Leave A Message with Ally & G - 45 - Friendship Over! Jealousy, Boundaries & Boys

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

Would you call yourself... jealous? That's at the top of the agenda on this weeks episode of Leave A Message, as Ally & G prepare for another year of helping the gallies with your life dilemmas! From dealing with crossed boundaries when friends behave insensitively, to handling jealousy when your friend gets a job you didn't, it's not just laughs and games on this podcast (although there is a lot of that!), Ally & G are offering their road-tested advice on embracing open communication and self-reflection. Plus: What are your friendship dealbreakers? We're asking for a friend... Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The all-new FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino is bringing you more action than ever. Want more ways to follow your faves? Check out our new player prop tracking with real-time notifications. Or have out more ways to customize your casino page with our new favorite and recently played games tabs. And to top it all off, quick and secure withdrawals. Get more everything with FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Visit connectsontario.ca. Hello everybody. Hello. Um, go on, you do your bit first. I haven't got a washing machine, guys. And it's actually like the pits now, because look at what I'm wearing.

I look like a granddad that's just stumbled onto the golf course. Don't say that. Don't do yourself dirty. I haven't even got a t-shirt on underneath my carding. Is yours? Yes, it's always double check, because sometimes we get to 15 minutes in and they're off. Never have I ever. I think that's great.

Well, it's got covered in food. It's just one of the worst things. I was thinking about this. What is the worst thing in your house that could break? And I was like, oh, potentially like... No, the washing machine is not the worst. What's the worst? The stove.

Having no oven. Or, yeah, no facility to cook. That is so jarring. Okay, but it depends for how long because that can be fun. For like two days. You can get to live a room and you can have picnics, but I can't. What am I going to do? Put all my clothes in the bath. It's a nightmare. Well, that's been going over to Alimax.

Obviously, she's going to say she's moaning a lot over here. Yeah. I am a McIntosh. Yeah. Five star laundrette services. And my mum went home. She did some for me. I folded it all for you. It's all in the bag. Well, Holly was thrilled because she said she'd never had ironed bed sheets before in her life. And my mum, God, she loves an iron, that woman.

She irons your bed sheets? Babe, she irons knickers, my mum. She's an- Oh, Linda, love you so much, you've got to find something else to do. No, but guys, I was saying this, like, my mum sounds like Housewife of the Year, right? But do you know she's like a full-blown, like, MD of a company? Like, the woman works. Like, I don't know how she does both. I don't know how that woman's doing both. Maybe it's when she's watching TV. She's doing the ironing, my mum does that.

She stands, irons, watches, telling me, I don't iron unless it's necessity. I would not, I don't even have an iron in my house. I need to get a steamer. That's it. Steamers put the iron out of business actually. Yeah, well, those steaming sometimes feels like a lot of effort. More than an iron, I have to agree. Oh no, for an iron you've got to get an ironing board out. I'm not an ironer. I'm actually not that well domesticated in things outside of like the bare men.

Like putting a bit of bleach in a toilet and cooking like, you know, a weeknight dinner. Yeah. I'm not that domesticated. I remember once my ex asked me to iron his mess dress, you know, posh army mess dress. Not good. I was stepped away from the ironing board very quickly and he took over because I could not do it properly. I was putting creases where they weren't before.

Oh babe, we're modern women. Listen, we're modern women. This is one thing that my mum, she does both. I know. She's like a 1950s housewife and a modern woman. She's a 10-10 Kirk, by the way. She's an incredible Kirk. I bet she was a great shag back in the day. Back in the day.

She was very dutiful. Now maybe she's a little less mobile. She's a incredible cook. I bet she was a great shag back in the day. Back in the day. She was very dutiful. Now maybe she's a little less mobile. She's a little less bothered. Well also Martin's not exactly putting out his thing. Martin, he said to me the other day, my dad, guys, is 81. And he said that he would need a month's working notice to be able to get it up. He said if there's a shag on the horizon, it needs to be at least a month's notice. Why, did you ask him, Were you guys still shagging?

Yeah, absolutely not. Not even once a year? It's so sad that they're not even once a year shagging. It's so sad. Not even a Christmas shag on Jesus' birthday. Maybe on Christmas Day they'll get busy. No? Linda, it's the 27th...

Linda, let him know right now. I was like, what day is it? No, I can't say it. Richard, what day is it? No, I can't say it. Richard, what day is it? Time non-specific. Any exciting calendar moment coming up? Could my dad get laid? I think not. Oh no. Oh, well, at least he's got new veneers.

Oh my god, he looks good with his new teeth. You're right. Yeah, yeah, dentures, not veneers. Also, babe, did you see her story of the two of them? She is his twin. Yeah, I know me and my dad are identical. Like, it's really funny, because I think when you look at Linda, you might think that they're similar because they're both blonde, but she and...

And our mannerisms are quite similar. But Jean Martinart, you are him with a wig. But I think that about your mum. I know you think you look like your dad, but I really think you look like your mum. I think it's all colouring. No, but when your mum... No, do you know when I realised it on holiday? Because when your mum is proper fresh face, she looks about 10.

I know. Like that woman does not crack, it's crazy. But your faces look really similar. Nice, that's actually a huge compliment. Yeah, gorgeous woman. She doesn't crack, no I know. And she's... Halle's mum looks 10, how old is she?

She's... Is that public knowledge? She might have a public age, your mom, I can imagine. Oh, she doesn't want it to be public knowledge. She's just hit a big milestone. Oh, cool. She has. Yeah. Sevilla. 50. She was 50 in Sevilla.

Yeah, 40. She looks 30. I know it's mental. Yeah, yeah. My grandma, though, I hate to say it, it's the Asian gene. My grandma is 85. She looks 60. Yeah. And I'm like, I only God willing pray that I have inherited those genes. Yeah.

Problem is when you're half half, you don't know what you've got from where. Well, you're getting enough Botox for the British side, so I wouldn't worry about it. That is fine. You'll be fine. Are we just fine? The right half of you is getting frozen out. So you're good. It's incredible. Oh, shall we do an intro? Let's. Hello, welcome to Leave A Message.

This is your favourite podcast, I'm assuming, because you're listening. Thank you. This is the podcast by the galleys for the galleys. That means that you really provide the content by sending us in incredible voice notes that we are very blessed to receive. We're going to talk about them, laugh at them, sometimes resolve them. And that is Leave a Message with Ali and G. Brilliant. And producer Rohana, the unsung hero of this pod.

And this week, the galleys are called... Oh, Linda, will we not call them Linda? Have we never had a Linda? We've never had a Linda. Brilliant. Linda Reed, your moments come, babe. Your time in the sun. Sorry, I actually am sorry. Oh no, wedgie picking. Huge wedgie.

What neckers are you wearing? I'm actually really obsessed with Linda because we were watching cheese old, I'm wearing these high mark ones. Sorry, the gusset is so high. They're lovely, aren't they? They're so high, they're very supportive. No, we were watching cheese old TikToks and Linda in the video. She made me laugh. Babe, can I tell you, she's desperate, like actually beyond desperate and thinks it's possible

for her to come to Bridget Jones. Like she's very serious with me. She's like, I want to come to that premiere. I don't know how to like tell her and let her down gently. Yeah. Okay, Linda, we will try our best to work our magic. I mean, I can't tell you those tickets are like older, so I don't know how we're gonna bank all that. I was like, you know, Lilly has to break on, and she was like, people take their mums all the time. And I was like, yeah, people that were in the film, mum. That were in the film. That actually are meant to be there. Oh, God, look, okay, Linda, we'll try our best.

We could get her in the fan pit. Yeah, on the bridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have her in the pod? Do you have any of your mums on the pod? Oh, we talked about that. They're carnage, honestly. The two of them together as well. They just yab, yab, yab. We had them in the car.

Yab. Wait, together? Yab. It's iconic, actually. It was actually ages ago. Ages ago. Was that last year? No, that was the beginning of this year, I think.

Was it? I don't know. They're mental. They're hilarious. Together it's a lot. And they basically, my mum just sits there and slags me off the whole time, actually. And then my mum just blows smoke off my arse, it's amazing. It's just like the contrast is brilliant. There's a lot of butt. Yeah, yeah.

Linda number one. Okay, so me and my best friend are currently on the gap year together. We're going to go travel next year. So this year is like for earning money. And I already have two jobs jobs but like there's no shifts there at the minute. So like I'm struggling. I'm waking up doing nothing, going to sleep. And we both went for this job at M&S right. Basically she got it and I didn't. But only because I told them that I had another job and they were like well we just want you to

have the job of that, sorry. And I was like like, okay And then now she keeps talking about it and telling me how it's about how good it is and how much she loves it there And how do I be happy for it because she's my best friend. I love her, but it's making me hate her I don't know what to do because I want to be happy for her But she's earning so much money and I just don't want to keep talking to her because that's all she ever talks about Say I just need help because I didn't know how to not hate her because she's my best friend and I can't hate her. Oh. And I know it's petty, like I understand that it's really petty and I should just get over it but I'm struggling.

Oh babe. Listen, we've all been there. We've all been there. No, it doesn't have to be about jobs. Speak for yourself. It's all going to come out now. I was going to be like when I really hated you. No, but like it happens all the time. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not even jobs, like boyfriends, moving, anything actually. No, one new item of clothing can tip me over the edge.

I'll be like, I hate her. I hate that she's wearing those new wugs again. I hate her because I don't have them. Do you know what I mean? Comparison, my darling, is the thief of joy. It's also jarring though when they shove it in your face. This is what I was going to say, like there's definitely a conversation here before you fully act your friend because... Yeah, babe, don't jump to any hasty conclusions here.

The grown up convo is, babe, just to give you a little bit of a lay of the land, you're a little bit wrapped up in your own bubble currently. Do you remember I also went for that job, didn't get it and now you're ramming it down my throat. So maybe could you not? Maybe. Because as soon as you explain, like if she zooms out and hasn't explained to her, she'll be like, oh God, that is really insensitive, sorry.

I just kind of thought you wouldn't give a shit about the job at M&S. And then you'll be like, oh yeah, no, I know, but I do. And she'll be like, great, okay, I won't. I won't talk about it like that again. Yeah, because like maybe like the job at M&S, like she's like, oh whatever, Trevor. She just thought, oh, it's just a job. I managed to get it. And yeah, I'm telling talk about it like that again. Yeah, because maybe the job at M&S, she's like, oh, whatever, Trevor. She just thought, oh, it's just a job.

I managed to get it. And yeah, I'm telling you how great it is. Oh, guys, this happens at work when you're all going for the same promotion. I like when I used to do PR, it was the same thing. And they get it and they immediately change their email signature. It's so jarring. Do you know what I mean? But first of all, it's...

You were talking about this the other day about siblings. It's good character building to have, to not get things... Like, to not have things your way all the time and kind of have to... I'm not saying like what she's doing is okay, but this isn't the first time this is going to happen. Yeah. So like, it's good to have experienced it first time. Yeah.

Because it's going to happen again. And I guess like, if it's your best friend, yeah, having a conversation is really the only out here. I don't see a world in which she's just like, also, we talk about this all the time. People can't mind read. So you have to say. You think it's obvious, but it's not.

Yeah. And like, when someone's wrapped up and excited about something, like, say like, this isn't a good example because I didn't feel this way, but say Faye just got married. I'm currently single slash went through a breakup during the time that she was planning her wedding. So if I was feeling really sensitive,

her constantly talking about weddings or her wedding could have been really hard for me. Even though I'm so happy for her and that's your lane know, that's your lane, it's still like confronting to me that like I've just lost someone who I thought I was going to spend my life with and I'm now single. But for her, she's in something that is so exciting for her and she wants to share it with you because you're her best friend. So I think you just sometimes need to like, just give them a different perspective of how it might be received from someone else's. But also like I think there's a halfway house of like her toning it down and maybe you like

accepting it more. Yeah, because you've still got to be able to. Yeah. To be around and be like if she is like, oh, I had a really good day. You want to be able to share that with your friend. And to like say, God, I'm so jealous. Emma, that sounds like the best workplace ever. And I'm so jealous of all the money you've got.

Like, that's okay to say that. What happens if she reacts badly and she's like, well, I just won't tell you about it then. I know, that is difficult. Some friends are like that. Yeah. And they're like, why aren't you happy for me? And they can't see it from your perspective. Then I think you've got to go to therapy.

Which one? Both? No, well, the thing is actually my biggest lesson, not ever, but you can only control what you can control. So all you can do is put your cards on the table, but you can't, I would almost expect the worst and hope for the best because 100% there's a real possibility of her saying that you need to have already kind of dealt with it inside To expect that because if she says that and you're like when taken out of your sails, it's gonna be worse You're gonna hate her more

Do you know what I mean? Like if you really expect her to be like, oh, yeah No, also because then it becomes something bigger because at the moment it's like low key, you're even laughing at yourself being like, I know it's petty, but it is making me feel these things, and that is so valid. But when you then come into a conflict about it and it's not resolved, it's going to become even bigger when actually it's something that could have been squashed on both sides, because you are happy for her,

but you just would love her to stop rubbing it in that she's got this great new job and you haven't. So hard. It's really good great new job and you haven't. So hard. It's really good though, like this is what friendships need. Like, friendships need shit like this. 100%. Because Al's Right happens all the fucking time. Like, it's going to happen with marriage, with kids, with job promotions, with houses, with new clothes.

Like, it doesn't matter, it's going to happen. And you have to be able to articulate to your friend that like she's making you feel a certain way. Also, I know obviously the place that you're coming from is like pure jealousy. Yeah. Oh my God, yeah. Because, but it's because she, because like, maybe in you, like if that were me, for example, I had this at work,

it made me, like someone got the promotion that I did and I felt like I was shit at my job. And like, actually, like maybe a lot of the fix is like, sitting with your side of it as well and being like, what did me not getting the job make me feel about myself? Is there something I can do to like work on that and to like heal that separately? Because maybe then it won't, when she talks about it, it won't bother you as much. Yeah. You know? It is quite savage because it could have just been like a random Karen that got

the job and you just could have hated her from afar, but the fact that it's so besty and it's like rubbed in your face. It's a mirror. And Al's right. Sometimes you've got to look at that reflection and you've got to introspect. And G said this to me last night, which is very good. Last night? Yeah.

I'm spouting out wisdom. What a Monday night now. Crazy. She just said basically like, what mountain are you climbing? And like, just don't ever forget, this is actually Rawls proverb. That we're climbing Kilimanjaro and someone else might be climbing Ben Nevis. And like the top of everyone's mountain looks different. and the pit stops along each mountain are very different. And so she said to me,

is that a pit stop on your mountain? And I said, no, actually it's not. So why are you jealous of it? Why are you jealous of it? Is M&S a pit stop on the journey of your mountain? If it's not, then why are you both, babe? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, let's flip the switch.

Flip that switch! Climb that mountain! But you've got to be that harsh with yourself. Like, let's flip the switch. Flip that switch! Climb that mountain! But you've got to be that harsh with yourself. Like, it's no big deal. It is no big deal. Well, I was just going to say, you can get into a spiral and then you care about something you never really did care about because you just become bigger. Yes. And you only care because they have it. But like, do you even want it?

I also think she should probably be filling her time with something that she can like advance. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Like free courses online like you're saying you're waking up and doing nothing like do something. Yeah. Like go for a run like. Well yeah. Pick a new skill. Do things that your friend can't do because she works at M&S. I think that all the time. Like say if I'm jealous of someone climbing the corporate ladder on ATK, I think, okay, I've got an afternoon off. So I can go and... I can have a lion on a Monday.

I can read Akita all afternoon and no one will bother me. Like do the things that like you can do now because you've been blessed with time. You haven't been blessed with finances currently. Don't worry, they will come. Also, babe, I really urge you to sit in the luxury of having time. That is so rare in life. I mean, like, it'd probably be the last time in your life that you have this much time

on your hands to make Hey! While the Sun Shines, babe. Mitterjumper. It's like a podcast. Yes! Hell yeah. This NFL season, get in on all the hard-hitting action with FanDuel, North America's number one sportsbook.

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if you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description. Now this can be about anything. Obviously, sometimes we ask you for specific topics. But if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this, then get voice noting. Linda number two. Hey, Hallease. So I need some sisterly advice. I met this girl, we'll call her Lucy, back in 2022 when we started sixth form. We got really close and we ended up going on our year 13 holiday together.

At the time she was seeing this guy and on holiday they became official. One of these nights they took me home from this trip early because I was at way too much, let's say, and I woke up in the morning and they were both in our bed. Found out later that day that they actually shagged that night while I was in the morning and they were both in our bed. Found out later that day that they actually shagged that night while I was in the bed. I didn't really care too much because I was completely passed out. We were in two singles pushed together. It is what it is. They didn't go all the way. They finished in the bathroom. Whatever. We move on. Laugh about it. Now to the current day. I went to visit her at uni recently and her mates were like asking

what's the worst thing Lucy's ever done. I said, oh she liked shagged the guy next to me. They were all horrified. She informed me while I was visiting her of her extracurricular activities let's say with three guys in every uni friendship group. This current guy, we'll call him Oliver, is a secret because they really like each other. He's been threatened to be shunned by his friendship group if they are known to be having a thing because one of the other guys has fallen hard. You know the story.

We then went clubbing. It was me, Lucy, Oliver and another girl from our flat. Got a bit drunk. I wasn't too drunk. We came back at like 5 a.m. I had a coat at 9 a.m. It was freezing, she had no heating in her apartment, so I put my coat on, got into bed and was shivering. I then saw them both get into my bed.

I then got woken up at like 5.30, not really sure why. Come to find out the bed was shaking, heard some moaning, very, very intimate conversation where they decided to do some raunchy stuff, try new stuff, we could say. I heard at one point them saying like, oh, she's really close to us. Should we stop? Obviously, they did not. And so I was literally like crying myself to sleep in silence. Couldn't go anywhere.

I didn't want to stir drama for them. So the next morning, I kind of slipped into conversation. Like, oh, did you guys have fun last night? Oh, I didn't get any sleep. I then said like, I wasn't unconscious this time. She just kind of laughed it off. Thought it was funny. Came across quite proud of herself.

I obviously felt very disrespected. I feel like she cares more about her shag than she does about me. Oh, to top it off, she also told me that she was gonna tell his friends that I shagged him instead, so that they didn't get caught, which horrified me and I asked them not to, I don't know what ended up happening, but what would you guys do? Some people told me to cut her off, some people have told me just not to care, I don't really know. Yeah, what would you guys do? Some people have told me to cut her off. Some people have told me just not to care. I don't really know. Yeah, what would you guys do?

Thank you. Oh, I don't know where to start. Sorry, I must just lie down, actually. That's really far too much to handle. I can't believe you're such a good friend and you just let her crack on. If you were laid next to me in the bed and you were getting busy, I would be like,

babe, I'm right here. Like, you mad? Babe, stop now, your sexy talk's making me feel sick. You're s***. Sorry. Yeah, that's what I say if you were right next to that. You would. Sorry, Rich, sorry, Rich, you can just beep it.

But you would. Of course you would. Sorry, okay, I will actually put my hands up because I feel like I must tell this story and if I don't, then I'm a hypocrite. No you do, you've been the night, because you can't bloody get home. And we're sleeping in the living room, it's me, this boy and Holly. I think I might have been in the middle and Holly was the other side of me. And I will admit we did get to second base and Holes was basically sharing the sleep.

But was she awake? I think she, yeah, she tells the story often. So she was awake. And I did do that, but it was second base. There was no... There was nothing else. Yeah, babe, that's not... Did she not wake up and say anything? She was like, you're such a minger. And I was like... But I did that at 14. And like now, and especially,

this is a bit of like a soft touch for me because when... Well, they're also a uni. So by now they should be grown and known. Yeah, and actually it does take a lot of effort to go and visit your friends at uni. This is my biggest pet peeve. This is my biggest issue. I used to have it. I went to go and visit Faye once and she ended up, I mean, God love her, she married him now, so it was all worth it. But she went to George's room and I had to stay with, I think I, because he had a flatmate, they shared rooms and I think I had to share with the flatmate and so she could be with him and I was

Tamping I've come all the way here for a night out I'm gonna shag that boy instead of be with me That really would tip me over the edge actually more than the shagging next to me Yeah, because I just think like the I won't come if you're gonna do that. It's so Disrespectful also you're at uni do that. It's so disrespectful. Also, you're at uni, like you can shag whenever you want. Listen, when you get to 28, you've got to take what you can get. But at 18, you could shag every night if you wanted to.

Right, I think you have to, like, definitely don't just cut her out cold turkey. Babe, sorry, the fact that you actually just lay there is what, like, all good friends. Lied have been like, what the... You minger! Stop! Listen. Dirty bitch. been like, what the... You minger! Stop! Listen. Dirty bitch. What you must do, lovely, is activate the power of Judy

and find your power because... Somewhere in there are those words. Shall we role play? Shall I be... I'll play the sag, I think. Yeah, I reckon that's how it would go. Yeah. OK. Let me just make some noises. Babe, that's actually fucking disgusting.

Oh, wait, sorry, it's posed. It's posed. It actually fucking disgusting. Oh wait, sorry, it's post, it's post. It's already been. What do you mean it's already been? Well, she's led there and let it happen, so we need to role play what happens post now. We're still in bed. No, no, we're out of bed now. She's got out of bed, she's had time to voice note us.

So now how's she gonna approach it with her bed? I don't appreciate lying next to sexual animals who, oh babe, it's just a bit of fun. But it's not fun when I'm laid next to you. And also, by the way, babe, I came up here, I had a 9 a.m. coach and you couldn't even be arsed to spend a night with me without shagging a boy.

How do you think that makes me feel? How would you like it if I did that to you? You wouldn't like it at all. And there you are, lying next to me, getting his fucking finger up the bum, trying new stuff, stuff apparently was it? This is me being kind in real life I'd be like it's so In real life she would have done it then and there there's no way I'm

Dirty talking a guy with his finger up my bum and I was not going stop. That's fucking disgusting You Oliver get out you close your eyes and go to sleep. You little menger. And your legs. And your legs. And your legs. And you stink of sex, actually. Disgusting, scuzzies.

Maybe she has a bit of a fetish, this girl. No, babe, she doesn't have a fetish. What, this girl? For sleeping with, no, her friend. Oh, I was gonna say. Maybe she likes the voyeurism. Right, listen, what you need to say is... Yeah, yeah.

Babe, I'm really glad that you're getting busy. Good for you. Like, more power to you. I just think in future, it's happened twice now, let's not go for a third time. I don't need to be lied next to you. Also, I definitely don't need to be your scapegoat. Number one.

You're not adding notches to my bedpost that I didn't notch on. Thank you. I've got a list and I've got numbers to keep down. Ain't that the truth? I've got to keep them below double digits. I'm only 18. I miss the single digit days. What a nice time it was. It's sad as well because when you're in the single digits, you can't wait to get out of them. And as soon as you get out of them, you want to be back there. Stay in the single digits for as long as you can, I reckon. Yeah. You want to say, don't, that's the second time that's happened. It's really uncomfortable.

Yeah. I didn't say anything because I was actually doing you a fucking favour. I shan't be doing that in the future. And also, can I just ask, like, what is that? Like, do you just not care that I'm there? Like, what's happening? I'd like to understand that because you're my friend and I think there might be something going on here. Number two, I will not come and see you again. Point blank, carte blanche, if you ever do that again. Carpe-lange. No, I will not fucking sludge on a coach.

I will not be sludging anywhere to have you getting rubbed off next to me. And number three, don't you fucking dare, don't you dare use me as your scapegoat. And you've got to be really strong and powerful. Yeah, if you're bold enough to shag a guy in the same bed as me, you're bold enough to sell the friendship group that you did such activity. Face the fucking music, it's your problem, not mine, babe. Yeah, it is disrespectful.

Like, even, like, I speak about this all the time with holes. Like, if I were to shag someone in our flat, I'm not moaning and groaning and making noise so she could hear. That's disrespectful. Disrespectful. It is. No one needs to hear that.

No one needs to hear that. Jarring, I'm so sorry for you, babe. But she doesn't sound like a very good friend, I have to say. Do you know what she sounds? And listen, I've been guilty of it. She sounds a little bit wrapped up in her own pleasure. Oh, yeah, and selfishness at uni, and I really was, I was very good at selfishness at uni.

Oh yeah, like I used to be really like, you know, like... Me, me, me. Yes, I was the centre of my own universe. Give a shit whether in the bed or not, do you know what I mean? And what you might have to understand is that she might not get it. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. That's when you might say, listen babe, see you at Christmas on solid ground where there's no men around, but I'm not coming all the way to Newcastle

or wherever the hell she is. This is actually a lesson from this pod, but guys, sorry to be so cynical about life, but prepare for the worst. Expect the worst, hope for the best, because that's really the only way you can go to these... Expect the worst, hope for the best. Yeah, because I can get on board with that. Because like chances are it's 50-50.

And if you're not sometimes I do like to hope for the I suppose you're still hoping you're hoping for the best, but be prepared to receive the worst. Yeah, always be prepared for worst case scenario because otherwise it honestly you you're speechless. You've nothing to say. Yeah. Not because you're dead.

Well, what are you arguing? Have you guys ever had a friend that's like boy crazy and you're still friends with them? Yes. Me. I reckon if we were friends when we were 18, I would have absolutely hated her. Why? I wasn't like this at 18. Exactly.

I love you now. Was I boy... Yeah, I have a friend. Was I boyc... Yeah, I have a friend, she who shall not be named. I know who it is anyway, we all do. And we fell out over a boy because I actually did bits with a boy, all the bits, and I really liked him and then she went out with him for four years. Yeah, every single bit was done. But she was boy crazy and boys were just falling at her feet. And we did like, we kind of had the same situation

where she was very me, me, me, me, like me and my boy. It was always that you were the bottom of the priority list, I guess. And we really like had a lot of arguments about it over the years. Like we fully were not friends for two years. Like we like, we would like, oh, sorry, me and Pin as well. Oh really? We also fought over a boy but we were in the same boarding house and like we were in the same, sorry.

Is that actually so funny? Because I, again, I don't know why my friends seem to do this to me. I loved this boy and then Pin got in there and then took him to our leavers ball. No Pin! And, oh this is the best story. Little Witch. She was at Lax. I knew something was going on with them because she was so weird about her phone and so then she went to Laxprac and I, like I would go near her phone. Laxprac, anyone else struggling with that? Lax practice. For fuck's sake. You know that stupid game that they play on sticks, it's like so dumb.

That's holo. And no, everyone that didn't go to private school is really confused. La Crosse is a weird, oh, think Wild Child. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They play La Crosse in Wild Child. It's like a long stick with a net on the end. It's the stupidest sport of all time. I've never heard anyone call it lax prac in my life.

Lax prac, that's what it was in our diary as. And every time I would go near her phone, like this is the age of the Blackberry, she would take the battery out so that I couldn't see her phone. Fucking hell, Pins. So I just knew something was going. Anyway, she take the battery out so that I couldn't see her phone. Fucking hell, Pin! So I just knew something was going. Anyway, she was at lax prac because I didn't make the team. And I went on her phone and I saw all the messages. Sorry, that's such a bad thing to do. Well, you knew something was up, something was fishy. And then I confronted her and then anyway we didn't speak for two months,

but we were in the same maths group and we had our rooms at school, this was in sixth form, next to each other and our friend would have to get a post-it note and like Pinwood Wright, what's the maths homework? And then our friend would like put it under my door and then I'd be like it's page 109. But you wouldn't speak. The thing is, I don't think, I actually now, especially in my elder years, I don't actually think it's something to fall out over. No, and this is the thing, it's like now we can look back and laugh because it's just hilarious and she's like my blood.

Yeah, and it's really, listen, don't get me wrong, having someone that's boy crazy is fucking jarring because you lose them. It's like they've been intoxicated with something that like they've lost themselves, they've gone, but you've got to let them go and you've got to let them be driven. I don't know, to an extent. Sure, to an extent, but also, do you know what I mean? Kind of depends, like when you're younger, yes, but now no. Because like now if you get lost in a boy, that's the rest of your life gone, I'd say.

No, because you only have it for the first six months. Oh, I don't know. It's boys zzzzzzzzzzz. Boys zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Yeah, then you just got to let them go through it. I think it's a phase. You don't think it's a bad, like, character trait? I think it's a really bad character trait.

No, it's not a character trait. It's a behavior pattern. Okay, I think it's a bad... It's not a character trait. I think it's a really bad character trait. No, it's not a character trait. It's a behavior pattern. It's not a character trait. I think it's a bad behavior pattern. Yeah, I don't think it's a character trait because I think you can get really blinded by lust and love and I think everyone can be guilty of that. And I think there are some people more prone to it than others.

I think as a friend, the only thing that you ever need to like take action on is if you have no friendship left at all because of it. Then you need to be like, babe, do you know I exist? Have you forgotten? But like if they're just like a bit like in their heads and they're talking about this guy, they really fancy it. I think you just got to let them have it. That's fine. But like if there's a consistent pattern of them prioritizing boys over you, that's a problem.

Yeah. Like you go out somewhere and then... And then they leave you. Yeah. ...the guy. Yeah. Or if you get attention, they don't, then they get really upset. Sorry, though, but if we were on a night out and I thought I meant the love of my life,

I would tack you off. Yeah, of course, babe. But like, I'm just saying that doesn't happen every week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, that's what I mean, though. It's circumstances and you might give a little bit of grace where necessary, I guess. Especially when you're young guys.

I like, you have to really, you know, me, PP, Pin, they're like my blood now. Yeah, they're all friends now. Do you know what I mean? But like, we really did have the fights and like, it wasn't the end of the road. Well, you can have the fights, like you should have this fight with your friend.

They're just boys as well. Like who cares? Oh, they're so stupid, all of them. Have you seen this thing going around of like women in men's industries? Yeah. It's so funny. Like telling you about the present, I haven't bought you. And like all this stuff that like men do so easily

that we're just going to start doing back to them. They're all so stupid. They think they can pull the wool over our eyes, but they cannot. Was that number three? That was number two, we only got two today. Oh, perfect. Should we do a round up? Let's do a round up. Okay, well, a lot of friendship situations here.

And conflict resolution coming our way. We're all going to send the galleys away, both galleys, to go and have some quite frank conversations with their friends. Number one, needs to go and talk about the fact that her friend must stop gloating about him and us. Sorry. Yeah. And also find joy in the things that you can do

that she can't. Yes, and also, yeah, look within. Why does it bother you? What's your mountain? What are the pit stops on your mountain? Degree. And number two, we want you to talk to your at it like rabbit friend about

the fact that she cannot do that when you're in bed with her. It's ridiculous. And she can't sack you off for a boy on a night that you come to her uni. Yeah, actually that could be a rule. You could put a rule in and be like, listen, unless it's like love of your life, you're not just picking a boy over me. But I think that, okay, that's why it's different when you say that, babe. I spend my whole life with you. It's different if you go for one night and your friend s Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, and I wouldn't do that to you. Oh, yeah, or... Maybe I would if it was the love of now, I wouldn't.

But we don't have... But like, the context is so different. Yeah, it is. So it is... No, no, no, if you've travelled to see a friend and they sack you off, that's hardcore. Yeah. That's hardcore bad behaviour. Shall we have a question of the week?

Let's. I've booked in for my new tattoo in December. Nobody panic. Is it the one I know about? I don't know what it's going to be. The Japanese one. Do you know a guy messaged me on Hinge and was like, don't get the sunflower in between your boobs. I was like, well, that's creepy that you watched my TikToks.

But okay. Oh my God. Don't tell me what to do. Is that where you got it from? Yeah, we spoke about it on a TikTok video, how funny. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big time. That is too good. Shocking. I have to agree with him though. I've already made my stance clear. OK, I'm really excited about this question of the week. What would a friend have to do to cause you to end the friendship? What do you think would be your answer?

Sleep with my boyfriend. Good one. Or just be a cow. This is very good. Crave boy's attention. That's a friendship ender here. Did you write that? No, it wasn't in your honor.

I was going to out you. I thought it might be, but it's not. Fuck my man. Fuck my man is up there. Move in with my ex. And she's put it might be, but it's not. Fuck my man. Fuck my man is up there. Move in with my ex. And she's put a cross face as if it's happened. Move in with your ex. No, no, no. Speak badly behind another friend's back.

Talk about them because your prob's talking about me. That's interesting, isn't it? Yeah, I don't think that's friendship ending. I think that's friendship frozen. I stopped being friends with people because they were rude to my family. That's good. I actually respect that. Oh, also difficult, like problematic views. Yes. Guys, this girl's got part one, part two, part three.

Ready? Part one. She got a girlfriend and after three months of them dating, she stopped speaking to me. That's bad. Then she tried to start talking to me again 12 months later when she had been cheated on. The girlfriend I refused to speak to her because she's a cheat. Okay, babe.

Sorry. Disrespectful to my family, get with an ex or a current partner, hang around with people who have disrespected you. Yes, that's a great one. So like you've fallen out with a group and then they keep alliances with the group. Jarring. Not having it. Well also it's like pick a side. Being a bitch who... These are really loaded guys.

Everyone's cross with someone. Being a bitch who only cares about herself and lies for attention. Friendship over. Only ever talk about themselves and show no interest in your life. Narcissistic people, I have to agree. Yeah. Flirt with my boyfriend. That is a bad one. I don't have that though. I flirt with Raw as well.

Exactly, I'm not bobbed. I actually don't flirt with Raw. Do I? I don't know, last time I saw you licking each other off and down. I actually don't, he's so savage to me. They really hate each other, they're actually a bit like brother and sister. Yeah, we hate each other at the moment, it's so funny. Sleep with my partner, gas like me, different political beliefs.

There's so many, you're all falling out out there. The problem is, I think they're all rectifiable apart from sleeping with my partner or my ex. Lie. Betrayal. Really. Yeah. Betrayal in whatever's... Betrayal and deceit. Deceit is the worst of all. Wolves in sheep's clothing, they're just the worst.

Yeah, you think you're safe and then you're not. Also, the bitchiness and all that shit. I've cut a lot of people out of my life because of that. It's gotta go, girls. Bad energy. One life and one life only. You want to spend it bitching about me behind my back? Off you go, then do it by yourself.

People that belittle you and make you feel stupid and small, like, get rid. Get rid. Get rid. Yeah, like if you're always the butt of a joke, it's actually not good humour. It's lazy humour, actually. Especially in a group, that's a really easy thing to do.

Yeah. Get rid of the dead weight, girls girls and the people you do want to keep around, have those hard chats with them, because it's worth it. You become better friends in the end. Agree. Thank you so much for listening to Leave A Message. Please subscribe, guys. We love you so much and we can't do this without you, so please subscribe. I've been listening to other podcasts and they're getting quite serious about the subscription begs. Oh, come on. Esther Perel was like, we spent...

Esther Perel's begging for subscribers? Yeah, babe. And she literally... No, Rihanna, this is real. This is crazy. She begs on her hands and knees, it sounds like. And she was basically like, do you know how many hours? It's like me being like, Rihanna actually works two jobs and she sacrifices her time

to be here and to help make this possible. And Richard is slaving away in a dark room in Newcastle just so that we can put this episode out to you. And the least you can do is subscribe. And I was listening thinking, yes, there, OK, subscribed. Right, but could you? I did subscribe, I put it. Yeah, could you use that?

Richard, make that a bit louder, the bit that she just said. Richard, why don't you put a pic of you in crying yourself to sleep or something Because we don't have enough subscriptions That's what I do YouTube and Spotify. Oh you keep greedy go must be but yeah Yeah, which is not slaving away for nothing. Have you seen his edits his creative bits as you know, rich I never watched them, but I've heard they're good. I like it. Are you even subscribed to your own bloody podcast? I'm not no, I'm not, no.

I'm not, largely because I'm always logged in as Ali and Jeanne, I think that's embarrassing. It's embarrassing, actually. Thank you guys, love you so much. See you next week. Goodbye! Bye! Thanks for watching!