Leave A Message with Ally & G - 26 - I Won't Be Coming Again On The School Trips

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shootin' stars? We're excited to start dishing right now... (sorry, that was the worst one yet!). But anyway, Ally & G are back with another episode of Leave A Message and, yes, it includes a momentary B.o.B sing-a-long. From the trials of long-distance relationships and awkward family vacations to unexpected encounters in public pools and the tragic tale of smuggling a passport-less relative back from France... this weeks episode might read more like an episode of the News At Ten, but we promise these are all stories from the Gallies! Strap in, buckle up your seatbelt, because we're going on a coach ride to humiliation! Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

rolling well guys i just wanted to say if you're if you're listening could you go back and like our it ends with us video because sorry i put it was our first piece of content on her own and none of you are viewing it. Branded content that I did by myself. I didn't even ask a babe. Like, I sent it to her to like, just check. Yeah, you did. And there was one typo, but nothing to worry about.

But yeah, and it didn't even get 10,000 views. Could you go back and like it for me? You call that following. That's not following. That's ignoring Ali Mack. And that's not kind. Not loyal. And I'm not loyal. I'm looking for loyalty. That's not following. That's ignoring. Ali Mack. And that's not kind. Not loyal. And I'm not loyal.

I'm looking for loyalty. That's all she cares about. Also, wait, what was I just about to ask you about holiday? Oh my God, guys, I just got back. I got back last night.

And I've got a mattress. Oh, for God's sake. Can we shout out Emma Mattress? I love you so much. I will do the best TikTok you have ever seen. Right, so what is it? Can we get a review?

Guys, okay, I don't know whether it's because i had honest obviously like sleeping on the floor sleeping on the floor so my experience of sleep recently has been quite well you've just sorry you've just been at soho house barcelona i wouldn't say your your level of quality of sleep everyone feels so sorry for me i had had to escape to Soho's Barcelona because I was sleeping on the floor. I had it booked and I love my mum, obsessed with her. But we did ask for twin rooms because she's a bit of a

mover and a groover. Oh dear, it was a double bed. Twin beds, sorry, not twin rooms. Yeah, it was a double bed. And don't get me wrong, the beds are enormous and I couldn't really touch her or feel her, but you know you never sleep as well. Also, with your, like I was thinking the other day like if we get to travel later this month and we get to stay in a hotel I would specifically want to sleep in a double bed with you yeah like Barcelona when we went was perfect but that was like two beds pushed together was it yeah was it

yeah it was like twin beds but it was kind of like they made it as a double but you could feel the edge yes that's what you want and it was we had two duvets that's the difference yeah and that is the difference because she is a duvet hogger that woman also can i tell you how much of a galley she is she's such a fan of our content that she will literally tell anyone about it yes it's so embarrassing she met this guy on the beach right and he was like i'm gonna say he was like late 30s early 40s he was there with his nine year old daughter which i thought staying at so house with your nine-year-old daughter was a little bit rogue because like on a friday night there was no wife or girlfriend to be seen linda reed

sniffs him out she starts chatting to him she's having a lovely little chat with him about what he does oh he works in the pub industry oh well he works in the pub industry. Oh, well, I work in the pub industry. No way! And then he was like, oh, are you the member? And she was like, no, my daughter's the member. But bearing in mind, I'm like, you know, tits to the sky

just trying to like get a tan and mind my own business. My mum's yapping this guy's ear off. Anyway, and he was like, oh, what does your daughter do? And I was like, oh, literally, you should have seen her.

She sits up. She's like, oh, oh, well, she, oh, George, what do you do? And then didn't let me answer. Oh, George, what, you should have seen her, she sits up, she's like, oh, oh, well, she, oh, George, what do you do? And then didn't let me answer. Oh, George, what do you do?

Well, she makes content and she has a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so proud. And then she starts, like, saying it. Also, by the way, the way that she's saying it

is exactly how her mum speaks. and she's like, she goes, like, a bit scowled when she goes, like, she's like, oh, God, so God, well, she's got a podcast. And then's like, and she goes like a bit scowl when she goes like, she's like, oh God, so God, well she's got a podcast.

And then she just, without context goes, you know, hashtag not all men. And I was like, sat up from my slumber like, oh mum, he doesn't know what that means.

Can I just say, your mum actually looks so sweet. She's the sweetest. She is the cutest woman. She is so adorable. Have you watched our stories? When Jillian... The fringe.

She's just got a... Every time she's like... The fringe. The fringe! Every time I put a camera on that woman, she's like... She's like, all pretends to be shy, but she loves it.

It's like she's got a twitch, but she's just facing her fringe. Anyway, she was crazy. We got matching tattoos. We had the best time. It was just so fun. She loved the ink. Literally, she's gone to Twitch, but she's just texting her friends. Anyway, she was crazy. We got matching tattoos. We had the best time. It was just so fun. She loved the ink. She literally, she's in.

She got it on her nanny. She got it on her nanny. She was like, when I said that on the call, I was like, it's on her nanny. She was like, it's not my nanny.

Look, it's not my nanny. It's a bit to the side. Oh, babe, it's basically on your nanny. And yes, I am going on holiday again. Again. Again.

Oh, let the girl have a holiday. It's work. I keep saying to everyone, that's like, are you going on holiday again? I'm like, it's basically onion and east. And yes, I am going on holiday again. Again. Oh, let the girl have a holiday. It's work. I keep saying to everyone that's like, are you going on holiday again? I'm like, it's work. I'm going with my business partner and it's work. Babe, I was thinking, who was I talking to about this?

We're all going to hate us. No, I think he'll be so happy about it. But I was, who was I? Oh, I went for brunch with my friend and I was like... What friend? I've got... Babe! She's got friends again now, apparently. No, no, no. Well, I've got a what friend i've got babe she's got friends again now apparently

well i've got a new i've got one new friend who we were kind of like acquaintances because our boyfriends are friends oh and now like but we also have loads and loads of mutual friends and she just messaged me like i really really rate this because i am we invited her to ask her yeah and like we got like i've known her you, she's been in like my circle. She's around. She's around, but we've never hung out one-on-one.

And she messaged me after Ascot being like, I'd love to like grab a coffee together. How nice. Which I really rate because I feel like sometimes when you have those

social circles and you think, oh, she's a great girl, but like I'll only ever see her when X, Y, Z are there. Yeah. It's nice to reach out and be like,

actually, maybe we could just grab a coffee. Anyway, we had the best time ever. Stop it. You didn't even tell me about this new friend.

I can't believe it. I'm ever so sorry. What's her name? Panna, Panna. Pari, Price. Katie Price.

Okay, anyway, doesn't matter. Why did I start saying this? Oh, I said to her, she was like, because she's a huge, she's a huge galley and she went on her Instagram to show said to her she was like because she's a huge she's a huge

galley and she was went on her instagram to show you something she was like look you guys are the first people that come up on my stories and i was like babe i have realized we we now g and i have got into a pattern of life where we actually aren't able to be apart from each other for too long because things don't function like no we've actually created a bad business plan now because it's very reliant on us coexisting. Like 20, like 24-7. Yeah. Like I don't know how you'll ever move further away

and vice versa. Well, Lily Bloom did underperform because we weren't together. As will my content at the screening, I'm sure. Because we're not together. Because we're not together. We can't be really apart from each other for longer than 10 days, I'd say,

or the content dries up. Yeah, and our management, they're trying to be clever about it. They're trying to think, like, you know, you've got to, like, be able to do things alone because sometimes it delays us, la-la-la. Can't do that. Can't be done. At the moment, it can't be done.

And we're trying to figure it out, but it can't be done. Sorry about it. Sorry about it. Imagine this pod by yourself. What would you say? I'd have nothing to say. Have you ever listened to, like, GK Barry? When she goes on there, she talks to herself.

I'm thinking, babe. Abby Chatfield. Do you know who she is? Yeah, I do. The Australian girl'd have nothing to say. Have you ever listened to, like, GK Barry? When she goes on there, she talks to herself, I'm thinking... Abby Chatfield, do you know who she is? Yeah, I do. The Australian girl. She speaks herself. She does solo episodes. I mean, that girl is masterful. I don't know how she does it.

What does she say? Like, honestly... A lot. She says a lot, and I don't know how. No, she must have chat GPT writing a script or something, because there is just no way... She has a producer, so, like, it'd be like chatting, like, Rahana would have to, like, you know, chat back,

so she doesn't feel completely loony. I want to watch F Boy Island, sorry, just talking about Abby Chatfield, she presents this show called F Boy Island, I think they can't swear

on Australian TV, but it stands for fuck boy, I think. Really? Oh my God, oh my, thank God, because I was,

sorry, were you really stuck there? But people call them F boys, but I would always just say fuck boy. Sorry, on Love Island Australia, thank God. Because I was, sorry, were you really stuck there? But people call them F boys, but I would always just say fuck boy, obviously. Sorry, on Love Island Australia, they swear a lot. Yeah, because they love

a C-bomb, the Aussies. Yeah, yeah. And they use it, if you think I've dropped a couple of C-bombs, my ear. Oh, you best believe those boys will be

C-bombing all over the shop. Yeah, yeah. Sorry to interrupt. Go on. Speaking of islands and speaking a lot, we do actually have four boys now. Oh, so we've got to get on. Sorry, Ireland and speaking a lot, we do actually have four boys.

Oh, so we've got to get on. Sorry, sorry, sorry. No, Rihanna, thank God you're here. Sorry, welcome to Leave a Message. This is Ali and G. I'm Ali, she's G. Hi. I'm thirsty.

This is a podcast where you leave us messages and we respond to them. And that's it, really. Let's call the galleys. Let's give them a Spanish name, not the Spanish name because you've just been to Spain. What's the Spanish name? My. Let's give them a... Spanish name, not the Spanish name because you've just been to Spain. What's the Spanish name?

My Spanish teacher's name is Aldana. Eh? Alana. Aldana. Aldana. I love it. Aldana. Aldana.

Hey, galleys. I've been dying to send something in and this is my perfect opportunity. I'm on holidays with my partner at the time, our first holiday away together, and we're out for dinner and we see this guy and he's sitting alone and one thing leads to another anyway, but we get talking to him and we invite him out for drinks that evening. So we're out, we're having drinks and you know what? We get absolutely smashed. We're having the best time ever. We decide, let's take this party back to the apartment.

are having the best time ever. We decide, let's take this party back to the apartment. Now, this is when something turns. I start feeling a little bit sick. I'm not feeling the best. The boys, on the other hand, they're having the best time ever. They keep drinking. They're swimming in the pool. And I'm just like, I've got to sit this one out. At this point, I'm like, I've got to go to bed. You two continue your party. Have fun. So I'm in bed bed they're doing whatever boys do when they're on holidays and get really drunk and I hear after an hour to the door closed the boy's gone and my boyfriend goes back into bed at this point now I feel like utter shit I think about calling my mom and telling her to arrange a grave plot because this is the end I I need to add as well, this is going to get a big result. Now I go to the toilet. I feel like shit. This is where shit hits the fan. Literally.

I'm sitting on the toilet. I'm on my period and I have explosive diarrhea while also getting sick into the bin. So I put two and two together and I've decided I think I got food poisoning. I tried to call for my boyfriend who is now currently passed out balls naked on the bed, not waking up. I'm crying, I'm getting sick, I'm on my period and I'm shitting. I pull myself together for a second, go into the bedroom, shake bedroom shake my boyfriend nothing but he didn't wake up nonetheless so I went through that whole maybe four or five hours of that whole sequence of period shit crying and getting sick while he slept through the whole thing I wasn't very happy the next morning with him but I just said you needed to know this. First of all I'm absolutely delighted. Absolutely delighted.

We've got an Irish listener. And we've got an Irish voice noter. And if you find these accents offensive we're sorry you can message Rahana and say we're never doing them again. Or you can shove it up your bum when she went otter shite. So good. So good. No, sorry. It was me, sorry. I've actually never had. She was like, I was thinking about calling my mum

when I was getting out of the room. Yeah, no, in those moments. I had it in Bali. I'm never sick. But I was literally like, the force at which it leaves your body is so aggressive. Like, it's actually...

And you do think, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. Also, you know when you know it's coming and you're like sweating. You're hot. Yeah, that is bad. Oh, and the boys are frolicking in the pool.

What are they doing? Handstand competitions and you're about to honestly shit your guts out. Horrendous. I've only had it like twice in my life. That being that ill? That bad.

Once was when I had norovirus, which was like so shocking. And I was with my boyfriend at the time. And we both had it. And it was like one on one off. It was the worst vibes ever. And you know when you just need to be naked. And you're like basically lit like in the loo.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to be like on the loo with something to ch the loo yeah yeah yeah you need to be like on the loo with something to churn it oh yeah it's so bad it's so bad i mean what a crappy boyfriend babe i think that's actually a dumpable offense i was gonna say when when he wakes up you know when also when they wake up how do you sleep through that what's wrong with you babe we've all been there oh well i've definitely If someone shakes me and screams at me, I hope I would wake up.

Yeah, okay, but you know when you wake up and you're like completely in a hurry. Imagine if you're being robbed. I was just thinking, imagine if something actually, like, don't get me wrong, thank God you didn't die and you were just shitting yourself,

but imagine something actually, like you were being held at gunpoint. Imagine if you were Kimmy K at gunpoint. He's just lying there. He's sleeping next door wakey shakey baby you know also when he wakes up

oh my god the wrath the wrath and I'd be like you can go and clean up the shit up the walls you can clean up

my diarrhea you can get me my like plain toast all day and you can rub my back I would be absolutely tempered and fuming

fuming that's almost worse than you know when you wake up and you've just dreamt. I would be absolutely tamping, fuming, right? Fuming. That's almost worse than, you know, when you wake up and you've just dreamt about them like cheating on you. It's like almost that bad. That thing,

who was it? Oh, Fran the other day was like, I woke up and I just literally hated him. Hated him. I know what you mean. Yeah.

Oh, and it takes over your body and you're just like, you're actually, I don't actually like you anymore. I don't want to be anywhere near you. Sometimes it's like so aggressive. I'm like...

What is that? It's too much. What would you do if you woke up like on your wedding morning and you felt that? What? Hated them? Yeah.

Do you think that would be a reason to like turn around? I thought you meant if you woke up and you felt like you were going to shit yourself and I would say, babe, I think you'd have to call the wedding on. Oh, you'd have to call.

It's white. It's not a good dress option for that kind of excrement. What would I do if I woke up and I hated them? That's a good question, actually. Because is it a gut feeling? Well, this is a whole separate topic for another day. Go on. But what is the difference between gut feeling,

this is wrong, I shouldn't do it, and just nerves? Babe? Because I think there's a big difference. Good question. But it's hard to, in the moment, identify. My mum always said on the morning of her first wedding. She knew.

Always. She said, I was so nervous. And like, she just, you know, like, obviously you don't really challenge it because you've literally planned everything. And also it's like, you would, should feel nervous, surely a bit. I don't know like obviously you don't really challenge it because you've literally planned everything and also it's like you would should feel nervous surely a bit

I don't know should you maybe you shouldn't maybe you should just feel gassed and if you don't feel gassed I don't think I'd feel

nervous no Faye was gassed because I'm like it's just him yeah she was buzzing yeah I don't think you're supposed to feel that on edge

I don't know it's like when all the girlies say if you keep getting thrush it means you shouldn't be with your boyfriend have you heard that oh yes that famous proverb i thought that was because they were probably cheating on you i was gonna say oh is that why they're picking it up from other girls and then passing it sorry sorry i must go and ring a few of my exes Because they're picking it up from other girls and then passing it on. Sorry. Have you just gone... Sorry.

I must go and ring a few of my exes. I think... I think you could say the same if it was, I don't know, any other STI. Oh, I just... But I do get thrush a lot. Thrushy fanny. Is that not right?

I think maybe you should go and see the doctor. Do you think if you're having normal safe sex, you shouldn't be getting thrushy fanny? Because I just thought it was when I really went for it and there was a lot of friction and bodily fluids involved, I would just get thrush. I don't think you're having normal safe sex. I think you've fallen into the first hurdle there.

Oh, no, I'm not having normal safe sex right now, but when I was with previous partners... Yeah, but I was being a normal safe sex person. When I was having normal safe sex and getting thrush, do you think my partner was just being a naughty boy, potentially? Is that really what happened with Pauline? No, I actually didn't get thrushed because I never shagged him.

Oh, true. Long distance relationship, never really had that problem. Although, if I was not seeing him and then I saw him, sorry, how have we gone to thrush? I'm so sorry. If I was not with him for a while,

like he was away, or I was away or whatever, and then we had a lot of sex he was away. Yeah. Or I was away or whatever. And then we had a lot of sex. Thrash. That is normal. That is normal. Is it?

It is normal to have sometimes sex. I don't know. Hashtag not all army men but maybe a few season twos are making for. Maybe hashtag quite a lot of army men. Maybe hashtag all of them.

Sorry. Can we get a scientist on this? Yes, we need to get a scientist. Because I listen to a holistic podcast about this. And it's very... About vaginal thrush. Yeah. And the holistic community like to use thrush

as a reason for exit button. Really? Yes. Vagina no happy. Body no happy. Well, I don't know. Because you can get thrush if you eat too much bread.

My mum always... And alcohol. Yeah. Oh yeah, like a bit yeasty on the beer. When we would go to Malaysia and there's so many delicious things to eat and they're all full of wee and yees and she would always say, oh, it's just the bread. It's just the bread. Oh, it's just the bread.

Why does she always get thrush? I don't bread. Oh, it's just the bread. Why did you always get thrush? I don't know. Also, isn't it some like genetic thing that you can be more predisposed to have thrush?

I haven't had bad thrush in ages so I'm actually having hashtag healthy sex. Well, let's hashtag get in touch with the holistic community and the scientific community

and maybe we could get an answer. That'd be great. Also, bubble baths. Bubble baths are bad yeah are bad also you really shouldn't shag in the bath have you heard this it's really bad to have sex in the bath anyone shag in the bar that sounds dangerous also it's not nice like the baths are so small yeah you can't it's only when you go away to a nice place and it's like a swimming

pool yeah you can't have sex in there either or Or a hot tub. Oh, definitely not a hot tub. Did you ever believe that thing? That semen lives in hot tubs? I still do believe that. Is that not true? It does. It does. If it can go in a test tube

and be reinserted, they... Hot tubs are too hot. I've been listening to this book about hormones. I'm not getting in a hot tub with roaring grease, that's all I'm saying.

Because you never know. You never know, you could get impregnated by him. Imagine. That'd actually be kind of fun. Oh, fuck's sake. with raw and grease that's all I'm saying because you never know you never know you could get impregnated by him imagine that would actually be kind of fun oh fuck's sake that would be like

a real throuple oh we just give up and we just lean into polygamy now because why not why not what else is there to do I suppose

sorry babe hope you feel okay now love you love you it can live up to a few minutes in a hot tub knew it

outside the buddy's where I can live about 30 minutes 30 minutes in a hot tub. I knew it. Outside the body, sperm can live for about 30 minutes. 30 minutes? In the right conditions. In a hot tub? No, outside the body in the right conditions, it can live for 30 minutes. I do think a hot tub is the right condition for a sperm. I think it's good, hot, nice, bubbly conditions. The sperm's like,

oh, it's not good in here. Don't worry, I'll get Rue to pack some condoms so that we can, there is absolutely no chance of that. Sorry, can I ask one more question before we move on? Sure. Do you have sex on holiday when you're with your parents? Yeah.

Do you? No. Well, and when I'm next to you, are you going to be shagging ass like rabbits? Maybe once. How many times? Maybe once.

With your mum? With my mum, sorry. Will your mum? Oh. Because like my parents, when we used to go on holiday when I was younger, would shag all the time non-stop.

Don't know, and I honestly don't want to know because that makes me... I think I'll have to ask her one night when it's late and we've had a drink. How many times do I have sex? Babe, I'll try for two.

I'll try... In two weeks. Okay, I'll try for three. Do four. No, there's not a chance in hell. Oh, have a little finger in one of them. Three.

I'll do three. I will do... Babe, sorry. Last time we made this agreement and this contract and you said you were going to use a condom Oh, have a little finger in one of them. Three. I'll do three. I will do three. Sorry. Last time we made this agreement and this contract, and you said you were going to use a condom, and I actually... She told me that I had to have sex three times with Roar when we went to Greece.

And I did it, and I was there lying, thinking, I've got to hold my end of the bucket. Oh, Roar. Oh, I've signed this blood contract with G. I must finish this. Come on. You did that for the greater good of you. And I'm out there shagging condomless.

She was like, I said I'd try. And I said, you're a fucking liar. You're a fucking fake-ass liar. I never try that hard. I'm going to try now. I'm going to try. I'm on Tinder now. I'm going to try.

I know what those boys on Tinder can be like. Don't you worry about it happy fenidoming make this autumn the tastiest season yet with farm fresh produce and easy autumn inspired recipes

delivered right to your door with HelloFresh whip up tasty restaurant style meals in your own kitchen without the high price tag of takeout and in less time than it takes to get delivery. Babe, honestly, HelloFresh has saved me so many times and now my in-laws think I can actually cook even though all I've done is followed the recipe and had the ingredients delivered to my door. But babe, you are cooking it's absolutely

genius and also it's not like you're going to be stuck doing one recipe that you're good at because there's variety from hellofresh there's so much choice come on you can get 10 free meals at hellofresh.com free ali g applied across seven. New subscribers only varies by plan. That's 10 free HelloFresh meals just by going to HelloFresh.com slash free AllieG. You're welcome. Before we continue with this week's episode of Leave a Message. If you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description. Now, this can be about anything.

Obviously, sometimes we ask you for specific topics. But if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this, then get voice noting. Hi, Gallys. Just thought I'd come on here and share a funny holiday story. So my dad's friend, let's call him Bob, he went over to France. He went with his wife and his parents. So bear in mind his parents were very old. So they took their camper van, got on the ferry, had a lovely time in France except the last day Bob's mother, an old woman, she lost her passport. Without doing the sensible thing, they just thought, you know what, let's just go home. So they thought, wait, how are we going to get Bob's mum, let's call her Katie, how are we going to get her through passport control?

She hasn't got her passport. So they thought, oh, we'll hide her in the campervan no so what they did they put katie in the campervan's toilet cubicle they thought she'll be fine in there it's only two hours on the ferry we just can't let her out so they left her in there they got through passport control did the ferry everything was fine they got back to the uk and they thought okay we should let katie out now because they'd got through passport control in the uk everything was fine. They got back to the UK and they thought, okay, we should let Katie out now because they'd got the passport control in the UK. Everything was good. They went to see Katie and unfortunately she had passed away. She had died in the cubicle, in the campfire. She had just passed away. I don't actually know what the logistics of it are like why she passed away but yeah they opened up the cubicle to find that she was dead so um that's

a pretty insane story i'd share sorry i'm actually not laughing because she died. That is the most shocking... Is that real? Because there is just... Sorry. No, but I literally, as soon as they said it, I was like, that makes so much sense. Because if she's old and you put her in a confined space... Do you know how long the ferry takes?

Yes, I do. Yes, I do. I don't know off the top of my head, but I do know it's long. As an old person as well. Being old, there are a lot of barriers to life. To life? No, sorry. Actually imagine being in that moment. You've put your mum in a cubicle in your caravan

and you've left her there for so long that she ceased to exist. I mean, babe, it's not that long. It's not a week on the ferry. How long's the ferry? Eight, a couple of hours. Where in France were they going? Was it just like Dunkirk or was it like further?

Where was it? Were they going to the Dordogne? Were they going to Cannes? We must know. I need to know. Were you in the south of France? Were you in the north of France?

I'll ask. What the hell? I was just going to say that's absolutely genius and now I don't need to worry about paying for my flights or anything. I just need to be smuggled. Smuggled.

What would you do, babe? I would actually die. I'd be mortified. You'd open the cubicle and you're... She's dead. Your mother... Also, how do you explain to the police? Oh, sorry, we didn't realise.

Oh, dear. You'd have to lie and say, well, she just died straight away. And they'd be like, she's been dead for seven hours. And they'd be like, she's been dead for seven hours. And you'd be like, oh, she has actually because she didn't have a passport.

We smuggled her in. Well, hopefully they don't do an autopsy. Do you have to have an autopsy if you just die? Well, only if it's suspicious. And to be honest, that is quite suspicious. Yeah, it is.

But it's only suspicious if you declare it suspicious. Like if you're, like, dad... Sorry, I don't want to use Martin as an example. Love you, may you live till 100, Martin. But my old OAP dad, yeah. Imagine you went to Boston and you came back and he was dead. Then that would be suspicious because anyone...

Like, he could have not died. Yeah, how did he... Where was he? How did he die? But, like, it's not suspicious, you know, that you locked her in a cubicle and she died. It's quite suspicious, though. My old dad, bearing in mind, you know, my old dad's in a cubicle and she died. It's quite suspicious though. My old dad, bearing in mind, you know,

my old dad's sitting on a Maserati at least, you know what I mean? So like, if I had to put him in the boot to drive him across on the Eurostar, suspicious if you ask me.

No, sorry, that is actually probably the worst holiday in history. Why wouldn't you just go to the embassy and just say, oops, forgot our passport,

can we get a replacement one please? Don't worry, we've got the caravan. Did you ever go on school trips? Yeah, I don't love the ferry. On the bus, on the coach. And you had to put the coach on the ferry and then you all, oh God.

Me and Holly went on a few of them and I thought, do you know what, babe? I won't be coming again on the school trips unless we're flying. Because it's not right. No, no, it's not right. Why does it take so long? Why must you all be on those?

Me and Holly used to sit in the coach, Pullum's coach, shout out Pullum's coaches from the Cotswolds. And we'd just eat like bourbons and sing B.O.B. Do you know that song? Airplanes. It was me like, Airplanes in the night sky, Like shooting stars,

I could really use A wish right now Wish right now Wish right now And that's just what we do. Holly's French was really good and mine was awful. Oh my god, me and Mick did the same. So good.

We must have done the same school trip to the trenches. Yes, you've got to see the trenches and then you've all got to go and see Flanders Fields. And Min and I would put this pillow in between us and we'd like,

our heads would like fight over who got more pillows. So cute. And then at night we'd like pierce each other's ears. Yeah. Yes. Good vibes.

And like corridor. Oh, you didn't have boys. We'd like pierce each other's ears. Yeah. Yes. Good vibes. And like corridor hoops. Oh, you didn't have boys. We'd like sneak into the boys' rooms. Oh my God. Yeah, we'd be like, knock, knock. And then the teachers would like parole and like me and Holly would be in the boys' room. We'd have to like hide under the beds

or like in the toilet. Like crazy shit. Sorry, but just imagine that school trip and then someone died in the toilet cubicle. Imagine, because you forgot about them on the bus in the ferry. And they died of claustrophobia. Can you die of claustrophobia?

Lack of air? Yeah. Lack of oxygen. Poor Rihanna having to Google. Your search history, babe, must be whack. If you ever get investigated into, it's going to be quite problematic.

Can you kill anyone by putting them in... Claustrophobia cannot kill you. Can you get thrush from a cheating boyfriend? Is thrush holistic? Is thrush a real thing? Or is it an emotional field?

Sorry, what does it say? You can't die from clastrophobia. You can't? No. But suffocation you can die from? Yeah, suffocation. Lack of air? Well, RIP to your friends.

Katie. Yeah, RIP to Katie. And I hope Bob's okay. Send Bob our love would you yeah please number three

hey I just saw the story of G asking some stories and this is a holiday story but basically

I was in France and we had like this pool anyways it's like a shared pool but like within like the community

let's just say so like you know I've been a bit constipated for the last um few days and I was in the pool and may I add as well the pool was like quite like down like the bottom of the hill and to get to the house you'd have to like walk all the way back up and stuff but obviously because we were all down by the pool the house was all locked up and stuff so I was like oh my god like I need to fucking poo right when I'm in the water and I like panicked because I was in the deep end like swimming under the water

so I was like freaking out anyways I was obviously only eight as well obviously don't do what I did but you guessed it girls I shit in the pool I basically went right down I was like already swimming underwater just like pulled my swimming cushion to the side and shit underwater that was a very humbling experience and my shit was just sat right at the bottom of the pool right at the bottom of the deep end

may I just add as well it was a big one because obviously I hadn't been like shitting for a few days I don't know what was happening with my bowel movements and then one of the adults was like, oh my God, someone's child has pooed

in the pool. And I literally thought it was like a little child. Like there was like lots of little kids and I got away with it. But I literally got caught short. Gals, what can you do?

Thanks, galleys. I'm sorry. My main overriding thing is that it sunk. I thought it would float. Pooh. Actually, you're right. It sunk! Pooh is supposed to float. That's what all

the Olympic athletes have been saying. They've been swimming next to... Oh, in the... To pieces of poo in the Seine. In the River Seine. Yeah, you're right. Well, because they wouldn't even get in, would they? At one point they had to postpone it. It's actually so bad. I wouldn't want to swim in the Thames. Allegedly on the Daily Mail that there's dead bodies in the Seine. Sorry. Well, yeah, I can imagine. There's probably loads in the Thames.

Oh, yeah. People trip and fall all the time. Do you remember when they were looking for that acid attack, man? And they found, like, all those bodies in, like, two hours. Yes, and did you see there was a dolphin washed up

the other day in Battersea? What's a dolphin doing in the Thames, babe? You got a bit lost. You've gone the wrong way, hun. Like, really the wrong way. You have taken a wrong turn and kept going for far too long. Babe,

I just want to reassure you that if there's one place that you don't need to feel embarrassed about poo, it's here because my family and I, I've been in this exact situation. Constipation is common when you're, I get on the plane and my poo just like disappears and I'm then constipated for four days. I know, well not, where does it go?

Where is it now? And then what, suddenly you're going to rear your head at me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, in a horrible time. No, I have a better story because this, my friend, and she will remain highly anonymous because she actually has a very high power job now. My friend who you haven't met because she lives in America, she is, I mean, she's just the most wacky person of all time. I will never forget forget she voice noted me

this one after she'd been out she went to Oxford okay so she's walking back from her night out and she's like talking to me

she's off her head like oh yeah this person talking to me about whatever had happened that night she's like oh my god

I need to have my poo's coming right now and she was like and she was voice noting you at the time she was voice noting me and she was like my poo's coming out right now

and then she was like okay just give me a minute and so she's voice noting me she was like I actually can't hold it until I get back to the hall she was like my poo my poo's coming out right now and then she was like just give me a minute and so she's voicing to me she was like I actually can't hold it till I get back to the hall she went into an alleyway we were 21

she went into an alleyway and she just pulled her pants down and took a shit I mean what are you to do this is a problem what are you to do like everyone's got to go

like what are you gonna do like hold it in and basically shit in your jeans or just go on the road do you know what? Being caught out like that is just really difficult. It's really hard. Sometimes it does happen to me.

I think it's coming thick and fast. It's coming now. And I'm on the middle of Oxford Street. No, it's hilarious. The IBS girlies, honestly, I've never heard of them. I've got to hear them in my life. When they go, their face,

literally it's like, I need to go to the toilet now. And it's like angry and it's hot. And you're like, fuck. Okay. Yeah. Don't't worry we'll find somewhere there's always somewhere and then the bloody starbucks person is like don't have the code and you're like i'm gonna sit on your block okay last one we've got to have one more ring ring

galleys have i got the holiday disaster story for you bit Bit of backstory. I've got a boyfriend. We've been together for about four years now. We were slightly long distance. So he comes to stay at mine for two weeks at a time and then goes home for a week and so on. Because we're long distance and he spends so much time at mine, I obviously don't see his parents very often. So we booked this holiday for the end of last year.

I'm all excited because it's my first holiday in about nine years so I'm buying all these bikinis and holiday clothes. Anyway we head off for this holiday, lovely all-inclusive, lots of food. On the last day of our holiday we were stood around the pool playing one of the games that the hotel hosts and you could win a pool floaty for the best performance. So my boyfriend and I are breaking it down, giving it all we've got and we end up winning this pool float. We head back to the pool and we end up trying to get each other off this pool float. I end up knocking him off and in doing so I fall off the float too. Well my head comes back up from the water and my boyfriend has sent me a big fat wide eye glare.

Well, my little B34 cherry chebs managed to slip out my bikini top. So my nipples out and my bright blue bikini top is just floating in the water. Because my boyfriend and I were having such fun trying to get each other off the pool floats, his mum was filming the entire time. And what do I see my little bikini top flies open and my chebs are on her phone she now has my little boobies on her phone but it's okay because we had a great time and they're a lovely family and we're still together to this day but she also has my boobs still on her phone but anyway love the podcast and i can't wait to listen to the next one oh babe that's so i think that although i've only ever been on holiday with

one boyfriend's family sorry can i say one thing one thing? Yeah. Sorry. I love the fact that the word Chebs is now being spread for a while. I know. I thought that. I thought, I wonder whether she said that

before you or if she's been hashtag influence. We must copyright that, Chebs. Yeah, you better. Get it on a top. Will you do some merch? What are you sleeping on?

She's so lazy. Have you seen the people in our DMs being like, I've got to have like big Chebs or little Chebs or like big Chebs. Yeah, and you can wear big chubs

and I'll wear little chubs. Yeah, really good. Or I'll wear chibi chubs. Yeah, better. Really good. No, no, all the, we don't need to do any thinking for merch. All the thinking is in our DMs.

Okay, well, can you action it? Can you be Captain of Merch? Yeah, I am Captain of Merch. You're not doing very... I'm a very good captain. You're not steering the ship very fast. Okay, let me get that on my to-do. I will get big chubs, little chubs, that's very fast. Okay, let me get that on my to-do. I will get Big Cheb's Little Cheb's ass on my...

Yeah, Big Cheb's Little Cheb's cardboard box. Really good. Imagine Big Cheb's and then an arrow and then Little Cheb's and an arrow. Yeah, really good. I like it a lot. Sorry, do you go on holiday a lot with Raw's family? Because he obviously goes with yours.

He's been on holiday many many many more times with my family yeah because my family i don't know like i my mom always teases me she's like when will you stop coming on holiday with us and i'm like never never for as long as you make it this fun and nice never babe she said to me well um in seville she was like maybe next year we won't do this on my holiday and i was like sorry what and i went to therapy, she was like, maybe next year we won't do this on my holiday. And I was like, sorry, what? And I went to therapy and I was like, they're deserting me. My own parents are abandoning me.

Fuck's sake. Maybe she meant next year you could pay. No, I said to James, I was like, you're going to be waiting until you're literally knocking on death's door, babe. Sorry, you knew what you were getting yourself into when you took on two young girls, didn't you? Babby. Yeah, I've only ever been with one boyfriend You knew what you were getting yourself into when you took on two young girls, didn't you? Daddy. Yeah, I've only ever been with one boyfriend's family

and it was too lonely. Centre Park's my favourite place on earth. And it is uncomfortable, isn't it? Like, even, like, sharing the, like, communal space. Like, the shagging is awkward. The cozies are awkward. it's tricky also it's really interesting to see how different families holiday i know because you can be very different my family everyone does whatever that like you can wake up when you want you can do whatever the hell you

want all day we just eat together literally that's yeah okay whereas like some families like everyone has to like do everything together yeah Yeah, my family's like that. Yeah, and that, it's just, if you're not used to that, it can be a bit of a, like an assault on the senses. Or we split in two only ever. So like we'll,

like Steph and I would always stay at home on Sunday, then Jess might go and play golf. But like that's the only split we'd ever make. Do you know what I mean? Like the dads will go and play golf with Jess and then my mums will stay. Would you all go together? Well, like the food shop or'd ever make. Do you know what I mean? Like the dads will go and play golf with Jess and then my mums will say. Would you all go together? Well, like the food shop or like fun shop.

Like fun shop. It'd probably all go together. Or like there'd be an option. So it'd be like option A is the shopping. Option B is sitting with a beer. But like you wouldn't also, like if you wanted to go like scuba, you're not doing that alone.

Fine. Not allowed. Okay. There are strict rules. Yeah. So I mean's it's like everyone like it's different it's so different you're not used to it and like a family behaves in a really different way to you it can be really weird it's overwhelming yeah and the cozies are

tricky it's tricky to be in front of your boyfriend's dad in a full cozy like that is a bit weird i did have that that is weird or even like a mom like I don't know it's just all a tiny bit like I agree and everyone views nudity and like modesty in like in different ways yeah

imagine if you're like just not a full brief type of girl like your bum just does not look good in a full brief like you have to be in a thong what are you gonna do exactly

babe that is me yeah and you can't and then you feel like you can't and it's like well should I wear a swimsuit but I don't want my tummy

to like not tan no but also like I used to do it when I would like you know when you can't. And it's like, well, should I wear a swimsuit? But I don't want my tummy to, like, not tan. No, but also, like, I used to do it when I would, like, you know when you put a sarong, because, babe, I don't have a modest bikini bottom, like, to my day. Doesn't exist to you.

No. Yeah, because it's all about the tan lines. And so I would wear this little sarong, and then, you know, when you, like, sit down, and then you, like, like, Yes.

At the last minute. Yeah. And then you can't move, you can't tan your back. No. But even the fact that like, you know that moment where you've led on your front,

tied on your back and you've undone your cosy strap. And then like, you want to be free to just kind of like get up, other boobs in place, you're like in doggy and you're like tight.

Do you know what I mean? But you can't do that and so you're like literally contorting to try and tie your cosy strap so no one sees a nipple. Yeah. Oh, it is. It's quite a lot. Guys, also, it's sees a nipple yeah oh it is it's quite a lot

guys also it's just a nipple it's not when you're looking your dad's your boyfriend's dad in the face it's not just a nipple i always think that about breastfeeding how will i ever sit at a table with my inner you will because it's different and i'll just have a little blanket yeah and you stop caring i think yeah like i know women that were quite conscious of their bodies or, like, quite modest, I would say, and reserved. Yeah.

And as soon as they had a kid, out the window. Of course, because it's not fun. Tits are out, nipples are out, everyone's just doing everything that needs to be done.

Well, because it's not functional to be modest when you have a baby. It's not very helpful to be modest. No. Oh, that's so tricky, babe. I would be quite mortified

about that. It depends what kind of person she is as well like if she's like ah ha ha lol yeah and you just like never look the dad in the eye again

oh god ah ha ha lol what if it's a bit of a pervy dad that's the worst why has she still got the video on her phone I saw it yeah

what's she doing watching it at night maybe she is maybe she's like if it's the mum like I might be a bit like oh my god young love we used to be that fun doing floaty fights.

Yeah. And you might just watch it and think, oh, look at her little 34 Bs. Do you know what I mean? Oh, how sweet. How sweet. Wish my 34 Bs were still intact, but alas, I've had two boys.

Depends, it depends. Depends. Depends on the mum. Yeah. Question of the week. Oh no. Roundup debrief. Roundup debrief.

What are we calling this? Richard, do the debrief. Guys no. Roundup debrief. Roundup debrief. What are we calling this? Richard, do the debrief. Guys, sorry. I've just got a tangent one more time. I love Richard. Yeah, Richard, we love your little... I don't know why she says, I love Richard,

because she never watches it. No, Rich, I just listen because I just think this is an audio first experience and I know you're obsessed with video editing, but I only ever watch the TikTok. I just want to say, Richard, I watch the video every week and I'm absolutely obsessed with it so you keep doing it

and also you should go and read the YouTube comments about the C-bomb graphic, all the guards were loving that Yeah, they're loving it, Rich, they're loving you Anyway, uh, re-crap Re-crap? Oh, re-crap! See what I did there? Okay, number one, she's got to be the star of the week, this lady, with her

100% Also, we didn't even talk about meeting people in, like, restaurants and hotels. Like, do you do that? Oh, no, sorry. Oh, no, sorry. She's not my star of the week. Oh, she's not? The dead old person. Well, hold your horses. You've got carried away. Sorry. Number one is the person that picked up a random boy, had a huge night out with him, and then got food poisoning. And we didn't even talk about the fact that her boyfriend fully made a new best friend on holiday. Oh, holiday friends. And spent all night with him in the pool. I don't like holiday friends.

I'm really, my mum is, I can imagine, on another level. Whoa. Whoa. She'll know a lot about your life by the time you've got to like lunch.

Do you know what I mean? It's wild. She loves it. I love you so, so deeply. I can't stand it. I can't stand it. And I'm so unlike Bob. If you were sat next to me on a sunbed,

I would move away. Because if you kept talking to me, I would move. Yes, agreed. I come here to talk to randomers. I came here to sit in silence. Don't have a kid around my mum. Oh my God, she'll be all over you like a rash. She literally like...

Babe, she's having that thing. What, where she wants a grandkids? Yeah. I know. Oh dear. You raise such a slut. I don't know what to tell you. like, babe, she's having that thing. What, where she wants the grandkids? Yeah, I know. You raise such a slut. I don't know what to tell you. I can't do it.

She's just out here getting thrush all the time, Linda. I don't know what to tell you. Number two. This is your star of the week. That's dark from you. Babe, what's your star of the week? Holistic thrush. My star of the week... thrush my star of the week it's got to be the dead mum sorry

poo in the pool oh poo in the pool it might actually be poo in the pool because I just love kids like why have you just done shit in the pool that's so good kids are actually mad

they get away with everything I know they're hilarious I love a kid that just like does what they want star of the week yeah but no the dead person

is a really good story and I can't I actually can't believe it and I feel so sorry for Bob and you should go to therapy Bob yeah Bob needs to go to therapy also what do you say at the bloody funeral

you'd be like she died doing what she loved best caravanning in the south of France at least she got home if she wouldn't because also you'd just be sat there

thinking if she wouldn't have lost her passport well that's what I mean you don't know that she might have just died anyway. True. She might have been at customs immigration

just dropped dead. Yeah, and that could have been worse, actually. And then you'd have to go through all the paperwork. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. Number four. Chebs out.

Chebs out, babe. I love that you're still together and also you could just make jokes about it at Christmas. Do you know what I mean? Just make jokes whenever you can. Or, if it's not funny and they don't find it funny

and you don't find it funny, just never talk about it ever again. Never talk about it again. And maybe just say, oh, Barbara, do you want to delete that video now? Of me and my tits in the pool? Or, I always sometimes do this. I'm like, oh, can I see that picture that you took?

And then quickly scroll. Oh, and you delete. Yeah, quickly, quickly. And they didn't know how to get there. Such a little minx you are. They didn't know how to get there. Recently deleted the old people, so don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. Have you got time for question of the week? Epic. Rachel, play the jingle now. I love Ali and G at the moment. It's my favourite platform really. I'd never,

I'd never on my own Instagram anymore. Oh, thank God, babe. Luckily. It used to be none of my business but now I quite like it. Me too because it's shit

that you would never post on your own. You would never. Like when I look at the videos that we post, you look quite good actually, annoyingly, but I quite like him. Me too, because it's shit that you would never post on your own thing. You would never. Like, when I look at the videos that we post, you look quite good, actually, annoyingly, but I look like dog

and I just think, hilarious. I do look that good, actually. You do. Especially when you've got a big old spot. Is going on holiday with someone

after a month of dating too soon? I voted yes, obviously. Did you? Yeah. No, not too soon. I disagree.

A month, baby. Do you know how fast a month is? I did that with Colin. No, not too soon. I disagree. A month, babe. Do you know how fast a month is? I did that with Colin. Remember, we went to that remote cabin in Scotland. That's not a holiday. Okay, yeah. It was a seven-hour road trip. That was a holiday.

How long did you go for? Four days. Okay, yeah, that's a holiday then. That's a holiday. A holiday's not like one night. I just think it's such a good way to... Test the waterside. Yeah.

Yeah, I agree. Yeah, and sometimes actually a fast track is never, like sometimes it's not a good thing to know too much too soon because sometimes your tolerance levels once you fall in love can be greater. So like there's things that actually once you love them

and you've seen all of their amazing qualities, you would tolerate. It's like what Paul Brunson says about like when he does dating coaching and he'll like get guys that are like a bit shorter than like normal or like a bit skinnier and he's like wear a padded jacket and a little heel because that shit will turn people off on the first date but once they get to know you they won't even know they won't care about your skinny shoulders or the fact that you're an inch too yeah because he's like you can you can just like fight against that

and be like, no, I'm going to be who I want to be. But actually like, if you know that's your limiting factor, because I don't know, that's such a good example is height, because girls are just like, I like tall guys.

Yeah. Help yourself then, because you're a fucking great guy probably, but they're not looking at you because what your hinge says 5'10". I'm guilty of it. Do you know what I mean? Or maybe guys,

you should have a head over to Paul Brunson now oh no you should he's amazing does he have a podcast he's I don't even listen to him on other people's actually

where did you hear that Stevie B oh our arch nemesis jokes he doesn't know we exist okay so the galleys are on Ali's

radar yes they've said yes it's too soon much too soon but only 54% said yes and 46% said no, get on holiday.

So it's basically 50-50. Basically 50-50. So some of you are crazy. That's all I'll say. Sorry, last thing I wanted to say, babe, we didn't even talk about how she was like,

he came to stay with me for two weeks, obviously as a long distance relationship. Two weeks on, one week off. Have you ever done that? Sorry. Never.

Ever. We did a weekend on. Say, a weekend. Yeah. Four days if we were so lucky. No, no, no. Yeah,

because also then they've got to like, long distance relationships actually. I'm so comfortable. Long distance relationships, having been in one, I think are like, whack. They're so stupid.

It would even be better if you were like, I understand wanting autonomy and independence. Like, I'm not saying moving together tomorrow, but just think like long distance is so so impractical and you can make it work well then in that instance i would say actually i'm like going on holiday early doors is good if you're in a long distance relationship otherwise you're going to be waiting

months to know months we could be waiting years. Yeah. To know what they're really like under duress. Oh, yeah. Under constant surveillance. I used to think about that all the time. I used to think, do you know what?

I'm worried. What? We're going to be together three and a half years, four years, five years, move in together and I absolutely hate him. Right, Rihanna's telling us

we have to wrap up. So thank you so much for your voice notes this week. We've absolutely loved them. Keep them coming, as always. Remember to subscribe. We've absolutely loved them. Keep them coming, as always. Remember to subscribe. You must subscribe, everybody. We haven't done a subscribe shout-out. Yeah, please can you subscribe

and review and... Leave us five stars because we're trying to get to 1K. Yeah, we're trying to get to 1K. I don't even know what that means. We're trying to get to 1K, babe. When you get to 1,005 star reviews, right now it says like 768, but I want it to say 1K. Okay, galleys, we're trying to get to 1K005 star reviews, it comes... Right now, it says, like, 768. But I want it to say 1K. Okay.

Gallies, we're trying to get to 1K. So if you could just all, like... Mobilise, okay? Yeah, like, use a different email address if you've already done it. Do you know what I mean? Like, just help a girl out. Anyway, hope if you are on holiday,

you're having a fabulous time and not shitting yourself in the pool. And happy summer. We will see you next week. Goodbye! we will see you next week goodbye