Leave A Message with Ally & G - 29 - We're Off To See The Liars & Dirty Cheats Of The World

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

Have you ever wanted a specific bag so much that you jump on your podcast and ask your loyal listeners for a discount code? Well, sign us up because if you have the discount code for the Jigsaw Heckfield Suede Tote we want to hear from you! Aside from shopping desires, on this weeks episode of Leave A Message we're telling tales of complex friendships, bizarre love gestures (beans!) and the critical importance of intuition. Along the way, we meet our friends: pathological lying and romantic pursuits! It's a bit The Wizard of Oz, if the yellow brick road was lined with accusations and deceit instead of munchkins. And in our Question of the Week, Ally & G want to know if you have sex on the first date. Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

just we sound so spoiled i want i want but we do want lots of things go on tell the girlies what you want it's the jigsaw anyone if you're listening and you work at jigsaw you have a discount code it's the jigsaw Heckfield Suede Tote. Oh, sexy, sexy, sexy. I've tried it on in the store and it is so beautiful. No, no, that is sexy. Wow. But it is £195.

So, I don't know. If anyone's got any ways to help me get that number down to zero, ideally that would be good. Because £195. I'm really trying to not spend money this September. This September. Because it's really serious. Well, also, guys, I hate to say the C word

and don't panic, Richard. It's not ****. Christmas is around the corner. It's really soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to start stockpiling now. Well, it's my birthday first. And then it's Christmas and then it's your birthday.

So there's a lot going on. What are we doing for your birthday then? Don't look at me like that. What are we doing for your birthday? I'm in two at me like that. What are we doing for your birthday? I'm in two minds. Why? Because you don't want to be 28? Haha, sucks to be you. I don't want to be 28.

Actually, no, I do. Every year it gets better. Actually, that is the truth. That is the God's honest. It's a bit of a jokey gimmick to be like, oh, I hate ageing, but actually I genuinely think every year gets better. So bring on a new year.

The only thing I don't like about ageing is that everyone is still younger than you. Do you know what I mean? Like people still only age at the rate that they're growing. It's kind of annoying. Yeah, like do you hate that we're only 28 together for a month? Yeah, I mean, ideally I would skip a birthday this year, but sadly that's not how the world works.

Babe, I'm so excited for you to have a big 30th. Sorry, that's really fun. It's going to be fun. 30, flirty and thriving. I can't wait. Epic. I've got a really good feeling about it. I know we're so far away,

but I do think... Baby, your muff's falling off. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about me. Oh my goodness. I can't believe I'm walking around with my muff falling off. You've got a loose muff.

Must not have a loose muff. Must have a tucked in muff. Must tuck in my muff. Hashtag all muffs matter. All muffs matter. Do you know what, guys? I have obviously injured my knee at the moment. Fucking hell.

Will we ever hear the end of this bloody year? Babe, it's only been a week and a half and I've been in the pits. We haven't had one conversation this week where she... That's not true. Sorry, those leggings are so nice. Babe, you love them

they're from adenola do you remember and you wanted the gray ones and i then got two different shades of gray actually yeah yeah yeah 50 shades of gray yeah yeah wardrobe don't worry about it um yeah i'm injured and i will keep talking about it because i'm my mental health is on the floor um and i've been swimming because that's the only form of exercise that I'm allowed to do with my broken knee and um I love the women in the changing rooms. Muffs, boobs, everything's out everywhere. I was wondering what the link was. Muffs and boobs it was. I'm glad we got there. I love it. I just think wow. Everyone walking around with their muff out. Different shapes and sizes everywhere. I love it. You forget you forget when you're attached to the Instagram highlight reel. You go into a changing room you're like oh yeah wow my tits aren't that weird boys do say i don't want

to say which boys hey boys poory pyatt poory pyatt does say yeah i'll reference to what all boys think yeah go on that all muffs are different and he he always oh all muffs no you couldn't even put them in an encyclopedia there are too too many different types of maths. Too many maths. Yeah, too many maths. Too many, many maths. Too many maths. As there should be. Like, maths are amazing. Sorry, guys.

We just danced to Badadan in the bathroom. And now we've got some little energy over here. I would never, for ages, that's the only way I'd end a spin class. Badadan, Badadan. It really makes me feral. Like, I could lift a lot of weight to that, I reckon. Babe, we don't actually really eat whilst we're recording.

I don't know what's happened to you and your etiquette. Sorry about me, everyone. I was asking you what you're going to do for your birthday. Oh, yeah. We're going to do something. I should get my muff out, probably. Okay, these are my options, girls. Let me know what you think.

Number one, I'll just do like a dinner with the girls. Next. Then maybe go for like a boogie. Next. Basically what I did last year. Babe, at my birthday last year, do you remember how rude you were?

We haven't even spoken about this. What? You were on your phone the whole time, do you remember? So I'm only inviting you if you don't bring your phone. Babe, I literally got up and danced with you.

No, no, no. You were scrolling on your phone. You were shopping literally got up and danced with you the first. You were scrolling on your phone. You were shopping and I remember I had to say to you, babe, are you shopping?

I don't remember that. And also, why has it taken you nine months to say that? Because Ali Mack blacked out because I only thought about my birthday now since the last time.

I think that's fake news because I was the first one up there. Okay, get Holly on the blower. Ring Holly now and she'll say, yeah, you were on your phone the whole time.

You were shopping. I can't remember what you were looking for and then when, yeah, you were on your phone the whole time. You were shopping. I can't remember what you were looking for and then when I showed you, you were like, oh yeah, sorry. Oh my God. Sorry about me. So rude. So you're only coming to dinner if you don't do that.

Fine. Number two, I'm like, do I just have like a big party and invite everyone? Not for 28. Not bothered. Not bothered. Do you know what I'd actually really like to do? Go on.

This is my vibe and I don't know if it exists. I'd like to be like, guys, this is where I'm going to be. If you want to come through, come through. To everyone. Risky. It's a risky biz, but I know a lot of people that have done it recently and it's quite a vibe if everyone just comes and goes when and as they please

and I just stay getting Mary in a corner somewhere. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You and Paulie Piot can come. Yeah. Or the Oxford lot can come. Paulie Piot must get the invite. Invite me to his birthday. and Paulie Pyatt can come. Yeah. Or Oxford Lock can come. Forget Paulie Pyatt. Paulie Pyatt must get the invite. Invite me to his birthday.

For one second, he can come. Let him come. For like an hour. Until they play Badadam, then he can go. Okay, I think either do that or have a dinner and I'll just not be on my phone. I don't think I was on my phone. I think that I actually did dance. Text Holly right now. I actually will. No, you did dance

for two seconds, but you... This is a smear campaign against my good character. I will not have it. No, it was. I remember being quite shocked. Once you had your

perfect little dress on, what happens to Ally Mack? Let me tell you. When she gets tired, you lose her. Babe, tell me that shit. When you're tired, you glaze over and we lose you oh

yeah that is true and that's what happened i was maybe i didn't think i was tired i think it was hammered no not dinner yeah babe i was about four picantes deep i think i was quite hammered yeah that happens too when she's drunk babe no hey i didn't say anything on the night because i didn't care like you do here you've got to do some shopping clearly so get it done one to ten how truthful is it she's gonna say ten that i was on my phone for dinner the whole of jeans b day last year at sonico house okay just reminding you all that we were at so we will await the results everybody wait the results so happy i We'll await the results. So happy...

No, I think that was fun, though. I think you should do... Something similar. Yeah. Do you remember everyone, like, bailed and didn't come? Oh, where? Monkey House. Have you ever been to Monkey House?

No. It is the most fun restaurant. Babe, do you remember that girl that we met? On our night... On our night out in Lucci's. Yes. Yeah. That works for PR in restaurants. No,ci's. Yes. Yeah. That works for PR

in restaurants. No, different girl. Yes, I remember her. I looked her up. She's got some good, good restaurants. Well, can we get her? I'm thinking,

should we get her on the blower? Get her on the blower. Earth Day dinner on the blower. Good. Yes, I like it a lot. PR dinner on the blower is what I'm thinking. I like it a lot.

And I'll give you all the free PR. I'll talk about your restaurants till the cows come home on this pod. You best believe, baby, it will be. I'll talk about your restaurants till the cows come home on this pod. You best believe, babe, it will be all over the ground. Yeah.

Speaking of cows coming home, how's the Emma bed? Oh, babe, I've never slept better. What did we find out? It's a 7.5. Comfort. Okay, so on the scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the firmest, like,

concrete mattress you can get, and the Emma is a 7.5. It's got a 7 point um pressure point cooling system sorry ollie's texting me what did she say sos how honest should i be i've just said you must say your truth because i just out of turn she says it's a spirit campaign um i love it i love my emma mattress and genuinely like i think obviously it was hashtag gifted and i'm so grateful but like i'm sleeping so well and i do think there's something about the cooling properties of that mattress that is keeping me

at a very good temperature during the evening hollywood cock haha you were you were good then think you hit a wall at one point and it was game over. Happens to the best of us. Good. Okay, fine. Ov's not on the phone in the club. It was just dinner. I was also in the club. I was in my head.

And I didn't realise until I left. And you know when you try and walk and you think, I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine. Holly, you must speak your truth. Don't be afraid. I've spoken my truth. Good. So good.

Should we introduce the podcast? Yes. Let's do it, baby. You do it this week. You're better at it than me. I've spoken my truth. Good. So good. Should we introduce the podcast? Let's do it, baby. You do it this week. You're better at it than me. Okay, this is Leave a Message. Welcome to Leave a Message. I'm Ali and she's G. And together we are Ali and G. This is the podcast for the galleys by the galleys. Every week we get your voice notes. We talk about them. We dissect them. We try and give you a little bit of advice. Advice is a strong word, but we're here for the lols and we love your voice notes. So keep them coming. And this week, the galleys are called...

Kira. Kira? Yeah. Okay. Oh, great. Good. Kira number one. Hit it, sister. So I'm a little late

for the friendship follow-up episode, but I did just remember a wild story that I would love your take on. So a couple of years ago, I was really, really good friends with this girl. We worked together, we carpooled together. We were friends for like two to three years, honestly, really, really strong friends. And she had this older brother. Well, she had a couple older brothers, but one, I'll just name him Bob. And Bob and I were always friendly. And I knew that he found me attractive because she told me that he found me attractive multiple times. And every time we'd hang out, he'd ask to hang out with us.

And she was always like very like, yeah, come on, Bob, come hang out with us. And she would always joke with me that he had a crush on me. And at the time I was seeing somebody, so it wasn't ever going to happen. But there was one day me and my boyfriend had broken up and we went to this party and my friend was saying, oh, Bob's coming too. He's going to drive us home. And he was going to be the DD. So I was like, okay, great. And I was very newly single looking for a rebound. And she told me, you should go hook up with my brother. He has a huge dick. Very strange

to say about your brother, first of all. But anyway, that night, me and her brother end up just making out, whatever, whatever. She gets super drunk. And when I come back after me and like disappeared off at this party, we come back and she's like acting very, very drunk. And I don't remember her getting so drunk, but she was all of a sudden plastered. Anyway, her brother drives us home, whatever. And then I tried texting her the next morning, no response. And basically she doesn't respond to me at all. She basically ghosts me as a friend.

At this point, we weren't working together anymore either. So I didn't see her at work. And yeah, she completely ghosted me. And I obviously know it's because I hooked up with her brother or made out with her brother, but she told me to. She pushed me towards it.

So would love your take on if I was a dick for hooking up my best friend's brother or if she was just completely wild and unhinged. Let me know. What the fuck? There is a part two.

Oh, sorry. Obsessed. I thought I would add this anecdote just for Rihanna, if you're listening. Rihanna! So the friend, friend's brother, Bob, he the next day baked me cookies and dropped them off on my porch

and texted me saying, I left you a present outside. And I was like already like, I regret last night. And I went to my porch and he baked me cookies, which was like the strangest post drunk make out gift anyone could ever receive

so I thought I'd just add that anecdote because the whole story is just kind of a mental fuck so anyway sorry I'm obsessed

with the fact that she said make out that's so make out and also Rihanna that's like your like grand gestures that you're desperate for that was literally

she must be a great kisser yeah she's got some good like tongue lip action going on, I'm guessing. Or like he's just read the room a bit wrong, like who's dropping off cookies?

I think that is epic 10 out of 10. I'd be over the moon if I was a bit hungover and someone left cookies on my porch. I think that's a bit weird. Really?

Yeah, I do. If they're chocolate chip, I'm all for it. I don't think it's weird. It's a bit too key. Like maybe the day after, not the same fucking day. Oh, it's day after.

They snogged in the evening and then he dropped off cookies the next day. Oh, it's a bit weird. It is a bit weird. Just drop me a text. Yeah, but then like, you know, the bar's so low nowadays that I think if you're going to be a good guy

and you're going to go for it, then I'm not embarrassed by you doing cookies. I like it. What a weird, weird friend. Sorry sorry so a lot's gone on there because why the hell is she telling you about the size of her brother's dick how does she know that that is major red flag how would she know about the size of her adult brother's dick i guess like depending on i love this question like you know households yeah like some households are really naked and some are really like no no no no no like never see your family naked ever okay i don't know because

i don't have a like i didn't grow up with brothers yeah i don't know i can't speak on that i don't know if it's different like i have a naked household but we're all women yeah like it would be weird for me to sit down and have a wee in front of my mom because like obviously yeah but i don't know if that translates for boys as well, or if it is a bit weird when you get to a certain age for, like, your family to see your dick. But I would, like, walk in on my dad, like, in the bath. I think that's the extreme end of the spectrum,

to be honest with you. Do you? I mean, I don't... I don't, like, stare at his dick and, like... Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't look at it. I wouldn't know the size of it, even though I've, like, seen my dad's penis, technically. Sure, but I'm just saying... Maybe that is weird mean I don't look at it I wouldn't know the size of it even though I've like seen my dad's penis

technically sure but I'm just saying maybe that is weird I don't know I'm not making it weird no it might be weird it is a bit weird

I'm happy for it to be weird you're like like I think I think it's weird I think it's weird I guess it would be weird if my dad was like parading himself

in front of me but like I've walked in on him in the bath just because I need to get some bits out of there or whatever and I just don but like I've walked in on him in the bath just because I need to get some bits out of there or whatever and I just don't like make a song

and dance about it he's just naked I don't think most people are doing that even naked households I don't think they're doing that I don't know though because I don't know

like do men participate in the nakedness of a naked household I don't know I have little brothers yeah but do you see them naked once they got to a certain age like maybe

like an age where I feel like you would be able to remember, in 20 years, will you remember me naked? It was like the doors locked. You cannot come in whilst you're in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do get that.

But then maybe it was like, you know, like those kids, like little kids sometimes, like do just like have, you know, big assets. And maybe it's just a running joke that her brother's got a big asset. But you wouldn't use that as a pick-up line on his behalf. Also, bizarre to pimp him out. And then... Hate her for it.

What? Maybe she fancies him. That's what I'm thinking. Have they shagged? Her own brother. Maybe she's jealous. That's a whole separate podcast, babe. Yeah, is she jealous?

Because there is a bit of a weird thing about like sisters and brothers and like when... Is there? I don't know. I don't have siblings, so I'm just guessing what happens. Like, I don't know. Like, you know,

like younger sisters can sometimes really like look up to their older brothers and like really like put them on a pedestal and like love the fact that they're kind of like their protector and like la la la that like weird dynamic that might happen and so then maybe in theory you love the idea of your friend getting with your brother but then actually in practice it makes you feel really uncomfortable yeah but like there is a level of self-awareness to be like i'm the person that actually propelled them to do it because i suggested he had a big dick and wanted it like Like, even if you don't like it,

you have to be, like, sane enough to be like, oh, yeah, actually, that was on me. Yeah, for sure. I don't know what's gone wrong there, but as we've said before, I just think there's plenty of fish in the sea and even though your friend was egging you on,

don't bother. No, but how is she to know you can't like when you're in the moment and your friend's like oh go on like he's got a big dick also that's not necessarily like oh good gagging for it like sometimes you're not in the mood for a big dick i'm sorry you know those siblings and i do know some of these people they're like brother and sister are like almost a bit too close do you know what i mean this is what i'm saying and i just like it's weird like yeah i can tell you now raw and his sister i don't think jess would be pimping him out she'd be like he's so great because yeah and she's also definitely not saying like oh he's got a big member like she's not gonna be like a shaft a

shaft you know what i mean she wouldn't be saying that anyway. She's not saying that. And it's just not appropriate, I suppose, is what I would say. So yeah, anyway, babe, the moral of the story is it's not your fault and you're not a bad person because you were just taking instruction. Also, if she's going to lose a friendship,

like over that, cry me a river, get out, babe. Like, you're nothing to do with me anymore. What the hell is that on my nipple? Is that strawberry? That is strawberry. Oh, I'm gussied about that. It's such messy part it will come out not to worry will it yeah guys i don't have a bra on it feels crazy make this autumn the tastiest season yet with farm fresh produce and easy autumn inspired recipes delivered

right to your door with hello fresh whip up tasty restaurant style meals in your own kitchen without the high price tag of takeout and in less time than it takes to get delivery babe honestly hello fresh has saved me so many times and now my inners think i can actually cook even though all i've done is followed the recipe and had the ingredients delivered to my door. But babe you are cooking it's absolutely genius and also it's not like you're going to be stuck doing one recipe that you're good at because there's variety from HelloFresh. There's so much choice. Come on you can get 10 free meals at HelloFresh.com slash free Ali G applied across seven boxes. New subscribers only varies by plan.

That's 10 free HelloFresh meals just by going to HelloFresh.com slash free Ali G. You're welcome. Before we continue with this week's episode of leave a message if you want to be part of our group chat make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description now this can be about anything obviously sometimes we ask you for specific topics but if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this and get voice noting. Kira number two. Yeah. Hi, Gally's got a juicy story for you guys. So for context, I was like 15. Keep this in mind because of my naivety. It was my first year in boarding school on it in a different country in Britain, away from home. The adjustment

was hard for me. But a few months later into the school year a very american girl joined the school and we clicked right away attached to the hip constantly together and everyone would ask where the other was if we weren't together she told me this story eventually that her dad was the head of the fbi and that some of the teachers at our school were undercover agents that were making sure she wasn't kidnapped. She literally told me that she was in danger and made me believe that certain teachers were undercover bodyguards. Eventually, we began to fight about random ass things. And like it got really bad to the point where even boarding school staff split us up into separate rooms as we were sharing a room so little did i know they were trying to save me from a literal

psychopath anyway the fighting continued and she continued to tell me about her life back in the u.s where she was like part of a fbi group of kids that were in the same situation as her so two of them were twin boys same age as us at the time uh one of them was dating her and the other i ended up texting anyway i eventually after two years of friendship almost uh i caught on because while i was texting that guy she was next to me one night and i looked on her screen and she was literally texting as him on because it was like a different app that you use so like it wasn't like a phone number um i freaked out obviously because i had this gut feeling all this time and of course i was right so she absolutely lost it and told me i was fucking crazy she got very scary

and therefore i believe that she lied about everything she told me so moral of the story please listen to your gut feeling and stay away from people that give you bad bad vibes even if it means you have to be alone so much drama love Oh my god, babe, I'm shook for you. Actually, I'm speechless. Who, sorry. I'm fascinated. Did you ever used to watch Catfish on MTV? She's not really a catfish, she's just like a pathological liar.

She catfished her because she thinks she's speaking to a boy and she's the boy. That is technically catfishing, isn't it? What would you say? Catfish. She's catfishing. Even the what would you say fish she's fishing no but even the thing about the fb sorry i think i missed the beginning so she was saying to her friend that she was in the fbi no her dad yeah her dad was she was an fbi kid group yeah yeah yeah yeah which is obviously also a lie yeah because why would you tell someone that what

if you're in the fbi and you're, you wouldn't be telling everyone? Sorry, some people. I have a similar... It's not a million miles away from this. Really? Yeah. It's going to have to be highly anonymous. Go on then. When I was 14, in my first year of boarding school, I was best, best friends with a girl who wasn't in my house. Let's call her...

No, let's not call her... That's her actual name. Let's call her... Babe, are you on crack? Sorry, because I was thinking about her nickname. in my house let's call her no let's not call her that's her actual name let's call her babe are you sorry because i was thinking about um her nickname i wish it's let's call her her actual name that'll work let's call her caroline good caroline and i one in the same house but we became the same friend like friends and she did this weird thing every day where she had like four or five best friends and every single day she would tell you what number you were in her list so she would

be like today you're number three or like today you're number one like it was really weird she was always a bit strange but like that's like mean girl but like it wasn't mean it was like oh like no because whatever her name is margaret did something really nice for me today so she's number one but like yesterday you were like so nice like it was weird

also I was only 14 and I was really like you're in a new school and I didn't really want to rock the boat anyway just go along with this anyway

she comes home to my house one Sunday and we're in my room and she was like I have to tell you something that you cannot tell anyone this is so secret

you can't tell anyone. So obviously, she tells me that two of the members of staff at my school had, I can't say the word. Trigger warning. One of whom was our teacher of a specific subject and the other one was someone that worked in the building. Sorry, that's really serious.

And then it basically transpired. I didn't say anything but like i knew i had the exact same thing i knew she was lying yeah i didn't know even that is such a horrible thing to know because do you know what i mean yeah someone tells you something like that you want to take them at face value yeah but i knew because our teacher that she was accusing was the like he wouldn't have hurt a fly there was just no way i knew as soon as she told me i knew she was lying and but i sat with it for like a couple of weeks because like what are you to do at 14 i didn't know yeah anyway then me and my other friend who was also

on her list of five basically like we were together and we were friends separately and we got onto the topic and she was like oh my god i don't know what to do we got onto the topic and she was like, oh my God, I don't know what to do. Caroline told me something and I was like, oh my God, maybe she told me the same thing. Anyway, obviously then we both decided to go to the teacher. The whole thing was a lie. Did you? Yeah, we went to our deputy head.

But in the process of like social services getting involved, like both of those members of staff lost their jobs, like were suspended. Our teacher's wife was like two weeks out of going into labour. The guy who was working in the building, he was, like, he was working all these extra shifts on reception to pay for his wedding in, like, six months.

Like, it was an absolute shit show. What, and then did she admit she'd lied? Yeah, because then it, like, got really serious, and, like, obviously then, like, people properly, like, police got involved. Oh, my God. And she basically sat there and was like, yeah. But she kept up for a while with the teachers

and then she was like, yeah, basically I lied. It's all a lie. But like people are fucked in the head. That is so bad though, because me being like classic, like never wanting to victim blame, I'd be like, then I'd be taking it so seriously. I'd be like, how do they,

like they'd need to prove that they didn't. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because then I'd be like then i'd be taking it so seriously i'd be like how do they like they'd need to prove that they didn't do you know what i mean yeah because then i'd be so worried that she then just felt like it was too serious and she'd been backed into a corner and she wanted to say it was a lie i mean i think the teachers were investigate like heavily they must have had alibis yeah yeah yeah also like when when quizzed on the specific specifics she couldn't tell like when and where she couldn't say she'd like the whole thing just came crumbling down but it was massive i remember that i didn't even remember the last day i saw her because she was sectioned she leave the school but like immediately like no one saw her again like she was put in sand she was put in sand which is like was like on like like where the nurses are and she had to like sleep in sand for like a week and then she just

no one was allowed to say goodbye like she went to like a good school in london then and now she's like a really high-powered lawyer or something yeah that's like the worst stuff for her to have yeah it's sorry surely they've got to make a film about her craziness what the hell she's probably defending victims now but like it's really hard especially when you're young especially at boarding school when like you don't know what to do i don't even think i told my parents because like i you just don't know what to do and like yeah i guess it's so hard i don't know i didn't go to boarding school but i can imagine you're in like such a bubble yeah yeah you don't really have any external like opinions or like sounding boards yeah wow lying to me is mad and like listen don't get me wrong

i love a little white lie i love an embellishment on a story like i'm i'm known for it i will do it all the time i'll make my story better by adding in details yeah but to that level like how are you not like forgetting what you've said i always think that how are you not forgetting how are you not, like, forgetting what you've said? I always think that. How are you not forgetting? How are you keeping up with yourself? Is it adrenaline? Are you looking for some kind of rush? To the point where it, like, deeply affects someone else's life. That is fucked. Yeah.

There's a difference between saying, like, oh, I don't know, I made £100 more this month than I did. Like, that's not affecting anyone. Do you know what I mean? Yes. But, like, when it's actually impacting other people, it's mad. Like, if this girl

really liked that guy she'd been texting and then, that's such a deceit. Can you imagine? No. Guys, imagine if I found someone

finally on a dating app and I thought, I'm in love. And it was Al just because she felt sorry for me being single and alone. For lol. I'd be so hurt.

Obviously. Because you'd be like, you're a sicko. You're sick in the head. The point about intuition is a good one. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot about that.

Because I feel like we live in a society where so many things bombard us. Information, news, other people's opinions, social media. You've always got

like other noise, but actually going inwards and listening to your own intuition is so important and energy I always say this about you can tell

someone's off immediately your energy's off immediately you can tell if someone has bad energy get rid of them oh you always know when someone's lying

don't you you think you're lying yeah I know you are yeah you little snake all the girls at school who lied.

I hope they get the help that they deserve. Amen, amen. It was like a plague at some point. I was one of them. Do you know I once lied about having a middle name? I don't have a middle name. That's not like a really, yeah. I'd just like to confess to everyone

that I told my middle name was Florence or whatever I chose. It's not true. That's fascinating. Why would you lie about that? I was so left out that everyone had middle names and I didn't. So I was like, yeah, my middle name's fascinating. Why would you lie about that? I was so left out that everyone had middle names and I didn't. So I was like,

yeah, my middle name's Florence. Oh, we all did that. Like, oh yeah, I kissed a boy this weekend. I did when I sat at home with my parents and watched TV. Yeah, yeah. It was pounding all night long.

Yeah. What? Sorry. Kiera, number three. Hi, girls. Love the podcast. I have so many stories to share and I've been doing it for ages. So I finally got mad to telling the story of me love the podcast. I have so many stories to share and I've been doing it for ages.

So I finally got mad telling the story of me and the beans. So I was at uni in my single girl era having the time of my life and I was out one night with my friends and this guy comes up to me and tries to speak to me. I look at this guy,

I literally looked him up and down. I turned around and carried on talking to my friends, completely marked him. I was doing the debrief the next day with my best mates. Turns out this guy was my best mate's boyfriend's flatmate. And I had no idea. Still didn't think twice about it.

I was in no way attracted to this boy. But my friend was basically like, oh my God, yeah yeah you completely rejected him like he has a massive crush on you he just he was spending all night trying to plug up the call he's trying to speak to you and then he did and obviously I just shut him down and I was like whatever that's funny didn't think twice because obviously did not was not attracted to the boy a couple of days later I wake up go to my kitchen and a card has been posted through my kitchen window it was like close to Valentine's Day so this card was like a Valentine's Day card

and it basically was like um had like a soppy Valentine's Day message in it and then it was like um I owe you a drink um from Dylan like and then it said like p.s I'm sorry or something like that and I was like okay that's weird not going to think anything of it though a week passes I wake up Valentine's Day single and alone go out in the morning to walk to my car out of my suit and combination I get to my car get in the car put my windscreen wipers on and then suddenly this like muck starts like spreading all over my windscreen I get out I don't know how I didn't notice it when I got in my car but my car has loads of beans on it so my car I got beaned basically um didn't even know that was a thing but basically he just like tipped loads of cans of beans on top

of my car so I'm there in the rain on my own, already depressed and single, scraping these beans off of my car with my bare hands. Walking back into my flat, my exact bedroom window has also been beamed. So I was like, what the fuck? And I was just a bit creeped out that my exact bedroom window had been beamed. I was asleep whilst the beaming was happening. And then I actually ended up making a fake invoice for my car wash and I emailed him a pdf of this invoice with my bank details and I made him pay for my car wash so yeah I will attach some photos of the beans as well for you girls to see um Thanks, and I hope you like the story.

Oh my God, Kira3. Sorry. People are okay. She showed us the pictures. They are sheet beans. That is bad, bad, bad boots. That's not good. Well, like, what, sorry,

what in the hell are you thinking? Going round to someone's house and putting a tin of beans on their windscreen. Like, at what point do you not check yourself and think, okay, I'm a bit crazy now on valentine's day sorry the soppy valentine's day message really grosses me out like that is enough to send me off the edge i cannot be dealing with that oh it's so hard because devil's advocate the beans listen i'm tipped over the edge of the beans the beans is crazy but the the shooting your shot and then the sending a little like love note like don't get me wrong it's intense persistence but i think if it was someone she

was attracted to she wouldn't have had the same response and i do think you have to be a tiny bit mindful of the fact that like you can't justify certain behavior for like one type of man and then for another be like it's gross. My mum always says that like even if you don't like them like you have to appreciate the effort that they've gone to to like at least get your attention.

And you would like that from someone who you wanted to look your way. So I think I'm like kind of good for him. I mean, when do you take no as an answer? She didn't reply to that card.

I would then say walk away. The beans is then like vandalism. Like that's then like, you're not getting affection there, babe. That's not baking cookies and dropping them off. That's bad vibes. The faking voice. Listen, if you've got to get him back,

you've got to get him back. Do you know what I mean? As you should. Very creative, by the way. I wouldn't have thought of that. It's amazing. And also as he should pay for that. Oh yeah.

That's crazy. That's't have thought of that. It's amazing. And also, as he should pay for that. Oh, yeah. That's crazy. That's a direct expense on him. Because that's wild. And I saw the beans. They got right in the grills of the windscreen. Can't believe that. I really can't believe that.

I don't think I've ever had anyone try for my love that hard. Let me just think. Don't get me started. Rahana, considering that's what you're seeking out. Rahana, considering how attractive you are and how charismatic and how brilliant, you must have had one story similar.

No, what? No love notes. No. Yeah, I've had some love notes in my day. No, like a real love note. When you're in a relationship, yeah. Yeah. No, can I tell you my best love note?

Please. Oh my God. So his name's Parley Pinton. As you know, I lost my virginity to him. Love you, miss you. He, okay, this is actually a really bad story. So we went out when we were like young, lost my virginity to him.

I think it was his virginity too. It was a lovely time anyway we broke up i don't really know what happened he then kind of like got in a habit of like dating my friends i remember this not like close friends but like was there was the fay there fay didn't sleep with him i hope why did i feel like oh my god we must ring her i don't think there's someone else that you got there first with and then faye got there with oh yeah pam pooper oh sorry yeah yeah yeah party pinton sorry i've got my pam then my party's wrong yeah yeah yeah no this is probably pinton you and i with two girls that i was quite close with anyway one of them he went out with for quite a while we subsequently were no longer friends because

i found that quite like backstabbing. Anyway, he was with her at this time and I'd kind of given an olive branch and invited them to my 18th birthday party because I just thought, why not? We'll all be friends. Everyone was like dating each other. It was like, whatever. Anyway, it was my birthday the day before maybe, or maybe it was that day actually. And I went to the letterbox at my parents' house just to see if I'd had any birthday cards. I pull out this letter, handwritten. From Polly Pinton.

Three pages from Polly Pinton. Oh, my God. Kind of confessing his love. Yeah. We never spoke about it. I never said anything to him. What? I know, because he was with this girl.

Have you still got it? Yeah, I think I've got it in my mum's house. Oh, my God. Yeah, and we weren't together. How old were you? 18. I was turning 18. Oh, I actually really rate that.

I mean, like... Do you know what I mean? You could have kept it to one page. Do you know what I mean? I should have been with him. He put an Instagram reel up the other day and me and Hans were like, oh, the one that got away.

If only. Jess! Yeah, so I have back in my day, me and Hans were like, oh, the one that got away. If only. Yes. Yes, I have back in my day, but I don't get them anymore. Oh, I don't, babe. DMs are dry. Letterbox is dry. Same. Yeah.

The problem is as well in the age of text, why would you send a letter? Because it's romantic? Yeah, even more reason to. But like, realistically, people don't do it. No, they don't. Also, you have got to find, I guess with her,

like, hindsight, and if this ever happens again to you, babe, because you're obviously, you know, a magnet to the men, you've got to be firmer with your no, maybe.

The look up and down was not enough. Like, he didn't get the message somehow. I was just like, you need to let him get the message now. You need to make sure

he gets the message. What would you say? I would just say I really appreciate, well, apart from the beans, I appreciate the effort that you've made

to, like, catch my attention. But, like, I'm just not interested, basically. I'm not interested, actually,

is, like, quite good. Because it's like, I'm not interested. I don't think you're a bad person. I don't even necessarily actively not fancy you. I'm just not interested.

Yeah. And I don't owe you an explanation as to why. Well, actually, I think you do owe them an explanation. If you're trying to make it firm and clear,

you have to give them, like, you have to say. I don't think you can just say, like, see you later, loser. You're too short. Yeah, it's really short. Yeah, do you know what I mean? And I've actually just decided

that I've had my gay awakening. And that's it, really. I would prefer not to have beans all over my windscreen, ideally. Do you know what I mean? And I've actually just decided that I've had my gay awakening. And that's it, really. I prefer not to have beans all over my windscreen, ideally. Do you know what I mean? The amount of times, when we were in Bali, right, that we would, like,

get approached by these boys, these little Aussie boys that must have been, like, just out of nappies. And they, like, this one guy, we'd been, like, getting, you know on the nights out where you're a bit bombarded?

And it's just for some reason everyone around you wants heat. They're not even like necessarily attracted to you. They're just like wanting a lady. Do you know what I mean? And anyway, this one guy comes up to us, to me and Holes, and he's like, oh, I just wanted to check. You guys are a couple, right? As if we could say like, oh no, I think it was an in.

I don't think he actually thought we were together. Maybe he did, I don't know. But obviously my gut reaction is to be like, yes no, I think it was an in. I don't think he actually thought we were together. Maybe he did, I don't know. But obviously my gut reaction is to be like, yes, yes, we are a couple because then I'm safe. Like,

I'm not going to have any more advances from you because yes, this is my lady. So you said yes. Yeah. And he said, I thought so, you're a really great couple.

Oh, I see. And I thought, thank you. We are a good couple. That's good. But that's quite, he did it for me.

I didn't even have to lie. Well, I did lie because I said, yes, yes, we are. But I suppose in many ways, we are a good couple good but that's quite he did it for me i didn't even have to lie well i did lie because i said yes yes we are but i suppose in many ways we are a couple why not i wasn't really lying i was just using it to my advantage because i didn't want to be advanced by him anymore yes i am this is my girlfriend thank you walk away now sir debrief okay debrief Kira number one yep um very very strange situation

you must um leave her to her yeah you must not blame yourself like whatever you must leave her

to her own you know self help help books because that's not right that's just not right you must leave her to fancy her own brother

listen stranger things have happened stranger things have happened I'm just saying it. On this podcast in particular. Guys, can I air some grievances? Sure.

I've had a lot of people come to me and tell me that they've heard some of our voice note stories before. Ah! Yes! Good, I'm so glad

this has been brought up. Yeah, I know, Rihanna. I think we need to air this in the group. We must have a board meeting about this right here right now I've heard that too if you're listening

and you're like yeah lol I did hear that on one of the whatsapp rounds or like whatever guys we want real genuine voice notes if you're trying to pull the wool over our eyes

I don't know the liver story the liver story was good and if is that the one I've heard about the dead dog and the granny

in the camper van I've had multiple people say I've heard those stories before on different podcasts I don't know just like on the rounds just like you know like and the granny in the camper van. I've had multiple people say I've heard those stories before. On different podcasts? I don't know. Just like on the rounds.

You know, like how everyone knows which celebrities cheat on each other. Like it's not public news. But you know, when you just know stuff. I feel betrayed. I know. I felt betrayed

because I'm just like, this is a serious podcast. No, no. I don't feel betrayed because if they're funny enough, like I don't really care if they've done the rounds. Oh, but I guess if... Listen, if you're saying it with conviction

and you're lying, then this is why I thought about it because I was thinking about the pathological liar in voice note number two and I was thinking, actually, we've had some pathological liars on this podcast. No, but also, sorry, I don't know if you know, babe, but this podcast is very pioneering in this space.

No one else is doing this. No one else is giving airtime to the voice notes that have done the rounds. No one's doing that. Yeah, everyone's keeping them in the WhatsApp groups and we're bringing them out to the masses. We'll be the people at the helm of the ship. Okay, but real talk.

Next time you do that, at the end of your voice note, if you've done that, can you say, BS, this is not my story, trademark. I've stolen it. I don't think you need to say that. Do you not think? No, I don't think so. Al doesn't even care, apparently. I don't care. I just think if it's funny, P.S. This is not my story, trademark. I've stolen it. I don't think you need to say that. Do you not think?

No, I don't think so. Al doesn't even care, apparently. I don't care. I just think if it's funny, it's funny. If it's funny, it's funny. But why are you pretending it's your story? Yeah, maybe. Yeah.

I don't know. I do that quite a lot. I steal your stories quite a lot. Do you? Yeah, of course. What, once? Like, sometimes, like, I don't know. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. But sometimes, like, she'll say something funny Like sometimes like, I don't know. Oh,

I don't know. I don't know, but sometimes like she'll say something funny or like, I'll steal your lines. Oh, I steal your, yeah,

I steal your gags all the time. Oh my God, stealing your gags is my favorite thing to do. I don't have to do any of the thinking for myself. I have no work. I just like go to dinner and I'm hilarious and I'm like,

Ali Max had five of them earlier, so don't worry about it. But that's kind of like the recurring voice notes it's fine if you know maybe it's fine then fine right kira number two um it's not fine that you lied you little rat no she didn't i saw the friend that your friend lied yeah oh sorry i know i meant your friend you're not the rat obviously um and all and the takeaway is always trust your gut, listen to your intuition and don't ignore other people's energies. Oh, listen to that energy. Number three. Number three, babe.

I just think, poor you. And also it is creepy that he knew where your room was. Poor you that you had to have bean boy relentlessly trying to get in your pants. It's so boring. Must find some bean puns. Oh, you must get... Hold on, hold on.

Richard, you'll have to cut this. Let's pretend that she had it off the cuff. The best bean puns for family fun. Oh, this is a good one. What do you call a retired vegetable? Has been. Yeah, good. Are we doing question of the week?

Have we got time? We're cutting it a bit fine, but... I think we can make it work. Guys, just a disclaimer Rahana gets told off by the big boss upstairs if she runs over to you we never get

shall I be quick sex on the first date yes no biggie or no I have to wait a number of dates I have to wait no I have no

I have a number of dates I have to wait yeah because some people you know that they're like on my five date rule my three date rule this is fascinating

um have you seen it I obviously think yeah I know she's gonna say yes sex on the first date I don't have a number of dates but I wouldn't have sex

on the first date yeah as a rule you wouldn't I wouldn't either as a rule I probably would like just as a rule I think it's gonna be like pretty close it's exactly 50 no yeah 512 512 oh that makes me

feel really happy because i always feel like a bit of a listen no judgment like no seriously i do mean that i just want to try before i buy the only thing I would say is that don't, not for you, but just like in general. She's pointing this at me, go on. Don't do it because you're bored. Yeah, number one reason. Go on, what's the second reason? You feel like you have to to know more about them.

Also quite like that as a strategy, yeah. Or any other reason that isn't coming from a place of pure fancy lust yeah because i think otherwise the aftermath is more difficult to like unpick do you know what i mean because like if you really fancy them and then you have sex with them on the first date maybe there's like a spark for somewhere to go but if you only did it because you were bored or like whatever for whatever other reason like huh yeah yeah but then sometimes it does i'm happy to be told wrong sometimes it gives clarity i haven't had sex in a long fucking time sometimes it gives clarity and sometimes sex isn't as confusing as we make it sometimes it is don get me wrong. Sometimes it complicates the situation.

Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it tells you more of what you needed to know. The other thing is, and I know, I don't, I mean, obviously I'm not dating, but like I know that I'm someone that like really gets in so deeply

with my emotions so quickly. Yeah. So if you are that kind of person, I also would suggest not doing it because you're just going to get heartbroken every time. Yeah. So if you are that kind of person, I also would suggest not doing it because you're just going to get heartbroken every time. Yeah. The only myth on this, I think all of that can and can't be true,

what you've just said. Like, I think both in all situations, depending on the person. The only myth I would like to debunk is that they like... You best debunk some myths. Sorry, I'm a myth buster. Debunking.

I'm so tired. The only myth I would really like to debunk is that there's some kind of worry that they won't fancy you or take you seriously if you shag them on the first date. And I think that's some people's reserve, is that like, oh, if I give it away too easily, and I just would love to get rid of that

because I don't necessarily think that's always the truth. I don't think it's about that but I think if you're feeling like, oh, I'm not sure. It's not always... Let's make it sure! Show me the size of your dick! No, but if you're like, go on. I was going to say, it's not always true but I think this percentage of men

who don't care is smaller than the percentage of men who do care. Yeah, potentially. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do all men care if you give it away early? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I think there's a few nuggets

in there who are like, doesn't matter. But then there's a majority who are like, this is just what I wanted in the first place. Yeah. And you don't want to feel used.

You don't want to feel used. But also, let's find out where the wolves are amongst the sheep. How are you to know, babe, after a couple of drinks? You're not to know. I always know.

I ignore it, but I know. I always know. And 50-50, girls. Sometimes I get it right, sometimes I get it wrong. No, no, listen. I did it too. Like, I was in there straight away with like, oh, straight. Sometimes you've got a scratch to itch and you just think, oh, go on then.

Yeah. But yeah, also your body is sacred. sometimes you've got a scratch to it and you just think oh go on then but yeah also your body is sacred and and don't just do it because like you just like oh whatever it's kind of like

it can be whatever but like if you're like oh no but like but this is the thing also don't like convince yourself that you should also like if you also have

a strong feeling not to walk away honey let's not have the same rule that you always shag them on the first date. And if you want to scratch that itch, just find one person

who's dedicated to that one act. Oh, she's really in there for the friends with benefits, Rahana. I'm a big fan of friends with benefits. If you've got any friends that will benefit me, babe, send them my way. I just think they're hard to find.

Do you know what I mean? Just find them on Hinge. It's not so easy. You've got to fucking have a drink and la, la, la. Oh, la, la, la. You've got to, like, you know what I mean? Just find them on Hinge. It's not so easy. You've got to fucking have a drink and la, la, la. Oh, la, la, la. You've got to like, you know, find out if they're good at fingering.

That's the main thing. You've got to ask them what their dog's name is. It's too far. It's too long. Boring. Get down to it, Darren, would you? Don't care about your mum's maiden name. I've got an itch to scratch.

Okay, peeps, you must subscribe. Peeps! Gallies, you must subscribe. You must. Okay, you actually must. And if you didn't hear the call to action last week, let me repeat it for you now. We had a meeting and the main takeaway was

we must have more subscribers. So if you could get subscribing that would be great ideally on Spotify because no one listens to us on Apple apparently much lower

much lower but still an important part of our community yeah sure Apple no defamation no defamation Apple

not all podcast platforms thank you so much for listening we will see you next week please keep your voice notes coming and love you bye