Leave A Message with Ally & G - 4 - Holiday Fails: Easy Jet Vouchers & A Dream

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

Ally & G have lost their holiday virginity together in Barcelona... so they want to know your holiday nightmares on this weeks episode of Leave A Message! Have you ever gotten locked in the toilets in a foreign country with no phone signal? What about a girlie holiday (with your Mum!) that leaves you so scarred... you haven't gone abroad since?! Drunken flights and sleepless nights, we've got it all covered. Don't worry, it's a full service. Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

She's rolling. She's rolling, rolling, rolling on a river. Poppy, I'm worried about your legs. Are you comfy? Oh, she's crossed them. Good. Babe, I love your Birkenstalls, by the way. No! We would never know. Don't tell anyone that. Tell everyone they're real.

You wouldn't know that. What make are they? I'm obsessed with a dupe. I'm actually wearing a dupe today. I was going to say you're wearing a dupe right now, babe. I'm wearing a Tala dupe. Well, you're also wearing a Lululemon dupe. Do you know how expensive those things are from Lululemon?

I don't like to slag Lululemon because I know that, you know, we're desperate for them. I'm not. I get them. This is so cruel, okay? So, Lululemon, we both got one round of gifting from Lululemon. Thank you not, I get them. This is so cruel, okay? So Lululemon, we both got one round of gifting from Lululemon, thank you, love you so much. So good. And then, so, by the way, and it was like quite a lot of money,

it doesn't get you very fucking, it doesn't, we've had a really big telling off about our swearing. Sorry, we're all over the place already but go on, carry on. Anyway, then we, Lily, our manager, our lovely manager said, oh, they're in for a second round. So there I am, filling up my basket.

She's excited. She's making a list. She's thinking, what am I going to get? I'm going to get my tight little black fit. Going to get my aligns. Then what happens? Then they say,

fitness instructors only. We're only gifting to fitness instructors. So I got the sack, basically. Who's that? Only me. And now she's dripping in Lululemon. Little old me. Fitness instructor.

Eh? And now she's dripping in Lululemon and fake Lululemon and I'm not. It's so devastating for me. You've got to wear actual clothes, God forbid. I haven't even got knickers on. I'm so sorry to tell everyone,

but I had a nightmare today. I often don't go commando unless I'm in bed asleep, obviously. Obviously. Do you ever go commando? I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I went commando. A lot of girls at spin do sorry, we will get onto the topic any minute. A lot of girls

at spin don't wear knickers, I've noticed. Fine. That's madness. Because the chafing on your labia must be off the charts. I agree because I'm experiencing it. I just experienced it on the Northern Line. It was very traumatic. And you were even just walking. Imagine like

actually like riding. Popping up and down. A one, two. Tapping it back. And the chafing on the tap back. Outrageous. I basically just did a circuit class. It sprung upon me. It was meant to be a photo shoot and then it turned out to be real. Having to lift and goblet squat 20 kilograms and run on

those bloody treadmills that you control. Horrendous. Anyway, I got so sweaty, so I had to shower. I stung these leggings, sorry, dig me, from the office and I put my, like, scraggy little bra on and I couldn't find any knickers and I couldn't dare put my sweaty ones back on, so now I'm commando.

I think in that situation I actually would have, and everyone knows me, I'm a germ freak. You'd have put your sweaty knickers back on. I think I would have, because I would rather that than chafe my labia. I don't know, I feel like I've got a dirty little secret. I was on a tube, like, next to this man, thinking, I've got no knickers on. I'm chafing my labia right now.

So we are fresh back in London town from... Barcelona! What Spanish did you learn? Go on. Okay. You can't say ¿Qué tal? because it's quite formal and we're trying to be very informal on this podcast.

We're trying to say ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? ¿Qué pasa? Muy guapa. Very beautiful. And then this man said guapísima. Ooh. Then what else?

Didn't say that to me. Who was that? What else have we got? Probably a pub on the street. Little hola. Hola, adios. Do you remember how to say sorry? Los cientos.

Very good. So we went on our first holiday together. Yeah, we did. We lost our holiday virginity together. It was actually really, like, I don't know. I would never feel, like, nervous about that sort of thing. No. Because, like, you know, we spend every day of our effing lives together.

But sometimes you go on holiday with a new partner or a new boyfriend or a new girlfriend and you honestly, you have to break up with them when you come home. It's very scary. It can either make or break. I actually think it's very important to do early doors. Agree.

If we're talking partners. Agree. Because I just think you learn a lot. Totally agree. Especially if you don't live together. Yeah Because I just think you learn a lot. Totally agree. Especially if you don't live together. Yeah. I mean, we left it quite late in the friendship, really. Imagine if we came back and we hated each other.

Three years deep and what? Now we just have decided that... Thank God. We took the risk and it paid off. It paid off. It was really, really fun. And we didn't know that it would because obviously I'm an early bird.

Owls are dying. Sorry. Sorry. I must tell this story so we went for this spanish cooking class which was amazing really fun we made paella with lots of um other people which was lots of other people on a guided tour mental yeah a whole other story in itself anyway it was quite late it was um unlimited sangria which i when something's unlimited i think that means you must drink as much as you

can as you should babe so i was a little bit tiddled anyway a little bit is a bit it's not strong enough it was quite late and we were bumbling back to our hotel al just drops in i'll have to shower when we get in. I thought, shower? When we get in? It's ever so late. Maybe it was only like 10.30. It was 11. Having a conversation with her. Any hour past 10.30, honestly, you're getting trash. There is just no point. I can't even form a sentence. And also the worst thing was that it's like 10pm in the UK. Yeah. I was just so tired that i couldn't function anyway i was like shower what also al thinks that's hilarious that i don't get in from a night and

like she didn't shout no babe yesterday you didn't actually shower once we got up yesterday oh the day before tuesday i didn't shower and we just like got up had a full day out and about and she hadn't and then we got back late because we went out and got a bit piddled again. And it didn't take much. My God, those drinks. We had one drink and we were both like, oh, 2am drunk. Didn't know what to do about it.

Anyway, then I had to get back and wash my hair, obviously. Full hair wash. Can you cope? I'm in bed. Babe, I would do that too in the morning. Anyway, I'm thinking, oh, she's showering. I'm trying not to, you know, I'm trying to be mindful

that Ali is a late person. A night owl. She's a night owl and she's got energy. She's like up and at them. She wants to shower. She wants to wash her hair, whatever. I'll get tucked into bed.

I'll read my book. Lovely. So I'm reading my book and she comes back in from the shower and she pulls out from her suitcase under the bed an LED mask, the full LED mask that go face, neck, all the good stuff. Face, neck and deck.

He does it all. Face, neck and deck. She sleeps in this little black top to support her jabs and no knickers. Can I tell you actually what this started because? So it's so funny because of the vision and I actually will ask

if we can put a picture in of... No, no, we'll just cut through. Fuzz your food. Everyone must see. She comes in. She's plugged into the wall so that this LED mask is on.

She's got it strapped to her face. She honestly looks like Hannibal Lecter. Like she looks so frightening. And she's got her little foof out and just this little black top on and I listen I'd like to make a petition worldwide why does every hotel room insist on tucking their bed sheets in like you feel like you're in a claustrophobic claustrophobic. Claustrophobic, Darren. It's a straight jacket situation up there. And I just think we must do better. We must.

And then she's desperately trying to untuck. And it's like they've cemented it in. Why is that? No, baby, you make such a mountain out of a molehill. She's like huffing and puffing. The LED mask is in full force. It's on, it's bright red. She's untucking the jeans.

She looks up at me and she goes, don't worry, it's a full service. And then she comes around to my side of the bed. I'm merrily just, you know, reading my book. She starts aggressively untucking my duvet out, getting my, checking my feet to know the right place. And then once you've unripped, you must then, you must then re-put the, you know,

she tucked me in, sure. And I've never had aripped, you must then, you must then re-put the, you know, you tuck the shit back in. Sure. And I've never had a turndown like it. It was really quite remarkable. Turndown service, door to door. If you need me,

I can come with my naked food for my LED face, neck and deck. Okay? So anyway, we thought it was only right that we did this podcast about holidays.

We had a fight as well. Oh, we had a fight. Sorry, go on, get that in there. No, well, because I just think, you know, we were having a lol in the car. We were having a lol, okay?

We were having a lol in the car. Just about how we were thinking, oh, we wonder what the stories the girls will have. And I was like, I bet you so many girls have stories about the dumbest fights. You know, when you're like so drunk on holiday as well and you have stupid fights. Yeah, or a bit tired.

You're a bit sleepy. You're a bit out of your comfort zone. You're a bit, you can be a bit stressed because you've been doing directions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the things. Anyway, I was desperate

to see La Sagrada Familia, and I was like, I'm not bothered. Not bothered. It's a church, do you know what I mean? They all look the same once you get inside. Anyway, I was actually ready

to pay 26 euros, but there was no, there was no slot until 5.45, and we had to leave at four. She was so angry, but she was vocalising it so much that I kind of thought she wanted me to, you know, join in. And like my response was to tame her anger, you know, put out the fire.

However, she did not want that. She wanted to be entitled to her anger. She wanted to indulge in her frustration that she was unable to see the Sagrada Familia in all of its glory. And she was like, oh, don't worry. Like they're like, it's like every other church in Europe. And she was like, oh, don't worry. It's like every other church in Europe. And I was like, well, it's not. If you went to the Vatican City

and you didn't go into the Sistine Chapel, you didn't really see the Sistine Chapel. And anyway, we went around the houses about all these fights that you get into on holiday with your friends or your partner, or your family that are so, so stupid and so funny when you look back. Yeah, it's when the sun's a bit hot

and you're a bit dehydrated. You've just got to have a little fight. And you were having a horrible time in your sweaty pit situation. Sweaty pit sitch. Sweaty pit sitch. I was very sweaty actually the whole time. I'm hot right now actually.

I'm hot now too and this has got to go back. I hope I don't smell. Oh dear. Oh dear. Can you tell the good people if they're new around here the premise of this podcast before we get into it? We forgot to do that the last two episodes by the way. So everyone, galleys. It's your turn actually to do the pitch. Guys this is very serious, I don't know why you're laughing. Poppy's laughing away over there. Rohana, what have you got to say? This is

a business pitch, can everyone start taking this seriously? Right, go on babe, write it up. Okay. Okay galleys, welcome, this is leave a message, welcome back to your group chat. We are purely here as admins. We're administrative. We thought we can't be asked to do anything else other than just wade through what everyone else has got to say. We wanted to make and create this podcast for you, a podcast by the galleys for the galleys, because you are our lifeblood

and you guys have the best stories ever and our DMs are full of them. So we thought we best share with the group. Here we are must preface this we always forget to say this take our advice with a pinch of salt i mean actually like a bucket of salt yeah good we are not professionals nor will we ever be probably yeah and uh that was very good i think that summed it up very nicely thank you so much i feel like i now know what i'm doing. Great. Well, I don't, so that makes one of us. So holidays today. We're chatting all things holidays. And I'm hoping that Poppy has got our first... Oh, what do you want to call the galleys? You'll go. Oh, you did last week. I'm going to go for... Pick something Spanish. Yes, that's what I was thinking. Gerard.

The guy who did our carver tasting was called Gerard. Oh, we must tell you about Gerard after we get there in a bit. Yeah, you best get on to Gerard number one. We must tell you about voice notes. I mean, Gerard. Real Gerard. Hey, galleys. So, my holiday story time is a bit of a throwback. It happened when I was 12 years old, so a long time ago now.

But basically, I was on holiday in Spain with my family and I needed the toilet and I didn't want to go up to the room because our room was like on the third floor or something so I just go to the normal toilets that had loads of cubicles and stuff so I go to the toilets and now I'd always been a bit scared of toilet locks because I got locked in one when I was like four or something. But I go in and a cleaner came out of one of the cubicles. And in my like stupid 12-yard brain, I went, oh, the lock, the thing must lock then. So I go in and I shut the door. And it's a little bit stiff to shut, but I just shut it. And the lock didn't even work. So I'm like, oh, it's fine. I'll go in a different cubicle.

I tried to put it open. No, no, no. Didn't open. Completely, like, stiff, shut. And so I'm, like, I'm starting to panic. But I take out my phone. No signal. So what do I do? I start banging on the door and shouting, help, help, I'm stuck. And bear in mind, I couldn't crawl underneath because it was one of the doors, you know, that's, like, all the way to the ceiling and down to the floor. And all these other, like, women are, like, shouting back at because it was one of the doors you know that's like all the way to the ceiling and down to the floor and all these other like women are like shouting back at me and one of them's like is she english is she what and everyone's like um pulling on the other side of the door it's not budging like it's proper like jammed shut and one of them's like we're gonna go and get the hotel manager and i'm like almost in tears at this point little 12 year old me like

so scared so, it finally opened and there's like honestly about 20 people by the tap site with their kids and everything. And I was so embarrassed and I didn't know what to say. So I was just like, gracias. So I didn't even get to have a wee, but oh well, it was super embarrassing.

And let me know if you've ever got locked in a toilet. Anyway, bye. Love you girls. Gracias. Oh babe, she didn't even get to have a wee. What else is. Love you, girls. Graffiath. What else can you... Oh, babe, she didn't even get to have a wee. What else is there to say

other than Graffiath? Adios. Oh, Gerard One, that is an absolute nightmare. Nightmare. I have a very irrational fear, not about toilets, but about getting...

In lifts. She always says that. In a lift. I really don't like it. Just then, I was getting on the lift in Bank, and I got in,

and something wasn't right. It wasn't closing and everyone was stood and you know when you're there a bit too long and then everyone starts looking at each other like, and I was getting so tetchy and I went, it's not working, I think we should all get out. Did you actually say that? Yeah, there was about 25 people in the lift. I was like, it's not working, we all need to get out now because I was panicking. Why are you so worried about lifts? When did you ever get stuck in a lift? Never have I ever. How bizarre.

I also get really worried that they're just going to drop. Babe, don't worry, because after watching The Society of the Snow, there's hope for everyone. Yeah, you can get out of anything. Well, also, if you got stuck in a lift with 25 people, babe, you might actually be sitting pretty. At a banquet.

Or you could eat buffet. Start a main dessert three times a day. That is very dark. We were talking about this the other day, really off topic. If anyone has watched Society of the Snow. It's so good. Have you watched it, either of you two? Oh, girls, you must. Guys, you must.

Well, basically, I'll give you a quick rundown. They crash a plane, and then they all get stranded in the Alps. In the Andes. In the Andes, sorry. Very snowy, very cold. The ones that die, basically for the other ones to survive, they have to eat the dead. But they're eating their friends.

Friends and family. And we were saying, like, I said to her, if I died and I was your last chance of getting out of there alive, please be my guest. I know, but then I said, well, I wouldn't have much meat, so it wouldn't be very helpful. Well, my tits and ass might last you a couple of days. Not your ass. I'll be struggling on your ass.

You could probably nibble my calves a sec. Your tits, I'll give you. I'd have a lovely time with them. Getting locked in... The toilet. It's not something that I... You don't fear it? I don't fear it because I just think,

well, someone will surely notice I'm not there. I mean, you should see the way Ali Mackie uses a public toilet. She'd never get locked in. She squats, squats. She squats over it, basically holds the door.

Yes! Holds all her clothes like this. It's just a freeze frame. She gushes out her way and then she's out of there before you can even, like, you know, blink.

She's honestly so quick. I wouldn't even lock the door because I don't like to touch the germs on the lock. Yeah, so you fine i'd be fine no worries babe take a leaf out of my book it is funny isn't it how when you're young things like that that is panicking it's like when you lose your mom at tesco oh my god that's panic inducing that's like and your whole body is like hot you know when you i even still get that you get quite panicking like this morning when i couldn't find my license i honestly like you know when you just like can't even think you're so panicky i was like sweating i had to

take all my clothes off obviously i found it but it does get to that stage where you think oh my god i literally can't even think or see because i'm so panicked i was quite impressed that she had a mobile phone at 12 i had a mobile phone at 12 i guess when you first go to secondary school do you get a phone i only got i had one at one at eight. Eight! Because my, well babe, first of all, it wasn't a smartphone, it was a Motorola Flip. Epic, was it pink? Yeah.

Obsessed, so was mine. And it was also because my parents went together and I had to text them every night that I was like, okay, and I had had, what I had had for dinner. Yes, because you were

either or's parents. Yeah. Got it. Sorry, can I just say? Sure, please. Thinking of like, holidays when I was younger. When I was 12,

I had this little bikini on. I was having a nice time. It was the first time I'd worn, you know when you don't really wear a bikini top? And then it was the first year that I was like, I'm going to wear a bikini because I've got something going on here, girls. I've got chebs.

Something's starting to happen. Yeah, my chebs are chebbing. Anyway, with my two older cousins, we're, you know, having a nice time in and around the pool. Anyway, I'm kind of like the class clown. That's like my role. I'm just like all funny, silly girl.

Really? Yeah. I wouldn't believe it. But when I was younger, I was a good time gal. Anyway, I'm running around, running around. We're doing that competition where you have to jump in the air into the pool and do a funny shape. And everyone has to guess what you did.

Like you did running or like I'm shopping. Or like a ninja. Yeah, good. Anyway, I was doing that. Jump in. All good, happy. I've done my move. I'm elated with it like I'm shopping. Or like a ninja. Yeah, good. Anyway, I was doing that. Jump in. All good, happy. I've done my move. I'm elated with it.

I swim out. Turns out I've got no cosy on at all. Tops have fallen off and the bottoms. Oh. Mortifying. That's happened to me as an adult. Absolutely mortifying.

As an adult? As an adult, actually. Sorry. And you got out without noticing. How did I not notice? Because I just think it's just like water on your body. It doesn't matter

if there's cloth there or not. You just don't really know. And then suddenly you're naked. Suddenly you're naked and like everyone's looking at your chubs. I said nine more. I was so embarrassed. I will tell you,

this is not my story. This was a meme viral once. Probably you've heard this. There was this woman goes to a water park. She's wearing a bikini, a string bikini. And she's on her period

and she's got a tampon in. And her husband, have you heard this? Have you? Her husband goes up and goes oh babe don't worry you've just got some string hanging out of your bikini

and he pulls her tampon out of her vagina No that's not real Babe it's real she's done an interview this woman Sorry She

Sorry Why would she not stop him? No no babe I don't have a string hanging out of my bikini No no obviously she did but but it was too late. He said, oh, you know, sometimes if it was like a piece of string, he'd be like, oh, sorry, babe, you've just got a bit of string hanging.

He got a good grip, didn't he? And he got a good grip. Can you imagine the force with which he removed that tampon from her vagina? Wow, that's not right. And then everyone's looking around at her. I've done it on a water slide, babe, as well. My whole foof's come out on a water slide. You know when we're just like, and the water, my God,

have you ever had the water like go actually up your nose? I think it feels quite nice. I'm just up and down the lazy river like you wouldn't believe. I love it. Poppy's like moving up and up.

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even though all I've done is followed the recipe and had the ingredients delivered to my door. But babe, you are cooking. It's absolutely genius. And also, it's not like you're going to be stuck doing one recipe that you're good at because there's variety from HelloFresh. There's so much choice. Come on.

You can get 10 free meals at hellofresh.com slash freeallyg applied across seven boxes. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. That's 10 free HelloFresh meals just by going to hellofresh.com slash freeallyg. You're welcome. Hi, girlies. My name is Izzy.

I'm a big fan of the podcast and of your videos. The holiday story that I would like to share is from when me and my mum went on a little girly holiday to Lyon in France. This was two years ago now. I had some EasyJet vouchers and a dream. And we just found somewhere cheap to go and yeah went for a couple of days thinking this is going to be great really relaxing we both

deserve a break little did we know we arrive Airbnb can't get in the uh host is messaging us saying oh I've left the keys like in a combination lockbox thing that's attached to a gate um but like halfway down the street from where we were staying weird but we were like okay we've spent ages and ages trying to get it out torrential rain outside by the way opened it finally they're not in there so we had to contact the host they were like oh sorry forgot to put them in there from the last guest. So then we had to wait, meet up with this host, finally got the keys. Thinking, that's all the shit part of this holiday, over and done with in the first hour of the trip, really. Little did we know. Three hours later, we were like, let's go to a supermarket.

Upon coming out of the supermarket, mugged. I was immediately mugged for my whole handbag, phone, purse, just handbag grabbed and gone. Spoke to the security in the supermarket. They were like, there's nothing we can do. Sorry. They didn't want to deal with it because of the language barrier, basically. So then I had three more days of a holiday with my mom with no phone and no money. And then on the last day the oven in the Airbnb just completely packed in and we had no running water in the building so turned out to be not at all the fun little girly break we thought it was going to be just things going wrong one after another and yeah I haven't been abroad since then so

fingers crossed something is on the cards for me soon. You know, brings back my passion for travelling. Never got my phone back. Tracked it on my iPhone. It was in, I think, Algeria the next day, and then gone. Wherever my little green iPhone 12 is, I hope you're doing well.

Thank you for listening to me ramble for three minutes. Love you, girls. Oh, babe, you must get back on the horse and on the EasyJet fly. Thank you for listening to me ramble for three minutes. Love you, girls. Oh, babe, you must get back on the horse and on the EasyJet fly. She had EasyJet vouchers in her dream and look what happened. I might get that on a T-shirt. I've got EasyJet vouchers in a dream.

My God, what an absolute shit show. It's horrible when it all goes wrong in a country where you really don't speak the language. I mean... Wait, where did she go? She was in France. So, you know, listening to GCSEs is all I'll say the language. I mean... Wait, where did she go? She was in France. So, you know, listening to GCSEs is all I'll say, girls.

I actually think that often. I do think I wish I had listened to what Madame Godard was saying. We had Madame Underwood. I was so bad at French. I couldn't do a word right now. Spanish is not great either, I've got to tell you. I took a Spanish AS level.

I honestly couldn't string a sentence together. It was so embarrassing. It was so bad. We should have been able to at least ask people for directions in Spanish. I took a Spanish AS, love. I honestly couldn't string a sentence together. It was so embarrassing. It was so bad. We could have, you know, we should have been able to at least ask people for directions in Spanish. I can do that. I can say left.

Where's left? ¿Dónde es izquierda? Things like that put me off booking Airbnb. Like turning up, not finding the lockbox, then there not being a key in the lockbox. Like, I find that unbelievably stressful. I find that sad because actually some of the best places I've stayed in have been Airbnbs. You're right, actually.

Airbnb gives you some of the best, like, some of the best places I've ever stayed have been Airbnbs, don't get me wrong. Well, I won't get you wrong then. Don't get me wrong. Get me right. Get me right. No, I wanted to pick up on the thread about being mugged because I feel like, okay, when we went to this,

I've never been to Barcelona before. Well, I have been, but like for an hour. But the people. When we were in Barcelona for an hour. Because we were staying like just outside. Oh, fine. And I was there with a big group of people. You popped in.

Oh, and I just, what a waste of time. Might as well sack it off. The people. We went to this carver making with Gerard. And what was his name? The man that took our pictures? I can't remember, actually. Was his name Stoney? Stoney our pictures I can't remember actually Stoney

was his name Stoney Stoney maybe can't remember I was so pissed by that point I don't know I don't know what happened we do not endorse

excessive drinking but Ali wouldn't drink on this carver trip because she doesn't really like carver and I would have been on the floor slash asleep she would have been on the floor because she's lightweight

and I felt rude because it was unlimited kava and they were pouring all this kava. So I obviously drank everyone's kava. Because she's got a humongous people-pleasing problem. Yeah, it was people-pleasing. So I was getting absolutely 2am bladdered because I didn't want this poor man to have any kava left over.

You guys, honestly, you should have seen her. I was on the floor. It was so bad. And then we got outside and this guy was like, let's take these really arty pictures of us. And she was like, what? He was like telling us to put our leg up and he was like moving the phone like on a tilt.

It was really funny. Anyway, we got back in the car and he looks her dead in the eye. It was like outside of Barcelona, like up in the mountains. We get back in the car to go back. He looked her dead in the eye and was like, be careful out there. Yeah, a lot of people in Barcelona were very serious about how careful we should be.

And I'm not going to lie. Oh, we were talking about Barclays. This is why we were talking about Barclays because Barclays blocked our card every 15 minutes every time we tried to buy a coffee. They couldn't believe how much we were spending in Barcelona. They were so confused. They were like, number one,

you've never left the country in this business card. And number two, why are you spending so much so regularly? Because it was a hashtag ad, hashtag paid, hashtag gifted, hashtag free. Yeah, we were hashtag spending all our hashtag money. That wasn't hashtag us. And we were having a good time. Because we're hashtag influencers, hashtag content creators. Don't know if you know. Very good. You do need to be safe on holiday and you do need to have your wits about you. And the worst thing to happen, like, thank God her passport wasn't in her handbag and that was stolen too that's a world of pain you don't want to be losing your passport on holiday sorry i've completely actually forgotten we were talking about her awful holiday awful talking about ourselves you got confused and you brought it

back to yourself but that's okay as usual as usual classic damn it damn it um sorry then to have a gorgeous lovely girls trip and it all went wrong but I still think you should leave the country oh ofs listen

I think sometimes those things can really put you off yeah because it is a nightmare and like you know you've then got to block your phone

and block your cards and that's hard enough to do when you're in London let alone being in France travelling in general can just like the whole process of travelling can actually

really put you off. But you must remember the end goal. And even if the end goal, we, me and my family once had this kind of holiday, right? It was actually horrendous. Everything went wrong. No, babe. Like, on another level. So we'd booked this villa, and we'd paid for this villa, and we'd gone out, like,

we were taking our family friends, and it was us and another family, and, like, two of my friends, Min and, you know Min? Yeah. And Annabelle were there. Anyway, we arrive in this airport and essentially the whole thing was a scam. We'd paid, the villa didn't exist. Nothing.

So bad. Okay. So we're in the villa. There were about 50, in the airport, there were about 15 of us we had nowhere to stay no nothing we honestly

like it was I can't express to you how terrible it was but actually the outcome was that we like stayed in this really you know like

obviously all the hotels had absolutely no space because we had did you have travel insurance is that like I would never get travel insurance he was a full on con man like there was no insurance

so bad so bad and but actually we you know you have to I would never get travel insurance. He was a full-on con man. Like, there was no insurance. So bad. So bad. And, but actually, we, you know, you have to kind of, like, sometimes find the joy in it. Like, it was a really special holiday because we stayed in this really lovely local hotel and, like, all the people were so, like, friendly and we got to know the culture a bit better.

And, like, it just became that holiday that was just, like, so marked by something. I mean, like, it just became that holiday that was just like so marked by something. I mean, like it was actually horrendous. And also, thank God you were hashtag blessed to have the money to be able to, you know, like. Do you know what I mean? Like, find alternatives. But, you know, getting mugged is not ideal.

I would just say carry a bum bag and strap it to your bag. My mum always says that. In Barcelona, I shouldn't have been carrying that little baggie. No. You must have a bag that's honestly strong. Because all bag that's honestly flopping out of it all the time even when we were in the market the people were like there are pickpockets everywhere move your bags hold your bags crangy well you must be careful we're so oblivious and obnoxious when i went traveling when i was 19 my mum made me wear a money belt you know the one that sits under your clothes babe to be fair as

you should because if you like fell asleep in the wrong place just for like 10 minutes, someone could literally take all of your stuff. Are you falling asleep? Like in a train station or something. Yeah, yeah. You could actually fully get everything stolen. I'm a deep sleeper as well.

Well, don't I know it. I wouldn't know if I was pickpocketed when I was asleep. Babe, you said you couldn't hear my sleeping. She's lying. On the plane, I could hear it. I didn't have my earplugs in. You sound like you're on, like, a life support tune.

I sound like an 80-year-old man when I sleep. Okay, next voice note. Next voice note, Gerard. Hiya, girlies. This is my mental story for Leave a Message. Good.

So, whilst I was backpacking, I met this girl in a hostel and we just got chatting and we were talking about like horrible backpacking stories and like traumatic things. Because backpacking can be the pits. And so she was telling me she was in Vietnam, I think, and she was on a night out. She met this guy, chatting, flirting, whatever. was on a night out she met this guy chatting flirting whatever anywho it turns out he roofied her was he took her wherever um and then she woke up and he wasn't there and she was like what the bloody hell has happened like awful she didn't know what was going on she made her way back to

her hostel and she found out that she had this massive scar on her back and she was in like a lot of pain. And she was like, what is this? I've never had this scar before. So she goes to hospital because she's like, I don't know what's happened. Oh my God. It's awful.

It turns out the guy who she met at the bar took her somewhere and surgically removed her kidney. I was going to say, you're going to harvest. She now is living her life with one kidney. The hospital were like, it's done perfectly.

Like, no problems. You've got no health problems now. And her kidney's probably been sold to the black market to God knows who. And she's now just living her life with one kidney, but she didn't even know. That's mental. Yeah.

So that's my story, girls. Stay safe out there. That's one of the most mental things I've actually ever heard in my entire life. My God, that's... I stopped writing. I just wrote Vietnam. That's blown my mind.

I might need to let that sink in for a minute. Sorry, I just must sit down for a second. I am sitting already, but I must just sit deeper. I must lie on the floor, jaw on the floor. It's done perfectly. Was he a surgeon? What, and you think he was harvesting the organ? So much to discuss here.

As if they sold it. Yeah, babe, that's a full thing. Do you remember that story I've been telling everyone I know this, about the organ harvest? Yeah. This story, I don't know who this is from. I've been told this firsthand from someone that I can't remember who it is. Her mum's friend went to Turkey for a tummy tuck,

died on the operating table. Her body was returned to the UK, missing her heart. So they basically killed her. She knows this story, that's why she's not looking shocked. So they basically killed her for her heart

and like it was marked as a tummy tuck but she fully had her heart harvested. Same things happened to these roofing, roofing girls. How much does the kidney

sell for? Can we look that up? Sorry. Rihanna's actually Googling it. Go on, babe, get it. Two phones out as well. Let's get a price comparison. Get on GoCompare, would you?

That is shocking. Vietnam versus Turkey. How much do you think they're getting for a kidney out there? How much are you getting for a kidney? You know, in some places, a liver is like 80 grand or something. But I'd like to know, how do you even get to the black market? If I was in need of a lung, how would I get to the lung black market?

Well, thank God you wouldn't need to in this country, is all I'll say. £100,000 for one kidney. Oh, my God, he was quids in. Wow. One kidney? Is that one kidney? And also, sorry, this is a horrible thing to say, but he's obviously like, you know, a surgeon. And all he had to do was roofie a girl,

did it very neatly, very perfectly, and she could move on with her life. And she didn't even feel any pain, babe. If you've had a kidney removed, you'd think you were like, ow. She just noticed the scar. And she woke up the next morning so he did it overnight that is wild that's got to be the worst thing to happen on a night out

maybe ever yeah you went out put your dancing shoes on think you might pull come back without a kidney that's wild i've lost a purse but I've never lost a kidney had a few blisters but not a new scar don't worry about getting mugged on your passport missing fucking hell wow so this guy I know called Darren when traveling to Thailand sorry we're giving Thailand Vietnam a really bad rap but listen, if you go out there, you've got to be careful.

So anyway, he goes out and they're at this bar and there's these prostitutes there and they're all kind of quite keen to get some business. They're being quite like,

you know, active in the marketing. Anyway, he thinks I'm in Thailand, I'm young, why not? I better support the small business.

Exactly, thank you, yes. So this girl's like, we go back to your hotel room and he. Exactly, thank you, yes. So, this girl's like, we go back to your hotel room and he's like, oh no, no, he's sharing a twin room

a bit like us. It'd be like, I brought a prostitute home the other night. It would have been weird. So, she's like, okay,

you come to my house. So, she gets him in a cab. She pays for the cab, right? They stop, she goes, oh,

you've got stinky breath because he's been smoking all night. So, she stops, oh, you've got stinky breath because he's been smoking all night. So she stops, buys him some toothbrush and toothpaste. They get back in the cab, go back to hers. It's down this like really dodgy alleyway. At this point, I said to him, I was like, did you really not think this was like the end of your life?

That she was just like paying for you to like get brought into a gang to get trafficked or something. That would have been my first thought. He's a guy, so he probably wasn't so like on higher wear. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, gets up to her flat and she's like,

okay, shower time. So she takes off. Must wash your bollocks first. Yeah, you must wash. Puts him in the shower, takes all his clothes off, puts him in the shower, gets out a medical like grade size sponge. Like, you know wash. Puts him in the shower, takes all his clothes off, puts him in the shower, gets out a medical,

like, grade-sized sponge. Like, you know the big ones they have in old people's homes. Soap on. Starts rubbing him down in the shower. Does a proper thorough all over, up in and out. Backsack and crack.

Exactly. Gets out, makes him brush his teeth. Anyway, and then she's like... I'm really sorry, but Darren, at what point do you think this is not fucking right? I'm really sorry. How thick do you have to be

to let a prostitute wash your back sack and crack, brush your teeth with toothpaste that she's just... He hasn't even paid her yet, by the way. All of this service is free, currently. Only she's paid for the taxi and the toothpaste. Door to door, does she have an LED face neck and neck on? I bet she did untuck the sheets, yeah. So when he gets out, he's had a bit to drink.

He's in Thailand, you know, he's having a good time. So... He's thinking this must be the culture. He's not quite standing to attention. Babe, say it as it is. He couldn't get it up. He couldn't get it up, thank you. She's like, you know, rumpy, rumpy now.

And he's like... That's how she said, you know, rumpy, rumpy now. And he's like, that's how she said it. We do rumpy, rumpy now. And he's like, time for a pee-pee touch. Pee-pee touch, pee-pee touch. Couldn't get it up. So anyway, she goes, okay, sleep, sleep. So anyway, then she lets him sleep. So he falls fast asleep in this prostitute's house, right?

Not worried about his safety. I'd have been so scared. I'd have thought, well, I'll never wake up again. This will be the end of me. But he's so pissed. He just thinks, whatever. Falls asleep, our Darren. Gets woken up in the morning by the prostitute. She goes, you're hungry now. She makes him... Babe, is this a fake story? I Bible this is real. I'll ring him in a minute if you want. I Bible this is real. She then makes him, he said, the spiciest noodles he's ever had in his life. He said he was sweating from how hot these noodles were in this prostitute's house,

eating these noodles. He literally puts them down, finishes, she goes, okay, run, be, run, be now. They have sex. He then pays her the money, which was about equivalent to an English £10 note, is what she charged him. He then got his clothes on after they'd had sex, they'd done the business, he'd paid, not a lot, but he paid for the service. And then he goes, oh God, that was my only bit of cash. You can't get a cab from her house. So she gives him half back to be able to get a cab home. So she made a fiver and she fed him and he got free bed and board. That's cheaper than any hostel you'll find.

I think quite a good idea if you're backpacking. Do you know what I mean? I mean, it's not kidney harvesting, but it's quite the story, isn't it? Poor Darren. I can't stop thinking about that kidney. Whoever you are, Gerard out there, I'm so sorry, are you okay?

Well, he's Gerard number three's friend, wasn't it? She met her travelling. That's a good story to tell when you're travelling. Honestly, I'm not going. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Well, it was Gerard number three's friend, wasn't it? She met her travelling. That's a good story to tell when you're travelling. Honestly, I'm not going to stop thinking about it. You know, when you think about those things, how can you wake up and not know you're missing a kidney? It's really traumatic as well. She must be going to therapy for that.

She must. You wouldn't go out again. Good thing we've got BetterHelp sponsoring us now. Thank God. Get in touch with them. Oh, well, thank God. We found a way to link it back to the podcast. Link it back to

Leave a Message. Are we at time? Do we need to wrap up? Yeah. Okay. Lucky for you, I've made notes for a little wrap up. Teacher's pet. Okay. Fran's not here, so I got worried. Right. Gerard number one, the locked door. Babe, you best bring a phone and a pick lock with you next time. Yeah, next time.

You did the right thing. You shouted for help. Next time, I'd do the wee. I know you're panicking, but I'd probably just get that done while you're in there. If you're there. If you're there. You might as well. Have a dump while you're at it too.

You've got time. Or do the Ali Mac techers where you just squat over the toilet, hand on the door, you don't bother locking. No, not the hand, babe. The foot. Never touch.

Can I tell you how good... You show me how you're doing a piss and having your foot on the door at the same time. Did you sit on the easy jet, Lou, last night? I knew you would have done. It was disgusting, babe.

There was piss everywhere. Did you not see the piss? That was probably me. Right, Gerard number two? Gerard number two, mugged. Babe, get a body bag. Not a body bag. She's going into organ harvesting.

She's heard how much a kidney costs and she's thinking, better get a body bag. how much a kidney costs and she's thinking, better get a body bag. Babe, three of those and I could buy a house. Just three kidneys and you could buy a pretty big house. You best,

it's seven years, seven years at doctor school though to be able to do it well. Can you believe you did it so well? You could pay yourself back in one kidney, babe. So get yourself a bum bag. Crossbody bag is what I meant to say.

Get yourself a crossbody bag, leave your passport in the safe, and really do be on high alert when you're travelling in other countries. Especially if you're alone. We were saying this, like, we are lucky that we're together and like, you know, I know we're obnoxious but there are two of us, so one can always,

you know, when you're in a group of people it's slightly less, you're less easy to target but if you are alone actually be careful because like we don't want any galleys going missing and getting their

organs harvested. Do you know what I mean? Gerard, another three has got to be star of the week. Yeah, babe. I'm star of the week. What a voice note.

What a story. If I had a story like that you best believe I'd tell every man and his dog about it. I'd have gone on this morning, honestly. She must have done. We must look that up. We must.

What's her name? Gerard. Yeah. Gerard's friend. Can you actually let us know if you're alive and kicking? Yeah, how's your kidney? How's your one kidney doing? Are you okay?

How's your piss? Is it a normal colour? Are you having trouble with your piss? Like, is it coming out darker than usual? I did not know that was the function of the kidneys. I won't lie. Babe! Well, fucking hell.

You're never going to be able to make 260 grand out of an organ. Jesus Christ. Honestly, I couldn't harvest a... I couldn't harvest anything. I couldn't harvest a toenail. Not if I tried. Thank you, galleys.

We love you. I'm crying now. I've actually got tears in my eyes. That couldn't harvest a toenail. Not if I tried. Thank you, galleys. We love you. I'm crying now. I've actually got tears in my eyes. That was so good. Holiday special. If you're going on holiday, keep your wits about you. And don't get your organs harvested.

If you're listening and you like what you heard, then please send us your voice notes about anything and everything. We want the good, the bad, the ugly. And this relies on you sending them in. So do us a solid. Best watch your drinks, girls.

Love you. Adios. Bye.