Leave A Message with Ally & G - 18 - Grow Up, I'm An Amazing Friend!

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

Make up, make up, never ever break up... or not, in the case of the gallies this week! On this episode of Leave A Message, we're exploring the full spectrum of being screwed over: from being ghosted by a bestie to the conundrum of dating a friend's Hinge match... loyalty, who knows her?! And if that wasn't enough: Ally & G reflect of the nature of aging in the influencer industry, self-awareness and talking about sex with your parents. Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

anecdotes about former friendships uh i've got loads of those i've got loads of ex-former being the uh crucial word um you love a friendship breakup don't you I actually don't love it they do I don't go looking for it I'm not like desperate to break up with my friend I just think I do have quite

a high threshold on what it takes for me sorry none left in there one sip I thought maybe I might get lucky for on what sorry

what am I saying I love it when you do this she just brain farts it's so good I have quite a high threshold on the shit. But what makes a good friend? And what I will allow in my life

because if you're going to be a consistently shit friend, I just will not make an effort with you and I don't care to explain myself. Yeah. Because I just think, well, grow up and like, I,

this is going to sound really arrogant, but like, I know I'm a fucking amazing friend. Like, I will be there for the people that I love in there in every hour that they would need me and I'm not prepared to have people around that aren't going to do the same for me well also

there's only so many people you can do that for you can't be everything for everyone it's very difficult capacity does not allow it's also different I think if you have different we always say this about like some friends like some of my friends are like my best friends and like they're not in my life every day but like we go out and we have fun and like you need, like some of my friends are like my best friends and like they're not in my life every day but like we go out and we have fun and like you need those like fun like friends

that you can go out and get pissed with and like, but they don't need to know all the heavy deep shit all the time. Yeah, and you don't necessarily

call them in a crisis. And those are the people that I don't think that you, I mean, unless they do something, they're not usually the people that you like have a breakup with for a friend.

Yeah. It's only the people that you really let in and they really let you down. Yeah. No thanks. It's just such a funny concept. I mean, like we kind of get it with ex-partners, I guess that we might not ever talk again.

Like fine, that might be best for both of us. With friends, it's so funny. Like I think about girls that I was really close with at school and now like I honestly wouldn't even know what they do for a living like that's crazy I remember feeling this so so viscerally after I had like my friendship breakup after I left uni and when you go through like a normal breakup you know like okay I'm gonna grieve and then I'm gonna hate him and then I'm gonna

like find love and then I'm gonna start like it's like such a linear process but with friends it's like it's almost sometimes worse sorry I think sometimes they're like it's so much more I don't know because also no one knows what to say and like there's nothing to say and I think that's it I don't think it's that breaking up with a partner is linear because I actually don't think it is but I just think it's so well documented yeah so I don't think anything shocks you when you go through the process like you could react differently to someone else going through a breakup but there's such a wide like spread of what people go through that you know what to expect kind of in whatever order so usually most people can relate yes whereas with a friendship yeah, it's not really well documented. There's not a lot of like good...

There's not a lot of good TikToks out there about it. Right, we found a niche. Another one. We've been speaking recently about how we're like already washed up in old news on TikTok. Do you know in our profession, influencing content creation,

that the average age of like someone in this industry doing well i don't i don't want to know it i actually i don't want to hear it i actually do not i don't want to hear it grandma it is 21 to 23 we're like so ancient in this profession i actually wish i had an ejector seat for you right now because i'd be like eject eject I'm actually on the opposite path at the moment I'm like so babe you are too you've got confused embracing age don't you don't you forget we're like we keep texting each other at the moment like god we're lucky to age god aging is a blessing like we have to keep remembering that you know, something that's happened quite recently has made me really reframe

just every day that you're gifted is a blessing and to reach 40 and 30 and 40, like, it's such an enormous gift. Even if we're really old

on TikTok, doesn't matter. That's what the Botox is for. On. This is like Al's answer to everything. That's what the Botox is for. It's the truth.

If the average age is 21 to 23, babe, I'm going to need a lot of fucking Bot Botox is for. It's the truth. If the average age is 21 to 23, babe, I'm going to need a lot of fucking Botox. It doesn't change your insides. You know, your knowledge, your depth, your wisdom. The girls will sniff you out. They'll know that we're old. They'll sniff it on you.

Experience. I can smell it. But that's what I also think is, that's the only good part about growing up. You suddenly know stuff that you didn't know. Wild. It's mental. You're so self-aware.

It's like, whoa, what? God, I just stopped myself doing that thing that I used to do all the time. And you've experienced things that you know how to handle. It's quite wild. It's shocking sometimes.

I see myself in certain situations and I think, God, I wouldn't have done that at 18. Whoa. She was a lady. Sorry, hi. Welcome to Leave a Message. Thanks for joining us

mid-convo, as always. I really think we must do a pre-record. Don't worry, there's one in, I did think. No, that pre-record is for Leaving a Message. We must do a, hi, welcome to Leave a Message. I was listening to Parenting Hell the other day, and they have one. They do the same every week.

I know, and they get someone to do, oh my God. The names. Why do we get, they get like a three-year-old. Yeah, because they guess the age. What are we going to do? Guess the age of the galley? I don't know, 22? Why don't we do it so that galleys,

you let us know if you think this is a good idea. We've got to have different accents. Yeah. Every week. Okay. And we've got to guess. I don't know that our listenership pool is that wide. Babe, have you seen our analytics?

We're going to have South Africans, girls from Clapham, and my mum, and Canadians that's it that's actually it okay? I love girls from Clapham

because I'm about to become a girl from Clapham it's my favourite thing to say it's so funny it's so funny what would a girl from Clapham be called? can we call the girl

he's a girl? oh oh oh oh it would be like Pippa perfect Jordan North the other day on sex, well, I said to my boss, it's so funny.

He was like, talking to this, they were talking, there was a PR girl in the room and called like Mike and she was, and he was like, I'm surprised your name isn't Pippa Lottie. Molly. Like Ellie. Yes. Pippa Lottie, Molly Litty Lottie.

Litty Pitty Kitty Witty. Yeah, all the same. I love those names. Do you?ie, Molly, Litty, Lottie. Litty, Pitty, Kitty, Witty. Yeah, all the same. I love those names. Do you? Yeah, I wish I had a girly name. That's because you're a clapping girl now. Get me on the common at Rum Club. Georgie's quite a clapping girl name.

Georgie. Oh my God. Do you know what? My name on Hinge is Georgie. And this guy the other night that I was on a date with, he went so Georgie. And I was like, who?

Like, honestly, I forgot that I'd done that. Why did you do that on Hinge then? Because Holly said that G sounds like, sounds like a, like a fake, like,

wasteman name. She was like, it sounds so weird. Like G, like, it's so like elusive and weird. you sound like you're trying to like, have this like,

alternative identity. Yeah. And then Georgina's just like, too strong. Like, imagine first date, someone sitting down and going, so Georgina. and weird. Yeah, you sound like you're trying to like have this like alternative identity. Yeah, and then Georgina's just like too strong. Like imagine first date someone sitting down and going, so Georgina.

I'd be like, ugh, dad! Horrible. What did you get called when you were a kid? Georgie. George. Her mum calls her Georgie

and when she says it I think, No, my mum calls me George, I think. Georgie. She does sometimes say Georgie. Yeah, and sometimes she says Gigi.

She just like makes it up. And I do think, who's she talking about? Who is that? I literally looked at this man and I thought, sorry, you're speaking about another girl on our date.

And then I realised it was me. Oh my God, it's me? Oh my God, it's me? Pippa, line us up. Rack it up. Yeah, Pippa number one. Hey, gals. Absolutely love

drive-thru in the pod. I look forward to it every single week. Thought I would just send in a voice note all the way from Australia. But look forward to every single week. Thought I would just send in a voice note all the way from Australia, but I'll start with my dilemma. I think I'm currently living through a ghosting. My best friend of three going on four years and I haven't spoken in about three months. To give some kind of context to this, we went to secondary school together and we're now

in second year uni but we also go to uni now in different states and so it's kind of like this long distance thing during the semester but we last saw each other in February at the end of our summer holidays here and after our final get together we where we went to a concert and it was so much fun it was a really big night every single text message facetime dm and tiktok has been met with silence she's not responded to me at all she is however very active on her socials, so stories, posts. So I know at some time during the day she is on her phone. After February, Easter holidays roll around and still nothing. I go home for the holidays to our shared hometown and now in my mind she isn't coming back to visit because that's what she told me at the start of the year. She's staying in her state. But I was going about my day and I receive a call from a mutual and they say, well, I've

just seen her. She's back home. And in that moment, my stomach literally turned because the whole time I was convincing myself that it wasn't a big deal and everything was fine because I genuinely never sensed any type of tension or friction between us it was like quite in my mind a healthy friendship but now it's the end of May still haven't received any kind of contact still left unopened delivered on everything what's the next move do I text her again and ask her why she isn't responding and risk being ignored or do i just sit

and wait or do i begin the whole moving on process from someone i genuinely thought would be the my friend for the rest of my life thanks girls oh my god people when my heart actually breaks babe i've been there done that i got the t-shirt. Have you? What do you mean, though? Like, almost the same timeline. They, three-ish years. B-F-F-F-Fs. Not with one girl. Like, we were a group.

And we'd seen each other. I can't remember what happened, but I'd invited them somewhere. And then I just didn't hear from them for three months. Like, just complete blackout of communication. happen but I'd invited them somewhere and then I just didn't hear from them for three months like just complete blackout of communication and that would have been in like almost exactly the same time as well like February and then come like May June I saw one of them had like invited everyone including the other two to her house to like something that I would have normally been

invited to message them nothing. Like just nothing. So more than one girl? Yeah, they were the group of girls from uni. Yeah, that's so hard because it just feels like, I mean, I had that at school where it's just like girls like conspire and they just kind of decide that you're not in the group anymore. But with one friend, like one friend where your relationship is the two of you,

that is fucking hardcore. My immediate thought is something's happened. She's done, she can't, I don't know why I always do this with people, but like my immediate emotional response would be she's done something that she can't face because there is actually no other explanation for that. Well, and if there is a different explanation,

it's like odd that you didn't feel anything like any vibes coming from her side as in if she thought that you didn't have much in common anymore that you weren't gelling like all of that stuff odd that you didn't feel that from her like you were having a really good time and everything felt normal to you yeah really odd yeah and also odd that she for a friendship of that long feels like she can't communicate to you like i will never get over well i i understand it because i've been there it's sometimes really hard to like own up to your behavior or your truth but i do just think like that is wrong you can't not reply that's wild yeah ofs babe but people do do it and it's like the thing is as well you can't

force them to reply so like you have to find a way it really is so like relationship dependent because like for me for example i just go into like fury i just think oh fuck you you know what i mean like i if you're gonna behave like that I will fucking burn your house to the ground sure and like I would then like if I did see them I would just be like a stone cold bitch yeah

but it's dependent on what you actually if you want her back as a friend you have to say something go to her house

if you know she's in town I was gonna say I would go to her house or I would write a letter I would stop with the texting because I just think because she's obviously not working not being house or I would write a letter. I would stop with the texting because I just think it's obviously not working. Not being received.

So I would either turn up at her front door. Agreed. I know where you live and you're a friend of three years and I know your fucking mum's name so she'll let me in. Or I would, yeah,

I'd write a letter. 100%. Because I do think and then at the end of the letter you can kind of say like, I would really appreciate a response. But even that, she's not forced to do it.

She doesn't have to but I just think you've then said everything you need to say in a way that is like really meaningful. Do you know what I mean? Yes. And in a way that isn't just like, you can't disregard a letter.

I always think that. I don't know why. I guess it's because someone's taking the time to sit down and write it. So people have more of a like kind of emotional response to a letter, I think. I think you, but I think if you're going to do it, you have more of a like kind of emotional response to a letter i think i think

you but i but i think if you're gonna do it you have to kind of go in kind of expecting the worst and expect that she won't reply and then if she does reply do you know what i mean because otherwise because if she's not replying to a text like these days texts are letters you know what i mean like it's also oh they're not though because they're so like quick and easy and it's half the problem is it is quick and easy for you to reply well yeah and but also i think the whole like virtual thing makes it not real it's like you can ignore it like i can leave you on read i can just like leave you in my archive no worries a letter does seem more sincere why is that i think it does oh it's because it's like old school. Yeah. It harks back to like when people actually

spoke to each other. And when you like cared to sit down and take your time. I'm really sorry, babe. Babe, I'm really sorry. It's so painful and it's like

exactly what we were saying like no one knows what do you do? What do you do? What do you do? Like you said going over like the grieving process

like yeah, maybe you do start that because even if she comes back to you with a really good explanation she's let you down like it's been three months of her not being a good friend to you so it might not ever be the same that it was exactly and like the one thing i will say is that i don't know how old you are but sometimes like she's just was she second year uni as you get older three years in

the grand scheme of your life like you'll look back and think oh well she was someone I only knew for like you might think oh it was only someone I knew for a while do you know what I mean like it's heartbreaking obviously it's so heartbreaking but like also to not know the why I think we're such like curious creatures like to be kept in the dark about something that is like impacting your life. I think it's so unfair. I always say this though. I think trying to understand why people do things or behave in a specific way, like it's just wasted energy.

Yeah, you're always going to be met with why. You don't know. I don't know. I wouldn't have done that. It's not about you. It's never about you. I wouldn't have done that. But you've obviously chosen to behave in a way that I can't understand.

So like, fine, you do you. Or I'm going to try and close this wound on my own. It's hard. It's so hard. This happened to me before. Did it? Yeah, with a girl that I thought was going to be like my bridesmaid. And it turned out that she'd heard something from a girl

who's like basically said I said something about her that I didn't. But then I was just like, okay, well that I didn't um but then that was I was just like okay well you didn't even give me the decency of being like this I heard this what happened wild now I'm a bit like oh well our friendship would never can never be the same because you just didn't communicate with me what you're gonna believe the first thing that you've heard about me and you're not even gonna you know me you know me you know I wouldn't say that babe I'm really sorry I'm sorry and just go to her house write her a letter or

or catch her and speak to her or if you don't want to do any of those things and you feel like you want to move on try and close the wound

on your own I would recommend trying to salvage something first I think it's nice to always be able to say like I gave it my best shot don't know about you hun

but I did my best. Imagine you just don't taste me. Imagine. Imagine. I just join the bank account and never talk to you again. I don't. Epic.

Do you think that? Sometimes I think I'll do it as a prank just to like get you. I wouldn't even know, babe. I'd never go into that bank account. I honestly, you could take all the money, every penny in there,

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just by going to hellofresh.com slash free Ali G. You're welcome. Before we continue with this week's episode of Leave a Message. If you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description. Now this can be about anything. Obviously obviously sometimes we ask you for specific topics

but if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this then get voice noting yes hey galleys absolutely obsessed with you guys and the podcast and the drive-thrus since day one anyways i've got a bit of a friendship and dating dilemma mixed into one, kind of an am I the arsehole situation. Just need your help. So my best friend is, like, unreal. She's so romantically and sexually successful. Like, her hinge matches go on for days.

I'm so, so here for it and happy for her I'm not that type let's just say I'm not in the like conventional bracket of beauty I'm 23 never really had anyone interested in me and I'm way too chicken for the apps way too chicken anyways I met this guy on a train one day and we really like hit it off so we've been on a few dates and I'll admit I've been in a haze, like completely dumbfounded by this new experience. Having a great time, you know. So I've been to tell my friends about it, showing them all the pictures of us together.

And my best friend loses her mind, says that she's matched with him on Hinge. I'm obviously devastated. then kind of we get to the bottom of it a bit more and turns out it was months ago before I'd even met this guy and they'd never spoken they just had matched on hinged so like nothing ever happened between them and again like I said this is not you know one of few she is a perfect perfect woman so she has so many hinge matches and I just adore her but she's really really upset with me that I want to carry on seeing this guy saying I'm breaking girl code doing her really dirty is this is this selfish of

me because they never did speak and she has you know so many people in love with her all the time and she's so happy but this one guy she's latched on to that she's never spoken to I feel like I'm going a bit crazy I'm gonna help girls babe you're not crazy I love you babe you're not crazy I want to make that abundantly clear. You best be hearing my words loud and clear. Sorry, Al was just gasping at the mic. Honestly, she couldn't

wait to speak then. Also, all these girls, I've lived that too. Not of me, but one of my best mates that happened exactly the same thing. I feel like everyone

was in my head. There was a guy, this other girl liked him, nothing had ever happened. Then my friend. Two of your friends? Yes. And then my...

I know it too. Slept with him. It's always always babe i it's always pee pee boys fell at pee pee pee um i've had exactly the same but can i say one of the girls must reach the guy now and they're trying for a baby so it's actually crazy okay i don't actually think that dibs applies to anyone in this instance. Yeah, dibs is really tricky here because actually I would say you would normally, the normal rule if you're both on dating apps

and you're both dating would be whoever got there first has dibs. That would kind of be the like normal rule unless there was kind of some like, you know, if you could put

special conditions in the ring, like, you know, he's like everything I manifested and you must back off, bitch. But mostly it's probably like first comes first serve. But with this, you had a meet cute, like you met in real life. Agree. I think that actually trumps a hinge date.

I think potentially, they didn't even go on a date. It sounds like they just matched. It would be different if your friend had said we went on a date and i really liked him and then just by chance you happen to meet you him then yeah she does have dibs but then also i think you would both have to go okay we're more important than that so let's both step away like in that like genuinely and then if it comes a year later and you're still thinking about me still available fine i do think and i don't quite know how to word this well so bear with girls um i think there might be a conversation to be had with your friend about perhaps her

clinging on to the fact that she's the one that gets the guys i would just i wrote pick me girl and her not quite liking the The fact that all of a sudden someone that picked her also has picked you. Because you play the wallflower. I'm sure you're fucking brilliant, babe. I'm sure your friends would say that you're an absolute catch, but you obviously have a narrative about yourself

that you're like not... Sorry, Al's going to laugh at me because of my narrative. Sorry, I picked up the wanky term. Is that the wrong... No, no, no, it's correct. It's like, Sorry, I picked up the wanky term. Babe. Is that the wrong... No, no, no, it's correct. It's like, we say it about me.

Sometimes I play the ugly... I play the ugly duckling because it's easier, right? Yeah. Sometimes. Yes, the ugly duckling narrative. Sure. So I think you've donned the coat of ugly duckling and now your friend isn't quite liking that you potentially might get a guy that she probably even disregarded just matched with

him never even arranged a date it's like a like an ego thing or like and some people just like to be outraged have you ever noticed have you met me? This is very specific. No. Yeah, I think you're right. I like your outrage. Also, like, if it was, like, your bestie that never gets guys and you're shagging every Friday, he'd be like, go get him, girl.

Get him. But that's why I don't think she's that good of a friend because, like, if that is the actual, like, the dynamic of your friendship where she's always the one going

oh like I'm too chicken and no one ever picks me and like you know why would your friend not want you to go out

and be like don't worry I've got 50 other people that are waiting for me so you met him and you liked him you never liked guys you never

epic I think it's a conversation babe to have with your friend and I think it's gonna be uncomfortable because no one your friend and I think it's going to be uncomfortable because no one likes a mirror stop being such a

pick me girl and like stop pretending like let me have this one it is always the girls though I'm sorry to generalise the girls are popular with the boys

and fit they always behave like this and I just think you're actually only doing it out of pure principle territory yeah

secretly insecure potentially quite highly insecure clearly maybe we play her this episode huh maybe we play her

this episode oh good hi babe if you're listening love you we're all flawed don't worry about it we just wanted to ask

no babe what you must do is you must put us in your kitchen or something I don't know if you live oh just play it in the background

because no one will know it's you if you just skip the. Because no one will know it's you if you just skip the voice note. No one will know it's you. We could be talking about anybody. Good. And also, there's that whole thing about like subconsciousness.

If you hear it in your subconscious, you might think, oh God, maybe I am a bit eager. Really good. Or when we cut up the TikTok, we'll make sure we cut your bit out and we'll just do it. And then you can send her the TikTok

and be like, ha ha how funny. This is the same as what we're going through, lol. That's genius. Also, sorry, has he got a say? Do we want to ask him? No. Oh, he's just like in a hinge date.

I don't think he really gets a say. Well, this is the thing. Even if he doesn't last, it's like principally like, can you step out of the shadows of your gorgeous, gorgeous BF? I love that you said she's romantically and sexually successful.

If anyone ever said that about me, I'd be over the moon. I'm romantically and sexually successful. I think you're quite sexually successful. Much more sexually successful than me. Jack messaged me this morning saying I'm listening to your your

I'm listening to a lot about your and Rory's sex life at the moment but the bit's quite short I thought yeah poor Rory

they had a great time you should hear what you got up to in Greece huh I said they should hear what you got up to in Greece yeah twice guys in a week actually and now I just feel like You should hear what you got up to in Greece. Huh? I said they should hear what you got up to in Greece. Yeah, twice, guys. In a week, actually.

And now I just feel like I can rest easy. I can sleep with my eyes closed. Knowing that he's not going to touch me. I was thinking, you know, it's so funny. Sorry, this is not related to the voice note. Where you're like, you know, sometimes you do have those moments in a relationship where you're like, just could not be at the more opposite ends of the sexual spectrum in one moment.

Yes. And I just think... Oh God, do explore that for me. Like, he's raring to go. Oh, is he? And I've got my LED mask and my hair mask in and I'm in my dressing gown. And you think, ooh. And I've got my laptop and my hard drive out.

And I just think, sorry, are we talking the same language? Also, do you ever think, what's turned you on? What about right now has made you horny? Because I, like, honestly am anti-horn. I'm, like, trying to repel you. I'm trying to turn you off, babe.

And somehow I've got it very wrong. Is it the dressing gown? Because please do tell, because I won't be wearing it again. You fucking make that clear. The thing about me that's turning you on i will bin it i will change it because i must know i must know how not to turn you on i put a safe suit on and i'm not safe rock hard and i don't know what to do with that hand job for you um should we move on are we ready for a round i'm ready number Oh God, she's been ghosted by her mate.

I've just remembered and it's brought me right back down to earth. It's so horrifically sad. Okay, it's not horrifically sad. Oh yeah, good point. Sorry. It's all right. God, so half his cup empty.

It's not horrifically sad yet because you can still save this. If you want to save it, you can still save this. It requires you putting your big girl pants on and confronting her. Yeah, and a lot of effort yeah

and you are unfortunately and I've learned this the hard way in my life that sometimes people should do things that they just don't fucking do or say

and you have to be the person you have to be the bigger person you've got to take the knee sometimes even though they're a piece of shit you have to be the bigger person because otherwise

you'll just both exist in hatred and also sometimes people do need I don't hatred. And also sometimes people do need, I don't know her character, but sometimes people do need that person to like pull them out. Like if she's so in her head, if she's worked up,

like Rahana said, if there's something she's heard that she thinks you said, whatever it is, she needs someone to go, no, no, we're not doing that. Pull her out. And you might have to be the one to do that

which is annoying because it's happening to you but hold your ground because if she starts saying like all this bullshit stuff no you have to kind of we were talking about this in the car the other day practice the script in the mirror before okay yes you must look in the mirror and pretend like you're talking to her and be very clear and concise and say, you've really, really hurt me and I don't stand for people disrespecting me like that. Like, I thought we were best friends and like, you knew everything about my life

and then what? Suddenly you just can't reply to my messages. Like, it's so highly rude but it's also really hurtful. Have I done anything wrong? And if I haven't, please explain yourself.

Absolutely. And the best lesson is say less because this is what Al keeps telling me off for in conversations like that I say so much I just say words

and then by the end of it I've just gone sorry I didn't really need to say anything sorry and then I'm just backing my box so you must say less

sorry I didn't need to say anything sorry I'm sorry be clear concise and then get out of there and get out her voice notes guys

sometimes when she's trying to say something. The other day, I thought, I actually, I'm going to jump out. Yeah, anyway, so basically, yeah. I love you. Shouldn't have said anything. Maybe I'll just delete this. Get me out of my mind.

I never say what I mean. Right. Pippa number two has a bit of a territorial friend. Okay. I don't want to speak too early. And again, everything is very age dependent because in five years, she'll be over it.

This is the thing. If you're 32, it's so different. This is serious. We're talking like man for life. We're trying to get locked in different. But if you're 18, 21, like it's let him be if he wants to be, let him leave if he wants to leave.

It's more fundamental than that. It's like, if this is your ride or die BF, you need to look her in the eye and be like, babe, what's going on here? Because this behaviour makes no sense to me. You matched with him on Hinge and you're making a big old fuss. She's not going to do that, babe. She can't even get on the apps.

She says she's chicken about the apps. No, she's chicken about the apps because men have penises and they're scary. Your friend is your friend and you know her and she knows you and you can pluck up the courage and this is coming from me. I'm so cowardly. But you can do it.

You can. You can look at her and be like, babe, I just want to understand what's going on because something's not right. If it's about the guy, it's about the guy, but I don't believe that's what it's about is it because you're worried that i'm like suddenly not going to be here for you anymore like i have been because i'm single and you're my rock of course it's not babe it's a cock off

or it's a cock it is a cock off and the sad thing is that you okay obviously do what she says go and speak to her but i actually sadly think that that is not the fixer because that's not the issue. The issue is she thinks I'm so beautiful, I'm so pretty. This is what I'm saying. You don't know that. So you have to find her reasoning for the reaction. Because I would put money on it, 20 quid,

that that is the reason. 20? 20. 20. And I actually still owe you 20 quid for a bed i know i'm gagging for it um what what can you say because if she just says also it's pretty self-aware for someone to look you in the eye and be like can you tell me what the reason is and for you to go well actually i'm the beautiful one and now you're getting attention like that if she says that

she might say yeah but i matched with him first. And then, which you point to. You just have to unpick it. You just say, is it that? Yeah, you've got to really just like get in the trenches. Keep going with her. Pokey poke the bear

till she blows and tells you the real reason. Then you can be like, okay, ugly, but fine. I'll see you're ugly. I love you. So let's go there, babe.

It's like with you doing the perfect TikToks the other day. Ugly of me, but you know I told you I also want to say this is also

like this is going to sound really like sad and depressing and I'm trying not to be sad what a good note to end on go on I don't know how old you guys are and I don't know how old

our average listener is but I think so many friendship like messes in your early 20s you think will define your friendships forever. Sadly, we only can take a handful of people with us for our whole life, through our whole life. And, like, you know, if you have a friend who's ghosting you,

or if you have a friend that's making you feel a bit funny about a guy, like, and it doesn't work out, and you don't manage to resolve it obviously the best case scenarios that you do and that they do come through life with you and they are there next to at your wedding and like that is best case scenario but like I also just want to reassure you that if that's not what happens that is also okay they were meant to stay with you yeah and like some people are just seasonal in your life and that's how it works and it is heartbreaking because you know you find friends that you love and like some people are just seasonal in your life and that's how it works and it is

heartbreaking because you know you find friends that you love and like you feel that you understand each other and then all of a sudden everything's just different and like it doesn't make any sense and people are behaving so weirdly and i wouldn't do that it's it doesn't what is meant to be will be and if they're not meant to be in your life they will not be in your life yeah and there's a lot that you shouldn't put up with just to try and keep people around. 100%. Yeah. Okay, should we do question of the week?

Come on then. Okay, are you ready? This week's question of the week. Can we get a little jingle? Yes, I was just thinking that on my wavelength. Do, do, do, do, do, do. And then I wanted to be like, question of the week, week, week, week, week, week.

Like that. Do you feel comfortable speaking to your parents about sex? Oh, I saw this come up. Okay, but I did a little like caveat because you should vote yes

even if it applies to one parent because I thought a lot of like girls might say, yeah, my mum, but not my dad. Do you know what I mean? Yes, we speak about it openly.

No way, so cringe. I reckon 90% of people have voted no. So it's actually 71%. Oh. No way, so cringe. But it's like a lot more votes. 29%, yeah, we speak about it openly. That's actually quite a high percentage.

Maybe it's not. 29%. That's about a third. I. Well, maybe it's not. 29%. That's about a third. I would say, yeah, I do. But I don't know why that is and I don't know what has like,

fostered that relationship with my parents. It's a sliding scale because if you want to say, to speak openly to your parents about sex, are you having sex, is different to, did you give him a blowjob last night?

Yeah. It's a real spectrum. Yeah, like, are you talking like, positions with your mum? Do you do you know what i mean like i would say to my mum like my mum even would say sex is a muscle you must continue to have everyone's on my back about having sex desperate to get some sleep desperately come on then best fit one in this week it's almost midnight on sunday my mum said i better do a maintenance shag, so I better get my dressing gown on. She said it's like a muscle.

It is a muscle. And if you let the muscle weaken, it's very difficult to retrain it. I don't think she's wrong. And she said it's a language. Sex is a language between two... I said, shut the fuck up. You shag him then.

No, she's right. You do it. She's right. She's right. So you would talk about it with her in more of like a practical sense only because i hate sex oh that's a that's an exaggeration don't say that you don't i don't hate sex i i don't know oh poor raw he's waking out like we're set i'm making out like we're celibate and he gets laid once a year i know know, God love him.

All of his friends as well must be thinking, oh God, poor, poor. Don't worry everyone, I am actually doing my military service, okay? She puts out, she does God's work. So in that respect, I would. In terms of like the importance, but I wouldn't be saying,

oh yeah, he slipped a finger in last night. I wouldn't say that. Yeah, I actually probably with my mum would speak in like depth and detail. What would you say like he did doggy. Yeah, I actually probably with my mum would speak in like depth and detail. What would you say? Like he... Well, like I gave her quite graphic detail about Friday night

because I just thought, why not? What did she say? She just goes, oh my God, did you wear a condom? That's all she's obsessed with. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, babe, she's right. How old is your mum? Good question. How old are my parents? No, who knows? My mum is 60. What year is it?

24. Yeah. My mum's 64. Yeah. But I think it's because I... She was born in 1960. Yeah. Because my parents had loads of sex

when I was younger and I used to walk in on them all the time. I think that's why we've got an open relationship about sex. Sorry, when's her birthday? May the 5th. She's a pig. Taurus.

She's a... She's a Taurus, yeah. She's a pig. Pigs and rats are best friends. That's why you're such good friends. Really good. On that note... Are we going on a rat?

I am. No, I'm not. No, you are. Oh, I am, I am. You are. Yeah. That's why you're such good friends. Really good. On that note. Have we got a rat? I am. No, I'm not. No, you are. Oh, I am, I am. You're 90 seconds. You are. Yeah. Sorry, on that note,

do or don't speak to your parents about sex because I don't know that it helps. I don't know that it's necessary. I think it's just interesting. Yeah, and definitely. Would you say to your mum, babe, did Martin fuck you up the bottom last night? Yes, I literally ask her all the time

and I remember the last time this is such a funny story and she'll kill me for saying this i might have said it on drive turn this off now yeah no mama turn it off and also i'm i'm it's one of those stories where i'm like am i lying you know those stories i'm sure this happened but if i'm lying sos mom and i will correct myself but i'll never forget when my dad got poorly he had cancer and he was in the hospital and like this whole thing was about whether like you know I think most of his sadness around being ill was not because he thought he might die it was because he'd like kind of like lost his like self and his like sexiness and his like charisma and all this stuff because he had mouth cancer

anyway I remember saying to my mom like we were talking about that and I was like what do you think that's really what he's sad about like were you shagging much before and she was like oh yeah and I was like well would you shag him now and she was like I gave him a handjob

in hospital the other day and I was like on the ward on the cancer ward with the survivors we're mad all the places to give curtains closed babe

closed for her yeah they could be popping their clogs in, but she'd best get one last handy in. I don't think she does it anymore. I think they've stopped now. But yeah, that was like his last hurrah.

He had a handy in his hospital gown. Easy access, I guess. Sexy. Thanks so much for listening to Leave a Message. If that was too much, don't worry, I won't talk about my dad going to handjob again. And we will see you next week. Love you.

Love you, bye. again uh and we will see you next week love you love you bye