Leah on the Line - Bonus 51: A bestie chat! Helping a partner with anxiety & moving on without closure

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to leahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to a brand new episode of Leo and the Line. Happy Friday. Happy Friday, everybody. How are you? How's your week been? How are you feeling today? When are you listening to this? Are you listening to this bang on Friday morning? Are you listening to it Friday midnight? Well, Thursday midnight? Are you listening to it next week? I don't even mind. If you're catching up, maybe this is six months in the future. Maybe this is six months in the future, you know? How's it going in the future? Isn't that weird?

Someone is listening to this in April 2024. Guys, I'm 26 soon. Don't even talk to me about it. As I always say, grateful for another year of life, health and happiness. But what the fuck? Like, whoa, when did I turn 26? You know what I actually find crazy? It has nearly been 10 years since I went to uni. Shut up. What the fuck? I went to uni in 2015. So next year, it will be next year. That makes sense. Not next year, year after every 10 years is eight years since I went to uni. What? And what have I done with my life since having a degree?

Well, with the degree. Sweet, sweet nothing, baby. Do you know what, right? We're talking about this, me, Jamie and my mum, right? We're talking about when you have a big decision to make and you make like impulsive decisions and you don't think think well think things through that's hard to say well maybe just for me right you want to know how impulsive I was about the uni I went to I'm not an impulsive girl I overthink for free like it is my favorite thing to do apparently but for some reason I don't know what the fuck happened to me right i was at college and they were like go to uni go to uni go to uni i want your fair way life basically and i was like okay like will do and then you do like your what's it called ucas stuff shout out to

anyone that just did that yeah you do ucas and then you apply to universities right and like you can filter it what degree you want to do so I put like performing arts yeah top of the list Anglia Ruskin University Cambridge I said perfect Cambridge is in London isn't it incorrect turns out it's actually not in London not sure how at 17 years old that was how how my brain had developed. I thought Cambridge was in London. Well, am I okay? Is there something wrong with me? I was born in London. I'm from London. I spent every year of my life in London a couple of times a year. And for some reason, I thought Cambridge was in London. Now, I realize that is so so stupid and I'm embarrassed to say it, but I'm saying it, right? I thought Cambridge was in London, whatever. I was like, great, I'll go to uni in London,

Anglia Ruskin, top of the list, alphabetical order, apply. Yeah, got offered a audition. They called it an audition. It was the weirdest fucking thing, right? Let me talk you through my uni audition so it was a movement thing right so if anyone does performing arts you know the difference between dance and movement okay you're either a singer dancer dancer singer straight dancer straight singer or a singer that can move which i would consider myself one of those but whatever and yeah so we were still outside the class classroom there's two of us I should have known it's not very popular there's two of us right actually the girl I met this day turned out to be my absolute best friend throughout university still probably the only person I'd look back on that experience and say

was nice to me everyone else was fine like they were fine but you know when you just know that you're not part of the group you know you're not accepted you know you're not loved and liked this girl was the only one that I was like I can really be myself with you and I love you and I met her on my first day which is kind of crazy but whatever so we get told when you walk into this room, two of us, even more awkward, just met the girl. When you walk into this room, I want you to show me how you're feeling using your body. And I don't mean, you know, just walk in a little bit shy. No, no, no, no.

I need to see some big movements from you. I'm walking around like a fucking slug, like crawling on the floor. Oh, my God. So embarrassed. Me and this other girl looking at each other like honestly i don't know what the fuck i'm doing yet and the teacher's like leah can you explain to me what what your thought process was behind this movement today chat so much shit i was like well you know i feel like with the way I was moving my legs it was really representative of the level of um nerves I'm feeling today you know my whole future is ahead of me and I really feel like I

it was flowing through my body no I didn't I felt like what the fuck are you making me do I'm 18 I wasn't actually 18 at this point whatever anyway so that was my audition audition I was thinking I'm gonna have to go in there sing a solo like whatever no crawl around like a fucking slug right wow that was beautiful did you hear that and then Emmy do you want to explain your movement she talked the most shit she's ever fucking talked in her life as well and I was like wow wow I really got that I really got that from the way you were flapping your arms around the room there it was just really beautiful anyway I got offered an unconditional offer and I was like great I'll go there I had an audition for GSA didn't go um because they told me I need to bring ballet shoes and I was afraid so I didn't go. I

paid for the audition and didn't go. It's a drama school by the way. So I went to that uni. I spent three years miserable, hated it, absolutely hated it. If you are thinking of doing performing arts at Anglia Ruskin in Cambridge, I don't know about the other ones don't do it and i know i might get sued for saying that but i'm just giving you my opinion only in performing arts it's a great uni lovely cambridge is the most beautiful city that was honestly one of my favorite parts about being there i love cambridge as a city it's actually beautiful and like i just loved i love being in cambridge cycling on my bike every single day trying not to get hit but whatever if you're doing performing arts and you actually take it quite seriously don't do it at Anglia Ruskin don't click the top of the alphabetical order and get an unconditional

offer and go there because I learnt nothing and you know what's funny I've got I did I've got a level three extended diploma in performing arts and a bachelor honors whatever it's called degree in performing arts never had a single singing lesson in my life yeah so um never we never really did much dance either like we did a lot of dance in college I actually learned a lot of dance moves dance moves a lot of dance skill in college didn't really do it at uni like we didn't have a dance teacher we did she's actually this amazing Spanish woman I fucking loved her and she was more movement based it was all that show me what's flowing through your body today and I was just like I just love her but her voice was so relaxing that I would literally fall asleep in her presentations because she just made me feel so relaxed but whatever I honestly didn't learn much and um

it was very theory based like you you should have seen my face and they told me how to write 10,000 word dissertation and before my last I said you what hun 10,000 words I sing that's all I'm good at a little bit to be, especially at that point. I was like, 10,000 words, hun. I don't, I don't know. Also, have I ever told you about my dissertation? I think I have, but I'll say it again in case I haven't. This is me also cutting corners in life. This is the mistakes I made as a young 18 to 21 year old that I've learned from don't cut corners right don't just pussy out things because you're scared and hope for the best like don't go to the first uni on top of the list that gives you an offer and definitely don't do this with your

dissertation they said pick something that you're passionate about I thought well what do you know what I mean at this point I was just just waiting to get out of the hell the hell hole yeah and I thought oh I don't know I'll just do it about um drag because I was really into RuPaul at the moment so I was like I'm just going to write a whole dissertation on the drag community because I was just so obsessed with it and it wasn't torture having to revise that way that was my mentality I can enjoy my life while I write this dissertation my um what's it called like the person you get assigned to like go and talk to he what's it called like the person that helps you with your dissertation I don't know he terrified the shit out of me okay he was so scary and he was the perfect person because he literally as his other

job apart from being a uni lecturer he had a drag act and was performing and I was like this is perfect did I go and visit him once no not once people was in there oh it's called your advisor people was going to see their advisor on the weekly basis twice a week three times a week some of them not once for me not once did not knock on his door at all and I would be in his lessons right did he ever mention to me Leah are you going to come and talk to me about your dissertation no he didn't give a fuck either I mean why would he it's not his degree but so yeah I got fucking 2.2 on my dissertation and it brought my entire grade down from a first to a 2.1.

So, I mean, doesn't matter. No. Has anyone asked me what I graduated with? No. Has anyone even asked me if I have a degree? No. So, just fucking 50 grand in debt with mental health problems. Anyway. How have I just spent the last 10 minutes talking about why I've made bad decisions in life

well hopefully it's useful to someone you know learn from my mistakes anyway this episode is literally just going to be us chatting it's just going to be a little bestie chat about loads of different things I put up some Instagram stories but nothing really specific we're just going to flow across flow through some random topics and questions and whatever. So yeah, love you guys. Let's get into the episode. Thank you so much for listening to Lear on the Line. Head to learontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Remember to follow on socials to see visual clips and get involved with the weekly debates. Enjoy the episode. Love you.

Okay, everybody, whatever it is you're doing right now, thank you for having me in your company. Thank you so much for being in mine. Let's have a look what you guys wanted me to chat about today. So I literally put up a story that said like, big sis vibes, anything you want to ask, want me to share some thoughts on, anything you want to share, like let's hear it. So let's have a little look. How do you control stressful moments? Let me know when you have the answer for that. My coping mechanism in stressful moments, okay, is literally take my mind off it, take my mind off it. And I tell myself, well, what am I going to do about it right now, right this second? You off it. And I tell myself, well, what am I going to do about it right now, right the second, you know, like, if I'm overwhelmed with something, say it's like, when I'm in uni, and I got a deadline, right? And I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm never gonna get

this essay finished in time. What can I do about it right now? Can I click my fingers and write the rest of this essay? No. What can I do about it right now? Or if I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm really worried that I'm not gonna, this isn't gonna I'm like, oh my God, I'm really worried that I'm not going to, this isn't going to happen or this is going to happen. I'm really worried it's going to happen, but it hasn't or, but it might not, you know? So let's take a deep breath and not think about it. Cross that bridge when you get to it. But in terms of like when things are really overwhelming and stuff, I really prioritize what makes me feel calm and for me a massive part of that right is self-care and skincare nothing better for me than putting my brand new at the

moment dressing gown on getting putting my headband in my hair putting all my hair out my face maybe a little hair oil maybe a little rosemary oil in the roots a little argan oil in the lengths yeah and doing my skincare routine slowly nice and slowly putting on the uh what's it called oil diffuser with some lavender and just taking my time luxury skincare caffeine eye cream followed by uh what's it called retinol i balm i balm is the most luxurious feeling fucking thing feeling fucking thing that sounded so not correct i mean definitely isn't but whatever and then let me talk about my skincare actually so that's my eye routine on the base we do um the paulist choice cleanser only on the nose because it breaks me the fuck out everywhere else like crazy it

probably is a purge and i should just commit to it and in six weeks time it will be clear but i can't do it i'm afraid so i just go with that on the nose just to get rid of texture so it feels nice and smooth it really really works you know you could just always feel texture on your nose like it always just feels a bit rougher than everywhere else on your face I just use that on my nose every single night a game changer and then I put niacinamide on my nose on top just for like blackheads and stuff blocked pores whatever whatever and then on the rest of my face I use a brightening toner my favorite one at the moment is by I've actually got like a new one of my new favorite skincare brands and I can't remember what it's called right now. Versed. It's called Versed. I like the packaging. All the ingredients are great. The skincare whole skincare line is just fucking great. Like I love it. And I use

their brightening toner on the rest of my face. And then I use snail mucin. I've been a little snail mucin girl recently and i fucking love that shit it has not broken me out my skin feels smooth it's balanced my complexion like i just love that product right and then i'll use my toucher dewy skin cream which has just run out and i'm heartbroken so i've replaced it with my keels ultra facial cream i think it's called um and then a little bit of lip balm hun and you're good to go I think that's my skincare routine at the moment if anybody was wondering I have sensitive skin and spot prone skin and combination skin if anyone needs some recommended products so yeah I will

just really take my time with that but also nice dog walks with my mum they really chill me out when I'm really stressed I cannot watch a film can anybody else relate to this because I know there's so many people that when they're stressed all you want to do get on the sofa get a blanket on and watch a film can't do it could not think of anything worse than going to the cinema when I've got anxiety or I'm stressed I feel so overwhelmed by the loud noise, by the intense music in films. It makes me feel way worse. Like I can't explain it. I've always had this thing all my life. I can't watch films if I'm not really, really content and calm. I have to be in the right

mindset to watch a film. I can't explain it. It's so weird because it should make you switch off. I just can't switch off. And even the thought of watching a film when I'm stressed is like no absolutely not I couldn't think of anything worse than to sit and watch film right now I just need to be busy like I need to be occupied I need to do something like I need to be doing something whether it be my makeup skincare filming tiktok seeing a friend going out with Jamie going on a dog walk with my mum hanging out with the kids like when I say the kids I don't mean like the local kids like just hanging out in the park like I mean my niece and nephews but yeah I have to be physically doing something talking to someone to take my mind off things TikTok live is always great but sometimes I'm really not in the right headspace to do a TikTok

live because thing is TikTok is a scary place one day I'll go live and it's all my favourite followers like all my besties like just we're just all live together one day another time it's all people I've never they've never caught me on TikTok before and they just are writing comments that are horrible like about your nose about your teeth whatever and then I'm like I literally came on here to cheer up and now I feel like shit so yeah that's what I do Somebody said how to get closure without getting closure help. Okay, this is the thing. Sometimes we just get no closure. Like you know that saying of sometimes no answer is an answer. And no reply is your reply. You know, like, I think no closure sometimes is enough to just understand the situation and be like right okay like I can

see it for what it is whether it be that they've ghosted whether it be that they've left they've just ended things with no answer no explanation that is your answer they just weren't that into me and they are more importantly they are not my person you know like if they if they leave you with no closure the all the closure you need is they are not right for me they are not the person i need in my life or is right for me in my life because as i always say guys the universe is always working in your favor so if it takes somebody away explanation or not it's done it for a reason always just going okay i'm not quite sure why you did that not quite sure we did that but thank you you know okay next one um what is your advice in a relationship where your partner has bad anxiety

so i think i totally understand how difficult it is if you are somebody who has never experienced anxiety before, never been in the position where you can understand those feelings truly, truly madly, deeply. Right. And if so, I hope you never do. And I'm happy for you. And you should not feel bad about that because I've come across people who are like, you I feel really bad that I don't know what this feels like don't feel bad I'm glad you don't know what it feels like but what you can do is you don't need to try and understand it you don't need to try and take it away from them because at the end of the day most of the time you can't but what you can do is well what helps you you know what makes you feel better so Jamie will always say to me and Jamie feels anxiety as well like he knows the feeling but everyone's different like he has no idea what it feels like to struggle with health anxiety so he'll always say to me like what do you need from me like do you want to do this do you want to do that and don't don't get me wrong

sometimes I'll bite his head off and be like no you're making it worse but then other times he'll just be like okay well you just tell me what you want to do right now do you want to watch something do you want to go on youtube do you want to play a game like whatever it is and now we've been together over a year he has more experience in what i personally need because everyone's different so i can never sit here and tell you what your partner needs from you but you absolutely can ask them and I would probably just ask them when they're not having a bad time so obviously when you're like stuck in the midst of it and anxiety just feels like it's clouding on top of you and someone's going what can I do what can I do it's like oh my god fuck off but you know they're coming from a good place but in that moment

I cannot give you the answer right now because I'd be doing it but when it's when you're feeling good and and you're feeling calm and your anxiety is just non-existent in that moment and then that's when the partner can come to you and say like so when you when this comes up and when these feelings come up like what do you like to do what helps you and that's how I sort of had these conversations with Jamie where I was like well when I start getting stressed and I start asking you can you look at this on my body can you feel this or can you google this for me just don't say to me well why don't you go to a GP you know I've told him what not to say and I've told him what he can say and and it's like I don't expect him to know I don't expect him to have the answers I I expect to have to you know not teach someone but like talk them through it

because it's not easy and the same with him like when he feels anxious about things that I don't understand because his anxiety is totally different to mine he's had to tell me what helps him and what doesn't help him so yeah don't feel bad that you don't understand it or that you don't know what to do just have these conversations when it feels like a good time to have them and ask what is going to help them you know okay next one how to cope with feeling like your 20s are the only time to make it so I really struggle with this period of my life and I'm constantly worrying about am I on the right path like where where am I going to be in the next five years and I saw something recently and this should be like comforting to everyone okay I was talking to

Jamie about an old Sophia and Shinsey video where they was talking about how Sophia's mum started charging her rent and it was really funny because they were like oh we don't get money from the government anymore and Shinsey was going well what's that got to do with me it don't affect me does it and it was just like really funny and I wanted to show him the video and in the video and another one that I thought it was what I ended up watching as well thinking it was in the video they were saying oh we can't get to London much because we don't have we don't have enough money and and Sophie was like I made a hundred and something pound at work this month and no that was chintzy and sophie was like

yeah i've made 200 something pound of work this month and my mom's charging me 50 pound a month rent like what the fuck and they were like and i've got my phone bill blah blah that's a hundred pound gone right and this was five years ago they were saying they couldn't afford to get to london often and now it's five years later they both own properties back home and they rent places in London. And come on, they're very fucking financially successful. And that made me realize I was like, do you know what? Things can just change. Like I know five years feels like a long period of time. It's not like that was last year and look at them now. Like they have grown in insanely quickly, I think but they what

they're such a great example of just like they're just like us they're just like everyone else you know and things can just change and they probably never predicted this life so I always feel like when you have those moments where you're like oh I'm in my 20s like this is the only time to make it what am I going to do I'm going to hit 30 and I'm still gonna have no're like oh I'm in my 20s like this is the only time to make it what am I going to do I'm going to hit 30 and I'm still gonna have no fucking idea what I'm doing believe me there are so many people that are in their 30s 40s even older that still don't really fucking know what they're doing and I truly believe it's normal and it's rare in my opinion that someone is in their 20s and they feel like they've got it all figured out like does anybody know anyone

that is in their 20s and they have just got it figured out whether that means yeah of course like there's people that own houses like my brother my twin brother right with the exact same age I'm actually 10 minutes older so I should be 10 minutes ahead in life no he owns a house he has a girlfriend that he's been with for like 10 years like he on the outside is like life is set out for him but I'm sure he has moments where he's like well am I going to be in this job forever or like where are we going to move in our next house like whatever it is I'm sure even though the people that look like they have it all figured out it's not as simple as that and when you look at like your parents and stuff like genuinely ask them like the job

you're doing now because a lot of our parents they might have been in the same job for like 10 years I don't know my mum's been in the same job for loads and loads of years and she's worked really really hard literally got two degrees like she's insane and she wasn't doing this at 25 like she she did not get there at 25 do you know something really interesting my mum was actually the youngest bus driver in London, female bus driver or just bus driver, I don't know. But yeah, how cool is that? Anyway, she didn't have it figured out at 25.

So it doesn't matter. You know, you never know what's around the corner. You never know. Look at Sophia and Chinzia. They did not know that their life was gonna go this way. You can't predict the future. You can't plan the future. You just have to enjoy where you are and enjoy,

like obviously we have to be smart and it's okay that sometimes we haven't been like I got myself in a financial mess at 18 I mean nothing horrific but like I was in my overdraft I was spending money stupid at uni I was just like yeah fuck it I'm 18 who cares I'll worry about it in the future and then you spend the years after uni trying to okay I wanted to pay off my overdraft but i need to sort my shit out and that's part of life as well and if you are in that position whether it means whether you're in debt or whether you've never you don't have any savings like wherever it is you're definitely not alone in that situation like our 20s are not about making it i truly believe our 20s are just about figuring shit out and I don't know if there is a true feeling of I've made it to be honest I don't know okay um my friends get shitty with me due to my

working hours what's your opinion I just find that a bit odd like if my best mate was working so many hours that we could barely see each other I wouldn't be shit I wouldn't be like well you need to work less hours and earn less money for me I'd just be like oh god it's so long that was so annoying that we have to like you know not see each other for two three weeks however long it is like I wish we could hang out more and what are your free hours can I you know do anything to help us spend more time together whatever like I would never be like it's really fucking annoying that you work so much like I'm sorry that's your life like you have to live your life for you

please don't live it for me do you know what I mean so honestly I find that strange and I wouldn't worry about it just focus on yourself and do whatever it is that you need to do whether it be that you're working a lot of hours or just that your hours are you know they they clash with your friends hours you change your hours hun you know all right someone says do you delete all your photos with your exes or of your ex so for me right I have never been someone that like when you go for a breakup it's like fuck you delete everything I fucking hate you like as soon as I I'm in a breakup I'm focusing on myself straight away and it's not until like things are really like dead in the water blown over that I'll actually be like oh shit I better go through and fucking delete all these because

it's effort do you know what I mean it's so much effort so yeah obviously you delete them because who wants that on their phone but I don't do it out of like oh like delete delete I just more do it when I can be fucked but then I'm also not the kind of person that scrolls back through photos like reminiscing and getting sad so I feel like if I was like that then I'd understand why people delete them straight away but I literally just never look at them so yeah um have you ever had to get over someone you never dated do you have any tips lol um i feel like i have but it didn't like the what i felt like was really like heartbroken it doesn't last long so i was like dating someone and then they started doing a show

and there was a girl in the show and then they were like oh it's nothing it's nothing it's nothing and then they started getting all flaky with me and like I kind of knew in my gut and then he told me he was like yeah I like I'm talking to this girl I have feelings for her and I was like oh my god but you know what's really weird it's like literally that whole week I was like I don't even fucking think I fancy him like I really don't really think I'm this I'm not into this as soon as he turned around it was like I found someone else I was like I'm on the floor I'm on the floor how could you do this to me I would never have done this to you and I then I just realized I actually have a self-esteem issue and a rejection issue that I need to um look in

words and work on because what the fuck and then after like a couple of days I'm normally just like oh whatever then but I know a lot of people that are in situations where it's like you've been dating someone for a long period of time and you get fully emotionally attached to them and I can imagine that that is a whole different story trying to go over them I personally haven't really had that experience I don't think so I don't know but then again I feel like it comes back to that no closure thing of like I've said this before I can imagine that getting over someone that you never actually ended up officially in a relationship with hurts I'm not necessarily more but differently because it's like well you never even liked me enough to be with me and you're dealing with that on top of

losing that person and on top of the rejection of being like broken up with so it's not just the rejection and being abandoned it's literally the you didn't even fucking want to be with me like what's wrong with me on top of it all which i think not necessarily makes harder just makes a difference so yeah i think once you process things and you're like you know what the universe anyone who doesn't believe in all of that probably gets so sick of me saying it but honestly life is way more peaceful when you just take it out of your own hands of me saying it but honestly life is way more peaceful when you just take it out of your own hands it's not my fault okay this is for the good of this is the universe doing it for the good of my life and life's easier life's way more peaceful if you think that way so when somebody's taken away from you whether whether that be a relationship or a situationship we always have to surrender and

say you know what i'll figure out why all this happened in the future but right now it's happening and i'm okay with it i will process these feelings a day at a time and move forward yeah leah is that fucking easy is it cheers hon i know it's not but okay um thoughts on if your man has a history with a girl in his group and how to deal oh my god honestly fuck that if my boyfriend was in a group and there was girls in it i'd already feel some sense of like okay how many of you fancy him then how many of you how many of these girls do you fancy then you know let alone if he had history of them you literally fancy her and she fancies you that's what i deal with but then i guess like there's people that we've all been with that we look back on and we're

like what the fuck was i doing like i literally do not fancy them at all so i'm sure it's a situation like that but it's not easy so i would just kind of expect extra reassurance and I would expect to be heavily involved to be honest like if you've got history I want to be part of this I want to be part of this fucking friendship okay I don't know if that's unfair to ask I really don't but that's a difficult one that's a really difficult one maybe send in a long dilemma because we could really delve deep into the history of this um somebody says what age do you want to get married? I really don't have an age. I truly don't have an age because if you asked me this when I was 15, I'd have been like, maybe like 23. No, I don't have an age. I really,

there's no age to me. I mean, I'd like to be young and pretty, but you know, I don't have an age. So yeah. Good places for amazing date nights in London in October. Okay. So you could do something fun. Like you could do something Halloweeny. It's October. You could do an escape room. I love an escape room. It's a great date you just no distractions no phones you're just literally together for an hour you're literally locked in a room babe you know you could get up to all sorts i mean there's cameras but do your thing babe um you could go to like the all you can eat there's an all you can eat um restaurant it's like oriental fusion it's called enamo i don't know how you say it it's spelled i n a m o okay and you like order on the table it's like an interactive table it's really cool

and i don't mean like you order at your table like that store boy and i but i mean like the table is like a screen a big screen the whole table it's like a big projector onto the table i don't know how it works but it's really cool and you can play like games on your table and stuff kind of seems like teenager-y it's fucking vibes in there okay so and it's fun if you want a fun day that's very fun and you get great food um but if you want like a posh bougie romantic restaurant rocker or roca i think it's roca or rocker rocker i don't know in canary wharf gorgeous restaurant sushi restaurant and then you have um restaurant ours like o-u-r-s ours in kens kensington that's a beautiful restaurant it's a beautiful restaurant they sometimes have like live

performances going around like one time i went and there was like a person flying around the restaurant in a hoop on the ceiling which was pretty cool so yeah there's some fun date night options um somebody says do you think you'll still be podcasting and tiktoking 20 years from now um honestly i would love to i would love to be 46 talking about our kids the teenagers well actually oh yeah well depends they'll probably be in their 20s at that point oh wait no well i don't have any kids yet 20 years from now i'm gonna have kids in their 20s the maths ain't my thing yeah they'd probably be teenagers i'm not sure hopefully praise the lord i can actually have children it's honestly one of my biggest fears but let's not talk about that but

yeah yeah i'd love to be 46 talking about the struggles of whatever 46 year old woman life and you know whether you're a mother father not, not parenting, single, married, divorced. We can just be sending in the dilemmas, you know. Life is just going to have a whole different kind of dilemma when you're 46. So, hope so. If podcasting is still a thing, I'd love to, to be honest. TikTok, depends. If it, you know, what's happening on the social media world,

who knows? Okay. And then I'm going to finish off with a couple of these because I'm kind of scared. So I put up any assumptions about me and I've seen these recently and people have put up the link where you can send them in anonymously. Was I doing that? Absolutely not. No fucking way. Because people are brutal. And I get brutal messages from not anonymous accounts. Okay. So I just did it on the story with the question box.

So people wouldn't be just unnecessarily nasty. Because I know with the anonymous ones my friends have done them they said that they may have shed a few tears going through the responses and I'm not in a position where I just want to read things about myself like that you know so let's have a look somebody said speaking of lovely things somebody said you were the school slag um first of all i actually really don't like the word slag my mum brought me up brought me up like smashing it into our heads that that is a vile term and we were banned from using it in a serious way like me and my sister would say it to each other like shut up your slag

right but you do not refer to somebody as a slag okay a woman that is sexually active as long as she's using protection no one's fucking business all right however i was a virgin all the way through school i didn't lose my virginity until i'd left school so incorrect um i'm just gonna do like two just because we're going on now somebody says you were the kid in school who never had a pen this is actually true i never had a pen and there was this one girl in our class right who always had always had four pence case of pens and it was like please please can i borrow a pen and she was like that girl like i would be as well to be fair like if i spent my money or my mum's money on pens and people were just stealing them i'd be fucking livid about it and you'd hand them out and she'd be like yeah

but give it back but give it back at the end and i was always like oh my god like i will i never did and looking back i really don't like myself for it but then when i got to like year 10 and 11 i did start bringing pens in but when i was in year nine i realized i'm gonna really start giving these pens back to this girl because that's actually very fucking unfair you know and i really tried because the teachers would not lend you pens like if you're like oh sorry i didn't bring a pen you've literally come to school to do one thing and it's right and you don't even have something to write with. You're advised to bring two things, a pen and some lunch or money for lunch, right? You didn't bring, I actually didn't bring either.

I used to bring like two quid for my lunch. Sometimes I'd get like a chicken baguette. Sometimes I'd get a pizza slice for a pound. Do you guys remember pasta king? I never had that they were expensive they were like £2.50 back in the day I was like whoa that's out of my budget man that's out of my budget my mum had three kids in school at the same time she was like right £2 each there's plenty I've got chicken baguette and usually an ice bun after full full to the brim honey you know anyway no pen though literally took i why did i have a school bag of all my books probably that i've just never read when i got home you know when i went to

uni back to my fantastic degree that i really just thrived in you were given like a reading list in every module and i never read a single book not a single book at uni how bad is that I've never read a book throughout my entire degree who knows to be honest okay last one somebody said you want three to four kids honestly as I've already said any children is a massive massive blessing in my life massive if I could just have one baby I feel like the luckiest person on on the planet but if we're being specific I'd quite like two or three to be honest I am a twin my mum is a twin and psychic medium Mick that I've told you all about did tell me I'm gonna have twins so who knows if I will I mean if I don't you better believe I'll be going up to Leeds, going to that medium shop.

Excuse me, Mick. You made me a promise, darling. And, you know, he told me I was going to have three. He told me I was going to have one more after my twins. Actually, I think he said the first child would be first and the twins would come after. I said, oh, smooze it to my ears, to be honest. Because it was really weird because he said to me, it's your dream to have children one day isn't it I said yeah but weirdly it never used to be I was always one of them people that's just like I'm not sure

if I want to have kids like I'm not sure when I was a teenager and then when I was like early 20s I was like I don't know if I want to be a mum one day I don't know and then as soon as I got to like 24 I was like oh my god I really do and that's like very recently and now I'm like 26 in like two weeks I'm like god I would honestly I couldn't think of it no I'm not even gonna talk it into existence but yes that's my answer to your question I love you guys thank you so much for sending in all of your little responses or your little questions or your little topics I really enjoyed this episode I love these just casual chats you know they just can't go wrong they're just really enjoyable sometimes so yeah love you let's wrap up the episode

guys do you know what i've been thinking about recently okay if i for some like gun to my head had to play a game of football like gun to my head play play a game of football right and i was up front yeah well actually any position and i had to play a game of football like gun to my head play play a game of football right and I was up front yeah well actually any position and I had to header a ball I don't know how to do this I do not know how to header a ball and like I was trying to do it like just in the air just like pretending with Jamie the other day and I was literally like remember that series of Love Island when they were like doing the salmon into the pool that was me and it's kind of bothering me that it's a skill I just don't have like i should be able to jump in the

air as if i'm going to hit a ball with my head and i can't i can't do the maths in my head of how to do that everyone if you're in a quiet place right now and you've never done it jump up and try to header a ball pretend pretend you're a header in a ball why is it so hard in it honestly i was so confused i was like why can't i do this simple task also maddie grace jepson why did i just full name maddie grace jepson she made a tiktok about how she doesn't know how to throw a punch and i've realized that as well it's so true i don't know how to punch someone and has everyone had them nightmares we've all had them nightmares yeah where you're trying to fight and you you just can't punch you got no power in your punch everyone's

had their nightmares right isn't that weird how we all have those nightmares and i bet you've all had this nightmare as well you're being chased and you can't run you can't run and you're like falling into your knees into the ground and you just cannot pick up the pace guys you know i was absolute fucking sprinter when i was young i was a fast sprint i was undefeated 200 meter sprint undefeated through secondary school yeah i might be five foot three but i'm quick i'm like a whip it i actually am quick quick girl but yeah whatever what else is like a universal dream i also discovered that tsunami nightmares are a universal thing there's got to be loads of universal nightmares oh i don't know if this is a common thing i used to always

dream that i was in a car this is when i was a kid like a young young child right and I used to dream that my mum would like leave us in the car like oh one sec like you know when they pop into the shop or pop into the house and grab something and you're just left in the back seat not like a two-year-old I mean like when you was like 10 12 whatever and the car would start rolling and I used to have these nightmares of rolling down my road which is like a hill and I'd have nightmares of like rolling and rolling and my older sister would try and like jump in the car seat and try and steer the steering wheel just pull the handbrake up darling and you know what's so funny do you know why I think that dream came from when my mum would leave me in the car leave all three of us siblings in the car well I have four siblings but my older sister was like

eight years older than me so she was never in these nightmares because she would have been old enough and wise enough to pull up the fucking handbrake right but in these situations when there's only the three young kids in the car my mum would always say to us do not touch the handbrake because obviously it would be up so that we would not roll and she'd say don't touch it don't get anywhere near the handbrake you she you literally gave me nightmares you literally gave me nightmares but it definitely worked because i would not have touched that handbrake we did like to honk the horn every now and again oh mom beep beep oh what the hell like weird kids what's some weird things that you and your siblings used to play like weird games like me my and my brother and sister who were the closest in age right we used to put a duvet on

the floor and remember Takeshi's castle and they used to do that wrestling the sumo wrestling where they have to push each other out the ring we got it from that and we would have to wrestle each other off of the duvet that was our fun like do you know what's actually crazy is back in the day we didn't have like technology and stuff to play games and we was talking recently about like this kind of shit that we did for fun and like i asked my nephew like do you ever play that and he's like no like that literally does not sound fun i can't even remember what it was i was asking him do you ever play that do kids still play play Stuck in the Mud? Me and Jamie were talking about that the other day.

When you like literally just stick your arms out with your legs open and someone's got to run through your leg. And when you're stuck, it's the most boring thing. You're like, unstick me, unstick me. And you literally just stood in the playground, like stood like a star and someone's got to come run through your legs. But they'd always run around me. I was like, what the hell?

I'm a fast runner, man. Let me back in the game yeah what was other games everyone used to play bulldog but i was actually too scared to play that game so it just seemed a bit aggressive i was like no i'm okay i'd rather play kiss chase i've told you about the time i banged heads with someone and got literally knocked unconscious and pissed my pants in the middle of the playground didn't i yeah good times anyway guys thank you so much for listening to this episode i hope you enjoyed it i do love these casual chats and yeah have an amazing weekend whatever it is that you're getting up to if you're getting drunk

don't text your ex text me instead and i'll speak to you on tuesday for a brand new episode all right i love you, bye!