Leave A Message with Ally & G - 62 - If We Ever Die... We Want To Have A Conclave!

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

Whilst the Vatican is picking a new Pope (which, just to say, has left us offended that we haven’t been asked to fill such a holy duty!), we’re here literally saving lives with a brand new episode of Leave A Message with Ally & G!  This week we’re in the pits of hell as one Gally shares the story of her friends date fail… when she accidentally texts the person sat opposite her a not-so-friendly truth! Sometimes, there’s power in deleting a text – and sometimes it’s just too late. We’re also talking about rejection therapy! When can hearing ‘no’ actually help you turn the corner in your life. And, when do you just really need to know that you’re kind of stinky?  All of this will make sense on this weeks episode of Leave A Message. It never gets easier out there, stay safe! Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to ⁠⁠https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1⁠⁠ (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: ⁠⁠@allyandg⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠@allyandg⁠⁠ YouTube: ⁠⁠@allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I was going to tell you about her psychic ability, but I can't remember the conversation because wasn't I talking about... Why were we talking about the Pope? No, I know, because I was talking about Ella, who had run the Rome Marathon and about the fact that they had to stop to do a minute's silence as they got to where the Pope was resting. Yeah, because he's been... And I said, oh, he'll be dead soon.

And then that- Which isn't really like a full psychic vision because the man's been on death's door for a while. It's just strange that that episode was released on the day he died, which was also Easter Monday. Yeah, weird. Weird. That's got to have some weird,

like Jesus was involved in that, in his death. But you know what's even weirder? My parents and I, Rihanna, are you okay, Queen? She's just choking. Do you need a slap on the back? We should actually learn what to do when someone's choking because I feel like everyone just panics. Like, no one actually knows what to do when someone's choking.

You're meant to really, like, smack them in the back. Oh, you know. Like, I think... But, like, in between that, she'll be raped. Is that right? I think it is. I don't know why I watch this video about if someone's choking. Smack them. That is true.

If it's air, then you just smack them. But if it's food, you have to like really like... Primelick. Yeah. Weirdly enough, me and my parents, we always struggle to like decide on a film and we're looking, looking, looking. We watched Conclave. The night before the geezer dies, we're watching Conclave. And I think it was a good. I actually really enjoyed it. Where did you watch it?

At home. No, no, but where can I like, where? Oh, on Sky. We paid £4.99 for it. It was in the Easter sale. Because this is what's going to happen now. The Conclave process is going to happen right now. It is fucking fascinating. If one of us dies, I want there to be a conclave for the second person. Yes. I don't know who's gonna be involved in the voting. It's really, really, really intense, isn't it? Yeah, so basically they get locked down.

So all of the, I believe they're archbishops. Cardinals. Cardinals, thank you. They all come from all over the world. And there were fucking hundreds of them. Yeah, I think there was 125 in the film or something like that. Loads. They all go and they stay, I'm guessing, in the Vatican.

Yeah. And then they get locked down, basically. So no news is allowed to come in or out because it's not allowed to influence their decision. Right. And they have to have a majority of 72 votes in order to elect the new pope. What happens if there isn't?

They go again, days and days and days. It will be like 14 votes, 40 votes, 30 votes. And then they go again, they go home, they go to dinner, the sisters make them dinner, they sleep, they go back again, they vote. And it takes weeks. Unless they all have a favor. And then I know, what I do know is that every day

in the building that they sit sip the chimney smoke is black. If they haven't elected. And then when a new one comes, it's white. Yes. Because God is risen. Because God... No, no. You've got to be pretty holy to be picked as Pope, I think. Oh my God. No, no.

You've got to be a league above the rest. You must have to look at him and think, he's pretty godly. You know, he's pretty holy. Also, this is why I've done a like, we obviously visited a lot of churches in Vienna. Vienna, beautiful. And then I went down this whole hole of like the Pope and actually the what he's done as a Pope, because like everyone just thinks of the Pope as like just this figurehead, but actually like Pope Francis was the first one to say like, you know, if basically like gay people, you're all God's children, like who am I to say that you're not God's child? Yeah, and that was not a thing. Absolutely not. So he really like he was the

first pope that really took a non-neutral stance on like the war in Gaza, the war in Ukraine, like some of the letters that he wrote to children have been like obviously now published, like he really had such a good, good heart. Yeah. Well, Conclave was a little bit, I think, of a kind of a hope that the next generation of Pope might be, might a woke one. Yeah. Like it might, you know, be the next generation and they might pick someone a little bit out

of the norm. I mean, they're selecting from a select few, but each time it should progress. Any one of those cardinals can be selected. Yeah. Wow. But obviously they all have like allegiances because like otherwise you will be there for months and months. If everyone just votes for like their favorite, you will never get a majority.

So eventually I think they kind of like they would merge together and they pick like, you know, the lesser of like two evils or they pick... There's Tony Tucci in it. Yeah. Does he play a cardinal? Yeah. Oh, I sometimes think, I mean, this is obviously just, I've just literally brought this from like fiction, but I always think like they must be so like backstabby.

Oh, it's very bitchy in Conclave. Because also they all care so much about the church as a symbol and what it represents in modern society. And some of them obviously really want to protect those traditional values and some of them want to diversify and want to progress. So then there's all these in-fighting... They're basically holy politicians. Yeah. there's all these like, there's like in-fighting. They're basically, holy politicians. Yeah. Yeah.

You'll love that film actually. Okay, I'm going to watch it this weekend because we're all away. Oh, I'm so happy. Oh yeah, girl dinner. I can watch TV till two in the morning every night for the next five days and I'm so happy about it. No, no, babe, not every night. Friday, Saturday.

Yeah. Okay, you're allowed on Friday, Saturday. Oh my God, I'm literally going to rinse my pee and I just lie in that bed. Oh, and I just. This is all the other. This is why she couldn't get up. Couldn't get up. I was dead to the world. I slept so badly the last couple of days. And then that room got you. Fucking hell, that room, it was beautiful.

But it was like a sauna and there was no aircon. No, we had the windows open like wide. It was so fucking hot. That they just not have aircon. No. We had the windows open like wide. It was so fucking hot in there. Did they just not have aircon in those? I don't know. Like, whatever they had, it was not cold enough. It was puffing just like... But I just want to say, highly, highly recommend.

Did you go to the opera? No. It's five hours long. I know. I had to queue to get tickets when I went. Did you go? Yeah. I stood. Yeah. I stood at the back of the opera and I watched.

Yeah, it was crazy. And I queued all day to get tickets. Crazy. That blows my mind. Just felt like the cultural thing I needed to do. So I did it. I love the opera. Who did you go with?

I was alone because I was traveling. I can't believe that's... Out of 10, how would you rate your opera experience? Oh, like phenomenal. You stood for five hours. No, no, I don't think the one I saw was five hours. Okay. I don't think they all are five hours. The ones that were on this weekend were five hours. Five till 10. And we were just like, can't do it. Yeah, no, I don't think maybe it was that long. All I know is that I stood at the back. But it's amazing. No, no, it's amazing. Oh my God, it's so amazing. I actually love it.

And you just, it's almost, I think opera is like meditation. Yes. You just have to really let yourself go. Agree. And like, it must be carried. And just hear it. If it was two hours, I would have gone. You'd have done it.

Definitely. Three with an interval you could have done. Yeah, with an interval. Because they have two intervals. In the five hour ones. It's too much. It's like Harry Potter and the Cursed Child or whatever the fuck. No, no, I know.

Oh, by the way, sorry, you can tell us about Vienna, but my mum said our swearing's got really bad again. Oh, okay. Don't know if anyone's noticed that, but she said it was serious. She was like, you're both... What's she been watching, though? Everything. Babe, there's not one thing she misses, that woman.

And she said it's bad. So I don't know on what platform it's worse, but she just said, will you tell Ali? Okay. And I was like, I'll tell her. We will. And then we both just dropped two fucks. So I thought I'd just throw it in there.

So did you have the nicest time? It was really, so I was going to say, I really actually really recommend you. We went for also short flight. So that's what I mean. I'll do anything for a short flight. Short, two, it's literally like an hour and 50. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. We went for five nights, but on two of those days, like everything was shut apart from the galleries. So I think you could do it in three or four, like you could definitely do it in three or four nights.

Yeah, I think I did three nights there and it was really nice. Really nice. It is so beautiful and like it's one of those cities that has like such charm, but it's not massive. No, it's quite small. It's quite small. Like that's why I think Paris, don't get me wrong, is beautiful. But like, it's so massive. So Paris is quite hectic. And like, you really feel like you've been on a city break. I would say. Vienna is quite peaceful.

I literally did not see one other single in the choice, which actually is Heaven. Like there were a lot of, surprisingly, well actually not surprisingly, a lot of Germans, obviously. They all speak German. I thought you would say Germans. But yeah, really well German at school. No, I had to do French. Did you do French and another? Just French? I did French and Italian. My Italian is actually pretty good.

Is it? Yeah, if we went to Italy, I could get around. No. It would take me a hot sec to warm up. If you asked me to speak now, I couldn't do it. But if I was in, like, we went to this Italian restaurant the first night because, like, we got there late and it was literally around the corner.

And I spoke to them the whole evening. But then he suddenly flew in. Like, I couldn't just do it. Like, if you ask me right now, I couldn't just say something. It's like when you start to hear it again. No, I have that in Spanish. Like, I can muddle through in Spanish. If I have to.

Then my mom made both of us. Oh my God, stop. Mandarin. Good. And Mo's actually did a GCSE and babe, when I say that... Is she good? She cannot even say my name is. It's so bad.

It's so awful. I think you need to get on Duolingo. I think I'm going to try and do Cantonese. Why don't you just get your mom to say it, mom, for like the next year till December. No, she won't be able to do it think I'm going to try and do Cantonese. Why don't you just get your mom, just say mom for like the next year till December. No, she won't be able to do it. You can only speak to me in Cantonese. My mom will not do it. No way. No way.

If I went to her, if I went to live at home in Malaysia for a year, I reckon I could. But your mom speaks Cantonese. No, but my mom is not. My mom is still quite conversational. It's not fluent. She couldn't like have a really deep, meaningful conversation with me. You just have to keep it surface level for a year. Superficial. Yeah.

You're not allowed to say anything meaningful. It's just like, where are my shoes? That you could handle and then that's it. Yeah, because it's so sad to like be able to have the gift of like bilingualism. Well, I even have it. This is so deep. But I even have it where like I, one of my favorite things about like this isn't, I don't mean this in a negatistical way, like I really love my Asian-ness. I love like the fact that I grew up in such a different culture, like I really, really love it and I really do lean into it. And I just always feel sad that like my kids won't have that really.

Yeah, I think that is sad. I always think, because I only grew up in Malaysia because my grandparents lived there, and all of my family now live there, but now I'm one generation down, and we're all across the world, and then my kids will even be one more generation down, and there'll only be a culture Asian,

unless I marry an Asian. I think about it all the time. Ah, that is sad. I just think I have to really go. Well, Granny Sheila needs to just step up and get a bit more Asian. My mom in the book. She just needs to like really channel her Asian. In the bookshops, my mom is like honey.

It's like bees to honey, whatever you call it. Yeah. You walk into a bookshop, the only thing she's going to look at is the Chinese books. Wow. And same with James. Same with James. Yesterday we were in the airport and there were in these whole magazines, there was this one Chinese, one Chinese one

Chinese magazine because she read it no no it was in English it was about the Chinese gen z or whatever she's leaning in and she should because she is fully Asian well she's gonna have to pass down the Asian to your children so she needs to like look up fix her up exactly and I said to rule we're just gonna have to really go ham yeah on the like you you know, Chinese New Year, let's take two weeks. Yeah. Really, you've got to lean in. Yeah, let's be making the dragons.

Thank you. Let's be doing the parade. Exactly. Yes. So that's that really. Great time was had. Great time was had. How was your Easter, babe?

Yeah, lovely, I just did not a lot. I liked your outfit, your dungarees. Are those new? No, they're old. Colin got me them. Many things he used to buy me and now I get nothing. (*laughing*) Um, yeah, I had a great time.

We got home on Saturday, me, Holes and Ella, Holly's little sister. And my mum, she's so mental. She had like done an Easter egg hunt, but it was margarita ingredients to make spicy marks. So we were like finding it so funny, like running around the garden finding like tequila and glasses and limes and like a sugar syrup and like all this stuff. Anyway, we then just got like bladdered because I just hadn't really like eaten properly. And then like we were making margaritas and you know, when you just get

like a bit day drunk and a bit giddy. And anyway, we were talking about how Polz and I, in particular, have lost our kind of like gumption to just like shoot your shot. We would just lean out of anything that was like making an intent on getting something you want, for example, like especially in dating. Like I would just like sit back, because we were talking about Friday night, how we just couldn't go out for a while. And I was like, I can't put jeans on, I can't go out. And Ella and like my mum were just joking and they were like, how the hell do you guys think you're ever gonna like meet someone or like fall in love if you do eventually

want that like la la la. Anyway, then it pins whole, you've got to just shoot your shot. You've got to just send the text. You've got to just do this. Anyway, then I saw this guy, a friend at school was home for Easter. I was looking on Instagram, mid-Margarita, la la la. And I see one of our other friends was in the picture, and I was like, God, he's got so fit. And we're all so Margarita, like, text him. No! Or just message him.

And I'm like, OK, well, I'll just message the guy who put the story up and be like, is he single? So I replied to the story. I'm like, hey, sorry, is, let's call him Brian, is he single? So I replied to the story. I'm like, hey, sorry, is, let's call him Brian, is Brian single? And the guy replies, friend from school, yes, he is. And I just said, good to know. Then I just went to my messages on Instagram with Brian. And when I was with Colin, Brian had messaged me being like, looking like, like he'd replied to my stories, just being like, looking good, like I hope

you're as happy as you look or something like that. And I was like, yeah, all good, replied. And then he was like, yeah, you look it, fit. So then I thought, oh my God, maybe I'm in. This was like two years ago and I had a boyfriend at the time, so I didn't think any of it. So anyway, then we were like, yeah, just send the message, send the message.

So I text him and I was like, should we go for a drink then? Wild so bold hasn't even read it hasn't It's been five days. I'm mortified Instagram not seen not replied watched my stories But I'm just here That'll be her shooting her last shot this year No, no, no, no.

I won't let it. I just think, fuck it. Like, and then I messaged the boys upstairs yesterday. Brilliant. Well done, babe. Because I was like, I keep bumping into you and you haven't asked us for drinks yet. And you said you would. So then I messaged him and I was like,

losing faith that you're going to organize drinks. You want to do next Thursday. You're going to be brilliant. And now we're going for drinks next Thursday. And I just think, here I go. It's thrilling, isn't it? It's thrilling. Who cares if he doesn't reply?

You're lost. Exactly. Who cares? I think rejection therapy is good. Agreed. That's what it's thrilling, isn't it? It's thrilling. Who cares if he doesn't reply? You're lost. Exactly, who cares? I think rejection therapy is good. Agree! That's what it's called, rejection therapy. Yes. For everything, guys. Do it in everything.

DM someone about a job. DM someone about getting laid. I don't know. You're good at it at work. You are good at asking for stuff. Am I? Yes, babe. Maybe we are.

Guys, hiding behind the guys of Ali and G is really helpful. It's like, it's not me. I don't know that girl. Yeah, true. That is true. I don't know her. She's wild. She laughs at anything. Not me. I won't know from my own DMs, but from hers. Yeah, true. That is true. Oh, so good.

I just thought life's for fucking living. Some people, I keep seeing these things, people are living as if they get to do this again. You don't get to do it again. Yeah, so true. This doesn't happen to do it again. Yeah, so true. This doesn't happen again. So true. This might be it.

It can live. That's actually so true. The Pope's dead, guys. Yeah, true, true. I like that a lot. Right, will we intro the pod? Welcome to Leave A Message. This is the pod by the galleys for the galleys.

I do think that the galleys should be called Francis this week in honor of the Pope. I agree, and Francis is also a girl's name. And um, do your worst, I suppose. Oh my god, bring it on. Okay, so I've been loving the podcast and I've been meaning to send this for ages but I keep putting it off because I've been really nervous and I'm terrible at voice notes, so bear with. Basically it's not about me, it's about my friend. She went on a date and when she got there she said to him, I really hope you don't mind, I'm so sorry, I don't want to be rude, but I'm just going to send my friend a quick message,

just to let her know I'm here and I'm safe and she doesn't need to worry. He says okay, so she's sat across from him, quickly picks up her phone. She's sending off a quick message. Obviously, doesn't want to be rude, so she's in a bit of a rush. She sends a message to her friend. Well, she thought she was sending a message to her friend. I'm here, I'm safe, but his breath stinks. No! As she sends it, she realizes who she sent it to,

and his phone screen lights up from across the table. I don't know how, there's no coming back from that. And I actually don't know who I would rather be in that situation, the girl or the guy, because that is excruciating for either of them. But to be fair, he continued the date for some reason. And obviously she had already heard him enough, so she had to stay

Being able to delete a message is the best thing that whatsapp ever gave us. I actually think it was or genuinely Saving like you guys you young You don't know how good you fucking got it You don't know the pain of when you do that. And not being able to retrieve messages on your Motorola flip phone. And you just watch it go and you think I've absolutely fucked it there. I was talking about them and I've sent it to them. I mean that is bad because I'm guessing he saw it before she had time to delete the message. Because you know if you're quick enough you can unsend But that panic, literally it's five seconds.

It's not enough time. It's not enough time. Now you can set it. You can set your mail, especially on Apple, you can set it to be, it doesn't send for three minutes. Oh, that's really good. So you can, I have set mine so that you can undo sending then. You can make it 15.

You can make it however long you want. Every time you send an email, it will not actually send for however long that you want it. Oh, that's really good. Because that is... You could get yourself fired. You could get yourself divorced. Oh, because listen, I've had some real issues with BCC in my time. I remember when I was working for the creative agency I worked for before I worked for the BBC. I fucking... There was this American woman and she, I can't even remember her name now, but she was so big,

like big, big boot. She was really scary. She was a creative director, so she did like music videos. And we were bringing her on board to work on a project and she had been such a cow over email. And I basically, oh, it's so embarrassing. I replied thinking I'd taken her out and was just replying to my manager. And I said, I actually can't with this woman.

I think you're going to have to step in. Something along those lines. Like it was just really like flipping and like not good. She was on the fucking email and it was really bad. I think I almost got fired because she obviously read it. I have a friend who that's happened to recently, bearing in mind guys were almost 30. He sent an email. He was on a Zoom call with his clients and he thought he was sending a Teams message. Oh my God, wait, I think you told us this story.

I think I have. He was sending a Teams message to his colleague and he sent it. Sent it all on the Zoom. Sent it on the Zoom, yeah. He sent it on the zoom chats everyone on the zoom chat and it was like why are they being so difficult? They're so like it was a long message of a slacking off the clients. He was on the same way you can't This is the thing to like trust that people have in technology I don't have the trust because I won't even do a close friends Instagram story. There's no You will catch me trusting my phone like that.

I do not trust the glitch in the matrix that could happen. I completely agree. Sometimes if I'm talking shit about someone, I'll have to turn my phone off just to pay back. We have this all the time. If I'm talking about someone, I'm literally the prank. I would make us put our phones outside, face up. I have to see it.

Never in my life have I managed to ring, like dial someone and speak badly about them, but I just have this prank. You can't be careful enough. No, no, no. It's enough to make me never want a bitch again and I love a bitch. Like I cannot.

That fucking puts fear in me. No, no, no. That is horrible. I mean, I will say in this situation, good on him for staying and actually having the day. And also bad breath is something you can fix, I suppose. Different if you said he's an ugly minger. Like that's different.

Or imagine if you'd written ugly minger. You'd have said he's ugly minger. That would have been bad. Because you then look like a really bad person. You just look like a cow. Yeah, you'd have had to have been like, I'm sorry, I need to go to therapy and I must leave now. Do you know what I sometimes think? Listen, I'm not on the dating scene, so I can't speak from experience, but I do sometimes think and I don't mean this in any mean way, like genuinely, I just think sometimes people are

misguided about the level that they are on and the level that they can attract. Do you know what I think? No, Hinge constantly, like, really does me dirty when it shows you my most compatible. I think, okay. I'm not sure what you know about them that I don't. But listen, that's where you can't judge a book by its cover. That is true. And that's where dating apps go wrong,

because that person could have qualities that you couldn't even dream of. Totally agree. And you've got to just sit through that and just wait. Don't care. Also, he won't have known. Rihanna's like, they've got to just sit through that and just wait. Don't care. Also, he won't have known. Mariana's like, they've got to be fair. Yeah, fair.

But like, he won't have known. You can't really smell your own bad breath. A hundred. No, no, no. Listen, you can smell your own B.O. I agree. Bad breath is the one thing that people can't smell. Really?

I think maybe if you're really tuned in, you might be able to taste it. But like, the smell. Garlic, coffee. OK, coffee, I can do that. You know if you've eaten something, but like, bad breath is in like, Stale, faggy breath.

As in like, when it sounds like it feels like you need a filling. You know that smell? Where it's like, ah. Anestosis. Yes. And actually, I genuinely believe some people are just prone to bad breath. I agree.

I agree. Does your mom have bad breath? She must have bad breath. She doesn't drink any water. I'm up. Yeah. Not even. And she drinks so much coffee and stale.

It's never like, I had a teacher at primary school. Oh my God. I think she must have been a smoker. And she drank so much coffee. When she leant over me to help me with work, I remember the smell distinctly. Her breath was so, so, so bad. To the point where you kind of wanted to say, I'm so sorry, Miss, you've got to just step back.

Take a step back. How do they not know? It fascinates me genuinely. Bad breath. That's the thing that really gets me, actually. Bad breath gets me, as in like I could snog a lot of people. But bad breath. B.O. I love.

I loved. The other day we went into this shot. Sorry, before we people, but B.O. I love, not most. I like the smell of B.O. Sorry, before we move on to B.O., what's the law of your mom not drinking water? Oh, she literally... God bless my mom, she's like a lizard. I've just bought her a soda stream and her life has changed, but she just can't drink water. She doesn't like it. This is like my mom with like food two nights ago. She must have got her protein in.

No, no, babe, she ordered this beef soup, right? And like she drank all the soup because it had like wontons and stuff in it. Yummy. Obviously didn't eat any of the beef, like this whole full slice of beef. She was like, I'm so full, I'm so full. Then we went back to the hotel,

which we did every single night to have this sac à tort, which is like this chocolate cake. Sweet food. She orders a full fucking plate of waffles and she ate the entire plate. Whipped cream, berries, maple syrup, the whole thing. And I was like And she ate the entire plate. Whipped cream, berries, maple syrup, the whole thing.

And I was like, I thought you were starving. She was like, now my food's up to here. And I was like, why would you not be eating the beef, Queen? The beef that really you need in your body to fuel you. Like 15 croissants a day, no problem. That woman's got it covered. Yeah, she's a sweet tooth. Oh, so bad.

Oh my God, some of their habits, I watch my parents now, and I think wild. My dad, Easter Monday, had left over Yorkshire pudding with golden syrup on it. He reheated the Yorkshire pudding. I mean, fucking delicious, but what the fuck? Like, are you OK? It's not World War II, and we don't have rations.

Like, don't panic. We don't need to, like, re-fry Yorkshire pudding batter. With golden syrup. Spoonfuls of the stuff. Big spoonfuls he was putting on it. And it was like his snack. It's batter? No, it's basically batter. Yorkshire pudding is just, like, basically pancake batter. No, he took the actual Yorkshire pudding that had been cooked.

And then he reheated it and covered it in golden syrup. That is bizarre. I was just like, do you know that like rations don't exist anymore? You can have a Chocobar whenever you want. Okay, fucking hell. Honestly, we have to really look after now that we're aging. Did you not take it seriously? No, I know. Drink some water. Linda, the other day. Eat some beef. What have you eaten today? What have you drunk today?

I've had five cups of coffee. I said, have you drank any water today? Yeah, well, I've had three cups of tea and two cups of coffee. It does not count. It is better than nothing, but it does not count. No, because my mum had the same because the dentist said, you've got to stop drinking the sparkling water, Queen, because it's wrecking your teeth. And the dentist said to her it only counts as

water if a fish can swim in it. I don't think that is scientifically correct. Capable dentist, I don't know. I know, I have my concerns about that. I don't think that's right. Sparkling water is better than coffee, but still I think tap water is, you know, gold standard. But then they say that sparkling water is better for absorption.

Yeah, I just think we need to do some real research on this because I think that dentist might have just been telling your mum what he wanted her to hear in order to get her to do some bits. Okay, fine. Talk about B.O. before we move on to... Yeah, shall we talk about B.O.? I love B.O. I just, I hate B.O. Like if you said to me, do I smell, I'd get right in your face.

No, but maybe you love me. No, no, no. When you come across people, the other day we went into this shop, this very expensive shop and the sales lady, when I was desperate for a week, so she took me up in the lift to go to the next store for the loop. It was bad. I had to breathe in and out of my mouth and the lift was so fucking long.

And she was trapped. No, but I did. No, sometimes it's bad. Yeah, you're right. People you love, you like. She was a nice-looking woman, and like, she seemingly looked, like, presentable. She might be going through something, because I remember when I was very stressed, I had a specific smell that I could not get rid of.

But I would lather myself in perfume if that was happening. I could not get rid of it. I could not get rid. Oh, I just think... And you have it sometimes, you smell like Bolognese. No, no, I know. And it's stress and hormones. I definitely have.

During, around my period, I really smell like Bolognese. And it's really hard to mask. Yeah. I do have sympathy. You never have that, to be fair. You're actually not as... Not anymore, but I used to. Holes will tell you, there was a time when I was severely stressed

and I hated my life. I was a miserable person. And I stank and I could not for the life of me get rid of it. Really? It was stress, I think. Listen, I just think like it's... if it's for those reasons, fine, but sometimes you come across people like, I used to work with someone who like,

you know, he was so proud that he didn't use deodorant, he was like, I don't need to use deodorant, and he, like, it's like that acrid acid smell. I don't mind it, like when you come out of cycling, everyone's smelly, like, I'm just gonna be fine. Yeah, of course. But when they're out and about in their normal life, like on a date, that would really bother me.

I could not sit across from one. That really smells. It has to be really bad, though. Yeah, like, yeah, that's the thing. If it's, like, just a light, musky, like, sign. Fine. Whatever, we've all had a long day. But if it's, like, and it's, like, stuck in your nose

and you can't unsmell it even when you're away from them. Come on, you don't like that. No, I don't like that. True. Yeah. True. Instant deposits or same-day withdrawals? Download the BetMGM Ontario app today. Visit betmgm.com for terms and conditions. 19 plus to wager, Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly.

If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connect Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Before we continue with this week's episode of Leave a Message, if you want to be part of our group chat, make sure you leave us a voice note using all the details in the

episode description. Now this can be about anything. Obviously, sometimes we ask you for specific topics, but if you've got a story that you think girls need to hear this, then get voice noting. Francis number two, will we talk to you? Hey, girlies. So this is a bit of a sticky one. Basically, the backstory is my partner is moving or well, has moved now to Thailand for 14 months, which has been a massive life event for the both of us. I'm obviously staying here because I have two jobs. I work both of them part time.

With him moving over to Thailand, he moved out literally a week after the earthquakes all happened, which was mega stressful, as you can imagine. When the earthquake happened, there was a big like uncertainty around whether his accommodation was going to be suitable and safe for him to actually live in. And basically I got the news when I was at uni that it was not suitable and safe for him to live in, which then sent me into a spiral. I'm autistic and can't cope with change as it is, but then when things like that happen, it just completely sets me off. So I told my lecturer that I needed to go home and help him sort out new accommodation,

which I didn't think was a big deal. And she turned around and said, is that for you to do? Like in front of everybody in the room, it is like only four of us in the class, but she was like, is that for you to do? And I was like, yeah. Like a bit sort of taken aback.

Like I'm not confrontational at all. And then I left the room because I was on the phone to him at the time. And she spoke to my friends in there behind my back saying, well, I don't understand why he can't sort it himself. So I sent her an email saying that I found her response to be quite rude. And I didn't appreciate her talking to other people about my situation without me being present. And she came back with the like snartiest email it was just dig after dig after dig and she was like it is my understanding that he is a responsible adult and should be able to

manage all this himself. I'm like, respectfully, you're not in my situation. Like, what do you want me to do? Go away. Like things have been fine since our like email back and forth. But like she knew all this was going on. And I'd previously spoken to her about how it was affecting my mental health as an autistic student. And she came back with literally just dig after dig after dig, and playing the whole I am your academic lecturer blah blah blah blah blah and I'm just like respectfully bugger off. I don't know maybe I'm the one in the wrong who knows but do let me know what your thoughts and

opinions are. PS I went to land live and I'm obsessed so you need to now go on tour. So I can go to every single show that you do. Thanks. See you later. Bye. Okay, babe, we shall do that for you. Well, I just have to say, you will be sat with Linda if you're on every single night because that woman, oh my God. She'll be bringing us Oda Stream with her. She'll be there in the audience giving out sparkly water. Right. Let me just say one thing about this lecture.

It sounds to me like she's been trapped in some kind of situation where she mothered a man and she does not want you to be in the same position. And listen, she is in the wrong. It's not her place to take it out on you. But it sounds like she's been through some shit. Yeah, I would say it's not you, it's her. Yeah, she's been looking after someone for years and he's taken a liberty. That's really triggered her in this situation. Yeah, and she's trying to protect you. I mean, I was never that close to my uni lecturers.

Like I wouldn't have even... I would never have had a class of only four of us. I wouldn't have asked to leave. We did. For journalism, I had six, but I'd have just been like, I've got to go, family emergency. Me too. I wouldn't have said... No, I would have like taken the like distance that uni need. Yes. I'm an independent woman. Totally. That is quite interesting, isn't it? Of like, I don't know when you feel so passionately about something like if you

boil down what she's actually saying, like, of course, you're being a great partner and you're helping your boyfriend that's about to have a whole life change and la la la. Actually, when you think about what she's saying, it's like, well, yeah, good point, sister. Not my fucking problem. Like it is, of course, because he's your partner and you want to help. But it's not your stress to bear. And if she's noticing you being really stressed

and like it's causing harm to your mental health and her concern is you thriving and you getting your university degree, what she's actually saying for you is don't take that on your shoulders because it's not your stress to bear. It's not your cross to bear. Exactly. Well, I was going to say, I think this is like a much wider point about mothering your

partner because I think it's really, it's so easy to do and like it's actually, you cut a lot of hard corners by doing it for them. It's way harder for them to, first of all, get them to do it for themselves. But then even when they're doing it, it's like, oh my God, the sky is falling down. It's so dramatic and it's like, oh, well, I'll just do it then. But actually, and I'm sure in this situation that know that I, like, I'm sure in this situation that you really come up with a place of like worry and concern. But I think in general, it is, I mean,

I definitely know that I'm, I do this, that it's easy to just be like, well, I'll just fix it and I'll just deal with it. But actually the problem is that then you fall into a pattern of them expecting that you will fix it. And actually the kindest thing that you can do is to guide them through it, but not do it for them. And that's so much easier said than done. But like, I mean, I've kind of had this a bit with Raw. He's been so this year, he's been

like genuinely just like so I've never seen him this stressed and like working every weekend till 10 o'clock at night, like really, really stressed and just, you know, problems everywhere. And it would be, I mean, I can't physically fix it, but it would be really easy for me to just like mother him completely and like cuddle him, wrap him in cotton wool and make like, you know, do everything else for him outside of. Yeah. And not expect anything of him because you're giving him like that much grace because he's going through the stressful things. Exactly. And don't get me wrong, there are days that I can do that.

I like to do that because I feel like... And days when he really needs that. And days that I'm like, I would love for you to do this to me, so I'll do it to you too. But it can't be like a trend forever because, you know, some days he'll be like, oh, I don't know what to do, X, Y, Z. Can you help me do that? I can't help you, but I can see and talk to you and help you try and figure it out. Like, well, I guess what it is in this instance, especially, is it's figuring out when it requires you to drop your own shit for him.

Because what like what clearly triggered your lecturer, where she, listen, I think she spoke out of turn. But if we actually just think about what she said, imagine she's someone that you did care about their opinion and that she did have a right to speak, then what she's saying, I guess, is, is this bad enough right now for you to leave what you're doing? Because that pattern can unfold again and again and again and again

when you're expected to... Just drop everything. When actually is the sky falling? Because like if the sky is not falling, I'll finish my lecture and then I'll be 45 minutes. And when I'm home, if you haven't got to where you need to get to, I'll be on Airbnb, don't worry. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

It's just like, is the sky falling? Well, because I think then like, you know, when the sky does fall down, it makes it much more number one urgent, but a bit more meaningful. Yeah. Because you really have dropped everything and like you've moved mountains to be here and make it work and la la la la. But if you do that every time, they just take it that for granted. Exactly. And also, like in a way, you stop yourself.

And I think we are guilty of this as like women and like caregivers. You you kind of don't even ask if they need the help. You just assume like, well, I can fix it. I can do it better than you and I can help and I can. And actually, like, you might even need to like take a beat and be like, are you just laying your stress on me or are you laying your stress on me because you would like me to help? Because actually, I need you to ask if you want me to help or if not, I'm just just going to prioritize myself for this sec. Do you know what I mean?

I don't think you were wrong to feel annoyed by your lecturer. But I just think it's interesting to think about what she, as maybe a woman scorned, was trying to like... The wisdom she was trying to pass on to you. To see that she was trying to convey, that she conveyed badly. Shall we round up? Yes. Okay, let's do a round up.

Okay, Francis, number one. Bless your friend. And great story, thanks for sharing. A little lesson to all of us to hold our judgments until we're in a really safe space. But also a lesson to all of us to double check your, you know, recipient on your phone. Never message in haste. Never, because something's gonna go wrong and you don't want it to go

wrong like that. Yeah. And, part two. Respectfully to your lecturer, she overstepped the mark, of course, but maybe something to think about in terms of like... Well, like learn it now than like in five years time when you're trying to unpick that. Listen, when I, I don't know, maybe. You and I are the same. When I hear something that I don't like from someone I don't like, I just think that is the fucking stupidest thing anyone could ever say. Yes. And who the fuck do you think you are to say to me?

But maybe reframe it that if those words came out in a different way out of someone else's mouth. Yes. Would they mean anything different to you? Yeah. Because maybe they would. Yes. Listen, I'm on that journey too. Don't worry about it. So next time say less. Like literally just say I have a family emergency, something she cannot argue with. Because if you've deemed it important enough, then get out of there. Do you know what I mean? That is on you. That is your decision to make totally brilliant okay we have the week okay have you ever sent a message to the person you were talking about yes OMG

awful no way I have once I remember it was with Polly Pinton I was on my Samsung flip and I was speaking I think it was with Polly Pinton. I was on my Samsung flip and I was speaking. I think I was texting Holes actually about the fact that I needed to break up with him. And you texted him. And I texted him. I didn't say I need to break up with him. We were mid conversation and I was texting him at the same time. And I just said something like I know it's bad. I need to speak to him or like something like that. But I sent it to him. So what do you think. But I sent it to him. So what do you think people voted?

I reckon most people must have done that. It's actually not as bad. Listen, it's not as a diabolical situation as you think. Only 63% of people said yes, OMG, awful. OK, that's good. 37% said no way. So well done, guys. Yeah, well done, because that restores my faith in technology a tiny bit,

because I kind of think it's my phone against me. Babe, in those moments, how has that happened? The matrix glitched and they put his name in my path. If yes, tell us about it. Right. Oh, good. Oh, it's nice not seeing it, not knowing. This is a classic. I've done this many times. Screenshot is an argument to send to my friend. No, no, that is awful The screenshot is the oldest trick. Yes, I very nearly did that. Do you remember the zombie? I very nearly sent a screenshot to him of his conversation.

That's easier to do than send a text wrong. Yes. Because you just click, click, click, click, click, click, clack. I do it to boys all the time when they say something cringe TBF. I do it to boys all the time when they say something cringe TBTBF. I do it on purpose sometimes. That is brilliant.

If he said something cringy, she'd be like, oh my God, you just look what he just said. That's so good. Send a screenshot of their profile straight to them. That is awful. That is awful. The thing is you can use this shift ship to create conversation if you need. You can. I don't know, that's quite funny then.

Just being like, sorry, we're sending to my friend because you're fit. That's quite jokes. I don't know. It's bold nowadays. I said I wanted to shag their friend, meant to send that to my friend. That is bad. Or the male ego will not like that. That my friend. That is bad. All the male ego will not like that. That is bad.

That's bad. He accidentally sent My mom a text saying, oh mother is the most selfish person I've ever met. Was meant for a sister. Oh my god that is so bad.

Yeah, I meant to send an Ali silly bitch level rant about my mum to my sister, but sent it to my mum. Oh, that is so bad. That is bad. Even that though, like, no! Send a foot... No! Send a foot pic to my coach. Think fully grown man with a GF by accident instead of my mate. No, that is bad. with a GF by accident instead of my mate. No, that is bad. You know, when you've got like your like boss's number or like people of authority, like their number, that's not right. You don't want them in your phone.

I've done that on a night out. I've texted my boss instead of... I can't remember why. I text my boss whose name was Tom and I was also meant to be texting my friend called Thomas. And I sent it being like, Oh my God, I'm literally on another planet. And then the next one. I was like, so you had fun last night. No, a boundary cross. You have to ignore that. Thank you. Oh my God. That's brilliant. Just be careful as you tread is all I want to say about that. I feel like we've covered a lot today. It's been a real... It's been a real journey.

It's been a real journey and it's been fast and it's been, I've got whiplash actually, but I enjoyed it a lot. Guys, thank you so much. See you next week. Please keep your voice notes coming and make sure to subscribe, follow, like, whatever you have to do.

Also, did you know that on Spotify now you can comment on episodes? Yes, I did know that. So you first get commenting. Drop some comments, please. Oh, I did know that. So let's get commenting. Drop some comments, please. Oh, drop us a comment. Drop us a comment of the time that you sent a text to the wrong person.

Yeah, good. Okay, thanks, Gallies. Okay, love you, bye. Love you, bye. Love you, bye. Thanks for watching!