Leave A Message with Ally & G - 27 - It's That Crazy, Stupid, Unrequited Crush

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

It's just 23 weeks until Valentine's Day (at the time of release) and love is already in the air! Get ready for cuffing season... and in this weeks episode of Leave A Message, Ally & G are dealing with more than one type of cuffs! From workplace romances to dating someone in a shaky marriage, dealing with lingering crushes and... a phone call with the police? We're find love in all the wrong places, but what else can you expect?! We're just girls!! With a sprinkling of practical advice on moving on from unrequited love to dealing with biological changes - by the time cupid comes along, we'll be all loved up. Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

a little bit of context for this up it's a mixed bag just a mixed bag you dating bits you work drama bits have you been delighted by the voice notes recently I have been delighted oh yeah let producer Ohana give her report

there's been quite a few really great readers good you can tell they've written it down but you

like it you enjoy it sounds incredible like maybe you guys should be so good get them on you know she's

out here trying to get you jobs girls because she keeps saying we not get the galleys on we not get the galleys in well So good. Get them on. You know, she's out here trying to get you jobs, girls, because she keeps saying, will you not get the galleys on? Will you not get the galleys in? Well, maybe we will. And if you pass Rihanna's standards,

maybe you'll be the first. She's a tough taskmaster. They are high standards, yeah. Yeah, yeah, and as they should be, babe. And as they should be, babe. We're trying to outdo Stevie B, and you can't do that. Oh, sadly, it's not going to...

Listen, our listener is not the same as Stevie B. I have to say that. I reckon the galleys might also listen to Diary of a CEO. Why are they so long, though? I mean, we were just talking about how much we love a long haul. They're full film production now. It's an hour and a half. Yeah, he's taking it actually too far.

Too far. Steve. Sometimes you listen to it and I think, God, you could have cut that, babe. Also, the problem is it's like I just can't deal with all of that and like each their own

but I can't deal with that the doctor of sleep tells you five reasons why you're not sleeping and you're fat and lazy and I just think oh I can't I actually can't

with that and how many doctors of sleep are you going to have how many are there because it's literally five how many leading neuroscientists can really... Can you have a productivity? How many different ways can you tell me

that I need to eat less sugar? I know. Do you want to know something? This is kind of related, not really. So I've been reading this book, listening to this book, called The Power of Hormones. Guys, if you like non-fiction,

everyone's in my DMs, guys. My Goodreads is just my name Ali McIntosh and only follow me if you don't like fiction yeah she will not read

I will not read fiction so if you're looking for a thriller recommendation I'm not your girl yeah but if you're looking for like sorry non-fiction

isn't that fiction is like stories no no no I think it's the other way around no babe is it not no babe oh sorry I thought non- the other way around. No, babe. Is it not? No, babe. Oh, sorry, I thought non-fiction was like the stories.

No, fiction is stories, because it's fictitious. It's fictitious. Roger, got it. Well, I was thinking last night, I haven't seen it. The Hormone Book. Yeah, sorry, The Power of Hormones. It's actually, there's a better book that I've read called The Female Brain, which is kind of the same, but The Power of Hormones is about men versus women. Did you know that when,

so if I was pregnant, my partner, let's say in this instance, as a man, let's say, he sticks around for then, hypothetically doesn't have to be, after a woman, sorry, in the third trimester of a female's pregnancy and like in the fourth trimester, as they like to call it,

a male, a man actually reduces his testosterone, biologically, they reduce testosterone, and their estrogen naturally increases. Because they need to be maternal. Basically, yeah. But it's complete, but that's like just transference. There's something biological that men's bodies know that they're about to become a father so they get less aggressive so that they can bond with their child

and that they want sex less because testosterone if you have less testosterone you require less sex so that it's like the prime hormonal conditions from both parents to bring a baby into this world do you think that's amazing wow and that's really handy because if you've just given birth you do not want a randy a randy man in your space that's really repelling loving yes soft kind wow and then i've got onto the bit about menopause so obviously men don't go through menopause but as we get older actually men and women become hormonally very similar really like you know how men lose their hair yeah women start growing hair yeah men's voices get higher women's voices get lower like all everything kind of like comes to a more center ground so that we're not so like polarized like men i don't know if you think about like your granddad they get like much emotionally

softer as they get older yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Their testosterone decreases. And it's really interesting. Wow. Yeah, really recommend. If you're looking for a non-fiction book, I actually recommend The Female Brain. That is one of the best books I've ever read in my life. Just basically about how...

Also, guys, people don't realise the power of hormones. I know. Your reality is so different depending on like if you've got more estrogen or more progesterone. Like it's fascinating. So the female brain

and the power of hormones are my two recommendations. Really good. If you're looking for a non-fiction book this summer. Really good. And when breath becomes. If you could write

some spark notes, I'd really appreciate that. Yeah. Because you don't. No, but she listens. So you could just listen. Oh, it goes through one ear and out.

Really? I've heard you listen to voice notes. You guys get it more than I do and I pick them. I reckon you could read the female brain like it is the most fascinating thing yeah really really like about like the different phases of like when we're born like do you know that like babies have this like baby puberty where they get this like huge that's why they like toddlers get really weird at two yes they get this like overwhelming

terrible tears of like all of these hormones that they call like some babies like really really rare get like breasts because they've got so many hormones in their bodies it's really interesting the female brain i think you could read it it's not that long you can do it you can do it okay she's gonna do it sorry anyway that's absolutely got nothing to do what we're talking about well it's a mixed bag so we can talk about anything, babe. I really enjoyed that. Who wrote it? Oh, it's a man. That's disappointing.

Well, the other woman, the one that wrote The Female Brain is... Sorry, that is disappointing. No, no, the one that wrote The Female Brain is a woman, but the guy who's writing about both is a man.

Oh, got it. Fine, fine, fine. Max. His name's Max, so let's call them Max. Have you read, sorry, just a quick one. Have you read Vagina

by Naomi Wolf? No, you told me about this. Yeah, because you're going to love that. What's it gonna love that it's so good it's kind of about it's not really about hormones but it does go into that but it's more about like you know the experience of a woman like it does go into a lot of like what happens during sex for a woman and what happens after like sex before after and how you need like a certain amount of like that's why women kind of can, like, feel more intense feelings towards someone once they've had sex with them because of everything that happens and, like, where your, like, nerve endings are connected to. But when I read that, I was literally like, oh my god, I understand now.

Okay. Like, I get it. Vagina by Naomi Wolf. Yeah. Okay. Get that on your list, girls. Get it on your list, girls. If you need some summer reads, here we are.

What I don't recommend is Long Island. Fuck me. When I was in Barcelona, I read this book, right? Because I did the thing where you go to the airport and I panicked, you know, when you like... Oh, they hook you because it's always buy one, get one for the price. Yeah, panic.

So like last time I went away, I went to Bali, I read Blue Sisters, which I actually really recommend. It is a fiction, but it's so so good just easy big but like nice anyway got to the airport

and I'm like mum what do I do there's so many books and I was just looking like Outer Covers la la la and then Long Island

came up and I was like oh interesting it's the sequel to Brooklyn and Brooklyn I never read but I watched the film which is with

Saoirse Ronan I think it's about an Irish girl and she moves to New York and it's just like it's nice it's a love story and I never read, but I watched the film, which is with Saoirse Ronan, I think. It's about an Irish girl and she moves to New York and it's just like, it's nice. It's a love story. It's nice storytelling. And I sort of thought, great, there's a second one and I kind of remember the first. This book was so very long.

It was hardback and it was like, I mean, I read it in four days, but it was a lot of pages. Oh, that's time you'll never get back. I don't know what happened. I don't know that anything happened. Like a lot of pages. Oh, that's time you'll never get back. I don't know what happened. I don't know that anything happened. Like, a lot happened, but nothing happened. There was no...

That's how I felt about Challengers, the movie. Challengers, Challengers, Challengers. We watched it together. Oh, yeah, yeah. At the end, we were like, oh, my God, that is two hours of... You know, I was talking to the drama school a lot, and they obviously all really got it,

and, like, thought it was, like, so powerful. Well, what did they say about the end? Because nothing happened. Well, yeah, because the end was, like, a whole, like, metaphor for the fact that it they say about the end because nothing happened well yeah because the end was like a whole like metaphor for the fact that it's just about the game I did not enjoy the film

I mean so no I do think with a film like often when you have to like dig into a metaphor you've kind of lost me do you know what I mean sometimes I like that for the average lay person

for the lay person we don't want to be thinking about metaphors metaphors I don't think metaphors I don't want to be thinking about metaphors. Metaphors. Metaphors. I don't think we need that. Okay.

Rack them up. What do you want to call the max? Max. Max number one. Hit it. Intro? Oh. Hi.

Hi. Welcome to Leave a Message. This is not a book review podcast. No, you'd be shocked to know we're not the high-low. Or did they ever do books books what did they used to do oh they did a lot they did a lot of high yeah

babe speaking of the average lay person I agree I used to think the high low and especially in their accents was extremely high well you bring it back down girls they were to one thing low

no gossip no memes not cardi B1 like one thing one thing one time thing, one time. And you'd just be like, ah, I get it. When they started talking about emperor penguins, I thought, babes, I must tap out

because I don't think I can hear this. Yeah, yeah. How emperor penguins are like a metaphor for society. I thought, okay, you've lost me there. Oh, you've lost me. It's gone right over my head. So anyway, we're not the high low. Nope.

We're Ali and G. I'm Ali, she's G. This is leave a message and every week we get your voice notes and we reply to them and we're having a lovely time doing it hello um i have some absolutely drama filled tea for you that i can't really talk to anyone about so i want to i want to tell the girlies um so this is work related tea and it involves my sort of boss um let's call her Megan and then someone else that we work with that we're gonna call Martin so we were on a work night out and Megan comes up to me

in the toilets and goes oh I really fancy Martin I was like oh but you're 25 and he's like in his mid-30s like is that not a bit weird and she's like I know I know but I just I just want him so she this kind of ends up going around the work party that she she fancies him a bit and then they end up leaving the party together but we don't think anything happened but you know they just end up leaving at the same time which we were all about like oh what a twinkie dink um so over the next couple of days Megan then informs me that Martin is apparently married but he has marriage problems with his wife. And he's thinking about leaving her.

So, you know, Megan plays her part and tries to convince him to leave her. And he goes, right, yeah, I'm going to do it. I'm going to leave her. They literally put the house up for sale. They're getting the divorce papers out, like all of this in the space of the week. The wife is fuming. they're getting the divorce papers out like all of this in the space of the week the wife is fuming um but it also turns out at the same time they've been doing IVF treatment so he said he was going to leave her like I don't know say week one and then week two they were getting results about their IVF treatment so we were like gagged gooped didn't really know what was going to happen

um and then the day that he got the results, he was off work. And then he was off work for a couple of days. And I was like, oh, God, they're going to be pregnant. And yeah, it turns out they are pregnant. So now he's completely ditched Megan because he wants to give it a go with his wife again now that they're going to definitely be having a baby. But it's just madness. And he's taking paternity leave now.

Like he's definitely, they're definitely going to have the baby. So it's just craziness. And I just thought i needed to share you did need to share you absolutely needed to share and i'm glad you did wow there's so much wrong with that i don't want to be so pessimistic all the time but their marriage won't last i can tell you for oh i didn't know that's where you were going. Okay, good. Really? For a fact. Oh, but then you can't bring a baby into the world. People think that babies are like glue.

Actually, babies can do the total opposite. Do you know how hard it is to have a baby? Also, I've said this before, but do you know how hard it is to adopt? The hurdles you have to jump over. They're not adopting, are they? No, exactly. It's like anyone in any situation

can just go, should we have a baby to try and fix it? Oh, sorry, sorry. Now I know. Do you know how hard it is to adopt, continue your spiel?

Yeah, you can't. And also, do you know how hard it is for IVF? You really want that baby. But bringing it into a world in which I'm guessing the wife

doesn't know. Oh, no, she does because they did divorce papers. Sorry, she does know. Well, now she can have a baby with him. Well, because the thing is... She will.

I'm sorry. The thing is, the problem is that she's obviously, like, they, she, he, whoever, desperate for a baby, not with each other. But what are you to do? Like, try and patch it up. I just think if you've got to the point where, also, being divorced in your mid-30s is quite wild.

Like, unless you were married at 21, how long have you been married? Babe? It's like all the army boys, all divorced on their second round at like late 30s, early 40s, because they got married so young. Well, Keely, Kelly, I'm sorry,

I can't remember your name, in the nail salon next to me earlier. She's from South Africa. She must be two years younger than us. She was saying she's had four friends that were married before 25 and every single one of them are now getting divorced.

What's the point? Because your brain hasn't even stopped growing, forming or whatever. Your moments have not completed. So I know a guy Let's call him Mark. Let's call him Mark. Really similar situation.

Mark met a girl at work Mark liked the girl at work Mark lived away from his wife and three kids Mark started seeing the girl at work having an affair Mark at home was having troubles at home

so the girl was in good faith which I don't know hun is like the best, I get it, you love them. But yeah, I don't know if it's the greatest starting point to be like, oh, you hate your wife, so come and be with me, I'll save you.

I just feel like it's a bit dodge. And I'd be a bit like, your wife's probably right. You're probably a nightmare. Do you know what I mean? Like, I just think like, what's going on there? Anyway, so it was under the like,

you know, guise that he would be leaving his wife. He then informed the girl at work, I've left my wife, la, la, la. He then finds out that his wife's pregnant. They're having their fourth child. He continues the affair with the girl at work, thinking, she thinks he's got three kids

and he's getting a divorce. In reality, no. He then has the fourth kid, they're together this whole time. So then, he's got four kids, she thinks she's not having an affair, and he's only got three kids. She'd like buy them Easter gifts. Buy three Easter

eggs. He's got four kids, and he's still living with his wife when he goes home. What's the update now? That was a while ago. Yeah, I think the update now is that he was, he then, everyone thought he left his wife, but he didn't leave his wife. And now actually it all came out and he did leave his wife. It was all just so messy.

In the end, he had to because she found out. The other thing is, like, what evidence have you based on the fact that he's a good person? How sexy is he? Like, how have you got to the point where you fancy him because he's such a lying scumbag to his wife and four children i just i'd love to understand the psychology what's turning you on do you know what i mean and i understand if you're it listen if they're really good looking and you're in a certain place in life where you want to feel validated and loved and

liked if they are really convincing and they're saying stuff like it's so sad it hasn't worked out i used to love her we're actually we've been separated for a while like if they're really good at lying i can understand how you could potentially choose not to know that do you know mean? Like, not to deep any of it. Yes, yes. Okay, because, like, emotionally, I can understand it. But if you actually just

stepped out of your own body for a second... Yes, yeah, and you stopped, and you actually looked at the facts. Then I think it's, like, pretty obvious to see. Also, you thought about what you're taking on.

Like, I know people that are dating divorcees, and it is wild. Like, especially when you're young it's like they are number one like quite cautious with how they move forward you might not be like straight into buying a house together because they've done that once before and they had to split it in half and it was a fucking nightmare also like i don't think people realize that kids always come first oh absolutely unless you're like an actual psycho yeah kids will always you will always be

second to their children yeah i think if you're gonna like do the second marriage vibe you kind of also want to be maybe in your second marriage in a dream world like you want to also understand what that is like and the nuances and the complications that come with that yeah i don't think you want to be 25 at your work party i think it's a really good story babe don't get me wrong and i think like sometimes when we're story babe don't get me wrong and i think like sometimes when we're all not living in our highest elevated selves we might find that a bit like sexy that he was a married man it's a good story for a week and then that's basically it like if it's going any further than that i just think like really also even if they like

hate their wife their wife will even come first babe if you started dating a married man i'd be like i think that's not like i don't think that's if i was having an affair sorry sorry if you were dating a guy with kids sorry like someone going through a divorce like in that patch of like being separated i think we'd be like there's loads of fish in the sea should we find another yeah should we throw him back and get a new one i'm sorry i know that sounds savage but i just think also you've got shit going on You don't need a new relationship with someone who's 25, carefree, and just like has no strings attached. I know. Wild.

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genius and also it's not like you're going to be stuck doing one recipe that you're good at because there's variety from HelloFresh. There's so much choice. Come on you can get 10 free meals at hellofresh.com free allergy applied across seven boxes new subscribers only varies by plan that's 10 free hellofresh meals just by going to hellofresh.com slash free allergy you're welcome before we continue with this week's episode of leave a message if you want to be part of our group chat make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description now this can be about anything obviously sometimes we ask you for specific topics but if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this then get voice noting

max number two yes hey galle, Gallies. I am absolutely obsessed with your podcast. I have so many messed up stories. This is just one of them that I wanted to send in. So basically I have really messed up exes and this is just one of them. So I was going out with this guy at uni. I was in second year. He was in first year. So I was a bit of a shock. He was staying over at my house for like one of the first times. And we were like, you know, doing bits, whatever, like enjoying our time together,

staying over at my house. And then we started hearing like things like thrown at the window. And we're like, that's a bit strange. But we kind of just ignore it and like carry on. And then it keeps happening for probably like half an hour.

You know, we're the new part of the relationship, so stuff lasts a lot. And I kind of, I go out the window and my ex, like who I only dumped like a month before, was standing throwing stones at my window. And I'm like, oh, he'll just go away. But like still, what the fuck? And then next thing I see, my housemate has let him in my house. He's like coming up to my room. I quickly run and like lock my door, but he's like banging

on the door, like saying, let me in, let me in. And my boyfriend at the time was like, what is going on? Who is this man? Like, this is so weird. Meanwhile, my ex was banging on the door, like screaming, Millie, let me in, let me in. I still love you. I was like, what the hell? Anyway, he just goes away. Like we just ignore him. I think we just fall asleep because we're quite drunk. And the next morning I go downstairs and he's just like in the Like, we just ignore him. I think we just fall asleep because we're quite drunk. And the next morning, I go downstairs, and he's just, like, in the lounge, just there, like, begging for me back. This wasn't the only time he did stuff like this.

Like, he would just... I would come home for a night out. This was mad. I came home for a night out. I went into my bed, like, all snuggled into my bed, like, braces in, everything. Turn around. He's in my bed.

No! And he was wearing a full tracksuit. in my bed no and he was wearing a full track suit i don't know why he was wearing a full track suit i completely forgot about that story but yeah my exes are mad so if you've had weird exes i would love to hear about them too to make me feel better okay babe babe i've had some crazy exes but i haven't had them in my bed i haven't had them in my bed but what have you had it's not my's not my story. Oh, I've got a story. So I had an ex that it was really bad, our breakup. Like I had to basically like peel him off of me to break up with him.

And I remember like a few weeks after we'd broken up, it was really weird because it was at a time when my dad was in hospital and he was really poorly. So me and my mum were driving back and forth every day to Gloucester to go and see my dad because he was in like recovery or whatever. Or whatever. Or whatever, he's fine now, don't worry.

Cancer remission, he's fine. And so it was like hard times and he'd been so bad in the lead up. I just kind of like hated our relationship so I needed to like break up with him but he was like wild, like could not get rid of him. Anyway, it was like,

it'd been like two weeks since we broke up and I'd like blocked him because the calling and the like texting was incessant I got home and there was like a plastic bag on the doorstep which wasn't that weird because people were like cooking us meals and like doing that classic thing when you like are in a hospital all the time and um anyway I like picked up the bag and it had a little no and it was like I know you're going through a lot this is something for your dad and something for you and there was a signed picture of a golfer that my dad must have liked i didn't even know but i'm guessing they'd have that conversation at some point and then there was a hoodie from our sixth form that was like worn and like stained like with like food stains

obviously by him that like smell and he'd written like, you know, to wear when you need like comfort. Oh my God. I was like, Iman,

why would I wear your food stained hoodie? When we'd broken up. Why was my cancer ridden dad want a picture of Tiger Woods? Do you know what I mean? I don't think that's fair. Where should I put it? when we've broken up why was my cancer ridden dad want the and also want a picture of Tiger Woods do you know what I mean

like I don't think where should I put it in the hospital with him bizarre also did you drive here because like just so everyone knows in the Cotswolds

it's not easy like he didn't pop round like you have to drive 35 minutes to get between our houses that is bizarre did you text him I texted him

and I was like I don't think you should come to my house that's an understatement I don't think you should come to my house uh that's an understatement of the i don't think you should be sending me no dirty clothes yeah i know you're not doing your washing and my dad doesn't want your bullshit picture bible if i got back and he'd have been in my house i'd have phoned the police i'm not joking babe if i'd have got home and my ex was in my bed oh unless we were like on great terms and we were friends and you could be

like you're here again will you get out do you want to know something funny what my mom and james when they were like still dating they had like a period where they they were obviously like on a break or on a breakup because he just like didn't live with us anymore and then yeah and my mom was like so sad anyway she was out one night and me and mose were at home from the you know where on the driveway yeah we're in her room playing Nintendo DS or whatever it was we were doing

and we just heard like no so we obviously go we're scared yeah we were small we could see someone and we thought

okay someone's coming so we called the police and it was James it was James throwing stones yeah trying to like get my mum's because like

for some reason he couldn't call her I don't know why. Oh, my God. Because she was obviously out, and yet we called the police on him. Obviously, we didn't even know it was him. We hadn't even, like... We weren't even brave enough to look over the window ledge.

And so we just called the police, being like... How did he explain? Was he just like, oh, I'm just trying to get back with their mum, don't worry about it? Basically, yeah. I just fucked up, and now I'm trying to get back. You know, throwing stones is so dangerous.

Once, Rachel Morrison, God love her, and actually, this is so bad, and I hate to bring this up, because I'm trying to get back. You know, throwing stones is so dangerous. Once, Rachel Morrison, God love her, and actually this is so bad and I hate to bring this up because I never offered to pay because I didn't have any money at the time. Broke her window. Babe, I was on a night out and I was so smashed and I was really close to going home with a boy that I should not have gone home with.

I'll tell you who another time. And I was meant to be staying at Rachel's, but Rachel had left. So I walked back through town alone so late got back and i was like i'll be able to get in surely she'll let me in she'll wake up nothing she's dead to the world like literally just like passed out because she's drank so much so i'm like i'm gonna throw some stones throw in throw in throw in nothing nothing nothing so i end up getting a cab back to i think i went back to phase or something crazy because hers was a little bit closer than mine from town anyway i wake up to a phone call the

next morning she's like oh my god gee what have you done i'd smashed the entire bedroom window like god didn't know my own strength fully smashed the window did you not hear it smash papers you threw the stones it was double glazing so i smashed the sorry so r Could you not hear it smash, babe, as you threw the stones? It was double glazing. So I smashed the... Outside. Sorry, so Rach didn't hear it. I was pissed. I didn't know what was going on.

I don't remember smashing it, but I obviously remember noise when I was throwing it. That was the point. I was meant to be making noise. I was trying to wake her up. Oh, my God. I know.

Fully smashed the window. Sorry, Rach. Love you. I'll tell you one more story. Porry Pyatt. Oh, Porry Pyatt. Used'll tell you one more story. Pauly Pyatt. Oh, Pauly Pyatt. Used to engage in sexual activity with other ladies. Before you?

Yeah, shocking. Thank God. Shocking, I know. That's actually shocking. Oh, I know. Who's got a bigger number? You or Paul? Exactly the same.

We were both each other's... Shut up. Yeah. I'm obsessed by that. Yeah. I'm obsessed. You just said the number so brazenly that was really good

Richard you might need to bleep that I had always wanted to get to 20 no because do you know what they say you get to 20 and then you have to

start going backwards and I'm in real deep water no babe you better stop because I've got a long way back to go I think you've got to basically delete everyone

under 18 then maybe you'll just be like on the cusp yeah maybe um there was this girl at uni who was a bit obsessed with him no and there was no there was one night where i don't know i must have not been there but it must have been just when we had just started start like just started seeing each other. And he was like, let's call her Margaret. Margaret came to the door last night and was like banging on the door and was like, get, like, I want to see him now.

Like, get him. Where is he? And his friend had to be like, oh, he's not here. He was there asleep. Being like, oh, he's out. I don't know where he is. He's out. And she was like, no, no, I want to see him now. And like, it would happen like night after night. she would come and be like i also why could you not have just found him like in the library i don't know why did it happen in daylight

do you know what i mean drop him a text i don't know um but yeah anyway sorry i know this is really toxic to say i'd quite like someone to want me that badly that's so flattering same do you know what i mean? Sorry, you've got some deep-seated issues. Rahona's main goal is for people to be obsessed with her. I know what it is

but they never are. That's what it is. That's what it is. It's like, when you're like, I would love that because I'm like a romantic as well.

I love that kind of toxic shit. I agree, but I think I would want, like, not in the beginning because that's not, that's not yeah that's wild yeah no also i don't even want my exes to do i don't actually want anyone to do it no you want someone to be actually in love with you obsessively yeah like i want them to like turn up with like nice things or like to offer to help with my bags or like be like oh i will do anything on this earth for you

but yeah i've moved, heaven and earth. Right. That's not love. That's not, that is love, but like, you don't want to turn into obsession.

Yeah. Yeah. In the beginning, Rana's like, yeah, I do. I want them knocking. Knock,

knock, knock away. I want to be love bombed. Yeah. No, babe. I never date the love bombers. It's so annoying.

Babe, I don't think you should. Oh, are you dating like the fuck boys, like passive, like not. Avoidant. Avoid It's so annoying. Babe, I don't think you should. Oh, are you dating the fuckboys like passive? Avoidant. Avoidant. Oh dear. Yeah, you need a...

You need to change your algorithm. Wait, so you need an anxious, do you? A love bomber's anxious because they can't be secure. Yeah, love bombers are anxious, yeah. Are they? You've got to get that on your Tinder. Or insecure. Oh, is that not the same thing?

Is there an insecure? I'm insecure. You've made one up. No, no, that's me. Maybe it's the same being insecure and anxious as... I think that is the same thing? Is there an insecure? I think you've made one up. No, no, that's me. Maybe it's the same thing, insecure and anxious. I think that is the same thing. We need to date other insecures.

You're meant to date a secure. No, no, no, you're supposed to date a secure, yeah. You need like someone really, can I tell you the secure people they're never going to love bottom you. They're never going to like sweep, like they're never going to like take your breath away.

That's I think half the problem is that we're looking for people to take our breath away. Often the best people for you, it's a slow burner. It's a graph like this. Yeah, I need to be shown in real time, grand gestures, like pull up outside my house, sing me a song. Yeah, like get the boom box out. Take your top off, like do something impressive. Breakdance. Breakdance, thank you. That'll be it. That'll get her. Channing Tatum for me, would you? Go on. Okay, number three.

Hey, galleys. Love the pod and I really need your help. So in the second year of uni, I had a crush on this guy who I barely knew and just didn't even really think about, but I thought he was pretty gorgeous. Then at my friend's 21st, we slept together. I thought he had a girlfriend at the time, so I initially said no to his proposition,

saying that I knew he had a girlfriend and it wasn't a good idea, but he denied it, saying it wasn't true and he didn't have a girlfriend, so I slept with him anyway. After that, I kind of moved on, but thought about him a bit. Nothing overwhelming. Got back to uni, but every time I saw him, it was like a punch in the stomach. He's so good looking. Then I find out that he did have a girlfriend all along. Some say he was on a break. Some say it was early and they weren't really together, but they were doing something. Me and him are in the same friendship group and I've never met her in my life. So rightly or wrongly, I decided I didn't care that much and I wasn't going to get involved and tell her. I've also heard from his two best friends that they're not that happy as a couple

and it's a very strange relationship and he'd be a lot happier with me. Probably just telling me what I want to hear. Since last summer when we slept together we've hung out a lot as friends. We get on so well, the banter is flirty and we just have a really nice time together. The only problem is I'm now head over heels in love, like out of control, think about him a lot in love. I know it's not true love, but it really, really feels like it. Eventually, as uni was coming to an end, I decided that I had to tell him how I feel. So I sent him a very composed, non-drunk message, basically saying that he didn't have to reply to me and I knew that he had a girlfriend,

but I wanted him to know future reference, naughty I know, that I like him a lot and I think he's gorgeous he did reply and basically said that he thought I was amazing and appreciates that I told him but he's happy right now with his girlfriend I'm now on holiday where he's working as a lifeguard I keep bumping into him on his own and with his girlfriend and just slowly breaking my heart I also feel so vulnerable and awkward now because even though I'm glad I sent that message, it does just feel really weird now that he knows and I can't pretend we're just friends. He's also moving to Australia soon and I may literally never, ever, ever see him again. And I don't know what to do. I want to cry when I think about him.

He is a 10-10 in every single way, galleys. He is literally my dream man, but I just need to get over it and move on to someone else. But it is so, so, so hard. I need your help. Love you all. Bye. Oh, match number three. Babe, this is painful.

I'm hurting for her because you're so tempted to let your imagination run wild and do all the work for you and tell you that actually, no, you need him and he's yours and you would be better together and he shouldn't be with her anyway and you're on holiday in the same place. The universe is telling you, like, I am always...

I've got this crush on this guy that I met fucking three years ago. I never stop talking about him and I think we're going to be amazing together. And I've had to like really stop and not be so mental because that's not my reality or his. And if we were meant to be together, we probably would be. And I hate to give you the tough love, babe, because I'm a romantic and i am

obsessed with a story like that where actually you find your way to each other but i think once you've made the move that you made you did the right thing you told him like whether that was the right thing on the girlfriend or not jury's out but once you've put your hat in the ring and it's been rejected you now have to let the universe do its work and i think you have to let it lie because you've said and he knows if he wanted to be with you he could be i agree with everything she's just said if it was meant to be it would be yeah maybe he's the right person wrong time yeah and in life you meet people that they come back around in five six seven years and you think oh my god

or you might come back might come back in your life and you might be in a different place and you might think oh god what did i ever see in him it's not happening now for a reason so you have yeah you can't live in in in fantasy and the more that you do that the more that you torture yourself like it's it. Also, it's addictive to get there. I honestly love it. I'll go to bed. When I've got a crush,

I'll just go to bed and I'll just lie there and I'll just think about our lives together. Imagine! That's actually called limerence. I do it all the time.

What's it called? Limerence. What does that mean? It's where you daydream about someone. Like, you become so infatuated by them that you daydream about them.

I do it before bed. I have limerence. Me too. I did that with bed. I have limerence. Me too. I did that with Jude Bellingham. No joke. I'm not joking. That's limerence. I think about, oh my God,

I think about all the... Babe, Jude Bellingham is 12. You'd be done from... Oh, shut up. Kiddy fiddling. I said to Rory the other day, I'm daydreaming about Jude Bellingham. He was like,

Jude Bellingham will never fancy you. You're way too old. He's not wrong. He's not wrong. She's wayllingham. He was like, G Bellingham will never fancy you're way too old. He's not wrong. He's not wrong. She's way too old. He's 21. He was like, he doesn't want to go out with an old head like you. He wants to go out with a young model.

Oh, raw. Get your knickers out of a twist, you jealous, jealous pig. No, because then I sent him a picture of Jack Greenwich. You know Jack Greenwich and his girlfriend are pregnant? Oh, are they? I didn't know that. And I sent him a screenshot

and I was like, my chances are completely over. And he was like, don't worry, he doesn't hang around with one girl for too long, you've still got a chance. Yeah, don't worry.

Yeah, don't worry. No, I don't do it with famous people, I do it with actual people and I get obsessed. That's more dangerous because I mean like me and you belling him what the chance is. You and...

I actually might go knocking on this guy's door now now that I've thought about it. No, no, no, no, no, no. I just love, like the problem is, babe, and I'm guessing you and me are cut from the same cloth. Like you are, you have a vivid imagination and you probably listen to all the love songs

and you watch the movies and you read the books and you want it to unfold how it does in your imagination and in your mind and in your wildest dreams. Number one, I know you say he's a 10 out of 10, but I'm sure he's got better because of how much you've inflated him.

I was going to say, you've really got the, not even rose tinted, red tinted glasses on. You've got red glasses on. Those 3D ones you get at the cinema. That's what you've got on, babe. And you need to just like

take them off for a sec because also you're a catch I'm guessing because you listen to this and everyone's catch who listens to this

and he's not turned around and been like and also think about the way he's actually treated his girlfriend it's not great like if you weren't

if you were in her position and he did the same like it's not out of the realm of possibility and also if he really has met you and been like you're amazing either his what he's got is good he's scared to leave it or it's not good enough to make a change and you are good enough so therefore

let him make that wrong decision also the way okay so how can she actually practically get out of this obsession hole? Okay, so I... What have I done to get out of my crush hole? Muted their stories. Good. That's a great tip. Don't unfollow because there's no need. Also, let them slide in if they need to eventually.

But like, mute their stories so you're not seeing any of it. Mute stories and posts. And posts, exactly, which I actually do think is really helpful because you stop slowly thinking about them. And they you're psyche all the time yeah um date and don't compare everyone to him because he's not a benchmark to hit he's just a person you met and fancied and you will have that again so definitely like dating or like being open i think is really

helpful uh write a list of all the reasons that you aren't together and shouldn't be with him. Like even, it's also fictional anyway. So you can also make it like, make sense the other way around. Do you know what I mean? Like you've created a world in which you should be with this man. That doesn't exist.

Love you. Sorry, it doesn't. So make the other alternative. Yeah, make the other world in which there's so many reasons. Well, he doesn't do that X, which, and if you're saying he's your dream man,

I get it, babe, but there will be things that aren't dreams, so just make them bigger. Like, inflate the bad bits about him or the bits that wouldn't make you work together, I guess. Also, can I say one thing?

Because you were like, it is true love. Can I tell you something about true love? Yes, you can, Ally Mac, because she is in it. It's really boring. Day to day, true love should be so quiet. Yeah. It's not roaring and it's not extravagant and it's not obsessive and it doesn't take your breath away. True love is so stable.

Really, if you are truly in love with someone someone it's just there you don't think about it all the time you don't like sit and like obsess and like it's just there and like it's really quiet and like if you're if you're having to i don't know fit what you have into this box of true love because it's probably not true love yeah, you know, you don't have him yet. So, of course, it's so exciting. He's this, like, distant unicorn that you just want to, like, ride eventually. Yeah, no, but it is. You can't at the moment.

And you deserve more than that, babe. You deserve reality. So, live in reality, maybe. It's hard, though. It's fucking hard. Babe, I know, too. I'm in love with G. Bellingham. Yeah, you know.

I really do know. I actually don't fancy any famous people. I only fancy this one person. I actually will die thinking about him. Time for a debrief? Let's cut that. That's a bit extreme. Joking.

Joking. Okay, number one. Number one. Oh, it's so bad. I hate them all. Why are you shagging a girl at work when you've got a nearly pregnant wife at home get your head checked i have an issue too with the girl though i have to say i take issue with the girl because i just think if you know that he's married don't listen to his lies yeah why are you being why are you allowing yourself to be spun into his web it's so hard

because i'm like gonna take away a tiny bit of judgment on you because i know especially when i was young and i was desperate to be liked and fancied and actually probably loved i excused a lot and my moral compass was a tiny bit skewed i sure. but there has to be a fucking boundary and I do think being married to another woman is kind of a boundary. Oh, that's the line, is it?

You can go, go girls, go to the line, go to the line, go to the line, see a wedding ring and run from the line. Do you know what I mean?

I don't know. I just think maybe that should be like the base level. Yeah, I just feel sorry for everyone in the situation apart from him.

Yeah, duh. Max number two. Stones on the window. Oh, I just feel sorry for everyone in the situation apart from him. Yeah, duh. Max number two. Stones on the window. Oh, the crazy ex, babe, I kind of think

you should be flattered. She's not wrong. Like, you're doing something right. Also, you moved on so quickly, you've got a new boyfriend and your old boyfriend

still wants you back. It's wild, so good. I don't know, maybe just next time sense check before you break up with them, are you going to be fucking batshit crazy because I can't deal with this again? Yeah, I can't do it and I'm time sense check before you break up with them. Are you going to be fucking batshit crazy because I can't deal with this again?

Yeah, I can't do it. And I'm going to put some boundaries in there, strict. And they must be stuck too. And that does mean you can't come to my house after hours. You can't get into my bed? The bed is crazy. You've got to be... I'm fully clothed.

Sorry. Next time you must ring the police. And number three, love struck. She's lovesick. That's what they call it. You're lovesick. You're lovesick. and number three um love struck she's love sick that's what they call your love sick your love sick and you just need to

cure yourself with distraction distraction distraction and stop indulging also the further away we say this all the time the further away

you get from it the less you'll be bothered by it also let him go to Australia babe he's nothing to do with you he's upside down so just let him go wait no sorry Australia is so weird He's nothing to do with you. He's upside down. So just let him go. What are you talking about?

No. Sorry. Australia is so weird. They stand. If you think about it, they are standing upside down. They're upside down. You could never talk to him because the hours are so wrong.

He's going to start saying **** all the time. So just don't worry about it. Let him go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bring yourself back down to reality.

Question of the week. We haven't got time for question of the week this week. No question of the week. Which actually is a good thing because I did it on my way here about five minutes ago. So we'll let the votes add up and we'll do it next ep.

We'll keep them for next time, guys. You're on your tenterhooks. You'll be so excited. Oh, you'll be on your tenterhooks. Oh, you'll be so very excited to hear what the question of the week could possibly be. Oh, because I'm racking my brain. If you've got any idea,

because you want to know what the galleys, like, would think about a certain thing, then you can also send Rahana suggestions for question of the week. I'm sure she would love to sift through them. Rahana also put them in the group chat, but Rahana was not. Rahana was ignored by me, probably.

Hashtag ignored. Rahana, I will look them up and I will do them, but sometimes I forget and then I do it on a whim and I don't look in the group chat thank you all for listening

please keep sending us your voice notes anything you want any questions dilemmas stories we love to hear it and you know

this is a safe place safe bit this is a safe bit guys this is a safe bit thank you bye I love you

I love you bye bye That's how you say it. Guys, that's how you say it. Thank you. Bye. I love you. I love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.