Leave A Message with Ally & G - 31 - Friends With Benefits, Toxic Partners & IUDs

Episode Date: October 2, 2024

Boys and Gallies, wanna hear a true story? Ally & G were at this real wild party, they were chatting and causing up a fuss about a toxic relationship and sibling dynamics, huh? *Record Scratch* OK no more City High... it's a brand new episode of Leave A Message! As our slightly-decent lyrics suggest, this week Ally & G are talking about the experience of being an only child, how to handle a friends-with-benefits situation... and how to manage a friend's potentially toxic relationship. They also discuss an embarrassing holiday mishap involving a dislodged IUD (ocuh!). At the end of our episode: Would you relocate for love? Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guys, gonna start today's episode a little bit differently because we did a little shout out for people going through their GCSEs. Congratulations to everyone that got their results. At A-levels. Any kind of exam really. Any exam, any test that you might be sitting. Academical life. We wanted to shout you out

and say congratulations and we hope the results were okay. And if they weren't okay, life will continue. Life will go on. Your life is not defined by any results. That is really important to say.

No cap. I've been waiting my whole life for that moment and it came! No cap. Just want to be Gen Z. Anyway, one of the galleys got in touch and she was saying that her little sister, Alex, has been her biggest supporter

throughout her GCSEs and she is actually our number one fan, apparently. Which, shocking! Blows my mind because, as if we could even have fans sorry obsessed um so anyway alex we just wanted to say thanks for being for like such an amazing little sister to your big sister and it hasn't gone unnoticed you're a legend and thank you thank you for supporting your sister and thank you for supporting us we love you and she loves you i'm so jealous of sisters.

Like, genuinely, if I deep it, I could have a real tear. Oh, God. Well, let's not deep it then. Not right now. I'm not in the mood to have a tear now. It's not in the mood now. I've got my damsel in Madison.

Don't worry about it. Okay, actually, just let's go, like, semi-deep. Why? Why? Why? Why? I just think being an only child is such a bizarre phenomenon.

I agree. I think we should get more airtime, actually. I agree. Of how weird it is to be an only child is such a bizarre phenomenon. I agree. I think we should get more airtime, actually. I agree. Of how weird it is to be an only child. You just exist all by yourself all the time. But also, guys, I'm going to be a full orphan. Oh, God. That's wild.

Babe, siblings, sisters are orphans too. You just have someone else to share the load with. Oh, yeah. You don't have to be a solo child to be an orphan. You don't become your sister's mom when your parents die oh yeah i forgot i mean you're gonna get orphaned much sooner than i just more mean like i'm not gonna have well i am gonna have family obviously i've got cousins and aunties and uncles and stuff but it's just crazy like it's just mad i agree i do think it is although i will say you're the most un-only child only child i've ever met in my life

i am gonna take that as a compliment but i don't know where the only child bad rep came from like it's such a myth to me because you're not like you're not a normal only child but i've never been a bad one i have i have i've had many many yeah and what's so bad about them just they just They just kind of live in their own world. And if you interrupt it, it's very... It's a no-go. They never had to share. They never had to compromise. They never had to do anything other than what they wanted.

And I really think you can tell. My best friend's an only child and we're so different. And do you think a lot of it is from her growing up as an only child? A million percent. And I'll call her and be like, why aren't you texting me? She's like, leave me alone. It's so funny because I think it made me the opposite. I'm so desperate for connection and friendships

that are like strong bonds, like blood sister vibes. And I'm not fucking with anything else because I don't have siblings. That is rare because most only children are just lone wolves. Crazy. Babe, you definitely can't be marrying someone that's an only child.

No, my kids will be, if I have kids, God willing, will be fucked. No, fucked. Absolutely fucked. I was talking about it with someone the other day. You were saved by your cousins. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I was saved by my cousins. Shout out, guys. Thank you so much. Shout out to all my cousins. Love you so much. Thanks for raising me. Pack. Do you know what I mean

yes we were talking about it the other day like how was I talking about it with you and then maybe with Holly all blasted into one

yeah because I'll have a conversation with Al then I'll go home and I have to like carry it on conversation yeah get like different opinions

but yeah we were talking about how like it is so true like you know a middle child or like oh such a younger sibling that's so weird I was thinking about that last night.

Because me and Holes were talking about you and Holes both being older sisters. And we were like, you both give older sister energy. Bless you. Thank you. What do you think the things are

about us that give older sister energy? I agree, by the way, but I'd be interested to know what you think. Protective. Yeah. Like, speak, like really clearly speak

your own mind and are quite direct in what you want i think that comes from like yeah having like maybe being the first one to have to say that say the stuff yeah or like be the defender of like the younger siblings yeah probably both have the like experience of being like apple of the eye and then that being taken away when your younger sister was born, which like probably does something to the psyche. Yeah. I'm sure.

It's just crazy, isn't it? I do think also firstborns are sometimes like, it can go either way. They can either like really follow the law, like the word of the law or they're like total rule breakers. Because like, I don't know, if anyone, there'll be lots of people listening

who have younger siblings, especially sisters. It is hard out there to like be the first one to get in trouble to do everything and then they just get away with it and I just think are you fucking serious it's awful isn't it it's awful it's actually I actually think it's child like not child abuse because obviously that's really really extreme but like I think there needs to be some sort of like common ground law because it's not right it's so hard though like i can imagine it as a parent you're like i'm gonna get it right with this one like i'm gonna be really like on it and then you just go ah i've got a toddler running around and the baby can do whatever it wants you

know what i mean yeah yeah and then it's like how badly did you really need to reprimand me in this moment if you can now be relaxed with every single one of us write it on my gravestone write on my And then it's like, how badly did you really need to reprimand me in this moment if you can now be relaxed with every single one of us? Rihanna? Ride it on my gravestone. Ride it on my effing gravestone. That is crazy. I never had any comparison, obviously, because just me.

Also, I will say, having come from sisters, and like this is, it really depends on the sister relationship. But like, I mean, if you have more than one sister, God bless you. I don't know how you'll live in your life your life that is mental i think especially in your teenage years sisters that are close in age can feel so competitive and that is really hard yeah because like especially if you go to the same school like you know you always like even shit like your results like everything gets compared to one another it is hard it's hard out here for a bitch you just have to really lean in i've learned to like your role i don't know like i will always just it doesn't define you

and it doesn't mean that's who you have to be outside of your like family dynamic but i think like if you need to be the smart one or you need to be the stupid one or you need to be the funny one you've just got to like lean in but i do think it like i do think people choose for it to define them i think it's just like naturally that's like the role that you assumed from birth yeah and then actually you don't you can't let it go yeah because it's just the cloak you wear yeah yeah like i do think i don't know about you rahana you have two younger brothers i'm like i do think a lot of my like controlling tendencies coming from being in the oldest child because like you have to be the person that knows what's going on especially when you're in that stage where like you are in charge of your

younger siblings like you have to know what's up and like do you know what I mean yeah it's really hard but also I was an only child for 10 years and I'll never let it go so I knew how it felt to be an only child oh wow okay I am jealous of you guys did you enjoy it yeah it was incredible yeah I think about all the things I could have gotten because I was the only one to be like getting a Christmas present or... Yeah. You know what I mean?

Oh, trust me, like the spoiling is wild. Like you actually can't help but be spoiled when you're an only child. Because like you don't have, there's no line of like, well, you can't have that because your sister didn't. That doesn't exist, that line. So it was just like,

everything was a negotiation with me and my parents. There was no kind of like blueprint for can't have that because your sister didn't that doesn't exist that line so it's just like everything was a negotiation with me and my parents there was no kind of like blueprint for how to raise me because you haven't done it before and you're not going to do it again so let's talk about this sorry we're not talking about that at all i just we wanted to do that shout out no i want to actually give a shout out to producer rahana because when she sent across the pre-briefing notes guys i want to say, we're getting really serious around here and you're ready for what Rihanna sends us this week before. I love this, right. And she says,

themes include dicks, dickheads, dilemmas, and IUDs. What a title. What a legend in the game she is. Now you're primed and ready for what this episode will be about. I should be an author. I actually think you should.

Or you should at least be nominated for some kind of award. Agreed. Agreed. We must get onto some kind of award. Agreed. Agreed. We must get onto some kind of award, guys. As a team, ideally, we might get onto the podcast awards of what, you know, once in our lifetimes. She's all about the accolades.

Yeah. Did you see the Emmys? Yes. And did you see... Baby Reindeer sweeped. More interestingly, Baby Reindeer won everything. Did you see Rita Ora and Eliza Gonzalez literally wore the same dress? I did not see that. Same dress, different font.

Am I a stylist? Yeah, fired. Do you think they all talk? Get them gone. Do they have a group chat, the stylists? How would you know? If you're pulling it from somewhere, you'd be like oh does anyone else

have this yeah ideally you'd ask true any other celebrities attending the Emmys are the same night as me

oh my god I could not be a stylist I would not think to ask I wouldn't think to ask being a stylist I really don't envy them sorry but also the brand

should have been like oh what are you pulling it for Rita Ora at the Emmys oh well X just took it they might have just thought like lol personal beef of Rita Ora just like go on bitch for RetroAura at the Emmys. Oh, well, X just took it. They might have just thought, like, lol.

Personal beef of RetroAura, just like, go on, bitch. Can you do the intro? Yeah, this is Leave a Message, Welcome In. Welcome In. Welcome In. It's like a women's circle. This is your time to heal. Welcome In.

Sit down. Hi, Karen. Thanks for coming back. Thank you. Heal, Aw Hi, Karen. Thanks for coming back. Heal, awaken, transform. Demure. Demure. Someone told us the other day that demure is so done.

And I was like, can it not be? Because I'm loving it. Like, can it not be done? Jack Tilly was like, it's done now. If anyone, if anyone wants to do demure, it's done. And I thought, shit, okay, not to worry. We've got demure in the drafts that we're scared to post. Jack, thanks to you. This is a podcast for the galleys, Kate, not to worry. We've got Demure in the drafts that we're scared to post. Jack, thanks to you.

This is a podcast for the galleys, by the galleys. And we get your voice notes every week. We love listening to them. We love to help you out. We love to give you our thoughts and opinions. We can't promise they'll be any good, but keep them coming. And this week, the galleys are called... They best be called Alex, as that's who our shout-out's for.

Alex. Good. Alex. Good. Hey, galleys. Basically, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I need some advice. So there's this boy. Let's call him Mark.

We matched on Hinge, I know, about a year ago. Or not about a year ago. It was about last year, like New Year's Eve time. And we saw each other a few times like pretty casually and then I had asked him like oh so what are you looking for out of this and he said he didn't want anything serious and it was a pretty good

like mature conversation and we didn't really chat after that so seven months after he started like replying to my stories on Instagram and like starting conversations and stuff. So it was a few nights ago. We ended up chatting till like 11. And one thing led to another. And I was like sitting in his passenger seat on the way to his house. Yeah, we had sex. And honestly, I cannot explain how disgustingly good.

Like, oh my God, this man has a massive penis. I'm sorry. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but he has a massive dick. Like it's crazy. And he knows exactly how to use it. Exactly. So basically like a few days after that, he sends me this paragraph of saying that he just doesn't, he like feels really bad. He doesn't want me to think that he's just using me for sex. And he does genuinely like respect me and want me as a friend and so I told him that well like we had a whole like conversation about it and everything and I was like you're not using me like I thought I was using you pretty much like I kind of just invited myself over um but yeah ended up saying like I think there's three options we can either have like a purely sexual

relationship where we're just calling each other over for a shag and then I don't get attached because there's nothing there. Or it's just a friendship where there's no sexual conversation or flirting or whatever involved or just no contact. And he said like, yeah, let's be friends. Like he doesn't want to complicate it with sex. And I was like, oh shit, like that's not what I was expecting. I thought, I didn't know he just wanted to be friends and I've never just been friends with a guy that I find so attractive like he's tall dark and handsome he plays guitar oh he's just got his he's got everything okay like I just kind of want to jump on him and I don't know what I've gotten myself into now because now he wants to be friends and I don't know if this is a good idea but it also might be a really good learning experience because i'd be able to like be friends with a guy that i'm attracted to but i don't know is that just me

wanting to be friends with him because i want to sleep with him like i don't know i don't know please help me sorry can i just say babe that feels like an unnecessary lesson to learn i i was gonna say why do you need to learn a lesson i don't know that anyone needs to like go to school on how to be friends with someone you find attractive. I agree. I think it's an unnecessary, you're not going to need that again in life. It's not necessary.

I would cut the corner. You're not going to have to sit an exam on that. Ideally don't learn the lesson. I would either sit on his face or like ask him to marry me. I don't know. I don't think there's an option. Friends with benefits connoisseur here.

I don't think you should be sleeping with your friends so that's out of the out the window it's out of the equation i would say pick your era if you are down to fuck then get fucking send him a message say look when we spoke the first time i was in in a different place. I'm just down to have a bit of fun. I really enjoyed our experience. Are you down to do this? I really enjoyed our experience. And that's exactly how I was feeling. Your dick is fucking massive and I want it in me again.

That's what you should say. Do you want to do it again, casually? Sorry, I have a question. Why has being in a relationship been taken off the table? Well, it was never on the table for him. Yeah. But why?

Because he doesn't want a date. Because he's emotionally unavailable, I'm assuming. Really? As all men are. Well, okay. He doesn't want a relationship either period or with you. Sorry, Alex number one. Is that right?

I've got nothing but love for you. Yeah, that's right. So you then got to the point where obviously you get on right i'm actually a little bit dick drunk by this man's dick yeah i'm obsessed and i want to meet him and check him if you don't mind can we share and also sorry often and i i don't want to say how many i've seen but so often the men with massive dicks haven't got an effing clue agreed agreed that is magic that he has a ferrari and knows how to drive it they just think that like that's it having a big dick is the answer of everyone's

prayers not the case not the case often it hurts and gives you thrash so you know but like right this is my take home i'm out on the scene at the moment on the dating apps how you found this sex god on an app i will never know I don't know about you, hun, but I don't meet people that often that I really fancy. So you don't want to be his friend. Like in no world do you want to be this man's friend. You would just be doing that because that's all he's offered you to take the crumbs.

But they're not crumbs you want. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So I think you need to just be booty call friends. I think you need to say it's sex for me or nothing because I've got loads of friends and I don't want you to be one because I find you need to just be booty cool friends. I think you need to say, it's sex for me or nothing because I've got loads of friends and I don't want you to be one because I find you too attractive.

I'd want to jump your bones every time I hung out with you and I don't feel like that about my male friends. And if he goes, I don't want to complicate it because I feel like you'll fall in love with me, which, sorry, all men think if you shag them,

you'll fall in love with them. I reckon I could fall in love with this man. I do. Okay, maybe he's right on this occasion. Maybe he is a god and we all'll fall in love with them? I reckon I could fall in love with this man. I do. Okay, maybe he's right on this occasion. Maybe he is a god and we all would fall in love with him. He's tall, dark, handsome. He plays the guitar.

But some of us are in different rooms. And he's got a massive cock. And he likes to have sex in the car. And it's good. Sorry. What's missing? Nothing. What's not to love?

Does he have mummy issues? That's the only thing that you need to check out. You don't need to know that if you're having friends with Benedict. This is it. You don't need to know. Not my problem. I didn't it you don't need to know not my problem i didn't see there's a difference between friends with benefits and booty call friends with benefits is let's go get a coffee you should be doing none of that like no one wants to be like justin timberlake and mila

coon is like hanging out playing tennis and then fucking that's not a vibe booty call is i will be home at this time get there and get naked i think they're the same thing no they might be the same thing but i think with i think you can have more boundaries with a booty call as in i don't think you need to go like how was your day i think you can get down to it i don't think you need to ask how are you yeah i think you can just say get your knickers off yes oh yeah turn around do you know what i mean because i'm actually quite horny i just realized that's making me and i like hate sex and wow, you've really made me horny.

Oh my god, I'm going to download an app right now. I'm going to have to go on field. Also, car sex. I don't know that they shagged in the car. She just said. She just said she was in the passenger seat

on the way to his house. Do not look at me. Your imagination just went wild. Passenger princess, I wrote, and then I, yeah, I assume they did have.

She said, next thing I know, I was in the car on the way to his house. And yeah, we did have sex. Well, the key thing here is he may have a car, which is also a bonus. Also a bonus. And he can drive. He can drive.

He's not a bum. Listen, I just think. Oh, listen, I actually think, forget everything we've just said. Make it, like, do everything in your power. No! To make sure. Okay, what you need to do with men like him, though, he's obviously, like, a forget everything we've just said. Make it, like, do everything in your power. No! To make sure. Okay, what you need to do with men like him, though,

he's obviously, like, a bit drunk on his own ego. For sure. Like, he thinks you're going to fall in love with him and he wants to keep himself protected from that and, like, la-da-da. You need to flip it on its head. You need to do with Mila Kunis. You need to make him fall in love with you. Oh, no.

Yeah. Listen, whatever's happening here is dangerous, okay? You're in dangerous waters, my girl. You are treading on thin ice, let me tell you. And if you're up for potential heartbreak or like dick drunkness to the max, like whatever you're ready for, get ready and then go for it. I don't know.

I think you can avoid heartbreak if you don't let your emotions run. You just said you can't not fall in love with him. No, listen. Babe, I'm not the person putting my heart on the line i'm saying you would i'm safe and pretty over here in my little podcast studio behind the mic i'm saying for you for you for you i just think do it for the girls will you have a nice shag it's hard to come by have a nice shag but also like try and make him fall in love with you if you can no no don't do that you can't have that toxic baby this is not how to lose a guy in 10 days you can't can. No. No, don't do that. You can't have that toxic baby. This is not

how to lose a guy in 10 days. You can't be Kate Hudson out there like, I'm going to make him. But like, do you know what I mean? You can't manipulate the situation. But why not? Never manipulate women all the time. I bet you won't be able to

and then you're just left in the lurch again. If he's emotionally unavailable, he's emotionally unavailable. So you've just got to take what you can get and understand that what you're getting is what you're getting. You know what also is great about friends with benefits? Please. He's emotionally unavailable. So you've just got to take what you can get and understand that what you're getting

is what you're getting. You know what also is great about friends of benefit? Please. Especially because it's attractive. You're sleeping with him. You go on dates with other people. Yes. And if you get bullshit from them,

you're not going to look up with it because you know. Yeah. Yeah. This is the problem though. When you've got a high bar at home with someone who's like not actually giving you anything other than like a

great shag and a bit of like uncertainty you still compare everyone to them and that is difficult yeah and a friend of benefits well i know but what if he's your friends and benefits has to be so specific because if they're too good you are fucked but you have to like literally like lock down your emotions. Yeah. Like consciously every single time. Like keep calling

a spade a spade. Yeah. And like find all the things that you hate about them. That's what I did for my last one. That's a good one. That was a really good one.

And you can always. Like soon his guitar playing will ick you. It's fine. At the moment it's sexy. One day it won't be. Also, I really do think

and I mean this with love and care. I do think massive dicks are tacky, and I think they're my kind. She says it every time. Because I actually believe it to be true. I think it is quite tacky to have a massive schlong on you.

And I think... I do. Even if he knows what to do with it? If you're swinging it around, like it's your main personality trait, tacky. Tacky. We do it with our tits. If I had tits, you'd best believe I're swinging it around like it's your main personality trait, tacky. Tacky. Oh, we do it with our tits.

If I had tits, you'd best believe I was swinging them around all day long. Helen Flanagan's swinging them around. Helen Flanagan, she's entering the room

tit first. As she should. Okay, but I think maybe you might be able to at some point tap into the ick that his massive dick gives you.

Oh, babe, this is a nightmare. Good luck to you. This is so good. Honestly, all I can wish you is luck in the trenches because that's where you're going. Do you know what I mean? Come back to us. Repeat correspondence in three to six months.

We'd love to know how it's going. I just feel like... Send a picture of his dick. Oh, we need a picture of his dick. No, babe, of his face. Oh, okay. We don't need a picture of his dick. Oh, we need a picture of his dick. No, babe, of his face. Oh, okay. We don't need a picture of his dick. I don't know.

She did just say, we've just had a conversation about massive dicks and she's just gone, send a picture. I mean, if you want to. No, ideally don't. I don't think my heart... Well, I mean, maybe. That's illegal.

Is it? Oh, yeah, sorry, you get done. Soliciting. Soliciting. Oh, I thought it was fine if they were overage. Oh, sorry, it is. That's what OnlyFans is. Hello?

Maybe we have to pay you for it. We'll send you a PayPal link. Then it's fine. Oh, God, that's just reignited my desire to shag someone. Wow, I'd lost it for a second. Good, babe. Well, you best get listening to that on repeat. Brilliant.

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You can get 10 free meals at HelloFresh.com slash free Ali G applied across seven boxes. New subscribers only varies by plan. That's 10 free HelloFresh meals just by going to hellofresh.com slash free Ali G. You're welcome. Before we continue with this week's episode of Leave a Message, if you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description. Now, this can be about anything.

Obviously, sometimes we ask you for specific topics, but if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this, then get voice noting. Hey, galleys, the next voice note contains a trigger warning for sexual assault, eating disorders, and abuse. So, listener discretion is advised. Alex, number two. So, I have a friend, let's call her her Becky and she's dating this guy she's head over heels in love with him we'll call him Jeff okay Jeff has an ex um called I don't know Susan Susan says a lot of things about what he used to do to her and she's saying oh yeah no he used to like sexually assault me um he made me anorexic.

Like, he used to comment on my weight and what I ate and everything like that. And she also posts stuff on her TikTok about it. Now, I know this because I'm really close friends with Becky. And Becky obviously told me, and she was like, oh, my God, Jeff's ex is crazy. Like, she's insane. Like, I've asked him about this. He told me that none of it's true, whatever. But I've now met Jeff and I'm like, and I kind of have a bad feeling about him.

I have my gut is telling me that his ex wouldn't be saying all these things and wouldn't be posting about it if there wasn't some truth to it. And I feel like there is some truth to it. It may not be fully true, but I feel like there is something there. But I obviously haven't told her this because I don't want her to suddenly not like him or be cautious around him and I don't want to like ruin her facade because she literally loves him but I also want her to be careful I don't and I don't really want anything to happen to her so I just don't know whether I say something do I say or I don't really get a goodbye from him like I, I don't think his ex is crazy. I do think there's something there. Or do I just leave it? Oh, there's someone at the door. Better go. Yeah, I really enjoy advice, girlies, because I don't know what to do. This is really tricky.

Sorry, can I just be clear? So her friend is now dating this man? Okay. I had quite a similar situation. At the start of my my previous relationship his ex reached out to me and told me like some quite questionable yeah like dark things about how he treated her in their relationship and i've had it in the past even with people i've been with that have definitely engaged in like behavior with me that i found controlling, coercive, like definitely, you know, like I'm always around food. Why is it always like men just want to make you smaller? Like just little bits that I've either experienced and then I've seen the next girlfriend and thought,

hope that doesn't play out. Do you know what I mean? With my ex, I kind of made the conscious decision that I would like listen to her experience but I would also have my own experience with him but that is quite a good question like can you be with someone even if they treat you completely differently can you be with someone who in a previous relationship has been accused of like sexual assault and controlling behavior like that is quite serious okay my opinion is you have to as you say give some credence to what she's saying because like that is her first-hand

experience and like that is her truth but i do think and this is not to like excuse the behavior or explain it away i do think you have to sort of take them at face value for them for the time being until until you know yeah it's a little bit like otherwise like you are assuming a lot of things about someone based on something that you don't know firsthand yeah i guess what you need to kind of start unpicking is are your gut reactions toward him based on your experience of him or what you've heard exactly and like those are two really important like differentiations to make and once you've made them if those gut reactions are on things you've observed of your friend or of him or of their relationship how do you act on that i find it

really tricky when i observe behavior that I don't like. And I have had this like... I have too. The thing is, like I notice it. I notice controlling behavior immediately because I'm like, I don't know why I'm just so tuned onto it because I just think,

God, if you ever, ever spoke to me like that, my ears would prick up like that. And like, how is everyone so blind to it? However, if there are people that are not in your life every single day i don't know if it is obviously unless it's like extreme behavior like why are you eating that or like you know like obviously in the in extreme circumstances but if it's like little things that are just a bit off i mean i personally think you're playing with fire to say it

and then, like, what happens next? Because also, some people enjoy that dynamic. Like, I've definitely, like, got friends or had friends that, don't get me wrong, not on the extreme spectrum,

but they enjoy a power dynamic that I could never live in. Yeah. Or that if I did live in, I'd be aware that I was living in it and I'd need to get out of it. Like, sorry, even in Bad Boyfriends,

when he's like, put something shorter and your legs are out. Yeah, that's a great example. So if you haven't seen Bad Boyfriends, there's a couple where there's quite

a significant age gap. Yeah. He's in his 40s, she's early 20s. They met at work. I'm pretty sure he was like her boss. She's sat in one of the challenges in quite a short skirt and he says to her i think if you're afterwards he's like a bit off with her and she's

like what's wrong he's like if you're gonna wear a skirt like that i think you need to wear shorts underneath at least like just need to cover yourself up cover yourself and then he kind of like plays it as like i'm just looking out for you i'm looking out for your dignity i think you should be dignified loads of the other girls pick up on it and they're like we don't like the way you speak to her i think that's one a really good phrase to use is i don't like the way he speaks to you because all it does is it pings like from experience it pings something in your head to be like oh oh maybe i don't like the way he speaks to me and then you just start to hear it even to say like did you mind when he said that exactly to like hold up

the mirror yeah like holes used to do that with me quite a lot like in my previous relationship she'd be like I really didn't like when he said xyz yeah and even if in that moment I hadn't felt it just her saying that would make me be like, oh. Oh, actually, maybe I don't either. Maybe I didn't like that. Or maybe I shouldn't like that if I've gone nose blind to it. Because the problem is as well,

when you are in a relationship... And you're in love. You do get blind, 100%. You get totally blind. Blinded by it. Totally blind. And also, these guys, if he is, you know,

especially if he is who his ex says he is, they're so fucking clever. And they're like, they're a king of gaslighting. Months and months and months. You will never know. Like, they'll be like, I think as your boyfriend,

I should be able to say that. And you'll be like, oh, well, maybe you are just looking out for the way that like, I show my knickers when I sit down. Do you know what I mean? I just think. I don't know.

I think if you had started, if you started seeing someone and there was stuff about him, rumours, like, it's not rumours, but like, if there was someone else talking about him in that way...

As in, that's quite a good example because with us, that probably would happen. If someone came to you... Yeah, and said he was X, Y, Z, he was controlling, I would definitely tell you, 100%,

I would say, but I would do it like... It's very uncomfortable to then look your partner in the eye and be like I've heard these things about you but then the thing is

as well it's like are you going to address it or are you just going to like be hyper mindful of it and like pick it up every time because like he might not have

done it to her yet that's also the problem is that it can like go hidden for ages it's so slow it creeps in yeah it's drip fed to them

and then by the time it's so bad, they don't even notice. Also, it's tiny comments. Like, you've got to be so careful, especially with the body shit. It is tiny comments that you don't even hear. And your friends will hear it. Like, trust me, your friends will hear it loud and fucking clear. But like, I can list multiple comments that ex-boyfriends have said to me that I know have directly impacted

my relationship to my body that i am still shedding yeah and and that's not good that's bad boots girls because like it sticks around and i just think your friends can hear sometimes things that you can't and al's right it's a really tricky conversation to have with your friends and sometimes it does go nowhere and you become the enemy. And that's what you don't want. It doesn't want to be like you v Jeff. Like no one needs that. But I think that there is a way to do it

that even if that is the immediate blowout, at least like you did do good. It doesn't actually matter. Like if your friendship is strong enough, it will stand the test. It's just like, even if i have to be the collateral by saying it and you make me the bad person for a sec that's fine at least i've like opened your eyes a really good tactic is if you're around them and you hear something you don't like when you're then alone you can almost caveat it so say if like i don't know an ex So say if like, I don't know,

an ex had made a comment like, I don't know about how I looked in an outfit, for example. Holes might then be like, babe, I really love those trousers on you. Yeah. It's nothing to do with him. She hasn't said anything about what he said, but she's alerted me to the fact

that he said something negative and she's made it positive. It's like little subtle things like that that you can kind of like help. Or I would even like, this takes balls because you have to keep your head. Ali Mack's got balls if nothing else. Because you have to keep your head.

In the situation, if he said something to you. As in you would look at Jeff. I would look at him and I wouldn't lose my shit. I'd be like, oh, well, what did you mean by that? Yeah. to you as in you would look at jeff i would look at him and i wouldn't i wouldn't lose my shirt i'd be like oh well what did you mean by that yeah you have but like it you have to be so calm and collected yeah you can't be confrontational yeah and you have to like challenge them as if like oh well what did you mean by that as if like playing dumb when actually you're just trying to well you know yeah you're just trying to get him to realize what he just said yeah and for her yeah bad

boyfriends that's exactly what they all did he then had to like justify his comment because which makes him look really even worse because behind closed doors he can make it and she doesn't like say boo to a goose yeah babe i'm really sorry that you are going through that and that your friends in that situation and your gut reaction is that you're worried for her because that isn't nice and babe you're a good friend and like stay close yeah and get in the trenches a bit because if she is like you know if she's like your number one or your bestie or whatever it might be a rocky road for a sec and if it goes south you're gonna be the life raft so blow up that yeah yeah do you know what i mean because you might need to be it these toxic men they just come into that tonight because you don't even see them coming you're falling fucking up with them and then before you know what I mean? Because you might need to be at... These toxic men, they just come in to that tonight. You know what the fuck is?

You don't even see them coming. You're fooling and fucking up with them. And then before you know it, they're telling you not to have toast with your breakfast. Do you know what I mean? And you just think, fuck me. How did I end up here? Yeah.

Yeah. Number three. Number three. Hi, Gallys. Slightly TMI story for you. I was on my first holiday with my current partner back in 2020 we were still very much at the early stages of our relationships we were like in the holding your farts in and waiting to put you back at your own apartment stage of the relationship and all super romantic and loved up and we're having a really lovely time and I am during my period, due to come on my period at some point. So I start wearing

my menstrual cup when we're like down by the pool, just in case. All is fine until one day we go on a boat trip and we get back and we start getting a bit frisky. And I say, hold on a moment, I shall remove my cup. So I remove the cup, there's no blood, and I think, great, we're good to go. We're having a great old time, and all of a sudden, I see an insane amount of blood. And worse still, it smells a bit fucking weird. And worst still, when I see this guy smell his fucking hand, I want to die. Now, I'm not against period sex, but I'm like, okay, this is a weird fucking amount of blood to appear all of a sudden at one point. So yeah, I'm thinking, okay, fabulous. Something is clearly amiss, but I'll just check if he's okay to

continue because I don't feel any pain. And he was like, yeah, no, it's fine. I don't care. And I was like, okay, cool. This is kind of hot actually, apart from the smell. So we carry on. And it's only later afterwards that I'm in the bathroom and I see what can only be described as like bodily tissue that I'm like, okay, something isn't fucking right. Yeah, so it's only when I get back home and I managed to get an appointment that I discover everything is not fine. My copper IUD coil has become lodged in my fucking cervix and has to

be removed like as a matter of urgency this the way this woman just blings these things out and shows it to me and honestly will haunt me for the rest of my life it had been in there for five years with no issues so i don't know what happened i know my partner is very well enrolled maybe that made the iud travel lower or maybe it was the sort of suction from the cup coupled with being on a boat and in water for a lot of time i don't know never had an issue with the cup before but fuck either way take care out there ladies with your iuds this was four years ago we're actually getting married this month so not all men will leave you for having a horrendous infection on your first holiday.

Love you, girlies. Bye. Oh, babe. That's how you know he's a real one. Oh, that's so sweet. That's the man you want to marry. Sniffs his fingers,

carries on anyway. Also, I've smelled, like I've had friends I used to live with, a very good friend that got BV a lot from her copper coil and the smell is wild.

I'm, we're not. It's so fishy. Like, it's actually mad fish. If the copper coil works for you, then like go forth and multiply. I don't understand what, like it's. Me and the copper coil had a really bad time. It literally ruins people's lives.

Like, it does. You, some people get on it and they literally don't stop bleeding for three years. Like, it's mental. Sorry, shout out to all the girls still using moon cups doing it for the environment

like clicks to you honey because that is epic like me and my moon cup have you ever tried to put one in yeah yeah yeah I used a moon cup for like a year

when I was vegan because I was like oh hell how the hell I've got a huge vagina I guess it's just like so you can

it feels like a plug inside no it doesn't when you get it in properly listen there is a nat girls don't get me wrong you're squatting and it is like serious you almost need lube actually

yeah to be able to do it properly too much but like shout out to the girls that care enough about the environment to be using a moon cup

also shout out to Alex number three for two things the fact that you said current partner I like that and you're marrying him anyway not 100% sure

if he's your forever partner I like it no no babe're marrying him anyway. Not 100% sure if he's your forever partner. I like it. No, no, babe. Currently my partner. Currently my partner. Whilst he continues to be so open-minded

to period sex. He's my partner. Shout out again because I think we would have been in Cyprus at the same time we got away in 2020

when there was literally a two-week... And you went to Cyprus? Yeah. Oh my God, you could have been at the same hotel. We all could have been

shitting next to your boyfriend. Oh, can I have another shout out for the early doors relationships where you shit anywhere but the room. I had that so many times where I'd be at a restaurant and I'd be like, okay, it's now or never. It's now or never, girls.

And I'd have to sit there for a minute and do a big old poo so that when I got home I could have sex and then not need it the next morning because there's no way in a small hotel room I'm shitting next to you. Well, I'd like actually to just have an open conversation with the hotels. I think it is okay

to make the glass between the bedroom, the loo, and the shower clear. Here, here, sister. Here, here. Are you okay? Disgusting.

Who are you making that for? You're making that for couples that have been together far too long. And we're going away because it's early doors. We're honeymoon period. We're having a good time I don't want to see him shitting

do you know what I mean while I'm scrolling on TikTok and watching TV in bed you're sick in the head takes the romance away just a little I mean I do do that to be fair

but I'm not in a hotel and I'm fucking eight years deep so like it's a bit different yeah it's so different and early doors like actually that is a boundary that you kind of

might want to keep oh if I could turn back if I could turn back the time, I'd be keeping that boundary. No shitting in my eyeline. Ideally, keep your fecal matter away from my eyesight. Yeah.

How do you feel about period sex? Just a quick one. I was just going to ask that. Why are you? I mean, considering I don't have a lot of sex, it's not something that regularly, you know, it's not a problem for me on the regs. Yeah. However, I feel bad. Don't worry, we lot of sex, it's not something that regularly, you know, it's not a problem for me on the regs. Yeah.

However, I feel bad. Don't worry, we can get busy tonight. Maybe not tonight. No, you're horny now. No, no, no. I'll send Ronald Fullwood you that voice note. He's not going to want my germs on him. No, no, it's not going to happen tonight.

Oh, next week. Next week, we can book it in. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I'm free. Can't be sucking a dick when you're coughing up mucus. No, ideally not. Who needs a lube? Sorry.

Sorry, mum. That was too far. Period sex. I don't have a problem with it. Unless it's like, you know, you're in your heavy flow. Yeah, unless you're like in pain. You know, when you're cramping, I don't necessarily want a dick inside me.

I just don't understand how anyone can ever feel horny on their period. Oh, I feel very horny and I enjoy the feeling of sex on my period. Do you? The only time I don't is if I'm like deep in cramps, but actually sometimes it helps. It does help. Yeah, I was going to say,

actually sometimes, listen, it's a very specific type of sex I want to be huffing. It's spooning, huffing. It's spooning probably. Like I'm not moving anywhere. It's slow from behind. It's intimate.

It's sensual. But it does, it's like going on a run. Behind on your period? Yeah. Listen, she needs a lot of help. I don't know what,

like, what is that? Wait, where would you be just a missionary? I'd just like purely just be lying down. No, I'd be spooning. I'd be on my side. So I'm not wanting doggy,

but I'm on my side. Oh yeah, okay. And they're just spooning me. I want my bits to be facing something that they can't see. Yeah, you want to be on like a towel.

Yeah. Yeah, got it. I just don't find it very, like I don't feel sexy on my period. And like I enjoy sex most when I feel like ready to go. Yeah, but if you like close your eyes and just think about the sensation,

sometimes I think on your period it can feel nicer. Let's just have a moment to go there, girls. Wow. Yeah, I'm not, I can't imagine it in my highest elevated self,

to be totally honest with you. But in your lowest elevated self, bring it on. My lowest elevated self, I'm fucking spitting on that dick with all the phlegm in my throat, baby. Are we ready for a recap? Alex, number one, good luck, hun. I've got nothing more for you. You know, do God's work and make sure you get a really good couple of months out of him.

Yes, and if it breaks your heart, it breaks your heart. It was probably worth it. You know, do God's work and make sure you get a really good couple of months out of him. Yes. And if it breaks your heart, it breaks your heart. It was probably worth it. Agree. Agree. And it's rare to find a big dick

that can do it like that. So I agree. Worth it. Hell yeah, sister. Alex, number two. Sorry that you're going through that. Sorry.

Sorry. It's a real mixed bag today. High to low to high. Yeah. High to low to trigger warning to high to low to trigger. It's a lot. There's trauma everywhere.

High to low to trigger warning to phlegm on the dick to period sex to uh i'm traumatized from this episode gonna have to go and lie down in a dark room um i think that you need to say something i think you need to you just need to be hyper vigilant like now that you've been made aware to it, be on to it. And whenever you're with them, take any opportunity you can to alert your friend to the fact that her boyfriend's behaviour is questionable.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I do. Do it in a way that keeps your friendship at, like, the forefront, though. Yes. And be sensitive. Number three. Lol.

Like, really lol. Lol, sorry. And congrats. happy wedding happy legend really no really i'm obsessed with your partner he just like dove into your fishy fanny and he still proposed gassed gassed as you should like it's just my body it makes odor i don't know what to tell you i'm sorry i just thought have you ever smelled bv no yeah i can imagine have you ever left salmon in the fridge too long

yes I know I know babe I know what fish smells but it's like metallic it's like metallic fish yeah I got it it's like fish dipped in copper

sorry do we have time for question of the week fish dipped in copper yeah yeah yeah okay whoa question of the week

Richard play the jingle now okay question of the week. Richard, play the jingle now. Okay, question of the week. Would you relocate for your partner? Yes, I'm up for an adventure. No, we'd have to long distance or break up. The dash is getting it. My vote.

Okay, wait, can I give you a scenario? Yeah. You're with Rory vote. Okay, wait, can I give you a scenario? Yeah. You're with Rory Wyatt. No, not moving. Currently in your situation. Yeah. He gets a job opportunity that is like next level, two salaries, comes with a house. It's abroad.

Would you move with him? Well, funny you should ask that because... No. Because we're going to Singapore. I said to him, what would happen if G and I got famous AF and we had to like move to Hollywood? And we had to live in LA. Like what would happen?

And he was like, listen, if you're paying for me, I'm moving where you're going. He's game. Money actually does have a lot to do with it, doesn't it? Because if you're relocating for a person's job that's going to like fund your whole life, why would you not go? And if you're a career girly, how do you move?

Then you've got to start again. I guess this is such a... All of these questions in the weeks, very stupid. They require context. She says having written them herself. Yeah, no, I write them. I am stupid because there's loads of variables that matter. Okay, if we're just talking like basic i

don't know i'm troy from bolton and i'm moving to like glasgow yeah will you come with me yeah i'd say no really break up you'd babe you'd break after the years of trust you've built with your partner you're leaving him because he's going to manchester if if if if he just wanted to move because of not work basically like if he just got like ants in his pants and he's going to manchester if if if if he just wanted to move because of not work basically like if he just got like ants in his pants and he just wanted to like no it has to be for a reason no one moves without a reason but like the reason could be like to be close to my mom i'd be like no no it's a no what would you say unless the mother is a while then that's oh she's out here making me feel like a cow contact yeah if you've got a sick mom then

yeah we're moving to bolton don't worry about it what do you do she's gonna say yeah no no no i'm not i mean for a minute i was kind of going to do you remember yeah i was off to bristol baby i know babe um can you imagine if you'd done that we wouldn't be sat here today none of us would be sat here today and that my friends would be sad I I think it's really difficult because I do think it depends on like your career where your friends are but do I think that you should move especially I hate to say it unmarried just for another person I don't know that's what I mean I think you have to say it, unmarried, just for another person. I don't know. That's what I mean.

I think you have to expect it to be difficult. I have friends that have done it. And I think as long as you're aware with what you're signing up for and you know it's going to be hard and you understand that you're prioritising them and their career or whatever's moved them there. And that's it.

I think it's like, if you're, like, listen, I'm joking about Raw. Like, obviously it would be a for real conversation because we're locked in. Yeah, you're locked in. But if you're not locked in. Yeah, you're locked in. But if you're not locked in with someone and it is early doors

and it is that you feel like you're actively making a choice to deprioritise yourself, that's quite deep. There has to be a lot of reason for that and you have to know the life you're moving towards is one that you want. And you have to accept the sacrifice. It's a big sacrifice. Also, it should not be like...

Take a nightly. No. I know people that like you know like my parents age that fully had moved abroad for their partners and then like lived abroad

had to learn other languages that's wild it's a big ask what do the girls say? oh sorry should tell you what the galley said I think the girls are going to vote yes because I think in the

in the throes of love it can feel quite exciting you're right 81% said yes I can't believe that because I'd say probably throes of love, it can feel quite exciting. You're right. 81% said yes. I can't believe that. Because I'd say, probably towards no. Did you?

Yeah. You would have to have a really good reason. You'd have to be a millionaire. Yeah. I agree. I actually do agree. More than. Because also,

even then it's like, what, and I'm just sat in the big house without my mates, without my job. Without my family. Private jet, ladies. Or we could just, you know,

like commute transatlantic on a PJ, no problem. It's a big deal. And like, when you become we, sometimes it's expected of you. Do you ever become we? That's the million dollar question. Well, Esther Perel says

that's what intimacy is. How do I get close to you without losing me? And how do I keep hold of me whilst getting close to you? Difficult. Very difficult. Switch over to us there, Perel, for the answer to that, because we ain't got it.

No, no, we'll leave that with you. That's late night thoughts. I'm going to go and find someone to chat now, I think. I'm over the moon about that. Okay, right. Well, you best get on the apps. I'm getting on the apps, and babe, I'm going to be taking your number from Rahana, because I need to get on you guess best get on the apps i'm getting on the apps and babe i'm gonna be taking your number from rahana because i need to get on your algorithm i ain't got no tall dark and handsome on mine thank you so much for listening listen to me right now and look into my eyes if you're watching me you best subscribe if you're

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