Leave A Message with Ally & G - 42 - Will You... Swap Dates With Me?

Episode Date: December 18, 2024

The festivities are nearly here (trust us, we're feeling it!) and so on this week's episode of Leave A Message we're keeping it light and breezy... NOT! Ally & G are here to help you with their sage advice on all things dating, singledom and love bombing. Would you swap dates with a friend if you both preferred the other ones man? What do you do if you are decided about someone's age? And, how do you prioritise your own personal growth over society expectations? All of that tea (and more!) gets spilled on this weeks episode! Who'd have thought that this time next week we'll be huddled around the fire together listening to a Christmas Special? Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Sorry, return to the intense conversation. Do you think I'm intense? Yeah, I think you're intense. I don't think you're as intense as me. Actually, maybe. No, well, this is the difference because I think you're really intense, obviously. Clearly. I would agree. I think you're probably more intense than me because of how others perceive you. I'm a bit more palatable than you, I think.

Oh, no, no, no, I agree. Listen, I know that I can be... First of all, I know I'm intense. Compared to your mum, you're not intense. True. That's true. Your mum's so intense. That's true. You'll meet Ali's mum and you'll literally have said hi to her

and then she'll be like, so were you sad that your dad got cancer when you were 19? Yeah, yeah, literally. That's how the second question. She dives deep, but like second question. Yeah. Yeah, it's really good. I don't think you're intense because like-

I'm too wishy washy. I don't think you're that because I know you 24-7. I'm intense in the inner circle. Yeah, because your emotions are very intense. I'm really mood-swinging. But if you just met you on a day-by-day basis, no, you wouldn't think you were intense. Yeah.

And you don't do things like, I'm so extreme. Like, I'm the most black or white person ever and you're the opposite. I'm so wishy- I'm so thoughtless. Like, gray. Yes. You live in the gray and I just live in the black and white. And that's, I think, the difference. But maybe that's why I like, we were just talking about this

because I was saying I really like, in people I date, I quite like intensity. I don't know what that is. I like people that I'm like, oh, I can't figure out how your brain works. But I also really like silly and light. So I don't know what's going on there. And it's hard to get both. I would say I'm an enigma in that space, actually. I actually agree. Oh my God. I actually do think that.

I'm not joking. That is the most arrogant thing ever. I don't think it's arrogant because I don't think everyone wants that. I don't think it's like, sort after. Don't pretend like it's a good thing, babe. No, no. Most people probably just want the light. Yeah. But like, I want the light and the shade. I want the darkness.

The thing is, babe, I think you can get it, but like, at what cost? At what cost of my mental health? Because like, the difference is, babe, I'm a girl. So I understand you on that level. Like, it's different with a boy. I know. It's really different. I'm really still waiting for my gay awakening. I just don't think you should wait for that.

I think you should maybe try. That's why I'm wearing my Perry tee today, just trying to summon something inside of me. I don't think the Perry tee is going to unlock that for number one. And number two, I think that you should actually just like, we say this all the time about dating in general, you do get your intense cup filled up in other ways, babe. I just like a deep, deep well. I just like someone that I'm like,

oh, childhood trauma, bring it on. No, I don't think that's a good way to live, actually. I really... Do you like intense boys? I like boys with interests. I don't know. Maybe that's what I could look for. That's a good way to live, actually. I really... Do you like intense boys? I like boys with interests. I don't know. Maybe that's what I could look for. That's the difference.

Interests. Yeah, not diving into childhood trauma straight away. Yeah. I go this. If you spoke to her about childhood trauma on the first... That's what happened the other day. You spoke to her about his childhood trauma and now she loves him. I also don't like men who complain.

You don't like... I don't like anyone who complains to be honest. No, I'm especially men. No, because you're not allowed, because this world was made loves him. I also don't like men who complain. You don't like complainers? I don't like anyone who complains if you're like me. No, I'm especially men. No, because you're not allowed, because this world was made for you. I agree. I don't know if we're going to have to fact check that one. It's like famous people, you can complain,

but it's not like ideal. Let's not whine. Don't whine. Don't whine. Complaining and whining is different. We adapt and overcome. Yeah, I don't know. Intensity?

That level of intense, I couldn't handle. Yeah. It was like love bombing. Yeah. Like, if you're like, oh, the state of this world, like, I really care about social matters, then it's like, oh, wow. Also, babe, sorry. Yeah, that's different. Like, you're a campaigner. That's different.

Yeah. But if it's like... Like, actors are really intense. Some actors are really intense, but like, I don't think they're silly. Yeah, and I do like silly. Would you rather intense or silly? I'd always rather silly. I've kind of got both at the moment and I can't figure out which I prefer. You've got both in one person? No, in different people.

I'd rather intense. Would you? I just don't think... Silly gets a bit old. Yeah, it's like, I'm actually being serious right now, stop laughing. Yeah, or like plan something. Do something. I am addicted to this, that's what I am addicted to. Toxic men and elf lip balm. Oh my god, I love it. They're tiny. They are tiny. They're so cute, aren't they? They need to make bigger ones. Do they make bigger ones? No. Guys, elves, gotta make

bigger ones. Double it up, please. Guys, welcome to Leave A Message. Thank you so much for joining us today. You've caught us in the middle of a waffle as always. Shall I do the intro? You can walk away. Guys, we're Ali and G. If you don't know us, hi. We are...

If you don't know, get to know. Get to know. Join in. This is a family affair. We started this podcast because we get so many girls in our DMs, like, can you help me with this? I want to tell you about this. And we thought we need to take it to the good people

because a problem shared is a problem halved. And that's what we're here for. So we listen to your voice notes and we try with all of our might to help. To help, Help is strong. I would say advice. Oh, advice is stronger. I don't know.

To listen. And adapt and overcome. Right. That's absolutely right. Absolutely right. Adapt and overcome, actually. This has come because we did a hilarious ad for Durex. Oh, yeah.

Obviously for the condoms. And we were basically doing like, we did two different like, I don't even know if they'll be live when this goes out, you might not have seen it yet, but if it's on our TikTok, find it, it'll be jokes. One is basically us like teaching you how to put a condom on just in case you forgot. And the other one is Al basically teaching me how to ask for a condom during casual sex. And I was like, in a dream world, I would just want them to put it on. I don't want the conversation. I just want them to put the condom on.

And I was like, okay, but if that doesn't happen, how can we adapt and overcome? And I've not stopped saying it since. I'm like, so bad. And then like now when we have meltdowns, we must just remember adapt and overcome. Yeah, because Al had a bit of a malfunction the other day, didn't you, babe? Yeah, I had a bit of a malfunction and I was like about to have a full-blown... Was it, Al can't mask? Like that's one thing we all need to know about Al is that she can't mask.

So like if something has pissed her off or if something's not right, she's like this. And she won't really speak and like her eyes go funny. And basically the person that it involved was in the room, so we couldn't talk about it until they left. And as soon as they left, I looked at her and she was like, I'm going to have a meltdown about X. And I was like, no, I know, let's go and sort that out. And then we were in the mirror so we couldn't talk about it until they left and as soon as they left I looked at her and she was like I'm gonna have a meltdown about X and I was like no I know let's go and sort that out. And then we were in the mirror and she was helping me she's like baby we just adapt to Nova Com. Adapt to Nova Com. And then it just all got so silly and fine.

And that's actually a really good way to live though because nothing's that deep guys and if you know we're all living on a floating rock do you know what I mean like adapt to Nova Com. Adapt to Nova Com. Always. What are the galleys called this week? Oh... Adapt. Always. What are the galleys called this week? Oh, adapt. Adopt.

We call them Moana, because we just watched Moana. Oh yeah, we went to go see Moana this morning, guys. It was jokes. Moana 2, actually. Have you seen it? Sorry. Sorry. Comedy show, yeah.

No, because we're doing the junket and you have to have seen the film. No, it was jokes because like two grown women with a lot of other grown people all just sitting at a screen watching Moana 2 at 9.30. It was so weird. Also, there was that man like me like laughing. He was laughing it. He was lollimin' it.

Have you seen Moana? Yeah. It is the, why are they so cute? Sorry. Oh my god. Is it Disney? Yeah. I love a Disney film.

So good. Anyway, we'll call them Moana because she does adapt and overcome actually. I love a Disney film. So good. Anyway, we'll call them Moana because she does adapt and overcome actually. She's the queen of adapting and overcoming. Seamaster, yeah. What's she called? Wayfinder, I think they call her babe. Get it right? Wayfinder, sure.

Hi girls, I'm going to leave a message now. So back in February, I was working a job that I'd go home from uni to work every weekend. All of a sudden this new boy came and he was quite nice. I don't know what it was. Yes, fine. Maybe I did like him a little bit at the start, but not actually because his face was really weird and he definitely had a baby face. But he basically asked me to go to Wacken Mummers with him to go to Wacken Mamas with him, to go to Wacken Mamas. And then one thing led to another. And then we saw each other on and off for a month.

But then he basically loved on me, told me he loved me, it was scaring me. I was like, what the fuck, this is just meant to be fun. He ended up owing me money, which he's never paid me. But yeah, so one of the reasons I didn't potentially want to pursue him was because he'd just turned 19. I was about to turn 21 later in the year. And I thought, oh, that's a little bit like, that's quite a big difference. I have just found out because for some reason he was hanging out with my younger sister who is currently 17. And he was doing something

and then someone asked him his age and he goes 18. Oh no. 18. And I honestly, I can't actually get over it. So he was freshly 18 and he lied about his age. He didn't lie about the year he was born, but he lied about the when he was born in the year because it's gone from one and a half years to two years, two and a half years. Oh my God, wait, is that right?

I don't know, but that is disgusting. Two and a half years and he my god, wait, is that right? I don't know, but that is disgusting. Two and a half years, yeah. Yeah, but how common is it for men to lie about their age? I feel dirty, I feel like I've been at that. Yeah, okay, thanks. Have you ever had the same thing? And he says to my sister, he's like, I'm surprised it didn't turn into the right relationship. I can't believe it. Anyway, sorry, I've got to go. Bye bye. Sorry, not you doing the maths live, hon.

I'm gassed about that. That was so funny. One and a half, two and a half? The fuck? No, that's bad, boo. You can't lie about your age. Oh, babe. Don't pretend you haven't done it. I've never.

Neither. To get into a club, you're telling me you never lied about your age. Oh, yeah, but not to someone who's going to stick their... Sorry, I'm trying not to be so foul-mouthed. Not to someone who's going to make love to me. Was that better? I have. To say I was older.

Of course, when you're young. Bad. Boots. The thing is... You can't lie about your age. Okay, hold... Let's back it up. Back it up here.

Right. Back it up, back it in. In the... Look, okay, I don't... B-b-b, bop, bop, bop, bop. I don't think lying is good. I just want to put that out there, right? I think in general, when you're dating, tell the truth. I mean, a little white lie never hurt anybody. No, but I think everyone should know what they're consenting to.

The difference between 18 and 19 is not that great in my opinion. Because it's interesting... In your opinion. What if it is in someone else's? Okay, but listen, at 21 it matters. At 31, if the guy was 19 or 20, 29 or 28, does it make a difference? No, it doesn't make a difference. But why lie? You've lied because you know it's bad.

You know you're too young. You know you're 18. Oh, have I have sympathy for him because I've done that so many times because I've lied because I know it's bad. I've done that millions and millions of times. The thing is, I don't think it's crazy. Like one of my really good friends, Em, has a huge age gap. He's younger than her.

Actually, huge is strong. How many years? I think it's like four years. That's pretty big. I think it is. I might have lied, babe. She's older. Let me know.

She's older. Do you know what I mean? But it's just you need to know what you're signing up for because I don't think it's crazy if you just shagged an 18-year-old. I don't think you need to feel pervy, babe. No, no. I think it's the proximity to the underageged an 18 year old. I don't think you need to feel pervy, babe. I don't think it's okay. No, no, no.

I think it's the proximity to the underage age. Younger sister. That's the problem. And the siblings younger than you. Also, you're actually so right because I've got friends who are like same age as me, like 25. Yeah. And I'll be like, oh, like, what are you dating?

Like, oh, this girl. And I'll be like, how old is she? She's 20, 20? Always. I'm like, this guy's saying it. I know. I do think that. I'm making it stop. No. Disgusting. I know.

I do think that. No, but also, do you know what I've noticed with guys? As they get older, they don't change their hinge settings or their Tinder profiles. It stays at 21. And they just keep getting older. It's like, really, granddad? Would you really go and find the place out? The reason I find that more shocking is because I'm like, guys, do you know the difference

between the mental age of a 21-year-old and a and a 29 year old? Genuinely the frontal lobe. No, it's like genuinely different. That's what they enjoy. Yeah, genuinely, if you're going to deep it, yeah, you're right. You know nothing at 21. I don't think it's that bad is what I'm trying to like alleviate your stress here that like the difference between 18 and 19 is not 18 and 25. But also he shouldn't have lied to you. He shouldn't have lied, but don't feel weird about it. It would be weird if he was 15, shouldn't have lied, but don't feel weird about it. It would be weird if he was 15, yeah, of course,

but he's 18, not 19. It would be weird if you knew. Yeah. Would it though? Would it? Is a year going to change your decision? Probably not. Would you share an 18-year-old now?

Babe, I would be 11 years older than him, so no. Would it not be a bit kinky? No. They wouldn't know what they were doing. They really wouldn't have a clue. They'd probably be willing to learn. Or I don't know, I'm not a teacher, do you know what I mean?

Like... Miss Ali, you are actually. No, but not just me. Professionally you are. No, no. I would check someone now, if I was single, three years younger than me. That's what that, two and a half years younger than me.

Yeah, would you? Yeah, because I think at 29, what's the difference? Yeah. 28, 29, it's all the same, guys. 27, 28, 29. But then is it? Because a 25-year-old boy, I'm still struggling to find men my own age that are keeping up. Do you know what I mean?

I think it's actually weirder. Oh, no, maybe not. I don't know. I think three years either way is about fine. Any more than that is a little bit strange. Age gaps are so weird because everyone has such a different opinion on what is acceptable. Like, me and my ex were, what, eight years? I mean, I think that's quite a big gap. It's a big gap, but my parents were 17.

So to me, it was like no gap at all. Do you know what I mean? But it is a gap. It's a big gap. Because you're very different. Yeah. And you can be at very, like, different stages in your life. Yeah. My, this girl, I think I told you about this different. Yeah. And you can be at very different stages in your life. Yeah. This girl, I think I told you about this. Go on. I was at drinks a while ago, and this girl who came off and was talking to me...

Oh! I remember. She's just moved with her boyfriend. He is, we're 28, he's 42, and they've moved in together. Wild. That's pretty much your parents, actually. Heart. No. He's not heart? No. Is he rich? No. He's not rich your parents actually. No.

He's not hot? No. Is he rich? No. He's not rich? Is he tall? Yeah. That's it.

Of the big three, he's got one. And I'd say arguably that's the least important. Rich and... Is he funny? I didn't speak to him. I didn't speak to him. I wouldn't know. He might be fit when he opens his mouth.

No, no. I saw his face. What if he's got charisma? Could have Riz. Could have Riz. Riz pouring he opens his mouth. No, no, I saw his face. What if he's got charisma? Could have Riz, could have Riz. Riz pouring out of his mouth. But like, I don't know, I just think it's such an active choice to do that with someone that is fully 14 years older than you. I think you can't go into that kind of age gap blind.

Do you know what that dynamic is going to be as you get older? And I was even asking her, like, have you guys spoken about Kit? Because like he bought, I don't know what... Does he have kids? No. And I was asking her like, and she was like, oh, he's not, he won't rush me. He's going to go at my pace. And I'm like, you could fully not be ready for another five years, in which case he'll be almost 50.

I don't think that's right. My dad was that old. Oh, no, no. Do you know what I mean? But like, he was 52, I think, when they had me. And look, look, like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, oh, totally. Like, look now, it's a huge, like, difference. Yeah. So I've got to go to my dad's 81st birthday party on Sunday. That's not right, is it?

That really is. I'm 28 and I'm going to my dad's 81st. What's happened there? Something's gone wrong. Yeah. Yeah. For God's sake. So like, what I'm trying to say is that three years is by the by. Yeah, basically, babe, we think you're fine. We don't think you're a pervert. And it's bad that he, I think it's bad that he lied. I think it's bad, but-

But also kind of sweet because he just wanted to like be with you. And he knew that you wouldn't look twice at him if he was 18. And the difference is, I reckon that you would do it if a guy was older. That is the thing though, is that we're lying to be- If you can go two and a half years up, you can go two and a half years down. Exactly. In a similar vein, okay, what if you're dating someone and they're like super good with their finances and like, I cannot date anyone with a credit score below 850 and yours is like 629.

Yeah, I'm out. Would you say? No. Would you lie? I've got an awful credit score. I don't even know my credit score. I think I'd out. Would you say? No. Or would you lie? I've got an awful credit score. I don't even know my credit score. I think I'd just say.

How do you know that? It's a good point because people start to care about that stuff and like on like Love is Blind and stuff, they always ask those kind of questions because it kind of shows, I don't know how it shows this, but it does show. It does show that you're like financially savvy, I guess. Exactly, exactly. And like that is like something to think about. Definitely. As you get older.

Definitely. The thing that I've learned as I get older and as I go through relationships and dating, I just think, sure, white lies are fine, but they always come out in the end and that person needs to like you for all of you. And I actually do think lying is low-key redundant. Well, also, in this instance, it ended anyway, but like imagine you get five years in and then like you still think that you're like one year younger than you are. His mom puts like 21 candles on, it's his 20th birthday.

Do you know what I mean? And you're none the wiser. You think you're celebrating his 21st and he's only turning 20, that would be crazy. I don't know, 21, I told a lot of lies. Did you? Yeah. I can imagine you're a little liar. Am I like, do you a lot of lies. Did you? Yeah. I can imagine you're a little liar. Do you remember that story about...

This is so hard. Test me now, go on, do it in code. Remember when Rory, pilot, had gone and done extra curricular with someone else on the same day that we'd had our first drink. Do you remember this? No. Yeah. Did he? And I gave him a hard time for like... You should. Well, not really. Do you remember this? No. Yeah. And I gave him a hard time for like,

As you should. Well, not really. Do you remember this? You did the same. You know what I remember this, babe? How did you both have time after your drinks? That was on the same day. Oh, I do remember because you went home, back to uni.

I went to a 21st and I did like a later, and basically he'd done it on the same day, because we'd met in the afternoon, and then he had a 21st and he'd done stuff. What a lothario. Wow. And then, and I'd give it, and I didn't know that. A month later, I did exactly the same thing. Then in April, we started going out, and then he told me, by the way, before...

And you gave him a hard time when you'd done the same. Yeah. That is hypocrite city, baby. I'm just going to say, you won't grow out of lying till 26. I wouldn't do it now. I think that you have to like, I'm not advocating lying. I'm just saying like, it's easy to lie. Farhana's just racking up the lies.

What can I say today? It's easy to do it when you're young. I don't know why. I don't know because you don't feel so morally responsible for other people. What can I say today? It's easy to do it when you're young. Why? I don't know because you don't feel so morally responsible for other people. Well, I think you feel less assured of yourself, therefore you lie to make people like you or to like be accepted. Like you wanted raw, not to hate you. Exactly.

And you thought there might be like double standards and he might think that that was worse than what he did. And then he would not want to be. So you lied. And now I just don't care. Yeah, you've got to not lie to be the person that you think someone wants you to be. But I also think when you're young, you only really care about yourself. So like, obviously they lie. Everyone lies. I'm not saying it's a good thing, I'm just saying like, at 19, 20, it's easy to just, you know,

did you go to that party last weekend? No. Yeah, I did, but you weren't invited, so I'm not going to tell you because I don't know how you're feeling. Do you know what I mean? Like it's so easy to do it. I'm not saying it's right I'm just saying I think it's a bit... He shouldn't have lied to you is the bomb line. Yeah. But also you're not a weirdo. You're not a weirdo. You're fine. We love the festive period but with how busy is, we're always looking for ways to stress less. HelloFresh helps make mealtime manageable, saving you from searching for recipes or all of that food shopping. You just pick your meals and everything you need is delivered right to your door. And if you're traveling for the holidays or you're just too busy to

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Applied across seven boxes, new subscribers only varies by plan. That's 10 free HelloFresh meals. Just go to HelloFresh.com slash free Ali G. This episode is brought to you by Dyson On Track. Dyson On Track headphones offer best-in-class noise cancellation and an enhanced sound range, making them perfect for enjoying music and podcasts. Get up to 55 hours of listening with active noise cancelling enabled, soft microfiber cushions engineered for comfort, and a range of colors and finishes. Dyson On Track, headphones remastered. Buy from DysonCanada.ca. With ANC on, performance may vary based on environmental conditions and usage, accessories sold separately. Before we continue with this week's episode of Leave A Message,

if you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description. Now this can be about anything, obviously sometimes we ask you for specific topics, but if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this, then get voice noting. Number two. Hi, Ali and Ju. We just wanted to say that we love you and we wanted to voice note in with a bit of predicament. Basically, we're both speaking to boys in the year below us at our school. And recently we went on a date, a double date actually, and turns out that we actually prefer each other's man.

And this just happened and we just got along with them better and we don't know what to do. Is it acceptable? Like, what do we do? Do we tell them? Do we break up with them? It's like, will't be acceptable to switch because we don't know what they're thinking. We would love some advice and we love you so much. Bye.

Bye. Guys, I'm obsessed. Sorry, guys. Oh my God, I'm obsessed. Team, excellent contribution to this pod. This is brilliant. Okay, is it acceptable to swap pod. This is brilliant. Okay, is it acceptable to swap? I would say yes.

Hell yeah, twist or stick, baby, twist. Right, the only thing is how you're going to say this. How do we communicate it to the boys? What I would do maybe... Do you look alike? Maybe you could dress up as each other. Do you know what I'd do? I'd say, oh we had such a good time the other night, we should all get together again. I'd make a group chat, actually.

I'd have a few drinks, I'd get everyone feeling a bit loose, and I'd just float it to the group. I don't think you can do it on a group. I think you have to do it. But what if they're feeling exactly the same thing? Spin the bottle. No, no, no, no. You have to text each other.

I have to, let's say it was me and you, and you liked my one and I liked your one. I would text yours and you would text mine. They would get confused, but the text has to be like, don't worry, me and G have spoken about this. And we just kind of like... But no, you have to tell your guy first if you're going to text. Okay, you send two texts, one to yours and one to theirs,

and the other person does the same, and say, this was really, like, what you say to your one was, it was really lovely. Like, I don't think... Oh, it's so hard, girls, because you have to be prepared for the other one to not fancy you like that, like, that you fancy them. Yeah, it might be a one in one, one in two success right here.

Exactly. So you've got to, like, just look each other in the eye, love each other and know that it could go tits up. Yeah, good, good, good, good. But I think you should try, because if there's no use, there's no use fannying around with somebody... to like just look each other in the eye, love each other and know that it could go tits up. Yeah, good, good, good. But I think you should try because if there's no use, there's no use fannying around with somebody who's not your fancy. Oh don't flog a dead horse, no. No, so I think you need to just do it somehow, some way.

I think you should both text the one that you went on a date with and say like, it was really lovely to get to know you, like I don't really see this being a thing. I think we're more friends. Full transparency, my best mate ex would love to go on a date with you and I'm more than ... Post our double date. And I would absolutely love, like, I think you guys would be such a great match. And I think you guys would be great together.

And so I'll leave you guys to... So you're like cupiding for the other. Exactly. And you just pray that they felt the same girls, that the boys were on the vibes. But then you have to be the person to then text, like almost at the same time, you text that, at the same time your friend texts their one, then you also at the same time send a text to the opposite boy. And you say, I know Ali got in touch with you. Yeah. And obviously like it's a bit weird because we were on a double date, but I did feel like we had a vibe. Do you want to go for a drink?

Basically, yeah. Wow, girls. Yeah, you have to be prepared for them to turn around and say, this is so weird. No, thanks. Yeah, but that's fine. She lost nothing. You've just lost one. You didn't really fancy that much. What a fucking good story. I'm obsessed with you both as well. Just being like, I want to know more. Who brought it up first? Like, how did you look at the other one and be like, I kind of fancy yours. Do you fancy mine? I guess you can feel vibes. Bedchem is very potent.

That is one thing I will tell you. When Bedchem's in the room, you know she's in the room. It's hard to decipher two lots of Bedchem at one time though. No, no, no. I would know if you were having Bedchem with my boy. Yeah, vice versa. You'd know. I mean, I... Eyes are happening.

Yeah, true. Vibes are flying. Bedchem's happening. What's happened here? Something's gone wrong. Dead! Oh my God, how fun, guys. Youibes are flying. Bed comes happening. What's happened here? Something's gone wrong. Dead! Oh my God, how fun guys, you must keep us updated. Yeah, please voice note back girls, I'm obsessed with you both. I love how supportive you are of each other

and that you're both just hoping to give each other money and dreams. So guys, it's really fun and silly and it doesn't matter, they're just boys. They're just boys in the year below, it's brilliant. If they sack you off, great, you tried. And if they don't, win-win. Keep the double dates going, girls. Epic. My one to three. Hello. I am seeking advice from one gal in her late 20s to two other gals in their late

20s. Specifically about the weird Twilight Zone that is approaching 30. So my friend group consists of four girls. One is married with a baby. Two of us are in long term relationships. I just bought a house. My other friend also just bought a house. And then my last friend, she's single. She hasn't really started her career yet. She's still finishing her master's and having fun going out and drinking and having partying. And we're all kind of in very different time zones

and different lifestyles right now. My friend that's still single keeps asking me for advice and keeps coming to me saying she feels behind. And she's turning 29 in January and I think she's having a bit of a crisis about not feeling like she's on the same life trajectory as the rest of her friends and where she's supposed to be. And I put that in quotation marks, my fingers are moving.

So I'm trying to give her feedback and I keep saying, you know, like you're not behind, everyone's moving at their own pace, like life unfolds differently for everybody, but I just feel like it's not enough. And what I'm saying isn't like constructive and it's not real. Like, I mean, it is real to me, but it's not hitting for her. And I'm just really looking for like some help

in this conversation and what I can say to my friend, advice I can give her to like make her really realize that we all do move at different paces and that's okay And she's not gonna her life hasn't ruined before 29 because she's not buying a house and having a baby So yeah, we'd love some advice Wow Wow real recognizes real babe. Well me and your friend It's um, it's hard because as you say you're trying to give advice, but you're also fighting against like society So she's feeling that way not just because of the three of you girls having, quote-unquote, your shit together,

but because society makes you think you should have certain things by a certain age. So your advice is incredible and epic, but you're always going to be fighting a bit of an uphill battle because it's the water in which we swim. And it's getting more and more normalized to lead different paths and to start careers late and to have kids later and to not be in, you know, monogamous relationships. Everything's changing slowly, but on large,

society feels that by a certain age, you would have a certain list of things ticked off. Yes. So that's what you're fighting against when you're giving advice. So maybe the advice is is what's your list? Find your own list. Listen, I'm sure you said this to her, comparison is the thief of joy in every single... The thing that I learn so much as I get older is I think that everyone wants what I want.

Wow, that could not be further from the truth. Everyone's mountain looks so different. 100%. And I saw this really... By the way, I just want to say, I know everyone thinks like I'm on that trajectory. I've also guys started this career, we started this a year and a half ago. We're so far behind what I guess like other people who do this are. 100% in every way. In like, in knowledge, in numbers, in financial stability, in all of it, we literally are like, we're in our fucking probation period, because fully.

Yeah. And like, you know, you might look at me at mine and rules relationship and think, oh, yeah, they've got that ticked. We've been together eight years. There's no ring. Do you know what I mean? But like, to some people, that would be like game over. For me, it's not.

That's not on my list. Like, it's not, I don't have a deadline for that. So like it it's so case specific, but I'm happy with my journey because like I could get to my list of 50. It's fine. My list, my top of my mountain is different to your top of your mountain is different to her top of her mountain. Like it's not so different from her top of her mountain, but like from a career perspective. So I guess the advice is, what is your list? What does the top of your mountain look like? Because if it's not a house and kids, don't stress me.

But also it might be. And I think that's difficult because it's like kind of in our control, but it's also not really like a lot of it is down to like serendipity and like putting yourself out there. So I think you also like, whilst also looking at like, okay, what's on my list? Maybe my list has changed since I was 15. I was dreaming of being 30. I think you can also look at what you do have in your life because you don't have those

things like you will inevitably have more of something because even if it's just time or if it's like friends or if it's like,, or if it's like friends, or if it's like money, career, like you will have your pie chart will be filled with so many different things. Neither is better. Both are different. Both have great things about them and bad things about them. Your pie chart currently just looks different to your friends. But maybe her pie chart, like she cares most about the like... She's got a little gap in her pie chart currently just looks different to your friends. But maybe her pie chart, like she cares most about the like... She's got a little gap in her pie chart maybe. And that's the part she cares most about.

But your mates might look at you and be like, I'm being left behind because you're having fun and going out on a Friday night and like coming home at 3am with a wild story and they've been up breastfeeding. That might to them feel like something they're missing out on. And I think the difficulty is this whole narrative of like the, you know, the lonely spinster or like having your shit together, like does still exist. Yeah. And we feel it like hurtling towards 30 and like not having certain things in

place, not having a like steady salary. Like, my credit score is awful. Like I'm single, you're not engaged yet. Like, lots of different things. Like, of course they start to come up, but I think you've got to trust in the process and fill your life in the present with things that you really love and make you feel good.

So guys, I see these kinds of things all the time on Instagram. Vera Wang, started Vera Wang at 58 or whatever she was. Chris Jenner, they started filming the Kardashians when she was in her late 50s. Like, some people meet the love of their life on their third marriage. Like, it's so convoluted. This is the thing, like, I don't wish this for you, obviously, but I might be getting married by the time I was getting divorced.

You don't know what is around the corner for anyone. They don't have more than you because they have boxes ticked. Because also, it's all well and good to have the box ticked. If it's not ticked right, it's actually pointless. You'd write... Better to have it unticked, actually. I actually... About everything. Career, love, kids...

Don't bother if it's not right. 100%. I'd rather be, and bother if it's not right. 100%. I'd rather be, and I know it's an easy thing to say as someone who seemingly has it all. I can't tell you how far away I feel from that. Yeah. Maybe you'll never feel like you're there. Exactly. Even when you've got kids and you think I'm fucking naked and now I look like shit.

Do you know what I mean? If that's a box for you. No defamation to anyone with kids who don't like shit. But like, for me, if I like, I don't know, pride myself on like, ticking the box of washing my hair three times a week... And then that gets taken away from you. Do you know what I mean? Being put together, yeah.

It could be that small. Yeah. There's sacrifices everywhere. Yeah. I just think it's really good to like, open up the conversation. I just would really love to get to a place where being single in your late 20s, early 30s, 40s, 50s, wherever it is, doesn't become something that feels like a failure or something like, oh, you haven't managed to find anyone or something

like you're just in for default. No, you're single because you've chosen not to be with the dicks that were the options. Yeah, you've, that's a choice, that's not a failure. And yeah. I would say same with a job. Yeah, 100%. Better. You're doing your masters at this age for something you're clearly passionate about. It's better than sitting in a shit job you hate for the rest of your life.

Like you get one chance, you know. Yeah, one life. And like there's, don't take the box for everyone else's sake. I think that comes, like the thing that you're doing really well for your friend is like talking about it and talking about it in a way that's just like exploring other avenues of okay, what else fills your cup? Okay, you don't have that right now. You don't have a relationship right now. That's okay. What else do you have? Maybe sometimes it's hard as well.

Like I'm even conscious of this with you because like sometimes it comes across like patronizing from a friend, for example, talking about like to their single friend, if you're in a relationship. And like, I'm hyper conscious of that because it's jarring. I don't ever want to come across like that person. So like maybe from you, if you're, I can't remember if this girl's in a relationship, but like, if you're in a relationship,

maybe if there's someone else in your group who's also single, to talk to her about being single. Yeah, she definitely, that is something you can tell her. She needs to get single friends because it really helps. It does really help because you feel way less alone. And like if your whole circle is in relationships, it is hard because you do feel like the odd one out. And also, most of us do want that. Like, you know, if you're monogamous in like, you know, your relationships, then it is something

eventually you're going to want. Don't get me wrong, you probably want the right one. But it is something that you would always be open to and that you would like if it came along. So it can be something that I don't think anyone ever comes across as patronizing. I think it comes across as like... I don't think they intend to, but I think the person receiving it might think, oh, well, it's so easy for you to say, you know.

I think that's it. Wait, have you guys ever watched Jake Shane's podcast? No. No. Theropus. No. Basically, people... Theropus.

That's really good. People send him voice notes and then he'll prescribe them something to do. Wow. A lot of it is like a culture moment or like TV and film. Great series to suggest to your friend is Sex and the Fucking Six. Yes. It started in the 30s. Yes.

There's that iconic clip of Samantha and she's in the shop and she wants to buy that dress and the lady who's like looking after them in the store is like, that's a bit young for you. She's like, I'm 50 fucking too. And I will rock that dress. Yeah. Rock the dress. Yeah. And I also think there's like online,

at least from my For You page, there's a lot of positivity of like getting older and people being appreciative and seeing a lot of examples, as you said, of women who are really sick in their middle to late, like mature lives. And your life's not running away from you. Like you've got so much to live.

So much time. You're so concerned about what's happening right now. Yeah. She's got a masters to focus on. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You got bigger fish to fry, babe. Yeah, a hundred percent.

You're right. That's another thing. Like not only friends you surround yourself, you're a fucking algorithm. Like, get that. Surrounded with people that inspire you to focus on things outside of the bits that you're looking at of your friends that might make you feel jealous. I get it all the time, actually. I get it all the time. I deleted LinkedIn from my phone actually for that exact reason.

Yeah, couldn't see the promotions. Because it's like... There's no promotions at Allie and G Limited. No, when the ship sinks. When the ship sinks, the ship sinks, do you know what I mean? I couldn't see the promotions. Because it's like every auto... There's no promotions at Allie and G Limited. No, when the ship sinks. When the ship sinks, the ship sinks, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't have...

And there's no life raft for us. No, no. We're praying for a Christmas bonus this year. Praying that we can buy our family and friends presents. I really got to the point, like a career perspective, of being like, because at our age people have been working for eight, nine years now. They're on big bucks. Every single one of my friends is a director. They've got director in their title. Babe, you're a director!

Maybe it's all quite the same. Of a company that earns almost nothing. Well also of a company of two employees, one of which I am. I love it when I sign a contract and I two employees, one of which I am. I love it when I sign a contract and I put director, Allie and G Limited. Love it. Makes me feel really big boots. But I deleted it because I just am like, I don't need to see that. Because actually, what, what, if you boil it down, what that means is that they're doing well at what they chose to do.

And I'm actually seemingly doing well at what I chose to do. Even if I'm a couple of years behind, I'm on the journey. Yeah. Also, it doesn't, like genuinely doesn't matter. Like, I know that's so easy to say, but like, you got to tell yourself that, babe, because you got to reinforce that stuff, because it actually doesn't, it all comes out in the wash. Things change, life happens.

But it's like, you've got to remember, like consciously remind yourself that all the time. Which by the way, I do a lot. Like I really, really do. You love a little comparison sometimes, don't you? Yeah. And like to avoid... She loves it. But to avoid thinking like that, like hey, not like that was...

It's only on big occasions that I might do that. Yeah. So sometimes you do it in your favour. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm here and they're not. Yeah. She loves might do that. Yes, and sometimes you do it in your favour. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm here and they're not. Yeah.

Yeah. She loves to do that one. So like, also you could do that too though. Yeah. I've got... That's what I'm talking about, the 3am night sound. Look around, where's mummy now? Do you know what I mean?

Like there's always parts. The grass is greener. There on my patch, on your patch, in different areas. And that's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Comparison is the thief of joy. Wow.

Comparison is the thief of joy, wow. Round up. Round up. Okay, Moana number one. I just wanted to say. I feel so sorry for this little boy. Yeah, because like he's 18. Do you know how like, sloppy they are?

Yeah, and he likes to get in there because he's not ideal. Do you know how like, sloppy they are? Do you know what I mean? Also 18 year old boys really, they haven't got a clue. They might as well be sleepwalking. Honestly, they don't know what they're doing. They really have, all they can think about is like, they've just got testosterone in their body and they're just fueling it. So don't worry babe, really don't worry. Don't worry, you don't need to see him again. You don't need to be put on a sex offender list. I want to just let you know also that when you get to our ripe old age, two and a half years doesn't even scratch the surface, honestly.

Yeah, I agree. Moana number two date swap girls, you've got to go for it. I love it, girls, and please voice no back. You're our star of the week. Yes, that is just brilliant. It's epic and I can't wait to hear. I hope the boys are game. I always wanted to have an identical twin for this exact reason.

I know. Well, we were asking Lavia about it, weren't we? That they're used to swapping class all the time. Yeah, and she was like, they had, I don't want to say her name wrong, Lavia. Or did she say Lavia or Lavia? I think she said Lavia, but maybe I'm wrong. Okay, let's go with Lavia then. I just said Lavia.

Lavia and her twin, I think is called Lena, and they are really identical. They're Olympians, both of them. They're really identical, babe, they're identical twins. No, some identical twins. I had a set of identical and they are really identical. They're Olympians both of them. They're really identical, babe. They're identical twins. Some identical twins. I have a set of identical twins that are one identical. Yeah, also when they grow up normally and they get their own haircuts. Babe, are your cousins identical?

No, babe. Obviously not. Identical twins aren't always identical. Is she okay? Twins aren't always identical. Identical twins aren't always identical. But then you can kind of tell, like, because one person's like maybe got longer hair.

They can have like a personality, but they... No, the whole point of identical twins is they've got the same genes. No, but you can kind of tell them apart. You know that there was a difference between twins in identical twins. Yeah? Also, did you know that identical twins have the exact same TNA? What's happening? Am I in a simulation? Is she pranking me? No, listen, so that if I... Obviously! No, people on the street wouldn't know that. Oh, people on the street would.

Babe, if we were identical twins, we'd have the same TNA. And if you got arrested for a crime, you could dump me in. You could download a crossword or something onto your phone, because this influencing is making you really dense. No, because if you had children, I had children, I actually could also be their biological mother if we were identical twins. Wait, is that right? We must move on. I don't know what's happening. No, no, sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. They're the same but they've got, wait, basically something about like if you've got an identical twin, you could get arrested but they could also, like you could commit the crime, but they could get arrested, but your fingerprints are different. So then you, that's the only thing. Because your DNA is the same. That's why they introduced fingerprints. That's why they introduced fingerprints for testing in police cases, because they couldn't

tell identical twins. Sorry about this, Rich. Poor Rich is going to have to go through this with a fine tooth comb. Keep this this in Rich, I think this is good content. It is awful content. Quality. Quality. Anyway, Moana number three? Twilight Zone also is a great way to term it because your youth is dying. I'm joking. I'm joking babe. Oh it's the Twilight Zone. Yeah wow it is. I'm excited. I think you've got to reframe it, girls. You've got life to live.

Rihanna's right. You're so young. Also, do you know how much better your 30s are than your 20s? I cannot wait for my 30s. Honestly, I'm trying not to wish it away. Look back to your early 20s and think about all the shit that you are into now.

The mistakes you made. No, thank you. I shan't be going back there. No. Oh, well, we have time for Question of the Week. We do. Great. So generous today, we have time for Question of the Week. We do. Great. So generous today with your time, Producer Ahana.

MUSIC Right, so this is going to be a bit of a long question of the week. I'll try and be quick. Finish the sentence, At 25, I thought I would. This is the kind of stuff we're battling with, girls. Oh, good. Be further in my career.

Yep. Yep. Um, be married with further in my career. Yep. Yep. Be married with children. 25 is so young. You know at 15, you think, oh yeah, by my 20s I'll have kids. I thought by 25 I'd be married with kids. Yeah.

Be married, lol. Have kids and be rich. Be in a relationship. Be rich. Be rich. I love all of you saying be rich. Is this at 25? Yeah. I don't think anyone realises how young 25 is. Yeah, guys, it's so hard to be rich. I love all of you saying be rich. Is this at 25? Yeah.

I don't think anyone realizes how young 25 is. Yeah guys, it's so hard to be rich by 25. Be TTC. Rohana's a year out and she's definitely not rich. Rohana babe. Get me out of here. Rohana's like, it's your fucking fault. Would you get some more ads on this pod, please?

Faye, what's TTC? A. B, B, E and then TTC. Not be having an existential crisis about relationships and careers. Guys, you're so young! Guys, you've got so much time! Be out of my overdraft! I hear you, babe. Have an Oscar!

Yeah, I probably thought I'd have had an Oscar, actually. By 20 something! Yeah, genuinely. Guys, you're fresh out... I was so delusional. Fresh out the womb, 25. Feel more like an adult. That's such a thing.

I think that even now. I don't know when that happens, girls. I said to my mum the other day, TTC. Epic! Good acronym, trying to conceive. I'm TTC. Tits, tummy and something. I don't know, like a nip and tuck. That's what I thought.

Girls, look how many of you there are. This is how many people feel like they're not where they're meant to be. That's crazy. Like we're all in it together. Okay. And that's the beauty of this podcast. What was yours? Oh, Rana, come on.

Living like Carrie Bradshaw. Yeah. Yeah. No, but you do, don't you? No. Mine is cigarettes. No, see, that's what I thought I'd be doing, drinking bottles of red and like smoking cigs.

I don't agree. Because Carrie Bradshaw, they've sold us a lie there. She's a journalist and she's living like a fucking, you know, millionaire. That was dispelled. You used to get paid a lot as a journalist back in those days. In New York. Especially for the publication she was writing for. Oh, sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm an extra 60. Do you? Yeah, I love it. Good. It's brilliant. Sorry. Also, I just want to say, you know, though, some people, I've been feeling this recently,

you know, some people would get to our age and you think, now you've graduated to adult. Yeah. When will someone ever look at me and think. Kids, because you have to get really serious. But like, that's the point I'm trying to make is even if you don't ever feel like you've graduated, think about all the people that you thought were adult.

At the time, they felt exactly this. Yeah, they had no clue. They had no fucking clue. Carrie Bradshaw didn't have a clue what she was doing. Not a clue. She kept making mistakes all over the shop. She would not let it go. And then what happened? He ended up dying on a peloton. On a peloton.

And let that be a cautionary tale. Great app, guys. Thank you so much for joining us. We'll see you next week. And please keep your voice notes coming because we love them. And it's just we're so lucky to do this. So thank you. Love you next week. Please keep your voice notes coming because we love them and we're so lucky to do this. So thank you. Love you. Bye.

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We want a Christmas bonus and it will only get a Christmas bonus if we get one more ad. Oh, please guys. Please, please, please. Please subscribe. Please, please, please. Love you so much. Love you. Please, please, please. Love you so much. Love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Oh, bye. Thanks for watching!