Leave A Message with Ally & G - 7 - Drama At Work! Stirring The Pot & Ratting Out The Boss

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

It's drama at the workplace (sing in the tune of Murder on The Dancefloor) but you better not kill the groove! The Gallies have shown up in their power suits and delivered stories of orifices in offices, catching cases in classrooms... it's all drama at work! From accidentally flashing 13 year olds (we don't make the rules, or follow them), bosses sleeping with their partners and lots of gravy is spilled (in handbags and on trousers). It's a big week if stirring the pot at your 9 to 5 is your thing. Want to be a part of the group chat and featured on the pod? Send your voice note to https://wa.me/message/LLWFXNK4YXMHE1 (and please, don’t leave out ANY of the juicy details). NOTICE: Any advice provided in this podcast does not, and is not intended to, constitute professional advice or guidance; all information, content and materials presented are for entertainment purposes only. Any injury, damage or loss that may result from the consumption of this podcast is at the sole responsibility and risk of the listener. Follow Ally & G Instagram: @allyandg TikTok: @allyandg YouTube: @allyandg Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What was that song that we always used to sing? Oh, oh my god, I need a painkiller, I'm in pain now. You know when you have like an inside joke with someone that you do only with them, and then you do it in front of someone else, and you realise you've done it to the wrong crowd and it just falls dead and you think i'm ever so sorry it's like when i go proper gloucester in a room full of people don't know me and they're like if you just had a personality shift no babe the other day i did an inside joke to you and you didn't even get our own inside joke which one i hate letting you down like that because we always like you know

when pete we always say this about Yes Men, about how if someone was like, oh, my favourite colour's blue. Oh, yeah, no, sorry. When was that? I know exactly what you're talking about and it went over my head. I can't remember what we talked about.

Where were we? No, babe, I like blue too. Oh, yeah. I think we were alone. Where were we? We were alone, me and you. I think it was just the two of us, wasn't it? Yeah, it probably was.

No, I remember, because, yeah, we always do this thing where, like, if Al says, like, just now, she's talking about her new shoes. Do you want to show everyone your new shoes? Everyone can see my new shoes now. See your new shoes and what you had for breakfast. Yeah, and she's like, I want, like, and now I want those new shoes

and, like, you know, I, well, no, I'm going to do exactly that. Oh, I'm going to get the exact same colour as you. And we'll be like, no, but I think, no, I think maybe we should go there for dinner. I was kind of thinking I'd have a burger. Yeah, no, I would have a burger too. I wouldn't have anything else but a burger if you're having a burger. But she kind of had like lined me up for that joke

and I just didn't take it. That's the worst. No, that's the worst. When you line someone up for a joke and you think... They didn't even get it and I think, wake up! Wakey!

Shakey! Silly! I'm done. I'm done with the silly bitch it's so good like carrying on from last week's episode about the one night stand so I have to say

go on the day after that I just got this voice note I actually should just play it just wait there of her so she has this one night stand

with this guy and I was waiting for the message and all she sent me was this hold on this is Friday morning at 9.33. Silly, silly bitch.

Silly, silly bitch who sounds like she's just come out of a sex bed. I had to be fair. To be fair to me. Silly, silly bitch. If you're a silly bitch listening to this, welcome to Leave a Message. This is the podcast for the galleys by the galleys.

We are basically just group admins. Yeah, listen, we're... We're doing many personality today. Sorry, no, I was just talking to Rihanna about this, about, you know, oh, it's actually quite difficult to speak and to tell stories and to be engaging. And then I was just talking to Rihanna about this. About, you know, oh, it's actually quite difficult to speak and to tell stories and to be engaging. And then I fell at the first hurdle.

I had nothing in me. Shocking, isn't it? I'm just proving how hard it is. So people pay us to actually have a personality when we ain't got none. People paying you. Yes, we paid. Who in this room is getting paid and why am I not?

Sorry, something's gone very wrong. I wondered how you could afford those new shoes. I'm over here shopping at Temu. You've got your bloody specials on. I've got no shoes at all. I can't even fucking afford them. Mental, isn't it? That people actually want to listen to this every single week.

It's mental. Yeah, it is mental. Although, to be honest, girls, I don't look at the numbers so, you know, no one could listen and they could just be humouring us. Yeah, we'll keep recording, girls.

Don't worry. Are you sure you've got a few more eps in the bank, girls? We're almost there. Yeah. That's why we must, at the start of every episode, plead that you do send in

your voice notes because that's what makes this podcast so great. Well, there is no podcast without the voice notes. If you stop sending them in, guys, we're fucked. So... Exactly.

And also, talking of work, very good segue. This is now currently... We're talking of work? God. You said this was work. We're getting paid. Sure, this is work. Oh, this is what we were laughing about yesterday, though, about, like, no, this was silly. And actually, I feel really guilty for this,

because we were fannying around. If anyone with a 9 to five in the office would have heard us, they'd have been like, honestly, I want them nowhere near me. That is making me fuming and jealous. Fannying around on a Tuesday afternoon like it was nobody's business.

And I was like, babe, I could come to you. We could film some stuff. She's like, nah, I'm going for a walk. I'm going for a walk. I was like, I've got to get my nails done. Oh, then I had to go get my eyelashes done. I thought I got nothing to do. Might as well go get my eyelashes done my god what did she get done to them just got them got them yeah oh yeah was it an lvl yeah lvl do you know what i

mean it's so silly listen it's not for the faint-hearted this freelance game i will say that for free though it is actually hard i can't even say that with this stream you can't say it's hard it is hard it's not hard it's hard look me in You can't say it's hard. It is hard. It's not hard. It's hard. Look me in the eye and say it's hard. Okay, this is what I always say. The content of it is easy. I mean, a four-year-old could do this, okay?

Yes, agreed. I think the mentality, some days, to get up and go, is hard. I'm not saying it every day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an investment bank writer. Yesterday, I didn't think this is hard. It's not brain surgery, is it? Do you know what I mean?

I edited one video and then I got my nails done. Sure, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I am, this is making me thicker by the day. I do have to say that. I genuinely think I used to be quite intelligent. Me, babe, me too.

And yesterday I looked at them and, you know, we have like an existential crisis and I thought, oh my God, what is happening to me? Like, I can't even string a sentence. Like I have no, like honestly, I've got nothing funny to say. What is happening to me is this job. If you want to be thick, do this.

Well, it's worrying though, I will say this because your other job, because we do still have proper jobs, no one panic. My other job requires no brain cells whatsoever. True, my first. Yours does. You're teaching the next generation. What a worry. I'd say that was a strong, strong statement. Yours does. You're teaching the next generation. What a worry.

I'd say that was a strong, strong statement. Give us a fact you learned from, you know, GCSE science this week. What are you doing? Do you go to GCSE? No, babe, I don't teach science. You do English, don't you? I teach English, but English is English.

What's a hyperbole? Exaggeration for effect. Very good. No, I'll teach you. I wouldn't know the answer. Hold on, I'll teach you something. Okay, I just learned today I was just teaching these seven-year-old kids. Oh, yeah, I you. I wouldn't know the answer. Hold on, I'll teach you something. Okay, I just learned today, I was just teaching these seven-year-old kids.

Oh yeah, I think I could manage that. Go on. Seven, that's about my age range. No, we were reading about ancient Egypt and about like what the gods, sorry, this is really boring, but the gods of ancient Egypt and what they all believed in.

It's mental. They thought that the world was born out of the ocean. I mean, no offense to the ancient Egyptians, but how fucking stupid do you have to be? They knew nothing. They were there. Their god of the ocean

was called Nut. N-U-T. Nut. And then apparently everything was born out of the ocean. I mean, just come on. Use some common sense.

Can you imagine Ali Max with seven-year-olds spieling this off, going, well, it's just stupid, isn't it? Kids, don't you think the Egyptians were stupid? Why that?

Tell your teacher that. I think it's stupid. Fucking nut. Stupid. These kids are just like, do they call you Miss Macintosh? Miss Ali. Miss Ali.

They're so cute. Sweet. No, they're so cute. God, we've had a lot of jobs, babe, in our time. I always say this. Sometimes, you know, you look at someone and you won't know all the history of their life because the number of jobs i've worked honestly yeah well i have to have separate cvs for separate things because i've been in so many

different like you know it's just bizarre i mean i started off as a kp that was my first job in a pub i did the washing up kitchen porter sure then i became a wait. That was my first job in a pub. I did the washing up, kitchen porter. Then I became a waitress. I was very bad at it. Oh, I started a waitress. Yeah. I once, I'll never forget this, right? I was in the coaching horses in Borton.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I was doing the Sunday lunch service and we had a really aggy chef. I was quite scared of him. And this woman had asked for more gravy and she was like, but I don't want it in a jug. I want him to pour it on the plate so that it's hot. I was quite scared of him. And this woman had asked for more gravy. And she was like, but I don't want it in a jug. I want him to pour it on the plate so that it's hot. It was bizarre. So I had to take her plate back and be like, I'm so sorry. She has asked for more gravy.

He was effing and blinding, fuming about it. It's not your fault she's a bitch. Not my fault. Not my fault she likes gravy on her plate. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, you know those plates that don't really have a ridge? Yes. Quite flat, stupid, pathetic, don't know what the point of them is. I'm carrying this plate, I'm a little bit clumsy. Slip and slide. I go to put it on the table, I accidentally, the gravy pours into her handbag. Poppy, have you done it? So bad! Yeah, that's exactly what I did. Fool! Nobody's safe here with my waitressing. Poppy, did you get sacked? Because the customer's always right.

Do you know what I mean? Not sacked. Did you get sacked? No, I didn't get sacked. I didn't get sacked for that. That's not a sackable offence. No. Have you ever been sacked?

Well, it wasn't really... Let go. Yeah, I wasn't really sacked because I had done anything bad. But I had... My first job, proper job, after I left uni, was in a PR agency. And I was kind of like on a, I can't remember if it was six months or nine months, but like it basically was a permanent contract.

Oh, like your probation. Yeah, and they didn't give me a permanent job. Oh, they let you go after probation? That stings, doesn't it? And I just thought, thank God, to be honest with you, because like it was just, you know. It wasn't for you. I could thought, thank God, to be honest with you, because it was just, you know... It wasn't for you. I could imagine being you a PR girlie. Right, babe, this is a question for you.

So if you weren't... Weren't doing this. I think about this. Last night when I couldn't sleep at four in the morning, I was thinking, if I wasn't getting up to do the pod tomorrow, what would I be doing? What is something that would set your heart on fire,

but actually that you would like to do? Oh, it's so tricky to think. This is a bit rogue for me because I used to really think I'd be corporate but actually now doing this the one thing I do love about this is like the way that your mind can be creative like freely yeah and I think I would have to have that in my life because having it now and then knowing what it feels like to be able to operate in a creative space I don't think I could do without it. I actually really think I would go back

to fashion school. You'd be a designer. And I'd try and work in fashion. But like, actually like, learn to make clothes. Like, I'd do a proper fashion degree

and go back. Really good. There's still time. I know, I know. I know. I've still got years in me. Maybe sack the DJing off on the side

and get a sewing machine. Anyway, yeah. Maybe you could do that. No, I think, babe, I think when we're a bit more established, you know, and we've got time on our hands and everyone else to do,

you know, all the things that are easy for us. Yeah. Maybe then I'll do that. Good. But also these days, you don't really need, like, I don't mean to shit on fashion designers

because a lot of, like, you know, the skill with it takes, like, I watch them on TikTok. It is remarkable. But like, also them on TikTok, it is remarkable. But like also, you know, Kim Kardashian doesn't have a fashion degree and she's got one of the most successful

clothing businesses in the world. True, but you're talking about actually making and designing and I bet Kim has a team that does that for her. I know you think I'm joking. I would like to be a builder. I would. I'm talking every day for the rest of your life.

Yes. I'd like to rock up, cup of tea with the boys before I start if it's sunny whack my top off then I'd like to

use my hands to make something amazing lay a wall lay a floor paint the ceiling then at like 11 o'clock I might have a bicky another tea

chat to the boys I might have a fag then I'll go back to work do a bit more I'm using my body. I'm so fit. I'm healthy. Then it's lunchtime. Brilliant. Sit with the boys. I want to be with the boys. I just think you're active. You're using your body. You're creating. Imagine, imagine. Now, there's a blank space ahead of you. A blank space. And you'll be, you build a house. You build a

house. Top to bottom. Something that flushes and the lights switch on. That's epic. That's how I feel about clothes. You've got nothing there. There you go. Same, same. What does that tell you? That we both like to create. That we must use our hands more. That we both like to like, build something. So luckily we're building... We're building

nothing here. Well, the thing is, I've got no... I was very, very bad at having real jobs. I've had many real jobs. Me too, because I just don't like to work for other people. I just think when people ask you to do something, I just think... How dare you?

The audacity to ask you, for you to ask me to actually do my job that I'm being paid for. Oh, we've had this conversation before. Disgusting. When someone writes an email, and in the email... I will never forget this conversation.

The amount of time it will have taken you Susan to write that email. You'd have done it. You'd have done it by now. And now I'm going to go and do it. No, it's when they email you to ask you to write an email to someone and I think, fucking send

them an email you silly bitch. No brain cells if you're doing that. I'm sorry. You've written the sodding email. I'll copy and paste. Change the fucking recipient and you're away. Put on a CC. Karen, what the hell is that?

No, that. Camping. I'm getting irate now. I'm getting hot. Because I'm feeling cross about all the times that I've been wronged in my life when people have asked me to do things like that. And I just think, fuck off.

You know when you just want to go, why should I? Why should I? Well, babe, I had a real proper job in lockdown. Did you have a real proper job in lockdown? Kind of. I worked for a record label. So yeah. Sorry, girls.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Like a fake job, really, that just like you dick around. No, I had a corporate PR job. And... My God. Did you have to like get dressed top up? No, no, no.

That's one thing I will say, girls, about this industry. I've never ever, because I worked in music, then I worked at The Beeb, I've never had to dress properly. Like, what a blessing. I used to have to dress properly.

You've had to go corporate. Yeah, and I just walk in and I just think, why have I had to do this. Like, what a blessing. I used to have to dress properly. You've had to go corporate. Yeah, and I just walk in and I just think, why have I had to do this? It's stupid. Everyone here is pretending that they're posh. Yeah. And we all just want to fucking be on our pyjamas. No, I look at,

God love holes going off to work in a little blouse. I think, oh, baby, poor thing. A blouse, a trouser, the does up, no elastic band. And it's so constrictive. How can you eat anything all day? I used to think that at school. Sorry, I'll move on soon. I used to think at school,

how am I to do an exam in this uniform? I can't do it. How am I supposed to have a bit of Colin the Caterpillar and still sit here prim and proper in my blouse and my trousers? It's stupid. Where were you having Colin the Caterpillar? What, work?

Work, birthdays? Yeah. In the office I used to work and I put on, not that there's anything wrong with it, but the work snacks. And I just think, could someone stop doing that?

Stop bringing in snacks. I know you're trying to be communal. No, it's the only way to get through the day. The only way to get through an office day is to schedule your trips to the coffee machine, the printer and the snack cupboard. That's it. And the loo.

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plan that's 10 free hellofresh meals just by going to hellofresh.com free allergy you're welcome should we get a voice note then see what they're saying hi sorry this is leave a message this is a podcast where we get voice notes in and then we talk about them. And this week's ep is all about... Work. Good. So this is actually my mum's story, but she won't mind me sharing.

So my mum works in admin. She had to do this thing called a dictation. So she would listen to a doctor have an appointment with a patient and she would basically just have to note down everything that was said so she was sat at her desk with her headphones on and listening to this specific dictation and um at the end of the appointment the recording was still going and you could hear the doctor and his wife so i'll just get straight to the point they were having sex on his desk

they were shagging just say it as it is baby my mum heard this in the report and she heard the doctor's wife calling him big daddy on the report and um so my mum was laughing and she obviously showed it to her friends in the office. They all were laughing and everything. And when my mum had completed the dictation, she had to send the recording and the notes that she had made back to the doctor. And the doctor would listen to his recording and he would check my mum's notes to make sure they were accurate and stuff. So he obviously listened to it and realised that he hadn't turned the recording off when he started shagging his wife.

He sent an email around to the entire office apologising, and realised that he hadn't turned the recording off when he started shagging his wife and he sent an email around to the entire office apologising but not everyone had heard it so then rumours started going around and he very abruptly left his job and now he works at the same company that my mum now works at. And it's very awkward. So that's an embarrassing work story for you. Sorry, I must name the galleys. Oh, sorry. Oh, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Let's go for Karen. Okay, Karen. Karen. As if you have to record all the sessions. Yeah, but that's what a transcriber literally... Sorry, what about patient doctor confidentiality? You don't want the whole office knowing where your lumps

and bumps are. Well, that is literally the job of a transcriber. That's the most shocking part of the story, babe. Sorry, I think it is shocking

that there's a fly on the wall listening to your consultations. I've said some very dodgy things in doctor's offices. Yeah, when they ask you, when was the last time you had unprotected sex?

Yeah, well, I dread that question. Or like, you know, all the questions, do you smoke? No, when they prescribe you the pill and everyone's like, yeah, no, I don't smoke. And every single doctor writes yes

because they know that everyone's lying. No, but isn't there that thing? Holes used to live with loads of like med students and apparently there's a certain number of cigarettes you can have a week that won't show up, like, throughout your lifetime. And they all used to smoke to that number to this day.

Do you know that if you stop smoking by something like 30, your lungs can, like, basically completely heal? Doesn't count. Yeah, literally, it doesn't count. We don't promote smoking. I don't, no, we don't promote smoking. Sorry, have you ever shagged in don't promote smoking. I don't know. We don't promote smoking. Sorry. Have you ever shagged in a workplace?

No, I haven't. But I've got many things to say about this. Number one. Where did his wife come from? Was she just waiting with his lunch and then popped in afterwards? Does the wife work there? Because I would like to say

don't shit where you eat. I think that's actually a really good point because I had that. Well, shag where you eat, I think that's actually a really good point because I had that. Shout where you eat, babe. Don't be shitting on your teammates. It wasn't nice. I did sleep with this boy that I worked with at a bar so it wasn't like a serious job

but I did have to turn up to work with him and it was all really awkward because it was like a one night stand after the Christmas party. It is awkward. Like if you actually work in an office job and then you've got to come in fresh faced on a Monday morning and they've literally been inside you on a Friday or Saturday night, it's really bad vibe. It's the pressure as well to them feel like you have to look good. A bit different shagging your spouse, I suppose. But this is the thing though, like meeting your, I mean, I don't know, I've never done this and I

do know lots of people, well, not lots of people. I do know some people who have met the loves of their life at work. I know. But it is a difficult line to tread especially in the beginning like one of my really good friends who I used to work with at my at my second PR agency is now married to someone that she met at work really yeah but like babe when I say they were engaged and none of us no one knew no like why because they thought it would like alter the way everyone treated them yeah and also because he was like one level above her and...

You hate the power dynamic. Different teams though, so it wasn't that big of a deal. But like even still... We're all on different teams. You don't want people like, oh God, it was so awkward and then they would like

work on the same client. I bet quite sexy though, them having a secret that no one knew about and then they'd go home and just like raunch away. Or like go to the office loose and like fully like

get sexy in the loose. Yeah. I don't know. I couldn't do it. One of my friend's sisters had this. She basically started shagging the CEO I think. Shut up! No! Aim for the top girls! If you're gonna do it, go up.

At my first ever agency, the guy I sat opposite, I did think he was considerably older than me but i thought if i was gonna shoot him if i was gonna shag someone it would be you and you would get me a promotion obviously don't promote shagging for a promotion but don't promote the casting couch no but it's good if you want to shag them and they might help you sure if that's just you know a bit of by the by yeah if that's the side effect of... Yeah. Who am I to judge? Right. You know, she had to leave her

job, though. Yeah, because everyone found out and it was really bad and they were like, oh... Or why, because he was married? No, no, no. He was single. And what's the problem? I think it was just like, oh, favouritism. Everyone felt really uncomfortable around her and then, boom, she was ostracised. She had to get out of there. It is a bit like school. You know, school... No, I always think that about work.

Work is like adult school. Yeah, because when you find, like, teachers attractive, they're not fit. You see them later down the line. You think, God, I fancied Mr. What's-His-Name. No way. And it's the same in the office. You think...

You would think, though, you would grow out of it by the time you get to the office. There's a whole wide world out there, and we're still looking at Mark from accounting. Do you know what I mean? Listen, if someone's going to process your expenses and it's mark then you've got to like give him the eyelashes do you know what i mean no i'll tell you something go on tell me something my friend had a girlfriend whose dad owned the company interesting so nepo obviously she got in

through nepo oh so she was in the company that her dad owned no one knew she changed her last name so that no one knew so that no one would treat her different and still to this day no one knows her dad is the founder and ceo of this company as mental if yeah mental can you but i'd write on a t-shirt me too don't speak to me like karen don't don't ask me to change the booking room do Do you know who I am? Paris fucking Hilton. Thank you. Do you know what I mean? If you're going to be a nepo baby,

be a goddamn nepo baby. Say it with your chest. I'd milk it for all it's worth. My God. I get it. Like, it's very, like, you know, what's the word? It's very just, like, good for you.

But I just think, whatever. Oh, I'm kind of over being just. If I can shag my way to the top, I will. If I could be a neO baby, I would be. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Why are we sitting on 50 mil?

Why would I not tell everyone about it? Sorry, I must name the galleys. Oh, sorry. Oh, I don't know what's wrong with me. Let's go for Karen. Okay, Karen. Karen. Good office name, isn't it?

I'd also just like to say, there was this, at my second agency, I worked at this first agency, and then I worked at my second agency PR agency also in corporate PR is that where you've all got the friends from?

yeah who actually like and I look back on that time in my life with nothing but love because I know I knew it was never the career for me but I came out

like it's really rare that this happens I have like I can't remember like six I don't know how many there are of us six or seven friends

probably eight of them for life that I got from work and like we will be friends forever and we had the best time because there was we were just like dicking around all the time like we really did no work but apart from the friends it was a sack of shit and it was so boring and I wouldn't recommend corporate PR to anyone what is corporate PR you basically like talk to the media to get your boring corporate clients in the media. That's literally it. Like Lloyds Bank launching a new like ISA. So you've got to like, you know, get- Yeah, really sexy.

Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it. Babe, do you know when we went to that Volvo event? Yeah. There was a guy there. Do you remember I said this to you? There was one of the influencers that was there was a guy that I had previously worked on the other end of a campaign with.

I had reached out to him and his team saying, well, you work on this. It was actually for Lloyd's Bang campaign. Wow. Yeah. And he was there sat next to us and he was kind of boring. Pinch me moment, that girl's full circle. But I was at this agency. This is not my story, but we had to do these things like, you know, when you do like the end of year, like the most boring client, you know, like you do those like internal oh like funny jokes yeah and it was like most boring client and basically they sent that email to the client so bad and it was like like rudest email but no that's actually like poppy being like shit is podcast we've done this year and tagging us and then just cc'ing us baby you missed the messages she sent yesterday.

If we do anything wrong right now, nothing happens. This doctor bloke, he's a serious man. You've been to uni for a long time. People are coming to you with lumps and bumps that need to be diagnosed. You're shagging your wife on your desk. Babe, I don't know if you know, but doctors do also shag. Not at work, they shouldn't. No one should be shagging at

work i'd actually like to blanket rule that rahana why are you looking at me like that we know what happens on floor 10 in this building okay i've heard the losing they're really really soundproof i just think yeah it's not right if you've got a serious job you must treat it seriously no i really think this is about work in general i think when you just leave uni you can like really get away with it like piss around do whatever you want doesn work in general. I think when you just leave uni you can like really get away with it. Like piss around do whatever you want doesn't matter

at our age. So when you get the big girl salary then you've got to start paying attention. Well that's why we can dick around. I've never had it.

I've never had it. When I got a pay rise at the Beeb I did think I best stop going to the gym for an hour and a half in the middle of the day.

I actually best stop that. I best stop driving like you know doing drive through for two hours whilst I'm meant to be in a meeting. I'll actually best stop that. I best stop driving, like, you know, doing drive-through for two hours whilst I'm meant to be in a meeting. I should probably stop that. But you didn't really want that job anyway, so that doesn't matter.

By the by. Who cares? Hi, galleys. Greetings all the way from Calgary, Canada. So I used to be a teacher. And one day I was teaching a grade five student and a grade six student about social studies. I'm looking at the map and I'm already a hand talker.

So I talk with my hand. And that day, just to set the scene, I was wearing a nice flowy sweater and a watch. And as I was talking with my hands and I was talking to these two boys, I somehow got my watch strap caught on my flowy sweater and lifted it up all the way to flash these two young boys. One of them literally let out a yelp. So that was a little scarring for me. But I'm just wondering, did I emotionally scar these boys for life by flashing them as a teacher? Let me know.

Sorry, before we get into this flasher, I just want to rewind to the previous Karen. Yes. Who said that his wife was calling him Big Daddy. Oh my God, we totally missed that. We totally glossed over that. I love a wild pet name. Really good.

Okay, I was going to go with a different angle, but not to worry. You don't enjoy Big Daddy. It's probably quite dark, isn't it? Big Daddy, baby. I mean, I know I've got daddy issues, but even I'm not saying Big Daddy in the bedroom. I don't think I'd need to say Big Daddy,

but I do enjoy, you know, Big Dipper. Might be fun. Sorry, I've kissed you on the forehead and now you've got lipstick on your head. Stop! We had a snog in a break because I needed a wink. She looked so cute and I just had to give her a kiss. Okay.

Has it gone? Yeah. How embarrassing. Mum! Left a big smudge on my face. Yes, I wouldn't get... I'm going to hang out with my friends.

Talking about kids. A, love your accent, babe. Canadian hun. Oh my God, we didn't even talk about that. You know, in Calgary, oh my God, I've been watching the TikToks

about things I was shocked to when I moved to Canada. Do you know how big a moose is? Yes, babe. A moose is no joke. Do you know they speak French? In Calgary? In Canada.

No, Rihanna, not the mooses. They're like bigger than elephants. Yes. I'd like to fact check that, girls. A moose is bigger than an elephant. That's not right. Fact check. Get on Google. That's not right. Can someone fact check? Get on Google.

That's not right. Poppy, get your pink Macbook out. She doesn't need to Google it. She knows you're being stupid. You silly bitch. Silly bitch with no brain cells left. Anyway. Sorry, it just makes me think of my friend Anna.

That's wrong. I'm wrong. Obviously. Very much wrong. Tell her off. Sorry. We asked for feedback. Now we're going to get it.

So feedback from today's app. Could you stop being so thick? Thank you so much. Makes me think of my friend Anna. She's from Canada and she moved over here, lived here for years and she doesn't have

a Canadian accent anymore. Auntie Joshua, Anna. Yeah, and whenever I impersonate her, I always need like my proper Canadian accent. That's a good one. But she doesn't sound like that. Anyway, being a teacher fascinates me.

Those kids, I was a nanny, but that's different. I only had four, four on one. Imagine having 22 of them. When I say you could not pay me 200 grand a year to sit and be a teacher. You quite literally teach kids, but okay. Of a full classroom. And they're like everywhere.

And like you turn around and then there's just another one. And like, I love kids. Another one! But they're just like ants. Yeah, there's a lot of them. I'm sorry, when there's one, there's always ten. And I don't like that about schools. I don't like that they travel in packs.

Yeah, much like moose. Oh God, also young, like, okay, when they get to about eight, they're tolerable. She said these kids were grade five and six. What does that mean? Grade five and six is year... Eleven. Oh, insufferable. Especially if they're boys, you don't want to be... Thirteen-year-old boys and she flashes her tits to them. Honestly, they won't sleep for weeks.

She got her tits out for thirteen-year-old boys. Babe, I know you did not do it on purpose, obviously, no shame. But, whoops, no shame. You got your tits half. You can't be doing that. That won't go down well on the DBS check. Bloody hell. No, babe.

If you want some stories about teenage boys, oh my God. Raw used to tell me, and I just, sorry, I actually find teens, like, love you if you're a teenage boy listening. I do, they now be a single one, so it's fine, we can slide them off.

If there is, you must tell us, because I'm obsessed. Well, babe, they're probably learning how not to have sex from us, because all we've done is give them bad sex tips. No, no. We've told them how not to be a bad shagger. And how not to get syphilis on your face. Or a nosebleed.

Or a nosebleed. Don't flip her around too hard. That's what I'd say. Not my fault. Why is Roar hanging around with 13-year-old boys? When he was a 13-year-old boy... Oh, sure. He was like, my friends,

and I won't name them, because I will get deleted from every friendship group I actually have. Well, you wanted to get uninvited from a few weddings. Yeah, maybe this is my chance. Okay, let me dish the duck. No. I was like, when did you really feel horny? He was like, as a 13-year-old boy,

you're honestly thinking about sex probably every, like, a minute, you're probably thinking about he was like, as a 13-year-old boy, you're honestly thinking about sex probably every, like, a minute, you're probably thinking about it, like, three, no, maybe, like, once a minute. Once a minute? Maybe, okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, like, every 10 minutes, you're thinking about sex three or four times. He was like, you would just literally be sitting in class, and you just get a stiffy. How bad? Imagine, like, not being able to do anything without thinking about sex. Or, like, you know, a female teacher would walk in, and, like, not being able to do anything without thinking about sex. Or, like, you know, a female teacher would walk in and, like, even if they're minging,

you just get a stiffy. What would you do? Honestly, you're looking at your teacher. Teacher. Teacher. You're looking at your teacher. You're looking at her. You're learning.

You're thinking, concentrate, concentrate on the content, boys. And then she catches her watch on her sweater and she pulls the whole thing up you would you would combust oh babe and all of those boys

would have put their hands immediately over their pants because all no oh poor her I hope it was girls and he was also saying that apparently

like teenage boys like they'll you know wank into I don't know why that's so disgusting to me teenage boys wanking they'll wank

but like you know he went to boarding school so like they'll wank into their sheets and then like you know the bathroom is boarding school so like they'll wank into their sheets and then like you know the bathroom is like

a communal bathroom that's far away so they just have to like do with with their sheets and then like the next morning the matrons will come and they'll be like asleep in their cum infested sheets

well as you know I dated a man in the military and it's very similar for grown men so actually it's not that weird apparently they'd be in communal dormitories and you just

you know you're away for months you've got to wank. And they would just do it in bed. But I do think they're thinking about sex every three, like every three minutes. No sure nor how to shag their teacher. Because that is wrong.

Oh, that's bad. Bless her. How do you go back to parents' day, imagine? Parents' evening. Why, you can't. You can't. You've got to change schools. It must be so bizarre,

your workplace being a school. I always think that. Imagine going to school and thinking, I'm working for these children. These mini people. I don't work for you, Jimmy. These people are my bosses. That's crazy.

Mini humans. No, my cousin's partner, Lee, God love him, he is a teacher and an amazing teacher, I can imagine. I haven't been in one of his classes because he teaches biology. Why would I care to? Maybe chemistry. Don't know what he teaches. Maybe you should, babe. You might learn a thing or two. Maybe it's physics.

Wait, what does he teach? I think he does biology. Wait, biology is like biology. Yeah, I think he does biology. Okay. Lee? I never listen when you talk, clearly. But he tells me... What does he talk about?

Well, he tells me these stories. He is at an all-boys school and they've just started getting girls in, in sixth form. And they've had to kind of like prep the boys for the girls coming in. Like, it's quite sweet. And they've had to do proper talks with these boys about like how not to lean into Andrew Tate and stuff.

Like, it's a really important job. Like, we joke and it's like so silly. But actually, you're raising the next generation. It's very important. It's no joke. It's no joke. It a really important job. Like, we joke and it's like so silly, but actually, you're raising the next generation. It's very important. It's no joke. It's no joke. It's really no joke. Being a teacher is no joke.

Sorry, we've been so... Shatty Cathy's still, we've only done two voice notes. Whoops. Sorry, Mars. Ips. Ips. Let's recap. Karen won.

Yes, Karen won. You must actually listen more. An eavesdropper. I have to say something. A professional eavesdropper. I actually reckon I could make a living as a professional eavesdropper. You'd be very good at it. I am.

I'm sorry. I am the font of all gossip. If you actually... I'm going to pull you up on that. Oh. You rarely listen. I'm rarely listening to you because what you're saying

is not interesting. Rihanna earlier was trying to give you clear instruction and you were fanning around in your inbox. No, I was actually

ordering my shoes, which is way more fucking important. Whatever Rihanna was saying. And they're actually now sold out, by the way, because you made me stop.

Okay? Rihanna, it wasn't your fault. It was me. I told her off. No, actually, you can all suck a dig.

Okay? Sure. Big daddy. No. I'm not listening to like the everyday. I could go and eavesdrop as a child of a divorced parent. Yes.

I'm telling you now. A professional eavesdropper. Yeah. If you need me to be in a sticky spot, listening through doors, through walls, under the door, she'll do it.

I will do it. And I will get all the goss. And I say to people, whenever I ask people, what's the goss? And they say, I haven't really got anything. Well, do better.

Listen. Tune in. Eavesdrop. Yeah. Be in places you shouldn't. Well, Karen won. Clearly very good. What I would say about that voice note

is maybe don't shag in your workplace. I don't know. Who am I to judge? But I think probably avoidable. Especially if you're a doctor. I mean, I know that doctors have personalities, but you can't be shagging in your clinic I don't know, who am I to judge? But I think probably avoidable. Especially if you're a doctor. I mean, I know that doctors have personalities, but you can't be shagging in your clinic.

Not in the office. Imagine if you got injected with something in back... Do you think it was on the bed? The creaky, sticky bed? No, it's not creaky, those beds. They're quite... They're not many.

Shagged on many. They're not creaky. Don't worry about it. Well, he probably had to change the... You know that big loo roll that they put up? Oh, yeah. The big loo roll that the waxy

lady has too. That's my star of the week. Karen number one. Yeah, me too, because epic. Because I can't give star of the week to a woman that flashed 13-year-old boy. Oh, babe. God bless you. Jeez. That must have been mortifying and I'm so sorry. I have never got my kit off at work by accident

or intentionally, but I can imagine. Actually, I did show Fran a nipple on set the other week oh yeah that doesn't really count babe we've been supposed to start up a lot naked

and they're not really bothered they couldn't even honestly they couldn't even care less I just think hello we're naked what do you want

some attention yeah look at us and they're like whatever give us a compliment then on the nipples look at my brown nipples so good thank you so much for telling us your work stories if you have any more voice notes Look at my brown nipples. So good.

Thank you so much for telling us your work stories. If you have any more voice notes about anything at all, like quite literally, there are no limits on this podcast, as you're probably starting to realise. Yeah, we'd like all the juicy, the gory, the disgusting, the sticky. The funny, the sad, everything in between. Oh, I'd like some sad ones. Yeah, I think we could do a sadette now.

We've never had... Babe, very good. Right, if'd like some sad ones. Yeah, I think we could do a sadette now. You've never had... Babe, very good. Right, if you're feeling sad right now... If you're feeling desperate... Yes, destitute. Desperate, yeah, right, good. If you were feeling like her... Depressed.

Six months ago, when she was bawling her eyes out about her breakup... Amen. Send us a voice note, okay? You want to... If you're at rock bottom, that's when you pick up the phone.

I'm only half joking. i'm not joking one bit if you're feeling really really in the dumps get get your whatsapp up right now we'll put the link in the bio and you best get sending us a voice note okay thank you so much for listening we've been ali and g you've been the galleys this has been Leave a Message.