Leave A Message with Ally & G - 46 - Home Truths: Friends With Exes & Disrespectful Dads

Episode Date: January 15, 2025

It's home sweet home for Ally & G this week! After some holiday's and travels, they are finally reunited in the Leave A Message studio. Once we're settled back into home sweet home, it's all about the Gallies as we're tackling two big topics: problematic parents and friendships with exes! What would you do if your Dad kept disrespecting his girlfriend behind her back? And, what if you broke up with your ex... but still needed to see them often? Is friendship on the cards? From boundaries to drama (and a little bit of shade thrown in) we're back in the swing of things with lives being saved... even if we're still waiting for the jet lag to subside. Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit FlyPorter.com and actually enjoy economy. Okay, we're back. Well, you've been listening to us every week, but we are back recording the first session of Jan. It feels like a long time that we've had off. I was saying this to George Pierce the other day because he was talking about it, because the first Monday was the sixth. By the end of the first week, it felt like you'd lived a life. Like I literally was like, by Friday, I was like, well, I'm on my knees already.

No, I feel like I've been away for a long time. Well, you have been away for a long time, babe. I hate to break it to you. It was only nine days, but it felt longer was only nine days. But you went to Paris. True. I think like you like came back for what, three days? Yeah. And then I was out of here.

And then you went again. So it's just you're never in routine. Yeah. You're never back. How do you feel to be home? I feel... She said she was sad and I was like, why? Why aren't you excited to come home now?

There's a lot to do here. It's very rare that I like if I'm in a hot place, it's quite rare for me to get excited to come out to the crowd. a lot to do here. It's very rare that I, like, if I'm in a hot place, it's quite rare for me to get excited to come back to the cold. Really? I really thought this time I might have got you. Thought you might have been gassed. I just know, listen. Babe, look at your sweet little beanie hat.

No, no, listen. Can't wear that in the Maldives. I'd rather wear a bikini, I'm not. I said to Ror last night, like, I just know that I was made to live in the warmth. Like, some people are made to live in cold, like Ror, if we were stranded in the Arctic, he'd survive and I'd die. I'm just, if we were in the desert, I'd live and he'd die. Do you know what I mean? Like I just think there are like different people made for different climates. It's fine.

Here I am living here, living my best life. Me and Ror actually had a bitch about you when you were away. I know he said, he was like... It was actually really good. So when Rawl, sorry Jean Hulls went to my flat and Rawl made them dinner. It was so nice. He made us steak. While I was away. It was amazing. Also it turned up and he'd like, he had classic FM playing. I was like, who are you? He's like a different person when you're away. I texted him being like, apparently you're playing classic FM. He was like, yeah, it's for ambience.

Yeah, he said it's for ambience. He was like, we play in the office all the time, as if it was just so normal. I was like, okay, cool. He was resting the stake. It was just so like great and serious. Anyway, we got onto our favorite topic, Ali Mack. And actually, no, we didn't even start bitching about you. That wasn't the purpose of the conversation.

The purpose of the conversation was, he said he's been sleeping. Oh, I know, I know. Babe, it's you. I know, I know, it's me. I was like, she's the problem. What do you mean? Like, I'm Oh, I know, I know. Babe, it's you. I know, I know. I was like, she's the problem. What do you mean? Like, I'm apparently, but I don't know what you're gonna mean.

But no, well, this is what robbed them, and then they ganged up on me because I was like, I've slept with her a few times, like, you know, quite a lot of times. Nothing's ever offended me about the way that Ali Maxx sleeps, and all he was like, you'd sleep through robbery, anything could happen to you in your sleep, la la la. So then I was like, okay, well, I'm not a good, you know, defendant for you. I think we're good bed buddies. Yeah, you don't bother me.

You've got great bed cam. But we've got bed cam. Exactly. But I will tell you, on holiday, my sister and I, because normally we would ask for twin beds, but we just like forgot, so we were sharing a double bed. Could they not make it twin? They didn't.

So they could. Because the first night we slept and she was like, I will never fucking sleep with you ever again, you wriggle around so much. I swear to God, when I've slept with Ali Mack, I haven't known she's there. So I don't know whether I'm like the dead. Like what's happening there? I don't know, I don't know. I actually don't think I'm that bad.

I just think everyone, everyone must just be like, literally doesn't move a muscle. Like I know I move around a bit, but like not that much. Anyway, then my sister had to sleep on the like camp bed. No! And she was like, I honestly woke up, it was like being in jail because it was like rock hard. She was like, I woke up and my arm was numb. No!

Did you not swap a few nights? No, I did try, but then like it was rude. My feet were off the end and she's a bit shorter than me. And then at the end, my most like, next time we go, I get the big bed. And my mom was like, no, no, no, next time we go, we'll get twin beds. Oh my God, don't you worry. I'll be making sure those twin beds. Yeah, so basically, and then I said, and then I got onto this whole debate about, like,

things in relationships that people think, like, they have hold on to, because if you don't have them, it makes you in a bad relationship. Okay, like. Why don't you just not sleep together? I always. I was like, it's kind of genius. Like why would you share a bed? I've literally also, no.

He's going to be a nicer person. He's going to like be aggier. 100%, 100%. I think when we move, we'll have two rooms. I think so too. And we'll put my current bed in the second room. In the spare room. JIC. But then also, I want to get a bed.

I think your parents have this. My mum has this. The mattresses, they're two mattresses. They haven't yet, but they've just ordered one. Because I think that that's actually the game changer. Because then you don't feel the riggle. The moving. But then he says it's also that you go to the loo.

That works in two. Oh yeah, I two. And you're very loud apparently. Yeah, I am. So you must be quiet. Yeah. But then I'm just thinking then you could have like special Friday night sleepover. I think it's more fun. I'm not sharing a bed with my partner and if they think that's wrong, I'm going to be like, we're not. I think the good thing about not sharing a bed is like the bit before you sleep,

like I could read however, like I could watch TV late. You could put the light on, you can fart. You can live your life, you can wank, like it's so nice. You're going to have a problem sharing a bed with someone. It's so restrictive, like the bit before you go to bed. Actually living, because I had the like, in a long distance relationship, I had the joy of just being like, I'll go and cuddle me to sleep, because it was like one night, it didn't bother me.

But like it's so funny, because I was thinking about it again, because in Northampton, I slept in Marv's bed, which is so weird, because it's like Marv and Cal's bed, but whole hate sharing a bed, and me and Marv don't, Marv. Don't you? Yeah, so me and Marv obviously just always share, and then whole sleeps alone, she's like heaven, like fucking spready,

good like having the time of her life. Sharing a bed is no joke. It's no joke. I think is, the issue for me would come when we decide where we're going to have sexy time. Yeah, like whose bed is it going to be in? Yeah, because I want to depart from that bed. Yeah, but I think that's fine because I think you're probably... I don't want to speak for all men, but I think you're probably safe there.

I don't think they mind. You come to them like, order bride, just get her in, get her out. Like a damp environment? No, agreed. Maybe on the nights that you do have sexy time, you might have a little sleepover in the next all bedroom with them. I know, babe. I feel the same way. I know. I think, thank you for your service.

Good night. And then just go to the next room. Lying like that. Because obviously then this holiday, I've had the whole bed to myself and I'm lying across the bed like this. It's so nice. Your poor sister, she must hate you. No, no, she hates me. She hates me. She woke up and she was like, my arm is numb. I feel like I'm in jail. It's like a prison. In the most beautiful place on the earth, Ali Mac managed to make it bad for her. That's so good.

Oh, it's too good. Oh, it's too good. Well, now you're back. Now I'm back. And you're... I'm sorry, no, I must tell you, sorry. The last night, Sunday night, full moon. Yes. You saw? Yeah.

And I sat on the beach at like 10 o'clock just by myself. And like the moon was just right on my face. Wow. And I just, you asked me if I'm excited. Listen, don't get me wrong, who doesn't love to be in the Maldives? Sure. But I just felt so like full,

like my cup was so full. And I feel like this is the energy that I'm bringing into 2025. Really good. Release all the... Negativity. Yeah, and like also all the attachment to, this is what I said to the moon.

I said, I'm releasing... Listen, moon. I'm releasing my attachment to the destination. Wow. That's my big thing this year. I'm really going to try and like really relish in the journey. Because actually the journey, you know, I was even thinking about like us in December fucking running around like mad men.

Yeah. You know, like obviously it's chaos and like we're so knackered, but like when you look back you think, gosh, we're hilarious. Yeah. And then you have a quiet time and you're like, oh, bring it back. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm trying, yeah, that's what I'm going to do.

That's what I was releasing to the moon. I'm going to get a tattoo of the moon just for that reason. I'm just excited. Oh, I love, not here, but yes, I can get behind it. No, this is the sun. This is my, this is my light centre. The moon is for the bellybutt. I could get a moon tattoo. Yeah. I can get behind it. No, this is the sun, because this is my light centre bit. The moon is for the belly button. Yeah, I've booked in actually.

For a moon? Well, the 27th of Jan, I'm going to go and see him. To do what? A moon? Just to get a few. How long is a full moon full for? Not very, three or four days. Oh, fine. Yeah, max.

I was going to say it was a full moon yesterday. Yeah, and then you just see it starts to wane and you think, oh, energy's going. You get was a full moon yesterday. Yeah. And then you just see it starts to wane and you think, oh, energy's going. You get one night of like full pass. Like power. Maybe two, but yeah, one normally. And then it's Chinese New Year at the end of this month. I know.

Gong, she gong, she gong, she knee, ha gong. Babe, that's really good. Thank you. Thank you. I'm confused. I've been practicing. So the first- What year is it?

Snake. Snake. Snake is... Is that good vibes? What year are you born in? I'm a rabbit. Are you? 99.

Same as my sister. Yeah. I didn't know that. So you think I'm older than I look? So you don't think I'm a rabbit? So you're 25? Yeah, I'm 25. Snakes would have been born in... So you don't think I'm a rabbit? Do you think I'm a rabbit? So you're 25? Yeah, I'm 25.

Snakes would have been born in... I don't know any snakes. What age is that? Snakes is 2021, because 2000 is the dragon year. Or older, old people. Old? Or older, yeah. So it's every 12 years.

So if you're turning 36, 24 or 12 this year, you're a snake. Snakes are, my grandma's a snake. They are, I don't know how to say this kindly. They're like, imagine how smart snakes have to be to slither their way. They're quite good at seeing a plan and not calculated, but they're quite method methodical and they're thought through but they're also quite like close like they're not showers of their emotions. Wow. Anyway, Snakey is actually quite good at it. Every year is good. We're just exiting the dragon year. Every year has different bits of energy. Yeah. It better be good. Everyone's kind of feeling that

aren't they though but I just love that energy at the start of the year when everyone's just a bit like no no, come on, like, it's going to be a good one. And even if it's not, like, you know, it's nice to imagine it might be. I read this really beautiful thing, because I think, like, at the beginning of the year, everyone does have that thing where they're like,

oh, it's going to be a good year, and then you might get to the end of the year and be like, that was the fucking worst year ever. Everything went wrong. But I read this thing that was like, even in your worst years, there would have been some really happy days. Even in your worst days, like the light is that the day will end.

Like there's always, even if you have a bad year, it's not going to be the worst. Like, you know. It's not a bad life. Thank you. You're welcome. Shall we introduce the pod? Hello. Welcome to Leave a Message. This is the podcast by the Gallies for the Gallies.

And if you don't know what Galley stands for, it means a girl or a boy or a non-binary that sees themselves as one of the people. As one of our people. Our people. They want to feel part of the community. They're not ashamed to be them true selves. They're not embarrassed about certain stories or things that might have happened to them and they share openly and they're just basically good time people. Yes.

And it really did come from the combining of our names. G and Ali. Gali. Anyway, that's by the by. This is Leave A Message where we listen to your voice notes. Thank you so much for listening. If you've been listening since the start, we love you. If you're new here, we love you just the same. And this week, we are going to call the galleys.

We better call her something like... What airline did you fly with? A Virgin. Virgin. Why don't we call... Atlantic? Good! Atlantic! Very good runner.

Do people really call their kids things like that? Yes. I just watched someone on TikTok. Sorry. Atlanta maybe. Atlanta. Who called their child poetry. No, it's Francesca Fargo from Too Hot to Handle.

I don't like it. She called her child poetry. Poetry in motion. And the other one they were twins, romance and poetry. We listen and we don't judge but that is, I mean I like a wacky name. That's a bit too wacky for me. I think it's just, you're making things up now. Yes. How far will it go? Like you're gonna have Kettle soon. You're gonna have Lasagna. Do you know how I feel about it. Actually, we've spoken about this before.

Lasagna, I really like. It's a great name and it's a shame that it is a pasta dish because it's a good name. Well, have you seen the TikToks of people being like Chlamydia or Garnieria? Chlamydia is a beautiful name. This is the thing. It's lovely. Even Thrush. Like isn't that a bird?

I agree. Like it's lovely. Yes, I agree. It's lovely. Yes, I agree. Thrushy. So nice when you think about it not being connected to... Not being the word. But to say the word thrush.

To say the word chlamydia, darling. Lovely. And all the posh women would be calling their children chlamydia. If they could. And it'd be like midi for short. Yeah. Oh, midi sweet. We'll sit with Atlanta, shall we? Yeah, Atlanta. Great.

Great. Ali's, I'm just always knowing some advice about my parents to try and keep it short. I feel like I have a lot to say. To give a little bit of context, I've been split up since 2018 and my dad's been in a relationship with current girlfriends since 2020. At the start of their relationship, I had a word come over to my mum's house and my blame to me and my siblings about how unattractive his current girlfriend was and how he was embarrassed to walk down the street with her and how big she was and just saying vile things. And I said to him that he had made me insecure about how men would think about me with the

things he says about his girlfriend. He said that I was childish, I was immature and I knew nothing about relationships, basically saying it's fine how we spoke about her. Anyway, for the past four years, he has come over to the house and complained about how unhappy he is with her. Every week he's like, I'm just going to end it. He'll say it to close friends too. So everyone always thinks like he's not happy with her. Yet every time I go over, they seem fine and they seem like they're in a good relationship. Super confusing basically. Anyway, my mum told me two weeks ago that at the start of 2024, he came over to the house and was complaining about their sex life and how nothing

was going on and she wasn't satisfying him, but they both wanted to stay together. Basically, things that my mum didn't need to know, it's their personal stuff that's going on. Then my mum said that he would hold on longer with hogs and she could feel his erection and even went to him touching her in places. My mum, who still of still has feelings there for him thought that like you know he's interested in her because for the past four years he's sort of led my mum on as well as being in this relationship with his current girlfriend. Anyway she said that they'd also kissed a few times at the start of the year but that was it.

But anyway yesterday she told me that two months ago he came to the house twice in one week to do everything but sex. I'm saying everything but sex because he said he couldn't go through with sex because it would be cheating but he basically has already cheated with doing with kissing and doing everything else. But my mom isn't the only person. He also has a friend, I was about to say her name, he's really close with this, into open relationships and they go on walks together and she said that she wants to sleep with him, but he hasn't said anything else. So who knows what's happened there. Anyway, I just wanted some advice on what to do.

Like I want to tell her, but I don't know how to go about it because I only see her a couple of times a year. So I feel like we're not close. She might deem it random if I'm like, don't want to go on a walk. I don't really know how to go about it, but I feel like I should tell her. I don't know what to do. So please get her some advice. Love you girls. Wow. There's a lot to unpack.

So basically she wants to tell the girlfriend about her dad's escapades, because not only is he doing everything but with her own mother, his ex-wife. But also the one that he goes on walks with. Yes. So... OK. First of all, I'm so sorry, because this is actually really quite a strange situation and like it's not your job to, it shouldn't be your job to like meddle in your parents love like messy messy messy love life.

No, your dad's being messy and actually that like you don't even want to hear about what he does in his stable relationship, let alone in his like turbulent one with other women and one of them being your mum, what would you do? I think if it was your dad? Well, it depends because like it depends who's I don't want to like this sounds so binary. But I do think you kind of have to pick a side. Like you can't be on your dad's like you can't tell her and then still expect for your dad to, like, side with you or for you to side with him.

Like, I think that if you tell her, you're making quite a clear statement that you're picking her side over his. It feels like if you want to tell her, you kind of need to go to your dad first and be like, this is what I'm going to do. I think you should be the one to do it. If you don't... Oh, I wouldn't do that. I'm going to. I one to do it. If you don't, I'm going to. I would just do it.

Would you? Yeah. But this is the thing, it depends on your relationship with your dad. It depends if you... But then I guess is it because her lawyers, he's aligning with her mom. So she's like, I don't care, dad, you're the one sticking it everywhere. I'm doing it out of respect for my mom because he's been leading her on. And I think the other woman needs to know that. And I'm kind of defending my mum

because I don't want him to get away with being able to have his cake and eat it. I think that you need to kind of decide, if you were to do it, what is the worst that would happen? Is it going to blow up your relationship with him even more? Is it going to really impact your relationship with your mum? What are the outcomes of telling her, not telling her, going to speak to your dad first, like, kind of like plot out the likelihood of each one of those things happening. And then I think

you have to kind of decide, like, for example, let's say you go and tell her and then your dad like loses the plot and like doesn't speak to you, whatever you have to be happy with that. And like, if you're going to do it, you have to you can't just do it and then be like, shit, I like really think about it it because it's a lot to like get involved in meddle, not meddle, but like, you know, to speak your mind. It's quite difficult when your parents become flawed people to you. Like it happens, obviously, we're now like in our late 20s. So that happened a long time ago for you, for me.

But it is like quite a shock when that happens. I agree. When you hear something about one of your parents, when you see their behaviour, when you hear an opinion you don't like, like you're not necessarily cognitive of that whilst you're growing up, I don't think. No. And then suddenly they become these people that like, I know.

You don't always agree with how they act. You don't always agree with their moral compass, with their actions. And it's very difficult because probably one half of you wants to have a really strong stance on that as you would with your peers. And then the other half of you wants to just kind of keep them in the bracket of like, parents, you do you, I definitely don't want to know about your sex life and whether you're cheating on your girlfriend or not. That's an option too, is to just keep them in that bracket. My main thing would be that I would go to my mom and be like, wakey shakey, come on, like he's leading you on and he's

treating you like shit. Everything but is wild. It's so hard though, like, you know, when you've been married. Yeah, of course, like I can understand why he doesn't even think that's cheating, because it's my ex-wife, mother of my children. I mean, it is obviously. That is wild. It obviously is cheating, but you've got such like depth of history and it's so easy, I

can assume, to slip back into whatever you do. And she will feel like she has more of a claim to him probably than this new girlfriend, even though they've been together for four years. Would I say something? No, if it was me, I would. I don't know how old you are, but if it was me, I probably wouldn't.

Because the thing is, as soon as... I actually think I asked when she was 21. She's 21? Okay. Oh, you're so young, babe. I feel like it's not your way to... Exactly. And the second that you do it, you become involved in every single, like every conversation now or like some way, somehow come back to you, involve you, like then you'll

be in. Then you're in. And then I just think like, would you not just wash your hands of it and just like let them like make their own mistakes? And also you don't owe this woman every... Like, as you say, you're not super close with her, you don't owe her that. I know morally in our highest elevated selves, all of us would want to like, we know what's right and what's wrong in this situation, no one's questioning that. But whether it's your place to be the truth bearer, I don't know.

Unless you're happy to be the truth bearer and take everything that comes with it. Yeah. And have, you know, imagine then they all three sit down and speak and you have to be there. Like I just would. Dead, I'd be dead. I just would die and I just would rather not.

So I just probably wouldn't say anything. I'd just fucking keep my mouth shut to be honest with you and just watch it play out. But really hard that you know though, babe, because I know that when you know information that you're hiding from one party, that is like quite heavy. What do you make a TikTok about it? That'll definitely go viral.

If you can do anything before TikTok gets banned, just go viral, just one time, babe, that'll fix it. She'll definitely find out then. Maybe just play her this, just say. Like accidentally send it to her and then you didn't even have to tell her. She just knew. Oh, so. Also, I don't know if you, like, if you have a sibling, I would say then the stakes have

changed because if you have a sibling, you can kind of like do it together. If you're on your own, I definitely wouldn't do it. I definitely might have a convo with my dad. I know that might be rude, but I'd definitely be like, babe, you're being messy. At 21.'re being messy. At 21. Line all messy. So you best keep it in your trousers. Maybe you could say, is this the type of behaviour

you want my husband to display? Yeah. Like how she said about when he was talking like shit about his girlfriend and she said, would you like boys to talk about me like that? It's very good to use you as an example. Unless they don't care though. Unless they don't care and he's just living his life. He sounds like he's really just going through a midlife crisis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he doesn't know what he wants. And also maybe you just need to like, I don't know how close your relationship is, but he's always going to be your dad. Maybe you could just take a hot sec and just have some space. You're moving mad. You're mental.

I'm over here. Come find me when you're done. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not. And touch my mum again without intention or I will actually fuck you up. Basically, yeah. Basically.

You got options here, you just have to think about it basically. That's the thing, don't do anything rash because all of this is going to have consequences that could be quite big. Yeah. Before we continue with this week's episode of Leave A Message. If you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description.

Now, this can be about anything. Obviously, sometimes we ask you for specific topics. But if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this, then get voice noting. Atlanta number two. Yeah. Atlanta number two. Hi, galleys. We just wanted to leave a message. So basically, I'm here with my friend. For context, we've been friends since we were born. You get the picture. So this is our dilemma mixed with a story. I was with this boy for like a year and a half. And I was friends with him and you separately. Pre-summer this year things got a little bit messy to say the least and now we don't speak.

The breakup was mutual but I knew in the back of my head it needed to be done during the months leading up to it. However the timing was horrific because of exam season. And you actually do still see each other every day at sixth form. Good I forgot to mention that. Sorry, this is sounding a bit Jesus-y drama. We did script at Rihanna. And I'm still friends with, let's call him Oscar, because we've always done theatre together and so I see him every week. We need a bit of advice on how to navigate the situation because I still need to get

on with him and would like to maintain our friendship, but it is slightly weird because I obviously want to have my friends back. I don't hate him and honestly, I'm not bored by your friendship, but I find him so jarring. Honestly do question why your friends. In my highest elevated self. You can't see her, but she's doing the quotation mark fingers. I feel like I could be civil with him, but do I need to be? Would it be better for me to just cut him off?

At the moment there's not really a problem between us, but I don't want it to become one. Any advice, Gallies? Side note, you might have noticed that we've been listening to you for so long, we've started to pick up your phrases. Also, little business idea for you, we need a quiz to find out if we're more Ali or G. Get in touch with Buzzfeed. Really good.

Love you so much, you're fab. Bye! Oh girls, great voice notes. Guys, I really, really appreciate the scripting. Rihanna's smiling from ear to ear. Rihanna is thrilled. You know, I think it's just so sweet how, like, the mannerisms have taken off.

It's amazing. Right, though, girls, we do need a little quiz somewhere. Somewhere, somehow, are you an Ali or are you a G? We'll figure it out. We'll get on it. We'll put it on the vision board for 2025. Yes. Thanks. That was epic. And actually, the scripting, I know it does, you know, We'll get on it. We'll put it on the vision board for 2025. Thanks. That was epic.

And actually the scripting, I know it does, you know, air on the side of GCSE drama, but we appreciate it. And I heard every single thing and now I know the facts. So I think, and this is rogue because this could change if I was 40, 50. Do you know what I mean? More years were at play. But I think if you've had a friendship prior to them going out,

and it's separate to the relationship, say if like, Ror and I had been at uni together, and he was like kind of my friend, I think there is a world in which you can maintain that friendship as long as it doesn't like, yeah, cross-pollinate with the person that has broken up with that person. And especially depends on the circumstances of breakup.

Like if he'd really hurt you, that's so different to them mutually breaking up and you deciding to maintain a friendship with him that doesn't, you know, approach on your friend's time company. She doesn't have to like move in his circles. But it can get messy. And when you've got like history with someone and you're watching them like just be a friend to one of your friends, it can just be quite irritating when you're not in your highest elevated self, I think. I agree.

I think it really depends on the circumstance of the breaker, because if you just find him in a way and jarring, fine. I think it's harmless and I think, yeah, if, as you say, if they're kept separate enough and even just like, you know, they have to see each other once a year on your birthday or whatever, then fine. And if you don't feel like she's picking him over you or like... Yeah, like we definitely got to keep the... I would definitely keep the closeness to a kind of, you know... Like at arm's length.

And like an external circle friend. Like if he's becoming like inner circle friend, I'd be a bit like, really, what's the need there? Don't get there. I would say you have to pick a side, but that also counts as picking a side, because you have to pick who to keep on the inside. Okay, I would say you have to pick a side but like in that also counts as picking a side because you have to pick who to keep on the inside. Yes, exactly. So like you can only have one of them on the inside, not both. Yes. But if you can definitely like do drama with him and

like have a good time. And like go for a coffee. If your friend is not like if it's all gravy and Gucci and the oh the worst thing is that she finds him jarring not that like she fucking hates His guts and she wants to kill him and he hurt her fine Yeah, then that but like if the circumstance is he hurt her he cheated on her. He betrayed her I think it's an O. I'm so bad at stuff like this because even then like I just think I have got like a really bad streak of jealousy and me because like even if my ex hadn't hurt me and you went for a coffee with him, I'd be like, you're right. No, no. I wouldn't.

Like, I'm saying this in my highest elevators. Yeah, do you know what I mean? In reality, babe, I'm telling you now, there's no way. But this is the thing. This is what I was going to say about if you became... Say, Raw and I now have a friendship because he's with Al, you best believe they break up, I'll never speak to the boy again. I'll drop you like that, I'm not off.

But that's because I didn't have a friendship with him before, so I've got no loyalties to you. So I'm just not going to bother. Do you know what I mean? It's hard because I have never been in that situation where you've had a pre-existing friendship. I'm trying to think. This is why it's good to keep your friendship separate.

I know, because then there's no muddy water. Okay, I do have it. I have a really good example. Do you? So I have two friends that are together, and I knew them actually kind of both separately. Or definitely just we were all a group of friends. Oh, yeah. And then they got together.

It would be really hard now to not... To pick a side.... to not maintain both friendships. But are you on either of their inner circle? Because that's what this is. No, yeah, I'm probably not actually, so maybe that's why it's fine. I could just maintain a friendship with both. We figured it out. That's the code. I think in a circle you do have to pick a side, sorry.

In a circle? Now I'm just thinking, girls, you've been best friends since you were like babies. Yeah, he's a fucking boy. Maybe like friendship is too strong a word. Like seeing him at school and being in class with him is so fine. You can be nice to him. You don't need to be a cow. But I definitely would like draw the line at like, you know, when it goes past circumstance and into curation, like...

Shall we do this? Yes. That's not happening, I think. Yeah, I agree. But can we get along in math? Yes, we can. Totally agree. I think that might be it. And then I think you might be safe. Totally agree. I wouldn't be texting him. I wouldn't be...

Do you know what I mean? 100%! That kind of friendship. 100%! Up the level to, like, you know, dinner on a Wednesday. That's why I mean arms distance. They're like, yeah, you see them when you see them, and when you don't, you don't. And you're nice, and you're friendly, and it's fine.

And you can text you, what was the homework, and that wouldn't be weird. No. Or like, did you see X, Y, Z, but not... Or if you're in a group, like don't get me wrong, Group Dynams, you can all just be there together, it's fine. Or if you have another mutual friend that like, I don't know, you both went to the same party, like also find like civil. Yeah. Also, none of it's coming from a place of like, anyone thinking that you're going to do anything with him. Like it's not that. It's just like, as we say all the

time, you get to control who infiltrates your life and who are characters in your life. And if your best friend doesn't really want him to be a character in her life, you might be able to respect that for her. Completely agree. Wow. Good work, team. That's really good.

Crack the code. I've got empty whiteboard, guys. I'm written a single thing down. Look at me! That's so good. Shall we do a little round up? Let's. Okay, Atlanta number one.

So you've had an absolute nightmare with your dog of a dad. Oh babe, I'm so sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. He is, dog. He's acting dog is what I'm saying. You know like dogs like see a treat, they take it. That's how he's acting. Like he's just like, oh boy. No, he's dogs, like, see a treat, they take it. That's how he's acting. Like, he's just like, oh, bored.

No, he's actually acting like a teenager. That's the problem here. Yeah, he's acting a bit testosterone-fuelled. Yeah, exactly. Maybe. It is giving midlife crisis. It's giving midlife crisis. And actually, they do have a surge of testosterone.

That's why that shit happens. They buy, like, cars and stuff. Ugh. Gross. I think if it were me, I would talk to my dad. If it were me, I'd honestly, I'd wash my hands of it and say, listen, Lisa, I'm out of here. Your shit is your shit. I'm here.

Yeah. Come find me when you're finished. I'm living over here with my own moral compass. You clearly don't live by so. Yeah. Yeah. I'm nervous of you going and telling you know, telling the truth to everyone. Also, if you don't know her from Adam, do you need to tell her?

I listen, I know we've got girl code, but like... It's a never-ending debate, that, isn't it? Protect your peace. I don't know, girl code or protection of peace. I personally pick peace protection. Peace protection. Yeah, I mean, when you say it like that, yeah. Okay, let us know how you get on, babe. We'd like a roundup on that one, I mean, when you say it like that, yeah. Uh-huh. Okay, let us know how you get on, babe. We'd like a roundup on that one, I think.

Atlanta number two, girls, number one, thank you for your voice note. You can have Star of the Week because that was just so brilliant. Yeah, brilliant. And actually, if everyone could follow suit, we'd really appreciate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we really don't mind the scripting. I really appreciate the voice note. Rihanna's honestly thrilled. She hasn't stopped smiling since she played it. It may be as well. Yeah, listen, you are each other's priority.

So keep communicating. The way you talk about it in front of each other is epic. So you clearly like know what's what, and you know what the other person feels comfortable with and doesn't. And how to speak to each other. Which is the most, like the number one, square one is being able to do it.

So well done, you've got past square one winners. So just keep communicating basically, and don't be going for coffee with him. I would say yeah, in a circle, out a circle and he can sit there. And baby you can have him on a different island somewhere because you don't need to bother with him apart from when you cross him in the hallway in sixth form. Yeah. Not ideal. And just look the other way, really.

Look the other way. So on the other cheek. Exactly. Thank you. An eye for an eye. We love you so much. We've got a question of the week. Oh sorry! God! What? Holiday mode.

Okay, the question is, can you be friends with your best friend's ex? Just like Atlanta too. See what we did there? Thinking ahead girls, this year is the year of being planned ahead and prepared. Yeah. Okay, number one, no it's too awkward. Number two, yes it's all love. What do you think everyone voted for? No it's too awkward. I voted no it's too awkward. Yeah, no it's too awkward.

I voted the opposite. Did you? Yeah it's all love. Do you think that it's all love? She's a loving being. How dare I? I take it all back. You look like you're about to square up to me. I'm telling you now.

So aggressive. Do you think that? Yeah, you can be cool. Yeah, this is a thing. Cool, but you can't be hot, babe. Like you can't be cool. You can't be like Caliente. No, no.

You can be cool, but it starts getting hot. You can't be like Caliente. You can't be like Caliente. You can't be like Caliente. You can't be like Caliente. You can't be like Caliente. You can't be like Caliente. You can't be like Caliente.

You can't be like Caliente. You can't be like Caliente. You can't be like Caliente. You can't be like Caliente. You can't be like Caliente. You can't be. Yeah, this is a thing. Cool, but you can't be hot, babe. No. Like, you can't be cool. You can't be like Caliente. No, no. You can be cool, but it starts getting warm. I swear to God, I'll be having words. Do you know what I mean?

No, no, no. Defo, just cool. Cool. Cool. What did the girls say? They said 81% no, it's too awkward. Wow. You're a show friend.

Show friend. You're a show friend. Wait, we just told Atlanta number two that you could be cool. Yeah, we just said it could be done and we just gave it cool. But we don't give specifics in the stories. That's the problem. Why do you say cool? I am not a show friend.

I too am cool. Yeah, I think that's it. Cool is the max. We're all in agreement that it doesn't have to be like, ghost mode, you don't exist to me. When you've built a relationship with them or you had one prior. Fine. But it just has to be careful, cool. I can't wait until you guys have like some industry friends that are in a relationship.

Then they break up and then you have to navigate it. Because we'll see how cool you guys are then when you want something from the ex. Yeah. When the ex has something he can offer. When you want him on drive thru. Yeah, that'll be awkward. All comes back to communication. And being cool.

And being cool. Fine. Guys, there's always a place for coolness. And if everyone just says how they feel and say what you mean, you're good. Period. Period. Period. I like that. We're going to bring that in. That's very good. Bringing. Period. Period. I like that.

We're going to bring that in. That's very good. Bringing it back. Period. What about on fleek? On fleek. I hate it. I will never say on fleek.

Eyebrows on fleek. That is a ho. Can we wrap now? Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening to Leave A Message. We love you so much. Stay cool, stay calm, stay collected.

Stay on. Flick. Hey