Leave A Message with Ally & G - 12 - What You Lying For? It's Another Mixed Bag!

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

We love a mixed bag on Leave A Message, an opportunity to pick up the crumbs at the bottom of our inbox and devour them (in the form of slightly-useless advice). This weeks mixed bag of messages may have no theme, but they are all jaw-dropping in their own, special, way. From being won back through a Powerpoint presentation, to dealing with flatmates having loud sex... Ally & G reveal some of their most shocking anecdotes of boyfriends past and crushes future. In the words of Ally: a little grunt here and there will do. Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to Leave a Message. I've had an energy drink now and I feel like, wow, crazy. Welcome to Leave a Message. Thanks so much for coming back if you're a returning visitor um if it's your first time then welcome this is the podcast where we talk mainly about your stories which is an absolute dream especially if you're nosy i feel like i'm finding this podcast really fun me too because it's as a nosy person it's all about other people yeah it's absolutely brilliant and you make us feel less alone.

Because you send your voice notes in and I think, God, I've done bad things, but I've never done that, babe. Well, it's about also making other people or other galleys feel less alone. Like last week, we had this girl talking about her flap hanging out. And now all the other girls with their flaps hanging out, why do you feel so alone? Yeah, genius. You know what I mean?

Like, it's like, we're all one of this. Everyone's living the same experience in a different kind of way when you think you've done something outrageous and so crazy someone's talked to you somewhere always

always always so what are we talking about this week today we're just doing a bit of a mixed bag aren't we I love a mixed bag

because you never know what you're going to get on this podcast it's your new favourite thing I know we haven't had any briefing for this so I feel quite like

on the edge of my seat. I love that, because that's when the curveballs come. And we trust Rihanna, we know she picks the good ones. And usually the curveballs are the best. So, what are they called this week, babe? The galleys? Yeah. Ooh, um...

Good. That's a good name. Give me a minute. Holly! Yeah, go on then, we'll do holes. Holes, why not? She doesn't listen anyway. Have you

had this? Have all your friends stopped listening to everything? No one, babe. First of all, no one listens to me because they're like, oh, well, I kind of get that information anyway. I'm like, well, you don't. No, no, no. But that's what my friends have been saying. They're like, I've stopped listening because I'm now getting no information from you and I know it all from your content. So I'm

going to stop listening and taking in anything. And also the other reason people aren't listening is because they're cross. Why are they cross? Because usually I'm saying things about people, like Jack got cross at me. I don't know if I've said this on the pod. I don't think you have,

but you might get cross for you mentioning it again. No, you best tell everyone actually after 50 years. I best tell everyone, because he said, when you go back on and you talk about me again, can you make sure everyone knows I'm a 10 out of 10 hunk because Al said she wouldn't shag him if he was the last man on earth

which actually she still stands by don't you yeah because I said to him like I love you like my brother it would feel like incest

to have sex with you he was like I know it came from a place of love but people are going to think I'm like an actual fucking loser he actually is a loser

so joking Jack you sexy boy. He was like, can you go on and tell everyone that like I really am attractive and like people do, like I'm wanted

apart from the fact that I'm fully in a committed long-term relationship. So just if anyone's listening, no one knows what he looks like. But for the sake of Jack, we will just set the record straight that he is not a fucking... Is he wanted?

Like how do you know if you're wanted? I don't think I'm girls used to love no no babe sorry jack really yeah no no i'm in his heyday i think he's past his prime now really babe i'm not joking what kind of girls posh girls no not always when we were in australia and a lot of Aussies loved it. Oh, yeah. That doesn't count when you've got the British accent and you're blonde. They'll love you. That's true.

That doesn't count. That is true. Well, they weren't loving me. Maybe because you look a bit more, you know, exotic. I have a posh accent too. What happened to me? Oh, babe.

No, no. Girls have always, like when you went to uni, like girls have always... Jack, have you managed to wrangle yourself a whole opening segment on how fit you are just because you complained to Al about her saying

she'd never shag you? We'd have to cut this. We'll have to cut this. Is Ed's going to be so big? Jarring. Jarring. Okay, let's get the first one and see what we've got in store today.

Oh. No, have we not? Do we not? I think I kind of have to. Goodness, this is why we have to have a pre-recorded intro. This is why we've got to have a producer. Hi, this is Leave a Message. I'm Ali.

This is G. We're Ali and G. These voice notes that we get sent in are from the galleys. And every week we kind of pick a topic and talk about your trials and tribulations throughout your lives. This is a safe space. This is somewhere to send any story you might have.

Embarrassing, secretive, funny, sad. We want it all. Top to bottom. Shocking. Listen, we've had girls on here that have lost their livers on a night out. You know, don't worry about it. If you're worried about your boyfriend cheating on you,

someone's had it worse. Not to worry. That's a really good way to live. Someone's always had it worse. What was the name? Holly. Okay sorry hi girls i wanted to quickly tell you what happened to me in my first year of uni i was in a flat um in halls there was me and three other people didn't get to pick who I was with basically I wanted an en suite because I don't want to share a toilet so that's why it was like smaller flat numbers so there was only four in our flat so there was me another girl and two guys so I was like the

furthest away from this guy's room and honestly nearly every night of the week about like 6 7 p.m so not even late this one of my roommates would be shagging his boyfriend so loud and like the bed would be squeaking like honestly I could hear everything and I was the opposite end of the corridor with my door shut everything like in bed which was again like far away and like it was never even spoke of like I'd see him in the kitchen the next day and I'd be like hi um yeah like I'm all for it but like not at 7 p.m and not like all the time anyway second the guy who was in the room next to me he was doing like a football degree which I don't even know what that is like how do you what warrants you getting a degree in football he used to be up till three well he used to wake up at like three in the

afternoon so then he'd be awake till three in the morning shouting one day it just got too much I was like um Bob his name wasn't Bob but Bob can you like please be quieter I'm trying to sleep and he kept doing it and it just got to the point where I was like look sure he like lived really close to the uni and he used to only come in for like three days a week but those three days a week was hell thank you holly number one lot to unpack here wow babe who did you live with in halls in halls yeah first year in first year i had a room on my own but i was like it was like um yeah what do you mean so like it was like a big it was almost like a like a boarding school i guess because it was like a big there were no flats

I see did you get in late? no no no you picked that? yeah every room so it was like there were no well there was a kitchen

but we had like it was catered oh weird it was like a catered hall so it was almost it was like a dorm so it was like a little flat no no no

I just had my own room with a toilet no toilet you shared bathroom oh my god it was literally like boarding school how funny at boarding school you have dorms but in this one you just had a room room with a toilet no toilet you shared bathroom oh my god it was literally like boarding school how funny

boarding school you have dorms but in this one you just had a room but you must have met did you meet people in halls yeah yeah yeah because you'd go down and have

and like eat together and like there was a bar in the halls oh fun yeah yeah it wasn't a flat so I never really and then when I actually

did live with people I lived in second year and third year in like second year I lived in a house but in Bristol that was yeah and then in third year we lived in the flap so that was my first

i went in in first year i only lived like really on my own like if i wanted to go and be on my own for a whole day i could oh my god who's were mad yeah i lived with three people one of them who i'm still friends with now ellis and then actually no maybe only we had this other girl but i never really met her. We lived together for a year and never really spoke to her. That's wild. So it was like a hall, like flats within halls? So halls is like, what do you mean?

Like, when I think of halls I think about like every room you open is someone's room. No, no, we had flats. So I had like four people in my flat all sharing a kitchen. We all had our own bathroom but there was like no communal space outside of the flat yeah downstairs oh so we had like a common room and like where we did our washing and stuff god it was so weird then we

had this like 27 year old italian guy that was so stroppy he was a master's student and he hated us like me and ellis would get in from a night out and he would literally be like, he'd be sat there in bolognese just like looking at us. Living with people you don't know is the most jarring thing on the planet. It's ridiculous. Sorry, I was just thinking about the shag. I have a lot of things to say about that.

How are you having sex? Like, what are you doing? Why like clockwork every night? Are you doing anal penetration for fucking three hours straight? Why is it so loud? No one needs to make night? Are you doing anal penetration for fucking three hours straight? Why is it so loud? No one needs to make... I don't think she said

it was three hours straight, to be fair. Okay. Unless you're doing like really hardcore, intense, like S&M, BDS, like... No need to make so much noise. What is there to make noise about?

A little grunt here and there will do. No, but people do make a lot of noise. Why? Unless, like, I'm sorry. Why? You must be shagging someone with the biggest cock to make noise my little grunt here and there will do no but people do make a lot of noise why? unless like I'm sorry why? you must be shagging someone with the

biggest cock known to man to be making that much noise I really really don't understand how no but also

it's the thumping and the banging like it's not always just the moaning and the groaning I remember my boyfriend at drama school

he lived in a house with three girls and one of them her name was Imogen. Sorry, Imogen, I've just named you properly. How crazy of me. She had this boyfriend called, I think his name was like Dom or something. He was quite sexy, if I remember.

Dom's quite a sexy name. Yeah, anyway, Pete, my ex. And the room downstairs, Imogen was above him. She was a shagger. When they went honestly the house shook and she would

scream the top of her lungs like bloody murder like having the time of her life and I'd think I want to have a go with Dom seems like a good time

enjoy like you should scream and shout as much do you make no noise no I do but like babe I'm not screaming at the top of my lungs

huh what noise do you make go on when I have an orgasm No, I do. But like, babe, I'm not screaming at the top of my lungs. What noise do you make? Go on. They're all the same. When I have an orgasm, I would make some noise. But like, mid, you know. Oh, I'll make some noise.

Make some noise, Roar. You did it. Yeah. Also, I'm really in the habit now of not doing, of not making noise because I know other people are in the house. Yeah, and also, that is just a respect thing. You should never, unless you're home alone, you really shouldn't be making that much noise. Like, even in a hotel, I would be aware of the fact that there are people

sleeping next door to me. And thank God in a hotel there's thick walls, but in halls, they're basically plasterboard. Babe, the people upstairs, in our flat, I think I've heard them. They are at it like rabbits. And you want to knock and you think

what are you guys taking like how are you having so much sex how and why it's definitely sex because we thought at one point they might be doing

hit classes dear Jo Wicks but it's a very regular pattern is it and like sometimes on a Sunday afternoon 3, 4 o'clock

shagging and you can hear oh it's so bad. You can hear the springs going. I hate to judge, but 6, 7 is a weird time, isn't it? Because it's like just pre-dinner. That's actually kind of my perfect time. Is it?

Yeah. I like a nooner, you know. I like a bit of afternoon delay. Once I'm dressing up, you will not, no, there is not a chance. But then you're dressing up at 6, just before gym jams. Is that what's happening? If it was a Saturday. Are you you're dressing up at six. Yeah. Just before gym jams. Is that what's happening? If it was a Saturday... If it was a Saturday...

If it was a Saturday and I was staying in and I was having a shower and then, you know, maybe then we were going to have dinner. In my undressing process, that's when to get me. Yeah, okay, good take.

No, it's boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When she's undressing, you're in. Otherwise, it's a no. It's a no it's a no because like in the morning Raw does like a little bit of a morning pump

and I just think I've got to get up and do things he always I'd do anything for a bit of morning pump at the moment I'd love a bit of morning pump

morning pump is not for me just roll over brush my teeth it's so dull I'd love some morning pump oh no I was just going to ask you about Raw actually

is he loud when he watches the football? Not when he shags you, when he watches the football. Yeah, I had a word with him the other day, actually. Did you? Because it's a bit much. I said to him, listen, I understand that you're passionate about this. You don't need to be passionate quite so aggressively. It's not necessary.

And I said... I agree. I said it creates an environment in this household. It's a bit hostile. Yeah, and I don't stand for that. Yeah, and we can only be happy and elated when chows win. And I will not have football hooliganism under my roof. Imagine this girl, poor

Holly Ward, knocking on the door. Ever so sorry, but I will not have football hooliganism under my roof. I have a question. Okay. Question? About football chants. How the fuck does everyone turn up to the stadium and know the chants? How the fuck does everyone turn up to the stadium

and know the chants? How? Are they in a secret Facebook? Is it on threads? Is it on Twitter? Are they sending around a newsletter? Are they on a broadcast channel?

Are they all looking in the mirror going, love football, crazy, learning the chant? Crazy. Crazy. I feel like they're taught from children,

like when you're a child. No, but Rihanna. Rihanna, there's new ones. Yeah, often. And every week, sometimes they have new ones, especially when they're a child no but Rohana Rohana there's new ones yeah often and every week sometimes they have new ones especially when they're in the Champions League and stuff and they know them

and they sign a new player and then everyone just knows the chant it's bollocks if anybody is a football hooligan and they would like to tell us about how you learn the chant please please can you voice note in because I don't understand it

highly number two no wait I have one more thing to say I've written down first time I shagged raw. Oh. Why have I written that? Oh, because you were in halls probably, were you? No.

In his halls. No, about walking into the kitchen and about being awkward in the kitchen. Oh, because you'd been shagging quite loudly and everyone had heard. Yeah, and we weren't even in his,

so we went to Newcastle and the girl, the middle man, her name's Annabelle, everyone who said, remember in the beginning everyone used to say, yeah, we were,

for some reason we hadn't gone back to say, yeah. We were, for some reason, we hadn't gone back to his flat, his house in Newcastle. We'd gone back to her, her house. Yeah. And we'd shagged in her bed.

Babe! We'd slept in her bed. She must have been with her boyfriend at the time. No, no, she was like, please, no, no, no, please, you know,

consummate, consummate in my bed. Anyway, we walked. Consummate fornicate. We walked. I'm so tired. I've actually just hit a delusional wall. Go on. Good. Consummate fornicate. We walked. I'm so tired. I've actually just hit a delusional wall.

Go on. Good. I love it when that happens. We walked downstairs and all these girls, I don't know. He doesn't live there either, babe. She lived in a house

of seven girls. Walked down and I think, good, Ellie saw this as one of them. I thought, hi, babe. Oh, well, at least she's a good friend now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good old Elle.

She doesn't mind. Yeah, at least she doesn't mind. Anyway, sorry, I just thought... No, it's really mortifying, the most mortifying. Sorry, Rihanna, we will move on. It's when you've been shagging in like your partner's parents' house.

And you come downstairs and you look them in the eye and you think, oh, I know you've just heard a shagging. That used to happen to us a lot. That's why you can't have a morning pump at your partner's parents' house. Really bad.

It's very obvious when you've had a morning pump. It's very, happen to us a lot that's why you can't have a morning pump at your partner's parents house really bad it's very obvious when you've had a morning pump it's very very obvious everyone looks a little bit happy to breakfast and they're like oh morning

it's 11.30 but not tomorrow oh god and the floorboards have been going really bad really really bad shouldn't do that

she should just hold her nerve why do you need to shag all the time make this autumn the tastiest season yet with farm fresh produce and easy autumn inspired recipes delivered right to your door with hello fresh whip up tasty restaurant style meals in your own kitchen without the high price tag of takeout and in less time than it takes to get delivery babe honestly hello fresh has saved me so many times and now my inners think i can actually price tag of takeout and in less time than it takes to get delivery. Babe, honestly, HelloFresh

has saved me so many times. And now my in-laws think I can actually cook, even though all I've done is followed the recipe and had the ingredients delivered to my door. But babe, you are cooking. It's absolutely genius. And also, it's not like you're going to be stuck doing one recipe that you're good at because there's variety from hello fresh there's so much choice come on you can get 10 free meals at hellofresh.com free ali g applied across seven boxes new subscribers only varies by plan that's 10 free hello fresh meals just by going to hellofresh.com slash free Ali G. You're welcome. Number two. Hi, Callies. I'm in a bit of a dilemma and I don't know what to do about this guy. So

I really would love for you to help me out. So I met him on the dreaded app that we all love to hate called Hinge. And he was just so lovely. And I really got along well with him. And this is at a time where I am currently studying abroad. It was three weeks before I was supposed to come home for Christmas. And I rejoined Hinge and met this guy. And he was lovely. So I came home.

We went on our first date and we just had a really good connection. I saw him for the whole time I was home for Christmas and I just really, really, really liked him and he liked me and he told me that he would love to still talk to me while I go back for the second half of my year abroad and we both agreed that we really didn't want to see anyone else quite intense quite early on and on the night of new year's I went over to his house and I couldn't find where his where his house was and so he sent went back in January um two weeks before Valentine's Day he tells me that he's not really doing anything this weekend as we're like catching up regularly and basically he tells me that that weekend he is going to see his friends from uni and take his parents out.

And yeah, just a chill weekend. Little dude, does he know I still have his location? And something, I don't know if it was the girl in me was just saying, check his location just to make sure. So I did. And he went to Paris for the whole weekend and didn't tell me now am I crazy in thinking that maybe I'm overreacting we're not together or is that something that he should have told me and how should I react when I go back home should I tell him that I know or should I

just let it sweep it under the carpet I mean it's been playing on my mind for a while and I genuinely don't know what to do. I do really like him and I just don't know. But yeah, love you girls. Babe. This is serious, babe. Listen up, get your notepad out. Get your notepad out.

We're going to give you some really hot takes here because this is serious. Right, right. You must tell him. this is serious. Right. Right. You must tell him. That is dodge. Everything. Wait. We must get some facts in order first. We don't have the facts, babe.

No. I'm telling her to before she goes in. Oh, right. Okay, fine. You must first check his Instagram following. Has it gone up? Are there any new girls? Is he liking girls' pictures? Can we find the girl because you never know she might have been in paris on the same weekend i'm just saying and her pub her account might not be private yeah i'm just i'm just let's just check that because it's so

dodgy to lie why are you lying even if he didn't go with a girl it's bad even if he went with his fucking nan why are you lying you wouldn't lie if he went with his fucking nan. Why are you lying? You wouldn't lie if you were with your nan. That's all I'm saying. Something's gone very wrong there, babe. And I'm so, so sorry. But my first thought was...

You have to be the... Find your power and stand up to him and let him know that you do not allow people to treat you that way. That is disgusting. It is disgusting.

Yeah, well, just the lying, even if he hasn't done anything else.'s so that's what i mean about treating you i'm not like someone that you well you're gonna lie to my face tell me that you're gonna go out with your uni friends have a chill weekend you've got to do that amazing thing where you've got to go so um how was your weekend and you give them the opportunity to tell you give him the opportunity ask him like you know present to him that he has the chance to say what he's done wrong and if he doesn't he lies to your face you say do you remember that time i came to find you at new year you left your location services on and i know you were in paris who were you there with no i wouldn't even say that i would say oh how was paris and be like what would

you yeah you'd go in hot i listen in these situations this is when i become a real revengeful bitch because i just think don't you dare lie mistake me for the person that's gonna let you do that and walk all over me so i'm like it's so annoying with stuff like that because it's like don't say you want to be exclusive with me and you want to keep talking whilst I'm on my year abroad. Say, babe, you're on your year abroad and actually I'd like to keep dating other people while you're away.

Fine, just be honest. Why are you lying to me and selling me the dream? Like, I love love and it's unfair that now we all have to be cynical because this little ratbag has made you believe you're in love with him

and then he's flying off to Paris with someone else on Valentine's Day weekend. Can I tell you something? Yes. Go on. No, what were you going to say? I just wanted to say make it make sense.

Often, love, I really like him, is mistaken for I really lust after him. Yesterday, we were talking about this. That's irrelevant though

in terms of this. No, it's not. You can love him or lust him, he still fucked you over no but the point is she's like I don't know what to do

I still really like him yeah no you don't like him enough no you don't like him enough well let's just make that to let him get away with that you don't like him enough you deserve better and you must find

you must see that for yourself we can say that to you as much as we want oh my god has he taken another sorry I'm just deeping it has he taken another girl to Paris for Valentine's Day?

Obviously. That is fucked. And you still like him, babe. Are you okay? I think we do try and we try and pacify it, don't we? So let's take the rose-tinted glasses off.

There's no world in which he has not been to Paris with another girl. I'm so sorry, babe. That's what I'm saying. There's no way. I would honestly say to him, did you get me a key ring?

Where's my Eiffel Tower key ring? Did you put my name or hers on the lock on the bridge? You scummy piece of shit. That's what I would say. I would. You can do better, babe. Like, that's wild. Why would he lie? Chilled weekend with my mum. And if you think that's normal behaviour, I can tell you now that is not normal behaviour. And society has fucked us up so much to eat. The first thing that you've done in that, it's not your fault, in that situation is make excuses for him. Benefit of the doubt. Oh, should I tell him?

Obviously tell him, babe. He's a c***. Oh, dear. Richard, I'm so sorry. You must keep that out. Oh, my God. Please keep it in. It's brilliant. You must at least put a little beep over that. I can't believe you just did that. He is. No, it's

really good, but that was wild. He's disgusting. And you're saying, oh, I don't know if I still like him, so I'm spitting, I'm so passionate about this. You must find your power, babe, and you must say, who... I'm sorry. Babe, you give me his address and I will go there for you. Yeah, okay, we'll get out of there. Can I tell you, I went to Australia

and my ex-boyfriend shagged someone in my bed while pretending to be faithful to me. So I do know how you feel. And I came home and I thought, oh my God, maybe I can make this work. No offense to you, babe, you can't, okay? Hate him and like, you know, send him shit in the post.

Whatever you do, that's better than feeling like, oh my God, maybe I still like him. Because you can't like come out the other side if you're still in the maybe I still like him phase. can't like come out the other side if you're still in the maybe I still like him phase. Even if he just wanted to visit Paris and didn't want to tell you

it's a red flag, why are you lying? Why are you lying? I'm sorry, he has gone with another girl because you wouldn't lie. If you were going to Paris with your mate

or anyone else, you wouldn't say I'm going to have a friend weekend with my uni mates. Bizarre. To conclude, sometimes you've got to like yourself more

than you like the other person. Ain't that the truth, Rih is wise words hell yeah number three yes hi galleys absolutely love the podcast and you've been really helping me get through my breakup of my relationship that lasted about two and a half years um we broke up about four weeks ago just because there's still so much love for each other like we really love each other we've just drifted apart and two the two reasons that I think it was because was because I have so much passion and excitement for life and I want to go travel and see the world and he's a homeboy and he loves being at home and hasn't really shared that excitement with me,

but claims to have it. But he has never been excited about traveling with me. The other reason is I'm very motivated and organized. And if I've got a goal, I work hard to achieve it. And he isn't very organized and is very flaky on plans and ambitions in his life. Anyway, we've still been chatting because we love each other a lot. And he has sent me out of the blue, we haven't chatted for about a week, but he sent me a 23 slide powerpoint presentation with a six-week travelized scenery to South America which I've always wanted to do and he knows that what do I

do what do I do this is my dream dream dream absolutely love it and the idea of doing it with him it's idyllic but I also know that we broke up for said reasons. And I don't know whether this is just a redemption tactic to just get me back and he's just saying it or whether this is because he wants to do it. What do I do? Do I travel the world with him? I am.

Or am I just falling for a trick? Oh, babe, love you. There's only one question here. Is he paying for it? And then if he is, it's an obvious yes. Oh, my God, babe. I feel your pain because it's really hard when you break up with someone

and fundamentally it's really hard when you break up with someone and fundamentally it's the things around you that have caused you to not be together anymore rather than your love for each other that's really hard although i will say as time goes on those circumstantial things become important yeah yeah and like they can start as peripheral like even things like feeling like that person's not motivated when you're a bit younger it doesn't matter when you've got kids and a life and it really does matter and like that's quite that's not something that you should ignore if that was such like driving force for your breakup maybe you're in two minds i'm in two minds i'm in two minds but i would say don't get swayed by travel because try i don't get swayed by the powerpoint because he knew it was going to sway

you and it's obviously had the desired effect maybe had some good transitions you know what i mean he was standing there with his clicker like watch this babe he knows what he's doing do you know what i mean he knows his way around a keyboard i just think it's really hard isn't it when like strong emotions are involved but i do think we don't often find people in this world that we really love and we want to spend our time with like platonic or erotic doesn't matter like it's really hard to find people that we really love and we want to spend our time with like platonic or erotic doesn't matter like it's really hard to find people that we would spend six weeks traveling south america with right like i could count on one hand who i would do that with yeah and we're on this earth once and if you could set out really strong boundaries and this wasn't getting back together i don't think that's an

option i don't think that's an option why i just don't think that you can realistically set up i think what will happen is if you say yes it will just get messy you might have the best time ever i'm not saying that you it's gonna be like hell because like to be honest with you a lot of the things that you might have thought about at home reality yeah but and this is a big big but when you get home it will be one big clusterfuck really because i don't kind of have to break up again right because that's really hard and if you're prepared to do that if you think that you can set yourself up to enjoy your time and take it just for what it is and not pin any hopes for the future on that. And you believe that he can do that too

and that he doesn't think this is the great mission to get you back. That would be the conversation I would have to have. 23 Sly PowerPoint does not suggest that to me. I think he's trying to get you back. Well, and also if it's not really in his nature and he is doing it for you, that's tricky. Who makes a... Sorry the that's the problem why do they always do these big romantic gestures when they fucked it all up also i want to darling i want to say this is an annoying thing to say because you can't really do

this but if you can even for like a minute take the emotion out of it if you had like a logical rational brain on you that was looking at this from like kind of a bird's eye perspective what would that person say to you as like can you can you give that advice to yourself because when you're muddled in the emotion of like i still really love him that's an impossible thing to walk away from he's giving you what you've wanted from him on a plate. Yeah. Actually, he's giving it to you in 23 slides. And also, you can go alone. Oh, it's so hard, babe.

I'm so sorry. I think that's probably a really frank... I mean, either way, he's done you 23 slides, you've got to have a conversation with him. Because either way, that's wild. Because if he's doing that thinking that he's still got a chance of being your person, that's a conversation. But your person. That's a conversation.

But also there might be a conversation about the fact that could you do this as an experience as friends? Or like as fuck buddies. Oh, you can't share a room. I would say no chagging if you're going to do it. That's not going to happen. Babe, have you travelled with someone for six months, six weeks straight?

Not going to happen. No way. Well, I'm not sure. No way. Well, I'm not sure. No way. Especially, babe. Think about all the other sexy people you might want to shag, actually. That's a bit of a problem, isn't it?

Having your ex in your bedroom. With your ex-boyfriend right next to you. I don't think so. Well, maybe it is messy, babe. I think it's, listen, I think if you can do it alone or with a friend, that's the preferred option.

Yeah. I think if you can avoid getting into that messiness, that might be an ideal situation for your life. Purely because I think undoing it is actually going to messiness, that might be an ideal situation for your life. Purely because I think undoing it is actually going to be maybe more effort than it's worth. Don't get me wrong, the experience will be amazing,

but the experience of undoing all of that like... Pain. Oh, it's too... For me, I would just think, whoa, I can't be arsed to deal with that. Especially at four weeks, I don't know about you, but in my experience, four weeks is about when you feel like you can breathe again.

So hard to go back to being breathless. Do you know what I mean? that don't know about you, but in my experience, four weeks is about when you feel like you can breathe again. So, hard to go back to being breathless. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Good luck, Holly. Time for the debrief. Good luck, Holly.

Debriefing. Holly number one, being in halls with a shaggo and a football hooligan. Oh, you best go and have a word. Earplugs in.

No, no. Not earplugs in. Go and knock on their door and say listen i don't know what you're doing whether you're fucking each other up the ass every single night could you turn it down could you stop shagging each other so aggressively that you have to scream at the top of your lungs yeah or could you invite me in because it sounds like you're having a good time in here yeah i want a bit of in on the action horrible if you're not getting any and you're having to listen to people shag all night it's a really unenjoyable noise to listen to actually i think earplugs must be the backup but it's not

ideal it's not ideal and i think you should say i do think that we have this thing of like not being able to say why not what's he gonna say you live together and also it is disrespectful you do need to say when i'm in the house can you not like can you find a new time slot that works for me when i'm at a lecture? You know what I mean? Could you look, I'll share my, well, we can have a shared diary.

That's it. I'll give you my calendar and then you can see when I'm out the house. And then you can schedule your shag time, yeah. Holly number two, the Find My Friends.

Well, I want... Do you ever roar on Find My Friends? Obviously. Do you? Obviously. I think it's essential. I was going to say, this is an advert

for Find My Friends. Find My Friends. Obviously. Do you? Obviously. I think it's essential. I was going to say, this is an advert for Find My Friends. Find My Friends is epic. You must not be with anyone in your life. How do they forget that you've got it on them? I look at Find My Friends maybe once, twice a day. Me too. So how are they not knowing that you can see them? Maybe they thought,

no, but maybe they thought they were like, you know when you can like share it for an hour? Yeah. And they didn't realise that they pressed share indefinitely. You must confront him, babe. I'm really serious about that because I think he took a girl to Paris. If you need any backup, babe,

call me. I'm serious. I'm coming to your defence. She means business. She's got her athleisure on and she will get out there. I did drop the C-bomb for you for the first time ever

on this podcast. I can't believe that your mum's going to be in bits, babe. She doesn't listen to us anymore. She hates us. Fair. Holly hates us. Fair. Holly number three.

Should she go travelling with the ex-lover of her life? My answer is if you feel like you can face the music when you come home and you feel like you want to do it with him

and there's no one else really that you could do it with at this time in your life and you feel like it's 10 out of 10 what you want right now do it but be prepared

to come home and have to undo it all if you can't face that and make sure you really look him in the eye and you know he's on the same page as you for what you're both expecting

out of that trip I don't think that you can 100% for sure know that about someone you can you can start there at least yeah you can at least think that you can 100 for sure know that about someone you can you can start there at least yeah you can at least make your you can have said clear so that then week three he starts to slip a finger down your knickers at least you said in the beginning that's not what i

want from this trip do you know what i mean then there's no shock but then i don't think that's a fun trip because all you'd be thinking about is is he gonna slip a finger down my knickers maybe or am i going to like because hopefully hopefully he wouldn't just do it you know like finger down my knickers hopefully it would be in like a moment of like love and lust and then you would be on the same page i think that's worse because then you're back to square one but you've had a great shag under the but i don't think i think that's american moonlight fine if it's if it's someone that you don't know not someone But you've had a great shag under the South American moonlight. Fine, if it's someone that you don't know, not someone that you've got really messy, like,

ex-business with. I just think it's messy. Oh, it's so hard, because when they, I think actually if my ex offered me a holiday now, I might go Oh, babe, that's fake. We're going to have a free holiday on First Choice anyway. Okay. Don't worry about it. I can't shag you, though. Oh, I'll sip a finger down your knickers if you really want.

Does nothing to disprove the fact that we aren't in fact dating. Star of the week, please. It's got to be Holly number three because I just think

I'm so keen to know what happens, babe. What are you going to do? And you must do some soul searching. It's what I really would say actually. Like,

figure out, do you actually really want to put yourself through that because it will be a bit of an emotional upheaval well and also if you do

yeah babe I've got one if you do also really love him and you believe you could have a friendship then maybe do what's best for that friendship

because actually good yeah you might you might fuck it and you might have an amazing six weeks but Al's right it might get really messy

and then you might lose him in your life and if it's better for you you might be able to salvage something from it now yeah And you might have an amazing six weeks, but Al's right, it might get really messy and then you might lose him in your life. And if it's better for you... You might be able to salvage something from it now. Yeah. And you might actually be able to keep him in your life in a friendship way and that's a beautiful thing.

If you don't want to be his friend, then go on holiday and have a finger... Then do it, yeah. Sack it off and... Have a finger Danny Knickers. Sorry I said that. Thank you so much for listening to Leave a Message. If you liked what you listened...

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