Leah on the Line - Confession Diaries 9: I had sex with a tampon in and LOST IT!

Episode Date: August 11, 2022

Hey huns! Welcome back to another Confession Diaries. You really impressed me this week with your antics... Keep it up. ;) Thank you so much for all the love and support on the podcast., it honestly means the world. As always send in your confessions/dilemmas to [e-mail]. Love you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hi everyone welcome back to a brand new episode of leo and the light it's 11 11 currently everyone make a wish i wish for massive penis in my life, happiness and money. I'm joking, joking. I have all of those things. Joking again. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode. It's Friday. It's Friday, Friday. Remember that song, Rebecca Black? Oh my God, wasn't she like one of the most hated people on the internet? That is so heartbreaking. Hope she's okay. I actually think she is okay because I've seen some bits of her recently. I feel like she probably still makes music. God, the world was dark. Remember that girl that sucked her tampon? Licked her tit or whatever. Do you remember that? God, oh my god, is she okay? Like, are these people okay now? I now they imagine getting that sort of

attention on social media oh terrifying do you know one of my biggest fears is getting cancelled please no one cancel me if i say anything out of line please you as my friends need to dm me and be like leah leah leah no no no no no take that down immediately um but then even the thought of getting those messages stresses me out so we don't we'll do if you think it's bad just do it i mean i won't say anything bad i'm not a bad person anyway ow ow what the fuck my fucking phone just gave me an electric shock jesus oh my god anyway welcome back to another confession diaries have you been up to no good i hope so i actually have some good confessions this week i somebody dm me saying can you just read them out raw and not get like, not pick them

out beforehand, like just read them out. And I do actually do that, just not on emails. On Instagram, I do just scroll through my story replies and just read them out. And that is genuinely my first reaction, first response. But on emails, I have to filter through because especially on my emails okay guys let me fill you in a secret there's this boy that's been emailing me like 10 emails a day um explaining that his girlfriend has like a belly button fetish and like that's absolutely fine do you know what I mean I'm not here to judge anybody

this is Leah on the line I'm here to help you out but turn a day turn a day i'm not even doing it and listen if you're listening i love you thanks for listening um really do actually genuinely appreciate your support but you know turn a day it's it's a lot okay i i have to get through these emails and darling i'm just gonna answer your dilemma talk to your gf you know if she's got a belly button fetish and you're into it that's absolutely fine just have a word don't worry don't do anything you don't want to do but anyway this is not tuesday this is friday happy friday don't you hear people say that when you work weekends happy friday yeah maybe for you maybe for you i'm working all day tomorrow and on sunday and on monday so fuck you happy fucking friday to you no but happy friday to anyone that is actually off this weekend i am not to rub it in

but i'm gonna stop chatting shit now and get into the confessions okay let's just kick it off with this one love you guys hope you're having the best weekend I mean week I mean wait hope you had the best week let's just go into oh actually side note somebody left me a one-star rating I know Leah stop crying about your one-star ratings just fucking get a life I know I will I will stop crying about them one day but somebody left me one saying this could be a good podcast but she just repeats herself all the time it's so annoying this podcast needs editing listen I'm not going to edit my podcast I am who I am and I'll stand by that no listen one thing I love about Lear on the Line is you know it's called Lear on the Line

it's meant to feel like a phone call it's meant to feel like a raw unedited real chat it's not meant to feel like a show production like it's literally meant to feel like raw unedited real chat it's not meant to feel like a show production like it's literally meant to feel like raw unedited a little bit messy at times you know like I get my words wrong sometimes I do repeat myself sometimes I do ramble on sometimes I do say catchphrases that don't even exist okay I am who I am and I felt like it was really unfair for you to leave that rating on my podcast I'm joking I don't I get it I get it it's absolutely fine for you to leave that rating on my podcast. I'm joking, I don't. I get it, I get it. It's absolutely fine, you know, I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea but my cup of tea with two sugars in it. Anyway, I'm just going to get into the confessions

now because I'm embarrassed. Okay, first confession. One time my boyfriend and I were staying with my bestie and her boyfriend and we saw them squirming I'm unsure what that means saw them squirming because I thought squirm was like oh was that squeal no that's like a what the fuck is coming out of my mouth right now anyway I thought squirm was like a scream so like what do you mean you saw them squirming but anyway continuing on naturally thought they were doing bits so we started doing bits privately on the sofa turns out they weren't and started laughing at how gross we are we ran to the loo to finish I mean I love that you ran to the loo to finish because personally

if I was you I'd probably be like wow I've you know just been caught getting fingered by my best mate well not wait not getting caught fingered by your best mate, your best mate wasn't fingering you, I mean, let your best mate caught you getting fingered, um, anyway, moving forward, um, I slept with my BFF's brother and took his virginity, I have fancied him since I was five, wow, do you know, interesting story, I had a boyfriend when I was nine, he was my first kiss, I was like, he's the love of my life, like, we're gonna get married, um, anyway, then he, like, moved really far away, and I was like, heartbroken, nine-year-old Leah was like, oh my god, I'm heartbroken, and then he moved back to my hometown when I was, like, 16, and I was like, yes, like, this is it, like, we are gonna fall in love, and then we slept together,

and it was terrible, um um and then he went around and spread horrible rumors about me yeah and he was like she laid there like a starfish i was like listen to me hon first of all i'm 16 i don't know what i'm doing second of all you were fucking shit as well i wasn't having a fucking good time okay anyway there's my confession next got caught in covid given a blowjob in my car by some creepy man watching at the window i mean it what why was he watching you at the window that's kind of scary um but it's kind of naughty kind of like it not nothing to do with the man but you mean of someone um yeah it's horrible that would probably I probably would have shit myself oh that's another thing actually I've mentioned I mentioned

every week that there's always so many confessions about poo on the Friday episodes and I obviously in the last week I was like guys I really need your confessions like I just I'm not getting enough at the moment um because they're they're all the same so like I don't want them to all be the same which is probably a good thing because it means that so many of you are actually doing the same thing so you don't really need to feel that guilty or ashamed but obviously I'm only going to read out one of the same things I was like I need more like unique confessions um so I asked for more confessions and let me tell you you all need to stop shitting yourselves and fishing out your shit from toilets and stuff because that's that's

all i was getting so then i had to put up another story like hey guys um if anyone's got any confessions that don't have anything to do with poo that'd be great so um yeah just a little side note for you hans anyway i pissed in a bottle for my friend in a school. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. I pissed in a bottle for my friend at school to take home to put on a pregnancy test to prove her mum. Wow. That is friendship, to be fair. I would wee in a bottle for my friend if I had to, for sure. And vice versa, I'd ask my friends to wee in a bottle for me if I needed to get a false pregnancy test

enough I was pregnant. Do you know what I'm saying? I love that. That's actually quite sweet. That's friendship. That's love, that is. I fancy my boyfriend's personal trainer invited me to the circuit class. PT is very sexy. SOS. Oh my god. Do you know how many I get about like, you guys fancying your brother's friends, your brother's brother. Oh wait, wait, I meant your boyfriend's friends and your boyfriend's brother. Oh my God. Anyway, next confession. I once went into my room to see my boyfriend throwing his shit out my window in a bucket. What the fuck? Do you have a toilet in your house? Why did he shit in a bucket? Why is he throwing out the window? Where does he think it's going to go? It's going to land

on my fucking drive, hun. That's going to hit my car, you freak. Someone says, I just threw my spoon in the bin instead of my yogurt pot. Do you want to know something? So you know when you make a cup of tea, right? You get the tea bag or the teaspoon. So many times I will walk to the sink, throw the tea bag in the sink and then walk to the bin and throw the spoon in the bin. And then I literally freeze and be like, I've just done that the wrong way around. Isn't that weird how your brain just like just unconsciously just fucks around? Do you know what I'm saying? My ex fucked his cousin so respectfully I fucked his dad and wow, what a dilf.

Your ex fucked his cousin so you fucked his dad and wow what a deal your ex fucked his cousin so you fucked his dad wow well first of all why why is he fucking his cousin that's bizarre it's so bizarre to me um but that's the revenge party it's a revenge party a party that ends with somebody's head on a spike. Who knows that song? It's from Mean Girls, the musical. If you do know it, you're a, you're a, what's that saying? You're a real one. I made myself cringe. Anyway, I slept with my boyfriend's brother, then slept with his brother's girlfriend. I like secrets. Christ. Christ Christ so you broke up your relationship your boyfriend's relationship with his brother and then your boyfriend's brother's relationship with his girlfriend and possibly the boy's relationships with their mum because she would have been very

disappointed in them so I mean you're a busy girl. Christmas will be interesting around the boyfriend's house. Don't condone these actions, but enjoy them for the content. So thank you for doing that. I message you a lot when you don't read them. Oh, I message you a lot and when you don't read them, I just delete them. Okay, so if I, basically, if I've never replied to you before and you send me a DM, I, if, if I don't reply, that doesn't mean I haven't read it. So if it goes to my request, I have to click accept and then it will say seen. Whereas like I can read all my message requests

and you guys won't know that I've read it. So just cause it doesn't say seen, I still might have read it and I still might include it or still might have screenshotted it for use so don't worry if that doesn't say seen it doesn't mean I haven't read it acknowledged it do you know what I mean um next confession I'm a hoe that's quite fantastic actually well done really really quite enjoy that one I don't get along with my boyfriend's girl best friend oh fuck the girl best friends I couldn't do it I couldn't do it if my boyfriend had a girl best friend I couldn't do it I'm sorry I absolutely couldn't well I'd have to wouldn't I I'm not gonna break up a friendship but it would it would be fucking hard I'm not gonna lie I'm jealous I'm a jealous girl and also it's bullshit you guys have heard my first episode I I don't believe okay i believe in male female friendships that's not what i said

i believe in male female friendships what i don't believe is male female best friends your best friends yeah what you go cinema together he comes on your house you watch films you text every day you have phone calls no no not on my watch not on my watch you don't my watch, you don't. No, it's weird. But I know there's so many of you going, oh my God, that is so toxic. I love my boy best friend. Like, I know. It's just my opinion, okay? So many of you, right?

I'm leaving everyone, start rating. Please don't. I love you guys. Lame, but I always reply out loud to things you say on the podcast. I answer your rhetorical questions, ask my boyfriend certain things when I get home and rate the pod i love that i would actually love to know how many of you do actually respond out loud because i do it as well like when

i listen to podcasts and they say something that i don't agree with i'll literally out loud be like no nah no i disagree or like if they say something i agree with i'm like yeah that is so true i'll be doing my makeup i'm like yeah that's so true actually so just out of curiosity how many of you actually do that um I hate my boyfriend's parents even after five years and always try to make an excuse to get out of spending time with them that is so shit because like getting on with your boyfriend's family is the best like I just love having that second family. It's amazing. It's like, you get a whole another family. It's so fun. So I can't imagine not getting along with them. It must be so shit. It's like, are they just not nice people? Do they not like you? Are you just like mega different?

Like, what is it? I would love to know. But yeah, that that is so shit i actually feel quite sad for you on that one okay this one jesus i've just literally read it i once had sex with a tampon in and my boyfriend had to fish it out torch out legs wide open that's love i actually yeah that's love torch out legs open that's love i i would do that for a mate would you guys do that for a mate if she was like if you if your mate was like Leah whatever but pretend that was your name Leah I've got a tampon and it's been stuck inside me for over 24 hours you're gonna have to help me get it out I'd like of course I'd probably rather wear gloves not gonna lie um but I would do that for a friend so but then I guess boys are sometimes boys can be a bit funny about tampons once i was naked and a guy i had a string hanging out on my

fan and a guy was like turn around and i was like you'll still be able to see it i was like oh my god grow up you pathetic. It's a fucking tampon string. Would you rather have blood all down my legs, you freak? Probably would. I got fingered in a KFC toilet. Right. I'm concerned about how common this is. It's so common.

Round the back of Mac. You just got fingered round the back of Mac. You just got fingered in KFC toilet. Got fingered in BK. Like, why does it happen all the time is it like a younger generation thing or are we still doing that in our 20s because i've personally never done it how many of you have have you been fingered in public toilets always fast food as well hey um went to my ex's house for a booty call then his bestie was waiting

for me at mine for one too no i'm sorry boys friends are sometimes just the worst i know from fucking experience guys snake each other i've seen it firsthand it is so snaky they're all such rat bags honestly some of them not all of them some of them there are some very very loyal friends out there but we hear about it a lot we hear about a lot my ex cheated on me so i made him re-fall in love with me so i could break his heart genius i've done it as well okay he didn't cheat but basically he just didn't want to be with me anymore and i was like what the fuck this was years ago by the way i was a teenager i don't really class him as a boyfriend but we was only together a few months so um he didn't want to be with me so I was like oh my god that hurts so then I was like please

please take me back take me back and then he did and then about two weeks later I was like I don't want to be with you I literally just't, just did not enjoy the rejection. But you know, on reflection, it was a selfish, cold thing to do. And I will never do that again. All right. Okay. I drive past my ex's house every day, even though it's the longer way home. I think this is more common than we think. I think a lot of people probably do this. It's just like being nosy in it. It's like looking at your ex's socials or like you know when you've got mutual friends and you say and you like gossip about them it's like you drive past their house so you know like is there any unfamiliar vehicles vehicles outside the building do you

know what i'm saying i feel like a lot of people do that i wonder if he drives past your house though probably do you reckon he does i think i found tinder on my dad's phone him and my mum are married i'm heartbroken holy fuck okay but plot twist what if they're like one of those couples on tinder they're like looking to spice up the relationship get some get a third party involved you know it can't it might not all be bad maybe they're just looking for a little spice up. This is probably not what you want to be hearing right now about your parents. But I feel like that's a much better option.

I would definitely have to do some more digging if I was you. I'd have to. I hate my boyfriend's mum. She's one of those mums that's obsessed with her son in a weird way. Oh my god, I speak about this all the time. Mums sometimes fancy their son and it's fucking weird. Right, i know they exist and i know you've fucking met them as well sometimes they do don't they they're like in love with their son and it's like they get like weirdly possessive and jealous and it's scary it's because that's like i was his first love do you know what i mean

well now i'm his first fucking real love all right now i'm joking i'm joking you can be his first love do you know what i mean well now i'm his first fucking real love all right now i'm joking i'm joking you can be his first love that's absolutely fine i'm literally not trying to take your son away from you do you know what i mean sometimes i think you are which is quite sad because it's like i could never i'm never gonna come anywhere close to you you're his mom and i'm not trying to i once sucked some cock she's put cock in capitals um I once sucked some cock on a train and then tried oh and then cried for a week anxious about CCTV and being arrested oh my god I don't think somebody's gonna track you down and arrest you um but CCTV for sure someone's watched you sucking dick for sure for sure i mean where were you

sometimes sometimes when i'm on a train i will like pick my bogeys out and then i'll be like i'm on cctv right now and i'm like scratching my nose and i'm like i'm literally disgusting what am i doing anyway i just keep confessing these days okay let's let's read this longer one i love this one hey gal love your podcast i've got a confession are you ready a few years ago i was on holiday with my family at the age of 18 in cyprus i was sharing a room with my 16 year old younger brother there was this older guy in the hotel about 40 years old but he kept seeing around the pool and we kept making flirty eye contact okay so you're 18 and he's 40. Interesting. He looked like George Clooney. I fancy the fuck out of him. Daddy. Well, to my luck one night in my hotel when my brother was asleep, I saw this guy on Grindr. We ended up

chatting and one thing leads to another and I'm sneaking out of my hotel room with our complimentary bottle of red wine, heading down the corridor to meet this fella. had a fun night i'll let you fill in the blanks then after sneaking back to my room and waking up the next day i must have seen the guy about five times while i was with my family the pool the buffet the lot trying not to give the game away was a killer but so fun i actually think that's fucking amazing okay he is 40 and you're 18 but there's nothing illegal about that so like it's your consensual decision and you know if he fancied a bit of you and you fancied a bit of him who cares what anybody else thinks you're old enough to make those sort of decisions but i actually think

it's quite like naughty and sexy do i mean the way that you like oh my god i'm on my family holiday and keep it a secret i kind of love it be interesting to know what you and the listeners think about the age gap too i mean some people will think it's so weird but honestly i didn't care and still don't i was confident and had fun that is all that matters you had a good time you were consensual and you know what like yeah it is a big age gap but you weren't like trying to get married do you know what i mean you were just having a bit of like naughty fun on holiday um and like i said realistically that is no one's business so well done you darling I like it I like it a lot hey girl love you and your pod

been here since your first youtube debut and can I just say I'm obsessed with your voice that belt girl oh my god thank you okay so confession I'd love to know if anyone else feels like this but I'm currently in a two and a half year relationship and i'm head over heels adore the man and he's fab but i feel like there'll always be someone that will be at the back of my head does anyone else have that someone that will always just be in their heart a little like i would never act on anything as we're both silly happy but the guy i have a soft spot for i've just known since we were tiny we were friends of benefits in high school and then i've just missed each other every time. Oh, one of them just like constantly slipping the net.

Like I've been single when he's in a relationship and vice versa. He confessed a few years ago that he still really liked me and that he was sure one day things would finally line up and we would be together. It definitely fucks with my head anyway. Nothing too scandalous, but still. Like I said, I adore my boyfriend and I can see a future together i want to marry him babies the lot it's more wanting to know if it's super wrong to have someone in your heart even if you wouldn't go there maybe you could do a weekly debate on this topic let me know your thoughts i'm a hard person thank you love you bye okay so it was borderline dilemma slash confession like it's kind of a bit

both but do you know what i think it's very common I personally don't really think I have that one like I don't think I have that person that's like my childhood sweetheart like we'll always we'll always fancy each other I don't actually I cannot think of one that I've got like where I'm just always like ah it's just such a shame we never actually got to like hook up I don't have one but I know so many people do so yeah I don't I think it's very common but like you said you're absolutely obsessed in love and more than happy to spend your future with your boyfriend so I'm not concerned if you're having thoughts like oh my god am I gonna settle down with this boy if I can't get this little if I can't scratch the itch of of Derek do you down with this boy if i can't get this little if i can't

scratch the itch of of derek do you know what i mean if i can't just get the dick of derek once do you know what i mean at least you if you're not if you're not thinking like that then i think you're fine do you know what i mean i think you're all right hun okay i think that will do for confessions today guys they were actually really fun not too poo related which is pleasant for us all what are you guys up to this weekend I went to watch the beach sunset I mean the sunset on the beach tonight it was absolutely gorgeous it was actually stunning I went to a place called Chesil Beach which is if you live in the southwest area you have to go and watch the sunset it's literally gorgeous um and I was sunbathing all day got actually quite a good tan quite proud of myself

um and got a kfc good kfc got a twist or wrap meal but i had the kentucky mode it's like really really peppery and it's actually a bit spicy and i i like spicy food like don't get me wrong i'm fucking solid yeah I like spice but it was very peppery and kind of scary it was a little bit much but whatever anyway hope you guys have the best weekend make good decisions I always say this and then I regret it because I need you to make reasonably crazy decisions not bad decisions because I don't want any of you to get yourself in any trouble do you know what I mean um but I do I need some juice I need some tea so I think I haven't decided for sure it's not solid but I think I'm going to stop the confession diaries at week 10 which means there could only

be one more um and then Fridays we'll have to switch to something else haven't quite figured out what that's going to be yet um but that may not happen i may i may just continue with the confession diaries but i feel like it's run its course like it was it was a fun little bonus moment for leo on the line and then we're going to bring something else in but obviously the tuesday dilemmas will never leave like that is that is the theme of leo on the line do i mean your your call up with your best friend so that will never go anywhere but I think I want to make Fridays maybe every 10 weeks I'll just introduce something what do you guys think if you have any ideas let me know like maybe like we can do some taboo stuff for the next 10 episodes because I know you guys

really enjoy when I talk about taboo things um and I enjoy that as well and I'd love to be part of the change in things being so taboo. So, yeah, let me know what you guys want from me. What do you want from me? I've got nothing left. Anyway, love you guys so much. This weekend is going to be amazing. We're going to do amazing things.

We're going to meet amazing people. Don't text your ex. Text me. Be safe. Be careful. Send me messages because I love chatting to you. And I'll speak to you on Tuesday, you sexy bitches.

Okay, I love you. Bye.