Leave A Message with Ally & G - 24 - From Hiccups To Happily Ever After

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

It's Wedding Season and the nuptials have hit Leave A Message! No, Ally & G aren't getting committed by wedlock, but they are exploring the Gallies dilemmas on matrimony in this weeks episode! Have you ever wanted to get married in ski season? Hint: Don't. And how would you handle an ex at a wedding? We're going from "I Do" to "Oh Hell No" as we navigate everything from the weird to the down right awkward. Yes, we're talking wedding vows, awkward invites and essential etiquette. Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

how's i just had the worst hiccup hello everyone welcome to leave a message we had to start and stop again stop and start again because her hiccups were just too that was actually going to be career ending i think everyone would have stopped listening by the end it would have been the lowest listened episode of all time yeah i think I think unless you like some weird ASMR stuff, then you'd have been clicking off straight away because that was quite severe. Welcome to Leave a Message. This is Ali and G. We're back another week. I don't know what week we're on, but well done for making it so far if you're still listening to us. God only knows, but thank you so much for being here. Today, we are talking about matrimony.

Matrimony weddings weddings, more importantly. But actually, I've just, sorry, I must say, I've seen this extremely important bit of information that I feel like, listen, summer is the season of weddings. Some people, when you get to your 30s, babe, some people have a wedding every weekend. You say it as if you are in your 30s.

Well, I think two years from now, my life might be that. Yeah, I mean, I've got two this year, which I think is quite a lot. Some people, like my older friends, were like, that gets to a point where you have to pick and choose the ones that you actually go to because you can't be spending your whole summer three months straight out. So it gets expensive, like the dresses, the accommodation, especially if you're on the hen. Oh my God. god oh my god i won't say the number but the amount that faye and george pulled in mind-blowing some things on those gift registries i think why do you need to play for 400 pounds crazy people don't really do that anymore though

oh babe no no but as in like they do these um they do these stupid things like honeymoon funds yeah but like buy us a jet ski ride they'll'll never go on the jet ski. Yeah. So you've just sent them 150 quid. Yeah. Crazy. Tell us your bit of information. Okay, so when you're choosing a life partner, you're choosing, you're eating companion for about 20,000 meals,

you're travel mate for 100 vacations, you're retirement friend, you're career cheerleader, and someone whose day you'll hear about 18,000 times, choose wisely. What's that for? Like what is that? The average marriage length or something? Yeah, I guess.

How many years is that? 20,000 meals. So let's say... Oh, she's on the maths. 18,000 times. How many... That feels like not very many. I feel like we've had dinner together that many times.

365. That's 50 years. Oh, wow. That's a long marriage. Which is actually, if you are living, we were saying this forever, when you stand up there, we were saying this the other day,

when you stand up there and you say, I promise to love you forever, and you think, do you know how long forever is? Fucking hell. Quite crazy. Forever's not just like in five years. I must read you the final line.

I hope Faye doesn't mind. But basically, I was there, celebrant, and to end it how funny the day before Lucinda, Faye's sister was like

oh and like what are you guys doing for like the ring exchange and I was like oh my god I haven't written that in I haven't written it in

luckily she said thank god she said I just wouldn't have done it imagine what did you say like with this ring no no no we did

really sweet we did like instead of them writing personal vows wouldn't have done it. Imagine. What did you say, like with this ring? No, no, no. We did. Really sweet. We did like, instead of them writing personal vows, they kind of wrote their I promise to's. So they held the ring on each other's fingers

and then they kind of did like I promise to. I want to read you the last one because when they said this, I thought, God. Why don't you just search I promise to? I've got it.

I promise to love you not only for who you are today, but for who you will become. That's quite a big ask. I agree. Because what if you were a fucking grumpy cow in a year? Or what if you do something really bad, like, you know, fraud or murder?

Or cheat? Yeah, you don't really... We should write that in. Because you're not going to promise. You're going to say, I promise to love you for who you are now and who you will become unless you cheat on me. Unless you kill someone, cheat on me, or...

Fraudulent behaviour. Right, yeah. Extort money from people. I don't know, I just think, like, we're at this age where weddings are on the minds. Yeah. But I'd like to remind everyone that it's not about the wedding,

it is about the marriage. And, like, I think a lot of this culture of, like, Instagram culture is like, oh, she had a bigger wedding than me, and da-da-da-da. It's not about the wedding. Give a shit. Honestly, Faye's wedding day was so filled of like so much love.

I literally cried through the speeches. I cried like a baby. I don't know what was wrong with me. It's really too much. I felt sick afterwards. I literally said to her, I was like, I must go and have a pint of water and a lie down.

So I just cried my eyes out for how much love is in the room. Also, it's like, especially for someone like Faye, when you've like, you know, you were just fucking eight years old

yesterday, and now what? You're going to be a wife? I said to Al, there was this moment where she came out to do her first dance. She changed her dress.

She looked like a woman. I was like, sorry, what's just happened? You were literally like a child bride a second ago to me. Yeah.

And now suddenly, what, you look like a wife. Something's happened. you drink what did you take yeah it was crazy even now babe i have that with sabrina now i think ha ha lol they're just playing they're pretending she's got a baby that's not playing i know they fully got a child you can't take that back what am i doing sitting here talking bang every week well you mustn't compare no no no no no achievement is greater than the other. No, no, it's not about achievement.

It's just like, sorry, what? I know. We start, I don't know. I just think growing up and getting married is so weird. It is weird. It is something you want though. Yeah, definitely. For me, marriage is still something really sacred.

I don't know whether that's because of my parents' divorce, but I think like if you marry someone, I mean, we've talked about this before. I do recommend divorce. I'm not recommending people stay in unhappy marriages. Just because. But I also think like don't, like choose wisely the person

that you are actually going to marry. Because the idea is to be with them forever. Till death do us part. Do you know what I mean? And like even, oh my God, I was, guys, you have to read this book, When Breath Becomes Air. This woman, this neurosurgeon, part you know what i mean i'm like even oh my god i was guys you have to read this book when breath becomes air this woman this neurosurgeon is he's in his last year of residency he's like 35 he gets

diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer and he writes this book in his dying year and his wife like he didn't finish it because then he died and his wife like writes the final chapter if you want to talk about till death do Part, being there for someone on their, like with their dying breath and like nursing them and caring, it is, that's a lot. That is marriage. You know what I mean?

Like the wedding, don't get me wrong, guys. I want to have a big fuck off wedding. But like that's meaningless. Yeah. Meaningless is like the love in your marriage and like what you actually do every day in your marriage to show up and when they need you the most

100% also there is something just thinking there is something quite nice about getting married young I know we're always like oh child bride

like it's a big joke but like I was looking at Faye and George and I was like well to have found the person that you actually would say yeah I would do that

for you I would stay with you until the end so young and to have so many years together like what a beautiful thing what a beautiful thing

crazy voice notes voice notes we have to give them a name oh maybe they should be called Faye oh let's give Faye so young and to have so many years together. Like, what a beautiful thing. What a beautiful thing. Crazy. Voice notes. Voice notes. We have to give them a name. Oh, maybe they should be called Faye. Oh, let's give Faye the voice notes today. Oh, Faye, you can have your moment in the sun today.

Come on, Faye-be-boob. Maybe when you have a baby, you can come back around. But for now, it's one week only, babe. Oh, she's got a few years now. Oh, the wedding's done. It's sad, isn't it? Oh, baby, you won't get a namesake voice note for a couple of years now i'm so sorry until she gets preggos hello from canada well spain at the moment but canada originally um i have a wild wedding story from a couple of years ago um well last summer but basically i went to my cousin's wedding and everything was fine.

We're all having a good time, hanging out. And then my cousin comes up to me and she basically pulls me aside. She's a little bit drunk. And she says, I'm actually going to kill this girl and points out this girl who is wearing a very club outfit to this very sort of upper scale wedding. Anyway, so then she tells me that this girl is the girlfriend of one of the groomsmen and that she has been in the bridal suite all morning, basically made them late for the actual ceremony. It's now after the ceremony, she has a tumbler with a straw that she's full of alcohol, just kind of running around. Anyway, one of the bridesmaids used to date the groomsman that she's currently dating. So the two people in

the wedding party get into a little fight. And the girlfriend then decides this is a perfect time to do a keg stand, which she does on the deck in front of everybody, in front of my grandma. She then proceeds to pass out briefly, falls to the deck, gets up. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. up i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine um but then also the bridesmaid decides to yell at the bride for inviting this girl and makes the bride cry on her wedding day um so that's only one story from this crazy wedding but love you so much love you sorry oh dear in this girl's defense just quickly oh what no just really, really quickly. Okay, fine. When there's a

free bar, I was, by the end of the night at the wedding, I was feral. Like, actually feral. There's videos of me that I would not want anywhere. The things I am doing, the body parts I am showing. I think free bars in general are dangerous.

Babe, I was last Wednesday. Yeah. Guys. No, no. If we haven't even told you, sorry, this is a bit of a tangent,

but we went to a party that Garnier hosted for Pride. Hashtag love you so much, Garnier. You throw the best parties of all time and we would love

to attend next year. Sorry. There was a free bar, number one, which is just dangerous. Garnier should plan our weddings. Garnier should plan our weddings. Garnier should plan our weddings. Sorry. Not if you don't want

keg stands to happen, because that was an unresponsible amount of booze. Yeah, no, it was limitless. Sorry, they were not doing just canapes, they were doing plates of shots. Al and I did about three tequila shots on the dance floor, let alone when we actually drank. Oh, Al's having a flashback. No and I did about three tequila shots on the dance floor, let alone when we actually drank.

Oh, Al's having a flashback. No, I'm just... I am just thinking about the sheer amount of free alcohol that was available to the general public. Like, it was...

It wasn't the general public. It was a very select group of very fun individuals. Yeah, but a free bar, the problem is that why would you keep track? Like, you don't need to you're

not looking at the numbers you're not looking at how much money you've spent you're just thinking about what's next and what can accidentally happen is you can get a little bit carried away you can get a little bit piddled and what's happened here with this girly pops is that she's just lost her head and she's got a bit carried away and she thinks it's like a fun frat party and it's a wedding. Okay, but I don't think there's a defence for that because in our defence, we were at a Garnier party and it was supposed to be live, love, laugh,

living life, loving life. No, no, I did it at a phase. I was really, really drunk. Were you as drunk as Garnier? More. Oh dear. Far more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, far more.

Far more? Yeah. Babe, if I'd been any more drunk, I would be dead. No, I know, and you can't drink, drink for drink for me. that's what we've decided i can drink more it's not something to be proud of it's just factual i think especially i mean i'm actually talking to you now but you didn't make a fool of yourself if you are a no but i did hold it back until like everyone got a bit like

like yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean baby you didn't have a tumbler with a straw full of alcohol 10am. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think... No, it was a glass of Prosecco. Is it different? I don't know. I think it is your duty as a bridesmaid

or a wedding guest to not do that. Yeah, I mean, they've spent a lot of money for you to be there. It was her day. The clubbing outfit's interesting. I mean, I thought of you

in this moment with your Zara red dress. My red prosy dress. Wasn't great, was it? Listen, it's not my proudest moment, I will say. Did you just not realise? I suppose you don't realise until you get in the room with everyone else in floral.

My dress didn't come. Do you not remember? No, I know, but it was quite the choice from Zara. Honestly, it was that, all that black cutout dress that basically my whole chair would be out yeah that was bad and I

of the so you can't really wear black to a wedding of the lesser evil of the two was that red prostitute dress you know it was good thing if

good thing I have long hair is all I'll say because luckily I can cover up you can keep some dignity if I just do that the whole day which I did have to do

yeah um see good people make mistakes and this girl has got it all wrong can keep some dignity. If I just do that the whole day, which I did have to do. Yeah. See, good people make mistakes. And this girl has got it all wrong. But I did say as soon as I arrived. Sorry about my dress. I did say I'm really sorry. Did you? Yeah, yeah, of course I did. Because I knew, babe. I'm only teasing. It wasn't that bad. Oh, it was quite bad. No one else

had the boobs out. I don't think it was that bad. I mean, like, it's not ideal. But listen. We'll get, we'll send Rich a little pic of it. You can decide. But also, oh yeah, Rich, insert picture. Now, I'm the kind of person that I want people to look 10-10 glam chebs out, you know, baps out,

legs out, bums out. Well, this is the problem. You've got to be careful because, you know, your version of someone looking 10-10 might not be how they portray 10-10. Well, also, I understand that not everyone takes that view. Some people want people to look bad. Yeah, well, I understand for some people...

Okay, this is going to sound really awful. I don't mean this too. But I'd say we get a relative amount of attention day to day in our everyday life. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm rarely centred for attention. I know, you're really camera day in our everyday life. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm rarely centred for attention. I know,

you're really camera shy in front of me. I am the shy one of this duo. Yeah, she was so, so timid. She was so,

so scared at Garnier. Don't speak to me. I'm just sitting in the corner here with my little, little drink. I'm so, so scared.

Me like on top of Amy's boarding. Just now in the common ground. Like I love you. You should have seen her Skitty do you got two minutes are you free

is anyone free okay yeah so we can yeah it doesn't bother me we can scratch that itch yeah and that and for some people

their wedding day and as it should be as it should be you're a superstar is the only day of their whole life where they are the number one centre of attention and anyone

no matter how they do it taking the spotlight off them is jarring. Yeah. And I actually agree. No, no, I agree. Yeah. I just think you have to kind of gauge the situation bride by bride. Do you know what's gone wrong here?

Tell me. Why didn't the groomsman say to his girlfriend, babe, you've gone a bit too far, off to bed for you? Do you know what I mean? Like, it's his mate, obviously, because he's a groomsman. And it's your day, so you might need to say, babe.

Well, unless the groomsman, the boyfriend, was also way too dark. On the keg, lifting her skirt above her head. What are you going to do then? You've got two people on the keg. Ideally, remove the keg

and just throw it in the bin. Wow. Why would you have a keg at your wedding? Sorry, I've written that down. That's really wild. Why on earth have you got a keg?

Babe, it sounds like it would have been a great wedding if this girl didn't like tornado around it. Well, she won't be getting the invite to the next event. To the baby shower.

The baby shower. To your second marriage. She definitely won't be getting an invite to your second wedding. To your divorce party. Yeah. I think we should normalise divorce parties. I know everyone gets sad when they get divorced.

Listen, it is sad. Depends on the divorce, I suppose. Because some divorces might be like party time. Party time. Other divorces might be like, oh, blindsided, didn't want that to happen at all. Yeah, but party time

because now you're free of a fucking lying rat. Exactly. Party time's always a reason to party. Always a reason to party. Always a reason to party. Make this autumn the tastiest season yet with farm fresh produce and easy autumn inspired recipes delivered right to your door with HelloFresh. Whip up tasty restaurant style meals in your own kitchen without the high price tag of

takeout and in less time than it takes to get delivery. Babe, honestly, Hello Fresh has saved me so many times. And now my in-laws think I can actually cook even though all I've done is followed the recipe and had the ingredients delivered to my door. But babe, you are cooking. It's absolutely genius. And also, it's not like you're going to be stuck doing one recipe that you're good at because there's variety from HelloFresh. There's so much choice. Come on. You can get 10 free meals at HelloFresh.com slash free Ali G applied across seven boxes. New subscribers only varies by plan. That's 10 free HelloFresh meals just by going to hellofresh.com slash free Ali G.

You're welcome. Before we continue with this week's episode of Leave a Message. If you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description. Now, this can be about anything. Obviously, sometimes we ask you for specific topics. But if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this, then get voice noting. Fae number two. Fae number two. Fae number two. Hi, girls. I've got a bit of an embarrassing story. So I did a ski season like this winter and as like an end of season party, we do a big wedding, like a fake wedding. But like everyone takes it really seriously. So

there was like a proposal, a hen do, stag do, and then obviously like the ceremony. And I was chosen to be the bride for my ski resort. So we're on the Hendoo and I was so nervous. I don't know why, but so, so nervous. I started drinking really early because I was like, I need a couple of drinks, like get rid of those nerves. And we're playing Never Have I Ever, all drinking through that. So I do about a bottle of wine just in the Never Have I ever and then we went out in a different place so we'd all got like the lifts like the ski lifts up to where we

were going out and like I got up there and I was like drinks drinks drinks and obviously I was all dressed up like had a veil on like a bride-to-be sash so I was getting so many free drinks I thought it was a great night wake up the next morning I think oh I was really good last night didn't get too drunk really like tame no that is not not the case I was so drunk I don't remember any of the night after getting to like where we were going out there's photos of me passed out on benches I remember waking up my hands were really sore and everyone was like you are you doing cartwheels? I had like ice burn on my hands.

I had people holding me up, trying to get me into this club and they were asking for my ID, like such a mess. And then to top it off, I apparently said, I want to go home now. And I started sprinting down the ski slope like down a ski piece and was like wiping out and then my managers had to drag me by my ankle down the ski slope home and I don't remember any of it at all so yeah that was a great night oh babe I want to say we've all been there but I've never blacked out in my life

oh I think I have have you? babe don't you think you remember being dragged down a ski slope babe in Australia have you seen this picture what of you in the wet t-shirt competition I don't remember doing that

that's wild to me. There is a... I said to Gigi, I saw Gigi, my friend, pee-pee on... Oh, pee-pee. On Friday night, who I was with at the time. And I said to her,

can you imagine being there? I was... Can you imagine letting me do that, peeps? And just taking... She just stood there taking pictures of me. Having a good time, were you, pee-pee? And also, we won a bungee jump. I never did that. I don't know who got that, we won a bungee jump. I never did that.

I don't know who got that. Who did the bungee jump? No idea, babe. I took my kit off and I won a bungee jump and I never even got to do the effing bungee jump. That's really jarring. Jarring. Yeah, that's mad.

I remember waking up and seeing those pictures and thinking, lol, good Photoshop. Like, honestly, babe, I do not remember. I was in a room. Can't mistake those nipples, babe. They were definitely yours. No, no, no, no. They're definitely yours. Bugger. Buggers. No, they a room. Can't mistake those nipples, babe. They were definitely yours. No, no, no. They're definitely yours.

Burger. Burgers. No, they're not. She's lying. Jack always used to make fun of me because they're a brand who was like, is it burgers for dinner? Why is Jack looking at your nipples, number one, and why is he being rude? No, because, like, you know, from that picture, babe. Oh. Why did you show him that picture? I think he must have been there.

He had just left us or something. I travelled with Jack. That's how we became friends. Oh, Jack. Yeah, don't remember. I was in a room of a thousand people with my top off. I'm really praying to God my mum's not listening to this. Okay, well, hopefully, Faye Too, that makes you feel better. We've all done things that we don't remember, babe.

And, you know, ideally, you just put them into the back of your memory and you just don't even ever talk about them ever again. I've said this before. I've got the opposite problem. I've got, like, crystal clear memory. My memory gets better when I've had a drink. Oh, dear. The next morning, I them ever again. I've said this before. I've got the opposite problem. I've got like crystal clear memory. My memory gets better when I've had a drink. Oh dear. The next morning I will know exactly what I've said

and who I've said it to. And what clothes I've taken off or put on. You go back and you think, did that really come out my mouth? Sorry, I'm obsessed with this. Have you ever done a ski season? No, and I want to address this. What?

All posh girls do ski seasons. Is that what you're going to address? Well, obviously, yeah. I didn't. I don't ski. I don't. She's actually not a stereotype, guys. Yeah, guys, I'm actually half Asian.

She's a layered person, and she travelled to Asia and Australia. And I'm only a bit posh. Like, I'm a quarter posh, really. You're a half posh. Full half. Do you think? Yeah.

Well, also, now your mum's low-key posh, so now you're like three quarters. Oh, yeah, sorry. Oh, yeah, but she's kind of like tier also, now your mum's low-key posh, so now you're like three-quarters. Oh, yeah, sorry. Oh, yeah, but she's kind of like tier two posh. She's not number one posh. Well, she's like came from the jungle, now we're here posh. So it's different.

She's not wrong. She is not wrong. She would say that, Sheila. Yeah, yeah, she would say that. She would say that with her chest. She thinks she's so posh. What is so good about skiing? Sorry, I don't get it.

I never liked anything less than skiing. Ski season. Do you know how many months you have to spend out there? Four to five. Couldn't pay me to do it. Scrubbing toilets and like serving rich people food. And being forced to go on a fake hen do and then get married to someone. It's a weird thing to do to start with anyway. I'm actually obsessed with that.

It's so drama school. It's really good. Bit of method. They went on a stent. That's crazy. I don't think you need to do that. I don't really think you need to do that. I think that's a bit of fun. I think it's a bit of a lull. Imagine being picked as a bride. It's like being cast in school play.

Yeah, true. People are like, well, now's my time to shine. Except no one's watching. So you're just doing it for yourself and your four friends. I don't know. The whole other slopes

seemed to be watching when she was out there with her veil on. I don't know. I've never done one, but I wouldn't recommend a ski season. Having not done one, I wouldn't recommend a ski season. Having not done one, I wouldn't recommend it.

I mean, Raw does love it and he would spaff over it and he always says like, how's the best... He wishes he has a ski bunny girlfriend. Oh,

he wishes I was a lot of things that I'm not. That's fine. I wish he was a lot of things. I wish he was six foot two. Do you know what I mean? I was going to say, I wish he could reach you

to kiss you, but alas, he can't. He always says, oh, I wish he was someone that like, he wants to go out with like a foodie.

He wants to go out with someone that likes golf. He always asks me, when will you learn to play golf? I said, you'd be fucking waiting. No, you'd be good at golf. I can teach you a thing or two. Not going to happen. Okay.

He wants to go out with someone that can ski. Like he just basically wants to go out with someone that's not me. Oh, it's tricky when that happens. I wonder what he'll write in his vows. I promise to love you if you change everything about you. Then I'll do it. I promise to love you if you change everything about you. Then I'll do it.

I promise to love you if you watch the Masters with me every single year. Well, you could watch. The who? She might mean the who. What is that? Nothing. The Masters is a golf tournament, Rihanna, and it's very big. Do you know that because of your dad?

Yes, my dad loves golf. And I've had many a boyfriend that would just like cry the golf. But same about skiing. Like, whatever. Why is it so cold? I've been once, and it was honestly the worst thing I've ever many a boyfriend that would just like cry. But same about skiing. Like, whatever. Why is it so cold? I've been once and it was honestly the worst thing I've ever done in my life. It was painful. It was not relaxing.

And my boyfriend just kept shouting at me. I was actually... I didn't enjoy it. That's where you went wrong. Because I went once too with Ru. And he didn't teach me. And I said, if you even so much as open your fucking mouth, I will shove this ski down your throat.

I will not have any feedback or criticism from him do you know I fell off the side of a of a piste off the side and

almost died did you and Colin said yeah I almost died and Colin babe Colin's already

a fake name oh yeah Colin's his fake name sorry I forgot and Colin my ex said Faye was about to help me

and Colin said leave her she needs to learn I'm hanging hanging off the side of a sodding cliff I need to learn eventually he did come and just drag me up and then he made me get down by myself it was really tough love Colin that I didn't want to be with him and I was gonna say Colin lots of love but like babe that's an early red flag right there yeah no he was really giving me tough love. And by the end of it, I could ski, but my God, it was not good for our relationship.

I think next time you need to have a teacher. We actually haven't been the same since skiing, actually. That is where it all went wrong. Now I think about it. Oh, when I fell off the piste and almost fell to my death, that was where, and he left me hanging there. That was where it went wrong. That was when I realised that maybe he wasn't my person.

That's when I realised I'm better off alone oh yeah hi guys got my boyfriend about a year ago but I knew him before that three or four years ago we were both working at McDonald's big up Matthew he was with his girlfriend at the time of like seven years, I think he was like 14 years and obviously in that time he was getting on with both their families and particularly their girlfriend's mum. Now my boyfriend doesn't speak to his mum because he has a good relationship with his ex's mum and kind of like a replacement in that mum uh the ex will call Voldemort Voldemort and ex's mum will call her Sally do not speak at the current moment but Sally and my boyfriend do get on really well and we meet up with her and her new partner quite a bit. Now I knew this very early on but then she

invites us to her wedding at the end of September and I thought oh yeah just the evening that's okay I can deal with that. No, I need to be in the church, I need to be kind of all day from 11am where there's only 20 people going to the church bit and quote unquote she sees my boyfriend as a son which she's told me that many times but Sally and Voldemort haven't been speaking until recently

and Voldemort for context cheated on my boyfriend for three years multiple times, multiple people and the most recent one she cheated on it was like a full-blown affair they were living together they had a dog together and she didn't care about that um and yeah just carried on cheating away and is now with said boy who will be coming to said wedding with me and my boyfriend I don't even know why I'm telling the story but like what do I do like part of me is like I want to ignore you part of me is like I want to beat you up I don't do violence but I don't

like verbally um and another part of me is like actually if you say anything to me I'm so lovely because my kindness is going to hurt her way more than my reaction. And also, it's Sally's day and I actually really like Sally. Sally's a bit of a G. Or do I just look really fucking hot?

Yeah, I mean, babe, you always look really hot. Oh, she's still going. Faye 3's still going. Rihanna, I just need to clarify a few things. Me too, because I can really muffle.

So, my understanding Go on. is that Faye 3, Faye has a boyfriend. Yes. They've been together a year. Dumbledore is her boyfriend.

That's cool here. Good. Faye and Dumbledore. And Dumbledore's ex is Voldemort. And Voldemort's mum is Sally. And Sally is getting married to a new man. Yeah. And Sally has invited Dumbledore and Faye

to her wedding. She wasn't speaking to Sally. Dumbledore and Faye to her wedding. She wasn't speaking to Sally. Who wasn't? Faye. So mother and daughter were not friends, basically. And did, sorry, did Dumbledore and Voldemort have kids together? Or was it just a dog? No, Voldemort cheated on Dumbledore multiple times over three years.

No kids. Just a dog. Roger. I didn't even get that. Well done. I think they had a dog. I might have didn't even get that. Well done. I think they had a dog. I might have just made that up. You did.

Did I? And they've been invited to the wedding the full day because Sally sees Dumbledore as a son. Yes. But Voldemort is now also going because they've started talking again. And Faye would like to know what the house is doing. Yeah, right, fine.

Got it. Got it? Got it. Anything else we need to know? You could write Harry Potter pre... She just said, should she look hot? Well, obviously. Or... What should she look hot? Well, obviously.

Or what should she... She should always look hot. So many things to say on this. Go on then. Right, no, you go first. Always look hot. Whenever you can. Yeah.

Because some days it doesn't happen for you. So if you can do it, do it. Do you know what I mean? Also guys, I've been really... Never a guarantee. Joie de vivre. You know, what are you saving your hotness for? Oh.

One special day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every day you've got to look hot. I don't know that I ever try and save it. I just sometimes can't find it. No, sometimes you know when you save your best... Sometimes I'm like, ooh, it's not happened today.

No, sometimes you save your best clothes for like a special day. Oh, no, no, no. Don't save it. Don't save it. Unless it's your friend's wedding, then don't look too hot. But if it's...

Yeah. Not your friend's friend's wedding, you can look really hot. You must save a bit of hotness actually. Right, okay. I will say... Would you go? I'm just kind of debating

whether if I was Faye, I would even bother. I would probably go to... I guess if you really like Sally. And also, if Dumbledore wanted me there and like Dumbledore and Sally have a mother-son relationship, then yeah, I do think so.

I guess they were together for 14 years. Also, Dumbledore doesn't have a relationship with his own mother because she's an abuser. Did I get that correct? Oh my God. I think you did really good listening. So I think it's actually really important to like...

That you're there for him for that. ...for some sort of family unit with Sally, even though her daughter's a cow. Or, yeah. No, she is a cow. Sorry, I forgot she was a cheater. I think you have to go, basically. My...

In my least elevated self. Oh, dear. Which is sometimes where I can reside. Sure. Well, when you're tired and you can't be asked. And when I'm snappy and I'm not in the fucking mood. She's so scary when she's like that. When she's actually not in her highest elevated self,

she's so scary. Babe, the other day on Thursday, you were the scariest. And so many people were in our DMs being like, I'm finding her funny, but also I'm so scared of her. I was like, join the club, guys. Every day. Every day.

Sometimes I have that with you, when you're like a little bit like, sometimes I'll say something and it will land like a joke. And then other days I'll say, she'll be like, why do you think that? Whoa. Some days I don't find you funny. be like, why do you think that? Whoa. Some days I don't find you funny. If you're going to bring up the crumb story,

I'll actually throw this microphone at your face. Is that what you're going to do? Or one day I'll be like, baby, you've got a booger on your nose and she'll be like... No, because that's fine. If you say you've got a boogie on your nose, that's fine.

If you go like this... You've got a boogie. Then I find it offensive which is what you did that's funny anyway if I was in my in my least elevated

self snappy sure everyone would be scared of me face I would be a total bitch to her would you oh yeah

and listen if I want to make someone feel small like me tell you you'll be two foot thank you very much you'll be two foot. Thank you very much. You'll be six feet deep.

But, not six feet under. She's killed them. Just killed them. With her eyes and with my words. Fair. When I look at you

and I say something like, that could have done with an iron. But, I don't recommend following me down the path of destruction because I don't think it's a good place to be. And I think you're right. Kill them with kindness.

Pee-pee. Can I tell you the person that is the queen of this? Pee-pee. And she's taught me a lot over the years because a lot of boys have really wronged her. And I would always be the first. And I've done this before, throwing drinks in boys' face.

Like, if you've wronged me, everyone needs to know. Actually, the outcome that she gets is always more desirable than the outcome that I get. Because when you do that, you give them a reason to hate you. And when you kill them with kindness, like, they're so caught off guard

that they think, oh my God, I don't even know how to respond. And also, like, it's not worth it. Like, she hurt your current partner, therefore you're not going to be her best friend. But at the same time, she's not with him anymore and you are. And that's for a reason. And thank God she did cheat current partner, therefore you're not going to be her best friend. But at the same time, she's not with him anymore and you are. And that's for a reason.

And thank God she did cheat on him actually because then he was single for you to go and get him in McDonald's all those years later. Like, do you know what I mean? I just think like everything happened for a reason. And actually, no matter how close you are with Sally, it is her mum and it is her mum's wedding day. So you are going to have to a tiny bit

take a like supporting role of the day. Do you know what I mean? Don't make a scene. I think you can take a supporting role, but if Voldemort chooses to press your buttons... Oh, listen, if she comes for you, get the claws out. Don't worry about it. Like, if she comes at you, all gloves are off.

Maybe you could have a little dig. No little digs. I think you've got to get one in there. No. One little. No, just snog him in front of her or something. Yeah, that's a dig, babe. I would say that's a dig.

Sorry. I would say that's not even little. I would say like a blowjob's a dig in front of her. Sure. I mean, not ideal on the dance floor. Do you know what I mean? A snog's just a little light. He's a mad man.

Yeah. Like a territory mark and like put your hand on his like inner thigh all the time well and also get really chummy with the bride everyone loves that

you know like who's the closest to the bride the bride is the sally exactly and that's your mum sorry she likes me more than you yeah then you could just do that

by just being nice to everyone just do like the little passag irritating things that will register on her scale but like isn't outwardly like you know going for blood beating her up once you've all had a drink oh you'll all be on the dance floor the little passag irritating things that will register on her scale, but like isn't outwardly like, you know, going for blood,

beating her up. Once you've all had a drink, oh, you'll all be on the dance floor holding hands, doing a jig. It'll be nothing to worry about. Don't agree. If I was there. Sorry,

I've spoken about this on the pod. What? As we all know, I've got a bit of history with Faye's brother and his wife. I didn't even think about that. We had a lovely time

on the dance floor. You and the wife? Me, the wife, Oliver and their child. She's't even think about that. We had a lovely time on the dance floor. You and the wife. Me, the wife, Oliver and their child. She's going to listen to this. Pais' wife. Pais, brothers, Pife and I. Yeah, they were on the dance floor. They had their little baby.

They were having a great time and I just thought, we're all pissed. We can have a dance and we can acknowledge that each other exists. And it was actually really nice. You can acknowledge each other. That's all you need to do. It's just one day.

All you need to do. You don't need to chat. You don't need to get into the nitty gritty. Just, it's a wedding and it is a day of love. And if anyone can let things go on any day, it'll be at Sally's wedding. That's what I say. Time for a debrief.

Oh yeah, honey. Okay. Faye, number one, with her dress, like my dress, babe, you're not alone, number one. Don't worry about it.

Oh, it's not her. No, she didn't voice note in. Oh, sorry. It's her. Well, anyway, if you're listening to this... If the sex worker is listening. Maybe we'll have to be that.

Richard, if you could put some AI on our faces and change the words and our way our mouths are moving... Or if it's really wrong and it's as offensive as church camp chat, then we'll have to be that. Richard, if you could put some AI on our faces and change the words in our way our mouths are moving. Or if it's really wrong and it's as offensive as church camp chat, then we'll cut it. Sorry, I'd like to circle back to church camp. Vogue and Joanne were talking about church the other day and they were talking about it in the same way

and I didn't see any backlash. No one blinked an eyelid. No, and they've got 25,000 listeners, they do. They've got more to lose than we have. Yeah, so don't worry. Vogue and Joanne are paving the way for us to talk about church camp. Who's voting Joanne?

Sorry? Are you mad? Are you off your head? My therapist ghosted me. Vogue... I can't with the youth of today. No, Rihanna's literally like a mum. Do you actually not know who Vogue and Joanne are?

I have no idea. You never listened to a therapist ghosted me? My therapist ghosted me. What? Oh dear. They're always in the Spotify charts. My therapist ghosted me. What? Oh dear. They're always in the Spotify charts. Ain't that the truth. Keeping an eye, are we?

We're nowhere to be seen. Okay, basically, if you're a bridesmaid or if you're a wedding guest... Take tequila with caution. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. Do that manifestation in the morning before you leave. Look yourself in the mirror and say,

take tequila with caution, babe. And I think, and this is coming from someone who is not very good at dialing down their outfits, dial down your outfit. I actually do think probably. Unless the, like, my friend Pimmy. Yes, Pimmy.

Whose wedding is coming up. Yeah. Has explicitly said, I want everyone to go glam. Glam, glam. On the invite it says, hi glam. Hi glam.

She wants like sexy. Glam. Yeah. She wants like red carpet looks. Yeah, right. And unless they've explicitly said, so then now I would feel comfortable to wear whatever I want.

Yeah, although red carpet look is a bit different to like. Sexy wedding. Yes. Well, she's wearing red as well. So it's a bit different. You can't wear red. No, you can't wear red or white

because she's changing into white in the evening. Amazing. Don't have a keg at your wedding. Don't have a keg at your wedding. Don't have a tumbler full of tequila. And I guess that's it really. I guess that's it. Don't invite her to anything else.

Pick your bridesmaids. Well, my gosh. I don't think she was a bridesmaid to be fair to the girl. She was just hanging around. Pick your guests. Well, my gosh. I don't think she was a bridesmaid, to be fair to the girl. She was just hanging around. Pick your guests. Well, actually, on that. On that.

Don't feel obliged to just invite every Tom, Dick and Harry as a plus one. No. She obviously was the groomsman's plus one. Yeah.

I think you can be very selective. Agree. Shout out to the groomsman's partners at Faye's wedding because they are some of my favourite

people in the whole world. They weren't plus ones? They were like, well, they weren't because they're now Faye's friends, but still, like, they were groomsmen's partners and I would say that they were my favourite people. Faye number two, ski season. Ski season Faye. Okay, so we've decided don't go skiing. Yeah. Because accidents happen. She's got ice burns on her hands and she's falling down a ski slope. Do you know how painful ice burns are, babe? Yeah, do know what? I do, yeah, because I was on my arse

mostly when I went skiing. She was hanging off the piece and she thought, my hands are burning and my fucking pointy fingers are burning on my fingertips and Holly and Faye aren't even allowed to save me because I'm learning

my lesson apparently for not being in plough and for having a beer at lunch. Stupid. That is stupid. Stupid. Who will never listen to this but that is stupid.

Faye, number three. I wanted to say Big Up Mackies. They met working in Mackies or something. Yeah, I want to say actually Big Up Mackies that is stupid. Fae number three. I wanted to say Big Up Mackies. They met working in Mackies or something. Yeah, I want to say actually, Big Up Mackies and Big Up Fae number three. You're really, my star of the week, mainly for your nicknames.

Yes. Like calling her Voldemort is really good. It's really good. Genius. It's a little bit mean, but I like it. But listen, I think that is kind of mean.

To be a little bit mean. A little, a little bit mean. I'm guessing that's what she was going for. Yeah. So I think you've got to go, and I think you've got to sadly To be a little bit mean. A little, a little bit mean. I'm cursing, that's what she was going for. Yeah. So I think you've got to go, and I think you've got to sadly swallow the pride and kind of be the bigger person, but not really, because you can have digs at her in very non-verbal ways.

Like by looking 10 out of 10. Yeah. And by snogging your boyfriend. Right in front of her. A lot. Yeah. And by like giving Sally a big old kiss on the lips. Oh, also, it's so good good then because you can't like,

you basically don't want to give her anything to talk about. But what can she say? Oh, she snogged her boyfriend right in front of me. Exactly. You've got to be clever. Yeah. Cunning. Think Fox.

Maybe think, write a little cheat sheet before you go. A to-do list. So you can remember your game plan when you're there. Catch the bouquet when she throws it. Do you know what I mean? That kind of stuff. It's not your fault. Sorry, your aim's bad.'re there. Catch the bouquet when she throws it. Do you know what I mean? That kind of stuff. It's not your fault. Sorry, your aim's bad.

Oop. Oop. Oop. Should we do question of the week? Yes, please. Richard, play the tune. Guys, I'm really worried that my hands are looking old. I keep seeing her looking at hands.

I was thinking that. What's wrong with you? You always said to me last night, because your hands are so skinny, you're going to get old hands really quickly. It is a giveaway. Perhaps you could put it under the LED light. Babe, it's on its way.

The LED hand mask. I'm really shocked by this. What? Okay, question of the week. Have you already planned your wedding day? Yes, 100%. I know every detail. No way, don't even know if I want one.

Surely everyone's voted yes. I voted yes. You haven't. I haven't. Well, not every detail. No, of course. But you know what you want it to look like. I know I want to get married in Italy.

I know what my... Yeah, you know. I know I want to do this extra thing of all time. Yes, yes. So, only 32% of our followers said yes. Guys, I love that for you guys. I know, that is epic. I thought you were all going to be like, yeah, of course, been dreaming of it since

forever. But no, 68%, no way. Don't even know if I want one. Well, it depends how old these people are. No, because if you'd have asked me this question at 16, I'd have said yes. Whereas, ask me at 28, now I'm saying no. That is true. I've just aged myself. Disgusting. Well, babe, it's not far away. It's July and I'm a Libra. So relax yourself. Three months, guys. I'll tell you what's not far away. You're

a fucking 30th. So I don't know why you're getting all smug over there. You'll always be older than me. That'll never change. It's so sad because we'll be 28 together for about two months and then I'll be 29. About two months and then your hands

will age and everyone will be able to tell you're older. If only you were six months older that would be helpful. Why? Because then we'd

like lap over for six months and I wouldn't feel so haggard. Yeah, fair. He's more older than you. He's three months for once. Three months younger than me.

Cool girl. Yeah, it's really sad actually. I love older than you. He's three months, four months, three months younger than me. Cool girl. Yeah, it's really sad actually. I love that for you. Well, really good. Really good. I'm so shocked people haven't planned their wedding. I'm really shocked.

I thought everyone was going to say, yeah, hell yeah, I know exactly what I want and where I'm doing it. Well also, the reality is often you don't want the dream wedding or you can't afford it.

And it's a lot of admin. It's so much admin. That's the one thing that would put me off. It's a good time though want the dream wedding. Or you can't afford it. And it's a lot of admin. It's so much admin. That's the one thing that would put me off. It's a good time, though, honestly. I spoke to people I haven't seen in years. Do you know how many people listen to this podcast that I didn't even know? Really?

Yeah, shout out to Alice, Lucy. Girls, thank you. Every week. They came up to you at the wedding? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Faye's cousins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They came up to me. They said, listen, we listen to the pod every week. We love it. And once again, I had the classic thing. Well, will your voice note in, girls? No. God, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They came up to me. They said, listen, we listen to the pod every week. We love it. And once again, I had the classic thing. Well, will your voice note in, girls? God, no. Well, listen. How do you think we keep this podcast running, girls? It's our bread and butter, your voice notes. We can't actually do the podcast without the voice notes, everybody. Denying us of our bread and butter. Love you so much. Thank you, everyone for listening. Thank you so much. If you're getting married, good luck. Have the best wedding

ever. Love you so much. And I hope your guests don't drink too much. Till death do us part. Hallelujah. Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey