Leave A Message with Ally & G - 67 - To Be Or Not To Be… Exclusive

Episode Date: June 11, 2025

When love hits a dead end, who do you come calling to? Well, Ally & G of course, and on this episode of Leave A Message we’re helping the gallies get past love that has been lost and, as Paloma Faith once said, (we’re) picking up the pieces. We have a gally who has been ghosted and needs to know if this is what she should expect from young love, or if better is out there? Plus, what do you do when the guy you’re dating won’t take things to the next level after confusion arises over whether you’re “exclusive or not”? On this episode, we’re letting go of grudges, re-analysing how we define relationships and ultimately setting ourselves up to be the gallies we’ve always wanted to be. Onwards! Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@allyandg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@allyandg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Please contact connects Ontario at 1 8 6 6 5 3 1 2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario Okay, I must tell you now about my aging body. Asian or aging? Aging. Aging, sure. So I've never really suffered with, you know, pain in my body. You know, like, Roar always has some kind of pain in his turp. Yeah, aches and creaks and yeah.

I've never been that person. Anyway, I sleep on my... I think that's probably more normal. Like, I think Roar needs help. Oh, don't worry. I told him a hundred times he needs to go to the physio. He's not even 30 yet. I know. It's crazy to be struggling with that kind of stuff.

It's crazy. Right, go on. Right, so I sleep, if you don't know, I sleep like I'm dead. Like, I sleep like a corpse, like no pillow. And I lie flat on my back, just like splayed. Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night and I went to go for a wee and I'm not joking, babe. Pulled your back?

No, no. When I woke up, I thought, oh my God, my back seized up. Sorry, so the pain was in your back when you woke? Yes. You hadn't even moved? Hadn't even moved. And I was like, oh my fucking God. Oh my God. Anyway, I stood up and it was genuine agony, guys.

I'm not joking. I can't explain how painful it was. That's never happened to me. Can you explain like what kind of pain? Like, was it like a cramp? Was it like a pulling? I've never had this before. What was it? It was a bit like, oh gosh, I hate it when doctors ask you to do this. I know. Sorry, I'm being such a GP. It was a bit sharp. Was it? To be honest. A bit stabbing.

But like all over my whole back of my back. Full spine. Like achy stabs. Achy stabbing. Achy stab. I can't remember the last time I had pain like that. And it's just gone now. Anyway, then I like really did hobble to the moon. Sorry. Holding your back. Also guys, I sleep naked with a bra on, so like if anyone was... You know, it's the weirdest thing. She has this sleeping bra that she's so attached to. She's out.

She has her food out. And just this... No, but Rohana, it's a sleeping bra. It's very serious. And when she forgets it, the stress. Oh, the stress. And then she's trying to decide what other bra might suffice, but none do. I cannot have nipples touching the duvet cover. Like that is sending me into sensory overload.

It's actually making me feel a bit weird just thinking about it. So are they a little sensitive then? Is this the issue? The thing is, I don't- You must have sensitive nipples. This is what's so weird. I have the most unsensitive nipples of all time, but the thought of the duvet touching my nipple is too much for me.

There's got to be a word for that, hasn't there? I don't know what is wrong with me. There's got to be a word for that, hasn't there? I don't know what is wrong with me. There's a few of them actually. What tapped, yeah. I was thinking some diagnoses. Yeah, sure. I think people that sleep with knickers though are actually unhinged. Or even a pajama bottom.

Like if I will wear a full set and I will rip off. People that wear full set pajamas. Does Holly sleep naked? Yeah. Yeah. My parents sleep naked. I sleep with the top on. My mom will sleep in full pajamas.

Wild. Flannie in? With knickers. Yeah. Wow. Wild. Wild. That is wild.

Anyway, yeah, I went to the loo and I thought, well, that's it now. Do you feel okay now? No, I feel fine. Then I went back to bed and I changed my position and I woke up. It was fine, but I'm not joking, it was agony. I don't know what that was. I don't know. It's a worry.

And it's really prang me out now. What would be prang you prang? Prang. Aging body. Well, sorry. Speaking of aging body, we must address the elephant in the room that is Kris Jenner's new face. Because everyone is talking about it. Yeah, as they should really. I mean, it's basically like she's had a facial transplant.

What she's done a facial transplant. What she's done there is if you were to have your back pain that persisted, you'd get a new back. She's thought my face persists to age. I don't like it. I'll get a new one. Everyone's saying it's 150k. Oh, more.

Do you think? I'd say more. I mean, that's pocket change to her. So yeah. Yeah. I just think it must... I would love... You know those series I used to... You love them. You know, like Surgeons Under the Knife.

Surgeon on the Edge of Life or whatever it is. If they'd have done a doc of KJ getting her face done. That would be the best-selling documentary of all time, I reckon. I'd watch it five, ten times. Me too. That's brilliant. And I'd watch, you know, the actual... When they show it, the noise in the skin. Oh, yeah?

Oh, and I want the medical camera, like, through... Yes. I want to see. And I want to see how much skin came off. Yes. How much skin was there? You know, excess. But this is what I find fascinating is, to be honest with you, bravo to her surgeons because I'm not going to lie.

Obviously, you can tell. But if she did, if it wasn't that drastic of a transformation, the actual medical surgery is flawless. There is not one stitch to be seen. No, and the recovery actually, when you think about the timeline, has been fast. Thank you. She should be covered in bruises, that woman. She's not at all.

Thank you. And actually, if you didn't know her age and you just bumped into her in the street, you think, well, she looks well. I reckon she looks 50 now. I genuinely think she looks 27. I think she looks younger than me. Yeah, probably. Like the way she moves obviously is like a little bit, you know, woman in her 70s, so I think it ages her, the movement.

But I think her face... God forbid. She could be a sister. Yeah, she could be the seventh sister. 100%. And I'm guessing that's what she was going for. 100%. Fascinating.

Listen, I don't know what I'm going to feel like at 70. If I had the money, maybe I would. I don't know. I can't tell you that. I don't know you'd go full Cher, KJ. I don't know that you would. I don't think Cher's had... Listen, this is the difference. Cher did it early on. I don't think Cher looks 27. That's the difference.

It's like Cher looks... Cher looks... How to say this nicely. Cher looks like she's made of porcelain. Right. She looks plastic. Right. God bless. And I think that's the age. I think that's the age. Like Cher looks... Cher looks... How to say this nicely, Cher looks like she's made of porcelain.

Right. She looks plastic. Right. God bless. And I think that's the aim, isn't it? I think that is the aim. I don't know. She looks tight.

Tight. She looks snatched. She's snatched. She has been. But you watch her walk down those steps in Mamma Mia and you think it gives you an age away, Queen. She's tentative towards Fernando. She's like... Oh Oh God love them.

Do you know what? Who was the woman we were watching? Lulu. Well, we were thrilled to see Lulu's aging face because she's aged well and she looks good. You didn't hear the interview. She's savage. What was she saying?

Who's the guy that does breakfast? What's his name? Not Ben. Tom? I don't know what his name is. He said something. It was actually funny. I wish I'd been concentrating.

He said something like... Sorry guys, we've started watching the news in the morning. We're not concentrating, but it's on and we're hoping it's... Well, also it wasn't really news. It was Lulu talking about her new book. And her charity. And her charity. But he was basically saying something like, you know, you don't give much of yourself away. He said something, he made a comment about her character and she snapped. Oh, she was like, well, this is why I've released the book, because people don't know me.

You've just assumed. Wow. That you, that I can't remember what it was. You've just assumed that I am like XYZ, but actually what you'll find out in this book, like quite aggy about it. And he was like, sure, yeah. Didn't mean to offend her at all. Didn't mean to offend her at all.

Also like didn't mean to assume anything about your character. So sorry, Lulu. Also just, you know, taking what you've put down Lulu, just picking it up. You know, through your career, what you've told us. I always think this about people in general, like, isn't it fascinating? You could know someone and the side that they show to you is not the true side of them. Like, it goes for friends as well. Yeah. Or babe, even worse.

Well, this is what we say about relationships. You don't know someone three years in. Three years in is not long enough. Sorry. These people getting engaged after a year, it's madness. Sorry. It's madness. You don't know someone.

I think it takes three years to know someone unless you've been in the Love Island villa. And then I'll allow it because it's a little bit... No, I'm sorry. It's contact time. Like I would say I knew my ex probably, we were together three and a half years and I'd say I probably knew him a year well because we didn't spend that much contact time. Yeah. God bless.

Well, the problem with Love Island is as well... Do you know what I mean? Hours, you need to wrap up the hours. It's also about living real life. Yes. Because one year you're wrapped up in the bubble. That's not real life. True. I think that you need to be put to the bubble. That's not real life. True.

I think that you need to be put to the test. That's why maths is good, actually. Yeah, that is true. That is why maths is good. Especially maths back in the day. Yeah. Maths where they used to have like secret cameras and fully like just live their lives. Yeah.

That's crazy. Did they used to do that? Yes. Wild. Shall I intro the pot this week? Go on on Queen. I've never seen Rihanna tiptoe so gently guys. She's BTS and she's tiptoeing around the room.

Have you got small feet? She's like a mouse. Yeah. Yeah you have. What are you a six? That's quite small for your height. Yeah your feet are abnormally small for your height. Mine are abnormally big. I think I reckon I should have a seven. I think I should be a seven.

What size are you? I'm a six but I can wear a five and a half. I could not squeeze into a five and a half. I can wear a five and a half. No. If I want to, squeeze my toes in. Sorry, I've done, I've really, I've actually done. Listen, I can wear a seven, sis, if I want blisters. Don't worry about it.

If I want to torture myself. I can wear a five and a half. I can wear a three, if I wanted to buy my feet. Sorry, but we went to the Self-Juicelle and we came out and Holly was like, this is the thing about rich people. They've all got skinny feet. I know, but she's right. She's right.

People that can afford Jimmy Choo's all have thin feet. She was like, you're included in this. Yeah, you've come from a good line though, especially, you know. My mum, guys, my mum might as well not have hands thin feet. She was like, you're included in this. Yeah. You've come from a good line though, especially, you know. My mum, guys, my mum might as well not have hands or feet. I'm not joking. You could lose them. You could lose them. You've doubled up though because you've got your mum's Asian jeans, then you've got your

dad's like, you know. My dad's very slight. Posh jeans. Yeah. It's brilliant. It's the foot lottery, that. I don't know where I've come from, but clearly in Liverpool they've got big feet. I don't know.

Does Steph have big feet? Does Steph and Jess have big feet? But Steph's feet are so skinny. The only time I ever mention her on this pod is when I talk about how big her feet are. That is actually accurate. Shall we intro the pod? Sorry, will I just defame Steph once more? Go on. Little bitch. Basically, that's her cousin.

Don't worry about it. We're blood. Also, Steph is an alley. Steph is so alley. Oh, I know what you're going to say. But that's because our family all sit. And Steph does the weird thing where she spreads her legs go backwards, like my mom.

Really? So she'll sit doing her makeup and her feet are splayed back like some kind of pigeon. No, that is wild. She doesn't. I don't know what's wrong with her. But yes, Steph is like always aligned with Ali apart from this one thing where we were doing this video about whether you stand or sit when you do your makeup. I can do both.

What would you prefer? Get a girl that does both. I can do both. I can. What would you prefer? Not bothered to be honest. Really no pressure. I like to stand in the bathroom and like if there's like good lighting, but also if I'm

in a room and it's just a bit shit, I'll just do my shit. You'll sit on the floor. Anyway, I was saying that I- Not on the floor. Not on the floor. Oh, you need a chair or a bed. Fine. I was saying I would only stand and G only sits and Steph commented, I'm always team

Ali, but this one on this one G is right. And I commented you little bitch, you're dead to me, sir. You've just died in my eyes. OK, hi! Welcome to Leave a Message. This is the podcast by the Gallies for the Gallies. That's Ali, I'm G, and we're the hosts of this podcast. But we're not the bread and butter. We're not.

The voice notes are the bread and butter. That's what really keeps this stuff going. What we are is the knife that spreads it. What a bit, very brilliant. Profound. That was brilliant. I've been reading a lot recently. I just also want to, you know, clarify.

If you're watching, take a long, hard look at our faces because the last week, guys... Everyone's getting us wrong. I'm G, she's Ali. But now I'm having an identity crisis because I'm like, oh my god, do I look like an Ali? I don't think you look, I think like, oh my god, do I look like an Ali? I don't think you look, I think you're the most Gigi of all time. Who's, what's the film where the girl,

the blonde girl is called Ali and they're sisters and she's blonde and curly and she's in all those Disney films. I'm going to have to find it. But then I started thinking, God, maybe it's because I look like her and she's an Ali. Oh, could be.

Now what if I'm an Ali? I know. You know the film I'm speaking about. Ali and AJ, they're called. Ali and AJ, thank you. The Break Up Song, whatever it's called. That's actually one of the best songs of all time. It's absolutely incredible.

Yeah, you're right. And then I'm thinking, is that it? Anyway, everyone's getting it wrong, so get to know. Do you want us to start wearing T-shirts? We'll name badges, because we can. Voiceline number one, what will we call them today? Death.

Death. Go on then, Queen. Hey, galleys. I'm just waiting to go into work and I thought I'd just give you a little story about what happened about a month and a half ago that I'm still not over. So essentially, started talking to this boy off of Hinge, sort of at the end of November. And everything was great to start off with. He was calling me every night. Within three weeks he was asking me to meet his parents. I was obviously a bit like, whoa, that's a little bit fast. Let's slow things down. I then went home from uni for Christmas.

In January, towards the end, he ended the phone call with like, I love you. And at that point, I was like, whoa, we've only been talking for this long. And I'm like, nobody's ever said that to me before. So I'm a little bit like, Whoa, like flustered. Then sort of Valentine's Day comes around. He's always said like, he wants us to be in a relationship, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like two days before Valentine's Day, and he's been like, not really replying, which is really unusual for him. And essentially, he says like, his friend really needs support right now. And I was obviously like, oh, so you're going to cancel me Valentine's Day then? And he was like, well, yeah.

And I was like, I'm not going to lie, pretty upset. And he was like, well, I need to look after my friend. Bear in mind, his friend is 25 and looks with his parents. So not really sure what looking after his friend needed. But I then met his parents at the start of March. I'd like slept around his multiple times. I thought everything was going great. He'd asked me to be his girlfriend. I was like, yeah, like I said, I love you back to him. Then a week later, it was my birthday. The day after my birthday, I was meant to be seeing

him and I wake up to a text at half eight in the morning, essentially being like, sorry, I'm gonna have to cancel. I've been dragged into work. There was no apology, nothing. And I was a bit like, oh, okay. And he just stopped replying to me for like a week. I got like one text a day. So it was a bit like, right, okay. And the last thing I heard from him was him apologizing. He never wants to hurt me all this. And I was like, Oh, that's fine. I'm happy to work through this. It's your birthday in a couple of days. I got no response. I texted him on his birthday, being like, happy birthday, like blah, blah, blah, blah, no response again. So I wait a week and you can probably call me a clown for texting him.

But I texted him basically being like, look, if we're over, just tell me like, it's gonna hurt either way. And I got no response. And then a week later, I noticed I was unadded on everything. So the first man who's ever loved me has just ghosted me. Oh, and the other thing is his mum literally works two minutes from where I live. So I'm terrified of seeing her as well. But yeah, love you, Gallies, and love the podcast. Sorry, do you know one of the worst things about me? And I know this is like half the reason why I'm single. I cannot let shit go. There's no way I'd have just allowed that to happen. I would have rocked up a disaster.

I'd have been at the door. I'd have been at the mum's work. And me. Are you dead? Because that is the only excuse. And me. For what's happened here. You must be seriously injured.

All four limbs in casts. Or you've got a severely ill relative. Do you know what I mean? No, no, no, no, no. You can find time to text. You must have broken both your hands. Do you know what I mean? Yes, thank you. Or you know you've moved away somewhere, very suddenly.

What? That is weird. And also, this is the problem because ghosting is so like normal now. You're just like, you almost feel like you have to just let him never text you again. Absolutely. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm That is weird. And also, this is the problem because ghosting is so like normal now. Yeah. You're just like, you almost feel like you have to just let him never text you again. Absolutely not. He said that you're his girlfriend. Sorry.

Right. If he hadn't opened the door when I'd rocked up, I would have sent an essay. An essay. I would also have rang 999 and filed a missing person complaint. And then when the police turn up at your door and find you there unharmed, I'd be asking them to call me and let me come around and tell you what for. I just think it's inexcusable. That is wild.

That is like inexcusable behavior. Sorry, I was a bit tired. Your story bored her. No, no, it didn't. I'm bored of these dickheads. Yeah, it's good. Just fucking about. Yeah. As my mum would say, everyone's a lesson or a blessing and there are many lessons to be

taken here. Really? He showed you who he was. When he kept cancelling. Yeah. And that, in my opinion, is quite an early sign of disrespect. I agree. And it's easy to overlook them as small things

because don't get me wrong, in the grand scheme of life, it's not a big deal that his friend needed help and he canceled on Valentine's Day, but is it not? It's kind of the way he did it, I think. Exactly, exactly. If he'd come to you and said, I'm so fucking sorry, like, do you know what I mean? If it was actually your friend and you really were,

like, it's really bad timing, but it's... Like, I can get it. I would do that for a friend. Yeah. But you would explain exactly what that friend was going through, justify and I'll make it up to you. And I would, exactly. And I would go out of my way to make an effort to rearrange or have like our own Valentine's Day. Then again, on your birthday, like the repeated pattern of also his like texting behavior is an early sign. Like I know that's really easy to think about it on a granular level, but all of these things build a picture of a person.

Yeah, and the ghosting is so immature, like as in like not the ghosting prior, but the silent treatment. Like when he's just like crossed with your reaction, so then he doesn't text. That is a wild way to deal with someone that is your girlfriend. Wild. How old are you? 12? Pathetic. Yeah, if there's a, if there are any lessons here, it's just like trust someone when they show you who they like, believe it when people show you their true colors, because it's easy.

Listen, don't get me wrong, babe. I've done it. We've all done it. I've overlooked all the shit things that they've done because I just think, you know, you're wrapped up in it and like you love him and you have feelings for him and la la la. But I wouldn't, I wouldn't give away my heart so easily now. No, but this is the thing. Like if you feel like you've never loved anyone before and you've never been loved before, then the first one, you're just, you kind of want it regardless. Yeah. So you will ignore those things. And like, that's not your fault for doing that. Because I think, and also people do that as life goes on. Like I genuinely believe that if you really, you don't know someone for three years. Yeah. Yeah. And if you want them

to be something for you, you will ignore bits that don't add to that. Yes. Like you will just be like, well, that doesn't fit with the picture I want right now. Yes. Like I do think a lot of falling in love is a timing thing. Like a lot of it. Like I think you can fall in love with someone that isn't right for you and who you probably, you know, in a dream world wouldn't be with.

But when you want it so badly, because of what you're excusing, because of the feelings you're allowed to generate, you can fall in love. I really believe that. You know, poetry slams where they're like, I'm clicking into the mic, guys. That was a click into the mic moment. That did something to me. It's the same with also not, also not being open to falling in love. Someone perfect could walk into your path and you just wouldn't see them. You would not see them at all.

And that is all about your mindset. Is that similar to how they say men only get married when they're ready to get married and it's not about the person they're getting married to, it's just when they're actually ready? Did you believe that? Men marry the woman in front of them person they're getting married to, it's just when they're actually ready. No, I think that- Do you believe that? Women, men marry the woman in front of them when they're ready to marry. So wild to me.

I do believe that. Me too. I think they think that, I think they take that approach, well, at least in heterosexual relationships to most things. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you're just the girl right now. And also saying with someone that they like, do you really love and is perfect for them,

if they're not in the headspace for it, they'll cheat or they'll blow it up. Or do you know what I mean? Because it's like you're kind of irrelevant because I'm just acting how I need to act. Like you should not take this man's behavior, boy's behavior, part of me, seriously. Or as a reflection to you. Because he's acting in his own world, how he needs to do what he's ready for, la, la, la, and you are just collateral sadly. Can I tell you, this is actually happened, there has this,

Rory and I have this almost exact conversation about the two of us, because in the beginning, like it was his first real proper, I mean, don't get me wrong, he's had bits before. Oh, listen, he's had bits, but nothing like the real thing. Nothing like the one and only Ali Mack. He, I remember him saying, I don't know when we had this conversation ages ago, and I remember saying, did you always think it was forever? And he was like, absolutely not.

At the time when we met, I just thought you weren't going to be my uni girlfriend. So like, and I do, yeah, listen, that's okay, because we were 20. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't have a problem with that. Obviously, if you asked him now, he would say... You would hope he said, forever and a day, sister. But his behavior then, I mean, don't get me wrong as well, we've also grown up a lot, but like his...

The behavior does also reflect that. Like, he used to really prioritize his friends and like, you know, everything else that exists in a boy's orb. And now, not so much because that's not where his mindset is. And he's transitioned into a different part of his life. Of his life. And you're still the girl he picks to do that with. Exactly.

Yeah. So it's not about you, basically, is what I'm trying to say, because I haven't changed. I'm still the same girl. His behavior has changed towards me, for sure. Yeah. So... Don't take it personally.

And I know that's so easy to say because listen, I have it all the time. Like it makes you feel like you'll never be loved again, but you will. And he's just honestly a wasteman. Sorry. Also, I just want to say, listen, no defamation to hinge, but seems to be a root cause of a lot of problems. It's honestly like is the vetting process is bad. Bad. I don't know how we vet better.

Well, you know what, sorry, a hack because I recently rejoined. You can set to monogamy and long-term relationship as a non-negotiable. Yes, you can. And that's changed everything. Yeah. Do you think that makes it better? Yeah. Because I didn't actually know you could do that. And I've got a bunch of guys who like, open to long, open to short. But they're not really what they really are. Why are you here then? Yeah. But this is what I mean.

There should be an entry test. Like there actually should. And then you should all be pooled based on your like, what you want from that dating app experience. Because it's mixing everyone up together. It's not safe. I agree. everyone up together, it's not safe. I agree, I do agree. It's not safe out there.

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Hi, guys. I'm sick of asking my friends in chat GPT for advice, and I love your podcast, so here I am. So I'll take you guys back to last summer after A levels where my mission was to have fun with a few guys over summer since I'd basically been a nun for the entirety of year 13 due to revision. One of them I started speaking to in July, let's call him Fred, he was the same age as me, same city with lots of mutuals but went to a different sixth form and our paths just never crossed before. Fred was probably the favorite guy I was speaking to at the time,

but he was in America over summer and didn't get back until September when I was going to uni. So I didn't think anything would come from it. But when it came to results day, I missed out on my offer. I know, sad, but it meant I had to take a gap year. And Fred was also taking a gap year. So it's kind of perfect in allowing us to meet especially since by pure coincidence we both ended up going to the same city for uni this September. So I've been seeing him ever since October

we've made sure there's friends, families and now spend like four days a week together but he's still not asked me to be his girlfriend. Now I've given him the benefit of the doubt until now since at New Year's Eve we both went to the same party with our friends, but Fred left earlier than me since I was staying at the host house and we kind of had a small disagreement. And I ended up getting with another guy who, fun fact, was from Fred's school and had the same name as Fred and that I'd known for like seven years prior. But I knew it was a mistake getting with this guy and I saw Fred the next day to tell him, but I didn't think too much into it since we'd not had a chat about exclusivity or anything at that point and I didn't think we were that serious. FYI, I've never had a boyfriend

before officially and keep being told by my friends I have avoidant attachment issues. When I told Fred he was really upset and called it off with me completely and we didn't speak for the whole of January. After a month of crying and feeling like the worst person ever, I finally realized how much I liked him. So I reached out again in February to try be friends, respecting that he said he couldn't get over the trust issues, but by mid to late February quickly became more than friends again and he gave me another chance. So I've been over the moon and it's been really, really good since then. I brought up the whole girlfriend thing to him the other day

and he was saying how he doesn't see the difference between what we're doing now and making it official. So I don't know whether to take that as he's too lazy to ask me officially and just assumes what we have now is a relationship or if he's wanting to have his cake and eat it by having me as his girlfriend without labeling me as that, which is very concerning. My friend was telling me the other day to threaten to call it off for them so

he knows I'm serious. But I don't want to say anything like that because I don't want to blackmail him into making me his girlfriend, especially since this is the first guy I've liked enough to want to be their girlfriend. So I really need your advice, guys. Thanks. You're the pickle. You're the right pickle here, Queen. Wow. I would just like to say that I think, and we've spoken about this a lot on this podcast, whilst you're in the grey... I've written that down. You cannot be blamed for anything you do. And the fact that you got with that boy is

not something you should feel guilty for. I just want to say that because... Okay. I don't think you should feel guilty, but I don't think it's ideal. Like if the shoe was on the other foot, babe, sorry, I know I'm... Listen, babe, on your side, Queen Stef, you get it, girl. And like, don't get me wrong, I'll fight to the death for you. But if the shoe was on the other foot and he'd done the same, we would be sat here being like... No, I don't know. Why do they not understand?

No, no, no, I genuinely think I've done this. Me too. I think whilst you're not making me your girlfriend, I'm going to show you what that means. Just so you know. And as you should too. And like no one thinks it feels nice, but the dream is that it makes you realize you want to be together. Yes, agree.

And that didn't quite happen for our Fred. He really threw his toys out the pram. Didn't like it, but also didn't want to make you his. So then that's quite tricky now because you're in a catch 22 where sure you don't want to blackmail him, but at the same time you kind of want to articulate what happened at new year will happen again. On both sides, to be honest. And on both sides, because you can do what you want at the moment if we don't put some clear boundaries in place. Right, how I would say it is validate the fact that maybe he... What was his reason?

He says it's no different. I don't think you can validate that because it's like if it's no different, brother, call me your girlfriend. I know that you feel like it's no different, but it's different to me. Yeah. And I feel like I'm ready to commit to you as your girlfriend. And if you're not ready on that level, I know that you say there's no difference, but there is a difference because like New Year is an example of what happens when you don't commit to someone fully.

Yeah. If I was your girlfriend, no way would I have touched that boy at New Year. If you don't feel like you're ready to commit to that full time, then like you have to also accept that we can both move as we like in the grey. And that's for you to decide then. Yeah. Well, so you can ask him. Put the ball back in his court. Yeah. And you can say like, before what happened at New Year happened, were you like moving

towards that? And was that the thing that, because I kind of get that, yeah, like Al's right, obviously it's not ideal, but but at the same time like when it's so new on. Listen guys I've done it, do you know what I mean like it's she's right. And also sometimes you kind of need to because you need to know that you really like them. I wouldn't have told him. I wouldn't have told him. I didn't tell him. But then it's because it was his friend. True. So then maybe you thought you wanted to control the narrative and as you should, Sista, you're a trustworthy woman. But I would have, I probably would have taken that to the grave.

I would have kept that to myself, sure. Yeah, and I'd have just let it ignite something in me that said, what are we? Because I'm at the stage now where I need a label. Yeah. Otherwise, you know, stuff's going to get messy. Say that. I'm at the stage now that I need a label. I think you have to be willing to walk away because otherwise you're just going to have to stay in this.

Or... And not understand what he wants from you. The options are walk away or stay in the grey and also fuck about. And let him know it's the grey. On both sides though, then, babe. You have to also be happy with taking the risk that he might do the same. Just be like, what do you want? Like, do you want to...

Like, what is this? Because if you are exclusive to me and you say it's no different, then call me your girlfriend. I agree. What's stopping you? Maybe he has got some serious trust issues. Maybe he's got some commitment issues, it does sound like it. Maybe he's really worried about, like, you know, giving it that label and then being hurt by you.

Listen, I can identify with that. Yeah, I just think it's so easy in things like this to be passive and hope for the best. I just feel like you've got a life to live. Agree. And you've got to just take control of the steering wheel. Agree. And sadly that might mean losing him because he might say, I can't give you that. Also babe, if you do lose him, it could be right person wrong time.

If you're going to the same uni, I think that might be different in September, October. You might be like Magnus and then you have a summer apart and you come back together and he's like, no, no, no, okay, I think that might be different in September, October. You might be like Magnus, and then you have a summer apart and you come back together and he's like, no, no, okay, I'm ready now. Like, do you know what I mean? You just never know how life plays out. But right now it's causing you stress and it's taking up a lot of your brain space. So you've got to address it. And if he's not ready, you cannot make him ready.

As you say, you can't blackmail him to be with you. Yeah. So that's for you to decide and sit with how you would like to live, basically. Yeah. But good luck, babe. Good luck, babe. And come on, Fred. I'm rooting for Fred.

I know these boys. This is what we've just been talking about. Fred might not be ready. Yeah. And what that label means for Fred is that it's confronting. But what I find so fascinating, sorry, these boys, and I knew a lot of them at uni, to be honest with you, all of a sudden, they're moving in with their girlfriend in two weeks. It's ridiculous It's ridiculous when that that switch flips you there's no flipping them. Yeah. Oh my god. They're on one knee

Yeah, ridiculous wild Yeah, let's have a round up Okay, Steph number one no know it's not about you. Know that it's not like this great offering that like is really, you know, hard to come by for someone to love you. Like you're extremely lovable and you just haven't found that person yet. And that he means like nothing in that. He doesn't equate to that.

And he doesn't equate to the, you know, your ability to be loved. He's just got shit going on and he dealt with it really badly. I once read this thing that was like, everyone has three loves in life. Have you ever read this? The first one breaks your heart. The second one teaches you what you don't want. And the third one is your true love. So maybe this is just the first. It's kind of true if you think about it. Is that in order? Yeah, in order. The first one's meant always, sorry.

Have you had three? You haven't. I've had three. Love. Yes. When have you had the time? When have you had the time? He was at 15. I was 18.

I thought you were going to say I was eight years old. But do you look back at that now and think it's love? Because I look back at it now and I don't. No, but exactly. At the time I really believed I was eight years old. But do you look back at that now and think it's love? Because I look back at it now and I don't. No, but exactly. At the time I really believed I was in love. Yeah. Really truly in my soul, I thought I loved them. And now I look back and I think that's not a patch on love.

Yeah. So maybe that like, do you know what I mean? That's kind of it. That's actually what you want it to be. Yeah. Do you have that? That you look back and you think that's not love. That was not love.

Yeah, so then I don't know that I'd count it. But I think that that counts, because at the time you really... And then I think I thought I was heartbroken, but then I was heartbroken. So it's like, I think that might be my first. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Do you know? Or maybe my second one was actually my first.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But also look after yourself, love you. Sorry that you went through that.

Step number two. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But also look after yourself. Love you. Sorry that you went through that. Step number two. Also, love that you said you were coming to us instead of chat GPT. Yes. Do you know, I watched this thing the other day. Oh no, go on. About what? The water.

No. No. No, no, no. Don't worry. I'm not here to lecture you about climate change. I'm here to tell you. Is that what you were going to talk about? Yes. That chat GPT, because it uses so much water to cool down the system.

It's worse for you than anything. It's worse for the planet than anything else. We're going to be really thirsty in the next 50 years. I did not know that hose pipe ban pending. Chat GPT basically is now helping people survive strokes in their homes because people have been typing in, like, something's wrong with me. This has just happened. And chat GPT is like going, taking you through basically the 999 questionnaire and then it's like call an ambulance. And these people have like fully survived only because I would never go to chat GPT and I know a lot of people that do when they've

got like an ailment. I would never put my relationship advice into chat GPT. Or ask chat GPT whether you should leave your boyfriend or not. People do that. Really? Yeah. They probably give quite good advice, don't they? They do. I think so.

People save a lot of money on therapists. Wow. They have apps where you can like they basically you journal and it tells you what you should and shouldn't do. And that's what a therapist doesn't do. So that's brilliant. My therapist did. Your therapist gave you actual like do this.

Yeah. You need to get rid of that person. No. I would hate that. My God. That's brilliant. I would hate that. I'd be like, am I in the wrong? She'd be like, absolutely not. Absolutely not. You're a queen and you're in your power. That's a them problem. Sorry. Okay. I just wanted to say that, but also...

Get communicating and... Speak your truth. Yeah. And don't be scared of the answer that may come. And make peace with either outcome. Yes. Question of the week. Question of the week.

Okay, question of the week. How would you tell someone to drop a grudge they're holding against you? So Steph too, like they can't maybe move on because of this grudge that Fred is holding against her. This is what the galleys have said. Al, what would you say? How would you drop a grudge? How would you ask them to drop the grudge? Like, okay, I kissed someone at New Year, but I think we need to move on now. That is very difficult. How would I say that? I mean, basically, you have to let me show you.

Yeah, good. I can't make it. I had this quite recently with a friend. That's a poor reply at Line. He always says that. Let me show you. Let me show you. That's true. That's a really good response. Let me show you. So I can't take back what I did. I can't make it right, what I did was wrong. Really, you know, own your apology. Yeah.

And all I can do is show you that I can do better or I can be better or I can do X, Y, Z, whatever it is. Let me show you. I think that's the main thing, isn't it? Not to defend yourself too much. Absolutely. It's the defensiveness. It's not worth losing me as a friend for. That's what you'd say to them, imagine.

Okay. Be nice and let them come to their own realization. Let them get over it. That is quite good. I guess it's so hard, isn't it? When you kind of like, when you're ready for them to be over it and they're not yet. This is what I had this recently.

You have to have the patience to sit in their shit for a bit and let them take the swipes and let them be a bit arsey with you and let them make their little jibes. And do you know what I mean? Until they're ready to like start accepting you again. Yeah. But you have to be prepared to sit there. It's so hard. Because also there does come a point where you're just being punished for punishment

sake when you've really apologized. Yeah. Well, and also that enough time has passed. That's a different conversation. But it's so hard because it's like who's dictating the time? You have to. Them, I guess. Them.

Because you hurt them. Yeah. Hey, I understand how you're feeling, but can we work forward on you not feeling this way anymore? That's a great line. That's a very good way to articulate it. We'll finish on that one. That was like a chat GPT answer.

The amount of things I see now, but I'm like, that is chat GPT. I can see the way it's even formatted. And I think at least change it a bit. At least bold some words. Please, at least you can make it look like you wrote it. What would I say? What would you say?

See, I do get a bit stroppy with stuff like this when it's really like, I think it's unfair. You know, when it gets to the stage where it's like, I know I did wrong and I've really apologized and I've really groveled. No, no, I know. But like we've got to pick it up off the floor now or you've got to leave.

Do you know what I mean? Yes. I get to that stage probably too quickly. I should probably practice more patience. Patience. Because it is patience. But this is the thing, I would only... Listen, I'm not a girl, I am not one to get on my knees and say sorry.

Like that is just not in my character. So it really, you have to do it when you really know you hurt them and you're in the wrong and you love them enough to like care to do that. Because otherwise, yeah, I've got no patience for it. It's so hard though, because even in relationships, sometimes you're not in the wrong. Like for example, you could argue that Steph too wasn't really in the wrong. They were in a gray area, they had no rules about who else they would get with. He thought she'd act a certain way, she didn't think that.

They were on different pages. Yes. And it's really hard when you actually don't feel like you can be like, I'm really sorry that hurt you, but like my actual action, I didn't intend to hurt you and I don't know that I was wrong. And then you get to the point where you're like, I need you to heal your own hurt if you're going to still, you know, have me in your life. I don't know, I have sympathy on the other side.

I really do. Because I think even if you get over it, there is always that seed of doubt in you. In that instance, if you're living in the grey, there's always room for you to be hurt. Yeah, well, this is why communication is so good because you can literally articulate and be like, I know that you technically didn't do anything wrong, but it really upset me. And then, yeah, how long do you wait for them to not be upset anymore? Yeah, how long is a piece of string? How long are you willing to wait, essentially, is the question.

Is it individual? Tricky question of the week this week. How profound. It's profound. It's getting a bit deep around here. Guys, thank you so much for listening. We will see you next week. Please keep sending your voice notes in. We literally can't live without them.

And we love them. And every time you reach for ChatGPT, you come this way instead. You find Rohana's member, okay? Thank you. We love you. Bye! you come this way instead. You find Rihanna's member, okay? Thank you, we love you, bye!