Leah on the Line - 97: I asked if he wants to be FWB and he said no?! & my boyfriend is smoking too much...

Episode Date: January 2, 2024

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more and save 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com. Hello. Hi, hi everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Lear on the Line. Happy Tuesday and happy 2024. It is the 2nd of Jan when this podcast episode is released. Crazy. How was everyone's New Year's? I hope you were all safe. I hope you're not too hungover. You know, some people, I'm one of these people, I'm a two-day hangover kind of girl. Actually, my work Christmas party, I was approaching four days hanging. No joke, that was wild. But yeah, hopefully not too many of you have got sore heads today feeling a bit groggy bit

worse for where i had two gin and tonics upset on new year's eve i went out for a lovely dinner oh god is this pasta i had this pasta right so we ordered we we shared starters so my brother and his girlfriend they shared a start up me and jamie shared a start that's just how it works when you're in a relationship if you know you know right they got cheesy garlic bread you cannot go wrong it looked unbelievable right we got um i can't remember what it was called now but it's from from reading it it was similar to garlic prawns now if you know the traditional garlic prawns it's literally sizzling in a pan chili butter garlic fucking that's it that is it oh and the prawns of and oh it's just you get bread. It's like that on the chili butter.

Slurping it up. It's kind of similar to a seafood boil, I suppose, because that's like chili butter, but literally just like some prawns in a tiny little dish. But anyway, when you try this in like Spain or the Canary Islands or anywhere like that you just trust me when I tell you fucking hell they're so good it's the best thing actually a place in Tenerife opposite the big casino it's called Monica's right if anyone's going to Tife anytime soon go to monica's just for the garlic prawns

the mains and the drinks kind of bad to be honest but them garlic prawns were the best i've ever had so yeah highly recommend or what's that other bar is it called luma yeah i think it's luma they do lovely garlic prawns not as good as monica's but lovely garlic prawns and a lovely carbonara oh anyway so yeah we we saw this thing on the menu that was similar but it was like prawns in chili oil garlic oil butter um and what is it um and what is it wait fish stock right and they threw me with the fish stock i thought whoa easy tiger because like garlic prawns is actually just oil it's pure oil and that's all i want or is it butter i think it's oil but anyway i was like okay whatever i can get on board with the fish stock whatever and it was delicious but it was not garlic prawns it was like

prawns in fish stock how they literally described it on the menu i just interpreted it wrong but it was delicious the prawns were delicious and it really made me remember like oh fucking hell remember them prawns at monica's we've got to go back to mon's because, wow. Oh, it was so incredible. And when I went to Portugal, guys, I had this steak pasta. It was like steak and mushroom tagliatelle. The way it slid down my throat. I literally bevoed it down. I was like, just inhaled the tagliatelle.

But, yeah, honestly, I've had some beautiful food in 2023 that is one thing i'm i have defo had some good fucking food i've eaten good in 2023 but i'm so how are we feeling about 2024 i feel nervous i realized well i've not just realized but i've always known this i get so overwhelmed on new year's eve like last night we went out for a lovely meal had a proper laugh like it was so nice went home popped on the fireworks on the telly and watched a berlin if you know you know right fucking hell if you're a money heist fan you know how exciting it is that they've give us more content more money heist content i was like eating up i was like yes and i love berlin as well berlin is legendary so i've binged that already i finished it in a day hun it's only eight episodes actually it was two days to be fair but whatever i would have done it in a day if I had time anyways um yeah so we're watching the fireworks also low-key

fucking boring how boring were they do you think they were quite boring I was like come on where's the emotion but anyway right yeah so what I'm saying is I get so overwhelmed on New Year's Eve and I can't decide why like I always thought oh maybe it's like the fireworks because I when I was a kid I never used to like fireworks they used to make me anxious shock oh I'm just scared of everything no but they used to make me like oh fucking hell I was so overwhelmed it's like in the sky I was like ah didn't like it one bit and and then I realized no it's not that because I'm all right with them now but I still have the feeling and then I thought oh maybe it's like because I'm normally out you know I'm normally out on New Year's Eve and then I stopped going out but then I still get this

feeling so I'm like no it's not the going out because I went out last year and I actually had the best time and I didn't have that feeling and I've realized there's something eerie about it I don't know what it is but maybe it's because I'm so such an emotional person and I've realized there's something eerie about it I don't know what it is but maybe it's because I'm so such an emotional person and I fucking deep everything but I think so sad like I think all the people that have left someone behind in this year and all the people that didn't make it through this year and then I get my anxiety fucking kicks in going, I wonder if this is the year that I die. And I have all these really morbid thoughts and I feel like New Year's Eve has always been so fucking eerie

and like, oh God, like, I don't know. It makes me so aware of life passing by and New Year's and dates have changed. And I can literally remember dating my page in school like 08 do you know what i mean like like 13th of feb 08 that was 2024 that's crazy but anyway yeah i think it's that i think so if anyone can relate to that please let me know because i feel like i might be a little bit crazy but i will definitely let my therapist know that that's something i've uh what's the word discovered about myself yeah i think that starts it doesn't

start but i've got like another another why did i go really some set them another appointment on the 11th of jan i think i can't remember he told me ages ago and i hadn't had nothing written down to confirm he was like okay cool speak to you then i was like cool i don't remember where what the fucking date was i was like yeah cool i'll write that down obviously i never because i'm a twat but anyway i'm vision boarding tonight really looking forward to that i ordered them books off amazon that i told you about they've come they look really good so yeah i've got some canvases i've got some paints as well because i actually do want to do a bit of painting with

jamie we're going to do some painting i don't think i've painted in my life i actually don't think i've ever painted anything what if it's just like a secret sleigh that i just have i just didn't know i'll let you guys know oh there was something else i said i would let you know and i should have let you know by now oh i cannot remember oh he's tenders though spoiler alert although you would definitely have seen it unless you live under a rock but slinda and fucking hell did did they knock out the park or what the way that they had nish on the floor and he's he's dead sharon he's dead i was like no because although his character is a absolute prick he is the actor is just legendary like he's

just great he's just he's just given every episode given given given i was like damn like that would be so disappointing if he's dead and i was like denise i was so confused i was like denise okay i love denise she's one of my favorite characters i thought oh god not denise denise and then kiani walks in i thought oh god what's gonna happen and then i was like, they've killed two men, they've killed, they're gonna be, there's gonna be two bodies, what a plot twist, plot twist, plot twist, fucking Linda grabs this fire stick thing, like, some knife, fork, whatever it was, she taps him in the back, and then she was all scared, and I, thinking oh don't worry Lind don't worry Lind like it's all right and then then fucking sucky gives Nish CPR and I thought this is brilliant

me and Summer me and my friend Summer right she is hooked on his senders as much as me we were sending each other texts the whole way through like yeah it's like yes Denise like it was just sick it was amazing I'm really I thoroughly enjoyed it I'm not gonna lie it was the highlight of my Christmas no it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't the secret sound was the highlight of my Christmas but anyway oh I can't believe it's the new year I'm really nervous I'm I'm worried I always feel like oh god what what's in store for me you know like I have no clue what's in store for me but this time next year I would have lived it and that's that again that's another one of those

morbid thoughts that freak me out but yeah I I hope everybody else is feeling good about this year. All the shit that you wanted to leave behind in 2023, whether that's friendships, toxic relationships, bad habits, vaping, whatever it is, I believe in you. Leave them in 2023, babe. Everything is out in 2023. All those toxic relationships, the cycles, it's out. It's out. We're leaving it in 2023 all those then toxic relationships the the cycles it's out it's out we're leaving it in 2023 oh god guys i'm baking a cake right now i've um i've just got out the oven i'm making betty crocker box mix listen i couldn't be fucked getting all the cocoa powder and that do you know what do you know why

because it costs a fucking bomb it costs a bomb to bake a cake these days seriously it does big up all the cake makers out there because it is expensive so i just thought i'm gonna get fucking box mix and just spruce it up myself i've whipped up some double cream with some dollops of nutella i've chopped i've smashed up some peanuts i know it's actually hazelnut but like it'll be fine i love chocolate anyway and i'm gonna like decorate i'm gonna do um what's it called the middle layer is gonna be nutella cream and then hopefully i've got enough for the top so i can like spread that on and then put all the chopped nuts on it how good does that sound yeah and then yeah and then we're gonna do painting and and vision

boarding i've finished berlin but we've actually said we're debating watching money heist again which guys that will be the third time i've watched money heist i won't lie and i'll do it again it's so good if you guys haven't seen it you have to see it it's amazing all right anyway what the fuck how long has this intro been welcome back guys thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of clear on the line i appreciate every single one of you so much i'm so happy that we're seeing in the new year together i'm so excited to talk through all of your dilemmas over the next year i'm so happy i could help anybody through their dilemmas of 2023 over the next year. I'm so happy I could help anybody through their dilemmas of 2023, leaving all that shit behind, moving into 2024, working through things together, having each other's backs like we got this, okay? So yeah, good weekly debate coming up. Is it inspired by a dilemma?

Oh, yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. I had to think about what it was for a second. All right, guys, I love you so much. Happy New Year, everybody. Let's get into the episode. Thank you so much for listening to Lear on the Line. Head to learontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Remember to follow on socials to see visual clips and get involved with the weekly debates. Enjoy the episode.

Love you. Okay, everybody. So my question for you this week is probably going to be quite a short one because there honestly isn't too much to debate. I just kind of wanted to hear your opinions on it. But like I said, it is inspired by one of the dilemmas. So it is how long are you dating someone before you expect to be official so personally I'm in my experience it's always been rapid like the ones where you're dating each other for a few months they always end up not going anywhere the ones where we've ended up in a relationship it's happened off the back of a month like it's happened i think every relationship i've ever had the seeing each other phase lasted a month and i don't know why

because i i'm not the one asking i'm trust me i'm not the one saying me be my boyfriend like i'm the one that just i just get asked? Like, they just want to lock me down, like. No, I'm just kidding, but I'm not, I'm not kidding. So yeah, in my experience, it's only been a month, and anyone that I've been dating for longer, we've never ended up together. So, that's interesting, isn't it? Because there's people that I've like dated for like four or five

months and then it's fizzled out or it's just ended or whatever. So yeah, maybe it is true when they say like, if someone wants you, then they'll make it happen, you know. But let's have a little look what you guys say. Because if you'd asked me, I would have been like two, two three months like surely like three months is the good mark but then I thought hold on a minute which boyfriend have you ever been seeing for three months none of them so yeah I wasn't sure until I actually thought about my own experience so let's have a little look what you guys say no longer than six months right see I get it in terms of no longer than, because it's like, listen, I'm not trying to be fucked around

for longer than six months. But I guess just talking from experiences, I've never been dating someone for six months and ended up with them. I'd be really intrigued to know, and I should have asked this question, if you've ever been dating somebody, like seeing somebody for longer than six months or around six months even and you've actually still developed into a relationship because I feel like once you get

past six months if you're not there like will you ever get there and I would be so intrigued to know how how many people has actually gone to that official stage after six months um i've always said three but usually ends up being five or six guys take it very slow usually okay so this one sounds like she is ending up in a relationship with these guys after five six months okay okay okay good good good good three months max my current boyfriend was one month before being official. Yeah, yeah. Three months. A month or a month and a half. Yeah, I'm with you. A month, two to three months. My now husband and I were dating three slash four weeks and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I had somebody ask me to be exclusive with them after a first date.

I was like, whoa, babe. Like, they just said to me, like, I'm not seeing anyone else. And I was like, okay. And I was at the time. But they said, oh, I'm not seeing anyone else. I was like, okay. And then they were like, are you? And I just lied.

I was like, and then they were like you and I just lied I was like no no yeah like so then I was like no yeah I'm not seeing anyone else and then I went home and called it off of everyone so that's not too bad is it you know okay continuing I dated a guy and we both knew after a week it it varies but i'd say six to eight weeks of dating is fair yeah see that's nice and i do honestly believe that sometimes you can be dating someone and immediately it's like i don't want anyone else you take all the boxes i've ever wanted i fancy the fuck out of you you're a lovely person like it feels right i want to get to know you i'm exclusive to you and it's not about like i'm obsessed i want to be with you I want to get to know you. I'm exclusive to you. And it's not about like, I'm obsessed. I want to be with you. I want to marry you, you, everything. It's not about that. It's about like, yep, I'm willing, I'm willing to get to know you and only you and we'll see

what happens with us. But I'm not, I'm not talking to anyone else, you know. Max three months. Three months is when I'd like to make it official any earlier and I'm still sussing them out. That is a very fair point to be fair. A few months, any longer is taking the piss. Three months max, any longer just a waste of time. Three months, a lot of three months, three months minimum, three months maximum. Okay, I'd say three slash four months, two to three months, three to four months, one one month three great dates become exclusive two great months become official i think that's lovely i think that's a lovely time frame yeah my boyfriend never actually asked me just assumed been three years now so you're technically single

you can technically do what you want imagine that um remind me of when you asked me to be your girlfriend please so when's your anniversary do you have an anniversary oh it's kind of sweet though because that's what the older generations say when you say to them like how did you know because they always say like we didn't ask each other like will you be my girlfriend like you just knew and i said like but like how did you just know how did you know like oh i can't have sex with somebody else and and they always say like because you didn't want to and i was like oh that's lovely isn't it lovely and sit nice and sit nice right yeah a lot of two to three months and three to four months and a lot of six months maximum so okay let's take this on board carrying it into that dilemma when we get

to it thank you so much for everybody that sent in your responses i love you i appreciate you if you're not following at leo on the line on Instagram, make sure you do just to get your responses in for the weekly debate. Send me DMs. We're always chatting in DMs. I love catching up with you guys. And let's get into the episode. Okay, everybody, I'm going to kick it off with this dilemma because it's a really interesting one and different to anything we've done before. This isn't the one that's related to the weekly debate, but we will get to that babes. Do not worry. Okay. The tagline is feeling unimportant in my relationship. Help. Hi Leah. Love the pod. I listen every week. I love you. Thank you so much for listening. Warning. This is a long one. So buckle in. Okay. Buckle up everybody. We're all ready hi leah love the pod i listen every week i love you thank you so much for listening

warning this is a long one so buckle in okay buckle up everybody we're all ready for this for a bit of background i've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and since before i met him he has smoked not cigarettes you guys know i don't like this as it isn't something i do but I learned to just be okay with it. His family home is about an hour's drive from mine. He moved in with me and my family and got a job in my city. So for the last few months we've lived together. Since he's moved in that's where some problems have started. So his new job does not pay well at all as it's something that will build up over time. So at the moment he doesn't have much money which i'm okay with this means i buy most of our food pay for dates etc and i don't mind

doing this as i know his circumstances okay so listen i get it because you can't help your circumstances sometimes you know especially if he's like maybe he's doing an apprenticeship where it's like you've got to start at the bottom of the wage uh bracket whatever it's called you know like he it is a temporary financial situation it's going to get better the longer he's there the longer he you know the more he learns it's just the way it is sometimes but it doesn't mean it's not difficult to be the one picking up the pieces. And it doesn't mean there isn't sometimes going to be some resentment. I'm not saying that there is.

I'm just saying if in case it is, I want to validate that for you. You know, but we'll carry on. But we went away last weekend to see a show as my birthday present from his dad. Oh, lovely. We decided it would be nice to get a hotel, which had to pay for so i got us a nice hotel and we stayed the night oh i bet he's fucking lapping it up isn't he oh he's like how about the savoy babe fancy a night at the savoy uh you bet the whole weekend my boyfriend kept going on about how bad he feels that i was having to pay for stuff on my birthday.

Dinner, drinks, hotels, snacks, train tickets. That was a few hundred quid for two people as well. Fuck me, you've spent a few hundred there. Dinner, let's say £200 bill. Yeah. Drinks. I don't know if that's separate to dinner, but let's whack on an extra 50 quid. Hotel.

That's about £ 150 for one night. So assuming it was one night, that's about 400 quid at the moment. And then we got snacks and train tickets. So this is an expensive birthday for you. Okay, so he asked his parents to send him some money to help him out. I don know how much his parents sent him but the only thing he bought were two drinks which came to less than 30 pounds okay i mean maybe maybe they sent him 30 quid you know and he's just like okay thanks every little helps at least at least i can get a little something you know again i want to make it very clear that i'm never going to be annoyed at someone for not being able to afford things that is not why i'm annoyed there is more to it when we got back to our house

after the weekend my boyfriend asked me if i'd mind if you went and bought some you know i said that i thought he didn't have any money and that it would actually quite upset me seeing as he always goes on about how he was trying to save money for Christmas presents and he wanted to pay for my birthday, etc. But his last 20 or 30 pound or whatever is going towards something silly. I'm not gonna lie, that would fuck me off. Because I'm with you, lie that would fuck me off because I'm with you I don't like that I I find I I just don't I don't even like the company of someone that's smoking I find it just like mongy and like I don't enjoy the company I've dated people who you know smoke and I'm just like oh like you're just boring and also it's all you give a fuck about and i i hate that shit

so i really get it and if i was paying hundreds of pounds to spend some quality time with my boyfriend on my birthday and he's gonna tell me oh do you mind if i pick up i'll be like are you taking the piss like you're taking the piss you know. He went and bought some anyway. This is when I realized that he's using his parents' money to spend on me to go and get that instead. Just to add, multiple times before, he has told me he doesn't have any money but proceeds to go and buy the stuff. So basically, I'm just starting to feel like I am not his priority and it's taken over it's the main thing he spends his money on even after I tell him I wouldn't like it he still goes and does it anyway I told him when he asked the other day that I feel like it's more important than me at this point

I told him to do what he wants but he does not have the right to feel bad for not getting me much for Christmas or spending any money on me and anyone else yeah that's the thing like don't come to me and oh I feel so guilty and then go spend 20 quid so you can have a smoke do you know what I mean like oh I feel so guilty no you don't you clearly don't it's your priorities isn't it um I just feel like it's a very selfish thing to do and to be honest it's quite unattractive yeah I second that do you think I'm silly for being upset about this is this a sackable offense what do you think i should do from here i'm so stuck i'm feeling very hurt by this help a girl out please love you bye love you okay yeah i i agree i would find and have been in your

position not in terms of finances but in terms of just dating someone that smokes like i've i've been like oh fucking hell and like you want to hang out with them and then they end up doing that instead it's like fucking hell this is boring this is boring for me and i agree that it's unattractive if if you're someone like me um like you sounds like we're similar in that way and you just don't like it it is unattractive if you smoke yourself or it really doesn't bother you obviously it's not going to be unattractive to that person but if you're just someone like me and you just don't like it then then you do find it unattractive there's nothing wrong with that because it's just it's just what you're into and what you like and what you don't like um so you know please don't be offended if if you disagree

or if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes or whatever. It's just everyone's taste and opinion and what they fancy, really. So, yeah, I'm with you. And I would be like fucking hell. And especially on top, it's like, oh, I feel so guilty. I can't afford anything for your birthday. And it's like, it's not about the presents. It's not about the money.

It's not about feeling treated and spoiled it's it's not it's it's the contradiction of I feel so guilty do you mind if I smoke yes yes yes I do mind oh well I don't give a fuck anyway I'm gonna do anyway do you know what I mean that that's the thing for me it's like what's the point so my advice to you is when I when I was in a similar position I just said look I don't like I don't like that I don't I don't really want a boyfriend that smokes it's just not like if we'd if we'd met and this was going on when we'd met, I probably wouldn't have been interested. But now we're together and now you smoke. And I'm telling you, that's just not really what I want in a boyfriend.

And if you're going to turn around and say to me like, well, tough, that's fine. I would never ask you to change if that's not something you want to do. I'd never ask you to stop something you don't want to do. But we need to be open and honest and transparent. I need to know if you are going to just smoke now, you know what I mean? And I should feel like I can tell you that that's just not what I want in a boyfriend. So I feel like you have the right to do that. It doesn't need to be insulting or offensive or argumentative like it can literally just be like it's just I don't really want a boyfriend that smokes and you know maybe he'll turn around and be like do you know what yeah I I want to smoke less I don't like the amount that

I'm smoking blah blah blah and you can go okay cool well I'll be there for you I help you out let's do things instead, when you just hang out and chill out and have a smoke, let's do something else instead, or if he turns around, he's like, that's just who I am, that's just what I like, and that's just the way I'm gonna be, then you decide if that's what you want in a boyfriend, and if you don't, there's nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with him, it's just you you don't want that and that's fine you know no one needs to be hurt or insulted or made to feel bad because it's just your taste what you want in a partner you know so yeah i love you i sympathize for you massively

i hope you had an amazing birthday i'd love to have come talk to your show with you. But yeah, keep us updated with that one. Absolutely. Let us know how it goes. Keep us in the loop. Love you reality, nobody has it all together. Online therapy can help you focus on what you want, not what others have. Because your best life is better than the idea of someone else's. Stop comparing and start living with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more and save 10% off your first month.

That's BetterHelp.com. I'm off. save 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com. I am in love with my co-worker. In love, it's crazy. Okay. We have this indeniable tension that everyone has picked up on, but he has gone and got himself a girlfriend. That changes things. Okay. We would sit together most lunchtimes and just flirt. I'm quite a shy person. So to be able to become so comfortable with someone that quick was nice. We stopped seeing each other at lunch recently, but I just assumed it's because we're both doing our own thing. Our Christmas party just gone. Oh, not the Christmas party. We were by ourselves outside and he was

telling me that he didn't make a move on me as he thought I wasn't interested oh no my boyfriend won't be doing that absolutely not hun um but then went on to tell me I deserve the world and wouldn't stop complimenting me he knows I've been in shitty relationships we spoke again and with it being the first day back after christmas the tension is still there the eye contact and everything what the fuck do i do because i feel like i'm in love maybe with the idea of him and not him who knows i also work with my dad to make things better in an office environment oh no not the dad okay I do agree that you could be in love with the idea of him because all that's happened is flirting like you're not you can't be in love you know like I don't want to be you're not in love with

him like because I fucking hate when people say that you're not in love babe I hate that like fuck off but I'm under the impression that it might not be love but i do think you may be right in terms of you could be in love with the idea of him what i'm gonna say to you is this guy has a fucking girlfriend okay and by the sounds of it you put it out there at the christmas party that you were interested that's what it sounds like that sounds like the conversation you had um And he's aware that you're interested, right? You're aware that he was interested or is interested, who knows. But if he has a girlfriend, just stay out of the fucking way. If he wants end his relationship and make make things work with you

ask you out on a date let him be the one to decide that and do that stay away if he has a girlfriend just be respectful like stay away and like I said let him Actually, I think I want to give things a go with her. That's all. That's honestly all I feel towards that one. But I hope that's okay. I love you. Keep us updated. You know, if he if he does come around and say, what's up, baby, you want to go on a date? Let me know. Okay, next dilemma. Hey, girl, just want to say I love the pod so much and have listened to every single episode since the start. Oh, I love you so much. Thank you. This is a long one. So I started speaking to this guy about four months ago. And after a month of talking, we went for a date. Before we met, we FaceTimed a few times and we both said it was

too good to be true. Like how well we got on. Love these vibes. The first day was amazing. We just got on so well and I was really shocked because I hadn't felt this way about someone in such a short amount of time before. We then went on another couple of dates. He then came around my house like five or six times. And every time I tried to bring up where we stood with each other, he just said he's taking it slow. Oh, this is the weekly debate dilemma, guys. Anyways, he recently left his job where he was working in aviation. He's not had a job for about two months now. However, recently he's been so busy. How are you busy when you're unemployed? How are you busier when you're unemployed? We made you busy are when you're unemployed we made it work when he was in aviation darling yeah right however i saw him this week as he came around

mine again and i said to him i feel like you're just stringing me along until you find someone else and he got angry i'm sorry getting angry is crazy. Like that is a wild, you're angry. You're literally getting angry at me. He was like, why the fuck would I do that? You know, I like spending time with you. I just want to take it slow. I just don't know what to do as it's only been a couple of months. Do I just accept that he wants to take it slow or do I end it as if he wanted me, he would make it clear and he hasn't I really am stuck with what to do I've been single for about three years now and I just want someone to want me and I don't know if he can want me and still be going on about taking it slow sorry for the

long story love you bye okay so you've been seeing him for four months and from the weekly debate we're saying two to four is the standard time before it's official. You have seen him a lot by the sounds of things you were facetiming for a month and then you have this incredible first date he's come around your house five six times so I'm assuming you're sleeping together at this point but I'm not a hundred percent. I don't know. Um, and yeah, to be feeling like you're out in the cold is crazy. What I would do if I were you is listen to my gut. Do, does my gut tell me he just, you know, is, is a fuck boy and wants to have sex with me and wants to date me but doesn't want to wife me. Is that what I feel deep down? Or is he getting softer?

Is he showing more and more signs of wanting to commit to me? Because things should start to look different in a good way. different in a good way you know like from day one of your first date to now you should there should have been a lot of progress in four months like you should be you should know where you stand realistically or at least be able to look at the journey and say we're closer now you know like he's softer with me he's more emotional with me there should be that and if there isn't if you're still four months deep and you're thinking you still feel very like a stranger like we've just met I'm saying I'm saying he ain't gonna he ain't gonna get there. But I would honestly set an expiration date. When does this guy expire? You know, like, okay, 1st of Feb and you're out. If you have not made it clear to me

on the 1st of Feb, I've give you five, nearly six months at that point. And if you've not made it clear to me, then you're taking me for a prick and the answer is no thank you so yeah that's what i think but please do let me know what you decide obviously you're it's always up to you um and yeah let me know love you so much keep us updated okay let's do another one hey girl love the pod please don't stop doing this it's so helpful oh thank you so i've been messaging this boy since 18 and i am now 22 four years four years guys and we're just messaging okay um with me having a relationship with someone else in between okay got you obviously we stopped messaging while i had a boyfriend got it got that makes sense

we've always kept it sexual and nothing more to it with both of us understanding and expressing that we don't want anything serious after my relationship ended nine months ago we started talking a bit again however a month ago i decided and told him that i didn't want to exchange sexual sexual messages anymore as i didn't think it was healthy for me okay big slave christmas eve rolls around and we're both out at the same place i see him we talk and after some combo we agree to have sex at night. On Christmas Eve, girl. It's given naughty list on Christmas Eve. I kind of love that.

Anyway, okay. So they're fucking. We fucking at night. We talk and after some convo, we agree to have sex at night. Please don't judge. Your girl's got needs. I'm not judging one bit. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

You've been talking to this guy. You texting sexually the sexual tension you happen to bump into each other what else what else is a girl gonna do do you know what i mean oh he's here what can i do yeah absolutely fair enough babe we had sex that night and it went really well i was so happy that I didn't feel any emotional connection with him, but like the sex in my head, I'm thinking, yes, this could be the most ideal friends and benefits situation ever. Absolutely. You're thinking, I feel nothing apart from that sex was lovely. So perfect. We're both not looking for anything serious. We know each other enough to be respectful, but not enough to be in love with each other. Absolutely. This is great. So after he texts me in the morning, making sure I got home okay, asking how Christmas was, etc.

I propose the idea. Oh, okay. She proposes the, let's, let's be friends with benefits. Leah, when I tell you I am shook, I am shook. I couldn't think of a reason. He'd say no, but he very gently declined. Not the declined. I'm going to have to politely decline oh ouch okay i repeat declined because of the idea that we may get attached and it could get messy i said we would trial it so why the fuck have i been turned down before we've even tried please let me know your thoughts was i just bad at sex is he telling the truth and just doesn't want it to get complicated does he have a girlfriend i'm a bit disheartened but understands it's totally his choice i just feel a bit rejected i have sent photos to you on instagram of these messages and the pics of us

please let me know oh yeah let me get these up let me get these up i remember okay let me give you a little summary guys so let's look at her oh will the pics load that is the question okay she is a gorgeous gorgeous lovely smile petite perfect skin she's just giving i'll be honest she's given you know those girls that look really innocent but they're freaking the sheets that's what she's given anyway so yeah she's absolutely stunning he let's have a look at him well that first picture he looks absolutely off his fucking head but yeah you know he looks like a lovely boy he looks he actually looks really lovely like he looks like a really kind person he's not giving fuck boy too much but i can imagine

he probably has fucked over a couple of girls in his life that's what he's given okay but you know handsome and you're beautiful so look lovely together these screenshots okay um she's asked me not to read them out too exact because obviously you know you it's just scary the thought of somebody ever listening and being like wait a damn minute that's me okay so it's very polite did you get home okay um what are you up to hope you have a nice christmas you know to be honest this energy does not come across like you fucked at all um but yeah i mean like good stuff have a lovely Christmas. It's like, pleasure doing business with you. Do you know what I mean? Okay, okay, okay.

I'm just reading. All right, okay. Okay, we're at the proposal. I think we should trial. Okay, and she's basically saying we can be fuck buddies. Oh, no, we got ignored. Three hours later, we've sent another message sorry you know i didn't mean to offend you blah blah then he's replying don't be silly i wasn't ignoring you i've just seen it um it's not offensive and then he's basically saying like

it's a that's a big offer that sorry if i said to someone do you want to be fuck buddies and they've said that's a pretty big offer i'd be like you've got five seconds to say absolutely yes i do before i block you that's an offer are you for real are you okay do you want to move up buddies well that's a that is an offer you've literally got five seconds right and then you're saying like okay let me let me let me explain what I'm thinking here um he's like yeah don't worry about it don't because she's explaining why she said it and he's basically just like don't worry about it answer the question babe okay you know I liked it I don't want anything romantic neither do you just feel like just feel

like it could work you know he's like yeah appreciate that um casual things it can get meddled into something else right i wouldn't i wouldn't want either of us to get hurt here you're like yeah yeah no you're totally right yeah yeah no yeah yeah literally agree like i was literally gonna say that screaming thrown up um okay you're like i don't you know i've never done it i don't know but whatever and he's saying i've done it and they haven't ended well not that there's. But usually ends complicated and not fair. Okay. Well I'm glad you fucking cleared that up darling.

That there hasn't been loads. Listen. He sounds like a really sweet guy. Like I'm not going to lie. He does sound nice. Um. Yeah. He sounds really sweet.

He sounds awkward. Like he sounds a bit like. Oh fuck. She's asking me to be friends and benefits don't say but for whatever reason he doesn't and what i will always say and what i will have always said and will always say is it's never to do with you when you get rejected you're just not right for each other okay Okay. So for whatever reason, he doesn't want to be friends benefits. He has said the reason is because he's, you know, it's not ended well for him in the past. Obviously, naturally straight away you go, oh my God, he's coming up with excuses. It's because he hated the sex with me and I'm shit in bed and all that bollocks that we feed ourselves it's not that it could literally just be the truth maybe he got burned maybe he was friends of benefits someone and he

got burned maybe he really fancied her in the end he wanted to be with her and she didn't want to be with him she was like no we're friends benefits what are you doing i thought we could serve or maybe the the girl got burned and he felt like too guilty he felt like a bad guy he's like oh fucking hell i ain't getting involved in this again. I can't be dealing with this. It's too much hassle than it's worth. So maybe it's just that. He's just thinking it's too much ag than what it's worth, you know? Maybe it is that. But what I want to remind you is do not, and I repeat, do not take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. You're amazing in bed. Are you joking me? You've had this sexual tension building up for weeks because you're a gorgeous

girl. And he finally got you. Maybe it's the box theory, guys. You guys remember, we talk about this a lot. A guy's already decided what he wants from you from day one and once he's got it he's happy maybe all he wanted all this time was just to have sex maybe he just felt this like i don't know impulse of like oh my god she is so fucking i just want to have sex with that girl maybe it was that and he's been talking to you for years. Was it years? Yeah, years. You had a boyfriend and then you're single again and then you're chatting again and then you're not talking anymore. So maybe it's just this thing where you were in the, I really want to have sex with this gorgeous girl box, which isn't a bad box to be in, by the way, because you don't want a boyfriend

either. You don't want anything from him. I'm not saying it's a bad thing that he really just wanted sex with you because I'm sure there's loads of people listening that can relate you know there's people I just wanted to sleep with and didn't want anything else from them and there's nothing wrong with being in that box you're fucking sexy you know so maybe you were in the I really want to have sex with this girl box, has been on and off chatting to you for four years and it's happened now. And maybe it's just like, oh, well, it's happened now. Now what? You know, maybe it was the idea of it all over the last few years and the sexual tension and he's got it off his chest and he's satisfied, you know? And also, like I said, he probably just thinks friends of benefits is pure hassle. In my experience, I wouldn't say I had a friends of benefits situation. We work together, we would sleep together. But he did end up catching feelings to me but when i when we had the conversation of

like well i i you know i don't feel like that i'm not looking for anything right now it didn't really impact our friendship we just sort of stopped sleeping together but so yeah to be honest i don't i don't know an experience where it's ended well i we have done this we've spoke a lot about friends and benefits on the pod and almost everybody agrees that somebody catches feelings or somebody is on a different page whether it's feelings or not someone thinks oh i you know we don't have feelings for each other but i still thought it was an exclusive thing so yeah i just think maybe it's the case of he doesn't want the hassle babe and it's nothing to do with you to be honest but I love you and just think about it like this it's been built up

over time you've you've got it off your chest and just move on move forward if you bump into each other again you never know what might happen but good for you love you gorgeous girl stunning girl thank you for sending this dilemma and for the pics we love the pics all right guys thank you to everyone that sent in dilemma if you haven't send one in leahontheline.com hit the submit a dilemma button get involved send in your weekly debate ideas please please please leave me a five star rating if you wouldn't mind it would mean the world to me drop me a little message and yeah i love you so much let's wrap up the episode stay for the outro okay if you are listening to the outro right now i love you i appreciate you so so much oh god i'm really out of breath today oh god i don't know what's wrong with me but yeah

thank you so much guys i hope you all enjoyed this episode i really enjoyed it i really enjoyed sitting down and chatting together today i love i love a good long ep you know um I'm gonna go finish my cake in a minute honestly I am really I've realized baking is like something I've done since I was quite young and still love at 27 wait I'm 26 wait yeah I'm 26 I ain't 27 there's no way I'm 28 this year. Am I only 26? Oh my God, I'm so young. I'm so young and youthful. Wait, wait, I'm stressed. How old am I? It's 2024. I was born in 97, August, four, five, six, seven. Yeah, I'm 27 this year. year oh I'm so young and you forgot my whole life ahead of me does anyone else do that though like because I spend a lot of my time thinking about my age and like when I'm going to be a certain age and when how long till I'm this age that like recently

I've obviously been thinking like oh my god I'm 27 in 2024 I'm 27 next year I'm 27 next year and because I've been thinking about that so much I'm like am I 27 I don't know I forget I'm mid-20s I can't even keep track something wrong with me but anyway yeah so I've always baked like since I was so young I've always done like cooking like it's cooked for my whole family when I was like 13 because my mum she I would love to cook and I'd'm like mum please can i cook she'd be like fucking knock yourself out love she hates cooking right she'd be like literally get in the kitchen go nuts go nuts in there make what you want couldn't care less yes please but you know safety first this is how you turn the oven on this is how you turn the oven off don't touch that with your bare hands go to town let me know what we're having so yeah she let me really cook from a young age so

I've always loved cooking but baking I've always like I go through like these sporadic I'm gonna bake a whole fucking tray of treats and I'm like right I'm making brownies I'm making shortbread I'm making cheesecake I'm making banoffee pie and yeah something just comes over me every now and then it's like it's in me and it won't go like i could not bake for like a year and then all of a sudden i'm like something just woke up inside me and i'm gonna bake a tray of brownies. And I just love it. And I'm just like baking away in the kitchen. Like I'm in Waitress, you know, Waitress the musical. Make it work.

Make it easy. Make it clever and craft it into pieces. Yeah, I just love it, hun. Anyway, see, I've got this cake going on downstairs right and it's a chocolate cake with cream and nutella middle i'm hoping there's enough for the top and chopped nuts on the top who wants a slice it sounds good imagine that with a cup of tea while i'm painting oh lovely these paintings gonna be funny as fuck aren't they i might post a pic on the leo on the line instagram story if you haven't listened to the ep and you see it, you'll be like,

yes, really good, Leah. Well done. This year, I think that's good. All right, guys. I love you so much. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I appreciate you all more than you can ever imagine. I'm so excited for 2024 together to get through all these dilemmas together.

I'm going to help you, guide you through it as best I can as the besties that we are. And I love you. Thank you so much. Oh God, I'm exhausted and take a breath then. All right, guys, have an amazing week and I'll speak to you on Friday for a brand new episode. All right. I love you. Bye. Bye! We got you, Rogers.