Leah on the Line - Bonus 40: Friendship dilemmas PART 2

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

Hi gorg!! We are back with another episode focussing on friendships! They can be really hard to navigate sometimes, especially during the period of life when we feel like we are all getting older and going down different paths. I am so happy you joined me for this episode and hope you loved it! Thank you so much for all of the love and support, it means more than anything. As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, hi everyone, welcome back to a brand new episode of Lear on the Line. Happy Friday, happy Friday everyone. How are you? How's your week been? What have you been up to? How are you feeling today on a scale of 1 to 10? So, what do I have to update you on? Oh my god, I had my lips topped up the other day, right? Got my forehead Botox topped up, yeah, keep me looking young! And I had my lips topped up. And when I came out, okay, if you've had Botox, you know you look fucking crazy when you come out because your head well wherever you get it but for me my forehead was it's lumpy like it's like big thick lumps like it's really really just it's not a look okay and my lips swell like i'm a bit of a sweller when it comes to lip filler and anyway so i come out and i'm like hiding my face i'm like oh my god

i'm so embarrassed and then all i hear is leah And I turn around and I met one of you guys. And I was like, okay, don't panic, all right? Don't panic. I don't usually look like this. I was thinking, oh my God, she's gonna think, you fucking catfish. Yeah, with your lumpy face and your stupid lips. And I was like, please don't panic.

I go, don't look like this. It's very embarrassing. And she looked at me like she was worried. Like, love you, babe. Shout out to out to you but yeah it was kind of funny I was like what a time hey um not much else to report to be honest um trying to get my mojo back really trying to figure out what it is in life that makes me happy oh do you know what I mean though I'm at that age I talk to my mom about it like I'm at the age where you panic bad about life and what the fuck you're doing and it's really getting to me but I'm gonna

keep it light I'm gonna keep it positive um we're gonna do another friendship episode today I'm really enjoying the friendship dilemmas because I feel like, especially with these, they're very relatable for a lot of us. Like I feel like it's a universal, oh, that was very loud on my ear. It's a universal thing as young women. I know guys probably do as well, but we struggle with friendships and the drama. Oh my God, the drama. So I was just like, you know, I was looking through my dilemmas and I was like we still have a lot of friendship ones to uncover here so I was like let's do another one do you know what I mean let's do another friendship one I've also come up with another cool idea for an

episode which I'm thinking we'll do next Friday and it's something I don't know what I'm going to call it maybe like the honesty episode right so I'm just going to ask you all you can only say yes or no right it's just questions where we've got to just be honest. And they might be kind of like taboo things to admit or difficult to admit or something you might not really confronted with yourself. So I'll give you an example, right? So it's going to be like, you know, do you frequently check your partner's following on Instagram, something like that. And it's just gonna be a yes or no no and we can look at what percentage are doing these things you know do you care if your partner watches porn uh i don't know have you ever catfished someone would you consider yourself toxic you know do you

seek people's validation like all these confronting questions but also taboo questions all these kind of things and i'm really looking forward to it because also I'm going to throw in the question that I've been dying to know like how many of us have filler because I think it's high so I'm going to throw that one in there as well so basically keep keep an eye out on my Instagram stories because at some point over the next week I'm going to be spamming with questions feel free to meet me if you find it annoying but I'm going to be spamming with questions where you can like just scroll through and say yes or no so any question ideas that you have

send them my way and I'll pop them up in my story as well but yeah I'm really looking forward to that I feel like it's going to be really interesting any other episode ideas send them my way and yeah I hope you've all had a really good week. It's the weekend, whatever you've had planned, whatever you have planned. I hope you enjoy it. I hope it's amazing. I hope it's a good weekend for everybody, you know? Lovely vibes. All right, let's get into the episode.

Thank you so much for listening to Leah on the Line. Remember to leave a rating on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and hit the notification bell. You can send in your confessions and dilemmas to leahontheline at gmail.com and follow me on socials at leahontheline and at leonavane to see visual clips of the podcast. I love you, enjoy the episode. Can I just say the amount of people that messaged me saying that you can relate to my friendship story from school, it was insane and it's kind of sad like when you think about it

like you think the bullies at school which sometimes they are but. And it's kind of sad. Like when you think about it, like you think the bullies at school, which sometimes they are, but you think it's the, the person that you don't talk to and the one that you avoid and the one that just picks on you for no reason. And just like every time you pass them in school, they'll like pick on you. Don't get me wrong that that happens. But also a lot of the time it's your fucking friends, friends, quotation marks. Do you know what I mean? a lot of the time, it's your fucking friends. Friends, quotation marks, do you know what I mean? But anyway, this is not about bullying. We have some cool, juicy dilemmas. I'm really looking forward to get into them. So let's just dive straight in with this one. It says, help, I think I'm losing my best friend. And I feel like we've all been there with this one. When you feel a

friendship drifting, you feel like you're not the same, you know what i mean so let's get straight in hello leah just want to start by saying i think you're doing an amazing job and you're the loveliest person oh i love you so much thank you okay sorry it's a long one that's all right we got plenty of time babe so i have a best friend our friendship is very similar to yourself and jess's which is why i wanted to send this to you we're low maintenance and we just understand each other so well she is literally like family to me and one of the most important people in my life which is why i'm reaching out to you today okay i love you because we are low maintenance we have never had to worry about whether we have seen each other in a while but we always make sure we do check up on each other but recently i felt a bit neglected by her

and i feel it's always me that's messaging first or calling etc. When we do talk and I ask what she's been up to she says she's met up with and spoken to other friends on the phone etc. It's upsetting me that she seems to have a lot of time to speak to everyone else on the phone or go and see them but I seem to get blunt text replies and doesn't and it doesn't feel as though she's even interested or that I'm a priority anymore. For example yesterday I'd messaged her because I'd driven past her friend and said, oh I've just driven past so-and-so and she said, oh yeah she's on her way to see her friend, I'm on the phone turn out. But I haven't even had a message from her in weeks and she has a

boyfriend now but even when she's seeing him on the weekend she makes time and meets up with friends with him as well but I've never even met him. because of the way I've been feeling and I don't want to seem nagging or even come across jealous because that is not the case I haven't said anything to her I've just been staying quite distant recently which I know is not helping I know she'd be really hurt to hear the way she's making me feel and I don't want to lose her as a friend if you have any advice on how to approach or address a situation and how it's making me feel I'd really appreciate it love you so much love you love you more okay this is a tricky one because when you're low maintenance and you just know it doesn't matter if we haven't spoken in a while you just you just know we're besties you can call me at 4am telling me your life's falling apart I'll come get

you do you know what I mean like when you're low maintenance friends and you know it you're like my sister do you know what I mean it's it's easy it's you know low maintenance is low maintenance there's no other word for it but I think because you're feeling like this it feels um I don't really know because I feel like maybe she just knows you know our friendship is just different like we don't need to chat every day and it's just different and I think you know we've got friends where we talk really frequently and we'll make small talk and we'll make conversation just to keep in touch but with those friends like you said your version of of like Jess is you know it doesn't we don't need to like just make conversation for the sake of it

if we got nothing to say we got nothing to say you know if you need me i'm here if you're bored and lonely send me a message like if i've got some news or if i saw something that's going to make you laugh like then we'll talk but it's not like that friendship where it's like oh shit we haven't spoken in a few days like let me message her do you know what i mean so i think maybe it's just a case of like well she just knows your besties like she's she knows that that is just your level of friendship and she might be having more phone calls and texting more with other friends because that is just their friendship and it doesn't mean that she values them any more than you it's just that that's the it's a difference in relationship do you know what i mean like it's almost like with siblings like i could i talk to one of my sisters all the time and then

another my sister like another one of my sisters all the time and then another my sister like another one of my sisters we don't ever message but it's like you love them the same do you know what I mean you just have different relationships with different people and different levels of maintenance so I would I know it's really difficult but I would just try to think well this is just our friendship and we love each other and it's it's like an unspoken thing that it's like well we're each other's number one do you know what I mean but if it is really bothering you I do think you have the right to say something and it doesn't need to it doesn't need to sound like you know how you're scared of it sounding that you're jealous or whatever because it's really normal to just need a bit of reassurance

every now and then so I think you know you said that she would hate to know how she's making you feel and also I definitely do what you do where you where you feel rejected or you feel neglected and then you you you shut off and then in their eyes it's like well you're barely talking to me do you know what I mean and then they say that and then you don't really have an argument because you're like well yeah I did do that actually and it doesn't really make any sense like you've even said um you know it doesn't help but yeah i would just try to avoid doing that even though sometimes it's just in our nature to just be like well fine then do you know what i mean but i would try to avoid doing that because you know it is a two-way street um and if you want more uh communication with her then you you can make

that happen by just chatting more and deciding actually yeah we will we will have phone calls more frequently and i'm going to be the one to to make that you know start and hopefully she will reciprocate that same energy but if you do want to say something um just say it and just say like you know take a bit of accountability as well i think that helps when you approach somebody with how they're making you feel, because sometimes people can feel really under attack and it can feel unfair, especially when you know you've been distancing yourself anyway. So I would just say, like, you know, I don't know if you've noticed, but like, I have been a bit quiet recently, but I think I've just been overthinking things like how you've been like talking to and having texts

and calls of people. And then I and then I start taking a bit personally and that's probably wrong on my behalf but like I just wanted to say that to you and then she might come back with like oh no like I have noticed but like I've just assumed that that's how you wanted to do things blah blah blah and just maybe a nice little honest conversation where it doesn't have to be like do you want to be friends with me anymore or what do you know what I mean so yeah I think just try not to take it personally even though it can be difficult um but yeah i think you're good i love you i love you so much all right next dilemma hey leah hope you're well i'm okay hope you're well as well darling more of a friendship based dilemma i'm gonna try and cut a very long story short but sorry if this

is still really long so here goes my friend let's call her rachel and i have both been friends since we were around 13 we're both now 24 amazing we always got on very well and had loads of fun when we were younger and would be together all the time as we got as we got older going out drinking etc rachel went to uni at our local city still around 40 minutes away from our hometown and i decided uni wasn't for me so i just got a job and have been working my way up ever since stunning rachel and i were still super close so i would go down most weekends or on my days off when she was at uni and we'd live the uni life together that's amazing that is amazing because you know what i don't know a friendship that survived going to uni in separate

cities but to be fair 40 minutes is a lot more local than I went I went like five hours away so yeah everywhere everyone around me at uni I think there was one girl who had a friend from home come to visit but everybody else their friendships didn't survive uni mine definitely didn't apart from Jess but we still didn't see each other we didn't apart from jess but we still didn't see each other we didn't see each other for years but you know like i said we have that level of friendship where it's like we're just both studying and doing our own shit but you're still my best friend see see you in a few years but anyway so carrying on um we really did have a great time and i look back on it with happy memories

however i got quite bored of this quickly and i deep down knew that going out and drinking just wasn't really for me and i didn't enjoy it as much as she did which is totally fine everybody enjoys different things rachel finishes uni gets a job at home but has to live in the work accommodation and she can't drive oh my god fuck that i'd hate to live where i work oh wait i do do that i literally do well at least it's in my home not in like an accommodation anyway idiot i've been driving since i was 17 so i was always the one giving lifts etc i was always there for her as much as i could be i would be the first person to drive to her accommodation and often brought her back to stay at my parents' house when she fell out with her boyfriend who lived and worked there too.

Okay, so you're filling her cup quite a lot. However, I always found Rachel would only really talk to me or invite me places if she needed something like a lift somewhere. Bit of a take, take, take friend, hey? Which I didn't mind for the most part, but it did get a bit annoying as she would never offer petrol money and we all know it's not bloody cheap. Yeah, that is annoying. I also had a few bad experiences with her on our nights out. We would get, she would get herself so drunk and I was always that mum friend. If I tried to sway her away from making bad mistakes whilst drunk that she would regret she would often totally flip at me scream at me and she once threw chairs across her flat at me oh my god if my friend flew through fucking

chairs at me i don't know what i would do i don't know how i'd react that is so crazy i left that night at around 2 a.m and waited in the freezing cold train station so I could get a train home at 5am. That's a bad friend move from Rachel there. I'm quite a forgiving person so just put it down to her being drunk and not being able to handle her vodka and would always get a very long apology message from her the next day. Okay, alright Rachel, doesn't quite cut it but alright, won't get the last three hours back in the freezing cold, but whatever. Appreciate the apology. However, I did start to distance myself as I didn't want to be friends with someone like that. When I spoke to her and told her that going out and drinking wasn't really for me, I found that she became very dismissive of me, fucking earlier,

as that's all she ever did other than work. She didn't invite me to her 22nd, 23rd or 24th birthday celebrations as she claimed we wouldn't come anyway because you hate going out. Ouch. An invite would have been nice. Maybe I could have come to some of it. Yeah. Surely there's a compromise to be had where we can meet up and be friends but without the getting drunk and going clubbing part. I'm more of a pub slash day drinking girl but that made me feel like our friendship doesn't mean anything to her anyway I'm with you there on the on the pub day drinking okay there is more but I just want to touch on this point I think sometimes when you've got a way that you like your idea of fun so her idea of fun is going

out getting steaming right and sometimes when you have a friend that says but i don't find that fun that's i don't want to do that i find that in my experience people feel judged and they feel like well fuck off then like we're not the fucking same if you don't prove of my my lifestyle and how i'm trying to have fun and enjoy my life and my 20s thriving loving life having a laugh getting pissed then whatever guess guess i'll just do it about you do you know what i mean and i think sometimes people take offense to it so anyway moving on fast forward to now i've recently bought my first home with my lovely boyfriend gorgeous congratulations we've been together for three years now and he was in our

friendship group at school so he was her friend as much as he was mine we've never once had a congratulations message what the fuck not that i'm expecting a song and dance but simple message would have been nice 100 it's a massive achievement you'd think your best friend would be proud of you okay or anything from her nor she expressed any interest to come and look at the house which your best friend's bought a house and you don't even want to go round like for me your best friend having a house is ideal you've got your own bestie space do you know what i mean i think that's a bit off as if it was the other way around i'd be cheering her on and would be desperate to see this huge step in her life and celebrate with her exactly i'm with you she just doesn't really seem to care i think it it's a shame as, as I said, she was just as much my boyfriend's friend. She was my friend. Why can't she be happy for both of us? I think there

might be a bit of bitterness. I'm not sure. Um, I don't think it's that deep. I don't think whatever she's feeling towards you is that deep from an outside perspective, but I do feel like, well, you're clearly not happy for me. stop like if you were happy for me I'd know about it you tell me you'd be round I'd you know I'd know about it but for some reason she's not able to be happy for you and I don't know if that comes from you know she feels like maybe you're intimidating or patronizing because obviously you're not but I mean in her eyes because it's like oh yeah well you got your fucking house with your lovely boyfriend and your and your own property yeah and i'm just trying to get pissed and you're too good for that are you do you know what i mean like i think she might

she couldn't take that wrong i don't know moving on but just to add you've not done anything wrong here from my point of view she's now moved back to the city and lives with her friends from uni and now i literally never hear from her however i I know fine well that she she will be blaming me for the distance between us even though everything we've had planned recently has fallen through because of her. She would also always talk really badly of friends who we had drifted from even though nothing bad had really happened between them. She would always find a reason to hate them even though there was literally never a problem they just drifted. See that's a red flag for me like if my friend is chatting shit about other friends i'm like i would hate to know how you talk about me do you know what i mean i'm now a bit

scared that this is the oh here we go i'm now a bit scared that this is the way she will be talking about me to her friends and i just don't like that thought it's nothing really happened between us again we've just drifted as we're both busy in different stages of our lives maybe that's me just overthinking but after what I witnessed when we were closer it really wouldn't surprise me yeah so I think again there is more but I will just touch on this I think when it comes to this and I have been in your position where you're worried about what somebody is talking like the way somebody is talking about you to other people what I tell myself is it doesn't matter. You know, like, you know, the truth, you know, you're, you haven't done anything, you know, that you just are different. And you are,

like you said, in different stages of life and on different pages. So if she can go and talk to other friends and say, Oh, she was a fucking dick. Like she, she made me feel shit about going out partying. Just let her say it. Do you know what know what i mean like it doesn't matter what she said just let her say it yeah i can't help but feel guilty and upset by the lack of communication slash loss of friendship between us as we did have a love as we did have lovely times together apart from when she was throwing chairs at me i knew each other inside out but should i just let it go as she seems happy with her friends in the city and i'm happy with how life is going for me too what would you do i don't want to start any sort of argument or point the finger as i don't think

anyone's in the wrong i just think it's a shame thanks love ya love you okay i really like your um you're very emotionally intelligent from what i'm getting from that email you know like you you aren't sat there going she's fucking rude like i'm not being funny what the fuck just because i don't want to go clubbing with you like that's rude like you're like you know you were in different we're just in different stages i don't think she's in the wrong i don't think i'm in the wrong it's just a shame so i love that from you i think sometimes, and I will say uni can really change a person and it can be temporary, temporary, temporary, temporary, what the frick? Anyway, and it can be temporary. So I think if you really love this friendship and it's really important to

you, I think do what you can to maintain it for a bit and people will always come back down to earth after uni well usually right you can get carried away and and you can uni is hard uni is really fucking hard and even though you're surrounded by friends and stuff is it's actually quite a lonely experience even though you might not realize it at the time i think when you look back you think fucking hell how did I actually get through them three years like it was actually shit but I'm just speaking from experience okay I know there's loads of people that absolutely love and adore uni and it's like the best three years their life and they make friends for life okay yeah I can't relate but it is no matter what your experience uni is difficult and it takes a lot of work that it's financially stressful like it's really stressful and it takes a lot of work that is financially stressful like

it's really stressful and it's intense right and it can it can change a person and like i said usually hopefully it's temporarily so i think you could approach the situation and say like look i feel like a bit upset you know like I love you you're literally my sister do you know what I mean but what the fuck's happened you know like we don't have to go clubbing and that's our only option of how we can spend time together you know like why can't we go for food why can't we go for a little boozy brunch if you if you do want to get a little drunk together you know it doesn't have to be clubbing and also look I I'm almost a bit jealous of you like I wish I could enjoy it I'm happy for you that you have a good time I don't have a good time and if I did

have a good time I'll be straight out there with you babe but I just don't and I can't change that and I wish you would accept that about me and prioritize our friendship still you know just because I don't want to do the getting smashed on a Friday, Saturday night. And I think you can say that, and it doesn't have to be judgmental, it doesn't have to be aggressive and confrontational. It can come from a place of love. And, you know, you might get, well, you know, I don't really know what to do. you know, you might get, well, you know, I don't really know what to do. And if you do whatever, then you've, that's what you take from it. Or you can just maintain the friendship, you know,

keep it at arm's length, but still do what you have to do to maintain the friendship, accept people for who they are at the end of the day and love them anyway. And as long as they're not treating you bad, sometimes we just have to accept people, you know, all right, we were closer, but we're not now. And, you know, I've got other friends that will celebrate my successes. And you're just somebody who we have so much history and I'll always love and always make time for. And that's just where we are now. And if in a couple of years when uni's over and, you know, you might get on a different track somewhere you might settle into a job somewhere or whatever and then we might get closer again and you might get to that stage where I'm talking about her by the way when I say you I don't know why I'm saying you she might get

to the stage where she is bored of going out and drinking and then your friendship will just blossom again you never know but I think it's up to you what approach you take but there's just a few options you know um but I wouldn't take it personally at all like i think it's actually quite common that people push other people away when they start saying like well i don't really like going out and they're not ready to give up that life yet so they're like well i've got to give up the friendship instead because i'm not giving up this lifestyle i love it do you know what i mean yeah i love you um thank you for sending in your dilemma and everything's gonna be fine love you so much okay next one hey le, sending you lots of love and good vibes. Thank you. I

need them good vibes. I have a friendship dilemma and would love yours slash the listener's advice on. I've recently, oh my God, I've recently, do you know what it is? It's my fucking big fucking lips because they're so swollen that I can't like, I don't know, you can probably hear it when I'm speaking. I can't pull my lips into my mouth it's really difficult but anyway I've recently rekindled a friendship from my childhood nothing major happened to make us drift just life etc but we've recently got back in contact and it's been really nice gorgeous love it my issue is I'm such a low maintenance friend i.e I won't reply to texts instantly and don't need to speak every day. I have a child and I work so I'm quite busy. Whereas she is the complete opposite

she is a very high maintenance friend and texts me every day which isn't an issue but if I've been on whatsapp and not replied she'll ask if she's done something wrong or ask if I'm okay. I think it comes from a harmless place and maybe she's just an anxious person but I can feel it maybe creating a rift when I don't want it to as on the whole I'm really enjoying our friendship again and having her back in my life but it's every day if I've not replied for an hour or so and it's feeling a bit much any advice would be appreciated love you bye yeah that's that's intense because I I'm exactly like you like i can go on whatsapp on and off for two days and still not get around to replying to you because this is my thing right sometimes if i'm going through some shit the thought of responding to somebody can be really

overwhelming like i don't know what it is like i think i've said this before like one of my friends could be like oh what you doing next week and it would take me two days to just tell her what I'm up to because I'm overwhelmed by everything like it's really weird I just shut off from things but yours isn't for that reason yours is just you know I'm really fucking busy texting isn't like a thing that I do it's not a priority to me you know I just know where I stand with people I know you I know you're my friend whatever um and I totally get it and if somebody was messaging me every hour like um hello I would get so overwhelmed and so stressed I'm like oh can I live like okay I think you can just be honest and say like you know if she says like um hello like why haven't you replied

I think you can even do it over text and be like, oh, by the way, like, if I'm still not replying, like, please don't take it personally. I'm, I'm just honestly really lazy with texting and I just have too many other things to prioritize, but like, love you, please never take it personally. Like, if I'm not texting you back, I'm thinking about you, like, everything's cool. Like, never, never take it personally. I know it might come across a bit rude or I know, I know you might think, you know, I know you might be insulted by it, but like, please just, just know I love you. And it's not that I've just got too many other things to juggle at once, you know, I'm a mom, you know, or next time you're together, you could just be like, oh, by the way, like I've been meaning to say this to you. Please don't take my texts in personally,

you know, say it all in person and just bring it up in a in a really casual way and then hopefully next time that you're like slow at replying she might have that knowledge to just go I'm not going to chase it because she's she's already made it clear that you know she doesn't have time to to text me as quick as I can text you know and it's not personal everything's fine and it might just take a bit of adjusting for her to be like accepting of it and not take it personally because I can really see her point of view as well if you are like a not high maintenance I don't think it's high maintenance to text someone a lot but if you're just like a texter you know I feel like you're a text story you're not and I'm not a texter at all so yeah I think yeah just mention it and just say look love you by the way like I know it probably comes across like this but it's not you know but you know I'm sorry if if it if it makes you feel like any type

of way but yeah I just wanted to say it I don't want you to feel any way I love you do you know what I mean okay love you babe next dilemma hi Leah I love your podcast it keeps me going in work oh I'm so glad hope your shift's going all right today babe so me and my best friend have been best friends for around eight years she bought a house with her boyfriend and seemed happy however she told me that she'd started seeing someone from work and that she was going to end the relationship with her boyfriend oh it's so hard being an outsider in these situations. Okay, let's go. It turns out the guy she's seeing is engaged with a child. I said I don't agree with

it at all, but she's completely in love with the guy. He's been telling her for months that he would end it with his fiance, but it's never happened. No, not one one of them you hear about them all the time i'm gonna leave i'm gonna leave i'm gonna leave her i told her that he will never leave her and he's selfish and doesn't care he is selfish that is fucking selfish okay she then replied and told me that it's unfair for me to say that and because he's got a child it's hard for him to leave okay so i think what's happened there is she's you, you've also, you've obviously hit a nerve there, you know, like, she's had these thoughts, she's worried, she's scared he's not gonna leave his fiancee, you know, she's scared that's gonna happen, that's not gonna happen, and you've said what she's absolutely petrified of, and she's like,

oh, fuck off, okay, it's not gonna happen, he's gonna leave her he loves me okay do you know what i mean she then replied oh i've said that since then she's been distant and not come to plans we've arranged and then made up excuses as to why she can't come anymore yeah you hurt her there well you know it's what you're saying is it's fucking fair but it's her earth hit and nerve she then messaged me asking how i was and i told her one of my family members is very poorly and it took her two weeks to reply oh god she's pushing you away here i haven't responded back to her as i can't believe it's taken my best friend two weeks to reply to a message especially when it's something so serious yeah fuck to sum it up we haven't spoken for over a month and i overall feel like it's because I

haven't given my approval in this situation with this guy she's seeing she's just not being there for me anymore it's been pain in my mind that we haven't spoken so long but I've also got to the point where I think I'm done with the friendship what would you do love you bye I would feel exactly the same as you I would just feel like what the fuck like you know you haven't done anything wrong in a sense like I understand what you're saying is what you feel and what everybody else would probably feel from the outside but it's her and it's hit a nerve and she doesn't want to hear negative talk she doesn't want to hear negative talks. She doesn't want to hear slander about her little secret love affair. She doesn't want to hear it. So she is pushing you away because she doesn't

like your negative opinion. She doesn't like that you don't approve and she doesn't want to hear it. And I understand why she's doing it. I do, but it's hurtful and it's it's not fair it's not fair so I honestly think there isn't much you can do like in your position it's a bit like I don't like let's not forget this girl's got a boyfriend you know she's got a boyfriend let's we're talking about the other guy and his fiance but she's also in a relationship so that's quite hard to watch your best friend do to a person and to another woman and a child like it's hard to sit back in and watch your friend make decisions that are hurting people and and sit there and go keep it up babe doing great you know what i mean like you want to be like babe what the fuck are you doing like this ain't right

and unfortunately they she don't want to hear it. And she knows it's wrong. She knows she's not silly. She knows it's not, affairs ain't right. And she knows he probably should have left his fiance by now if he's going to. And there's a high possibility he won't. Do you know what I mean? She don't want to hear it. But I have a strong feeling that when she gets to the point where this guy's never left or he's

ended things with her and said, you know what, I've changed my mind. I'm staying with my fiance. I'm getting married. She'll come back to you and she'll say, you were right. I'm sorry for the way I acted. And I think it's up to you if you want to forgive her. You don't know. Maybe this guy will leave his fiance and they will end up together. But at the same time, would you guys want to be with someone if they fucking cheated on their fiance to be with you? Because I bloody wouldn't. It says a lot about a person to me.

End your relationship and be with somebody else. You don't have to do two at the same time. Do you know what I mean? I mean, she's done the same thing, I guess. So they deserve each other. Yeah, I think it's going to go two ways or three could be the end of the friendship worst case scenario but you're also saying you feel like you're done with the friendship so or this guy could finally leave his fiance they end up happily ever after and she

finally gets what she wants and then she might come to you because she's happy and she doesn't have the insecurities anymore that what you're saying might be right and then she might you know be willing to rebuild a friendship with you because those insecurities are out the window now and she might even have that feeling if she wants to shove it in your face of like huh you thought he was gonna be selfish and fuck me over he didn't we're together you know it could happen or you could be right and he could not leave his fiance and she could end up fucked where she's like shit i've just been royally fucked over by this guy and i need my best friend right now because my best friend was bloody right or there's another scenario there's a fourth scenario that

could happen and she doesn't want to admit you were right and she's embarrassed so she could push herself away even more because she doesn't want to come over and be like and you have to say that i told you i told you babe even though you wouldn't because you're a lovely girl but she'll be in fear of you thinking that like oh surprise surprise he fucked you over soldier and she won't want the judgment or hopefully she'll have you know enough what's the word courage to just be like you were right and I really need my friend and I'm sorry and I shouldn't have pushed you away and the only reason I pushed you away is because I knew you were right so honestly from your perspective right now what can you actually do you know I think all you can do is what you feel is best for you um if she comes back to you she comes back to you she doesn't she doesn't and I think all you can do is what you feel is best for you. If she comes back to you, she comes back to you.

She doesn't, she doesn't. And I think you did the right thing because a bad friend would sit back and be like, oh, how's it going with Craig and Billy at the moment? Do you know what I mean? Has Billy left the fiance yet? Do you know what I mean? Like, no, that's not a good friend to me.

If my friend was in that situation i'd be exactly like you i'd be the one saying babe this ain't right this ain't right so yeah i don't think you have anything to look back on and feel bad about i'm scared somebody's in my house right now hello no i think we're okay anyway yeah love you. I think just do what is best for you in this situation because that's what she's doing. She's not thinking about you right now, sadly. All right. I love you. Next dilemma. Hey, I love you and I hope you're looking after yourself. Oh, that's actually such a nice thing to say. I hope you're looking after yourself. Oh, I hope you guys are all looking after yourself. I love you guys.

self. I hope you guys are all looking after yourself. I love you guys. My friendship drama is wedding based. Okay. I love a wedding dilemma. So many dramas and stresses around weddings, isn't there? Do you guys see Jamie Lane got married, married, married, married recently. Well, he had like the ceremony in London and he didn't invite Spencer. He's like best friend. he had like the ceremony in London and he didn't invite Spencer's like best friend I'm not really gossiping right now guys but I saw it on his podcast he has a podcast with Spencer and Spencer was like you didn't invite me to your wedding you told me it was just going to be family and then I saw the pictures and you were surrounded by friends and I wasn't one of them and I swear he's like his best man at the actual wedding party wedding wedding and Jamie was like oh well honestly like I just didn't think like I was just so busy getting married that I didn't invite you

to my wedding I was like what the fuck that's odd like imagine not inviting your best friend like I swear it's his best man that's crazy to me anyway so I moved to australia a few years ago and my best friend let's call her julie is getting married in england she asked me to be bridesmaid which i was initially so excited to be gorgeous oh no i've got hiccups have you guys ever been bridesmaids i'm sure loads of you have do you know i've never been a bridesmaid? One day. I'm not sure the rules of weddings and how they're supposed to go down, but I absolutely cannot afford to go over to England for the wedding.

I know Julie's going to be angry at me. I'm expected to pay for my bridesmaid dress, accommodation, not to mention the flights are thousands of dollars. Fuck moi. They've literally spelled it. Fuck moi. But I really don't know what to do or to say.

I know this is going to cause a huge cause a huge divide and our other friends are already fishing for info and circulating about me possibly not going back for her big day fuck off mind your own business I'm so expected I'm so expected to go but genuinely can't afford it what would you do what do I say do I try and fork together money to go for a week i've just started a new job so i'm tight for money but i know if i don't go there will be so much drama i love you any advice would be so appreciated have the most amazing weekend oh i love you so so much all right this is a tough one this is tough like when you get married abroad this is the big

problem do you know what i mean like just because i'm getting married i can't expect everyone to fork together for a few fucking grand for me for my day do you know what i mean and it's not like you go into like a big luxury island like getting married in ibiza like yeah just get holiday in ibiza guys and just join me for the wedding for the date it's fucking england do you know what i mean so that is really difficult um i don't know i think it depends on can you afford it at all like is there a way you can make it work because i also feel like it would be really sad to look back and not have been part of the day for yourself do you know what i mean if you genuinely consider her like one of your best friends like for lifer for lifer i'd be really sad to look back and know that you weren't there and it was just because you

was in a different financial position to everybody else that could fucking afford to go like and it would be really it would be quite gutting to look back on. So I think, like you did say, should I fork together the money? I think if you can afford anything at all, even if it's to fly for, to be fair, coming from fucking Australia, you don't want to do it for a couple of days. It takes you a couple of days to get there. Well, a day. So I think, you know, I would consider making it work. So I think, you know, I would consider making it work. But if you absolutely like, I don't want to spend all this money on someone's wedding. Do you know what I mean? If you really like, I don't want to spend that money, then just don't and just explain it and just say, look, I'm gutted. I am

gutted. I'm so sad that I'm going to miss this massive day but unfortunately I'm just not in a position in my life where I can make that so yes that's not your fault but if you genuinely feel like you know I probably could it's just I'd rather not probably could you know rather spend on elsewhere but if there is a part of you that thinks you would look back and be gutted, maybe try and make something work. I don't know, like accommodation. Like, do you know anyone? You can come stay at mine, babe. Like, do you know anyone you can just stay with?

Anyone that's already going? Like, where are you staying? Have you got family? Like, can I just have the sofa? Do you know what I mean? Just to save some money where you can. Whatever it is that you feel it feels right for you if making it work if you put it this way let's say it's in a year's time this wedding if you could imagine you know I've worked really

hard over the last year and I can finally go I've got the money for a flight I've sorted out accommodation you know I'm gonna scrape it but I can be there you know I can get a secondhand wedding dress I can wedding dress bridesmaid dress I can get one off vinted do you know what I mean I can make this work for as cheap as possible and then in a year's time you look you're there and you go I'm so glad I did this like do you think if you picture a year from now and it's the wedding are you gonna think I'm really proud of myself that I did this because sometimes when you're in a bit of a financial shithole you you just put everything you shut everything down and you go can't do it I haven't got the money I just can't make that work I'm skin I can't I just can't I'm skin and sometimes

you think I probably could have do you know what i mean i probably could have but i'm so pissed off and so depressed about my financial situation which believe me i know the feeling you shut everything down you go i can't afford it it's not gonna happen for me that shit just doesn't happen for me i just don't have that sort of money when really if you think can i make it happen you could get to that wedding and be like, I'm so glad I did this. I've had the best time. You know, I'm so glad I didn't miss out. It was worth it, you know?

So I think it is totally up to you. And if you categorically cannot afford that wedding, do not feel bad about it. If you physically, physically cannot, because you can't get married abroad and expect everybody's got that sort of money. She's got to be prepared to hear that from some people and if that is the case with you you know can we celebrate here before you go can we do a little get together here before you go because i really do want to celebrate with you i'm so happy for you i'm so

sad i'm not going to be part of it but can we do something here before you know little bridal party whatever it is in oz you know in the gold coast wherever wherever you are you know what i mean so yeah love you don't feel bad about it because unfortunately money is fucking stressful me why is actually the most stressful thing so yeah love you um let me know let me know because i would love to know if you do actually make it to this wedding or whatever decision you make and I'm proud of you no matter what you work hard and I love you all right guys thank you so much for sending in all your dilemmas I hope you all really enjoyed this episode I really enjoyed sitting down with you having a bestie chat today and let's wrap up the episode all right I love you guys I hope you all

really enjoyed this episode I hope you feel a little bit lighter I hope you it distracted you from anything heavy on your mind at the moment I hope it made you feel a bit less lonely like you had a bit of company for the last 45 minutes, whatever, however long it's been. I always feel really, I don't know, I feel closer to just people when I do this, when I do this podcast, because I just feel like it's just so nice to just sit and chat sometimes, you know what I mean? And I love listening to podcasts as well. Like, I've always got a podcast on guys, like I genuinely always have a podcast on guys like I genuinely always have a podcast on I don't know what some of my faves are I really like Jamie Lane's podcast I genuinely do really enjoy it he had um Will the Farmer on the other day thoroughly enjoyed tell me your favorite

podcast guys please let me know what ones you recommend and yeah what am I going to do now I might go on a TikTok live and do some makeup online, have a little chat with you all if anyone catches me. This will be in the past now, but follow me for future lives. But yeah, I hope you all have an amazing weekend, whatever it is that you're getting up to. Be safe, be careful, make bad decisions and send them in as confessions. We have some good confessions coming up, by the way, guys. So send them in for Tuesday. This is your opportunity to make bad choices no i would never encourage that but if you did if you just happen to in your own out of your own will please you have to make sure you tell me because content okay i love you guys i hope you all have an amazing weekend and i will

speak to you on tuesday for a brand new episode all right i love you Love you. Bye.