Leave A Message with Ally & G - 36 - Tough Calls & Clashing Beliefs: Put Down The Moisturiser

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

Life is full of difficult situations and tough calls to make. Do you struggle with bad body image days? Wondering if you should reveal a harsh truth to someone close to you? Questioning whether you can stay friends with someone whose political views clash with your core values? Ally & G are turning Agony Aunt on this episode of Leave A Message as they dish out tips to boost self-confidence, how to navigating friendships across differing belief systems, and making the right decisions for your well-being. It's nearly the end of the year... if we don't start working on ourselves now, we're doomed for next year! Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Disclaimer my tonsils are the size of footballs. Oh gee, she always, well not always, but you do have a problem with your tonsils. I'm disposition to tonsilise this. Predisposed. Sorry, do you not feel, I think this feels so much more serious in here. I feel very weird in here. We're in a different room guys and it's much smaller. I feel like I'm doing like a gig.

It feels very intimate. Like, Rihanna's no closer to us, but I just feel like we're very... I agree. I feel like you're closer to me, Eva. I feel like this is like, you know, when celebs go on, they're on a stage and they're being interviewed by someone

and there are like 3,000 people out there. Yeah, almost like, you know, on a book tour. Yeah. Like you've written a book and I'm doing the kind of like interview for it. My mum the other day was like, and I, and I literally sorry. And I was mid conversation about how busy we are. Like how no one's got a time, any time to breathe, blah, blah, blah. She was like, have you two ever thought about writing a book? And I was like, Oh yes, sorry. Let's just find, let's just find 10 minutes

to do that. Oh, I could find 10 minutes. And then I was like, what would we write a book about? She was like, what would you write? You could write a book about female friendships. And I was like, yes, it's on the list of things to do before we die. Oh my God, writing a book is like one of my top things to do, I can't wait. Are you planning to do that like tomorrow?

No. Maybe. Like, find the time. What would your book be called? Well, if I was doing like a fiction, I would only write fiction obs. Would you? I would only write like a, kind of like a... You would write like, why sleep?

No, like everything I know about love. Is a bank account that you pay into. Oh yeah. Something like that. Yeah, I guess that's like a funny one, isn't it? Cause it's autobiographical, but it is kind of fiction. But she uses their real names. No, I knew the ones that she is allowed to talk about.

We'd have to do polypies and everything. This podcast is very serious. You've got to change the names. I've just bought a new book actually and I'm thrilled about it. Oh yeah, what is it? It's called Wellness. It's enormous, which is one of my favourite things. I don't even know who it's by.

But basically it was so funny because I don't really have any strategy for how I pick a new book. I don't even really look at what's charting. I just like the covers and the stories on the back. And I was looking at this table of the new books, la la la, and this girl was next to me and they were talking about this book, Wellness, and she was like, oh, that's the one my granny's reading. And then they just walked off and I thought, I want to read the one the granny's reading. So I just picked up the book. Babe, you have to read Akhatar or Akamar, whatever it's called. Everyone's talking about this. What is it called, babe?

A court of thorns or a rose. Darling, you must know this. Have you read the whole series or just the first one? Is it worth it, the hype? It's really good. Is it sexy? What's it about? It's a bit spicy.

It's like Game of Thrones wise. Set in a different world, different time. She goes and looks for something in a different world. My whole TikTok, our whole TikTok is just people reading those books. And that girl. Maybe I should start. No, I think you would love it. Did you ever read Game of Thrones? No, but I did just finish watching Rings of Power.

Was it good? I loved it. I thought it was so of Thrones? No, but I did just finish watching Rings of Power. Was it good? I loved it. I thought it was so good. Also, that guy you know is sexy. I know. How well do you know him? Not well. I've never met him.

I grew up with his wife. Is his wife young? No, she's a year older than us. He looks older than that. How old is he? He's a couple years older than her. He's not that old. I thought he was like late thirties.

Guys, I'm talking about Sauron. Are you talking about Sauron, the one with the long blonde hair? Yeah, yeah. Is he? The man with many names, Sauron, yeah. Anyway, this is Leave A Message. Welcome to Leave A Message. This is the podcast for the galleys by the galleys.

We are kind of your, I don't know, admins on this podcast, I would say you guys send us your voice notes. Group chat admins. Correct, group chat admins. And we're not very good at admin, but we seem to be keeping up with this. Something we're learning in our old age is just how bad we are at admin actually. Also, we're actually like the face of the admin,

but Rohana is the admin, do you know what I mean? Like we're like the front-facing, client-facing. Correct. But there's- Don't they know it? Don't they know it? One person voicenoted in and was like, I was trying to make it short but I couldn't so you're gonna have to deal with it wrong. I was like, I'm not picking your voice note. Yeah guys, she dictates the voice notes we use as she is the boss. Oh my god, sorry, we had to talk about the

fire alarm. Oh my god, Rana, what the hell happened? Oh my god, sorry, what happened? Was it a bomb threat? Touch and go. It's something that happens on a monthly basis. Practice? Yeah. It looked really serious because everyone had their high vis on, I thought it might be actual drama. And then also guys, we went, I can't remember where we were, but G was telling everyone about the fire alarm and she was like, we had to leave through the Drake entrance. Yeah, I thought that was such a good line. And I was like, babe, it's not the Drake entrance, it's the celebrity entrance. She was like, well Drake actually used it.

And I know that it was Drake. I'm actually not. I love Drake. I was going to say I'm not involved with Drake. How funny. I wouldn't pay to see Drake. But you love Chris Martin, it doesn't make sense. Turn the 02 into the 03, that's the only Drake lyric I know. I only love my bed and my mama, I'm sorry.

That's gotta be the best bit of lyric I've ever heard. Anyway, this week the galleys are called Drake. Drake! Drizzy Drake. Drizzy Drake. Hey guys, can you just chat about struggling with bad body image and how to get through it? I know it's not a story but it is a struggle. Yeah anyways thank you, love you both so so much.

Now that's the kind of length Rohana likes. I didn't even open my fucking pen lid. That's producer Rohana length, that is is efficient, babe. Get to it. Okay, we've never had this before on the pod, so I feel like this is a good one. A really good one because I feel like it's something that... I don't know if it is something that everyone struggles with actually. It's very timely for me, girls, because I've been in the pits of it recently. My body image hasn't been this bad since I was like, like at uni maybe. I feel like I've had like a few good years of like feeling okay. I went

through a few wobbles like I feel like going through a breakup always makes you feel a bit like shaky. But I've been so bad recently and I don't think there's any like rhyme or reason to it apart from maybe being injured. I think it was because you were injured and you felt like you weren't moving as much or as freely as you'd like to. I also stopped teaching and put on weight. So I think that can often make you focus on your body more than you do when you're just sitting

at your happy, healthy weight. Do you know what I mean? Well, so, babe, you ran a half marathon. Yeah. You were training a lot for that. Yeah. And then you injured yourself and you just weren't doing those things.

Yeah, so I guess there were like catalysts as to why like when your reflection changes in the mirror, it's hard, I think, not to have a little, just a little recalibration of how you're like seeing yourself and how you feel in your body. Clothes get tighter and sometimes that can make your head spiral and what I'm being really conscious on at the moment is never ever going back to a place where that is like limiting to me because I've been there and I think that's a really horrible place to be in, like where you're limited by the way that you see yourself because the reality is when you zoom out nobody looks at you like you look at you.

Nobody cares really, like nobody notices the at you like you look at you. Nobody cares, really. Nobody notices the subtle differences like you do. Like that your jeans feel a bit tighter today than that no one notices. Nobody notices. Nobody's judging the bits of yourself that you would really hone in on. My insecurities will not be our insecurities. They're for what she looks out in me. Even you saying that you've put on a bit in me, won't be what I worry about. Even you saying that you've put on a bit of weight, I just like, I haven't known, like obviously I haven't, because I don't analyze you every single day.

Why would you? And when you say that I'm like, I really were. Yeah, but to her obviously, like, and it is real. When you're looking at it every day or when you're like, looking for it. Yes, and you're fixating on it. Correct. Because that's what starts to happen and that's what I'm trying to get away from because for a while, especially when I was in uni, it was like all I thought about was like restrictive

eating, binge eating cycles, like how to be smaller. And I just feel like that's a place that I don't want to fucking go back to ever. So if the question is, how do you cope with it when you're in bad body image? I would say, what have I done this time round that's really helped? I think I've acknowledged it. Sometimes I try and like go like, no, I don't feel like that. I'm so body confident, la la la la la when actually it's like, that's not the reality. I do feel different. And I think acknowledging that is like acknowledging it as the first step. That's what they always say, isn't it? Acceptance is the first step of alcoholics and honesty.

Exactly. Of body image and honesty. Yeah. Because it is. It's okay to feel a little bit out of whack in yourself for whatever reason. It's okay to not feel like Lizzo levels of confidence every fucking day. I think as well, and I'm not even just talking about me, I'm talking about like smaller people in general. I think people like might look at me, for example, and think, how could she ever have a bad body image day when like, as she says, what's real to you is not real to other people. And like, just because I have it about my skin, and I have it about

my bloating and like, being conscious of that in other people to be like to not because I think if you're someone who does struggle with it every day To then look at people and glorify like skinny skinnier people and think oh, they're so lucky They never struggle with that when it's like well, maybe they I don't know aren't having a period or whatever It might be like they might be struggling in different ways They're just not so visible to you hundred percent and like it all comes back to healthy looking different for everyone and us kind of detaching what we think about ourselves and how we feel in our bodies from what society tells us is the standardised beauty and I think that's really important to get down to.

Do you feel uncomfortable or do you think you should look a different way based on what someone's told you is attractive? Because those are two really different things. And so it's such a funny thing because comparison as well is really like, is the thief of joy, especially in like when it comes to bodies. Like I said this to Al the other day, I was like, I really struggle sometimes to put that on you. Sorry. That's just her tonsils. That's just my tonsils coming up and out of my mouth.

They're so big. Sorry, that's just my tonsils coming up and out of my mouth. They're so big. To have those conversations with you in those moments, because sometimes it can stem directly from comparison. That's not Al's fault. That's me and my own coping mechanisms. But that's like, actually, in quietening that discussion, then it becomes something even bigger in your head.

I actually think it's really nice to talk about when you're like, I feel a bit off today and it not needing to be something that's like a solution needed via like, skip a meal. Do you know what I mean? Like it can be something that's like, that's okay babe, that's just how you feel today. Same as when you feel really good in an outfit you've put on. Epic, great.

What do I do that's practical? What do you do when you feel like a bit funky? Dressed to a feeling? Okay, I was going to say my first thing and this is why I wear leggings all the time because when I'm really bloated, my actual idea of hell is jeans. So I've just made sure like this sounds really stupid, but I've got leggings I could wear with a blazer and they would look as smart so that if I'm having bloat, I can put them on and I can go to a meeting or I can go to a record or I can go to filming and I'm not even if I'm thinking about it I'm not fixating on the fact that other people might see that I'm bloated.

Yeah. It's I've got a legging and a baggy t-shirt and a blazer. Well I knew you feel comfortable. Correct. Number one and number two it's like it's like a safety blanket. It's like sadly in the modern world we must wear clothes. I don't know why it's like a safety blanket. It's like, sadly, in the modern world, we must wear clothes. I don't know why it's so sad, but we do. So therefore, having that safety outfit that I know fits me

when I'm feeling like I need room to breathe, I have it. And it does help. We were talking about the other day about like, Holly was saying this, but have three pairs of jeans that fit you. We talk about this all the time about like, in your fluctuation, have a pair that fit you. I even, guys, I even have this on my period. Sometimes I'll put a pair of jeans on. Oh my God, I can have them within a week.

And like I'll put a pair of jeans on, and like if it doesn't fit, you can spiral and think, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And it's not that. It's not that. It doesn't need to be that always. Like sometimes it can just be, like sometimes it can genuinely be.

Do you think something actually changes from Monday to Tuesday? Probably not. It's your feeling in it. Guys, you could have a shit and lose five kilos. I tried on these jeans on Saturday night and I honestly was like, I will never leave the house again because these jeans feel so... I'm now wearing them on a Wednesday afternoon.

Do you know what I mean? It's not always real. Let's not forget water weight as well. Yeah. Like all of it. Guys, I even have this. I have this with soy sauce. If I go and have sushi, I literally, in the face, the day after, I look like I've put on a couple of kilos.

It's just fucking soy sauce. It's so biggie. Is it the salt? Yeah. But like, if you live your life fixating on the way that you wake up and look and the way that every single day, you'd have no room for anything else in life. That's one thing I do do. I do like, okay, so what I do do is avoid body checking in the mirror because it's not

helpful. That's like when you're not just looking at yourself, but you're looking at yourself. Fixating. You're looking at the bloat, you're seeing the angle where it's coming out, you're looking at the difference in your size. I'm bad at that. I do that with my bloat. I really do that. You it's coming out, you're looking at the difference in your thighs, you're looking at... You don't want to be body checking, it's bad, bad boots. But what I do in return is I like, I don't let my body repulse me.

So like, one thing I always stop doing when I'm having bad body image is moisturizing. And Hull's taught me this because like, you know, like we talk about it all the time because we live together and like, you know, you can't avoid when you feel that way about your own body and she always says like moisturizing it sounds so stupid but it's forcing you to touch every area every surface area of your body and to do it with love and kind thoughts that is such a small act of kindness that you could do every morning that is like, I love you this size and the next size. And you like, you force yourself to touch because even if you can't look, I think it's really important to know that this is like, sounds so wanky, but this is like your

home and it's the only one you get in this lifetime. So we best be nice to it. Also things like, like G said this the other day, unfollowing things on social media that are really contributing to comparison. That's an easy fix. I honestly was so close to getting a BBL the other day. I thought, that's it. I'm signing up. Do you know what I mean? I'm just going to do the plastic surgery, Rue. Fuck self-confidence. I'm just going to buy it.

I even have that, like, I'm not the strongest. And like, I have it in the gym and I look around and I'm like, shit, I can't do that. I can't lift that. All of that. Why looking? Don't look. Why comparing? Why comparing?

You are beautiful in your body when you feel good in your body. So it's like, what can you do to feel good? Because actually, like, confidence is the sexiest thing you can wear. 100%. And that is the God's honest. And I think also, this is a wanky and irritating thing to say, because if you're younger than us, it feels like, oh, when will I know all these things?

But sometimes looking back in hindsight and feeling like, I really loved myself that day when I couldn't even look... Like, I used to have this with my skin all the time. Choosing love to love myself on that day and like not cake my fucking skin and concealer so my skin could breathe or because I didn't need to leave the house was like in the moment painful. But now I actually feel so proud that I did that. And like if you it's like a muscle, if you do it once, you can do it again.

You can do it again. you can do it again. Yeah, also you best believe that it's not, it doesn't always correlate to happiness. Like you might look at pictures of yourself when your skin was 10 out of 10 and it might have been a fucking bad day. Or I might look at my pictures of myself post breakup or post like, you know, starving myself for a few weeks at uni so that I could like feel skinnier. And I was not happy in that time. What does that tell you? Like it's nothing to do with like how you look externally to how you feel

inside. It doesn't always correlate. And also try and think of like future you. I had this, I will never forget, I had this one day where I was on the most intense acid and I'm not joking, my whole face was peeling like a lizard. It was so bad and I had to go to this junk acid and I'm not joking, my whole face was peeling like a lizard. It was so bad. And I had to go to this junket and I literally was in the mirror sobbing, like genuinely sobbing. And I was about to call and be like, I can't do this. And I just had this like moment of clarity. It was like, imagine in a year you look back and the reason you didn't do something you've worked so fucking hard for was because your skin was flaking. It's not a good enough reason.

It's not a good enough reason. So if you can try and zoom out. Zoom out. Zoom out. That's the answer. That actually is. Sorry, we've got a roundabout way to get to the answer. That is zoom out.

That problem feels so big when you're in it and I'm not telling you it's not because it's heavy. It is and it's your reality. Exactly. But if you can give yourself one thing, it is perspective. And that is by zooming out. Sorry you're feeling that way babe, but you're beautiful and I'm sure you're going to be okay. Love you. Love you Drake.

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And your Tampa Bay vacation includes good times, relaxation and great Gulf Coast weather. Visit flyporter.com and actually enjoy economy. Before we continue with this week's episode of Leave a Message, if you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description. Now this can be about anything. Obviously, sometimes we ask you for specific topics. But if you've got a story that you think

girls need to hear this, then get voice noting. Dreat number two. Hey, galleys. How are you both? I absolutely adore you guys and love the pod. And I was just after a little bit advice. So, a bit of context. I work at a rugby club, which all of my friends absolutely love and quite often they will and love the pod. And I was just after a little bit of advice. So, a bit of context, I work at a rugby club, which all of my friends absolutely love

and quite often they will come to the club. Around two years ago on a Christmas night out, my friend came with me and re-hit it off with one of the lads who doesn't play anymore, but occasionally still comes to watch and support. I wondered at the time that he had a pregnant girlfriend and, you know, should stay away. However, they were so close all night and dancing on each other, heads in nags, you get the picture.

Nothing actually happened other than him saying, if I didn't have a pregnant missus at home, I'd be coming home with you tonight, which quite frankly makes me want to vom. What a fucking twat. Anyway, fast forward two years, no more contact, nothing else happens. Baby's born. The mom and dad both seem very happy together until my friend gets a follow request on Instagram and a friend request on Facebook, literally within minutes of each other. Now, she's a teacher, so she's not the easiest person to find on social media.

So you know, like he's been looking. Anyway, she accepts the follow request and again, literally within minutes, there's a DM from this boy and he's starting to try and strike up a conversation and being a bit flirty, etc. I follow both him and his girlfriend. So immediately I obviously start digging to see if they're still together and see that they are both still on each other's Instagram feeds. They've been on holiday recently, like literally within the last month. It does look like they're still together. Like if you didn't know this

and you went on their Instagram you'd think, oh he has a girlfriend, oh she has a boyfriend. Anyway I tell her to ask him about the girlfriend and the baby and his reply is, if I had a girlfriend do you really think I'd be messaging you? Which, you know, looking at his past behavior wouldn't really fucking shock me but what do I do in this situation? I've obviously encouraged her to stay away from him because he just seems like a wanker but unfortunately her type does tend to be wankers so I'm not very hopeful but I also really don't know what to do about the mother of his baby because she's I've only met her a handful of times but she is such a lovely lovely lovely girl and I just

feel really sorry for her in this situation however don't make myself look like a dick if they have broken up and I'm barging in like do you know what your boyfriend's been doing blah blah blah because maybe she doesn't actually care and she's quite happy to be rid of him. But yeah, anyway, I just absolutely love some advice, please. And yeah, keep doing what you're doing. Love you both. Bye. Love you, babe. Love you, Drake. Oh, it's so, we're constantly confronted with these moral conundrums.

Oh, it's exhausting. Can I tell you, that's the first time that hasn't shocked me because I just think it's obvs. I just think it's, and listen, hashtag not all rugby men. I've got a lot of them in my life and I've got a lot of love for them. But there's something when you've got a bit of a public profile, you've got your Instagram. It's like, it's nice for you, isn't it, to keep your girlfriend off your tag and to like be able to use your blue tick to slide into DMs. And I just think like, it's a power that can be

abused. And what he's done there is he's abused his position of power. He's been able to find her. He's got clout. He's a rugby player. Listen, the thing, when you're young, rich and famous, I use famous fucking loosely. Sorry babe, some of them. Okay, so, Rach listens to this and her husband is a rugby player, right? As he used to play for Worcester. He would fully have like super fans. Luckily for Rach, they were middle-aged women largely. But like, they would like send him birthday presents on his birthday, babe.

Like rugby players, if you're into rugby, it is football. Do you know what I mean? Like they love them. They love them. Okay, young, rich and famous. Yeah, famous. You are under the false illusion that you can have it all. And... Mmm, K can eat it.

But like... It's a case of the K can eat it. Because he genuinely doesn't think he's going to get found out. He's so cocky. They are so nice. They're so assured of themselves. Is that not hashtag all men? Like, where do you think that girls don't talk? Because I think some men are a bit like good at it. Well, also, I think some men kind of cheat to get found out because they're too cowardly

to face the truth. Whereas in this instance, I don't think he is. I mean, like, the fact that, like, he fancies her clearly and his girlies become a bit boring maybe since she became a mumma. The girl has to tell the wife, sorry to say it. I agree. I think especially if you've met her. Especially because it's a baby. And there's a baby involved. I think even if you approach it by just being like...

This is like, sorry, this is like Lauren Goodman and Annie Walker and Karl Walker. Yeah, very similar. And the situation and like obviously Annie Walker and you found out because like Karl is so famous and it all came out in the press. Yeah, you can't hide anywhere. You would hope that one of Lauren's friends, I mean, I don't know, maybe not, had been like,

by the way, they're fully, she's pregnant with another baby. I just think it's wild. Like, I just think if you've been like privy to that kind of behavior, I think it is, especially if you know the baby mama, I think it is like well within your right to go to her. It's not within your right, it's your duty of care. I think it might be your duty of care. To the fucking female race. To say, babe, one of my friends, Slaggy Lindsay, can't get enough of your boyfriends.

You might want to have a word with him. Yeah. Sorry, Slaggy Lindsay. No, but actually, Slaggy Lindsay, it's not Slaggy Lindsay, it's Slaggy Lindsay, can't get enough of your boyfriends. You might want to have a word with him. Yeah. Sorry, Slaggy Lindsay. No, but actually, it's not Slaggy Lindsay. It's Slaggy Boyfriend. Slaggy Boyfriend, sure. He's the one with something to lose. But she does know he's got a girlfriend and a baby. What has she said?

Apparently, you can see it all over Instagram. So it's like you're choosing to ignore that. Sorry, hun. Lots of love to you. And we've all got to get laid. Let that stand, Slaggy Lindsay. Put that back into the record. I think it stands.

Can I just say one thing to Slaggy Lindsay? That she said, Drake too said that Slaggy Lindsay likes wankers. And I was thinking about this recently and I was speaking to my friend Lou about it, just about how like, I've noticed how when I like date and they're a bit of a wanker, something happens in me that creates like energy because I'm on my toes. I'm trying to impress them. I don't know whether they're hitting me from left or right or whether we're going to shag or whether he's going to never call me again. I don't know which one it is and that creates an energy. I've mistaken that for excitement, right? For excitement and for lust and for you know, whatever. We

all know that turns into a toxic situationship, relationship, whatever. And what I've really noticed recently in dates that I've been on is that a calm nervous system is not to be taken for granted. And is not to be mistaken for lack of spark. Thank you. I was 27 years young and I've realised that. I was talking about this. About, I don't know what you were doing, fanning around or something.

Sure. But I, because, because You're allowed to hang out alone now, you know, and you've got those friends and you're like, I'll go and cross pollinate if you must. And she would be the first to say this, she's attracted to toxic men. Sure, love some. And I said, and I was saying like, listen, okay, I want to just preface this by saying, I love Rawr, for like, till the, like to the day he takes his last breath.

Me too. And like he is so... He is the wind beneath your sails. And he is so good. Do you want to tell the good people he said the other day? What did he say? When that made you feel sick that you said... What did I say?

That you had to go home and shower at home. No, no, no, no, I can't say that. No, no, no, no, no, I definitely can't. Guys, I was at the... I was at the house. It wasn't even that crazy. We were talking about this, it was all at the back end. This is what we were talking about.

Yeah. that. No, no, no, no, I definitely, guys, I was at the, I was at the house. It wasn't even that crazy. We were talking about this, this was all at the back end of me being like, I know that if I was single now, of course I'd go for the toxic men. Cause it is, as you say, exciting. You feel butterflies. But the thing that you need in life is a state, is a secure and stable government. That's what you need. And that is what rule is. And I won't repeat what I said the other day because admit I had to and I said to them, I said it and as soon as I said it, I was like, guys, I'm actually going to go home

and think about how fucking embarrassing that is. It wasn't embarrassing. It was really sweet. And then I text her later, like, babe, I literally can't stop thinking about it. She said she had to stand in the shower to like wash it off. I was like, babe, you just basically said you love him. Relax, we all know you're not like the actual ice queen. Yeah, I just wanted to pick up on that because I've had that realization epiphany like recently from like... I know, but it takes a hot minute.

Yeah. And like, well, also some people don't ever get to the realization. They just spend their whole life chasing the like butterflies. Or you realize it, but you don't act on it. Like I do think that's something like, or you chase the adrenaline. Growing up, growth. Hashtag growth.

I think I've grown. Richard, I want like the sparkly emojis. Growth. Yeah, because I just think like, wow, like so many of my past relationships have been based on this like, energy that I thought was passion. And it was fucking fear, I think, or like fighting for my life. Yes, Rehana, please. Is this based on a recent date?

Yeah, I did have the profanity after a recent date. Wow, interesting. What do you do? Rehana's still yet to learn the lesson. That's why she's asking questions. I'm still abusing myself on a regular basis. You're self-harming, babe. It's okay. We've all done it. What happened? I went on a date with someone that actually could have been my friend and I still wanted to shag him.

That's a really perfect way of saying it. Yeah. Like, I felt like I was having drinks with a friend. I didn't feel like I had to be performative. I didn't feel like I had to, like, show up in a certain way. I didn't have to question his feelings or emotions. And I still, at the end of the day, wanted to fuck him. That's crazy to me because that's not the relationships I've been in from my past relationships. I'm so proud of you. They wouldn't be at my birthday party, let me tell you, because we're not mates.

That's crazy. And I've just realized. I'm really proud of you. Also there's knowing it and then there's knowing it. There's actually, you also always think like I can never fancy that guy. Well, so there's knowing it and then there's knowing it. There's actually, because you also always think like, I can never fancy that guy. This is why I always say be friends first. I don't know why everyone's got this twisted idea that if we're friends, it was never going to work.

Twisted. It is because everyone's like, oh, no, but if you're friends, then you'll never fa- I actually really, really take issue with that because the whole, if you guys, if you're going to like live and die with someone, what you think you're shagging at 95? Absolutely not. They're your companion. What do you want from them other than like a real like friendship and a kind of like alignment and a comradeship? There was that thing that was like, you will eat 160,000 meals and like if you cannot, if you cannot find things to fill your time with together

that you both enjoy or like that you can like grow in parallel together. What is the fucking point? You can have sex once or twice a day and that's it. I know. But there is this thing of like there is a reason why friends are friends and it's just trying to understand how you bridge the gap between friends to lovers. There has to be a little something. And I think that's why I actually had the realization like in my soul, because I was like, oh, I also like, will sit on his face.

Do you know what I mean? So I think it was just that. Yeah. But I was like, oh, I can also fancy him. Oh, this is it. Yeah. Yeah. Good.

Really good. Drake number three. Hi guys, I'm a young listener here. I honestly love the podcast. I love your YouTube videos. I can honestly binge watch them for a whole week. I've got a dilemma here and honestly, I love your YouTube videos. I've honestly been to watch them for a whole week. I've got a dilemma here and honestly I need a bit of advice. I recently started college, I'm like

three weeks in, so I've got a friend, let's call her Amy, and me, Amy and another girl, we've honestly been like good friends since year seven, like from year seven to year 11 and still at college like we haven't had any major arguments. However Amy took politics A level which is completely fine I'm all for it. However it does mean her political views are starting to become more apparent to me and it's completely fine to have different opinions and different views on things like especially if you're friends like it's not that deep however there are some things she would say in secondary school that I would brush off but now it makes so much like sense now I'm starting to put two and two together and I'm starting to figure out that actually maybe her views have been a bit iffy from the start and also like I

am a person of colour so having like views that are dodgy like it does bring up a lot of questions. So anyways like my whole kind of dilemma is like what do I do because I'm pretty sure her views are just things that I don't want to align myself with and I just would never because they're just things that I'm just like what are you talking about you know or like what are you on about why did you say that type of thing? And it's not like all the time but it will happen often or sometimes Where I'm like, hold on that was weird. Why did you say that? Anyways, I'm not really sure what to do about it because

The friendship is comfortable, which is why I kind of stayed in it However, like it's just getting a bit worse, especially as she took politics. So I'm like, I don't really want to align myself with somebody like that. I love you guys so much. Babe, I did politics A level. It's a dangerous place to be. I have to agree. Well, because also they kind of like rile you up a bit, don't they? They actually don't. Sorry, I just want to preface this by saying no defamation to Edexcel. Doing A level politics doesn't make you a racist. You either are or you're not. Do you know what I mean? They don't teach you the fucking Black Lives Matters movement.

They teach you the structure of parliament and government. It's nothing too crazy. So what you take from that structure is what you take from that structure as an individual. I have many thoughts on this. Go for it, baby. Because? Because I did politics. you take from that structure as an individual? I have many thoughts on this. Go for it, baby. Because. Because I did politics. Well, because I used to live with a girl who was actually Roar's friend.

None of us were friends with her anymore. And she had almost the other way. She was too woke for her own good. But she came for money. And she benefited off the fact that her parents helped her and everything, but she would fully stand there and lecture us about full socialism and stuff. But she was coming from a real place of privilege.

I have no issue with that, but then she would go and spend loads of money on shit that was cheaper than the socialists wouldn't spend money on. And like... Live and die by the sword, babe. You can't be vegan wearing a leather coat. Do you know what I mean? And like, I don't have an issue with you being a socialist, but... I could be friends with a socialist, if pushed. If you had a gun to my head, sure. Yeah. Well, I wrote this down, actually, and I think this is what you're getting to is if you preach about it. Can you have healthy debate? Because I think there's

different... Healthy debate is not racism. That's where I would draw the line. Well, this is the thing, like how I don't know the details of this girl's kind of political standing. In the future, we need specifics. I'm guessing she didn't want to repeat maybe even maybe they were that bad. I don't know. But like she has those viewpoints for a reason. So if you can understand her reasoning, friendship can be had. If you can't, I don't know there's much for friendship there. I agree.

If you don't understand her reasoning for arriving at certain points. Well also some of the reasoning like if they are racist views, like then they're wrong. Anyway, whatever her reasoning, it does not stand up in court. So like, even if you understand it, can you really like fuck with it? Yeah, especially when it like directly impacts you. I mean, my flat answer would be no, you can't be friends. Because how are you to sit there? And also like it's that thing of like, I can't actually forget what you said. There's one thing to like brush over it, but like, I will never forget that you said that whatever racist thing or whatever it is.

100%. And still pretend to be your friend. Me and Hols have this line that my ex boyfriend said, and I won't repeat it, but we still say it to each other. We've kind of turned it into a joke now, but at the time of him saying it, it was honestly most of one of the most shocking things that I've ever heard anyone say about gender politics. And I think from that moment, I realized that like, you saw him in a different light, 100%. I never saw him the same. And would I want him to be the father of my girls? No. No. So I think if there's a similar line of thinking to do with race.

Actually, I sorry, go on. Or classism. Or classism. Then that's going to sit on you heavy and can you be friends with them? I don't know. And that kind of does show how friendship grows, doesn't it? In school, that shit might not matter. And yeah, those little comments might go you in your head. Or you might be willing to push it away because

you don't have an alternative option. Also she can't fucking vote, now she fucking can. So then it's like well your words are the agency now. Even this is a thing like I don't know there were some reformers on my Instagram this election and I was like unfriend immediately. Did you unfriend? I can't look at that. So wild when they say it with their chest, isn't it? On that like public, like so openly, I'm like, I just find it interesting because I'm like as of like, okay, if I look at you as a viewer, that is not someone I actually know. Then everyone's entitled to their political opinion. Correct. And their vote.

But I don't agree with you. And I definitely don't need it on my fucking friend's story. My fucking feed. My for you page. definitely don't need it on my fucking friend stories Fucking feed my for you page. I don't need it on my for you. No, do you know what I mean? I do know what you mean like goodbye Exit the chat and also you would then feel like you couldn't maybe like voice certain things that you Felt really passionate about like if there was like things that she'd said that directly impact you really passionate about? Like if there was like things that she'd said that directly impact you, how would you then have an open line of conversation to say like, when you say that I feel offended because? No, actually, it's really fucked. It really is fucked.

Fucked. Also, I've really realized I've gotten older. It's very hard to change someone's mind on views like this because it is years and years and years of like, well, also like you see it with older generations and you just kind of explain it away like, oh, they just like they're of a different generation. But actually, that's not a good excuse anyway. No. And then what when they're someone that you've grown up with and that you know intimately and they're the same, like of the same like, I don't know category as you like age and wherever you went to school and la la la la la, then you really do think oh shit, actually,

maybe you're just, I don't know, from a different universe. That's how it feels. Yeah. And I think when you are really attuned to that kind of thing because those comments directly impact you, then you will never not hear them. They won't be brushed away. Do you know what I mean?

And maybe you can't be friends. And also think about the fact that if they have those views, it's likely that their family will too. So let's say you've grown up with them and you're close with their family, you get invited to a wedding or something. That means you're going to have to sit in a room with loads of people who feel the same way.

And if you're different to them, then it's likely you're going to feel like you're going to feel uncomfortable because you know that they all feel that way. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Just pick your friends wisely. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Just pick your friends wisely. Do you know what I mean? Like actually genuinely who sits across your table is really fucking important. Have you ever had that? Anyone?

I have a lot of friends from different classes to me and also a lot of different races. And yeah, I've been in rooms where I know that there's definitely views that are very different to mine. But no one's ever made me feel like massively uncomfortable. But you're just aware of it. And it's whether you want to feel uncomfortable in that space. Yeah, I would like that. But then I see a lot of the times people's parents have completely different views to my friends and it's like, okay, cool. You've, you're, we're cut from the same class. Exactly. Despite your upbringing or despite your parents views. Because that is possible.

Oh yeah. And that does happen. It's like the generational thing that you were saying. We do excuse a lot from older generations, but we hold each other in our peer group to higher standards because why wouldn't we? This segue is quite nice into the question of the week. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Okay, question of the week. I'm really starting to read the brief, you can see this. Can you be friends with someone that has different... Oh, you're taking 34 weeks to think of one. Nothing to worry about, Rana. Can you be friends with someone that has different political views to you? Yes, debate is healthy. No, it changes how I feel about someone. Different political views, opinions, same thing.

Well, political, yes. But this is the thing, what's the umbrella of politics? Because politics is social, gender, economic, like it tells you so much about a person. I'm not just saying are you like a Labour or Liberal? No, because that like, are you a hard left or are you a hard right? That is basically the beat, but I don't think that like... I guess what the assumption is, is that your viewpoints on, for example, gender, race, pay gap, whatever it is,

Held on where you sit on that spectrum. Will probably be in line with your political views. Well, I actually don't agree with that. Because, no, as in like, I think that's the perception, but I don't think that that is actually the reality of it. Because like, if you're talking about like... Not like everything, obviously. Like, I'm sure you could vote like, you know, reform and not...

As in like, I'm sure there are like some very like, left-wing liberals who are racist. Yeah. Or the other way. Yeah. Or, I don't know, really strong reform. Reform is a bad example because their whole fucking thing is built on anti-immigration. But there might be some really strong conservative thinkers, conservative of the small C, who

really believe in migration. Like I don't think that they're all okay. What I'm saying is I don't think you can generalise so like broadly. If you're talking about political like class system, then yes. But I think if you're talking about like fundamental morals and like differences in like perspective and opinion then no. That Ligala is a good example. Yeah. We can have different opinions on tax. Right.

Basically, you're saying that no, if those differing political views are on issues that are really important to you. If I really, if tax was part of my identity, and you really felt differently to that. Maybe. Maybe that doesn't work. Vice versa with, you know, abortion or whatever the political problem is girls. I've shacked them. I've been with them. So I think it just makes your life so much harder to be with someone that

constantly like disagrees with you, especially on stuff that is important, especially when you're going to start to think about raising children. And I know we're talking about friendship, but I do believe in healthy debate, don't get me wrong. And I've learned many, many things from people who think differently to me. I've learned more than any book has ever taught me

from having conversation with someone that thinks the opposite way than I do. But I feel like if I had a friend that on an issue that I felt really passionately about, thought the other way, I might struggle. Thought the other way and shoved it down your throat. I think there's a difference between thinking... Yeah, I guess it comes back to like, can you have healthy debate? Like, can you talk about

that in a way that's like really respectful? Rohana, what do you think? I have a feeling it's going to be 60-40 in favour of no. It's 66% in favour of yes. Debate is healthy. You can be friends. No is 34%. Interesting. That is interesting, actually. God, very serious topics today. Well done, everybody.

We've really pulled ourselves out of the fit category on Spotify. Well done, everybody. Can I just say, I know my tonsils aren't directly linked to my brain, but I feel like I wasn't firing on all cylinders for those heavy topics. But I'll go and read a book and I'll be back next week with my smaller tonsils. No, babe, I think you did really well. You contributed a lot to the debate there. I'm so glad I had a full blackout.

I don't know what just happened. No, no, that was good. Debris? Debris! Okay, I'll go first. Number one was bad body images. Images, image. Touch yourself.

Yeah, and zoom out. Those are the two pieces of advice. And maybe, on the days that you hate yourself more, try and do something for yourself that like you like love, that makes you feel loved. Because also like it sounds like we're saying easy fix. It is a daily rewiring. Like the way I've had to rewire my internal monologue from the age of 14 is wild and I'm still not there. Yeah. So it's a lot of unpicking to do, hun, and it takes a minute and you've got to do it

every day. Drake number two, you've got to tell the wife, the girlfriend, the baby, mama, whatever we want to call her. We've got to tell her. Tell Slaggy Lindsay as well to fucking, you know, smack it off. I just think, say Slaggy Lindsay, do you know how many boys there are in the rugby team? Plenty. So go and pick another one that doesn't have a girlfriend.

Do you know what I mean? And a baby! Sorry, hun. You must take responsibility for that. Number three. We don't think you can be friends with this friend, but we think potentially you can be friends with people that have different political views too. Well, it depends how much you're willing to suffer at the hands of her, as Rihanna says. If you're willing to put yourself in a situation and feel uncomfortable, that's your decision

to do that. But do you feel like you're then having to constantly fight the cause every day? You don't want that responsibility on your shoulders, it's not your fucking job to educate her. To educate the uneducated every day of your life, sorry. And also, she's saying this shit to you, what the fuck does she say? Like, white supremacist club, do you know what I mean? It's fucked, sorry.

But do you know what I mean? Like she's looking at you, a friend she's loved for seven years and she's not reading the room on the bits of her politics that might offend you directly. The fuck she's saying when she's not with you. Yeah. Fuck that. Fuck that. Thank you so much for listening.

Leave a message. We've been Ali and G. You won't see us next week because our contract's going to get cancelled. Rohana's out of a job. So if anyone's got one going, that would be great. Love you so much. Bye. Girls, sorry, I hate to be beggy, but please, please, please send voice notes

because we can't do this pod without you. And Rohana might not be able to send voice notes in too, so I wouldn't bother actually. Love you, bye!