lives in france and they are now in a relationship going on holiday with each other etc i just don't understand we've seen each other twice a week for a year and we knew we would be good with each other to nothing and within three months of meeting another girl he's made it official and going on holiday with her i feel like i need closure and kind of want to message him is this the right thing to do i feel like it's wrong as he's in a relationship but i do still have feelings for this guy what would i say if i did thanks babe

love you bye oh sorry love you bye love you bye love you bye your podcast gets me through life oh love you so much so glad so do you know what i think i think let him go because if we think about it right you send this message and you say what is the reason you know we've seen each other for a year twice a week then all of a sudden you meet this girl who lives in fucking France she's miles away but you make it work with her like what is the reason and he could what's he gonna say to you what is the answer gonna be is that is gonna make you feel any better like what is it you want from sending that message to get something off of your chest because I don't know how much better that's gonna make you feel

you may end up feeling worse if he turns around he's like yes you was just better than you do you know what i mean brilliant like what can he actually say i think the reality is you can meet like let's put it in the other perspective you could meet the most amazing guy he's honest he's kind he's funny he's handsome he's sexy he's great in bed ticks all the boxes right but for some reason you just don't want to be in a relationship with him and then you meet someone who could be half of that and then for some reason you want to pursue it and you want to be in a relationship and you can't put your finger on why because there was nothing wrong with the last guy but he just wasn't the one and I think sometimes we take everything so personally don't we like when somebody doesn't want to be

with you it feels so personal especially when they just jump into a relationship with somebody else. It's like, wait, so she had to see you for three months and you want to lock it down, but I was seeing you for a year and you didn't get to that with me. And we have to just remember that it's nothing to do with us. It's not personal. It's just that two people, two incredible people can be individually incredible, but still not want to be together do you know what I mean or still not be right for each other and I just think that's okay and I think we need to just understand that if another girl gets everything you wanted from a guy that he he didn't give to you it's not it's not you it's not your fault do you know what I mean

she doesn't have anything that you're lacking it's just the way it's not your fault, do you know what I mean, she doesn't have anything that you're lacking, it's just the way it's worked out, and there was, there's always a reason, this guy isn't meant for you, you have to remember, if this guy was meant for you, you would have been together, so why spend time wondering what could have been, or should have been, because what should have been, has been, you went your separate ways and he's ended up with somebody else and that was the way it was supposed to go because this guy isn't right for you and I think if you send this message what how is how's that going to make you feel how's it going to make you look how is it going to come across that is going to have any positive impact you know like he could turn around and go oh it's nothing to do with you you know it's just the

timing she just came into my life at a different time blah blah blah and then what you feel any different I don't know I think it starts from within and it starts from understanding that you are not the issue and it is no fault of yours of why you didn't end up together it's a good thing because it's not meant for you so that that's what i think anyway so i hope that helps and i love you you're beautiful and perfect and funny and smart and intelligent and he's not for you and that's perfect thank you universe for keeping me on the right path of where i'm supposed to be in life you know i love you babe okay let's go for this one hey leah i hope you're good i hope you are as well i love you sorry if this is long everyone apologizes for the long ones i love the long ones guys the more

detail the better trust me i love you and the pod so much and i'm hoping for some reassurance and advice oh i love you i'm here last night i broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years i made the decision to break up because i felt like we had to there was just something missing we got together during uni and it was the most amazing relationship everything was perfect and he was and still is an amazing boyfriend so why did I feel this way the thoughts and doubts started about six months ago and have been consuming me ever since it's like deep down I knew something was not right and I couldn't see myself being with him forever I don't know why they started but I just couldn't shake them

we both moved to London this year post uni for grad jobs and the thoughts only got worse I felt like I was lying to myself and to him so I had to end it however they were still amazing times he was my absolute best friend and I really wish I still felt how I did at the start of the relationship. I now feel so lost in the city alone and without my comfort person. We had a conversation about a month ago where I expressed the thoughts and he was so nice about it and said we could work on things and I did try but deep down I think I knew or he knew how I felt wasn't going to change or maybe we I'm not sure it's a typo and surely if you really love someone you wouldn't question it all the time I don't know why it

failed and I'm second guessing if I made the wrong choice and threw away something really good I also feel like I've really hurt my best friend in the world I'm really upset now do you think I did the right thing or should I have stayed and worked on the relationship and how do you cope with a breakup when no one did anything wrong and you feel like the bad person? I hope this made sense and I appreciate any advice you have. I'm about to go listen to the breakup episode. Love you. Oh, okay.

I want to start by saying I know exactly how you feel because I have ended a relationship on the exact same terms. And it's a head fuck in it because you're like there's nothing wrong with you you haven't disrespected me you haven't hurt me you haven't lied to me it's just this feeling and I the same as you ignored it for a while for it convinced myself it would pass and sometimes it might for a little bit and then it sort of comes back and you have this feeling of like it's like anxiety in the relationship of like like fighting the the doubt and fighting the the feeling that it's not right and you don't want to be with them but you want to want to be with them do you know what i

mean and it took me a while to look back and say do you know what i i did the right thing you know like i didn't want to be with that person and I was convincing myself I did because they're a nice person do you know what I mean so I think you have to remember just because somebody is is lovely and kind and supportive and faithful doesn't mean you should want to be in the relationship because you might just need to be on your own for a while you might need something different or whatever it is just because somebody is is what's it called on paper perfect boyfriend doesn't mean that they're right for you at least not at this moment in your life and I think you should always look back and say do you know what I did what felt right in that moment and then not have any regret because

this feeling it wasn't going away you stayed for six months it's not like you just woke up one day and thought I actually want to be with you I'm just going to end it like really impulsively you you sat with these feelings for six months which is a long time for them to just not even go away but actually just get stronger and I think you have to remember that you you have to listen to yourself and and not not look at the you know written down oh but they're perfect maybe I should just stay sometimes it's as simple as my heart just isn't in it anymore and there's nothing wrong with you as a person my heart just isn't in it and it's nobody's fault and it's really hard thing to accept I understand that

but I truly want to say to you that eventually you will look back and be proud of yourself for walking away because at the end of the day it's not fair on you on him for you to stay with him with these feelings either and obviously it's so sweet how he's saying like you know what let's just work it out you know I don't want to give up and I think that's just your natural instinct especially when it's like there's there's no damage that's been done there's no trust that's been broken it's like well we can work through this but I actually think that's harder to work through when you just feel like the love is lost or at least fading so yeah I I think take it take a day at a time take a deep breath and understand that you didn't make an impulsive decision you sat with these feelings for a while and on that basis alone you can have the strength to look back and say even if I one day go oh shit I lost a really good

guy then you you have the strength to say do you know what but I didn't want to be with him at the time and that is as simple as it is it's not about the the simple facts of but he was just great you just didn't want to be with him and you can't help that feeling and and it's not fair to keep somebody that you don't want to be with. And it's not fair to try and force it, you know. So I think you did the right thing. You never know. Like maybe you just need to be on your own for a bit. And if that's your person, you will end up together.

But just take a day at a time. And I'm sure things will just make sense eventually. It's horrible. It is horrible. And you feel like an awful person because nobody likes to break anyone's heart especially when it's like I'm saying like there's no cheating or lying or like broken trust or secrets and it's like on paper there was no reason for this relationship to fall apart but it just did and it's just as simple as that. And it just happens, unfortunately. It does.

And like I said, it doesn't go to say that you won't end up together. He could be a soulmate. You could end up together for life. And it just be, you know, your father and I were together for how many years was it? A few years. And then, you know, I needed to be on my own. And we reconciled six solid years later. And here we are now. Like, you never know. I need to be on my own and we reconciled six solid years later and here we are now like you

never know or it could be that you meet the man that you are supposed to be with and you go do you know what I had a lovely healthy relationship and it molded me into a better woman and I'm ready to love you know everything happens for a reason so don't be hard on yourself you did the right thing you you were selfless and selfish at the same time in the good in the good way selfish you know you gotta put yourself first but at the same time it would have been bad selfish to stay with a guy that you don't really want to be with so you did the right thing and i'm proud of you and i love you okay this this next one guys is, is tough. I don't even know why I'm reading it, because I have no fucking idea. Okay, I have the biggest dilemma of my life.

I'm engaged, due to get married in 2025. We have the venue booked, a destination wedding, but yet to book everything else. My dilemma is when anyone mentions anything about the wedding and how planning is going the amount of anxiety that I experience makes me feel physically sick. For the past month or so I have this overwhelming gut feeling that something doesn't feel right. What if I'm making the worst decision ever? The idea of getting married petrifies me. My partner has done nothing wrong. He is so loyal and thoughtful. He loves me unconditionally and I love him. There is an age gap between us of seven years and I'm now feeling this overwhelming urge to run away from this. What do I do? How do I tell him I'm scared and my gut is telling me not to go

through with this. I cannot take this into new year year I don't think I can plan any more of this wedding guys I I am not qualified to be even thinking about this because this is big like to to be engaged and the wedding planning is giving you the fear I feel like it's pretty serious I I don't know because I've never been engaged or married can confirm to know if this feeling is is common you know and I I don't know no one close to me has been engaged or married that's our age, you know, and therefore I don't have anyone to be like, you know, did you feel a little bit of that cold feet? Like, is that common? Is that, you know, is that like a normal thing? So I don't know. Brides and brides to be out there, you're gonna have to let me know if you felt this and if it's okay and if it passes.

But you know what my advice is? I actually think talk to a counsellor. And I know this sounds a bit deep, right? But I just feel like getting married should, I guess, should feel just exhilarating right should it should I don't know I imagine but I don't know it could be wrong and this whole process obviously is stressful and obviously is is exhausting like planning a wedding is I did not realize how much goes into a fucking wedding, but it's a lot. And you know what? I just feel like it might be useful to navigate where these thoughts and feelings are coming from. It could be some past trauma coming up, you know, could be some

commitment situation. It could be about, I don't know but it you could talk to somebody who is a professional like a counselor and understand these feelings and unravel these feelings and be able to separate them from your relationship and be able to acknowledge you know what this anxiety I'm feeling isn't because I don't want to marry you it's because of xyz you know which might be helpful so yeah these feelings could be coming from anywhere but i i hope it's i hope it's not that you don't want to marry him for your own sake but yeah honestly if i was you if i was in your position i wouldn't want to get married until i've spoken to somebody who can really help me understand these feelings so I can make that decision and go do you know what I don't I don't want to get married or if

I can say okay I get this I think I get it it's not that I don't want to marry him it's that you know the fear of being a married woman gives me the fear because maybe you've maybe you've only witnessed marriages that ended in divorce a lot of people have that anxiety because everyone they've seen get married has gotten divorced so they have this fear of marriage you know like it could be anything like that it could be maybe your parents divorced and you don't realize that that might have stuck with you and stayed with you like anything i find that when we talk to a counselor or any mental health professional like it's crazy how much you can unravel that you had no idea was the reason for the way that you think and feel you know like oh well that kind of makes sense

because when I was a kid I actually remember feeling like this and it's kind of similar because if you think about it you know what I mean so it could be anything or it could literally be as simple as you don't want to marry this guy and I feel like either way it would be good to know you've got a year and a bit so don't swear obviously we've got a wedding to plan but a bit of counseling only takes six weeks you know so that's that's my recommendations and that's not me saying like oh you need serious help but i'm just saying it would be really quite beautiful to understand this feeling for yourself and be able to go to sleep at night knowing you really looked into all all angles here and you made the right decision you know all right i love you babe okay oh guys these dilemmas i'm really not qualified

oh okay thank you so much for sending them in i love you and i appreciate you for trusting me let's wrap up the episode okay everybody can you believe it it is two weeks till Christmas, less than two weeks when this episode comes out. Crazy. The stress. I can't even deal. I can't even deal with it. Why is it stressful? It's like I'm a mum to like four kids. It's not stressful. It shouldn't be. It's just a chaotic period, isn't it? it but I am excited I'm really excited for Christmas this year I feel like you guys know we do a secret Santa in my family instead of buying everyone presents like all the adults we just do a secret Santa highly recommend by the way it's great for

budgeting and I feel like I did great this year I'm not joking I feel like I did really good for who I bought for I can't say right now because a couple members of my family listened to this and you know if word gets out so once it's over I'll spill the beans but yeah guys also the new year episode of course we do that every year where we all talk about our affirmations what's going on our vision board for 2024 I cannot believe it's 2024 that is crazy I literally remember logging into my school computer and our username started with the the year that you joined and mine was 04 Leah so yeah 04 something but it started with 04 and it's now 2024 that was 20 years ago I must have been so young yeah I remember it's like we'd have like IT lessons right and we had like the most monster computers and there was like one and you like took turns on it do you know what I was laughing with Jamie about the other day right

now when you put kids to bed they have hundreds of thousands of films to choose from. They've got Netflix, they've got Prime, they've got Disney Plus, they've got Apple TV, they've got Paramount, they've got it all, right? We had about five DVDs per household, actually videotapes if we're going back even longer. And when we tell our kids like, yeah, we just watched matilda every night for about three years what the fuck yeah i just watched chitty chitty bang bang every night from the ages of three to twelve they'll literally be like huh why did why did you not get bored of it and i realized now when you watch a film as a kid now you watch it to experience an exciting storyline what's gonna happen it's a film you know learning new characters and a film experience in a film now

is about surprise and suspense and what's gonna happen and you don't know how it ends because you've never seen it before whereas back in the day you watch a film because it was just noise in your bedroom and it you've seen it a million times and that's what made it comfort you know I know the next line to this I knew every line to Cat in the Hat my sister knows every line to Matilda and you you don't watch it with her because she will fucking speak through the whole thing but it was like a comfort thing for that reason you know I mean like we've seen it a million times and we love it do you guys remember the other week we were talking about how all kids films were just fucked like that all the stories were just fucked me and my mom and sister was talking about it the other day and like was reading off all these other films and they're

all all the stories are just fucked like what like when you actually think about it and we was listening so many films and we was going yeah even that the fucking kid like nearly drowns and then you're like oh yeah and then like the dog gets kidnapped or dognapped and then another film was like yeah and like her parents died so she ended up like in in some horrible place and and then it's like they're just awful horrible films but why why were they for kids they're literal thrillers oh good times all right guys i love you so much thank you for listening to this episode i really appreciate you giving me your time today and hanging out with me i hope you're all excited for christmas to everybody that celebrates it and yeah i can't

wait to speak to you guys on tuesday have an amazing week and i'll speak to you on tuesday for a brand new episode all right i love you bye