Leave A Message with Ally & G - 57 - It's F Boy Nation, We're Just Living In It

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

Feeling like you're dealing with a lot of fuck boys lately? Well, we're sick of it and on this weeks episode of Leave A Message we're tackling the lot of them! Ally & G are dissecting stories of ghosting, deception... and unexpected romance? From flaky men to booty calls, navigating an obsession and dealing with toxic relationships, you should leave this episode with all of the tips and tricks you need to navigate F Boy Nation. Plus, we read out your worst fuck boy stories to answer once and for all if the fuck boys have taken over... or if we just have very bad luck on the dating apps. Thank you to this weeks sponsor... Use the coupon LEAVEAMESSAGE for an additional 8% off at emma-sleep.co.uk. Terms and conditions on the website, the code is valid on the whole website (excluding outlet products). Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. I'm comedian Christopher Hall. And I'm his sister Elizabeth Hall. You might recognize us from our videos pretending to be background singers in our living room.

And now we're the hosts of the new podcast, Stay Hydrated. A podcast where we cover conversations about everything and literally absolutely nothing. We really take you on a journey. I mean, why did we even call it Stay Hydrated again? I don't know. It was just some good advice I heard that one time. I am.

From who? I can't remember. Listen to Stay Hydrated everywhere you get your podcasts. With Chris and Rosie. Sorry, we're just talking about Michelle Monaghan. Guys, we're talking about the white lotus and if no one else is obsessed get obsessed. Yeah. Do you know the best thing about the white lotus apart from maybe this season? She's in Mission Impossible. Never watched. You've never watched Mission Impossible. Why are you looking at me like that's off-brand? Like why

would it be on-brand for me to watch Mission Impossible? I just think it's one of those films that like pretty much everyone has seen because it's always on TV. It's not James Bond. He's quite- I've watched James Bond. You've watched James Bond? I've never watched Mission Impossible. Exactly. Oh, I'd say it's quite- Oh, she's in Maid of Honor? No, but she's not a big part in Maid of Honor.

I don't know her in Maid of Honor or else I'd stop my head. She's the main- Babe, she's the main lady. She's the bride. Yeah. She's brunette. Yeah. Oh my God. A change in hair color.

Oh, it's- It can throw you off. Guys, this morning on the Tube, I got some real secondary anxiety. Oh, it's it's it can throw you off. Guys this morning on the tube I got some real secondary anxiety. Oh god. This girl next to me was honestly, I shit you know what she was like this. No! Like knocking my knee like honestly she was like, sorry. Look at this. Like she could not keep her legs still and I wanted to kind of just go shhh. Everything okay. But I couldn't obviously because she's a stranger and we don't do that in this country. So I just let her have her St Vitus dance or whatever it's called. Wow. Do you want me to tell you about my new diagnosis from the dentist? Sorry, yeah I do but can I just also say on the

tube this morning, I sat next to a man that was reading. He's obviously a fishmonger because he was reading 12 pages of He stank of fish. Oh no. And then I looked at it and she said... Well, you could think he'd have been coming back from a shift. I know. Did they get to those markets early on? I know.

Early. He was reading this sheet of paper and it was like Bream. Every single fish on earth. And what just facts about them? Just like price, how many they sold. What are the rules with that on the Tube? I always do kind of like lean across. Like I would always read other people's messages.

I know that's probably not very... Wow. You must have really great eyesight. No, they're right next to me. We famously have awful eyesight actually. No, only if they're right next to me. Or if I'm above. Yeah, like you have to literally just be able to like peer across one.

Like it's just one little glance. I can read upside down actually. That is a skill of mine, definitely. Because when you're tutoring normally you're sat opposite them, so I've really learned to read upside down. Oh yeah. Yeah. Often it's just boring girls chats, I have to say. There's not a lot of action happening on the Tube. I feel like a lot of people on the Tube, I always see people marking things or reading essays and stuff and I think, well, that's boring.

Yeah, boring. But then I do sometimes read like actual like if there's like a novel, I just like, we'll have a little read of the first paragraph to see what they're reading. There was one time that you couldn't get on a tube in London without seeing Akatah. It was like a disease. It was. I'm still that girl. Yeah, I have stopped.

I don't know what to do. Also, Joe Bags yesterday put up his story that everyone had recommended a court of Thorn and Roses and I wanted to text him and say, don't bother, but I'm not going to do that because I don't want to ruin it for him. Well, also you don't know his taste. Exactly. He might have shit taste. He might have... It wasn't shit. It lacked...

It lacked any depth. It lacked depth and it lacked, I think, world building. I often was just like, I could not tell you whether he's got legs or arms or what he looks like, where they are and how they're having sex. Like I just couldn't like make heads or tails of it. And that is the difference between a Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings and an Akatarr.

I know what Dobby looks like without seeing him. Do you know what I mean? Maybe this is the difference in generations because I've never watched Harry, what? I've never read a Harry Potter book or like a Lord of the Rings. Did you read when you were growing up? Like Hetty Feather. Wouldn't know her. Wouldn't know that.

Would have known if she hit me in the face. Jacqueline Wilson. Yeah, Jacqueline Wilson. We read Jacqueline Wilson. I'm trying to think of it. I read a lot as a child. I just don't remember. How old are you? 25? Yeah. You're on the tail end of Jacqueline Wilson. I'm trying to think of it. I read a lot as a child. How old are you? 25?

You're on the tail end of Jacqueline Wilson, I'd say. Kids these days don't read Jacqueline Wilson. Did she stop turning them out? Yeah, so they were old books. But I feel like the world building in them are really good. I feel like Jacqueline Wilson, very good world builder. I don't know, but she's from Akita. What does he look like then, babe?

Which one? The Lord. What's his name? He had violet eyes and dark hair. And that's it. But is he like an elf? Is he like a minotaur? Like what does he look?

They all have pointed top of their ears. And he does turn into like a beast. I can imagine him as a beast. Like I can't imagine the beast. Do you know the one scene in the first book that I did really get into was that fucking sexy summer festival or whatever it was, that fire festival where that weird, where the horrible guy, the first time she meets the horrible guy, what's his name, with the cloak, the one that keeps her in the dungeon.

Amaranthus. And sees, no not the woman, the guy, and sees her every night in his bedroom. That's him. That ends up being... Paints her in tattoos, that guy, and sees her every night in his bedroom. That ends up being... Paints her in tattoos, that guy. That's her man. But she ends up with him. Yeah. Steve, you have to continue reading.

She ends up with him and not the Lord. Yeah. Oh, it's so many plot twists. You really missed out. Okay, I am going to start the second book then. Sorry, I need to know that. Well, now you know. Sorry.

Will you bother? There's so much that goes into this. Spoiler, spoiler. Yeah, because isn't she like, betrayed to him? She has to go and live with him in his castle or something by the end of the first book. I think it's like bi-monthly. They have got like, oh yeah, bi-monthly with the full moon. She has to go and like, shag him or something.

I didn't even get to the end of the first book, so I don't know what you're talking about. Babe! Oh, it's worth, am I gay? Honestly. Death wish for my phone. Maybe I'll tell you about my dentist thing next time. No, no, no, you can tell us now. It's quite long.

Rihanna says we've got time. She's gagging. Basically, I went to the dentist yesterday. First of all, I paid £190 for the pleasure to basically be diagnosed with something that I do not want to admit I've got. Because all I can think about is, oh my God, I'm so mortified and so embarrassed,

I don't even want to talk about it. Basically, it's called thruster tongue. We already know this, that your tongue doesn't sit right. No, but I didn't think that it was real. And like, I got a second opinion because I thought this woman was just on crack, but she turns out she's right. Oh, she wanted to be told. I've got thruster tongues and my tongue is obviously too big and strong for my mouth,

but I've also got a bigger than average jaw muscle, but a smaller than average jaw, which means that I'm like over clenching all the time. So this muscle and this muscle are both really big and that's causing my teeth to like basically like just cease to exist within their bones. So the gum is just like disintegrating. Got it. I've also got hereditary gum disease. Apparently, I'm just susceptible to gum disease.

So say a normal person could brush really badly and plaque could build up and nothing would really happen. With me, it's straight to gum disease, teeth are falling out. So I can't not floss every day, twice a day apparently. And the diagnosis is two years of braces, top and bottom. Chain tracks. Chain tracks. No option for a little Invisalign.

Don't cry. Please. No, no, hold on. Really? Are they sure? That's the second person that said it now and I don't know. What did the first person say about the behind the teeth train tracks? Yeah, it's just way more expensive.

So you can do it. I think you should do it. If you want to. But babe, it takes it from like three grand to like five and a half. I think for two years of having train tracks on the front of your teeth, two grand's worth it babe. Oh my god. Is the upkeep expensive too?

A hundred percent. It what? Is the upkeep expensive too? No, so that's like the whole package is like, that's how much it is. I definitely think opt for the behind the teeth. I reckon two years is quite long. But then she's saying I need these spikes on the back of my teeth to like make my tongue learn not to thrust.

All I think about is that guy that told me I was a really tonguey kisser and now I'm like, I'll never snog again because I've got the strongest tongue and I can't do it. Like I can't, I will never snog a man again. There's so many positives to having a strong tongue. I know. I think, yeah, what? Rimming. Because I'm straight. I was literally like, what is it? I won't snog you boys, but I will rim you. That's literally all I've got. And then I was like, oh, I was driving back in hysterics. Oh my God, what awful stereotype, the slut with a strong tongue. Yeah, if I was gay, it'd be great.

I'd be like, line up girls, but I'm not. What am I going to do with my tongue? You've got a beautiful face and the braces will not make a difference. The way that dentists talk about your face is so offensive as well. No, it's savage. I was literally like, you're making me feel like the ugliest person on the planet. No, I know. When he was talking about, oh, and you've got a slight underbite.

I'm like, ah, ah, ah, I've frosted tongue. Fuck. Oh my God. Oh my God. So when will you begin on the train tracks journey? Probably after Morocco. Wow. I'll probably go for my full thing next week where they tell me exactly what they're going

to do and how much it's going to cost. Wow. Yeah, girls, get ready. I'm going to have full braces. I think you should do the whole... The top, I won't have the top until the very end and the top should only be like six months. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And I would say the top is the worst. Obviously.

I'm just... I'm going to have to learn to smile like this. You'll see my eyes. No babe, I do think behind the... I really think we worth the two grand for two years of mental health. I really genuinely do think that. Two years is a long time. I'm going to have to put it on my dating profile that I've got braces. They'll think I'm a catfish if I rock up and I smile like this. I've got like spinach in my braces. I know so many adults with braces. No, listen, Abby Clancy made it. Cool. She's

got braces now. Yeah. She just had them off actually. She did her full agent provocateur campaign with braces. Did she? Yeah. Wow. No chance for Invisalign there, saying. No, no, no, no chance. Because you have to basically, I don't really understand, but Invisalign moves your teeth as like a unit, whereas braces, you can move them individually. So they like, like this bit, like with the wire, but that wire is tighter. And what will you do about your jaw? Oh, I just will have to start sleeping with a brace. That's the same thing that Lil's

got. Sleeping with a mouth guard. That's not funny. Well currently I sleep alone, so who cares? I know that's not too bad. I wonder if you take it on a one night stand. Just pop it in. Do you normally stay over? Yeah.

Best. I do. I know. I have this debate all the time with holes especially because she's like, I would never stay. She would get a cab. She'd rather get a cab at like 6 a.m. than even sleep. I would I stay.

Oh, I don't like to sleep in other people's beds. I outstay my welcome all the time. I just think I'll go when I'm ready. Sometimes they go to work, leave me in the house. Wait, did this happen to you that you got locked in someone's house? No, that was... Oh, yeah. Was it her or her friend?

Good, yeah, it was her. So this girl that we know, she went home with a guy. I think it was her friend. Because I'm thinking of her telling it and I think it was their story. It doesn't matter, it's a great story. So this girl went home with this guy, overstayed her welcome. Yeah. And...

They had a great night apparently. Right. They were really into each other. So that's why she stayed, I guess. Anyway, he gets up to go to work in the morning. He's like, no worries, leave whenever you want. Like it was early. So, no, sorry, it was a weekend and he'd gone to like football training and then he was out the whole day. Yeah, something like that. And she basically went to leave and realized he'd locked her in.

And this man was like 10, 15 miles away and she called him and she was like, you've locked me in. And he was like, you're going to have to stay there all day. There is no way for you to get out. I've double locked you from outside. So yeah, so she basically just sat, made herself at home, ate his food, sat on the sofa, watched TV all day at this guy. Had to wait for him to get back. How funny.

That's hilarious. I feel so trapped. I'd have to find a window. No, I'd have to close the window. I would just be finding the window. No, no. Yeah. Clear as exit, please. The only way that I'd be upset is if I had work. If you had work, and I wouldn't be upset if I had work. I'd be fucking over the roof.

Sorry, imagine messaging your manager like, long like long story haven't got my laptop can't log into teams got my phone though call me if you need me. It'd be crazy. Okay welcome to Leave a Message FYI. FYI if you've clicked on this pod then it's Leave a Message. This is Ali she's a great. And she's very tall today. It's the main thing that I noticed about her this morning. And this is Ji. She has just been diagnosed with tongue thrust. Thrust a tongue.

Baby, you should see when you Google tongue thrust at the worst case scenario, it basically creates this like hole in your mouth so you look like a snake. Tongue thrust tongue. Thrust tongue. It's normally what I've told you before, it's what babies have. Yeah, it does say the reason that you didn't get it is because you had bad habits. I don't know what that means. I had a dummy until I was like four. Did you?

Yeah. That'll be it. I had to read this book called The Dummy Tree and plant my dummy in the garden. That was the only way I'd get rid of it. Wow. Yeah! Because he was saying, basically, nature does not want me to have straight teeth because of my tongue and because of my strong muscles my teeth are like get me out get me away

they want to be all over the shop. That is bad. Lacey doesn't look like that. Yeah you don't. Imagine well he said oh he also said I've got bigger teeth than average. Thank God for that. So that's why they're not disappearing. Anyway, anyway, sorry. What are we calling the galleys? Wait, did you finish in Turing? Sorry. Kind of.

This is the podcast where we sit and talk about nothing and everything all at the same time. What shall we call them? What's a good toothy name? Becky. Becky with the good teeth. Becky with the good teeth. Becky with the good teeth.

Can they be named buck tooth Becky? God bless. Becky. Also worth noting this is a very Fuckboy based voice note message situation. Any trigger warnings for people currently dealing with Fuckboys? No. for people currently dealing with thug boys. Hello. So, I've got a bit of a predicament, and I'm not really sure what to do. So, basically, I am talking to this guy.

We've been speaking since November. Now, obviously, we're in March. He came to see me at the beginning of December and then did not come again to see me until about a week and a bit ago. So it was a three-month gap between the first time we met and the second time we met. Even then, so he called me and was like, I'm in your uni city, like, you know, like I'm here, shall I come over? I was like, yeah, okay. He implied that he was gonna stay and then he came and was only here for two hours and it was literally like two till four in

the morning. So I was just a bit like, this is ridiculous, like a girl needs to sleep. And I was so annoyed because I had like been in a funk all week. So my room was a mess. I then made the effort to completely clean it and do that. I know I did it for myself as well, but it was just a bit ridiculous. And then two days later, he called me again and he's like, you need to eat again, should I come over? I was like, yeah, okay, can do. And I'm like, I need an ETA please, so I can get myself ready a girl needs to you know she's got stuff to do need to get ready and an hour and a half later he still hasn't messaged me I haven't heard anything so I'm like okay let me just check his

location he's on the way home so I'm like excuse me like what so I message and I'm like ETA question mark he's like, oh, sorry, I'm going home. I was fuming. I was literally fuming. But I wasn't even annoyed at the fact that he didn't come to see me. I was just annoyed at the fact that he didn't tell me that he wasn't coming. So yeah, I just need opinions. Do I just drop him now? I feel like I've already invested so much time into this. I've since November, and we've only met twice. So yeah, just need your opinions. Right.

Would you like Savage or would you like Soft first? I think I'd go Savage on this one. Babe, look, like wake up. Sorry. There is every... This man, this man-child, this infant... This boy. ...has given you every reason to ditch him,

and you're still clinging on for dear fucking life, babe. What are you doing? Well, so you're getting nothing from it. Like you got two hours of his time. What could he do for you in two hours that was like worth the headspace and the ag of him literally? Rihanna's like, you can do a lot with two hours. And I know you can. Listen, I know you can, but even if it was your best-

Two hours in three, four months is not a good ratio. Best two hours of your life. Better be. Do you know what I mean? It's just not enough. It's not the one. No. Because also, isn't it mad?

Even this situation, they take up so much of your headspace. No, and it is jarring. When you're texting someone like that and you're waiting for the reply and you're thinking, when will he be in my uni city again? When will I see him? It literally is, even if you don't think you're thinking about it, you're texting someone like that and you're waiting for the reply and you're thinking when will he be in my uni city again? When will I see him? It literally is, even if you don't think you're thinking about it, you're fucking thinking about it. It's taking up all of your headspace and that is not right because he's giving you nothing

back. Ditch, like nothing more to say. Big fat ditch. Like I can't quite understand why we have not ditched already. I didn't even, yeah. Why you, listen, sometimes you just have to hear other people say it, but let us repeat loud and clear. Sit down and listen.

Are you ready? Just get rid, in the bin, never to be seen again. You won't miss him. You never fucking see him. That's the thing. That's the thing. Also, sorry, I just want to say, I know you feel like it's been long, long time. It's been long time.

I think you know it's been long time. November to March, babe. I've got fucking shellac on my toes longer than you've been texting this boy. Honestly. It's like that. Come next, I don't know, three, four months. There'll be someone else. I don't know.

You could have won the lottery. Life can change on a dime. Okay? Yeah. And I think actually, if we we're gonna deal with fuckboys Let's make them good fuckboys like let's make them ball They better be that bring you up here and drop you right down like he's not even taking you up like he's He's actually taking the piss because I hate one of my pet pet pet peeves is when someone says

Hey, you've intruded my space and my time by saying do you want to hang out tonight? Not really, but I will if I have to. Oh, I hate that. And then it's like, you don't show. Sorry. I might have hopped in the shower and shaved for you. Do you know how long that takes? I just think it's so disrespectful. I clean my room for you. Yeah, for you. I clean my room. And I'm not playing these stupid games when actually my return on investment is almost nothing. I'd say zero.

If I was a bank manager, I'd say extremely poor returns. Potentially, you've had what? Like two orgasms in six months. It's not right. I guarantee she's not even had one. You can get plenty more, babe. Let me tell you elsewhere. By yourself.

By yourself. Oh, yeah. Much better, much better. Much better, yeah. They're there on time, whenever you need. It's a fast activity. I just think, show yourself some respect. Also babe, as soon as you, sorry this is a bit toxic girl, as soon as you say, I can't

be asked anymore, he'll literally be all over you. But also, the point is not that you want him to be all over you because he's a piece of shit and you don't want his attention. It's not the point, it just does happen. I'm just throwing it out there. Also, I just want to say, I feel like sometimes when you get, I've been there, been there, been there, been there, when you get into a situation where you're like, oh my God, oh my God, like you just like cling on to like, we talk about this all the time, what

it could be if he like decided to fucking show an interest, just right now, take him as he is. Yeah. What he's showing you, babe, is not good enough. And also, I feel like, I don't know how old you are, it kind of sounds like you're at uni. I do feel like when you're, you feel like, oh my God, will I even ever be able to like pull again or like you get that worry of like who will fill that hole. I promise you babe, there will be people. Someone will. Someone will. And also if they don't, fucking more power to you. Yeah, live

that life. To be honest. Better to have none than to have below par. Absolutely. I'm comedian Christopher Hall. And I'm his sister, Elizabeth Hall. You might recognise us from our videos pretending to be background singers in our living room. And now we're the hosts of the new podcast, Stay Hydrated. A podcast where we cover conversations about everything

and literally absolutely nothing. We really take you on a journey. I mean, why do we even call it Stay Hydrated again? I don't know. It was just some good advice I heard that one time. Oh yeah. From who? I can't remember. Listen to Stay Hydrated everywhere you get your podcast. With Kristin Rosy. I must tell you about the weighted blanket. Oh my God. And also the combo of the weighted blanket and the Emma Cloud duvet. It's honestly

like being in the womb. I can just imagine that as a comfy place to be. Well, also I do really, really, maybe it's a placebo thing. Maybe it's just science. I don't know. It does really feel like a hug. Yes. And for all my single girlies out there, it's a bloody good way to get a hug. No scrolling on dating apps. No strings attached. Just crawl into your bed, get that weighted blanket on, and you're away.

So I feel like, okay, I'm in this rut at the moment where all I can think about at the end of the day is getting under that weighted blanket because then I just feel like I'm in this little cocoon and nothing can touch me and no one can hurt me. It's one of those things like when you were a kid you used to fight bedtime and now I can't wait. Oh now I'm racing to seven o'clock till I can get under my weighted blanket. I'll tell you what else you should race toward is the Emma website where at the moment they have an Easter sale with up to 20% off and that's at emmasleep.co.uk.

But also, guys, it's not just 20% off. We, at Allian G Limited, have got a coupon code, leave a message, or one word, or capital letters, for an additional 8% off. Absolutely brilliant. Run, don't walk, to emmasleep.co.uk, and get ready for the best night's sleep of your life. Yeah, hell yeah. Reiki number two.

Yes, please. Hey, galleys. I just wanted to tell you about something that happened a couple of years ago that me and my friends, I don't think will ever get over. But me and this guy had a bit of a strange thing going on where we would sleep together, but then not speak again until we next ran into each other. But we kept it a secret because I had actually shagged his best friend, which is a story for another day, but he didn't want to ruin their friendship. We ended up not seeing each other or speaking to each

other until about seven months later when he rings me at 4am when I'm on a family holiday, saying he has feelings for me, but he finds the whole situation really confusing and he's not sure if it would ever work between us. But we spoke for about three hours, had some really good conversations about everything that had happened and he said that he was going to take me to the beach and book a hotel room because he couldn't wait until we went back to uni to see me again. So the next day I'm sat on the sunbed like loving my life thinking hell yeah finally we're on the same page but he just completely stopped replying

to me and he never provided the hotel or a beach day which I personally think is the worst part about this whole story. But I then run into him on a night out a couple of months later when we're back at uni and he kisses me in front of his friends which kind of defeated the whole secrecy thing so I'm not entirely sure why he did that. But then after that night again, there was no contact at all from him, I then run into him again a couple of weeks after that where he apologises for being a prick and says I deserve better, to which I agreed, walked off and went home. Then he messages me two hours later saying that he's in a noob on the way to my house, but bear in mind he has no idea where I live

because I'm in a new uni house that he'd never seen before. So I had to go into the wilderness at 5am to go find wherever the hell he was. When I did find him, he had the cheek to say, what are you wearing? What I was wearing was my pajamas because it was 5am. He then told me that he didn't have a key and that's why he came to mine because he needed somewhere to stay. And I said, that's absolutely fine, brought him back to mine, told him he can stay but we sleep in separate beds. He then showed me that he did in fact have his house key, he just came to mine to sleep with me and when I said no he just walked out of my house. This wasn't the first time he'd used the key trick, just previously

had worked for him so I can't blame him for trying really. He then texted me an hour later calling me weirdo and I've been blacked on everything ever since. I'm over him but the situation is just something I will never wrap my head around. Wow. I just would love to understand, boys. He just sounds like he's really struggling with some kind of dual personality disorder. He's not struggling. Sorry.

I just want to make that loud and clear. I think he's quite confused. He sounds like he's been banged on the head and he doesn't know where he lives, where his keys are or whether he likes her or not. Sorry. He lied. People that can lie to that level, they're not confused. He knew exactly what he was fucking doing. I just think the level of malice that one has to have. It sounds a bit like he's like marking his territory. No, sorry.

Like he doesn't really want her to be with anyone else. I don't have a key. But he doesn't want to be with her. And then come to the, babe, oldest trick in the book that, lost my key. I would have left him in the fucking wilderness. I don't know why you brought him home. I don't know why you, that's really kind of you. I guess like the conscience in the morning if something did happen to him, you'd have found it. Good. Squidward Riddens. Wouldn't have cared. if something did happen to him, you'd have found it.

Good. Wouldn't have cared. Wouldn't have cared. No, I wouldn't have gone up there either. Because it's not your problem. Absolutely not my fucking problem. Sorry, it's not. No, but I do think like call your mom, call your friends.

Call anyone. Loads of other people you should call apart from your like, you know, occasional booty call you treat quite badly. Listen, guys, I do think we need to talk about booty calls because I just have to say it. I do think 99% of the time they're fucking shit like this. If you've got that 1% and I know someone who does, were you not in the situation for a little... We can cut this. No, no, no. All the time. I say that, but I've been not for freer. But I previously have been, yeah. And you've been in a situation that worked for you?

Until it didn't. Until I was under the light. Exactly. But usually it doesn't work for you. And I just think why are you flogging a dead horse? Why are you letting this stranger sleep in your house? Well, the thing I get confused about with a booty call is I have never, ever really like been inside my home at 3 a.m. and fancy to shag. Like, I'm asleep. There might be the odd occasion where I've been out and pissed and I'd love to go out and do something I know. Imagine at 21, there have been moments where you're like, oh.

No, I never would have gone out of bed for someone. I wouldn't have gone out of bed. No way. If they'd come to my doorstep, I wouldn't have turned them away. This is an, I mean, I don't know why you ventured out to the wilderness. I certainly wouldn't be doing that. Not for someone that gave me nothing. No.

In my pajamas. But if someone that gave me... In our pajamas. Turned up on my doorstep at three in the morning and I was 21 and I was like, oh my God, I would have let them in. I actually can't remember being 21. I fully can't remember. No, it's like... No. No. Because I feel like you honestly have a brain transplant between now

and then. It is wild. Oh my god. Yeah, I can't even. But I know girls, I remember Abby Chatfield spoke about this on her podcast, where she literally once like, she would, she would like pretend that when she had this guy, there was this guy that she's now with and she had a huge crush on him. And she would like if he was out, she'd like pretend she'd been out.

So she'd put like a full face on and then like either go to the party or just like get home and be like, oh no, I've just been out. Take pictures and post it. Yeah, I had never did that. I did that all the time. There was this guy that I was like kind of dating, sleeping with an extra and I would like go to extra under the premise of like someone's birthday, it was no one's birthday and then I'd like somehow be in the same club as him and like, so yeah, like all the mental

things that you do when you look back. I'm so lazy. That's my problem. I'm so lazy. I'm not doing that. I was obsessed. Wow. I was obsessed with what I was obsessed me too. And like it does drive you to like madness. It does. Yeah. Because you honestly, all you can think about is being in the same room.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I've had the obsession. I just didn't act on it often. This reminds me of times where I'd sit in my friend's uni room and there'd be like four of us in the room and we'd all be talking about the boys that we're speaking to. And then like one of us would be waiting for a boy to reply, the other one will be in mid conversation. The other one will be like, oh, I can't believe it's just ended. Or we'll just all be sat in silence, like texting the person and be like, come on, he hasn't responded

in like 45 minutes. Like, why was I so deranged? I know. But I think it's because it's like kind of a game and like, it does become a fixation and it does become something to like win or achieve or like capture. It does sometimes become like a group activity with yourselves. It's like the cat's out for the mouse. But it's fun. Must we do that to ourselves? It's like tag, I guess.

Like as kids you play tag. In uni, you play catch the man. The problem is though, there's a lot more emotional upheaval associated with catch the fuck boy than there is with tag. Especially when you're driving home. Yeah. And I just, I don't know, if I could give you my one piece of wisdom, and I know that no one will listen to this because you have to make your own mistakes, but it's just like,

when you do that, you give them so much power over you and like you there, someone not applying to your text can honestly ruin your whole day. And it's like, really? Also, most of these boys won't be someone you want to end up with. Like they genuinely won't. Oh, I would say 100% of them. No, not 100%. Oh, fuck boys. Yes. 100%. No, I don't know. Okay. Faye, my friend Faye is such a good example of this. When George

was, they're married now, so it's like kosher, but when George was at uni and Faye was obsessed with George, like Faye was like wacko-taco obsessed with him, like she would do anything. Like we're talking like, yeah, get out of her pajamas, go to the club that he was at, literally just look at him for five seconds and be like, to leave. Like she was obsessed. And it wasn't that he was a fuckboy but he just like wasn't obsessed with her so he would just like shag her and then like not really text her because he was like it's casual I don't really want anything la la la but Faye like knew that George was someone she wanted to be with because like

everything about him like she really liked la la la so anyway she persevered and now they're together and married and now he gets it like she got it at the time he didn't get it so we don't think it's always I think with at uni and especially boys there, I think so many people are told at uni, you need to live your life, you need to like shag loads of girls, you need to be out about, la la la. So then their behavior obviously follows that. They don't want to get locked down. So then they treat people really badly. It's not an excuse, it's just how people behave at that time. And I do think like it's not a hundred percent of them that aren't people you want to be with, but I think it's a lot of them. And you'll chase them,

you'll get them and then you'll probably be like, ah, bothered. Not bothered. Not bothered actually. He's shit. Pull that energy into like something else. Honestly, that's my genuine- Into your work. Read a book. That's my genuine... Into your work! Read a book! It's not what you're paying to be there!

It's your education! Would you just go to a lecture and stop thinking about these dickheads, please? Learn a skill! They're useless. Well, they just make you feel like shit because you so often feel like your whole worth is tied up with them giving a fuck about you for 10 seconds of the day. And fuck that. Fuck that.

There's no point. There's actually no point. Unless they're giving you a really good time when you are together and you can accept that it's not serious for them. Don't bother. No. Waste of your time. Waste of your time.

Well, just do it once, then realize they're a fuck, but we move on. Yeah. Get the next. Also, I do think at uni, if we're talking about uni specifically, everything is obviously so heightened and feels so like, oh my god, this is the end of my life. So you have to keep bumping into them. You live in a bubble, but just zoom out for a hot sec of like, that's why I used to love coming home because I just thought like, wow, there is actually life and people and oxygen

outside of Bristol. And it doesn't matter. You don't have to be friends with these people forever. You don't have to marry anyone there. You can literally take it and leave it as I did. Like, it doesn't matter. But in the moment when you're so bogged down in it and you're so sucked in by it, it can feel like, oh my God. But also, having a crush is like being on drugs. Oh, no, it is. A crush is literally debilitating. Sorry, I know that everyone hates me talking

about brain science, but the same areas of the brain are activated when people are under drugs than when they're in love, like in that first love phase. Wow. Exactly the same areas. It's a drug. It's a drug, so like, you know, you're on drugs, it's fine. You're acting a bit out of sorts

and you're in your pajamas at 5 a.m. Trying to find a boy. In a forest. In a forest! In the wilderness. Hope you had wellies on or something. Yeah, round up. Okay, Becky number one.

Right, so it's been a bit of a fuckboy special this episode, hasn't it? Sorry, can I just talk about Snapchat? So does everyone see each other's location on Snapchat? Only if you turn it on. Right. Why would you turn it on? It's basically like having to find my friends but for all your contacts. Yeah.

Sorry guys, this is so unprofessional of me but I actually just drew these broccoli with eyes. Oh my god. I feel like you need to see. Wow, they're so cute. Because yesterday we ordered these broccoli with... No, don't tell everyone. This will come out after.

Oh yeah. We ordered these little fucking crochet things with eyes and I thought... They're called plushies and at first when we're getting them for gifts and at first when I sent them to Al she was like no you're whack and then she really came around to the idea. And now I'm drawing them on my whiteboard anyway I thought I'd just share that with you. Can we take a pic so we can send them to Rich? Sure. Yes Rich. Right basically you absolutely need to drop him right now. Like right right now send the text right now if you haven't already send it now and now and say, don't hit me up again for a late night call because I don't want it.

I will not be responding. I will not be there for you. Business is now closed. Yes, exactly. And Becky number two, you've already done that. You're now blocked. So you're good without, thank God. He sounds really like he needs some serious help to be a consistent good person because

he's all over the shop. And that's his problem, not yours. Please come back to this. Is it your fucking problem? I just think too much of life. We make other people's shit our problem. It's not your problem. Yeah, not your problem.

When you go to bed at night, do you carry that with you? No. What is it that the Buddhists say? A paragraha. What does that mean? What does that mean? It means detachment. Yeah. It just means separation from all of these things that don't affect you or don't need to. Rise above baby. Right well we have some question of the week, I'll pick my phone up off the floor now.

I'm sorry, I do want to do a bit of a shameless plug. If you listen to this and you don't follow us on Instagram, could you? It's really hard out there for a bitch. I don't know what to tell you. Get to Instagram. Everyone else seems to grow on Instagram so easily and Alan and I can't get a following. I think something's going on there. Something's broken. I agree. The other day, oh my God, it was so bad. This is such a bad obsession with our own social media platforms and I really just need to get help. But I had dreamt that we'd hit a number on TikTok and then I just forgot that I dreamt

it, woke up, looked at TikTok and I was like, we've lost followers. I thought we'd fully lost followers. That is so sad. We hadn't anyway. Right. We asked for some classic F-boy stories. What have the fuck boys been up to? You ready for this, girls?

Oh my God, my most recent F-boy was my old high school teacher. I think that's on my bucket list, actually. Shagging your high school teacher? I just can't think of one that I'd actually like to shag, but yeah, like probably, I think that'd be quite fun. Okay, more best good, why, cause they'll be so old. LinkedIn. Oh, but one of the young ones, late now. All best get, why? Because they'll be so old. No, LinkedIn.

All right, but one of the young ones. My dentist, yeah. No, Andrew, my dentist. The other one, the old one. She fancied him, remember? No, that was my GP. Oh, sorry. Get with my healthcare professionals. Andrew, my dentist, is amazing.

He literally started the session by saying, so- Your dentist is also called Andrew. Your dentist? Yep. This is my specialist, not my actual dentist. But he basically was, I was literally like, is this part of his job? Like he was sat so close to me, such direct eye contact, just asking about like my hobbies and what I did for a living. I know why they do that.

Why? To make you... No, because when they ask you, they look at your teeth. Well, no. When they had taught me about the hole, they asked me what do you do for a living and I was like, I do like sit in front of a camera. Yes. Like having a hole in my mouth is going to be an issue. I did say to him, I was like, listen, Andrea, I won't lie to you, this is mainly vanity. Talk to me all

you want about the thruster tongue and the recession on my gums, but I just want to look better. Anyway. Kissed me, begged for a blowy, then tried to get with my best friend and then called me a slut. Why are all F boys so like rude? Like they're so like they just call you out all the time. They like abuse you. True. They just say it. They just say what comes to their minds. Sorry, my ex was seeing me and my boss at the same time. We all worked together in the same hospital. Obviously the two of us didn't know about the other.

Whoa. So like a doctor shagging two nurses. How does he have the time? How does he have the time? All the energy. I always say this. Fuck me. Wow. Sorry. This is a classic F-boy move. They'll give you chlamydia and then deny they had it. Oh yeah.

I've had that. Okay, I've only had that once, but with two boys that both could have given me chlamydia and they both said they didn't have it and I was like, make that make sense. One of you does. A friend was with her boyfriend for two years. He had another GF the whole fucking time. Fucking crazy. Sorry, on the chlamydia thing. My friend of a friend found out that her long-term boyfriend was cheating on her because she

got the cap. Horrendous. I've heard too many stories like that. This is a classic one. Took me to Morocco, broke up with me two days later and requested £480 on Monzo. Send a picture. That is such good fuckboy baby, I'm sorry.

I wouldn't pay it. No way, I'll be like, decline, thank you. Send a picture of him in bed with another girl. Like how fucked in the head do you have to be? Good for you, good for you. Give a shit. You can imagine what he looks like. Yeah.

Oh, you know. Oh, rat. Oh my gosh. Was dating a guy for seven months found out through my ex that he had been going on dates with other girls and posting on his private stories? I hate that shit. I hate the audacity of like posting somewhere. Like what kind of rush do you get from that? Because like someone

won't see it's gross or you kind of want them to see. Sorry, this is textbook. Okay, last one. Sending ad pics randomly and snapping you at 10pm when they get horny. Yeah, classic. Classic. Classic. If you're getting- You know our days guys, it was BBM, but now it's Snapchat. Yeah, or like we did- no, I used to get some Snapchat. Dick pics. Dick pics?

Yeah, me too. MSN. I used to do webcam on MSN. Did you ever do that? Did you? Do webcam. I charged the voice of- I used to be on Babestation.

No, but we'd be chatting on MSN. That is so good. We would be chatting on MSN and then it'd be like, do you want to do like, do you want to turn the camera on? No, I don't you fucking perv. And they'd like just show like their willy. Now I just get on BBM like, what are your tits looking like today? What? Yeah. And then, oh my God, when like in the beginning as well, when you're like first time ever,

you're like, oh my God, what do I do? And I remember Min and I got this picture of this magazine and we took a picture of this girl's beard. And we said, it's so good. It was like, oh, that makes me so happy. They're so easy. They're so easy to fool these boys. Don't forget that girls. Don't give them too much power because they're so stupid. You could fully generate an AI picture of you. They wouldn't fucking know. Oh, you can definitely fuck with a fuck boy. Let me tell you.

Good. Stay safe out there, girls, and just protect your energy. Please protect your energy, and if they're taking up too much head space, let's replace them with a hobby. Let's just, every time we think of them, let's just do something else. Take your greens, take your vids, go on a walk. I don't know, but just anything else that isn't thinking about them.

Retweet. Love you guys. Thanks for listening. Subscribe, like and subscribe. Please don't forget to like and subscribe and send in your voice notes. We love you all so much and we can't wait to see you soon. Bye. Bye. Bye!