Leah on the Line - Bonus 58: He doesn't know what he wants & sex with my bf is VANILLA!

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

Hey babes! Welcome back to another episode of Leah on the Line. Thank you so much for all of your love and support on the podcast, it honestly means the world to me. I hope you love this one!Head to l...eahontheline.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:31 Bit of a rocky start today. Whoa! This has not gone right so far. Is this going to be a bad episode? Uh oh, let's try that again. Hello! Hi everyone! Welcome back to a brand new episode of Lear on the Line. Happy Friday!
Starting point is 00:00:48 Happy Friday indeed. I'll be in London when you're listening to this. It's currently a Wednesday. I am going to London tomorrow, Thursday, because I'm going to an event and I don't I don't go to events guys. I get invited and I'm like I can't sorry I can't I'm whenever it is I'm busy like I just can't like there's something that holds me back and I've said this recently on the pod that like I feel like since moving home I I became shy like I'm so shy I'm such a shy girl like something about it is it makes me feel shy and it's't like it don't like it so my mum challenged me to yes September okay the plan was on the 1st of September I was gonna hit you guys up with okay guys I'm setting us all a challenge anything that we say no to out of fear or anxiety or feeling not
Starting point is 00:01:42 good enough we're gonna say yes this month and we're all gonna feed back to each other how it went what we learned um and then on like the second of september i got offered something and i was like no thank you no thank you out of fear so it well it didn't kick off to the best start right and then i got invited to this event and i was like oh i just want to start going to these things like i just want to come out was like oh I just want to start going to these things like I just want to come out of my shell I just want to stop being a little loner like back down in the countryside and like just make some friends like you guys send in dilemmas all the time about how you struggle to make friends and stuff and it's hard to find opportunities to make friends
Starting point is 00:02:19 and I sit there going put yourself out there put yourself out there and then there's me I get invited to an event where I can make friends and I'm'm like, no, I can't do that. I can't do that. So anyway, I was like, I just really want to make some friends. I want to build connections. I'm in this age of life where it's difficult to make friends. An event is like the perfect opportunity to make friends, right? Anyway, so I put on like my close friend's story like who's going to this event no one I know through social media is going so I was like right okay and then an old friend from we basically grew up together we both got picked on by the same girl we was both like sims obsessed she used to come on my house every day and we used to play like sims and habbo hotel who remembers the days
Starting point is 00:03:00 of habbo hotel seriously if you want to feel some serious nostalgia, there's a whistle to my S's today. Strange. If you want to feel serious, seriously, ooh, I sound like Chris Eubank. If you want to feel seriously nostalgic, go on TikTok and search Habbo Hotel falling ferny. Who remembers the fucking days? If you don't, this is going to be really boring, right?
Starting point is 00:03:23 But who remembers like the the host the owner of the room would like drop in a chair and it's like a race so you could click on the chair and sit on the chair quickest and whoever was left it's basically musical chairs right whoever was left got kicked out the room and then you'd always get the scammy host where you would win you would be last man standing and then you'd get kicked out you'd get kicked out but anyway so yeah we used to play that together was really really close and was younger and then she moved away I moved away both went to like total different paths but she does social media and I do social media and then she we like speak every now and then on social and she was like oh I've been
Starting point is 00:03:59 invited to the event and I was like oh my god and then she was like should we go together and I was like fuck it let's go together so I'm going with an old friend which is nicer you know it's nice to rekindle friendships from my childhood um but yeah I just do get anxiety about it guys I'm gonna be an open honest book today I get anxiety about these things I feel shy now I never used to feel shy but I'm really looking forward to it at the same time. It's a weird one. You probably know the feeling. It's like that feel the fear and do it anyway. You know you're going to have a good time. And if you don't, who cares? It's not the end of the world. Do you know what I mean? It's good to just put yourself out there and do things that make
Starting point is 00:04:37 you feel uncomfortable. Step out of the comfort zone. And also, I love this girl. Like we grew up together. She was like one of the nice ones so I would more than happily try and just rekindle our friendship at the very least let alone get past my fear of events and stuff but yeah I think it's because I've had some awkward experiences like I just I've been to events and stuff like this right and I just I come away from it feeling like more lonely like I've come away from them feeling like it emphasized how like so many people are really close and I'm not and then I feel like oh my god I don't have any friends and then I just hide away even more so it's all one big circle isn't it but? But you just got to like do things that scare you. Anyway, the point is, if you say no to things or turn down opportunities or don't put yourself out there out
Starting point is 00:05:31 of fear of rejection, out of fear of embarrassment, out of anxiety, social anxiety, whatever it is, this is your sign. The next opportunity that comes up where you think you'd normally just say no, even though deep down you really want to do it, yeah and let's see what happens you know but anyway I've really dramatized this like I'm literally just going out for a couple hours it's not risk-free not I do but anyway my mum's also going up to London that weekend conveniently so I am gonna go to this event and then hang out with my mum and my auntie all weekend it's kind of lush really I'm really looking forward to it gonna hit up the bingo on Sunday absolutely buzzing for absolute love and life um but yeah apart from that not really too much to update you on I don't have much else planned oh who's watching Married at First Sight right because I got into a conversation with my mum whilst watching
Starting point is 00:06:20 it about like because a lot of people throw in the album quite early in this one and then I said to my mum like is it a big thing at your age where where you you're in a new relationship and and you first say I think I love you or like I love you or is it just like right love you bye like is it does it just naturally come out and you just you know you're on the same page and she was like no like you do still think like yeah it's still like the first time it's like a nice thing and I was like oh isn't that nice and then we got onto a topic of like relationships like how do you know you're official how do you know when you're exclusive how do you know you're not seeing anyone else and she was like you just know like you don't need to say will you be my girlfriend like you just you just know we're just together and I was
Starting point is 00:07:04 like wow that sounds nice because you know what we're just together and I was like wow that sounds nice because you know what I was talking I think it was to my dad about it a few months back about like when he was my age and being in relationships then and like you would just say like oh meet let's I'll meet you on Friday at seven o'clock by by the by the fifth part on the beach like whatever wherever you lived and then you just have to hope that they showed up because like they didn't have phones back then and like if you was being broken up with they'd have to do it in person or I wonder if they would ghost back then and just like never see you again isn't that crazy now we've got we've got to complicate everything it's like oh um but is it exclusive is that the first
Starting point is 00:07:54 step is there a step before exclusive we like each other I guess it's like is it just sex no we've got feelings for each other we're into into each other. Okay, cool. Second step. Are we exclusive? Yeah, we're exclusive. Third step. Are we in a relationship? Are we in a relationship? Do you know what I mean? It's just like, it's complicated these days. And yeah, it turns out that the above generations, they don't do that. They just are. They're just together, they don't do that they just are they're just together like you're just boyfriend and girlfriend but yeah how interesting okay guys so Friday episode I put up a story and every time I ask what Friday episode you guys want so many of you just say more dilemmas we love the dilemmas so I thought every now and then I'm just gonna throw in another episode of just ultra dilemmas week do you know what I mean just more dilemmas week. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:08:45 Just more dilemmas. This is dilemma at heart. So I picked out some good ones today. Actually, really good ones. I'm really excited to do these ones. And there has been an overload of dilemmas recently. So this gives me a really good opportunity to really catch up and make sure that I'm not missing any of the really, really good ones. So, yeah, I am looking forward to this episode if you
Starting point is 00:09:05 do have a dilemma send it in learontheline.com I love you guys hope you're all feeling really good today thank you for being in my company thank you so much for having me in yours let's get into the episode thank you so much for listening to lear on the line head to lear on the line.com to send in your dilemmas and confessions. Remember to follow on socials to see visual clips and get involved with the weekly debates. Enjoy the episode. Love you. Okay, I just realized I missed some major information. I told you last episode, I'd let you know what the period situation is because I know you're all invested in the periods now the universe gave me a big fat kiss on the forehead this month and said love you you have a good month sweetheart I'll let you off this month I said oh my god are you sure are you sure no I
Starting point is 00:09:59 said thank you thank you seriously I'm on a period guys i've been in pain like i've been in pain today like it's quite bad pain but it's nothing like the labor i know i don't know what i did to deserve it but seriously i'll continue to do it for the rest of my life because it's actually quite fantastic i'm in pain right now as we speak like quite a lot of pain i'd say actually not that bad when i weigh up on a scale of one to ten ten being like I'm in labor I'm giving this a four tbh we were on like a five max today it's been a really good period month and I just want to say thank you Unibirth I'm so grateful and I did check because I log my periods now and I did check and it is saying I'm expected possible period date on the 22nd of October yeah October which is the day I'm flying home which would be a repeat of Portugal if I did
Starting point is 00:10:53 get a period on the day I fly home from Tenerife but that is a couple of days early either side it says it gives you a predicted period date either either side you know, and I'm never usually early, so if that happens to me, I'll be like, whoa, mate, mate, mate, mate, mate, I thought we understood each other at this point, you know, but also, I've got the biggest fucking spots on my face right now, they are so painful, I get really bad period skin the week before my period, before my comes i know it's coming because i look in the mirror and i think fucking hell hello you know and obviously i want to feel nice tomorrow night but i've got about five planets on my head and they're actually really painful they're all over as well like there's they're like around my chin on my cheeks I've got one either side of my forehead right above each
Starting point is 00:11:45 eyebrow perfectly twinning stunning and honestly it ruins my confidence so much because when my makeup doesn't go right I don't feel good you know and when my skin's not looking good my makeup doesn't go right but anyway I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and they're gonna be gone even though they only came up a couple hours ago I'm'm going to wake up tomorrow and they're going to be gone. All right. But anyway, let's get into some dilemmas. I'm really excited about these ones because I feel like they're actually kind of good. So I'm going to kick off with this one. It says, update. Yeah, we love these. Hi, Leah. I'm the girl who sent out a dilemma a few weeks ago about feeling imposter syndrome in dating and not having any experience well there was this guy in my school year who I had a crush on for three years on my
Starting point is 00:12:31 last school date we somehow ended up having a conversation and he asked me for my snap okay we ended up talking on there and he eventually asked me out on a date unreal we had an amazing time and spent the whole day together just talking to each other. At the end of the night, he kissed me and it was amazing. Oh my god, the guy you've had a crush on for three years. He's kissed you. What a good feeling. What a nice feeling. I'm so happy for you. And it was amazing. For the next two weeks, we texted and sent voice notes. Side note, this all happened in the midst of final exam so we couldn't really see each other suddenly he just stopped answering and ghosted me what a prick
Starting point is 00:13:13 now due to my lack of experience i tend to get attached quickly i also just really like this guy and i genuinely didn't think he would what is it for me choking all the time in these episodes recently whoa okay sorry about that I genuinely didn't think he would hurt me I was really sad but knew I would see him at our graduation ceremony in a few days are we in America right now graduation actually to be fair we say graduation for uni but you said school love this fast forward to that evening where he ended up completely ignoring me until the very end of the night just when i was leaving he came up to me and said are we going to talk about it or just ignore it excuse me excuse me don't talk to me about ignoring things you've ignored me for fucking weeks darling i was like what i said he either tells me what happened right now or i'm gone because i don't have time
Starting point is 00:14:14 for stupid games like that yeah as you should i would have fucking clapped right there then and that give you a round of applause for that this man child proceeded to say that i should have texted him again and that he did this with a lot of people for complicated reasons he couldn't explain to me in that moment right so you're saying listen i was playing a game yeah and you should have chased me and i'll just do that don't worry about why i just do, fair enough. What? He then asked me if I'd still be interested. Me being me, I said yes and he said he'd call me. Guys, it's been about two months now and he hasn't reached out to me at all. The thing is, I still think about him daily and really think we would have had potential. Yeah, well, I don't know, babe. We had such an amazing time together
Starting point is 00:15:07 and I've never had a connection like that with anyone else. My ego is too big for me to reach out to him, which is why I'm hoping to bump into him on a night out at one of the bars he hangs out at. I'm desperate for any advice as I don't know whether I should just forget him and move on or try to make things work. I have the feeling he might have some kind of trauma that results in attachment issues as I know his parents got divorced when he was younger thank you so much Leah I love you lots I love you too okay oh I mean this guy's just a little head fuck little head fuck twat like he's basically just said uh excuse me you're just gonna ignore me uh yeah i thought that's what we were doing i thought sorry that's just the vibe i was getting the way you fucking ghosted me mate he's like all right listen to me yeah you listen to me i just do that i just
Starting point is 00:16:01 like to fuck girls around that's just what I do don't worry about why I just do that all right I won't get into it I just do and you should have texted me anyway are you still interested I think he is annoyed that he didn't get your attention and he didn't get a reaction from you so he was clutching for reaction he was clucking for one and he's seen you at your graduation and you're looking stunning and you're not giving him a reaction you're not even giving him the eye contact what happened between us you're just enjoying your graduation and he he can't stand it he needs your attention so he's gone up to you and he's fed you a load of bullshit and said all right i'll call you i'll call you i'll call you and he didn't because basically you're not giving him a reaction
Starting point is 00:16:49 hurt his little ego his little ego yeah and that's what's happened in my opinion because at the end of the day why are you fucking with me for what are you fucking my head for like i'm sorry look at me i'm fantastic i've got it okay, and you want to ghost me, have a bit of respect, why are you ghosting people, like, that says so much about you, you've ghosted me, that, to me, and you said I do that to people, well, that's not a very nice person, is it, I don't want you to do that to me, I don't want you to do that to any of the other girls that you've ever spoken to, that does not say anything good about you and the fact that you've gone anyway are you still interested obviously you are because you got attached to him no no one's blaming you for that
Starting point is 00:17:33 and then he's like I'll call you and it's too audacity for him to tell you he's gonna call you and not fucking call you you've you've made your bed now you can fucking lie in it that's what i'd be thinking like you've ghosted me then you've kicked off because i have not give you a reaction then you told me you're gonna call me and you haven't i don't need to know anything else besides i'm not wasting my time with you you're an absolute head fuck it's as simple as that why would i waste my time see And to be honest, he will come running back, whether it be over message, whether it be he does eventually call you six months down the line. I'm sorry, it's been two months. It's been two months and he hasn't called you.
Starting point is 00:18:17 At some point, he's going to see you on socials or he's going to see you out and about. And he's going to think, oh gosh, he's so bit. And he's going to want your attention again, because that's what it's about. He just just wants your attention but he doesn't actually want it enough to have any fucking respect for you so listen if i was you babe i'd be thinking oh what a dick go see me twice the absolute bravery that is so brave you know you deserve better that's all I'm gonna say babe love ya all right next one hey pretty love the pod love you I really fucking need your help me and my boyfriend have been together nearly a year before we got together we he had been chasing me for over a year as he should we've been pretty happy together we did have a break at one point which he suggested
Starting point is 00:19:05 but he couldn't last a day without me when he came crying to me wanting me back recently he's saying he doesn't feel the way he thinks he should about me and that he thinks i deserve better okay as much as this hurt me i suggested up, but he won't let that happen. He said the thought of not being with me makes him sick and he still wants me, but he says he sees other couples and how happy they are and he doesn't feel like that. I really don't know what to do. To be honest, I just need some advice. Love you. Hmm. See, this is a tough one. He was chasing you for over a year. It could be a case of like you really want someone it could be like you you want what you can't have it could be an ego situation like
Starting point is 00:19:53 I will get this girl to fucking like me and he's finally got whatever it is and maybe it wasn't all he imagined it to be you know or maybe he's like oh mission accomplished you know what i mean and it's sort of worn off or it could just be that the relationships fizzled out one thing i would say is i've heard these words of you know i think you deserve better i think you deserve better and my regret is not is when i look back it's not going okay then i'll go and get it my regret is oh no i don't i don't i think when somebody says that to you you can't unsay it you can't you can't look at me and tell me you don't feel the way you think you should feel towards me and that I deserve better and then undo that damage that to
Starting point is 00:20:55 me is you've just admitted that you don't really love me the same you've just said it to me and the thing is when you receive that information it kind of leaves you with no choice but but to walk away and do you know what sometimes that is more painful because it's like you've made me have to leave you I don't want to leave you I want to be in this relationship I don't want you to feel like this about me towards me but now I have to leave you because you can't undo what you've just done so I think it's really hard because when you hear those words you clutch onto the the ones where he's saying but he doesn't want to lose you and and you know the thought of not being with you makes him feel sick and he wants you you you you cling on to those parts because that's what you want you you want that part you know but sometimes you have to really be brutally honest with yourself and look look the truth
Starting point is 00:22:01 dead in the eyes which is he said to you, I look at other couples and think we ain't that happy. I don't feel like that towards her as he does towards his girlfriend. I don't feel like that. And as painful as it is, sometimes we just have to look at that and go, well, that's how you feel. And there's nothing I can do with that. Maybe it's time we step into the delulu of this is going to be the biggest mistake of his life. Just to get through it, just to get through it, just to emotionally get through this, you know, what I will say to you is don't focus on the words, I don't want to lose lose you the thought of not being with you makes me feel sick because that is normal when like say you were in this position and you were like falling
Starting point is 00:22:50 out of love with him even the thought of it would make you feel sick but that doesn't mean it's not happening you know like when someone falls out of love with someone 99 I'm not saying that's the case of what's happened I'm just giving you an example 99% of the time it's not on purpose you don't want to feel like that you want to feel bang in love with them like like you once did and you hate that you don't and the thought of losing them makes you feel sick and the thought of not being together makes you feel sick and it seems like the worst thing in the world and it's frustrating because you can't help how you feel so the fact that he's saying oh it's hurting me the thought of not being with you makes me sick that's normal but that doesn't mean that what else he's saying to you isn't true which is
Starting point is 00:23:36 he doesn't feel the way he thinks he should feel and that you deserve better if somebody can look at you and say you deserve better than me believe them because they are not saying everything that goes through their head they're going to say the least brutal parts of it so if somebody is going to look at you and tell you that you deserve someone better believe them if they're going to tell you that they don't feel the way they should feel believe them and believe that that was difficult for him him to say and admit and it didn't come from nowhere it didn't come he didn't say it lightly so as painful as it is believe it because you do deserve better than someone who feels like
Starting point is 00:24:20 that towards you doesn't make him a bad guy doesn't mean that you've you know you could have done anything differently you are perfect the way you are maybe this guy just isn't right for you or maybe he's just not right for you right now on the flip side you could walk away from this situation because of what he said to you because he's just told you you deserve better and i'm gonna believe that and walk away that could be everything it needs he needs for him to realize oh my god I took this girl for granted she's everything to me and you could have the perfect relationship and it could be the best thing that ever happened for your relationship but either way you need to make sure that you can look back and say I did what was best for me in that moment, whether that be staying
Starting point is 00:25:05 and trying to make it work or walking away or saying, do you know what, let's take a break, let's come back to this because he tried to take a break before but he came back to you like the next day, maybe he just needed more time, maybe he needs to really think about what you want and maybe you need to think about what you want as well but please understand that no matter the outcome of this situation it's not a reflection of how amazing you are you know let us all know how that goes that's that's a really awful situation but we are all here for you no matter what the outcome so send us an update and we will get you through this we will drag you through it babe okay next dilemma hey angel i wrote in a couple of months ago with relationship anxiety even though my boyfriend treats me amazingly and i took on board
Starting point is 00:25:52 your advice and read the book you mentioned the other week to another listener's dilemma love me don't leave me and the anxiety is beginning to settle so thank you oh my god that is the best news ever anyone that can relate to that read this book apparently it's a good one okay continuing on the relationship is amazing and we're going from strength to strength but there is just one thing i'm not fully satisfied with although our sex life is amazing and it is the best sex i've ever had and we have a really strong sexual connection it's just very vanilla we only do the same couple of positions and there's never any foreplay beforehand
Starting point is 00:26:31 I want more foreplay and more oral sex yeah baby but when we're kissing and about to have sex I've asked for foreplay and he says yes but he doesn't do it what okay I want to try more positions foreplay and add some light bondage sorry the way you said that is so casual I want to try more positions foreplay and some light bondage I mean fucking love that of course yeah some Yeah. Some, some more positions for playing just a little light bondage into our sex life, but I just don't know how to bring this up into a discussion. How should I bring it up? I don't want to offend him and have him thinking I don't enjoy our sex life, but I feel like something needs to be discussed with him. Love you. Bye. Love you.
Starting point is 00:27:21 Okay. My little horny girl. Um, listen, I think maybe he's just not confident like for you to say you know can we can we have a little play beforehand and he's like yeah yeah yeah yeah and doesn't do it I think maybe he is shy about it or he doesn't feel confident enough or yeah maybe it's that in which case I think we it might be worth having a conversation and just saying like so you know how like when I ask you to do four planes off and you say yeah how come how come you you just like don't? We can try that approach. But also, approach number two,
Starting point is 00:28:10 maybe get a little horny outfit. Maybe get a little sexy outfit. A little latex bodysuit with a hole around the puss. Maybe just a button up. I don't know, whatever you like. A hole. Honestly, those ones make me gag like they're they look weird don't they like the fucking bodysuit with a big hole all you can see is lips all you can see is lips mate that is so funny to me honestly but yeah maybe get a little outfit and surprise him surprise latex get whatever the light bondage is what would you guys consider light bondage maybe a bit of
Starting point is 00:28:59 slap and tickle is that is that light bondage or is that just kinks is that just a bit kinky what is light bondage is that like oh is that like a gag oh it's like cuffing right we're cuffing up okay we're gonna put on a little latex bodysuit with a hole around the purse i'm gonna get some some fluffy handcuffs and we're gonna stand in the doorway and we're gonna swing them around the finger and we're gonna say hey lay down you know like maybe if we just if you want something babe we just go out and get it and sometimes having the conversations can make it awkward and make it more uh add pressure to somebody and make it feel more like like you said like oh god like she's not satisfied if you if you are you're saying it's the best sex
Starting point is 00:30:01 you've ever had you know you're so sexually attracted to him you have an amazing sexual connection you just want to spice it up a bit we're gonna spice it up ourselves and then hopefully we've set the tone there you know he might go fuck me i love this get that latex bodysuit with a hole around the reins and I'm sure maybe it's a case of you might want to be dominated but that's fine that can come we just set the tone at the moment we're just setting the tone without putting up without piling on the pressure you know oh it's a hiccup you know what I'm saying I think that's a good plan let me know how it goes all right let me know I'm excited to hear about this you're gonna have a wild night have fun be safe okay let's do another one okay all right all right this is good this is good okay hey gal situationship dilemma for you i've
Starting point is 00:31:07 been dating this it doesn't say it just says i've been dating this for four months now so could be a guy or a girl at this stage we are unsure there's plenty of chemistry and sexual attraction there i made it clear to him okay him can confirm mail i made it clear to him i would like to know at three months if things were moving into the next stage of a relationship etc i raised this with him a month ago he simply told me he hadn't really thought about it and just been enjoying the time why not thought about it okay like fair enough but what we'll think about now we'll have a little thing now let me know you know he's been single for eight years my worry from day one is maybe he has commitment issues i tried to let this slip my mind and get to know him and thought i could change him for context he
Starting point is 00:32:00 gets tons of female attention and been on tons of dates oh gold ever since i asked this question it's put a negative on it for me oh yeah that's the thing i don't want this to just be sex or friends with benefits he can't seem to understand what difference the boyfriend girlfriend title would make i loosely made less contact with him saw him less didn't text back much we met up this week and said he'd be and said he'd be sad to lose me but it's not sure what he wants in life you know this is the shit i can't stand like fucking hell just let me know i'm a big girl if you don't want to be with me just tell me you know then i can decide if i'm willing to keep sleeping with you and hanging out with you whatever but just a bit of honesty wouldn't hurt you know um okay he said he feels confused and
Starting point is 00:32:58 the thought of committing to someone is scary this was disappointing as i thought he might have come to a decision the longer i wait the more it makes me feel sad about myself and perhaps i'm just not enough no not the case not the case not the case remember that i wonder if he just sees me more of someone he can just have sex with and that's it side note i was a bit naughty went his Insta, looked for his followers and saw he'd been liking this girl's pics for four months. The most recent one being of her in a tiny thong bikini. Oh, not the thong bikini. This didn't make me feel good, but maybe I'm overreacting. I just don't understand why he's now been thinking this for two or three weeks.
Starting point is 00:33:47 Is this a red flag? My question is is do i just give up and move on i like him but not sure if i'm wasting my time when do you give up am i being naive help a girl decide what to do i cannot bear to feel this way much longer love you bye love you all right i think it's not looking good it's not looking good um but I do not blame you for for holding on because you've got this you've come so far with this person you know we spent so much time together we slept together I've got feelings for you at this point all I'm asking is that you turn around and say you're in love with me that's it that's all I'm asking and he's like I just don't know what I want and clearly his attention isn't just on you I know a lot of people don't care about Instagram likes and say it's just Instagram I'm sure that is the case for a lot of people but what I'm saying
Starting point is 00:34:40 is is you know he's doing a little double tap here and there which isn't ideal not in my world anyway everyone's different though and you're basically saying you literally said the words I cannot bear to feel this way much longer and the simple answer is taking him out of your life you will no longer feel this way you will you will feel rejection for a minute you'll feel disappointed for a minute you'll feel you know it might knock your confidence for a minute I mean you said he already has to be honest but those feelings you will heal from and you will move forward from because it's just like going for a breakup it's like healing and and process in a situation the end of something or not something
Starting point is 00:35:26 not ending up what you wanted it to be right but those feelings do pass and you get through them you do come out the other side if you stay in this situation with him these feelings will continue until you are no longer in this situation with him how likely is it that he's going to turn around and be like i've not committed to anyone for eight years the thought of commitment terrifies me I don't know what I see in my future I don't know what I want in life all of a sudden I know I want to be with you I don't want anyone else I want anyone else's attention when I commit myself to you how likely is it listen it's possible it is possible but how likely is it and I think you need to ask yourself is how damaging this situation has become worth the risk because it's damaging you at this point it's hurting your self-esteem it's hurting your
Starting point is 00:36:11 confidence it's hurting you full stop how worth it can this guy be to can to keep allowing someone to hurt you and damage you and affect your mind and space negatively like this what is so special about him that he should be allowed to do that to you because I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his behavior that you're allowed to not want to be in a relationship you're allowed to not want to commit to somebody especially if he's young whatever he's allowed to to feel this way and live this way but if it's having a negative impact on you you're allowed to decide that you don't want any part of it so yeah I if I was you it's easy to say realistically if I was you I'd be a fucking idiot and I would just go all the way until I'm heartbroken but if I was a wiser
Starting point is 00:37:02 version of myself easy to say from the outside when you're not emotionally invested and you're not like, oh my god, please just fall in love with me already. If I was being wiser, I would say I'm not fucking around anymore. You know, there's billions of boys out there that will want to commit to me and are equally as good looking as you, if not more, that will want to commit to me and are equally as good looking as you if not more equally as nice as you if not nicer equally as funny as you if not funnier and i would just you look you're a head fuck you don't know what you want in life i'm looking for someone that can commit so i'm gonna end this here you know what are you looking for are you looking for commitment if so this guy isn't willing to give it to you. Kind of end of really. So although it's difficult and although it is painful and although it hurts, you do have
Starting point is 00:37:50 to think about what you deserve and what is right for you. And to be honest, I think you look back and you'd be very proud of yourself for how much respect you had for yourself by walking away from somebody that was taking advantage of you. And that doesn't, like I said, it doesn't mean he's a bad guy. He just doesn't want to commit to somebody right now there's nothing wrong with that but if it's hurting you you have the right to walk away from it to be honest so yeah that's my opinion on that situation um again keep us updated so important with the with these ones especially we love to know and regardless of the outcome if if you know you do end up hurt in this situation, we'll talk you through this. We'll get you through this together.
Starting point is 00:38:28 Lear on the line, the listeners meet, we got you no matter what the outcome. We will get you through this. So don't worry about it. All right, guys. Thank you so much for sending in all your dilemmas. Oh, love you to the last girl. I hate not ending a dilemma with love you. It just don't feel right. Anyway, thank you for sending in all your dilemmas I love you and appreciate you so much it was so nice to have a little chat today let's wrap up today's episode okay everybody if you made it to the end you're my favorite and I love you so much best friends for life if you're listening right now shout out babe whatever it is that you're up to so happy to be in your company and to be honest I feel a lot better after doing this episode I was quite anxious tonight this evening and
Starting point is 00:39:16 overwhelmed and then doing this episode I'm just it's just like hanging out with your friends and you just feel calm and relaxed again so honestly thank you so much to all of you for always being there for me when I need you when I need friends um because you you say to me all the time like thanks for your podcast it's helped me so much and you guys send me these amazing messages about like thanks for answering my dilemma you guys don't realize how much you help me as well like even when it's just that we chat over message or just having you to sit down and talk to twice a week is like I don't know it's the it's just that we chat over message or just having you to sit down and talk to twice a week is like I don't know it's the it's just the best so yeah I hope you all know how much I appreciate you and don't know what I would do without you to be honest so many things
Starting point is 00:39:54 happen in my life and I think honestly I can't wait to get on the mic and tell the girls I can't wait to tell the girls on the pod and the guys shout out to the guys and yeah it's just it's a good time over here and I hope you're all enjoying it I hope you all feel like you're part of the friendship group because we're all best friends over here all family friends for life whatever it is that you're getting up to this weekend if you are getting drunk be safe out there don't get too drunk and text your ex text me instead and I'll speak to you on tuesday for a brand new episode all right i love you bye

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