Leah on the Line - Bonus 22: SPILLING THE TEA!! I almost went on Love Island...

Episode Date: November 4, 2022

Hi babes! In this Q&A I answered all of your burning questions and it was JUICY. Did I spill too much? Maybe oops oh well you guys are my best friends. From anxiety chats to all the tea about my boyfriend and how I almost went into CASA AMOR... I hope you guys love the episode. You're amazing and thank you so so much for all of your support, it means so much! As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Leigh on the Line. How are you? What's going on in your lives? Happy Friday. So today we are doing a Q&A episode. I don't know what I'm going to call this yet. Q&A, something about life update. Who knows? Honestly, who knows? I did something really fun today. I went and recorded a podcast with two lovely girls called Jess and Bella who run the No Girls No Fun podcast and I'm on it how's that is hello yeah I'm here I'm a guest it was weird it was a weird experience not just like you know chatting my fucking life away do you know what I mean honeys but I really quite thoroughly enjoyed myself it's so much fun it's like a really similar concept to Lear and the Lion so I felt right at home to be

honest hun felt right at home but honestly I've missed you guys so much, I'm so glad to be home where I belong with you, do you know what I mean, oh, so scary, right at my comfort zone, do you know what I mean, but I hope you're all okay, happy Friday, what are your plans this weekend, by the way, it's Black Friday month, I'm already building up baskets of what I'm gonna buy, and I'm just gonna pray to the lords that when I open these baskets on Black Friday it's just going to be really really cheap do you know what I mean I'm so excited I love a bit of shopping I need to do my Christmas shopping I need to be smart about this do you know what I mean I need to think ahead I have no idea what I'm going to buy people this Christmas honestly I have no idea like I don't

even know I don't even know where to begin it's so too much so too much I will figure it out because I always figure it out do you know what i mean every year every year but hopefully um my sisters were uh are done having kids for a few years because christmas is just getting more and more expensive it's getting more expensive i've got one niece and three nephews to buy for honestly but we do a secret santa in my family with all the adults so life's a lot cheaper when you do that honestly highly recommend it and it just makes it way more fun because it's like we're all adults here like we don't need like a big sack of presents from everyone do you know what I mean it's nice to just have like one bag of presents and we all do it together on box and day and you have to like figure out who had you and last year well the first year um the drawer got messed up and I actually ended up with zero

presents on Christmas day so that was gorge and then last year um we all bring the sacks down one by one but like you don't bring down the sack that you bought because like then it's obvious like you just all chuck them all down randomly and then mine got handed to me the one the sack with my name on it and it was this tiny tiny little bag twisted up to the top like we all put it in like big black bin bags and they're usually like pretty full but mine comes out with my name on it and it's just as tiny literally as like a fucking tesco carry bag basically and i was like wow aaron had me my brother and he definitely did well i know he did he told me he did because we tell each other after anyway this is literally the most boring pointless story let's just get straight into the questions love you guys so much hope you're feeling good

hope you're happy i love you so much let's get into it okay first of all thank you so much to everyone that sent me questions um love you guys more than anything i'm just going to kick off with this one somebody says are you at your happiest love you love you too i wouldn anything. I'm just going to kick off with this one. Somebody says, are you at your happiest? Love you. Love you too. I wouldn't say I'm at my happiest. I definitely would say that I'm happy. Um, but I'm not at my happiest because there's things in my life that I really just want to achieve and I don't know how I'm going to do it. And I'm, I'm very stressed. Like even though I'm happy and I'm surrounded by good people and good energy, good vibes, peace and love, I'm just stressed because I'm like, right, what the actual hell am I doing with my life? At the same time, just happy to be here, hun. Do you know what I mean?

So yeah, I'm really happy, but I wouldn't say I'm at my happiest because there's so much I want to tick off, so much I want to say that I have achieved and I'm not there yet but that's okay I am getting stressed about the fact that I'm 25 like honestly I'm just not where I wanted to be at 25 but at the end of the day age is just a number do you know what I mean anyway next question um my biggest fear I feel like a lot of you guys know this my biggest fear is death and just like terminal illness like it is really quite terrifying I have health anxiety so yeah just it's gorge really just constantly so that of it it goes up and down a lot of you guys want me to do an episode on it which

I 100% do but then I feel like there's obviously so many of you that can't relate to that and you know in which case I'm very happy for you I hope you can never relate but yeah if that is something you want let me know because I can talk about it all day and I'll talk about on TikTok quite often um but yeah it comes and goes it's up and down I'm 99% of the time in control of it but then I might just have the odd day maybe I'll be a bit triggered by something whether it be like an advert on telly or a film or a story someone's told me or it can literally just be that I'm stressed about other things in my life and then I find my anxiety just that little bit harder to keep under control do you know what I mean but yeah basically it's a quite a long story like how that all came about

with my health anxiety and stuff but I'm more than happy to get into it if you guys want an episode on like mental health anxiety health anxiety in particular because that's obviously the one thing I can talk from experience on so let me know guys um next question is the podcast your only form of income so nosy of me I don't mind the nosy questions I did say on the story like be as intrusive as you want like I really don't mind um no so it definitely is obviously a source of income but I would literally do it for nothing I'd pay to do it but um yeah and also just social media really which I'm just so happy to say that that is what I do for a job like you guys know when I started this podcast I was literally like working two jobs at once well I was actually unemployed on the side of the podcast but I was

working a few months into it I was working at two different bars one like pub one cocktail bar scraping on TikTok wherever I could because I'm very fussy with the brand deals that I do I always have been like I'll never do a brand deal with a brand that I haven't either used before or haven't always wanted to use or try or isn't something that I genuinely already love so yeah it just meant that that's why I always worked in pubs and bars because it was like yeah I probably could have made it on social media like made my full-time income on social media if I just took every brand deal that came into my emails but I would just was never I could never like I just only ever wanted to work with

brands that I truly loved which was always harder to do because obviously I'm such a small creator so but yeah I have management now who I absolutely love um and this podcast like I said I would do it for nothing I'll do it all for nothing I've I've only ever done it for nothing do you know what I mean you don't make money from the beginning you start it because you love it so yeah I mean you know I'm not I'm not like a fucking load it I'm loaded I'm a influencer I'm really rich I wear designer clothes like no babe no I'm absolutely not there but I just love it I'm happy my main focus in life is happiness being around happy energy good people people that love me people that I love people that protect me and look after me and make sure that you know their intentions are good and vice versa that's literally my number one thing in life

um I've just chased happiness all my life and I will continue to do that so yeah literally irrelevant so shut up and next. Most of them were literally this. Tell us how you met your boyfriend and where he's from. He sounds Yorkshire. So I met him in June. Yeah, in June. I was just scrolling through TikTok and he came up on my For You page. I can't even remember which TikTok it was. And I was like, stunning, handsome, gorgeous, perfect, sexy daddy. I was just like, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I want a piece of that. And then I went on his TikTok because I was convinced instantly that he was American. Like, I don't just I don't really we don't get boys as fit as him in the UK like we just unfortunately we don't like it's rare if you don't mind me saying and I went on his TikTok and I was

like like this boy doesn't even speak does he even have a personality like it was just all like that they're very posy TikToks like nothing wrong with that you know love yourself babe I love I love that you love yourself but um yeah so I was just like trying to figure out like trying to suss out where he's from and then I found one TikTok where he did the thing where you like write relationship rules on your notes and then do the green screen and talk through them he's like relationship rules of yours truly and I was like he's not one he's not one and I love northern accents you guys know I've said it all the time like I've always loved a northern accent so not only was he from the UK but he was northern I was at get me on that Instagram I went straight over to his Instagram

and I said in his DMs and you know what I'm not ashamed of it I'm not shamed shoot your shot and I nearly just couldn't even spit that out then shoot your shot girls I've said it since day one and I'll stand by it yeah you have nothing to lose by telling someone you fancy them like worst case scenario is they don't reply then what never mind you just tell yourself they never saw it you know so that's my this is your sign to slide into his dms now and say not my boyfriend's dms not my boyfriend's not his to your crush slide into your crush's dms anyway i can't remember what i said but something like i really hope you don't have a girlfriend but like i fancy you basically and then he replied within like seconds i was like oh bit keen

he replied within seconds like haha no i don, I don't. What did you say? Did you say you fancy me too? Yeah, something like, oh, I fancy you too. And I was like, good. And then we like instantly started joking about how like we're soulmates. And like we're just meant to be together. And then we were just chatting on and off. Not on and off, sorry.

We were just chatting casually for like a couple of months because I had something else going on not with another person but there is a question on it so I will answer that in a whole separate question so stay tuned shortly but anyway we're like taking it very slowly we had to be casual about it and I'll explain why in a minute um and we were just like FaceTime all the time we met up I think it was like a week after we first started talking because I was just like fuck it like we get on so well let's just like go out and go on a date anyway had a great time and I was just like I don't think like it's gonna be anything like he's just like really fucking fit but like way too fit for me I was way too insecure to even

imagine him wanting to be with me I was like no I'm ugly ugly ugly ugly dog ugly dog and and then and then we just carried on talking and talking and something else happened which again I'll touch on in a second and then yeah before you know boyfriend girlfriend and she's my girlfriend but anyway let me skip to the next question let me try and find it because somebody hit the nail on the head with it I don't know how you figured it out I think it was through TikTok live here it is tell us the love island story okay so I've never spoken about this I mentioned it briefly on here but and I mentioned it briefly on TikTok but I've never actually touched deeply into the story and you know what I'm willing to spill all the tea right now okay so it was really soon after I came out of a relationship and I got talking to a producer

from ITV because I don't know if I've even mentioned this on on here before either but i did the voice um i got onto the blind auditions didn't get any chair turns but like whatever i don't mean whatever and then um one of the producer not producers one of the casting directors from the voice we ended up chatting about love island and then he was like i can set you up on a zoom call tomorrow and because i was like in such a fuck it stage of my life I was so ready to just like take any opportunity I remember saying on my podcast around this time like I'm gonna take the next opportunity that comes my way I don't care what it is like I'm not saying no to anything like I'm in such a strange position in my life like I've just moved home I haven't been here very long and I'm just

like I can't stay here I ain't staying here not I am I love it here but I was a bit like I'm just gonna take any opportunity right so I hop on this zoom call with a guy who I ended up recognizing because he was there when we filmed The Voice and I was like oh I remember you blah blah and we were chatting chatting and I remember that when I met him at The Voice he was telling me that he works for Love Island blah blah and I was like oh that's so crazy like what a full circle moment like who knew I was gonna be here because you know when I saw you last time I had a boyfriend now I'm on fucking zoom with you talking about coming on to Love Island anyway just had a little chat had a little flirt that's what they make you do and then um literally within two weeks I went through all of the process which let me tell

you it's intense like I was really rushed through because I was so last minute like people have been um auditioned for Love Island since like Feb January Feb and I was being put through in like May um so yeah I had to like go to London and like, they give you a fucking, like they pick you up on a car and then you get taken to ITV studios and you have to dress up really glam. And then like, you go for your health assessment, you have to go through mental health assessments, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway. So this is where Jamie comes into the story. Oh, I just dropped your name. Oh, fuck it. His name's Jamie, right? Fuck it out. So yeah, I'm talking to Jamie and he's like, no, I noticed that he's followed by the guy who

got me into this Love Island process. And I'm like, ah, I see you're going on Love Island. Like I just, he's such a Love Island boy. Like I was like, they'd be all over you, hun. So I just said to him like, oh heard I heard you're going on love island and he was like who told you that and I was like bear in mind you're not allowed to say any of this so uh if any of the producers are listening sorry um anyway I was like oh just I just heard and he was just like oh did you and I was like well I can see that blank follows you so you know like maybe that's why and then without admitting it we both admitted it like we was both like okay well I'm on hold and he was like yeah I'm on hold

so yeah we were both in the exact same position like we're both potentially on hold for Love Island but we've like literally just met each other we hadn't met in person at this point by the way we figured out all of this literally within a day um and then we're still chatting and chatting and like love island's getting a bit more and more serious and then i've said to him like i can't get into anything like i could be about to go on a date show like i need to be single ready to mingle do you know what i mean and he was really understanding he was like look it's an amazing opportunity like if it's meant to be then you won't fall in love out there and if if you do fall in love then me and you aren't meant to be and I was like yeah for sure like obviously it was such early days of me and him

that I was just like you know I'm I don't know you like I'm gonna do this anyway and and you don't hear anything for like a few weeks and like it's a bit hot and cold with the producers and you just don't really know where you stand but like whatever and then he's been basically given the impression that he's almost definitely going to go on. Like, that's how they kind of make you think. And you're like, right, I need to buy some loose bikinis. Like, I'm going on my own. And I was just like, I wasn't sure if when the offer came, I would accept it.

Because of loads of reasons. Like, I hate trolling. I'm so scared of getting hate. I can't fucking bear it. Someone even says one little thing about my nose anything I'm at I'm never leaving the house I hate myself so I was like I don't know if I'm gonna get out for this but um I just kept going through the process and like kept making sure that me and Jamie knew where we stood with each other and we weren't going to get serious between each other in case that happened so that definitely held our situationship back

which look in hindsight I'm glad it did because it meant that we had to take it slowly so anyway then I me and Jamie meet up and we go on this like gorgeous date now like have this amazing time together um was it the next day the next day I'm chilling at my auntie's in London I get a call I get a call and they're like we want to fly you out for Casa Amor and I was like fuck I was like oh my god like I've just gone on a date with someone and like I really like him but I was like you know we've only been on one date I can't like not go because I've gone on one date with this guy and then I was like right okay yeah like cool like when do I go and she's like tomorrow and I was like oh gorgeous yeah gorgeous so then I ring Jamie straight away and I'm like by the way like I've been

cool like I'm going out I'm going into Casa and he's like oh fuck my actual life because we genuinely just had such a good time together but obviously like the feelings weren't that deep because we we barely knew each other but we just clicked really well so it just felt like a shame like we was like oh it's a shame but like you know if I fall in love out there then me and you aren't meant to be you know if I if I don't then you know maybe we'll go on a second date when I get back me thinking I'm about to have like a summer of love yeah and then well I did end up having a summer of love I suppose didn't I anyway it's absolute chaos like I have to go back from from London to Somerset to get all my shit together, I have to go shopping, I have to go, I need to get my nails done, I had to do all this

shit, and then it gets to the next day, I'm shopping, panicking, freaking out about what the hell I'm actually doing with my life, like, what am I doing, and I never really wanted to do Casa, because no one likes the Casa girls, you're just a fucking, like, you're just a homewrecker. No one likes you. But I was like, fuck it. Like, what else am I going to do? What else am I going to do? Jesus Christ. So then I'm panicking, panicking. They're like ringing me saying, okay, you're getting picked up at four o'clock. Actually, you're getting picked up at 12. I'm like, I'm literally sat in the Dell shop. I hadn't 12, 12 in an hour. Anyway, panic, panic, panic. I don't even own a suitcase have to go and buy a suitcase like not one big enough anyway get picked up driven to bristol because

that's where i flew from had to go and get a last minute pcr test because my second vaccination wasn't within the time frame that they allow you to fly and all this bollocks and they didn't even fucking ask for the pcr results in the end get on this flight i'm thinking what am i doing with my life what am I doing I remember crying on the plane out there thinking I don't know if I'm cut out for this I don't think this is a good idea anyway I get to um Mallorca meet my chaperone who's really really nice we get taken to our um holding villa this sounds like bullshit doesn't it like this actually sounds like a made-up story i swear on my life this is not made up i'm so scared of swearing on my life oh my god i can't believe i said that but it is true it really is true anyway so i meet my chaperone

we go to the villa and we have to like write a shopping list like everything that we want because i'm going to be in holding for two weeks and then i'm going to go no 10 days then I'm going to go into Casa next day bearing in mind you do nothing like you you basically just told you got 10 days to chill out and get a good tan like that's that's all you got to do for the next 10 days we watch um the episodes together like you get sent them on a file and then you sit and watch them with your chaperone have a little chat and then the producers ask me for who my top three were blah blah blah and then um I was sunbathing like chilling by the pool and then someone comes into the villa and she's like hey Leon I was like oh hi just chilling loving my life. And she's like, basically long story short, she's like, we're sending you home. I was like, you gotta be kidding me. But the weirdest feeling is I felt

instant relief. And I think that says to me that I was not ready to do something like that. Like that was not for me. And I remember I was sat in the airport like waiting for my flight to go back home and I remember thinking because they were telling me like we're going to get you straight back out I wish need to go and do some more they wanted to reassess my mental health because they found old social media content where I spoke about my health anxiety even though I'd already told them about it but like that's fine I totally understand they have to do the make sure that they're fully researching because of like obvious reasons so I was like yeah of course and I you know you kind of appreciate that oh I mean I didn't appreciate

being flown home after 24 hours but anyway um and then I remember being sat in the airport ready to go home and I was like I I don't if they do ask me to come back I think it's gonna be a no like I wasn't sure um so anyway I fly home I say to Jamie like panic over take me back I want to go on the second date like I was like I'm not going and his head's fucking fried mate like scrambling all over the place he's thinking great I've just met this girl we've just got on like a house on fire now I'm about to go see a snogging boys on tv and I was like yeah pretty much um and then I had to like do another um assessment with their mental health team they had they like spoke to my mom and asked my mom all these questions which is good like it's good that they do it and then they never spoke to me again I never heard from them they didn't even say you're we're not going to bring

you in anymore like I got ghosted I actually got ghosted but luckily enough I'd made up my mind and I said if or when they reach out to me I'm'm going to say thank you. But you know, I've decided and this has shown me that I'm not ready. But this is why I always say the universe is always working for you. Do you know what I mean? Like some things happen for you and not to you. Like, like they found an article from 2000 and I can't even remember what it was. Basically, I wrote a post on Facebook and they found it from like when I was 19, where I was talking about health anxiety. So it's like 19 year old Leah may have saved me from a situation that I really wasn't ready for. Like this is the universe just always working for

you. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, so then because I wasn't going on, me and Jamie continued to talk to each other, took each other a bit bit more seriously I think we just fell madly in love and now we're not and then I had a summer of love with him and it was perfect I didn't have to get trolled by anyone online but like after watching it I was like thank fuck for that because first of all all the boys in Love Island this year were actually fucking trash like I can't even lie like none of them are really decent human beings not massively decent anyway but anyway yeah that's the truth guys so you guys remember when i didn't upload an episode one day and i just completely disappeared that's why and i said to you and then i came back the next week and i was like guys it will all make

sense like i will explain it to you and then because it's been so long i've just kind of forgotten about that and then you answer you asked so long I've just kind of forgotten about that and then you asked you asked me this question I was like oh shit yeah I should probably explain myself so isn't that interesting I could have been a Casa Amor girl I probably would have hated my life to be honest because I cannot cope with negative comments so imagine Casa Amor who goes on Casa Amor if you can't go negative comments like who actually does that because I was convinced of myself I'd be all right because I was like you know I back myself I like myself I'm a decent person I'm actually kind and you know you can't help how they're

going to portray you so if people hate me then maybe I'm just being portrayed bad but who knows if I would have been strong enough I guess we'll never know because no I'm not doing it and I'm I'm actually glad but I really appreciate the strong enough. I guess we'll never know because now I'm not doing it and I'm actually glad. But I really appreciate the opportunity regardless. And I had a great time in Mallorca for a day. Had a free day in Mallorca. I loved it. I loved life.

Actually, it wasn't really free in the end because I had to pay so much money to get all the shit. Although they do pay you, so. Which I didn't know. But anyway, I'm just going to move on to the next question now, because I've literally been talking about that for way too long. Okay. Would you ever bring your boyfriend on the pod? Happy for you. Thanks so much. Yeah. I want to do an episode with him. I want to do an episode with a few people. Like I really want to get my best friend on the podcast. I want to get Zoe, my other best friend. She's done it before, but I really want to get her on another one. I want to get my mum on the podcast, but yeah, definitely will do one with him once I pick up

a second microphone. It's just something I haven't actually got around to doing because I'm a lazy bitch. But yeah, for sure. I'd love you guys to get to know him a bit better. Please can we do a Lea on the Line night out? Yeah, for sure. I was saying we should all meet up and win at Wonderland. I actually think that's such a good idea. Everyone tell me a day and let's all buy a ticket and we'll all just like go and have a beautiful Christmassy day and get drunk together and win at Wonderland. What inspired you to start the podcast? So I have always, well not always, that's bullshit. Basically, I just randomly fell in love and got obsessed with podcasts um I love the private parts podcast I love um the girl's bathroom I love call her daddy what else do I

listen to um I haven't listened to it for a while but I did like the Vicky Patterson podcast um diary of a CEO he has some amazing guests on there wow but yeah i just like really fell in love with listening to podcasts and they really chilled me out and made me relaxed and it was something i always always always wanted to do and i've spoken about it for so long and i was just constantly trying to find someone to do it with and then i was listening to jamie lang's episode about um how to start a podcast 101 or something and he was just like talking about all these things like what makes a good podcast and you know like do's and don'ts and then as I was listening I was like oh god I would do anything like I really genuinely hand on heart feel like

I'd be good at it like I feel like this is my calling in life um I had the concept I wanted like I knew exactly what I wanted to put out there I just had no one to do it with and then I actually just sat there and I thought I'm gonna do it on my own like I've got everything around me that I need to do it I'm just gonna go for it like the worst case scenario is everyone hates it and then I just go back to whatever I was doing before um and yeah that's really what inspired it like I've just always loved them and then it was genuinely that one episode that just made me go do you know what fuck it I'm actually doing it so yeah um um um um how oh I've answered that one

how did you meet um how to deal with jealous slash suffocating best friends oh my god we should do another best friend episode we should for sure do that but that's more of a dilemma so um definitely send me a dilemma on that one um how many kids would you like in the future i would just be so grateful to have any to be honest like it's such a like scary thought of for me like especially because like of all the problems I have with my periods and stuff like I'll just be happy with any but obviously if we're talking an ideal world I'd love to have twins and then like one more that would be like my dream like I'd love to have two little twin boys and then a younger girl I think that would be like the perfect little dynamic have you ever had counselingselling or therapy? If so,

how did you find it? Sorry if this is too personal. Not at all. Again, I'm happy to do an episode all around anxiety and stuff like that. But yeah, when I was at uni, that's when my health anxiety was just like rocketing. Like it was just huge. It completely consumed me, took over my life. I had disassociation so bad that I couldn't even like because I went to uni in Cambridge so everyone cycles around around Cambridge that it's just like everyone cycles and I remember like I'd be out cycling to uni and I would just be completely disassociated and I'd get to uni and be like how did I even get here like I don't even know what's going on and then like I'd be stood talking communicating having a conversation with somebody and it's like it wasn't

me like it was like I was wearing a mask on the inside all I could hear was like and on the outside I was like yeah yeah yeah so cool it was the weirdest feeling and I was just petrified like I couldn't eat I lost so much weight where I was just like constantly anxious and just felt so nauseous and so sick all the time um and then I spoke to my mum about it and she was like we'll reach out to your uni and see what support they they can offer you um and my friend at the time was going through counselling at uni and I was like oh my god gorge like help me so I literally just sent an email and I was like hi like please help me and then I had to go in and like just fill out a couple of forms and then I had like a like just a mini meeting really with somebody and they was asking me what's going on

and stuff and then they referred me with a counsellor and I had six weeks of counselling for uni and I honestly think it saved me like it's so dramatic but like it just brought me back like it's the weirdest thing I can't even explain it to you but I used to love it I would literally look forward to seeing her so much I'd sit in that chair and I'd be like oh god babe if I've been excited to see you Jesus help me now and I think the reason counselling helped me because it doesn't work for everyone for so many people it's just like this is not for me at all but for me I was at a point of desperation I would literally look my counsellor in the eyes and be like you have what it takes to save my life like please help me I'm losing my mind and I think because

I really felt like I lost control of my mind it gave me a sense of control like it was the weirdest thing like just sitting down and making the decision to turn up to a meeting every, like once a week for, for an hour, it gave me that control and it was me taking back the control. Do you know what I mean? And she did some amazing stuff in my council. And again, can definitely get into this in an episode. Let me know if that's something you would want. Um, and yeah, I've learned some great therapy techniques over my time so yeah I did and I absolutely loved it and it really really helped and I learned so much about myself not because we didn't really even just talk about health anxiety in fact we didn't really talk about the health anxiety until like halfway through our sessions so yeah very very interesting absolutely loved it um how do you keep your independence in a

relationship it's something I struggle with um so I this is my first time where I've made a conscious effort to do it like it's the first relationship I've ever been in where I've made sure that I'm a priority to myself and I think that's that's how I do it like I am prioritizing what I know I need which is independence and um the strength to be alone do you know what I mean so I never want to feel like I need to be with someone ever again like I just when I'm with someone I want that to be because I I want to be with them and because they make me happy and vice versa so it's just become become a massive priority to me to make sure that all the things I had before this relationship didn't get neglected and was still equally as important um and I wouldn't make all these sacrifices

for the relationship you know obviously you make sacrifices but I wasn't gonna sacrifice my career and I wasn't gonna sacrifice my relationship with my friends and my family um and what I felt like was best for me but at the same time I am still doing what's best for the relationship so yeah I've just I don't know maybe it's because I found someone that it just works with I'm not sure um but I think I lost my independence previously because I lost myself and because I was so upset a lot of the time not just in the relationships but because of my situation in my life in the jobs I was working so you just neglect yourself because you're just unhappy with the life that you're choosing and like I was unhappy with so many different areas of my life whereas like this

time around I'm just so cautious of not making the same mistakes that I've made previously so yeah I don't know I just I'm I'm I'm more important to myself now than I've ever been I think that's what it is like I care about myself more than ever and I have more love for myself and more respect for myself like I just think everything I've been through with people I just think I never want to see the person I was ever again like I never want to look in the mirror and see that girl again because she was a broken broken girl um but you know I that's no one's fault, but my own really, so yeah, I'm just cautious of not doing that ever again, because I love myself,

I love myself, I love her, okay, someone says, when is the Leer on the Line merch coming, so I'm not, I don't even know if I'm allowed to say this. I don't want to do much, much, much. Do you know what I mean? Because I don't want you guys to feel like fucking losers. Like I don't want you to be like, Lear on the line, Lear on the line. Like I want you to, I want it to more be like a friendship thing. Like I want us all have the same thing that's like between me and you, we all wear it. We all share it. It's cozy. it's a go-to comfort piece like we love it do you know what i mean like when it comes out the washer we're gonna be like yeah like that's what i want like i just want us to all be matching besties like cozy but so cute

but still leo and the lion relevant you know um and i don't want you to feel good in it. So that's all I'm going to say on that one for now, for now. But all I'm saying is I love you guys and I can't wait to be matching. Best, best friends for life. Um, okay. This one says, what is your best piece of life advice? piece of life advice. So my piece of advice I always come back to is from my mum, which is the book, but it's feel the fear and do it anyway. Like I live by that because I'm such a comfort zone person. Like, listen, I was that kid that I would get all dressed up. My sister would curl my hair for me, do my makeup for me. My mum would get me a nice cute outfit together to go to the school disco I would show up at the door feel like uncomfortable and like and it was like I felt unsafe and like I just I was such a comfort person I wanted to be with my mum all the time I didn't

even like sleeping at my friend's house I was that kid and I get to the door to go into the disco and I literally just turn around and be like take me home I don't want to go in and I would not step out of my comfort zone ever um I didn't do GCSE music because I was petrified of singing in front of people and then I had a lot of regret like when I got to uni I was so pissed off that I'd been so fucking shy throughout college and I you know gave up all these opportunities out of fear that I was like fuck that like actually fuck that um and when it came to auditioning for shows and stuff and I cannot tell you the stage fright I suffer with my my stage anxiety is next level like it is insane and my mum always used to say to me feel the fear and do it anyway and I remember I read a quote about audition nerves and it was like if you can't um if you can't get past the nerves just do it scared

or something like that and it's so true so now whenever I go to an audition which at the moment is very rare but whenever I go to an audition I don't even try and go oh my god why am I so nervous just don't be nervous if god take I'm like yep you're nervous but you're gonna go in there and you're gonna sing and you're gonna be shitting yourself internally but you're gonna get through it and you're gonna just feel the fear and do it anyway do you know what i mean because that's how you get through these experiences to lead you to the amazing opportunities so that's my life advice to do things continue to do things that scare you and push you out of your comfort zone and yeah i love you guys remember that someone says what is your skincare routine so i've really stripped back my skincare routine I used to be a 10 different bottles from the ordinary like all of the products under the sun

all the different serums and now I literally I take off my makeup with a cleansing balm and then I wash my face with like a really gentle cleanser and then I use my skin and me and then I put on a moisturizer my favorite moisturizer at the moment is the Inkey List Omega Water Cream it's so light and makes your skin looks like actual like glass put it on before your makeup you won't regret it honestly this isn't an ad I've worked with them but I'm not being paid to tell you this like I genuinely fucking love the product and their oat cleanse and balm literally stunning melts your makeup off like a dream um and yeah the skin and me i worked with them as well but i really wanted to try them because i saw sophia and chintzy talk

about them and i was like that is the sickest concept i've ever seen like you literally you fill out this sounds like an ad it really isn't god i wish i really want i really want to work with some brands on the podcast to be honest i could do with it but anyway skin and meat it's sick you fill out like a um form online and you put in like your skin type your skin concerns skin goals and they like get all their little elves together put all the ingredients your skin needs by percentage in a bottle and post it to you every month so So now, when I just went on holiday, rather than taking all these bottles on holiday, I just have this one little tube and a moisturizer and a cleanser and I'm good to go, hun. So that's my current skincare routine, babe. That's my current

skincare routine. Not an ad, I promise. I promise it's not an ad. Whoa, who do I sound like then? I promise. Oh, I sound like Dharma. You want to come over and dissect it with me? Hey, I got another one of those pigs in my bag. You want to come over and dissect it with me? Who's seen Jeffrey Dharma? Oh my God, it's crazy. Those poor people, honestly. Poor families. It's awful. That really triggered my health anxiety, honestly, because I was so confronted with the idea of death it just freaked me right out darling freaked me right out but anyway I'm gonna wrap up the questions there because we are approaching quite a long episode considering this is a question one and I feel like there's only so long you guys can hear me talk about myself it gets very boring doesn't it

but yeah let's wrap up the episode. All right. Thank you guys so much for sending me in your questions. I feel nervous that I just told you all the stories. God, you got all the tea. You got my boyfriend's name. I mean, most of you figured it out on TikTok, let's be honest. You got my boyfriend's name.

You got the Love Island tea. You got the whole story of how we met. Honestly, that's all my secrets. I'm stripped bare right now. Stripped naked. Naked. I'm not naked. Anyway, I love you guys so much. This was so fun. Very intimate. I do love how personal we get because I really want you guys to understand that we are best friends like this is not a joke to me I need you guys to know that we are genuine friends like you guys can know everything about me there's no secrets there's none like nothing I don't tell you so yeah no of course there are there's definitely boundaries that you put on social media like I'm not going to tell you guys things that I wouldn't be comfortable but to be honest I'm an open book like there isn't much that I feel like oh my god I hope no one ever hears that about me like to be honest I'm gonna I'm gonna um whoa I just like got stuck on repeat like there

was a scratch in the disc do you remember that back in the day when there's a scratch in the disc and it would just be like do you remember do you remember that crazy anyway oh i really want to go back through my um old baby photos and stuff get all nostalgic but i feel like i'd look at them and be like who is that who is that do you know what i mean do you guys recognize yourself when you look at photos of yourself because when you actually think about it yeah we're not supposed to like it's not a natural thing to look at yourself as a child like we're supposed to just have memories we invented cameras and printing out photos like you it's not a natural thing to see yourself as a child so we're probably not supposed to are we weird when you think about

it's quite weird but yeah honestly love you guys so much thanks so much for all your questions thank you for listening make sure you leave a review or rate it on spotify if you have time i love you guys so much it means the whole world you have no idea how much it helps um i hope you have an amazing weekend if you're getting drunk don't text your ex text me instead and i will see you on tuesday for a brand new episode sending all your dilemmas sending your confessions and yeah have the best weekend i love you guys so much i'll see you on t weekend i love you guys so much i'll see you on tuesday i love you