Leave A Message with Ally & G - 38 - What Is This Feeling? It's A Complicated Sexual Desire

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

No one mourns the Wicked! Good news! You can decide who in this duo is Elphaba and who is Glinda, but either way, Ally & G are donning their metaphorical capes and mustering up all of the magic to help the Gallies as they navigate life at this Dear Old Shiz. On this weeks episode of Leave A Message we're talking the three C's: camel toes, coping with break-ups and complicated sexual desires. Does your partner fit into a stereotypical trope? Or, are you struggling to control your hormones, with a partner who isn't on the same wavelength as you? Plus - in our very own I'm Not That Girl moment - Ally & G help a Gally as they navigate their first break-up. This episode might make literally no reference to Wicked... but did that stop us when writing this description? No! Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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We have to move fast. As they explore the galaxy. We're not alone down here. Don't miss the new Star Wars adventure. Do you want to join me? Skeleton Crew, two episode premiere, December 3rd, only on Disney+. The vagina is beautiful, isn't it,

when you really look at it, like anatomically. Look at it there. It's like a flower. I actually think it's quite strange. It looks like the inside of an apple. I always think it looks like the core of an apple. If you sliced an apple in half. Or like a guava.

It is a guava. It's a guava. It is a guava. I find anatomy the most... Touch my guava. Would you please touch my guava. I find anatomy the most... Touch my guava. Would you please touch my guava nice and slowly? Okay, we were just talking about... Camel toes, sorry. Sage.

Oh, sage, sorry. Prior to camel toes, yeah, it was sage. If you wrote down the topics of our conversation... Within three minutes. In order, you'd be confused. Your head would be spinning. You'd think we're at 5,000 different events here. What's happened? Right.

So just to backtrack a bit. So she, I was saying. I was really nervous. Oh, what? That tea, balancing like that. Why didn't you hold it with your big vaginal opening? Vaginal opening. That's what it's called.

Vaginal opening. I went into this witch shop the other day. Where is it? On the Northgate Road? On the King's Road. It's actually really, it's made me realise I need to have a wind chime garden. Oh yeah. It's so serene in there. Yeah. And Ror was like, we'll get...

Oh, you can't go into a witch shop with Ror. No, no, I wasn't in there, but he wasn't there. Don't be silly. He stayed outside. No, I wasn't even with him. Oh, you told him when you got home, we must have wind chimes. And I said to him, I'm not joking, Rourke. When we move house, I seriously want a conservatory with wind chimes.

Yeah, I agree. Because as someone who won't be able to afford the house that you both will be able to afford, I would like you to have a conservatory too. I think you will, babe. Don't know if you know, but this business is 50-50. No, I know, but you've also got like another 50 on the side. Yeah, but you might also get like, you know, bank wanker or investment boy. I don't know.

Anything could happen. You could go out with a musician, babe. Dating a physio at the side. Yeah, but you might also get like, you know, banker wanker or investment boy. I don't know. Anything could happen. You could, you could, you could go out with a musician, babe. Dating a physio at the moment. They're mental. Or dating is it? I'm sorry. Yeah, no, you, with a physio, you won't, you definitely won't get a winter. Is dating serious?

Is that? I think dating's a level up. Oh no, I'm not doing that. No, I think she's- Whoa, whoa, whoa. When she says dating, she means texting. I mean shagging. Yeah, and that's not dating. No, I think she's... Whoa, whoa, whoa! When she says dating, she means texting. I mean shagging. Yeah, and that's not dating.

No, good point. Dating is like you would see each other and not shag. Well, yeah, maybe it is actually. Yeah, or maybe it's like after a certain amount of dates, it's like, is that like the... No, but I thought that was like you're seeing each other, because I don't know. No, dating is and seeing are the same thing. Are they? In my opinion, I would say.

Oh, well then I'm definitely not dating him. No, I would say seeing someone is like. Oh that's serious. Dating is maybe a level below. Seeing someone implies it's exclusive. It's your exclusivity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway.

So carry on about your challenge. I went to the witch shop and this man. You buy some crystals? I actually, it was really weird. You know I told you about 2-2-2. Every single, this is not an exaggeration. Every single, I picked up three books, every single one, flicked the first page open, 2-2-2, three separate books.

It was so weird. Then yesterday we were talking about 2-2-2, then Hanny said her friends just started a company called Triple Two, weird. Something 2-2-2. But we've always resonated to 2-2-2s. But like, I haven't been seeing them. I've been seeing 3-3-3s, and now all of a sudden I can't get enough of 2-2-2. Anyway, there was this man in there and he was like very agitated and he was talking to the witch and he was saying, Babe, what did she call herself? Did she identify as a witch? Okay, she was talking to the spiritual lady.

The lady that owns the spirit shop. The lady of the spirits, yeah. Spirit guide. And he was saying, I need some crystals in my bedroom because there's a spirit in there that's restless and I can't sleep at night. Poltergeist! Anyway, then babe, his mother died in that house and they're now living in that house. He was like, you know when someone's like, he couldn't, like so agitated. He probably hadn't slept.

He said the priest and the spiritual guides had come to bless the house and it was still there was a restless spirit in his bedroom. What? And she said, would you just sage it? And no, and she gave him some special, I don't actually know what she gave him. I hope it worked. She did say sage. The first thing was sage because she said sage cleanses the space. That's its primary function is to remove negative energy. I mean, I don't know. It sounds like he's going to need a bit more than sage to be honest with you. I think he's going to need a heavy dose of sage.

I'd have a sage after a cry, not after I've got a restless spirit in my bedroom. He needs an exorcism. I agree. And then he gave her some millions of crystals. I honestly couldn't even tell you. And he's just going to plop them around his bed probably, so he's safe. There was a specific order that they had to go in. But it's his mum, so why is he worried about her coming back from...

Maybe she was murdered, or maybe she died in a horrible way. Maybe she was writhing in pain. But you know it's your mum, so what are you scared of? Maybe he hated his mum. Yeah, fair. Maybe his mum was a bad person. What a way to upsell. Money, mind, witch. She knows what she's doing. She's making a biz.

A couple of hundred quid that bill was. I bet. She could have been spouting shit, he would have bought it. To be fair, if I wasn't sleeping, I would pay hundreds and hundreds of pounds to fix that problem. 100%. I really believe that as well. When I was a child, I used to fight bedtime. Now I can't get enough of it. I fight to stay to nine. Oh, isn't that funny? This is a whole separate segment, but like things that you've

fighted against as a child. Vegetables. Love them. Can't get enough. If I don't eat vegetables, I'm like, whoa, give me a courgette. I saw a TikTok of a girl saying, isn't it so funny how we fought against the things that we love in life now as adults? Yeah. And she was like, early beds, eating healthy, working out, being spanked.

And I was like, like... Get the belt out, daddy. Anyway, welcome to Leave A Message. This is... Shall I do it this way? I feel ready. Hi, welcome to Leave A Message. We're Ali and G, your internet big sisters. Cut that. Just wanted to do a really cringy one to annoy you. No, we're not. We're your...

No, we're serious business people, OK? Serious business women that came here with a mission and that mission is to listen to your voice notes and talk about them, laugh at them, be inspired by them and to also sometimes solve them because often they're quite tricksy. Yeah. And they really make us think, which as influencers doesn't happen very often. So thank you very much for your service.

I think you're better at it than me, by the way, the intro these days. Well, only because... This isn't happen very often. So thank you very much for your service. I think you're better at it than me, by the way, the intro these days. Well, only because, and this isn't criticism. No, no, please, I'm open to criticism. You stick to the script. Yeah, and I need to change it up. You can if you want to, but I actually do like the script. I prefer the ad lib, actually.

Would you like to try, next week? Next week. Why don't you try an ad lib next week? Next week. Get it in Chatchi BT. Oh, good. And we could do a different one every week. Chat-chee-bee-tee should be taken as 20% to an answer.

The amount of work that guy does for us, my God. Honestly, he's a full-time member of Alley and G Limited and we're really grateful for him. Sometimes we'll lie and say we came up with ideas that were creative ideas and we did it. They were chat-chee. This week the galleys are called. What's a witch's name?

We had a witch for Halloween. Oh yeah, what's a spiritual name? Pocahontas. I swear there's a spirit guide in Pocahontas. Isn't there that big- Pocahontas! Is a Native American girl who in the film

there's a spirit guide. She's not the guide is she? No I don't think she is but I didn't know the spirit guide's name. Okay fine, Pocahontas, I like it. Let's run with it. Pocahontas 1, rack it up. Hey, gullies. Absolutely love the pod. Gee, I actually bumped into you in London fields and I said how much I love the pod. Oh, yes. And you said, have you left a message? I said, no, but maybe I should. Basically, I met a

boy on a night out. We had another date and then after that date, we had sleepover and then after one fun activity, dream of sleepover, he goes, I've got something to tell you. I actually lost my job because I was at KY. He was like, because I came in like, vect. And you know, I'm just, I was a bit shit to be honest. Came out later in conversation,

this is the second job he's lost for the exact same reason. Anyway, he still hadn't got a job in a couple of weeks and he was like, I won't be able to pay my rent this month. I'm in a fortunate position where I currently live in my late granddad's house. He was like, can I move in with you for a little bit until I'm back on my feet? I was like, oh, fine, because he kept on asking me, so I was like, fine. Me and him get on really, really well. I really like him.

He's a good person, but he obviously, there's a bit of a liability when it comes to his job, but he has been trying really hard to get a new job. Secondly, Ali, a bit like you, I just don't love sex. I'm just not a very sexual being. He's got a very high sexual appetite, but then I just feel a bit bad, and this boy's living in my house. He is really nice. He organized a whole date day the other day with because he yells that he has no money. He is really nice to me, calls me beautiful, all these things. He just is a bit of a liability and all this is quite overwhelming. I said to him that it's overwhelming. He's like, I appreciate it's overwhelming, but I'm going to get a job soon. I love him.

He loves me, blah, blah, blah. But obviously it's gone really, really fast and it's a bit stressful. But equally, my ex-boyfriend was really, really like the polar opposite to this boy. My ex-boyfriend had a really, really good job in the city and really good money, was really sporty, kept active, and was just like a good pillar to society. He's who you want your son to be. And now I'm with this boy who's like loves getting wrecked, doesn't have a job, loves sex so much that I just like, ugh, CBA. I'm just like, ugh. I have fallen in love with this boy and I think he's got a great heart and a great soul. I'm sorry, when you ask, can he not move back in with his parents, he can. He's from quite

a privileged background, but his mom's quite sick and he doesn't want to add stress to her saying like, he's lost his job and he doesn't want to tell his parents. And then equally, like, it's not my problem. I'll have a job. Like, I have court feelings for him. I'm just like, have I downgraded my ex with this great person? But the reason me my ex broke up is because he said I was just too much for him. I was a bit crazy.

I'm the kind of gal that gets up on the dance floor and does crazy moves. And he just wanted someone a bit more plain-jane, I think. And then this boy brings out my silly side. Good vibes, but that is my voice note. Would love any advice you could give. Okay, can I just give you a bit of context? Bloody hell, there's so much to one part, Kate. Because I did meet her in London Fields, and I'm pretty sure she was with this boy.

Because they were lying all over each other. Bloody hell, there's so much to one pack of. Because I did meet her in London Fields, and I'm pretty sure she was with this boy, because they were like lying all over each other. It was so funny, because I'd clocked her, because she's fucking cool. Love you, babe, you're so cool. Did you go to London Fields? I went to Broadway Market. Oh, yeah, okay.

But anyway, we were like eating, and I clocked her, and I just thought, oh, she's really cool. And he is like, he's that boy. He's like arty boy, low rise, like big bike boots. Fondom hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're lying over each other, like super tactile. She's really cool.

So I could see, I thought he was your boyfriend, babe. I could see that they were like into each other, but he looked like, she's describing the stereotype and that is what he is. Just from one look look I knew that. This is such an interesting conversation because it's kind of like what you think you want Versus what you need. Yeah and actually also sometimes what you think you want is the artsy fun cool boy. The reality of being with the artsy fun cool boy isn't always what actually you think

it was in your fantasy. And if you're going to commit to being with the artsy fun, cool boy, you got to like, that's their whole, they're not just like that, like when they go out, they're like that all the time. Like it doesn't shock me if he is that kind of guy that he like was a bit shit at work. You know what I mean? Like they're just that kind of... They're free spirits. Yeah. And like you can't expect them to be the one that's like... Like your ex who was like really by the book.

I just basically don't think you can have them both in one person. Yeah, agreed. So it's like what qualities did you like of your ex that actually you can't compromise on on this new guy? Like for example, I don't know how old you are, but I do try now to take into account qualities that I would like. My mom was telling me off this morning because she was like,

well you just live in the moment, you could get killed tomorrow. Like just date, you want to date like right now. But I do like to take into account like certain qualities that I would like in like a life partner. Like when it gets to a certain stage. Like I don't know how old you are, but at this age I think that's quite important. It kind of matters. And like for me, that isn't necessarily like six figures job in the city,

but it is like kindness true to their word, they show up. So for me, someone that didn't do that for their job and is a tiny bit flaky, it wouldn't be the fact that he doesn't have a job, it would be the fact that he managed to lose his job because he was flaky. Oh, I don't know. Okay, I agree. It's not about the fact that he doesn't have a job, but like... Well, for some people it might be, and that is okay. Like, if income matters to you, then it matters to you. But like, I think it would matter to anyone if someone persistently, like, just was shit. Didn't have a job, yeah. And also, like, couldn't provide, like...

Also, the thing, and I used to love this, babe, don't get me wrong, when I was like 21, the pace. I used to love a nasty boy that would fly me to the moon and then drop me in a month and a half. But I just think love that early, it's not right. And I know that you can feel it, because we all do, like you can feel it after five minutes,

you can feel it on a dance floor. But like saying it and throwing it in and even feeling comfortable to live with you this early on, I think is a tiny bit of a red flag. I would say a big red flag. Yeah. Also, babe, I thought you were going to say it's the sex. I genuinely thought she was going to be like, but like I lost him and I like want him all

the time. Yeah, then what is it if it's not that? If he's not doing that, like I know he's fun and he's silly, but maybe he's your friend. She said she's not a sexual being and maybe that's what the thing, like what is the thing that's driving you towards it? Maybe she doesn't want to be alone. No, but also maybe it's like maybe she's never been with a boy like that and like they're a bit alluring for like...

Oh, and they're super like, yeah. Interesting for five minutes. They are, they will like sit there and be like, I love you and you're beautiful and they will make you feel like you can be any version of yourself and you're beautiful and they will make you feel like Gosh, I can't You can be any version of yourself and they're just like brilliant But at the same time, I think, and this might be stereotyping and he might not be like this

I think they can be quite selfish and I think when you're not giving him what he needs, which you're doing currently He might not be so accommodating So I would say, I know you've fallen in love with him and I know he now accidentally lives with you. But it doesn't sound like she's totally in love with him to be fair. No. Sounds a bit like, what is my life? Yeah, I've ended up here. Yeah, because I've written accidental boyfriend.

You've got yourself an accidental boyfriend who's telling you he loves you and you don't even want to have sex with him. That's not right, babe. Something that's one plus one does not equal two in this situation. Yeah, I'm guessing you do want to have sex with him but you've got a low babe. Something's one plus one does not equal two in this situation. Yeah. I'm guessing you do want to have sex with him, but you've got a low sex drive and he's got a high sex drive. That is really difficult. Yeah. Also, sorry, I just want to say, I'd like to set the record straight. It's not that I don't... It's not like I hate sex. It's not top of my list. It's not something that really is a driver in my life. It's not that I...

No, but also like it's okay to love sex but have a low sex drive. That doesn't mean you don't love sex. When you have it, I'm sure everyone's having a well of the time. But it's not something that I need regularly week to like day to day. Yeah, I do think mismatched sex drive is actually really problematic in a relationship over time Because I've had it the other way around where I've had a higher sex drive than my partner And I like constantly feel rejected even if that's not what they're doing It's different because that was a really unique situation because that was long distance

So like in the windows that you had yeah, that would make sense like why like I'm not gonna see you all the time No, but even if we spent like weeks together, it wasn't just the long distance. We had a higher sex drive. I mean, yeah, I agree. I think it's a problematic thing. Well, it's only problematic if it's a problem. Like, one person can have a lower or a higher sex drive, but if, like, you can communicate about that in a way that's like... Or have intimacy in a way that also fills up...

Satisfies that part, yeah. And I guess if you can communicate it in a way that doesn't leave you feeling rejected, why do you think that's quite hard? But if you do have a high... I feel like people with high sex drives literally think about sex 24x7. That's the problem. And they actually do want to have sex all the time. Yeah.

If you aren't like that, then I guess the other person isn't being fulfilled. Yeah, yeah. 100%. And that is difficult. No, 100%. Especially over time. Because also, babe, as you say, you CBA. And like, what are you going to do?

Like, you know, when you've got kids, oh, God, it's just a nightmare. The mismatch of that is a nightmare. Like, being aligned on that is ideal, really. I agree. But I also think, yeah, It depends how wide the gap is, basically. Exactly. If you're other ends of the spectrum, it's really difficult. Yeah, because if you're not a million miles apart, I think it can actually be rectified. And also, if it's just an ebb and a flow, if it's just like you're really stressed or whatever, it's not like an always thing and that's so different.

Also, he is living with you, Aubrey, and as someone who pays rent, I feel envious of him. Do you know what I mean? It's a very big benefit to the situation. He's the cat that got the cream at the moment. And I just think, I get it, babe, but I think it might become a drain on you. I don't want to generalise because this is unfair. But people like that can suck you in for years and years and years, and then you've lost two years of your life.

Yeah. You can be in it and they're obsessed with you and then they're done. And they're over it and they move on. And you're like, wait, but what? Or you realize that you knew all along that they weren't someone that you wanted to have a long relationship with. Yeah, which I think by the sounds of it, you maybe know. It's the hardest thing in the world, babe, to let those truths in the face.

To break up with someone is the worst. That is the absolute worst. Especially when they're living in your fucking house. How are you going to get him out, babe? Do you want us to come over? Bring a van. She did say though, it's not my problem. And like, you're not wrong. You don't know him well. You met him like, what? Where are his mates? Also, out of respect for you, like, he should keep that boundary in place, really. Like, I wouldn't. There's no one I could have met, even in the, like, rows of passion,

that I would ask that of them after a month and a half. Oh, my God! Never! I've got other peeps to do that for me that I would say, you have to have me because you've known me for X amount of time, and you owe me. Or, like, whatever. I would never do that to a new flame, because I know it's going to put it out. Ever. It's too intense.

It's also a bit weird. Do you guys feel like you've seen a change in your libido as you've gotten older? No. Really? I actually think my libido has got higher as I've got older. I think it's because you're... It's so hard because I'm not in a long-term relationship. That might disappear from me when I'm living with someone.

Maybe, yeah. I think maybe. Because... I don't know, because when it was high was when we were long distance because I felt like I never saw him. So then when I saw him, I was like, you know, obsessed and couldn't get enough. And now I'm like, he lies next to me every single night. Like, sex can sometimes when you're long distance or single feel like this really like exciting out of reach thing but when you have it offered on like

onto your on a plate every single day of the year it's like oh well I could if I wanted to but I don't. Isn't that like wanking? I would wank every day. If you're a boy? No if I'm a girl. No. Not really because it doesn't I'm a girl. No. Not really, because it doesn't depend on someone else. Yeah. I guess I could do that even now.

I could wank every day and it's not dependent on someone else being present. Yeah. I don't know. I don't actually know what it is. I also do think a busy life... Hormones. Makes you... Emotions.

Stress from both parties. I think keeping a sex life alive in a long-term relationship, I've never done it. So I just think it's like the most fascinating thing ever because I think it's really hard. And I don't know why it's so hard, but I just think it's something that probably like most couples will battle with at some point in their relationships. I think it's hard because like, first of all, the window for opportunity is quite small. If you both work in a job, very small window. Got to set an alarm early to do it before work.

Or before bed when you can't keep your eyes open. Yeah. That's probably the main contributing factor. And then like also for men, this is less true, but like for women, if I've had a bad day at work, the last thing I want to do is get sexy because I'm in my head and I'm bothered and I just want to be left alone. Don't touch me. Yeah, and there's a lot of... Well, there is actually a lot of research about how the 24 hours...

But that's why it's easy on holiday, because you're relaxed and everything's happy-go-lucky. You never fight about the bins. There's a lot of research to show that the 24 hours before sex is more important than the hour before because your hormones have to be bathed in goodness for 24 hours for you to even feel chemically in the mood, which is why it's easier on holiday, I guess, because you don't feel stressed about anything. I did used to have it with my ex though, that like maybe this is why our relationship was so bad,

but we used to use sex as like a diffuser. Like if I'd had a really shit week, like I would just want to shag him. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. To just like alleviate that stress and to escape and to like drop into my body. Yeah.

But I know that that's not as easy for like, I know that some people find it really hard to make that transition, because it's not just a switch. Yeah. But I know that that's not as easy for like, I know that some people find it really hard to make that transition, because it's not just a switch. No. Like it's a whole network of things that need to align for you to be able to be in the mood, which is really hard.

And as you say, like, four play starts in the morning, if you want sex in the evening. If you want sex in the evening, put the loose seat down. Like it is that small. Yeah. Because like, if I hate you for doing that, there's absolutely no way I'm going to get

horny for you. No way. 100%. Because I'm thinking about that. And like maybe that's it. Is that like in our modern lives, it's way too easy to get pissed off for every... Because men are annoying as are we. Don't get me wrong.

Yeah, yeah. Voice versa. But like there are so many barriers to like entry. Yes. I guess. Yeah. I get that. So yeah, maybe that's why. Also, I do just think it's the being knackered. Yes. I guess. Yeah, I get that. So yeah, maybe that's why. Also, I do just think it's the being knackered.

Oh, what are you going to do when you've got kids? Do you know what I mean? That's the most obvious reason that I can give. Before we continue with this week's episode of Leave A Message. If you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description. Now this can be about anything. Obviously, sometimes we ask you for specific topics, but if you've got a story that you

think girls need to hear this, then get voice noting. Should we do voice note number two? Hi, it's Lozen Tiegen. We actually met you at Capital Ball. and get voice noting. 2D voice note number two. Hi, it's Lozen Tiegen. We actually met you at Capitol Ball. We were sat near your section and actually chased you down a corridor in order to get a picture with you.

Our little dilemma thing at the moment. My best friend here is just going through her first ever break up with her first ever boyfriend and has now just then had the worst weekend of her life with her car breaking down in the middle of a roundabout. On the day of the most important performance of the year. Yes. So we just thought any advice you could give her so she doesn't go into a full blown

menti bee would be amazing. Thank you. We love you. Bye. Sorry. One of the hardest things that can happen to you in your life. What's the context? Like, did she break up with him? Did he break up with her? We've got no context, but it's a breakup and actually I don't think that always matters. Speaking from experience.

True. I broke up with my ex and it was like one of the hardest things I've ever been through. And then imagine your car broke down. And then my car broke down. Imagine. No, I'll tell you what happened to me. I had to go and teach a spin class to 52 people. It was horrendous.

On a Wednesday night. And I broke up with him on the Tuesday. And I had literally, it was hilarious, because we had to do it over the phone, because obviously we were long distance. And I was sobbing. He was sobbing. It was just like cry central.

And I went downstairs and Hal's had cooked like a full like marinated jerk chicken and rice. Because she was like, I didn't know what to do, I thought you'd want to eat. I was like, yeah, no, I want to eat. Sobbed, stayed up all night talking and then I don't even know what I did that next day. Must have just been a zombie. I think maybe he called me a few times, we had to chat again. Anyway, then I had to go and teach spin and it was like, I was like sleepwalking. Advice? Okay, the best piece of advice,

I've said this a hundred times, but it is so, so good, is to write a list on your phone or on a notebook that you keep by your bed, like whatever works for you, of all of the reasons why you're not together. And that works even if they broke up with you because there is always something. It can be stupid stuff, like he can't cook pasta well.

He can't put the loose seat down. My friends don't think he's 10 out of 10 good enough for me. Like whatever it is, it doesn't matter. It can be like really silly stuff. It can also be like, you know, once he cheated on me or like it can be huge things or little things doesn't matter. But you write them down and for a month least, you read the list every day. Every day you gotta read that list.

And I did it, and I still have it on my phone. And like when things happen now that make me feel a bit like... Like the other day. Like the other day, and I'm like, did I jump the gun? Like, am I actually like, is the grass greener? Like, could I have put up with some of that behavior? Like, la la la, I read that list and then I'm good.

And I'm not texting him or getting back with him or like self-pitying. Because that's it. Everyone will say don't text him, but how do you stop yourself? Read the list. Read the list. And do it in a moment where you're like really cross. Yeah, well, you'll know. Yeah, you'll know when you like need to read it.

I also think that whole rule about no communication, I think you have to be really clear on why that is. For me, because I was the person that broke up with my ex, I knew that the ball was no longer in my court, I had relinquished that power, I had made that decision, therefore I didn't think it was right for me to pick him up whenever I needed comfort from him. So if I was ever going to reach out to him, it would be for a reason. And I just think don't do it in the moment of the pang of I miss them.

Because that's when you're with your friends. That's when you read the list. That's when you do something that makes you feel really good and feels you're all cut up. Don't do it when it's like, I just missed them. If you've got a reason, then you can do it. You can text, obviously, like they were in your life and you loved them, it's fine.

It's not the end of the world, but I would just always do it with like a goal in mind, not just because this is fucking hard, because it is hard. I would say, this is her friend voice noting in, I would say advice- Hey, we're together though, so sweet. Advice for the friend. Yeah, good.

To help her. How long was it really pity for you? Oh, I didn't, what do you mean? Like having me mopey and a bit sad. I never felt like pitiful. No pity as in like in the pits. Oh, a good couple of months. Did you not pity me for a second? I did, I pitied me.

No, I didn't. I would say it's a good couple of months of in the walking through the trenches, at least. And like, I mean, this is the most obvious thing in the world to say, but just be there in every way that they need you. But also like if they say they need to sit in their room and cry, let them sit in their room and cry. Like don't suffocate. But if she says she needs, I don't know, a fucking coffee from Paris, you best believe you don't get that coffee. Like, whatever you can do within the realm of possibility, and like, even when she doesn't ask for it, do it.

Like, do the things that like also, you know, it's so minute, like it's hour to hour. I will pick you up at two, then we will go get a cookie at 2.45. We will sit in the car and film till four, then I'll drop you off, then Holes will be home." That's actually a really good point. Knowing what you're doing, because you dread the night, I remember dreading going to bed or waking up and remembering that it happened. I just would wake up and be like, oh fuck, oh my reality is not what it once was.

I will be at yours at eight o'clock and we're going to go for a walk. Exactly. All you have to do is wake up, shower, and then I'll meet you. So you're like, okay, well, I've got things to do in the morning. So I'll set my alarms. I only need half an hour. And then that half an hour I'll do exactly what I've got to do. And then I'll be at the door. And I won't even have time to think. And I'll put my makeup on and then I will be outside of my door. And then we'll be in the, and then the day's gone.

Yeah. So like, yeah, exactly. Minimize like the friction points, I guess, where they can just like sit and spiral. And also allow yourself to laugh. We laughed in those first few weeks. I watched those episodes back. I think that is us in general. The way to walk through the mud with us is always to make a joke and have a laugh. And even if it's something so tiny, it doesn't matter. Yeah, allow yourself to wallow because you can and it

feels good sometimes. You've got to allow yourself to like be in the pits because you can't really explain your emotions that well. Like it's obviously like I'm going through a breakup, but it's so much more than that. It's what you thought your future would be. It's what you relied on throughout the day. Also, I would say don't speak with reason. There's no point in trying to explain it or understand it. Or forget that. Or do the blueprint break up.

No, forget it. Just don't even bother. Different for everyone. Yeah. The one thing I will say, and this isn't so much advice, more reassurance, is it will give you the best understanding of what you have in your life, that is good. Like, I have never, throughout this year, like, I've nearly been single a year, nearly, I have never felt so connected to my friends, to my work, to myself, and that is all because I took something away and I filled it with everything else,

and that was like my friend, like fucking hell, my friends, like literally, like I will never, I will know I could go through anything. That was a lovely thing to know. And like you do have a bit of a like, you know, resurgence and you do grow always when something like that happens. Oh, I've said this to her a hundred times. She's the best version of herself that she, she's a different, evolved, transformed person to the person that she was a year ago today. Don't get me

wrong, six months of that was hell. She definitely wasn't her highest elevated self. I don't even think she's a hundred percent out in the clear yet. Yeah, pranks me sometimes. But like, oh my God, I would never ever, ever trade that person for the person you are today, ever. Exactly. Even though it was like really dark for a while. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm proud of you. Thanks babe. Actually, I'm so proud of you now. No, because like it was hell. It really was hell. And like, you know, it's lost. To watch as well, to watch your friend break like that is actually the most heartbreaking thing. But like, you can't make it better.

Nothing you say or nothing anyone can do or say will make it better. And you just have to wait. I know that's an annoying thing. But also the beautiful thing is like you watching that or like say me watching Holes or like, I've had loads of friends that have gone through breakups in their late 20s and I just think the way that we share it is like so important because you best believe this life is not kind and there will be many, many things that each of us go through that are dark and miserable and it means you need a support system.

So the more we do it, the better and like theequipped RB for whatever may like be dealt to you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. God willing not to break up. Jesus. Imagine. But like we've all got parents that die. Do you know what I mean?

No, but it is. Sorry, that's really dark. But like it's true. Or like we can't get pregnant. Or we, we, you know. All these very real things. We do get divorced. Or we like, you know, get poorly.

I don't know. There's so much shit that it's like, what can you find in that shit that is like joyous and is going to give you like tools to live your life better? Yeah. That's what it's about. What did we say the other day? You can't choose or control what happens around you or to you, but you can control and choose your attitude.

Yeah. That's the one thing you have. So go get them, sister. Round up? Round up! Okay. Po-contest number one. I can't believe it's Po-contest.

That's so good. Babe, you must sack him off. Oh, I think we've decided for you. And I'm sorry, because I love a little arty boy. No, babe. Okay. I'd actually like to set the record straight here. Go on.

Right. I think... I think I like actually like to set the record straight here. Go on. Right. I think... I think I like that. I think the reality, and this is what I was saying earlier, and I'm not listening, this is absolutely no defamation to arty boys or girls who like arty boys. They are arty and free-spirited and wild in every single aspect of their life. Well, I don't think that's... I think that would drive you nuts actually.

Potentially. Forever. Yeah, potentially. It's fun for a bit. I think the thing that really excites me about them is they're like... Are they emotionally intelligent actually? I actually don't think they are because they're so... They trick you and you think they are.

And they're like artistically intelligent, but is that the same as emotional intelligence? I don't know. But what if you like theatre and... Yeah, maybe it's that. It's the like... But I wouldn't call them like arty boys. I'd just call those like they're interesting and they've got like, I guess, like cultural interests, but they're not like free spirit. Like there are lots of boys like that who were like, have got their shit together. But actually you're right. It's hard to get both.

Who can appreciate the arts. Yes. have got their shit together. But actually, you're right. It's hard to get both. Who can appreciate the arts. Yes. I think that is different to like a man that wears, I don't know, a condom hat and like sits by Camden not smoking ganja all day. That's different. Ganja is crazy.

Oh, mum. Not the ganja. I just think until it's at the detriment to you, you can carry on and have fun with this boy and feel silly and free and it can be different to your ex but I think as soon as it becomes your detriment, i.e. he's living in your house for free, I might get rid. Absolutely no might. Oh no might. Sorry, you're getting rid and we're coming round to move him out with our removal van.

Okay? Yeah. Voice note number out with our removal van. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. Voice note number two, our breakup galley. You've got to be star of the week. You're the star of the week. Babe, sending you all the love in the world because like, it's really sad for a minute. But also how lucky are you to have your best friend by your side and you're going to be

better than ever, you know? Like anywhere you are, the grass is greener. Also, this is the most jarring thing in the world to say, but everything does happen for a reason. You will look back in a year and think, I know why it had to happen that way. I can vouch for that, for sure. Love you. Love you.

Question of the week. Yeah, baby. This is inspired by voice note number one. Would you break up with your partner if your sex drives were mismatched? This is inspired by voice note number one. Would you break up with your partner if your sex drives were mismatched? Breakup seems extreme. Sorry, not be with. Couple therapy, what's the difference?

Okay, the options are yes, we need to be aligned. No, I can adjust either way. I voted on this and I was very disappointed. Yeah, I know. But I can... Everyone voted yes. I voted on this and I was very disappointed. Yeah, I know. But I can... Everyone voted yes. Everyone voted no.

Really? Yeah, I can adjust either way. You would vote no. I'd vote no. The problem I have with that answer, and this might be wrong, I'm just throwing it out there, I worry sometimes that women that do have lower sex drives are the ones that have to compromise and just end up having more sex than they actually want to have. Sorry, what?

Normally, in the stereotype, men have higher sex drives, women have lower sex drives, the girls that want to stay with the boys that expect a certain amount of sex every week, give the sex. Right, two things. I agree. However, that is what a relationship is, is compromise. So what can you compromise on and what can't? It's not just sex. It's everything.

If it was too much sex, then you can leave. That is the crux of a relationship is compromise because you will never, ever find someone who is aligned with you on every last thing. And not every day. And it's what you're prepared to compromise on. I really think if it's not a big deal for you to compromise on. I really think if it's not a big deal for you to compromise on that and you think, oh fine, I could do it. I'm just tired, but I can put a shift in.

Then that's fine. If it's like a real boundary, no. Different. That's the problem. Or can they compromise? Same with who's going to work after you have children. Every single... Who's going to cook? This is what I'm learning actually. My main takeaway from a long distance relationship is what are the things that you are happy

to lie down and take it on and compromise? Because you... And I suppose to not use that as a weapon. Exactly. Like ammunition for your partner. I do the cooking every night, but I'm not going to weaponize that against you because I'm home earlier than you. And so as I should, I will unload the dishwasher because I was here first or home all day.

I work from home. If you need sex x number of times a week, I'll do it. If I need you to pick the kids up four times a week, you will do it. I think that in relationships, especially, we can subcategory everything. When actually the reality of it is it's not that. It's everything in one pile. Yeah. Really, really, really, really relationships should be contracted.

I learned that more and more. Also, babe, I do really think that in your old age, you're a real warrior. Wait, what have you just noticed that on? Just like what we were talking about earlier and then that you've just said that now. I think that you worry about things. Wait, what am I worried about? That you're like, I worry. Oh, about my future partner.

I do, I do, I've got too much on my thing. But that's what I mean. I've got too much choice. You're a very typical rat. Rats are huge warriors. I'm a ratty warrior. You are, because like. Basically, I didn't want to go on another date

with this guy this week. Worry once, worry twice. I know, and my mom was, yeah, worry now, worry twice. I didn't want to go on a date with this guy, And my mom was like, why? And I was like, well, she was like, I thought you liked him. And I was like, well, I do. But like, we've already been on a date and like, maybe I should wait. And like, maybe if I put a bit of time between the dates and she was like, oh my God, George, you could die. Go on the date. Shouting at me and I was like, whoa, okay. Go on the date. Yeah, I'll go on the date.

Too much time to think. Yeah, I don't worry maybe probably to the same extent. Not even about men, about everything in general. If you were looking for them now, baby, you'd be worried. Oh, no, no, sorry. I don't mean that in a way. I just mean like, in general, I do think that you have a predisposition to worry about stuff. Oh, yeah, I'm a massive over thinker for sure. Good note, I'll go to therapy now. No, no, I'm just saying like, sorry, I didn't mean that as a criticism.

I just like noticed it. Oh my goodness. I cannot confirm or deny. Wait, Rohana, what year were you born in? 1999. 1999, little baby. When's your birthday? May 7th.

You're a rabbit. How do you know that off the top of your head? Today was Mo's because he was saying he was my sister. We like a rabbit, don't we? You like a rabbit. I like a rabbit. That and rabbits are very good friends. You don We like a rabbit, don't we? You like a rabbit. I like a rabbit. Darts and rabbits are a very good friend.

You don't like a rabbit so much, piggy. Pigs and rabbits don't really get on. I'm a pig. What does that symbolise? They're very loyal. They can actually be quite lazy. And quite sociable and easygoing. I don't think I'm the most easygoing person on the planet, actually.

No. I don't know, maybe I am. I don't know. I don't think you are easygoing. They're quite like... Relax. I don't think I'm the most easygoing person on the planet, actually. No. I don't know, maybe I am. I don't know. I don't think you are easygoing. They're quite like... Relax. I don't think I'm relaxed. I don't think you're relaxed either. What are you? Because I know what you mean. I'm a classic, no, but also I'm a Capricorn and I'm a classic, classic Capricorn.

Yeah. Capricorns are like really hardcore bitches, actually. My auntie's a Capricorn and she's a hardcore bitch. Yeah, black and white, no room for grey, ambitious. Wonderstrike and your owl. Yeah. What's your big three? What do you mean?

Oh, your moon, sun, rising. My moon is an Aries and my sun and my rising I think are both Capricorns. I've got every single thing in my chart is a Capricorn. I'm such a Capricorn actually. I think I'm Libra, Libra Aries. Is your moon an Aries? Yeah. Same as me.

And my rising's Libra. Libra, Libra. Yeah, mine's Capricorn, Capricorn Aries. I'm such a Libra. So interesting. Yeah, good chat, girls. We've come full circle on the witches. Really good!

Oh, thank you for that! Oh, thank God. Well, thank you so much for joining us. If you see any witches out there, let us know. Get Saging Your House. Get Saging Your House. I'll see you next week. Love you, bye.

Mwah. Thanks for watching!