Leah on the Line - Bonus 39: FRIENDSHIP DILEMMAS!

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

Hey besties! Today we are discussing all things FRIENDSHIP. From supporting a bestie in a toxic relationship, to competition within friends, to feeling like an outsider and more. I really hope you enjoyed this episode and please remember you will always have a friend in me!! Thank you for all the love and support on the podcast, you mean the world to me. As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leah on the line happy friday happy friday everyone happy friday hope you're feeling really really good this episode is going to be all about friendships it sounded like I was about to go this episode is sponsored by I wish darling I bloody wish no this episode is going to be all about friendships no listen I'm 25 years old I have struggled with friendships all my life and I'm not scared to admit it because I know I'm not the only one okay I hear it from you guys all the time. It makes me feel a lot better. So I thought, you know, we've done a friendships episode before, but this is just going to be pure friendship dilemmas because, you know, we're always open to friendship dilemmas on the

Tuesdays, but they are typically about relationships. So I thought let's give some attention focus to the struggle of friendships because the struggle is real okay so yeah i hope you're all feeling really good today what do you have planned for the weekend what do i have planned for the weekend honestly not that much but you know let's just see where where life takes me hey the world's my oyster a bit pissed off about the sun comes and goes do you know what i mean it's given hot and cold and i'm not too sure where where i stand but that's okay happy that it's not as cold anymore it's definitely not as cold and I will take that okay I was sat out in the sun yesterday drinking a malibu and pineapple juice loving my life okay so I'll take it if it's one day out of two weeks it's better

than none do you know what I mean anyway I hope it will feel really really good if not hopefully you'll feel a little bit better at the end of this episode or worse if we all just end up thinking fuck i have no fucking friends anyway we're all in it together and i hope you enjoy let's get into the episode thank you so much for listening to leah on the line remember to leave a rating on apple podcast and spotify and hit the notification bell you can send in your confessions and dilemmas to leah on the line at gmail.com and follow me on socials at leah on the line and at learontheline to see visual clips of the podcast. I love you. Enjoy the episode. Okay, everyone. Welcome. Settle in. Settle in. Find your seats. How are you? I hope you're all doing really well. So friendships. Okay. The fucking struggle. Let's just talk about that. I'm going to tell

you my experience in secondary school, high school, if you're American. Would you call it in Australia? Probably high school. High school? I don't know. Who knows? Well, you guys probably know. Anyway, so I went to a secondary school that basically didn't give a shit about bullying. was just like do whatever you want we're not looking you tell the teacher and they go stay away from them I've tried do you think I haven't tried that what a brilliant idea miss Lewis thank you thank you I was just following around all day and she was just bullying me no okay terrible advice they didn't give a shit but anyway so I started secondary school obviously in year seven and I met this girl who wasn't from my primary school I've never seen her

before but I was just like oh you just know like for some reason I looked her and I was like I'm terrified I'm terrified of her and I was like let me befriend her what a brilliant idea then I'll be safe anyway some of the people that I went to primary school with and was friends with in primary school were way smarter than me and thought I'm gonna stay away from her she looks like she's gonna make my life hell so they were safe well for the most part but anyway I befriended her along with like four or five other girls and there was just like a group of us right and she was that girl that was your quotation marks best friend. Yeah. But she would pick a victim one day at a time. Who was it going to be?

And when it was you, fuck me, was it hell? Like it is, it is hell in there. Okay. It really, really was. So let me just give you an example i did tell the story on my tiktok but we'll name the girl we'll name her tina okay i'm gonna call her tina not that tina's a bully name tina's actually quite a nice nice girl name but we'll go with tina for the sake of it and let's find another name so in the friendship group out of the ones that weren't bullies let's go let's go, let's go with Ginny. Okay. We'll just go with Ginny because you know, it's a cute name. So this is what she's, Ginny got it bad. Okay. I will admit she probably had it the worst out of all of us. I don't know

what it was for Ginny, but Tina did not like Ginny most of the of the time okay so we do like pe right and ginny would be on the trampoline because we did trampolining for some reason like and when i tell you we did trampolining right we'd all stand in a circle around this trampoline and one at a time we would just bounce on this fucking trampoline like you just bounce it's not like yeah do a couple of you bounce you jump up and down up and down up and down next next off you get off you get ginny it's weird as fuck right whatever but ginny will be bouncing away on this trampoline and then tina would be like oh my god look look at her skinny arms her skinny legs like absolute violation disgusting about her body just about her face and like Ginny can hear

her she knew that but with Ginny's face like she just would always look like she wants to break down and it was so scary the teacher would do nothing and then you think if the teacher's not telling her what the fuck's gonna happen to me if I tell her and then you you go on the trampoline and you're next and fuck me it was so scary right and then you'd come out you'd go in the changing rooms and like this is one of the things she did to me so like every now and then you had to stay behind and help tidy up and stuff like put all the cones away and like once when i was putting all the cones away i come back into the changing rooms and all my school uniforms gone and i was like it's obviously tina like she fucking loves this like

you just know she she's in that changing room like everyone hide everyone hide leah's clothes everyone hide leah's clothes and then obviously no one wants to like everyone's so like you feel guilty and you don't want to but you're petrified you gotta do what this girl says otherwise she's gonna make your life hell right so everyone would obviously go along with it which i'm not angry at them you know i understand she was a scary girl and you just wanted her to like you because life was safer that way so anyway I'd go back into the changing rooms and all my clothes were gone and then I'd go out and I would say to the teacher like Tina's hidden my clothes

and then the teacher would come into the changing rooms and my clothes were there just sat on my seat on my hook waiting for me my school uniform and the teacher would be like just get dressed leah and then you just be like you fucking bitch you fucking bitch but obviously you don't you're just like that's really funny prank guys it's really funny but it was horrible like you just do these horrible little things like they sound so little but they were just horrible right and then i remember it got to like year 10 and we had had enough we had enough at this point and we was like all of us would get together and be like do you want to form an alliance with me and we would be like right team take down fucking tina okay

because she cannot ruin our lives anymore like to the point where she would just it was like that kind of bitchiness where she'd spread rumors like i remember she told everyone that i had nits and i was like yeah probably fucking do mate do mate probably if i can do no i didn't not in secondary school but anyway like she would just tell everyone you had nits and just like these little weird horrible like bullying tactics and then everyone was like it's got it's like fucking leave me alone can i live do you know what i mean so anyway we all formed this alliance and pe was the worst like if you know you know like PE was the worst okay and we'd all pick our little team and like these people

go together because in this big friendship group there was little duos in like within so it was like right you go with her you go with her you go with her you go with her and then tina arrives late as usual because fashionably late p will wait for you okay which it did and she arrived and she was like right leah you're going with me and i was like oh no no i'm going with jess today and then she'd be like okay well ginny you're going with me and then Ginny would be like oh no I'm going with Molly Molly's already asked me then it's like okay well then I'll go with Becky and Becky's like I'm going with Emily and it's like right and then we were shaking we were like this girl's gonna kill us all one by one like we're getting beheaded after school yeah anyway that was phase one of

putting our foot down right and then it just got to this point where I remember one of the girls in the group this is kind of a long story but fuck it you know one of the girls in the group come up to me and was like oh this girl said that like you have a really big nose and I was like I thought we were on the same team babe do you know what I mean so I went to it was lunchtime and I found this girl who said that I had a big nose who was meant to be like my my best friend basically and I was like what happened like why are you talking about me like that like that's that's Tina's job like what the heck like what the heck and then she was like i didn't say that but again i didn't say that about you and i was like okay whatever i was itchier and then i'm minding my own business hanging out with my still bestie now and tina storms over to me in the playground

she's like why did you make i need to give her a name molly why did you make molly cry and i was like what how have i made her cry don't we she said i had a nose like a coat hanger and then she pushed me on the floor well deserved i guess pushes me on the floor in front of everyone everyone's formed like this circle around me i'm just crying on the floor just crying on the floor like petrified like she's gonna kick my fucking head in and then her boyfriend at the time who was in like the year above comes over and he's like dry your eyes mate ptsd to this day if i hear that song i will have a panic attack and then jess who you guys hear about all the time still my bestie came over to me everyone else like obviously too scared to stick up for me which I understand I was

too scared as well Jess was the only one that was brave and she came over to me and she like helped me up and she was like let's go and then from that day forward that was it I never spoke to her I didn't associate with any of them and it was just me and Jess and then there was two other girls who joined us later in year 10 and 11 and we were safe we'd hide in the science block and just relax eat our lunch play games chill out and chat and laugh and i was safe but let me tell you it was hell like being in that friendship group was hell it was so petrifying you just was so desperate for her to like you and i look back and i think oh my god i wish you would just just told her to fuck off and just been like you're a bully like why did no one

tell her you you're bullying us do you know what i mean and i don't know if she even knew it i don't know if she even realized that she made us all feel like that because we like in her eyes we were her friends like it was really weird but um yeah it was so petrifying and like one of the girls actually moved schools so it was yeah it was really scary but um anyway and then a few years later I was working in Frankie and Benny's actually and I worked with like a member of her family who I got on really really well with really nice girl and she came in one day to see her Tina came in and then we were just chatting because obviously it's been years at this point like i don't hold a grudge it was just hell at

the time i also understand like people are young people have their own issues and trauma that can be projected you know i mean whatever i know the issue wasn't actually with me do you know i mean so anyway she come in and she was like just having a really bad time and i sat with her and i was like what's up like what's going on and she was like oh you know like things need to really shit at the moment and I was like it's okay like don't worry like everything's gonna be fine and then she goes don't you just really miss school and I was like absolutely positively no absolutely not some of the worst years of my life and she was like what why why I'd love to go back to school and I was like you bullied us oh but then I think she knew I think she knew that that's how she

actually made us feel because she sort of brushed it off but yeah so friendships for me have been difficult like I'm not one of those girls that's like, you know, we've been friends since school, like all my friends, we go way back. I've got one friend from school. And to be honest, she's literally the best friend I could ask for. So still grateful. But I'm always really envious of the girls that like, oh, you know, like there's six of us, we all grew up together. Like that must be so nice. But but unfortunately for me I just put myself in a really toxic situation I used to literally make myself sick in the morning so that I could have the day off like when I knew I was the what's it called like basically I was the one that no one could talk to and no one could be friends with because Tina didn't want that I would literally just make myself sick in the morning because I was like I'm sick I can't go I'm sick but um yeah sometimes it works sometimes my mom was like get your fucking ass to school and I would just tell the teachers and they would do fuck all like they would just be like stay away from her like you fucking are you serious do you not think that's crossed my mind do you think I'm

going up to her and saying pick on me or do you think she's coming up to me like I don't know she never got detention like well she did but she didn't go like she did whatever she wanted and you know looking back i just wish i just told i wish because you don't have to be horrible to someone like you don't have to mirror someone's behavior to stick up for yourself like you don't have to be like fuck off fucking bitch i wish i just said to her like why do you not realize that you make us all feel awful like do you not realize that we cry in the morning before coming to school because of what you put us through like are you okay with that and I don't know I feel like I don't know yeah I just wish I had more advice at that time of just being like just talk to her tell her how how she's making

you feel because I think back then especially because like mental health wasn't like spoken about it was either like fucking stick up to stick up for yourself punch her in the face and i was just like no no to both i've never had a fight in my life touch word they honestly scare the fucking hell out of me like you know when you're on a night out right and someone you get them girls that look at you like we looking up and i'm like i'm such a little pussy i'm just like nothing nothing i just thought you look really nice i was just looking your dress is really nice i'm honestly such a pussy but anyway that is my trauma from my history with friendships okay and i get really attached to friends as well so like the friends that i've made as i've got older like when i was at uni and i got really really really

close to this girl and I thought she was actually like my soulmate like my soul sister and like we were so inseparable and then that's jealousy comes in and I find that that's what's happened in all my friendships like there just always ends up some jealousy or bitterness or it's that sort of friendship where they don't want you to do better than them and you don't they don't want you to succeed and and like I don't know I end up feeling really low and down and in my friendships and it's really weird maybe I'm the problem no I don't want that to be true I don't think I genuinely genuinely would say I'm a good friend I really would um I try to be it's important to me that

you offer good friendships to people. And yeah, and then like my other friendship is just like, I don't know, I can't, I can't seem to hold down a friendship. I feel like, I don't know, I can't, I find it really difficult to find people that I'm really similar to. And the thing is, me and Jess, like my best, best friend now, we're not similar at all. Like if you actually put us next to each other, we don't have much in common. Like our actual life goals, our personality traits, like we're not very similar, but we just work as friends. We genuinely love and care about each other. care about each other so I don't think you need to be similar to someone to have a good friendship because like me and my sister we are total opposites we are nothing alike but we are best friends like we we just when we're together we just get on so well and you just have a good time together like same as me and Jess we don't have the same like life goals and like my idea of like

of like a successful life is not the same as hers but we have the same sense of humor we have the same morals you know we we don't find the same things basically like you know sometimes when you when you're friends with someone it's like you could joke about something and they just then that's not funny or like you have certain boundaries that they might not have. Like, you know, I don't know, but you got, I don't need to explain it. You know what I mean? But yeah, I don't think you need to be similar

to someone to have good friendships. But I do find it difficult to find people that have the same like morals as me, I guess. And like expectations and friendships. Cause I think it's easy to find mates but it's quite difficult to find friends do you guys know what I mean by that um yeah I definitely struggle with that but yeah we are going to read out some dilemmas I'm really looking forward to this obviously I've just explained my history and friendships I have friends like I've got really

good friends but just there are there are a lot of friendships in my life that just fizzled out and haven't lasted and it makes me really sad. So maybe I'm not the best person to be given advice, but I can definitely relate, which sometimes just helps on its own. So yeah, let's get into the dilemmas. dilemmas. All right, who is ready to jump in to some friendship dilemmas? Let's kick off with this one. Hey, gorgeous gal. Hello, darling. Love you and the pod so much. I literally look forward to every episode. Oh, I love you so much. Thank you. Okay, who's ready? I have a bit of a dilemma I'm really hoping you can help with me and one of my close friends have only been friends a couple of years and she's a bit younger than me anyway we get on well but I'm starting to feel like we're just not on the same page she wants to go out all the time which is fine we're both single but she only goes out to

get with guys when we go out I want to have a good time with her and she just sits there quietly until she sees someone she fancies and I just don't get it. Anyway, she's recently started acting a bit strange. For example, we were out in a club and a guy told her that he fancied me. She then started getting with him. Oh no. See, immediately I feel like she's threatened by you, you know, like it sounds, you you know it happens all the time and it's really sad but it sounds like she feels in competition with you already but we'll read on i didn't think much of it but then she did it again she always makes sly digs about my appearance and says that i'm prettier than her this yeah i think she feels in competition with you but then

says oh fuck off or don't stand next to me oh i feel weird even saying that i promise i'm not a pick me girl i would never think that about you don't worry i also confided in her about a guy i liked and the following weekend she was all over him right in front of me it's making me really uncomfortable and i don't really know what to do it seems like anytime i meet someone she's interested in them and flirts with them i even caught her messaging him behind my back and i don't feel like I can trust her anymore my other friends have told me to distance myself as it isn't healthy but I can't help but feel guilty any advice would be hugely appreciated love you bye love you okay yeah so I genuinely from an outside perspective she sounds

like she feels competitive with you like Like she is up against you. Who do people fancy more? Who can get with the most guys? And maybe she's just going through a phase where that's important to her. And obviously it sounds to you like that's just not a priority to you. It's not important to you.

Like you go out to have a good time with your friends and she goes out maybe, which I totally understand. And I think I've done that as well. Like you go out because you want to feel better about yourself. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes you go through that phase where you're're just like I'm single and I need to know people fucking fancy me okay and I don't I don't think that's a bad thing to feel like that but I think it's a bad thing when you are damaging your friendships

do you know what I mean because of it so I'm kind of with your other friends in the distancing yourself idea because look I'm really glad you have other friends in the distancing yourself idea because look, I'm really glad you have other friends because this is not a nice friendship. It sounds really toxic. I'm really, I don't know, exhausting to be honest. Like to your friend to be doing that to you is that's not a nice friend. And yeah, my advice, because if I was in your position, I think I would just take a breather. And that doesn't mean going ghost.

It doesn't mean, you know, expressing any sort of issue. I think it can just be you learn what you learn about them, who they are, what they feel towards you. And it's up to you if you're willing to accept it. You know, if you're like, I don't fucking want you in my life, then fair enough. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that because I understand her behavior is actually not very nice. So it would make sense if you were like, you know what, I'm probably better off without you as a friend. But if, if you do want to keep her in your life as a friend, I think it's okay to sometimes accept people for who they are and not take it personally. So, you know, if she's going to be in competition with you when it comes to guys,

try and get to the point where it's just like, oh God, she's going to want him, whatever. Do you know what I mean? You can have him, babe. Like, I think sometimes keep people at arm's length. You don't have to cut people off, but just understand who they are and what their intentions are so that you can like act accordingly. Does that any sense but it's totally up to you i would understand if you didn't want her in your life anymore um yeah i love you so much next time on my mom okay hey gorgeous so many of you've complimented me recently i'm feeling really gorgeous love you guys so my friendship dilemma is that one of my uni girlfriends is trying to befriend all of my home friends without even meeting them i can't tell if

i'm being harsh or if this is weird behavior but she randomly followed them all on instagram often likes their pics and will keep me up to date with what they're up to what for example let's call her ellie ellie told me that my own best friend from home was visiting her cousin in London for the weekend. I asked how she knew and she said that she replied to her Instagram story and they were talking about it. I know it's no big deal, but she knows more about my friends than I do. She often asks how they are, but because we're at uni, I never really know what they're up to anyway. Ideally, I'd want to keep my friendship group separate. Am I being silly or is this weird behavior? Do I question her about it or leave her to it? Your thoughts are much appreciated. No, do you know what? I totally

get it because it's not a jealousy thing. It's more just like, can I just have that? Like, can I just have my escape friends, you know, like the friends that are separate? Because especially when you're at uni, it's nice to have your home life and your uni life. Because when uni gets difficult, which it does, it is nice to go home and it be totally separate. So I do get it. And I don't think you're a bad person for being a bit like, oh my god, Ellie, just fuck off a bit. Like, can I just have these like can I just have this I get it I don't think it makes you a bad person at all but I also I think it's tricky because I don't think it's something you can talk to Ellie about because it's a bit like well what's the problem do you know what I mean I get it and if somebody had said that to me like can you stop talking to my friends I'd be like

what the fuck what the hell is wrong with that? So I do get it. But also, yeah, I don't think it's something you can talk about. And also, like, if you go to your home friends and you're like, can you just stop replying to Ellie, please? Like, they'll be like, what the fuck? So that is a tricky one. I mean, it's totally up to you if you feel like you can talk to her about it but I feel like if you do then just be careful but otherwise I think you might just have to like

because it's not like they're meeting up and they're really good friends like maybe just try and accept that Ellie is just like just trying to make some friends and you know what I love that for Ellie but you know it's not like they're meeting up and all hanging out without you and you're being like excluded and she's just like ran off of all your home friends. So maybe just try and think about it differently of just like, oh, that she's just being really polite. You know, Ellie is a lovely girl. She's just trying to make some friends. And I love that for her. But, you know, it's not like they're meeting up.

They're still your friends. They're still separate. They're just there's just a tiny little crossover where they're chatting. And maybe that can be OK. Do you know what it's not like they're meeting up. They're still your friends. They're still separate. They're just, there's just a tiny little crossover where they're chatting and, and maybe that can be okay. Do you know what I mean? But I do understand. I do understand. Let me know what you decide to do because I don't want to tell you what to do there because I don't want to make your situation worse. If you, if you went to Ellie and you were like, Ellie, babes, please stop talking to my friends. Okay. Stop talking to all my home friends. they're my friends, like, Ellie will feel so fucking awkward, and so will you, and probably so will your home friends, so I don't know, I think it might

look a bit too bitchy, but you let me know what you decide to do, because I'm really stuck there, I love you, next dilemma, okay, hey Leah, I hope you're doing do because I'm really stuck there. I love you. Next dilemma. Okay. Hey Leah, I hope you're doing well. I love the pod so much. I love you so much. I just wanted some advice on how to deal with friends who have different personalities. For context, I'm very loving and emotional in a friendship, expressing my love, giving compliments, saying how proud of them I am. And a couple of my friends just aren't like that I'm not saying it's a bad thing because we're just different but it makes me feel a bit sad when they don't show the same level of affection there's not much I can do the friendships are great and we have a great

time together but I'm just wondering if you've ever experienced this love you bye okay um how I experienced this I think what I have experienced is having different different relationships with different friends so like I have the friend that I will pour my heart out to whether it be a breakup or stress going on with my with my personal life or like career stresses or just anxiety you know my health anxiety my fear of death like i have that friend which is jess who will be there for me no matter what like i will pour it out to her but there are friends that i wouldn't go to for that at all so i have another friend who it's just like we whenever we see each other we just have the best time and i love you and you know

like you are one of the most important people in my life and I absolutely love and adore you. But I probably won't lean on you for emotional support. And that's okay. You know, so I think it's okay to have friends that bring different things into your life and you offer different things to them. So, you know, like there's friends that probably don't come to you for emotional stuff, but they might go to somebody else and vice versa so I think that's okay and I think it's being able to accept that not every friendship needs to be the same not every friendship needs to tick all the same boxes um and you're not expected to do that for other people either so you know I love that you're like really affectionate I love that but it's also okay to have friendships where you're not affectionate.

You just have a really good time together and you make each other laugh and you're the best distraction when you're going through shit. As well as the friends where you can offer that love and affection and it's received and reciprocated. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, I just think it's okay. And you can't, like you said, there's not much you can do about it you can't change somebody to have different ways of showing affection and different ways of communicating with friends because that's who they are and that's that's totally okay as well so yeah I love you next okay hi Leah I just need some advice I sometimes feel as though I'm the outsider of my friendship group and I'm the one who doesn't get told a lot of things. A few months ago I also fell out with one of them and it was quite horrible in the sense

that I was accused of being this really bad friend who doesn't give a shit and treats them like shit. They now act normal with me which is what I want but it's also in the back of my head what happened and sometimes I think that I'm still this bad person I got made out to be. Have you got any advice? Oh that's tricky because it's like to be have you got any advice oh that's tricky because it's like you know when you fall out someone it's like fucking hell tell me how you really feel it all comes out then I mean so I totally understand and I can totally sympathize for how it's still on your mind because it's like when someone says something in an argument or a fallout it's like well you obviously fucking feel that way just because we've made up you probably still feel that way about me and I think it's okay for you to bring

it up um I know it's probably quite a confronting thing to do but I always say this like you don't have to be aggressive or really confrontational when you try and approach someone with with an issue like it can just be like hi babe like just i just want to express this like it's been on my mind recently you know i love you as a friend i just really want to make sure that you you don't view me like that because i really am not that person i really don't want you to feel that i'm that person you know like um bring it up now that there is peace and harmony do you know what i mean and just i think if you have just another conversation where you're all friends and everyone's all right with each other you'll be able to let it go because when you hear something in an argument and then you

just make up without hearing an apology or without hearing that like i shouldn't have said that about you you know that's not true what i said i don't feel that about you i was just angry if you don't hear that yeah we might patch things up and yeah we might be all normal but you't feel that about you I was just angry if you don't hear that yeah we might patch things up and yeah we might be all normal but you still feel that about me so I think it's okay to bring it up and expect to hear you know I shouldn't have said that about you it's not true I don't feel that way about you I love you do you know what I mean so yeah I think just really gently maybe try and approach it I love you next time okay oh you're ready for this this one says hello sexy hello okay so my best friend is in a toxic as fuck relationship okay he's controlling tells

her what she can and can't wear on a night out he's manipulative she doesn't want to go out the weekend with the girls because she's scared he's going to break up with her for going to a club she never texts us girls and she's with him she can't talk to other boys because he gets jealous even in a friendly way and he talks to her disgustingly they've only been together for two months what the how the fuck is he brave enough to be controlling her like this two months into my life? Fuck off. I just don't get how she can't see through him. She's admitted that if he cheats on her, she would never break up with him because she loves him so much. Oh no. I'm always there for

her, but I'm beginning to really hate him. I don't blame you. And I've told her she deserves better and she should never let someone put her down and talk to her like that. But she just doesn't listen. I'm at the point where I'm like, what else can I say or do? Because she's upset constantly more times than she's happy. If you have any advice, that would be amazing. It is so hard watching someone you love in a controlling, toxic relationship. Because you are genuinely helpless. You can never, I say this all the time, you can never i say this all the time

you can never make someone leave you can never convince someone to break up with somebody else you can never convince somebody that they should leave you you can't do that we don't have the power annoyingly because the thing is she knows he's horrible She knows she feels like shit. She knows that it's toxic. But you stay because of the, I'm so sorry. I love you so much. Everything will get better. I will never do it again. It is the cycle.

So, you know, they make you feel like shit, whether it be verbally abusing you you telling you all these nasty things about you and it hurts and you're in pain right what's going to take that pain away them telling you they didn't mean it them telling you that they're sorry them telling you that they love you that's going to take that pain away well temporarily right so that is the cycle you go back because it takes the pain away is so much harder to go do you know what you're a fucking dick and walk away because that hurts as well leaving someone breaking up someone that hurts that hurts as well she's still going to be in pain so she just sees right i either break up with you and it hurts or you come running and tell me you love me and you're sorry and you never do it again and then i feel better and I feel loved again and I feel validated again do you know what I mean so as a friend to watch that

it's just like what the fuck can you do what can you actually do besides be there and it is hard it is draining it's exhausting and it's it's frustrating to be like here we go again do you know what I mean but I think a true friend you just are and you just do you just are there because once you're in it once you're in that toxic nasty cycle of these kind of relationships it it does break eventually and she will eventually realize you know whether that be he breaks up with her sometimes you know or whatever reason okay but i think if you can just keep doing what you know you need to do the stuff you have been doing you know remind her what she's worth really convince her you have the right to go out and have a fucking good time with your friends and if he's got a problem with it fuck him all right you'll be okay i've got you no matter what

no matter what his reaction i've got you yeah you're not on your own i think to make someone feel like they're not on their own really helps because you know i remember when i was in a similar situation it wasn't like controlling like this but it was that horrible cycle of just like you know it was toxic and what gave me strength was knowing that like I wasn't alone I had my mum I had my best friends like they all had my back when shit hit the fan um so I think if you can do that it makes you stronger it makes you feel more powerful in the situation. And I think when you feel alone and people start leaving you in your life, like your friends and your family, if they start to give up on you,

you lean on that partner more because they become all you've got. And then that gives them power. That's what they're actually trying to do by not letting her go out for her friends to a club and not allowing her to keep friendships with people and making it as difficult as as he can for her to have her own individual life and independence so I think don't let him do it like don't let him do that to you and to your friendship

um and that that is genuinely probably all you can do unfortunately it's only been two months which is so weird like how do you how are you that fucking brave that you're controlling her after two months like she's lived years and years and years of her life without you you think you can walk in in two months and you're the fucking boss piss off do you know what i mean it's so easy from the outside i get it but yeah i love you and i love your friend just give her a hug you know what I mean it's so easy from the outside I get it but yeah I love you and I love your friend just give her a hug you know like just just have these gentle conversations like I know it's hard but you're not on your own I'm with you whenever you're ready you know you're brave enough you're strong enough you have whatever it takes you it's hard because she doesn't see it but she

will be so much happier without this person without this relationship you know it's damaging hopefully for her sake more than anyone she isn't in it for a long time and he doesn't do too much damage to her self-esteem and stuff but yeah love you love you all all right guys oh friendships hey they're difficult do you know what as well we spoke about this in the friendships episode before friendship breakups oh they hurt don't they they really hurt they really really hurt but yeah I love you if you feel lonely and if you don't feel like you have many friends you have me remember that we have we have our meetups twice a week babe unless I um have a bit of a breakdown and don't upload but I've been all right with it it's been a year and I'm very proud of my consistency okay but anyway um remember guys that there is a post on my Instagram at Leah on the line that says

let's make friends and you guys can go over to that post and comment your name where you're from your hobbies your interests message each other like look at the other comments if you see someone's comment that you think oh my god she loves pottery and i love pottery and she's only up the road from me slide into her dms and say let's go to a pottery session babe do you know what i mean pottery was so random there what the hell anyway yeah that was just a little reminder I love you guys let's wrap up the episode wow I really enjoyed this episode it was really really nice to sit here and talk about my childhood traumas but I love you if anyone can relate to because I know those friendship groups in school I know they're common I know a lot of bullying actually happens within a friendship group so if any of you guys

can relate I love you I see you I feel you but yeah if you are in your 20s like me and you feel like your friendship group and your circle is really really small that's also okay like I'm also content with you know my number of friends because they are incredible friends. And I've also got all of you. Like, I don't know, we've all got each other. So I just feel like, you know, we're all lucky and grateful. And you're just amazing, okay? All of you, you're amazing.

You're amazing people, amazing friends. You have so much to offer. And, yeah, just never forget that, babe. All right? I hope you all have the most amazing weekend whatever it is that you're getting up to hopefully the sun comes out at some point because I need it as we've discussed summer is coming good memories are on the way I'm so excited for summer oh my god I want to go on 10 holidays but i have one coming up but hopefully i can book another one

who knows hey what's my stuff well it's not really if i was rich maybe but anyway love you guys hope you have the best weekend and i will speak to you on tuesday for a brand new episode all right i love you Hãy subscribe cho kênh Ghiền Mì Gõ Để không bỏ lỡ những video hấp dẫn