Leave A Message with Ally & G - 53 - Mum, If You're Not Going To The Gym... Where Are You?!

Episode Date: March 5, 2025

We are officially in the month of Leave A Message LIVE! It will be here before we know it... but, until then (and after then, to be fair), Ally & G are here helping some Gally's in need! This week we start with a family secret getting uncovered. What would you do if your Mum has been lying this whole time about her gym trips? And what if you found out the truth... after a night staking it out with your Dad?! Eeek... that will result in some trauma bonding! Plus, when do you know it's time to pull the plug? One of the Gally's friends spent the night trying new things in the boudoir... and it doesn't end well. Trying new things? That's for losers. We'll be back here same time, same place next week! Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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or a free Tim's coffee or donut. Play on the Tim's app until March 23rd. Rules apply, Canada only. No purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. Guys, I need another coffee and I don't know what to do about it. Like, I'm quite actually, like, not worried. Like, I think worried is strong, but I'm conscious of my need for coffee. This is what... No! Lazy mic technique!

This is what, this is what Colleen said. Colleen Rune? Yeah. And she said, in the jungle, I had the most horrific migraines... Because she hadn't had coffee. And that is enough to put me... Do you know they let them smoke? How do you know that? I read it on the blog.

That must be bad for the rainforest. It's real. It's real life. There's a smoking area. Bible. So they're allowed cigs, but no coffee? Cigs or vape, whatever. If you smoke, it must be... How do they charge the vape? It... How do they charge it?

In production, babe! Are the important questions... How do they charge the cameras? Where they charge the cameras, they charge the vape. Oh no, but that's an important question. They must have big fat batteries. Yeah, big fat batteries. But also, I think it must be to do with withdrawal.

You can't have people in there on Nicky patches. Or can we not get a caffeine patch? Potentially. Hook me up to a drip. It's bad. I'm at the level... I go to bed thinking about my morning coffee. That's how much I love it. Well, the thing is, it's partly ritualistic.

I genuinely think I could drink decaf and be fine. I agree. I really do think that. Yeah, I think I could just make the conscious to like order a decaf and it wouldn't like after this I will have my second coffee. I should order that decaf because all I really want is the like coffee. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So maybe I'll go decaf later. It doesn't taste the same. It does. Decaf sometimes it doesn't. It does. What's the actual crack?

Rana, what is the crack with decaf? Oh, it's actually, I googled this the other day. There's actually a small percentage of caffeine in there. Yeah, I did know that. It's not completely decaf. It's like having a matcha. Like it's still got caffeine in there. Okay, I went to Genki.

Oh, did you? Where is that? By the way, it's the best matcha I've ever had in my life. It's what Shin says, you have to have that matcha. Shin's here. And basically, they told me that a matcha has a hot... They told you, this girl, she will talk to anyone. Like, why are you chatting with the person making your matcha?

I've got nothing to say. I've always been like that. I could get a waiter's life story out of him in 30 seconds. That is fascinating. They told me that matcha has a higher concentration. It's got more caffeine. If you have a matcha, it's got more caffeine. Yeah, I think it has. We always have a matcha at three, babe. And the way it works is different.

So, like, caffeine gives you a spike, but matcha is like a raised plateau. So, like, it gives you energy for longer. Sounds like a bit of me.. Sounds like a bit of me. That sounds like a bit of me. So maybe as a morning, I can't be asked with that little brush that everyone's using when they make it at home. And I'd rather just go get someone to make it for me. Exactly. Babe, do you want to know something? And at Blank Street, this is no

defamation because I... Have the credits come in? Yeah, but guess how many? 50 quid less. I don't know because it's in coffees. 10. Eight. That's four blank streets each don't know because it's in coffees. 10. 8. That's four blanks trees each.

We would go through that in two days. Easily. A month. Is it a month? No, babe, it's one off. I think it's just one off. I think it was just a one off gift and it was a really kind gift and I'm not being ungrateful.

I fully thought we'd get 50. I genuinely thought we'd get like a black card. A green card. I thought it was going to be like an unlimited match of green card. Yeah, I did. That is hard. So I had a fall from grace there and I was checked into place for being a spoiled bitch is what happened there. So thank you Blank Street for keeping me in check because I really thought it was going to be limitless. I thought it was going to be like tap on tap on at Blank Street.

Three months worth at least I thought. At least. Guys, the amount of Blank Street, we are honestly keeping that business afloat at the moment. True. Wow. Okay. Anyway, that's coffee. So we've covered that.

Good. If everyone's caffeinated this morning, congrats. If you're yet to have one, sorry for making you desperate. Have you got any gosh-for-honey you'd like to share with the group? How's your love life? She doesn't like to talk about that. She's entitled to her privacy. No, no, no.

I actually went on a date on the weekend and he was 40 minutes late. Well, he was almost 40 minutes late. No, that... I was not going to let him get to 40 minutes, was I? So I got up and I walked out. You left? You left, Queen. So you never even went on the date? Fuck 40 minutes. That's disgusting.

Thank you for this fraction because everyone else has been like, oh, did he apologise? Like, surely you just wait for him. No, wait, you're going to leave me sat there on my own? I'm unbelievably rude. 10 minutes, you can have 10 minutes. 15 at a perch. I would have given 20. Would you?

Sometimes I can be a little late. Fine. So I understand that. But 40 minutes. That is, that is appalling. No. No, he wasn't. Also, it was Central London on a Saturday, but.

Why did he drive? And he doesn't even drive, he just borrowed someone's car. No, it's sus borrowed someone's car. Sounds like an animal. No, it's sus. Sounds like boisterous to me. Also, like, the thing I don't understand about lateness is like, you know, prior to being that late, that you're going to be that late? Yes.

40 minutes just doesn't disappear. Agree. Like, you know when you're leaving the house that you're going to be late. Like, even if you gave yourself a grace period of 10 minutes to park, you know you're going to be late. And I was early and I was wearing heeled boots. Oh, babe. And they rubbed off the sole of the tip of the heel, whatever the frick it's called.

Yeah. Rubbed off, so I was walking around, slam, slam, slam, slam, slam, with my little metal prongs. The worst. The worst. Did you like buy yourself a bottle of wine and go home? What did you do? No, I just ordered a five-guy. Very good. Did you like buy yourself a bottle of wine and go home? What did you do? No, I just ordered a five-guy.

Very good! As you should. That was like Chloe and, is anyone watching Kardashians? I'm actually not, but I'd love to. Right. You're paying for Disney Plus. My mom pays. Oh, well done, Sheila.

Well done, babe. I don't pay for a single subscription. I just get my mom's email address, put it in. And it works. Oh my God, what a woman. Everything. Sheila, I've actually got your email address, so watch out. No, babe, you know why she originally paid? Because she wanted to watch Moana and she couldn't wait.

She couldn't wait for it to come. My mom. And now she just, Sheila's the kind of woman that will, like, this is heaven, but she is the kind of woman that will sign up for a subscription and never cancel it. 100%. God bless. They will just keep going. She's the perfect person for rocket money. Yes. This is heaven, but she is the kind of woman that will sign up for a subscription and never cancel it. A hundred percent. God bless. They will just keep going. She's the perfect person for rocket money.

Yes. I always think who is letting money get taken out of their account on a monthly basis? No, no. Sheila. Sheila. Sheila is honestly like, if you ask, if you gun to Sheila's head, what are your monthly outgoings? She'd be like, dead then, I guess. Yeah. Yeah.

Am I allowed to say rocket money? What is rocket money? Yeah, I think so. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, that's the phrase, isn't. Am I allowed to say Rocket Money? What is Rocket Money? Yeah, I think so. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, that's the phrase, isn't it? No, no, no, no. You sign up for a subscription so they can get rid of your subscriptions.

Oh my God, that's genius. You think that's genius? Sorry, guys, we must get Sheila on Rocket. So basically, you pay for a subscription company to go through your idle subscriptions that you pay for and that you don't use? Yeah, I think that's so silly. I think that's productive. What, because like do your own work?

Yeah, like why you... Sure. Another subscription? Sure, but like, you know, drive your own Uber. I don't know. Yeah, do your own emails. Do you know what I mean? Like clean your own house. I don't know. Look after your own kids. Yeah, do you know what I mean? I'm thinking if we can take the load off in places... You are a consumer's wet street.

I am. I will gobble, gobble, gobble. God forbid if I get rich. Not God forbid, babe. Hopefully it'll happen. God willing, but also I'm worried for the things I think I will need. It will be bad. The only reason I'm not full over consumption is because I don't have any money. I agree. Like, I don't earn a salary currently. It's wild out here. No, but sorry, can I just quickly say about this?

Oh, sorry, Disney Plus. Kardashians, Five Guys, go! So, Chloe and Lamar, obviously everyone knows about Chloe and Lamar. Are they back together then? Or he's just in the series for fun? So basically, she had loads of his stuff and she wanted to give it... They were together years ago. No, 10 years ago.

Oh yeah, years ago. It would have been like 15 years ago now. And she kept his things. Well, only because like he... The way it ended obviously was so traumatic. Like... What happened? He went to rehab? He... She originally found him.

He was found in a brothel in Nevada, out, like, cold out, like, overdose. He was in a coma. He had to relearn how to walk and talk. Because of drugs? Yeah, it was so severe. She fully nursed him back to health. And in the episode, they show clips of them in the hospital, her fully holding his child's face and being like, this is your son. He was dead in the episode, they show clips of them in the hospital, her fully holding his child's face and being like,

this is your son. He was dead in the brain. What the hell was he taking? I don't know, mad. Anyway, so she went back to health. Obviously, though, he cheated on her so many times, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But she then rented this house next to hers

and paid for all of his carers, all of his nurses, so that he could get well. Were they still married at this time? They were still married at this time. Then I think eventually, yeah, they were still married, but she was emotionally done with him but still looked really cared for him. In sickness and in health. And then there was one day that she was going to go to Vegas for Scott Disick's birthday

and she walked into the house and he was there doing drugs. And she was like, you need to get the fuck out. And that was the last time they ever saw each other. And then like all of their divorce proceedings were done. Like they never saw each other in person. Oh my god. So like the way it was left is like, obviously she still has his stuff in his house. And then she tried to ship some of it to him,

and he was like, leave it with my friend. His friend just took everything and sold everything. And so she just had this one box of stuff, and she was like, I just want to give it direct to him. So anyway, this episode is that. And it is actually heartbreak. Is it weird when they say hi? Yeah, he is just a broken man. Is he well now?

No, he looks unwell. He's clean, yeah, but the toll that that takes on your body is just like, it is so emotional. Oh my God, I'm going to get on Disney Plus right now. You have to watch it. The way that he looks at her and the things that he says, he calls her my wife and stuff. She says to me when she's doing her interviews, like, his words are so empty because when I was his wife, you know, he didn't treat me like his wife.

Like, she's so composed and actually I feel like... No, no, no, she is ice queen because of everything she's gone through. Also, like, I actually have such admiration for her because, like, she's not bitter. No. She, like, looked after him and, like, cared for him and paid for his care and all of this stuff

that she didn't have to do, even after he had cheated on her with how many prostitutes. It is wild. She did the same thing for Tristan and her brother or son or something. And now she looks after his, Tristan's disabled brother lives and is cared for by Chloe. I just, I get that she's such a good woman,

but I do just think not her responsibility. 100%, 100%. 100%. But if you can even take a shred of that goodness. Wow. I'm not that person, but I would love to be that person. To be like, I did everything that I could. Yeah.

I guess as well, when you've got the facilities to do so, it feels less like you have an option to be like, not my problem. Yeah. Because it's like, it kind of can be your problem. Oh, no, but it isn't. Because it's like, you can choose. You definitely need the money and the kind heart. Yeah.

Like, you need both. Yeah. And she's got both, so she does it. No, guys, honestly, this episode is so emotional, I can't even tell you. Oh my God, I'm going to watch it. The reason I started talking about this, he was an hour late. He was an hour late. And then he arrived with roses and a cake that said happy anniversary and with the date

of their wedding on it. Like he is not like all there. Oh, so you feel like you're getting some instability. Oh, oh my God. Big time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, lateness for me, like even if he'd have come, that guy guy, and he'd have said sorry, I wouldn't have seen him again. Because that is just an indication of like, you and me are not going to get on.

Agreed. Because it makes me fuming. I hate to wait. You do not value me and think that I'm worth being on time for. No. Especially like first date. It's just like bare men, to be honest with you. Thank you. Wild. Well done, babe. Stand your ground. Proud of you.

Anyway, guys, welcome to Leave A Message. Hi, this is the Kardashian Debrief podcast. No done, babe. Stand your ground. Proud of you. Anyway, guys, welcome to Leave a Message. Hi, this is the Kardashian Debrief podcast. This is Leave a Message, the podcast where we get your voice notes and we talk about them, we dissect them, we loll at them, we love them. This week, the galleys are going to be called... What shall we call them, Chloe? Chloe with a K, Rich. It's K-H. Rich!

If you don't know, it a K, Rich, is K-H. Rich! If you don't... Look, I lied! If you don't know, it's Kardashian, so it's K, okay? Rich. Hey, Ali and G, I have a family drama story for you. I feel like this one could be a bit of a mixed bag, but it's a good one, I promise. Don't worry, I have a script.

Okay, so long story shortened, I ended up having my mom on farmer iPhones and found myself having to sneak into my parents' house to grab clothes. I tracked my mom to a service station about 30 minutes away from their house. Now this is the time of the night she used to go to the gym, supposedly.

It was about 10 p.m. And she'd been doing this since I was probably around four years old. I had to become full detective and found out she hadn't been a member of that gym for over two years and actually it was never open at this time of night. I tracked her there for about a week, then my ex and I and my best friend and her boyfriend at the time all went to follow her. On the seventh night, I confirmed with my dad that she was at the gym. Of course, I knew she wasn't.

Now the service station she was going to actually had a hotel attached to it as well. We searched the whole service station, toilets included, and she was nowhere to be seen. So obviously this became a stakeout. And we waited with eyes on the car for another two hours. We did this three consecutive nights. On the fourth night, I met my dad and told him everything. To my surprise, his immediate response was, get in the car. So we drove to the service station in complete silence. We took position, just like I had the past three nights and waited just as he said,

I couldn't be right about this. Despite the fact that we were literally staring at her car, she walks out the service station slash hotel entrance. He then drives over to her car from our stakeout position and confronts her. Things obviously erupt into the air, our family secrets being shouted across the whole car park, and she gets in her car and drives off. My question to you is what do you think was going on? I'm a

very nosy person so I have my guesses and I have my suspicions but this is a completely banned subject. I don't actually speak to my mum anymore. So I can't ask and I can't ask my dad. This also happened about two and a half years ago. So it's quite a long time now. Also, this is only part of the story. There's so much more that goes into it and so many more dramas. Anyway, I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts and speculations.

Babe, I'm dead. You must write a book. Yeah, and we need more. We need more books. We need part two, three, four, five, six, seven. What the hell? Okay, I'm going to tell you now, she's having an affair. Yeah, obvs. I'm guessing that's what you assumed too, is that some sort of affair is going on. We're not going to a hotel.

Every night though, she's going. She's going every night? She's going every night. She's going every night. What if she works there? I was going to say that. What if it's like some kind of like your dad's like pride or something and he's like so fuming that she's like let you find out that she had to get like a second job working in this hotel?

I think she's a sex worker, yeah. You think she's a sex worker? Yeah. I like, no question in my mind. Okay, because let me give you my reasoning. No one who's having an affair is doing that. Every night. There is just no way. Because you wouldn't get away with it with your partners. And also you don't need to.

Yeah, true. You don't need to go and lie every single day. That is, and also such specific timing. Like if you have an affair, sometimes you see them on the weekends when your kids are out. Like it's not so formulaic. Sorry, I thought she might have been like a cleaner or like house service. My first thought after affair was sex worker. Unless she's in some sort of like sex cult.

Unless she's in like a gang. Or like a dominatrix or what? Oh my god. Yeah, like she could have a service that she gives that's not like, well I guess it does fall under sex work, but she could do anything. She could do tarot reading. At 10 o'clock at night in a hotel by a service station. Yeah, true. Why is it 10pm? Also, why was anyone believing that she was at the gym? Every single day? Every day? It's got to be a job of some type. She's doing work of some kind.

She's clocking in and she's clocking out. Oh, babe. Or she's got an addiction. Or she's got an addiction. Or she's got an addiction. I know one will speak about it. Real talk. Will your dad really not tell you?

How will we ever know the answer? He's got to tell you. Well, if you listen to this, please send another voice note in with some more juicy details on what we'll do. Yeah. I think you need to sit down with your mum. I mean, I'm really sorry that you guys don't have a relationship anymore, but I think you need to sit down with your mum. I mean, I'm really sorry that you guys don't have a relationship anymore, but I think if you can get to her, you maybe need, like,

you sound grown and you sound mature. Like, I feel like you could have a conversation with her. Like, for what purpose? Just to know. I don't know that that's, like, if you feel like... But why, but what, like... Well, it depends on the circumstances of their relationship breakdown. And also, I guess it's like, what is there to know? Like, we could be way off. She could be doing anything.

She could be doing anything. She could be dealing drugs. Wow. It's a bit sad that she's not speaking to my mum, doesn't know the reason why. It's really sad. But we don't know, but she didn't give us the reason why they're not speaking. She says she doesn't know either. Oh. It's a banned topic.

It's a banned topic. The dad's obviously just like out, like not having any of it. And it must be the way it's played out makes me think that it's something the dad knew she did. I agree. And he thought she'd stopped. I didn't agree. Because how did he just like know and then break up the whole family?

Why would he go to the stakeout if he knew? I don't believe that. He wouldn't go and sit there for three nights. No, he didn't. He just went on the fourth night. Okay, but either way, if you knew she was doing one... You would, because if your wife had been like participating in activity behavior work that you had previously fallen out about, and your daughter had said,

I've been going to this service station, ping, ping, ping, I know what she's doing, I'm going to go to the service station. Okay, yeah, then that's an option. That's a definite option. I think that's the... He must know. He knows what it is enough to like fully not speak to her ever again. He knows now, definitely.

If they've had a fight and then now he's not allowed to say anything. Definitely now he knows. He knew. Oh, babe, I'm so sorry. That is so traumatic, babe. I do have to commend your detective work though. The stakeout is phenomenal. Also love your friend and the boyfriends getting involved.

I'm like gassed that you sat there all night just to try and figure this out. Listen, don't do espionage on people that aren't your family. Yeah, keep it in, keep it as blood. Yeah, but definitely I need to know. The thing is, it does depend, like to be honest, if you need to know because you're just curious and nosy or because you need to know to answer some deep-rooted questions in your life, they are two different things. If you just need to know because you're nosy, it will come out one day, babe.

Don't worry about it. I think if it was me... These things always come out in the end. True. I think if it was me and it was my mum and we no longer had a relationship, I would need to know why that was. I don't think I could just sit with that on the daily at work and have that pop up in my head.

Also, it sounds like it has been a long time. Maybe only when you feel really ready. Because what she says might be the most shocking thing you've ever heard and you have to be ready for that. We could be way off. We could be way off. She could be doing anything. 10pm.

But it's so specific in a hotel attached to a service station. Like that is so niche. That's really niche. It's something really niche. Not many service stations actually have like, we're not in America, it's not motels. It'd be like a Premier Inn. Like a Premier Inn or a travel lodge.

Yeah. There's one in Gloucester actually near GCHQ. If anyone is looking for one. Guarantee, quite a lot of them around there. It's like that hotel we're checking into. Guys, for the Brits, we're basically getting ready at this hotel in the 02, and you can only book slot. So like it's...

It's a morning or an evening slot. No overnight slots. You get like eight hours. Is it eight? Six hours? Six or eight, I don't know slots. You get like eight hours. Is it eight? Six hours. Six or I don't know. I think it's six hours. On the thing, when you book it and the options it gives you, it's like leisure or like work

or then one of them is private, like private basically, a code for affairs. But it's a seedy hotel. No, it's like... I don't know. It's a nice hotel, but it's just at the O2. For some reason, you can't stay the night there. Oh, sorry, no, you can stay the night there. That's not the dodgy thing. The dodgy thing is the website, because the website has made basically it possible to book hotels for only the day. Right. Private use. Got it. Like Baby Girl.

Yeah. You might have like a flight in the evening. Listen, you might have a legit reason. You might, but the chance of that. You also might be having an affair. I don't know. Yeah, agree. for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at Fizz.ca. Losing weight can be one of the most stressful goals that you try to work towards.

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Before we continue with this week's episode of Leave A Message... If you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the episode description. Now, this can be about anything. Obviously, sometimes we ask you for specific topics, but if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this, then get voicenoting. Number two. Hey, galleys. I'm a little worried that I feel like I have quite a distinctive voice and people will know who I am. I have asked my friend's permission to tell you

this story. So we'll call my friend Joanne. She and her boyfriend, when they were still young and adventurous, were trying out some things in the bedroom. They decided to try some plugs. They got a set that has varying, increasing sizes, so they could give each of them a go. So she was going up to the scale, trying each of them, a bit like when you stretch your ear, I suppose. They get to the biggest one she can manage and he says, why don't we put one in that you're comfortable with and then do the deed? And she's like, oh yeah, let's try that out.

So they go back down a couple of sizes, you know, do their thing, enjoying themselves. And then she feels a funny sensation. He panics a little and she's like, what's going on? And he's like, it's gone. Like it's just gone. Like the bit that's supposed to be still outside is inside too. So they do check in the bedroom first. It's not there. It's definitely, it's definitely gone. She, a little side note here that he still lives with his mother so they're at his mum's house. So she has to go to the bathroom panicking. What if someone comes home or why someone hears her? She has to shit the plug back out into the

toilet. Horrendous. She's worried they're going to have to go to A&E, but she does manage to get it back out all as well in the world. They have been together for, I think, over five years now. They have a mortgage. Great boyfriend. Shout out to Joanne as well, because she will be listening to this.

Joanne, I'm thrilled that you managed to get it out by yourself. That is panic, panic, panic. Because also, a lot of those plug sets, it's not very... It's like you almost want a string, honestly, because you want like more grass. They don't give you much. They give you like a tiny little clasp. It's very good to think about when you're shopping for plugs, actually, to get like a wide surface area, wider than your anus, so that it never gets sucked up.

That is so crazy. I just cannot. I would freak out. It's because she'd loosened so much. You know when you have this kind of story and then like, all I can now think about is like, I can picture it like Like having something up your bum like that. I know. Fuck that. That is wild.

Oh my god, like that's crazy. Obviously like no kink shaming, sex shaming, whatever. Like all of it. Do as you want. It's a free world, free country. I just don't get it. I love a butt plug. Oh, not if that's gonna happen. I'm sorry. Like it's high risk. You don't want it falling up there, but I like the sensation. I hate it.

It doesn't do anything for me. I've got IBS though, so that area is a bit touch and go. Yeah, it's a bit off limbs. Yeah, like just in general, don't go near. Yeah. Listen, you've got to experiment. And the only thing I would say is a lot can go wrong in the bedroom. I was going to say, it's always hit this.

You've got to be with a good partner, ideally not in their mum's house. You've got to have a safe space. Agree. You know, I've had all sorts go wrong and you do not want to end up in A&E because it's not a nice place to be. That time that me and Colin had to go, it was not fun. I was embarrassed. Yeah, obviously.

It was embarrassing to say to the lady at the front door, what happened? This is what's happened, yeah. Oh no. If you had to go in and they fully had to pull something out of your bum, that would kill me. I feel the pain of that. Oh my god, the mortification. Fucking hell.

And also there shouldn't be shame around it, but it is like, it's embarrassing. Why is that? Why is it so embarrassing? I think because it's a really, like in my opinion, like sex is such a private act. Like it's something that like often does happen behind closed doors. And also you're kind of, especially with stuff like when you're playing with the more extreme stuff, it's like, you almost don a different character. Like you're not like, you're not you, you're not you. And then in the bright lights of A&E, saying your full name and your date of like, you're not you. And then in the bright lights of A&E saying your full name and your date of birth, you're you again. And it's like,

wasn't quite what I was going for. Wow, well Joanne, well done for getting out yourself and number two, marrying him. They've got a mortgage. Same thing. I would say that's the same thing. I'd actually say mortgages is more intimate than marriage. I just want to say to him as well, like legend in the game, because like anyone squeamish around that kind of stuff, that's not the person you want to be the father of your children. So like that's epic that he was just like,

okay, off you go to the toilet, babe. Good luck. Have fun. Try and get it out. If not, we're going to hire you. Actually, you would cry with panic. With pain. Yeah. Oh my God. It's like when you lose a condom up there. Or a tampon. Or when you, have you ever had that where you push a second tampon in?

Yeah, I've had that. Why did I do that? I forgot. Have you never had that? I'm not a tampon girl. The string is so short, they must make it longer. Well, yeah, or like I have it where the string gets stuck up my bum yeah and then I'm feeling feeling feeling no I must have taken my time back so do you forget like often and boom put a second one in and then you

feel and you're like whoa oh no I'm double plugged girls and it's not good that's not good is it? All of it is just so... All of it is a lot, but listen, it happens to the best of us and you shouldn't let fear of getting a butt plug stuck up your bum stop you from experimenting with things that you find interesting. You've just got to be in a safe space with a partner that you know like won't go full like, what the fuck? I actually think, sorry, not about butt plugs, but like just in general, having a partner that is cool and calm under pressure is so underrated. Yeah, I agree.

I think I'm quite good in a crisis. Do you think that? Depends on the crisis. Sometimes not so much. Sometimes, yeah. I don't know, I just think... Sometimes not so much. Sometimes, yeah. I don't know. I just think... Sometimes you like retreat and you don't like give... Like you can't do solutions for a sec.

Yeah, I need a hot sec to think. Yeah. But I'm not like flailing around. No, no, no. And like really, I do think in general, panicking is a trait that leads to hysteria and that you can't do anything in that headspace. You can't be hysterical. You can't even think.

No. So like, yeah, I just think in general it's important to have someone that isn't that, isn't hysterical. Yeah, especially if you err on the side of like, you know, panic. You want someone that's like, let's just bring this back down for a second. Yeah. Round up? Yes, round up.

Chloe number one. Oh my up. Chloe number one. Oh my God, Chloe number one. I feel like we really went in, babe. And if you weren't expecting what we said, I'm really sorry about that. Because we were using you as like just a story and you're obviously a person. So our speculation is to be taken with a pinch of salt is just what I want to say. We also got babe, we could be, I mean so wrong, it's not even true. She could be on the moon and we could be on Mars.

Like it's so far, we don't know. No one has any clues. We don't have cameras in that hotel room, even though we wish we did. I think there might be a conversation to be had with your dad. Agree.

I think you could tell him you can handle it. Oh, support of call your dad. And then let's go from there. And then let's see what the relationship's like with mom. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Chloe number two, thank you to your friend Joanne. We love her.

Yeah, thank you for sharing. Because also people don't really share those stories that much on here. So really appreciate that. And also it's important because it happens to the best of us. Embarrassing weird things happen, especially when you're, you know, having intercourse. So... Or just like not even having... Just like in the bedroom full stop, like... Just when you're having intercourse. So just like in the bedroom full stop.

Just when you're asleep. Crazy things happen. Anything on the spectrum. I had kids when we were 13 with our braces that I remember we went to the social ones and a girl and a boy's braces got stuck together and they had to go to the doctor. That will be me soon. Guys, I'm getting adult braces, can you believe? Oh no, we can't talk about it.

She's going to have to have a dog collar on the back of her teeth. It's actually not funny. It's so bad. That's so interesting because I feel like you've got really good teeth. No, they're so bad. And I basically have an overactive tongue or something. And then I basically was told by the orthodontist that my teeth have moved so much on my bottom teeth, because when you're a baby, your tongue comes forward to stop anything falling out of your mouth

and you unlearn that as you get older, you let your tongue drop either to the top of your palate or the bottom. So if you rest your mouth, your tongue will either rest on the top of the bottom of your mouth, mine rest on the top. It should not touch your teeth. I can't imagine bottom. But it should not touch your teeth when you're just resting? No, mine doesn't touch my teeth. Mine touches my teeth. Oh dear. Close your mouth. It Mine touches my teeth. Oh, do it.

Close your mouth. It's touching my teeth. The bottom teeth. The top teeth. Mine's not touching any teeth. I think I've got quite a long tongue there. Yeah, so basically, anyway, mine pushes against my bottom teeth. And that's why my bottom teeth are so wonky and deteriorating, apparently,

because of my tongue. When you close your mouth, close it now. Yeah, it's like, it's forward on my teeth. And then remember that guy that told me I was like, used too much tongue? Now I'm like, oh my god, I use too much tongue because I've got an active tongue and a big fat tongue in my mouth. So now I'm waterline, I'm never snogging anyone again, I'm getting adult braces, so it's good. Maybe you have to do some tongue muscles exercises.

No, no, no, they give me spikes. They're going to put spikes on the back of my teeth so my tongue learns not to press against my bottom teeth. I don't know, but is that not the most unattractive thing you've ever heard? You don't even know, the things on the back, that's the least of your problems. The things on the back. Shit.

No one will see the back of your teeth, babe. I'm in bits. Shall we do Question of the Week if we've got time? Yeah. Okay, guys, we went big on the family stories. So most people say that their family on one to crazy is about 75% crazy. That's pretty crazy, isn't it? Yeah.

Quite high up on the scale of crazy. Isn't that reassuring and comforting to know that we're just all as mental as each other? Yeah, and everyone's family, like, if they could have picked, they might not have picked them. My mum slept with my boyfriend's mum's partner, so her boyfriend's, like, almost like stepdad, I guess, and I walked in on them. No, your mum is a dirty dog. Wow. None of us went to my sister's first wedding. No invite to the wedding. So your sister as well, that seems savage.

Sorry, this is crazy. My dad has been married and had kids with all of my mum's sisters. Christmas is weird AF. That is mental. Rewind that one more time. My dad has been married and had kids with all of my mum's sisters. So each and every one of them? Each and every sister.

So they're married and impregnated. So they're cousins but also step-sisters. Step-sisters. Half sisters. Half sisters. Wait, is that right? Yeah. They're cousins and half sisters at the same time. That is fucked up.

Why is he moving like Henry VIII? Wow. My aunt, not blood related, has Munchausen's disease. And before she married my uncle, she pretended she had cancer. He dropped her at hospital appointments and everything. She also pretended she had heaps of money from a business she made, which was not real, and said she would pay for my grandpa's funeral with the money. Grandpa was a gambler with debt.

It all happened before I was born. My cousins have no idea about any of this or that their mom has Munchausen's. Sorry, this is like Apple Cider Vinegar. That's the disease. The Netflix show. That's the disease where you basically lie about especially having illnesses. Isn't that- Protection and love. Is Apple Cider Vinegar the one about what they think? Yes, based on a real story.

Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Do you know about her? Gypsy Rose is the one that killed her mom. Do you know about this? No, no, no. Not different person. This is about the wellness woman that basically said she cured herself from cancer, but she never had a brain tumor. I haven't watched that yet.

Yeah, it's good. Oh my god. Crazy. Oh, PS, my uncle still proposed, married and has three kids with her. Why would you do that? Wow. I dated a guy for a year that my sister had slept with, married and has three kids with her. Why would you do that? Wow. I dated a guy for a year that my sister had slept with, lol. I think that's fine.

I dated a guy, yeah, that's fine. Bit of double-dipping never hurt anyone. Cousin's hubby died in prison after getting neighbor pregnant. Oh my god, did he go to prison for getting her pregnant? My non-blood cousin... I'm so sorry to read that. So my non-blood cousin... I'm so sorry, I have to read that. So my non-blood cousin slept with my cousin, then two weeks later, slept with that same cousin's dad.

That's a lot of cousin sleeping. Sorry, this is so good. My grandma passed away and my granddad then married her ex-best friend. Sorry, but can I just say, sometimes that's quite common because you're like, aren't you mourning over the, oh, I guess it was an ex-best friend. But like if you're mourning over the loss of someone, then you might just get married.

Like if you died, me and Raul might get married. Definitely. I would prefer that actually. Then at least there's some consistency for my children. This is good. My sister threw a Harry Potter book down the stairs straight at my other sister's face. Guys, I once threw a hairbrush at Faye's face

and she got a full black eye and it was the day before her school photos. So there's a schoolbrush at Faye's face and she got a full black eye and it was the day before her school photos. So there's a school photo of Faye in year 11 with a full black eye. Year 11? It was so bad. We were like play fighting and I just didn't know my own strength. I threw a hairbrush right at her face.

It was so bad. Sorry. My Nana's brother had a whole second family in South Africa that no one knew about. Yeah, I find secret families crazy. My mom's parents got divorced and her dad married her mom's sister. Oh my god, I saw my dad's nudes. Need I say more? Well, we'll finish on that note. I wouldn't be able to see my dad taking nudes.

We would have no relationship. Zero. I would never be able to look him in the eye again. I'd have to delete his number. What the hell? Why are you taking nudes? Oh, the sad thing is... I could see my mom's nudes, that'd be quite cute. I'd be like, I'd get it, girl.

Do you know what I mean? Like, pose. But like, isn't it funny? Because like, dads are kind of the same, like they're just boys. No, no, no, because they'd probably be erect. Yeah, they would, babe. That's how it was. No one should see their dad erect. I just find nudes in general so repulsive.

I can't understand how people think that is sexy. Babe, you can talk. I know. Our nudes are wild. Like, I thought I was crazy because... She's seen all of them as well. I was in a long-distance relationship. I did some pretty crazy stuff that I filmed and took pictures of,

but I'm... It's filth. Only with Raw, obviously. Only with Raw. took pictures of, but I hate filth. Only with raw, obviously only with raw. It's filth. It's filth. Sheila, sorry. I didn't imagine that from you. But I was just like young and reckless.

I was... Some of those pictures actually are so like category A. No, they are category A star plus plus plus. I'm so sorry, Rich. Sorry, Rich, and I'm sure you'll get your picture you can insert here, yeah. It's basically like gymnastics but naked. Like that's how I'd explain it.

Make it stop now. Thank you so much. Guys, don't do that. Don't do that, sorry, I have to say actually for real. For real, don't do it. Don't do it. And especially in this day and age, it's a different world. Like I was sending it on fucking BBM.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's different. Well, also the only time I've ever done really explicit ones is when I've sent it on like Wicca where they disappear. Like it doesn't exist anymore. It's like an encrypted app. Like don't send news.

It's like also we don't have proper jobs, but if you wanted to get a proper job for whatever reason. Oh my God. Do not do as we do. It's like also we don't have proper jobs, but if you wanted to get a proper job for whatever reason... Oh my god, do not do as we do. It's so bad. Babe, I did that thing where I went to that, like, you know, where you get your... No! God! I've done it a few times, but there was one time it was really bad. I went to Paddington. You know, in those booths where you get your photo taken for your passport? I did some nudes in there, and like, God knows where they went because they did not print.

And I was like, who will get them? Someone somewhere must have them because they must have printed eventually. But like I waited for like 20 minutes and they did not come out. And I tried to ring the photo booth company because I was like, I was like, guys, yeah, probably the photo booth company. Has them on lock, probably. Oh, nice. And on that note, we'll be finishing this week's episode hanging our heads in shame about some of our very questionable actions.

Don't look at your dad's needs because that makes your family weird. Don't take nudes in a fucking public photo booth. Something about the thrill of it. It really got me going. Love you guys. See you next week. Thank you so much.. Love you guys. See you next week. Thank you so much. Love you so much. See you next week. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.