Leah on the Line - Bonus 6: The BREAKUP episode

Episode Date: May 26, 2022

Hi babes! Hope you enjoy this episode! To anyone going through a breakup I hope this can be your safe space where you can come for some words of advice or comfort! I love you and remember you are amazing! As always send in your thoughts/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello! Hi everyone! Welcome to the bonus episode baby! I finally am doing it and as you can see it's a big one. A lot of you figured this one out. I did mention it briefly in the last episode and I had so many messages being like, what the actual fuck do you mean you're single? I thought it was obvious. Like, I suppose if you follow me on TikTok and stuff, a lot of you already know, but to anybody that just listens to the pod, you're probably thinking what on God's green earth is going on here? She's just mentioned that she used to be in a relationship and now she's single. So yeah, this is the breakup episode, guys. Welcome. I am your host, Leah, and I am single. God, that feels so weird to say. I haven't actually said that out loud. Nobody's asked me if I'm single yet. Like nobody's been like, oh, do you have

a boyfriend? And I've had to say no yet. It's gonna be such a weird day when that happens do you have a boyfriend no I don't actually I don't actually I'm fully available but um yeah breaking news Leah Levine is on the market guys I'm on the market no listen so it's been six or seven weeks it's been quite a while I feel like six or seven weeks doesn't sound very long but in breakup land it's a very long time weeks. It's been quite a while. I feel like six or seven weeks doesn't sound very long, but in breakup land, it's a very long time. I feel like, because you know, like each day feels very long at the beginning, doesn't it? You're going through the heartbreak, you're in denial, you're grieving. You're like, oh my God, this can't happen. I can't even believe he's going to be with somebody else. This is fucked. But then like six weeks go by and you're like, you know, I'm used to it. Like I'm used to

this life now. I'm living at home again, which I was really dreading. I was dreading being back in Somerset. I was associated that with like failure and like my life going downhill and like just me being a complete failure, which isn't isn't completely untrue. I suppose the relationship failed and that is why I'm here but everything is for the best I truly believe that you guys know everything is you know I leave everything up to the universe so this is my path this is what's meant for me it feels completely right um I'm not going to go too into it just because I did a little bit on TikTok and then I kind of regretted it after because I was like that was very personal for me to share and I'm torn between being like I want to be completely

honest like I want to stand up for all women and talk for women and be like you know whatever and be honest and say it's okay to admit these things and it's okay to talk about things and it's okay to say yeah my relationship fucking failed and it's okay but then after I was like in fluctuated is that the is that the word with messages and it was very overwhelming for me and I was like holy shit like I just wanted to kind of talk about it and then carry on with my day but then I was obviously I know everybody that messaged me your intentions were pure I know that like of course I know you would just be like I'm here for you I love you but then I think I was just really overwhelmed and I was like oh god like this is intense like I don't want my life to become about this breakup so yeah I won't go too

into detail um we are really friendly we're on good terms um I have so much love and respect for him I want him to be so successful and do amazingly in life um he was my absolute best friend but the relationship failed in the end you know like it got a little bit toxic towards the end um the first year and a bit was like the best time of my life like absolutely incredible I learned so much about relationships about myself about where I wanted to go in life, about things I was good at, I didn't realize I was good at. And I'm so grateful for the life that we had. But yeah, towards the second half of the relationship, it just started

to fall apart quite, quite slowly. And he actually broke up with me. Can you believe that? Imagine breaking up with me. I'm not being funny. I'm joking. I'm joking. Well, I'm not joking. He did break up with me. I know, what the fuck? But it became mutual. He was the one to be like, look, this relationship isn't working. And I was like, what do you mean? What are you talking about? We're absolutely happy. What do you mean? And then it wasn't until a couple of days later that I was like yeah okay um it did become a mutual agreement it wasn't a mutual decision okay but I just don't think I would have ever been brave enough to walk away I just wanted to be loved so desperately I was just like I have a really bad um issue with rejection okay I I really cannot cope with rejection I'm not lie, could be a childhood trauma issue we're talking about here. But I couldn't cope with the thought of him not wanting to be with

me. And I could not cope with the idea of the relationship failing. But when he made that decision, I was like, okay, well, what am I gonna do? Like, I'm not gonna beg you. And I stayed in the flat. We were obviously living together, which made things quite difficult. But I stayed there for a little while. He was away traveling for work. But we were obviously living together which made things quite difficult but I stayed there for a little while he was away traveling for work but we were living together broken up for like a week and a bit um I recorded a lot of episodes whilst going through this hell of a time like when I tell you it was hell like I'm happy now like obviously I sound like I'm all chirpy and happy about it but it was like the hardest thing I've ever been through it was absolute hell like I just literally felt like I was never going to ever been through it was absolute hell like I just

literally felt like I was never going to get up off the ground and my life was just going to go to complete shit um and I was dealing with that like I can't deal with him being with somebody else and I can't cope and everything is terrible my life's just a waste of time like it was terrible and then I was really avoiding moving back home because then it was real then we were never getting back together and like for a while like a couple of weeks we were just talking like not a couple of weeks probably like the first week we were like you know maybe we can make it work I don't know and then we had to kind of admit like no honey it's not gonna but yeah like there's a lot of reasons why the relationship didn't work like people have asked me like why

like why why are you not together and I'm like I can't give you a reason like there's a lot of reasons why the relationship didn't work like people have asked me like why like why why are you not together and I'm like I can't give you a reason like there's lots of aspects that go into like two people saying that this isn't for them anymore um and I will say I since I've been dropping these hints on on socials about being like you know broken up um I've had so many messages people being like please tell me you aren't broken up and i'm like do you think this is helpful for me like they're horrible it's horrible like please guys i love you i love you i appreciate you but please please stop with the messages i can't even tell i wake up first thing i see is like please tell me that you haven't broken up i cannot even cope and I'm like oh my god how am I gonna tell

these people but yeah we've been broken up for quite a while now um I actually did an episode I was in denial for a while but I did an episode and I was like god forbid I ever become single again and then as I was listening back I was like I literally am single like I've I've managed to forget that I was single because I was in denial that much um so that's cute but yeah I'm a single galley um we have a lot of friendship still there like love respect him always have always will like it is just you know it is what it is, we didn't work out, we didn't work in the end, it got messy, it got just not nice, and became an unpleasant relationship, and it's definitely for the best that we are just friends, and I know what you're thinking, yeah, good luck with that, darling, you can't be friends of an ex, okay, well, I'll give it a fucking good go, all right,

that I just think, like, you spend so much time with someone, you fall in love with someone. And then all of a sudden you've got to be like, we hate each other. We don't talk. I hope his life's miserable. Like, and it's impossible. I cannot pretend that I hate him. I don't, you know? So, you know, maybe one day I will. I'll let you guys know. My stomach's rumbling. Can you hear that? So the point in this episode is obviously to address it, just to be like, I am single, whatever, whatever. But I want this to be helpful to anybody that's going for a breakup right now, because I know a lot of you are. So this is just going to be the breakup episode. If any of you are going for a breakup, whether it be now or in the future, you can refer back to this. Hopefully none of you do, but if you, if you're in a relationship like I was, where you kind of felt a breakup

on the horizon, you know, just know that if it does come to that, you've got this episode sat here waiting for you, ready, ready for you to, um, whenever you need it. So I have been doing a bit of research, obviously over the last six, seven weeks, because I've needed to know how to get through this fucking breakup. Like I've had to give up my whole life I've had to quit my jobs yeah I remember all that when I was unemployed and then I finally got jobs had to quit them yeah brilliant love that for me um I've had to move back to Somerset I've had to leave my home I've had to leave my all of my friends a couple of my friends in London and start again at 24 years old I've've had to start again, but I'm feeling positive, to be honest. I don't know how, I don't know why. People are saying to me like, Leah, how come

you're okay? And I'm like, I just have this really weird feeling that it's just going to work out, like an amazing opportunity of some sort or a role on the West End or like anything. It's coming, it's coming my way. I can feel it. The universe is doing its thing. It's at work. Things are really heating up at the moment. I just don't know it. So that's honestly my mentality. I just have to. Like if I sit here and I think, oh my God, I'm back home.

Like life is fucking terrible. It's going to be terrible. Where if I sit here and I go, this is for the best. The universe has put me here for a reason. Good things are going to come my way. Then they will. And are we okay every day? And to be honest, I was dreading moving back to Somerset, but oh my God, I cannot tell you the shift in energy I felt. I feel so good. I feel like Leah again. I feel the most Leah I've felt in a long time. So many of you who follow me on

TikTok, you can see that I was miserable. Like I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I was doing. I was so afraid of the relationship failing that it was all I could think about. It consumed me. And then now that I don't have that anxiety anymore, I'm like, oh my God, I am me again. And I feel so much lighter. And don't get me wrong. I'm still so sad. Like that relationship failed. It's so sad. I never wanted it to fail but I'm also at a point now where I'm like but it did and if if it was meant to be it wouldn't have failed and you never know so that's what I think that's my mentality at the moment so I hope this episode will be helpful for you guys I've done my research as I said I've been listening to Matthew Hussey I've been on breakup TikTok for way too long I I'm finally off it now. I had tarot readers getting right up in my grill every day being like, this person, he's coming back, babe. He is coming

running towards you. He cannot stop thinking about you. He is stalking you on social media. And if you are, hi babes. Hi, if you're listening. But they've been telling me he's coming back and I'm like, no, no, it's not meant to be. This isn't meant to be. Don't, don't come back. Okay. I'm finally feeling like I'm myself again. So it's definitely not the right time for me to be, um, even in a relationship. But then now, now that it's been like six, seven weeks, I know it's not very long. I know it's not very long, but now I genuinely feel like not ready to day or whatever, but I don't feel attached to that person or that relationship anymore. Like I finally feel unattached or detached, whatever the word is. And I feel lighter. Like I just feel like I'm okay with things finally, you know,

like I feel ready to, to be Leah and find out who that is at 24 years old. Because as you guys know, I was in a relationship from 18 to 21. And then I met Jake when I was 22. So, and I'm now 24, I'm 25 this year. So like, was I 21 when I met Jake or was I 22? Anyway, either way, I've been in a relationship for a long time. And now I'm this 24 year old adult. And I'm like, I'm just really excited to find out who that is. And like, do I just want to take every opportunity that comes my way? Like I had such a bad habit of being afraid of everything and saying no to everything and turning down new opportunities because I was petrified and I was incapable of doing things alone. But I genuinely think it's because I was so consumed in my situation. And now that I'm out and I've got no choice but to start my

new life I'm like the next opportunity or five that come my way I'm saying yeah like I am doing everything that comes my way I don't even care if it scares me I don't even care if it feels like it's the wrong thing to do I'm saying yeah because I truly believe that whatever's meant for you will not pass you so let's get into some breakup advice um I've got some notes I've written down now the first thing I had to deal with was why why does this person not want to be with me like what is wrong with me do you know I mean how can you not want to be with me like how can I love you this much and you still don't want me and that was so hard but realistically I thought about it and you think you break up because something ain't right and Matthew Hussey once said a wise man once said

um look at me forgotten oh if somebody somebody that doesn't want to be with you by definition cannot be your person by definition they can't they can't if somebody doesn't want to be with you that's not they're not for you hun at the bare minimum you should want to be with me like i'm not being funny that's that's the first stage of the relationship you actually want to be in it and if you don't then you're not for me do you know what i mean um and you break up because something ain't going right something isn't right um and it's hard to accept that but you kind of get to a point where you have no choice but to accept it and i just find that the first stages of the relationships it's like you find them everywhere you everywhere you go there just everywhere you in songs in films

in day-to-day like every in your clothes because you have memories with them in your clothes and it's like they they become your life and they're everywhere you look and what I've done obviously I have a long way to go in terms of my self-love journey and finding out who I am and stuff but I feel like six weeks is a long time to spend by yourself like stuff but I feel like six weeks is a long time to spend by yourself like I've been alone with my thoughts for every day for six seven weeks and like it's a long time to you think you can think a lot in in that amount of weeks um and I'm still on my self-love journey and I plan to be on my self-love journey my entire life because that is my main priority from now on um but I think what I've realized is that you start to find yourself in those things like now when I listen to songs

I think about me and like you know that little mix song where it's like I've been spending time on everybody else it's time I did it for me and now I listen to that and I'm like yes that's me and it's like I'm giving me that love sweet love yeah and then you start to see yourself in films and you make memories in those clothes that are just your memories on your own and your independence and your story um and that will happen like it is so normal that you spend so much time with a person for years they're your absolute best friend and then all of a sudden they're gone and you have to grieve them like they've died but they're still around and you're aware of what the fuck they're doing thanks to social media which is brilliant so it's really hard but give yourself some credit because every

day that you get through you're one day closer to just being through this and getting through it and another thing back to Matthew Hussey if you guys are going for a breakup you need to hear Matthew Hussey's TikToks and and podcast episodes and stuff like he's a fucking legend but I've written it down here it's something that really stuck with me okay just because it hurts doesn't mean it isn't for right or for the best it's just pain and it will pass because that's the thing that i think a lot of people struggle with it's like this relationship wasn't serving me like this person didn't treat me how i want to be treated we didn't do things together that i want to be doing with my partner yeah i'm on the floor and here's all i want all

i want is this relationship to just work out. And then you have to think to yourself, just because it's hurting me now doesn't mean it's not for the best. And Matthew says, it's okay to feel disappointed that someone didn't turn out to be the person that you needed. But what you mustn't do is grieve as though they were the one, which is, you know, can we just get a round of applause for that oh my god I swear you just heard my stomach rumble then I think I heard it in the headphones I need to eat a hamburger thing um and it's so I love that I love it so much because it's like you're you're devastated I pictured my future with this person. Like I pictured everything. I pictured the life that I was going to have. And all of a sudden I have to deal with the fact that

that's not going to be my reality anymore. But we can't be upset thinking that that was what was meant for us. Because if it was meant for us we would have it it's that thing of like if it's supposed to be it would have been do you know what i mean and you know there are a lot of couples that go through breakups that are temporary they have to go on their self-love journeys their their independent gain their independence build up their foundations build a life that they have built for themselves and then they get back together and like if you're going for a breakup right now a lot of people they tell themselves we're going to get back together I just have to go on this journey and I remember doing that with my first breakup I

remember telling myself we're going to get back together we are going to get back together one day and that's what helped me get through the breakup that's what's helped me get through every day because I didn't feel like it was going to be over forever and then it wasn't until like four weeks later that I was like actually we're probably not going to get back together but because I'd been on my own for four weeks I was so much more okay with it so sometimes that's kind of what you have to tell yourself but then in other situations like with this breakup I immediately had to tell myself let it go like let the relationship go and I think that's because I was holding on for so long at the end. Now that we'd actually made that move, I moved home, it's over. I had to say to myself,

it is over Leah, like do not hold on any longer because I am not living the life I deserve to be living if I hold on to this thing that isn't meant for me and isn't, isn't right. So it honestly depends on your situation, but I think you know in your gut whether you think holding on to the thought that we're going to get back together is going to be detriment or if it's going to help. I actually have a DM that somebody sent me, so I'm going to read it out. It's quite similar to this topic. Hi, Leah. Big love from Australia. Oh, no. You know what that means, guys. You know what that means? Okay. I'm currently dealing with a breakup. Day eight since I saw him last, six, wait, day six since last texted. The only thing stopping me breaking

down every five mins is the hope that we might get back together, but I don't know if that's doing more bad than good. I've saved his name as June 18th as that will be 30 days since we last spoke and when I want to reach out to him. As the dumpy, although it was mutual, we needed to sort out our own issues slash heal. I don't know if I should be the one to reach out or to wait for him. I'm doing a lot of work on myself, seeing a therapist, going to the gym and looking to sign up for yoga, meditation classes. going to the gym and looking to sign up for yoga, meditation classes. Any advice on how to deal, oh sorry, how to heal slash should contact what? Oh, who should contact who first? We'd love to hear from you or your mum. Hee hee. Oh, oh babe. Thank you. Sorry. Sorry again to any Australians that I offended with the accent. It's just so addictive. Like I'm literally addicted to it.

Okay. I should have got my mum on the podcast I only have one mic though guys it's a real problem I literally only have one microphone it's a real drama but anyway we'll figure that out one day hey um love you first of all love you proud of you you're so strong you have the strength you need to get through this so let's tackle this message. So it's been eight days since you saw him. When did you send me this? Oh, what's going on here? My phone's crashed. I think it was like three days ago by the looks of when I screenshotted it. So it's been about a week and a half, maybe. Oh no, just over a week since you last saw him. sorry since you last spoke to him it's good okay the first couple of weeks of no contact is difficult we'll get to the no contact um tactic

as well but let's just tackle you first um you stop the only thing stopping you breaking down is the hope that you're getting back together but you don't know if that's doing more bad than good so you could be in a similar situation to my first proper breakup where that was the only thing that stopped me breaking down I said to myself work on yourself become somebody that he wants to be with kind of sick if you think about it and then you'll get back together and then it'd been about four weeks I hadn't broken down on the floor as bad as I'd imagined I would have because I was thinking we're going to get back together but now it's been a month and I'm kind

of okay with this now I'm kind of getting used to being on my own and I'm kind of I'm not looking at your socials anymore like I'm kind of accepting this at this point and now I've gotten to a point where I'm like if we get back together we get back back together. Do you know what I mean? So in my case, it was helpful. But in the breakup I'm going through now, it wouldn't be. It would not be helpful because right now I have to build a foundation for my life. I have to focus on myself. I have to figure out how to love myself. And if I'm holding on to a relationship that doesn't serve me I'm not going to get anywhere so it really does depend on where you're at in your in yourself um um I think putting June 18th 30 days I'm going to reach out to him in 30 days you might not want to like you might

not actually want to talk to him in 30 days 30 days is a long time in breakup world okay to think you went you talk to somebody every day for a few years depending on how long you were together obviously and then you don't speak a peak for 30 days you do not know where you're going to be in 30 days time you could not be interested in in contacting him in 30 days time so maybe it will help you to say i'm going to contact him in 30 days because it gives you that peace. It gives you a goal. It gives you that like motivation to keep the no contact without cracking because you've got the day that you're going to break it. But on the flip side, it could be stopping your progress. It could be preventing you from really letting it go and really making the progress you need to make and having that selfgrief that you need to have because you're still holding on um so i would

maybe it's okay to hold on slightly if it helps but hold on loosely like i think be okay with the idea that you may not contact each other in 30 days but it's a potential you know i think say to yourself rather than going in 30 days i'm going to message him maybe say in 30 days i'm going to see how i feel and if i message him i will um and most of the time you probably won't you'll be in a totally different position in 30 days you might be like you know you never know what could happen in 30 days time how you could feel where you're going to be in your in your journey um but you said you're seeing a therapist you're going to the gym doing yoga meditation so i would say hold on loosely to the idea of contact and keep doing what you're doing keep focusing on yourself because otherwise

i fear for you that it might hold you back in your journey, which now is crucial. What you do now in the early stages of a breakup are crucial to your progress and the direction that you're going to end up taking. I hope that helps. Look at me, I'm such an expert. I'm such a breakup expert. All right, let's go back to my notes. What else have I got that I wanted to make sure I didn't forget? Oh yeah, one thing that, oh actually, one thing I want to mention to you is what used to help me with my first breakup where I really wanted us to get back together and I really wanted us to have that contact I found so much peace in saying I am going to leave it in the hands of the universe it is out of my hands at this point all I'm gonna do is go to the gym I'm gonna go to

my therapy I'm gonna go to my yoga and leave it in the hands of the universe that's my advice to you all right um let's talk about oh yeah this is such a lovely point that I wrote down so obviously when this first happened for me I was like I have I have to quit my jobs. I'm going to go back to being skin. All I've got to do like every day, I'm just going to wake up every day and be at my mum's house. And like, I'm going to go back to my fucking childhood bedroom. Like I'm just going nowhere in life. I'm 24 years old. This is just, this is hell. And then I thought to myself, well, I actually saw on TikTok, but it really helped. And I thought to myself, well, I actually saw it on TikTok, but it really helped. Sometimes things happen for you and not to you. So I was going, why is this happening to me? Why is this happening to me? Why is my life not working out the way I wanted it to? And then you think,

this is happening for you. I am doing this. The universe is going, Leah, stop fucking moaning, all right? And just wait. Just wait and fucking see, okay? And thank me later, all right? That's what the universe is saying. Stop fucking complaining about, oh, why is this happening to me? I'm doing this for you, babe. I'm doing this for your benefit. So calm down. Go home and enjoy summer with your family, all right? So I've said, okay, fine, I will. And I am. I'm having a really good time, actually. It's really nice and warm. It's actually very helpful that it's summer. Not in terms of like hot girl summer I mean maybe but in more just in terms of like I get really bad seasonal depression like when when it's dark and cloudy and rainy and

cold I literally don't want to leave my flat like house now I don't even want to open the curtains I don't even want to get dressed I barely even want to brush my teeth let alone shower I get so depressed in the winter so the fact that this has happened in the summer another blessing I feel like that's another reason you know things happen for a reason this is why this has happened now it's why it didn't happen six months ago do you know what I mean um but also one thing that has really been helping me is playlists. So I remember somebody gave me this advice at the beginning. They were like, put on like build a feel good playlist. And I was like, you think I want to dance in my fucking bedroom right now? Like I'm depressed, babe. I don't want

to dance. And then after like three weeks, I was like, I've been spending time on everybody. I've been spending time with everybody. I'm just loving life, loving it. So definitely when the time is right, make yourself a feel good playlist. Listen to that music when you're getting ready every day and get ready every day. Get ready. If you're not going out, get showered, pop a bit of makeup on. If you wear makeup, do your hair, put some nice clothes on. Still can be comfy, but just put fresh, clean clothes on. Change your change your knickers okay and just get out of bed get clean brush your teeth like let's not wallow in self-pity okay we're still sexy i mean i'm still wearing my sexy lingerie just for myself all right so yeah that's another bit of advice make a feel-good playlist and i also have this video that i want to play for you guys which really really helped me

I thought it was beautiful okay listen to this that was my big thing hold on let me start again spend time alone that was my big thing was I was never apart from him and when we broke up I realized how terrible I was spending time by myself and I realized that if I spent more time by myself and spent more time kind of nurturing my relationship with myself I probably wouldn't have lost myself along the way of being with him because i was paying more attention to him than me and like obviously there's a compromise but like you can't know someone else and you can't learn how someone else affects you and you know the context of a relationship if you don't know you do you know what i mean how nice is her voice by the way it's so nice you know you can't understand the context of a relationship if you don't know you.

I love it. I love it. And oh my God, word. Okay, word. So true. Like that is one thing I can really relate to her in that way that I completely, my main focus became my relationship. It's all I cared about. If I was, if I was with with him I didn't care about the the actual quality of the relationship I cared that I had it and he hadn't left me and somebody wanted to be with me that's all I give a fuck about and it's so sad because you think you should want somebody to just want to treat you well and and love you and like be be good to you and and spend time with you but actually all I cared about was that he didn't leave me it's fucking pathetic like when I look back I think you're pathetic like I didn't care

about how good the actual relationship was as long as I had it and as long as I couldn't lose it and nobody was going to take it away from me and it's so sad because now I look back at my tiktoks where I'm making my coffees in the morning I think poor girl she's fucking miserable and not just because the relationship like I wasn't happy living in that flat I wasn't happy who I was living with I found it very difficult I wasn't happy with the lack of friendships I had around me I wasn't happy with how lonely I was because I was so far from my family and I can't drive I wasn't happy because we weren't I wasn't spending one-on-one time with my partner I spent every day by myself like yeah I was around people but I was spending my time alone um and you know like there's a difference between being

around people than than spending time with people I always say that and I spent all my time with myself but not in a caring way it wasn't out of choice it wasn't because I love myself and I'm looking after myself it was because I wasn't around anybody that wanted to look after me and spend time with me and nurture me and vice versa so when I heard her speak in that video I was like that is me now like I made terrible decisions in that relationship. I prioritized the relationship and that person over everything, over myself. And it's pathetic. And now I look back and I think, I now will choose myself every time. You know, like obviously, as she said, there's compromise. And when I am in my next relationship, there will always be a massive priority to me,

but no one will ever become more important to me than my own mental health ever again. Like that is so sick that I allowed it. And also I just, the next person that I'm with, I have to be a priority. And like, listen to her video. I was like, it made me realize what I've done to myself and what I deserve. And, and like, I just love myself way too much to ever be in that position again. I love myself way too much to neglect myself like that again. I fully neglected myself. I didn't give a fuck as long as this person didn't, didn't, as long as this person wanted to be with me. And you know, turns out for a long time they didn't. But I knew that, I knew deep down, I knew the whole time that the relationship

was hanging by a thread not the whole time but the whole time that it was hanging by a thread I was aware I just didn't want to believe it and I didn't ever want to leave um and if you can relate to that I'm really fucking sorry it's so terrible it's terrible it's shit um but I really, I hope this can be comforting for you. And I hope, um, that this can be like your friend when you're going through the breakup, you know, like it's tough. It's so tough. It's so consuming, but honestly it's only been six, seven weeks. And I feel the best I felt in like over a year, I feel safe with myself for the first time I feel like I'm not in self-destruct mode I feel like I'm protecting myself I love myself I'm taking care of myself nobody can hurt me nobody can ever have an impact on me like that again like I will never prioritize

I don't even know what like what was I prioritizing just everything above what was right for me and what I deserved it was just like as long as I had this person around I didn't give a fuck about anything else I didn't give a fuck about the fact I'm nowhere near my family I didn't give a fuck about the fact that I'm not making any effort with my friend I didn't give a fuck about the fact that I hate my job I don't care because I have a boyfriend that's all that cares that's all I care about I mean and I will never do that again it's so sad my next relationship has to be 10 out of 10 and if it's not 10 out of 10 I'm not fucking having it on at the end of the day um but one last thing I want to read to you is something

that I found on TikTok again that I thought was really really quite beautiful so it says some days at 3am you'll be breaking inside in the quiet of your room it will feel like you haven't cried this hard in months but other days at 3am you'll be laughing so hard that the city will feel like a home again and someone you love will be laughing with you there will always be another 3am waiting for you and i thought it's so nice it's basically in other words this time will pass do you know what i mean like, like, you will have, you'll have these moments, and you'll have another amazing moment around the corner, so stay, like, stick around for it, I know when you have a breakup, it, it can feel like the end of the world, it really can, but, like, like I said, it's only been six, seven weeks, and my pain was so much more temporary than

I imagined, like, as I said said the relationship had ended for us both quite a while before we actually both physically left I think um which I think is why we're so able to be like friendly with each other now because neither of us actually wanted it it just was like out of our hands like we're just like this isn't working anymore we have to kind of admit it and like we still have so much care and respect for each other but because the relationship was had ended before um sorry I was so afraid of the relationship ending before that when it actually ended I imagined because I'd thought about for so long I really built up the idea that I would be in pain for forever um and it would be so painful and so hard to imagine him with somebody else and to imagine

that I don't live with him anymore and not waking up next to him and like not coming home from work to him and I imagine that that would be so painful and it wasn't until I actually was forced to do it that I was like it's nowhere near as painful it's nowhere near as painful as I imagined. Being with him and being afraid of the relationship failing was way more painful than being without him. And that is a fact. So, you know, like I said, I'm glad that we still have respect and love for each other because it makes it easier. Of course, it makes it easier. So yeah. God, what do you guys think how you guys feeling how you guys feeling about everything I hope if you are going for a breakup you're okay like I've been through breakups in the past but it really does feel like the end of the world and just because I'm sat here

and I'm being positive please don't feel like however you're feeling is wrong or if you're if you can't even get out of bed trust me I've I've been there before. Like, I've been in a place in a breakup where you're like, this, my life is over. This is the end of the world. I will never get through this. I've been there, but you will. I promise you will get through it.

I absolutely promise you. I'll put my life on it. There is no way you won't get through it. There's absolutely no way. There's no way in hell. So, let's have a debrief. Oh my God, guys, in the last the last episode i said let's all decompose i don't know what that meant and then i googled it apparently it just means die

it means like a rotting decaying body so i was like let's all just die and decay and rot that's not what i meant how funny right that was that was a very intense episode and now we need to do some positive decomposing nobody decompose oh my oh my god nobody decompose right let's um d what is the word i'm looking for somebody's listening to and that you're shouting it out at me right now because i can't think of it it's like de-stress but basically like what i'm trying to say is let's release the the energy that we've just built up and and the pain and the stress of a breakup deep breath ready in through the nose out through the mouth

well done everyone let's do a bit of a laugh. Actually, big smile. Big smile. Big smile, ready? Stretch your face. Cheese! Cheese! Big smile.

Cheese! I'm so happy! Let's do some laughing therapy. Ready? Is everyone laughing? Oh, my God. I nearly started crying. I actually nearly started crying oh my god i actually have

tears honestly guys apparently laughing therapy is a real thing because it releases like happy hormones and like your endorphins let's try it again on three my mom's probably thinking god she really thinks she's that funny recording her podcast cracking up like that um honestly guys thank you so much to all of you that messaged me but let's let's pause on the breakup messages because i'm trying to let go okay honestly i'm so grateful to everyone that sent me a message saying like i'm here for you i'm proud of you you're so strong you're amazing like i've had girls just message me like first thing in the morning being like just a reminder that you're a badass bitch and you you're going to get through today, and you're absolutely 10 out of 10, and you're stunning. And I'm just like, you're literally the bestest

friends I could ever ask for in my life. But I can now proudly say that I'm in a position where I'm ready to let this all go, and just be like Leah again, and not attached to the relationship, not attached to that breakup. You know, I'll always care about him and I hope he feels so happy. I'm acting like we're not speaking. I can literally just text him now and be like, how's things? He called me bestie the other day. I nearly threw up in my mouth. Like he texts me. I was like, oh, like, cause he was in Spain and I was like, by the way, like I got the rest of my things from the flat, like blah, blah, blah. And he was like, okay, Bessie. I was like, oh, what the fuck? So weird. Literally threw up my mouth. But yeah, we're really friendly.

Nobody needs to be concerned about that. There were obviously issues and arguments and horrible things that happen in all relationships. Otherwise you don't up do you know what i mean if everything was great we'd be together and it wasn't but you know regardless of what happened in the relationship regardless of of the arguments or anything bad that happened i care about him and i always will so that is that i'm feeling positive i'm ready to let go i'm ready to move on i'm ready for my life to be all about me. I'm ready for incredible opportunities to come my way. Please somebody manifest an incredible opportunity, some sort of West End offer or some sort of offer of any kind. I'm honestly desperate at this point. And I'm giving you my word. The next thing that comes my way, I'm saying, yeah. I'll say, yeah, babe, get me up on that stage. I'm doing it.

and yeah, I'll say, yeah, babe, get me up on that stage. I'm doing it. I'm doing whatever it is. So love you guys so much. Thank you so much for all your love recently. You've all been so amazing to me. I think a lot of you sort of figured it out. If you didn't hear it on my TikTok, a lot of you sort of worked it out yourself. Um, and to anybody that's just sent me a nice message, I really, really appreciate you, but we're ready to let this go now. Okay. This is why I didn't do the, um, the breakup episode until now. I wanted it to be at a point where I'm, I've processed everything. I'm letting it all go. I've moved on. Like, um, obviously I'll be on this moving on journey for a while. Like this is how life goes. Like, I'm not like I'm fucking over it. Don't even care. Like, obviously not like it's going to be a long process, but what I mean is I'm, I've, I'm at acceptance. I'm at, I'm, I'm okay with,

with it and I'm, I'm happy. Um, and I, I 100% this is think that this is what's best for both of us. Um, so yeah, I wanted to wait until I was at that point. I was going to film it like two, three weeks ago and every week I feel like, no, it doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like the right time. And now really does feel like the right time. I'm ready to film it like two three weeks ago and every week I feel like no it doesn't feel right doesn't feel like the right time and now really does feel like the right time I'm ready to put it out there put it to bed and move on um and Leah Levine is officially on the market anyway guys love you if you're going for a breakup we're in this together I love you like you have everything it takes whatever's meant for you would never pass you by you're in a position now to be truly loved by somebody you're now in a position to meet your actual soulmate that person was not meant for you and you're worthy of so much love and amazingness all right guys i will see you next week send me um dms on instagram

for some dilemma no not dilemmas uh weekly debate ideas send me in your ideas and I will get one up on the story. Alright, I love you guys so much. Thank you for everything. You're my absolute best friends and I'll speak to you on Tuesday. I love you! Bye!