Leah on the Line - Bonus 13: The NARCISSISTS episode

Episode Date: September 1, 2022

Hi babes! Today's episode is a bit of a different one. I did a lot of reading and research so that I could talk about this with at least a lil bit of knowledge under my belt. I hope it might have been helpful for some of you. Remember you are NEVER alone and I love you sooo much. As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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It's getting closer to midnight. I tried to get closer to you. Hello. Hi, hi everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Lear on the Line. How are you? What's going on? It's Friday. Actually, to be fair, for a Friday, this is a bit of a deep episode. It's Friday, probably who's pre-drinking, getting ready to go out, and I'm here to talk about narcissists. So I had this idea. So you know, I've been trying to fill the Friday gaps. I was thinking of doing like the blank episode every Friday. So obviously I did the breakup episode, the friendships episode, and this is the narcissist episode. So like

send in any ideas my way that you have for what we could do. I'm not sure what else I have up my sleeve. I don't know. I don't know. I'm sure I'll come up with plenty more. And you will, because you guys are very, very smart, creative, intelligent, amazing, beautiful people. But I'm here to talk about narcissists. I will say early doors, because I have had a message about this already. So shout out to the bitch that sent me this fucking hate mail. She was like, are you qualified to talk about this I was like look I'm not here to be like listen I'm a qualified mental health psychologist specialist listen to me take my advice no this is Lear on the line this is just phone call as you guys know so it is literally just me having an

open conversation with you guys like I'm not an expert so please let me make that clear here and now I will take no responsibility for any decisions any of you make from anything i ever say in this podcast ever so you don't fucking see me all right i'm not uh i'm not an expert i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about that's what this podcast is it's near on the line you know i mean it's just us like best friends having a phone call so imagine talking to your best friend about narcissists you don't have to be qualified to do that i mean i'm getting all sweaty getting all stressed about having to do this like i should doubt myself i was like you know what maybe she's right maybe i shouldn't have played this episode like maybe

who do i think i am like do i know enough about this topic no but i'm not claiming i know anything do you know what i mean i'm just here to fucking talk just here to give my advice give some opinions do you mean like i'm not actually telling you you have to take it or that it's right do you know what I mean I'm not saying what I would what I say to do I would do myself okay I'm just saying just being a mate to you guys but anyway happy Friday what's going on in your lives who's getting out this weekend I was gonna go out this weekend but I've changed my mind well I haven't changed my mind I wanted to go out with my sister but she had had three children, selfishly. And now we need babysitters if we want to go out. And she can't find one. So I'm going to stay in.

I mean, I do have other friends. But that was my original plan. So unless I make plans with my friends to go out, then I'm staying in. But that's okay. I like nights in. Like, I don't feel like a fucking loser when I stay in every weekend. You know what I mean? Who's going out, though?

Maybe have a drink for me. Maybe that'll make me feel less sad although I could have a drink at home do you know I don't need to drink to have a good time I don't who can go out sober I remember Joe Weller was talking about that that he was out in a nightclub and he he like wasn't drinking and I just this might be really like dumb and like maybe quite shallow of me to say but I just can't imagine that that I just can't imagine stepping into a club I can't imagine stepping into a club at my age to be honest I'm I've outgrown it not that there's like anything wrong with clubbing when you're past 25 do you know I mean there's plenty of people that actually have the balls to do it I just I'm not one of those people like i don't have fun in a club and i haven't ever since i was well born i just have never enjoyed nightclubs does anybody actually

enjoy clubbing like clubbing like sweaty dance floor do you actually enjoy that just out of curiosity because i i never have i've enjoyed like going to the bar and getting yay jersey and smashed up but like i just can't remember the last time I went to a nightclub and was like what a great night I I have no regrets about all the money I spent do you know what I mean maybe it's just not for me maybe I just need to accept that there's nothing wrong with that I don't need to feel bad about it because I'm 25 and I don't clubbing isn't my thing I don't need to feel bad about that I just don't enjoy it but anyway this is totally off topic this is totally topic. I'm here to talk about narcissists. So I put up some Instagrams saying, you know, like send me in anything you want to talk about

in particular, any particular topics that you want to brush over, anything in particular that you want to talk about. You want to, you have any questions? Because at the end of the day, I am an expert. I am a mental health specialist. at the end of the day i am an expert i am a mental health specialist at the end of the day i'm a psychologist i did i do have a degree in psychology as we know do you know what i did actually think about doing a degree in like um psychology around relationships and stuff because i was like maybe that would make me more qualified to actually have a fucking podcast about it. But I just never revisited the thought. You have to pay for that, you know. Like if I wanted to do like a level two or level three diploma in psychology, mental health or whatever, I have to pay.

And, you know, it just sort of turned me off the idea. I was a bit like, oh, you know, maybe it is. Maybe that is my niche that I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe my niche is that I am unqualified. Why would I ruin that by spending 300 pound on a course you know when I could spend 300 pound on pretty little thing or uh I don't I can't actually think of where I shop at the moment I haven't been shopping online in so long I should do that it's good for the brain it's good for the body do you know what I mean it's good for the it's good for the mental health coming from a specialist okay so when i put the instagrams one of the first things that i got was um girl what is a narcissist and you know what i was i always used to hear it on like tv

shows to be like you're a narcissistic pig and i was like that sounds so powerful but like what the fuck does does that mean like what is she saying so I had I had to google myself like a couple of years back and I was like what is a narcissist and I learned that I am one I'm joking I'm joking joking I'm not um but I did learn what it is so I had a little google of what a narcissist is and I'm just going to read it out again don't know what i'm talking about let me just make that loud and clear i'm going to say this now before any of you bad rating one star she thinks she's a specialist she thinks she's qualified to talk about the stuff and she's not before you do that i admit it all right i'm just trying to be your friend i'm not

trying to be your counselor all right jesus j to be your counselor. All right. Jesus. Jesus. Okay. Narcissism symptoms and signs. Oh my God. Jesus is very serious. You know, like I thought it was just like an insult, like you fucking narcissist, fucking narcissistic pig, but it's actually like actually quite a serious thing, but we're going to get into that. Um, let me read out the definition. So narcissism is extreme self-involvement to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs of those around them while everyone else may show occasional narcissistic behavior true narcissists frequently disregard others or their feelings they do not understand the effect that their behavior has on other people it's important to

note that narcissism is a trait but it can also be a part of a larger personality disorder do you guys hear that it's a personality disorder that was news to me not every narcissist has narcissistic personality disorder christ try and saying that after a few bevvies jesus as narcissism okay as narcissism is a spectrum people who are at the highest end of the spectrum are those that are classified as npd that's narcissistic personality disorder by the way but others still with narcissistic traits may fall in the lower end of the narcissist spectrum how many times can you say narcissist over and over narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissist oh it's such crazy people who show signs of narcissism how many of you are saying narcissist narcissist narcissist right now all together now narcissist narcissist narcissist narcissist it's hard everyone if you're in public

right now and you can't you're dying to you're dying to try aren't you and you're walking around going oh you're saying it on your head narcissist narcissist you're dying to have say out loud go on who cares what people think say out loud i just think i just think you're having you're on the phone or something do you mean you got headphones in pretend we're having an argument and you're calling me a narcissist loads of times narcissist narcissist narcissist it's very hard to say it's very hard to say all right anyway people who show signs of narcissism can often be very charming and charismatic they often don't show negative behavior right away, especially in relationships. We're going to get into that. People who show narcissism often like to surround themselves with people who feed into their ego. They build relationships to reinforce

their ideas about themselves, even if these relationships are superficial. Okay, so that is the, what's it called? Summary of a narcissist, according to, what website? WebMD. According to WebMD, thank you, Dan Brennan, who medically reviewed this article. So there we go. There's my referencing, Oxford referencing. God, fuck me.

Whoever went to uni, was that the bane of your life? Right, I made a TikTok. You know that audio that was like Jeremy Clarkson when he's like, how do I turn the steering wheel? He's like, oh, I can't tell you, you have to know. And then he's like, well, unfortunately, I don't know. I made a TikTok. Wasn't that the case with teachers in uni

when you're like, oh, how do I reference? They're like, I can't tell you. You just gotta learn, you just gotta learn, you just gotta know. It's like, oh, oh thanks thanks a lot and then we all just discovered that there was a website that did it for you and we all used it but you know for my entire first year i used to reference it myself you know like in it's like um initial year website link like bullshit or like the fucking year of the book like fucking hell i was one intelligent girl back in the day no wonder i've got a psychology degree do you know what i mean no wonder i'm qualified i actually don't have a psychology degree i have

a performing arts degree equally as as credible i think personally anyway, so I've made a little notes article on my notes app about my idea of a narcissist. And also, I haven't just come up with my idea of a narcissist. I mean, I have done a lot of research into the topic. I've had my fair share of narcissist experiences in my life. And I feel like I have a good idea about ideas um what's the word signs of a narcissist I feel like I have a good idea about that um so I put it all down on some notes and I also want to shout out some tiktokers that I use for my research at BevTalks this mama is mental m-a-m-a mama I'm assuming she was probably an american honey and rebecca p fox they are the people that i watched to help me get my words out but i've written down

um the signs of a narcissist essentially because if there's anyone listening and you're in a relationship that sounds like this you may be dealing with a narcissist not that it helps really just to put a label on it and go oh he could be a narcissist doesn't really help so I'm not entirely sure what my aim of this episode is I think probably just to raise a little bit of conversation around the topic although it is highly spoken about these days um it is important that we need to differentiate between domestic abuse and narcissistic relationships because although it can be a form of both um you know a narcissist is actually a very specific thing and that's what we're talking about today it comes with a lot of abuse as well emotional abuse psychological abuse we'll get into that um but that is also a thing you know just wanted to

put that out there so number one i feel like the main sign and symptom of a of a narcissist is the dreaded, the world renowned, renowned, renowned, renowned, the love bomb. Okay, we all know about the love bomb. We've all been love bombed once or twice in our lives, okay? And let me explain to you what it is, right? Oh my God, you are the woman or man of my dreams. the woman or man of my dreams. I've been waiting for you. I have, everyone I've met is nothing to you. You are all I want. You're my soulmate. I want to give everything up for you. I will do whatever it takes to be with you. Let's move in together. Let's have children. Let's get married. Oh my God, your name sounds so good with my last name. What should we name our children? I love you so much. I know I've only known you seven days, but when you know, you know. When you know, you know, and I love you,

and I want to be with you. That's the love bomb. Okay. They are the person, you're the person that they've been waiting for. The I love you comes very quickly. Okay. With a narcissist and when we're talking about the love bomb, that I love you is, I've known you seven days and I love you. I want to be with you. I need to be with you. I need it, right? That's the love bomb, okay? They make you feel like the most beautiful, gorgeous, perfect, like the most beautiful gorgeous perfect most on the most irreplaceable person in the world right but the number one thing with the narcissist is you're fucking replaceable honey so replaceable and they will replace you quickly quick and fast and easily okay but we'll get to that we'll get to that that's how get to that. That's how it ends. We're talking about how it begins, right? So they're obsessed with you. Obsession is the word. Obsessed. You're literally thinking,

oh my God, I am something else. This guy or girl, this person is obsessed with me. I'm amazing. I'm everything this person has wanted. And number two, the next sign, it disappears. Okay, let's fast forward six months. The love bomb slowly disappears. All of a sudden, you realize, hold on a minute. At the beginning, you used to send me paragraphs. I used to wake up to paragraphs of reasons you want to marry me right used to say to me good night my sweet gorgeous angel i love you so much i am gonna go to sleep dreaming about our wedding day and the beautiful children that we're gonna have right and then before you know it it's six months later and you go to sleep to night. And you cannot help but take that personally.

You think, oh my God, he does not fancy me the same. He doesn't feel the same. He's angry. He's annoyed at me. Something, there's been a major shift in energy and it's me. Because I'm the only thing that this is surrounding. And the energy is different. And then, do you know what that does? Knocks your self-esteem. Self- is surrounding and the energy is different.

And then, do you know what that does? Knocks your self-esteem. Self-esteem's on the floor, babe. Yeah, self-esteem's on the floor. That's what they want. That's what a narcissist wants. Weak and vulnerable and needing of their validation. Yeah, babes, you heard me.

It puts you in a position to be controlled and manipulated and you feel like you need them to feel validated in your self-worth at this point they have full control over you and you don't realize it just from the love bomb that you never even asked for in the first place i didn't need you to say all the shit you said to me at the beginning but you did and i'm not gonna lie i liked it all right it's nice it's quite nice to hear yeah and then you take it away I didn't even ask for it in the first place but I've gotten used to that and then six months down the line you've just retracted it and now I feel like there's something missing in my life even though I didn't need it in the first place now I feel like that obsession is missing. And now I feel

like there's something wrong with me. Right? So now I'm, I'm anxious. I'm on eggshells. I want that back. Let me just tell you, if you're in this position, that person never existed. Okay. Wasn't real, but we'll get to that again. Okay. So that's the next step step the next sign is my exes are crazy my exes are psychos the psycho's obsessed with me they're obsessed and also there were nothing like you so you go to them but why were they crazy why were they crazy because she seems like a normal girl do you know what i mean she seems like a very beautiful kind loving girl what was so crazy about her she was crazy she didn't let me break up with her she wouldn't leave she she would she would hold me in she didn't leave me she wouldn't let me leave crazy yeah girls ain't crazy for nothing let me tell you Neither of guys, no one's crazy for nothing. Okay.

So that's the next one. And then the next, the next big one. This is a big boy, right? Gaslighting. Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you next time. store near you and safe all semester long Fido at your side what's gaslighting some of you might be saying you essentially question all reality and you question what is real you question if you're a decent human being you question if your memory is right. You question if the way that you say things is actually how they sound. You question what's right and what's wrong. You question everything because of what this person very fucking cleverly manages to do. So let me have a think how I can word this smartly. So let's talk about an argument, right? Gaslighting

is the biggest, it's in an argument usually, right? So let me think of an example, right? He's done something really painful and genuinely caused you pain and you've approached him or her, I'm saying him because I date men men so that's why i'm saying it like that women can also be narcissists let me tell you that so you approach your partner with what you did has really fucking hurt me i'm so upset and they usually start with the oh my god all you do is moan at me all you do is complain you're never happy when would you ever be happy and then you have a be happy and then you have a big argument and then you wish you never fucking said anything in the first place because

you feel so you feel so guilty and you feel so upset and then you feel like the bad guy but also they'll confuse you okay so you will somehow manage to forget what you were even arguing about in the first place why you're even feeling this pain because now you're feeling pain about something else right so you could say something like use a word or i don't know use a tone anything with him and he'll go you know i don't like it when you use that tone with me or you know i don't like it when you say that word right and then that's the issue then that's why you're arguing and you're like oh my god that was unfair of me to be fair that was that was really unnecessary and then you apologize you're like yeah i'm sorry for saying the c word i'm upset and then they're like do you know what fuck this and then they leave and you're

left there and you're distraught and you just wish you never even said anything and then you can't even remember what you were arguing about. All you know is that he's just walked out. Or she. Like I said, I'm saying he because I don't meant him. And then you're left feeling like I wish I never said anything. This wouldn't have all started if I just kept my mouth shut. I hate myself.

And then your self-esteem is even lower. And then you say sorry. And then they make you feel like you're a terrible person and then they for some reason manage to manipulate you into thinking that you were actually really wrong and what they did wasn't even bad and the thing that hurt you in the first place doesn't even come back up because you wouldn't dare bring that back up because look how it ended last time so they get away with it that's gaslighting okay that's that is another sign of a narcissist let me also add in here as we discussed at the beginning you can have narcissistic traits without being a total narcissist like you can gaslight people

without being a fucking narcissist like you can just be someone that gaslights as a form of manipulation like you can just manipulate people um to get away with such shit do you know what i mean but also i have seen that they say a narcissist tends to be a cheater as well because obviously like narcissism is about um feeling loved and feeling adored and being desired so if you feel like your partner is going to leave you because obviously typically it's pretty miserable being with a narcissist so you want to leave you know that hill that hill that song by lauren lauren spencer smith is that her name about a narcissist she sums it up perfectly if you haven't heard that song by Lauren, Lauren Spencer Smith, is that her name? About a narcissist, she sums it up perfectly, if you haven't heard that song for whatever reason, I'm sure everyone listening

has heard that song, give it a listen, because you'll be able to relate, if you've ever dated a narcissist, you'll be able to relate to that song, but I've completely gone off topic, what the fuck was I saying then? I can't even remember, I can't even remember, can't even remember i actually can't um but anyway yeah apparently they typically cheat which i don't know about and that's because their thing like narcissism the thing with narcissism is that they want to feel loved and adored so if they feel like you're going to leave because obviously you're pretty fucking miserable then they can feel that and then they'll get their backup or their your replacement ready lined up ready in case you do and when you do they've got that person there so if you have broken up with a narcissist and they've

moved on quickly do not take that personally do not think that that person is any is going to be treated any different to you that is the next thing as well i personally don't know if a narcissist can change i did ask you guys on Instagram and some girl actually sent me a DM one of you guys and was like I genuinely don't believe narcissists think the same feel the same like I don't believe you will ever be living in the same world as a narcissist like I fucking hell if you are pre-drinking on a friday how about drink every time i say narcissist how about that that's a good game isn't it anyway yeah she says i don't believe that you ever live in the same world as these people like it is another world that you just

can't understand you can't get your head around do you know what i mean so it's like when you break up with one and then you see him in his next relationship or her or her you see them in the next relationship and you think oh my god like why didn't you treat me like that all I wanted from you was just love like it's all I wanted why couldn't you stay the person that you were for six months why are you doing it for her they ain't they ain't doing it for her or him they they're not doing it because that's who they are and I don't know how to change a narcissist like I said not a psychologist I'm a singer actress podcaster shit talker yeah qualified shit talker um I'd be intrigued to know like from a psychologist point of view if you can

change a narcissist like if you can get help I'm sure you can and change those behavior traits I'm sure you can unless you have like the disorder do you know what I mean I'm sure you can because imagine just being born a narcissist like it's actually not your fault like if you're born and you have the narcissistic personality disorder that's actually not your fault and you're just going to hurt people and hurt people if you're born and you have the narcissistic personality disorder, that's actually not your fault. And you're just going to hurt people and hurt people. And you're never actually going to have a stable, happy, healthy relationship unless you can fix what's going on. And what if you can't fix it? Oh, my God.

Why am I victimizing narcissism? I mean, when you think about it like that it is actually really sad like it is sad like these are real human beings like they're not just like the devil do you know i mean wow it's a disorder at the end of the day anyway next point um yeah basically you feel like shit you wish you never spoke about your feelings um and and your feelings are the problem not not the behavior that initiates them no no no um also every argument that you have feels like the end of the relationship like you can't just have a little row a little bicker it goes so far it's always massive like it's blown up into no tomorrow

and it feels like the end of the relationship and that is so shit because every like you should be able to have an argument with your boyfriend both of you say a couple of nasty things nothing too nasty jesus christ but get a bit nasty get a bit get a bit bitchy and then be like anyway shouldn't have said that i apologize what do you want for you to say do you mean it doesn't need to be like well fuck this relationship all you do is moan at me do you mean like every argument feels at the end of a relationship when you're with a narcissist and that is so exhausting and so draining and again this is another thing that affects your self-esteem because you feel like the person you're with is willing to replace you like that

you're a piece of shit basically and if you don't act right you're gone hun you're out of here do you mean and you can't do that when you're the person with the narcissist you are in a position most of the time where you're just willing to do whatever it takes person with the narcissist you are in a position most of the time where you're just willing to do whatever it takes to save the relationship you want them to love you so much you want them to love you right and you sit there and you think why don't you love me why can't you treat me how i deserve like why can't you do this it's like i can't leave you but i don't want to be here i don't want to stay but i can't leave want to stay, but I can't leave. Do you know what I mean? Another one is that they ruin every special occasion. So birthdays, anniversaries, anything.

Well, maybe not anniversaries, but well, yeah, sometimes I suppose, but any special occasion, they ruin it because it's not a day all about them and they have to make it a day all about them they don't want you to feel all this joy they have to have control they have to have control over your emotions so when it's a happy day like your birthday it's got to be about them you need to be on the forefront of their mind so they're going to ruin it for you. It happens all the fucking time. Another one is the sex life. Okay. So with a narcissist, so many people I've spoken to that have been in narcissistic relationships always say, but the sex was amazing. Even after the relationship, they're like, but the sex was so good. And it's another form of control and manipulation so they will ignore you all day make you feel

like a piece of shit and then get into bed with you and if they have sex with you for 10 minutes i don't know how long these people last 20 minutes whatever you feel wanted by that person. You feel like I'm not invisible anymore. You feel like you can get a bit of control back. So if you feel like your relationship is just suffering and they don't want to be with you and they don't want to treat you right, you get into bed with them and you think, let's have sex. And then they're going to want to be with me and they're going to want to appreciate me. And then they're going to want to be with me and they're going to want to appreciate me and then they're going to acknowledge my existence for 20 minutes or whatever do you know what I mean and you go to like you could have an argument and they could

turn over to go to sleep right and you could come on to them try and have sex with them because that is your self-esteem being validated in that moment and then it's going to take away the rejection that I feel in that moment do you know what I'm saying does that make sense again this is not the case for everyone this is not the case like I'm sure there's a lot of people in relationships and narcissists that think I don't want to fucking touch you you piece of shit I mean do not fucking touch me you do not you don't get to ignore me all day and get into bed and have sex with me no but there are situations where you're like I just want you to feel something towards me for a minute do you know what I mean and also you feel like because the sex feels good for them and for you you feel like you have intimacy and connection, but that does not come from sex, that comes from

the relationship, that comes from every day, that does not come from the bedroom. Another one is they have a lack of interest in you just as a person, as an individual, so like they don't show interest in your work life, in your hobbies, in your personal like friends or what you do with your weekends unless it affects them. So, you know, because your identity, identity is a really hard word for me to say because naturally I'd say identity, but that just makes me sound dumb. Your identity becomes being their partner. They also sabotage your relationships with friends and family they isolate you pull you away and that puts you again in a more vulnerable position more easy to control and manipulate because you don't have anywhere else to go you don't have

anyone else who you're going to for advice or validation of your feelings you just have them and when you just have them they have so much control over you and your mind so like when you're arguing they might say things like everyone agrees with me your whole family they all agree with me they all say that you're crazy they all say that you're so emotional and you're sensitive everyone says you're sensitive and that is just isolating you from everybody else and you feel like you can't go to these people okay so that is what i came up with as signs of a narcissist you know what i mean and then i put a story up um on instagram and said what are your signs of a narcissist and a lot of you did say the ones i'm saying so i'm happy that you agree because like i

said i'm feeling a bit insecure because i am unqualified to be talking about this right now. But fuck it, I mean, somebody says promising you a future early in the relationship slash rushing milestones. A hundred percent. Like I said, they want to move in together. They they picture the whole future instantly. They could know you a month and be like let's get married like where do you want to get married what should we name our children do you know what i mean do you think we should move in together i feel like it feels so natural feels so right when you know you know i know it's too soon but when you know you know um somebody says creates arguments on special

occasions that aren't about them your birthday or christmas yep 100 agree turning an issue that they created into your issue yeah i feel like that's what i was saying about gaslighting right i'm assuming that's what you mean um making you feel bad for something that they've done yep um buying gifts to apologize is a big one i feel like that that is a big one buying gifts 100 they buy it back and also this is the thing right when you're with a narcissist they do something that causes you pain whether it be cheat on you or lie to you the lies oh my god the lies and they will do everything in the world to show you that they're sorry and i love you so much i want to marry you all that bullshit comes back up the love bomb for five minutes comes back

and you're in so much pain and you've you've been craving that love bomb for so long that he took away from or she that they took away from you after six months, that when you get it again, as a form of apology, you take it because you've been craving it. Do you know what I mean? So it's like, oh my God, they do feel this way about me. The way that they were acting in the beginning, they do still feel like this. I'm seeing it now. And that is enough reason to stay with them. Apparently, we do it. Do you know what i mean what else are you guys saying passing the blame yep 100 ruining every happy event their words don't match their actions and they always love to play the victim yep a lot of false promises

a lot of false promises um gaslighting you and making you think you're you're wrong for being upset constantly yeah it's like you're always upset you're so negative think you're wrong for being upset constantly. Yeah, it's like, you're always upset. You're so negative. All you do is moan. All you do is complain. All you do is criticize me. Be better than you prick. Do you know what I mean? They don't communicate and shut you out for having feelings. They're overly charming. Yeah, this is the thing narcissists are usually good looking people do you know i mean they have to be you don't treat people like that who aren't obsessed with you early on do you know what i'm saying um they use people if it

means it can benefit themselves a social climber status driven um no remorse whatsoever yeah again the lack of empathy and the love bomb yeah so i also said any advice for someone dating a narcissist and i really didn't want you guys to just be like get out get rid leave run but you know a lot of you guys did say that um but yeah somebody says try try and stay in as control of yourself as you can make sure you're not being told what to do just be sure of yourself you're amazing and they're the one with a problem so this is the thing I think with narcissism it's really important that you don't take it personally they're not being this way because of you like they're not being this way because they feel this way towards you and just you they are just this way and I'm almost 1 million percent sure that if you spoke to any

if you're dating a narcissist and if you spoke to their ex they'd have the same fucking stories I'm almost positive that that is the case don't try even to defend yourself as you'll be stuck in a never-ending argument respect yourself set boundaries and maintain your own independence for sure i feel like if you are dating a narcissist and you're not quite ready to leave i think try and build up your independence before you do walk away because it's really important that obviously sometimes like i said all of these points about narcissists it's not all of them in one like you can literally just have one of these things or you can have all of them in your relationship but if you have lost your dependent independent sorry in a relationship try to build that back up you know like work extra

hours put a bit of money aside um build up your relationships with your friends again so that when you are in a position where you're ready to leave you have that support your friends again so that when you are in a position where you're ready to leave you have that support system around you so that your life isn't going to fall to shit do you know what I mean somebody says talk to people around you so you can feel in control of the situation yeah 100% if you are in this situation it is so important that you are not in this situation alone um remember who you are because they're making you believe you're something you're not that is the truth like you have to keep reminding yourself that the idea this person is creating a view in your head this this impression that they're giving you that you're

this like crazy person so negative and so draining you're not that person you are not that person you're being manipulated you're being lied to and you're the person that you saw before you got into a relationship with that person so like the person that you are now I'm sure you're saying I've lost myself I don't know who I am I don't know how to be myself again you are that person you are still the person that you were before this relationship because this relationship can take a lot from you and that person you are still the person that you were before this relationship because this relationship can take a lot from you and that is just the truth you're still that person believe me now so yeah I think um I think I'm going to wrap up the episode I've met a few I've met several narcissists in my life, I cannot lie, like I think especially

in the performing arts industry, it's quite a common personality trait because if you think about it, like to do performing arts you want to be loved and adored, right? So does a narcissist, do you know what I mean? So there is a lot of narcissists in the performing industry, do you know what I mean so there is a lot of narcissists in the performing industry let me say that um but I am very passionate about the topic of narcissism because it's something that I've always looked into people very close to me it's one person in particular had a really bad experience with a narcissist and we talk about it a lot and we talked about it recently and I was like that is a great idea for a podcast episode, I would love to talk about it, I felt like you guys would really love it as well,

and you did, when I mentioned it on Instagram, a lot of you were like, that's a fucking great idea, and I can't wait to hear what you say about it, so I hope you guys enjoyed this episode, please take it all with a pinch of salt, like I said, I don't really know what I'm talking about, and this is all general, like I'm not saying your relationship is like this if you're with an artist it will be like this every single part of what I'm saying is going to be the case like you could have you could relate to one tiny part of this do you know what I mean or you could relate to the whole fucking thing and I could have literally just described your entire relationship but either way I'm sending you all love and remember that you're amazing. You are strong. You do not need anyone.

And that is the truth. Okay. Like you really don't, you really don't need anyone. Your self-worth should never be determined by anybody else. Let it be determined by you. And you know who you are as a person, you know, you have a good heart, you know, your intentions are good. And think of the person you were before this relationship, because I know you probably don't like who you are right now you probably don't like i don't know feeling the way that you're feeling and just remember that that's not uh that's not a reflection of you as a human being you are in a very very very painful difficult situation and you're amazing talk to your friends and family um talk to me like send me a dm you guys know my dms are always always open send me a confession oh confession i

mean yeah definitely send me a confession send me a dilemma leah on the line at gmail.com or go to the website in my bio at leah on the line and send me any of your dilemmas if if there's anything you guys want to talk about anything that you want my take on. You guys know I'm always here for you. And if you feel isolated. And you feel alone. Just know you're not. Like put my podcast on.

And I'm there for you. Do you know what I mean? You're not alone. I get it. I get you. I'm here for you. Listen to me. Let's have a girly chat together.

Twice a week. And take you away from whatever it is that you're going through and whatever is your feeling because I love you and I care about you and I want you to know that I am actually there for you do you know what I mean you know what I mean okay I love you guys so much I will speak to you I may do a bonus episode on Sunday we will see if I can get around to it but hopefully I will and yeah I will talk to you if not on Sunday then on Tuesday and I hope you have an amazing weekend if you're going out don't text your ex text me instead and have the best time be safe make bad decisions so that you can send me in confessions for the confession diaries all right I love you so much and I will see you in a few days

all right i love you so much and i will see you in a few days all right i love you hi it's fido start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long.

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